#it can make them uncomfortable and thats the most understandable thing ever; especially if they didnt went through trauma too.

[malkaviian]

i am having traumatized kid thoughts so dont read the tags if it makes you uncomfortable

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When You Need Me Most| Pt2

Jeongin x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Cheating, Mentions of Physical Violence, Cursing, Talks of Death

Pt1 Pt3

MASTERLIST

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The clock clicked tirelessly, making you even more tired than you already were.

You were back home at your apartment after two days at the dorm, even if Chris had insisted you could stay as long as you needed. But you didn't want to seem a burden.

You were close with Chris, but you were closer with Hannah to begin with. So regardless of how much Chan assured you, you felt as if you were loading on problems to him, and he was helping you with them in respects of his sisters close confidant.

It was only 8 a.m. You had called off of work for the next two weeks, deciding that even though now was not the time to give yourself even more time to sit home alone; you didn't think you would be able to focus much at work which in the end would jeopardize your job. So, you found the rest of your shifts to be covered for the past five days you had been on the couch and submitted your vacation time for the weeks following.

You hadn't gotten much sleep considering how uncomfortably shaped your couch was -but refusing to sleep on the bed - and you hadn't eaten much. Overall you felt absolutely shitty.

Every hour or so your phone buzzed with a notification. Hannah had been informed of what had happened, and for the past few days was texting ever hour or so to make sure that your were getting up and eating. She knew you weren't the fondest of constant check ins during your darkest time, but she wanted to make sure her friend was okay.

Although you found it rather annoying that she kept texting even though you hadn't responded. Deep down you knew that you would look back and be appreciative of it, but right now in this moment it just seemed cumbersome to even acknowledge how great of a support you had.

So when she called, you answered in hopes to quell her worries long enough for you to just let go.

Let go.

"Hey, I know you probably don't feel like talking right now, but maybe it'll be good to get your mind off of things. I wanted to gauge your interest in a idea I had for my Blues."

You closed your eyes and listened to Hannah talk about everything under the sun minus the state of your distress.

And for a while it worked.

All throughout you last few of your high school years a first year of college, Hannah did this. She knew that the way you dealt with things was with distraction rather than direction.

She could give you the clinical ways of getting through and past things; but she knew you preferred to just have your mind preoccupied with other things while you worked on what you needed to work on by yourself.

If you needed help you'd ask for it. Thats how it had always been.

While Hannah was in the middle of talking about a slightly Adventure Time themed music video you spoke.

"I feel like dying Hannah."

The line went quiet on the other end and Hannah's voice came through softly.

"I don't blame you. This was your first big relationship. And by that I mean you truly loved him. Everything else you had before was puppy love, so I can understand why this breakup is the most difficult- especially considering it wasn't a clean one or for a neutral reason."

You heard her shift and her voice changed slightly, the clarity lessening and the echo and reverb growing slightly.

"But are you safe now Y/N. While I can validate your feelings, I don't want you to harm yourself in any way shape or form."

"I'm not going to do anything Hannah." You groan. "It slipped out I didn't mean it." You mumbled.

"Regardless Y/N-ie."

"I'm not. So please, stop worrying." You rubbed the patch of skin between your brows. You were starting to get a headache from this. "I'm gonna go now-"

"Ah! Wait Y/N my mom wants to talk to you! MOTHER!" You heard Hannah wail across her home. You mentally face palmed. It had been a minute since you talked to Mrs. Bahng and she was sure to use up that minute and double.

And you just weren't in the mood. But it's not like you had much choice because after a muffled conversation between Hannah and her mom you were subject to listening to her rant about something that had happened to her recently.

You zoned out slightly while she was talking, wanting to get back to your sulking. But you didn't have the heart to tell her that so you just listened.

You were praying for her rant to end just minutes after it started when you heard a loud knocking at your door.

"Oh! Mrs. Bahng, I am so sorry but someone is knocking at my door! I'll make sure to call you back! Much love!" You hung up and went to the door, not thinking much of anything other than going back to your couch, when you opened the door to a smiling Chris.

"Alright! Up, up, up!" He said flicking on the lights in every room while clapping loudly and picking up stray things off the floor. "Get up, get showered, get dressed, you're coming to work with me!"

You looked at Chris as if he had four heads and a tail.

"Chris I don't-"

"Ahhh tatatatata tsk tsk tsk. Don't wanna hear it. Hurry up since Jeongin is waiting. We have to be at the studio for 9:45. It is 9:04. 41 minutes get to it!" He said pushing you towards your bathroom.

"But what about makeup and-"

"Nope! No time!" He said closing the door. You groaned, and got in the shower, thankful that you had a spare change of clothes laying around, or else you would have had to ask Chan to grab them for you, and although you loved and trusted him you didn't really feel like letting him rifle through your drawers.

Soon enough you were outside, letting your body consume it's vitamin d.

Jeongin was standing outside of Chan's car, having walked from the dorm since Chan had left in a rush.

"Is everything okay, you rushed out quickly-" Jeongin said scrolling through his phone but pausing when he looked up and saw you.

"Hi, Y/N how are you?" He asked politely, looking at Chan.

"Y/N's coming with us to work." He said ruffling your hair.

"You can get front." Jeongin says almost immediately, but Bangchan shakes his head.

"I actually have a bunch of crap thrown up front- do you guys' mind sitting in the back?"

You shook your head, although you were quite irritated about having to get up and out of the house.

The ride to the company was quiet but Jeongin's mind was loud.

Chris's car seemed even smaller when sitting in the back, the taller boy struggling to fit nicely in the space- resulting in him having to sit in the middle seat for the slightest bit more leg room. Which meant he was squished up next to you.

You smelled like green apple shampoo and cucumbers, with the slightest hint of sea salt. He credited that to the exfoliating soap you had once mentioned you used when Hyunjin had commented on your fresh scent.

Your hair was slightly wet, and it made him shiver slightly when it fanned against him on a sharp turn.

Keep it together.

He thought to himself.

Multiple times by the end of the day.

Because everything you did- the way you smiled at Felix regardless of your mental state, the way you chewed thoughtfully on your kimbap, down to the way your tongue poked out slightly when you tied your shoes- made his heart do aerials.

Jeongin had been made aware of the situation as did the other boys.

And unbeknownst to you Chan was slowly building your ex's demise brick by brick along with his new interest.

You had been with the rest of the guys when the trainee girl's group had met with 3Racha for some production help.

And needless to say the boys treated the group with respect minus the trainee who had messed around with your boyfriend. The passiveness aggressiveness from Jisung and Chan and the complete lack off attention Changbin gave the specfic girl didn't go unnoticed by her, nor the group. But as her group had no clue of her actions, nor did the girl have a clue of Chris' relation to you; they were all at a loss.

As the girls had settled into the studio, Chan greeted them with his usual warm demeanor, but when his gaze landed on the trainee who had been involved with your ex, his expression subtly tightened.

"Let’s hear what you’ve got," Chan said, gesturing for the group to play their track. His voice was friendly as he addressed the other trainees, and they beamed at his encouragement.

The song began to play, and the first few verses flowed smoothly. Chan nodded along, occasionally glancing at the screen in front of him to follow the track. When it was time for the problematic trainee’s verse, the atmosphere in the room shifted. Chan’s expression grew hard as her part filled the studio.

As soon as her verse ended, Chan paused the track abruptly. The room went silent, the sudden stop causing the girls to exchange nervous glances.

"That part right there," Chan said, his voice calm but laced with an unmistakable edge, "is a complete mess. The flow is all over the place, and it’s missing any sort of cohesion with the rest of the song. It’s like it doesn’t even belong there."

The trainee's face paled, but before she could respond, Jisung chimed in. "Honestly, it’s pretty horrendous. It feels like you’re trying too hard to stand out, but instead, you’re just not fitting in." His words were blunt, his tone leaving no room for misinterpretation.

Changbin, who had been listening quietly, finally spoke. "There’s no emotion behind your rap. It’s flat, lifeless. If you can’t bring some genuine feeling into your performance, it’s going to drag the whole group down." He didn’t bother to look at her as he delivered his critique, his attention already shifting back to the other trainees.

The other girls sat in stunned silence, clearly uncomfortable with the harshness of the feedback directed at their group mate. But Chan, Jisung, and Changbin seemed entirely unfazed, moving on as if the criticism they’d just given was nothing out of the ordinary.

As they continued reviewing the track, Chan made sure to lavish praise on the other members of the group. "Great job with that harmony, really tight," he said to one of the other trainees, his smile genuine and encouraging. "And your timing is spot on," Jisung added to another, his voice warm and approving.

But when it came to the problematic trainee, it was like she wasn’t even in the room. The boys would skip over her entirely, asking the other members about their parts or offering advice, all while completely ignoring her presence.

At one point, the girl tried to ask a question, her voice small and hesitant. "Chan-oppa, do you think if I adjusted the rhythm a bit here, it would—"

Chan cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Honestly, there’s not much you can do to fix it," he said, not even bothering to look up from the console. "It’s not about tweaking one part. The whole thing just… doesn’t work. Also it isn't Chan-oppa to you, I would suggest you learn to rrspect your superiors or you'll make a bad image for JYPE. Although it seems like you might have already..." Changbin and Jisung gave sarcastic faces and chuckles as Chan turned back to the soundboard, leaving, the girls confused as to how one of their members had already been completely iced out by three of the best producers in the industry.

And it wasn't much better in the upcoming days, your ex boyfriend feeling the wrath of Lee Minho as he demeaned the leader's dancing ability and took his ego down a couple of notches.

"Your dancing is immaculate...for someone who is destined to be a backup dancer for JYP." When the boy stuttered, asking for help Lee Know just gave him a cold shoulder and turned his focus to the other members of the group, praising them for their skills.

And to top it off they were both met with swayed public opinion after Seungmin decided to make a few passive aggressive comments in one of his lives.

"Yeah, I've talked to all the new trainee groups. But the boy group? They're good but if I had a bias it wouldn't be their leader. And I like the new girl group, they remind me of a group like Blackpink, but their rapping isn't like Blackpink. The only similarity they have is they're both maknaes." He pinched his fingers gently. "Maybe this much progress. Being an idol is hard." He dismissed the skill of the rapper; that woman so easily and said it all so quickly fans were confused.

seungmins.untied.left.shoe: Why does Seungmin seem mad?

big.binn3e_jiddie.tiddi3s: What did he say someone translate?

lalalalalisa143: BLACKPINK MENTIONED RAHHHHHH

You spent your time off going to work with Chan. He wanted to make sure that you were okay, and not going to do anything to hurt yourself. And being around the boys did help you feel better.

But strangely it was Jeongin who helped the most.

Chris had yet to clean his front seat oddly, so every morning you were in the back with Jeongin. It was odd that something so simple brought you so much comfort. He had noticed you were skipping breakfast, so every morning he brought you a homemade yogurt and fresh fruit drink.

"Mmm! This is really sweet! You must have gotten fresh fruit!" You sipped happily, blissfully unaware that Jeongin would add in two extra scoops of sugar, and taste it every time to make sure it was sweet enough, even if it made his jaw hurt slightly.

Or how he would make sure to ask the staff to order you food at 3:45, since you were always hungry.

Or how he would purposefully leave out his jacket in the sound room, since he knew you always got cold in there.

Or most importantly how he made sure you would never have to run into either of the two people you diliked, by figuring out their schedules, and making sure you were no where near where they would be.

He was quietly loving a supporting you from afar, and while you may have been oblivious to the action, you weren't oblivious to the feeling; even if you hadn't pinpointed just where it was coming from.

But as your vacation time was winding down, Jeongin decided to treat you.

"Y/N, Channie-Hyung is working with the others right now, but I've already recorded my part. He gave us his card." He waved it and grew a mischievous grin. "Want to go get strawberry cheesecake?"

"I love strawberry cheesecake!" You exclaimed, jumping up on your toes twice.***

"I know that's why I suggested it pabo!" He laughed as you made your way to the cafe near the building.

Soon enough you were standing in line, waiting to order. Jeongin was behind you, wearing a mask and beanie that covered all of his hair minus the small tuffs of black hair at the nape of his neck.

He had an odd feeling, as if someone was watching him and you. But he shrugged it off, since he doubted anyone would recognize him. With what he was wearing. He looked like any normal person on a date.

Date...this couldn't be considered a date could it? He smiled under his mask as he moved forward in the line absentmindedly. Well, maybe it isn't a date but it sure does look like one to outsiders. Ha, they're probably so jealous that I'm with someone as beautiful as Y/n-

"Hey do you-" You let out a small "oop" since you hadn't realized how closely Jeongin was standing behind you, which in turn allowed you to fling your hair at him, getting a large strand tangles in a button miraculously.

"Ah.." You groaned, your ear to his chest slightly. You tried to pull away but the cashier called "next" and Jeongin moved up not realizing your hair was stuck and accidentally letting it get tangled more. He winced when he noticed but saw the growing population in the cafe and just moved his large hand up to cup your head gently.

"Sorry, Nabi." He whispered quietly, not even realizing the pet name slipped out. Your eyes widened and you stayed with your ear pressed against his chest, hearing the rumbles as he ordered for both of you.

His heart thumped with a steady rhythm, and you were more than sure that your heartbeat was far from that.

Rather it was erratic and loud and wild.

Nabi. He had called you so sweetly, so purely. With the gentleness of what he called you. Butterfly.

After he finished ordering and paid, he stepped aside with you to help get your hair unstuck.

His long and slender fingers worked as quickly and as gently as they could. He released the top button so he could get to the root of the problem.

"Almost...tell me if I'm pulling too hard, m'kay?" Only his eyes were visible above his mask, but they harbored something you couldn't pinpoint, something you weren't used to.

After the last piece of hair was untangled his eyes narrowed in happiness.

"All free!" The way his voice sounded made your stomach twirl in a good and warm way. But you didn't think much of it.

It must be since he's being kind...

After your order number was called out Jeongin and you chose a two-person table away from the people, so he could take of his mask and enjoy his dessert.

He set your cheesecake in front of you, and his pastry in front of himself, handing you a fork.

The moment he pulled down his mask he had an odd feeling once more. But ignored it once more in favor of watching your immense joy as you devoured your treat.

"Thank you." You said in between a bite. "It's been rought the past few weeks...but...I've found comfort in being around all of you guys. To be honest I kind of relied on Chris and my ex to be the closest to me but...we're really close too."

Your smile warmed his heart, and he opened his mouth to speak. "Y/N I have some-"

"It's nice to be able to go out to a cafe and not feel scared. There was always this one sasaeng who followed my ex around..." You hummed thoughtfully. "It's nice not to be on edge."

Jeongin paused. "Sasaeng?" He said quietly.

You nodded. "She was obsessed with him. I got a threat from her once...I didn't take anything from it because I knew she wouldn't act on it but still was a little nerve racking." You looked up and saw a worried expression on the boys face. "Inni-"

His eyes had connected with a phone that was sticking out of purse in a discreet manner.

"Y/N what did she look like."

Your eyes widened and trailed to where Jeongin was looking. She wasn't facing in your direction but you knew.

"We gotta go." He said pulling his mask up. "Don't move to quickly though just act normal." You got up and made you way out.

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry I didn't think she would follow me if I wasn't with him-"

"You're fine Nabi, it isn't your fault." He said as you made your way back through a back way.

He instinctively grabbed you your wrist to lead you, his grasp gentle but firm, his hand sliding down into yours as he pulled you along.

By the time you made it back to the building there was a slight buzz and while Jeongin immediately went to look for his Hyung, you went to go with Felix.

There was definitely and underlying issue going on, and you wondered if the sasaeng had already leaked photos or videos to the press.

Felix tried his best to quell your worries but nothing would do. You felt as if you just caused an issue that would ruin Stray Kid's reputation Jeongin's reputation.

You left Felix to go pace around, which proved to be the wrong idea. The minute you turned the corner you ran into the one man you didn't want to see, the one who has sparked a chain reaction of issues.

He sneered at you, getting close to you, causing you to flinch slightly.

"You happy Y/N, huh? You happy that you're going to ruin my fucking career?!" His voice rose and you slunk back even more. His hand immediately went to your chin and pushed your face up harshly.

He was angrier than on the night you caught him, and it scared you.

"You're trying to throw away my life's work!" He steeped even closer, his grip tightening. "I'm not going to let that happen you hear me?" He shoved you as you were stepping back, causing you to lose your balance completely and fall backwards, landing on the ground, your ankle twisting in an uncomfortable - but not entirely odd - fashion.

Before you could even look up you heard a sickening crunch and your ex stumbled back. Within seconds he was up again lunging at whoever punched him but just as quickly as all this happened you were be scooped up and Jeongin and your ex were both being restrained. Two of the Day6 members held back your ex while three NEXZ members held back Jeongin as he was yelling profanities at the one who had shoved you. Their arguing voices were loud enough to have those in the surrounding halls come rushing in and security on site. Both boys were trying to get at each other, and security had to break it up, the anger of your friend making it extremely hard for them to restrain him.

"YOU FUCKING COWARD! FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL MAN INSTEAD OF PUTTING YOUR HANDS ON A GIRL!" He shouted. You saw Chan, Minho and Changbin rushing over. Jeongin was still yelling insults, getting out of the grips of those pushing him back. So Changbin instead pushed through to wrap his arms around the baby of their group, easily lifting him as he flailed.

"Let me at him Hyung! Let me at him!" He reminded you of an angry chihuahua. But on a larger scale. He wasn't a fighter, but he had immediately turned to violence when you got involved.

The lobby area was filled with people now and Jeongin was crying inpure anger and overwhelming emotions.

"Let me at him!"

Changbin stood in front of the door of the room they brought Jeongin and and Christopher went to go scold him for his actions. Gentle but firm nonetheless.

"You can't hit people Jeongin, regardless of how much you want to. Trust me I want to hit that bastard everytime I see him."

"He hit Y/N! I'm tired of him. I'm tired of hearing talk shit about someone I love! I wasn't going to let him hit someone I love!"

Bangchan stiffened when Jeongin mentioned the word hit.

His jaw clenched and he wiped a few tears off of Jeongin's cheek before stepping out of the room. Minho sat next to Jeongin and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

Your mind was racing at a million thought a minute, but they were all tracing back to what Jeongin had said.

Love. Love. Love.

You sat down alongside the wall until staff came in and whisked Jeongin away, without as much as a word. You stood up abd tried to follow but Minho stopped you.

Love. Love. Love.

"Will he be fired?" You heard yourself ask. You didn't hear Minho's response as your mind became loud again.

If he gets fired...it's because he defended me. Out of love. Love.

You swallowed and followed Minho back to his and Jisung's dorm the latter asking questions about the situation he missed.

If he's fired its because of love. Love will ruin his career. It's my fault. What a stupid thing that makes people do stupid shit. Irrational.

Love.

What a horrendous thing.

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric

@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee

@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin

@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun

@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael

@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads

@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld

@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9

@minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg

@leezanetheofficial @yaniiiiism

[just-another-author-i-guess]

Hi!

Could you do a headcannon of how Judd would act high around his significant other?

I feel like once he is high, he’s a little more soft and shows that a bit more

Yes!! High Judd = soft Judd fr 💪💪

Tags: fem/gn! Reader, erh the gender isn’t really specified but kinda fem? Mentions of weed and smoking it obviously, mentions of sex too bc yk, big mouth, this is probably the fluffiest thing I’ve written with Judd haha, but I was VERY tired and sleep deprived when I wrote this and did not beta read 😵‍💫

Author’s note: I have convinced my friend to start watching big mouth lmfao, and he actually agreed that Judd is hot 💪💪 it’s a win for the boys

High Judd Headcannons

Word count; 1,0K

He has two moods when he’s high 

You’ll either get super horny Judd or super soft Judd 

My personal favourite is soft Judd 

He’s all goofy smiles and cuddling 

Will think everything you say is hilarious too 

“Judd. Your parents are coming up the stairs, I can hear them,” 

He just lets out a cackle, one of those hoarse, drawn-out ones and just doesn’t answer 

It was kinda stupid of you to smoke in his room anyways,, but somehow he convinced you it was a good idea

The more stoned he gets, the more clingy he gets too 

If he’s in horny mode, he’ll obviously just fuck you harder and faster but if he’s in soft mode you’ll get a very unusual treatment 

Though not uncomfortable treatment, he’s just very, very touchy 

Like imagine Diane walking in the hallway upstairs, she walks past Judd’s room and the whole thing obviously smells like pot, so she enters and behold 

There Judd his— cuddling you, grinning while pressing his face into your stomach and leaving small kisses all over 

Not even in a sexual way 

He just loves you pls 🙏

You’re equally as stoned, running your fingers through his hair and complaining about it tickling 

My man LOVES when you tug or run your fingers through his hair, especially when he’s high 

He’ll literally just ask you to do it 

Diane finds the scene so cute she barely bothers scolding you for smoking, again she’s like 

“If you’re gonna do it, at least do it safely under my roof” 

She will call Elliot up, however, to gush over the to of you 

She’ll try to have him do it quietly though, so you won’t notice 

If you do though, happy stoned Judd will genuinely not care 

Like,, he seems to have smoked most of his anger away 

So he won’t even threaten his parents. Wow 🧐

Anyways, you don’t often do it at his house cause like,,, his parents 

But his car is the designated smoking spot

THATS ANOTHER THING 

He LOVES shotgunning you 

Your first kiss was probably bc he shotgunned you 

He was real smooth about it to; 

“Hey. Have you ever tried shotgunning?”

“No?”

“.. would you like to?” 

He’ll do it when he’s just smoking cigarettes too 

Judd really just wants every opportunity to kiss you, and ngl, seeing you exhale smoke makes him hella turned on 

He kinda has an obsession with your stomach when he’s high??? 

Like,, he’d like to lean his head on it and cackle if it makes noise, but ESPECIALLY he likes to splay his hands over it bc you’re genuinely so small compared to him 

And really soft too 

He’ll unabashedly smell you too, like the smell of your shampoo and perfume and shit makes him all lovestruck 

Stoned showers?? 🤭

Like if he’s in horny mode, he’ll definitely be up for a shower 

Seeing you both wet AND naked 

Yes pls. ✋

But like,, also if it’s at your house and you use your body wash and shampoo on him he’ll go 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

Lmfao his family will DEFINITELY comment on it 

Like when he gets home and he smells like strawberry milk and flowers or whatever you use 

He’ll only let you do that when he’s high 

You gotta understand, he has a reputation— 

But, back to my point 

Soft Judd is so straight forward? Will say whatever is on his mind 

But like Judd in general is also really quick to get going, if yk what I mean 

So his soft comments about your smell or how soft you are will turn into something like;

“Sweetheart. D’you wanna sit on my dick for a while or something?” 

Ooooohhh,, soft high Judd has a thing for cockwarming 

I mean, he’s already touchy and sorta horny so you just sitting on him for hours is absolutely perfect 

He’d love watching you wiggle and struggle, red in the face and desperate pleas leaving you as you try to bounce yourself on him 

He would just laugh at your struggles and lightly tell you to stay put, and if you’re really good, he will fuck you later 

He would LOVE to fall asleep with his hard dick inside you 

Just being as close to you as possible 

He’d wake up later tho, not nearly as stoned but is cock still as hard and fuck the living shit out of you 

No okay but soft dom Judd? 😋

He can be stoned without being horny too, but it’s a rare occurance 

You’d smoke in his car and end up on the roof, stargazing 

He claims not to be romantic but when he’s stoned he gets sappy as shit 

“I really fucking love you.” 

He’d mumble into your hair, nuzzling his face into it a little bit 

Aw, you’d melt 

If you return the favor and tell him you love him too he’ll get so embarrassed though 

He’d blush and look away 🥰🥰🥰🤭🤭

I feel like he’s always some level of stoned though 

So he’d have to be really really high for him to be able to open up like that 

Fr it happens only like once every other full moon 

Obviously he does love you, his mom is always on his ass about it telling him to tell you more often lol 

When he comes down he’ll sleep for like days 

Okay maybe that’s exaggerating a bit,, but he’ll be so fast asleep you’ll worry if he died lmfao 

And he’s so groggy when he wakes up too 

If you’re less affected, he’ll definitely expect you to coddle him and bring him food or something 

But if you’re more or the same as him, you’ll just spend the day in his bed 

Taking turns sleeping and fucking 

Idc no matter how tired he is, being in his bed means sex at some point 

Also his mom is an actual life saver and will bring the two of you snacks and food 

(I love Diane ok) 

This, however, is only if you get really fucking stoned 

I feel like usually he would just act like himself, maybe a bit less tense and a lot more handsy 

But yk, the above is for extreme cases were he’s been smoking a lot lol 

Ok I actually need to sleep my eyes are closing by themselves 🧍🏻and I have some sick character development I need to do tomorrow

Tags; @dlfvrr , @bxbyyyjocelyn

[plague-karm]

Different takes I have based on my interests and other miscellaneous things because I’m bored.

•Bill Cipher is never getting redeemed, ever, I adore his character but I can admit when my faves are horrible people. Oh and the way some people write the Handyman Bill au makes me REALLY uncomfortable as an abuse survivor. Why do some people write it like it’s the Pines family’s responsibility for Bill’s actions? Thats so fucked, especially with Ford (the ones where they basically shit talk Bill the entire time he’s at the Mystery Shack is funny as fuck though more of that please)

•The “Jax is an NPC” theory is boring and it would make him a lot less compelling as a character if that was the case

•You can still love Danganronpa and admit that the fanservice (ESPECIALLY the stuff with Mikan) is gross

•DNI lists will inevitably attract the people in those lists to harass and piss off whoever the account is and that’s why I don’t use them

•The original Monster flavour tastes like condensed piss and I will never understand the people who drink it when every other flavour soloes it by comparison

•The second half of the Death Note anime isn’t bad at all people were just too busy huffing on L copium to care, also, Mello was one of the best characters in the entire show

•Most of Killstar’s collaborations are terrible, the Monster High collection is one of the most disappointing things I’ve ever seen and it all looks so uninspired and bland (they saved themselves a bit with the second Gloomy Bear collab they did but most of the designs for their collabs are really tacky).

•Hear me outs are becoming incredibly sterilised, there’s a big difference between a hear me out and a character you find attractive

•Also, humans (both real and fictional) along with any Hellaverse characters do not count as hear me outs (to me anyway I’m not the hear me out police)

•Ultrakill will be seen as one of the greatest games of all time once it’s fully released, it is an absolute masterclass in immersion and presentation and the soundtrack is one of the best I’ve ever heard

•I like the DHMIS show a bit more than the web series

•Resellers need to be called out more, I’ll probably make a separate post talking about this more but it gets BAD. Not all of them are bad (especially on Vinted) but the overcharging in certain fandoms is insane (especially with Sanrio stuff it’s actually disgusting)

•Lloromannic have the potential to be some of the most popular Sanrio characters of all time but their potential goes nowhere

•Prima is one of the most misused Vocaloids of all time and it HURTS. When she’s used properly she sounds GORGEOUS but most people use her for pop stuff and she sounds awful there. Shes an OPERALOID, she’s meant for OPERA. Stop misusing her (I also don’t like any of her designs I’m sorry-)

•SeeU is also very underrated, Alone is one of my favourite Vocaloid songs it’s really vibey

•Monster High G3 is very overhated. There are still some designs I don’t like (Iris’ design hurts me, the character with the same body type as me gets the weakest outfit fuck 💀) but its representation is really good (Twyla not being shamed for needing headphones in loud spaces made me so happy)

•ROTTMNT’s version of Donatello is some of the best autism rep I’ve ever seen, I’ve never identified with an autistic character more than I have with him and the fact that the show’s in limbo makes me really upset

•Robo Fizz’ design > normal Fizz’ design

•I don’t care how many songs you give Stolas I will always see Octavia as the victim in that situation and the fact that the crew see her as a “cock block” pisses me off

•Phosphophyllite will go down as one of the greatest protagonists in recent memory, their story is heartbreaking and no one in that manga deserved a happy ending more than them

•Vinted is the best reseller app and it’s not even close

•I don’t care if Art The Clown never gets a backstory, he’s a silly little guy who kills people in horrific ways and I’m fine with that

•Making it a rule to not talk about certain fandoms on big Discord servers is fucking useless, an old autism server I was on went to shit when this happened, just ignore them and move on

•The addictive nature of Character AI needs to be talked about more, I’ve only began to realise how bad it is recently, it’s negatively affected my writing abilities, do NOT download it (especially if you’re mentally ill) you WILL get addicted to it and it isn’t fun. I’ve deleted it and I’m going to try to get into better habits, never again

• William Afton is an evil bastard and that’s okay, he never needed any redeemable traits and I really like that they’re making him do some Saturday morning cartoon level shit while also making him a threat (The Golden Bite in Into The Pit is as funny as it is horrific)

•I don’t care how many times the Fnaf games will try and gaslight me into seeing the Pinkypills Afton design as him, I will ALWAYS picture Matthew Lillard when thinking of this character (also I never want to see any Pinkypills or Ladyfiszi art in the games ever again they’re terrible people and they should’ve gotten fired years ago)

•Rage bait is the key factor in what made the internet a significantly more miserable place, start saying pizza with random fruit on is good again stop with the racist and misogynistic bullshit

•CaseOh being one of the most popular streamers right now brings me joy, in a time where so many male streamers are some of the most miserable and out of touch cunts in existence, having one of the most popular ones be a seemingly normal and chill guy is so refreshing

•I respect Illumination as a studio a lot more than others would think, in an age where horror stories are coming out surrounding every animation studio in existence, I have yet to hear one about Illumination. Do I like their movies? Not really (some of them are kind of fun and the Sing movies are guilty pleasures) but they seem a lot more ethical than other studios (also they’ve openly mocked AI that’s fucking awesome lmao)

•Murder Drones needed more episodes/time to explore certain ideas, that final episode felt like a SEASON finale, not a SERIES finale (no complaints about Cyn though I adore her)

•The art style change to Soul Eater to Soul Eater Not! Will go down as one of the biggest downgrades in history

Anyway that’s it I’m tired I’ll make another one of these when I feel like it I wanna go to bed

[its-no-biggie]

thinking about post-implantation wash again.....

cause like. the rvb writers dropped a lot of balls, but this is the one i find personally the most upsetting. like. a soldier getting irreparably fucked up by an experiment gone wrong is the kind of premise i read fanfiction about (that probably says something about me but im not gonna examine it. moving on). especially since he STAYED with freelancer???? you could take this in so many different directions- his fellow freelancers are worried about him but he pushes through anyway. his fellow freelancers ARENT worried about him and push him harder than he can handle. the director pulls the ai fragments and theres hostility from more than just the one-dimensional "raging bitch" character. the director DOESNT pull the ai fragments, which seriously calls into question the ethics of the whole operation (which i believe is more in line with the pfl that was described in earlier seasons, but thats a story for another time) AND puts potential pressure on wash to get another implantation (oh my GOD. show me THAT version of pfl).

and of couse. how could i possibly forget epsilon. there is something so uniquely tasty about 2 characters who went through something traumatic together and then didnt see each other again until ages later- ESPECIALLY when one of them was the cause, even though they werent directly at fault, and the other was just unlucky enough to be involved. like holy shit????? the TENSION that would cause???? the discomfort being around each other? the guilt? having nowhere to place the blame except the director?? oh my GOD literally any interaction between them couldve had so much FLAVOUR. im not saying they need to be the main focus of the story or anything but we didnt get a single interaction!! not even a crumb!! like. do something with the fact that wash needed to have alpha in his head in season 6 despite refusing to ever have another ai after epsilon. do something with wash needing to SEE and HEAR and TALK TO epsilon again. do something with epsilon remembering fucking exploding in washs head!!!! im not asking for a lot here- asking for a lot would be suggesting a scenario like the one from season 6, except wash needs EPSILON in his head for some reason and gets legitimately triggered by it or cant bring himself to do it. thats the kind of shit i want to see, but i understand that that isnt carolina-centric enough so ill get it from fanfiction as god intended. but cant i ask for at least some awkwardness? maybe an uncomfortable confrontation? irrational hostility? SOMETHING. it doesnt have to be the focus but it should be THERE.

and like. youd think that this is an issue with retconning. and it kind of is, but its more about missed opportunities. like. i dont mind the retcon that freelancer was always its own thing, or that church was always an ai. those things are cool! they take the story in a more interesting direction! yeah it makes things more confusing and id prefer if the retcons werent necessary, but. its not the end of the world. but the thing with wash is. they did a really cool and interesting thing by having an ai COMMIT SUICIDE in his fucking HEAD. and then they went back on it! they very quickly went from "this clearly left a lasting impact on him" to "oh well it was bad, probably worse than hes letting on, but some of it was an act! so he could take em down from the inside!" to "yeah i mean he screamed while it was happening but he was fine when he woke up. no lasting consequences" and then it was never addressed again. and im mad about it!! they didnt even properly retcon it- they just decided that it had no consequences anymore, and it made washs character LESS interesting.

[gayhenrycreel]

you are not exempt from bad media literacy

this includes me, you, and everyone else.

multiple of the blogs i follow reblogged a post saying this;

"the israeli population is genocidal"

both of them interpreted this as

"part of the israeli population is genocidal"

you see how these are entirely different sentences? people will be intelligent media analysts and still have biases that will have them reblog a clearly xenophobic post just because of the actions of the israeli government.

if i said "the american population is genocidal", you would rightly call me out. america commits genocide, but many americans are leftists, queer, muslim, black, indigenous, jewish, etc and suffer from the actions of america.

some americans are genocidal, as are some israelis, because they are both people and people can have fuckass opinions, but ask yourself;

if its okay to say this about foreign countries, would it also be okay to say about america or other western nations?

if no, you are xenophobic. this is not your fault unless you choose to continue being xenophobic. you, like everyone else in the west, were taught that you live in higher society and your country, especially america, is exempt from evil.

you, like everyone else on earth, are fully capable of being a good person, meaning not some vague "person who is good", but rather a person who does good actions. one of these good actions is admitting your biases and putting conscious effort into not letting them dictate how you treat people. be aware of your biases. by result of existing in a prejudiced society, some of your thoughts are going to be horribly bigoted. thats okay, just acknowledge that thoughts are thoughts, not reality.

before people attack me and call me a zio, israel is not the only example of westerners being xenophobic due to not understanding the difference between foreign governments and foreign people. russians are not evil, they live under a dictatorship. it makes me deeply uncomfortable when americans say russians hate ukraine, because they are trapped there and being drafted and are not actually putin.

russian and israeli civilians are the people who can help ukraine and palestine the most directly. they can and do protest directly against their governments, who try to suppress their protests.

i hate all militaries but we must remember that soldiers and cops are not interchangeable. many soldiers do volunteer to kill innocents, just like cops, but many are literally forced to murder people.

drafting is a violation of human rights and is forced labour. when a soldier does something bad willingly, thats just a soldier being a bad person, but you cant say that russians are all evil just because they cant escape drafting. im saying this for a reason. i actually once saw an american claiming that russian civilians are evil for being drafted.

there is no such thing as a binary. no good vs evil. no male vs female. no antizionist vs zionist (seriously the definition is so flexible its an identity label rather than political at this point). no trans vs cis.

countries can not be entirely evil, because civilians live there. we all hate north korea, and the people there are being starved and tortured.

when people say "x country is entirely evil" they are, typically a westerner, probably about to say the most racist shit about chinese civilians youve ever heard.

governments are bad. some are worse than others, but when a nation commits war crimes its because of the government. sometimes some people encourage it, but saying the entire population supports genocide is inaccurate and xenophobic.

no demographic is a monolith.

not queer people, not poc, not russians, not israelis.

absolutely no ones political beliefs is defined by their skin, place of birth, gender, sex, or anything else.

[chicspo]

this may be very long but i want to explain in depth so u can understand my situation better so im sorry but here goes,

ill give u some info about myself first: im 18 i go to university and i spend most of my time there, i live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. im not a touchy person, especially if im tired and spent my entire day studying. i care so much about certain people but im not good at showing it, and i dont exactly intend on changing this. i show my sister and my parents a lot of love and they know i love them but i can do this bc theyre family and i knoe our bonds are unbreakable no matter what.

ok so heres the situation, i want to be alone. i want to live on my own and im comfortable with not having many friends (i have some really good friends that moved for uni and i text them kinda often and i know our bonds are unbreakable) but im fine with not making more friends if its uncomfortable or whatever. but recently i think my boyfriend has noticed im distancing myself from him, unintentionally, but i care a lot about how i do in university so im dedicating myself to it. i dont ever initiate anything with him (sexually or just touchy in general) but i never really have to be honest. yes at the beginning of our relationship i was younger and more carefree and our relationship was fun to me so i was more touchy but never very touchy.

he told me how he feels like i dont love him bc i never try to start anything with him and im always at school and i was kind of cold to be honest i told him i love him bc i dont want to break his heart and it is true, i do love him and i care so much about him but i dont want to be either him anymore. its just so hard bc we live together and we have cats together and gis family loves me i’ve visited them in florida (i live in canada) twice and we’re planning on visiting them again for Christmas. i dont know what he would do if we broke up. he would br incredibly hesrt broken and im genuinely worried he would k1ll himself bc his step dad is abusive and both his parents drink all the time and dont rlly care about him, he doesnt have many friends, just one that is always at work so he never sees him, and he has an online job so he never goes out. he does a lot for me tho. he cleans the apartment A LOT whenever im gone (im a clean freak) and he tells me im the most beautiful girl in the world, he touches me and hugs me and kisses me, tells me he missed me so much, tells me im his world and that he wants to look after me when we’re old, that he wants to have a daughter with me, he buys the groceries, cat stuff, hr buys me little random things he thinks ill like. he’s honestly a really amazing boyfriend. but i dont want a boyfriend. i cant tell him that tho. i want to talk to my mom about this and ask her advice but she thinks hes a low life bc he has an online job and doesnt go out, he has chronic back pain and has to take medication and he smokes weed everyday. she knows he takes really good care of me tho.

my sisters planning on moving in with us when shes done highschool (this school year) and i want to just live with her. i dont know what to do bc we have such a concrete relationship thats more serious than anything and we care about eachother so much. he loves out apartment, its the first place hes lived without an abusive family and hes so happy. im in such a bad situation in my head rn.

i understand ur concern but u always have to put urself first. and i think with having to asking me or ur mom or anyone else all ur looking for is for someone to validate ur feelings. u dont need anyones approval for this. u dont want to be with him then dont be. ur not his mom. the most u can do for him is have a talk with him, when u tell him ur decision, and try to orient him in life the best u can. however thats none of ur responsibility. if u fear he has no other relationships other than the one u two have u can tell him that. if u believe he should get a different job tell him. his life seems pretty bleak and lonely, and he copes by focusing on you. that isnt healthy. he should also look out for himself first and he should have bigger goals in life. a future with you or any other woman isnt a goal or achievement. all he does by telling u he wants to take care of u when u get old or have kids together is mentally trap u so you wont leave him. he cant be that weak. he needs to learn to be independent. and u already seem more than capable and independent, so if u want to live alone or with ur sister u should do so. its great that ur so focused on ur school. its ur life u should do with it what u want

[thraxxia]

i dont really *know* anything about schizophrenia, and the concepts that i do associate with it are obviously harmful stereotypes, like thats so easy to see. so i guess my question is why do you think schizophrenia is still so stigmatized while other mental illnesses are getting far more publicity and understanding then ever before? And how do you deal with having a taboo like that hanging over your head?

all of this is with a genuine intrest in learning how i can support people with schizophrenia better, so please point out anything that i said thats inaccurate or could be offenive. ty!

so it's actually a very real problem that bothers me a lot that schizophrenia is being left behind in the mental health awareness movement. the reality is like you pointed out that people only know the stigma and nothing else. they see a homeless person yelling at nothing having a mental health crisis and think "that person has schizophrenia and they're dangerous" rather than just thinking hey maybe this person needs some help from a professional (a cop is not a professional) and the system has failed them by making mental healthcare inaccessible for them and forcing them onto the street because our society does not take care of our disabled. they're not thinking maybe if they were getting the help and support they need then they wouldn't be going through this, they think "how can i get away from this as fast as possible so i can stop thinking about it and feeling afraid and move on with my day". and something i want to emphasise when it comes to psychotic episodes is that they are a lot scarier for the person going through them than those around them. oh they're yelling and acting erratic? okay i'll admit that's unpleasant to be around. however, what would your reaction be if you truly believed something like aliens were currently laying eggs inside your brain and taking over you from the inside (a real example from my life). and i don't mean you are thinking "what if this happened" i mean that in that moment you truly believe that that is what is happening to you and you are trying to think of anything to make it stop. a psychotic episode is not a failure of character, it is when we are at our most vulnerable and when it is so visible it is a cry for help. it is terrifying and truamatising for us going through it but people see that happening and think "that makes me uncomfortable" as they walk by and make themselves the victim in the situation, ignoring the humanity of the person having a psychotic episode.

essentially the thing about schizophrenia that makes the stigma stick around so hard is because this is people's only interaction with schizophrenics and they don't see the humanity and they see us as a nuisance and a bother and something to be feared because we dare have a problem that affected them in the slightest. generally, things like depression and anxiety are very internal and do not affect those people around them in such an "incredibly negative" way that people view their interactions with schizophrenics. anxiety and depression are something to be pittied because the person going through them is suffering. people don't see schizophrenics as suffering they see us as dangerous. and if you actually educate yourself and look at the real world statistics, schizophrenics are more likely to be the victims of violence than the general public, especially at the hands of the police during such criseses. did you know that if you call 911 and report that someone is having a psychotic episode then in the majority of places (well in the us) a cop with a gun is required to be dispatched either with other cops, or if the schizophrenic is lucky in where they are, then with social workers trained in deescalation. no matter what, a cop with a gun will be there and i assume the people on this site are at least educated enough to understand the dangers a cop with a gun are to a person seen as less than human. the stigma out there is all skewed and warped in a way to diminish empathy and raise animosity towards schizophrenics.

schizophrenia can often be an incredibly disabling illness (it is for me) and society already does not care about disabled people and then on top of that schizophrenic people are an incredibly vulnerable population that people so often mistreat and you add that on top of each other and you think about how stress and anxiety can lead to more and worse psychotic episodes and it just confounds factor upon factor against schizophrenic people. we are so often put into the worst situations such as poverty and homelessness that antagonise our symptoms and make our psychotic episodes more visible and then also makes people's desire to help us all the less. it is a true tragedy.

and the language so often used just in general everyday conversation furthers the stigma. how often every day do you hear someone describe someone they don't like as "psychotic" or "schizophrenic". it is deeply ingrained in our culture that schizophrenia = bad and ableism against it is incredibly normalised.

it is a horrible burden to carry this stigma and see how it affects not only me but my fellow schizophrenics and know that there is so little i can do about it. i educate my friends and when i confide in them how much the stigma hurts and how i hate being viewed as scary i am time and time again met with the same reassurance from my friends and that is "you are one of the least scary people i've ever met". and they say this because they know me deeper than my illness, and honestly i've dealt with this stigma so much of my life and i know what it is like to be feared so i absolutely overcompensate myself to be less threatening. but they can see past the surface of what society has painted me as, but so many schizophrenics are not so lucky. i am privileged enough to have a life full of love and empathy from the people surrounding me, but i hurt for my siblings who only know the pain and loneliness that often comes with this illness.

so my advice to you when it comes to supporting people with schizophrenia is this: advocate for our care, emphasise the human behind the illness, and show love to those you may meet who have to live this life. we are people just like you, please treat us as such. society may paint us as monsters, but remember that inside all of us is a soul.

sorry this is a wall of text and maybe not the most coherent but it is something i am very passionate about because it affects me every single day. if you have any further questions or clarifications please feel free to send another ask and i'll do my best to explain

[mikajihiko]

Given Mix_20 Thoughts! Can I just say my respect for Ue has increased drastically, how drastic it already was in a way I thought it couldnt get any bigger than this, but it did, and heres why! When Hiragi first reached out the Rikka, he only ever requested Ritsuka to finish the song (yes Hiragi forced him to actually do it butsdkjasd) He never said Ritsuka should follow Yuki's sound, everything else was on Ritsuka. Even Hiragi was surprised when he heard

To make it clear, its not because of Hiragi forcing him that made him want to do this song, we all know Ritsuka has no problem saying 'No'; the real reason I’ll tackle later on. But, the reason he didnt want to do it was because of the emotional weight he felt when listening to Yuki's song

Sure, first it was uncomfortable by the mere fact that it was Yuki- Mafuyu's ex and shizuragi's childhood friend. Most especially, especially after feeling the remnants of Yuki's emotions, especially when he knows how Yuki passed away, it would’ve made anyone want to quit

But again, that didnt stop him, instead it propelled him further! Mix_20 gave emphasis on the reason as to why and it’s because Ritsuka wanted to not only to give closure to Mafuyu. He also brought it onto himself to give these grieving childhood friends some closure despite it not being his responsibility, and he was very aware that it wasnt. But, he saw an opportunity to do good to others and took it. It was emotionally tolling for him, yes, but not because he was forced to make music, BUT because he wanted to do give his all as someone who is a perfectionist; He wanted his gift to be perfect

And thats not the only thing that amazes me, he also showes respect towards Yuki's music by saying he was GLAD to have listened to Yuki's song (あの曲をみつけられて 良かった). And he turns the stressful experience into something positive, saying he feels very much personally fulfilled about not only being helpful to others, but as well as a self-accomplishment by seeing the proof of his own capabilities. (「ここまで やれる」 それが証明できた. 今は、それが満足だ ) Mix_20

Ritsuka could’ve chosen to be selfish. Just like how initially, he had made the 2nd part of Yuki's song to sound like him, as he was responsible to finish the second half- a change Hiragi noticed (mix_9). This was when Ue felt like shifting priorities to reaching Mafuyu

The shift of knowing that Mafuyu had been feeling lonely all those times. Reading Mix_14, surely everyone understands the external pressure added on to Ritsuka as well- guilt of having fun with another band while leaving his own, slowly losing himself in this heavy process. But the message of Ritsuka's story here isnt negative- it’s showing how feeling down and anxious during stressful events is a normal thing, that everyone needs help and deep thinking for them to align themselves.

And of course because of this, Ritsuka got back on his feet as the strong person he is. Not letting the anxiety get to him, and got back to doing things his own stubborn way (affectionate). He lets go of selfishness, knowing with all confidence that his own skills can pull Mafuyu.

And so he did, and this sense of accomplishment he feels washing over him during the end of SYH debut, knowing well he has not only accomplished his goals of pulling Mafuyu but also made Hiragi shine, gave closure to those close to Yuki, and had proven himself to be capable! All the shocked faces coming from Shizuragi really make me laugh. Never would they have thought of Ue to be someone as selfless and giving, but that truly is him. Someone so kind and generous with confidence and power- "fundamentally a good guy"🙈💖

EDIT: I fixed some grammar and punctuation-ings 😭 I wrote it while moved by strong emotions, it was crazy! Needless to say, Im very proud of Ritsuka and I dont think I have the words to fully express myself. I hope this blog can emit even a bit of that feeling!

[butterscotch-brigade]

very weird question. how can you stand being a fan of cr even with the stuff regarding devsisters? i really like cookie run, but i can't get over the things they've done and i hate that it gets excused bc they're of different culture and their half assed apologies are always accepted. idk i haven't played in almost two years and i sometimes i want to go back into it but also it's hard.

sorry to bother but i am curious because i am tired of feeling bad.

oh no worries!! i totally understand, youre not being a bother at all

honestly i havent played cookie run in like 2 years. i too got pretty sick and tired of all the bullshit w devsis and p much gave up on crob and crk altogether. honestly i dont think anything they can add to the game will ever get me interested in playing it again.

that being said, i still rly like the characters!! a lot of them still mean a lot to me for personal reasons. at this point i only enjoy cookie run for the sentimental attachments i have to certain characters/ships (and by ships i just mean seamoon AKSJDJDJDJ). and i rly love the talent and creativity of the many wonderful fanartists out there!!! and even tho i may not know much abt the newer characters, especially in crk, i still think a lot of em are really neat!!

and honestly, youre not obligated to play the game in order to enjoy the things you do like abt it. if you really want to get back into it again, you can enjoy it from a distance if u want. or if it hurts too much, you dont have to get back into it at all; you can blacklist the tags if it makes you uncomfortable. youre free to engage with it at whatever pace you feel is best, or not at all.

ultimately, just know that there are many different options for enjoying media and curating your experience with it. you dont have to play the game at all if you dont want to; and if you do, you can choose not to do things like watch ads or make in-app purchases if you dont want to give any money/ad residue to devsis. (im not entirely sure if just playing on the server makes them money tho; someone correct me if im wrong).

whatever you decide, do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. sometimes you have to drop something you used to enjoy, and that sucks. other times, you may find that there are ways you can derive enjoyment from it without supporting its creators. its up to you to decide what you want to do; thats my perspective anyway. go at your own pace and figure out what works best for you. im rooting for u anon <3

[anothertorturedsoul]

The first time i ever felt healing in the past years was yesterday.

It was the first time ever we kinda talked about whats going on. I asked if it was making him feel uncomfortable and he said no but he can imagine how i felt uneasy about it.

This alone healed some broken bits and pieces inside me. I never really thought that he cares about how i feel. At least he never told me. That might be because he doesnt want to make it any harder for me but how would he know that the contrary is the case?

I always say that i made my peace with those feelings, but in fact the first time i actually felt a little peace was yesterday.

Still there are unsolved questions on my mind. Especially one. He had so many girls in all those years, i assume he had sex with most if not all of them. We were never an official item but he could have had me like any given time tbh, there were lots of oppertunities, but he never did.

Why?

At some point me and my now husband became a thing, i get why he wouldnt cross any more lines than he already did at that point. Always touching me in some way, flirting and making me go crazy, he enjoyed that and i did, too. ̶i̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶i̶̶s̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶t̶̶h̶̶i̶̶s̶.

But before that?

Maybe he wanted to protect me from being haunted but jokes on me, we all know how that went.

Maybe he actually always cared more about me then i knew and i am something special to him. But my mind tells me „haha honey you wish“ right now.

While typing „you are my brothers wife“ echoes through my head. Thats what i am to him, at least thats what he told me once.

Big ouch.

This man is my first love. That one-of-a-kind love that drives you into pure insanity, can‘t think straight and haunts you at night. I already had a crush on him when he kissed me for the first time but since that moment i completely fell for him. This kind of love is something that you only experience once. Nothing will ever compare. I do love my husband more than anything. But its different.

I still remember the day i decided to open up my heart to let somebody else in. His mother told me that he loves me and how she hopes i wont give up on him. I cried on my way home so much that my skin was sore, when my now husband showed up and tried to cheer me up. He hugged me and I cried until his shirt was soaking wet. When he looked at me and carefully wiped the tears off my face, i realized that he was always there for me when i most needed it. He always wiped away all those tears.

I needed to let some healthy love into my life and i decided to allow myself to love someone else. When i was a teen i thought you can only love one person truly but now i know thats just not true.

The lovestory of my husband and me was chaotic and painful as well. All that drama with his ex girlfriend, he cheated on me and told me about it years after. If he had told me right away when it happened i would have left. And that would have lend me down into my favorite toxic spiral again. It hurt nonetheless. After years and years of jealousy, pain, rejection and heartbreak you decide to kinda move on with the guy who always was your best friend and seems like the most precious human being. And him of all people goes straight into breaking your heart.

I think thats my type or something.

When i finally opened up about my feelings to my best friend, because she saw this little screw in my purse, i was hit with a lack of understanding. She asked why i would still spend time with him, that i dont sound like a married woman, why i wont break off contact, i would only make it harder for myself.

The thing is, those two men are the best of friends. They are literally like brothers and my husband loves him more than his actual brother.

Even if i wanted to, which i dont, theres no way i could avoid him.

I know most people will never understand how this feels like. But i have found my own way to cope with it. Having my little crumbs keeps me happy and maybe one day i will heal and those scars will fade. But i realized that i cant heal them on my own. I need the one who caused them to help me.

̶i̶̶ ̶̶n̶̶e̶̶e̶̶d̶̶ ̶̶h̶̶i̶̶m̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶n̶̶d̶̶ ̶̶m̶̶a̶̶y̶̶b̶̶e̶̶ ̶̶i̶̶ ̶̶a̶̶l̶̶w̶̶a̶̶y̶̶s̶̶ ̶̶w̶̶i̶̶l̶̶l̶.

[phoenixfangs]

(to preface, for this post im going to use trans rep as my primary discussion example but i think this line of thought could be applied to basically any marginalized group)

honestly regarding that last reblog and the essay i left in the tags, i dont want to hear anyone praising anything for ‘good representation’ or condemning anything for ‘bad representation’ ever again i think.

firstly because people are so braindead that they cant meaningfully identify either good or bad representation. everything that i like is good and everything that i dont is bad. anything created by any trans person is good and anything created by any cis person is bad. everything that is kind and saccharine is good and everything that is angry and miserable is bad.

(seriously if i have to see one more take thats like ‘media that centers around trans suffering is bad and harmful because i dont like it and it makes me uncomfortable it turns trans suffering into a profitable spectacle, and besides being trans can be a good thing actually its not all about pain’, im going to bite somebody. im sorry that a) u dont understand that sometimes the intent of the media or stories like that is to hurt u and make u uncomfortable, b) u dont understand that someone expressing the pain they felt Because they are trans, and that they wouldnt have felt if they werent trans, is a valid form of art and self expression, and u have no right to condemn them because u dont personally connect with it, c) u dont understand that media doing the bare minimum of including a trans character who isnt hatecrimed against isnt ‘celebrating transness’ and can absolutely also be turning trans pride into a profitable spectacle, and d) that ur making all of this my fucking problem. it is not bad or morally incorrect to connect with and represent pain, especially at the hands of bigotry. my god.)

secondly because arguably it will never fucking matter anyway until society at large comes to terms with and moves past whatever -phobia or -ism we decide to center the discussion on that week.

‘good’ trans rep is never going to change a bigots mind or heart because their problem isnt that they just havent learned the error of their ways: their problem is that they hate an entire group of people on the basis that this group of people threatens their status as majority, moral correctness/worthiness, controller, group in power, whatever—whether this is materially true or a paranoid delusion. likewise, ‘good’ trans rep is never going to be enough for trans people to feel validated because of the way society has been marginalizing and oppressing trans people for longer than most of us here have even been alive, and continues to do so. it will feel nice in the moment, to see that people outside of urself and maybe even outside of ur marginalized group dont think of u as subhuman waste, but that feeling will not last forever as long as hate crimes and bigoted policy keep getting real life trans people hurt, jailed, and/or killed. idk about anyone else but nowadays its incredibly difficult for me to feel anything but contempt, dread, numbness, looking at ‘good’ trans rep while all that stuff is still happening on the daily in real life. its like a pathetic consolation prize for putting up with the horrors of existing, ‘thank u for buying our product despite what feels like most people wishing u were dead, heres this cool sticker to acknowledge ur existence and ur status as one of the ones who doesnt Deserve to be dead because ur buying our product’.

‘bad’ trans rep is never going to push an indecisive person over the fence into blatant transphobia because, to a bigot, ANY trans rep in ANYTHING for ANY REASON is ‘bad rep’. childrens books with the softest, cleanest language possible to describe trans experiences are treated like manifestos written to radicalize our good pure innocent children into horrible sexually depraved monsters. drag queens and trans people interacting with children AT ALL are demonized and called pedophiles just for existing in the same space as children. hospitals that provide safe and necessary treatment to trans people as ONE of the services they provide are issued bomb threats for daring to care about peoples health. the HINT of anything to do with being trans is a call for outrage. yeah, that transphobic caricature in that tv show really sucks to see, but its not turning people into transphobes: it is broadcasting the already material reality that transphobes think of us as subhuman waste, deserving of ridicule At Best and total extinction At Worst. a person who becomes a vocal bigot after being exposed to ‘bad’ rep wasnt an ally before that changed their mind, they were just quiet. what is the point of ‘educating’ people how to spot ‘bad’ rep and call it out if all it does is reaffirm to us that we know how to spot it and condemn? how many transphobes have said ‘i thought trans people were demons and pedophiles for the longest time, but then a random tumblr user wrote a scathing review of this random trans character and how they were a totally unrealistic and nasty depiction of a trans person, and it just opened my eyes to the fact that trans people are actually people, turns out’? when that number is larger than the number of transphobes who have said ‘i didnt really know what to think of trans people before tucker carlson and matt walsh told me they were molesting our childrens minds, but now i know theyre a threat to society’, get back with me.

like. im so fucking tired at this point. im obviously very angry and passionate about this, but im tired too. im tired of people constantly trying to say that society is getting better, trans people are becoming more welcomed in society, because of the handful of trans characters in media and the pride shirts and mugs and shit that u can buy in chain stores, while literal atrocities happen every. fucking. day. i cant be okay or happy with ‘good’ trans rep anymore because it matters so little in the context of how people on the whole view trans people, and i cant be upset with ‘bad’ trans rep anymore because its a symptom of hate and ignorance, not the cause.

i reiterate.

society and corporations are selling us pride through hollow ‘representation’ in media and slogans on mugs for the express purpose of keeping us from fighting to FEEL pride. and all the glorious spotless squeaky morally clean rep in the world will not account for the absolute loathing i have felt from every other direction for years, and the loathing everyone else has felt for decades, and the loathing were all gonna continue feeling for god knows how much longer until people and politicians stop actively trying to criminalize and kill us.

[shotorozu]

encountering a ‘pick me’ girl

character(s) : kirishima eijirou, todoroki shouto, bakugou katsuki (bnha)

warning : PICK ME GIRL, misogyny (?) pick me girl makes an off handed comment about your body but it’s not detailed at all

PART TWO — PART THREE

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, but they/them pronouns used, quirk not mentioned

headcanon type : fluff, angst if you squint

note(s) : i made 2 versions of this post so,, if you’re reading this— then i probably decided that i liked this one more than the other one i made,, anyways, i used real life examples 💀

»»————-　♡　————-««

kirishima eijirou

i’d imagine that eijirou would have an idea of what a pick me girl is— i mean, there were probably 2 of those girls in middle school

but has he experienced it first hand? nahh.

though, eijirou didn’t think he’d encounter one when he was already in a healthy and committed relationship!

eijirou is practically friends with everyone— and yeah, even the most unexpected. so, he’s bound to accidentally befriend a pick me girl

him, being the nicest one out of all of the characters in this list, will still be nice to said pick me girl, despite wanting to snob them to the core

because really— you can’t really fight fire with fire in some cases

but, he can be everything but lenient when the pick me girl starts insulting you for doing certain things, and for absurd reasons too

like,, how you laugh, and how you take care of yourself (for example— if you wear makeup, or how you style your hair)

which is odd! everything about you is everything but the things the pick me girl has stated so.. he cannot stand by.

SCENARIO

the girl giggles to herself after that snide comment leaves her lip gloss coated lips. eijirou shifts uncomfortably— honestly taken aback by the anything but subtle insult that was thrown at you

“like.. seriously! it’s honestly quite superficial if you look at it like that. who the hell would put that much effort infront of your boyfriend? i’d assume they’d see everything AND everything but.. i guess not.”

you blink. superficial? now that’s a new one. the girl infront of you has been babbling insults sugarcoated in boasts the entire time, and you’re just wondering if it’s about time you guys leave but—

“well that’s unfair,” your boyfriend laughs, “i put the same amount of effort as this cutie right here,” eijirou pokes at your cheek, earning a quick laugh from you— which he can only thank the heavens for that

“but that’s different. it actually looks put together when you’re doing it, eiji.” the certain glint in her smile makes you want to wipe it right off with a dirty mop, “it’s impossible to look put together with expensive clothes, but being built like a—”

the sound of the sliding of a chair is quicker than your actions, and it easily cuts her off.

“i’m sorry, but we gotta go, it’s totally not cool of you to say those things about Y/N!”

“what? but i mean.. it’s true, right? i’m looking out for them! they’re literally out here l—”

“bye!” eijirou waves her goodbye with your hand, dismissing the sour expression on her face— as he dashes off with you

you’d question how he’s just so nice to people like that, but when he turns around, you could see the distaste in his eyes

“so that’s what a pick me girl’s like,” shaking his head, his expression lights up with such a quick manner “i’ll never make friends that are like that again!”

safe to say, eijirou’s friend list has been a a person shorter ever since that incident

bakugou katsuki

oh, so that girl’s bold bold.

if she thinks she could get away with being a not so subtle pick me girl infront of bakugou katsuki, then she couldn’t be more wrong.

it’s absolutely revolting— i mean, he hasn’t displayed any romantic feelings towards ANYONE that isn’t you.

also, they’re quite gutsy if you ask me. so congrats for having guts??

i don’t think he’d be friends with a pick me girl. he’s very selective of who he’s befriending, so it’s probably your friend that’s the pick me girl in this case

he wouldn’t know what a pick me girl would be, but he’d probably know the description of one.

over some time, he’d grow some resistance to insults directed at him, but when someone insults his s/o

oh boy. that’s not good. remember when i said that katsuki was almost like your scary and intimidating dog

this is what i mean

knows he can’t make a scene, so his first option is to be dismissive asf— but if said pick me girl literally can’t get it, he won’t be afraid of shoving some explosions into her face

because his hands are rated e for everyone

SCENARIO

“so you wanna be picked or something, is that it?” he hates how you literally have the resistance of a rock— which is something he always liked, but in this case hated. if it weren’t for you— he would’ve blasted explosions into her sorry excuse of a face until it’s beyond recognition (that wouldn’t be hero like, is what you’ve said in the past, but he disagrees.)

but seriously? ugh. he just wants to leave this horrid place, and make some dinner with you in the comfort of his home. why are you even friends with her anyway? she’s not even trying to be slick at this point.

“p-picked? i’m not understanding, katsu.”

“it’s bakugou.”

“right,” her laughter is like nails on chalkboard, “i’m just watching out for Y/N, y’know? there’s no point in wearing all of that.. on their face.” and she’s obviously referring to your obviously very well done makeup

“it’ll make your skin terrible in the long run! and really— i couldn’t really understand on why someone would wear that much, when you could survive with i dunno.. lip gloss at most?”

you would’ve actually said something as a rebuttal, but your boyfriend is quicker, and a lot more direct than anyone else in the area.

“just say you can’t do makeup and fucking scram,” katsuki’s ice cold glare finally breaks out of the act he’s been trying to hold together for you

“their makeup is fucking bomb as hell, compared to your ridiculous spider lashes, lady. come back when you’ve watched james charles’ entire fucking channel.” he harshly states in similar bakugou fashion, despite the lack of screaming.

and if you squinted hard enough, you could see tears welling up in her eyes. but katsuki tugs your hand before anything else could be said

“let’s fucking go, you need better friends.”

he makes you cut ties with all of them, and he practically scolds your terrible choice of friends— but he goes quiet when you tell him that you’ve been friends with her since middle school

“good fucking riddance. next time, i’ll punch them as soon as they say something outta line, got that?” and next time (hopefully, there won’t be a next time) you’ll actually lash out— or maybe,, you’ll let him loose for once.

todoroki shouto

now shouto might be,, socially unaware sometimes. but he can tell whenever someone’s trying to insult his s/o

like,, right away.

now— you both run into this person after a pleasant date, and she eagerly presented herself as your friend

so, her attitude catches him off guard because who’d have anything rude to say about you and towards shouto’s face? especially when it’s about something normal.

like,, wasn’t she your friend?? why is she even like this?

his hostility is very well known, so they should be scared.

he gets detached from the conversation, and he’ll immediately go cold— and shouto would probably go as far as walking away with your hand in his

doesn’t matter if he properly says goodbye or not— if a girl’s being rude to his s/o, they obviously don’t deserve his usually polite attitude. nope, that’s a luxury.

oh— and what more when they’re seeking for his validation. newsflash! said pick me girl won’t be get any from him.

SCENARIO

shouto couldn’t stop the bitterness bleeding into his mouth, when the girl in front of him continued to babble and take up the valuable time he had left with his s/o

initially, she presented herself as your friend from middle school— but as of now? she seems to be more interested in him more than you, despite knowing you first.

she’d ask him a string of obvious questions with very obvious answers, like ‘is she treating you well?’ ‘is she acting correctly?’ and questions of the sort

“oh, sorry! i’d hate to cut this conversation short, but—” you finally decide that it was about time to leave, while shouto looks pretty,, deadpanned right now, you could tell that he was gradually starting to get irritated by your friend’s words.

“wait. thats.. kind of controlling, don’t you think? do you ever let shou make decisions?”

“uh.. controlling? since when??” you question at the accusation. this girl knows nothing about your relationship dynamic, and she’s already jumping the gun and making conclusions.

your gaze snaps back to shouto, who looks just as surprised as he could possibly be.

“yeah! it clearly looks like he still wants to talk” which is an obvious lie, shouto just wants it out of here “i wonder how you managed to snag such a guy like him,” she comments with a smile that looked anything above suspicion (yet, it makes your stomach churn)

you could see the way her hand gets gradually closer to him— and frankly, you’re not sure about what she was planning to do next, “you wouldn’t need to dress all expensive and fancy, if you’re with a girl with an already classy appear—”

“i think this conversation is over,” shouto grip is firm on the wrist that was attempting to grab his shoulder, shouto makes no attempt to even look at the girl infront of him “i don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not humorous. at all.”

“what?” she stammers, drawing her hand back “i-it’s obvious they don’t know how to take a joke! this is why there are barely any good w—”

shouto’s next actions knocks her speechless, his hand rests at the small of your back, before gently guiding you forward— “love, what movie are we watching later?” he says, making an effort to press a quick, yet intense kiss on your lips

“oh,” you breathe out, surprised by this action. “don’t be so tense, love.” shouto comments on how tense your shoulders have looked, ever since she started running her mouth, “now.. what movie do you want to watch tonight? comedy? thriller?”

“you pick,” you laugh at the quick shift of topic. and when you look behind you, you could see shame and defeat welling up on her face. shouto finally feels like he could smile again, the bitterness dissipating from his mouth

after shouto questions you if that was what a pick me girl was, he makes sure that you guys won’t ever encounter such thing again

“you.. don’t have more friends like that, right? if you do— we could always do another friend list cleansing.” this statement makes you laugh but shouto is anything but joking

but being reminded of his reaction to that ‘pick me’ girl does puts a smile on your face.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[happytroopers]

crosshairs fic idea: reader is gossiping with coworkers (maybe medics idk) about who the most attractive clone is and reader mentions crosshair and he somehow finds out and teases her

Teasing // Crosshair x reader

“It’s definitely Captain Rex. ” Tula, a Rodian nurse from the 212th, stated decidedly. You giggled into the shitty GAR rationed caf.

“That’s just cause your into blondes.” You teased, content with the rounds of chuckles at the mess hall table as Tula’s teal cheeks blushed blue.

“I still don’t know why we’re having this conversation, they’re clones, they all look the same! Thats like the whole thing.” Rys groaned uncomfortably, the only man at the table of civilian enlistments. It was rare for some many of your friends to be in the same place at the same time- but medical staff and engineering alike, every six months after your first deployment civilian enlistments were shipped back to Coruscant for a week long training refresher.

“You can’t say that, it’s rude!” Tula slapped his arm, eyebrow ridges furrowing over her galaxy eyes. He held his hands up in surrender.

“Yeah Rys, we won’t assume you’re any less straight if you admit that Wolffe is clearly the most attractive.” Raina grinned, her peach colored lekku twitching at the thought of the commander. You considered the idea but shook your head as other names got thrown around.

Kix, Fives, Bly, Keeli, Cody, and a couple other names you didn’t quite recognize the names of were tossed around the table. Haircuts, scars, tattoos, personality all became deciding factors as you at your dinner, occasionally chiming in to tease your friends.

“Ok then, who do you think the hottest soldier is?” An engineer from some outer moon data post asked after you teased her for her choice- Tup, a younger soldier in the 501st that you hadn’t met since your transfer to Clone Force 99.

You held your hands up, ready to evade the question. But Raina interjected, a challenging look on her face. You’d gone through academy with the peachy colored twi-lek and her sharp tongue was almost faster than her flying. You knew that look, and it didn’t bode well.

“If you don’t answer, I’ll tell every trooper I see all week that you said it was them.” She threatened with a smirk that said she already knew she had won. The smirk grew to a grin when you let out a defeated sigh.

“Well, in my own personal opinion, that Crosshair is the most attractive man we work with.” You admitted quietly. An honest answer on your part, you did think he was attractive even if you’d never say it to his face. Immediately, several pairs of disbelieving eyes landed on you.

“What? He doesn’t even count!” Rys pointed an finger at you to emphasize his point, “he doesn’t even look like the other clones!”

You shrugged as Tula slapped the back of his head again, her voice scolding as she hissed, “You can’t say that either!”

Then she looked at you, “Really though? He’s meaner than a burned gundark.”

“He’s scary.” Raina nodded.

“He’s an ass.” Another one of the 212th enlistments echoed from down the table. You’d forgotten that a few of the units they were assigned to probably had worked with Clone Force 99 at some point. Nevertheless, suddenly, you felt a need to defend the sniper who had finally become what you’d consider a friend.

“Ok, so it takes a while to get to know him, but...” you started, thinking of all the amazing qualities no one else saw because they weren’t with him all the time, “he’s loyal to a fault, really funny, always pulls me out of sticky situations and usually manages to keep me out of them to begin with, once you get to know him and how he is, you see how much he cares about his-“

“Ok, sure,” Raina cut you off, clearly not believing the cold eyed sniper could care about anything or anyone. She paused to pitch her voice up, flutter her eyelashes, and clasp her hands beside her face like a cartoon princess, “we don’t know him like you do~”

She interrupted herself with a snicker before she continued in her normal voice, “and all that bantha crap, but this is about attractiveness. What makes him hot? And don’t give me any of this, personality is all I look at shit.”

“And if I tell you, you’ll leave me alone?” You asked, though it was more of a demand. Tula nodded, she had always been a little boy crazy, and was dying to hear the scoop. You sighed again, hoping your cheeks weren’t too flushed, “fine, He’s very unique looking, in all the best ways. He’s very tall and lean, but crazy built. I’m into the silver hair, and believe it or not, under the armor that man has the best ass you’ll ever see.”

Tula was leaning on the table, giggling wildly at the juicier bits of you description. Raina had leaned back in her seat, and rolled her eyes, “To each their own, I suppose.”

Fortunately for you, the conversation switched to complaining about to the soldiers that were in charge of your training. There was a rumor the Fox used “civilian training” as punishment for his men when they earned a reprimand. It made sense, all the Coruscant guardsmen that were tasked with running drills with you weren’t exactly thrilled to be there. As if any of you were either.

“Yeah, I definitely don’t understand that attitude. We get it, you don’t want to be here, neither do we, but we are so let’s just get it over with- with out the..... are you even listening?” You were in the middle of your tangent when it was clear none of your group was listening to you. Instead there were all staring over your head with varying looks of slight fear, curiosity, and overall disdain. Tula was the one who attempted to subtly point behind you. At first you feared it was one of the troopers in charge of your training, so you quickly turned around with a forced apologetic look on your face.

To your surprise, you found Crosshair. Helmet free, as usual he had a toothpick between his teeth as he gave your group an appraising sweep. He had the same look on his face that he did when he was sizing up ‘the regs’- until he got to you. It took a year for him to stop looking at you that way, but his slight sneer eased out to neutral-which when it came to the sniper, it might as well have been an ear to ear grin.

“Crosshair! What are you doing here?” You asked, turning around in your seat. In addition to his sudden appearance, just his president was slightly confusing. Typically, Hunter would come himself, or send Tech- all to avoid a potential fight. Your training mates looked slightly bewildered at the amicable exchange.

“Springing you. We’ve got an assignment.” He shrugged after plucking the toothpick from between his lips. Like a true creature of habit, he started twirling the stick between his fingers. You quirked an eyebrow motioning to the other civilians.

“You can’t ‘spring me’, it’s GAR regulation for me to do this training refresher.” You reminded him, he rolled his eyes- but you weren’t sure if his disdain was for your use of air quotes or just disdain for GAR regulation in general. With any member of the Bad Batch, it was usually general disrespect for the rules. You gave him a look before continuing, “I still have three more days.”

“Is it really training? You could run circles around anyone here, especially them.” He drawled as he nodded his head over his shoulders at the table of red painted troopers who were eyeing him in distrust. Your eyes went a little wide, was that a compliment? And then you ducked your head at the offended glares of your table. In an effort to prevent a fight, you stood quickly before letting him lead you off.

“They’re aren’t gonna let me leave, Crosshair.” You reminded him, looking up to meet his eyes. He smirked a bit, setting his eyes forward.

“How are they gonna stop us?” He challenged, dropping his smile to glare at a passing trooper.

“Well, ion cannons come to mind.” You mused before clearing your throat, “You guys could always go with me, you went on plenty of missions before you got stuck with me. It be like the good ole days.”

He didn’t laugh at your joking tone, but shook his head, “You’re one of us, you stay with us”

You were stunned to silence for a second, despite your friendship he’s never referred you you as ‘one of them’. Heat rose to your cheeks as you exited the corridor into a lift, so Crosshair diffused the tension.

“Mission takes precedence over regulations. When have we been know to follow the rules, anyways.” He mused, swiping his ID card so the lift would let you out in the hangar. He relaxed a bit when you snorted a laugh before he continued on, “Besides, how can pull you out of sticky situation if you’re on a different planet?”

You froze in your spot, stomach dropping and cheeks flaring with red hot embarrassment; you had forgotten the cardinal rule of working with Crosshair.

If you didn’t have eyes on Crosshair, Crosshair definitely had eyes on you. And in this case, apparently ears as well.

“Ok, look-“ you started, hoping to ease your embarrassment, but all of the excuses you could come up with fell flat before they made it out of your mouth. Fortunately, the lift door slid open, allowing you to escape before you could further your embarrassment.

Crosshair actually chuckled out loud, long legs easily traipsing past you as he headed towards the Havoc Marauder. Momentarily, he twisted around to walk backwards, pointing his toothpick towards you, “Don’t worry, your ass is almost as good as mine.”

[bonny-kookoo]

Under Your Skin (JJK x Reader) | 🔞

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Goth/Punk!Jeon Jungkook x Secretary!Shy!Reader

Genre: Tattoo artist!AU, Badboy x Sweetgirl AU, Idk what else

Tags/Warnings: Ultimate goodboy Kook, He looks grr but is actually sweet, shy reader, smol reader, Kookers is WHIPPED, Also a tease, Dom!Jungkook because how could I not, Sub!Reader, Babygirl!Reader, Its not heavy on the whole ddlg-stuff but yeah they be having some vibes y'know, don't come @ me don't I'm not forcing you to read it lol, anyways moving on, because smut, yes I mean it's my content, and yall nasty admit it, slight hair pulling, manhandling also only a little, oral (f & m receiving), praising, mentions of emotional and physical insecurities, but Kook be supportive so we good, back to the nasty, body worship yes pls, biting, fingering, because why not, protected sex because we keep it clean in this household, light-hearted sex, kook being a romantic goof, yeah I think thats it?

Summary: Jungkook looks like absolute trouble; like one wrong look could set him off, and turn him into an absolute murderer. But oh well, ever heard the phrase 'Never judge a book by its cover'?

A/N: you might have noticed me only putting one emoji up top. I have decided to from now on only mark my adult fics with emojis (which is basically almost every single one lets be real). Also; stop reading my fucking fics if any of the tagged/warned things make you uncomfortable. I'm tired of everyone clowning in my inbox telling me how disgusting ddlg/smut content is. You can't even tell me you 'read it by accident' because that's why I'm always putting the cut underneath my fics =) so pls go finish preschool and then we can maybe shake hands. Maybe not. Covid and all. Yeah.

On the outside, Jeon Jungkook seems like absolute trouble.

He's working at a tattoo and piercing studio, dresses in all black, clattering chains and heavy boots always alerting everyone around of his presence. His long black hair is never truly tamed, his nails painted black, and his face expressionless most of the time. He's a talented artist and well trained piercer, always visiting conventions to keep up with the newest trends, styles, and equipment there is. He takes his job seriously- and is proud of it, knowing that he had proven his family wrong by now. They had been worried about him; especially his mother had scolded him that he shouldn't throw his time away trying to make it in a world of art many had already failed. But last year, he had finally invited them over to his rather nice apartment, showing them that he was living a good life, with nothing to really worry about.

Jungkook had made it.

Well, not quite.

Because as of currently, Jungkook had a new mission, a new goal.

"Ah, Jungkook!" You say, eyes sparkling as you smile at him when he enters the shop he works at. You had recently started to work there as well, since Taehyung was absolute shit at keeping files in order and track of schedules. You hadn't applied for the job specifically, that's at least what his coworker had told him- he had known you prior already, and was aware that you had wanted a change these days.

And Jungkook had been painfully crushing on you ever since you started.

"Your schedule for the week is already here- I uhm.. didn't put it on your desk cause, I didn't want to intrude your space and all.." You say, giving him a small black booklet where you always noted down his appointments. He appreciated it a lot- knowing how much of a hassle it could be to move dates back and forth just to somehow make it fit. You always made sure that he had enough time in between multiple daily pieces in case something took longer or less so you could make sure to be able to move things accordingly. You didn't want him to get overworked, you had said. He had smiled.

"Thanks- and you can go inside, no problem." He says, and you nod. "I know you don't make a mess, like someone else here." He says, hinting at Namjoon, who was known to be quite clumsy- yet a mastermind when it came to designing pieces he struggled with. Jungkook stayed at your front desk for a bit, making you tilt your head a bit, as you tried not to stare. He always took so much care of himself, you would have had to be blind not to see how attractive he actually was. But then again, you didn't get your hopes up- after all, he was nice to almost everyone around. "You've never been in there, right?" He asks, and you shake your head. You haven't been in his space at all- too scared to invade his privacy and making him upset in the process. "I mean- you got time right now? I can show you around." He casually tells you, and you look at your computer screen in front of you. Everything had been filed for today- so you probably had a bit of time to spare.

"Sure." You said, taking your phone and standing up from your chair, making sure to lock the pc so no one would accidentally make a mess out of your tabs. Or worse; close them. God knows all hell would break loose.

Jungkook had to really force himself not to let out any noise as you walked next to him.

You were so tiny next to him.

He wasn't that tall to be honest- with Namjoon and Taehyung both taller than him, he knew he was average at best. And for the longest time, he'd had a thing for tall girls, all elegant and confident. He still liked their aesthetic, yes- but now that he spotted you, he could really see the appeal of having a shorter significant other.

You were so cute.

You carefully stepped inside when Jungkook lifted the curtain that was used instead of a door, surprised to see how.. organized everything was. A little.. off- some things seemed to be randomly put somewhere, but in general, it seemed like everything had their proper spot. "I like to have it like this." He comments, and you nod your head to that, finally spotting his tattoo-gun. It was made out of purple steel- polished, and changing its hue depending on how you looked at it. It was absolutely beautiful, even though you had a rather limited understanding of these things. "Was a present from Taehyung last year." Jungkook says, sitting down on his chair. "I never asked- are you inked at all?" He asks, leaning backwards as you stand there a little awkwardly. "You can sit down somewhere, don't be so tense." He chuckles, and you look around, before you sit on the stretcher across from him. You shake your head, and Jungkook isn't surprised. Your pink converse sway back and forth as you sit on the stretcher, legs too short to reach the floor anymore as you rest your hands underneath your thighs; hem of your dress revealing more of them than he can usually see.

"I don't have any tattoos yet, but I've been talking to Namjoon about it." You said, and Jungkooks saliva tastes a little bitter at that. He doesn't want to pout or give away that it's bugging him at all that you're not talking to him about it- but he fails miserably. "Namjoon actually said I should talk to you about it, since the style I want fits you best." You say, and he can't hide his smile, bunny teeth on full display as he leans forward a bit.

"You'd let me tattoo you?" He asks, and you shrug, before nodding. "What do you have in Mind?" He instantly asks, not even bothering to hide his excitement.

If only you knew that it's because of you; and not just because he's gonna be the first to ink you.

You've both agreed on a design you want, and Jungkook can't deny that he thinks it's absolutely perfect on you.

"Are you scared?" Jungkook asks you as he prepares everything, his sweater's sleeves rolled up, revealing his own body art to you, as well as some bracelets; one that you recognize as the wooden-bead bracelet you had gifted him last year for his birthday. It was weird to see him wear it.

"I.. no. Just nervous." You say. "I'm worried I might cry and make a fool out of myself." You say with a laugh, and Jungkook chuckles, placing a reassuring and warm hand on your upper arm.

"It's fine. I've seen grown man cry like kids on this stretcher before." He casually says. "Don't worry; I won't think any less of you just because of some tears." He says with a smile, and you nod, turning your head to look at his room's walls instead; covered in drawings, sketches, and pictures of finished works he was most proud of. "Do you want anything to hold onto?" He asks, as he starts to shave the skin of your thigh to make sure he can work as best as possible. He's so into his work, so concentrated on doing everything perfect, that he doesn't even take much into account that you're laying in only your panties and oversized sweater; skirt neatly placed on a chair in the corner of the room, to get it out of the way.

"It's fine" You mumble, although you really want to. So instead you curl your fingers around the fabric of your sweater- something that doesn't go unnoticed by Jungkook, who decides not to comment on it for now. He simply throws the one-time razor away as well as the tissues used to clean your skin, before he carefully places the tracing paper onto where he seems fit.

"I think it would look great right here." He says lowly, carefully removing the paper to reveal the lines he's gonna trace with his gun in a few minutes. "You wanna look at it again?" He asks, and you shake your head. "Alright." He says, before he gets up and walks out his room; only to return with your small squishy and round unicorn plush that's usually sitting on your desk. "To hold onto." He winks, and you chuckle at that.

Jungkook really pays attention.

"So, Taehyung has told me you're a bit younger than me." Jungkook says to start casual chit-chat, trying to help your nervousness as his tattoo-gun starts to buzz to live. "Only a Year if I remember correctly." He says, and you nod.

"Yeah.." You say, and can't hide your dissapoinment flooding your voice. Jungkook, until now, only had relationships with girls older than him. He's even said before that he just likes having someone older than him around- which made you even more nervous around him.

"You sound upset about that." He chuckles, and gently holds onto your thigh as you jump a bit when he first presses the tip of the gun down. "Sorry. I'll be gentle." He lowly tells you, and you swallow.

Not the time Y/N, not the time.

"Uhm.." You say, fingers digging into the squishy plush in your hands. "I.. there's someone I like, but he.. only likes older girls, so.." You say, and Jungkook glances at you. You're already interested in someone? He continues to trace the lines, wiping afterwards to get the excess ink and blood off. "But I mean, then again I don't think I have a chance with him anyways." You chuckle, and Jungkook can't help but shake his head. Even if you're interested in someone else, he shouldn't let you have thoughts like that.

"Highly doubt that." He says. "If he doesn't see you, he's blind." He tells you, and you giggle, glad that he's able to make you feel a bit better about everything. "I'm serious." He says, and you nod at that, watching his inked arm flex every now and then as he draws with absolute concentration; black facemask hiding half of his face. You can see the way his eyebrows furrow, eyes fixated on his work as he moves with absolute routine. "Do I know the guy?" He casually asks, before he dips the tip of his gun in the tiny pot of ink again.

You don't know what to say.

He looks at you for a second, and decides not to dig. "You don't have to tell me. Sorry if I seemed nosy; didn't mean to." He apologizes, and you shake your head to let him know its fine. It's quiet for a moment afterwards, only the buzzing of his gun and your occasional whine of pain. "Sorry; it'll hurt a bit more now since I'm getting close to your inner thigh- that's always a little more sensitive." He comments, and you really hope he doesn't pay much attention to your panties.

When you can see his eyes stick to them for a second, you really want to just disappear.

He doesn't comment on it though. What is he suppsosed to say? He really doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, and considering that you already have a crush on someone else, he doesn't want to get himself in too deep as well. He simply works away, finally finishing the thin and delicate outlines of your piece- the first step, before he will see you again for color and shading. He finally connects the last line, and doesn't think twice about what he says next.

"Good girl."

It takes a second that feels way too long for the both of you to register the words, and Jungkook quickly occupies himself with turning off his gun and cleaning up your skin and his workspace to get the awkwardness out of his room. You try to instantly stand up, but his palm holds onto your leg- silently ordering you to stay put, which you do. He rubs something over the piece, before he gently lifts your leg to wrap it. "I'll give you a bottle of lotion for it. Leave that bandage on for.. I'd say until tomorrow morning at least. Afterwards, apply the lotion everyday to help it heal properly." He lectures you with a gentle voice, before letting you sit up.

"Thanks." You say, grinning eagerly at the now hidden artwork on your leg. Jungkook chuckles.

"We're not done yet, but I'll take it." He says. "I uh.." He starts, as you jump off the stretcher and go to take on your skirt. "uhm, you up for some fast food?" He asks, a bit hurried, before he can chicken out again. And he hates himself for a moment, because you had literally told him just half an hour before that you already had interest in someone else. But maybe you were too innocent to get his innuendo, maybe you wouldn't get that he was asking you on a date-

"Like a date?" You ask, and he really wants to hit himself.

"I mean, if you want it to be?" He says, swallowing as he averts his gaze, a sight very weird. His hand runs through his hair, chain around his neck and piercings on his ears clattering against each other and making sounds as he moves, his combat boots nervously tapping the floor a little. "It doesn't have to be.. I know you're already-"

"I'd love to." You say however, now fully dressed again, as you grin with your bright sparkling eyes.

And Jungkook feels like he's won the lottery.

It's your third time laying on Jungkooks' stretcher like this- waiting for him to work on your art, finishing it today. But the energy is different.

Things are different between you two in general.

After some casual movie dates and rounds of overwatch, Jungkook had admitted to you that he had a crush. It was rushed, while he was driving, so he didn't have to look at you and instantly get hit by your reaction. But then, you had told him that you felt the same- and the two of you agreed to let things process from then on. Whatever would happen; you would let happen.

And Jungkook was starting to flirt with you.

It was a little weird to get close to him like that. While everyone seeing you two was a little taken aback- with your dresses and skirts, and colorful and almost childish personality, he seemed like the absolute opposite- quiet, all dark and dangerous while carrying your milkshake so you could put your phone away into your purse.

"Alright doll, let's finish this." He said with newfound enthusiasm, winking at you as you laughed at his demeanor.

"You seemed more excited than me!" You say, and he chuckles. "You're really desperate to have me gone?" You say in a playfully upset tone, and he simply huffs out a breath, before cockily looking at you for a second.

"That's not true." He says. "I'd just rather have you laid out somewhere else than in my studio, that's all." He casually says, and you shut your mouth at that, cheeks red as he laughs at your cute display of embarrassment. He routinely prepares your skin, before he starts his gun. "Too much?" He asks, and you know he's not talking about the pressure of his ink filled gun on your skin.

"No-" You start, and he now seriously speaks to you, voice a bit muffled through his facemask.

"Please tell me if I ever make you uncomfortable." He says. "You're not upsetting me if you tell me I'm going to far." He says, and you nod, knowing that he now needs a proper answer. Jungkook is way more attentive and romantic than people may think he is. He's a gentleman pulled out of a dictionary- careful and gentle with you, and always keen on getting to know you for you, and not for the person you like to portray yourself as. He wants to know what you like, what you don't like, what you dream of, and what you hate about yourself.

"Don't worry- I will." You say, watching him work on your skin. "Jungkook?" You ask, and he hums a reply to let you know he's listening. "Is it okay if I sleep?" You ask, and he chuckles.

"Didn't I tell you not to stay up for too long before I left yesterday?" He teasingly retorts back to you, and you pout at him- with no hard feelings behind it. He had left last night after eating with you for dinner at your place; and he did indeed tell you to go to sleep a little earlier since he knew you would have an early shift today, opening up the store. "I'm really tempted to say no." He says, eyes now on your skin again as he dips the tip of his gun in a pot of color. "You know, as punishment for not listening." He mumbles, and you almost don't catch it.

Almost.

"Jungkook?" Taehyung stands in his doorway, finally finding him sitting at his desk. "Oh?" He says in a surprised tone, spotting your sleeping figure on his coworkers lap- head resting against the inside of his shoulder, with your arms around his middle.

"Yeah?" Jungkook asks, not at all shy or fazed by the fact that Taehyung is looking at you. "What is it?" He asks again, as Taehyung smiles, giving the younger man his small booklet that you usually give him every morning.

"Nothing left for today." He said. "Just wanted to tell you good work and send you home." The older one explains, zipping up his own jacket. "Guess she'll be coming with you?" He asks teasingly, but Jungkook doesn't bite the bait at all.

"Yeah. Don't burn the house down while we're gone, you two. " He says, slipping the booklet into his pocket before he pats your back. "Come on doll, let's go home." He tells you, waking you up at least enough to put on your shoes and lead you out the store to his car.

He buckles your seatbelt as the engine comes alive, radio playing its tune softly in the background as he drives you home. "You awake doll?" He asks, and you nod your head, turning towards him with barely open eyes. "You haven't had anything proper to eat today, so I'll make us some ramen at my place, ok?" He asks, and you nod, before your eyebrows scrunch up. "What is it?" He chuckles, and you now grow more awake.

"Wait- but if we eat at yours then you're gonna have to drive me home late." You say, and he shrugs. "Noo, Kook, what if you crash the car because you're sleepy?" You tell him with a whine, genuinely concerned for him, as he has the audacity to laugh. "Kookie, it's not funny I swear to god-!" You say, and he apologizes.

"I mean." He starts, casually dropping what he had wanted to ask you for a couple of weeks now. "You could always just stay over." He tells you, and you look at him, meeting his gaze at the red light he stops at, his head turned towards you for a moment until the lights turn green again.

"We.. would have to stop at mine so I could get some stuff though.." You mumble, and Jungkook looks at you with newfound enthusiasm, setting his turning lights to enter a different road.

It's in a parking lot that you first unintentionally confront him with your biggest insecurities and flaws.

You've tripped over a stray stone you didn't see laying on the ground, leading you to fall onto your hands and scraping your knees open. Just like any normal human being, you dust yourself off, instantly hoping that Jungkook inside the shop hadn't seen you fail at something so basic as walking. You had carried some of the items you two had bought into the car while also returning the shopping cart while he had payed- and by the look on his face, he had definitely seen you.

He wasn't laughing, or hiding his grin, or anything alike. He looked concerned, taking his card back from the cashier before walking out the store, jogging towards you, who sat in the open trunk, ready to get laughed at. Even though somewhere deep in your mind you didn't think he would, past experiences had led to you now having that fear, no matter with whom. "Are you okay?" Jungkook asks, looking at you as he squats down to take a look at your bleeding knees. He reaches into one of the shopping bags, taking out a water bottle and a pack of tissues, before he wets it, one hand holding your leg by the backside of your knee, while the other carefully cleans the small wound. "You gotta be careful Baby." He chuckles a little- nothing like the laughter you had expected.

"I'm fine." You say, not looking up at him.

"It's okay to cry, you know?" He says, and you stay quiet, trying not to breathe too much as you desperately hold them back. "I won't laugh." He promises, deciding not to look at you as to give you a bit more space.

"People will stare though.." You quietly murmur towards him, and he finishes his job, before he goes to throw the now used tissue away in a nearby trashcan. When he returns, he's taking his jacket off, the item way too large on your form as he throws it over you, pulling the hood up as you look at him for the first time since your little accident, eyes sparkling with unshed tears when he pulls the sides of the hood towards him a little. "There." He says, a reassuring smile on his face. "Now no one can see you but me." He tells you. "And I will never, ever, laugh at you." He promises, and pulls your head against his chest, as you start to let go.

He really hates to see you cry- but he's glad that you're letting him in enough to let him see you this way.

Jungkook is frustrated.

He tries not to really show it, because he doesn't want to blow up in your face like that, but then again, you're kind of the reason he feels the way he does. Because even though he thought you both had a genuine connection, you're yet to let him touch you.

And not just hugging and holding hands.

It's not that he's impatient- its because he knows you, at one point, wanted him that way as well. But something happened, something he didn't notice, that made you take ten steps backwards from him. You seemed to be retreating, giving up, and he has no idea what he had done to make you react that way.

As far as he knows, he had done everything right.

But then he sees them; the messages sent back and forth between you and Hana, a returning customer at the shop- well known to flirt with everyone around here. Jungkook himself had actually considered hooking up with her once a year back, simply to make her shut up, but then again, he wasn't into one-night-stands. And she had never truly been his type anyways.

'Ah yeah, just re-schedule that then, I don't mind at all! Just make sure we have enough time together, since we haven't had time to catch up on things recently, if you know what I mean.' She had sent, a week ago; exactly the timeframe you had started to distance yourself. He knew he shouldn't look into it, but then again- this was his business too. He had the right to know.

'Sure? I can give you an appointment at around 4 PM then, so you'll be the last one. Would that be okay with you? Again, sorry for re-scheduling on such short notice.' You had written, and Jungkook can't decide if you had been oblivious to her implication (which was bullshit), or if you were simply too polite to call her out. But it's the next messages that make him fume.

'Again, no troubles. As I said, I only care that its Jungkookie, I don't really trust anyone else with my body that way ;). 4 PM is perfect, you guys still close at around 6 PM right? He's got skilled hands, I'm sure we don't need much more time, if you know what I mean.' she has the audacity to write.

But its your answer that makes him fume.

'Good to know.'

"Jungkook?" You say, looking at the screen, as you suddenly dash forwards, trying to shut the screen off- as if that would make any difference. But he catches your wrist with ease, holding it in his palm as he looks at you.

"Do you think I'm sleeping with her?" He asks, and you try to escape his grasp; and he lets you, staying at your workspace however as he keeps you locked in place with his gaze. "Y/N." He urges, making you look away from him.

"It's none of my business." You say, shrugging. "I.. No, it's-" You start, but he cuts you off.

"No, finish that sentence. 'No' what?" He says, and you've never heard him talk like that.

"I just.. didn't think you'd.. do that." You meekly say, murmuring it as he tilts your head gently upwards to look at him; his face now more relaxed as he softly smiles.

"That's good that you think that way." He tells you. "Because I don't do that at all." He says. "She likes to start drama all the time- was probably bitter I turned her down so much. You know what?" He suddenly says, turning towards the screen as he clicks to change the account, opening his own Inbox as he starts to write an E-Mail.

'Appointment is cancelled, be glad I'm not suing you for defamation. JK.'

"Jungkook-" You say, trying to get him not to send it- but it's already gone. "Why would you do that? Just because I misunderstood?" You whine, and he chuckles, shutting down the system as he looks at the clock, signaling that it's closing time.

"No." He says. "But because I don't want her around anyways, and this gives me a proper reason." He tells you, ruffling your hair as he looks at you. "You coming?" He asks, and you nod, taking your bag and coat before following him out the shop.

In the car, you finally speak up. "Jungkook?" You ask, and he hums out a reply. "Do you.. think I'm attractive?" You ask, and he clears his throat at the unexpected question.

"I- what?" He asks, unsure what you mean.

"Just.. Namjoon said, that he thinks you.. see me as a friend only? Because I'm nothing like the girls you dated before.. If I misunderstood something here then Oh my god-" You start to ramble, and Jungkook laughs suddenly.

"You think I'm not into you?" He asks, and you shrug. "Of course I want to fuck you doll." He casually comments, and you can't help but feel your cheeks redden. "Wait- did you really think I didn't?" He asks, face showing genuine horror as he looks over at you.

"I mean.. you never really initiated anything so I thought.." You started, and he groans out.

Thank god you're staying the night.

"Looks so pretty, does it?" He hums out, palm running over the tattoo on your thigh, delicate lines and well-placed shadings complimenting the colors perfectly. "You know why I love it most?" He starts, hand suddenly gripping the flesh for a moment, before he pulls you closer on his lap by the small of your back. "Because that's mine." He says, before he leans in, placing an open mouthed kiss against your pulse. "The ink that's under your skin, the design, the idea-" He mumbles against your skin. "And the body it's drawn on." You whine at his tone, dark and low, as he urges you back and forth on his clothed thigh- your panties suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Isn't it like that, baby?" He asks, and you nod, furiously, and he chuckles. "Hm, you seem out of breath baby.." He grins at you, like a predator.

"Jungkook.." You whine, not knowing what you're asking for.

He wordlessly moves, helping you lay down on his bed before he crawls over you, his lips instantly attached to the skin of your neck, hands helping you out of your dress wordlessly, as he can't help but let his gaze linger on your body for a moment. "I can't believe that-" He says, pulling off your overknee socks. "-you'd ever think of yourself anything less than perfect." He says, placing a gentle kiss to the colorful image now forever placed under your skin by his skilled hands. He continues to display his affection over your skin, wandering over your stomach up to your chest, where he playfully bites just above your breast. He struggles with the front of your bra for a second, unsure how to open the undergarment without breaking it, as you help a little; letting them spring free. But only for a moment.

Because in the next, he's got them in his hands, palms gently moving over them, feeling their softness as he groans. "You're so sweet." he comments, as he finally kisses your lips, smile interrupting him every now and then. "So soft." Another kiss. "So delicate." Another one. "And all mine, yeah?" He asks, and you nod, smiling as he grins back, the expression making him look so young and carefree you can't help but wonder how anyone could ever think he's a bad man.

He's anything but.

He's so careful touching you, so delicate in moving his palms over your skin, as if its the most divine thing he's ever felt. He's still smiling, as if in a trance, while he can't stop kissing you. Your hands move into his hair- way softer than you thought it would be, and he groans into your mouth at the feeling of your fingers running over his scalp.

There's no urgency in anything he does.

He slowly moves again, hands opening your legs for him as he sits back on his heels, playfully pulling you closer by the backs of your knees, making you giggle. "You sound so sweet baby." He tells you, innocently, as if he's not currently placing his hand onto your center, ring finger collecting your already leaking wetness before he spreads it, moving his thumb over your most sensitive bundle of nerves while his ring finger enters you slowly. You whine at the feeling, not enough to get you as riled up as you'd like to be. Also; this is the first time you're genuinely experiencing foreplay. You don't know what to do- and Jungkook seems to pick up on that. "You good?" He asks, and you nod.

"I.." You say, breathless as he tilts his head, smile still present on his lips. "What should I do?" You ask, as his eyes widen.

"You?" He wonders, before he stops for a moment. "Don't tell me- this is your first time?" He asks, now genuinely worried he might've gone too fast.

"No.." You admit. "But uhm.. no one's ever, like.. you know, what you're doing.." You say, and that's when it clicks for him.

What kind of guys did you date before him that never gave you any attention like this? He's upset by it, but also weirdly cheered on by that simple fact; it gives him even more reason to make sure you'll get the most out of it. "Ah, I see.." He humms out, letting another finger stretch your entrance for him. "..well, I'm not like that." He explains, before he moves, face now close to your center- and you're unsure what he's going to do. "Trust me." He says, mumbles out, before his tongue places itself flat onto your clit, licking painfully slow as you move your hands over your mouth, trying to keep your noises in. "nuh-uh baby." He scolds, free hand pulling yours away. "Let me hear you." He demands, before he places his mouth back where it was.

Your mind is completely blank at this moment, the only thing you can really concentrate on being Jungkook, working you up so quickly you feel dizzy. It's new, and it's a little weird- but it's more than anything you've ever experienced before. And it brings you towards your end so suddenly you suddenly gasp out, back arching off the mattress as you grab at the sheets below, one hand grasping for Jungkooks, who lets you ride out your high to its fullest. "So pretty." He comments after wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, smiling at your blissed out state.

"Kook-" You say, moving as you sit up, less shy now that your brain is still clouded by pleasure.

"Ah- you don't have to." He tells you, but you shake your head, and he lets you. He slips out of his clothes, finally bare, and you would've taken time to look at all the different pieces of art decorating his body- if it wasn't for his cock, red and ready in front of you. Usually, you would've let your insecurities and doubts get the best of you. But this was Jungkook. And you wanted to really believe that nothing you would do could ever be judged by him. So there was no hesitation as your hands reached out for him, gently moving, before you took him in, your lips wrapping themselves around his tip, before you moved downwards, fitting as much as you comfortably could. Meanwhile, Jungkook himself was steadying himself with one hand on the mattress, while the other was buried into your hair, his own head thrown back as he closed his eyes.

Of course he had fantasized about this every now and then; but he had never thought you'd actually be comfortable doing it. And even if- nothing he could've imagined would've ever compared to the real deal happening. There was something absolutely mindblowing about the way that you handled him, your sweet and pretty presence looking so divine doing such a sinful act with him. He had to pull you off by your hair, gently, because any more, and he would've been a goner. "G-Good god baby." He chuckles, pushing you a bit so you were on your back again, reaching for his bedside table to search for a condom. "I swear to god if I- HAH!" He tells you in victory, hands making quick work of opening the foil package and wrapping the safety over his length. "I swear I would've run out butt naked to buy one if I wouldn't have found this." He says with a grin, making you laugh.

"That's weird." You comment, and he chuckles, entering you slowly as to not hurt you, his breathing labored as he still kept the lighthearted energy going.

"You think?" He asks, and you nod, giggling as your eyes close, the feeling of him filling you up too good to keep them open. "Hm no." He said breathlessly. "Would've probably put on some pants maybe." He says, before he starts thrusting. "Doesn't matter if it means I'd get to fuck you." He says, and you giggle again.

"Kook!" You scold him, and he still continues to thrust into you, exhaling forcefully as he kisses your neck.

"What?" He whines high pitched as if to imitate you.

"Be serious!" You tell him, but can't help your own smile either.

"Oh, why though?" He says. "We're making love, not war baby." He whispers into your ear, and you still laugh at it.

"I can't believe you!" You complain playfully, moaning out when he suddenly thrusts with more force, obscene noises now interrupting you two as he picks up his pace, clenching his jaw.

"And-" He starts. "I can't believe how fucking good you feel." He presses out, hand now reaching between the two of you as he brings you towards an earth-shattering orgasm, making you mewl as you can feel yourself bursting. "Good girl!" He praises, watching as you squirt all over him, his own orgasm hitting him soon after as he grunts out, finally slowing down until he stills completely, his mouth attached to your neck to place gentle kisses and teasing bites near your pulse point.

"I love you." He mumbles out, and your eyes sting.

Because yeah, you love him- you absolutely do, but hearing it from him, hearing it in such an honest and warm-hearted tone, having this final proof of his own feelings towards you, makes you emotional. "Baby, why're you crying?" He chuckles out of breath, wiping your tears as you smile, and finally look at him with glossy eyes.

"Cause I love you too." You say. "So much."

And he can't help but grin at you.

You really are the sweetest thing.

You watch as Hana walks out of Taehyungs studio, arm wrapped up in clear foil as she walks towards your counter, pulling out her purse. "Taehyung agreed on 345." She says, until Taehyung yells another number out of his studio, making her eyes roll. She wasn't supposed to come back- but Taehyung had agreed to finish her piece at least. "Alright, here you go." She says, watching as you counted the money. "Does Jungkook work today?" She asks, and you nod. "I'm just gonna go say hi then. You can finish the receipt yeah?" She says overly sweet, and you're about to tell her that Jungkook doesn't want anyone entering without his permission, but he's already walking out his studio, black sweater and silver necklaces on full display as he walks towards you. "Jungkookie!" Hana exclaims, but her face drops almost chomically as she watches Jungkook walk up behind you, placing a kiss on your bare shoulder as he looks over it onto your screen.

"Oh, looks like I'm done for the day. You need anything Hana?" He asks innocently, one hand on your desk while the other rests on your chair behind your back.

"I- just wanted to apologize for uhm.. the emails. I didn't know you'd read them." She says, and you slowly close all programs, while Jungkooks humms out something.

"Yeah, I figured." He says, before he shakes his head. "As I said, I'm letting it go. No hard feelings." He says, shrugging, before he walks towards his studio again, stopping in his tracks for a second. "Ah, baby, can you text Jin-Hyung and ask him if we can come now? I'm actually starving I swear." He says, and you nod with red cheeks, pulling out your phone.

"Huh." Comes from Hana, as she takes the receipt from you. "I honestly.. would've never thought." She mumbles, before she simply leaves, without any more words.

Yeah. You would've honestly never thought either.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. Please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi.com/bonnykookoo. Thank you for reading.

[dootdootwriting]

CONGRATS FOR 600+!!! I SAW UR EVENT SO IF I HAVE THE CHANCE, IM TAKING IT

The whole alphabet for Thoma. (Gn reader)

PLEASE dont overwork yourself though. You dont have to do it all if youre tired or something. Thank you and congrats!

600+ writing event

ty for ur request anon!! also you're funny. overwork myself? how could i possibly do that when i'm already avoiding all of my schoolwork? entire alphabet for thoma coming right up! (under the cut for length)

fluff alphabet with thoma; gn reader; no warnings apply

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- thoma enjoys pretty much any type of shared activities with you, but ultimately his favorite kind is any that involves food. he'll go on tours of inazuma city with you to find the best places to get ice cream, or he'll buy a whole bunch of food and see what kind of dishes you can make together! nine times out of ten it ends up being really weird and a little gross, but it's fun and he loves spending time with you.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- he admires your ambition, your humor, and your own personal flair. he loves the person you are, and almost everything that goes into that, but he specifically loves the unique little traits that make you you.

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- his first instinct is to give you a big hug or rub your back, but only if he knows you're okay with it and that it would actually help. his first goal is to make sure you're okay, and then his second goal is to cheer you up: with bad jokes and kisses, usually

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- thoma isn't super picky with how you two end up in the future, as long as you're together and happy. he wants to grow old with you, ideally, though however you do that will decide itself.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- thoma is used to taking the lead in your relationship, but he's not necessarily more dominant or anything - he's just excited to be with you and wants to make sure you're just as happy as he is. your relationship is pretty balanced!

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what's their idea of a fun day out?)

- he loves loves loves going out on walks, especially in the city, and just finding random things that seem fun to do. there are a bunch of people playing cornhole over there, how about you guys join in for a game? they're selling a new kind of hotpot at that restaurant, better give it a try!

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- he's definitely aware of everything you do for him, and he's also very grateful that you're with him. he makes sure to let you know that every day.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- i think the only time thoma would ever keep something from you on purpose is if it would be somehow dangerous for you to know. other than that, he likes to make sure you're aware of everything you need to be. he likes his privacy like anyone else, but he also values communication.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- being with you hasn't necessarily changed him (aside from the fact that you two are almost always seen together now) but it's definitely improved his mood a lot, not that it was ever really bad. he also likes to show off more now that you're around...

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- thoma gets jealous relatively easily but is also not one to step in unless it's a situation in which you seem uncomfortable. he trusts you wholeheartedly, which sometimes means he has to keep himself from getting overly worried.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- he's a very good kisser. thoma's kisses are playful and sweet, or alternatively full of reassurance and love. your first kiss was a little rushed and he was a little nervous (not that he'd ever admit that) but he knew it was the right time.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- confesses accidentally while watching you do something that's actually pretty normal. you tap him on the shoulder and ask where he wants to go for lunch and he just kinda stares at you and then says "man i love you" and you're like. what. but he plays it off like he TOTALLY MEANT to say that and definitely didn't slip up.

M-Mornings (what's it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- lazy lazy lazy. thoma knows he has to go to work but why would he do that when you're next to him all curled up into him? he can't just abandon you like that! fortunately the kamisatos are very forgiving, so when he shows up late they don't give him an earful.

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- babe/baby, sunshine, and occasionally sweetheart but usually just to tease you

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when thoma first realizes he's in love with you it hits him like a truck and he has to sit down for a second to process it. after that he hangs around you a lot more often, and it's pretty obvious to anyone watching that he's in love.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- thoma's comfortable with pda and likes to tease you with it sometimes, unless you're someone who absolutely hates it, in which case he'll settle with handholding. otherwise, he'll give you random light kisses on the cheek or will grab you and pull you into him at random points throughout the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they're with you for no reason in particular)

- his nose scrunches when he's trying not to laugh at you, which makes you laugh at him, which makes him laugh at you. congratulations! you have achieved pile of laughter.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- thoma is very romantic and also values friendship with his partner as well. he's sort of a mix between cliché and creative - while he will definitely take you out for a fancy dinner and lend you his jacket, he will also take you out to the lake and push you in or make a date out of who can spot the most dogs on a day out.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- one hundred percent he believes in you and will do his best to help you achieve any goals you have. ok thats the end of this headcanon i have nothing else to say GHCCN

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- thoma loves trying new things! he doesn't need things to change constantly (and also that might be very tiring for him) but he does like to switch things up a little.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- forgot to change it from "good" to "well." WHOOPS. anyway

- thoma is very empathetic, so he's quick to understand how you're feeling, though it'll take him a little longer to understand why it is you're feeling like that. once you explain to him, he knows just what to do, whether it be celebrate with you on a big win or comfort you or give you some space.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

- it's SO important to him. having you in his life is one of the most important things to him. he's also been with the kamisatos for a really long time though, so thoma will need a little bit to sort out where his priorities are. rest assured that you're definitely up there.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- thoma really likes the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair. bonus points if you wash it for him (he'll return the favor)

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- if you're ever available for affection, thoma will take advantage of it. he loves being close to you and generally just the feeling of loving and being loved in return, especially when that incorporates physical affection. listen he just really likes being kissed.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- when you're gone thoma will surround himself with things that remind him of you. he'll also occasionally call your name or say things to you absentmindedly before remembering you're not there at present. poor guy... he'll be very happy once you're home.

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- it depends on the lengths. the worst case scenario for thoma would be if he somehow had to choose between you and his work - that would terrify him, even though there's no way it would ever happen. other than that, since you're way up on his priority list, there's not much that he wouldn't do for you.