#idk how much more simply I can put this tbh but had to unfollow someone over saying certain kinks are harmful

[r0semultiverse]

I don’t know, me personally, I just think two adults playing pretend & pretending being gross together with full open communication & consent between them is harmless, but maybe that’s just me.

[queerascat]

i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don't identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i'm literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it's the reason i can't access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the 'discourse' & the violent abuse i faced on this website for (cont)

(suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no longer suffer from my orientation). this is horrible tbh. i’m sorry to unload but as another poc ace i feel safe around you. i guess what i’m trying to say is that this ‘discourse’, which is just a bunch of people thinking they can gaslight and abuse aces or call the ‘bad’ or ‘cringy’ and don’t want to have any sort of intra community discussion but literally deny us our experiences and be abusive, is harming my mental health. friends i trusted turned out to be acephobic, send me literal death threats. in what kind of WORLD is that fucking ok? idk where im going with this, im sorry. do you know of any ways i can deal with this wave of ace and aro hatred that’s spread this website? i don’t know how to go about it. and now in the spanish speaking online lgbtq+ community, enbyphobes have copied it to exclude enbys for ‘being actually cis’ and are calling us ‘cisnb’ after regs in english calling aces and aros ‘cishet’ so that’s just fucking great :( that’s because the community is only now starting to realize enbys exist. and it’s also learning that about aspecs, so im starting to hear it in spanish too. i just can’t escape it.

i genuinely feel like i’m in no place to be giving any sort of advice on things of this nature– especially right now when i’m just managing to keep my own head above water for various reasons, but…

i’d first like to say that venting has been (and continues to be) a significant part of self-care / coping for me personally and i am beyond flattered that you feel safe enough to vent your feelings to me. no need to apologize, anon. i don’t know if i can be of any help to you, but i hope that the very act of venting in and of itself has been a step in the right direction for coping for you like it often is for me.

i also want to say that i’m very sorry to hear about all of the shit that you’ve been (and continue to be) put through. while i haven’t had your exact experiences, i can very much relate to feeling like you can’t escape “discourse” or otherwise harmful ideology as both it itself and the effects of it pervades other aspects and intersections of your life both on and outside of Tumblr. not to mention how it feels to finally find that rare, illusive something or someone that you share important but seemingly less common intersections with only to discover that that thing or person contributes to the very thing that’s, for lack of a better expression, fucking you up.

…ah, yes. like those old posts by a formerly self-identified ace and queer person of color who now not only advocates against asexuality but who does so in a way that blatantly shits on aces of color by pitching them against other QPOC, among other things. that’s some fucked up shit, ain’t it?

cough. anyway… my personal coping and self-care strategies.

my go-to strategies for coping and self-care certainly don’t work for everyone or in all situations, but with Tumblr and social media-related thing in general i often try to:

remove myself from the source of the distress.

even if only temporarily for a few hours, days, a week– whatever, i do what i can to mentally and / or physically check myself out of whatever it is that’s negatively affecting me and do my best to turn my attention to other things. i go to Starbucks, read a book, clean my apartment, focus on a personal project, catch up on shows, turn off my computer and my phone and finally make myself food– whatever. i focus on things that are actually tangible and perhaps offer some form of self-gratification even if it’s just in the form of tasting good because goddamnit, the time and cost required to get a caramel macchiato is (and quite frankly should be) far more worth it to me than the time and (mental) cost spent giving a damn about someone else’s bullshit. or so i tell myself.

if the source of the distress is outside of the internet, as might be the case with a therapist, i cut that person (or thing) out of my life even if it’s just by silently breaking off communication with them by not returning their calls or not going to their therapy sessions temporarily or indefinitely. as i said above, that person / those people / that thing is not worth the time or (mental) cost required of me by dealing with them.

limit or manage my exposure to the source of the distress when removing myself from it completely isn’t possible.

i feel like this often ends up being more taxing than simply removing myself all together, but blocking / unfollowing immediately upon coming across something or someone that can potentially or does set you off is important. blocking applies to more than just people, blogs or posts but also blacklisting tags, keywords etc using something like Xkit for Tumblr, the native block & mute features on Twitter, etc. if the distress comes in the form of asks, instant messages, etc then i disable those things at least temporarily, especially when blocking an IP fails to get the job done. i also avoid browsing through tags, which can be tough when you actively want to find something to help yourself feel better about yourself / your experiences / etc…

when the source of the distress isn’t online-based, i try to manage / limit my exposure by avoiding the person or thing in question when possible. again, actively avoiding someone or something requires effort on my part and can in and of itself be taxing, so it’s not ideal… but i do what i can.

venting.

while venting is by no means The Solution to anything and comes with its own set of risks / problems when done publicly, venting can be done in so many different ways. it’s a relatively easy form of instantly relief for me regardless of how small that relief may ultimately be. whether it be tweeting, journaling (online or pen & paper), venting on sites specifically made for that purpose, scribbling feelings onto a piece of paper and then immediately ripping that paper to shreds, typing heatedly into a text document and then closing it without saving– whatever, it helps for me to take even a moment out of my day to acknowledge how i feel and speak those feelings into existence beyond just the mess that is my own head at times. even if those feelings only exist in the world for seconds before i delete or physically destroy them because Anxiety And Shit, it still helps.

but perhaps most importantly is to:

focus on the fact that no matter what anyone else says or does, i am The Authority on who i am, how i feel, etc.

i know who i am, but i also know that who i am is not the problem even when others make me feel otherwise. regardless of how i may feel about the things that i face in regards to my sexuality, my gender, my race, etc, i try to keep in mind that those things that i face are a product of the society that i live in and the people who insist on interjecting their own personal bullshit into my life. imho, this is as true of Tumblr “discourse” as it is of life in general.

while it may not be possible to escape society or shitty people all together, there is a lot more to society and life in general than the bullshit that we find ourselves faced with at times. i try my best to look beyond or through “discourse” on Tumblr and see the communities of people both on an off Tumblr who, like me, are against such bullshit. while shitty therapists and shitty people in general may rebrand and rehash the same old tired, hurtful shit that’s been said to others for forever, i try to look past that and focus instead on the fact that a lot of people aren’t like that and have actually learned from the past and and are better for it. i try to focus on a future where i will have access to competent mental health resources and care even though i do not have that now…

���….i’m not sure why i ended up writing this short novel of a post that ultimately amounts to nothing, but yeah. anon, no matter how hard things get, please know that you’re never going at it alone. there are others out there struggling, coping, surviving in spite of the same or similar things, it’s just that if hardly anyone talks about it we end up feeling alone in it, unaware of others’ company…

….which is one reason why despite the potential risks, venting publicly even in the form of anonymous asks can be worth it sometimes and i very much welcome such asks on this blog.

all the best, anon.

[lukeatmeashton]

I've left the 5sos fandom...

**Please read til the very end to find out what’s happening to my writings**

The title says it all tbh. Idk if this is like a resignation post (?) or whatever but before you all unfollow lemme explain myself.

The truth is I've just lost my passion for this band and I don't love them anymore, to be quite blunt. I've sort of been on the verge of leaving for a few weeks now and truthfully for the past week it's just settled with me. 

I haven't been on my blog and I don't feel like I'm missing out. 

Yeah tumblr is a great place but idk about you but all of my dash is just filled left right and centre with nasty passive aggressive remarks from anons to bloggers and vice versa and I'm honestly over all of that negative shit. If someone on here thinks differently of one of the guys or one of their gf's then instantly they get attacked for having an opinion. And I'm just so done with people being so pathetic and judgemental. 

I seriously don't get why some people waste their goddamn time attacking others because they don't think the same things as they do. Who the fuck cares?? It's called free will.

For the past week I haven't been on tumblr once and I can already feel my life getting that little bit easier. I already have enough REAL LIFE shit that's happening currently and I really don't need someone else's shit who has no relevance or impact on the ongoings in my own to worry about too. 

I don't care if arzaylea has done some shit that makes you dislike her. I don't care if crystal is over ten years older than Michael. I don't care that Calum might be fucking Nia. It literally changes nothing in my life except my mood. So why not just get rid of it, right?

But honestly the drama and conflict between fans in this fandom is only a minor part of me leaving - I am simply leaving because I don't love them as much as I used to, as a band and as people. 

And that's ok because people grow older and people change.

When I looked at photos of the guys I used to smile because they're all such idiots and I loved their personalities. But now I don't care, I feel indifferent. 

I used to find Luke so attractive to the point in which I got you know that really warm feeling and you feel like you're about to pass out from how hot he is, and don't get me wrong I still think he's insanely attractive, I just don't get that overwhelming feeling any more.

And yeah, it used to hurt a little when I saw one of the guys with their girlfriend (specifically Larzaylea cuz I was more of a Luke girl than any of the others) [*also disclaimer: I still don’t care for arzaylea in any way, I don’t hate and I don’t love her. I have no opinion on her because I do not know her]. But now, when I see a post of them being a couple, it doesn’t faze me, not even a little, which is what I felt was a bit of a wake up call, because I’d been feeling a little bit hurt about it for so long and then for that feeling to suddenly disappear had to be a reason for something.

Of course, I feel a little sad to be leaving because there were good memories and all, but I know for my mentality and maturity, I need to leave. 

As for this blog and my writings, here’s the good news. 

I will be finishing Make Love to a Killer along with probably writing other things maybe to do with the boys too because to put it simply I love writing. I may not love the people I’m writing about but I love creating a plot and writing things for you guys to see your reactions. (In my view the people in my stories are just characters and not the real people, if you know what I mean - and let’s be real Luke in MLTAK is nothing like real life Luke lol).

I don’t mean to offend anyone in this post or disappoint anyone but I just feel like I should set everything straight and make things clear. 

I know this may come as a sudden shock too because I’ve only had this 5sos blog for maybe over a year (before it was a crappy 1D blog lol) and I didn’t exactly make any implication that I felt this way, but it is what it is.

Also sorry for being so blunt too, I’m aware I didn’t exactly sugar coat some of the things said but I didn’t really see the point. 

I love you all so much and I hope you don’t mind too much as I will still be writing. If you want to unfollow then unfollow, if you don’t then thank you for sticking by me and I’ll be sure to keep writing on here soon. xx

[alexshenry]

tagged by @billkinsdancing 🥰 @atotsphutian 😘 and @metawin 😍

1. why did you choose your url? I wanted a temporary atots related url while the show was airing as it was consuming my life. everything else was taken, but by some miracle this one was available 🥰🥰 i love it so much that it’s now pretty much my permanent URL, i don’t think i’ll let go of it anytime soon. 

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. It’s not a sideblog, but I made a secondary account for spn/destiel ( @dstiel) 🤡 i was posting about it so much that it was pretty much overtaking the whole blog. So i thought it would be better to make a whole other account to reblog and make as much content as I wanted without alienating everyone else. I’m not really as active now, but at least it’s there whenever I miss that stupid show.

3. how long have you been on tumblr? since 2011 

4. do you have a queue tag? ‘#queue’ super original, i know <3

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? the first half of glee’s season one had finished airing and I was experiencing withdrawal from the show. i came across a blogger that posted glee content, news etc, and I just remember her being extremely lovely and imformative. So I signed up just so I could follow her and not miss out on her posts. Then during that time, I started watching Supernatural during the school holidays, became completely addicted and needed spn content 24/7. And thus, I became stuck in his hellhole (affectionate), never to leave again.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? phutian supremacy 😔✊ this is one of my favourite shots of them.

7. why did you choose your header? DAYS has taken over my life and I needed them as my header. But I suck at headers, so I decided to make it as simple as possible.

8. whats your post with the most notes? this spn gif that has 125k notes. 

9. how many mutuals do you have? i’m not sure 🤔🤔 i’ve never really checked.

10. how many followers do you have? i’m not comfortable sharing, but i’m super grateful for every single person <33 thank you for putting up with my dumbassery ♥

11. how many people do you follow? 192

12. have you ever made a shitpost? i’m neither original nor funny enough to shitpost 😅😅

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? i’ve been trying to cut down the time i spend here because of work, etc, but i try to post as much as I can during the week and have a break on the weekends. 

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who one? if i don’t like someone i’ll just unfollow. 

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts? very gult trippy, very unnecessary. I don’t think it’s fair to force people to engage in any posts they might not have the mental capacity to deal with in that moment, or simply because they don’t want to reblog it for whatever reason.

16. do you like tag games? I do! I love them to bits and thank you for always tagging me <3 I always forget to take part bc I hardly check my mentions, or sometimes forget to like the post to bookmark it 🥺🥺 but thank you babies, i’ll try to take part in it more often. 

17. do you like ask games? yes!! 

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? all of you are tumblr famous in my heart 😘😘 but idk tbh. like ali said, anyone that makes posts for multiple fandoms will have a more diverse and bigger following. 

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? i have people i want to be best friends with forever, if that counts?

20. tags? i think quan tagged everyone <3. going to spam my beautiful bonnie again @ronenrubinstein 💛💛