#idk if this even makes sense how I worded it but yeah

[leejeann]

For a while I've been like religiously following that "don't trust your brain after 9pm" phrase I read somewhere once and it's crazy how well it works for me. But I also take it a bit further and also have "don't trust your brain on low energy" just in general.

Does the tired-brain depression and whatnot magically disappear? No not at all, definitely still kicks in and definitely still takes effort to cope when it does

Is it WAY easier to cope now that I'm learning to make my go-to thought be "Oh wait, it's like 11pm so my brain is tired and being dumb. I probably don't actually feel completely hopeless about life, I just need some rest." and break up that spiral a bit? Yes, oh my god

"This shift at work is the same as my other shifts that don't make me feel miserable but today it is. Oh right I don't suddenly hate my job, I only slept 5 hours. I just need a bit more sleep next time."

"Am I actually frustrated with the project enough to want to give up or is it because it's 2am and I need to put it down until I rest a bit so I can manage that frustration better?"

Like it doesn't always help and I still have times where I spend my free time zoning out or laying in bed because I just feel really blah and of course that's not always just triggered by tiredness. But when it is from being low energy it definitely helps most of the time.

Sometimes it even helps me out of those blah moods since I get better at recognizing when it is caused by me being tired. When it is, maybe I can convince myself to go to bed, or lay down or meditate to at least rest my brain, or just find some way to regulate it so I can at least still do something else instead of being fully stuck in that headspace for however long it lasts. Out-logic your brain, babyyy

[gjsxj0]

mindless rambling in tags don't mind me

[freakinator]

i feel like perhaps my own sense of morality and personhood gets a lil lost in translation when i do analysis type shit so just some things to keep in mind when reading anything from me

i dont really have an internal sense of morality, simply consequences and principles

this means i dont really care for whats "good", simply for whats logical which can sometimes be confused for/muddled with whats good cause to me whats logical is whatever causes the least problems in the long run

this also means that things like hypocricy, selfishness, deceit, etc are value neutral to me and are only really problems when they actually Cause problems so when i say someone has a trait thats commonly seen as something negative i dont necessarily see it as such

related to the above, i believe most personality traits are value neutral including things commonly seen as "good" and that on their own they dont mean much of anything, their meanings come from how the actual person uses them

its also why i dont really take much note of "negative" values until they pass a certain threshold or if im specifically talking about those traits

i react a lot more than i actually feel cause if i align with what i actually feel then yall are literally getting nothing from me ever lol

im a Lot more paranoid and emotionally & interpersonally disconnected than i let on which definitely colors how i do analysis

this especially applies to psychology things cause things related to it can be a genuine danger for me (both socially and my own psyche) so im a lot more hyperreactive of warning signs regarding that (whether perceived or true)

uhh i dont think it actually Changes what i say but it might change how yall read my posts, unless ig youre someone who already assumed i dont actually care that much lol

[a-ikuoliver]

fellow gays…. does it feel like anything to you?

[philzokman]

i hate those stupid arse posts that’re like ‘human beings deserve FOOD and WATER reblog if u agree 😍😂 IGNORE if u hate every single minority group and have been arrested 894 times due to hate crimes’ shut UPPPPP stop farming interactions off marginalised communities and peoples insecurities for the love of god

[chippycore]

suddenly feeling unwell over xb3 over how much more noah and the gang needed to see

[r0semultiverse]

I don’t know, me personally, I just think two adults playing pretend & pretending being gross together with full open communication & consent between them is harmless, but maybe that’s just me.

[bandsanitizer]

nah but why tf they bringing mama to la?

[emdotcom]

For years, I've been trying to put into words Why I give a single iota about Bendy & the Ink Machine, but it's such a tangled mess that no thread can be seperated -- they're all interwoven in a way that makes it hard to pick them out. The game, overall, makes me miserable, because I can see that there was love put into it, but a lot of it is thrown to the wayside in favor of a story that I think was retroactively improved by the sequel's recontextualizing of it, but is ultimately not worth the price of admission & majorly drops the ball.

It's easy to list things I don't like about it -- the gameplay is sparse, the combat is uninteresting, none of the chapters feel connected, the bugs that assault all my playthroughs & kill my saves are consistent & fill me with dread every time I open the game, the lack of thought in the contents of a chapter (chapter 3's wheel ""puzzle"" & the animatronic Bendy from chapter 4, in specifc, really grind my gears), which speaks to the amateurish & rushed way that the game was crafted -- there's a lot to hate, & it's easy to hate it. But I don't. Despite all that, I am compelled by this game, by what it's trying & failing & trying again to say.

It's really easy to understand why you dislike something. I couldn't have told you much about what I did like, in Ink Machine.

& then, I played Dark Revival. I didn't realize I liked the story of Ink Machine, until I played Dark Revival. It's a better made game, it's just not fucking interesting, to me, because it doesn't have a story worth tuning in to.

[starlooove]

So we’re just gonna ignore Gotham war right

[autisticlee]

trying to stream on twitch when you are an autistic person who struggles to talk is so hard. you can't make it on there at all if you don't talk constantly, if you don't talk enough or say the right things, if you can't multitasking and converse well with your chat, cant hold conversation with your viewers, etc. normies hate "awkward silences" and will leave your stream if you are quiet for more than a few seconds.

i try to talk but mostly repeat the same scripted things like "oh no" "oops" "don't touch me" "ouch" while playing games. or I do a kind of disjointed narration of what i'm doing like "jump!" "swimming" "aim and shoot"

when people say hi in chat I say the typical scripted "hi how are you" and then struggle to respond to anything else after that, which makes people leave as quickly as they came. I can't improvise talk about things or tell stories like other streamers. I can't have a conversation with chatters.

if I did try to talk about a thing I prescripted (I'll write down things I want to say/talk about and then read them) I have to stop playing my game to talk. people also don't like that. and it takes me like 10 tries to tell the thing even if I read what I wrote down because I mess it up and have to repeat myself.

I prefer to do co-op games in discord calls so other people can talk for me and be entertaining and talk to my chat. but struggling to talk means no one will invite me to play games or accept my invites 😭

then a while back I saw this:

twitch is apparently going to be inconsiderate to disabled streamers. we can't be "consistent" because of bad health days or even months. some of us can't "engage" enough because words and talking hard. ever since I saw this, I haven't streamed. I don't know know if they actually implemented this or are going to but 😬

I might try to stream again when I have time/stop feeling sick. I was streaming genshin impact weekly and daily stuff which might not be most people's interest. I want to stream some art and 3d printed figure painting. I can't talk while doing art stuff so I can play some nice music. but it'll be boring streams 😭 I don't know how to be entertaining and make myself talk a lot 😭

[cmonangel]

okay so i finally read a ballad of songbirds and snakes which led to me rereading the hunger games trilogy over the past week (SO GOOD i could make a whole other post) but then i thought it would be a good idea to watch the movies but then literally started sobbing from the beginning and started again every time single time they showed rue before the games even started or anything

[friendzoned61]

Do you have any specific hc that you imagine for the convict ?

Idk if it’s like a Headcannon but the convict, i see as like a scientist. I think all of the Eden members that participated in the attack were all mostly scientists. Because it was a colony! If you send people up to space to establish a new civilization, you want to not send some random Joe, you wanna send Jeff the bioengineer or bob the ME. and members of the COI aren’t a colony, they’re what’s left of humanity after the rapture. More scientists. I’m kinda rusty on lore but all these stations for the COI I think were gathering data and materials and more for earth so they probably had a ton of supplies both food and resource wise and in comparison to Eden, a colony that may have had more limited communication with earth due to distance and shit and, again I’m rusty, we don’t know how long that colony was established. Looking up the wiki I got there’s 480 people up there, so they’re probably either just getting established and they sent a shit ton of scientists to start priming mars for a larger population or they’re maybe a generation in. And if your home planet goes no contact and you try to reach out to the only space stations that might have a reason why-and like I watched the Martian what if there was some disaster that meant a food scarcity, or maybe they just needed more materials to keep expanding and providing for life there- AND THEY JUST GO DUDE IDK? EARTHS GONE? I’d get a little pissed and I’d say hey dude can you help us out then? We have like no way to like consistently gain building materials without earth and maybe the station was greedy! Like no! We’re our own governing system now and our first rule is FUCK YOU! I’d raid them if I was desperate! But hey we’re a fuck ton of scientists and yeah we’re got enough to withstand space travel and to adapt to the gravitational pull of mars and to keep expanding, but we’re not on our turf and shit I’m captured ahhhh.

Um. So all this to say, yeah I think both the convict and the player are scientists and uhhhh their punishment for their desperation is forced exploration of the unknown. :)

[lexalovesbooks]

Soulmate AUs are the number one way to make me insufferable ngl

[anothermonikan]

I get so hyped when Twin Size Mattress comes on the 8th grade / year 9 playlist it's unreasonable. Girl that is your entire 8th grade experience in a song we are not hype about that. what

[surpriserose]

I had to rage annotate the edgy slam poetry