#idk man i just couldnt leave it
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cant stop thinking about this silly dog i saw on twitter the other day, reminded me of him for some reason. The Animal 🐖
#i would link a source but it was a repost account so. idk whose ouppy this is im so sorry#also FIRST TABLET DRAWING RAAAAAAAUGH 💥💥💥 MY HAND HURTS SO FUCKING BAD FKJDHG#i gotta get used to holding a pen like that...#my arm keeps doing muscle memory Dont Touch The Screen thing but. it's ok relax man this isnt even a touchscreen#you can rest ur arm it's fine#it's so funny that desktop medibang was so hard to get used to bc i genuinely just didnt understand the software#was anyone gonna tell me you can move the red square to move your view... i've been using the scroll bars this whole time#WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME I FORGOT MY FUCKING PEN CORRECTION-#NO WONDER MY LINES FOR THIS SKETCH WERE SO SHAKY KGJFHG#also i forgot to fix the anti-aliasing so umm just pretend this is pixels like usual ok.. i couldnt tell#i dont have my glasses on and the screen is juuuuust a bit blurry anyways. didnt notice till i zoomed in to do his eye </3#yay doodle <3 i love coloring on this thing it's so fun#awa#umm im gonna leave this nonrebloggable for now bc i feel nervous for some reason#might change it later bc this was really fun
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i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.
its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.
have passion in spite of those who hate.
#its absolutely mind boggling to me#and genuinely makes me so fucjinf upset#i was sitting next to my sister who has been nicer to me than usual as she is talking to her online friend and im doing my nails silently b#its her polish and i didnt wanna take it out of her room. but i look up and shes ranking music genres which is all cool. but without#hesitation as the first one at the most bottom tier she put kpop. like i understand its not her cup of tea but i was like okay thats#something that actively makes me wanna keep living yaknow. and she knows that. so i was like#‘interesting placement for kpop’ and she didnt say anything so i said ‘im not sure youve listened to it enough to have such a violent#opinion on it’ and she immediately got angry saying shes ‘heard enough’ and then got mad at me for saying that saying why was i being ‘like#this what the fuck’ and my heart genuinely sunk into my ass but i couldnt leave even though i felt like crying bc i only did one hand and i#was drying at that moment plus i didn’t wanna make it a big deal. but this is not the first time she’s actively hated on my music without#prompt from me and it just makes me ????? like. music taste differs with everyone i understand this and i respect it. if something brings u#happiness then i would love to hear and listen even if i wouldn’t choose it myself. but being a bitch about it. idk#ultimately its the fact of being mean for no reason over someone else’s passion makes u a fucking asshole#:)))) im not crying bye#ashley rambles#to delete later#my mom and brother do it too btw. hating on it and making sure i hear it.#my mom was doing it the other day and my 7 year old nephew kept saying ‘pook i love it. i think its cool’ and it made me cry because kids#have the capacity for such unaltered kindness as the world has yet been cruel to them#idk man
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Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it
#txt#trying to figure it out#i tried to be there for jim and listen to him and be a good partner#but he barely opened up#i didnt know he wanted to leave me#he chose to open up when i was mad#so i didnt respond#so that i didnt yell#not that that is his fault#i should have done better#but i couldny#in that house#i was so overstimulated all the fucking tome#time#like always#and i didnt even realise it#until he kicked me put#out*#and now im just guilty over everything.#why wasnt i better#why cpuldnt i be better#its not fair that he didnt tell me#3 months and you really couldnt tell me what was on your mind#thats unfair man#i was trying so hard to be better#to do better#giving him space is almost impossible#hes my best friend and my soul mate#i dont want to talk to anyone else tbh#so being ignored is like a knife to my chest and idk what to do about it and this is my last tag i can put it and i just dont even know
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kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room
#ive only slept 4 hours and its a sunday so im probably just cranky and getting irrationally annoyed idk.#but i wanted to talk abt revenant gun bc im enjoying it and havent gotten to discuss it w anyone :-(#i dont wanna post on here bc i dont wanna see spoilers and i dont have anything to say that other fans would find particularly interesting#ik half the arcs of the veilguard characters despite the fact ill never play it bc i like listening to her + hearing her opinions#but damn i guess she doesnt gaf shes got better things to do. im not being fair i get we jusr socialise differently n thats fine.#and ik its not true but sometimes i feel like she doesnt like being around me very much bc shes always halfway out the door#and she doesnt suggest we watch shit together anymore n has turned me down the last few times ive suggested it#but ik shes doing shit w other ppl shes always calling n playing games n stuff w other friends so well maybe its a little true#and she acts so strange around me sometimes like she'll move to the other side of the room if i go open the fridge or whatever#like damn girl im not gonna fucking bite u. whats up with the constant 5ft distance. bc u dont ever do that with other friends just me.#and then it pisses me off when it sort of comes up as a side thing to smth else bc it ONLY ever comes up around other ppl she'll never#bring it up directly with me and she'll blame it on me as if we havent had this conversation multiple times where ive explained exactly#why im weird abt shit sometimes and where my boundaries are and what i would like and then nothing at all changes#like last time she brought it up around another friend she was like oh well we can hug more if u want like no we fucking cant bc u act#like we're magnetically repulsed u hate me being in ur space and only tolerate it when we're around other ppl which is why it makes ME#uncomfortable when she does try to be physically affectionate or whatever bc she 100% exclusively does it in front of others#like man u dont have to put on a fucking performance??? or even worse do it just bc u feel guilty abt leaving me out i hate being pitied#even if ik i very obviously do get hurt at being left out. but thats my problem man i would never fuck w someone elses boundaries#i hate hate hate when ppl have inconsistent conditional boundaries and never communicate what the fucking conditions are so theyre#constantly moving the benchposts around and acting unpredictably like how am i supposed to know where they are!!!!!! please#snd then so embarrassing to pointedly say its bc of MY behaviour in front of someone else like oh ok. u couldnt have told me this before.#in private so we could actually communicatr. sorry this has gotten so off track im feeling so gross this morning and everything is#frustrating me im so tired i feel nauseous ughhhh#okay well anyway. got my list of tasks lets just focus on this shit instead before i spend yet another sunday miserably ruminating#.vent#im not actually mad at her or anything like i said we just socialise differently we have different incompatible flavours of autism#and thats not her fault but its just so frustrating that we cant seem to communicate very well. i think im allowed to be frustrated#anyway yeah sorry im leaving it im leaving it. i should go polish my boots before i shower
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I need to stop sleeping all day its giving me wild as fuck dreams
#literally had a dream that i was a 14yr old mexican boy who was kidnapped by a crime boss and worked for him#making my way up the ladders until i was his right hand man#until one day i got in an accident and the paramedic who found me stuck by me while the cops questioned me#bc like who is this kid why is he so malnourished who is meant to tale care of you#and then they were restraining me in the back of an ambulance and i was crying and trying to breathe my way out of a panic#attack and then managed to calm down and the paramedic (who looked like that guy from disco elysium. the one you play as)#started asking me questions about my life and i talked about how johnny was in charge and he wore half a black rabbit mask but upside down#so the singular ear ran down his throat. and i talked about other thing idk but then CRASH the ambulance is suddenly gone#(OH I REMEMBER. i talked about how there were these women (prostitutes) who were nice to me and would give me food and drink#that i wasnt supposed to have and they wouldnt let me drink what the men were having but thats okay it tasted nasty anyway#and how on my last mission i was shot in the leg and it delayed me a day and johnny punished me by locking me up#and i couldnt leave and i nearly starved to death that week but the women snuck me small amounts of food and drink#even tho they would have been killed if they were caught. anyway that was like two weeks ago and my leg still hadnt healed)#im tied up under the clothesline at the top of the stairs of my irl house while the paramedic is tied to a chair by the front door#johnny comes in and starts asking questions but upon receiving no answers he grabs a metal bat and breaks the paramedics knee#and im just crying and screaming for it all to stop scared out of my life and johnny asks if i want the beating instead#and the paramedic says “dont you lay a finger on him. (name) look away i dont want you seeing this”#and then johnny starts torturing him amd all i hear is his screams even tho im blocking my ears and squeezing my eyes shut#and then im in johnnys room three years later and hes turned me into a dog but also an axolotl and ive forgotten my human roots#....like literally what the FUCK was that????#moss' madness#its called vague posting FOR A REASON
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just went through all my ao3 fics and edited all the tags because i feel like i overtag a lot and it always bothered me. tbf the most overtagging happens in my relationship/character tags but i find it super difficult to judge who/which relationship is important. like friendships are So Important in my fics i dont feel like i cant tag less there? especially my longer fics. amtc james&sirius and black brothers are in my mind at least if not more important than literally amtc jegulus. i know its a jegulus fic but also jegulus is just the catalyst for other relationship dynamics. how do you tag that stuff
#honestly same with operation wanker#i finally put the wolfstar tag at the end of the relationship list#because genuinely when i first wrote the fic i debated leaving that out completely because i just do not focus on them At All#but considering theyre the very reason for the whole fic i couldnt not tag them#but james and sirius in operation wanker are as important to me as jegulus#and they go through a similar plot line of developing and changing so ?? yk???#idk how to tag i am really bad at it honestly#as you can tell i have exam season#hence me doing anything but the things i should be doing#hp#fic rant#i need a tag for general ramblings#i did take out a lot of character tags in a lot of my fics#like in some of them i literally now have a relationship tag but not the character tag which im also still not sure at#like on lies and spies still has the peter&marlene tag but it doesnt have a marlene tag anymore#and im still debating if i should also take the relationship tag out but also its important for peters actions??? idkkk man i am bad at thi#took out a lot of tags from amtc because i just felt it was too long overall#like i do think they were not completely unimportant but it was such a wall of text i felt a bit overwhelmed#tagging fics where its literally just 2 characters and theyre romantically/sexually involved is so much easier#like on high delight the tags make perfect sense because its very obvious what the focus is on#but i so seldomly write fics that are confined to just a ship (/) dynamic#maybe this is my arospec that ive been eyeing for the past 10 years and keep ignoring showing#i just care about writing relationships (&) so much more honestly#ok thats actually a lie im not tooo good with just platonic fics but i like writing romantic stuff in the context of friendgroups#i like characters having to keep secrets from the people they usually tell evrything to#love exploring characters finding out they have friendship boundaries they previously didnt know about#love writing about trust and and conflicting feelings and having to make choices#also lmao very iconic of me to have 5km of tags on a post of me saying i am prone to overtagging. really proving my own point here
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my hxh experience is also very confusing bc i started watching it like 2+ years ago at my partners apartment, but then i think we stopped for a bit / we moved around a bit, and kinda just never got back to it. then a while after we moved in with each other wayyyy later we eventually picked it back up and then this time in dub form bc it's easier for me to focus if i dont have to try and read everything quick enough and also see whats happening jfkldshg so it was like
sub version watched up through like halfway through york new auction arc or whatever
[2+ YEAR LONG GAP???]
picking right back up exactly in the midway spot where we left off, now in dub, i cannot remember Jack Shit and have to keep asking my partner [who has seen/read it before] what's going on and who everyone is every 5 seconds. there are so many characters and i remembered like 6 of them at best fdhjvlksjldhg. killua's grandpa and dad showed up like an episode or 2 after we picked it back up and i was like who are these guys. where did they come from. tbh being told who they were didnt help bc i still didnt understand why or how they were there dfshjfghjgf
#and then they did it again in chimera ant arc.... where did killuas dad come from since when was he in on the plan#AND WHERED THEY GO. I HAVENT SEEN THEM COME BACK SINCE THEN.... did they actually leave this time... i dont know#also dude i miss netero :[ we r like a couple episodes after the big mega heart attack explosion thing#i love a cool old man#i still struggle to remember peoples names bc god there are SO many characters#but chimera ant arc is so long that you at least spend a lot of time with them so theres some names ive eventually learned#but im still me so i cant tell you how many times i called meleoron 'lemeleon'#it's like pokemon with him i cant. remember it very clearly and i mix it up hardcore#other people i just cant remember at all so im like uhhh. ponytail guy <- which barely narrows it down they keep finding ponytail guys....#nobunaga.... shoot.... some other guy i think. actually maybe not that many idr LOL#dont even get me started on the spiders. it took me forever just to get nobunaga lol#there are soooo many of them and i had forgotten the first chunk we'd watched after the irl timeskip#so i was in realtime trying to recall who eveyrone was while they were doing shit and it was REALLY CONFUSING#i really need to restart from the beginning but im gonna wait til we finish the anime lol#oh also i like. completley forgot illumi or w/e was doing the hunter exam with hisoka in that first arc#bc literally theres like ONE or two brief moments in. idk if it was greed island or right before it#where hisokas like yeah i calld a friend. and illumis there like 🧍#and i was like he knows killuas brother??? theyre friends???#bc i just had no memory of them interacting before fdlkhgjkf#i like kinda forgot illumi existed til then i think jdkslf or maybe when he was haunting killua idr#actually we went back and watched part of an episode when killua was w/his family#bc i couldnt remember ANYTHING i was like. why was he there again. dont they suck or something. what happened.#and tbh. i still dont get what their vibe is hwhwhfhehg#things to revisit once i get out of the ant pit
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I don't think about my childhood obsession with HCAndersen enough honestly.
#i had such visceral distaste for fairytales as a child because i hated the happy endings#i had a collection of the grimm ones that were pretty much the 'original fucked up versions' i guess but still#it tends to always just be the bad guys suffering at the end in those and idk why but i couldnt stand it#hca though...#that man put his protagonists through hell over and over#it was so achingly beautiful to me then#i havent read thwm in a while but im still very fond of thw memories...#yes i was born an edgelord idk why leave me alone hsrgdghgj
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goes insane thinking about the start of dw s9. they said with their full chest ‘if missy thought the doctor was going to die, really die, because he told her so, then she would drop everything to come get him.’ and she did. she even found time to bring clara along to see if she could get rid of her so there would be no one in between them anymore.
#oh theyre insane for this. oh my god.#i need to rewatch these episodes theyre everything to me im. iugugihdifgkfk#ITS THE. ITS THE. NO ONE BUT ME. YOU KNOW?#and the ‘oh davros is your archenemy now? ill murder him to death’ ITS THAT.#missy wants ALL OF HIM including his death. it belongs. to her.#so no one else can kill him.#GOD. GAH. THINKING ABOUT HER TELLING THE DOCTOR ITS A TRAP AND HE SHOULDNT GO AND THEN SHE. GOES WITH HIM ANYWAY. MISSY. MISSY ILY.#dw lb#and then the fact that its her jealousy over clara being the doctor’s priority that ruins it all…. missy if u just hadnt stuck her in a#dalek u could have come with them…….. but she couldnt help herself…………….#and there is something there about. the doctor leaving her behind. on the dalek planet. surrounded by daleks.#but with the context of how earlier in the episode we know he sent HER his confession dial. presumably without confirmation of her still#being alive but just. believing it. Knowing it.#idk man. there’s something there that feels. angry. when he leaves her. of course he’s angry. but it isn’t him cutting her out.#because she’ll survive. of course she’ll survive. she’s the master and that’s what she does and she hardly needs his help to survive.#the contrast between missy hearing the doctor will die and going Well shit i need to do something about that.#and the doctor being so assured in her ability to survive that he’ll leave her on skaro without a second thought when she pisses him off.#insane dynamic. what is wrong witht them
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ok yakuza 6 spoilers and not a very insightful post but every time i remember how young haruka is when she has haruto i get sooo nervous lol. she's like NINETEEN. what the FUCKK
#i know conceptually that ppl have kids that young but.woah#i guess it didnt happen a lot in the ppl i went to school with/i didnt pay that much attention to it/stigma led to minimization of it#like she has to take care of a whole baby now. she has to be a mother and take on the kinda role kiryu had#while also kinda managing the orphanage relatively alone bc kiryu bailed. wtf wtf#idk. i think im kinda squeamish about pregnancy in general a little? but especially that young like.ough#good or bad wanted or not having a kid is a big fucking deal and it scares me a little idk. especially since haruto WAS unintentional#like whats she gonna do for a job. she probably cant do college soon (if ever) and shes probably blacklisted from showbiz entirely#so even if she wanted to do behind the scenes work she couldnt#even with yuta's help it'd be a stretch. and then theres rhe other orphans i just. hhhhh aughhhh#man taking care of a baby was hard enough for kiryu and he's like ok teenage daughter. im going hands off like WHAT#i think the ending choices of 6 are fascinating and theres a lotta reasons to criticize kiryu within that but leaving her with effectively#7 younger siblings and a baby is one i dont see talked about enough tbh#rgg#its SCARY. I'M SCARED.#im sooo fucking worried about my future and haruka's looks even more terrifying to me so it just activates shit in my brain
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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its like you can try EVERYTHING to convince this person that they are one of if not the most important person in your life and it means fuck all cause they couldnt see it so it doesnt matter all that you did to try and show them you still failed there should have been something that you could have done
#and then they turn around and youre the bad guy for somehow screwing up when you have no idea what you did#cause you couldnt do anything right ever#there are other circumstances ie her mom that factor into some of this but man.#weve been growing apart for a while and then i feel like this year just solidified that maybe i changed too much and realized things idk#like 3yrs ago i would have never moved away from my hometown cause id miss her i would need to be around her#now its like i dont even factor that in its not even a thought i just want to leave here lol
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listen as fun as writing is, im generally in complete control of the situation. i can set up a high-stakes scenario, but it's not tense for ME bc i know where things r gonna end up
which is why shit like dnd is so fun. it's 100% improv. me improv lying by omission thru a zone of truth to these people who can and have Already almost killed me, who would sic their legion of knights on me if they got even a Sniff of the fact that i took part in regicide. it wouldve been very very bad. it was TENSE. and it was so fun lfkjslkdfj
lying by omission and pointing at a dude i hate as the one at fault for it all. perfect scapegoat.
#speculation nation#d&d#it also really highlights that. yea you really can lie without actually lying#zone of truth is useful but not foolproof. i just managed to talk myself out of one.#i feel so ACCOMPLISHED and it makes me feel so good#and fang also talking up his very real discomfort to avoid them reading his mind#bc like. he's deeply uncomfortable with them for what they did b4. AND very pissed at the whole mind-stab thing#but ultimately if this was about anything else. he couldve sucked it up probably.#but he knew if they looked it'd be over. dear paladin managed to fake a memory during the brief bit of time we told her about what happened#i was THERE. i shot a fucking fireball at the prince. there's no way i could fabricate a believable memory to hide it#so i played it up. being pissed off about being mentally stabbed is perfectly reasonable for vehemently refusing to let them touch me#in order to avoid culpability though i couldnt just outright refuse an audience#so we had our convo. and i was very proactive with giving answers lol. but SPECIFICALLY for the narrative i was building#the ship blew up. idk why but we were teleported off (fang still doesnt know lmfao)#i know it was this big lion dude that did it tho. and i think he's the one that's responsible for the prince dying#i didnt see the prince die but i saw the lion man leaving. and lots of explosions.#he was stealing this thing that was making an awful loud noise that made my ears hurt.#'anyone else there?' oh yeah he had 3 people with him. 'anyone Else?' oh yea there was this random dude from the ship. he's dead tho#literally none of these are lies. but it builds the narrative that these dudes killed the prince & stole his body or some shit#(since they looked in the wreckage and couldnt find his body. lol.)#very carefully leaving out the fact that i had friends down there & they very much actively worked to kill the prince. me included.#i know who actually killed the prince. but THEY dont know that. and that's what matters.#man i feel so cool for this actually. it was so tense. but im so fuckin happy it worked#nat20 u are my life saver..................#ppl really do underestimate Fang a lot. and he lets them bc it's easier that way#but he really can be a crafty little shit if he wants to be. and i really love him for it#if you play up the dumb dog boy impression enough then ppl wont think too deeply on what you have to say for shit like this#that subtle spell message was also a really cool moment to avoid the wizard getting caught in questioning too#im literally the only person on the party that couldve done that. only one with message and only one with subtle spell.#but i did iiiiiit and we have somehow avoided the worst of it all. we'll see if our luck continues to hold out lol
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can't tell if i'm like... starting to dislike these girls because im pmsing and that's pretty typical for me to suddenly not like certain people, or if it's genuinely because they've been giving me weird fucking vibes and did smth i think was shitty :/
#they left one dude in the club blackout drunk bc he said he didnt want to leave yet#and his phone died and he slept in the street. woke up with no memory of what happened#and a bachelorette party at the club had ripped his shirt off in shreds apparently#and its like. yeah ik those girls that left him aren't responsible for him that's not their job but like. he couldnt b responsible for hims#--himself in that state#we're in a foreign country and he was visibly fucking blackout wasted#and they left him there by himself#and then in the morning when it was like oh fuck we dont know where jake is? they were insistent that we didnt tell the profs and would#instead wait FOUR HOURS for him to contact us (WTF) before going to the spanish police Ourselves#like what the fuck do you think WE can accomplish??#whatever it turned out okay (or as ok as it could be) bc he managed to buy a charger and picked up when i tried calling again within that 1#hour that we discovered he never made it to his hotel that night#so like. it was fine we didnt need to get the professors or cops involved and nobody had to get sent back home to the US#but like. the fact that they STILL are treating it like no big deal is really giving me rancid vibes#he could have been robbed or assaulted or kidnapped or killed. and what would we have done#like. idk. it seems like theyre just trying to sweep it under the rug bc it was THEM who saw him last#it was THEM who abandoned him while he was in no state to be on his own#and it's especially jarring bc some of those girls i'd considered to be really great people that i really liked!!#and then for one of them especially to be LAUGHING when jake was telling her in person what had happened#like zero concern whatsoever#and its so offputting like... genuinely was this no issue in your eyes.#and it's scary bc it really is a double standard bc if this was a girl then everyone would have been flipping the fuck out#the profs and cops would be called ASAP even if it meant that people got sent home early from the study abroad. bc safety is more important#but bc 'hes a grown man he can handle himself' nobody was in any sort of rush to try and make sure he was okay#its just. i dont feel like i can trust half of them anymore when that was how they reacted to the situation#and when one girl today got lowkey pissed at me for being like yeah that was scary how jake was left all alone and slept in the streets#she was like 'well its not our problem. hes the one who didnt want to leave so its his own fault. he should be able to handle himself'#WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHAT THE FUCK.
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so glad you included those "y̴̨͚̙͎͓̞͍̯͒̚͜ọ̵̢͈̲͓̤̝̠̄̔ǘ̴̦͇̲̜̩̮̫͈̯͓͖͍̋̿̋̾͂̅̾̋͆̒͐́̚͝͝'̷̨̝͚̞̤̲̟̜̳̩̭͓̺͛r̸̠̯̲̊̽̅͋ȩ̷̘̟̦̟̠͖̬̰̗̈̽̇́̓͜ ̴̨̛͇̥͔̼̗̹͇̺͈̥̩͙̥̦͓͖͇͇͒̀̓̄͋̈́̎͆̀̔̈́̆̕s̶͗̿̐̄͌͛͛̈͋͛̿͘l̸̨̠̻̲͓̭͈̰͈͎͈͔͇̳͗̔͜ó̸̼̣̠̒̇p̸̙̰͇̯͕̒̂̽̓̆̎͗͒̓̅̄̄̚p̴̧̘̲̪͔̻͒ͅy̸̡̛̦̺̹͔͎͓̺̰̫̓͐̈́̓͋͋͘̚͠ͅͅͅ" frames. when that part happened i thought i went into a coma and it was the Radiant Light beckoning me to cross the Threshhold. if a picture is worth a thousand words, that moment is worth a thousand sacrifices. even through the screen i could feel the true meaning of Smooth. i am asexual but is this what lust feels like
and his eyes. oh, his e y e s. they ought to be classified as their own entity. those pupils alone, with all their different shapes and sizes, are enough to melt all my bones into goopy sludge
He is so gorgeous, such a looker. Every frame he looks so good, he can look so fucking demonic, he still looks so good, every frame of him can literally be a wallpaper, people talk shit about his hair, and I will admit the back is atrocious, like come on grow it out, or some. But I still low-key fuck with it, low-key low-key! The front I mean, it looks so bouncy, soft, and thick, and I just LOVE MEN with long-ish hair, it's the death of me. Please Viv don't kill him off, PLEASE!!! He is the best. Can't wait to see more of this dapper fellow in season 2, it's gonna be GREAT! I bet he has his mother's eyes, they're so pretty. That'd be so cute, I want him to see his mom, even if for one time, and one time only...I'd actually start crying.
#most down bad alastor fan?#hardly#and if we're confessing to our haircut-related sins...#i too will admit that l o w k e y it really suits him#like yes OF COURSE the perfect princess man is gonna have something obviously and horrifically disgusting about his appearance#it's just such an alastor vibe#yes he wakes up each day purely to slay harder than everybody else#but also the sight of him evokes violent urges because WHY THE WHAT THE FUCK BRO. like what if!!! he ASKED the barber for it.#what is hell gonna do? attack him for it?? nuh-uh he'll fucking kill them it's like a power move almost#he upsets everyone on purpose BECAUSE they cant do anything about it. he makes himself painful to be around. it is purposeful#he a lil prankster and he prolly sings himself to sleep with thoughts of the relief random sinners must have when he finally turns to leave-#-them alone Only to be met with.... that. thing.#it just feels very in character for him idk how to explain it properly tho#and either way#THE FUCKASS BOB IS A GOOD THING#because otherwise he'd run the risk of heaven opening their gates and sending a legion of God's Greatest Soldier Boys[gn] to eliminate him#(out of Jealousy)(they couldnt handle one lone sinner being superior (aesthetically) to the entirety of Heaven and Goodness)(cowards)#okay sorry i ranted there but yeah and also it. matches. the. hem. of. his. coat. they. are. the. same. shape. it is poetic.#oh and not to mention he has the 2000s emo kid side-swept bangs#AND HE PULLS IT OFF#every so often i am confused why i cant remember how alastor parts his hair. then i recall that the madlad simply doesnt#(originally ...recall with a jolt to my pussy... [joke] but i dont want ppl thinking im *actually* getting soaked from ~hair~ of all things)
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still annoyed how weird my dad would be when i was at my childhood guy friend's house. couldn't close the door because "i know how boys think" my dude my man we were thinking about the secret language we were making for our secret club because we were in fifth grade. getting on my hands and knees and saying "i'm a couch, sit on me" isn't sexual or inappropriate it's goofy ten year old behavior. literally chill
#i was literally in elementary school and my dad had to make everything weird#idk what he thought my also in fifth grade guy friend was gonna do to me if we had the door closed. he was also in fifth grade!!!!!#we couldnt just leave the door open when we were having meetings for a SECRET CLUB use your head man smh
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