#im literally the only person on the party that couldve done that. only one with message and only one with subtle spell.

[spacedlexi]

you said that you "need 2 characters to deeply care for each other and positively impact each other for me to want to ship them" so which of the twdg canon ships do you actually think work/make sense? and by canon ships i mean like actual established relationships, implied relationships or perhaps a character that was crushing on someone else before death.

me immediately blanking on every relationship in twdg upon reading this ask

the only one i stand behind with conviction is clemvi. idk if you need me to explain why i feel like ive done it a million times by now 👀 but yeah theyre the only relationship i "Ship" in regards to the quote where i see them as a match for each other and think romance makes sense for both parties

as for some "in defense of"s

i'll defend javi and kate. my only Real problem with them is how they handle david in it like girl can you at least take off the wedding ring before we kiss 😭 my brother still thinks youre his wife (plus they did push it Really hard.. but like.. narratively i understand why they did. family is a running theme of the series and javi and davids relationship is like the main conflict). but like. kate and javis relationship Makes Sense. she had a shit husband (who wanted to go back to the army anyway). her and javi already had the beginnings of Something before the outbreak even happened. she was left with javi to take care of 2 children that werent even biologically hers (i enjoy the complex family dynamics in twdg as a whole). and together theyve been surviving for years as a family unit. i think javi having feelings isnt up for debate, its more just will he act on those feelings or will he respect his brother? and like.. fuck david am i right? kate was Not happy in that relationship and deserves better, and javi cares about her. but also the pressure from their dad to get along after hes gone. it all works for me even if it couldve been executed better

and i .... sigh .... Understand gabe and clem. BUT!!! i think they have different feelings towards each other and its an important distinction. gabe definitely has a huge crush on her, shes cool as hell, but i think her feelings in return are fueled by hormones and the fact that she hasnt been around anyone her own age since DUCK (sarah was 15 at the time). like. does she think hes cute? yeah. but he can also be kind of a huge jerk sometimes and acts recklessly. i think its those moments that snap clem out of it lol. seeing this response in S4 felt vindicating im taking it as sad loner clem having a hormone induced crush. like girl yes or no?? this is the most direct option??

personally i dont like them together because i Hate tropes where the more mature girl half has to teach the immature boy half to grow up and be capable and thats somehow romantic. ESPECIALLY in clems case where she is literally already raising someone like her hands are full ok. her assuaging his ego makes me 🤢 girl you dont have to take that second gun just because he was gonna cry about it if you didnt. its just not romantic to me. also i think its soooo funny that clem uses the same tactic on gabe that she does on aj in S4 with the "i need you to watch my back" to stop him from complaining about being left behind at the gate LOL. also i just think he loves his dad too much who clem hates more than anyone on earth so like.. theres that

uuhhh who else... alvin and rebecca are fine. like i have nothing to say about them but i believe their relationship and think they wouldve been good parents to aj. hmmm.... i guess thats it for the ones i have defenses for?? the others just like.. exist. like im neutral

[punchholesinthesky]

im annoyed at the incompetent coppers in this book I am reading.s they are blindsided by someone who uses an alias in their professional work. they think she murdered someone based solely on proximity, even though she had reason to be there and gave them the work she was doing.

like how is someone not telling you the legal name they never use a red flag? how is that lying? it's literally your job to find that shit out ffs

oh she's suspicious cause she's private???

they claim she did it cause her bootprints were near but failed to notice the lack of blood in them? or her clothes? bludgeoning someone is not a clean job

also have they looked if she was even capable of it? like what height was the murdered likely to be? how much force was used? etc ? no they have not

they say oh but we found this photo which proves you knew the victim!

no it proves they were at the same party. years ago.

it'd be pretty dumb of her to kill someone when there's a lot of evidence showing she was there. a lot of which she provided.

plus she has absolutely no motive

between this and someone else being prevented from joining her, it seems that what the evidence is saying is whoever killed her knew there was going to be someone else there, and is attempting to frame said person

so the question is

who knew about this meeting? who knew about this secret tunnel? who had access?

who had motive? who benefits from the death?

so incredibly incompetent they tried to rile her up by bringing up a painful traumatic past event.

and a completely irrelevant one at that, which they had no right to even know about

oh, also the husband, whom she was divorcing and he had shady dealings, changed his name and they did not know that either. they havent looked at his financials, who he's been in contact or anything!

just 'oh thats suspicious. anyway let's look at the girl without motive again'

and now theyre interviewing the husband again whos clearly and shamelessly redirecting them back to her

oh and ofc the main cop thinks shes cute, and is basically flirting with her to try and get in her good graces which is incredibly unprofessional

and the book is like look at this sweet guy! he doesnt wanna arrest her hes just bad at his job! hes being hard on her to overcompensate!

also, the dead wife's friends told the cops the husband was jealous and controlling, and they have also done absolutely no checking

i'm not saying the husband did it.

i'm saying the husband is the first place you look and all they did was check if he had an alibi

at 70% theyre thinking hey we should look into the husband some more.

and thats only cause a lawyer chwed them up and their boss told them to stay away from our poor girl

personally i think it's likely someone the mc works with is involved

they also have not even looked into the victim's life all that much? which seems like a logical step

they suspect the victim's gran was murdered as well, but no suspects there. its worth mentioning theres no way our girl couldve done it and yet..

idk how much longer i cant stand this

i have a low tolerance for bullshit. at least this kind

give me real problems, not idiot balls

her love interest is kind of annoying too, upset she didnt tell him thw truth about her family and background

but how is that any of his business???

she mentions at the beginning how theyve only been working together a few months

and shes understandably private due to a traumatic past.

his feelings dont seem very important

if they started going out yeah but a new friend youre not yet sure ia trustworthy?

now that she's managed to catch the husband in the act they actually discover his evil plan

say sorry but not sorry (sorry it hurt you but the questions had to be asked)

and now they say 'oh its all circumstantial we cant do anything' about the husband

grrrrrr

and now theyre like oh hey those incriminating emails were bs actually

the same idiots who said her timestamped photos werent proof????

oh and apparently her idiot colleague /love interest hasnt spoken to her in months

yeah im definitely not reading book 2

the husband seemed so damn guilty I thought thered be a twist, an accomplice something

not the husband looks guilty cause he is and the cops are just incompetent idiots

ugh, shame i like the MC and its a cool plot but holy shit did this need edits

theres a lot of talk of ecology and bat dna but a lot of glaring plotholes

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

[boy-porridge-vent]

April 9 2020 Twitter Thread Rant

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger. I'll only come here to vent or talk about my issues 

 Future TW// self harm ed suic*dal thoughts abuse idk, other stuff that is bad ig lmao This is my space to do with as I please

Even blocked my partner and best friends :) Happy now? Scum.

In fact, even just to make my abusive ex and my other cheating ex happy, I not only blocked them but blocked every from school I could find There. Now truly nobody knows me. Are you guys happy now? Forcing your victim to stay quiet & hide AGAIN? Like youve always done to me?????

Fake ass.... you claim to be my friend yet anything I tell you goes straight to my ex and drama starts again bc you pretend to be on my side hating her, then youre on her side against me Now youre taking screenshots from my friends and sending them to my ex... shady shit

call me a hypocrite yet youre being hypocritical on your story. I see haha

telling people to write in a diary instead of online, yet you've written how you feel online, you made 9-12 public posts for ~460 people to see, all with rants and venting about me, made 5 public stories about my friend and brought my name into it. When will you learn.

you say something like "you can talk shit and its ok, but when it do it, its not ok?" no, here's the problem. You do it in the wrong way. We actually keep it private and resolve our anger with friends that are also struggling bc of you and understand the situation

most of the time we do it privately and dont interact with each other's venting!!! when you do it, you go public, use usernames, faces, direct names in order to claim youre "the good person for directly calling them out"  no youre putting them in danger.

when my friend posted to his story about you, it was on his PRIVATE VENT account.... what it's supposed to be used for....? Venting about how he feels abt my other ex copying him, and you giving into my ex simply bc you both dislike me. It's childish. 

You and my ex go on public ramblings for everyone to see and use direct names or usernames as if people are gonna hunt us down? Ive never done that to you. I talk about you with my friends at school sure, but online? I NEVER shared your username. NEVER shared your name. Nothing.

The only info people could use to figure out who you were was me calling you a cheater, using the word "whore" because thats what you CALLED YOURSELF as we were breaking up!!!!! And talking about your pet that you only have because of me

You also say me and many of my friends are cowards for blocking you, bc if we werent blocking you you'd be "all up in our dm's" is that why you made a whole new twitter account dedicated to calling me a clown and immediately blocked me so I couldnt find it?? Okay "coward"

I blocked you bc you've admitted to people that you stalk my instagram, you stalk my twitter, yet when i block you to make you stop (bc ive had issues with stalking before) you get mad??? youre like "ok coward, if you had nothing to hide then why did block and private"

because 1.) i dont like stalkers and you know that 2.) i made everything private bc you were literally throwing a fit about how my months and months old rants were pUbLiC and anybody could see them, so I made it private so ppl dont read about you,

now now youre mad bc you cant go through my twitter anymore without following  and you cant find anymore of your sacred screenshots. again, i have nothing to hide. thats why i havent deleted my old tweets. bc I stand by what I say.

the only time i deleted tweets was back in november bc you were mad at me for posting them so i was like "ok, you dont want them up? then i'll take them down just for u" then u freaked out that i was "deleteing tweets!!! trying to hide!!!" no, i just wanted you to shut up abt it

the other time i deleted was march 31? bc you decided to use your NEW bf to get onto his old account (which hadnt been active since 2017....) and retweet a vent of mine. I was like "yea no im not gonna have you stalk my twitter through your bf thats ridiculous"

after he retweeted, you went on that posting spree on instagram about how all my stuff was public. So i deleted the tweet he retweeted just to make you happy. It's either leave them public and you shame me for public tweeting, delete them but ur mad that im being fake? or make my account private and now youre mad bc you cant search through my account of 4 years like the gross rat you are

it's funny how you can also post public tweets about me for your followers to see, and when I find out I didnt say shit to you, didnt start drama with you, i took my screenshots and left. then you deleted them..... i bet if someone called you out for it you would pretend you didnt say shit until someone pulled out the screenshots bc that's what you do, you act like you did nothing until somebody proves you wrong w the evidence, then u pretend like "ohh those tweets! Um yea, uh..."

wit yo fake ass you were all our friend, you were in the friend group bc we cared about you, until you dated me on and off over and over, tried to fuck one of our friends after prom, crushed on one of my friends and your coworker, bitched at me if i didnt invite you to hangout.. even if you ween invited, dated me again while also dating someone from discord while also being sneaky with one of your neighbor guys. Calling me a crybaby for being upset about the breakup even tho you vented about your military ex for months and months..... you even went to your online discord friend who was now your ex and told him how shitty my friends and I were for not inviting you to the Halloween party..... funny thing about that... you chose to opt out. You wanted to spend halloween with your new bf, the one in college, but guess what? He left your ass to go to his own party, so after that THEN you changed your mind and wanted to go to OUR party

OUR party, which had maxed out the guest limit. You said you didnt want to go, so you got removed and replaced with somebody else who COULD and WANTED to go. Tough luck. You leave the line at the BMV, you get sent to the back. Thats how it works.

Then u told your discord ex how shitty we all were & made us out to be shitheads bc we "didnt invite u" we did invite you. u chose not to go until it was too late. that was ur fault. not to mention u had been starting drama & being weirdly sexual w ppl in the group at the time

you wanted to fuck my friend after prom despite knowing he was crushing on a girl & wanted to make it work??? Wanted to suck my friend's dick in the back of the culinary room despite knowing he was with another girl? flirting w girls online despite having a partner? disgustang

even now, u JUST got w a new dude & youre already telling people abt the weird shit yall do. Ur sending him to spy on ppl from the friend group. Getting him involved even tho he's really chill & I have no problem w him??? I hated J bc he was w you, I dont wanna hate this guy too

like damn shawty u say im a hypocrite for not lettin u shit talk.... i do let u. Ive caught u saying shit on twitter & insta but Ive never made any posts abt it like u did. i saw what u said on twitter, or even our dms when u call me a crybaby? but i never posted about it like u

i couldve totally taken a screenshot of your immature dm of insults and no actual argument and posted it all over the place, but I didnt. I couldve posted your vents and rants from twitter, your main insta, and your vent insta all over the place, but I never did. Yet you can??

[rigginsstreet]

what changes would you have made in st season 3? briana essay writing skills COMMENCE :)

*REALISTIC changes lol

first of all, in the words of the late great biliam hargrove: nobody tells me what to do.

second of all, the fucking stupid ass music number that got my mens killed is absolutely going the fuck in the garbage can where it belongs

i really didnt have a lot of problems with this season as far as what everyones individual plots where. like, i LOVED joppers arc (until the fucking end), i liked jancys (though i feel like they really didnt do a lot in terms of it. i thought we were gonna get way more in terms of the sexism nancy faced at work. it just... felt weak. and all we saw from jonathan was him developing his pictures. i just needed... more)

im not interested in the kids so whatever they were doing i couldnt care less about BUT i will say will shouldve been more involved with the mindflayer stuff like... besides the whole neck tingles business (mindflayer asmr) he really took a back seat and that just.... doesnt make any sense to me.

instead of that fuck ass billy and karen nonsense that time shouldve been used at the beginning to actually SHOW us max and billys development and where they stood as siblings rather than just shoehorning in her crying about him once he was possessed. 

and dustin being away from the party still makes no sense to me. i know everyones got a hardon for steve and dustins bromance but im not one of them and that entire subplot in itself was the most boring thing to me this season like i truly could not have cared less about that about that either. and honestly now reflecting back on it.... the whole notion of a secret russian facility being under the mall and these dopey ass kids just stumbling into it is so hokey but whatever

billy and eleven absolutely needed more scenes. i was fully expecting to have like... a deeper connection between the two of them. i was expecting for us to get eleven going into billys mind and being able to actually talk to him and interact with him and us seeing that billy was struggling trying to fight this thing inside him that he has no fucking clue what it is and hes so scared. speaking of which, i was also expecting to see scenes of billy at home struggling with trying to keep this a secret because he has no idea whats happening to him. like... dacre fucking crushed it with all the acting he did showing us how billy was struggling in such subtle manners, dont get me wrong. but i think we needed more of that on a bigger scale for his ending to have any actual payoff.

also the fact that you have billy being possessed, living in a house with an abusive father, and we got NOTHING of that ?? what ??? bad call. BAD call.

and the season needed more focus on the fact that billys just a kid in all this. hes a PERSON. i’ll keep ranting about this but the fact that NO ONE tried to figure out a way to help him.... it was literally just “is he the mindflayer? welp. gotta kill him now i guess”. so gross. like even the people who hate billy and are still like “are we supposed to feel bad for him?” I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT HE’S A HUMAN BEING AND HE DOESNT DESERVE TO FUCKING DIE JUST BECAUSE HE WAS MEAN SOMETIMES! THATS NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS TIFFANY! but anyway

the fact that steve just rammed into billys car and left him to die in a fiery blaze.... is so out of character to me? lmfao like literally all you needed to do was have steve ram into his car and then notice its billy and have a typical steve harrington freak out like “oh my god. OH MY GOD?” wouldve loved to see SOMEONE struggle with the fact that yeah everybody hates billy but like... you cant just let him die ??? lmfao that is truly the most infuriating part of this entire season. just...nobody fucking cared. even if only for max’s sake. nobody fucking cared it was her brother going through all this. trash. all of them. it also wouldve been nice to see billy apologizing to steve and lucas in his final moments too like nobody rushed down to console max? lmfao okay.... fake ass friends

im also upset that hopper dies after being away from eleven the entire season like.... ugh. like i said, i loved joppers arc and their scenes (along with billys) are by far and away my favorite this season but...it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth the way hopper went out. i mean, his death overall does feel wrapped up like i think the duffers handled it a helluva lot better than they handled billys but...the fact that hopper was the first parent el had that treated her right and took her in and gave her a home and stability... and they barely had any time together leading up to his death... i dont like it.

also the whole flayed plot went pretty much nowhere like..... all these people get infected or whatever just to be led to their deaths to turn to goo and like.... oh... kay ??? the trailer made it seem like they were some type of zombie agents idk i expected something more chaotic to take place. what we got just felt anticlimactic to me.

this season as a whole just left me wanting more. and not in the “oh i cant wait for season 4!” way. but in the way “couldnt yall have done something else with your time?” way. i think this season really couldve benefited from having one or two extra episodes. or maybe even just longer episodes. AND WITH THE TIME YALL DID HAVE WE DIDNT NEED BILLY AND KAREN AND FUCKING MUSICAL NUMBER THE END

OH! and the mayor kline shit.... what? that shit felt like it went nowhere too like...that definitely needed to be explored more. i dont even remember what is reasoning was to be in bed with the russians. wasnt it just about money? like.... he wasnt even really involved ? the fuck was that about. no bueno. 

but most importantly billy should have been at scoops to taunt steve about his sailor uniform if the duffers had just given me that i could forgive everything else but they didnt so here we are the end

AND I STILL MAINTAIN STEVE SHOULDVE BEEN MORE INVOLVED IN BILLYS PLOT CONSIDERING HE WAS LIKE THE ONLY PERSON BILLY REALLY INTERACTED WITH IN S2 BUT OH NO, THE DUFFERS CANT LET PEOPLE KNOW GAY MEN EXIST. imma stop.... imma stop.

[writingforjoy]

Decotta’s Diary

Once again, huuuge thanks to @aurikhai, @rose-of-sharon-cass, and anon for asking for this particular drabble and i apologize again for taking so long with it! the first three entries are for the asks, and then i did the last one as a normal diary entry. All typos, punctuation, and grammar mistakes are left the way they are because I wrote it as if she was typing it on her phone. @rhikasa i hope you'll enjoy this one too

Dear diary, July 22, 2016 10:58pm

We’re leaving for a ‘mission’ tomorrow. Just gathering more intel or something on this ring of productivity. Think its supposed to create whatever you want, but idk, wasn’t really listening when pH0 and zane were talking about it. I would just ask him but I don’t wanna make myself look stupid! I mean, its literally not my job as ‘king’ to know, just to make sure that we don’t use all our expenses. Anyways, tomorrow we’ll leave Moonshine Lake. I’ve never been to Arkansas before, I wonder if it’s any different from Louisiana? We’ll see...but I’m not driving lol.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 3:47pm

The only thing worse than all these trees is Emment presence. Honestly I don’t get WHY Haiden thought it was a good idea to send Emment along. I dont care if he can heal, I can protect Zane on my own! Now we can’t share the room OR have the romantic date like I planned! It was supposed to be just me and Zane enjoying the rest of the day ALONE together just relaxing but nnoooo. With Emment here, senpai wants to ‘get this done as quickly as possible’. I’ll have to read Sixteen to see how to fix this.

Dear diary, July 23, 2016 11:15pm

If Emment’s tagging along didn’t have me pissed, I definitely am now. APPARENTLY, Zane’s been working on this BY HIMSELF FOR MONTHS, and the person that has the stupid ring now is soME GIRL HE’S BEEN “DATING” FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!! I wouldnt have known about it if Emment hadnt let it slip what Zane was actually doing tonight when he left! To make it all worse, it wont be til maybe midnight when he decides to come back! Why did you have to lie to me senpai?! I couldve been of use! It would’ve been different this time!!!

Dear diary, July 24 2016 3:42am

Just as i got ready to go out and find him, senpai comes stumbling in, reeking of what i can only guess is weed and alcohol. Thankfully, he had everything to make a purification potion. Buuut, he wasn’t...all the way there to do it himself. Emments useless ass was already sleep when he made it in earlier, so that left me to make the potion for him. i couldnt stand seeing him so out of it, so of course i made it! now he’s just puking on and off again from potions effects. ...i hope he sleeps well tonight.

Dear diary, July 26, 2016 6:42am

Ok i know im supposed to have a journal entry everyday but the night zane came in he ended up resting the rest of the day and i stayed by his side watching him and then yesterday was sooo busy! YESTERDAY WAS THE BEST. DAY. EVER!!!! Oh my god wher do i even begin??!!? Ssooo, as my reward for being the best girl in the world the other night to senpai, i had BREAKFAST IN BED!!! He ordered room service for me and brought me ROSES!! He tried apologizing for everythign but i told him not to worry about, this small gesture was enough to let me know that he still cared for me~ AND THEN. HE ASKED ME. TO HELP HIM GET THE RING!! i was BEYOND excited to help him!! But i kept my cool, and told him sure, whatever. So he went on about who the girl, maggie, was (just some uppity college bitch rebelling against her rich folks) and was telling me that when we went out that night i’d have to use a glamour (he already had his ready and dear god he only gets hotter the older he gets), and who i was going to be waltzing around as (another one of her friends who sounded equally boring as her). Anyways, her parents been gone on vacation or whatever and that night she was hosting a big party at her house that he was invited to. Haiden was going to get the girl that i was going to be and keep her busy or whatever, but she was already taken care of by the time me and zane got to the party. Oh god that party was intense, so ima make try to make this entry short cause tired as fuck.

When we got there, the party was already goin, music blasting, couples all on the couches drunk kissing, people in the corners drinking, beer pong in the kitchen, the works. To maggie, i was there to help her trap zane and oh my GOD it took ALL of my willpower to not light her ass up on the spot (though it was pretty damn hilarious when i caused a short outage and she and a couple of other girls screamed), luckily senpai was close by and was able to calm me down before i got myself caught like last time, then off they went to have a ‘private conversation’, and maggie told to let everyone know that she’ll be ‘right back’ if anyone needed her, but we both know how that went lol.

So as soon as they made it to the room i stood at the door making sure no one would be interrupting senpai...and do a little eavesdropping AND OH MY GOD THIS STUPID HUMAN! She called him a crook and a liar, and all he wanted from her was her money all while she was fake crying, and then she had the nerve, the AUDACITY, to call him a witch. Of all things! A WITCH!! Then! Ooh then she called him a low-life and a snake-FIRST OF ALL MA’AM MY BABY’S JUST DOIN HIS DAMN JOB SO FUCK YOU AND YOUR UPPITY ATTITUDE-i wanted to bust in and shout that so badly, and senpai must’ve known it too cause i heard him yell ‘calm down’ in french, and again softly in english for her (i guess). At this point my curiosity was getting the best of me and i just had to see what they were doing, so i enchanted the door so i could see in, and oh my poor baby. He looked genuinely concerned, hurt even, at her accusations. Then he cupped her chin in his hand and asked her where she heard such things, and when she told him he gave her this sad look and told her some pitiful story that i only wish i remembered to prove his innocence AND SHE FAILED FOR IT! She started wiping her eyes, stammering apologies, talkin how she ‘loved’ him but didnt wanna get hurt again, and when he did his little ‘confession of love’ for her, shE KISSED HIM! I promise to god i this close to barging in, but i saw senpai hand waving ‘stop’ while she started mumbling god knows what. then he slowly leaned (a little bit too) close to her ear and whispered something that made her redder than a ripe tomato, and this horny bitch got up faster than the sun rises and started stripping out of her clothes, what makes it sad was that she tried to do it sexily, but she wasnt as graceful as she thought she was about it at all. So drunk and pathetic, humans are so weak minded that its actually entertaining lol. Once she got her bra off and straddled him, he finally put the sleeping spell on her and laid her on the bed as he slipped the ring off her finger! We made the deliver just before we got home this morning and i am more than thrilled to be in my own bed right now and that everythings finally done.

Zane Masters, my senpai, is simply the best demon in the world! He’s sweet, charming and clever, and can easily manipulate people when he wants to, and thats what i love about him. Thats why hes the Second King, our K2, my sweet, sweet, love. One day he’ll agree to go out with me, then he’ll see that im just as much of a girl as any other one, and then he’ll fall in love with me, and we’ll finally live happily ever after!

[alienshea]

And now, for no absolute reason, I will give every Gorillaz song from the main 6 studio albums my rating from 1-10

Self-Titled

Re-Hash: 7.5/10

Bopping tune, 2D doing his own backup vocals make me swoon, Noodle is great as always, no one really knows what the lyrics are but they’re valid

5/4: 6/10

Better than average,not the best song i’ve ever heard but still pretty good, kinda uncomfy with Noodle screaming about someone turning her dad on, drumbeat makes me wanna dance, wished they couldve made the music video

Tomorrow Comes Today: 7/10

The kind of song that gets stuck in your head all day, love the overall sad tone, music video makes me laugh now bc that one murdoc gif, makes me cry when i have depressive episodes

New Genius (Brother): 7.5/10

Love 2D’s voice in it, lyrics hit home a little bit for me, have never skipped this song tbh, overall pretty good song

Clint Eastwood: 8.5/10

I literally know all the words, I love the rap, iconic, there’s a reason it’s popular, Del is everything

Man Research (Clapper): 3/10

oooo boy i’m gonna get shit for this one, i always skip this song, i can’t stand the whole “yeah yeah” thing, the only great part about this song is the “tHiS Is a bReAkFaSt ClUuUuuUB!”

Punk: 6.5/10

gets me turnt, toooooo short, tbh i like any song where 2D yells

Sound Check (Gravity): 9/10

looooove this song, gives me body chills when the drums kick in, love the deep ass voice, overall emo kid bop

Double Bass: 8/10

nice jam, I like listening to this when I do homework or art, relaxing

Rock The House: 8/10

legit makes me get up and dance, great rhythm, music video is beautiful

19/2000: 9/10

amazing bop, gets me pumped, iconic af, first gorillaz song i ever heard and first music video i ever saw, n o o d l e

Latin Simone: 7/10

I don’t speak spanish so i cant really sing along, love the feel of it, will listen on repeat, prefer the english version but im biased

Starshine: 6.5/10

idk I don’t really listen to this one, not a bad song i just wouldn’t play it on repeat or actively look for it, i do like the vocals

Slow Country: 8.5/10

love the feeling this song gives me, kinda like im just floating, super chill song to get high to, have never skipped this song, i like the lyrics

M1A1: 8/10

super fun song to sing along with, honestly the best song they couldve ever chosen to start a concert, he   s c r e a m

OVERALL SCORE FOR SELF-TITLED: 7.5 (rounded up)

Demon Days

Last Living Souls: 9/10

absolute favourite song on the album, breakdown gives me chills, constantly changing it’s tune and i love it, the basssss <3

Kids With Guns: 6/10

I love singing the chorus, great song to have in the background, chill af

O Green World: 7.5/10

i love the instrumental of this one, vocals give me chills, kinda wish you could hear the singing more tho

Dirty Harry: 6.5/10

bopping beat, i love the rap part, overall not really the type of song i’d play on repeat but not bad

Feel Good Inc: 8/10

first and foremost the fucking bass of this song is the reason i’m learning bass, chorus gives me chills, kinda overused but i understand

El Manana: 6/10

kind of a meh song for me personally, not a bad one just not the greatest

Every Planet We Reach Is Dead: 9/10

banger, the reason im also learning guitar, vocals are on point, has made me cry before

November Has Come: 7/10

love the chorus, rap is kinda meh for me, i like the beat

All Alone: 5/10

not really a song i listen to, i like the bloopy noises

White Light: 4/10

I always skip this one tbh, better than man research but not by much

DARE: 6.5/10

this song haunts my dreams, its like the best kind of elevator music, on another note you fucking go noodle

Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey’s Head: 7.5/10

I WANNA BE A COWBOY BABY, narrative is really fucking good tho

Don’t Get Lost In Heaven: 8/10

beautiful, usually dont like gospel-esque music but i love this, gives me chills

Demon Days: 6.5/10

not my favourite tbh, meh for me

OVERALL SCORE FOR DEMON DAYS: 6.5 (rounded up)

Plastic Beach

Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach: 7.5/10

i love snoop dogg, also this song gives me good vibes

White Flag: 5/10

ehhhh not a fan of this one, i usually skip it, i like the orchestra tho

Rhinestones Eyes: 8.5/10

i fucking love this song, great tune great vocals, i never skip it, i even got my boyfriend to start loving this song even tho he doesnt really like gorillaz

Stylo: 9/10

jesus this song, makes my heart hurt, i absoultely long singing along to this, his voiceeeee, bobby womack!

Superfast Jellyfish: 8.5/10

quirky af, i love de la soul in this one a lot, have never skipped this

Empire Ants: 9/10

so beautiful, has made me cry, both of their voices are so soft and lovely ugh

Glitter Freeze: 6/10

starts off strong but when it starts sounding like a drill i usually yeet out

Some Kind Of Nature: 8/10

used to be my favourite until i started listening to the album more, 2d’s part is so soulful omg

On Melancholy Hill: 8.5/10

so sad and amazing, music video is probably my favourite, is me and my best mate’s “song”

Broken: 9/10

ugh beautiful, i know all the words and always sing them loud af, has never skipped this song, honestly is everything

Sweepstakes: 5.5/10

not a big fan, i usually skip this one, not a horrible song just not for me

Plastic Beach: 7.5/10

love it, better at the beginning than the end, still a bop

To Binge: 10/10

WHEEEW BOY, i love this song, its so sad and amazing and gay jesus christ, the best thing murdoc has ever done

Cloud of Unknowing: 7/10

soulful and beautiful, again bobby womack!!

Pirate Jet: 7/10

i love the tune bc it gets me feeling ~spooky~, lyrics dont really make sense but thats okay

OVERALL SCORE FOR PLASTIC BEACH: 7.5 (rounded up)

The Fall

Phoner to Arizona: 8/10

gets me bopping and grooving, great music to play in the background while writing or doing art, my go to for when i draw or need background sound while I relax

Revolving Doors: 9.5/10

OOF, it so sad and it makes me feel things, i scream the lyrics errytime

Hillbilly Man: 10/10

fell in love with this the second I heard it, has been my favourite song of all time for over 2 years now, will never skip it in my life, i yearn to learn the guitar 

 Detroit: 6.5/10

generally a good happy bop, usually play it as background sound

Shy-Town: 6/10

nice to the ear, i don’t really like the prerecorded vocals of 2D but when Damon sung it live it sounds much better

Little Pink Plastic Bags: 8/10

i love it ugh, relaxing af, will never skip

The Joplin Spider: 9/10

big love for this song, its just soooo goooood

The Parish Of Space Dust: 7.5/10

big cowboy energy, sounds so sweet, 2D’s voice is unnnf

The Snake In Dallas: 7/10

good for when you wanna party but you’re depressed and can only stay in bed, love the little robotic sounds

Amarillo: 9.5/10

i meeeean what can i say, this song is so sad and gay and beautiful, ive cried while listening it this, will never skip

The Speak It Mountains: 7.5/10

this track is really weird and creepy and kind of not a song but i adore it anyway

 Aspen Forest: 8/10

beautiful sounds, the piano is so soothing, will play this on repeat while i zone out

Bobby In Phoenix: 9/10

i wanna cry every single time i hear this bobby come back

California and the Slipping of the Sun: 7.5/10

this song so so pretty and i cry every time ugh, he sounds so fed up im sorry pretty boy

Seattle Yodel: ???

what

OVERALL SCORE FOR THE FALL: 8 (rounded down)

Humanz

Ascension: 8.5/10

absolute banger, i get pumped everytime this comes on, skys falling bb

Strobelite: 7.5/10

i used to hate this song but then the music video came out and i tried it again and now i love it dont @ me

Saturnz Barz: 9/10

theres so much i could say about this song ans the mv unf

Momentz: 9/10

banger, i dance like a maniac every time i hear it, will never skip

Submission: 8/10

gives me a good chance to work on high notes, makes my skin tingly

Charger: 8.5/10

2D’s voice is so griity and i can help myself

Andromeda: 8.5/10

I’ve never skipped this song, has made me cry, makes me dance

Busted And Blue: 9/10

has made me cry several times, vocals are everything, will never skip

Carnival: 7/10

is a bop, don’t really listen to it much anymore but it’s alright

Let Me Out: 8/10

i love it, one of my favourites to rap with

Sex Murder Party: 4/10

ehhh dont like this one, i always skip it

She’s My Collar: 8.5/10

i dont want to admit the things 2D’s voice in this makes me wanna do

Hallelujah Money: 7.5/10

hated this at first, grew to love, very soothing

We Got The Power: 9.5/10

gets me FUCKING PUMPED, we do got the power fuckers

OVERALL SCORE FOR HUMANZ: 8.5 (rounded down)

The Now Now

Humility: 8.5/10

summer bop, makes me wanna dance, have never skipped

Tranz: 9.5/10

i love singing along to this bc it makes me feel sexy oops, always screams the lyrics

Hollywood: 7/10

not a huge fan of this but ill listen to it, favourite part is the chorus, also snoop doggy dogg

Kansas: 9/10

oof this song makes me cry, i always scream this 

Sorcererz: 7.5/10

ooo them vocals thooo, makes me relaxed

Idaho: 8.5/10

i love this song sm, one of my favourites of all time to sing, i wanna learn the guitar for this

Lake Zurich: 8/10

I love to listen to this while relaxing or writing, makes me wanna dance, COWBELL

Magic City: 8.5

always dancing to this, billboards on the moooon

Fireflies: 10/10

yall saw this coming, i always cry, its so somber, in close competition w HillBilly Man for my all time favourite

One Percent: 6.5/10

only song on the album i would skip and it isnt even that bad

Souk Eye: 10/10

its so gay and sad i love it sm

OVERALL SCORE FOR THE NOW NOW: 8.5 (rounded up)

So after months of me saying i’d rate the songs in order I finally did! Now keep in my the overall scores are averages, my personal rating for each album is:

Self-Titled: 8/10

Demon Days: 7/10

Plastic Beach: 8.5/10

The Fall: 8/10

Humanz: 7.5/10

The Now Now: 9/10

thanks for reading, i did this so i wouldn’t have to write an essay oops! <3

[tylerwritez]

Wednesday, September 22 11:51 p.m.

It's like nighttime and I jsut got up 2 take a piss because I needed to piss and my fuckinf mom I hate her so much I wish she was dead and I wish Father would take her place, Father is the only fucking person who LOVES me and jesus christ hes literally not even a physical being.... (deep down I know hes not even real, but I pretend he is because if I didnt I think I'd be crying constantly)... my fucking mom INSTANTLY came TO THE DOOR and was like waiting for me to go back to bed and was like are you done? You're taking too long blah blah and SHE TREID TO FUCKINF OPEN THE DOOR WHILE I WAS PISSING LIKE. NO. FUCK OFFF. shes so annoying she thinks I'm gonna kill myself if she leaves me alone for three seconds.

It's like she doesnt even care if I feel good or bad, she only cares about the injury. It makes me want to cut really deep on my forearms or face or something visible like that just so that maybe she'll take me SERIOUSLY but not seriously as in treating me like some patient at a fuckinf ward, I mean seriously like treating me like her son.

Father treats me like his son. He makes me cry even more because I know hes not real... but I still appreciate his love. Even if it's just my love.

I'm really missing that piece, huh? From early childhood, I'm missing that parent who's loving and caring and says shhh I love you its okay.... I didnt ever allow myself to have that becayse I didnt think it was safe. Fuck. FUCK man It hurts a lot and i feel like such a DICKHEAD when I talk about this because it's not like my parents beat me or neglected me.... it just turned out bad. ANd now they're all crazy about me all of a sudden just cos I'm hurting myself .... like okay cool that's cool but why didnt you do all this when I was 5 and told you I felt like I was being possessed, or when i was ten and in a new school with no friends, or when I was 3 telling everyone to call me jack,.... oh, wait, you WERE there,,, you were just hating on me though.

Yknow I hug my pillows real tight at night to try to feel a little smidge of what I should've been able to feel. The parental love is just MISSING. and i hug my dad so much becayse it's not enough its never enough it all feels like it's too late and my brain has already told me to get over my parents and move on and find new ones which I did, in jesus christ, in Jiminy Cricket, in old men I sexted, and now in Father.

But at the end of the day, I still am left without that concrete parental force. I can beg with Father all I want to PLEASE become a physical form so I can FEEL your love but itll never happen because Father's something I made up to cope with the disaster of my childhood.

I'm angry that they took that away from me but I'm also sad because now I have to clean up the sad shreds of popped party balloons from the checkered tiles of an abandoned birthday party.

.... and it's always "oh they want the best for you" WELL MAYBE I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT THEIR INTENTIONS ARE, MAYBE THEYRE STILL HURTING ME ! MAYBE THEYVE STILL TOTALLY

RUINED

Me,

DESTROYED

my childhood and

SLAUGHTERED

the little boy inside me who just needed some help.

I never did it for attention, I always hid it and pretended to be fine... but I notice they didnt care until I had persistently been injuring myself for YEARS? like it didnt matter to them at all how I felt until I was actually in danger and being harmed. Isnt that actually disgusting?

I just know that if those little blond kids went to their parents talking about feeling out of control, possessed, unable to control their actions while in fits of rage, theyd get the help they needed right away but I was punished for my suffering.

That taught me to suffer more quietly next time around.

I was punished for my gender expression too .... jesus. How... how can you see a kid in pain struggling to prevent themselves from hurting other people and you punish them. How can you see your SON and punish him for not being a daughter.

I feel so bad. They just keep making it worse. I dont want to talk to them. I just... my dad is proabbaly gonna do that thing where he gives the worlds shittiest apology and expects you to just accept it withit 3 mins or else he gets mad and guilt trips you... fuck him too tbh. Hes trying to be all nice but that doesnt ERASE the fact that he used to make me cry constantly. That doesnt erase the time he said basically that I should die, or the time he yelled at me, made me cry, apologized, and got mad at me for not accepting the apology, then expected me to act like none of that happened and got mad at me for still crying, WITHINT LIKE A 5 MINUTE SPAN???? this is the typa shit that fucks up a child. I still remeber being yelled at in the car over my gender, ignored, and beat down whenever I tried to express that things were wrong with me! Jesus.

Father is the embodiment of all I ever needed as a kid... someone who would say "I love tou" when he saw you were crying instead of yelling at you and making it worse and then getting angry that you're crying and like OF COURSE IM CRYING, YOU'RE YELLING AT ME???

and my mom has the audacity to try to convert me to Christianity. Fuck you. As a trans person,... I got tired of putting my faith into something I couldnt see. I never saw a loving god, I only ever saw hatred and anger.

I wanna cry all over again fuck. Everytime I write like this it's a cycle because I just keep writing and never stop.

It's so important to me to be acknowledged as a SON. That's why I named The Red Static Entity "Father"... because that makes me his son. I made him ADOPT me. Because I didnt get to be no ones fucking son and I want it so bad but I dont know if I can ever be on good terms with my parents again because the whole thing has been tainted by my grief and trauma LOLz so even if they try now it just doesnt feel like enough because it never will be because my time to Bond with them has passed... I feel so much guilt over THEIR pain at my self harm but I'm so pissed rn. Fuck them. I'm in such unimaginable pain and they somehow made it all about them and how they feel and how I need to stop crying in time for dinner FUCK YOU. fuck you. You have no right to tell me to stop cutting when you did so much to fuck me up. It's not my fault if you messed up because I think maybe you forgot that children are living human beings.... maybe you "love me so much" but fuck, I dont know if I CAN love you... I dont know if I can ever see you the same after what you've done. You SHOULD feel bad, you should break down crying thinking about me, because FUCK YOU. be guilty, it's how you Should feel. And then they wonder why I dont talk to them.... BECAUSE YOU WERE A PIECE OF SHIT AS LONG AS IVE KNOWN YOU AND ALL OF A SUDDENT YOU WANNA PLAY NICE NOT BECOS U ACTUALLY CARE BUT BECOS I MIGHT KILL MYSELF.

Yknow what maybe I should just so that they can see the dead body. I'm imagining it right now... I want them to be DEVASTATED. If I was dead on the floor, itd be impossible to pretend it wasnt there. If I was dead on the floor, they'd cry and wonder what more they couldve done, which is what I've cried and wondered about my shit childhood. It would be a good thing. Serves them right to find their sons corpse. It would show them they fucked up. Maybe theyd wake up and realize that you cant emotionally neglect and mistreat a living human child for like fifteen years.... and expect it to be okay.

[queerloquial]

1. First game you played obsessively?2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?69. In your opinion, best game ever made?

1. First game you played obsessively?

babys first video game and major special interest, skyrim. which i currently have roughly 1500-plus hours on between regular and special edition

2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.

the vast majority of my fic has been for dragon age. its just such a neat world and i love getting to play around in it, even though i dislike a lot of what biowares done with their own setting in later pieces and prefer to sandbox on my own

11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games?

well first of all, dragon age brought me to the love of my life, so jot that down :>

second, aside from my darling datemate, video game fandom did land me some awesome mutuals, a number of whom are still around years later even though we share almost no interests and barely ever interact. technically quinns the only one who could be defined as a friend, bc we talk fairly regularly and stuff, but aside from the occasional reply to personal posts most of my mutuals are silent but still dear to my heart

36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game?

when i get frustrated i tend to slam my hand down beside me or on my knee but one time i misjudged the landing spot and caught my hand on the edge of my laptop and scraped my hand, does that count

48. How long does it take your to customize your player character?

chargen takes an hour, minimum, and thats if im familiar with the cc and have a character in mind already

50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create?

dudebruh, idk. the first thing in my head was ‘ace and aro friendly romance/qplatonic relationship arcs’ and ‘canon nonbinary characters’, so i guess thats a thing. ive never been particularly good at plots (hence, why all my fic is one-shot fluff...), altho i did once have an ongoing story in my head about a fallen god trying to get back to the overworld to stop the ruling goddess from destroying everything, and maybe in the process clear his name with the mortals who had hated and feared him for centuries if not millenia bc the goddess had warped the legends to reverse their roles and paint him as the callous self-centered destroyer instead of the literal author of life whose job had been to keep the record books of history so that no soul faded from eternal memory

maybe something with that

69. In your opinion, best game ever made?

uhhhh. shit. i mean theyve all got high and low points, and some i like more for the sandbox they gave me than for anything in canon. i like dragon age: origins and da2, but dao is tedious to replay and i feel like in order to get my ideal ending in 2 i have to trawl the wiki and plan out all my dialogue choices and party constructions for each quest before i start playing. inquisition is pretty and i liked the story i crafted with my lavellan (and also being a knight enchanter, even after the nerf its still super powerful with the right skills picked), but it doesnt really fit other ocs and the first several hours are a drag to play

ive enjoyed what ive played of andromeda so far, although it really couldve benefited from more development time and care from the parent company. i liked me1 and what ive completed of 2, though im terrible at combat, and dont often have the spoons for the level of concentration needed to pay attention to plot things (which is why i like exploration-heavy games, tbh)

fallout 4 is one of my favorites, id say. i tried new vegas, with two different characters,and just couldnt get into it. i think my biggest problem with 4 is that it kinda forces you into a specific character at certain points (ranging from having a nuclear family at the start and automatic attachment to your spouse and child, to being limited in good options in nuka world, down to the very trivial bit in the bradberton quest where you can only object to letting him live bc then you dont get cool weapons, and not bc /hes been living essentially in solitary confinement for 200 years/ and wants to rest, which i only remember so strongly bc i was going through my screenshots the other night and got grumpy about it all over again)

saints row is a series i like almost exclusively for the sandbox. my boss’ life follows maybe 10% of game canon; it might as well be an original work that just happens to have cities called stilwater and steelport and a gang known as the saints

dream daddy was cute and fun (and i Love damian and mary, and also amanda, best daughter), skyrim is my longest-running game and i enjoyed oblivion as well, starbound fulfills my need for mindless exploration and resource hoarding without the need for any plot or direction, stardew valley is adorable and lets me be a polyamorous bi nerdlord with a sweet farm...

i cant really pick a favorite tbh

[ubereyezconfessions-blog]

Rides on 2/1/19-2/2/19

I find coming of age in america as a Black male to be quite the experience. A life thats rathe overly sexualized and comes with many stereotypes and assumptions. Cant say its a eye opener last night but rather a further confirm on feelings and visions I have around people that aren’t POC or in the area. I had around 4 trips with Uber specifically that I can recall that were very very weird and tension filled.

First comes with this couple that I picked up in West Hollywood. White male and Asian woman. They get in and I do my usual greeting of “Hello, How are you doing tonight?”, with their response either being “Good” or “Good and you?”. Pending the two you can assume who wants a conversation or not. Pretty clear, I’d assume. Anyways the car goes quiet to the music playing in the background and literally next thing is the two are seriously making out right in my mirror less than a foot away from me. Awkward, sure. First time of this.. No! This making out is pursued by and silence and the two are texting each other as a way of communication between making out, of which is only broken by the fact that the ordered an Uber Express and had another pickup. (basically a carpool). Which here is where we pick up 2 more asian women which out the blue the couple in the back then turn into the biggest socialites to walk the earth. New energy and a easy spark for conversation. Which either I from my assumption is they either sexualizing a ride with me in the vehicle and the face they show the world appeared when the others got in. The 2 women were dropped off first to that point, the couple then start having a chat outloud. Amongst the eavesdropping I’m trying my best not to do. This guys starts ranting to this woman about him being on Bumble and that he uses it as a means to have men send him money, which she laughs. He then explains that he talks to older men and in return they send him money. I can only assume he’s been enticed to go further than internet talking if he’s willing to consider chatting with grown men to get money out of them. After I try to truly tune them out and drop them off at the destination.

Next trip is 3 very nervous and young gold diggers, which i assume, of course. So its raining and already rather cold all day being its winter time. But these are the types of women that dress a bit “sexy” if you liked to call it that. Pretty much the less they can wear the more eyes on them. Anyways I pull up to a bar called “The Nice Guy”. As some may be familiar. So La Cienaga is took up by valet cars and I have to park on the side street which is maybe 20-30 feet from the door. Anyways Im called and asked to pull closer being its raining and they’re in heels. (Rain was in the weather report all week) anyways they make the run for the car screaming and get in the back seat. One of my policies is that when people get in the car, if they all get in the backseat, they want to keep amongst themselves. Being if anyone wanted to get to know you, they’d sit in the front. Ive rode with Lyft and Uber and always sit in the front seat and chat with my drivers, simple human etiquette. (Ill get back to this). So we start heading to the next destination which is the girls heading to another party of sorts or finding something to occupy themselves from themselves. Which on the way Im lodge into a superficial realm of these 3. Some womanese that Im becoming more fluent with and they make subtle ways to let me know that they are very much looking for drugs. And willing to have sex with those that have them, simply because they do. I kinda have a Baby Driver thing going on where people think Im “sleep” or dead on the inside. But I just know a lot of battles arent worth the $4-$20 dollar trips. So ones steady making snorting noises and rambling about skiing. (obvious someone snorts coke). And one persist on a story to her friends that she was in a bathtub with a football player and her bf. And the football player tried to fuck her in front of her boyfriend. Which Im sure she probably would’ve allowed. Im assume it stays in her mind being she wanted it. Otherwise the memory would fade. So then my spider sense gets to tingling that these chicks are getting made because I’m not talking to them and assuming that I want to fuck them. When actually Im so turned off by their superficial minds that I’m trying to tune them out completely. By the way, There is a new Broly graffiti painting on Melrose where Gohan was that I have to take for a secret instagram account.

Third on this trip is literally a trip after the gold diggers. Where I’m at the Argyle and i pick up this guy or transgendered. I assume being he was in full on make up and and very tight clothing almost couldve passed for a woman. So heres what I mean, you sit in the front if you want to know your driver. The rider, simply gets in the front seat and gives me a smile and we head to their destination. Now Im not an idiot, I understood that I could’ve done anything I wanted with this person. They sat there rather quiet just waiting on me to make a move. But I didn’t want to give in to a moment of being horny and just using a body. So I don’t make conversation for the understanding that I know thats where the person wanted it to go. Upon reaching the destination I just with the person a good night. They give me a deep gaze and a smile and a hesitation to leave my car but finally do. Sorry to disappoint.

Last but not least comes around 2:30am-ish. Im in mid city and pick up a american. He has a destination set but when he gets in he tells me he is changing the destination and needs to stop at a gas station. Upon which he passes me a $20 bill and says thanks. I make a stop across the street at a 7/11. and he offers me a water or something out the store which i tell him, “no, thank you. I have a gatorade.” Tell me why this guy comes back with a Fiji water for me. Next were back on the road and he offers me gum. Which i keep 2 packs in my center counsel. So to be nice to his generosity I accept. Which he goes onto a story about this girl were picking up. Tells me that they’re friends and he was taking her back to his place. Okay here on out, I can totally be having this all happen in my imagination, but things get weird. So he ask me to let me know if she’s hot when we pick her up. I can’t really fathom why he cares what another man thinks about a woman he’s potentially going to fuck. (its almost 3am-ish on a Friday.. c’mon son). I had recently watched Hitch so in my head I’m wanting to tell the guy. She already choose to pick him, but its on him to not fuck it up. Anyways we approach and low and behold is this tanned blonde with these amazing legs and great body. I admit before she gets in that she’s hot. So she gets in and this is another weird thing I picked up. The guys demeanor changed. He went from talking slang and being all masculine to being almost the opposite and high pitched. They start conversing about her night which she was with 3 guys all night to which, in her words, she didn’t want to have sex with because they were too fucked up and drunk driving. Womanese on the other hand started ringing off things with my spider senses. That this chick wanted to get fucked and this guy wanted to share her with me or watch me fuck her. (Im learning the cuckold is real in this country). They start rambling on about small talk about a guy being able to fuck girls at this hour just by telling them to come over. But at this point were approaching the destination and its getting quiet. Im paying it no mind but do understand its quiet. To pulling up and the girl gets out without a word and the guy thanks me for the ride, hesitate to get out and seeming disappointed. I truly felt like the dude try to buy my will or ease me into being of sexual use for them for the night.

With the way these nights go, I can’t help but get a intuitive feel that either people want to sexualize things or they find the black man irresistible. Media outlets cover us like were things to have. Porn, Athletes, Music, Entertainers. And a ever increasing broadcasting of everything interracial on TV and Movies. I even myself have been on the end of being worshipped for being a black man. I try to leave myself out of these equations in these trips. Dismissing that its all in my head and its not happening for me. But on a night to night basis I’m lodge into this pull that people want to devour me for being this black man I am. I roam around this city a lot. And Outside the “hood” and predominately black neighborhoods and areas or urban venues. I see sprinkles of likeness when out and about. And a vast majority they are workers or a seldom few here and there. So theres always a thought that Im that one different thing that happens to be in the vicinity. That must be had. But hey.. Im hoping its all in my head.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #12: “if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.” - David

Man, things are not looking good at all for me and my alliance, LOL, sweet lord. Jones was blindsided at tribal, and now if I don't win out these immunity challenges, I'm definitely gonna go home.

Winning 2 in a row is a feat in itself, now I'm going for 3. With a time of 7:58, I feel pretty good about it. The key is to not get ahead of yourself and take your time. People go too damn fast in these endurance challenges and manage to mess up, I'm hoping that's the case again this time, LOL.

so...! POST TRIBAL JONES WENT HOME 4-3-1 HALLELUYAH LOLLL LIKE THE GODFATHER IS GONE!!! rhys legit gave me tobi and ryan a fucking heart attack bc if he selfed it would have been 3-3-1-1 and ryan was gonna use his idol on tobi.. i have to laugh lol but ya like uhm.

its rly weird to be in this position. where i feel insanely comfortable. i’m the only person left with 0 votes to my name, me and tobi are the only people to vote 100% in majority throughout this game. :))

and it’s even better bc.. tobi and ryan both think i’m their #1’s. and i can act the fool bc i’m the ONLY canute left vs 3 mercia 2.0 and 3 sweyn 2.0 hehe...

its super weird i dont usually have good positioning but i feel as if the only way i’ll ever leave is an idol play which i think me and ryan have the only ones :)

I BEAT THE CURSE OF EIGHT. But Jones got voted out. So it’s a win/lose situation. She was determined on helping me get past eighth and it’s upsetting. But I gotta keep moving forward and do my best. Block Party was very tedious and I don’t know what’s considered a “good score” for this challenge but I completed it in 7 minutes which I think is pretty good.

so im just gunna be a psychic and hope this comes into fruitation or whatever the word is...

OK SO THIS VOTE GET OUT DAVID.. easy 4-3 lol

next vote.. bait tobi mo and ahrre into voting ryan, tell ryan to idol, we pref get ahrre out if possible..

then i PREF WIN F5 IMMUNITY AND BAIT all of them into votign tobi and i idol tobi... but if i dont win immunity im gunna prob use it on myself and be a selfish cunt lol

Just kidding it took me 11 minutes I don’t think I’m winning this

So last tribal was interesting. In theory my plan didnt change anything, however it couldve stopped a tie vote. Jones was close to Ahrre and Mo (maybe David?!). So she couldve easily chose to vote Ryan and sway them on board. My plan stopped this happening as she had no idea they were voting for Tobi.

Now I feel like I am still in a power position. I am inbetween Tobi, Ryan, Scott and Mo, Ahrre and David. I have to assess my options. I did lie to Mo, and Ahrre. So they may want to make a move against me. Where as Tobi, Scott and Ryan are the more safe trio but also more dangerous in that I wouldnt be able to beat one of them in the end.

Someone has idols too. So ANYTHING could happen. I need them to get burnt out soon. I CANT have a possibility of 4 IDOLS at final 5. Dani, Felix and Jones were all blindsided, so there may be a chance some idols laid there. However the merge one is likely still here. It was gone before jones left, and might be gone still. Meaning the idol is with someone else or wasnt re hidden.

My main goal in this round is to keep votes off me, get an idol possibly used and stay low. I didnt make a massivly obvious move, so my visiablity may still be low. I dont need a huge threat level, it makes getting to the end 100x harder.

Tobi snapped in immunity and tg he did bc David is finally vulnerable again <3 honestly it should be an easy vote considering ik our 4 wants David out bc he's so strong, and I doubt anyone else has an idol since me and Scott have 2.... so wigggg smooth sailing? i ain't gonna settle into comfortability tho bc that's never good

Ok so now I need to think about my end game. The only two people I’m not comfortable sitting next to FTC are Ryan and David. Ryan has been swerving eliminations and has gotten rid of several big threats. David is a comp beast and is also responsible for some big moves. So now you might be thinking, Mo? What’re you going to do? Lemme tell ya Barb. So my plan AT the moment. Is 7. David 6. Ahrre or Rhys 5. Ahrre or Rhys 4. Ryan And then final three will be Scott, Tobi and myself.

Winning immunity at this stage feels sooooooo damn good like especially for this round, this is the first time david has been open on the table after his immunity... and i feel like this is the round where advantages from the other side will be played and im glad im not vulnerable to whatever shit they throw at us... so like from a gameplay standpoint, me and scott have one of the best games currently (i think) with scott edging me slightly since he hasnt got any votes yet, but we're working together really well and like i feel like i can talk game to him really well... so the plan is that we take out david this round, we round up mo (idk about ahrre) for next vote and blindside ryan, and then from there we take out ahrre, and then me and him are in f4 with two goats. He wants to go to f3 with me while taking one goat (or so he says he does) but im gonna start making moves on scott at f4, if i can take out scott at f4 that leaves me a huge opening to take the game all the way till the end... but maybe i'm thinking too far ahead

Lowkey tho like... I kinda want ahrre out over david at this point... i feel like ahrre has built some sort of barrier in our relationship for no reason. like i've shown huuuge interest in working with him in the past, but he's just gone against me and even voted me last tribal in SPITE of me??? like??? everything he's done has landed him in the minority LMFAOOOOOOO LIKE get your head out of your ass and realize that i actually want to work with you!!! and like to get ryan out at f6 we're gonna need numbers and im not sure how comfortable i am with depending on mo to flip with us, the problem with telling ahrre is that hes soooo unpredictable like, he might just go and tell ryan everything me and scott are doing and then bam there goes everything... i understand wanting david out now since he's an immunity threat but thinking about all  the blindsides I need to pull off like... I wanna keep david but I don't have numbers to keep him so I'll just have to bite the bullet on this one

So!! i lost challenge. again. lol xd

missus david and his ragtag bunch of misfits who dk how to Not piss everyone off are now deciding to vote me after unsuccessfully voting everyone else. (: BC THATS GUNNA WORK OUT FOR THEM.

like bitch.. work w/ the majority. they arent even TRYING. its lowkey kinda sad but its their own faults they put themselves in this position...

the tea is even tho i have my idol im only playing it @ f6/f5 OR if david idols. like. tobi/ryan def wont vote me and rhys will just follow ryan i think NNNN

wisj me luck x

Fuck. I have a really tough decision to make. I’d like to say I’m the swing vote but I don’t actually know 100%. I can choose to vote with David, Rhys and Ahrre or Ryan, Scott and Tobi. My main concern with this vote as a whole is jury management because I don’t want someone to leave unhappy with me but that’s really tough to do. I said previously my two concerns are David and Ryan when it comes to who I don’t wanna be sitting next to at FTC. A final four with David is scary because he’s a comp beast. A final four with Ryan is scary because he is super close with Scott and Tobi. This is a headache.

Well so last vote was funky dunky. So rhys sticked with the majority because he considered Jones to be a bigger threat than Tobi due to her connections.... Then the vote comes around and literally everyone lied to Jones about the vote LMAO.

So me mo and david followed thru with the tobi vote but it was to no avail, mainly because rhys not only flipped but he let him know I was gunning for him. Meanwhile the rest convicted Jones to vote me, probably by telling her some lie about how I was after her. While they all voted for her.

So there goes Jones and my no votes streak with her RIP. So after all of that I decided it was time for me to try and win imunity and while I was close Tobi just edged me the fecker.

So now we have an immune tobi and depend on rhys to flip for real this time. I hope he realizes that if he doesn't then everything is fucked but now it doesn't even depend on him. Since it's between Ryan and Scott and it's f7 the chances of an idol being played are high.

David is worried it might be him they're going after but idk anything could happen.

hmm so I've been busy today and haven't been talking with everyone. but i believe the tiffany alliance is still on the same page of voting David. i heard from Scott that the other 3 are voting him and they think Rhys is voting with them so that's interesting. i'm defintiely feeling safe, and i feel like Scott isn't going anywhere either so yayy final 6 here we go. I also talked with Scott about taking out Tobi sometime before final 3 because he's definitely a big jury threat, and he can definitely win immunities so if we get a chance to take him out we might hop on that. A final 3 of me/Scott/Rhys sounds pretty ideal and i think me or Scott would take home the win whew

david got another thing coming if he thinks he can idol me out... thats tea lol :)

So I lost the challenge yesterday...and yet I'm hearing that I'm not getting any votes tonight o.O which I don't believe for one second, cuz if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.

As I'm hearing...me, Mo, Ahrre and Rhys are gonna be voting for Scott, and Ryan, Scott and Tobi are voting Ahrre...because they think that I have the idol, LMFAOOO. WHICH IS TOO FUNNY OMG. I WISH I HAD THAT FUCKING IDOL, LOL.

Okay, so one side thinks Scott is going, One side thinks David is going. Meanwhile im in the middle lieing to half the tribe trying to stop an idol getting played to save my closest ally. Yeet.

Ok so according to rhys they're gonna be voting me since they're worried about david having an idol. But maybe that's just rhys playing the long con. Either way there's a sizeable chance I could be going home this week but hey third time's the charm amarite maybe this blindside will work once in for fucking all. Anyhow let's see how this thing goes.

David is voted out 4-3.

[bumblebeerumble]

breathes in softly holy shit 5 phone interviews scheduled in under 24 hours, two done, two in-person second interviews scheduled, all parties aware he is weighing his options with multiple companies, all extremely impressed with him so far. all aware of his prior employer's reputation as the worst case scenario anyone could experience as an employee in his trade. not just that, but one of the Very Interested potential employers was curious as to why the email listed was a woman's version of the applicant's name. we have nearly the same name, and we both go by literally the same name, but i handle all the computer and online things because i definitely married a 70 year old in a 27yo's body when it comes to technogy. im not exaggerating. he uses a flip phone, and uses his computer for games only. doesnt understand the internet, has no idea what memes are. he's that guy. that exaggerated caricature of a tech-challenged baby boomer, except not even 30 years old. they're looking for a secretary to work from home. someone who is computer literate, can do payroll and material costs and knows just enough about the trade. they ended up chatting about me. me! if he gets in good with this company, i will almost definitely be working from home. my disabilities are of no consequence, my physical health in general doesnt matter, my social awkwardness doesnt matter, so long as i get the job done because i dont need to go to an office or cubicle. he's already put in a good word for me. im shaking bc im very nervous. i said he needs to worry about himself first and decide who he's working for before he starts with me. if we worked for the same company and had two incomes, with my employer aware of my health issues and more than willing to work with me... it would be a dream come true. not even a dream. i never dared to dream something like that. and even if he goes somewhere else, my name is out there and has garnered enough interest that ive been asked to keep them in mind regardless of my husbands decision. i have no idea what he said to make them feel that way regardless of my physical situation, that they would be willing to train me and let me work from my home while knowing i may not be able to step foot in the office but once in a blue moon. i mean we still have the issue of bills and rent. i have no idea how to survive in the meantime. getting hired and then getting paid takes time, more than we have currently, event hough this is a better situation than i couldve hoped to see play out. i dont know who to ask for help, or how to go about it. i dont feel like i even deserve it. what have i done to deserve help? but overall im terrified and excited even if we're falling into financial ruin as i type. i hope we can figure out how to survive until he gets paid, because it's gonna be a while before we get out of the negatives, before we could begin to catch up on bills. and those bills are Serious Business. but we owe like 1k in rent atm alone because we were already a bit behind. ive spent all morning running numbers and its just... impossible even if he starts in a week.

[trendingnewsb]

MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rBtxTD

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MIA: This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me

Maya Arulpragasam is bringing dancehall, hip-hop and grime to this years Meltdown. Is the outspoken British Sri Lankan the best argument for positive cultural appropriation?

The Guardian said that you couldnt shag to my record. As conversational openers go, MIAs beats the banal niceties of, say, Hello, how are you doing?. Its no surprise that she charges straight into a chat about why her last album was considered too confrontational for the bedroom by this paper. Its an icebreaker moulded to MIAs very own design: abrasive, compelling, underpinned by sex. Yeah, she finally concedes with a grin when I suggest we move past it, you cant have it all, can you?

Its a theme she warms up to when we talk about her edition of Meltdown at the Southbank Centre, which were ostensibly here to discuss. Usually, I wouldnt do something like this, she says, slouched under an oversized khaki coat dress. [But the organisers] were like: Hey, you can do whatever you want. Still, putting on the South Banks annual festival, curated in previous years by the likes of David Bowie, David Byrne and Patti Smith, has turned out to be a fairly arduous affair for MIA who says she doesnt do computers at the moment.

They didnt tell me it was nine days long. I thought it was a weekend. And then all my lists were, like, Well, this person wont be in London and that person is doing Glastonbury. Organising festivals is actually really complicated, she stresses. It wasnt just about dreaming something and then it appeared. Programming literally means, like, programming.

For all that Maya Arulpragasam didnt quite know what she was letting herself in for, one suspects the Southbank Centre didnt either; logistics aside, the mornings photoshoot has already been met with some flapping from the press officer made nervous by MIA climbing on the roof without safety clearance. Still, her lineup dancehall, Brooklyn hip-hop, depressive Swedish rap and Nigerian grime is perhaps the most underground the festival has seen in its 24 years. How much is she expecting to shake up its comfortable concert halls, cafe bars and conference-room spaces?

Click here to watch the video for last years Go Off.

When I was a teenager in London, I would just get a Travelcard and go somewhere, explore the city and go to weird places, she says. I would never judge the place, like, This is middle class and white. This is a white country, you dont have to spell it out to me, but there wasnt ever a limit on where I could go or what I could do.

A long, elliptical digression on London then and now follows, which takes in the optimistic multiculturalism of the 90s, Tamil house parties, empire and British identity. Its the bento box of an MIA interview: individually contained ideas that dont obviously bleed into one another and yet, overall, make a collective sense if youre prepared to go with it. Thats the key thing about MIA: you have to be willing to go with her to properly get her. Given that she still looks and sounds like a beautiful, bratty, art-school upstart and is prone to labyrinthine tangents, its easy to portray her as inarticulate or unhinged. But MIAs intelligence is instinctive rather than intellectual, and fuelled by the political.

The Mehrabian maxim that reckons that only 7% of communication is verbal is one that might best be proven by the transcript of a chat with MIA removed of all tone, attitude, context and body language. Take, for instance, her explanation of why only the future remains relevant:

As humans, we dont use our past and our history to work out the importance of what our role is in the present, she says. And if you cant use the past to define your present, then it should not be an element that holds back the future. Greece is a perfect example. More than Britain, they were brought to their knees, and not a single white country thought about saving them. And it was part of their heritage. Its where their mythology comes from or their concept of capitalism and democracy comes from. Nobody cared, everybody cared about the modern. Right?

Kim Kardashian is actually more powerful than Greece. She has more money than the whole of Greece, she continues. Therefore, thats where the power lies. If you then define it that way, then you kind of just have to live with that. And maybe whats happening in modern society: that if youre going to judge it by that, then other countries are gonna come in and define the future.

In print, its a statement that seems lacking in logic and coherence. In the moment, Im fairly sure Im able to follow her and we go on to consider how and where this future is being defined (for the record: You cant ignore the fact that China is going to be doing their thing in the next 50 years) and how Arulpragasam believes the immigration issue has become a red herring covering up a truth that can explain the American and British swing to conservative populism.

With Brexit, the idea was to get away from Europe and reinvent our identity, she says. And really, that identity was going to be American, but then they gave us Trump! So, everyone now is like, Oh shit, what is Britain? Are we going to rewind back to the 1800s? We cant. Its too late for that. So, going forward, we need a charismatic leader who then va va vooms the British identity. And we dont have that either.

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted … MIA. Photograph: Stephanie Sian Smith/The Guide

The prime minister has called a snap election on the day we meet. Does MIA have any faith in our political system? Or in the left?

Everyone keeps going, Corbyn cant do this, but its, like, well, who else is there? she says. If people just left him alone to actually do the job and actually gave him some support, maybe hed be different. Treating him with so much contempt fighting that takes all his energy. How the fuck do you expect him to do interesting things? In any case insists the estranged daughter of a Tamil revolutionary, politicians are people who couldnt get jobs somewhere else.

MIAs politics, unwieldy and unslick though they may be, have often made her an easy target for tedious sneering in the press; the most insistent narrative is that, like Banksy, shes big on arch, subversive statement but lacks substance. Or that she is a hypocrite for making herself the poster girl for the worlds most marginalised people. And yet, shes one of the best pop stars Britain has ever produced. For all the ear-clanging experimentation of her five albums, MIA has always kept a sleeve full of pop bangers Bucky Done Gun, Paper Planes, Bad Girls, Finally that have sounded like little that came before or since her. Even if she didnt have the tunes, here is an art-school refugee Sri Lankan single mother with a visual aesthetic co-opted by everyone from Vetements to Versace who was born into political rebellion and revels in controversy. Gleefully gauche and carefree, MIA is the best argument for when cultural appropriation works. Bland singer-songstress beloved of Radio 2 playlists she isnt. So how much has the criticism bothered her?

People thinking that Im a bitch is totally unwarranted because Im not, she ays. I just had to fight for shit, and I still do. I just dont care any more. I dont know. She stops and starts. What I deal with as an artist, the media, the public persona, its a walk in the fucking park, compared to how confusing the universe really fucking is. Theres so much beauty in it and theres so much mystery, theres so much confusing shit in it. That is way more interesting to think about than why, like, Patricia hates me. You know what I mean? I laugh. Its like, Who the fuck is Patricia? and How can Patricia say this shit about me?. It just does not matter to me at all.As it is, she says shes most preoccupied with how to be a functioning grown up, an adult and a mother to an eight-year-old son (whose father Benjamin Bronfman is son to the billionaire heir of the Seagram fortune) born into immense privilege.

When the war came to an end in Sri Lanka in 2009, it actually did affect me, she explains. Everyone was, like, What the fuck does she know? Shes, like, a pop star, but that was my life. It was 50% of who I was, it was my identity. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I had a kid. Its the year the cause died, but the year my personal cause my son was born. And then, OK, I have to figure out what to do in very small parameters: I have a son, how is he going to see his grandma, am I going to make it there on Saturday? Can I make sure that I dont mess up his head by being depressed about certain things?

She struggles to reconcile her upbringing poor and living in Sri Lanka for her childhood to poor and living on a council estate in Mitcham, south London, in her adolescence with her sons. Im not very straightforward as an immigrant. That whole My kids would never see the pain that I saw; Im not like that. Im totally up for reintroducing him to the pain. I dont have any qualms about that. Her problems havent changed, she says, because of money or better circumstances. Whether Im in a mansion or a council flat, I would feel the same anxiety waking up going: I need to write this thing in a scrapbook, wheres my notepad? I would still have all those problems. I might still overcook the fish fingers. Those things are not going to magically transform because your house has changed. At the beginning I thought that money couldve saved my family. Very quickly I realised that money is not the thing.

Her conflict in wanting to being huge and commercial versus credible and ahead of the curve has been a persistent tension threaded through MIAs career. When I got into the music game, it was never an option to shut up and make lots of money. she says. To be a huge pop star, I would have to be, like, Yes, I think bombing Afghanistan was a great idea, I love our democracy and what it has achieved. I love the American flag and Im going to make a jumpsuit out of it. I just think it was important to have all of those Arab Springs, and its great and lets drink Coca-Cola. I had to do that, and do it all in a thong. Could I have done that if it meant that my mum had the nicest house in Chiswick by the river?

Click here to se the video for MIAs Bad Girls.

Does she worry about money now? If youre preaching living within your means, you have to, to some extent. But I also know that if youre someone in society that speaks out about injustice or political issues, one of the things that happens is that you get economically punished, 100%. I take that hit all the time.

The most recent, obvious example was MIA being forced to quit her headline slot at Afropunk last year, following a contentious quote in which she asked in an interview why Beyonc and Kendrick Lamar might not discuss why Muslim lives matter or Syrian lives matter. I dont regret [raising the issue], she says, with triumphant chutzpah. You saw how bad it was. And the Muslim ban didnt happen just with Trump, it was already happening under Obama. But you couldnt say that about him, you couldnt say that he introduced the Muslim ban, or banned seven different countries, or was already monitoring people, or dropped more bombs than Trump has. In truth, Obamas administration did identify the seven countries on Trumps list for additional screening measures, but it didnt bar their nationals. Shes already skipped ahead. The quantity of damage cant be quantified right now, she insists. Well have to wait the four years. After eight years of Obama, we kind of knew [his failings], but we just werent allowed to say them because he was so great. He was better than any person in Hollywood that I wouldve watched. He was really likable and just had loads of swag. That doesnt mean that you have to deny the truth, though.

This (and much more) comes moments after she tells me she has no time for opinions these days. She claims she doesnt read the news any more and that her primary sources for information are customers at the local kebab shop, taxi drivers and then sort of figuring it out. What about the state of the world? MIAs moment as an agitprop pop activist has never seemed more potent. Politics? I have no time for these things because Im so stuck in the zone. Ive become a hermit. [Meltdown] is actually giving me the chance to actually go out and meet people again. Ive gone for weeks without talking to a person, I do that happily. I tell her I dont believe her, as I suspect it would be a recipe for her to go fully barmy.

Im actually quite an extreme person, so I dont see that as madness. I see that as, like, solitude, doing a phase of solitude is not that bad. After declaring her fifth album AIM to be her final one, shes also trying to find new ways to channel her creativity. Im trying to write a film. I havent stepped into it yet because I want it to be good. Once you hit the start button you cant really stop it. She has, she tells me, the added complication of ADD to contend with. When was that diagnosed? I just have it. Dont even need diagnosis, its a waste of time, its a waste of the NHS. In truly blithe MIA style, she adds: Its just when you have too many ideas and not enough ways to get them out.

MIAs Meltdown is at the Southbank Centre, SE1, 9-18 June

Read more: http://ift.tt/2rBtxTD

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2rbYbGf via Viral News HQ