#idk maybe im imagining shit. or maybe im not. fuck knows really.
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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well shit. infodumped too close to the sun o7
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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 8 months ago
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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.
SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.
categorizing their pre-existing powers:
wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!
dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.
vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]
giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.
wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.
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dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??
vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33
ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!
in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333
AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.
I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .
DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight
I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good
AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style
#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was#“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard#I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET#EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota#will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3#hehehehehehehee#GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200#HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS#now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet#but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world#so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers#so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3#(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw#hollyyyyyy shit#infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#wormposting#jrwi pd#<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it#new haven wards
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andragoras-in-vanity · 19 days ago
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im sure ive alrwady said this but veilgaurd called me a bottom in evedy language, most strongly elvhen tho. i cannot stop thinking about elgar'nans lil spiel to the venatori saying 'all you must do is love me, and kneel' like bruh......if rook wasnt so spiteful they probably would have...just to see where he was going with that....
#im afraid of a lot as i get to the end of the game but technical things like the skill tree and subclasses aside#i dont get why people are so unhappy with it#maybe im biased cause i always play an elf but i fucking LOVE learning about elvhen history and how we shaped thedas#and then it all went to shit and our gods hated us and used tevinter to make the world worse#i highly doubt this is the last da game the series is too popular and adding that we can be trans now is a massive improvement#even if i think the lighthouse should have been more like skyhold and let us talk to companions more#and craft the armor ourselves#and ngl i think the lighthouse should have been more of a refuge for those that survived the gods attacks#like anyone from arlathen/dmeta or hossberg#idk im really only bad about the skill tree and subclasses and lack of bards tbh#but truely......the lucanis almost kiss???? everything about being a mourn watcher??? my SHATHANN CALLING ME A TWINK#this game called me a slur#and just the fucking appearance of my lil rook....he looked so blissed when under elgar'nans trance#bellara and neve were so done with my shit there ����#i do want to play a dwarf really badly next time#or qunari because the games have built a really interesting cuture for them but never really went strongly into it other than like#the arishok and the antaam? but now they mention the devouring storm and thats probably a fuckass big dragon#but now i need to know more#im not done but veilguard very much isnt the conclusion#but my god i cant stop thinking about how vulnerable my rook actually is like from the personality ive given him from myself#if the gods or like anaris found him before varric did.....this would be a very different story and there would be a lot of tears and#begging for a shot at redemption and care#oh god wed disappoint vorgoth......might as well just kill myself if that ever happened#i just love that my rook has become more senstive as ive played and more hurt when he was already not doing so hot for personal reasons#he still has a smart mouth but he wants to cry like 9/10 times he has to make decisions#companions stop asking me to shape their lives challenges#ngl rook would absolutely stsrt bawling his eyes out over manfred begging emmerichs forgivness for wanting manfred back#i just imagine tears coming down his face as he tells emmerich manfred was a hero and he deserves another chance to keep learning so that#next time he does soemthing heroic...hes prepared and wont 'die' by doing it#cause my lil guy knows hes not smart enough to bring manfred back himself
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sundial-bee-scribbles · 3 months ago
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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archerstreet · 5 months ago
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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puppppppppy · 2 years ago
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uhh. uhhhhh
#realistically i knw that if i went thru with making animatics for all of these songs I think my hand would fall off BUT. i have brainrot#half of these songs are either here bc of the vibe or because i listened to the lyrics and read analyses and put 2 much effort than i had t#ALSO LISTEN. LISTEN BODYBAG IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I IMAGINE WHENEVER I THINK OF WUKONG AND MACAQUES RELATIONSHIP OK#two birds and baby hotline is also kind of self explanatory. although most of the jack stauber songs are mostly for vibe#bitter water is a very specific flavor of pining / unhealthy outlook. kind of has like an insatiable vibe to it but idk how to name it#i want soap to be a healing song but maybe im just being optimistic. im here for the vibes although i feel like if swk and macaque were#actually to make up i think they would go into it kicking and screaming. and im frustrated because i cant find a song to match that#except maybe bodybag which AGAIN. THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THATS HOW THEYRE GONNA HEALL FLYING BARK PLS#what if it doesnt end well also feels like a doomed narrative to me. like if you think about it from how their relationship might have st#started (and im probably taking from how everyone romanticizes their relationship as something really innocent or sweet at the start which#i am also not immune to that). but knowing them it is also a very good possibility thats not the case at all. what it is i dont know#primadonna also strikes me as a swk song but like msotly because he serves cunt. on that note I like to imagine rose colored boy as swk to#MK.BECAUSEEE i love how MK brings out the best in people AND AND AND!! 5000 year old immortal who has seen some shit come on people 'and i#have taken my glasses off' COME ON LOOK ATIT. you could also argue that could be macaque to MK and it would make sense#Spotify#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#yapping#playlist#monkie kid
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fappellmoan · 10 months ago
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and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever
#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not.#i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about#but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some#some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their#emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that#some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic#family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that#and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care.#um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes#to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming#i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps#frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god.#our lives were very different in some ways!#and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good#again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting#how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch#yeah man imagine how tired we are.#ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess.#abby talks#i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless
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homophyte · 2 years ago
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okay this has been bugging me for a few days so im outsourcing to tumblr to see if anyone here has talked about it/is talking about it even though the book is a few years old. is there a consensus on morgan from bernardine evaristo’s girl woman other? ive been reading it for a class and it just screamed borderline transphobic character written by a well meaning cis author who has “concerns”. idk is there some 5d chess im missing? am i reading it too literally? whats the deal with it
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snekdood · 2 years ago
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people will be so terminally jealous of you that they’d rather you reexperience your trauma but somehow in a worse way than just let you live your regular happy life as it has been
#sorry i had privilege over you- real or imagined- but it is what it is#and taking it out on me instead of oh idk. the polticians who are to blame for your shitty situation. isnt gonna make your life any better.#i kinda have no control over your life and its actually not my personal job to give you shit#especially since you're a skeevy fuck who cant be honest about your wants needs and intentions and just pretend to be certain ways#so people stay around you and you get the beenfit of community rather than be the real skeevy fuck you are#like damn maybe if you were real i coulda helped you and we didnt have to go through all of this bs of you pretending you like me#just to get shit out of me#you saw how i looked. you saw how i express myself. you saw my confidence. and you did this out of some weird rageful jealousy#and then once you found out how bullied i was. suddenly im nothing. suddenly all the things you envied so deeply that you have to pretend#i dont exist and im not the reason you draw the way you do now. suddenly im nothing. in spite of apparently being the thing that made you#want to draw again anyways.#you really really do value might makes right even if you dont think you do. like if me being bullied is enough for you to decide im nothing#and you gotta go faun after my bullies then like idk what to tell you duder but thats might makes right lmao#how can i go from being *the sun* to you. from being all of your favorite ocs. to being absolutely nothing short of you having some deep#shame about me now that you know all the shit ppl put me through in hs?#i mean aside from all the shit you made up about me- lets put a pin in that right now okay- bc this is the real reason#lets be honest here.#and yet i know.#deep down. you still kinda envy me. because imma be myself no matter what any of yall do#and thats something you cant do ever. rip off your mask.
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malkaviian · 2 years ago
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i am having traumatized kid thoughts so dont read the tags if it makes you uncomfortable
#i just think its weird that while my abuse was the worst thing that happened to me im just too used to the fact it happened#the few memories i have are horrible but my brain registers them as just memories. like going to the park#they are extremely fucked up but also. 'my dad once hit me so hard i ended up on the floor' and 'i went grocery shopping yesterday'#are both things that happened. and thats why sometimes i dont realize i *shouldnt* freely talk about my trauma to people i barely know#it can make them uncomfortable and thats the most understandable thing ever; especially if they didnt went through trauma too.#im the problem here; whos too sensitive due to trauma but ironically desensitized to it. sometimes i have days where i get crisis#for everything that happened; but other days im just “well that was a weird time in my life lol shit just happens i guess”#while still having to deal with the consequences of it.#theres also the thing i cant imagine a childhood + teenage years without abuse. i try to think about it but i go blank.#its such an integral part of myself i cant imagine my life taking a different route. no way it could be different; it just had to happen.#why; its something i will forever wonder. it shouldnt have happened but it just had to too. its complicated.#also my horrible memory to the point i cant tell at what age a specific event happened. im not even able to give an approximate#because i genuinely have no idea. maybe it happened when i was 10; or maybe when i was 15. no fucking idea pal. the years all blur together#idk things are just like that#abuse tw#negative#? not sure; not really a vent just thinking out loud about serious stuff
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depresseddepot · 12 days ago
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I want to squeeze the anxiety organ until it fucking pops !!!!
#i know its the stomach but i prefer to imagine it as something else so i can then imagine crushing it with my bare hands like a soda can#making myself damn nervous about the concert and its so far away. like jesus christ#''ohh what if the seats i got are bad'' ''ohh what if the screens arent that big'' shut the fuck up bitch. live and learn#i also PAID FOR THE TICKET OF THE PERSON IM GOING WITH so like. !!!!she cannot judge me!!! she cannot be disappointed by a FREE CONCERT#i need someone to take engrave a nail w the phrase live and learn and hammer it into my damn head fr#i wish i had done a little bit more research about my seats before i bought them but WJATEVER BITCH. STOP THIS#NOTHING CAN BE DONE. MOVE ON!!!#if i have to be nervous like this every night until the concert i will fully pass away. its so far away from now brother my blood pressure#shaking me and shaking me#she's paying for my ticket for a different concert and i dont give a single shit what those seats are like and im SURE she feels the same#but AUGHHHHH#at least i know now that unless my seats are REALLY good ill kill myself over them#so maybe if i ever go to another one (unlikely) ill shell out for the Extra Close seats#not the pit tho. idk if i can handle that#god i am such a mentally unwell animal where is my fucking zookeeper!!!!@#its ok. its ok. i will enjoy the concert or i will die trying and i will be BETTER for having EXPERIENCED it#and i know now to have something constant in my budget for concert tickets bc i don't like to wait#and i know also that i should prioritize the experience over the cost bc itll make me sick regardless (money vs anxiety)#so better to be sick for only a few moments rather than MONTHS and then possibly have ruined the experience for myself#STABBING AND STABBING AND SCREAMING AND PISSING#this is the second of the two me and my coworker are going to so im extra worried that itll be worse than the first but. ITS FINE BITCH#LEAVE IT DROP IT QUIET QUIT IT. FUCK
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skrunksthatwunk · 12 days ago
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i came back to the dorm and one of the turtles is straight up missing (...she's probably dead is my guess but i didn't wanna hit my roommate with that question during class yk) and the tank (which still contains a live turtle) is full of fucking BUBBLING algae my roommate's stuff was On My Bed the floor is. gross and roomie's cat's (pretty limited amount of) toys are nowhere to be seen (meaning he's attacking me and i have nothing to redirect him with) one of my baskets has been shredded and ??? one of my skirts (which was presumably hung up before i left) was found on the floor of my closet fucking dried stiff and stained both yellow AND glittery????? everything smells awful in a familiar way i can't quite identify and the floors are sticky in a bunch of places. what the FUCK is going on
#i don't have like a mop or anything! what am i gonna do sponge the floors down??#she said she doesn't remember if the closet was opened or closed but like. nothing i had in there could have done that to the skirt#(...probably? the only liquid i had in there was fucking. laundry detergent)#(and there's no evidence of that spilling or leaking)#im trying to figure out how reasonable it'd be to like. confront my roommate about this#she's got a lot going on and i am Not the kind of person who's gonna give her shit for some mess#but it was actually ridiculous this time#she was staying in the dorm over winter break and i wasn't. for context#side note but rascal has Another new bed? he doesn't even care about beds very much WHERE ARE HIS TOYS. HELP ME? PLEASE?#im so tired pls it's the FIRST DAY BACK#god im not smart enough for this. i asked her and she said she doesn't pay attention to whether or not my closet door#is closed and like fair ig but smth about it is off to me bc like How Else Would It Have Gotten Like That#im confident it was closed when i came in and it was almost certainly closed when i left like 5 weeks ago#but im. really not good at assessing whether or not ppl are lying to me. like idk maybe it was some kind of mysterious leak#or i hung it up to dry and it fell and dried weird (idr if it was wet or not when i left)#my own distrust of her for how she treats her animals AND my sympathy for struggling with caring for animals#in the midst of burnout/a very demanding life are at odds and both are biasing me in opposite directions#well anyway i can't unpack a lot of my stuff bc im just. confounded by it#i'll clean the floor over there later i just can't right now im too out of it#also rascal has been very sweet too he's just Extremely pent up over the whole 'small room with Literally Nothing to do all day' life he has#truthfully he smells/his fur feels kinda weird too but it might just be bc ive been gone for a bit#bc i feel like i remember that from last time too#i could forgive a lot of these things individually but all of them at once? man.#another entry in 'is she depressed or just not very considerate?'#(<- she's never mentioned anything approaching depression/etc i just can't imagine.. not being depressed)#but the turtle thing is the worst bc like. how do i even bring that up. i don't wanna reopen that wound yk#and while there's a bit of 'see i told you' going on she probably feels bad enough already right. maybe#but she also doesn't know Shit about how to care for turtles and ignored my warnings. that turtle was sick for months#and vets are expensive but she'll spend money on these high end shoes as they drop and then act too broke to get a $10 heat bulb. whatever#idk. i should've pushed her harder. it hasn't really sunken in yet but it's my fault too. guh
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heyitslapis · 3 months ago
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My posts are always like a fucking iceberg
#i say this because anytime i make a post the post itself wil be like maybe 1-3 sentences but then you look at my tags#and the tages are always at least twice as much content as what i put in the actual body of the post#idk but i just like rambling in the tags much better. its comfy cozy idk#its like my own little place to whisper whats on my mind and if someone is curious enough to click the read more on my tags#well power to you because theres always a long dissertation or mini novel in the tags of me just going on and on#idk i like to keep my posts compact. and im a very private person so i dont want to put all my business on the main part of the post#i know we have prev tags but like. once someone reblogs your post thats it you cant change it & whatever you put on that post is Out There#Scawy.....#anyways also probably doesnt help that i probably really need to be medicated for adhd & such but like i got other shit on my plate rn#fjsksjfbs imagine the day i finally get medicated and it kicks in and im just like. quiet here#would it keep me from rambling in the tags? would i instead put all my thoughts on the post itself? whats gonna happen?#Lmaoooo Lets be honest i dont know if even adhd meds would keep my chatty ass from talking#my fuck agm (whos only been here for like 3 weeks & and talked to me twice) said ''youre not?'' when i said im not very talkative 💀💀💀#like bro we've only talked twice and both times i really didnt say much cause youre new & im nervous/reserved around new people#but mans fucking read me i guess LMAO. its his gaydar im sure. not confirmed yet but he's very 🫳💅 so like.....lets be honest#ok bye#heyitslapis rambles#personal
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unholyeverything · 10 months ago
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I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
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bandgie · 25 days ago
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just reread ur freeuse reader and skz drabble but now all i can think of is skz who is freeuse imagine just being in public and just eating them out / sucking them off while they whine :33
did you ask for a MTL on who I think likes to be free-use? did I hear a yes? !!free use society ahead!!
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most!
han!
lovely slut! he's sooo endearing and wants to be used anytime anywhere! you want him to finger you in the theaters? done! giving you head during a night out? yes please! but he gets so embarrassed when you do it to him. stroking him while he's trying to work on a song or when you're on double date? he's blushing so hard and he'd prolly beg you to wait until you get home. he secretly likes it tho. the way you keep a conversation with your fingers playing with his tip makes him leak so much
seungmin!
okay, please don't be shocked. I had to put him up this high. USE HIM. USE HIM. USE HIM. I'm tired of seungmin being a hard dom when irl I know he loves being rough-handled and used. he's a huge munch idk why that's such a strong belief I have. he'll do anything for you anywhere. ask him to fuck you while the members are over and he's putting you on the dinner table and drilling your shit unbearably good. the only limit I'd say is when he's working ? like practicing his vocals he just really need to focus and he can't do that when you're pretty legs are open just asking to be spread
hyunjin!
he worships you idk what you want me to say. he doesn't even view it as sex or something gross, he just wants to be close to you in the most intimate way possible (I think ive said this before). constantly rubbing your clit because he knows you looveeee that and kissing the curve of your neck because that also drives you insane. you honestly don't even have to ask hyunjin, he just knows when you need it because he knows you so well. that being said, he also would like his partner to be free-use too. he wants the passion to be equal
changbin!
I feel wrong putting him lower, but I think it's true. he's shy and he likes to keep things between you two, BUT he feels super prideful (as a Leo should) when you ask him for a favor. he's most comfortable with oral, but he underestimated how much you enjoy giving it to him. you wanna do it public??? he'll give in but he hides his blushing face in his hoodies and tries to keep him hips from bucking so much. if he gets super into it, he'll thread his hand in your hair and try pushing you deeper. I can only imagine how much his members coo like ugh I just know Felix watches almost enviously lmaooo
felix!
he actually really likes it! the reason he's lower is because he just feels uncomfortable sometimes. like, I don't think Felix enjoys that many people watching. especially if they're strangers. but if it's his members or friends? then yessssss use him! pull his panties to the side and do what you want! lol, but he just needs to be warmed up with the people around him. he would also love it if some members joined in on you using him. like maybe he's fucking you and someone's pinching his nipples or guiding his hips to fuck you harder. he really really likes feeling completely surrounded, so he's down for a whole orgy so long as he knows and trusts everyone.
jeongin
okay I was gonna put him last but then I was thinking and? he really likes fingering you. feeling your plush walls and if you're jerking him off too?? pure bliss. the members get tired of trying to talk to him when you're there cuz you end up whispering in his ear to play with your clit and it always ends with you two moaning into each other's mouth. or if someone's trying to talk to him and you get on your knees to suck him off, jeongin is so persistent like "Nono, keep talking im listening" and his fingers curl into your hair and he's trying to stay still because HE'S the free-use but holy shit your mouth is so warm and soft, he cums straight down your throat. but like I said, HE'S free-use, so you overstimulate him pretty often until the person he's talking to can't stand jeongin's high pitched whining and rolling eyes like - I need to stop
chan!
bandgie...did you really put him this low? yes and im sorry. but listen! he's shy okay??? he's a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets! some things are for you and him and THATS IT. maybe a very small handful of people who he trusts can see but he's just really possessive. if YOU were free-use? that'd be different. like he gets to use you and everyone knows who you belong to, but him? what if people think you want another free-use bf? what if they think he isn't already owned? he worries too much BUT I do think he's similar to minho in that he'd eat you out and finger you, but sexsexsex? I mmeeaannnn if you ask nicely and bat your pretty eyelashes he would, but he would also give anyone the death stare that so much as glances your way.
minho!
he likes it, but like idk. he's down to finger you anytime, getting all your juices gushing down his wrist because he's genuinely the best finger-blaster on the planet, but full on sex?? he has boundaries. you want a quickie in the bathroom? okay yes he's absolutely okay with that, but even if it is a free-use society and it's accepted he just? he just likes keeping it low-key. BUT he likes people knowing he's yours. maybe an earrings or necklace with your initial. a hickey that never seems to go away. something to mark him as yours. but anything more than his hands or mouth publically is a limit
least!
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k0yaz · 2 months ago
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hey hey, I saw your post about Mizu and I'm going to make a request of a oneshot, feel free to not do it if you want (my english is terrible i hope you understand)
It would be a modern AU where Mizu is in a "relationship" with the reader, but they both want to take the relationship further, become girlfriends or something like that, it could have an NSFW beginning if it fits with what you're writing.
I would also really like to see your hcs for a modern Mizu, but maybe that can be in another post 💕
juxtaposed.
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Pairings: mizu x fem!reader
CW: nsfw, mostly sfw tho, female reader, afab reader, fingering kinda idk bro, situationship sorta??? fluff, slight angst, modern au, GIRLS KISSING OH NO, sitationship, wuh luh wuh, i have no warnings for this so im just gonna lose my shit over this gorgeous woman, this is worse than my furina obsession fyi yes your welcome for letting you guys experience this, might change my blog name to mizu’s wife instead lol, support my endeavors, the way I licked my phone when I saw her, not proofread.
A/N: OPEN THE FLOODGATESSSSSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAA I’m so sorry whenever I rewatch bes I have the worst fucking mizu obsession and I plan on letting the whole world know about this one cause GOOD LORD HOW DID I NOT THIRST OVER HER EVERY SECOND THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED. Anyway I love her sm u guys don’t understand like I started eating my pillow 🕯️
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Shallow gasps flowed out of your lips in a sudden jerk as the ridge of Mizu’s fingers nudged against your insides gently, her knuckles that were pressed against your cunt decorated with glossy heaps of your juices. Chest heaving, you could only take in your mind swirling with the rush of ecstasy that clouded every fucked our crevice of your mind, heaps of the bedsheets bundled in your fists as your eyes traced over the woman breathing heavily above you with her head lowered.
For quite some time, the two of you found yourselves drawn to each other, your own thoughts constantly racing with every aching second you spent near Mizu without holding her in some way. You couldn’t help the maelstrom of your vivid imagination racing through your mind each time you lost yourself in those icy blue eyes, utterly transfixed on the thought of her hands roaming your figure—the set goal being not to leave a single spot on you untouched.
Of course, you had always found yourself strangely attracted to her in a way apart from your carnal desires screaming within you. There you lay on the couch whenever she wasn’t in the dorm, every fiber in your body craving her arms hemmed around your waist behind you, nose buried in the crook of your neck as she would only respond to any remark of yours with a low hum. To put it simply, any action of hers, whether it was ravaging you like an untamed beast or ghosting her nails along your back to hold you close—all of them made your knees weak, chest fluttering at mental image alone.
Despite the euphoric waves that washed over you in the midst of your sexual passion, it was clear that nothing could amount to how your heart thudded in your chest at the thought of pouring out your heart and soul to her, spilling out every last drop of affection you had for this woman. Silence would frequent your reactions outside of the dorm however, typically not speaking to one another in public.
Although you wouldn’t admit such vulnerable expressions, you couldn’t help but feel a sting of sorrow whenever Mizu’s shoulder grazed past yours, acting as if you were nothing but a shadow of a human being. Sure, she opened up quite a bit around you in private, even then you acknowledged that she wasn’t a huge fan of public affection nor interaction in general. Yet you couldn’t help the burning sensation coiling within you, paired with the longing desire to scream out everything you felt until your voice went hoarse.
You knew the truth perceived in your head however. You knew with a shining clarity, clearer than the fresh water descended from the sky, of a truth that drilled a hole in your chest at the mere prospect. Her unrequited feelings should be of no importance to you, yet you could never comprehend the brimming tears that rolled down your cheeks whenever you were alone with this realization. At this point, you would sell your entire soul just to love her past this caged sexual situationship, silently longing for her love like a damned beggar.
It was of no use, was it?
Cautiously, you elevated your body off of the bed upon being able to catch your breath, gaze still fixated on her lowered head. You swallowed thickly at the sight of Mizu’s face locked onto dampened sheets below her, eyes empty as her breath didn’t seem to even out after a while. Her demeanor nearly made her seem unapproachable, of course anyone who was this stoic and menacing appearance wise would repel anyone close by, so saying it was surprising wouldn’t be a the best choice of words.
“Mizu…?”
She didn’t respond.
Your blood ran cold with each lingering breath that hung in the air as Mizu’s gaze hadn’t once rose to meet yours, her ragged pants becoming more and more prevalent in the ghastly silence enveloped the two of you. You felt your stomach uncomfortably churn as you gazed upon her, skin flushed and hair spilling along her shoulders. Finally, she raised her eyes to meet your gaze.
Her irises bore into you with a piercing glint of an unreadable sense, goosebumps blooming your skin as an uneasy chill trickled down your spine. Mizu’s quiet demeanor only served to accentuate the discomfited flurry racing in your head, your mind scrambling together every possible thing you could’ve done wrong. You looked her up and down nervously, glancing down at the blanket fitted snug over her chest until she finally opened her mouth to break the silence.
“(Name).”
She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth in a pause, her voice slightly shaky. Mizu’s fingers curled around the blanket heaped over her chest, grasping onto it to compose her thoughts. This might be the first time you’ve ever seen her this apprehensive, especially after sex.
“I can’t do this anymore…I don’t want to do this anymore.” She breathed out, swallowing back her usual stoic demeanor to leave herself open to you as she shifted closer, shoulder pressing to yours. Initially, her words formed a lump in your throat with the wrong idea. Did she want to stop? Were you pissing her off? What the hell did you do different this time that she hated? Damn it- what made her snap?
You swallowed back the sob crawling up your throat, threatening to spill out. The intense pulsating sensation in your chest from perturbation juxtaposed the initial throb that resided in your chest from pleasure. Yet you kept your impulsive reaction to yourself, taking in a breath to hear her out as you were sure she wasn’t entirely done with her sentence. To which, you would in fact be right.
“What do you mean by that..?”
“I can’t keep up this whole sex without feelings shit. I can’t keep pretending towards you like this.” She sighed, eyes heavy and clouded with something you could only observe as guilt.
“You have no idea how much I care for you, no idea how much I’d give for you. I think I like you more than just wanting to have sex with you.”
Mizu stated her feelings bluntly, muscles visibly tensing upon articulating her thoughts out loud. She awaited your response, a sour expression on her face to prepare for an inevitable rejection or negative response. Much to her surprise, you felt a strange warmth bubble up within you at her tender words, each string of things she said sparking a feeling rich like velvet.
Your fingertips danced along the defined skin of her cheek, pinky finger slipping below her jawline to caress every bit of her face with nothing but pure adoration. Mizu’s breath hitched at your feather light touch, involuntarily leaning into it-—craving more. Oddly enough, her initial anxiety built up was washed over with an unfamiliar fluffy feeling, a sort of flame ignited within her as your fingers traced the ridges along her face.
Smiling, your eyes roamed over her lithe yet muscular figure, taking in her entrancing beauty as if you were eating her up with your eyes alone. God, she was perfect. You found yourself questioning whether you were enveloped in the grace of a dream right now, blinking twice to affirm that this woman did in fact love you back. You reached over slowly, inching your hand closer and closer to her resting hand before running your palm over the top of her hand and tracing along her knuckles.
Fingers laced in hers, you took in a breath, lips ghosting over her cheek at a dangerously close level. Mizu’s face grew hot from your proximity, strands of hair shrouding the sides of her face to shield her embarrassing expression atleast a little, anticipation piling in her stomach. She leaned on the weight of her arms a little, anything to gain some semblance of stability as her usually stoic self completely crumbled near you in this moment. You hummed softly, drawing your lips back to speak.
“Well…do you wanna try it then?”
She glanced over at you with a puzzled expression, cocking her head.
“Try what?”
“Dating, obviously. I think we could work out honestly, and I’ve been dying to be your girlfriend for a while- you don’t even know.” You admitted, stumbling over your words a little at that last part.
Your heart nearly melted at the sight of the rare, small smile on Mizu’s face that met your statement. It was clear by the look in her eyes that she was genuinely happy. A rare occurrence. Unable to help the affectionate chuckle that left you at her expression, you gently cupped her face on both sides, palms flat against her cheekbones as you pulled her in for a brief kiss against her smooth lips.
Mizu closed her eyes, exhaling at the endearing gesture that ended as quickly as it began. She let out a quiet laugh in response, arm snaking around the curve of your waist as she reclined back into the comfort of the bed, sinking into the plush mattress in bliss. You rested your hand atop the edge of the glass window near the bed, lifting it up to allow a relaxing jet of wind to glide along your face. Falling back into the covers beside her, you draped your arm gently over the edge of her shoulder.
She aimlessly stretched her palm flat against the bedside table, shuffling for her tinted orange glasses situated next to the digital alarm clock. Grasping her hand, you coaxed her to stop her from grabbing her glasses, using your freehand to turn her head towards you.
“Don’t. I want to look into your eyes a bit longer.”
Mizu blinked, before her gaze was consumed by a sort of dreamy appearance that allowed you to get lost in those sky blue eyes, as if you were staring out into the vast ocean itself.
Nothing mattered in this moment. Mizu’s love was more than enough for you to fall back into a trace in her arms.
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A/N: um hello I love how this turned out ANYWAY I LIED IM NOT GONNA LEAVE UNTIL 2025 THAT WAS ME BEING DRAMATIC IM BACK BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVEN probably cause im far too obsessed with mizu
Anyway I can’t give a full list of hcs here but here’s one headcanon for modern mizu—I feel like she would get really easily annoyed in public spaces around obnoxious people, like she’d hold herself back from slapping someone in a bar full of drunk boys.
I got so frustrated over my homework I started cussing at it in telugu help
also I might change my blog name from k0yaz to mihi or smn close to that (probably cause it’s literally my nickname and I’m at risk of someone homophobic finding my account if they see k0yaz) SOOOOO if you see a username change ITS STILL ME PLEASE anyway bye love yall im totally normal over this woman is it obvious ngl this fic looks short I hope it’s not pls don’t be short I spent so much time on this.
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