#idk why I’m so hard on myself
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~ made another magic au Kirby drawing this is mostly about Sword and Blade :D🌊💎🔥I also wanted to draw the GSA members again xD🌟like the GSA members, Sword and Blade have magic too but they receive theirs at a certain temples of some sorts while the GSA members learnt theirs on their own ^^
💫Sword Knight has water magic and can create magic water wings like Sir Dragato’s. Unlike Dragato, Sword can turn himself invisible with his water magic while Dragato can’t. He’s more calm than Blade Knight and takes stuff more seriously than him, he’s the one who avoids getting himself into trouble.
🌟Blade Knight has fire magic and create fiery wings just like Sir Falspar’s. His hair can sometime change color depending on his feelings. Blade is a bit sassy he can tease Sword for absolutely no reason it’s funny xD sometimes he gets himself into trouble. He and Mace Knight sometimes even hoard hide food in the battleship Halberd all for themselves and this makes Captain Vul mad xD
#my art#sydney’s art#kirby#kirby fanart#meta knight#digital art#artists on tumblr#art#sir arthur kirby#sir nonsurat#sir dragato#sir falspar#sword knight#blade knight#hoshii no kaabii#kirby kirby kirby#kirby right back at ya#krbay#i try headcanon arts and that makes me happy but I don’t feel happy I feel like my art is a mistake and shouldn’t exist#idk why I’m so hard on myself#i don’t think i’m okay#i try to make myself happy I can’t my art is always a flop maybe my art style is the problem
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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take me to war, honey i dare you/ i’ll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you
placing my bets for a Gem Wild Life win
#yet another piece of fanart for a completely different fandom 🙏#apologies to anyone who followed me for my heartstopper or d20 art lol#i’m really enjoying the life series rn#and gem is so much fun this season#i definitely want to draw pearl next so stayed tuned to see if i actually get around to it lol#but anyways#learning how to use my huion tablet so this was drawn half in krita half in procreate#also idk why i keep torturing myself by drawing armor#it looks so cool but it is. so hard.#my art#geminitay fanart#wild life smp#wild life series#wild life fanart#life series#geminitay#life series fanart#traffic smp#traffic series#traffic smp fanart#life series smp#mcyt fanart#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#procreate#krita#my artwork#digital artist#artist
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~ 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 ~
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚌 𝟹 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚖𝚢 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚌 𝚑𝚢𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 😭👍🏾…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙**·̩̩̥͙
𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝
𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟺,𝟸𝟽𝟻
𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙺𝚗𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝚜 🥊❤️
𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚒𝚎 🥨💜
𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝙺𝚗𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝙶𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝙷𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚜…𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚙𝚝. 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝, 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚝…
(𝙰/𝙽: 𝙰 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙. 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎…𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜. 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)
𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚃𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚎𝚜, 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔!!!
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙼𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴 𝙳𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙳𝙾𝙽’𝚃 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝚈𝚈𝚈𝚈˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
Maddie almost fully leaped out of her spot on the bed her and her husband shared as she suddenly awoke, her eyes darting around the room before taking a deep breath, relaxing herself.
She didn’t need to use the bathroom…
And she made sure all of the kids (+ Ozzie) were in their beds…
So why did she feel so…uneasy?
Tom broke through his sleep at the sudden movement from his wife, holding her hand as he rubbed it with his thumb gently, “Everything okay, love?” He mumbled out groggily.
Maddie couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at her husband’s sleepy voice, giving his hand a quick kiss as she got up from the bed, “I’m fine, babe. I just…I-I just…” She trailed off.
The cop yawned, raising a brow, “Having those random feelings of uneasiness again?”
The woman in purple pajamas nodded.
“Gonna go check up on our kids?”
She nodded once more.
“M'kay…” The famous Donut Lord yawned, drifting back to sleep, “Just call me if you need anything…” He mumbled as he closed his eyes and snored like no tomorrow.
Maddie rolled her eyes fondly, putting on her fluffy purple robe that was hoisted on a clothing hanger as put on her house slippers, going upstairs to the attic.
The nurse quietly made her way to the attic, her heart racing with a sort of…adrenaline as she made her way to the beds…
…Although, she didn’t know why.
First, she made her way to Tails' bed, who, was soundly sleeping peacefully underneath his blankets. Maddie kissed his forehead, adjusting his noise canceling headphones on his ears as she further tucked him in as she made her way to Sonic…
And ohhhhhh, Sonic…
The kid was basically sprawled along his bed like a used up rag-doll…
…Which, Maddie didn’t know whether to mark it off as concerning or impressive.
Maybe both.
The adult wrapped the blue hedgehog in his favorite blanket, kissing his forehead and subtly giggling as she saw him smile in his sleep at the kiss.
Lastly, she made her Knuckles' bed…
…That was missing, well…Knuckles.
The woman took a deep breath, taking her phone out of her robe pocket as she tried to calm herself.
He was going to absolutely GET IT if he went out 'adventuring' again.
Maddie could not handle another week asking random people in Green Hills of the red echidna’s whereabout’s…
…Her heart just could not take that amount of stress anymore!
And if Wade was even the SLIGHTEST bit responsible he was going to GET IT too.
The brown eyed human made her way downstairs, relief washing over her as she saw the back quills of a familiar red fellow sitting at the bottom of the stairs that led to the kitchen.
“…Knuckles?” She quietly said.
The echidna swiftly turned around at the woman’s words, his pupils sharpening before softening upon realizing who was behind him.
As he met her concerned yet loving gaze, he looked away, focusing on the wooden floor as if it was the most interesting thing as of right now.
Well…at least it was just Madeline.
Or 'Pretzel Woman' as the red themed teenager liked to call her.
It honestly could have been way worse…
…The blue themed hedgehog could have awoken instead of Maddie…
…And that would have been a whole other problem Knuckles did not have the time or patience for.
The teenager forced himself to relax slightly, his shoulders still tense in case of anything or…anyonedeciding to…surprise him.
Because he was an echidna warrior! He simply just did not get sneaked up on.
“Pretzel Woman.” He hummed, “I would not have expected you to be awake at such hours…”
“I wish I could say the same for you, sweetheart…” The 'Pretzel Woman' in question chuckled lightly, coming down and sitting on the stair the small teen was stifly sitting on, “What are you doing up, love?”
“I am keeping watch.” Knuckles stated simply, his seating spot remaining on the steps but his eyes darting in every which way around the house, seeming to look for a nonexistent threat.
Or grapes. Those he will always look out for.
“Did…I wake you?” His violet eyes morphing into one of guilt, “I am sorry if that is the case…I tried to be as silent as possible whilst scouting this evening.”
“No no! Not at all.” Maddie quickly assured, “I-I just…had a certain…feeling to get up, y'know?”
But Knuckles did not know, only quietly nodding his head as he tried to make sense of what the chocolate eyed human was stating, “…I see.” He hummed once more, now looking up as he peered on the outside door, his eye ridges creasing together.
Maddie fiddled with her fingers anxiously, not appreciating the sudden silence as she tried to collect her thoughts to think of what to say next.
Because, truth be told…Knuckles has been doing this…'guarding' business ever since he came to live in Green Hills.
And it was somewhat nice the first week…
A tad bit jarring the second week…
But now it was the third week.
And Maddie cannot recall one time she has seen Knuckles shut his eyes for more than a second.
“You are distressed.” The short teenager concluded bluntly, observing Maddie’s facial expression and body language, “Are you perhaps���cold?”
The woman let a small smile strech to her features at that, “I’m not cold, sweetheart. But thank you for your concern.” She said gently, resting her hand on the teenager’s shoulder but drawing it back as the teeanger in question stifened further at the sudden contact.
“But…I am worried.” The purple cladded woman stated, well…worriedly as she put her hands on her lap.
The fifteen year old’s eye ridges knitted together in slight confusion, letting out a small: “Oh.”
He looked up at her, “Why is that?”
The nurse started, “You’ve been staying up—”
“Scouting.” Knuckles politely corrected.
“—scouting…” She corrected herself, “…for three weeks straight, Knux. Aren’t you tired?”
“No.” The violet eyed teen uttered, “An echidna warrior is only tired when they need be. Which, I am not.” He stated, ironically burying back a small yawn that was bubbling in his throat.
Which, did not go unnoticed by Maddie.
“Everyone gets tired eventually…” The human said, “It’s not healthy to just…skip sleep, hun. It’s not good for you.”
“Only I know what is good and what is not good for me, Pretzel Woman.” The red echidna huffed, completely brushing off the other’s concern, “I will sleep when my duty is done.”
“Your…'duty?'” Maddie repeated.
Knuckles nodded, putting his right fist on his chest as he spoke, “I have promised you, the Lord of the Donuts, the loud hedgehog and the anxious fox to guard the Master Emerald, yes?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“And I have also promised to protect you all.” He announced proudly and matter-of-factly, “A protector never rests.”
“Hun…I think we’ve proven we’re more than capable at protecting ourselves.” The human lightly joked as she almost immediately regretted her statement and tone as she saw the teen’s expression shift from proud to…distress.
And there it is...
…You have such a wonderful way of words, Madeline…
…SUCH a wonderful way with words…
A flash of hurt made their way through Knuckles' eyes, though, he tried to hide it as we looked away, glaring at the floor slightly he hugged himself, which made the human feel even more guilty, “…I…I am aware of that fact.”
And immediately the adult started to backtrack at the teenager’s now almost distraught and downtrodden expression, “I-It’s not that we don’t appreciate it— appreciate you, love. I just don’t want you collapsing randomly one day because you’re staying up every single night keeping watch of us and the house.”
“I do not collapse.” The kid said in an almost defensive-like tone, “And when I eventually will, I would gladly do so knowing I have protected you all to the fullest.”
And right then and there Maddie could have sworn she felt her heart stop at that, feeling the smallest twinge of lightheadedness as she curled her fingers, forming fists on her lap.
“No!” The human shouted, lowering her voice as she realized she yelled a tad bit too loudly, making Knuckles flinch slightly at the sudden exclamation, “No no no! Knuckles, where is this coming from?!”
The nurse pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stay calm but found it really difficult due to the fact one of her kids openly stated he would be fine literally DYING if it meant he would fulfill his 'duty', “I don’t want you staying up guarding, scouting— whatever you call it! I just don’t want you doing any of those things!”
The echidna’s face morphed to a frown, “But—“
“No, Knux…” Maddie said, her tone leaving no room for argument…
…The 'Mother voice' if you will…
“This is the last time you’re doing something like this. End of story.” The purple cladded human said, crossing her arms across her chest.
And then again, there was…a small silence that fell between the two.
A silence neither of them liked at all.
But the air was too thick with…all of a sudden tension that they both stayed quiet, in fear they would say the wrong thing…
…Again.
But eventually, the red echidna couldn’t take the silence; couldn’t take the tension any longer.
He looked at the figure in front of him once more, fixing his composure to appear more confident…but ultimately just appearing to be straight up panic-stricken.
“Then what can I do…?” He mumbled out meekly.
Maddie’s hands dropped to her sides, her eyebrows creasing together, “…What…do you mean?”
“To…To repay you all.” The violet eyed teenager further explained, mentally punching himself for sounding so completely and utterly…weak, “To make up for what I’ve done previously. T-To…guarntee my stay in the Wachowski clan.”
And those words alone spoke measures.
The nurse’s heart might of well dropped all the way to the floor, because all of a sudden she felt like she could not breathe.
She puts Knuckles' hand in hers, even though the echidna’s hand was obviously and ultimately TWICE her hand size…she didn’t care.
For crying out loud this was her son.
And she would never ever forgive herself if after this he would continue to think otherwise.
Then…
…Everything clicked.
“…Sweetheart…did you…d-did you think we were going to…kick you out…?” She asked as if she already knew the answer, afraid of what the other would say.
The short teenager picked up quickly that Maddie somehow knew now, guilt almost immediately hitting him like a train as he hugged himself with his free hand, looking down at his lap, “Yes.” He admitted, hugging himself more as he saw the other start to become teary eyed, “Before coming here to the Wachowski residance…I was responsible for so many casualties…” He muttered, “…I still am.”
The teenager’s tail droops, bringing his fist to his face to try and hide his also now tearing up expression, “I helped Robotnik seize control of your town and almost the entire planet…”
“…I-If I had just listened to Sonic…your house would not still be under repair. You and the Lord of Donuts would not have to call that 'Uber' you always speak of every morning to simply go to your designated jobs!” He yelled, not really caring if anyone else besides Maddie heard him at this point.
“Growing up, my Father always told me to never put my hands on someone else unless they did so to me first…” He murmured, a hint of fondness in his tone speaking of his as of late Father.
“I broke that promise when I met Sonic.” He mumbled out, ignoring the feelings of his eyes starting to become more wet, “But…B-But above all else…all my Father wanted for me was for me to be a good person…”
Knuckles let out a small sob, harshly wiping his face as his shoulder hung low…
…Out of hatred or frustration…?
Maybe a little bit of both…?
Maddie wasn’t sure.
“A-And I promised him. I swore on my life I would live by those two promises…” The small echidna hiccuped, yanking his arm away from the human as he gripped his arm with one hand until he couldn’t feel it anymore, “A-And I f-failed those two simple oaths b-by j-j-just acting so f-foolish…”
The taller figure watched the other shake with sobs, swiftly scooting closer to him as she gently held his wrists to stop him from further hurting himself.
“Oh, sweetheart…” She mumbled, her heart heavy as she saw the teenager duck his head further, “Hey…hey…” Maddie whispered, cupping the echidna’s face in her palms.
And to be completely honest? Knuckles wanted to hurt himself further as he did nothing but melt to the small but impactful form of affection…
“Can you look at me?” The nurse carefully asked.
Knuckles quietly looked at her, his face scrunched up to try and attempt to stop the tears freely flowing down his cheeks like a waterfall.
Maddie sighed sadly, wiping his tears with her thumb as she gently rubbed his cheeks, “I need you to listen to me, okay?”
He shakily nodded.
“You are a good person.” She emphasized sternly, “One mistake that you made doesn’t automatically define your worth.”
“This…” She said, gesturing to herself and Knuckles. “…is not a transaction. We are giving you a room to sleep in because we love you. We are giving you clothes to wear because we love you. We are giving you food to eat because we love you…”
“…Even though I would prefer you eat something other than grapes.” She tried to joke, which ended up finally working very effectively as she saw a small but genuine smile appear on the echidna’s face.
Knuckles couldn’t help but let out a soft snort, rolling his eyes before focusing on Maddie once again, “My grapes have nothing to do with this…”
“And I do also consume Cool Ranch Doritos from time to time…” The teen mumbled, “So saying I onlyeat grapes is inaccurate.”
The nurse gently squished his cheek playfully, “And this?” She gestured as she wiped away his tears once again, “Is because I love you. Not because I’m expecting something in return.” She explained as she now put his hands in her’s as if the size meant nothing to her…
…Because it didn’t.
“Robotnik tricked you. He tricked you into thinking he was a nice man. That isn’t your fault.” The human sternly announced once again.
The red furred echidna shook his head, “But I endangered everyone—”
“—But you also saved everyone.” The purple pajama wearing woman quickly added, “You tried to fix your mistakes…don’t think I didn’t see you punching those egg robot thingies, hun. You weren’t messing around.”
“I am not prone to be one who 'messes around…'” He said, his eyes almost jumping out of their sockets as Maddie planted a small kiss on his forehead.
“And that? That is because…” She gently urged on.
“You…Y-You love me...” Knuckles finished, almost choking on his own words, before lightly pushing her away in an attempt to get her to leave…
…Because she would eventually…
…Right?
“…Y-You hardly even know me.” The violet eyed echidna whispered, looking up at the taller figure as she gently bumped her shoulder with his.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t love you.” Maddie exclaimed as she smiled warmly, the warmness somehow making its way to the echidna warrior as his heart fluttered in his chest.
A small, subtle blush appeared on his muzzle as he looked away, trying to hide his expression.
He cleared his throat, “I…suppose that is true, Pretzel Woman…”
“Just 'Maddie' is fine, sweetie.”
The fifteen year old swallowed, wiping his eyes with his arm as he finally looked at the taller.
And if Maddie squinted…she was almost 100% sure she saw a small sparkle in the child’s eyes.
“Alright…Maddie.” The teenager announced shyly but proudly, resting his head on the other’s shoulder.
The nurse had to keep in literally every single fiber in her body to stop herself from squealing like a high-school preppy girl.
“You don’t owe us anything…okay?” The brown eyed woman stated, “You’re apart of a family, Knux. And one doesn’t protect the whole family…we all protect each other.” She rubbed Knuckles' knuckles gently and comfortingly with her thumb, “You’re a Wachowski. And the Wachowski’s stick together.”
And just like that, another silence fell among the two…although, this one was less tense which Maddie could not be more grateful for.
But the nurse couldn’t shake the feeling that something was being left…unsaid and undone.
And if you knew her…you knew dang well those two words were just simply not apart of her dictionary.
“May I give you a hug?” She asked somewhat hesitantly, but couldn’t stop the smile spreading to her face as she saw the echidna perk up at the mention.
The red echidna collected himself, clearing his throat again as he glanced up at her, “You may.”
The human wrapped the echidna in her arms, her smile doubling in size as she felt the teen wrap his own arms around her…somewhat stifly and awkwardly.
But hey, he was trying.
“I love you, Knux.” The chocolate eyed woman hummed, “And you don’t have to say it back if you aren’t ready.”
The violet eyed echidna nodded, shyly burying his face into the other’s shoulder as they continued to embrace.
“Do you…want to go back to your room…?” Maddie asked in a tone signifying she was alright with a 'yes' or a 'no'.
The warrior only held Maddie tighter at that, shaking his head as he buried his face into her shoulder harder, “In…I-In a little bit…” He answered honestly, “I do not want to go just yet…”
“That’s fine.” The human assured, “How about…we stay on the couch for a while? I bet it’s way more comfy than these old stairs.”
The red furred echidna nodded, “…Alright.”
He followed the taller to the living room, sitting on the couch as she did, watching her as she flipped through the channels.
“You okay with watching 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?'” The woman asked as she flipped to the Nick-at-Nite channel, relaxing on the couch cushion.
“I am very fond of my companions, yes.” The young warrior nodded, resting his eyes on the TV as this so called….'F.R.I.E.N.D.S.' show started to play.
The two sat on the couch for a while, small chuckles and snickers being shared as they reacted to the show in front of them.
Knuckles yawned, crossing his arms as he rested his head on Maddie’s arm which the older did not pay any mind to, subconsciously scratching his quills.
The younger’s eyes widened, not moving away from the touch but seeming genuinely shocked by it, “What are you doing?”
At that, the human quickly drew her hand away.
Shit.
“O-Oh, I’m sorry, baby.” She said apologetically, cursing herself for making it seem like she was trying to rush him with anything…
“It’s just a thing I do with Sonic and Tails— they find it calming. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked. It’s just…kind of an instinct…” Maddie said to Knuckles as he looked down, fiddling with his gloved fingers as he looked anywhere but the person beside him, “You do not…have to stop if you do not wish.” He admitted quietly, “It feels nice…”
The nurse tried (and failed) to hide yet another dorky grin that spread to her face as she gently ruffled Knuckles quills once more, cooing on the inside as the echidna subtly leaned into the touch, trying his absolute best to concentrate on the television but obviously clearly enjoying the affection as his tail wagged softly against the couch.
As the TV ran, Maddie moved her hand to scratch where Knuckles' ears would be and the young warrior absolutely melted at the new touch, his tail wagging faster.
The purple cladded woman fondly smiled at the reaction, moving her fingers to gently scratch the back of the echidna’s neck but nothing would have prepared her for the loud shriek the teenager let out as she did so.
The violet eyed fifteen year old covered his mouth in shock as the human retreated her hand back, her face morphing to worry once more, “A-Are you alright? Are you hurt?”
The echidna swallowed, not even trying to hide the small blush that appeared on his muzzle now as he put his hand to the side, “I-I am…uninjured.” He said as calmly as he could muster, “I apologize for startling you…I also startled myself…”
“It’s okay, sweetheart…” The purple cladded human said, “…But what happened?”
“I am…not sure.” Knuckles explained as he rubbed the back of his neck as if to redo the feeling he just felt, “You touched the back of my neck and it felt…odd.”
“Odd?” Maddie repeated.
“Odd.” Knuckles said again.
The nurse raised a curious brow, lightly poking the red furred echidna where she was once scratching him as he burst into surprised and confused giggles.
The fifteen year old shook his head back and forth, scrunching up his shoulders as he lightly tried to pry the other’s hand away.
What…was this?
And why did it make him feel so…giddy and carefree?!
“C-Cease thihis s-sohorcery ahahat once!” The violet eyed echidna giggly demanded, hugging himself and falling down on the couch, “Ceeheease ceeheease ceeheeheeheease!!” He snickered as Maddie gently started to spider her finger nails along his sides.
“It isn’t sorcery, love. Your just ticklish.” The adult chuckled, putting one and one together.
“N-Nohohoh Ihi ahahaham nohot!” The red furred teen denied through his chorus of laughs, “Ahan ehechidna waharrior woHOULD neHEHEver hahave suhuHUCH AHA c-chihildish weeheeakness!”
“Really?” Maddie smiled, intrigued as she gently prodded the other’s lower ribs, causing the other in question to automatically jerk, throwing his head back as he buried his heels in the couches cushions, “NOHOH thIHIs ihihis CHIHIHILDIHISH!!” He desperately squealed.
The woman in purple pajamas couldn’t help the small coo she let out at the teenager’s adorable reactions…
…And Knuckles didn’t even need to look at her to know she found his once-in-a-full-moon flustered expression very amusing.
“Awe, Knux…” The nurse lightly teased as her fingers continued their ticklish torment on the echidna’s ribs.
“NOHOH— snrk! DOHOHON’T!!” The echidna in question cried as his cheeks started to match his fur color, internally cursing his natural body movements as his tail wagged happily once more.
“Don’t what~? Don’t tickle you?” Maddie sweetly asked, only receiving a small but LOUD snort from the other as she moved down to gently scratch along his stomach, “Looks like I found a bad spot, huh, bud~?”
“IHIHIT IHISN’T snrt BAHAD!!” The teen insisted, banging his fists on the couch, “IHAT JUHAH—! SNRT! JUHUST FEEHEELS OHODD!!”
“Interesting…” The adult hummed, pretending she was pondering something as he dug her hand’s into the violet eyed echidna’s underarms, wincing slightly as he let out a sharp scream before descending into loud cackles.
“This feel odd too?” She asked innocently.
“IHIHAT’S snrt snrt EEHEEVEN WOHOHORSE!!!” Knuckles laughed, “G-GEHAT snrt AHAHOUT OHOF THERE!”
“Get out of where~?”
“THEHEHEHERE!” The teen quickly retorted, trying to gesture to his underarm but anytime he tried to the other would just simply make her touches even lighter, “MAHADDIE DAHAHON’T AHACT snrt STUPID!”
“'Stupid~?'” The nurse dramatically gasped, “And here I thought we bonded!” She huffed as she fluttered her fingers in the crooks of the teen’s neck and under his chin.
And truth be told…Knuckles was absolutely, positively embarrassed of this whole ordeal.
And to be honest…he could have gotten up anytime he wanted…
…But he didn’t.
He hadn’t thought he’d ever feel such…happiness and carefreeness ever again…
…But it’s like Sonic always said…
'Hope is a hedgehog’s greatest weapon.'
“SNRT! NOHOH!! STOHOP SNRT IHAT!!!” The echidna wheezed out, his legs frantically kicking behind Maddie.
“Guess this is your sweet spot…” The woman smiled brightly.
“NAHAHAH! SNRT! NOHAHOTHING AHABOHOUT SNRT SNRT MY NECK IHIHIS SWEEHEEHEET!!!” The young warrior cackled loudly, tears welling up in his eyes…
…And for the first time in…well, forever…they were happy ones.
“AHALRIGHT!! AHAHALRIHIGHT!!!” He relented, lightly pushing on her hands, “IHI SURRENDER! IHIHIHI SURRENDER!!”
And just like that Maddie immediately let up, sitting back as Knuckles let out a couple more aftermath giggles.
“You okay, baby?” The human asked, wiping away the rest of his happy tears.
“Y-Yehes. I aham snrt fine…” The red echidna hummed, sitting back on the couch as he layed his head on the figure’s shoulder again.
“Thank you, Mo—“ Knuckles' eyes widened, quickly catching his slip-up, “M-Maddie. Maddie. Thank you, Maddie.” He exclaimed quickly, quietly praying to his echidna ancestors that the purple pajama wearing woman did not catch his mistake.
But judging by her wide eyes and agape mouth…she most likely did.
“Uhm…I-I must go to my sleeping quarters now…g-goodnight.” Knuckles stammered under his breath quickly and quiety, not waiting for the other to give an answer as he basically sprinted to the attic, quietly closing the door to not disturb his brothers whom were soundly fast asleep.
Maddie slowly got out of her state of shock, her heart basically leaping out of her chest as she fondly smiled, shutting off all the lights in the living room and kitchen before taking one small glance at the closed attic door.
She felt…so warm and…so fuzzy…
Instead of her heart dropping…she honestly felt like it just soared to heaven.
“Goodnight, son.” She whispered, wiping her eyes as she slipped into her and Tom’s bedroom, going under the covers next to her husband and going back to sleep.
·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙
(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)
#Sonic tickle#Sonic tickle fic#Sonic the Hedgehog tickle#Sonic the Hedgehog tickle fic#Lee!Knuckles#Ler!Maddie#Sonic tickle fanfiction#Sonic the Hedgehog tickle fanfiction#Just know after that Knuckles went STRAIGHT TO SLEEP 👈🏾👈🏾😗#MY MANZ WAS T I R E D#Fighting back sleep in fear his new family would get rid of him if he didn’t show his worth HAH…#Could never be me#BUT I MADE SO MANY REFRENCES OML#I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DORK BRO 👏🏾😭…#I’m cringe and I am NOT free 💰💸💵💶💷💴🤑💲#Knuckles' KNUCKLES#BA DUM TSS#I had to out that in kill me if you have to yk its funny#But writing Maddie was so hard I wanted to STRANGLE myself 🙂↕️🔫#LIKE IDK HOW WRITING KNUCKLES WAS A PIECE OF CAKE BUT IT JUST W A S#Maybe it’s cuz I watched the Knuckles series like a week ago…eh I’m not sure#BUT ANYWAYS#ENJOY#I’m going to FREAK to BED 😴💤🛌#Wrote 4000 words at the speed of light. I need an award…#Also uh…AHEM#I need more Tom and Maddie content they are SOOOO 💘🔥✨💓💝⁉️#But what I actually need to do is stop yapping about SILENCE in my fics#LIKE IDK WHY I FIND SILENCE FUN TO WRITE ABT BUT IT NEEDS TO STOP.#Bur for clarification in this fic Tails and Knuckles has been living in GH for around 6 months :3
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9.5 hours of painting and I still haven’t finished this stupid fucking horse
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ok maybe klance is boring cause it’s everywhere and maybe they don’t share too many scenes together so but I don’t really give a shit! look at them! they’re so…klance. i say there’s another few months give or take before my interest in them finally burns out and it stays dormant for like two years before I pick it up again and i go feral over the two because they’re KLANCE
#I’m talking to myself#shipping wars but it’s just me vs me and were not really fighting over which one is bettter but more so fighting over how much a ship makes#sense#sure ships don’t even need to make sense for one to like it but I’ve been frothing at the mouth at the mere mention of klance because of#what I think they were to each other#it’s hard to enjoy the ship when your brain is constantly calling you delusional#I gotta rewatch voltron dude#voltron#voltron legendary defender#vld#vld lance#vld keith#lance mcclain#keith kogane#klance#laith#heh these tags make me seem like a klance hater#I’m not I promise#the only reason why I’m questioning klance because I read too much about people’s hatred for it#ok I retract what I said#people who say klance has no chemistry are just. sigh.#I can admit that nothing really happened in the later season BUT IT WAS THERE#in the start#and what was there had so much potential#no confirmed sexualities either!!! yay!!!#maybe I’ll have fun in gaybofunland idk away from all this internal misery#but anyways#aloe vera does it again guys#she did the word vomit thing again#but just in the tags this time
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it kind of baffles me how little sympathy eurylochus gets :( everyone is so mean to him…
#idk i could on and on for hours about him#and maybe it’s just the spaces i find myself in within the fandom#why is he reduced to his mistakes and not his every attempt of redemption?#why is he reduced to a choice made at his breaking point?#i think. i’m going to get my period soon becuase im crying over eurylochus#he’s my babygirl#and he tried so hard to do the right thing#and he trusted odysseus until he died. the deep trust that survives the lowest points of your friendship#the trust that kept him coming back to odysseus. until he died.#he looked odysseus in the eyes as he was sentenced to death and still loved him#he doesn’t argue#or plead#he states the facts he confirms that odysseus understands#they’re in love they’re in love#doesn’t matter what kind#platonic or romantic or whatever#eurylochus loved him waaaah <- words of a delusional man
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tis here!! My stupid little beta pdbc comic!! UHHHHH
additional ramblings because I don’t know how to stop yapping:
I know the ending is extremely abrupt but honestly? I can’t even lie I think it’s funnier and somehow more in character that way. There is no way in hell he’d question what just happened he’d just lay on the floor and say “alas!” As if that is in any way is a proper response to what just happened. So no apologies for that, I genuinely think the ending is amazing and won’t hear anything else. Alas.
I WAS REALLY SCREWED OVER WITH THE TEN IMAGE MOBILE LIMIT SO THE PACING IS VERY IFFY!! That alongside the fact I wanted to get this out as quickly as possible to gauge opinions and such—therefore making this much less detailed than I’d like to have made it, yes that’s my own fault I know—means that I couldn’t properly show what the briar zome is like (HEARTBREAKING). It’s a lot more spacious and unending than what’s shown here. In this it only looks like you’re there for a few minutes but experiences there can last up to a week. There are also a lot more thorns and spiked vines, it’s just that, like I said, I wanted to get this posted quickly and coloring in all of those spikes probably took more time than some of the drawings themselves. Had I made this as accurate to canon as possible, it would be much more visually cluttered. The briar zome is VERY hard to traverse because almost everything is covered in thorns (hence the name). Also worth noting that although it’s seemingly wintry there, there’s no actual temperature in the briar zome which is why pumpkin daddy is not fucking freezing to death (you have to look DAPPER when you’re illegally eating crabs)
This technically isn’t canon. This is a mishmash of all of the stuff I have about the briar zome, but in canon it’s all much more spread out, e.g. the eyes weren’t discovered until a few trips in when they actually bothered trying to figure out if/where the briar zome ends, in which BAM they found a buncha eyes!! Speaking of the eyes, their official names are Sotes, and where they’re found is called the “Eyes Rink” (GET IT!!! EYES!!! ICE!!! GET I-💥💥💥)
you’re probably wondering what the Miika chimp incident is, which is a fair thing to be wondering, however I will not be elaborating because I think it’s funnier that way. sorry (I am not at all sorry)
AND THE TIIIIIIME yes indeed the time works differently there. As one could. Probably guess by the wack-ass watch positions. The briar zome does in fact have its own time system that’s displayed differently than most would be used to. Alas, I had to cut that part short because I realized I was quickly running out of pages and I really wanted space to draw some of those beautiful beautiful eyeballs. I has this whole lecture about different types of watch hand designs and their names but that was unfortunately cut for time (ironically)
anyway uh. hope this was somewhat enjoyable? *EXPLODES*
#I am going to try to restrain myself from bashing this too much because I’ve already made my opinions on it Very clear#but I am. not all too proud with how this turned out but THAT’S OK THATS WHY ITS A BETA COMIC 🦅🦅💥💥 I am LEARNING#trying. so hard not to go on a rant about everything I hate about this because that won’t be beneficial to anyone and I need to learn that#just need to take a deep breath and remind myself this is a beta for a Reason this is merely a practice#but with all that out of the way GIVE ME FEEDBACK 👹👹👹🫵🫵PLEASE#I need feedback I CRAVE feedback I need to know what I’m doing wrong or right#because I am genuinely blinded by my own lack of confidence I do Not know what’s good or bad when all I see is bad!! be brutally honest!!#in a nice way!! because I got that RSD swag!!#but seriously do tell me your thoughts cause I want to make more in the future!! ones with a bit more planning involved!!#I just need to throw together some beta character designs so I have more to work with#trust me when I get the hang of things it will be SO much better there will be DECENT ART and DECENT WRITING and GOOD STUFF. I THINK#so uh yeah!!!!! idk what to say I feel like a cat bringing a dead bird to the doorstep EXPLODES#pdbc#and tell me if there’s any specific comic topics ya’d want to see!! feedback is my life source!!#giant friendly eyes meet tiny angry woman with ommetaphobia (heartbreaking) (they just want friends)
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tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things
#sounds kinda obvious but i only just realized it lmao#feels like i have to grieve a lot of my goals now but no one said the healing process would be easy#danbles#and for anyone else that has a disability that prevents them from doing smth#or trauma that makes certain triggers limit their opportunities#or neurotypes that make it harder for them to love smth like they used to#or whatever else#i don’t want to make it sound like you have to give up on the things that make you happy#I’M certainly not going to#but a huge value of mine has always been experiencing everything life had to offer#and everytime that backfires (whether it’s burnout; triggering a flashback; triggering an episode; putting strain on my body; etc)#i always just thought to myself ‘it was bad timing’ or ‘i haven’t gotten better yet’ bc the endgoal was to always get to that point where#i could experience it. i want to try new things all the time. i want to feel normal and be included in everything#but if smth keeps Making Me Feel Bad then maybe there isn’t a version of myself that can take it on#it’s not resilience to put yourself in harm’s way#idk how well i’ll be able to put this into practice tbh. i rly rly like exploring different experiences#even negative ones are valuable to me#but the least i can do for myself is recognize that i might not always be the problem#maybe i’ve already hit the limit on all the self-work i can do. maybe it’s the environment or situation itself that’s the problem#fuuck guys i feel like i’m going thru a stage of grief here why is this shit so hard 💀
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee
#chia draws#one piece#nami one piece#cat burglar nami#Nami#i love women#this piece is kicking my ass tho#like I’m trying to find my style but it’s all#confusing#like what do I want to achieve with my drawings? what do I want to focus on?#in other news I am now cooking as a way to procrastinate#thank you dunmeshi and the bear#I made bread and fresh pasta and carbonara and lemon curd#I love cooking man#idk why but my butter cookies always end up too hard#I’m gonna make some tangerine dishes so I can pretend I’m cooking for Nami#that way I trick myself into self care#anywayyyys#I love Nami so muchhhh#and idk how people have such cute tumblr layouts I don’t really get httml#I’m a STEM girlie but coding? not my forte#lately I’ve been thinking about one piece from a biotech standpoint#like tf do you mean nobody knows what DNA is besides judge and Vegapunk#they know some diseases are congenital but don’t know about DNA#huuuuuhhhh?#anyways I’m writing a fic about an OC funding a science journal in OP#it’s a lot of fun#art wip#unfinished
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Oh my god, just work on your art, Fae. Just work on your fucking art. You have so many things ready to edit and they’re not even that difficult, literally just sit on your ass and work on it. Work on the art, Fae. Do it! Work on the fucking ART! JUUUST!!! DO IT!!!
WORK ON THE FUCKING ART, FAE!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
#i just#motivation has been kinda low#bc I’ve worked so hard on Fae as a whole but so few people give a fuck#and i see other people’s personas have so much adoration and notoriety#and i just feel like a poser or unwanted#i see myself and Fae in other characters that are kinda rough assholes with soft hearts and I’m like#why don’t others see what i see in me#which sounds extremely conceited but idk#there’s just good in me and humor in me that i wanna share#but lately no one seems to want to hear it besides close friends#which i adore!!!#but i want a little more#is that so bad?#fae deserves a spotlight#i wanna be loved#i want fae to be loved especially#i wanna be a part of meaningless controversies#and have connections in medium places#ugh#rant i guess
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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all my new fic is so fucking boring lately and idk what to do about it
#like everything feels repetitive#the banter is stale#there’s only so many times i can tolerate writing the same context over and over like we get it#they’re the cynic and the puppy dog#get some new material#i think that’s why i have so much random bullshit like witch AU and aristocracy AU#i’ve tapped myself out of anything even remotely canon compliant#i’m trying so hard to work through the requests#and don’t get me wrong the requests themselves are very good#but i just feel like im not delivering like im writing the same shit over and over and over#like i have at least 3 requests done but they’re boring as hell and i don’t like posting stuff i wouldn’t want to read myself#idk what to do
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Would you (could you) grant us the honor and privilege of a pic of your wondrously angelic smile?
#the urge to post an old selfie is so strong#but have 2 that I took today#that I somewhat like#idk why but lately it’s been so hard to take selfies/pics of myself#buuuut I showered and I put my hair in cute lil braids#and I’m all comfy cozyyyy#so wanted to show you guys 😌#ask#thanks for the ask lovely 🥰#me#rosicheeks#also I forgot to say…. wondrously angelic smile???!#you are WAY too sweet to me 🥺💖
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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