#idk what their names are

[boy-in-the-stars]

The Seven Evil Exes: Would I date them?

Ranked by a professional man lover and woman respecter

I will be ranking from least dateable to most dateable (personality, looks, et cetera). These are only my opinions pls do not hate bro.

7. Gideon Graves (Gordon Goose)

He is a textbook male manipulator. I do not trust him with any of my emotions. I do not like him. He would literally chip me. ew ew ew.

6 and 5. The Twins

I literally have no opinions on them. I’m pretty sure they’re pedos tho so i’m not into that.

4. Matthew Patel

I just don’t find him attractive. He is quite dorky and I go for a more sophisticated man- ykwim (Wallace Wells). I do appreciate his love for the theatre and beating people up, this is always good in a man. I appreciate a thespian from time to time. I just don’t see myself dating him now- maybe when I was 12 and discord dating was a thing.

3. Roxie Richter

I may be gay but I know an attractive woman when I see one. She would treat me right and I would treat her right. 10/10 woman, Ramona did her dirty. Let’s go lesbians.

2. Lucas Lee

First of all he’s really hot. Also he’s funny. I like a himbo. I enjoy a good himbo. I suspect he would treat me like shit but it’s fine. He’s hot.

1. Todd Ingram

He is literally so fine. I love a man who plays an instrument. He would be obsessed with me. He also has a nice personality, and I like the whole aesthetic he has going on bro. I just really appreciate him.

[redbean-nom]

arise, daughters of dathomir

Other versions:

Without the magic (probably my 2nd favorite version)

With all the magic

Simple/unshaded version

[clovernment]

i love the tech support super side characters in neon genesis evangelion ;P

[nocek]

And we all should be jelly.

(at least Miguel is so maybe they are closer to that dumb triangle than Wade thought XD)

[pien-art]

alright, they got to me :)

(click image for optimal quality)

for my most dearest @cecefly <33

[itsjesscapade]

Poor girl's CPU is being worked so hard...

[beybuniki]

love language

[ithinkdogshouldvote]

Yuri but its toxic and they kiss about it

[mitcheechee]

[xxadiaa]

based on this tweet

[shewreckz]

this is how it went what are you talking about

[rythyme]

a lot of the popular "queerbait" ships are just "these two characters are friends / they stood close together once" but every once in a while i'll stumble into an unfamiliar ship tag and see shit like "in episode 169 Scrungko gives Blorbis multiple prostate orgasms with an anal vibrator while pretending to date him" and like. idk what the hell is going on there. but if it's not queerbait then they just invented something even more insane. maybe y'all are right sometimes.

[tibli]

I love when arthropods have a pseudopupil. It's so whimsical and cute, and they come in so many varieties!!

little kitty cat eyes!!!

bombastic side eyes!!!!

cartoon character eyes!!!!

bigass anime eyes!!!!!

BE NOT AFRAID eyes!!!!!

[critterbitter]

Blitzle getting obliterated by a flying type is peak comedy to me, sorry guys.

BONUS:

(Masterpost)

[plumuto]

so uhhhh i really like fern lol

[tides-and-moon]

listen hes one of the rat grinders today but tomorrow he could be adaines cool dragon boyfriend. we can make it happen. in this essay i will