#idk why I’m so hard on myself
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~ made another magic au Kirby drawing this is mostly about Sword and Blade :D🌊💎🔥I also wanted to draw the GSA members again xD🌟like the GSA members, Sword and Blade have magic too but they receive theirs at a certain temples of some sorts while the GSA members learnt theirs on their own ^^
💫Sword Knight has water magic and can create magic water wings like Sir Dragato’s. Unlike Dragato, Sword can turn himself invisible with his water magic while Dragato can’t. He’s more calm than Blade Knight and takes stuff more seriously than him, he’s the one who avoids getting himself into trouble.
🌟Blade Knight has fire magic and create fiery wings just like Sir Falspar’s. His hair can sometime change color depending on his feelings. Blade is a bit sassy he can tease Sword for absolutely no reason it’s funny xD sometimes he gets himself into trouble. He and Mace Knight sometimes even hoard hide food in the battleship Halberd all for themselves and this makes Captain Vul mad xD
#my art#sydney’s art#kirby#kirby fanart#meta knight#digital art#artists on tumblr#art#sir arthur kirby#sir nonsurat#sir dragato#sir falspar#sword knight#blade knight#hoshii no kaabii#kirby kirby kirby#kirby right back at ya#krbay#i try headcanon arts and that makes me happy but I don’t feel happy I feel like my art is a mistake and shouldn’t exist#idk why I’m so hard on myself#i don’t think i’m okay#i try to make myself happy I can’t my art is always a flop maybe my art style is the problem
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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take me to war, honey i dare you/ i’ll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you
placing my bets for a Gem Wild Life win
#yet another piece of fanart for a completely different fandom 🙏#apologies to anyone who followed me for my heartstopper or d20 art lol#i’m really enjoying the life series rn#and gem is so much fun this season#i definitely want to draw pearl next so stayed tuned to see if i actually get around to it lol#but anyways#learning how to use my huion tablet so this was drawn half in krita half in procreate#also idk why i keep torturing myself by drawing armor#it looks so cool but it is. so hard.#my art#geminitay fanart#wild life smp#wild life series#wild life fanart#life series#geminitay#life series fanart#traffic smp#traffic series#traffic smp fanart#life series smp#mcyt fanart#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#procreate#krita#my artwork#digital artist#artist
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ok maybe klance is boring cause it’s everywhere and maybe they don’t share too many scenes together so but I don’t really give a shit! look at them! they’re so…klance. i say there’s another few months give or take before my interest in them finally burns out and it stays dormant for like two years before I pick it up again and i go feral over the two because they’re KLANCE
#I’m talking to myself#shipping wars but it’s just me vs me and were not really fighting over which one is bettter but more so fighting over how much a ship makes#sense#sure ships don’t even need to make sense for one to like it but I’ve been frothing at the mouth at the mere mention of klance because of#what I think they were to each other#it’s hard to enjoy the ship when your brain is constantly calling you delusional#I gotta rewatch voltron dude#voltron#voltron legendary defender#vld#vld lance#vld keith#lance mcclain#keith kogane#klance#laith#heh these tags make me seem like a klance hater#I’m not I promise#the only reason why I’m questioning klance because I read too much about people’s hatred for it#ok I retract what I said#people who say klance has no chemistry are just. sigh.#I can admit that nothing really happened in the later season BUT IT WAS THERE#in the start#and what was there had so much potential#no confirmed sexualities either!!! yay!!!#maybe I’ll have fun in gaybofunland idk away from all this internal misery#but anyways#aloe vera does it again guys#she did the word vomit thing again#but just in the tags this time
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it kind of baffles me how little sympathy eurylochus gets :( everyone is so mean to him…
#idk i could on and on for hours about him#and maybe it’s just the spaces i find myself in within the fandom#why is he reduced to his mistakes and not his every attempt of redemption?#why is he reduced to a choice made at his breaking point?#i think. i’m going to get my period soon becuase im crying over eurylochus#he’s my babygirl#and he tried so hard to do the right thing#and he trusted odysseus until he died. the deep trust that survives the lowest points of your friendship#the trust that kept him coming back to odysseus. until he died.#he looked odysseus in the eyes as he was sentenced to death and still loved him#he doesn’t argue#or plead#he states the facts he confirms that odysseus understands#they’re in love they’re in love#doesn’t matter what kind#platonic or romantic or whatever#eurylochus loved him waaaah <- words of a delusional man
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#need to vent#ignore if that kinda thing gets you annoyed bc i’m repeating something i’ve vented about before#the feeling that i’ll never be taken seriously is going to ruin my life i think#and i don’t mean that my feelings are not taken seriously i mean that i’m not someone whose opinion or take on more serious or nuanced#topics is one that ppl value or consider or even want to hear#i know ppl enjoy talking to me fine#for easy mindless fun conversation mostly#and that’s good in its on way and i like that#i just find that that’s usually where it stops#like all i’m good for or capable of is easy fun conversation#and i don’t mean this is a pretentious sense but i just wish sometimes that ppl wld care about my opinions on the more serious/nuanced#in a*#topics and things#i don’t care to be highly regarded or anything that’s not what i’m trying to say#i just wish ppl wouldn’t see me as naive aloof etc etc#i know some of this feeling is exacerbated my own overthinking#by my own*#but i know i’m not making this up either#it exists in almost every space i’m part of and it makes it so hard to continue to be in those spaces#idk like maybe someone cares what colour scarf i think looks better with their coat#but they wouldn’t care to ask me what i think about their thesis/essay idk#not the best example but that’s all i can think of rn#ykw maybe ppl would care about my opinions more if i could articulate myself properly#but i can’t even articulate myself in a vent post#….#this isn’t me being self-deprecating it’s true and i’m annoyed#anyway this combined with the feeling that i’ll never belong anywhere#which had been off the charts this past week and a big reason as to why i had to take a break#is just slowly eating away at me#i feel like a floating island. i fit into no community. there’s a disconnect present between me and everything
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tis here!! My stupid little beta pdbc comic!! UHHHHH
additional ramblings because I don’t know how to stop yapping:
I know the ending is extremely abrupt but honestly? I can’t even lie I think it’s funnier and somehow more in character that way. There is no way in hell he’d question what just happened he’d just lay on the floor and say “alas!” As if that is in any way is a proper response to what just happened. So no apologies for that, I genuinely think the ending is amazing and won’t hear anything else. Alas.
I WAS REALLY SCREWED OVER WITH THE TEN IMAGE MOBILE LIMIT SO THE PACING IS VERY IFFY!! That alongside the fact I wanted to get this out as quickly as possible to gauge opinions and such—therefore making this much less detailed than I’d like to have made it, yes that’s my own fault I know—means that I couldn’t properly show what the briar zome is like (HEARTBREAKING). It’s a lot more spacious and unending than what’s shown here. In this it only looks like you’re there for a few minutes but experiences there can last up to a week. There are also a lot more thorns and spiked vines, it’s just that, like I said, I wanted to get this posted quickly and coloring in all of those spikes probably took more time than some of the drawings themselves. Had I made this as accurate to canon as possible, it would be much more visually cluttered. The briar zome is VERY hard to traverse because almost everything is covered in thorns (hence the name). Also worth noting that although it’s seemingly wintry there, there’s no actual temperature in the briar zome which is why pumpkin daddy is not fucking freezing to death (you have to look DAPPER when you’re illegally eating crabs)
This technically isn’t canon. This is a mishmash of all of the stuff I have about the briar zome, but in canon it’s all much more spread out, e.g. the eyes weren’t discovered until a few trips in when they actually bothered trying to figure out if/where the briar zome ends, in which BAM they found a buncha eyes!! Speaking of the eyes, their official names are Sotes, and where they’re found is called the “Eyes Rink” (GET IT!!! EYES!!! ICE!!! GET I-💥💥💥)
you’re probably wondering what the Miika chimp incident is, which is a fair thing to be wondering, however I will not be elaborating because I think it’s funnier that way. sorry (I am not at all sorry)
AND THE TIIIIIIME yes indeed the time works differently there. As one could. Probably guess by the wack-ass watch positions. The briar zome does in fact have its own time system that’s displayed differently than most would be used to. Alas, I had to cut that part short because I realized I was quickly running out of pages and I really wanted space to draw some of those beautiful beautiful eyeballs. I has this whole lecture about different types of watch hand designs and their names but that was unfortunately cut for time (ironically)
anyway uh. hope this was somewhat enjoyable? *EXPLODES*
#I am going to try to restrain myself from bashing this too much because I’ve already made my opinions on it Very clear#but I am. not all too proud with how this turned out but THAT’S OK THATS WHY ITS A BETA COMIC 🦅🦅💥💥 I am LEARNING#trying. so hard not to go on a rant about everything I hate about this because that won’t be beneficial to anyone and I need to learn that#just need to take a deep breath and remind myself this is a beta for a Reason this is merely a practice#but with all that out of the way GIVE ME FEEDBACK 👹👹👹🫵🫵PLEASE#I need feedback I CRAVE feedback I need to know what I’m doing wrong or right#because I am genuinely blinded by my own lack of confidence I do Not know what’s good or bad when all I see is bad!! be brutally honest!!#in a nice way!! because I got that RSD swag!!#but seriously do tell me your thoughts cause I want to make more in the future!! ones with a bit more planning involved!!#I just need to throw together some beta character designs so I have more to work with#trust me when I get the hang of things it will be SO much better there will be DECENT ART and DECENT WRITING and GOOD STUFF. I THINK#so uh yeah!!!!! idk what to say I feel like a cat bringing a dead bird to the doorstep EXPLODES#pdbc#and tell me if there’s any specific comic topics ya’d want to see!! feedback is my life source!!#giant friendly eyes meet tiny angry woman with ommetaphobia (heartbreaking) (they just want friends)
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Shout out to Hozier for articulating the concept of untranslatable words better than I’ve ever heard when he said it’s like moving a melody from a piano to a violin, it doesn’t sound the same, it doesn’t do the same thing to you
Man that shit just summarised a lot of my emotions about being bilingual in a way I’ve never been able to properly explain
#personal#personal post#hozier#seriously#I try to tell people what I mean when I say I am me in different ways in every language I speak#and that’s why it’s non negotiable that any future partner has to be at least willing to try and learn some German#I will not lose that part of me#and I want them to have access to it#same as raising kids#I want them to have access to that part of the family#I just#sometimes there are things I can’t say to my mum#and then I try in German and it’s like the blockage was tied to the fact that I wasn’t saying it in the language she raised me with#she worked so fucking hard to give me that#it’s so tied into me as a person#particularly because Vienna is where a lot of my formative adult experiences have happened#I just refuse to sacrifice half of myself for the rest of my life#and I don’t think that’s unreasonable!#man I know I speak a lot of languages and I’m never gonna ask you to learn all of them#but the one that ties half my family together#if you love me why wouldn’t you want to understand the parts of me I can’t express in English?#idk it just always makes me sad when I remember that exes of mine wouldn’t learn it#to someone from a warm climate#to someone from a warm climate (uiscefhuaraithe)#god I hope I spelled that right this time typing it on mobile makes me NERVOUS#languages#bilingual#patch rambles#patch lore
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee
#chia draws#one piece#nami one piece#cat burglar nami#Nami#i love women#this piece is kicking my ass tho#like I’m trying to find my style but it’s all#confusing#like what do I want to achieve with my drawings? what do I want to focus on?#in other news I am now cooking as a way to procrastinate#thank you dunmeshi and the bear#I made bread and fresh pasta and carbonara and lemon curd#I love cooking man#idk why but my butter cookies always end up too hard#I’m gonna make some tangerine dishes so I can pretend I’m cooking for Nami#that way I trick myself into self care#anywayyyys#I love Nami so muchhhh#and idk how people have such cute tumblr layouts I don’t really get httml#I’m a STEM girlie but coding? not my forte#lately I’ve been thinking about one piece from a biotech standpoint#like tf do you mean nobody knows what DNA is besides judge and Vegapunk#they know some diseases are congenital but don’t know about DNA#huuuuuhhhh?#anyways I’m writing a fic about an OC funding a science journal in OP#it’s a lot of fun#art wip#unfinished
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Oh my god, just work on your art, Fae. Just work on your fucking art. You have so many things ready to edit and they’re not even that difficult, literally just sit on your ass and work on it. Work on the art, Fae. Do it! Work on the fucking ART! JUUUST!!! DO IT!!!
WORK ON THE FUCKING ART, FAE!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
#i just#motivation has been kinda low#bc I’ve worked so hard on Fae as a whole but so few people give a fuck#and i see other people’s personas have so much adoration and notoriety#and i just feel like a poser or unwanted#i see myself and Fae in other characters that are kinda rough assholes with soft hearts and I’m like#why don’t others see what i see in me#which sounds extremely conceited but idk#there’s just good in me and humor in me that i wanna share#but lately no one seems to want to hear it besides close friends#which i adore!!!#but i want a little more#is that so bad?#fae deserves a spotlight#i wanna be loved#i want fae to be loved especially#i wanna be a part of meaningless controversies#and have connections in medium places#ugh#rant i guess
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#i’m never ordering from rainbowc**** books ever again#believe me i understand that the logistics of shipping a lot of things at once must be very complicated and difficult#and that getting custom things printed in mass quantities must be really hard and take a long time to coordinate and make perfectly#but i’ve been in touch with them since the end of october last year and i haven’t been able to resolve the issue since#first i waited a couple more weeks so the books passed through customs (which they did but got lost in the mexican postal system)#then i was told i could get a replacement set sent to a new usamerican address once the reprint of the jackets arrived in november#the replacement jackets didn’t arrive until JANUARY and at this point i was just praying i’d get some news#they then proceeded to send just the jackets in early february… like i’m sorry but if you know i need a full set why not send it at once??#whatever then i was told on february 24 that they’d ship my new set that week with no further instructions so i waited a week to see#if a tracking number came and nothing so on march 6th i asked if i would get a new tracking number for the book shipment#i got an answer tonight at fucking 8 PM with the tracking number that says the package should’ve been delivered ON THE 6TH?????????#which ofc it wasn’t delievered bc no one was notified bc i had no idea it was coming BC I NEVER GOT A FUCKING TRACKING NUMBER#NOW I HAVE TO RESCHEDULE THE DELIVERY AND TRIANGULATE BETWEEN THREE PPL TO ACTUALLY GET THAT SHIT DELIEVERED#ALL BC THESE BOOKS MEAN A STUPID AMOUNT TO ME AND I THOUGHT ITD BE A NICE BIRTHDAY PRESENY FOR MYSELF AND I LOVE THE ARTISTS THAT COLLABED#A FULL YEAR SINCE I ORDERED IT AND I STILL DONT HAVE IT IN MY HANDS#i would also like to point out that i’ve been nothing but patient and polite at the very least i’ve never sent multiple emails or spammed#always try to be nice and to the point and send regards and whatever#i cannot fucking believe i could’ve gotten the books a week ago but bc they never sent me the tracking number i wasn’t able to receive them#they could’ve been on their way to me by now but i didn’t know bc they took a whole fucking week to answer my email#instead of maybe idk having my particular case separate to the rest of the replacement jackets shipments#so they could make sure i got the whole replacement set in full on time with no further complications#the saddest part is i couldn’t even bring myself to ask for a fucking refund bc i desperately want those books#i’m out 150 usd and have nothing to show for it a year later#god i’m so tired#if you made it this far idek i might even delete this it’s fucking stupid
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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#like ok I know I’m being self centered and borderline self obsessive and narcissistic for taking so much time to dwell on this but#what is it about ME that makes people so crazy like I know of other accts w more followers than I have and afaik theirs aren’t as rab#*rabid as mine are lmfaooooooo#like I know that so many of you are so incredibly kind and so lovely and honestly that’s why I’m still here#but there is just a very tiny but extremely loud minority who are vicious and fucking relentless#I won’t go into detail but yeah it even bleeds into my life irl and them making a point to intimidate me#in the real physical 3D world not online like my daily actual life#and I just don’t know what it is like idk why idk what it is that I do or have done#(not to be problématique but) it’s not even like I post thirst traps or pics of myself at ALL#IIRC I haven’t for like over 4 yrs now lmao. it’s not an issue of me intentionally drawing attn it’s just me Existing on here???#idk I just am so upset by it if I think too hard about it. idk.
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