#idk if it's actually an issue or if it's my autistic brain talking

[bear-cubs-art-things]

is it healthy to think that everytime my parents summon me downstairs that I'm gonna get in trouble, yelled at, or grounded? Asking for a friend

[mecachrome]

#i wish it weren't taboo to talk about how 814 are literally just an audhd couple... could discuss this for days. does anyone want to

actually yes i would like nothing more this is lowkey all i think about sometimes

HLSDKFHLH i was about to publish my own post but now i feel enabled to write a Longer Response 🧡 thank u guys

2 me 814 is Girl who is so classically adhd it's comical (overt hyperfixations + poor executive function + basically arfid + time blindness) coexists beautifully with Misunderstood autistic girl (too straightforward for other people + pretended to be a car as a child + sensory issues through the roof + consciously masking in every interview) while everyone loses their minds because they should Hate Each Other and be at each other's throats??! and yet they don't because their neurodivergent swag transcends petty team politics 💗

like honestly i think they interact easily because they're both weird & particular in their own ways but their priorities are ultimately the same so why would any of that matter you know? and they try to accommodate each other when they're able to even if it's little things like oscar not eating salmon around lando anymore lol 😭 (i say this as audhd guy with extreme sensory issues and many other Problems and Issues... that is in fact romanze to me. also little stuff like the No Name Drop? moment because yes it's small in the grand scheme of things but to me it's special because it's like... THEIR inside joke and oscar is proving he does enjoy it and cares about maintaining it :') and then when lando was feeling down post-race in brazil he pulled out landinho all on his own <3)

like this is so random but i was just rewatching the logan sexed bit earlier and it's so funny how oscar is just like ??? WHAT. and somewhat annoyed at being grilled about it because in his head he's thinking "it's literally just a show title why are you Willfully Misunderstanding me idg why that's so funny to you are you 5." but with lando there's so much less... idk laughing At each other as if there's some big joke one person is missing out on and more just giggling together because oscar thinks every little thing lando says is funny and because they're equally charmed by each other's particularities. like oscar doesn't mind that lando is super fidgety and respects that he has Depths (saying that lando is a mix of sarcastic/dry, excitable, and serious) while lando has joked that oscar is somewhat robotic before but obviously still revels in wheedling genuine reactions out of him :') like you can see from how they get caught up in their little world while in parc fermé or doing their f1 media duties that they're capable of just focusing on Each Other without a care in the world for other people and they aren't talking just to have content for the cameras...

and like again the whole point of f1 is that it's a media circuit that needs overextended drama to survive as a consumable product but in the end neither of them care to sustain these artificial demands because it's just antithetical to their personalities and how their brains operate... their job is literally just car 🏎

also another thing is how people talk about 814 always twinning but what adds even more dimension to it is basically oscar admitting and being conscious of his mirroring lando's expressions 😭 and the fact that he's always choosing him for interview questions/copying his answers during games! like i think it's sooo compelling that oscar unintentionally latched onto lando as a young teenager in the uk and never really strayed from that because you have a very expressive, larger-than-life lando who is prone to being misrepresented because people don't really understand the manifestation of adhd and then level-headed oscar who is also poorly read because he doesn't express himself "conventionally" taking one look at lando and being like Hmmm yes. i'll mold myself after that. and lando being so happy and open to that dynamic 🧡 does it not move u

[awkwardandeccentric]

I think we need to talk more about how Stolas is figuring out how his actions affect others virtually by himself.

He’s actually great at taking accountability. The two times he hurt Octavia and she acted out, he didn’t get angry, he didn’t bring the gavel down. He hugged her and apologized. When he made Blitz cry, he (after getting black out drunk) rolled up his sleeves and got to work on getting that Asmodeon Crystal. Even when confronting Stella, he said, “I’d feel bad if I hurt you…” Despite everything she’s done to him, he still doesn’t want to hurt her; he just wants her away from him.

I think it’s important to note that Octavia and Blitz never actually told him calmly and pointedly why they were upset. You can argue that’s not Octavia’s job and you’d be right. She’s the child and he’s the parent. It’s on him to figure that out. But Blitz? That’s a lot more of a grey area. Blitz has no issue rebuffing Stolas, snapping at him, denying his advances, calling him names…but actually sitting down and having a serious conversation about the OTT flirting and the microaggressions? He's not there yet. Because if Stolas tells him that his feelings aren’t valid and he’s a walking, talking toy for the upper class (like Blitz fears he would), he couldn’t take that.

And the final thing he has to take accountability for will be the racial bias. Which is gonna take a while, because someone (who is not Blitz at this point, as Blitz took a match and gasoline to whatever bridge he had left with Stolas) is going to have to sit him down when he’s not on edge and explain to him what he’s doing wrong.

And I can relate to this a lot as an autistic person because I cannot tell you how often my social faux pas are chalked up to maliciousness on my part instead of my brain being wired differently. And how often this kinda…wears on me. I get snapped at and talked to like I’m less than a person on an almost daily basis because I ask a clarifying question or repeat instructions back to make sure I got them right or use innocuous phrases like “sounds like a plan” when I agree with something.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess…idk…maybe give the autistic people in your life a little more grace. We’re trying, okay?

[saltiecattoz]

i just realized there’s no way for people to know i’m a “furry” on instagram unless you looked at my carrd which means they read this:

… bro

uh oh the cracker conservative snowflakes found me on instagram 🙈 i’m so scared guys 🥺🥺🥺

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

The thing with my psych being like “I think it might be trauma instead of psychosis” is like. Yeah, I don’t disagree that trauma has no doubt played a role in my mental state. But like, my biggest trauma was childhood neglect, how lingering trauma from that cause intense hallucinations (audio/visual/tactile) and the firmly held belief that people want to hurt me and are watching me and spying on me and tracking me?

You could try and say “well the social paranoia and isolation can be from being bullied when you were younger, that’s traumatic too!” and sure I don’t doubt that that was traumatic either but the social isolation and beliefs have worsened significantly as an adult whereas during my time being bullied and shortly after leaving school I actually had many friends and talked with people regularly whereas now I’m a complete shut in and have 0 friends face to face or that I speak to regularly.

“You’re too aware of your thinking and issues to be psychotic” idk maybe the fact that I’ve been in psychotherapy for like what more than 13 years straight, including time in year round treatment centers where the only thing I’m being taught is about analyzing my own thinking and feelings and developing coping strategies has something to do with that?

I just think it’s a little frustrating to finally have the courage to talk about how I’ve been struggling with hallucinations and paranoia and have no real relationships and feel like I can’t trust my own brain and that I can’t tell what’s real all the time to the extent that it’s interfering with my ability to work and making me a complete recluse and it’s steadily been getting worse since I was a teenager despite consistent medication and treatment for anxiety and depression and trauma. And people are like “Well you might just be autistic, that can cause people to have weird stuff. Plus you have PTSD and that can cause some hallucinations and hyper vigilance and depression. And you have a job so it can’t be psychosis” like why the fuck am I even trying. I was genuinely trying to actually get help for once in my life because I’m struggling but I guess they’ve deciding that despite my earnest pleas for help that I’m not struggling enough for them to consider idk having me even screened for psychosis?

[hismercytomyjustice]

Today’s therapy session went a little like this…

Therapist: You have to feel and acknowledge your feelings.

Me: no, 💖

But in all seriousness… Yet again found myself being like “Yay, the OCD spirals have been almost nonexistent lately!”

Only to, in the middle of talking to her about something, realize “…oh shit, my drive for perfectionism is another OCD spiral isn’t it..?”

My Therapist: ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

GODDAMMIT.

But I also found out last week (when I finally saw a psychiatrist at my therapist and doctor’s behest) that the typical dose for OCD of my current meds is 2-3x higher than what I’ve been on for the past like two years. Apparently that dose was more suited to “generalized anxiety” and not, in fact, for “OCD brain ghosts.”

So that’s getting bumped up. And my Adderall is probably going to get bumped up too. It hasn’t been doing much for me for a while now and I’m on a really low dose for it.

The psychiatrist also said we need to figure out whether or not I have autism because that’s going to greatly impact what she prescribes. Basically she wants to help me rather than medicate my brain into submission lol. Which I def appreciate!

I also met with the autism specialist my therapist recommended (whaaaat having OCD means you’re more likely to have autism???) who kept asking me things and was just giving me very “uh huh” looks the whole time accompanied by “Yes, that’s an autistic trait. That too. And that.”

But like, she’s asking me questions to sort out stuff like special interests and I’m just like what qualifies as a special interest and not a hyperfixation or a normal amount of interest? What is a normal amount of interest?

Same with questions like “are you a picky eater.” Like, what does that mean? By whose standards? What is the scale we’re working with here?

It does not help that a good chunk of my family and friends bare minimum at least have ADHD. Because I’m sitting there comparing myself to them and I’m pretty sure it’s a bit of a “Spiders Georg” situation.

Like…what is a normal amount of research when it comes to things you’re interested in? Because I don’t know everything about Mount Everest. But for like a month or so there, I was trying to learn everything I could about it. Wouldn’t that be a hyperfixation then? But I only eased up because I wasn’t coming across much in the way of new info, so IDK.

Same for like…what is considered a normal amount of liking a particular piece of media? Doesn’t everyone have stuff they enjoy and want to learn more about? And like…there are plenty of people who know more about POTO than I do. Not among my immediate friends and family, but I’ve seen them out on the internet. I know they exist.

What’s an ADHD level of sensory issues vs an autism level? And what’s an OCD level of liking things to be the same way vs an autism level? (╯°□°）╯

She can’t give me a formal diagnosis, as she does more like…autistic life coaching, but she did say she has someone she recommends for full blown testing if I want to get a second opinion, so that’s something I can consider.

It would just be the bee’s knees if my OCD didn’t keep sending me into spirals over this. I have had multiple qualified people tell me I probably have it now, and the ONE person who I got an actual assessment from (who never met me because she was just the assessor’s supervisor) is the only one who’s like “eh, not enough.”

Which just keeps sending me in “it’s not autism, it’s just the perfect combo of OCD and ADHD to make people think you have autism” loops.

God it’s so fucking annoying being in my brain sometimes.

Most times.

All the time.

But hopefully over the next few weeks I can get a solid answer on that front one way or another so I can stop ruminating on it. Whaaat reassurance seeking behavior??? In this economy?!

[systems-overloaded]

this is the trend afaik, about things in common with different alters (we have DID) that have different levels of speech and lanaguges comprehension.

(and then i have a question for nonverbal/semiverbal autistic people who might be reading this at the end, if they happen to see this? there is also a simplified question at the very end as well!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

parts with little to no speech:

- their thoughts are as vibes and emotions mainly

- they cannot visualize, they just exist, and experience life through sensations as they come and as they go. they dont really "create thoughts", they just are, they exist and experience.

- theyre the happiest, have no trauma memories, or understanding of the concepts of trauma

- they dont front frequently because they need to feel totally safe, but theyre very happy and calm.

- (my assumption is they mightve formed pre-language learning, but i have no idea for sure. communicating with them, can be a bit hard to understand. they are more than just fragments though, but its hard to explain, they do have opinions, desires, autonomy, but its different in a way? idk)

parts that struggle with speech:

- generally happier and "normal" parts

- less intelligence, less reading comprehension and vocabulary. (theres a big range, but some would probably be considered intellectually disabled if they were a singlet)

- most of their thoughts are simple words put together (like, "want soup. warm. please soup?" instead of "hmm i want some warm soup")

- they are much more grounded into the body, exist within the body

- they do experience distress when fronting in the body, specifically due to nervous system dysregulation and sensory overwhelms.

- they do not hold memories or emotions of the major or minor traumas that happened to us.

- they do not tend to have anxiety or racing thoughts.

- their brain is very quiet, no background chatter or multiple streams of consciousness.

- theyre typically unable to visualize in their brain.

- afaik, for the majority with prominent speech difficulties, they cannot sing. (there might be a couple who can sing without issues, like how some with a stutter can sing without, im unsure how many can sing though.)

- due to being grounded into the body and its signals, our physical capabilities are much less. cannot push through pain, cannot do things others can.

the parts that have better speech (but afaik still have some difficulty with the motor aspect, although its minimal, i think. i have blackout amnesia to these parts. but this is to the best of our knowledge, correct.):

- higher intelligence, very smart. (interested and /understand/ concepts like genetics, medical research journals, quantum physics (to a certain extent), and learning other lanaguges.)

- tend to be extremely anxious, scared, even "paranoid" (though its legitimate based off trauma memories)

- they can visualize in their mind, with extreme vivid details.

- their thoughts are fast, with alot of parts talking in the background all the time, as well as just multiple trains of thought, and memes/songs/etc playing in the background.

- they have more knowledge about the things that happened to us, even if they dont always have access to direct memories (some do, some dont)

- they are extremely dissociated from the body. they exist above the body, sometimes experienced literally.

- they have more phsyical capabilities, because they do not feel pain at all until it gets to extreme levels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so my question for those who are nonverbal/semiverbal: id love feedback about what to call this? my speech issues are not simply verbal shutdowns or speech loss episodes induced by stress. id initially assumed that parts who were more traumatized would have less speech, but its actually the opposite for me. (personally i theorize that maybe the more traumatized parts are either way too disconnected from the body to be aware of how hard it is, how much difficulty speech takes. or they have more speech abilities, and maybe even intelligence, because they felt it was so important to be able to talk, and communicate one day about the things that were happening to us. so a bunch of energy was pushed towards speech abilities and brain abilities for those parts? im unsure, this is a guess. the other thing is they mightve been abused and forced to talk better, so they could appear "normal" and not be a stain in the churches reputation.)

a little of (non-trauma) history though:

i didnt say my first word until i was 5 years old, i had a significant speech delay. and id then gone through speech therapy and never actually finished, but the school wouldn't pay for more. i was an extremely quiet kid according to my mom. i would barely speak but i appeared happy and content she said. i did have desires to communicate, and would talk some, tell her about my day at school etc. but mostly i was pretty silent, in school especially. got in trouble for not doing "participation", of repeating things out loud, reading out loud, presentations. i just couldnt and i couldnt explain so id get in trouble.

but as a whole its fact that there are alters that can speak out full sentences and have a full conversation (like a drs appointment). i do not know if how much difficulty they have even matters, because they are still capable of it.

afaik, the majority cannot do that, they cannot have a full conversation like that. not without severe difficulty and/or pain, and then some cannot at all, cant even try.

what should i be calling this experience? would saying im semiverbal be okay? or no? because sometimes i seem to have alters than might be fully verbal? i know not to call myself (or my alters) nonverbal when talking to others (in personal journals i do classify different alters as semiverbal or nonverbal.) but with others, i say things like "i cant talk" or "im mute", or "talking is hard for me right now", etc.

no matter a label, im learning to use an AAC app and learning some ASL (though i struggle with moving hands/fingers right. like clumsy and slow, and some shapes impossible :c ). in the past, those who could push, do push. they push so much and hurt themsleves for other peoples conveniences, and its never acknowledged, and often those words arent even understood/heard/recieved. we have to repeat ourselves multiple times, and say it louder multiple times too. its so taxing, its exhausting (mentally and physically), and it basically causes actual pain.

its like, theres this brain and body disconnect, and my mouth, my tongue, and my jaw are all separate parts that im trying to consciously move, and im trying to get them to move through molasses, and they have a lag in response, if i can even get them to create the shapes i want. and with the pain, its like...knives/nails scrapping/slicing all the nerves/veins in my body.

but im trying to learn to do whats best for me, and what keeps me the healthiest and the happiest. and i think unpacking internalized ableism around using something like an AAC device is something thatll lead me there (to better health and happiness).

but im unsure about how to describe my experiences. afaik, everyone has /some/ degree of struggling to turn word-thoughts into mouth sounds... but id really like to hear input from people who are nonverbal or semiverbal all the time. thank you for reading if you did, and sorry that its so long.

~~~~~~~

simplified question:

i have DID, so i have multiple alters within my body. to my knowledge, we all have a hard time with making speech. some seem to have less difficulty and can have conversations (like at a dr's appointment), others struggle so much they can maybe force out a couple words, and others cannot create speech at all. we have varying levels of intelligence and varying levels of understanding of speech and language.

i had a significant speech delay, with my first word at 5 years old, and never finished speech therapy because the school stopped paying.

these speech issues are not just situational from stress, they are constant with those alters. every single day, for the majority of my day, we cannot create speech. we can make some speech sometimes, but its not even half and half with when we cannot make sounds at all. and the alters who can speak more, only ever front for maybe an hour or two max, and maybe twice a month.

i know not to call myself nonverbal. but would i be semiverbal? can i call me (this me as a whole person with multiple alters inside) semiverbal? or semispeaking? i want to hear from those who are semiverbal and nonverbal.

[mcclintcock]

Jonah hcs plz 🤭

he was also a lifeguard and swimmer as a teenager (part of my elaborate athletic rivalry headcanons dont worry abt it,, also just so tall he's probably a 50 free and 100 free state champ tbh)

he is autistic and brain damaged, i thought maybe he had dyscalculia but in helsinki it looks like he's actually pretty good at the math stuff ? idk that ones up in the air for me

the math teacher stepdad was okay but i think his other stepdads were rly shitty, his mom also probably had some mh issues that like caused her to seek out shitty men and all that clearly affected jonah

i feel like he was poor growing up like his mom has decent money now based on her house but i feel like most rich kids would've gotten braces if they had an underbite he clearly didnt? but i also know ppl who are over like 35 now and grew up rich wouldnt have gotten braces anyways sometimes. and the giant weird portrait of him in his moms house is also like a rich kid thing i feel like? i am not well acquainted w 20th century economics or the new hampshire housing market so idk. whatevs

i go back and forth on whether he was popular in school i can see it either way but him being bullied and also him being super popular are both my headcanons i guess

he is not In the manosphere but he in the periphery in like s1 the way he talks about women being eights or whatever makes me think he does. mewing or whatever. he almost gets into bonesmashing but richard dissuades him

he has a stupid fast metabolism in addition to just being really tall and he is literally always eating something like he is rarely seen eating in the show but i feel like 90% of the time he has some food in his hand or in his mouth

before selina knew . his personality. she def had a crush on him (maybe still does kinda sorta) basically canon when she first meets him in the flashback

that's all i can think of right now but i have so many

[nerves-nebula]

tw for like. Chronically Online nonsense & talk of csa stuff. i have fallen into a rabbithole and wanted to share it with u because it’s fucking insane and i feel like im losing my mind

so holy shit i just stumbled across the “radqueer” tag and that. i don’t. i truly have no idea how to react to whatever’s happening over there aside from complete and total bewilderment?? literally i’ve been making some serious progress in coming to terms with and trying to heal from repressed csa stuff so to open tumblr and see people saying they are ‘transtrauma’ and ‘cistrauma’ along with Everything Else in that tag. i feel like my brain has been turned to soup. maybe i am making it up maybe my dad didn’t actually molest me and im just insane idk but at least im not doing Whatever’s happening over there

i'unno about all that cuz my understanding of radqueer was that it was radical queer acceptance so they get a little wacky (said affectionately). im not really sure what that has to do with trauma but i dont wanna like, be a dick about it just cuz i don't understand it?

like i didnt understand ppl who said they were autism gender at first but i get it now. being autistic can really change how you think about gender since it's a social construct and you might just not Get Gender, to the point that it's inextricably linked with your self identity so its like. yeah your gender is autism. whatever.

i dunno what the trans or cis dichotomy has to do with trauma and my first instinct is to say hmmm that sounds.... not real.... but since i don't know what they're talking about and i don't care to learn i figure i'll just leave 'em to it. what does it matter to me so long as they're not making it my issue. i try not to commit to my knee jerk reactions of "that's stupid" cuz that's how you fall into reactionary thinking and at the end of the day it doesn't really bother me if people are fucking around doing shit i will never understand in parts of the internet i am not a part of.

anyway onto the important stuff:

if you can't tell if your dad molested you or not you've probably got *something* going on so I'd say don't freak out about if it Actually Happened or not and instead focus on attending to the emotions you have about it. to be blunt i don't really think it matters if it happened or not.

if you are "just insane" or you had a traumatic dream as a kid where your dad molested you and it effects you to this day then that's just as serious an issue to work on, at least it is to you personally. like if you had a delusion that your dad molested you that seems pretty traumatic regardless of what actually happened. idk if that makes sense?

ok i need to stop avoiding my homework. byeee.

[sylsaccount]

rare ramble post

it is so hard to be like. yes i am a trans woman. yes i believe that i am biologically male. yes i hate males and i am literally kam about everything. yes i do not think of myself as a man but if someone were to ask me "does kam include all male people in general" i would say yes bc its kind of biased for me to say no and i dont think its worth it to spend the resources to figure out the like 0.001% of good ones. not that kam is a thing i realistically believe in just like. theoretically you know. idk.

its weird trying to live mostly separatist but not earnestly being part of the group u wanna separate with you know? and like. i literally dont believe in gender yet i am a gender haver. that is simplifying it for sure, its not like the way i think about things isnt consistent, but on the outside it seems like i dont make any sense. i dont get along with most rad-aligned ppl for obvious reasons, and i dont get along with other trans people for obvious reasons. ive met a lot of detrans folks lately that i get along with, but i am not and i doubt will ever be detrans myself.

ig i should say i dont get along with trans women, not trans people lol. ive known plenty of trans men over the years, some of which have been close friends. the truth is 99% of trans women act "like males", at least in my experience. and like. i just cant deal with that lol

i just made a post saying im the only real gender abolitionist so its kind of funny that i say "like males". i am not a biological essentialist nor do i like calling behaviors "masculine" or "feminine". yet any woman reading this knows exactly what im talking about. even the ones that claim to be the "good ones" that are "actually women" etc. are walking caricatures. if i have to see one more instance of that hsts slaaay yassss motherrrrr i love sabrina carpenter shit i will blow my brains out (you are fortunate if you have not encountered this group. i personally find them just as evil as those knee sock programmer catgirldick types)

i cant help but wonder if someone similar to me from an outside perspective would judge me the same way, u know? a lot of my interests are stereotypically male, i am autistic, i am kind of an asshole. ofc at the end im always like. well i have actual feminist values and i cant stand males and i always prioritize women over everything so like. its just me being anxious over nothing i think.

this is mostly unrelated but ive also been thinking a lot abt the ppl who follow me. ive had an influx of followers as of late, but there r others who have followed me for a long time. its kind of funny looking through... i have ppl that i know for a fact hate trans ppl. me being trans is not something ive ever specifically hidden, but its also not something i bring up a lot. i just realized bc of that weird anon the other day that its the first time ive explicitly mentioned it on my blog in a couple years. i couldnt help but be worried abt it! at the same time, i have some old friends i dont rly talk to anymore... a couple of which, despite knowing that i am respectful towards other individual trans ppl and that i am not truly transphobic, im sure have taken issue with the types of things i reblog and strongly personally disagree. yet as im looking over who im following, it doesnt look like ive lost mutuals from either camp.

id like to talk to more people too. its hard to dm people for me, as i think it is for many people here. i have some mutuals i would love to talk with, but i am kind of an ass, and they are kind of an ass, and thats why we follow each other, so its like... they may not even wanna be bothered like that u know? i know what its like when u have some coworker or acquaintance u like well enough but then they start trying to be buddy buddy with u and they become a nuisance. i dont wanna be that!!! i am extremely misanthropic myself so its easy to imagine being on the other end

my friend group (some irl and some online) has a little discord group chat we use. we just added someone new and its been very nice. i really do love meeting new ppl when i vibe with them...

u could say. sylvia why dont u just go meet people irl. well, unfortunately, i cannot tell people irl that i have extremely regular homicidal fantasies and think 50% of the population should kill themselves. i cant rant abt all the dystopian shit i am subjected to on a regular basis, bc they dont view it as dystopian. i cant even discuss my own life and perspectives on things because SOMEONE is going to have their feelings hurt (despite me being the one who has trauma abt it -_-). on the computer there are lots of intelligent people with interesting lives who r also kind of losers and hate everything. i like those people.

i dont rly have a point on any of this. just thoughts ive been having.

[thepinkwool]

I love how the Bad Batch fandom has collectively agreed that Tech is autistic. But am I the only one who strongly feels like Crosshair is too? Like the fandom is even like Tech and Cross are twins so even more closely related to each other than any other clone brother.

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not officially diagnosed but am in the waiting process for it but my therapist tells me there is a very strong possibility of me being on the spectrum (with what was formally Asperger’s syndrome but please let’s not debate the usage of that word that’s not what this is about but I think Crosshair is on that side of it too)

I just think they’re on different areas of the spectrum. Maybe it’s just me projecting or reading too much into things. BUT. While I relate to Tech and just the way he is, I just understand Crosshair more. I don’t “get” people. I come off as cold, uncaring, my sarcastic dry humor (that’s usually just an observation but people count it as humor?) doesn’t land well sometimes. Just being more quiet, reserved almost, soft spoken, but definitely opinionated af and will get defensive about said opinions. Dude has some sensory issues for sure (light seems to be a huge one for him. He wears his helmet the most, next to Tech. And maybe it’s just his ✨enhanced sniper eyesight✨ but a lot of light genuinely seems to make him uncomfortable). He also is the least verbal of the group. Again that goes back to mentioning being “the quiet one”.

Idk I’m really bad at putting what’s in my brain into actual convey-able thoughts but. I can’t be the only one who thinks this? Just as someone who has always been the quiet one who struggles with almost everything socially I see so much of that in Crosshair. “Good soldiers follow orders” but also having an issue with authority when it seems arbitrary and stupid (the empire, especially after the end of season 1 and going into season 2). Rules and regulations exist for a reason and should be followed except when they don’t make sense is something that I function and live by and seems like Crosshair does too. He struggles to convey his emotions and feelings like tech does, but just a little different. And I get it. It clicks with my brain. He makes sense.

Crosshair being on the spectrum just. Makes sense.

Thank you for coming to my shitty unorganized TED Talk.

[i-dont-know-nor-care-go-away]

I think. Words like gaslight and lobotomy and neurospicy should never have even made it online at this point. (Hyperbole) One TikTok musician wrote a song. Titled Neurospicy and it's so. Bad.

Im gonna break down why the song is bad. This is for education. Also bc im a little piss baby and I love complaing. Do not go harass her.

Disclaimers:

I am just a Tumblr user.

My opinions are whay they are because :

I am self diagnosed autistic. I did years of research. Many autistic people said "you are definitely autistic" If I don't have autism, I know I am at least neurodivergent. I know a lot about Neurodivergency from loved experience, mine and my (diagnosed ) friends. I read a lot of discourse on disabilities.

I cannot find confirmation if the creator is claiming to be neurodivergent or has a doctor or self diagnosis. I hate this song so much I really don't care if she does to be honest. Don't harass her tho.

This song is very obviously using neurodivergency for slang as adhd and autism. I'll try to use the most accurate language because it's improtsnt that people with NPD BPD and Schizophrenia and other disorders and disabilities are recognized as neurodivergent. Just a reminder that its their word/space too

(

[Intro]

One, two, three, four

I might be a little spicy

A little bit neuro spicy

Isn't everyone a little bit spicy?

Spicy is better than bland

)

-Oh god. I don't want to be like "oh all these adhd people are just trying to be trendy" bc they aren't. But you either are neurodivergent or not. You can't be a little spicy. If you are questioning, do research. Don't write a song about it for clout?? Again idk if she is but still the phrasing makes me upset.

The second line is literally just "well isn't everyone a little Adhd?" Like. C'mon. That minimizes the struggle of being fucking disabled. And living with that disability. If everyone was a 'little disabled' then it would just be a human limitation not a disability?? That's like basic abelism 101.

Third line, one neurotype is not better than the other. Being neurodivergent means your brain works differently. If we start treating all autistic/adhd people like they are better bc they're cooler and smarter, most adhd/autistic people that have higher support needs will be even more left behind. It feels like those "not a disability a different ability " or "actually autism js a superpower" No. Stop. If your autism makes you smart, goof for you, but I'm not gonna let high and medium support needs people be pushed even father aside. It is ok to be disabled, and we need to accept that.

(

[Verse 2]

I have trouble with boundaries

A spicy little ginger man found me

He likes that I'm a little bit rowdy

He holds my sweaty hand

)

Line one, I don't like that she says she's "a little spicy" and then immediately goes to "I have trouble with boundaries." If you can't respect boundaries, that's on you. I understand that neurodivergent people sometimes can have issues with boundaries like forgetting them or something, but it isn't a part of being neurodivergent. It's part of being human. Neurodivergent people are capable of respecting boundaries. Even if neurodivergency makes it harder to remember or respect boundaries, that isn't a silly little hehe, thats part of a disability that needs either work or some accommodation. This line doesn't have pure abelism in it, but I don't like the implications of it at all.

Second line, this is me being a hater but I genuinely thought she was talking about ed sheeran there for a second. Or a ginger bread cookie man. The phrasing of that was so odd to me

(

Verse 3]

My brain and mouth don’t talk much

They don't usually sync up

So sometimes words I think of

Are louder and faster than I planned

)

Nothing bad with this I just really dislike the music

(

[Verse 4]

Einstein was a little spicy

Newton was a little spicy

Darwin, Edison, spicy

Imagine if they started a band

)

Stop conflating neurodivergency / Adhd + autism with being good at shit. It's not just something that makes you good at things. It is likely that they had some neurodivergency and we should celebrate the accomplishment of disabled people. But this paired with the "spicy is better than bland" line just isn't giving. I can feel the "autism js a superpower" energy. Again I'm bitching on internet for fun but still

(

[Outro]

It'd probably sound like

My doc says that I'm spicy

But even she's a little bit spicy

Isn't everyone a little bit spicy?

Spicy is better than bland (Two, three, four)

I might be a little spicy

A little bit neuro spicy

Isn't everyone a little bit spicy?

Spicy is better than bland (Wah, haha)

)

I promise you your doctor did not say you were "spicy" bc that's. Giving mal practice. The line just pisses me off bc it does. Thay isn't how any of this works.

Second line. Stop headcannoning people as neurodivergent. Not everyone js a little bit neurodivergent.

Last couple lines are just the chorus.

Even if the writer has autism or adhd I'm begging them to read one or two disabled theory books or at this point even some Tumblr posts. This creator has a pretty big platform and it's disappointing to see really basic abelist bullshit from someone who could easily find resources on this topic or hire/ask someone for a sensitivity read.

[average-emo-enigma]

If anyone has autism or an interest in autism/pyschology and wants to try to diagnose me here are my symptoms/lack of symptoms:

Fyi I literally cannot remember my childhood beyond a few tiny instances so that doesn’t help :P

If I do have autism my support needs are pretty much non existent

I don’t have sensory overload except for sometimes with touch, I don’t like wearing necklaces or rings, lipstick is kinda uncomfortable, I love baggy jeans but hate skinny jeans, sometimes the water in my shower being hot gets very very uncomfortable out of nowhere and I get overwhelmed and need to get out

Other than the water thing I can usually get used to stuff like that

Exactly one time I remember getting overwhelmed by the loud noise of a concert when no one else was bothered

The sun being bright gives me a headache sometimes

I honestly can’t tell if I have rejection sensitive dysphoria because people are just straight up rejecting me all the time lol but I do get sad if someone doesn’t reciprocate my energy

I don’t get sad when I see dead animals

When I was younger and people would tell me to stop doing something I wouldn’t really care or understand that they were mad

I’ve always been focused on one phase or another but in a special interest way, not a hyperfixation way

I will always be completely direct and authentic with people and the idea of not doing that makes me imagine contorting my brain in a yucky way

I have issues understanding a task that doesn’t have enough instructions

I empathize with people by telling them a similar problem I have

Literally every person I connect with in my life has either autism, ADHD, or has enough symptoms to the point where I strongly headcannon it (lol)

Interacting with my best friend who is autistic is so goddamn easy

I separate people into people I can actually talk to (usually have autism or adhd) and people I’m not even gonna bother with beyond being superficially polite (usually NT)

I think I definitely have symptoms of PDA but that might be my OCD not wanting to be controlled on ✨principle✨

I loooooooooove hugs as long as they’re consensual, if they’re not I get pissed (but that’s an ocd thing not a sensory thing)

When I was younger I would get sad if I had to replace my blanket or anything like that and I made a basket of keepsakes and stuff but now that I’ve kind of given up on fearing change because it’s inevitable

Cutting my hair made me feel really shitty and possible dysphoric for like a week or so but now growing it out would cause the exact same reaction so :P

My gender is ✨floaty weird blob of nothingness✨

WHAT THE FUCK IS A SOCIAL CUE RAHHHHH

I feel very isolated from people I can’t be direct with which unfortunately is almost everyone I know

Every time I see an autistic character on tv being mistreated I’m like :(:(:( I’ll be your friendddd and give you hugs and explain social cues in a nice way that isn’t condescending or rude

I have really really really bad alexythymia from SOMETHING, that’s for sure, my brain is a foggy wind tunnel 99% of the time

I tend to fixate A LOT on my crushes, my crush in 8th grade was the most normal dude and I would spend hours pacing and thinking about him and planning things to say to him every day 😭 bro was likely homophobic too based on stuff I’ve heard

Peer pressure doesn’t work on me

I can’t mask but I also can’t like interact easily with people at all beyond politeness unless they’re autistic and to a more limited degree if they have adhd.

I once had a hangout with a friend where I talked about Hawaiian grammar for multiple hours and didn’t realize until years later that she was probably SO annoyed with me

I can understand when other people do social cues and the kind of things you would need to mask to do but the idea of doing it myself makes me feel so uncomfortable and worried that I would lose myself

Idk about executive function, I’m pretty sure that I don’t have adhd

I think social rules are dumb

I love to make lists

Guys how tf would I know if I’m missing social cues when the point is that I can’t understand them? It’s not like anyone is explaining stuff to me

My friend group in elementary school was probably neurodivergent as FUCK and my group in middle school was neurotypical, coincidentally I literally did not speak to basically anyone in middle school, my friend group now is again neurodivergent as FUCK but they’re all like stem dudes so I still don’t relate to them

I like mcr (nuff said)

[aliceramblesonnerdity]

Ok so haul post let's go

Batman and Robin 1

Batman: Gargoyle of Gotham 1

Batman 1 (reprint)

Robin II 1-4

World's finest (1990) #2

Batman: the Adventure Continues #3

Knight Terrors: Punchline

Ok so, some talk about these comics now. First off: yes. This was definitely the Batman week oh dear god. Thankfully I'm getting the good batman books.

Adventure Continues #3 was because I had the rest of season 3 besides number 3 and that felt wrong.

Batman and Robin I read and it was honestly such a good read. It's beautifully illustrated, funny, exciting, autistic sorry what? I will complain that Damian didn't look like Damian but instead like an AI generated Robin™ who was an averaging of all the male robins? Like I showed him to a friend who thought it was either Tim or Jason and I agree he looks way to homogeneised. idk.

Batman Gargoyle of Gotham, similarly, was amazing. Its a beautiful, exhilarating read that has a really great mystery behind it. The villain is... I don't even know. Is he cool? Is he whatever? Is he a knockoff Joker? I don't know, I'm going to give it a bit longer before I decide and cast judgement. But the book has been a superb read that really does look at Batman as a character, as well as the characters surrounding him, in an interesting way. It also looks at the whole "hey Gotham is kinda fucked with its whole inequality thing" a bit in the first issue, Bruce even saying to Jim that the GCPD are only there to protect the wealthy.

I'm collecting World's finest (1990) every week. I asked my store to add it to my box and to give me an issue per visit I make so I don't burn out reading it. It's a great read, again: running theme here of great art.

The bag you can't see well there due to glare is 1-4 of Robin ii, I actually recently picked up Robin iii: the cry of the huntress thinking it was this book's first issue (uni brain lol) so I was really excited to see this! Tho there is a mystery book inside, as there should only be four books but it came with 5 inside so... if anyone has any clue what that is, please tell me because I don't want to open the packaging.

Also hum Fucking hallelujah knight terrors is over and I don't have to read that shit ever again. The main stuff with Deadman and Sandman was good, and Ravager was interesting. But I really did not enjoy most of that run and I frankly just put Punchline's second issue into the box without reading it fully.

Very fun haul today, really happy with what I got. Cheers!

[fictionkinfessions]

Canon disabilities... Well, everyone knows canon!Gale is likely autistic, and yeah. I probably was, too. The word and concept didn't really exist but there was a sort of understanding that "most wizards are just weird that way, like how most sorcerers have some form of mommy and/or daddy issues and most paladins have a savior complex of some form or another". I remember Astarion commenting "you really are a typical wizard, aren't you", he wasn't being mean or anything just, well, I'd been info-dumping to him and I think that was the moment he realized "oh, so the stereotype exists for a reason". Genuinely, there was no malice or even sarcasm in what he said, he was actually happy to listen to me for some reason (this was after the Absolute issue, while I was helping him in the Underdark, so perhaps he was just happy to be distracted from being separated from the sun while our companions found a way to settle that issue).

Halsin enjoyed actually engaging with me in discussions on the nature of the Weave and how it functioned, and he recognized when my brain began to kind of... Spin out, for lack of a better term (not entirely sure this is an autism thing, I'm undiagnosed but suspected in this life, too, and my brain does it again now but I've also had ADHD suggested as a possible diagnosis for me by a psychologist in a non-diagnostic but doctor-patient setting so Idk), it would almost be a form of overstimulation, and he'd gently suggest we sit down and have some tea. He always insisted on doing so in silence to "appreciate the music of nature" and tbh I appreciated him doing so. Him enforcing quiet gave my brain time to cool off and reset a little. So yeah. Thanks, Halsin.

My mother was excellent about it, other wizards obviously weren't dicks about it, but outside of that, Tara and the magma mephit were really the only ones who didn't judge me for being the way I was until the nautiloid incident. I will not include Mystra on that list despite her not saying or doing anything about my oddities for obvious reasons. Even Lae'Zel and Shadowheart weren't outright mean about it, they didn't exactly care to hear me prattling on about the Weave but honestly that's just who they were, they barely liked talking to Karlach who they both admired. They both cared far more about my prowess in battle than my social ineptitude and the odd sensory issue that came up, especially since the din of battle didn't affect me (though to be fair, I was never in the thick of it if it could be helped, so swords weren't clanging against each other right by my ears).

[jewlsiverse]

I saw someone say that autism spectrum doesn’t mean everyone is on it and a little bit autistic; it’s that those of us who are autistic exist on like a color wheel of how traits present and the experience is individualized.

Anyways, so now I’m starting to think I’m autistic. I definitely have ADHD and am getting a diagnosis, but yeah I’m identifying too much with so much shared by autistic women I know and online.

These things were more prominent when I was younger, but I still feel them at times now. I’ve always ALWAYS felt on the outskirts of every social interaction I have and haven’t been able to understand why I don’t feel I’m able to cultivate a natural closeness to people like others can. I’m unpacking in therapy how I’ve just played my life by the rules everyone has told me to follow and it’s made me unhappy or I don’t understand when or why the rules change. I am trying to figure out what are my rules or the ones I want to follow.

Everyone says they want direct communication and then I directly communicate, but I’m either doing it wrong or it’s too much? I get told all the time that I have tonal and volume control issues even though I feel like I’m talking normally.

There’s a naivety I seem to carry in how I perceive other people’s interactions toward me wherein I don’t pick up that they’re interested in me, or like what the assumption is if a guy invites me over to hang out, or when somebody is mad at me or doesn’t like me, or when NT say they want to hang out but don’t actually want to hang out. My special interests as a kid were lowkey intense (idk how no body picked up on that) like I used to be known as the Harry Potter kid cause I could tell you what book and chapter a scene happened; I devoured DC (mostly Teen Titans, Batman, and Young Justice) content to an obsessive degree; I still have unhinged levels of marine biology factoids hidden in my brain. I’m a rocker, a leg bouncer, a snapper, a jewelry messer, a skin picker, knuckle popper. I’ve always just hidden my needs and these parts of myself from everyone, but especially my caregivers (something my therapist and I discuss regularly). Is it possible to have been masking so hard that you masked it from yourself????