#but anyway someone please come cry with me about ed

[mermaidstede]

If I could just make an observation... Do you think you talk so much because you don't wanna know how to sit with yourself?

[stunie]

i just WOKE UP !!?????!!!!!!

2024.07.15 — dinner date with Ume. ♡

(hands up if you know where the reference photo’s froooommmmm!!!! >:3 aju nice.)

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

{ the song (I Just) Died In Your Arms came on at work today and then this happened. }

Warnings: aftermath of time loops, like years after, hurt/comfort, angst, allusion to sex and loss of virginity (its really more of a fade to black situation tho 👍🏻)

🍒🍒🍒

"Eddie?" Steve calls, dropping his bag and all his crap by the door, and toeing off his shoes.

"Kitchen! Rob's at Chrissy's tonight so I thought we'd do dinner and a movie?" Eddie's voice calls, and Steve can already smell something cooking. Hears the sizzle of a something as well, and the radio playing something, the sound just a low rumble in his ears.

"Sounds good. Watcha makin?" Steve calls, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the back of the couch, he knows Eddie will grab it later and hang it by the door. He leaves it there anyway, smiling to himself at the thought as turns toward the kitchen.

"Oh just the ol Eddie Munson special. Gourmet grilled cheese. It soothes the- Steve? You okay?" Eddie's voice is quiet now, Steve's sure his eyes are wide too but he can't see them. Not really.

He's staring at the radio. The low murmur of music finally hitting him, stopping him in his tracks, his blood running cold, like icy fingers trailing down his back. That fucking song. He could kill whoever wrote it. Who needs a song about someone dying in their arms?

"Steve?" Eddie asks, again. Steve nods. Takes one step backwards. And then bolts for the bathroom.

He hits his knees hard, slaming down in front of the toilet, losing the small amount of food he'd had for lunch, his stomach heaving. He's shaking when he stands, his knees buckle twice on the short walk from the bathroom across the hall to his room. He shuts the door softly when he hears Eddie's footsteps coming.

"Steve? Are you okay?" His voice is small, and Steve can see him, with his long sleeves pulled down around his hands, worrying the material between his fingers as he shuffles from foot to foot outside Steve's door.

"I'm fine Ed's. Just, keep cooking. I'll be out in a few for the movie okay?" Steve calls, yanking his clothes off and grabbing one of Eddie's old t-shirts that he'd stolen maybe a year ago. Eddie had never asked for it back. And Steve liked the way he blushed when he saw Steve wearing it.

Eddie does, sort of. He goes back to the kitchen, turns everything off, and then walks back to Steve's room. He slides down the wall outside his door and sits on the floor. He can hear Steve moving around in there, just shuffling around his room doing god knows what.

He does this sometimes. Eddie never knows what to do. Or say. Or how to stop it. He tries. But Steve won't talk to him about it. Just ignores that it happens. Or talks to Robin. They share little looks, he sees them, never knows what they mean.

It makes him uncomfortable sometimes, like they're telling jokes behind his back. He knows they're not. That they wouldn't. But there's something. And until now, he's never asked, never pushed. Just sat back and worried and tried to ignore the feeling that he'd done something wrong.

"Steve?" He asks, voice low. He hears Steve stop moving.

"Yeah?" He calls, sounding suspicious, or nervous maybe, or like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"You know I'm not stupid right?" Eddie's chest burns, fire crawling up his throat, his eyes burning.

"I- what?" Steve answers, voice muffled, Eddie can almost see him standing in the middle of his room, staring at the door.

"I'm not stupid. I know something's wrong." He presses his finger to the floor, rubs at a knot in the wood, listens to Steve walk closer to the door.

"I told you I'm fine. Really it's-"

"Don't lie to me." Eddie cuts him off, doesn't yell, doesn't even raise his voice. He thinks he hears Steve gasp on the other side of the door. Can't be sure.

"Please just-" he closes his eyes, clears his throat, wills the tears away. He's so tired of crying about this.

"Just talk to me? I know- there's something you're not telling me." He hangs his head, worries at his shirt sleeves, his hands in his lap.

"It's been three years. And I thought it would stop ya know? Thought maybe I was imagining things. Or just, had to get used to the enigma that is YouAndRobin. But that's not it, is it?" He lets his head fall back and hit the wall.

"It's me. It's something I'm doing. Or like, multiple things? And I've tried to stop. Ya know? Tried to figure it out on my own cuz you guys clearly don't wanna share." He sighs.

"But I just keep fucking up. And then you guys give each other those looks, and lock yourselves away for hours, or fucking days, at a time. And I try so fucking hard not to do those things again." His voice is strained now, he clears his throat again, tucks his knees up under his chin and keeps talking, knows if he doesn't say it now he never will.

"But it's fucking impossible to figure out what I'm doing wrong if you won't talk to me Steve. I just- I feel like I'm hurting you somehow and you just- you just fucking sit there and take it and pretend it not happening when it really fucking clearly is! And it makes me feel insane!" He shoves his lips against his knee, tries to hide the whimper that claws its way out of his throat. He closes his eyes, tries to breathe, opens his mouth to speak again and hears the door open.

He looks up, watches Steve look forward and then down, finding Eddie on the floor, his own eyes shining like Eddie knows his are too.

"It's not you." Steve says, whispers really. And Eddie can't help the eyeroll. Or the huff. Looks away from Steve, drops his chin onto his knees and closes his eyes again, pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes.

"You're lying." He croaks, voice tight.

"I know you are. I just don't know why." And he hates it, that whine in his voice. And then Steve is on his knees, next to Eddie, his hands hovering near him as Eddie glares at him.

"I- I'm not. I promise I'm not. It's not you. It- it's complicated. I don't-" he sighs.

"Just say it! Just try!" Eddie's hands flail, his voice desperate as he looks at Steve. He stares for a moment, eyes wide, and then falls to sitting next to Eddie, his own knee tucked up to his chest, back resting against the door frame.

"I watched you die." Steve says, quiet. Eddie frowns.

"I know. And then you carried me out of hell and saved me. I know that. What are you-"

"No. Not- not that time." Steve shakes his head, grimaces when he looks at Eddie. He shakes his head, he doesn't understand.

"Before that. So many fucking times before that. Over and over. You died. No matter what I did. Or what I changed." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, shoved a knuckle into the corner of his eye. He let his head fall back as he looked at Eddie, his hands falling palms up on his thighs, helpless.

"You died. Over and over and over. And everytime. Every single fucking time. I ended up covered in your blood." He closes his eyes, opens them again. Says nothing else.

"I-" Eddie starts, stops, takes a deep breathe, moves one hand over his chest, resting his palm against the scar on his side, a nervous habit he has now. His fingers drum against the thick skin there.

"That's- you're talking about a time loop." Eddie says slowly, and Steve, he fucking laughs. There's no humor in it, just a bark, and a wry smile as he shakes his head at Eddie.

"What? You are, right? I mean that's- why are you smiling?" Eddie flails again, hugs his knees tighter. Steve just shakes his head again, bites his lip to hide a smile.

"Robin told me I should tell you. That you'd understand. Or like, get it. And I knew you would I guess, I just- couldn't." Steve sighs again, gives a little helpless shrug.

"Why not?" Eddie rests his chin on his knees, watching Steve. The tension he'd been holding in his shoulders for what seems like years seems to melt away.

"At first I was scared. That if I said something. It would start again. And then it just-" he takes a deep breath, smiles the saddest smile Eddie's ever seen and says,

"It just hurt too much." He shrugs again, a tear falling down his cheek. Eddie stares, watches his fall onto his shirt, watches it bleed into the fabric.

"Why did it hurt? Cuz of me? Cuz I keep reminding you of it somehow? Right? That's what all those little looks between you guys have been?" He wraps his arms around his legs tighter, his lip wobbling again. He knew he'd been fucking up.

Steve looks at him, brow furrowed, and reaches out, his hand warm when it curls around Eddie's bicep.

"I didn't know you noticed that. And I'm sorry. But no. It wasn't that. I mean maybe a little. Just small things. Like, deja vu, sometimes." He shrugged.

"But tonight it was the song. That stupid fucking song." He sighs, shakes his head and laughs again. The sound hollow in his chest.

"The... song." Eddie frowns, trying to think what song had been on when Steve came through the door. And oh, yeah.

"Oh. Kinda... right on the nose that one. Sorry. It was just on the tape I found. It wasn't even my tape. I think it was one of Dustin’s old ones." Steve squeezes his arm, heads him off before be starts really rambling.

"It's okay. You didn't know. You couldn't have. Cuz I didn't tell you. And I should have. I'm sorry." Steve bites his lip again. Eddie nods, sniffles, untangles his arms from around himself and scoots a little closer to Steve, their legs pressed together.

"Will you tell me now? All of it? Please? I need to know what happened. Kinda really wanna know how you saved me." He feels his cheeks burn, his ears too. He can't look at Steve. Not right now. Knows he'll see too much.

"I'll tell you. But not on the floor." He laughs again, a real one this time, and gets to his feet. He offers his hand to Eddie and pulls him to his feet. Their hands stay together, Eddie's cheeks burn with a fresh wave of color and Steve smiles, tugs him into his room, and tells him everything.

~°~

"A whole year?" Eddie's staring at the ceiling, knows he sounds breathless.

"Yep." Steve says, pops the P.

"And you spent it with me?" Eddie asks, sounds unconvinced.

"Yep."

"And we-"

"Yep." Steve huffs, turns onto his side and looks at Eddie.

"Hey. Look at me." Eddie swallows, isn't sure he can. He let's out a shakey breath and does it anyway.

"Hi." Steve says, smiling, his cheek squished against his arm curled under his head.

"Hi." Eddie echoes.

"You and me?" Eddie asks, his brow furrowed, his throat burning again.

"Yeah. I uh... I wasn't expecting it. Or maybe I was. I'm not sure anymore. But I'm glad it happened." Steve shrugs, reaches out, his finger brushing a curl away from Eddie's face.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've- I mean I would've-" Eddie swallows, not sure what he would've. Steve smiles that sad smile again.

"Because I'm an idiot. I thought I had to like- let you make your own choices. Not- tell you what you did before. And you didn't remember. Because it- it didn't work, that time. I didn't-" he pauses, clears his throat, wipes at his eyes.

"I didn't save you that time. I lost you. And it- fuck it hurt Ed's. It hurt so much." His throat catches on a sob, his palms shoving into his eyes and Eddie can't take it anymore. He surges forward, wraps his arms around Steve and pulls him close.

"I'm right here. I've been here. I'm not going anywhere." Eddie whispers, presses the words into Steve's hair as he clings to him.

"How many times after that one?" Eddie asks, his hand in Steve's hair, soothing.

"Two. I lost you two more times and then it worked. I woke up by your hospital bed instead of at my house. And you were there. Alive. And Robin was alive. And Dustin and Nancy. Everyone. More or less." Steve's voice is muffled, Eddie can feel his shirt getting wet from his tears.

"Steve I-" he takes a shakey breath.

"I don't know what to say." He sighs, keeps soothing his fingers over Steve's scalp. He pulls back, looks at Eddie, his face wet and blotchy.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you know now." He shakes his head, sniffles, drops his head back onto his pillow, eyes on Eddie.

"This um... this other Eddie. The one you spent a year with." Eddie draws.

"He wasn't 'another Eddie'. He was you. Just, before we really met." Steve snorts, rolls his eyes.

"Right. Right. So this Eddie you spent a year with." Eddie says, Steve fucking giggles and squeezes his eyes shut, nose all scrunched up. He opens his eyes, blinks a few times.

"What about him?" Steve asks, his teeth dragging over his lip as he smiles. Eddie shrugs, best he can laying on his side.

"Was he... I mean was he really like me?" Eddie asks, his voice sounding, doubtful. Steve hums, thinks for a moment.

"He was. And he wasn't." Steve shrugs too.

"That's very descriptive." Eddie says, voice flat. Steve laughs, rolls onto his back and then back to his side to look at Eddie.

"He was... different. Calmer. Less traumatized. At the beginning anyway. But he was still you. Still stubborn. And loyal. And kind." His shoulder twitches again.

"Was he nice to you? This other me?" Eddie asks, chewing on his lip, eyes locked on Steve's face. His cheeks flush and Eddie feels heat crawl over his skin.

"He was yeah. After awhile. He was... very nice." Steve's voice is soft, low, that little smile tugging at his mouth.

"Did he love you?" Eddie doesn't mean to say it. Not really. But he can't stop it. He has to know. Steve said they'd been together. But it was just a year. But a lot can happen in a year, Eddie knows all too well.

Steve eyes go soft at the question, a fondness in them that Eddie knows well, his stomach flutters at the realization.

"He said he did." Steve nods, scoots a little closer.

"And did-" Eddie swallows roughly, blinks a few times,

"Did you love him?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper. Steve nods, slow, his hair splaying against his pillow, his hand lifting to his mouth, teeth worrying at his thumb nail.

Eddie feels a breif spike of jealousy peak its head up and then feels ridiculous. And then he feels something else, something that blooms in his chest and wraps itself around his ribs warmly. Something he thinks might be hope.

"Do you-" he bites into his lip, hard. His hands shaking on the matress between he and Steve. Steve's hand moves away from his mouth, his knuckles brushing Eddie's before lacing their fingers together.

"Say it." Steve whispers, his eyes shining. He smiles at Eddie and Eddie can't not smile back. Can't not ask.

"Do you love me?" He hears his voice, hears how he clearly doesn't believe that. But Steve nods, a giddy smile on his face.

"You do? Why?" Eddie blurts, and Steve laughs, curls closer to Eddie, his hand cupping Eddie's cheek, thumb moving over his skin softly.

"I'm not sure I ever had a choice." Steve breathe between them.

"I think it was just always meant to be you." Steve moves his thumb over Eddie's lips, then up over his cheek again, wiping at the tear that runs over Eddie's skin.

"But he's not- I mean I'm not- we're not the same person. I don't remember it. I don't remember getting to have you. I did get to have you right?" Eddie asks, his chest shuddering as he tries to keep his breathing steady. Steve nods, crowds impossibly closer, his knee slotting between Eddie's own.

"You had me. You had me then and you have me now. And you are the same person. That's why me and Robin always give each other those looks. Because I told her everything. Anything I could remember. And you do things. Things that you did then. When you were mine." Steve smiles. Eddie laughs out a sob.

"When I was yours." He says, mocking, his voice wet and wobbly.

"Yeah. You were mine. Do you wanna be mine?" Steve's fingertips move over his face, like he's trying to memorize him.

"Pretty sure I've been yours since I woke up to you reading The Hobbit by my bed in the hospital." Eddie smiles, more tears falling.

"Dustin told me it would help." Steve shrugged again his thumb back on Eddie's lips. He nodded, closing his eyes to warmth of Steve's skin on his. 

"I wanna be yours." Eddie breathed, gasped when he felt Steve's thumb press into his lip.

"Yeah?" Steve was so close now, Eddie opened his eyes and he was right there, his nose almost touching Eddie.

"Please." Eddie wasn't sure what he was begging for, but he trusted Steve to give it to him.

"Yeah. Anything you want." Steve sighed, closing the space between them.

His lips hit Eddie's and his whole world tilts. Steve holds his head and kisses him sweetly and everything slams into him at once. Thoughts. Feelings. Memories. Memories that aren't his. Things he's never done. Not with Steve. Not with anyone.

But they crash into him, wash over him like a wave and blend into him like they're his. Things he said to Steve, the way he touched him, the way he loved him, during that year that never was. All of it filling him and becoming his. His and Steve's. Just another piece of their story, another peice of their love.

Eddie gasps, pulls back and finds Steve's eyes on him, wide, his brow furrowed.

"Did you?" Steve asks, his head tilting.

"I remember. Or... I saw it. I felt it. Or like, an echo of it. I love you." He laughs then, breathy and sweet, and Steve laughs back, nearly tackles him back onto the bed, arms curled around Eddie, face buried in his neck.

"I love you too." He sounds giddy. The way Eddie feels. He buries his hands in Steve's hair and pulls him up, so he can look at him. Steve comes willingly, looking down at Eddie with adoration.

"Our lives are so fuckin weird. You know that right?" Eddie asks, his nose scrunching. Steve snorts, bites his lip, and smiles.

"Oh yeah. But would you want it any other way?" Steve asks, his nose scrunching too.

"I'll take it whatever way lets me have you." Eddie says, his finger moving down the line of Steve's nose. He bites at Eddie's finger when he drops his hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to ask. And that you were stuck for so long. Back then." Eddie nods to the side, like that time in '86 is right beside them.

"I'm not. I learned a lot about loving you back then." Steve smiles down at him, pushes his bangs back off his head, Eddie leans into the touch.

"Oh yeah? Well I look forward to reaping the benefits." Eddie says, tongue poking into his cheek.

"Yeah? Well I look forward to taking your virginity. Again." Steve smirks down at him. Eddie squaks, tries to shove Steve off him and gets pinned to the bed instead.

"How dare you! I'm not even- that's- I mean... absolute hearsay!" Eddie stammers. Steve laces their fingers together and straddles him, leaning down over him, that smug look on his face.

"You trying to say you're not?" Steve asks, his tongue moving over his teeth.

"I- it's just- I mean that's not fair." Eddie squeaks, looking up at Steve with wide eyes.

"Seems fair to me. Like a really nice reward." Steve boasts, leaning closer and closer.

"It feels like cheating. Like not that kind of cheating. Just... I've never- done stuff. And you're just... you have. With me. That's not-"

"Hey. I'll take good care of you." Steve breathes, presses his lips to Eddie's genlty and pulls back, settles himself on Eddie's thighs.

"I know. I have the memory. But it's like... I dunno, like it's foggy. Like a dream. I can see it, in my head, but I can't feel it." Eddie sighs, looks away.

"Forget about it." Steve says.

"Oh okay. I'll just forget about the images I now have burned into my brain of you, naked, on top of me." Eddie scoffs, tries to take his hands from Steve's and fails, Steve squeezes his hands tighter.

"Why are you so strong?" Eddie kicks his feet, feigning attempts to break free. Steve laughs, lowers himself back into Eddie's face.

"You can hold tight to that new old memory. Or we can make some memories of our own. Pick one." Steve brushes his nose against Eddie's and smiles when Eddie bucks up into him.

"New memories. Absolutely. We should do that. Let's make new ones. We should do that right now." Eddie nods frantically, lifting up and trying to kiss Steve, both of them ending up sitting, Steve in Eddie's lap, finally letting his hands go to snake his arms around Eddie's neck.

"New memories. Got it." Steve kisses him, sweetly, pulls back, just a fraction of an inch.

"You've got shit memory anyway baby. I'll get rid of those in no time." He breathes the words into Eddie mouth like a promise. Eddie moans and grabs at his back, pulling him closer.

"Holy shit. Okay." He huffs, shivering as Steve presses him down onto the bed again, laughing against his lips.

"I'm gonna take this slow. Be real sweet to you." He peppers kisses across Eddie face.

"You're gonna fuckin torture me you mean?" Eddie whines, his hips jumping and stuttering everytime Steve rolls his down against him.

"Trust me. You'll love it." Steve whispers, his lips ghosting over Eddie's, teasing.

"I love you." Eddie says, both of them freezing. Steve just stays there, looking down at him, his eyes shimmering again. Eddie reaches up, wipes the tears away.

"I love you too." Steve breathes, his body dropping onto Eddie completely, tension leaving as he kisses Eddie, slow and deep, both of them moaning into each other's mouths.

Steve's true to his word. He takes Eddie apart slowly. And then puts him right back together. Three years of longing, and lost time, and impossible memories passing between them. A slow ebb and flow, like the tide, like the ocean and the moon, moving through them both, pulling them together after so long apart.

Steve falls asleep on his chest after, small sounds falling past his lips as he nuzzles into Eddie's skin. Eddie holds him there, one hand in Steve's hair, one moving slowly up and down his back.

He holds Steve close, watches him sleep, and thanks whoevers listening that he gets to have this. Have him. And thanks them again for bringing him through it all, all the monsters, and the time loops, and everything else. Just for him to end up in Eddie's arms.

Eddie's certain it's where he was meant to be all along.

[moon7jay]

Enhypen with a s/o who suffers from an ED (hyung line)

Warnings : ed behaviours, body dysmorphia, low self esteem, self depreciation, suggestive in jay's, fluff, comfort, triggering content ahead, please proceed with caution<3

Requested by .・゜゜・ @onlyni-kis (I tried my best to make it realistic, I hope it helps you somehow)

Heeseung

He'd be so attentive and accomodating to your needs. As someone with an Ed, you're often not taken seriously. Your mental problems are not considered valid. And so you usually avoid social settings where people can pass up unnecessary comments on your body or eating choices and heeseung never pressures you to get out if you don't want to. Because you lack confidence and even slight comments trigger you, heeseung makes sure that no one can do so while he's around. If he's around, you can freely go anywhere and do anything. He would have a reputation of a 0 tolerance boyfriend who did not like people perceiving you in anyway. So whenever he is around, people usually know to keep their words in check. He's your safe blanket. The only person you can be yourself with.

You were hanging out with heeseung's cousins in a family get together, sitting on heeseung's lap and indulging in oily food for once, trying to let go of the food guilt.

"y/n that's a lot of food for one sitting" one of them commented and even though the comment was harmless with no real intent to hurt you, it did hurt. Your appetite dying instantly as you gave them a sheepish smile ,standing up from heeseung's lap and excusing yourself from the setting, not wanting your useless tears to fall and ruin everyone's mood. Heeseung let you walk away to collect your emotions but the instant icy glare he shot towards his cousin was something his family would never forget.

"I thought I made it clear that when y/n comes over you better watch your fucking mouths" he gritted through clenched teeth, the nerve on his forehead throbbing with how much effort it was taking him to stop himself from punching his cousin's stupid face. He found you standing in the kitchen, the food that was previously on your plate was now in the trash can and you just stood there staring at it, your small sniffles reaching his ears. You jumped upon feeling two strong arms wrap around your waist but melted into heeseung's touch in an instant.

"Baby, it's okay, have you seen the amount of food that i eat? On the daily basis?" His words made you snort, how ladylike. It was true, heeseung always made sure to load his plate full, piling stuff to the top just so he could make you laugh and forget about your own portion size. It always worked.

"Let's get out of here and I'll take you to this new ice cream parlor I've been meaning to try, would you like that baby? Just me and you?" He peppered small kisses along the length of your neck tenderly, making you close your eyes and just bask in his love. "Yeah I'd love that" you whispered. He was enough for you. You could deal with anything as long as you were in his arms.

Jay

Watching yourself in the mirror was always daunting for you, having no idea of what you really looked like, just constant voices in your head chanting "ugly" were all you could focus on. The dress that you were trying on was tight, it was suffocating. Not thin enough, not pretty enough, starve, starve-

A choked sob escaped your lips and you covered your mouth instantly, realizing that you were in a public space and your boyfriend was right outside. Jay's thought made you cry more, all of your self doubts creeping in and you turned away from the mirror, unable to look at your distorted reflection any longer. You often questioned why he was with you, you were nothing but a mess of a person, not pretty, not normal... just a gaping wound was what you were. Always bleeding. A sudden knock at the changing room's door jolted you out of your thoughts and you quickly wiped your tears, breathing in through your nose to make your voice less wobbly "yes?" you asked, hoping it was just a staff.

"baby let me in please" came jay's sweet voice and you closed your eyes, a defeated sigh leaving your lips. He knew you were having a breakdown, of course he knew, he always knew. You trudged towards the door and yanked it open, presenting your tear stained face to your worried boyfriend. Jay took you in his arms in an instant, cooing and shushing you when you started sobbing in earnest. "talk to me love, I'm right here" he whispered, running his palms all over your body, caressing you with so much tenderness it made you tighten your hold around his neck.

"I just-i don't like this dress" you choked out in the crook of his neck and he hummed in understanding "but I think it looks stunning on you baby" He whispered. His words made you pull back, still sniffing but staring into his eyes to detect a lie being told to placate you.

"You do?" you asked softly, not trusting your voice just yet. He nodded and turned you around, a gasp leaving your lips while your back rested against his chest. Your eyes met his in the mirror and you shied away from the intensity of his gaze. You watched as he ran his hands all over your body, your breath hitching when he cupped your chest, travelling down to your waist, then to your hips "so perfect" he whispered in your ear, making a shiver run down your spine. "look at the way it hugs your curves sweetheart, and the vibrant blue which brings out the color of your eyes", your eyes widened upon realizing that he was right, the dress did do wonders in highlighting your eyes. " look at the way it hugs your hips baby, driving me crazy" and it did, it hugged your hips so snugly, the fit so perfect now that you were seeing yourself in new light. His fingers dug into your waist, his lips touching your earlobe while he told you how beautiful you were. "let me take you home and show you how much I like this dress" He groaned and you bit your lower lip at his suggestion, suddenly feeling so sexy and so desired. He was so good at making you feel like this gorgeous person that you never thought you were. But he was here. And he wanted you. He thought you were pretty and that's all that mattered to you. It didn't heal you but it did make things easier.

Jake

He would be the type of boyfriend who keeps you stacked with your diet soda and 0 calorie foods. After he started dating you he had quickly grasped the severity of your condition, and even though it was out of his hand to actually help you, he did try his best to just be there for you.

"Jake I didn't order these" you asked your boyfriend in confusion, pointing towards the two full boxes of konjac noodles sitting on the kitchen counter. He walked towards you with a smile and pulled you into him. "I did, aren't they your favorite noodles? I was just trying to be a good boyfriend".

Favorite noodles. No they weren't. And you knew that jake knew that, but he didn't like to make you feel like there was something wrong with you, and you appreciated that so much. Your lower lip wobbled upon seeing the new cans of coke zero stacked on the side counter as well. Never had anyone cared so much about your needs and it was making you choke on your emotions. You had been running out of your ed foods and were trying to push back buying them because of the increasing prices, not wanting to waste money on your own hunger because according to you, you didn't deserve to eat anyway.

"How'd you know?" you whispered through a sniffle, already feeling the onslaught of tears. "because I know you, and I love you" He whispered back, wiping your tears and capturing your lips in his own, kissing you through your breakdown.

Sunghoon

You didn't want to overthink it. You really didn't, but your boyfriend was gorgeous and so it was inevitable that he got female attention wherever he went. And most girls ignored your presence beside him, fawning over him as if he didn't have his fingers intertwined with yours. She was beautiful, the girl your boyfriend had been laughing with when you stepped into his office unannounced. That was your biggest mistake because now you couldn't help but compare. Compare the thighs, the arms, the waist... you were nothing like her. Were these the women sunghoon spent his entire day with? and he still chose to come back to your plain self? What were you even doing with yourself? You should be starving harder, you decided. Just a few inches more and your waist might start looking like her, and maybe a few more inches on your thighs would make everything better and the- you were spiralling again. Unable to stop it even though you knew the consequences.

"This is the 3rd order this week baby" sunghoon's voice made you turn towards your bedroom door, mentally cursing upon finding the packaged waist trainer in his hands. You panicked and snatched it from his hands, mumbling a quick thank you and not meeting his eyes. You could feel his probing gaze on you. "You haven't stepped outside of this house in weeks, care to tell me what's going on?"

You hadn't lost weight, you weren't pretty enough yet, didn't he understand?? You couldn't just go outside looking like this, was he out of his mind?. Warm hands cupping your cheeks pulled you out of your inner monologue and you looked up at his intense eyes staring down at you. He rubbed his thumbs onto your cheeks and rested his forehead against yours

"Do you remember the first day of high school? When you had the biggest zit on your nose?" He asked and you looked up at him confused, not knowing where this conversation was headed but nodded regardless. "I loved you then" he whispered and your throat tightened, remembering how he was probably the only one in your entire grade who didn't make a comment on your acne. "And the time when you fell face first into the muddy water before class cuz you were an idiot who never looked at the ground while walking" The memory made you giggle but sunghoon only smiled fondly , kissing your nose "you were drenched from head to toe but i loved you then. I loved you so much y/n". You could feel the moisture gathering in your eyes at his confession, knowing that you spent your entire teen years hating yourself so much to the point that you failed to see the love that was around you. Remembering how you would shy away from your own reflection in the class windows because you despised yourself to the core. "And I loved you when you slapped me, loved you so much that it hurt". Tears were falling freely now, the painful memory of you slapping sunghoon after he confessed his feelings for you because you thought he was trying to make fun of you, coming back to you. cuz in your head there was no way that a guy like him could ever want something to do with you, so you automatically concluded that it was a prank, a distasteful one. "and I love you right now y/n, I love you because you're you. I can't live without you because your soft snores are the only thing helping me fall asleep most days. Because your stupid jokes are the only ones I'd ever fake my laugh for- you gasped through your tears and slapped his chest lightly, making him chuckle. "I love you because I can't help it. It's that easy to love you. " he continued , wiping your tears, "don't you understand baby? You never had to try to make me love you, so why now?". You buried your face into his chest and sobbed, feeling like a huge rock had been lifted off of your chest. His assurance was what you craved the most. The reminder that you were enough for someone. For him.

"I want you just like you are sweetheart, flaws and scars intact. Raw and unfiltered. Now that I have you in my arms, please don't take that away from me" He whispered, wrapping his hands tightly around your heaving body.

"If it's hard for you to love yourself,please let me do it for you" and just like that, he was again fixing the parts of you that he didn't break.

[thoughtsforsoob]

txt - s/o who struggles with food

a/n: this going to be a very angsty work so please bear with me...i'm feeling very angsty these days. anyways, this hits a little close to home so I understand if you're not able to read this. please be kind to yourself. i'm always here to chat if you ever need anything. please enjoy.

warnings! I will be discussing ed's and food and everything within that realm so please read this at your own digression! (you're not alone. if you're going through something right now, please seek help. it can be hard but you've got this! I believe in you!)

Yeonjun

Yeonjun for sure takes a while to notice anything is ever happening. He just gets so busy with work that he forgets. Sometimes, he struggles to take care of himself for this reason so he can definitely understand the struggle of taking care of yourself enough. When he does find out, he does all he can to help you. He's really caring towards his partner. 

By this point, Yeonjun hadn't seen in person for about 2 months. He was off on tour with the group. Of course, you two had facetime sessions when you two had a moment to spare but it still couldn't have prepared him for what he would face when he got home. The moment he arrived at the airport back home, he immediately asked to go back to your shared apartment. When he arrived, you met him at the door but the way you looked was very different. You appear thinner and it was quite obvious. Yeonjun tried not to make his reaction obvious but he couldn't help the way his eyes went wide when he laid eyes on you. You frown at him and after some talking, you spill about how you were so angry at yourself for the way you looked that you just kinda stopped eating right. Yeonjun makes it his mission to help you feel better and he helps you get back on track to eating enough like you did before. 

Soobin

This section does mention making yourself vomit so please read with caution!

Soobin is also so good when it comes to comforting others. He gives the best hugs and always knows just what to say to help you feel better. when he finds out you're having trouble with your relationship with food, he is absolutely heartbroken. He hates the idea of you struggling with something that he feels should make you happy. He is always going to do whatever you need him to do so you can recover. 

You and Soobin had been together for a few months now and everything was going really well. You both were very happy with one another and were getting along great. The only problem was that Soobin had no idea about your relationship with you. You would do your best to hide the fact that you were never able to get yourself to keep your food down. It made you feel so disgusted but Soobin had no idea. On this particular night, Soobin had come over to your apartment to eat dinner. You were usually able to run off after dinner under the guise that you needed to use the bathroom. Tonight, however, Soobin had become suspicious when you took longer than usual. He goes over to knock on the door but before he can even do that, he panics when he hears you crying and throwing up. He opens the door immediately and lets himself in. He looks really sad and even helps you clean up when you finally stop. You can;t help but open up to him when you see the pain in his face after watching you do this to yourself. He does his best to understand and help you get better, suggesting you talk to someone about this. He is really supporting you on your recovery journey. 

Beomgyu

This one hits a little close to home 😕

he isn’t super observant about your eating habits but he definitely notices when the snacks start to kind of disappear from the pantry. And it wasn’t just them going like normal, they were going a lot faster than normal. You usually only go out shopping for snacks once a week but have been going every three days lately. It was worrying him. Not so much because he was worried you’d gain weight, not in the slightest. He was worried because he was thinking you were going through something and weren’t wanting to tell him.

When you get home from work one afternoon, you see him in the kitchen at the dinner table. You were so excited to see him since he was usually still at work during this time. He looked worried and he asked you to sit down, so you did. He didn’t beat around the bush and straight up told you about his observations. It made you feel angry at first. Why was he bringing this up? Did you gain weight? Was he calling you fat? But then he explained why he even brought it up and that he just wanted to help. You broke out into tears and told him all about what was going on in your life at the moment and how eating made you feel comfortable. He totally understood and offered to help you work through it in different ways since snacking wasn’t the best idea. You accept his help and it starts to feel better

Taehyun

How dare his pretty girl think she’s ugly? He just can’t fathom why you would starve yourself or even think that you’re not good enough for some reason. He always does his best to combat this by complimenting you as often as he can and making sure he keeps track of whether you’ve eaten or not. He knows it’s a little frustrating for you when he’s constantly asking you if you’ve eaten but it’s just before he cares and he doesn’t want you to get sick. 

in this scenario…it was a few days until your wedding. you had been trying to hide it but you haven’t eaten much over the last week, causing you to feel weak. When the day finally came, you fainted as you were getting your hair done. Everyone in the room with you was panicking and they called taehyun to come help you wake up. He made sure to pick up some snacks from his dressing room and some water for you to drink. He had an itching feeling that you were starving yourself but didn’t want to accuse you of anything. When you wake up, he’s sitting over you with a worried look. “Oh dear. You’re awake. You had us all worried. I think I know why this happened though.” You had a guilty look on your face and he already knew what happened. He convinces you that you need to eat something now so you don’t feel weak on your guy's big day. He’s so proud watching you eat your snack and drink water and he makes his feelings known. 

Huening Kai

He is very caring and sweet and always knows when something is wrong with his girl. He started to worry when it was Wednesday and he hadn't seen you eat or heard about anything you've eaten since Monday night. He knew it was only a day but he was so worried. He didn't want you to go without eating. luckily, he'd planned to hang out with you tonight after schedules! he picks up your favorite meal and drinks for you to eat when he arrives. 

he gets there and knocks. when you open the door you hug him and give him a kiss hello but you kind of start to change in demeanor when you see the bags of food he had. you hadn't let yourself eat in the last two days and the sight of food was just too much for you at the moment. All you could think of when you tried to eat was being laughed at by a group of girls your age who were making comments of your weight when walking down the street. you finally break down and kai follows you, leaving the food at the table. He finally gets you to let him hold you, let him wipe away your tears. you tell him everything and he was so good at just listening. He coaxes you back to the table and even feeds you if it makes you feel more comforted.

[naturesapphic]

Hey! Please can you do a Lorraine x fem reader. where instead of Ed the reader is married to Lorraine and is her partner, they are doing an investigation and reader gets hurt? Totally fine if not x🥰

Investigation gone wrong

Lorraine warren x fem!reader

Warning: demons, scary, ambulance, injury

You and your wife Lorraine was doing a investigation where it seemed pretty normal at first until Lorraine gave you a nudge on your shoulder. You pulled her aside to see what was wrong and she gave you a frightening look. “This house isn’t right y/n. It’s evil. At first it seemed like it was trying to hide it or hide itself but it’s slowly starting to reveal itself to me and I don’t like it. I don’t know what to do.” Lorraine explained and you felt your body get chills all over.

Lorraine usually could handle these types of spirits but it seems like this one was getting to her and you didn’t like that. “We will be fine my love. If we need to we can go ahead and leave if you want.” You reassured you and she nodded her head quickly. The two of you returned to the family and told them what was happening which made the more worried than before when they contacted the two of you. When you were packing up and about to leave, you felt something watch you and all of a sudden you let out a scream as your back hit the floor.

You see a shadow coming towards you and soon it was over your body as you couldn’t catch your breath. You hear Lorraine in the background praying and screaming, trying to banish it. It seemed to work because the shadow just evaporated into nothingness and you felt your breath start to slowly come back but you let out a cry as you tried to move. Lorraine rushed over to you with tears streaming down your face as she yelled out for someone to call the ambulance. “Lorr it h-hurts..” you whimpered out as your own tears starting streaming down your red face.

Lorraine shushed your quietly as she held your head in her hands as she heard drew call the ambulance. “They will be here soon baby it’s okay I got you…” she whispered as she held you. In a few minutes the paramedics were here and they put you on a stretcher. Lorraine went with you and rode with you inside the ambulance as they took you to the hospital. It took an hour in total to get you to the hospital, to rush you in and to hook you all up. The doctor came in and told you and Lorraine that you have messed up your back pretty bad and that they will prescribe you some medicine.

They told you to lay off for a while and if you do need to work then you need to take a wheel chair or walker with you at all times. You will be wearing a back brace too as well as do some physical therapy just to make sure nothing else gets worse and to make your back stronger again. In a few hours you were released and got sent back home. Lorraine immediately put you in bed since it was already late and plus you had to anyway. Lorraine went downstairs and fixed you two some dinner while you laid in bed, reading a book, well tried to. Moments later you heard your wife coming up the stairs with a tray in hand.

She puts it on your lap and sits beside you on the bed. She starts to feed you which make you giggle which makes her smile. The two of you eat your meals in silence and once you were down Lorraine grabbed the tray and went back downstairs to put it up. She came back up and started getting herself ready for bed. “Thank love for taking care of me and for dinner.” You said breaking the silence as Lorraine slipped on her dress. She turned around and gave you a soft, loving look. “Anytime baby. I’ll always take care of you. You never have to worry about that.” She says and you nod. “I will always take care of you too lorr. I love you so much.” You reply and she gets in the bed beside you and gets under the covers. “I love you most my sweet. Now get some rest okay sweetie?” She said and you nodded, carefully getting comfortable in the bed as Lorraine snuggled closer to you, the two of you falling asleep peacefully beside each other.

A/n: I hope @13thdoctor-run likes it and I hope the rest of y’all too! Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all :) more stories coming out soon for my other characters like Natasha romanoff, Billie eilish, lady dimitrescu, Jade west, and more :)

[toothfa-1-ry]

DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU CAN'T KEEP - CHISHIYA

You always find yourself breaking the promises you made to Chishiya, you never meant to break the last promise though. I wonder if he felt the same

GENRE: fluff or angst it depends on how you look at it :)

PAIRING: Chishiya x gn reader (this is my first time writing a gn reader so pls correct me if there are mistakes)

WARNING: swearing, blood, injuries

A/N: a quick paced fic which probably made no sense lol but I still hope you enjoy. Is Chishiya ooc? Maybe? Will I delete this? Maybe? Anyways pls reblog and write something I would really appreciate it ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Ps remember to hydrate and eat ♡

-

You look up at the night sky, stars scattered everywhere.

It took a minute for you to realize where you were and what happened as you breathed heavily.

Oh right.

You were shot, you were bleeding, you were dying

"Fuck this game" you mutter as your right hand is clutching your side where the bullets were lodged in.

"fuck-" you cough out blood "fuck..fuck the king of spades" you squeezed your eyes shut trying to remember how it had exactly followed out.

Kuina got shot, Ann got shot, that Heiya girl was gone somewhere and Aguni was no where to be found.

You let out a soft groan still clutching your side tightly, trying to stop the bleeding as you try to remember how it had exactly followed out

You remember yourself seeing red after kuina fell on the floor, you remember cursing Arisu's plan even though it worked..sort of

You remember punching the king of spades and dragging a knife across his face, that wasn't enough to kill him though. That bastard had to put bullets in you. You remember clutching your stomach and stumbling away somewhere before falling down.

"The bomb must have killed him" you murmur softly looking to your left seeing ruins of buildings and smoke.

You look over at you desolated and ruined surrounding and then look at your red stai ed shirt "shit I'm gonna die in this hellhole"

You wanted to cry but you just couldn't. The tears won't come out. "Kuina..Ann" you mutter softly as you closed your eyes. Your forgetting someone, who are you forgettin-

"Chishiya" your eyes widened and you gasped softly "Chishiya-" you try standing up but for no use as you felt a sharp pain all through your body as you moved a inch "fuck" you cursed.

"I'll come back for you. I promise" you say as you held Chishiya's hand looking at the red, staining his white hoodie

"go play the game"

"I'll come back" you said you eyes turning glassy

"y/n" chishiya turned at you this time holding your arm firmly "I'll live, quit acting like I'm dying" he said it firmly even though his voice was slightly hoarse "go and play the game"

You nod as arisu urges you to come fast, the game registration was about to end

"I'm gonna be with you again..I'm gonna end this whole thing with you" you whisper again one last time before turning away and running leaving chishiya alone, bleeding.

"Chishiya-" you call out his name but at what cost? Your stomach seemed to bleed even more at the slightest of movement and everytime you cough blood seemed to pour out of your mouth.

You didnt even know where you were, you left Chishiya somewhere and promised him something that seemed impossible to do now given your circumstances.

"please Chishiya..I promised him, I have to go-" you plead out loud, as if some kind of supernatural force would bring you to him.

If you were really gonna die in this fucked up world, you want to be next to him. The crazy psychopath who saved your life even just a few hours ago when Niragi pointed the gun at you leaving him wounded instead, the cat eyed boy who you seemd to find comfort in the fucked up games you were playing.

Maybe it was at this point when you realize your feelings for him, or maybe you had realised it a long time ago and all you were doing now was accepting it.

Without knowing a single tear dropped rolled out of your eye, the stars looked brighter than ever but deep down you knew it was going to be the last thing you were gonna see. You were giving up, what if arisu and usagi win the last game? You were already dying that too alone-

"you were always kind of loud."

You snapped out of your thoughts, was that?

"didn't you say you were coming to get me? Jeez instead you got shot too huh- I got hit by a bullet for you just for you to get hit by 3 more?"

You moved slightly which seemed to be the wrong thing to do as you wince on pain

"look left, don't move your body. I thought you said you passed medical school"

Immediately your head turned left and there you saw, the same bored cat eyes and white hoodie that now had a huge red stain in the right chest area.

There he was limping, walking very slowly, dragging his feet as his right hand was firmly pressed in his chest trying to contain the blood flow.

"Chishiya- stop don't, don't move" you say as loud as you can looking at him as you layed down on the ground "your gonna bleed even more- just lie down there"

Chishiya walked a few more steps going against your protest before he let out a wince of pain as he collapsed to the ground only a few inches away from you.

"agh..I'm tired" he said as you turned his head to face you "you look tired too-"

He stopped midway though as he saw tears streaming down your face "y/n-"

"you idiot why were you walking around- your bleeding" you cry out "your shot so why were you walking, coming to me- you came-"

"you called."

"wha-"

"you also promised to end this thing with me. You really should know how to keep the promises you make y/n"

It surprised you, the way he says it so nonchalantly as if you both weren't bleeding to death right now, as if he didn't risk his entire life right now.

"Arisu and Usagi are playing the queen of hearts right now." Chishiya said "just hang in there y/n"

You heard his raspy voice trying to reassure you "I don't know if-"

"saying that will jinx things up, hang in there."

You both look at eachother. Him looking at your face which seemed to be stained by tears and blood both probably yours and you staring at his tired eyes which seemed more tired than usual.

"you had to get shot... does it hurt?" He asked you

"of course it hurts you idiot" you let out what seemed to be a laugh.

"ah sorry, I shouldn't have asked" he mused

You both stayed in silence for a while before you break it

"w-why did you take the bullet for me..the one Niragi shot, why did you come infront of me?"

Pause

"maybe it's because my ideals have changed"

"wha-?" You held your breath

"maybe it's because my priorities have changed, maybe because I wanted to experience having a bullet inside of me-" Chishiya looks at you "maybe because I had a chance to protect you. Or maybe because I just wanted to"

"do you really mean it?" You say so softly in disbelief

"I've always wanted to protect you until your last game" he looks at the red stain that stained your white shirt.

"I've always wanted to be with you till the end" you whispered

You stare at the way his usual bored eyes slightly widened before letting out a soft sigh

You both get engulfed in silence again, there was no need for words.

"do you think we'll go back to the real world, by the end of this?"

"we-" chishiya seemed to hesitate for a while, contemplation whether to say it or not. "We're gonna go back to the real world. I trust Arisu"

You smile to yourself without saying anything as your sight seemed to grow weaker by the second, as you heard Chishiya's voice grow softer by each word

"okay" you didnt know if you really believed what you said but you really wanted to

Chishiya seemed to have realised this as he sighed softly, he paused for a while again before saying "it was nice knowing you. I'd like to know you even after going to the real world."

your eyes widened by his words before giving a soft smile "I'd like that too"

"Congratulations on clearing all the games. All surviving players will now be given a choice."

You gasped softly as chishiya muttered a few inches next to you "they did it"

"please select if you will accept permanent residence in this land or if you will not accept. I repeat-"

You look at the night sky as fircrackers of different colours burst

"I think-" chishiya looks at you and stretched out his right hand "I will not take it" his raspy voice finishes.

"i think-" you breath out as your reach out your left hand only to find out there was still some distance between leading the both of you to interlace your pinkys together "I will also not take it"

"Let's hang on to life for a little longer y/n...don't break another promise. We're gonna meet each other in the real world too" Chishiya's raspy voice breathed out

You nod slowly "I promise."

...

Present day

"bring a stretcher over here! I hear a heartbeat!"

" hang on there for a little bit"

"they've been severely injured, especially in the stomach. There seems to be internal bleeding as well"

"it's a miracle that they're still alive"

"they're heartbeat stopped for one whole minute"

"they were walking a thin line between life and death"

You open your eyes.

God people were so noisy, especially the two males who were in the bed next to yours

"I heard your heartbeat also stopped for one whole minute.. do you think anything changed?"

"Im not sure, I guess I look a lot flashier now. What about you?"

"Since I almost died, I think I'll be able to live a more useful life now."

"so you were also a good for nothing jerk huh?"

"yeah"

Soon a nurse came to take away 'Niragi' you you realised was the name of one of the guy whose heartbeat also stopped, leaving only the white haired male and you in the room

You cleared you voice

"uh- ahem, not that I was eavesdropping but- did you say your heartbeat also stop for a minute?"

The white haired boy turned to look at you slightly surprised "yes. I'm guessing you too."

"hm" you him "what a coincidence.."

Your both left with a silence, you look at him s you contemplate whether to say something

"uh- by the way, my answer is probably yes."

"excuse me?"

"uh..well you were asking him if anything changed right?..I think so. I don't know what but" you touch your heart "I feel this sort of relief and happiness yet I also feel sad as if I made a promise to someone but I can't remember"

The white haired male looks at you with his cat eyes. You could almost swear that you know him.

"ah sorry you didn't ask me-" you quickly apologize for speaking out of your turn until you were interupted

"what a coincidence. I feel the same way. As if i made a promise but I can't remember it...that's a unique way to put it"

He says the words so nonchalantly as if the both of you hadn't just survived a meteor crash it surprised you, as if you had heated someone say something similar before

"I'm..y/n. Do I know you or?" You ask slowly trying to soak every small feature in his face, trying to remember from where you know him from.

"no.. although you look very familiar to me" he says "I'm Chishiya. It's nice to meet you"

He reaches out his hand and you reach out yours.

"it's nice to meet you too"

[beep-beep-sunny]

Reddie Week Day 4 Soulmates!!

This is my longest Reddie week post so far! I'll put it below the little squiggly line and see what that does. Please let me know what you think if you decide to check it out! Thank you!

Soulmates were real. Right? Eddie Kaspbrak was always told they were. That there were auras that were visible to just you and that special person. That being around them made things smell different… taste different. They made you look at the world with fresh eyes. He had no proof of that. 

He had no proof of it because he wasn't able to see anything. He never could. It would be one thing if only that "special" person was supposed to have an aura. No. People said they could see their own auras. Eddie never saw anything. He didn't even know what it was supposed to look like. It's like how no one how's how well they can visualize things because they'll never know what other people are seeing. How clear is the apple? What the fuck does that even mean.

He used to try to see it. He'd convince himself he was a late bloomer. It was coming. His colors would come in and he'd see the world in a new vibrancy. 

His mother was pushy from the start. "Describe it sweetie? What are your colors?" She wouldn't drop it. Wouldn't let it go. "Why won't you just tell me, sweetie?? What are you hiding from mommy?" 

She pushed it and pushed it until Eddie popped. He started crying and screamed out. "I don't have any colors! I'm blank! I'm broken!"

He regretted it immediately. He feared what might happen after speaking to her like that, but she just pulled him close in an oppressive stranglehold. "Oh baby, it's okay!! Maybe you don't have colors because you don't need a soulmate because you have me. I'm all you need, Eddie bear." Eddie, overwhelmed, only cried harder. 

When his friends asked, he lied through his teeth. He was silent as he listened to his friends describing their colors. Bill was sad because his colors didn't end up matching with Beverly Marsh, the girl he had a crush on ever since they kissed in the school play. His were purple. Stanley mostly just said his were green. He didn't give much away about his stance on "soulmates". Just green. Then, Richie. For some reason, Eddie has been dreading Richie's explanation the most. He and Richie had been "Eddie and Richie" for so long. Always together, always fighting, always tangled up limbs forming the infinity sign. It was selfish for Eddie to wish Richie was like him, but he did. He told himself he just didn't want to be the only one. 

Richie has colors. From the sounds of it, the most beautiful and obnoxious colors that ever existed. He painted a picture with a rainbow of colors. Eddie watched him with wide eyes, stunned, in awe, as Richie kept going, kept describing the most beautiful colors in the world. "What about you, Eds?" Richie asked. Eddie searched Richie's face. Did he know? Could he tell? They made eye contact, Eddie swallowed, though his throat was dry. Richie's eyes were so, "Blue." Eddie said, before he even realized his lips were moving. The eye contact held for a moment longer, the air sticky thick, before Richie smiled wide, carefree as if Eddie's world wasn't falling apart. "Cool!" 

Not long after, Beverly Marsh joined their little group as well as Mike Hanlon and Ben Hanscom. As it turned out, Beverly Marsh's soulmate was the new kid, Ben. Bill tried to hide the heartbreak on his face when they told everyone, hand in hand. Eddie's mouth turned up in disgust. Why should something so stupid control love? What If they don't feel it? What if they love someone else? Who decided that's what the colors meant anyway? Bill cried on Eddie's shoulder for a week while they ate goldfish and gushers and watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The rest of them didn't see the person with their colors throughout their highschool years. It didn't matter much, as Eddie saw it, with what they'd been through together? They were all soulmates in the ways that mattered. 

They all lost touch after graduation. 

He met Myra on a Sunday. He got off work early Sundays, so he likes to spend his nights sipping fruity cocktails at The Lucky Turtle. The old dusty sign under the name read "your destiny awaits". Her voice had a familiar shrillness, even though they'd never met. She was wailing to the bartender about her boyfriend loud enough for the entire bar to hear, and the bartender looked overwhelmed. "He's a bum!" She blubbered. "I can't believe I got saddled with such a gross loser for a soulmate! I was really going places before he came along ya know! All A's in school and cute as a button. Now we're broke and all my potential is wasted. Stupid freaking," she paused, "Pardon my language, but stupid colors shouldn't trap a cute teen girl into a life of suffering with a total loser. I need a man that can take care of me!" Myra wasn't pleasant, but Eddie couldn't help but be intrigued by her disdain for the colors. He moved closer to her. "W..what??" She sniffled. "Come to take advantage of my fragile position?" She looked at him through her eyelashes and puffed out her lower lip. 

Eddie almost just left, but he didn't. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through his veins"I don't think the colors know everything." He said coolly. "It's all a huge scam." She lit up at that. 

They went home together. It wasn't like Eddie to mess around with a married woman, but it wasn't like him to mess around with anyone and he was so fucking lonely. When Eddie blurted out his defect. I have no colors. I'm blank. I don't have a soulmate. He thought that would be it. Why would anyone want someone that was deficient? It wasn't. She was delighted. 

By the fifth meetup, Myra announced she was leaving her "dead beat" husband for him. She loved that Eddie was dependable with a good paying job and benefits. She also loved that he was broken. It was like having two soulmates, she'd say. She never had to worry about him leaving her for his real soulmate because he didn't have one, and she thought that was great. 

Their relationship wasn't anything special. Things didn't smell different or taste different, but at least he wouldn't live his life alone, and that was better than nothing, right? They were married on a Sunday, just like the day they met. His mother cried. Seeing them in one space was unnerving. It made it impossible to ignore their similarities. Two women that used his deficiency to claim him. 

He was married. That's what he wanted, right? To not be alone forever like he feared he would be? It seemed as though he should have been happy. He had everything normal people had, and yet, maybe the colors really meant more than just "soulmates", maybe it was the soul itself. Maybe Eddie was soulless. Maybe God forgot to give him a soul. Maybe he'd never be happy because he was hardly a real person. 

One afternoon, he was doing the dishes and Myra was watching TV in the sitting room. The rooms were connected, so they could still look over at each other. Myra was laughing, until she wasn't. She'd been watching her favorite late night talk show. "This guy sucks." She whined as she sunk deeper into her chair. "Eddie bear, come here! Look at this guy!! He really thinks he's funny, but he's awful. I can't believe Johnny Daily would have a hack like this guy on the show. What is the future of TV coming to?" She just droned on into an unpleasant white noise. 

"Okay okay, just for a minute. I'm doing the dishes." He took a few steps over so he could see the TV, absentmindedly drying a plate. 

"Richie Tozier, ladies and gentlemen." The TV came into crystal clear focus. There he was Richie. All grown up, scruff, laugh lines, and all. Same shitty jokes. The plate slipped from his fingers and shattered on the ground. 

After that, Eddie secretly sat in the bathroom to look up Richie, watch his standup, he'd only watch him on TV if he knew Myra wouldn't be home as if he were having an affair and not just embarrassed to be obsessed with a guy that his wife thought was "offensively unfunny". 

Myra was out with friends one night. "Girls night, don't wait up!" She said, going out the door in low-cut cheetah-print. Eddie had recorded Richie's recent TV appearances on a secret account and had been itching to watch them. Just waiting for an opportunity. 

The first was very typical of Richie's TV appearances, promoting his upcoming Netflix special that Eddie was already ready to sign up for a free trial to watch as soon as it came out. The second recording was different. It wasn't like his usual appearances. The vibe was more serious. At first, Eddie worried something was wrong. 

"So, you've come out! Tell us more about that." The host probed with a sympathetic smile that felt artificial. 

Richie's smile felt genuine, but nervous. "Sort of, I guess. If you want to put it like that. It's true. I don't have colors. I never have." Eddie felt himself immediately become cold and clammy. His mouth grew dry. 

"Never?" She asked. 

"Nope!" Richie replied, almost jovial. "I'm tired of lying. I figured I couldn't be alone. I thought, maybe I should finally be at least a little brave if that means it would help some other confused kid. It would have meant a lot to me to know I wasn't alone." 

Eddie stared at the screen, much closer to it than his mother would have been okay with. She always said sitting right in front of the TV was like staring at the sun. That hardly felt like it mattered at that moment. Eddie got up from.in front of the TV while earnest Richie and the fake interviewer continued the interview in the background. Eddie desperately pawed through the medicine cabinet. He'd thrown out his inhalers years ago, but suddenly felt desperate for a puff. Seeing Richie made him feel strange and small and scared. 

No. He thought. Nononono. Richie had colors. He said so. He had the most beautiful colors of all. Swirling blues and green and orange and yellow like the sun. He told them. He. He lied. Just like Eddie. Eddie always assumed, before he saw him again on TV, that Richie was living a happy white-picket-fence life with a beautiful wife. Someone special. Someone that also had the most beautiful colors and together they were raising two boys with a cat and a dog and a chameleon that could turn all kinds of different colors. Richie always wanted a chameleon, but no. Richie didn't have those things. He was just as confused and scared and lonely as Eddie had always been. 

Before he realized what he was doing, his body moving almost automatically, he was in the car and driving. Where am I going? The broadcast wasn't live. I recorded it a week ago. At a red light, Eddie skillfully typed out, "Where does Richie Tozier live"  like a stalker. He got a vague area in LA from a sketchy tabloid site, and that was good enough for him. 

He didn't say a word to anyone, not to his work, not to Myra. Maybe he should have attempted to message Richie, but it's not like he'd see it. He was famous now and Eddie hadn't talked to him since highschool. He just got on a plane, looking unkempt and jittery. He didn't think the random screening he was pulled for was very random. 

He'd never been to California. He used to want to go. He used to want to see all kinds of places. Road trips in fast cars, wind running through his hair from open windows, even though it's terrible for your ears. 

He opened Twitter and navigated to Richie's page. Eddie didn't use Twitter, and using it now just made him feel even creepier. What am I even doing? This is crazy! He thought, but he looked anyway. Richie had a bad habit of posting everything. Eddie went on a wild goose chase, following his Twitter breadcrumbs to no avail. He almost gave up. It was getting dark, and Eddie had retreated back into his hotel room. He relaxed in the provided hotel robe after a long scolding shower. Eddie heard once that lonely people take the hottest showers. 

His phone buzzed. Probably Myra. He told her something came up for work. He hated lying like this, but how could he possibly explain the truth? Sorry darling. I'm in LA stalking your least favorite comedian. He's actually my childhood friend and it turns out we're both broken in the same way. It was stupid. It was so stupid. 

It wasn't Myra. It was an alert from Richie's Twitter. He posted a picture of himself on a stage in front of an empty stadium. It said, "I'll see you all at my show tonight!" It included a link to more information as well as a kissy winking face that flipped Eddie's stomach. 

He was performing a show at a place nearby the hotel at 9pm which was only an hour away. This was his only chance. He got dressed quickly. He didn't pack much. He looked unpolished and ridiculous, but he headed out anyway. 

He thought he could buy tickets at the door, but no such luck. He ended up crossing his fingers and buying a ticket from scalpers for five times the price. He had no idea Richie was so famous. He wasn't even funny. 

He got in with his scalped ticket. He watched from the nosebleeds. Okay, maybe he was a little funnier than he'd been as a kid. He was in his element up on the stage. He'd really grown up. Eddie heard sounds coming out of himself that he hadn't in a long time. Fond little laughs that were embarrassed to bubble out. Okay, maybe he always found Richie a little funny. 

By the end of the show, Eddie was a bit more relaxed. He was here. Richie Tozier. In the flesh. Richie Tozier who didn't see the colors. Just like Eddie. 

When Richie finished wishing the crowd goodnight, Eddie was already out of his seat. He was fighting through the legs of slow patrons with a flurry of "Sorry, excuse me sorry." He could lose Richie. Not again. He didn't have a plan beyond "get to Richie". 

There was a crowd around the front and a bodyguard that was on the short side, but still muscular and stocky. I probably could put run this guy. Eddie thought, seemingly embracing his fate as a creepy stalker. "Back up!" The guy yelled, spitting as he talked. 

Richie was walking down the side stairs. They were so close now. Eddie took a deep breath. "Trashmouth!" The yell came out more squeaky and desperate than he would have preferred, but he had to do it. What else was he going to do? 

Their eyes met. Richie looked scared. Eddie realized this was a mistake immediately. Richie was scared. Of course he was scared because Eddie was a total fucking stalker. Richie would probably get a restraining order and he'd never see him again. 

"Alright, get out of here." The bodyguard walked over to shoo him, and Eddie was ready to let him, but Richie wasn't. He reached out and stopped his bodyguard from moving forward. 

His eyes bore into Eddie. Eddie shivered under the intensity of his icy blue eyes. "Eds?" Richie said. The nickname gripped Eddie's heart and wouldn't let go. Richie and his bodyguard shared a look that must have communicated "let him through" because that's just what he did. Eddie walked past the bodyguard and was suddenly feet from Richie for the first time in two decades. 

They stared for a while. "Hi." Richie said, his voice suddenly raw and vulnerable. 

"Hi." Eddie replied, shyly.

"What are you, I mean, how did you, I um," Richie struggled to form a coherent thought. Some things never changed, though he never used to seem so careful about word choice. "You're here." He settled with. 

"I can't see the colors either!" Eddie blurted, almost like he couldn't hold it in anymore. Like the words have been pounding on his throat for a long time. 

Richie looked lost. He searched Eddie's face as if he thought this was all some kind of mean joke. "But," his throat sounded dry. He probably wasn't hydrating properly. "But you're blue." He said, not needing to search his mind for the color. It was as though he'd thought about it many times before, but why. Why would he remember that little lie after all these years? The answer to that was simple, but Eddie couldn't let himself believe the simple answer. Because if Richie remembered Eddie was blue the same way Eddie remembered the picture Richie had painted of the most beautiful colors in the world then maybe that meant he felt it too.

But, what the hell? "I lied." Eddie said. 

"Why?" Richie sounded desperate, hanging on Eddie's every word. 

"I didn't want you to think I was broken. I-" Almost as soon as the words were out of Eddie's mouth, Richie caught his cheeks in his hands, pulling him impossibly close and linking their lips. Eddie didn't shut his eyes. He couldn't, because suddenly he was filled with such clarity. He could see the green grass, the dark night sky, the yellow dandelions of spring, the blue of Richie's eyes. The colors were all there. They were always there. They were everywhere. Who's to say he's missing anything? The colors were here the whole time. Blue wasn't a lie, because it was there, in Richie's eyes. Eddie wanted to live in the blue of his eyes forever. 

It didn't take long for the kissing to deepen and for Eddie to notice the cameras flashing. Eddie held up both his middle fingers. He heard that makes it so the magazines can't use paparazzi photos. He wanted this moment just for them. 

[book-place]

Movie Night Secrets

Warnings: mentions of eating disorders, let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Peter Parker x reader platonic

Request: HELLO!!! can I pls request a peter Parker x fem friend! reader (angst/comfort btw) that has a fast metabolism that nobody knows about. She usually hides her skinniness by wearing oversized clothes since she is too embarrassed to show how skinny she is. And one day when you and Peter have a movie night at your apartment your sleeve accidentally roles upwards and he notices. He's quik to ask if you're okay while trying not to panic. He thought you had an ED while were suffering alone. You try to calm him down so you can explain its not what it seems to be. And after he calms down you explain that it's not an ED but you just have a fast metabolism

Request by: @ladyagagaslefttoe

*not my gif*

Summary: The one time you’re finally able to hang out with Peter, a big secret is let loose

A/N: 2 Peter fics in a row

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

“Ugh,” Peter threw his head back with a groan, “I can’t believe we had to postpone this three different times.”

You laughed loudly, walking over to the couch with a large bowl of popcorn in your hands, “Well, if someone didn’t have to keep canceling because of patrol, then we would have had movie night weeks ago.” You teased him playfully, making sure he knew you weren’t actually mad.

It was then his turn to chuckle before picking up the remote as you plopped down onto the cushion beside him, “A New Hope?” He asked, looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Star Wars movie marathon!” You cheered back, pumping a fist in the air.

Your breath hitched though as you watched the sleeve of your oversized hoodie quickly roll up and showcase your outstretched arm.

Luckily, your best friend was too busy searching for the film to even notice, and you were able to quickly shove it back down, silently cursing yourself for not being more careful.

Once the movie was finally found, you both leaned back and snuggled under a couple of blankets, happily munching on the bowl of popcorn that you had placed in between the two of you.

By the time the movie had ended, the sun had just begun to set, and you glanced hesitantly out the window, “Are you sure you don’t need to go out? I don’t mind-“

“Nope!” He exclaimed joyfully, “Mr. Stark said he would find someone to cover for me tonight. Maybe Mr. Bucky or Mr. Sam… Anyways, I suppose that means you’re stuck with me.” He sent you a playful smirk and you just laughed.

He hopped up, popcorn bowl in hand, “Want me to go get us some more?”

You shook your head slightly, reaching up to get it, “No, I’ll do it, you find the next-“ You cut yourself short as your eyes widened in horror.

Your sleeve had rolled up again.

Quickly, you slammed your arm down and chuckled nervously, knowing that you should have just tried to play it off. But now, Peter definitely knew.

His eyes widened and for a moment, he was just standing there, mouth opening and closing like a fish, unable to come up with the words he needed to react to what he just saw.

“W-what was-“ He finally stuttered out, and your face turned red in embarrassment.

He had seen how skinny your arm was.

“Peter-“ You tried to explain, but your mouth went dry. You also couldn’t find the words you needed to speak to him.

“You have an eating disorder?” His words shocked you, and your mouth flew open, but he continued before you could speak, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He looked like he was about to cry.

“Peter-“

“I could have helped you,” He was shaking in front of you now, looking as if he was close to a panic attack, “Oh god, how could I not have noticed? It all makes sense now. You’re always wearing sweatshirts and your always- god, how could I be so stupid? Was I really so caught up in being Spiderman that I couldn’t even notice that my own best friend-“

“Peter!” You finally cut off his rambling as you stood up before softening your voice completely, “It’s not what you think.”

“But I saw-“

“I have a fast metabolism,” You explained, cheeks burning red as you averted your eyes so you wouldn’t see his surly, pitying expression, “I didn’t want to tell you because I’m embarrassed about how skinny I am.”

When you finally had the courage to face him once more, it wasn’t pity that looked back at you, but kindness, “You could have told me,” He said gently, “You can tell me anything.”

“I know,” You admitted.

He let out a soft sigh and quickly wrapped his arms around you, bringing you into a welcoming embrace to his chest. You responded by gladly hugging him in return.

“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me about these kinds of things,” He whispered into your shoulder, “I want to be able to be there for you.”

“You’re right,” You pulled away slightly so you could look him in the eyes, “You’re my best friend, Pete, and I never should have kept this from you.”

“I understand why you did, though,” He assured you.

Some tears entered your eyes now, “Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s get the popcorn and start the next movie.” He grinned, slinging and arm over your shoulder, leading you to the kitchen.

We Are Groot 🤎- @lovanitu @jvdethirlwall @ineedmorefanfics2 @sambucky8 @spidyyparker @irethepotato @femalemarvelself @mukbee @its-hell @ip747 @i-writes-things @popfishjr @mitsuki-murakami @mythixmagic @ladyagagaslefttoe @etanordoesbullsh1t

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

This is the by far the least important thing from my day, but I've just got back to the Air B&B at midnight and am feeling weirdly overwhelmed and like if I think too hard about the important parts of my day (incredible city, amazing experiences at comedy and even music shows) it'll be too much. Genuinely not sure why I've come away from that with the feeling that I can't think about it too hard. It got difficult at the end of the day. But it was really really good.

Okay I think I'd like to turn off my brain by writing a report on the least important thing about the day, so. Comedian spotting. In the afternoon I saw a guy near me on the street and very, very nearly said hello to him, because my brain did that thing it does where it recognizes someone and goes "You're supposed to say hello now." I came so close to saying that before realizing of course I've not seen someone I know, I am in a foreign country, I looked slightly closer and it was Ed Night.

I'm so glad I did not accidentally say hello to Ed Night. What would I say to Ed Night? "I really liked you on Roast Battle that one time, you were so good that it almost made me stop hating myself for watching something as shit as Roast Battle. I liked you so much that I looked you up and could only find a couple of your short stand-up sets on YouTube, but I liked those a lot, and I read some stuff about what your comedy is usually like and thought it sounded great. And then for a couple of years I became weirdly beholden - weirdly because it was based on such small scraps of evidence - to the idea that you might be one of my favourite comedians if only you were famous enough for me to hear your stuff from Canada. I even braved the website Tik-Tok just to see your sketches, and I found about 75% of them funny. When you started your podcast I tried to get into it but found it actively annoying. I've sometimes thought I should give it another chance, but then I saw those clips going around Tumblr that suggest you're now famous for making Ed Gamble read pornography on a podcast, and amazingly, I have already heard another comedian make Ed Gamble do that, I don't need to hear you get in on that too. Anyway I've gotten off topic but I have dedicated a fairly prime timeslot in my Edinburgh schedule to you despite not having a whole lot to go on for my belief that I'd really like your stuff if I knew it, so please be worth it."

It's probably good that I didn't accidentally say hello to him and then end up in that conversation. Though once I looked close enough to recognize Ed Night, I realized he was hanging out with Jordan Brookes and the guy from Crizards, both of whom were in the show I saw last night. So I've had several comedian sightings but always of the same few people. Until the very end of the day, that is, when Rhys Nicholson sat behind me during Lou Wall's show.

I am too tired and possibly burned out on thinking about art to write about the actual shows. I saw everything that was on my schedule today. All were at least good, most were great. I was joking about how Emma Sidi needs to win Champion of Edinburgh this year to keep up Taskmaster's streak of having one winner per season since 13 (Bridget Christie, John Kearns, Jenny Éclair, Sam Campbell, John Robins) - that was a joke I made because Sidi is the only season 18 contestant who could theoretically do it - but having seen her show today, Jesus Christ, she fucking might. Incredible show, I thought. Kiri Pritchard-McLean nearly made me cry. I can't believe I almost failed to fit Susie McCabe into my schedule because that was such a strong hour - better than last year, I think, and I booked this one because I liked her 2023 show so much - I'd hate to have missed it. Okay that's all I've got. Very big day and very busy and at least I'm doing it in reasonable weather.

[adzeisval]

Leave Me Alone

Alma Bonnet gets into a fight with her father. Also on AO3.

“Alma, darling, I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Stede said. 

Alma rolled her eyes, “Dad, please. I know what I’m doing.” 

“You might think that you do but you are still quite young. And…I’m not so sure sailing is a good idea for a young woman, what does your mother think of this?” 

“She hates the idea, but I thought that you would understand,” Alma said. She was getting frustrated with her father. Why didn’t he understand that she was going through the same thing he had years ago? She wanted to be at sea, why the hell should she give up on that dream just because she was a girl. 

“Alma, there must be something else you want to do?” 

“I thought you would understand,” Alma said. 

“I do understand wanting to be at sea, I really do but I just want you to be safe and I’m not sure you can be safe in this lifestyle.” 

“Because I’m a woman?” 

“Because you’re my daughter,” Stede said. 

“You see me maybe twice a year! You don’t know me and you’re barely my father and right now I fucking hate you!” Alma yelled. She saw the way her father’s face fell and she felt bad right away but she was still angry over the whole thing. 

“Alma…” 

“Leave me alone,” she said. She stomped off to the other side of the ship and realized that it was very stupid to get into a fight with her father when they were in the middle of the ocean when there was nowhere else to go. 

Alma didn’t understand why her father didn’t want her to go to sea. Didn’t he understand her desire? And didn’t he know quite a few women pirates? He was too worried because she was his daughter but he was never fucking around was he? He had no ownership over her. 

Alma sighed. She shouldn’t have yelled at him, she supposed, but she wasn’t going to apologize. Not yet anyway. They were a couple of days from the end of the trip and she figured she’d stick to her quarters and other parts of the ship and try to stay out of her father’s way. 

It seemed like it was working for the first day; Alma stayed out of Stede’s way and Stede didn’t come and try to find her. 

The second day though something happened. There was a knock at her door. 

“Alma?” 

“Edward?” She opened the door and peered at the face of her somewhat step father who looked very worried. 

“Hey Alma, ugh, just need to let you know your Dad’s ill.” 

“What? What’s wrong with him, when did this happen?” She wondered if that was why her father didn’t seek her out the day before.

“He’s got an infected wound uhm…” 

“It’s bad?” 

“Yeah, kinda yeah, Roach is working on it but…you might want to visit him,” Ed said. Alma nodded. She didn’t know what to say. 

Stede was laying on his and Ed’s bed and covered in sweat and tossing and turning about. Ed looked concerned. Roach looked concerned. Her father looked horrible. 

“Dad? I…I’m here.” 

Stede moaned but didn’t wake up or say anything. 

Alma looked at Roach, “Is he going to be alright?” 

“I don’t know Alma.” 

Alma stayed there and held her father’s hand. She’d never seen someone so ill. She’d never seen someone get that ill, that fast. She’d never seen Roach look so worried before. Ed looked like he was about to cry at any given moment, though that wasn’t really that unusual. 

Alma stayed until it was time for dinner and then went to bed in a bit of a daze. She’d never…well she’d thought about her father dying before; he was a pirate after all, but it was always such a distant thing. She thought she’d find out days or even months after it happened that her father had been killed in battle or hanged as a pirate. And it would be horrible and sad but it would be distant. She didn’t ever consider it might happen right before her eyes. 

And she’d said such horrible things to him the last time she saw him. What if he died before she could talk to him again?

She was only with Stede a few minutes when everything hit and she had to run away from it all. She pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed. What the fuck was wrong with her? Her father was going to die thinking she hated him! 

Alma had been crying for some time when she heard someone approaching. 

“Leave me alone, fuck off,” she said. She heard a startled sort of chuckle and looked up to see Izzy Hands standing there. For a brief moment she understood why her father was afraid for her on a ship. She was sure she was safe on the Revenge, even from someone gruff and scary like Izzy. 

“Sorry…” she said.

“Nah, don’t apologize for cursing, do that all you fucking want,” Izzy said.

“Did something happen with dad?” 

“He’s about the same,” Izzy said sitting down near her. 

“I…I…told him I hated him,” Alma said, voice shaking. She didn’t want to cry in front of someone like Izzy. 

“Sometimes we get angry and say things we don’t mean. It hurt your dad but I think he knows the truth,” Izzy said, “When he wakes up he’s going to be ecstatic to see you and he’ll probably feel bad for worrying you and Ed. And everybody.” 

“If he wakes up,” Alma said miserably. 

“I believe he will. Your father is a stubborn bastard,” Izzy said. 

“I feel so bad about what I said,” Alma said. 

“I know. You can’t take the words back, but you can apologize and try to make up for them.” 

“I’m a horrible person.” 

“You’re not. A horrible person wouldn’t regret their words. You lost your temper. Happens to a lot of people. I lose my temper too. I’m working on it.” 

“You yell a lot,” Alma agreed. 

“Usually I’m just trying to get the crew to work but yeah I’ve said some horrible things and then regretted them. Ed still loves me,  because I’ve made the effort to apologize and do better. And fuck I’m not perfect, no one is.” 

Alma nodded. 

“It’ll be alright Alma,” Izzy said. 

“Thanks Izzy,” she said. 

Izzy was right and Stede started to recover from the infection. Alma was there when he woke up and couldn’t apologize for how hard she was crying. 

“Oh darling it’s alright,” Stede said. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I don’t hate you, I love you. I’m sorry.” 

“Shh love, we’ll be alright,” Stede said and Alma believed him.

[epickiya722]

REACTIONS TO EPISODE 13 - LAST STAGE

Now that we're halfway through the season, quick recap of how this works!

My reactions consist of jokes, thoughts, pictures but not too many, praises, emojis, all that good stuff. This is all for fun and I don't expect for anyone to take this seriously.

Spoilers are under the cut!

LAST EPISODE'S REACTIONS

Are we getting a new OP? Are we getting a new OP? Are we getting a new OP? Are we getting a new OP?

The answer is no... BUT I AIN'T MAD, THIS SONG IS A BANGER!

Usually, they change it up with arcs. So I'm guessing next arc we're getting the new OP and ED.

"What's wrong with Shigaraki anyways? Aren't you the one who summoned us?" Well, yeah, but that was before he got jumped.

What kind of horror movie crap is this?!

"... despises human mutants..." Oh, hell no. Spinner brought a sword and I hope he gets every single one of you. Slice and dice, honey!

Disgusting? DISGUSTING?! KISS MY ASS, WOMAN?

GOOD, I'M GLAD YOU GOT GOT! Discriminating disappointments...

"League of Villains is flat broke." That line delivery is hilarious.

*Dabi shows up* I actually just realized Dabi wasn't with them the night before.

Aah, Spinner spilling out some of his backstory... don't make me cry right now.

All I wish you didn't do, Spinner, is choose polka dots. Look, this is the first time I actually despise polka dots on someone, okay? AND THEY'RE BLUE! He does not have blue anywhere else, damn it!

"You mindless cosplayer." Dabi, villain or not, can you not be be mean for 5 seconds?

"That's right. I am empty on the inside!" DAMN! That... that shouldn't hit me right in my chest. But it did and it did HARD.

The way Tomura is just... that face... "why are you grabbing me? Calm down, my guy."

"I still liked the League of Villains." Aaaaaw, Mr. Compress!

Please, stop showing Spinner choking. He even has tongue action going...

"A show can't go on without its supporting characters..." *has flashbacks to the time I and some of my moots was getting messages about wanting some of the characters to die, hero and villain*

"I applaud his courage..." Me, too! Because I ain't taking a chunk out of my thigh on purpose!

But go off, Mr. Compress! Start the show!

Oh, oh! That's... um... his grandfather!

Dabi! He is still your little brother! Damn! You did not have to knock him out the sky like that! Just rude! Rude as hell!

Okay, great-great grandson!

"The blood of the Burgular King flows in my veins." Okay, king, do your thing!

Spinner got his card with that "COME AT ME, BRO" pose. Love that purple! Ooh! And Mr. Compress!

... I don't care how much you shine through this episode, I'm still mad about what you did to Miss Midnight.

Burnin's reaction to Master Driller sacrificing himself and killing that Tremor... I mean... Nomu is exactly my reaction.

This season really turned up on the horror!!!

Oh, my green boy is up again!!! WAIT, IS THAT... *smirks in manga reader*

That shot is meme worthy... I am so sorry...

DANGER SENSE!!! AAAAAH!!! Wait, hold up. He kinda pretty in this shot.

"It's free to watch." Sadly, that can't be said for a lot of things today.

Damn, did Lemillion just do that before he could do any ultimate moves?! I'm so sorry, but damn... that is funny! 😆

"I'm counting on you, Spinner. You admire Shigaraki more than anyone." Aaaaw, that's kind of sweet. I have to admit though, at the beginning of this series, I would not have guessed that out all the League, it's Spinner that becomes close to Tomura. It's a pleasant surprise though. I mean, I have a soft spot for characters that at first glance you didn't think would be buddies later on.

"I get this heartburn that makes me want to throw up." Maybe you should get checked out, my guy.

I forgot he had that hand this whole time.

AH, SHIT, HE'S UP!!!

Spinner... SPINNER!! 🤣🤣🤣 "Well, damn... it worked!" That's his face!

"Tomura got himself a bunch of great friends." And what would you know about that?!

Ew...

"Did you just call me Iguichi? Just who are you?" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"This is all my sake." YOU SELFISH PRICK!

"Midoriya and Bakugou need medical attention." You are right, Class Prez! My boys needs help ASAP! LOOK AT THEM! Shoto, too!!

"Move now... Izuku Midoriya!" I swear Daiki be delivering Izuku's frustration so well that it makes me want to cry! 😭💚

"... worthless Izuku Midoriya." I HOPE YOU SUFFER!!! THAT'S WHY YOUR BROTHER LEFT YOU, ASSHOLE! YA PRICK! YOU POTATO FACED JERK!!

"Shut your trap, All For One!" Like please! Like today!!

"It looked like a signal asking for help!" 😭😭😭 Izuku's heart is too big for his body, I swear it is! Like... why he is so good? WHY?! It's a cruel world and here you are wanting to save people no matter what side they're on!

AND THEN THEY'RE PLAYING THAT DAMN SONG?! I'M DONE!!!

AND THEN THE SHOW MAJESTIC'S HAT AND MIDNIGHT'S GLASSES?! REST IN PEACE, HEROES!!! YOU WILL BE MISSED GREATLY!! ESPECIALLY YOU MIDNIGHT!!!! 😭😭😭

And that concludes this half of this season!

By far, this was the most gut punching arc of the anime. I had cries, laughs, screams, times I rethink my life choices...

Like... what else can I say? I loved it! And I'm scared for what's coming because... oh, boy. *shivers in manga reader*

[heartpascal]

helloo :DD i am here to check up on you and not release depressing ideas this time (yet) i will be sharing a bunch of songs that remind me of "if the door wasn't shut" series <3 but anyway, how are you?? i hope you're doing well <33

it's literally almost 3 am and i'm doing my research paper right now that is due on monday 😔 other than that i also have other stuff to do that is on monday so that's that (´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ)

don't forget to take care of yourself and get that daily intake of water 😌🤎

• leaves - ben&ben

• ride home - ben&ben

• end credits - eden, leah kelly

• just a man - jorge rivera-herrans, epic ensemble

• flicker - niall horan

• falling - harry styles

(this could pertain to the series itself or the "bonus" idea part, up to you to interpret it😉)

(feels like my signing has become suggesting songs and pedro pascal gifs 😭😭)

(din djarin this time because he's the loml <3)

HOWL!!! hello!!! apologies for the late response!! i have been cramming in my homework which is also due for monday 😭 what a pair we are. but i also had a nice day !!! went to the zoo which was fun !!! how are you doing??? how have the research paper / other upcoming things been going???? also what’s the research paper on :0 ???

also howl pls get some sleep omg

I LOVE YOUR SONG RECS SM!!! i hope you know i have a playlist exclusively for howl song recs :’) and your pedro gifts r so lovely HAHAH its become your signature thing on my blog i think LMFAOOO i love when other people give song recs and start by mentioning you i think it’s so cute

anyway tlou part 2 scenario mention below so just to be safe xoxo

leaves ??? THIS WAS A NEW ONE TO ME!!!! but “oh you never really love someone until you learn to forgive” HOWL THE ABSOLUTE CHEEK OF IT!!!! it will always astound me how you have so many songs that fit so well. THE GOOD RECS ARE NEVERENDING LIKE HOW????

anf ride home too??? “we just gotta let it go / so im coming home to you” HELLO???? i have no words for this i genuinely don’t understand HOW you do this every damn time

end credits ?? this is also a new one for me but im in LURV. i really like it. im gonna cry. and these songs rlly could relate to either that pt 2 scenario or the series itself like “but this is how it goes / the end credits, they roll” u can’t tell me that doesn’t immediately make u think of tje tlou 2 scenario. right. ??? im not losing it.BUT THEN YOUVE GOT “all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty” and adn “cause all i need is time and now / and i could leave this past behind me” SCREAMINGGGGGGG. i also just really like this song in itself so thank u for these wonderful suggestions

just a man , initial thoughts r joel coded. im writing this as i listen so you’re getting my live reactions. it could also be like. tommy and maria coded but we know i lvoe joel. “will these actions haunt my days / every man i’ve slain? / is the price i pay endless pain?” HELLO. this is so tlou 2 scenario 4 joel idc. “WHEN DOES A MAN BECOME A MONSTERRRRR?” howl you knew what you were doing with this one. don’t think i don’t see you. HM and upon my second listen “close your eyes and spare yourself the view / how could i hurt you?” im basically quoting the whole song atp BUT IDC ITS TOO PERFECT.

i heart niall horan ok but i don’t listen to much of him (im sorry OK IM SORRY!!!) but i……… again live reactions. “still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me / that i wanna keep / please don’t leave / please don’t leave” I AM SEEING YOU HOWL I AM PERCEIVING YOU. this is again tlou 2 scenario coded AND IM SAD. Y ARE YOU MAIKING ME SAD!!!

falling .. this one i know. i too had a harry styles phase ok. (again sorry to niall horan). you didn t ask for this but be prepared for unnecessary relating it to parts of the series. “forget what i said / its not what i meant” joel when he said me and ellie not you. you see where im going ?!?! “what if im someone you wont talk about? / i’m falling again” joel when he knows how much he f ed up. r hates him. SHE HATES. “and the coffee’s out” joel when that bag of coffee beans runs out and he has none left. heheheh. “what am i now? / what if im someone i don’t want around?” joel. joel at all points ever. joel when he sees r again after the first part. joel when ellie finds out you know what. joel when he. “and i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again” lets not go into a deep dive about the character of joel and how he has ALWAYS had somebody relying on him, somebody needing him. but i would. i want to. i must calm.

again you didnt ask for this but i love song recs and going into way too much detail about how well they fit even when i am not asked to. alas.

HOWL I LOVE YOU I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL <333

[ileftherbackhome]

honestly, with taylor reworking and re-recording some of her old music i'm almost desperately waiting to hear the 'taylor's version' of tim mcgraw.

it's such a special song to me, y'know? it was the first. i've liked taylor's music since her country days and it makes me happy to think she has a chance to see these old songs from a different, more mature perspective.

You know, anon, I totally get it because I'm right there with you.

Debut TV is going to have me ugly crying for months, I cannot wait to hear grown taylor's vocals on the most vulnerable album in her discography. I've spoken on here before about how sad I find listening to taylor's music in order because she gets so much more guarded in her work as time goes on.

Like, fuck, bro, you know my kingdom metaphor analysis? Debut for me is peak people pleaser taylor, if you read the lyrics to her earlier unreleased songs- you can see her romanticizing everything around her (even some things, that if are true, should not have been romanticized by her... there is a song she wrote about the supposed death of a girl she didn't really know apparently and that feels icky to me, that song can stay in the vault if this is true, she has several of these songs but i'm not judging her for it). These songs to me showcase the absolute burning desire taylor had to escape from the bullying of her ordinary life.

She grew up in the 90s and early 00s, mind you. As a white woman, of all things, patriarchy during that time was very oppressive to women and white women were definitely feeling the effects of it too. ED-chic was all the rage and white women especially were raised to desire the approval of the white man, against the warnings of everyone else. Like, if you look at the "chick media" from this time, it all serves to brainwash millennial white people at the time into upholding white supremacist values. My personal headcanon of taylor being autistic only further strengthen the desire taylor would have felt growing up around white people to play into this role.

She was heavily bullied and made fun of during her time in school, which she's literally the poster child for popular girl so to me that's so strange that they didn't like her. She wasn't poor either, she was well off and she was still excluded. It's really giving autism to me, tbh. Maybe that's me projecting my own experiences on taylor- i just don't see how someone like her could be socially excluded, to the point where she didn't feel desirable? It's giving autism to me. But anyways, let me get back to what is confirmed to be known about taylor.

When I was about 12/13, I signed up for tumblr and I was eventually led down the "truscum" pipeline, where anti-feminism was all the rage and being an "sjw" was cringe to the max. Looking back at why I interacted with the type of content I did, I can recognize my fear of being the "odd one out" at the forefront of this desire. It's at the forefront of all my people pleasing ways, and it's like coming off of taylor's early works in waves to me. That desire to be seen as normal, as cool and pretty and funny and the girl of somebody's dreams, that desire to be famous and show up all your childhood bullies and have complete and total strangers just want to be your friend and want to be around you and want to get to know you, I see that in taylor and I see the retrospective self-hatred in taylor's newer work especially as it relates to her fame-seeking desires of her teenage self.

Like, I don't know what vault tracks we are going to get from taylor but I do think we're going to see a side of taylor that we never knew with debut because it kind of makes sense, doesn't it? She's driven by the desire to make all her projects unique and interesting, she wants us to "keep looking at her" and she still wants to be in the spotlight and she wants to be a shining light, but she knows that she hasn't done enough. She knows that she's played it safe her entire career and I think that's why we got an era from midnights that was highly conflicting.

Like, even now, looking back at the promo and the ways in which the photoshoot is at complete odds with both the sound of the project and the public image of the project... it's really giving me chills honestly because it's her best era ever. I say it with every era but it's because it's fucking true, she really improves on her craft and her story-telling especially. Like, I fully believe the first ten albums were about taylor herself, and now in this new crop of albums, she's going to start really dissecting her journey to fame and saying everything she couldn't say beforehand.

I think we've gotten hints of Taylor wanting to be taken seriously, she's spent so much of her career parroting back what other people wanted to hear from her (like... esp ts1-5, those were crafted to the play the role they expected from her) but with midnights especially, I was kind of shocked at how many subtle shots she's been taking at her fandom especially. Like, "they" is often used in the record to refer to her fans and I love it so much.

But wow, let me get back to debut tv, I cannot wait to see how she reintroduces Taylor Swift (Taylor's Version). Like, just the title alone, it gives me chills at all the different ways she could reinvent herself. Like, the record itself, it is not very sonically cohesive which makes sense since it's her first record and it's like at the time, your debut was about showcasing who you are as an artist. Taylor picked the classic girl-next-door for the debut record because that is what she wanted to emulate at the time. She wanted to be seen as normal, as desirable, as the beauty queen. And that is why she starts her entire career off with a song about wanting to haunt her ex-lover, it's... tim mcgraw is who taylor swift is at her core. It's an introduction to the image she wanted to project onto the world for decades, until the negative aspects of that image caught up to her and she had to decide whether it was worth it- holding up this fake idea of perfection to the world in exchange for what/who she really is, when that idea of perfection that she was emulating is the ideal white supremacist image to begin with.

Like, oof, I am getting deep into the analysis of taylor's career and her moves as an artist but okay tim mcgraw is a break-up song about how beautiful taylor is as a person and how rare she is, to the point where she will change that person's memory forever. It's like saying to us there is a before taylor but there is no after taylor. Taylor wants to be memorable, she wants to make an impact on people and for a long time, she thought it'd be finding the perfect kiss and creating an iconic love story, because that was how women rose to fame in her time.

But as she's grown up and in the public eye, during a social climate in America that is tired of the image of the 'girl next door' ideals because it rightfully ignores the reality of living in america, she's gotten a lot of flack for not being perfect in her recent years because our definition of what a "good" white woman is has changed to be less white supremacist. Like, we expect someone like Taylor to change the world or at the very least, to be politically radical in her music and image because it's not about what white women can do for the image of the white man anymore, it's about making a difference in your community.

And I think that's why taylor has been shifting her image a lot recently, especially with how queer her image has gotten, I feel like we're going to get a lover redo and once she comes out, she's going to start releasing music that is politically aware and takes aim at the white supremacy structures still present in the industry today.

I just cannot wait to hear taylor swift (taylor's version) because I'm sure we're not ready for the vault tracks, nor are we ready for her retrospective prologue about how far she's come and how she's not the girl on that record anymore, she's grown and changed so much and for the better since then. I just cannot fucking wait for debut tv.

[peter-rabbit-esque]

TW: EDs, BDD, Body Image, Relationships, Sexuality, Attractiveness:

I'm going through a rough but healing time rn of coming to terms with my past ED and realising that it never really left me, and the mind frames and image issues still remain. This may be extremely triggering for someone with an active ED so please do not read it if that is where you're at. Idc if you think to yourself "mine's not that bad" just don't okay.

If you're a curious ally or someone far into recovery (like years post-recovery) then feel free to read. Thank you for respecting this.

---‐------____-------______-----______-----_____

~~~~~~~~\\~~~~~~~~~~~\\\\~~~~~~~~\\\\\\~~~~~~

Logically, I know it's really passe to care about this stuff, but I'm a child of the late 90's who grew up around skinny culture and have been on this hellsite back in its toddler-esque age late 2011/Early 2012.

I developed my ED long before I ever set foot on this platform. Was bullied in Primary school for being overweight, having acne the whole nine yards. Was bullied at home by my parents for overeating. They went on to weaponise my fat in their seperation- blaming each other for their child being deformed.

Felt like I had no refuge where being myself was okay admist all of this. I started skipping lunch in grade 6.

By year 8, the bullying in high school got even worse. Girls and boys hitting me with the "You're fat, ugly and really weird" left and right. And then my Dad said the one thing that cemented it for me. At Easter, I was happily tucking into some chocolate eggs, and my Dad out of nowhere goes "Stop eating those! You have a double chin already!" And among others things berating me for my unhealthy diet. But this was the final straw for me. I was at my mother's house and he had come over to visit (shared custody throughout most of my teens after they split up). Dad had come over to spend time with us for Easter. Though it was always tense between parents, they tried to make it work for me. Many arguments ensued. It sucked BALLS growing up like this. Especially with no siblings and hardly any support from friends, extended family or counsellors. I essentially grew up alone. And I've carried that emotional loneliness with me.

Anyway, that night after my Dad left Mum's place, I snuck into the pantry and destroyed every single chocolate Easter egg and bunny, and chucked them all in the bin. My Mum was horrified when she found them. And I told her what Dad said. I'm pretty sure she started crying and sent him an angry text. But in classic Dad fashion, he either defended or denied it, can't remember at the time what his angle was. If you've ever read "the narcissists prayer", that was his MO. "If I did say it, you took it the wrong way, and if I didn't say it, you're imaging things and you're crazy, but if I did say it, it was for you're own good" etc. etc. Anyone who's dealt with gaslighting will know what this feels like. It's exhausting. But anyway. After this incident I was determine to no longer have a double chin, and no longer be seen as fat and ugly by everyone in my life. I bought a set of scales with my pocket money and started getting up everyday before school at 5am to do home workouts. I won't go into detail of what I did because I don't want to promote or inspire someone. But it kept up for over 6 months. And in this time I took the skipping lunch thing to a whole new level. I'm worried about what to say here without being too triggering. I basically just didn't eat anything the whole day at school. And would only drink water. I even got to a point where I was afraid water would stretch my stomach. But I got over that when I became so constipated I couldn't go for 5 days and had to be put on Pyslium husks and gentle laxatives, which my parents were afraid I would abuse. That was the bizarre thing about my ED.

My parents (as well as my peers, but mostly my parents) literally caused it. Especially my Dad. And yet they STILL refused to take responsibility for how their constant criticism and fat shaming led me to that point. And even when I was losing weight, doing the one thing I thought they wanted from me. They still weren't happy. It was such a punch in the gut to realise this: that nothing I ever did would make them stop abusing me.

And it made me so depressed that I used my ED to try and slowly die.

I just can't believe how they couldn't see that they were killing me. I can't believe how the ED team that ended up treating me couldn't see that my parents were killing me. My Dad put so much pressure on me to be thin, pretty, a good Christian, get the best grades possible (all A's and B's) be nice to everyone, never complain, not be sexual and save myself for marriage, not date, not talk to boys, but also not be gay and like girls either....

When we found out I'm into boys and girls he was so deeply hurt and angry that it led to a confrontation where I threatened su*cide and he threw it back in my face and said he wanted to kill himself as well because I'm bisexual

God. I think I will stop there because I'm just so tired. People don't get how EDs come from so much trauma.

People don't get that genuinely abusive and mentally fucked up parents do exist.

I'm sick of people saying to "just get over the past" or "You're parents meant well and you'll understand when you're older" when they have no idea what you've actually dealt with. NO they fucking didn't mean well, and NO I WILL NEVER understand how you treat a child, you're own flesh and blood like an object to be molded into perfection and chastised when they don't live up to your every request.

Narcissistic parents are real. And they cause these EDs and mental illnesses in their children.

My Dad is the reason that when I think about my last two relationships, and see that my exes both ended up with much thinner girls after dating me, that my weight is the reason I'm alone. That I'll never be as good or pretty or as desirable as those thin coquetteish girls. That I'm worthless in comparison to them.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[elsewhereuniversity]

No one ever told me it would be so lonely on campus. 

I got my own dorm this year because whoever was supposed to be my roommate decided not to attend. So, the first time I had to live away from home, I ended up living entirely on my own. I only took gen-eds this year, and those classes coupled with the college credits I had built up from taking dual-credit and AP courses in high school means that I’ll have all of my general educational requirements taken care of, and I can focus entirely on my chosen major next fall. But, with all this focus on getting my classwork done and battling the slew of technical difficulties I've been plagued with for years now, I haven't had the opportunity to make any friends.

The gen-ed classes are always full of people trying to fill a requirement, hundreds in a lecture hall all wanting to just take notes and go home. The professors don’t care to encourage class interaction; these courses are supposed to be a foundation, not the peak, and there is a lot of groundwork to cover for those that are unfamiliar to the subject. I frequently raised my hand and participated in class, but I cannot say the same about my classmates. And I’ve always been shy; definitely too shy to approach a veritable stranger to talk about what? A subject neither of us truly care about? 

The point is, I'm lonely. Painfully lonely, in my dorm room with one made bed and an empty bedframe, eating my meals by my lonesome at a table for two in the cafeteria, walking between classes with my eyes geared towards my feet. Achingly lonely, yearning for the affection of a hug from the owner of that voice on the phone, a lifeline home. 

At twilight, sitting alone on a low stone wall dividing the campus path from a grove of trees, my loneliness eats at me. It grips at me, contracting my diaphragm and forcing air out through my nose, body going through the motion of a sob and curling over a little.  

I'm just so sad. So soul-searingly sad. Alone, insignificant, and sad. The thought comes to my mind for the first time, ripping through my brain until it’s the only thing in my head: 

‘I'm lonely. Please love me.’ 

I felt those two phrases with every ounce of my body, tears pricking at my eyes. And finally, the cure comes. 

Rustling grass, dissimilar enough from the sound of wind playing with the grass to be identified as footsteps, walk up behind me. I can hear them, but I don’t move because I don’t care. Instead of another student hopping the wall to continue on their way or even someone asking me what was wrong, a body draped itself over my own. I didn’t even panic; my body froze in surprise for a moment, but then the pure comfort of being held hit me, and I didn’t care about anything else. 

I started sobbing in earnest, sitting on that stone wall, as limbs came around me and a chin set itself on my shoulder. A hug. What I so very desperately needed. The appendages wrapped around me more closely resembled arm-shaped voids than normal arms, and the chin felt more like it belonged to a snout than a human’s jaw, but I was beyond caring. My classmates (chatting with their friends) mentioned that there were fantastical things at Elsewhere, but I always took it as pure superstition and campus rumor, however fervently it was believed. If this was my proof of worlds beyond my own, so be it. 

I bent my elbows, trying desperately to tug the arms closer to my heart, and they obligingly tightened their embrace, making my cry even harder. I just closed my eyes at this point; even if they were open the amount of tears I was shedding coupled with the waning light meant I wouldn’t be able to see anyway. The loneliness was trickling out of my body, slowly being replaced by gratitude to whomever cared enough about one random college student to give them a hug. 

A pang of self-deprecation hit me, and, almost in response to it, one of the arms slid further down, pinning my own arms against my sides as they held me tighter up against their chest, one arm across my own chest and the other around the level of my navel. I felt safe and loved in this being’s arms, feeling oddly like a mix between a toddler and a teddy bear, but in a comforting way. The pit of loneliness drained even faster, and the snout nuzzled against the side of my neck, cool scales against tear-sticky skin. 

The magnitude of my crying died down a little, though I still kept my eyes closed to at least try to stem the flow of tears. I blindly felt it as the limbs wrapped around me changed. The arms themselves didn’t change, but out of them grew what I could only assume to be wings, leathery and soft brushing against my hands. I was swaddled in a blanket made from the figure behind me and their suddenly-appearing wings. 

And I felt loved. 

Loneliness no longer ruined me in that moment. The last remaining purple light of twilight faded into darkness and I felt my own awareness fading into slumber. My mysterious savior began to gently rock us back and forth. I still sat on the low wall and they still bent over me from behind, but it felt like I was being cradled in their arms. And I fell asleep. 

And now, waking up in my once-lonely dorm room, an inky arm (sans wings) curled over me and a scaly snout nosing at the back of my neck, I feel nothing but loved.

x