#idk im emotional and rambling by now

[miabbh]

i listened to Pineapple Slice and suddenly i'm back to september '24 on a weekend holiday thinking of a very much powerful and nham nham vampire baekhyun while completly in love with the cute and talented real life baekhyun

[muaka-safari]

I have been thinking about the differences between Metru Nui and Mata Nui (the island) recently, and the prev post has reminded me again but - there really had to have been a mentality shift between moving from the former to the latter

for multiple reasons, but the one that's been on my mind is the lack of replacements

like, in Metru Nui, if you lose part of the workforce, a new batch will get created, no problem, but Mata Nui has a finite population. It's an inescapably dwindling number in a strange new world that is constantly evolving fresh ways to kill you

after 1000 yrs, how many had they lost? Were the Turaga counting their numbers and doing the maths - how long before there were none? Before their situation becomes untenable?

were the Matoran aware of this? Or had the memory loss of their time in Metru Nui dulled them to this realisation - that this wasn't the normal way of life, the way they were meant to exist?

they had lived with an ever-rotating cast of colleagues and neighbours in Metru Nui, there's a chance that the millennium on Mata Nui was one of the most socially-stable periods they'd ever encountered. Not only because there weren't new faces to learn, but also because it was a shrinking number

these are your neighbours, the last and only neighbours you'll ever know

[dreamsy990]

hi i wanted to draw my own au so have a snippet of scene i rewrote like 12 times and will likely rewrite again

[definitelynotshouting]

You know what's insane about the Hunger AU. the fact that Grian is trying to die because he does not want to inflict pain upon his friends, but that's exactly the thing that's tormenting them. he's become so determined to stop himself that he's hurting them anyway, and it only gets worse the harder he tries. he doesn't want to be cruel but leading the Hermits on like this about the potions is cruel. he doesn't want to hurt them but seeing him half dead is hurting them. i am shaking like a dog

hunger au really is all about how suicidal ideation and mental illness can just twist your entire perspective into a knot.... like the objective reality is that he IS hurting his friends with this and he IS going to hurt them 10x more when it comes to the potions!!! but grian is so caught up in his own head and his hurt and his guilt that he cant see that or accept the cognitive dissonance that comes with acknowledging it. Its a genuinely tragic set of circumstances and being able to showcase the rapid spiral down followed by the slow crawl back up through recovery is so so so rewarding for me as a writer-- not least bc of reactions like these >:]

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[cryptidm0ths]

Vvvvvv messy doodles of magical girl au

[jils-things]

sooo like finals r over now

thank god its xmas break now

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

had quite the night drive earlier this evening.

[nicky-jr]

fucked up about henry offering the boys a handshake and only giving sparrow a "light hug" back. his boys are all grown up now,,, things have changed and decisions were made and things can never go back

[puppppppppy]

My god I need to finish this website so I can write diary entries and not be this obvious abt it

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Hey guys I know its 3am and I gotta be up in 6 hours but uh

Yeah just dropping this here and running ty, probably not gonna do much more but I liked the idea 👍🏼💖💖💖💖💖 (also just looking at it now i realized i forgot to draw the headphone cord hrnshxbf oops ignore that)

[sunnykeysmash]

I'm in my overanalyzing hour but this scene is very fascinating to me because it reads like layers

like at first it presents us the problem (the party), it shows us how he reacts to problems in general (he is on edge because his trauma response is to overanalyze and micromanage everything to keep everyone safe, because in the past for him "problem" meant instability and danger)

then we see his core emotional response to it, and something that I think is always on the back of his mind ("you guys like me, right?" "you think that dennis hates me?" "are you mad at me?"), which is to doubt the love and care of the people around him for putting him in this position in the first place (dealing with the problem) (and tbh who can blame him lol)

he covers this core response with anger, because it's something he absolutely cannot accept (that they don't in fact love and understand him, it's too painful to even consider)

then finally he laughs to cover EVERYTHING up and conceal and dismiss it, his final response is to self soothe by distraction himself with a positive memory regarding the gang instead, to calm down that original first one

and yeah ik the pills probably played a role in how much and how quickly this happens, but I do think this is still true to what happens with him, just... on the inside, usually.

like, oh my god, this boy is so unaware of his emotions and pushes down, down the negative ones, it's only gotten worse as the series advanced tbh, at least he used to blow up at first, which to me meant he felt at least more comfortable to express the feeling in the first place... now he's more passive aggressive, but I still think this applies. he may not conceal it with laughter but he just doesn't say it.

it's that unreadable expression or nervous smile for me. 😇

myyy point being that mac, also, has big feelings, and they hurt. and that his submission (that he only recently stopped post-chokes) was (ALSO, not only. he does love dennis and care for him) a trauma response (fawning). so is his repressing of them. which if you ask me has only gotten worse as he's become "the man who carries". mac's need for control was just as unhealthy as dennis'... that's what keeps him on edge... and if he's allowed to carry all of it, I fear he may snap as well!!! he's not much better off than dennis, I think they're at pretty equal low points right now.

S14 was all about showing dennis that mac cares, that mac can do better and can improve the dynamic, but I think maybe... mac may be a bit disillusioned that dennis can similarly step up. but since mac copes by holding control it "doesn't bother him" that dennis doesn't extend care. it's the love part that still bothers him. I do think he's still upset that dennis won't admit it. That's probably why he seems pissed during dennis' identity monologue in s15, because dennis is being super hypocritical.

but uh. yeah. idk where I was going with this if not that they're both the jumper (like, I really believe they're both at the lowest but idk) and they're very much mirrors of each other and share a lot of similar experiences (the storm! the big feelings! the denial! the hole! the family trauma! the love...) plus their self image is very much built in how the other sees them, and right now they're not seeing each other right at all. they're both falling for the other's mask.

I hope... they get to see each other.

[ruiconteur]

just realised this but the fact that cheng yi's studio posted a video of cheng yi as li lianhua with his back to the camera and then turning around to face it as a concert promo makes me go a little bit insane. bc li lianhua/li xiangyi is constantly filmed with his back to the audience in the show. but the concert is a different universe. the concert is the happy ending. so he can't turn away from the audience for this. instead he turns back to us and smiles.

[cloudcountry]

i love how i come back to twst post about how much i hate idia for a few days and then leave again it's such a cycle

[walkman-cat]

the desk i was sat at for my mock history exam was littered with graffiti and the best one was a small doodle of a wizard with a speechbubble saying "YOU SHALL PASS!!". thankyou mr wizard for helping me with my exam

[cloudbends]

I wasn't ready for it to be so sad and gentle.... Ohhhhhhfhchhfhcd