#idk should i post it without the text?
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My Body's Missing Pieces (Can't Put It All Together) DC x DP Dead on Main (Jason Todd/Danny Fenton) Teen Soulmates AU
Jason only cared about his soulmate in so far that he hoped they weren’t an asshole. He’d had enough of those in his life.
It didn’t matter how many times he read and reread and re-reread every Regency or Victorian romance novel he could get his hands on. A pragmatic romantic is what Jason would call himself. Sure, whatever. Soulmates were supposed to be a true match, some sort of companion for life - romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise.
All Jason bothered to hope for was someone. He didn’t spend a lot of time fantasizing about it. He didn’t bother considering what type of soulmate or what type of bond they’d have. He wasn’t old enough for a Mark, he hadn’t been born with Words. No amount of writing on his hands or arms or legs resulted in a message back. There wasn’t a red string on his finger, and the world was in perfect color. Not even shared dreams, glimpses into someone else's life.
So.
So it sucked. A bit.
Everyone he knew, even Dick. even Bruce had some sort of sign of a soulmate. And no matter how many doctors told him it was normal, or when Bruce gripped his shoulder in consolation, or reminded him he had a different type of bond…
Jason couldn’t bother himself to get worked up over something, over someone that just wasn’t there.
So.
He’s fifteen. The smudged name on his birth certificate calls to him with an ache in his heart. Because who knows? Jason doesn’t, but he intends to find out. He’s benched. He’s angry and hurt. Overhearing Bruce and Alfred have a nice little chitchat about the violent street-rat future-murderer in their home?
Jason doesn’t know who his mother is. But there’s a list of names in Willis Todd’s contact book.
It all goes to shit.
#dead on main#dcxdp fic#dcxdp#my writing#soulmates au#on going#there will be more! subscribe to the series!#also i did the watercolor#idk should i post it without the text?#it's just hands but it is meant to be Jason and Danny tentatively reaching for the other#Pain on main
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i know this has been said 473773474833 times by the kavetham/haikaveh shippers and probably even nonshippers, but i'll say it again. I finally finished the genshin summer event and did the little after quest in sumeru and.....every time kaveh is sneaking around trying not to be noticed coming out of alhaithams house it's just such a gay vibe. he's basically screaming "I can't be caught being gay in a homophobic society!" even if that's not what the game writers are *actually* saying. that's just how it comes off and they can't make it come off any other way. with hoyo's gay history, it makes me wonder if it's on purpose and all a cover-up to have a technically different reason for it so they can get away with it lmao but we will never know.
#lee text#genshins#i can acknowledge how gay they are without liking thr ship#flashback to several kavetham/haikaveh (whatevwr their ship name is) shippers on here attacking me over not liking the ship#trying to “educate” me on why theyre sk gay and why i should ship it#look i didnt say they arent gay af. and these shippers dismissed my feelings completely#i think it was after that one event with the competition thing that kaveh won? idk but just they way they interacted#the way alhaitham talked to kaveh and the way kaveh responded TRIGGERED A TRAUMA RESPONSE IN ME#which made me dislike the ship and their dynamic! i didnt CARE if he was well meaning. the way he talked to kaveh#triggered a fight or flight response in me because it sounded similar to how ive been talked to and kaveh getting upset was similar to#how ive reacted to the same words. you can also argue my family cares about me like alhaitham does kaveh and its how he helps#but it doesnt mean its the kind of help we need and it doenst traumatize us lmao#so i dont get why people were so angry at me for getting triggered by this ship and disliking it for that reason#while i can still admit that they are gay af and seem to get a long a bit better after that and i can tolerate them now#since its been a while and i dont remember it enough to have a trauma response when seeing them anymore lmao#but its just annoying that shippers can be so toxic 💀 they care more about their fictional men ship than me. a real person. weird#not tagging the ship so i dont get more angry shippers in my notes....but they found me last time with no tags so hi. dont yell at me again!#but maybe no one will care since im putting my “anti ship propaganda” in the tags this time and not the main post lmao#just dont read my tags so you dont get mad at me for being uncomfortable by this ship dynamic. but if youre reading this...its too late#leave me alone they arent real and i am so im more important right 😅#let me shame the shippers that dismissed my real feelings because they think their ship is more important than a real person lmao#you cant tell me im wrong when a trauma response isnt a choice and happens against your will 💀#BE ASHAMED YOU NERDS#I WILL BITE YOUR KNEECAPS#sorry i just had to vent lmao
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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Manifesting Hermie not being forgotten next episode
Based on the Joker figurine they got to not forget him:
Like my art? Consider buying me a coffee!
#pam.draws#dndads#hermie the unworthy#figured since i redrew the s2 cover that i should also do something for hermie so here i am#... at almost 3 am once again#also accidentally posted this without finishing up the rest of my text idk how#dungeons and daddies
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so many conversations people get really invested in on here are so frustrating to me
#brought to you today by: ''sometimes you should interact with media without just focusing on shipping''#which is True and One of the frustrating things is that there's certainly people who get mad at these posts who Can't do that#but on the other hand the posts always sound so condescending and i think if you're getting Genuinely Upset abt ppl doing a lot of shipping#in fandom spaces on here then that's a little bit on you#like i Come On Here for shipping+ stuff bc that's fun to do in a community. doesn't mean it's all i do#and i Do get that i can just Ignore these posts and/or consider them not even directed at me#but it just seems like such an Unnecessary discussion to me And Yet it comes up over and over again#and makes me feel like i'm watching people yell at each other without rly listening#like such a feeling of. ..aneinander vorbei reden idk how to put it in english.#anyway. annoying to me.#*#text#shoop.prsnl
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Does anyone else, when thinking about themselves as a face, just think of nothing?
#like idk how to percieve myself#is it just a me thing?#i was just watching a video on people drawing themselves and i was like#oh i should do that!#but without a reference#and then im kinda helpless#i merge myself from seeing a masculine and feminine version of myself#e.g.#i have midlengthed hair#but when i think of my figure i have short hair#but i cant put a place on anything with my face#idk#its weird#maybe im just strange#text post#text#shower thoughts
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I have to get this off my chest but I feel like a lot of these “is it okay to do ‘this sexual thing’ in ‘public place’?” polls are getting voted for in the sex isn’t morally evil and don’t judge people way, rather than a respecting other people around you and their boundaries and consent way.
Like some of this stuff is just basic level respect and it’s just kinda common decency to respect other people irl. Sex is fine! It’s not a bad thing at all.
But I feel like if you took away the ‘is this universally a depraved and immoral act’ versus ‘okay in real life would I actually feel a little weirded out by this’ they are very different, and irl you might react completely differently, internally or externally, versus voting no I don’t think this sexual thing is a bad thing to do.
Actually being in that scenario makes things different. Whether it’s the ethical state of the sexual thing made up person/people are doing, or how you actually might react/feel thrown unwillingly straight into the situation.
Not all, but with some of these polls, I feel like we’re forgetting the human pet guy post - on his site. If other people around you aren’t consenting to you doing something sexual in front of them then stop, you don’t need to do it, people aren’t consenting, and you’re making them be part in something sexual without it. Again this bit only applies to some of the posts I’ve seen, not all.
Just had to vent about this personally, it’s fine if you disagree I’m not here to fight lmao. This post is literally just for me. But I feel like a lot of these posts are sometimes misconstruing the moral value of the act versus the usual respect you’d show to people around you when it comes to something sexual, they may not usually be a part of, and may have no warning to beforehand.
#like actually *putting* yourself in that situation how would you feel? That’s how you should vote#go do hot cool things with other consenting ppl woohoo we love that for you!!! But if it involves someone else just think for a...#second *how* involved they might end up being beforehand#also like... hygiene guys cmonnn pls? Not kidding I would rather someone sneeze in my face then end up w smones spunk on me nonconsensually#at least if someone coughs on me I know it was accidental like smth they can’t help but do#And smth I come into often. Not smth private I wouldn’t expect to experience from this person.#not smth i could be worried they were trying to do smth sxual w by having me experience#or I could get like very sick from idk all I know is personally it would be panic attack time#if I was thrust into that situation without knowing why all of a sudden#like my friends and I talk abt jerking and other stuff like that absolutely fine lmao#But if I caught them doing it at my own place while they were staying for one or two nights???#I’d definitely end up seeing them differently I just idk if I could not after that#literally just my personal post not looking to start anything with anyone lmao#text post#poll#tumblr
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oh god i forgot i scheduled a call with mum later tonight. jump scared myself with it when the calendar reminder came up now on my phone, fuck's sake
#text post#it's still like an hourish away IF she calls on time#so i should be feeling fine. but idk what she'll bring up or what mood she's in so. Fear aksndkfng#it'll probably be fine and worst is that I'll have little to tell her bc like#i do the survey sites in between the days i work polling shifts. i try to write. i try to keep the house/myself/etc clean#i try not to worry abt money. i worry abt everything all the time. the things I'd like to explore that might open new doors for me#are out of reach for varying reasons and in varying ways#i struggle to make myself leave the house without feeling like a shaking chihuahua#she doesn't want to hear abt most of this and there's a large amount of it i don't want her to know abt anyway#maybe I'll bring up the Watcher thing bc she loves Watcher (as do i despite mixed feelings on the inital announcement)#and i can let her rant abt that and the clinic and how her bf's new job has him away too far and for too long (true in my opinion tbh)
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I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.
#em.txt#now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh#so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit#this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free#& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this#that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god#he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through?#to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works#you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for.#this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials#ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time#i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game#it's compelling in a way few games are to me.#i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play#rather than what you do.#man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now#this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot#& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch#& that's not fun. that's mean.#i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around#cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher.#if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too#but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties#listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.
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So much happening in the world and in my personal life at once and I am completely unable to do anything about any of it. I am completely exhausted. I need to move out, but I can’t.
I’ve been stuck with a headache for a few months.
#text post#vent post#tw vent#cw vent#I’d say delete later but I don’t ever actually do that anyway#maybe I should go through vents and delete them Al#tbh I’m starting to realize that maybe never being allowed to do anything and never being taught how to do anything as a kid was neglect#it probably also wasn’t normal that I tried to be the ‘easy kid’ and avoid any perceived trouble as much as physically possible#I usually just sit in the furthest part of the house dissociate and try to immediately appear fine if anyone walks in and sees me#idk maybe I should just make that super self indulgent Simon’s Quest comic since it’ll probably be practically vent art anyway#he’s a little bit too relatable for comfort#and man I didn’t even fight Dracula to end up messed up how lame smh 😔#I feel like I would just end up feeling guilty that I’m not doing something else more important though#most of the things I can do right now I can’t without guilt that stops me somewhere through#and that includes trying to rest haha yippie :/#I can’t even draw the blorbo dead about it like it’s past that level of bad#I guess I shouldn’t even suggest doing anything I can’t do too#I don’t even wanna look at my instagram rn I can’t fix any of that either#idk if I should go into any details or not but I literally just can’t change anything#and I know I can’t get better unless I leave but I can’t leave and there’s nowhere to go#even places online are starting to become uninhabitable#we truly live in a time :/#I’m just typing anything I think of as I think of it#tldr I am a terrible person who can’t get better because I’m stuck in a terrible situation and everything sucks basically#i’m exhausted#i feel so trapped#it feels like I have no autonomy or effect on the world at all#ugh I’m not explaining anything correctly enough anyway#I guess supper is almost ready and I should stop ranting at nothing#I’m basically just here to try to make it to 29 at least for the silly Simon game reference haha that is so pathetic
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…it is currently 12:00 am where I am right now
…I just read the entirety of so(u)l in like… 3 ish hours
It was so worth it ngl
Also like… y/ngineer?? So relatable like they’re actually me irl
#Maybe without the soulmate trauma but yes#Such a good fic#It’s so silly but also so like… real? Idk how to say it#I should sleep now#i might get moonified if I don’t idk#Text post#OH ALSO THE WORLDBUILDING?? Beautiful#so(u)l#y/ngineer#fnaf
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i just have to face up to the fact that no one gives a shit about your OCs if you cant draw
#like . im a writer i write but no one wants to invest in long walls of text and a short paragraph about some guy they dont know is Nothing#like. it doesnt matter if i post it here on my main thats followed by a ton of mutuals but very few others or on my fandom blogs w/ 10x as#many followers. even when the oc is related to the blog content.#across the board no one gives a shit#and like. i know my closest friends get excited for a minute when i talk about it over discord and its great thank you i love you#but sometimes i just . want to hang on that idea longer than they reasonably will care about it w no develoment#and i try to bring it here#and without fail it just absolutely flops#im lucky to get more than fuckin. 5 likes. i think i can count on two hands the amount of times someone has reblogged an oc post of mine#(outside of me and aforementioned closest friends trading in jokes about our d&d games we play together) IN THE ENTIRE TIME IVE BEEN ON#TUMBLR#its just. noooooooo one gives a shit if its not a picture they can look for 5 seconds and go#if it requires reading to invest. no one bites#its disheartening. idk what to tell you. why should i keep being creative if no ones going to care#im sick of doing it ''just for me''
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Okay so unsure about my username now for my art platforms (mizzical) and im thinking about changing it. 1) this username is an actual word despite it being a result of combining two words so it can be mistaken as that word ("mizzica") despite it not being on purpose; 2) it doesnt seem "remarkable" enough like sure i guess its unique but is it searchable and remember (i dont know). Sure me being unpopular is more likely going to make my art images not appear when looking up my name but IDK. im just feeling very confused rn about my username for my art platforms *eyeroll*
i had saw myself with this username for a long time but now i dont know anymore. this decision is even more hard to conclude because i'm on sheezy art with this user, and i dont think you can change your username on there. Sigh idk. Even if i decide to change my username, it wont be soon though
#many art users use combine two words together without breaking them apart and they do just fine being remembered#yet i went the extra mile to combine two words by breaking them apart and smashing them together and now im just...#Oh. maybe that wasnt the greatest move idk.#uh okay maybe i should make a tag to seperate text posts from art posts lol.#ill think about that tag later
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i am sorry dog ppl but dogs are so annoying to me... the one in our house keeps barking loudly for hours on end and the other one in the neighborhood wakes everyone up at 5am... and on top of that the slobber and biting and hair
#text post#i can appreciate them as animals ofc but i am just not a pet person#animals should behave like animals and forcing them to cohabit with us in apartments that are too small and without the necessary attention#and exercise is just cruel idk
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i should write a post abt my fairies one day i have so many thoughts lol.
#text#theyre neat bc yeah theyre fairies but theyre also meant to be#for me anyway#what i feel like humans should look like without societal things#just truly natural primates lol#idk wil lsee i just dont know if it'd be a long post XD
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