#idk if these came out right i tried something new and now im running late for work lmfao

[mermaidstede]

If I could just make an observation... Do you think you talk so much because you don't wanna know how to sit with yourself?

[always-me-meha]

Ewwww word vomitted my man.

Think he ignored me on purpose like damn my girl crazy sending paragraphs.

(Paranoid thinking)

No no. First was to say I'm proud of him and sorry I wasnt supportive.

I'm glad he's wanting to go back to school and quit stuff and I'll be here with him along the way.

I start word vomiting memories with him oops...

( when he first told me this, I was an ass ignoring the conversation really and we fought over bullshit and just gah never talked about it all weekend. I just wanted him to know I DID HEAR HIM and I really care. I'm proud he wants to work on himself )

oh and I apologized I never give him a chance to talk, I over talk over him then he gives up.

Makes me sad cause boo I wanna hear what you have to say!!!! But he just like nope forget it.... I'll learn to slow down so I can hear you, that's all I want. Him to be comfortable and open with me. I love listening to him, just sometimes he so quiet and I just idk hahaha get used to talking like the whole time for the both of us. I'm weird.

He said thankyou and I love you to this. Told me sleep cause ya I'm wired.

Then I sent him another appreciation and apology over our fights....

Even though it annoys me I LOVE HE BITES BACK and doesn't tolerate my shit for being a bitch for no reason when he doesn't derseve it and I'm so sorry.

(This why I hate nice guys, they can't handle it! Can't even put me in my place when I need it so I get worse and worse)

Where with caige idk.... like yes it gets mean (him especially when he's pissed off) but I don't wanna get to that point where Im the one saying the cruelst shit I can NEVER TAKE BACK.

Bipolar rage is no joke but fuck I gotta keep that temperature from not boiling. He helps test that water man..... like man...... the one expression I have to old back is the fucking hardest!!!!

He didn't see that message :( or was like boy she on a roll hahaha but agh I just wanted him to know ya. I love him. And stuff. Sorry. I think of you. From your nutty gf.

This relationship I know is...... something I want. First time in over 10 years, all the men I've ever ignored. I chose HIM. Even after of like almost 4 years of making him sleep at the foot of my bed lolol friend zoned.

Idk agh my heart strings when I found out the song he showed me wasn't for me wah that night, the thing that made fell for him. Dammit I sooo stoopid eh. As if...... mofo lucky he got in these pants, he claims I came to him first, no dummy... I went to you after you like..... man...

Idk wanna think of back then.... it was hard. Point being, he's mine now. That month apart, did good. Seeing eachother again made him realize what the fuck he wanted. I was like TOOO late, had ur chance (HE was like ah we should've just dated, mmmm I wanted you, you didn't want me) anywho teased him till the sun came up, oi boy.... here we go again *we banged* lol.

Then shut the front door. I tried running from again. I loved him bruh was hard not having him. He was like you think this easy on me? My life is not together, I'm like nether is mine.... he wanted us both to get where we needed to be first but why torture ourselves idk... or if he just making excuses and doesn't feel the same. SET ME FREEEE.

I was gonna be like bye :( but needed my journals from him.... anyway we took my pup to dog park. Then we went to our spot. This other lil park. It was our getting high spot from weed to our coke head days, drinks, and jib man.

And it became the spot where he asked me to be hissss.

Fuckin eh. Romantically high.

Took a walk down to the bushes/trees, well pup ran around following us. Our baby hahaha he step dad now.

He leaned against fallen down tree and pulled me close, as we both smoked Dat dumb drug. But that don't matter. Just agh KNOWING WE WERE FINALLY TOGETHER. Awkwardly saying babe now smiling and glowing...

(minus my bad news at same time of those pre cancerous cells) it was like hold the phone, lemme enjoy this right now.

Agh. Just man.... me single all this time.... and it's you????

The spot (years ago) he was to drunk and high and passed out in the snow. Was so heavy, I'm like we gotta go I'm not abandoning you out here in the cold!!!!!! Tells me should've left him IM LIKE NO you my bro, I'm getting ya home safe lol

Got stuck in the ditch there backing out oops..... made him come home with me. Again we did not sleep or kiss or nothing. I loved just his presence and being fucked up with him LOL I'm pretty sure he slept at the foot of the bed still.

Anyway he was to start a job that morning.... fuckin snow was heavy that night. What happend again? Got stuck in my own driveway this time fuck..... his fault this one. Other one was mineeee. His dad had to come pull me car out ermahgod..... then we rushed and got his ss to town so he made it to work. Lol I would've felt like shit cause I made him come home with me and if he'd missed that first day agh see I'm not always a good influence.

Holy man. I hate he got that job tho. Terrible. Just he reconnected with alot of drug people meh idk bleh. It's different when weeee do drugs together, doesn't count lololol and eh he was my friend, I think I started getting less attention. Yes I'm jello, I hog friends to myself hahaha

Fuckin hell.... idk how we did it back then. Just friends but we were close af. He was so quiet and depressed when I first met him and I was fucking manic as hell walking on cloud 9. The sun eh......

Then man things are blurry..... just always remembered him coming here to get STONED AF. We'd watch chucky together. Nd idk..... used to try sleeping normally but once we snuggled and awkwardly pecked abit and then I was like no cock blocked him. Back to the foot of the bed sir!!!!!

So fucking weird mannnnn. Doi I think we both wanted eachother during times but he couldn't have meeee so yenno did his own shit. Idk he would tell me his relationship stuff and I was like bruh the woman no derseve youuuu leave!

But we'd joke, he like oh I gotta send my money to my gf in city and I'd be like why don't I get money, he'd say be my gf then and you would lol

Just random shots like that. I know for a fact I'd sense jealousy when he'd have a women lol but I'm like no no, boy just a friend.

Fuck and when I had my first LDR I swear to God is when he started testing me. We were drunk and stoopid. He kept trying to kiss me, didn't count I didn't kiss back!

He'd try and leave to his parents and I'd literally be holding him tight, wrapped around his leg not wanting him to go.

Like man, I loved having him with me, his presence sleeping over, even tho we weren't a thing. Hated when he just come get high and had to go......

Jealousy bipolar drugs is why I think I distance myself for awhile after all that.... oh I was mad he made me feel like cheated -.-.

He was literally the guy in memes girls would say ' don't worry he's just a frieeeend ' well shit, look at us now.

How we BECOME WEEEEE. Fuckin eh. I was high..... on jib the first time.... we talked about how I haven't got laid in forever, he'd always offer him and I'm like no I don't sleep with my friends.

Even before then fuck, always some sexual tension was between us getting idk harder as time went on. I be bad and accidently let him see some sexy selfies oops. Boy that what you can't have 😂.

Eventually just causal touching would happen like I didn't care if grabbed my boobs, was all just idk jokes.

Even busy fucking curiosity me stoned asking, well how big is it????? Oh fuck that's what happend that night he was here (when I was in my ldr) we almost banged. (I'm like you just want me more now cause I'm taken!) We was wasted......

But ya he had me in a position where I was laying on the bed him standing up, just grrrrr. Guess dry fucking lmfao. I remember wanting it sooo bad LIKE NO NO HES A FRIEND AND YOU HAVE A MAN NOW (tho really i don't count that anymore as boyfriend, just someone I used to FaceTime alot lolol but at the time it felt like cheating)

That fucker, once again building that damn sexual vibe AHHHHHH.

I don't think we hung out for awhile after that. I was mad at him lol trying to get with me all of sudden.

Anywho anywho, ldr died, time went on we haven't seen eachother in awhile. I missed him and wanted him as my friend again. Tho everyone told me not to, that he just uses me and stuff whatever idk. Didn't care. I did but gr.

Like something about that boy had me like a magnet towards him.

Back to the day I first got high on jib. Which IM MAD CAUSE I READ SHIT WRONG. Or idk. Anywho. Talked all night long. Snuggling and stuff. By morning, I said this story before, I let him have me lol. Like why torture myself man. Sex sex sex.

Shit he confuses this idk why. I have a shit and good memory. He likes to say I came to him first. No. We banged at mine first doofus. Then I wanted to see ya again is how I ended up going to his and rest is history of fucking bs confusing ahhhhhhhh.

Bruh anyway before we even banged asked if loved him.... awkward ass question. Like idk..... and I was scared of commitment and shit and it was a weird conversation. I can't say I love you rn?

Smh by the time he left. He stopped looked at me. Don't get attached. I was like bruh wtf?

Idk one of those days he was at mine..... I was all over him, I made it clear I wanted more. he didn't. Was frustrating af. Cause ya I was scared to date but I was sick of hook ups and men that were unavailable saying I was to good for them.

So it's like really again.... but I my dumbass was like I ain't raising my number again. Noone else to bang, he re woken the sexual beast LMFAO so let's keep this ride going I guess .

Which fuck me. Was great for the most part except I turned into a jib head.... we just smoke and hide in his room alllll daaaay. Gaming, Journaling, coloring, me talking alllll the time, making videos, this is where I got in to tumblr when I forgot my journal one day, and I discovered how to make gifs 😉

So I'd make him gifs hehe. Anyways you lucky bastards that followed me..... got all those gifs hahaha when me and him stopped talking. Or well just idk.. just bestfriends. I was like fuck it I'll share my gifs here where they feel appreciated lol he not my man.

Then welcome to the hoeboe blog! Which is crazy cause nows it my bipolar blog diary thingy hahahaha

Yeah yeah yeah man. Anyway I think yall know the rest of our love story. He was wanting me when shit was just TO LATE! EMOTIONAL TORTURE falling for someone who didn't wanna date you smh. You fucker made me fall for you.

Oh we had a fight recently where he said the same to me, I got him to fall for me and made him catch feelings. good. I love you.

Like I don't think he derseved me... this girl cracked out said he didn't deserve me lmao I'm like yeah I know..... but fuck man life's short..

The heart wants what the heart wants. ☠️

Man. Do I trust him? I'm bipolar I don't trust anyone really. My suspicions kill me inside everyday. Haha

Funny. We don't have eachother on any social media but messenger..... but I kind of like it that way. Keeps me from ever hitting stalker mode lol your business is yours unless you wanna share it with me. Bruh I seen Samantha notification pop up as I watching you play on your iPad. My head like WHOSE THE BITCH. Then it like nah.....

To grown for that shit. Unless I fuckin bust him with concrete proof yenno.... whatever then.

Just lemme enjoy having someone for once and ignore any paranoia or suspicions. Plus fuck man you NEED TO TRUST to start a relationship silly to go into one and just be like whose this bitch instantly, you cheating eh?

I will trust till he proves not to. Tho I know he's a pro liar eh eh. He knows I'm a good manipulator. Soo hmph.

Back to like guy can talk to whoever whatever. Just don't DAMN FLIRT YOUR MINEEEE. Like I have my guy friends I talk to.

Holy shiet before our month apart we were here getting fucked up. I had Randoms from whisper on my snap. He was like kinda losing it next to me. So I was telling someone about it and leaned over hiding me text. He was like IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND all mad and jealous lmfao and then denied it next day saying I no care. You like me and are jello, heheh.

Omg new post this long. Whaaat I talk to much.

Oh yeah.... hrmph I won't be insanely jealous quit yet. I mean. I have reasons not to be either lol. Hehehehe

[elysianslove]

Please wrote more surrogate fics please . could I request one with SakuAtsu or could you just start a series on these. If you'd me comfortable with that. That on IwaOi surrogate fic brought me so much joy. I can't even describe it.

oh my goodness i’d love to!!! it makes me so happy knowing you liked it cause like,,, idk why it’s just special to me :) also im so glad you asked for sakuatsu bc these two ships are basically my favorite jhfgbsj. and yesyes i’d love to have a mini series with like little scenarios of each ship <333

this was insanely long. like insanely. 

content warning; artificial insemination, pregnancy, haikyuu manga spoilers, gay people being happy idk 

being iwaoi’s surrogate 

BEING SAKUATSU’S SURROGATE 

↬ it took forever to even get them together, so with a duo as indecisive as them, it’s imaginable how long the decision to raise a child together took. it took a long, long while for that transition from enemies to lovers to be final, and even then, they hadn’t realized how serious their relationship was until they were off getting married and then suddenly wanting a child? 

↬ it was something atsumu brought up out of the blue, just casually as they sat side by side on the couch. “wouldn’t it be nice if we raised a child together?” and it stuck with sakusa ever since. he didn’t know why he was obsessively thinking about it as much, but it’s all he could think about. literally. anytime he so much as thought about atsumu with a child, and a child of their own too, his stomach did a thousand and one flips. sakusa was never the biggest fan of children, and he knew that neither was atsumu. but, this would be different, wouldn’t it? Still, he tried to remind himself of the cons; they were pro-athletes, they didn’t have time, they didn’t understand the weight of the responsibility, were they even ready for something like that? somedays it was too tiring to take care of themselves, of each other. were they ready to be responsible for a whole life, someone dependent entirely on them? it seemed too— unrealistic. like something he could only hope to dream about, and just dream about.

↬ until he thought of atsumu with a little kid, a spit image of either one of them, sitting on his lap, giggling and laughing and squealing in glee. and so he decided, there will always be cons, he just has to see if the pros outweighed them. and honestly, they did. they were pro-athletes, sure, but that also meant they were financially stable, and could provide for a child, properly. they were mature now, knew each other very well, and had adapted to living with one another. they had family and friends all around. the kid would for sure grow up loved and cared for, and him and atsumu would add another person to their family. it really seemed like a dream, but this time, an attainable one.

↬ so as he ate dinner with his lover, he blurted out, “let’s raise a child together,” and atsumu honest to god choked on his food. he asked sakusa if he was serious, if he meant it, if this was real, and sakusa’s answer was yes to every single one of his question. yes, he was serious; yes, he meant it; yes, this was real. as real as can be.

↬ they both already knew they wanted a surrogate, and it didn’t matter who was the father. so long as the child was theirs.

↬ finding a surrogate was, well, a pain, to put it into perspective. sakusa was so picky about the “requirements,” if you will, and atsumu was suspicious of every single woman, it was kind of ridiculous really. he just “didn’t trust that they wouldn’t run away with the baby!” in his words. atsumu suggested sakusa’s older sister, which seemed perfect in his head, but sakusa refused, claiming it was 1. extremely weird, and 2. he doubted she’d say yes, with her own life to handle.

↬ and it finally, finally, came to atsumu: he could always just ask, well, you. he had met you during his college years, and since then, he’d been coincidentally crossing paths with you ever since then, and you’d even managed their msby jackals team at some point. it was weirdly ironic how he’s coming back to you, kind of like fate.

↬ so he suggested it to sakusa, and for once, the latter didn’t really have any way to object, except, “what if this inconveniences her?” other than that, you were the perfect candidate. they knew you well, trusted you, knew they could rely on you. and atsumu was sure you wouldn’t run with the baby. with regards to the inconvenience part, well, they could always just deal with that when the time came.

↬ they invited you over for some breakfast two days later, after they’d thought about it properly, endlessly, and figured you were their best option. it was weird seeing them so nervous when you first arrived, like they were breaking up with you or something. atsumu barely ate with how nauseous he felt, and sakusa spent the entire time watching you eat instead, hands fidgeting and legs shaking. it was really weird, but you didn’t bring it up, letting them take their own time to tell you whatever it was they wanted to tell you, because obviously, they clearly had something to say.

↬ after breakfast, you sat in their living room, just watching the tv quietly, until sakusa offered to get you some water. you weren’t really thirsty, but you agreed anyways, unsurprised to see atsumu rise from his own seat a minute later with a, “be right back,” as he headed to the kitchen. you could hear them bickering and whisper-yelling, and if you weren’t starting to grow as nervous as they were, you would’ve had it in you to laugh. they returned looking like they were bearing the most daunting of news, sitting down on the couch perpendicular to you. atsumu’s hands were sweaty and intertwined tightly together, while sakusa tried to remain as composed as possible. it seemed like the dark haired man would speak up, finally, parting his mouth with a deep breath.

↬ but it’s atsumu that blurts out, “please have my baby!— our baby. please have our baby.”

↬ honestly, your first response was to laugh, in disbelief, as you clutch your glass of water. but then you see their faces — god they looked so goddamn scared — and you realized that, they were really serious. they really wanted you to carry their baby for them. holy shit?—

↬ you were mostly speechless after that, stuttering as you ask them to please explain, you’re honored but are they are, have they thought about this? properly? in depth?

↬ to your surprise, they really knew what they were doing. they’d done their research, and thought about a million other options before deciding that you were the best one. they also repeatedly told you that you didn’t have to do this, and that they didn’t want to guilt-trip you into doing it either. they wanted you to say yes only if you yourself wanted to say yes, and if this wouldn’t negatively affect you or halt your life in any way. you were the one that was going to be carrying the baby anyways, weren’t you? at the end of the day, this was all about you.

↬ you asked them for time to think about it, and reminded them that it wasn’t a no. you just wanted to make sure you were making the right decision whichever that ended up being. a few days later, you call them, asking them to meet up one way or another, and atsumu’s even more nervous than he was asking you; not even sakusa’s gentle lips to his temple or large hands soothingly rubbing at his back or his kind words could help him. sakusa himself was insanely anxious. in his head, it seemed like your ‘no,’ would finalize everything. that it would really mean no hope in having a child of their own, their very own.

↬ you invite them over to your home, and the kettle is already boiling when they arrive. you make them tea and make small talk if only to delay the inevitable. but, to each of their surprises, you take a deep breath and say, “i’d be honored to carry your baby for you,” with the brightest, warmest smile. sakusa has to bite his inner cheek to will himself to not cry, because he can’t believe you said yes. you agreed. you’re going to carry their baby. him and atsumu were having a baby.

↬ atsumu doesn’t stop himself from throwing his arms around you, collapsing on top of you in tight hug that you kind of can’t breathe, but you let him, and you laugh when he thanks you for saying yes, that he’ll “be forever in your debt.”

↬ it’s the happiest you’ve seen either of them.

↬ when you’re done with the process of insemination (of course, atsumu does joke that the three of you should go the natural way and have a threesome, to which he earns a smack from his lover and a smack from you, at the same time), the three of you just have to wait, really. it’s the longest period of waiting you’ve ever had to do, but you try to be patient, as patient as you can be. when you wake up one morning and throw up, you look at your period tracking app to see if maybe you were pms’ing. except, you weren’t. you were late. like a good three weeks late.

↬ immediately, you’re booking a doctor’s appointment. you wait to tell sakusa and atsumu after confirming your suspicions, because you don’t want to raise their hopes up for nothing. they’ve already been swimming in a pool of doubts ever since the insemination, calling you everyday to check up on you and ask for any progress. when the doctor confirms your pregnancy — holy shit you were pregnant — the first thing you do is go over to their house. you know it’s not the best idea to show up unannounced, but with how long they’ve been waiting, and how much they’ve been wanting this, the more and more you fed into it, you couldn’t wait any longer to tell them. you arrive, and the moment sakusa opens the door for you, you gasp out, “i’m pregnant.”

↬ sakusa’s quite literally frozen in shock, his mouth pressed in a thin line with eyes wide open, while atsumu walks over and goes, “oh hey,” in greeting before noticing sakusa’s face and just ???? “what’s going on?”

↬ “i’m pregnant.”

↬ “you’re what?”

↬ you show them with tears stinging your eyes the results of the test you’d taken at the doctor’s, and atsumu grips the report so tightly, like it’ll disappear if it slips only slightly from his hands. sakusa’s still in shock, trying to process everything. it takes him a good while before he can function properly again.

↬ the pregnancy itself is a lot smoother than you’d imagined. iwaizumi, as their athletic trainer, although not well versed with pregnancy, knew a lot about health and taking care of yourself in general, so he made sure you were always eating right and healthy. he even accompanied you once when sakusa and atsumu couldn’t, to the doctor, and made sure to ask him specifically what you should and shouldn’t be eating. all of the olympic/national team are more excited than anything. they’re insanely protective over you, and always pamper and care for you you when they can, whether that be back/neck/shoulder massages or giving you their food when they notice you eyeing it or letting you lean entirely on any of them for support as you walk. granted, they do make fun of you, especially the bigger your stomach got, but they mean well, really. suna once made fun of you and, because of the hormones, and because he was genuinely just mean, you started to cry. since then, suna swore off bullying you, at least until you gave birth.

↬ osamu is beyond ecstatic to become an uncle. he’s so excited it makes atsumu incredibly emotional. he goes with his brother on trips to ikea to buy a crib and gifts him an insane amount of baby clothes and always begins a conversation with, “how’s the baby?” every time you’re around, osamu’s hand can be found resting on your stomach, soothingly rubbing, excitedly grinning when he feels a kick. he is just so happy for his brother, he could cry.

↬ you ask them if they want a gender reveal when you find out or to keep it until the delivery of the baby, but they’re both insanely impatient (even though sakusa does try to convince atsumu to wait because it’ll be exciting, he himself isn’t even that convinced of that and they just ask you to tell them). with the help of osamu and his and atsumu’s parents, you organize a gender reveal party. the moment he sees the pink smoke, atsumu cheers so loudly it makes you laugh till your stomach hurt. sakusa’s grinning wider than you’ve ever seen him, grabbing atsumu’s face and kissing him, before pulling you into a tight hug. it’s literally the cutest thing ever, everyone just cheering loudly around you and celebrating with you.

↬ when you go into labor, you’re with neither of them, but with osamu, aran, and kita. they were staying the night at a hotel since they had training away from where they lived, and you were spending the night at osamu’s because the fathers of your baby really didn’t want you to be alone so close to your due date, and who better than osamu? your water didn’t break, but you kept having contractions. you were brushing it off as normal pain at the start, but they started to get worse, and closer together in time. kita, because he’s kita, had been keeping track, and told you how far apart your contractions were. to which you went, “contractions?!”

↬ aran’s calling sakusa and atsumu as kita grabs your bag as osamu grabs his keys and helps you to his car. you really couldn’t have been around a better set of men, because they were perfectly composed the whole time, helping you breathe and stay calm by staying calm themselves, reassuring you that you didn’t need to worry and that you will get to the hospital in time. they did flinch every time you screamed or cried out in pain, but aran held your hand the entire drive there, and kita guided you to steadying yourself as osamu drove as fast as he could.

↬ the issue was with sakusa and atsumu. to say they were freaking out would be an understatement. they were positively losing it. atsumu’s anxiety was louder than sakusa’s, but the latter’s was clear as ever on his pale skin and clammy hands. they were so annoying in the delivery room, literally faring worse off than you, who was pushing a whole baby out of her body. when you finally gave birth to a healthy baby girl, atsumu sobbed and sakusa cried in his hands, so maybe it was alright after all.

↬ they literally couldn’t believe their eyes when the nurse handed you the baby and placed her on your chest. she was so, so tiny, so beautiful, and theirs. honestly, you couldn’t hold back your own tears at the sight of her, and at their reaction to her. you held her in your arms as they thanked you, over and over and over again, for the biggest blessing they could ever receive.

↬ despite the fact that you were simply their surrogate, sakusa and atsumu knew they couldn’t just separate you and your baby, and neither could they just take her home all of a sudden. so for the first few months, you stayed in their guest room, but the baby slept in her own room. it was more difficult than you expected it to be when you were leaving her to go back to your own home, but they promised you repeatedly that they’re not really taking her away. it wasn’t as if you couldn’t visit at any time you wanted to come visit her. but at the end of the day, you knew what you had been signing up for, and that she was their daughter.

↬ she grows up to be a gorgeous woman. she’s interested in volleyball, sure, she’d been raised with volleyball players everywhere around her, but it’s not her immediate passion. atsumu thought he’d be more upset about that than he actually was, because he found out that it didn’t matter at all what she wanted to do. hell, if she wanted to do nothing at all and stay home forever with them, he was 100% on board with that. whatever made her happy and healthy, he was okay with. she grows up to be really close and really comfortable with both of her fathers, and they make sure with every passing day that no matter what, she can always come to them. and she does, about every little thing. and each and every time, they listen and advice and guide her properly. a s parents, they’re a perfect balance of strict and lenient. they set and raise her to never cross those boundaries, but otherwise they give her complete freedom. they respect her privacy, her decisions, everything.

↬ there was a day when she came back home from school, and they had taken a biology class for kids, where a teacher had explained periods to them. obviously, as curious as ever, she’d asked her dads about it, because she didn’t really get it. she wanted to know the how’s and the why’s and the what’s and the when’s. with every passing second atsumu had felt his lifespan shorten. eventually he suggested they call you, who she knew as her ‘aunt’ for the time being, since you were a woman and nobody would really explain it better than you. when she did get her period eventually, and had to sheepishly and shyly ask her dads to go to the store for her because she needed, um, supplies, atsumu lost it. sakusa had to try and calm him down all while laughing as he got ready to go to the store for her, because the drama of miya atsumu never gets old. he just couldn’t believe she was already getting her period. what the hell! what the actual hell!

↬ of course, he proceeded to embarrass her by telling osamu, telling sakusa’s parents, telling his parents. not cool :(

↬ when she was old enough, especially to understand the concept of being a surrogate (oh my god the sex talk was a whole other insufferable thing), they told her about you, and that you were actually her biological mother and not just an ‘auntie.’ she tried to be angry at them for keeping it from her, but she was honestly more excited about finding out than anything. it brought the two of you closer together, and for the next mother’s day, she organized a whole brunch for you, her and her dads, got you a gift, flowers, everything. yeah, you did cry.

↬ you genuinely have never been more satisfied and thankful for a decision like this one, ever, especially because of how much of a blessing the outcome had been.

can u tell this isn’t my first time thinking about this. ever since i posted the iwaoi one i’ve been wanting to do a sakuatsu one, but i didn’t really know whether anyone had enjoyed that or would want more, so thank you for sending in this ask!! love u all mwah <3 

[ifmywishescametrue]

omg now im jealous about all of the breaking up and making up stories!!! they're all so wonderful but is it okay to ask for a steve/tony one? i know you've made one inspired by ts (amazing) and this time, maybe they meet/bump in a coffee shop? idk angst potential but also hopeful/happy ending aahhh. your stories are amazing esp ivy!!! thank you! <3

thank you so much!! it ended up being more cute than angsty, but I hope you like it!

Steve's pencil drifts idly across the page of his sketchbook with no end vision in mind. He's killing time until Nat shows up, which could be anywhere between the next five minutes and the next two hours with her vague text that simply said running late. When he looks up to reach for his near empty coffee cup, he freezes with his hand in the middle of the air.

At first he thinks it might not even actually be him. Tony's hair was never quite this well styled before, always a tangled mop on his head that sometimes fell into his eyes. Steve used to spend hours sometimes running his fingers through those wild curls while Tony slept on his chest. It's been tamed since then, cut shorter and held into place by some type of product. The facial hair is new, too. He remembers a time when it would always come in patchy and uneven, and Tony would pout as he shaved away the latest attempt at looking older than he was. The eighteen year old boy in oversized hoodies and stained jeans he met years ago has been replaced by a man in a well-pressed, expensive looking suit with a leather briefcase, like he just stepped out of a boardroom a minute ago. From what Steve has read about his life since they broke up, he probably did.

Steve stares without fully meaning to and for much longer than he would have if it was intentional. He watches him order his drink and smiles when the barista’s eyes widen at what he knows is an overly complicated order, wondering if Tony ever did finish his quest to find that perfect combination of syrup flavors, sugar, and cream that only he would ever like.

He catches the double take when Tony notices him there, right as he’s taking his first sip of the iced drink, and the cough when he chokes on it is anything but subtle. Steve looks away with red cheeks and tries to pretend he wasn’t staring, but it’s a futile effort. He can’t say he minds, though. Not when it means Tony walks over to him and unceremoniously drops himself into the chair across from him.

His mouth forms a familiar smirk, and he says, “You seem to have a staring problem, Rogers.”

Suddenly, Steve is nineteen again, falling hopelessly in love with the boy in his introductory chemistry class. It felt sort of like fate at first when they were paired together for the final project, and Steve remembers thinking that his chances were shot to hell when Tony sat down next to him and said those exact words. He never was any good at being discreet.

Back then, for that first time, all he could manage was a stuttered apology in response. But eventually it became their thing. Something just for them that no one else could ever understand. When Steve would watch him from across the room at parties, because he knew how much Tony loved having his eyes on him, and Tony would saunter over with that same smirk and those same words, there was only ever one reply.

“Guess I just really like what I see,” Steve says, and Tony’s face splits into a grin that matches Steve’s own. He’s still beautiful, even if it’s different now. Less softness to his appearance and more defined edges and sharp lines, but heart stoppingly beautiful nonetheless. He doesn’t quite say as much, but he does comment, “You do look good, by the way. Different, but good.”

Tony’s smile softens into another familiar one. It’s his smile for compliments, when he’s thinking self-deprecating thoughts that he won’t voice. Instead he’ll turn the attention back around, shifting the spotlight.

“So do you. The good part, but not really the different part.”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, contemplating if not looking different contributes to the good or not. He should look different somehow, shouldn’t he? After two and a half years not seeing each other in person and what feels like a lifetime’s worth of heartbreak in between then and now, he should look as changed as he feels. As changed as Tony looks now, like he’s someone new entirely. He’s pretty sure the t-shirt he’s wearing now is one he owned back then.

“Thanks,” Steve says anyway, for lack of anything better.

Just before it has the chance to fall into awkward silence, Tony says, “I didn’t know you were in New York these days. I would’ve called or something if I’d known.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Would you have?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I would’ve thought about it, at least. You know, stalked you online, found your number, dialed and hung up a few times.”

Steve laughs, fiddling with the straw wrapper from earlier to give himself something to look at other than Tony. “I moved back last year. Thought about calling, but I figured you were busy. Didn’t want to waste your time.”

It’s only a partial truth. He did think about calling when he came to Brooklyn after his year-long internship in London ended, but he didn’t want to know what Tony would say if he did. If he would have some sort of transparent excuse to avoid seeing him or if it would be an outright rejection.

“I would’ve made time for you,” Tony says, so painfully sincere that Steve has to look up again to meet his eyes.

He wonders if Tony is thinking of that last fight, if it’s a purposeful or coincidental reference to some of what Steve said. It was by far the worst fight they’d ever had, all over the phone with an ocean between them and so many things that Steve still wishes he could take back. Accusations flew on both sides until the entire thing was blown so completely out of proportion, yet impossible to reel back in. He should have just hung up the phone before it went that far. Before he could tell Tony that he always felt unimportant compared to everything else in his life, which was sometimes true but entirely unfair. Before Tony could say that Steve talked about Peggy in the same way he used to talk about him, and he didn’t have to finish the thought for Steve to understand the implication.

“Are we talking about it?” Steve asks.

Tony shrugs, feigning casual, but just the corner of his lip is between his teeth in that way that means he’s nervous and trying to hide it. “I guess that depends on what this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we said back then that maybe it was just bad timing. You were in London, and I was in Boston until graduation, and it was always going to be a bit of a mess, but there was always that someday chance, right? So maybe this is someday, and we talk about it, and try to get it right this time,” Tony says. “Or maybe that was just something we said and didn’t mean, and I ask you about your life, and you ask about mine, and we talk and laugh and pretend that we’re friends again for the next half hour or so before we go our separate ways.”

It’s an easy choice, really. If there’s one thing that Steve’s sure of, it’s that it’s always been him and always will be.

“I don’t want to go separate ways,” Steve says. “The first time was hard enough, and I never really moved on. I got better, but I don’t think I’ve been more than just fine in a long time.”

Tony nods slowly, “I kept thinking you would call, you know. Back then. I thought you would call and tell me that it was a mistake and it would be okay again, but you never did. Although, I guess I could’ve called, too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“For the same reason as you, probably. I couldn’t risk it if you didn’t want me again. Couldn’t risk getting back together just to break up again, either. We weren’t exactly the poster children for making long distance work.”

“We were terrible at it, weren’t we?”

Tony’s smile is tinged with the pain of the past. “It’s kind of funny because I remember thinking that it might be a good thing for us when you told me about London. Can’t get sick of somebody if they’re not always around.”

“You thought I would get sick of you? You never told me that.”

“Why would I?” Tony laughs. “Just put all my insecurities on display like that? Come on, Steve, that doesn’t sound like me, does it?”

Steve laughs with him briefly, “No, but I could’ve told you back then that it wasn’t possible. Told you that I wanted you around all the time and I missed you every second you were gone. I might’ve even stayed if you had told me. I was thinking about it, you know? I almost turned the internship down. Probably would’ve if you’d asked even once for me not to go.”

“It was your career. I never would’ve asked you to give that up for me.”

“There would have been something else. Another job somewhere closer to you.”

“I still wouldn’t have asked,” Tony says. “And I would have told you to go if you’d said you were staying.”

Steve knows that, which is why they never talked about it much before he left. Tony pretended to be happy for him, and Steve pretended to be happy for himself, when really it already felt like the beginning of the end. A year apart is longer than it seems, and it didn’t take more than a few months to realize it.

“I never���” Steve starts, trailing off when he doesn’t quite know how to finish the sentence. “There was never anyone else. Not while we were together, and never with Peggy.”

“I know. I knew back then, too, that you were never that kind of person. Jealousy’s just a real bitch sometimes.”

“There’s really not been anyone since, either,” Steve adds, and Tony’s mouth quirks into a half smile. “I mean, a couple of people here and there, but nothing like what we were.”

“There’s not a whole lot out there like what we were, is there?”

Steve smiles, leaning back in his chair, “No, there’s really not. But I do remember reading a rumor that you got engaged.”

Tony groans, and it’s so much like he used to sound when he was nine pages deep into a ten page essay at three in the morning that Steve has to laugh.

“Don’t you dare laugh. That rumor haunts me, Steven,” Tony says, belied by a grin that he seemingly can’t control. “Do you know how I found out about my supposed engagement? When my mother called and asked why I hadn’t told her I was planning on proposing.”

“So I’m still the only person you’ve ever proposed to,” Steve teases, just for the way he knows Tony will get indignant about it.

“How many times do I have to tell you that one didn’t count?”

“You were on one knee, you asked a question, and you had a ring. All the boxes are checked, sweetheart.”

“It was a blue raspberry ring pop, and you ate it,” Tony argues. “Not to mention that I actually asked you to marry me someday in the distant future. That’s not a proposal.”

Steve laughs again, thinking about that day in the middle of their living room, just a few weeks before Steve got the call that would take him to London and change everything. It was almost like a joke, and for anyone else it would have been. Not for them, though, because Steve remembers the look in Tony’s eyes when he dropped down in front of him, spur of the moment and impulsive like almost everything was back then. He remembers how it still felt like a promise, even if it wasn’t the real thing.

“But I said yes, which I think technically means we’re still engaged.”

“Absolutely not,” Tony scoffs. “It’s going to be a production when we get engaged. Elaborate and planned and romantic as hell.”

“When, huh?” Steve grins.

Tony’s cheeks pinken a touch, but he doesn’t take it back. He reaches for Steve’s hand on the table. “Yeah, when. Is that alright with you?”

Steve threads their fingers together, holding on tight. “That’s alright with me.”

[forever-rogue]

OH I HAVE AN IDEA like an angsty fic where bucky and reader have a miscommunication and it causes a fight between them and they are both like ???? “we’ve never yelled at each other ??? what is this” AND IDK I JUST WANT ANGST

So, head empty, very little thoughts, but I hope this works and you like it 🥺

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You sang along to the music that was playing softly in the background as you showered and got ready for your day. You’d had a late start, easily giving into Bucky and staying in bed for just five more minutes, which had really turned out to be almost another hour. The good thing about being the boss was that you could afford to be late every once in a while. Bucky was in the kitchen, whipping up a quick breakfast before he too needed to leave and go about his day.

“Sugar,” he called out to you as you washed your hair. You could faintly make out his voice as you carried on, but figured you’d be able to make out what he was saying well enough, “I’ve got everything made and prepared just how you like it!”

You thought nothing of it for a moment and continued to wash your hair; but about halfway through the motions, you stopped in surprise. What had he actually said?

“Bucky? Bub, what did you say?” you quickly rinsed out our hair before pulling back the shower curtain as you tried to listen in. Had he really said he was mad?

“It’s all done! I’m done,” he called back as he covered your plate for you to find once you got out of the shower. He grabbed his travel mug of coffee and headed towards the door, giving Alpine a quick pet before leaving, “bye honey. Running late and gotta go - I’m leaving!”

“Bucky!” you almost slipped and fell as you tore back the shower curtain and almost jumped out of the shower. It was still running as you haphazardly grabbed a towel and darted down the hall and into the kitchen. But he was already gone; the only thing that was left behind was the faint smell of his cologne. Swallowing the nervous lump in your throat, you trudged back down the hall to finish your shower. You were already running late and whatever this was - whatever had just happened - would need to wait until later.

Had Bucky really just broken up with you in the midst of a shower? It sure seemed like it right now.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A heavy sigh escaped your lips as you sat down and stared at your computer screen. You’d had the same spreadsheets and charts pulled up for the last two hours and made almost no progress. You swore that almost every single interaction you’d had with Bucky over the last week was playing on loop in your mind. You were desperately trying to figure out where you’d gone wrong, what had caused him to snap.

In an effort to alleviate your own fears, you’d texted Bucky to get a response from him and see what was going on. But you hadn’t heard back from him. You’d sent three messages before deciding not to bombard him. But still...if he was just up and leaving you after almost three years together, he owed you at least a small explanation.

You opened google and quickly pulled up an apartment search, already resigned yourself to the idea that you’d need to find a new place fast. Being around for too long would be too hard and you didn’t want to subject to more torture than necessary. And Alpine! You’d need to decide what to do with your beloved cat - Alpine loved you equally, how were you to choose who would get the fluffy little thing? And all the friends in common you shared...who would they side with?

“Fuck,” you groaned at nothing in particular and decided to focus on your work. At least that would keep you distracted and your brain focused on something other than Bucky. You would figure out everything else tonight. It would all be fine. This was no big deal; maybe your world was falling apart...but you would handle it. You always did.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When you finally allowed yourself to go home that evening, you were shocked to find the lights on and Bucky in the kitchen. He was on the phone with someone, his new girlfriend or someone like that you immediately presumed, moving about the kitchen as he finished dinner. You choked up as you watched the domestic scene that was so normal to you by now. But this time, it felt so wrong.

You stormed in and for whatever reason, you decided that grabbing a pillow and throwing it at Bucky was a good idea. You picked the soft thing up in your arms and hurled at him, who suddenly realized you were home and yelped in surprise as he dodged the offending object. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he pointed to the earbuds in ears as he turned back to the stove.

You were seeing red by now as you stormed in the kitchen and ripped his earbuds out. He was so stunned by your sudden actions, he jumped back and offered up a shocked look.

“What the fuck are you doing here!?” you shouted at him as you threw the buds on the floor, half tempted to stomp them, “how fucking dare you!”

“Sugar, what on earth are you talking about?” he grabbed his phone off the counter and ended the call without hesitation. Your chest heaved as you waited for some sort of explanation, “what’s going on? Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not alright! How on earth could I be alright?” you threw your hands up in exasperation as you tried to unsuccessfully hold back your tears. He was so calm and nonchalant about everything it was almost more frustrating than anything else.

“Okay...something is going on. Care to enlighten me?” he tried to reach up and wipe your tears away but you flinched out of his touch, “sugar?”

“Y-you! It’s you!” you cried softly as he motioned for you to explain just what it was about him that was the problem.

“What about me…?”

“You just break up with me this morning and tell me you’re leaving me and then you just come back like nothing has happened?” as soon as the words left your mouth, Bucky’s mouth dropped open. It was news to him that he’d broken up with you, “and you didn’t answer my texts all day! I deserve some sort of explanation!”

“I didn’t...I didn’t break up with you, Sugar,” he stated simply as you tilted to your head in confusion, trying to decide if he was pulling your leg or being honest, “why would I leave you? That makes no sense. I love you - I’m in love with you!”

“This morning,” you whispered softly, “you said you were done and you were leaving. When I was in the shower.”

His brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what exactly you were talking about. But then it hit him and he struggled not to burst out laughing. He gnawed on his lip as he fervently shook his head, “my sweet girl, you...well you heard me correctly, but incorrectly at the same time.”

“What? I-I swear…”

“What I said was breakfast was done and that I was leaving for work because I was running late too,” he explained as you tried to replay all that you had heard. Maybe...maybe you hadn’t heard him correctly at all - and in turn jumped to the worst possible conclusion, “I had to run...I’m sorry I didn’t come into the bathroom and say goodbye. Maybe that would have solved this whole thing.”

“You’re not..leaving me?” you asked as he just shook his head and took the opportunity to wrap his arms around you, “you still love me?”

“I find it both hilarious and concerning that you so easily thought I would just leave,” he kissed the top of your head as you held onto him as tightly as possible, “of course I’m not leaving. You never have to worry about that, sugar. I love you so much, silly girl. You sweet, silly girl.”

“I’m an absolute idiot,” you mumbled as you buried your face in his shoulder. You couldn’t believe that you jumped from A to Z so quickly and without a moment of hesitation, “I’m sorry, Bub. I feel like I wouldn’t blame you if you did want to leave me now.”

“Never,” he promised softly, “even if you do have moments of being ridiculous. Just like I do.”

“If I ever do something so dumb again,” you huffed as you pulled back and looked at those ocean eyes, “just smack some sense into me. But I...you didn’t answer my texts.”

“Texts?” he seemed genuinely confused as he reached for his phone and correctly scrolled through his messages. You could see that there were none from you, “what are you…I was in bad reception today. Blame Sam, that I was just on the phone with, for that one. They probably never came through. I’m sorry, honey. If they’d come in, maybe we could have avoided this whole situation, huh?"

“Some bad luck on top of it,” you hid your face behind your hands and sighed heavily, “James. I..I’m so sorry for everything. I just downright acted like a fool today. I don’t even know where to begin to apologize. I love you, Bub. I hope you can forgive me, but if not...I would-”

“Hey,” he put his hand under chin and turned your face up to meet his own. His smile was lilting and gentle and his eyes soft, “I love you. It’s alright done and forgotten. Are you hungry? Dinner’s just about finished.”

“I love you more than anything,” you whispered as he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, “I just...my emotions were so all over the place today. Like out of control, A to Z. I don’t know what happened.”

“Shit happens,” he dismissed it with a slight scoff as he reached for some dishes, “I’m yours, sugar. Always.”

“Me too,” you agreed as you leaned against the counter, watching him with nothing but adoration. It was then that another realization - and possibly an explanation - hit you. It felt like a punch in the gut, “shit.”

“What?” Bucky asked as he started to plate dinner, “everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you smiled nervously, “just remembered something I forgot to do today.”

“As long as you’re alright…”

“I am,” you promised. You could worry about this later, “hey - I love you so much, Bucky. You know that right?”

“I love you too. Always.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[necros-writing-stuff]

oooooooooohh nooo thats so cute :(((( what u said abt young eden is so true omgg. they r also def the type of kid that brings stray cats n dogs 2 their home. so evrytime the orphanage carataker hears a meowing or barking inside they r like "gdi eden not AGAIN!!" but it wouldnt stop them lol. they r the type that r immune to scolding. after finishing wth being scolded theyll go back 2 do exactly what they r told not 2 do. oh n also they enjoy rough playing. so on top of being covered in dirt or mud, theyll always have bruises n scratches from getting into fights or just from falling or running around. also they have a habit of like, suddenly disappearing (maybe 2 the forest which makes them hard 2 track).

and lol ye i saw it, it made me go hmmm, a true missed opportunity. eden wouldnt let the chance pass. im manifesting a future update where we could give them oral spiderman style 🙏

a bit off topic but i was wondering if u have any ideas or hcs about eden n baileys relationship/friendship?? idk. eden being slightly aggressive n mad at u after they rescue(???) u from bailey when u miss ur payment kinda throw me off ngl. bc they dont act that way when they rescue you from remys farm or the asylum. like, wtf is going on??? idk. its a bit of head scratcher for me.

Ooooo boy Eden and Bailey's past is something I often think about.

Under a cut for sheer length

Okay so I think they are about the same age (late 20s to early 40s) and that they grew up in the orphanage together.

I think Eden was there since very young/birth, but Bailey came later.

Eden not having sole primary care takers fucked up their socialising skills and they felt more comfortable on their own (read:fear of abandonment).

Bailey I think came from a really abusive impoverished home, and thats what made them obsessed with money. They have a weird vendetta against their birth parents to be 'better' than them.

Eden had a stray dog they cared for, but one day when they were running through the forest, a wolf got at it. Hence their 'non of these would survive in the wild' line at the pet store, and their obvious interest in puppy play.

After that, Eden started to shut off even more, being aggressive with the other kids, until Bailey started hanging out with them.

Bailey was angry to be in an orphanage and could see that Eden obviously wasn't happy, so they sort of gravitated towards each other.

Bailey was also the only other kid that didn't cry when Eden hit them.

They're the only two people that know each other's birthdays, besides anyone who looks at their very real legal documents.

As they hit puberty and start growing, they get competitive. Both are rather controlling, so they make a ton of bets against each other. One of them being who can lose their virginity the fastest.

Eden is rather blunt at asking, scaring a lot of the potential partners off, while Bailey is smoother about it and of course wins the bet.

Some fellow orphans start going missing, making everyone uneasy.

This is also when they start noticing the rampant sexual assualt in town, travelling as two most of the time so they can fight people off easier, if needs be.

Terrible at school. Eden was great at English, decent at history, but good luck making them show up half of the time. Eden had a talent for art, however, particularly carvings.

Bailey was there to socialise and steal lunch money, but they had okay grades.

If this is set in England, they would have gone to a secondary school with a sixth form. This means ages 11-18 as students, and I hc that when they were in year 7 (1st year of secondary) Leighton was in sixth form (years 12 and 13). They did not get along for the brief time they would meet in the halls.

I also think Eden would have dropped out in year 11, at age 16, and probably had an apprenticeship with a woodworking company (explains making the coat rack and love seat).

Bailey starts getting into more and more criminal activities, dragging Eden into them too, until a local crime boss notices them. The boss takes Bailey under their wing, thinking Eden won't be right for the job.

Instead they ask Eden to get a job at the police station and help them get further footholds there, that's how Eden has all of those collars (inspired by that one anon), and possibly their rifle. Alternatively, Eden leaves for the military and comes back later.

It works, and they end up covering a lot of their tracks. It's probably around this point that Landry does a few smaller jobs around the place and starts hearing about the Boss' new protégé.

They both have money now, for the first time in there lives, and this is when their differences start to show.

Bailey wants more and more, where as Eden wants to be comfortable.

Bailey fits into the mobster life fairly easily, but instead of the drugs that a lot of the others peddle, Bailey specialises in extortion and blackmail.

They slowly end up getting quite a few powerful figures under their control, and when the boss dies and Bailey ends up in charge of the money? They buy the orphanage.

I think Bailey might have cared for the orphans at one point, in their own ways, but their greed got the better of them.

Working under the mob and the corrupt police has Eden start to hate and fear the town. The only place they felt safer was the forest - which was full of deadly animals. But Eden could protect themselves now.

Being tall and muscular means that Eden is often sent to intimidate or even physically hurt people, often times getting hurt as well. Not to mention when arresting people, some are rather adverse to going to jail and take stabs at them.

If I go with Eden joining the military, they come home hoping to have a familiar setting calm their nerves, but it doesn't. Working for Bailey to earn money also doesn't help, one job having them break into the police station and setting fire to their files (that's another way Eden could find the collars, think of their old dog, and take them in nostalgia).

Eden cracks when they're asked to kill someone off, only to realise its a kid. That's too far.

They go to Bailey and tell them they're done. They need an out, they're fucking miserable, barely sleeping, constantly anxious, and Bailey tries to convince them to stay at first, before realising that they could lose their best friend once and for all if they force them to stay.

So they start planning together what Eden should do, and eventually come up with the cabin. Bailey has Quinn/their predecessor in their pocket by this point, so some cash and threats have some builders help make it, including running water.

When in town, Eden supplies Bailey with animal furs for custom coats. Bailey gets Eden new books, cans of food, more bullets. And if you miss your payment, Bailey eventually gifts Eden with a spouse.

Eden gets angry if they 'rescue' you from Bailey cause its a reminder of the past they try to avoid, and they take it out on you. Of the fear they had as a young orphan of disappearing, something Bailey is now enforcing on more orphans. They take it out on you because violence has always been a way they've coped.

Occasionally, maybe on one of those birthdays, they sit at the lake and drink some whiskey together. They don't talk about their feelings, they're both too stunted for that. But it's comforting knowing each other is still alive and well.

[surveysonfleek]

1630.

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? warmth, loyalty, kindness

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? im in between, i wont lie. depends on the day haha

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? definitely my parents

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? i take meds 5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? of course!

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? i tend to treat them the way they treat me. i always treat my family and friends incredibly well. im only ever rude to people who are rude to me

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? my laptops stupid fan. i have no idea why it keeps running, ive done all the troubleshooting tips to stop it

8~ Where was your last vacation to? the philippines in 2019

9~ Where was your last car ride to? from work to home

10~ Where did you last walk to? my car lol

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? trying to sleep and u can hear the waves outside. id obviously be on vacation by the beach haha

12~ Are you a light sleeper? not really. only when its time for me to wake up

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? it used to be my fiance, but lately its been me

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? one!

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? i literally keep them in the same bottle they came in haha. boring, i know

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? its been a few months

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? the suburbs

18~ Have you ever built something? yes, ive built plenty of ikea furniture!

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? ummm. maker and giver

20~ Do you take naps? hardly! ive tried on weekends and my body just wont let me anymore

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? i like doing it early

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? no lol

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? shes so funny bahaha

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? biting nails

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? yep

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? its def harder for a parent to outlive their child

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? i bought brand new boardgames at a thrift store recently for $3 each!

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? leave people on read/seen

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? people of authority (more so in the workplace)

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? some of my coworkers haha.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? just before i go to sleep

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? meh idk!

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? no

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? its a plain one that says game of thrones

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? 20s, when ur still figuring everything out

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? no lol

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? my fiance lmao

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? the toilet light. it makes the toilet bowl glow at night when it senses movement

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? i love wrapping them!

[chefrat]

breaking point

pairings:  Wakatoshi Ushijima x Reader

type: I guess it could count as angst, break up type :0 idk

word-count: 2.7k

warnings: cursing, mentions of fighting, he hurts reader physically without meaning to

A/N: running on no sleep again aha, its just five in the morning so im really sorry if its not a strong story, also my English is supppeerr shitty but :( I try my best, ill probably rewrite it one day because the ending wasnt strong but im just so sleepy :( and I really wanted to finish writing this tonight. im still working on the part 2 of liar lair buut because people seemed to enjoy it I want to at least make it better than the other ones I've written :o also I really don't know what to name this ://////

____________________

Arguments between couples was completely normal, it was a very common thing to be disagreeing with your significant other over things once in a while. Or at least that’s what you kept telling yourself to pull through the nights whenever Toshi felt like picking a fight with you. Your relationship with him only kept on getting worse and worse each day, the constant fighting draining you mentally and physically. If you knew your relationship with him was going to turn out like this then you wouldn’t had agreed to that date four years ago. But how could you say no to him? Back in high school, everything was more simple. The memories from years ago is what kept you grounded in your relationship, he used to be so loving and caring in his own way. Now whenever you looked at him, you couldn’t believe how much things had changed. How much he changed. Volleyball and managing to do excellent in school were major stressors for him and you tried your best to be there for him no matter what, even excusing his brutal behavior. 

You sighed, picking up your pace and making your way towards your shared apartment with your boyfriend. It was around nine o’clock and you had missed your bus after finishing up a shift that you didn’t even agreed on but you couldn’t just say no. The bus wouldn’t take that long to come around but you rather walk home then wait out in the cold. A familiar stinging in your chest returned after thinking about what he would have to say. You knew he would disapprove of coming home so late but you hoped he would understand that you had to take the extra shift. Anxiety invading all your thoughts, thinking of the worse thing that could happen. Mentally praying to yourself that he was in a good mood tonight. 

Breaking up had been something you’ve put a lot of thought into but you kept lying to yourself. Telling yourself that he would change and that as soon the both of you were out of school that it would all go back to normal. You weren’t stupid though, you wouldn’t know how to feel if you kept your relationship with him. The things he would say shattered your confidence and with his tone, it was enough to make anyone rethink their whole purpose. You weren’t even sure why you stuck around. Could it had been that you were just hopelessly in love with him even after every damaging word he would scream at you until you fully memorized it or was it because you were just too afraid to leave him? Afraid of the way that he would react or possibly lash out. The warm and cuddly boyfriend you once knew so well now could only bring you fear instead of that longing warmth. 

You kicked off your shoes, finally making it home way before the bus could if you had waited for it. The apartment was quiet, too quiet. He probably was already in bed, catching up on sleep that he had sacrificed on practice and studying. A sigh of relief left your lungs, thinking to yourself that finally there wouldn’t be any arguing tonight. You smiled, making your way towards your room to take a shower before going to bed. Too tired to eat dinner. As soon as you opened the door, your hopes came crushing down. There he sat on the bed with his phone in his hand, scrolling through it. Your breath caught in your throat, scared for whatever was going to happen. 

“Where were you?” He asked, still not looking up from his phone. The tone he used wasn’t harsh or cold. It was his usual tone, the one you grew to love in high school. 

“I’m so sorry, they made me take an extra shift and then my b-“ Toshi finally looked up and made sure to make eye contact with you. The look in his eyes felt so cold that it made you want to cry. A reminder that there will never be a peaceful night with him.

“And then your what?” His tone never changed but the look in his eyes. It was the look. 

“And then I missed my bus because of the extra shift…Please Toshi, please don’t be mad.” You could already feel your tears forming in your eyes. The exhaustion getting to you now, there was just so much that you could take until you just couldn’t anymore and right now it felt like that was the case.

“What the fuck are you crying for? It was just a question. Lately you’ve been spending every day crying. Seems like all you’re good for is crying.” There it was, the tone you were so afraid of, finally making its appearance. With both the look he had in his eyes and his tone, you just couldn’t hold back on the tears. 

“Because of you! I cry every day because of you. Everyday I wake up and I’m scared of what new insults you’ll come up with! I’m so scared of you and I’m tired, so fucking tired of putting up with the fighting and the way you look at me as if you hate me…” With a blurry vision from your tears you could still make out his face and he was still giving you that awful look.

“Don't talk to me like that. You don’t think I’m tired of the fighting too? You're constantly bitching, I get tired of that too!” You fixed your stare to a glare, mimicking the look he was giving you. It ended up pissing him off even more, making him stand up from the bed, the movement making you flinch.

“My constant bitching is because you’re constantly a dick!” You had never yelled at him like this before, it was all new to him and you. His jaw tensed, holding back from lashing out. 

“Don’t fucking yell at me.” He said through gritted teeth, standing tall in front of you now. The way he approached you was frightening. But you didn’t care, you were finally letting out every little thing you were holding in for months. 

“I-“ A hiccup interrupting your sentence. “I can’t do this anymore!” Toshi tightened his brows, looking at you with a deep frown planted on his face. “I want to break up.”

You felt your breathing stop when you felt both hands on you. He was never one to put his hands on you and you couldn’t help but just cry harder, scared of what could happen. It seemed like the more you cried the harder his grip on you got, his large hands squeezing your arms feeling like they would snap any minute. His grip on you was vile, feeling your arms go numb from the tightening. 

“Please stop, you're hurting me!” Your tears clouded your vision, not being able to see him clearly anymore. But he wouldn’t loosen his grip, his anger controlling him. 

“Toshi, you’re hurting me.” You sobbed out and finally getting him to react. He let go, his eyes wide with fear, afraid of the pain he brought you. His eyes looking over your arms and seeing his hand prints, the guilt settling in and making him feel like the worst fucking person in the world. 

The both of you stood there in front of each other without moving. His own tears threatening to spill from his eyes but he tried his best to hold them back. He couldn’t cry in front of you, not while he had brought you so much pain. It wasn’t fair to you, he wasn’t fair to you. 

You left without saying anything, the only thing he could hear as you walked away was your crying and small gasps for air. He didn’t chase after you, he couldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair to you if he had. It was late and you had no idea where you would go, you did have a name in mind but you weren’t sure how to approach him. Especially with the forming bruises on your arm, he would just ask so many questions and you weren’t in the mood to answer anything at the moment. Your feet still dragged you to his place, it’s not like you had anywhere to go after walking out and leaving your bag and all your other belongings behind. 

-

“Hmm?” Tendou murmured after opening the door to his apartment and seeing his friends girlfriend crying her eyes out and shivering from the cold. He could only frown, imagining the worst. “Hey, are you okay?”

He felt the air get knocked out of him when you rammed your body into his, sobbing into his chest and hugging him. The red head returned the hug, still having no clue why you were crying your eyes out in his apartment at such a late hour. With his leg he was able to softly kick the door to his apartment to shut out the cold. You pulled away, a little more calm now after being able to get a hug. Tendou stood by your side patiently as you calmed down, rubbing his hand against your small back and feeling your breathing go back to steady. 

That’s when he stopped his comforting, his eyes widening at the soft pink fingerprints on your arm and then on your other arm. “Did he do this to you?” He asked, making you follow him to the small kitchen he had. He reached into his freezer to take out an icepack, offering it to you for your forming bruises. You could only nod to him, your throat feeling sore from the amount of sobs you tried to keep in on your way over. 

“We broke up.” Tendou offered you a hug to try to make you feel better which you took with shaky breaths feeling your tears start up again. That night Tendou comforted you on his couch, putting on all kinds of movies you enjoyed to try to cheer you up. Even cracking up jokes to get you to smile, doing anything to get a positive reaction out of you. The next day he offered his spare room, that he used as storage, in his apartment for you to move in knowing that you probably didn’t want to go back to Toshi. The red head had been one of your closest friend since high school and there wasn’t anywhere else to go so you agreed. You still promised him that once you were able to get your shit together that you would find your own place and move out. He even offered to pick up your clothes and items and you accepted, too scared to face Toshi. 

-

Tendou knocked on the door with a heavy hand, holding in his breath. He wasn’t sure what to think of his friend now. When he saw the forming bruises on your arms and when you told him about the fighting, he just couldn’t believe that he would let his anger go that far. The door opened, revealing a tensed looking Toshi. With the blank stare present on Tendou’s face it seemed obvious that he knew about what had gone down. 

“I’m here to get Y/n’s stuff.” Without a word, Toshi moved from the door allowing a space for Tendou to pass through. No one talked or even offered a glance to the other. It felt tense but Tendou was there for one thing only. He wasn't sure what to grab so he looked around confused until he noticed a familiar backpack you always used to carry around. He made sure to grab that and whatever clothes of yours he could find, he still didn’t have a clue and he felt even more pressured when Toshi was just in a corner, watching. 

“The drawer there, thats all of their stuff. I’ll get you a bigger bag.” Tendou looked over to where Toshi pointed to and nodded. He was back in a minute, handing the red head the bigger bag he mentioned. In a flash, most of the drawer was emptied out. All Tendou wanted was to leave but he checked over the room again, to see if he had missed anything by any chance. 

“All their shoes are in the closet.” He grabbed the bag that was starting to weigh with a huff and moved toward the closet. Opening it, he could make out which shoes were yours and which were Toshis. Grabbing two pairs at the time to hurry, he could still feel Toshi’s eyes on him.

Tendou stood up, waiting for more instructions but when none came his way and with bags in his hands, he made his way out without saying a word. Toshi could only watch, letting another important person in his life walk away. He felt himself become breathless, tears that he tried his hardest to hold back, prickling. All gone because he couldn’t be a better person to you but he knew it was all his fault and he just had to take the consequences seriously.  But still, he didn’t try to hold the cries when he realized that you had blocked him on everything. He didn’t try to look for you because he knew that it wouldn’t be fair to you, he had already put you through enough. That week you also cried your eyes out, you couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror because your eyes would always linger on the bruises. You still loved him, he was your world for years and the sudden change hurt the both of you deeply. It was just time for the both of you to heal and move on, Toshi didn’t feel like doing either. He rather live with the pain, reminding himself that the only person who could understand him the best and love him even with his bold personality was just gone. 

The first few weeks was hell for the both of you, Toshi took most of the time to reflect on the horrible things he would say to you. Mostly he would channel all that anger he had into volleyball which was a good distraction for him but also the worst time to be thinking about you. It would only make him want to sit and cry his heart out. You would basically do the same thing, taking extra shifts at work and working harder than usual to keep your mind off him. But you could always feel the tears threatening to spill out if something ever reminded you of him. Tendou was a great friend, always around to cheer you up whenever those waves of sadness hit. From making you dinner to even putting up with the dumb movies you liked, he was there to help you heal. Sometimes you would ask him to check on Toshi but he would avoid the question most of the time. He was against you trying to reach out to your ex but you knew he was doing it for you, helping you heal. 

One night you couldn’t help but feel around your bed, hoping that it was all just a bad dream. You at least expected to feel that warmth you grew familiar to for years but instead all you could feel was your cold sheets. You silently cried in your bed welcoming the coldness. After years of being by his side constantly, you were finally alone and you weren’t sure how to react. Sure you had Tendou but it wasn't the same. He wasn’t Toshi, he wasn’t the one who would encourage you every day to do your best or who would greet you with his straight forward and awkward loving. Toshi was one of a kind and as much as you wished you could go back to fix things, you also felt like there was no return anymore. You’d do anything to be able to go back running straight into his arms and to be able to feel his warmth once again. Maybe in another life the both of you could reunite and be finally okay. 

‘If only’ you thought to yourself, turning on your side on your cold empty bed. The coldness was just something you were going to have to get used to for a while. Now that he was no longer around anymore. 

(not edited, reallly tired :( insomnia kicking my ass but im going to try to get some sleep because its really been a problem for me lately)

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[starlight-starwrites]

That was suppose to be on anon so ignore that last one Marcus growing up and I'm high school going to art museums with a shy girl who doesn't talk much and he developed a crush on her

i saw this and said ‘perfect. lets get some soft pining marcus pike up in this bitch’ and then i did. i think. (and trust me im def ignoring you. idk who you are). ((and im not saying that the reason marcus works in the ART department is bec of his first love, but...that’s exactly what i’m saying)).

-marcus still remembers you from time to time, even though its been, what? 25 years since he last saw you? he’s been through one divorce, one rushed and broken engagement. he doesn’t even want to think about the failed girlfriends. yet he still thinks about you.

-he’s always been a romantic, a sensitive kid. he gave the bullies in school as good as he got, but he had a kind soul.

-he blames that very soul for the reason he can’t seem to stop thinking about you.

-you had gone to elementary school together. then middle school. he wasn’t even sure at first, but then, yes, he saw you in high school too.

-the two of you knew each other and were friendly, always saying a passing hello when you saw each other, not afraid to goof around together after school with a few friends. but he never really knew you.

-he guessed your favorite color from your backpack and the shoes you wore almost every day. you knew your favorite band in middle school when it seemed like all your friends could talk about. he knew the park that you would hang out at with your friends because he hung out there too. on the other side. with his friends.

-he always wanted to know more. wished that you wanted to know him too. but he didn’t know how to talk to you.

-you were quiet, though not nearly as sensitive as some people made you out to be. when you were younger, bullies had often gotten bored of you, and instead of being a target, you were usually left behind. you didn’t let it bother you, content with your books and your art and the few friends you actually liked.

-you remember marcus, the brave boy who couldn’t bear to see others being put down. you decided you liked him. he was nice to you, smiled in the hallways. sometimes you liked to think he liked you, but you chalked it off as wishful thinking.

-marcus really wished he could have told you he liked you. but he was awkward, and gangly teenager, and surely someone as pretty and smart like you wouldn’t be impressed. but when you were both in high school, and he...accidentally asked you out, he could have punched himself when he saw how easily you agreed to it.

-you had been in english class, were supposed to be working on a group project when somehow the subject of art had come up. he noticed the way your eyes flashed and a smile tugged at your lips, and next thing he knew he was nudging you into talking about what you thought, and you mentioned one of your favorite artists, and that jogged his memory.

-his mom had gotten some flier in the mail, some discount on museum admission. he remembered because she stuck it to the fridge saying the family should go and he rolled his eyes at the thought of being dragged around an art museum with his sisters and his parents over the weekend.

-but suddenly the thought of walking around a museum didn’t sound so unappealing. before he knew it he was telling you about it, saying maybe ‘we could check it out sometime. it sounds cool.’

-he wanted to hit himself. sounds cool. how dumb was he?

-but then you were smiling, tucking your hair behind your ear and agreeing. he couldn’t believe it. by the end of the day, the two of you already agreed on a day and time to meet. he didn’t want to have to ask his parents for a ride (he didn’t have his license yet but he sure as hell wasn’t driving you and his dad) but then he said ‘bike’ and you had just gotten a new one and it seemed like fate.

-you had thought about hesitating when marcus mentioned going to the museum together but...it was marcus. you’ve technically known each other since you were five. and maybe you really wanted to do something cool like this. was it a date? were you just friends? you didn’t even care at this point, it was progress.

-when marcus makes it home after school, he runs straight to his room, busy with ‘homework.’ he looks up the museum immediately, writes down the names of the displayed artists and looks them up too. he knows you take this stuff seriously, and if he finally has this chance to impress you, he’s not going to waste it.

-late that night when he satisfied he’s got a good background on anything that could come up, he remembers its only wednesday.

-next day in class he makes sure to sit directly next to you, unofficially assigned seats be damned. it’s a little gesture, but it speaks volumes. and when he walks out with you to your next class you think about it for the rest of the day.

-the two of you see each other in class, between classes as the next two days pass. neither of you are counting down the time til saturday afternoon. definitely not.

-when the time arrives, and marcus pulls up on your driveway, he finally feels the nerves. sure, he was nervous before, but it was excitement too. now the settling panic of going up to your house and talking to you was too much. but then he sees you coming from the garage, walking your bike next you and wearing the cutest smile he’s ever seen.

-and a dress. a really nice dress. well, casual enough, but you look nice and he thinks he tries to tell you that but it doesn’t come out right because you’re laughing at him, but then you say he looks nice too, and he feels underdressed now, but you’re already getting on your bike and adjusting your skirt and looking at him with a smile before asking “ready?”

-he has to put a lot of effort into not sounding like a loon. he settles for a smile and a “sure.”

-in retrospect, he should have considered that the place would be packed today. there was a flier that went out to the whole town for goodness sake. and its a saturday. in fairness, the line to enter didn’t take too long, but there certainly were a lot of awkward pauses in conversation that made it feel longer. you had your hands clasped in front of you. he kept his in his pockets.

-the exhibits were fine. he could tell you appreciated them, went up to inspect every single one. sometimes he joined you. sometimes he stepped back and appreciated you.

-he jumped in too, tried to bring up something he had studied. you smiled at him every time, even when he got it wrong. and it didn’t matter, because then you came right back and told him everything, explained it better than he had ever heard it.

-you talked to him and he would never forget it. with each piece, each fact you shared he felt like he knew you better. there was never an awkward silence after that.

-when you finally reached the new exhibit, it was packed. the two of you stood at the entryway for a few minutes, hoping that the crowd would thin. when only more people shoved their way in, you looked ready to give up.

-you offered to move on, take one last loop around before leaving. marcus wouldn’t have any of it. you wanted to see the display, it was a collection of female painters from europe, and he was going to make sure you did. besides, he couldn’t deny he had an ulterior motive.

-he reached over to grab your hand, clasping it tightly in his, before he gave you a boyish grin and dragged you in. he pulled you through the throng of people, making sure you were with him the whole time, getting you up close.

-he stood at your back as you looked, keeping you close and protected. you stood there, a hand still in his, and you didn’t even see the painting. all you could do was think about him. surely this was a date?

-he asks you about the paintings. you tell him the bare minimum and hope it’s okay. he’s been so great the whole day, you never even realized he liked the same things you did.

-you spend another half hour in just the one room, looking over each piece. he tries to share something again, but he got the name of the painter wrong. you correct him, but he doesn’t even care because you’re still holding his hand.

-you keep talking after that day. he comes after school to the art club sometimes, you take a history class together. trips to museums become a more regular thing, and so does going to dinner. he kisses you at your back door, runs away as soon as he knows you’re in safe. he remembers things were good.

-he had decided in middle school he loved you, but he swore he fell even harder that day.

-but he also remembers it doesn’t last. first you move, then he does too. there had been a couple of phone calls, but it just wasn’t the same. he actually considers art school for a time, but between knowing his parents disapproval and his skills as an artist, he takes a different path, and art classes are just his elective. still he wonders if you went.

-even now he remembers you fondly. your ‘no care’ attitude on the outside, yet how deeply you cared on the inside. maybe it’s the idea of a first love that he keeps coming back to, even though he knows he doesn’t know you now. you come up in his mind, unbidden yet still welcome.

-he’s working when he sees you again. he’s been called to the national gallery of art--there’s been suspicions surrounding the transfer of an incoming painting from the louvre--and you’re there. you’re standing there, working, and he doesn’t even know what to think.

-you look as though you’ve barely changed. older sure, and your hair is different, you dress differently too. but he knows the shape of your face, the quirk of your lips. you even stand the same way, that little lean and jut of your hip.

-he doesn’t even realize he’s just standing there smiling at your profile until he hears someone call his name. and that’s when you notice him. you have only known one ‘marcus pike’ in your life, but you are surprised to hear it prefixed by ‘agent’.

-you see his back--broad shoulders in a trim suit, brown hair that is kept neat, but longer than the marcus you knew. he turns finally, and you see the beard. you can’t even be sure. there are some similarities to the boy you knew but...you meet his eyes.

-it’s him. it’s definitely him. you see the museum director still talking to him, but he’s smiling at you. you can’t help but smile back. you really hope he’s listening, because your employer is not very forgiving.

-your attention is taken away soon enough, but as soon as you both have a moment, he striding to you and you turn to him. he says your name like a question, as though he can’t believe its you. you respond with an amused “marcus” and it’s enough for him.

-he goes for a hug, and you happily meet him. then you’re both asking each other so many questions at once, neither of you can get a word in. its all laughs and smiles, and you learn that not is he just an agent, but an fbi agent in the art department. it might be the sexiest job you’ve heard of, right behind archeology.

-you tell him about yourself, how you’ve been in dc for the last 10 years, how you got this dream job restoring the famous works you had so admired. he’s proud of you, he says so. you don’t know how to ask if he has a family. surely he does.

-marcus finds himself looking at your hands all too often, but they’re blocked by the clipboard you hold. it feels so easy to talk to you again, even after all these years. as though you were the sort of friends that couldn’t be separated by time. when he finally catches a glance at your left hand, he feels relief when he doesn’t see a ring. it may not mean too much, but its something.

-he suggests lunch and you agree. you talk about work, the city, your pasts. it feels like putting on an old jacket that still fits. broken in and familiar. for the first time since his move to dc, marcus feels hope. if all the heartbreak he’d endured, all the blood and sweat he put into his job had gotten him nothing but a new, empty apartment maybe he’d still feel like he did. but now he knows you’re in dc, and he can’t help but think it’s fate.

[kaori-flowers]

Nikki and Ranboo my all time favorite siblings :)

Also I wrote some shit. It might be sad idk. Idk what people find sad and not sad. Sorry!!

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Nikki stood silently next to the others, and she kept her posture straight as she could. Her back was aching and her chest was hurting from the words that were being said. She held her composer, and kept her face dry but she was really hurting. Both physically and emotionally. Nikki glanced at the L'manburg tree and then the rest of the group. Her heart tightened more as the memories of this place resurfaced.  She looked down and away quickly, taking a slow deep breath.

"Nikki have you got something to say?"

Quackity had noticed her odd movements and the uncomfortable stiffness she had while standing straight. A few others looked at Nikki quickly, the mention of her name raised questions. To them Nikki was silent. Obedient. She did what she was told, sometimes speaking her opinion about it but still doing it. No one ever really second looked Nikki, just seeing her as a friendly person. That does what she's told..... all the time.....

"Um..."

Nikki was sick of it. She was not a shadow of Wilbur. She was not a shadow of anyone actually. She never will be, but that's what people see her as. It was wearing her down, and upsetting her more and more lately. Everything that was going on was so stressful and it put everyone on edge. So almost every little thing bothered Nikki now a days, especially since she was already extremely irritated. She just wanted to go home to her foxes and flowers, and relax away from all this pain. This war. The suffering. She didn't want to be a part of this anymore. So she decided that she wouldn't. She's her own person who is in control of her own life, and she's about retake control of it like she should.

"A-actually.... I do!"

Nikki moved quick, picking up the lava bucket with her bare hands. Before anyone could piece together what was happening, Nikki threw the bucket. It landed on a thick branch and dumped all down the side of the tree. The lava almost instantly burned the bark and flames errupted quickly, engulfing the tree. Nikki quickly kneeled and put her hands in snow as tears slid down her face. The lava bucket was insanely hot and definitely didn't let Nikki catch a break.

"Nikki!!"

"What the hell?!"

"What the fuck Nikki?????"

"Get water quickly!"

It was too late though because the lava was burning holes into the tree, and seeping inside it. Flames were raging inside the tree as the lava soaked into it slowly. The water seemed to just make the fire rage harder in anger at the attempt to stop it. Nikki looked up quickly as Tubbo walked towards her in an attempted strut. Nikki stood up and kept her hands held out in front of her gently. Tubbo stopped quickly and restrained himself from hitting her.

"Why. Did you. Do. That?! Are you a traitor just like Ranboo?!?!"

Nikki scoffed, rolling her eyes at Tubbo's question. She then gently flicked her head so the hair in her face would disappear. Tubbo crossed his arms and Nikki would have done the same if she could. But her hands are burnt. The others slowly encroached onto both of them, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Ranboo isn't even a traitor! He's just confused and new here! He doesn't understand that he can't live in peace and harmony with everyone. Im starting to agree with him though!"

"Nikki-"

"Shut up! You all need to shut up and listen! Okay?!"

Nikki never had such an outburst before, and it made everyone uncomfortable and surprised. Nikki was usually very silent and obedient to everything that was said or that went on. Suddenly now she decides to jump out of her shell and stand up for herself. She want's to be in control of her life from now on, rather than letting others control her. She is tired of being walked on and looked past.

"NONE of you care about me! None of yo-"

"We do!"

"No you don't! No one asks how I am. Or if I'm okay. No one even gives me a second glance, because I do what you all say! I'm letting you all run most of my life and it's horrible! I hate it! I hate this life that you all gave me!!"

Nikki's voice shook as anger and upsetness rushed through her heart, making her chest tighten. Everyone slowly looked around at each other awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable. No one here had ever seen Nikki so emotionally and defensive before. So it was extremely uncomfortable for them, and they had no clue what to do or really say. They were all used to her being obedient and doing what was asked with very little complaints. Out of everyone Nikki was the one that talked back the least. Until now of course...

"NONE of you are even my FRIENDS!! You only talk to me when you fucking need something. No one ever visits me. No one ever has a normal conversation with me."

"Nikki, I'm sorry i-"

"It's always about asking me to do something for you. Or to join your stupid fucking side. WHY should I even JOIN ANY sides?! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME. NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS!"

Nikki's voice didn't bother to hide its emotion, shaking as her heart seemed to tighten in pain. Tears gracefully slid down her cheeks as she yelled at the people before her. Everyone around her was unnaturally silent now, unsure of what to do. None of them had EVER seen Nikki this upset or even crying like this. Tears were streaming down her cheeks in an almost constant flow. Nikki was so upset and she couldn't stop her tears or her voice from shaking. Her throat felt like it had a hard lump in it as she tried to hold back a choked sob. Her hands tried clearing her cheeks of tears but it was no use, because they just kept flowing like a river. She let out a shaky sigh and closed her hands the best she could.

"I am going home. I am no longer a part of this place or any of you. Do not contact me. You didn't care to begin with so do not pretend to care now."

"Nikki wait!"

"Don't touch me! I am DONE with all of you! This is my life and I'm going to live it how I want. I don't want to be your little.... little... SLAVE anymore. I hate all of you for not ever giving a shit about me!"

It was clear in her voice that her mind was made up, and the shock factor prevented anyone from trying to stop her. They all stood and stared in silence, watching her as if they had just seen a ghost. Which Nikki would now become a ghost, or at least a partial ghost. She wasn't gonna stay here anymore. So she was gonna end up as memory in the back of everyone's head. Just like what happened to all the others that left. They all ended up as a memory in the back of peoples head, occasionally popping up from time to time. Not something someone thinks about to begin with, but it manages to find it's way to the front of the mind.

"Are you okay?"

Ranboo wasn't good at whispering but Nikki was a little grateful he tried. He was late to the 'party' but caught the end of Nikki's speech. As her younger brother he worried greatly about her. Especially since her hands are severely burned, and tears were flowing down her cheeks like a river. She lightly smiled at him and nodded ever so slightly, linking arms with him gently. She lead him away from the people, and away from L'manburg. She was done with them. With that place. It was no longer a part of her and never would be ever again.

"Here, they can't see us."

Ranboo made her stop walking and pulled out his pocket first aid kit. She smiled lightly at the thought of her little brother carrying that around. Ranboo gently wrapped each of Nikki's hands with gauze after softly rubbing burn cream on them. Once both Nikki's hands were wrapped, she hugged Ranboo quickly and tightly. He stumbled for a second, surprised by the hug, but hugged her back right away. She closed her eyes and held onto him for a few minutes. Ranboo didn't mind and waited, as he would any other time. He figured she needed a hug and no matter how long it took he would hug her.

"So.... Does this mean I get to live with you now?"

Nikki's throat hurt immensely after she coughed out a few harsh laughs. Ranboo looked at her worried as she gently rubbed her throat. It wasn't too bad though, since she could still talk.

"Sure. We'll have to do some house renovations though."

She smiled softly, as she looked up at her tall brother. It took him a second to understand what she meant, but when he got it he smiled brightly. She hugged him again, this time a lot more gentler and less needy. Ranboo didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his head ontop of hers. She sighed slowly and closed her eyes as she continued to hold him. Nikki was grateful she still had Ranboo. He seemed to the only one that actually ever cared about her feelings and well being. And even if he wasn't.... Well, now he truly was. He was all she had left now, except for her foxes of course.

"Come on, let's keep going. We have a long walk before we get home."

Ranboo gently nudged her back from the hug and gave her a light smile. She smiled back, nodding a little before linking arms with him again. They began walking the memorized path to Nikki's house quietly. Ranboo was constantly glancing over to make sure Nikki was still okay throughout the whole walk. He didn't exactly care about the house, more about Nikki. She was his only sister and probably always will be. She was so important to him and his mental health without her knowing.

"Thank you, Ranboo."

Her soft voice seemed to put his racing, panicked thoughts at ease. He smiled at her and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Ranboo was a big softie when it came to his sister, and now it was all about her. He would do anything to protect her and if it meant making sure none of the people he thought were his friends come by.... Then so be it.

[eberles]

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

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Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

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I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

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You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

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I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels. 

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

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[platonicavengers]

Pinky Promise

pairing: avengers x teen!reader; platonic!steve x teen!reader; platonic!natasha x teen!reader

word count: 1,772 (hehe told y’all)

warnings: sadness, depression, maybe swearing?? idk i don’t pay enough attention, post-infinity war feels

author’s note: im :) fine :) not :) sad :) at :) all :) also why do i always write angst am i that incapable of letting anyone be happy hahahah help

summary: it’s been a year since thanos snapped his fingers, and you still feel just as upset as you did the day it happened, but steve and nat are there to try their best to help you :)

my masterlist | read it on ao3 | read it on wattpad

One year; 12 months; 52 weeks; 365 days; 8,760 hours; 525,600 minutes; 31,536,000 seconds.

Since it happened. It, of course, being Thanos snapping his fingers, successfully eliminating 50% of life throughout the entire universe. Since you lost so many of your closest friends, your family.

Some people say that it gets easier with time, that eventually, it stops hurting as much. That after a while, the pain just isn't as bad.

But they would be wrong.

It's been an entire year, and for you, it's only seemed to get worse. The pain just grows each day, the loss of some of your favorite people just taking a larger toll on you as the days go by.

And the team could tell. What's left of the team, at least. Even out of the survivors, not everyone stayed around at the compound, as it would just bring back memories of those they've lost.

Tony had gone to live with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan, in a cabin on the lake. Bruce had gone somewhere, you weren't even sure where he was, and the same with Rhodey. Thor left to go establish New Asgard, and you hadn't seen him since. Carol, although technically not an official member of the team, was up in space most of the time, so you never saw her, either. That left only you, Natasha, and Steve.

Natasha was the first to notice. The way you rarely left your room, and if you did, your eyes were rimmed with a red tint, and your cheeks were puffed up. And if she ever got the chance to speak to you, you would only give her one or two word responses, far from the usual energetic and lengthy ones you used to give.

Steve noticed not long after, partially because Natasha pointed it out to him, and partially on his own. He saw the way you always wore sweatshirts or t- shirts belonging to your fallen friends. He heard you crying at the late hours of the night, when you thought no one else was awake.

So the two of them came together, trying to think of any and every way to help you, to take your mind off of everything, even just for a few minutes. But you did know this. You still stayed locked up in your room, today, especially, not even attempting to drag yourself out of bed, knowing that the only thing you were capable of doing today, was mourning.

••

The minute your alarm clock went off at 7 AM, you could already feel the familiar sensation of a wave of tears approaching. You were used to it by now, and just let it happen on its own.

With the sleeves of one of Wanda’s hoodies folded over your hands, you pressed your wrists to your eyes, trying to stop the stinging feeling of the tears. Your attempt was futile, and a steady stream started flowing down your cheeks, onto the comforter below you.

You sighed in frustration and annoyance when the tears wouldn’t stop. It seems like everyone else has moved on already, you thought to yourself, so why can’t I?

You buried your face in your hands and let out a loud sob. You shook your head, slowly lifting it from your hands as you stared up at the ceiling for a moment. You internally swore at yourself, knowing that what you were about to do was immature, but you were going to do it anyways.

“Hey, u-um,” your voice was quiet, hoarse from going so long without speaking, not to mention nasally from all the crying you’ve been doing lately. You brushed your messy hair out of your face, sniffling loudly, “I-I don’t know if anyone can hear me, but I, uh. I wanted to try an-and say something, just in case any of you guys a-are listening right now.”

You sobbed again, swearing under your breath, “Get it together, Y/N,” you whispered to yourself. You cleared your throat, trying once more to speak, “U-um. I just wanted to say that, um, I miss you all,” your voice broke off, the tears falling faster now, “so much. Uh, I miss you and love you all so much. I would do anything to get a-all of you back here, right now. Whatever it would take, I don’t care. I-I need you all, so badly.”

You cursed at yourself again, much louder than you intended to. Unbeknownst to you, Steve and Natasha heard you. They shared a look, before stopping what they were doing, and standing next to your closed door.

“I’m so, so, so sorry I didn’t do good enough. I tried, as hard as I could. I tried everything I could think of to get everyone back,” your voice had fallen into a low whisper, “b-but nothing worked.”

The pair outside your door felt their hearts break. It hurt them so much to hear you in such pain, and they knew they couldn’t stand to listen any longer. Natasha glanced at Steve, communicating with him through their eyes. Steve sent her a slight nod, knowing what she wanted to do.

The redhead slowly stood up from her squatting position, softly knocking on your door. She spoke quietly, a warm and caring tone laced through her words, “Y/N, sweetie? Could you open the door, please?”

You froze. You hadn’t expected for either of them to try and talk to you. Lately, they had stopped trying to get you to unlock your door, to open up, even just a little, after realizing that you refused to. You stayed silent for a moment, not knowing how, or if you wanted, to respond.

“Please, Y/N. We just want to help you, I promise, honey.”

Natasha’s voice was so calming, with the slight motherly tone coming through her words. You felt your resolve falter for a second, and you contemplated whether to let her in or not. On one hand, you didn’t want them seeing you like this, although you knew they wouldn’t care. But on the other, you so desperately craved comfort, reassurance, especially from those you trusted and cared for so deeply.

“Please,” this time it was Steve that spoke, “we know you’re hurting, and we want to help.”

With his words, you broke. You felt the sobs building up in your chest, and you ran to the door, unlocking and it and yanking it open roughly. You fell into Natasha’s open arms, sobbing. Steve wrapped his arms around you as well, joining the embrace. Your body shook painfully, but the feeling of two of your closest friends holding you so tightly helped soften the blow.

It took you around fifteen minutes to calm down. The whole time, both Steve and Natasha stayed with you on the floor, still holding onto you tightly, occasionally whispering short phrases of comfort into your ears.

When you eventually did settle down, you could feel your body growing tired from your sobs. You slowly lifted your head from Natasha’s shoulder, and she sent you a small smile. She wiped away the tears from under your eyes with the pads of her thumbs, and tucked your hair behind your ears.

Steve shifted so he was in front of you, and he could see your face as he spoke to you, “How ‘bout we have a movie day today, huh? No work, no responsibilities, just hangin’ out and watching movies? Sound good, hmm?”

You weakly nodded, trying your best to send him a smile, but the corners of your lips barely lifted up. He smiled back at you, helping you and Natasha both up from the ground, and the three of you walked together to the living room area.

You sat down on one of the couches, Steve taking the seat next to you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, slowly rubbing your arm as Natasha stood in the kitchen, gathering snacks for you all.

As Steve picked up the TV remote, going to put the first movie on, a memory of a day similar came to mind.

“Everybody sit your asses down, it’s movie day!” You grinned widely as Tony shouted at the rest of the team. You plopped down on one of the couches, Steve on your right, and Wanda on your left. You loved having movie nights with the team, as they were a rare pleasantry in a life as hectic as yours.

“Yo, Tiny! Heads up!” Sam called out to you, chucking a bag of popcorn towards you. You giggled as you caught it, quickly ripping it open and shoving a handful of the snack into your mouth.

Steve reached a hand into the bag, trying to steal some of the popcorn, but you quickly smacked his hand, causing him to send you a playful glare. Your eyes widened as you saw popcorn floating out of the bag, but you jokingly rolled your eyes as you turned to your left, seeing Wanda using her magic to grab some of your food. You sighed, a small smile on your lips, “I really can’t have anything around here, huh?”

You were cut off by a loud “Shh!” and you glanced over to one of the other couches, offering a sheepish smile to an impatient Natasha.

You were brought back to reality by a loud shout of your name, and you blinked your eyes a few times, seeing both Steve and Natasha in front of you, worry clear on their faces.

They both visibly relaxed when you looked at them, but their concern quickly returned when they saw your eyes well up with tears, and a sob break its way past your lips.

Natasha wrapped her arms around you, bringing you to her chest and slowly rocking you back and forth, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

“I-I miss them s-so much!” You stuttered out between sobs.

Natasha felt herself tear up, her hold on you tightening, “Oh, sweetie, I know, I know. I miss them too.”

A few minutes later, Natasha released from the hug, but kept you tucked into her side, running her fingers through your hair. Steve grabbed ahold of your hands, gently rubbing his thumbs on top of your fingers, “I promise you, Y/N, we’re gonna get them back. We’re gonna get them all back.”

You wiped away a lone tear, whispering, “Pinky promise?” You knew it was immature, but you held up a shaking pinky, desperate for reassurance, no matter how childish it made you seem.

Steve chuckled softly, wrapping his pinky around yours, “Pinky promise.”

[miyaniacs]

Hey!! I think this is an emergency request? But I was wondering if you could do an x reader in which she has an ED and self harms with Yamaguchi, Oikawa and Akaashi? If the topic makes you uncomfortable, could you just do fluff with those three? I’ve been feeling terrible lately and I need comfort like this rn this would mean a lot to me thank u :) i don’t wanna feel like im pressuring u into anything so if you don’t feel comfortable writing this it’s totally fine!!! Thank you :D

Hiiii :)

Sorry it took so long - I was really sleeping in & needed to finish an Assignment that’s due to tomorrow 💀 also... I'm sorry I just did Yams and Oikawa... I really wanted to do Akaashi, because he’d just be perfect on how he’d act in this situation... but I just couldn't get myself to write for one more rn... and I want to post it for you.. I can still make one for Akaashi another day, just sent in another request baby ❤️🥺

ALSO my messages are open love, I know how you feel so hit me up if you wanna talk 🥺

Ok so just a Little disclaimer - it could happen that I’ll write some personal experiences/ thoughts since I think I had an ED / developed one (but kinda stopped it getting worse ) and it still pops up here and there ( actually just last week ) - like I never been diagnosed but still I’m pretty sure lol

Also idk what kind of ED you got BUT I belive it’s probably under eating / binge eating so I mainly include those

masterlist

Warnings : mentions of selfharm & ED

HC s/o with an ED and Self harms 

Yamaguchi

alright ... so ....... you stayed over at his the night

You two made dinner and it was all prefect

You quickly went to the bathroom afterwards tho

Then you came back and helped him cleaning up the dishes

He was joking around and you laugh and push up your sleeves and start cleaning

Yams suddenly stops laughing and just stares at you

“Yams? what's -” you stop and realise what you just did

Today was such a good day, you totally forgot about your breakdown last night, after failing to do any of the things you were supposed to do that day and stepping on the scale realising you gained weight.

“ I- I - can... Can we just forget you saw this?” you stutter and pull down your selves again 

Obviously he won't just forget it

he gently takes one of your hands and leads you to the living room and sits down on the couch with you

“Why?” he whispers 

you just stare at him, unsure if you can tell him the real reason 

after a few minutes of silence you begin to talk 

you tell him everything 

the second you start talking you can’t stop 

the words spill out of your mouth, happy that you can finally get all those toxic thoughts out of your head 

Tears start streaming down your face while you tell him you’re feeling not good enough, like a failure, like you're trying to loose weight and developed an ed, yet you’re still to stupid to loose any weight etc so you just feel like you have to ... like punish yourself? 

Yams listens to you carefully and with every word his eyes get more and more glassy 

after you finished talking, he pulls you into the tightest hug ever

“baby... why haven't you told me, I'm always here for you, you shouldn't deal with all of this alone” 

sooo you stay in this position for a little longer, you both trying to calm down and stop crying

“Now... let me tell you - I will keep on telling you this over and over again, every single day of my life if I have to - you are enough, you are perfect in my eyes, you don’t have to loose any weight, but if you want to, then do it in a healthy way... I willing to help you in any way possible.” He takes your hands and moves them up to his face, kissing your knuckles

the rest of the night, you cuddle, him trying to confound every toxic thought you have 

he also gifts you a soft hair tie and makes you promise him, that you would use this, instead of hurting yourself 

his phone is also from now on not silent anymore in case you need someone to talk to at night 

the next weeks, he’s getting up earlier, making you some healthy, low calorie lunch so you don’t have to feel pressured to eat in the cafeteria and feel the need to throw up again afterwards. He’ll also tries to increase the cals, every other week. 

Oikawa 

He probably realises that something is up, the second his stupid ass walks into the bathroom when you just got out of the shower

It’s winter so you always wore sweatshirts and those cute wide leg pants

also you haven't been feeling good the past weeks, so there wasn't really a chance for Oikawa to see you in tight clothing or well ... no clothing at all. 

so when he saw you for this small second just now, his heart drops 

he just stands there shocked, tears already running down his face, not moving a muscle 

“Y/N...  I - since when - Why - I- “ he stutters not able to find the right words 

You stood still, towel in your hands, shocked expression on your face 

this is like your worst nightmare, he shouldn't see this, at least not now, not like this 

“Tooru, I can explain...” you stutter and look down at the ground 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to ... I just.. can I hold you?” He whispers in between small snobs 

you nod and he takes a set forward, carefully placing his arms around you, now afraid he could hurt you or break you 

He doesn't feel your soft curves anymore, his fingers are now met with the little bumps of your rips 

You hide your face in his neck and start crying 

the snobs make your body shake, which made him feel your bones move under his hands - which results in him crying even more 

“You’re just so perfect and I'm just me... all those beautiful girls who fall for you, with their skinny legs and waist, looking so delicate... I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me...” 

how couldn’t he notice? WHY haven't he? HE could NEVER be ashamed of you NEVER 

WHY was he so busy with Volleyball? he should have noticed that you weren't eating.. but he always thought you’ve eaten before... 

after you calmed down, he takes the towel and helps you getting dry, his eyes always stuck to small red lines on your legs, right under your hips

he walks over to where you kept your medics and all the first aid stuff and started treating your wounds 

He takes off his hoodie and puts it over your head and picks you up bridal style, carrying you to the bed 

He puts you down and quickly hurries to the kitchen and makes some tea for you 

You’re now seated in between his legs, your back resting on his chest while his arms are wrapped around you, rocking you from side to side, while you two watch some Disney movies 

after you finally fall asleep he takes out his phone and reads all the articles on the internet about self harming and ed’s. 

He makes a note on his phone where he writes down all the things he could do to help you, and all the little signs so he knew when one of your conditions gets worse again 

he makes sure that from now on, you two eat at least one meal together

he’s always encouraging you, if you feel like not eating, he begs you to at least eat one small bite, if you feel like eating the whole salad, girl, he’s hyping you up so much 

he sees that you gained some weight? 

omg be prepared for a full week of him praising you of how beautiful you are, hyping you up, etc 

and GODDD IF YOU NEED NEW CLOTHES BECAUSE YOUR OLD ONES DON’T FIT ANYMORE SINCE YOU GAINED WEIGHT 

he is spoiling you to the Max 

he is willing to fly you to London, Paris, La, etc so you get the best clothes available 

some small things he also do is : form that one night on, every day, he sends you a voice note of him telling you how amazing you are, how much he loves you, and lists at least 10 things why he loves you and why he’s proud of you - so from now on, before you grab that one small blade, you listen to this voice note and if that doesn't help, you only need to text him  🆘  and he’s already faceting you, dropping everything he was doing and getting to your house asap

also he’s probably trying to get you into working out with him, so he can control that you don’t overwork yourself and helps you gaining more muscles again and tells you about the benefits of weight lifting, since muscles burn calories while doing nothing at all, YET they need top be feed to remain 

[gamerwoo]

Wonwoo: Atlas

Characters: Wonwoo x female reader

Genre/warnings: mafia au, angst, little bits of fluff here and there but it just adds to the angst tbh, alcohol, smoking, Woo being depresso

Word count: 2,632

Summary: Atlas shrugged his shoulders, said he'd drop that boulder. Call me in the morning when I'm sober, find me in the corner in a coma.

a/n: this was inspired by the song atlas by keshi (and if u like sad boy vibes i highly recommend his music!!!). things in italics are flashbacks (also i didn’t even listen to atlas for half of this i just listened to call me kevin play the sims lmao) ALSO im doing 2 other keshi songs (probably for mingyu and hongseok but idk) and while this technically is a mini series using keshi songs, they won’t be a continuation of this fic. they’re going to be their own lil things. ok that’s it goodbye

2 soon | the reaper 

Limping down the street, the streetlamps being the only source of lighting, Wonwoo’s mind couldn’t help but wander. There were no cars going by at this time of night, not even a cool breeze to listen to the shaking leaves in the trees. The street was dead silent other than his heavy footsteps as he tried to make it home on his own. He was sure God or whatever higher power out there was out to get him lately since on top of everything else, his car had broken down and he was left to walk the rest of the way after calling Mingyu to make sure someone would get the car.

Had anyone been walking around this time of night, they’d probably call the police seeing Wonwoo awkwardly walking down the street with his hurt leg. Despite the nice suit, it was unbuttoned, slightly torn, and stained with splatters of blood. His white shirt underneath was half undone and splattered with blood as well, his tie was hanging loosely around his neck, his hair was disheveled, his right eye was beginning to bruise, and the left corner of his lip was caked with dried blood. There was a trail of dried blood going from his nose to his top lip as well, and his tired expression only added to his awful appearance. 

“Oh my god, Wonwoo!” you gasped when you spotted him from the window, Joshua and Minghao rushing out behind you.

It was one of the first times he’d come home beaten up. You didn’t know about his line of work when you’d first started dating, but when it began to become more serious, he had to break and tell you. Finding out your boyfriend was in the mafia worried you for obvious reasons, to a point where for a while, two of the men he worked with had to stay at the house with you to make sure you didn’t go off trying anything stupid. But you did often pace the kitchen, checking out the window that faced the street to see when his car pulled in. And one night, you saw him be helped out of the car by Seungcheol because Wonwoo was so beaten up.

“It’s okay, baby,” he reassured you as you rushed to him.

“Careful, careful,” Seungcheol warned, not wanting you to throw yourself into him or anything. Jeonghan had just stitched up his gunshot wound, but Wonwoo made him swear not to tell you that much.

“What happened?” you asked, looking him over. He looked about as messy as his clothes, and that was saying something since he was missing his jacket he left the house with, and his shirt was barely hanging onto his body by thin threads. You moved to Wonwoo’s other side, putting his arm around your shoulders. “I’ve got him.”

Seungcheol carefully leaned your boyfriend’s weight onto you, letting you practically carry the poor man inside. Wonwoo managed to smirk at how worried you were. He knew it just meant you cared, and that meant the world to him.

“You’re so cute,” he chuckled, which then turned into coughing that only worsened your anxiety about his injuries. “Let the boys handle it, okay? I’ll be fine.”

You scoffed, “Not a chance.”

Wonwoo pulled a carton of cigarettes from his pocket, taking a cigarette and a lighter out from the pack. He put it between his lips and lit the end before taking a long drag and letting the smoke waft out from his mouth. His eyes locked on the driveway of his house as he recalled how many times you’d dragged him inside, sat him down on the couch or leaned him up against the sink in the kitchen and patched him up. He smiled fondly, remembering all the times you’d scolded him for so long until you were just repeating yourself, only to sigh and say, “You know I love you, right?”. 

But now, he walked up the driveway alone. Despite his limping, there was nobody to carry him home. He had to push himself up the steps, pausing on each one to brace himself for the next. He walked into the house, expecting the echo of his footsteps that he was used to even during your relationship, but not used to the emptiness he felt in the house. At least when his shoes would hit the hardwood as he walked to the bathroom to clean himself up, he knew you were upstairs. But now, he knew he was the only one in the house, and that was a new feeling. A new but vaguely familiar feeling of being alone. He was alone before you, but he was so accustomed to your presence that he forgot what it was like to not have anybody there when he came home.

“Wonwoo--”

“Go back upstairs,” Wonwoo huffed, trying to get to the basement while Junhui and Mingyu helped him.

This time it was worse. You were used to him coming home later, so you no longer wasted an hour or two pacing by the kitchen window, but instead waited until you heard the heavy sound of his boots against the hardwood in the hallway, going toward either the kitchen or the bathroom. He wasn’t always hurt, but this time, he was in worse shape than he’d let you know. That was why there were more men with him.

“But--”

“_____,” he growled, his eyes glancing up at the stairway you were now frozen on. He’d used this voice before -- only a handful of times to show he was serious and didn’t want to fight you on whatever it was -- but it always made you freeze completely where you were. “Go.”

Mingyu and Jun continued to help him to the basement, Seungcheol and Soonyoung following behind them. You waited until you heard the basement door close before dropping your head and going back up the stairs to your room.

Glancing away from the staircase, Wonwoo continued down the hall to the kitchen. He grabbed the bottle of bourbon he left unfinished on the counter before going for the basement door. He threw it open, not bothering to close it behind him because there wasn’t a point to anymore. He was lucky he managed to get down the stairs without falling down them before he went over to his little corner where his desk was. They’d used the basement for plenty of things before, but it was mostly where he kept his ‘business things’. That’s why you weren’t to go down there -- not that that didn’t stop you from checking on Wonwoo from time to time when he had locked himself away down there.

Wonwoo flopped down in his chair, opening the bottle and taking a swig. He stared across the room, trying to grasp the reality that he was alone in the house. He wasn’t sure when it would finally sink in, but it hadn’t yet. It had been a month and he still had himself thinking he could hear your footsteps as you tried to sneak downstairs to check on him, or the shower running with your soft singing drifting from under the door. But the harsh truth was that you were gone an he was just imagining these things.

At first when he got home, you were the first thing he would check on. He wanted to know about your day, what you did, how you were feeling. He was grateful when you had dinner made for him -- even if it was cold by the time he got home -- and loved relaxing on the couch or in bed with you when he got home. But he slowly started seeing you less and less. He didn’t see you most days at all, so you looked forward to the nights. But more often, he started politely turning down dinner to go the basement -- that eventually turned into straight-up ignoring it to go do more work at his desk. Instead of checking up with you, he started going straight to the bathroom to clean himself up before silently grabbing a small snack and retreating to the basement until you were already fast asleep and he was crawling into bed for 2-3 hours of sleep. It got to a point where you barely saw Wonwoo at all.

And as Wonwoo took another drink right after letting out more cigarette smoke, he knew it was all his fault. He got too caught up in his job. He loved you, but he didn’t realize he wasn’t showing it like he should’ve. He made you feel unloved and forgotten and overlooked. It wasn’t a 50/50 situation, it was 100% his fault that you left him.

He put out his cigarette in his ash tray and eyed the bottle before he put his feet up on his desk and took a longer drink this time.

-

“Wonwoo,” he heard your voice in his ear, trying to shake him awake after another late night. But he had the day off today, and you were excited to spend every moment with him that you could. “Wonwoo, wake up!”

A smack to his cheek had his eyes shooting open as he let out a gasp.

“Jesus Christ, Wonwoo,” Mingyu breathed, sitting back as he realized the older man was awake, “I thought you were fucking dead. How much did you drink?”

Considering the slap Mingyu gave him didn’t hurt as bad as the metaphorical slap that his awful reality gave him, clearly not enough.

“None of your business,” Wonwoo slurred as he struggled to keep his eyes open, definitely hung over from drinking until he passed out -- again.

“You need to stop doing this,” the younger boy sighed, giving Wonwoo a stern look, “not even just because Seungcheol’s fed up with it, but because it’s not healthy.”

“What does it matter?” he grumbled, refusing to get up. Instead, his hand searched the floor for his bottle of alcohol.

“Will you stop with that shit? Come on, Wonwoo, _____ leaving doesn’t mean the end of the world!”

“Have you ever been in love?”

When Mingyu was silent, Wonwoo scoffed, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Well it was still your own fault she left you,” Mingyu stated, rolling Wonwoo onto his back with his shoe. “You said it yourself, so you can’t say it’s not true. You neglected her and now you’re throwing yourself a pity party when you did it to yourself.”

“Get out of my house,” Wonwoo groaned, deciding to cover his ears instead of search for the bottle of bourbon. 

“You’ve been pulling this shit every fucking day for a month,” Mingyu spat, ignoring how obviously annoyed Wonwoo was getting. Everyone was annoyed with Wonwoo’s behavior so this was only fair. “Someone always has to waste their time and come here to make sure you didn’t drink yourself dead.”

“Then stop checking!” Wonwoo shouted, finally peeling his eyes open to glare up at Mingyu. “Go the fuck away!”

“Leave me the fuck alone!”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. You stood in front of his desk, your own angry expression dissipating and being replaced with hurt instead. The two of you had been arguing because he’d been so distant, and while you understood that the basement was where he got more work done, you didn’t see the need for him to continue working when he was away ‘working’ all day. But his anger bubbled over and now he’d crossed the line.

“Wait, _____--”

You just shook your head at him, eyes filling with tears as you rushed to go back upstairs. Wonwoo called for you to come back, but you just ignored him, slamming the basement door closed. Wonwoo groaned and sat down in his chair, rubbing over his face with his hands.

That was definitely the biggest push for you to leave.

And now here he was, in the same room his life started falling apart. Why couldn’t he wake up to you like he thought he was? Better yet, why couldn’t he wake up and have everything just start over? He wanted to go back to when things were good and he wanted to keep them that way. But life didn’t work that way. It couldn’t just reset, it just kept going.

But Mingyu had to be a nuisance and interrupt Wonwoo’s dreams where everything was actually going well and he was happy.

Mingyu sighed, taking a seat in Wonwoo’s desk chair. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. Why did Seungcheol have to send him to check up on Wonwoo? Why not Seungkwan or Seokmin? Somebody who had people they loved and could relate to Wonwoo? No offense, but Mingyu didn’t give two shits about Wonwoo’s broken heart.

“Look,” Mingyu said a bit softer, trying to be more level-headed about this, “I get you’re upset and you’ve never had to deal with heartbreak so you don’t know how to cope. But with this kind of...lifestyle, you should really need to come to terms with the fact that nothing will ever really go the way you planned it to.”

“That isn’t good advice,” Wonwoo sighed, not even trying to sit up. His eyes had even closed again, so Mingyu knew the older man didn’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. “Just go.”

Mingyu stood, rolling his eyes and fixing his suit jacket, “Seungcheol’s going to be pissed, y’know.”

“Good for him.”

“Whatever,” Mingyu sighed. “I’ll send Seungkwan tonight to make sure you haven’t slipped into a coma or something.”

Wonwoo only hummed in response, waiting until he heard the Mingyu’s footsteps go up the stairs before closing the basement door. Then he finally pushed himself up off the floor, stumbling the whole time. But it was only to retrieve the bottle of bourbon with only a little left at the bottom. So he took the bottle, wobbled his way up the stairs to the kitchen to get another, and then carried on to the living room, finishing off the first bottle.

“Well, well, well,” you grinned seeing Wonwoo emerge from the basement. He was still in his ‘work’ clothes, but everything was undone to make it a little more comfortable for him since he was at home, “look who decided to show up.”

“What’re you watching?” he mused as he wandered into the living room and glanced at the TV. “Wheel of Fortune?”

You shrugged, “It’s 2am.”

“Eh, it’s not the worst show,” Wonwoo sighed as he let himself drop back onto the couch beside you. He normally would’ve scolded you for staying awake so late, but it was a Friday night so he couldn’t give any excuses as to why you needed to be in bed. Besides, he wanted to hang out with you for a bit before he was way too exhausted. “Did you eat?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, shifting so you were leaning into your boyfriend’s side.

You kept your eyes on the TV, playing along like you had been before. You still continued to say your answers out loud despite Wonwoo sitting right there, but he merely chuckled. He thought it was kind of cute.

You were so immersed in the show that you didn’t even feel his gaze on you for the last five minutes.

“_____.”

“Hmm?”

You turned your head to look at him, seeing him smiling at you with so much fondness.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Wonwoo opened the second bottle as he stared at the TV, his reflection in the black screen reminding him that he was alone -- not just on the couch, but completely, utterly alone.

He put the bottle to his lips.