#extremely triggering

[thewrathofjinx]

So I wrote this in like, 10 minutes, so it's really bad, but I haven't posted in forever.

This is based on real life events, but greatly exaggerated.

This entire story is practically one giant trigger.

Warnings - suicide, mention of rape and abuse, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, blood.

If there are any more, please tell me.

--------------------------------------

It was only after my last breakup that I realized how far I'd run from my trauma.

No one had ever withheld alcohol and drugs from me, so pills, white powder, and amber liquid had been a norm for me since childhood. Whenever my mother or stepdad hit me or yelled at me or abused me, I turned to the relief that hard liquor and drugs brought. When I overheard a conversation between my "friends" that revealed they had been using me solely for the money I would give them, I relished in the high that the pills in my mother's room gave me. Whenever a new boyfriend raped me, or hit me, my best friend was whiskey. All my life, I had run from the pain the followed me.

And then, the one man I thought might stay with me, the one man who had loved me back for years, the one man I had truly poured my life into, abandoned me. And then the pitiful job I'd been able to hold fired me. And then I was evicted from the shittiest apartment ever. And then I ran out of alcohol and drugs.

And that's when reality set in, as I was suffering from withdrawals, afraid to go outside, depressed, anxious, plagued by nightmares that reached their claws of agony into the day as well as controlling my mind at night.

I tried. I truly tried. I don't know how long it was before I really understood how fucking useless trying was. My headache never eased up. I had no memory of how long I lived on the street. I don't know how I survived.

Then, some kind soul let me use their knife. I had no regrets other than not doing this sooner. I had no friends, no family, no impact on the world. No one would know, no one would notice, no one would care. So I slit my wrists, and watched as blood gushed from the wounds. I was so skinny that without any effort I had cut myself to the bone. My vision blurred quickly. The pain felt good, but it was fading.

And for the first time in my life, I was happy.

[shutupsven]

a collection of vent arts.

[peter-rabbit-esque]

TW: EDs, BDD, Body Image, Relationships, Sexuality, Attractiveness:

I'm going through a rough but healing time rn of coming to terms with my past ED and realising that it never really left me, and the mind frames and image issues still remain. This may be extremely triggering for someone with an active ED so please do not read it if that is where you're at. Idc if you think to yourself "mine's not that bad" just don't okay.

If you're a curious ally or someone far into recovery (like years post-recovery) then feel free to read. Thank you for respecting this.

---‐------____-------______-----______-----_____

~~~~~~~~\\~~~~~~~~~~~\\\\~~~~~~~~\\\\\\~~~~~~

Logically, I know it's really passe to care about this stuff, but I'm a child of the late 90's who grew up around skinny culture and have been on this hellsite back in its toddler-esque age late 2011/Early 2012.

I developed my ED long before I ever set foot on this platform. Was bullied in Primary school for being overweight, having acne the whole nine yards. Was bullied at home by my parents for overeating. They went on to weaponise my fat in their seperation- blaming each other for their child being deformed.

Felt like I had no refuge where being myself was okay admist all of this. I started skipping lunch in grade 6.

By year 8, the bullying in high school got even worse. Girls and boys hitting me with the "You're fat, ugly and really weird" left and right. And then my Dad said the one thing that cemented it for me. At Easter, I was happily tucking into some chocolate eggs, and my Dad out of nowhere goes "Stop eating those! You have a double chin already!" And among others things berating me for my unhealthy diet. But this was the final straw for me. I was at my mother's house and he had come over to visit (shared custody throughout most of my teens after they split up). Dad had come over to spend time with us for Easter. Though it was always tense between parents, they tried to make it work for me. Many arguments ensued. It sucked BALLS growing up like this. Especially with no siblings and hardly any support from friends, extended family or counsellors. I essentially grew up alone. And I've carried that emotional loneliness with me.

Anyway, that night after my Dad left Mum's place, I snuck into the pantry and destroyed every single chocolate Easter egg and bunny, and chucked them all in the bin. My Mum was horrified when she found them. And I told her what Dad said. I'm pretty sure she started crying and sent him an angry text. But in classic Dad fashion, he either defended or denied it, can't remember at the time what his angle was. If you've ever read "the narcissists prayer", that was his MO. "If I did say it, you took it the wrong way, and if I didn't say it, you're imaging things and you're crazy, but if I did say it, it was for you're own good" etc. etc. Anyone who's dealt with gaslighting will know what this feels like. It's exhausting. But anyway. After this incident I was determine to no longer have a double chin, and no longer be seen as fat and ugly by everyone in my life. I bought a set of scales with my pocket money and started getting up everyday before school at 5am to do home workouts. I won't go into detail of what I did because I don't want to promote or inspire someone. But it kept up for over 6 months. And in this time I took the skipping lunch thing to a whole new level. I'm worried about what to say here without being too triggering. I basically just didn't eat anything the whole day at school. And would only drink water. I even got to a point where I was afraid water would stretch my stomach. But I got over that when I became so constipated I couldn't go for 5 days and had to be put on Pyslium husks and gentle laxatives, which my parents were afraid I would abuse. That was the bizarre thing about my ED.

My parents (as well as my peers, but mostly my parents) literally caused it. Especially my Dad. And yet they STILL refused to take responsibility for how their constant criticism and fat shaming led me to that point. And even when I was losing weight, doing the one thing I thought they wanted from me. They still weren't happy. It was such a punch in the gut to realise this: that nothing I ever did would make them stop abusing me.

And it made me so depressed that I used my ED to try and slowly die.

I just can't believe how they couldn't see that they were killing me. I can't believe how the ED team that ended up treating me couldn't see that my parents were killing me. My Dad put so much pressure on me to be thin, pretty, a good Christian, get the best grades possible (all A's and B's) be nice to everyone, never complain, not be sexual and save myself for marriage, not date, not talk to boys, but also not be gay and like girls either....

When we found out I'm into boys and girls he was so deeply hurt and angry that it led to a confrontation where I threatened su*cide and he threw it back in my face and said he wanted to kill himself as well because I'm bisexual

God. I think I will stop there because I'm just so tired. People don't get how EDs come from so much trauma.

People don't get that genuinely abusive and mentally fucked up parents do exist.

I'm sick of people saying to "just get over the past" or "You're parents meant well and you'll understand when you're older" when they have no idea what you've actually dealt with. NO they fucking didn't mean well, and NO I WILL NEVER understand how you treat a child, you're own flesh and blood like an object to be molded into perfection and chastised when they don't live up to your every request.

Narcissistic parents are real. And they cause these EDs and mental illnesses in their children.

My Dad is the reason that when I think about my last two relationships, and see that my exes both ended up with much thinner girls after dating me, that my weight is the reason I'm alone. That I'll never be as good or pretty or as desirable as those thin coquetteish girls. That I'm worthless in comparison to them.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[mumblingsage]

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[dotcircledot]

old sketch page thing that my friend convinced me to post here

[derpiedoxie]

Tw: eye contact

I paint what I see

[amazinglyegg]

Thank you for this vital information Fallout 4 Does The Dog Die Page

[modawg]

i would like percy to blood bend his own blood at least once pls (._.) like that sounds so crazy but the idea of percy getting stabbed or injured to the point that fight or flight starts kicking in causing him to bend his own blood to either kick ass or just live another day is a CRAZY concept to me

like we saw a slightly similar version of that in tartarus where he started tweaking but i feel like it would be so crazy to see it much more life or death then his going nuts like he did

like maybe he’d still overkill but it would make a little more sense since he’d be literally bleeding out yk what i mean

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Guy who has been bouncing around my head for a while

Its Model: Sol_034 designation: Altair

He will dramatically quote Shakespeare at you when he doesnt want to do the dishes

[barksbog]

i found a thrown off slow worm tail yesterday. it makes sense they can do that because they are lizards but it's still wild!

putting it under the cut for mild gore

[six-demon-bag]

JENN LYON as ESTHER FINCH (01.02) The Case of the Dandelion Shrine DEAD BOY DETECTIVES (2024)

[mourninglamby]

not to tmi but I’ve been stalked before and it literally feels like psychosis lmfao. if u have a problem with me fucking talk to me like an adult or shut the fuck up. what I do with my art, my interests, and my money is up to only me. If you continue to post abt me despite me consistently vocalizing my desire to withdraw from the fandom space, then I’m assuming this is just a nasty mix of insecurity + projection which is creepy and sad. Trust me bro I’ve been there it sucks. But to loudly and publicly proclaim to hate me and yet continue to stalk my socials is really unnerving and makes you come off as unhinged. I’m not a celebrity or an influencer and I don’t know how to deal with this, it’s really freaking me out and the fact that it’s continued for months (maybe even years) has me genuinely worried about escalation.

Complain about me with your friends privately all u fucking want but please leave me alone publicly or, like I said, confront me directly. I can’t keep guessing whether or not new swathes of anon hate and “I see abuse in your future” “cut yourself” and sexual harassment etc is because you guys have spread shit about me again. I rly don’t know how much more I can take haha !!

I have stopped talking abt dsmp. I have stopped posting it publicly aside from ONE LAST GOODBYE and now privately upload it which is something I’ve seen them also shit talk/call this decision out? Confusing. I really don’t know what else you want. Like you won guys I’m scared and this series is ruined for me! Posting this not for sympathy or for help with the situation as I rly don’t want to blow this up more than these other people already did. I just don’t know what else to do.

Please just keep in mind that I’m a human being and your actions have consequences.

[peaches2217]

*gently opens the door, then kicks it the rest of the way open as dramatically as possible*

Mario normally being fully verbal but going nonverbal when his PTSD flares up so part of the reason he struggles to tell his loved ones when he’s struggling is because he physically *can’t* and this is a new development and he’s embarrassed so he just. Hides until it’s over and then pretends it never happened because he’s fucking terrible at balancing his pride and his coping mechanisms

This is now canon to my ‘verse.

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

One thing I've noticed about Makoto is that like, he never really mentions having any other friends. For instance, in the killing game in the first trial, his motive video has his family which makes sense. However, this would also imply that he never really had a bigger connection with anyone else or as much as his family. Hence, did he have any friends before Hopes Peak or were they just not close enough to even remotely mention? Also, doesn't this, in a way, contradict his "average" status and how he sees himself? Not saying that it's wrong for him to not have any friends, just that it's one of those things that's a typical thing to occur. Plus, the fact that he claims how "average" he is only to have several traits that don't fit into that makes him more interesting such as his boundless hope or the fact that he was wetting the bed until 5th grade. (will never get over that cus like, was he okay?? hope he was okay u_u) Back to the friend thing though, literally the only person he mentions knowing in school is Sayaka. It's the fact that he has no other connections with others kids his age in the past aside from her and it's not like they were very close besties then, anyway just that he knew her then. It kinda gives him a level of connection with some of the more loner characters in the first game honestly. Cus he's got no close friends that are close enough to be abducted! Reminds me of how Byakuya had his butler, Celeste had her cat, Toko had her little stink bug, and how honestly none of the class (or hell, any danganronpa character tbh) have both family AND friends held captive. It's just one or the other or someone/something miscellaneous like a pet or butler or just one parent being in their motive like Yasuhiro and his mom, Chihiro and his dad, or Taka with his dad. I also feel this adds a bit more to the tragedy of the first game with Hopes Peak, the more that I think about it. Like, some of them had their very first friends they ever got, probably the first ever real connection with someone their age who also wasn't connected with their talent specifically. Think Mondo and his gang or Sayaka and her girl group. Not saying those don't mean anything but still. So, it's interesting to think that they all have that level of connection with them, even "average Makoto". Just a thought though! Edit: Is Sakura the only one btw? Cus she has a boyfriend I think and it also mentioned that like, her whole dojo was being threatened by the mastermind? Which like, includes her family in there. So is Sakura the only one who doesn't have some trauma or baggage with a parent? Though crap. Nevermind. She got called ogre a lot so yeah. These bastards are fucked hahaha!!

[halyasgirl]

Something I can't put my finger on, and might be reading too much into, are (lack of) choices and the relationships between Rayla, Runaan, and Lain and Tiadrin.

A slight undercurrent of tension in Bloodmoon Huntress is Rayla feeling like Runaan doesn't really love or want her. While Ethari readily professes to love her and assures her Runaan does too, Rayla sometimes gets the impression Runaan's taken her in more as a favor to Lain and Tiadrin. He's defensive of them, and some of Rayla and Runaan's early clashes occur when Runaan puts down her resentment toward her parents and dismisses her feelings of abandonment. (Their relationship improves by the end of Bloodmoon Huntress though, and by Lunabloom Runaan’s become more patient, empathetic, and open with his affection, and we see how much they love each other).

While Rayla considers Runaan and Ethari to be her family, Tiadrin and Lain aren’t pushed aside in their roles as her parents. Bloodmoon Huntress and Rayla’s birthday profile show that Rayla was brought up to love and take pride in her parents, both because Moonshadow culture values duty and self-sacrifice, but also because Runaan and Ethari raised her that way.

Runaan, Ethari, Lain, and Tiadrin were very close; Rayla describes them as best friends, they spent major life events together, and Tridrin and Lain chose them to raise their daughter. Runaan is visibly shaken when he realizes what’s happened to them and his P.O.V. passage in the Book One novelization outright says he loves them.

But he Ghosted them. We don’t know what the exact circumstances were, what evidence was presented, or what Ethari and Runaan discussed behind closed doors, but they broke faith. This can be attributed to the Silvergrove’s pack mentality, but I also wonder if their decision had something to do with Rayla.

We know Moonshadow society subscribes to Sins of the Father, where children can be blamed for their parents' wrongdoing, because Ezran was targeted for assassination. We know they have an extreme form of shame/honor culture, and that Lain and Tiadrin’s (alleged) desertion of the Dragonguard brought so much shame on their people and their daughter that Rayla preferred to say they were dead. And we also know that Rayla’s Ghosting was biased by her parents’ reputation.

Rayla’s standing in the Silvergrove was damaged, maybe even more than she realized. Once the Silvergrove had turned on Lain and Tiadrin, Runaan and Ethari may have felt they had no choice but to disavow their closest friends if they wanted to protect their daughter, to publicly draw her closer to them and away from her parents and their dishonor. (Of course, the hard truth is that they might have stopped the Ghosting had they spoken up, but they didn't).

And maybe this is why Runaan brought Rayla to Katolis that night, why Ethari agreed despite his misgivings. Rayla may have been a prodigy, but she shouldn't have been sent into the field so soon, and for such an important mission. But by putting Rayla on a mission that directly avenges the wrongdoing her parents (allegedly) committed, Runaan may have believed this to be Rayla's best and only chance to restore her honor. Given how harsh Moonshadow society can be, from this warped perspective Runaan may have considered this the best thing he could do for his daughter.

But it wasn’t. And after everything came crashing down, Runaan failed his mission, his child, and his dearest friends.

In Bloodmoon Huntress Runaan sees no conflict between duty and love, viewing the former as an expression of the latter. Rayla thought her parents chose duty over her, and thinks Runaan chose them, and duty, over her too.

By The Dragon Prince, Runaan chose Rayla over her parents, then realized he had to choose between Rayla and duty. He couldn’t, failed both, and spent the next two years in a hell of his own making because of it.

I don't see Runaan “I do what I must so those I love don’t have to” coping well knowing Rayla paid for his life with Lain and Tiadrin's— if he even knows. He’d betrayed his dearest friends by Ghosting them. Now he’s taken their chance at life and reuniting with their daughter, and he’ll never get to make amends.

[somelazyassartist]

To go with my last post about Thistle acting capital-W Weird™ around Laios, it really does make perfect sense when you think about their history from Thistle's perspective instead of through Laios' like we actually see.

Imagine being Thistle, and you're like, I don't know, 14, and you're the royal court jester and adoptive son of your King. And you just got a baby brother and you're so excited about it. It is, without doubt, the happiest day of your life so far. While you're celebrating a few of your family's servants and guards come in to help. One seems somewhat confused about the situation but you probably assume he's just a new hire, it makes sense to bring in added security when there's a new prince around. You don't see this knight again anytime afterwards, but you're not exactly in charge of hiring or firing guards, so it's not really any of your business where he wandered off to.

You are Thistle, and you're now probably around 40 or so, still rather young for an Elf but a fine young man nonetheless. You're all dressed up to the nines and eager to perform your newest flute composition in honor of your little brother's wedding, and you're so, so proud of how far he's come. You helped your father raise him well. And just as the ceremony's about to kick up, and the people are starting to get drunk and make merry and dance, the King, your father, collapses. Poison, assassination, you hear people cry out. But as you run towards him you slam right into one of your guards- and have the extremely fleeting thought of "WAS that one of our guards? I haven't seen them around but they seem so familiar somehow"- but as soon as the thought occurs you're snapped right back into the present, and the fact that your father was murdered right in front of your eyes, and that you couldn't do a thing to stop it.

It's been a small time now, enough that you've had time to lay your King to rest, and to prepare your brother for the throne. It's his coronation day. You should be happy- you are PROUD, of course, of how far your little brother has come- but it is not the joyous day that you would have hoped for, and instead one of mourning for you. And looking around the room as the Kingdom's crown changes bearers, you see a guard, rather out of place. And this time, you have time to process why he feels so strange here. You've seen this man before. You KNOW you've seen this man before. This is the man who you have seen exclusively on the best day of your life and the worst, with no trace of him elsewhere in your life, and he is here, now, again. And for one who is clearly a Tallman, he hasn't aged a single day. There is something wrong with him, and with you, and you feel that if you keep crossing paths it will only end in disaster for you. So you try to kill him. And he disappears, right in front of your eyes. You don't see him around after this. You pray you never will again.

You are now The Mad Sorcerer- no longer, even, the false name given to you by your King. Only the title used by those who want to kill you remains in people's minds. It's been so long now. You can't even count how many years it's been, but you know your life has reached centuries upon centuries past what you were meant to live. And so has everyone you've ever cared about. In these years you have done everything you can to preserve the last bit of what you can call home, trapping yourself and your entire kingdom in an oasis of immortality. So what if the people may grow to resent you? You're protecting them. It's not your fault people may mistake your kindness for cruelty. Though many adventuring parties have tried, none have gotten through your defenses, so as long as you keep focused on your goal things will be fine. Except for this last week or so, where one particularly troublesome party has been making their way further than most would dare venture. And you swear on your Kingdom's throne, if this party includes who you think it includes, you are going to have a fucking aneurysm.

You are the Lord of this Dungeon, and unfortunately for you, your house has just been broken into. Even more unfortunately for you, you know exactly who did it. When you step through your front door, everything is unsettlingly clean. You wonder why in the world the man following you for your entire life would take the time to tidy your house if he's here to psychologically torture you. And then a thought hits you like a punch to the gut, and you rush upstairs, and you see all of your diaries taken out of their hiding spots. And you know that if they took a look through them they would find roughly 200 pages of glittery pink gel pen writing out repeatedly,

✨ This motherfucker again ✨