#idk if i will be able to handle something like that again
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How do men view you? A pac reading
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Pile 1-
They see you as a damsel in distress also this pile is too smooth with their words and I wanted to say that it's almost as if they lure men in and that was the exact moment this whimsical siren tuning started playing somewhere and this is the vibe that I'm getting. Almost all of the time you are telling men something they know it's bullshit and you are manipulating them but they just let it be😭😭 I see them just sort of not caring. This pile might also be very good with their mouth. LMAOOOO pile one let me tell you, alot of your male friends are only your friends because you do not want anything more or have not indicated anything more yet. None of these guys want to be your friend and I see them waiting for their chance and the moment they get the opportunity they are going to grab it. For some of you, these men might be trying to manipulate you if you are going through a hard time by portraying as they are supporting you but they just have ulterior motives so be careful of those men who support you too much even when you are wrong they just want to go to bed with you the exact words I'm hearing
Pile 2-
ooooo you challenge them and piss them off. This is mainly through word exchange and debating. You challenge men alot and they find you mentally stimulating this pile might have or will have rivals to lovers/ enemies to lovers with someone. Men find you complex and appealing and find themselves drawn to you even when they despise you. You might at times find men starting debates with you over the most silly reasons but it'll just be their own way to talk to you. It's almost as if they are doing all that because they know they won't be able to get you to talk to them normally in other ways. They think you are very high standards too men might restraint themselves from directly confessing to you bc men are scared by women like this usually. They are very attracted to you tho pile two trust me perhaps some of you might have never been in a relationship before it's not because men don't like you it's because they know they can't handle all that
Pile 3-
Alot of men that seemed to or are supposed to have given up on you HAVE not. It's surprising to me to see how men are just waiting for their chance. Alot of men are not your boyfriend simply because you've not yet given them the chance to it's like everyone's waiting for their turn. Are you someone who believes in concepts like fate karma or soulmates alot? I think if yes men might even try to manipulate you into thinking that they are the "one" for you. Men think of you as someone who's cold and sexy I'm also hearing intimidating. Some of you do that latina makeup or that tiktok makeup and they find it very sexy I'm seeing boys teasing each other over your names. You might have alot of rumors about you or misconceptions but girl it's jus bc ur pretty and everyone's talking about you always. Idk if you know this or not but men fight for you alot too or might want to show themselves as heroes in order to get your attention. Men from the same friend group might like you.
Pile 4-
Extremely feminine, if you don't dress extreme feminine and by extreme I mean quite literally extreme you act like it alot. I'm seeing bows, coquette etc anyways men might see you as someone who's very very divine feminine therefore very attracted towards you. They might constantly want to surrender themselves to you oooo this pile is good. You know the game pile 4🙏. Men also see you as someone who is very innocent dainty and deer like. They might also get the illusion that you'll save them this pile has pisces cancer placements I'm also having visions from the love witch it's something similar to that and I keep seeing lana del rey again and again I'm also seeing a deer. Men want to surrender and sacrifice themselves to you completely and might be ready to do alot of things for you😭 you also attract alot of crybabys who might want you to nurture them.
#astrology#astrology notes#astrology observations#vedic astrology#free readings#askgames#astrology asks#exchange reading#exchange readings#tarot pac#paid tarot readings#paid tarot reading#paid astrology#paid readings#tarot#tarot readings#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotcommunity#pac#pac reading#pacreading#tarot pick a card#pick a card readings#pick a card reading#pick a card#pick a pile#natal astrology#astrology readings#free psychic reading
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#I'm at my fucking limit#(it's a good thing bc a couple of days ago i was way pass it)👍#I'm still hanging on by a thread but at least I'm hanging#i fucking survived once again#that's good#idk if i will be able to handle something like that again#but i forced myself to survive like a fucking cockroach#and it worked#I'm going through literal hell and somehow I'm still here#it's nice but also it makes me hate myself so much for still being in this situation#i think that my cat knows#she became so clingy over the past days#i promise I'm not leaving yet#fuck she is the only reason I'm still here#i can't leave her#she deserves so much better than me abandoning her#but i don't know for how long i can stay
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Regarding Demise: He is an interesting concept, as is the whole eternal cycle, but for that to actually become something worthwhile the games/stories would have to actually DO something with it. So far they are introduced in Skyward Sword and thats it! No other game even references them. And, yes, that cheapens EVERY other game because there is this implication that its all out of the control of the actual characters in the story because of this one asshole that we only ever saw once! Why not have Ganondorf realize that he is possessed/manipulated by this weird old Demon God? How would he react, would he embrace it, would he rebel, would he be broken by the realization that none of his actions were ever *his*? I dont even care which of these options they pick, as long as they pick any of it and do just ANYTHING with the concept.
Or maybe Link or Zelda figures out the Cycle and starts looking into breaking it because endlessly repeating Demon Attacks kinda suck and you dont want that for your descendants.
Or have a game focus on them remembering bits from past lives and having to piece it all together or, again, just ANYTHING!
The closest they ever came to was with BOTW Zelda praying to Hylia, aka HERSELF, to unlock her powers, which is some brutal narrative irony, but not much more.
And regarding the whole Zelda is Hylia thing, I've seen some headcanons about how Skyward Sword Zelda is terrified of herself after learning that, because she now has to assume that everything she did was planned by a version of her that she no longer is. Is Link her friend or is he the useful pawn that Hylia needs to turn into the Hero? Does she even deserve his affection when she probably manipulated him into becoming her champion and fighting, possibly dying for her all her life?
Thats juicy, thats something you can do something with but Nintendo really does like to plan those stories game per game without any care for the larger story.
Which I guess is the Irony of it all. They tried the whole larger connected story/universe thing once: With Skyward Sword. After all that was also the time we got the first Hyrule Historia & "official timeline" as well as "How it all began" in the game itself.
It felt like the start of a new era for Zelda games and stories and then it just... wasn't.
And while I get that they want to focus on gameplay over story, I will never stop mourning the stories we could get/have gotten, if they put a bit more thought into things.
I actually feel like its harder to make the 'cycle' into an interesting plot point when its a .. divine thing that happens, and not perpetuated by the people (though not impossible, given how the series is build up it would need alot of work to not make it worse still..)-
i actually cannot stand the idea that ganondorf is possessed or manipulated, made eviler by demise somehow (demise is dead, leave him beeeeee hes not some evil master mind behind anything aaaaah) bc it STILL takes away ganondorfs agency and character and gives right into the whole hes basically born evil and just pushes the fault tm onto someone else it in turn legitimizes that the kingdom of hyrule and its high rule (heehoo) is right and if only gan wasnt manipulated hed be good tm, aka allied with the goodest guys, hed gladly accept their invitation and join their holy empire of goodness tm if wasnt for da demon
(and i love to say, who decides what is good tm and evil tm? bc hyrules monarchs making every other tribe their subordinate and persecuting shiekah for example isnt what id call good but its fine bc the good holy guys did it in the name of "peace" -what is their idea of peace? everyones under their rule and must worship their god? uh oh- and resistance to it is gonna get you labelled as evil!! (unless you join their holy kingdom and become their vassal of GOOD) what good and evil boils down to in zelda is .. being allied/ruled by the kingdom of hyrule and being opposed to them, even if its only not wanting to be subjugated by them)
i can see the appeal to some degree, but i dont like the idea of ganondorf even being able to be manipulated or possessed, what makes his character, before it got flattened into well he just be demon in the eyes of the average fandom, interesting is his unbreakable will, that drive to keep on living and resisting those that want him dead, its poetic and sad, to the point that (until totk ...) it was really just ONE ganondorf that refused to die and came back over and over (also something i found a compelling thought for botw, that after all this time theres nothing left BUT his will to resist, its a tragic idea that rly spoke to me)
my personal idea of the cycle is that its only a cycle bc they, the kingdom of hyrule and their belief system, keep it going, its not a divine thing that needs to be broken (though the divine surely messes with it, just for the bit i guess) but something that keeps repeating bc hyrule is so soaked into the idea that their princess once was a god and hers is the right to rule it all in light- so anyone who doesnt agree must be of the demons from the darkness seeking to destroy the world, and what means the 'world' could just mean the kingdom of hyrule- in botw even with the calamity people went on and lived, same in windwaker, they dont need the holy kingdom to live- (who is to say the 'monsters' are bad for the land, to me they mostly looked like well adapted territorial beasts, and the bokblins etc clearly arent mindless monsters either, why do they need to be eradicated? they attack you? ok dont go into their territory, or defend yourself, you dont need to exterminate something just bc it could be a threat at some point)
(i do agree that conflict with zelda being interesting but uuuh .. well they never did anythign with that huh)
in the end, demise was just a throw away villain, and if i may get my tin foil hat back here, i feel like the whole creation myth skyward sword does was really just a way for them to get out of the predicament of having to consider a villain to be treated like a person to save themselves from having to think about what they imply and can just go, well this is the evil demons, this is the good gods- ironically enough the attempt to get out of having to consider complicated writing it ends up reversing straight back into the WORST of kinds of implications .. that arent even subtext anymore, if totk is anythign to go by, the most 'simple' or 'easy' narrative to go for might not be actually simple, just a so often retold one that it appears simple if not made aware of its dark maw, the status quo repeated ad nauseam
(and if i may, the whole gameplay over story thing is bs in my eyes, that sounds like the typical attempt of dismissing any critique, just like the stupid, and frankly, offensive "its just for kids" argument, story and gameplay are inherently intertwined, the story influences the gameplay, the gameplay influences the story, especially in a series like zelda that is a futile thing to go for and a reason why the stories themselves lack depth, how are you gonna have an epic adventure that drives you to get through any amount of puzzles and battles if there is no story to motivate you, at this point it feels like the series has set itself up for catastrophic failure bc i imagine, people might just keep buying and playing the games bc its attached to the series, bc they hope to see characters they loved return, new ones that will grab their attention, perhaps be taken away by a world that meant alot to them once before, hope that there will be something exciting-
i am not saying the series has no value or doesnt do anything well (hello who am i) but how many times can you repeat 'this guy good he fight evil guy he get the pretty princess as reward' without any interesting twists or narrative, even the most beloved characters can only keep it passable for so long, even the best gameplay loses its potential if its surrounded by cardboard characters and a story so "simple" as offensive it fits into a single page, i often wonder how a game would be seen if it wasnt titled -the legend of zelda- ..
it hurts especially when looking at its long history, how much estblished thigns it could exploit and expand, the potential the series has is still immense, it hurts to see it be wasted over and over :(
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i dont need it to be mind breaking#i just want it to be interesting#botw was interesting to me!! so much so!! god i miss loving that game- totk just gives everything a bitter taste..#i dont find echoes of wisdoms lore that interesting as some seem to do#the main thing being you play.. as zelda (and need to transform into link via mystic energy to be able to actually fight hahaaa)#and i find that cool but also a little .. sad? like this series is so set in its path that even playing as the other good guy is a big hook#i have nothing much against the game (other than how zelda is handled- of course she da priestess not a hero .. the FUCKING UI ARGH)#idk totk kinda killed how invested i was into the lore#im just kinda numb to it by now ... like whatever#i still care mind you- but it would take alot ot get me excited again#also this long ass response isnt meant agressively or something#i just have .. opinions tm#also .. the whole breakign the cycle is the entire idea of my totk rewrite- with zelda having to realize she is part of what perpetuates it#and everything shes been told all her life was a lie- shaking her entire worldview to the core#anyway#im gonna guess this wasnt the point of the ask but uh ... words go brrrrr
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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have had a bit of my crash after flying too close to the sun this past week and you know what, it’s very annoying and also very good for me in a stabilizing way.
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Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”
(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)
#don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong#also Suiren is even less like Aang than Korra is. she wouldn’t stand a chance in this fandom#everyone knows most people in this fandom can’t handle angry brown girls#and Suiren is honestly on a whole different level#so yeah#I’m glad it’s not a well known thing#but her biggest offence would of course be letting go of Raava#and thus also losing the connection to her past lives and ending the Avatar cycle#her next incarnation will not be the Avatar. they’ll be just a normal EK kid#and that is the biggest crime an Avatar could ever commit#deciding to spare future generations of the burden#the Avatar should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one person#and every Avatar we know of was stuck in an endless cycle of fixing their predecessors’ mistakes#nobody deserves that. especially not a child. and the Avatars ARE discovered as children for the most part#even at 16 like Roku Kyoshi and Kuruk is still way too young for having the fate of the world on your shoulders#I’d argue any age is too young#the world can’t depend on one person to solve their problems#the avatar is ultimately human. they make mistakes. they’re biased. they can be corrupted#and not a single generation goes by without at least one world-scale threat. nothing any avatar does is every enough. it’s a thankless job#no era of peace has ever lasted long. that has to be something worked for by the world at large#ending the cycle is the correct move because then the world will not be looking to the Avatar for every issue#and will actually start sorting shit out themselves. that’s my (very correct) view of it. at least#but again. this fandom will not be able to handle that. because they care about a bunch of long dead ghosts more than living characters#I’m sorry but sparing at least one kid of the trauma that comes with being the Avatar makes losing the past lives connection worth it#to me at least. and it’s not like breaking the connection erases them from ever existing like Greater Lord Rukkhadevata. they’re remembered#just can’t be accessed anymore. and that’s okay. they deserve to rest#(forgive me for the Genshin Impact reference it was the only thing I could think of. it was a brief phase I don’t play it anymore)#anyway. idk where this rant/meta just came from. I apparently have A Lot of thoughts about this AU that aren’t limited to Kuviren smut lmao#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
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UHM. so i read the chapter where paragon and vivacia meet!! and
#robin hobb when i catch you. ooooooooooh when i catch you. its gonna be slow. its gonna be painful. i hope you know that.#i had to skip forward a little and skim some pages to make sure that they survive bc i literally do not think i would be able to handle not#knowing. but ARE YOU KIDDING ME. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME.#idk man im just tired. like why are these my fun books. they're not fun. im terrified. im shitting my pants. actively. its 1 am now like#this was supposed to be an enjoyable go to bed early night 😭😭#fuck me. okay. guys ill go read an amount of pages EQUAL TO ANOTHER BOOK to get to the point in this book where the characters that were#happy get to be happy again. i guess.#like im on page 500 i peaked ahead to where i had shoved my bookmark. there was althea and brashen. PAGE 760 SOMETHING. THATS 250 PAGES.#LIKE THAT'S THE LENGTH OF ANOTHER BOOK. LIKE JUST A NORMAL YA BOOK. WHAT ARE WE DOING.#im gonna go insane i have a 10 am tomorrow................ no................... not like this.............................................#and i thought burrich pulling fitz' corpse out of the ground and cradling it was bad!! hah. hahaha.#rote#liveship traders#books
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what if i made a CD ocean au for adri...
i keep considering it and then not doing it bc i i feel like itll either go really well or really bad.
I am also really indecesive with what to do for it because... its hard to decide on just one possibility (and I dont think i can handle having many sjhjkd)
I used to have a whaler au for him where the funny gimmick was that he was a regular shitty guy, and I do enjoy that but that feels like itll get boring really fast outside of a few funnies (and I REALLY dont want people to be weird about him if hes 'weak')
I also did make a pirate au for him wayyy back in the day that i never properly shared where hes a ghost haunting a ship and i did like that concept but it never rly went anywhere its just something rly swag i came up with and it also would not fit in CD (would be more of a potc type vibe)
and lastly... I could make him just a shapeshifter in CD as well. but I dont know which way to go about it because yeah hes a snake but idk which way to go about the design or vibe either. I def wont make him into an eel I have two of those already x) but like yeah I cant decide if i should go with a completely new kind of vibe or if i should try and keep him close to what he is bc theres so many ways i could approach both ideas houghhh
#thunderclap#aggghh decisions decisions#not being able to properly do AUs for a few years has got my creativity in that sense rly stagnant#i really want adri to be in CD at the moment simply so I can draw more of him dkjfhjd but yeah its hard to handle for some reason#i wonder if i could make the HR gang a hunting crew or something actually... HR ocean au#i need to get HR brainrot again so bad but idk how to do it besties. the ocean keeps pulling me back#also im supposed to be working on an essay thing but ive been at it for like 8 hours straight today im so tired fr but i want to finish it.#miserable kinda day but i had a lot of fun yesterday so it balances out
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i cant believe im sick again this is ridiculous
#i was just starting to feel better after a week in bed#spent 2 days traveling#and bam#coming down with something again#what am i even wearing a mask for#god fuck me#honestly idk how many more setbacks i can handle#ever since i broke my shoulder#idk it feels like#ive just been treading water#trying to catch up#but im not getting anywhere#its just one curveball after another#like playing whack a mole#always putting out fires#<- and atruggling to find the right metaphor lmfaoo#and beyond that zero chance to focus on the important thing (writing this fucking thesis)#i dont even have anything to look forward to#thats the problem innit#right now my life sucks#and yet i am on the comfortable side of things#once i graduate there's only gonna be money problems and debt and a housing crisis and not being able to do what is right for me and pain a#nd suffering#the fucking bureaucracy#god i hate this country#its not something to look forward to#it feels like im waiting for my execution tbh#so yeah#no wonder im doing my utmost to sabotage myself#tbd
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what are some cool games u have played? dont matter if u mentioned before. tell me again tell me again :D
uhh hmm.
well okami is my all time favorite the art & the music & the message/story are all just incredible theres not a single time ive finished it i havent cried. i absolutely adore ryoshima coast ive spent so many hours just running around there to listen to music. which fun fact for u i only know about this game bc in about 6th grade i picked up okamiden bc i thought the little doggy was cute & was like fine i'll play as this boy if i get a cool dog and u cannot imagine how excited i was to find out u DID play as the little dog. i was SOOOOO obsessed literally my exact thoughts were 'if issun is ammy's celestial envoy then i am going to be chibis' i have a metric fuck ton of fan art i did at the time bc i thought it was quote "the epic-est game for ds ever" also cried every time i finished it. i was 13 so i didnt know what "being down bad" was but do know i was as obsessed with kurow as i was with d-ne later and now tenshi not a single irl friend was unaware i was in love with him. also fun fact for u bc at the same time i was also getting super into vocaloid i was so convinced my vocap name would end up as chibiP to the point i named myself that in pkmn x chibiP after chibiterasu of course. please enjoy my banger old art which is not even a fraction of my output
yume nikki is my next favorite game specifically the og that changed my brain chemistry as a kid. i adore that game so much its hard to put it into words. its just so unlike anything else. there is absolutely nothing in the game that can directly harm u theres no real health meter theres no way to die during the main play the absolute worst that will ever happen is u get stuck or woken up. in a horror game. which is already just amazing. and the whole horror aspect just plays on something i dont think is often done as well in many other things. ur alone. u wander and wander thru worlds that loop and connect and seemingly have nothing to do with each other. theres no dialogue; talking to npcs just gets u a noise or animation at best. ur entirely alone with just urself. its all dreams so u know everything is of madotsuki's own creation, another layer to the all u have is urself feeling. the art is just unusual i cant even say any of it on its own is in anyway scary. the whole thing shouldnt be scary and yet every time i start wandering in a world i cant help but feel unease. amazing 10/10 no other game will ever have what this gave me.
everyone knows i play pkmn the best is still pmd sky that also rewired my brain i still cant play it without crying.
its been a long time since i was really just playing it as the chapters released & got translated but 1bitheart is so so so important to me too. i dont kin for multiple reasons but if i did nanashi would be my first choice. like- without saying that to her i got my one irl friend to play once & when she saw how nanashi was she turned to me and went "this is just you" hes very important to me even now. absolutely loved the whole friendship sim & the story & its twists & the endings & their implications left me in shambles at 1 am on a school night. my fave charas are nanashi enri & saaya btw. i should replay this.
i also love the etrian odyssey series i love the character portraits (esp with the more recent games' color customization) i LOVE the dungeon art & i think all the monster designs are so cool. adore the whole make ur own map aspect keeps me so entertained to take a step & look around & chart all the walls & path ways. unfortunately i fucking suck at every single one i am not very good at strategy games so i end up stuck at or before the 3rd stratum. but thats okay its still fun to me.
the other one i'll talk about at length is spirit of the north another game i loved the art of. u play as a fox & get a partner spirit fox & i just love it SOOOO much. its also a game with 0 dialogue but theres A Lot going on it if u care to follow along & explore & dig into details & the game play is also pretty fun to me. this is the one game i started learning the speedrun btw thats also a very fun way to play it but ABSOLUTELY play it as intended first it has so much to offer
aaaand special mentions to omori, oneshot, witch's house, mermaid swamp, corpse party, & limbus company
#asks#kuki#idk if id say omori was good storywise but it WAS fun & i loved the portrayal of escapism#i love the ethical dilemma of oneshot#everyone loves witchs house. tragic story.#there was something in particular about mermaid swamp that made it memorable but i have to play it again its been years#corpse party also hits on something in the 'ur alone and trapped' feeling that i really like. cant say its actually good tho#& limbus is so fucking hard FUCK the spicebush fight PLEASE just let me overlevel w corp ryoshu so she can sweep & i can progress-#ah but the story is equal levels fucked up & horrifying and also the funniest thing i have ever read in my life. emotional whiplash. love i#i also played the mogeko games in high school those were something. i really liked memoca from wadanohara & moge-ko from mogeko castle#im not actually a gamer sorry i dont play much. i mostly just play pkmn#and proseka. but i dont care about anyone but 25ji & i cant read their stories bc they trigger me so i just tappy tap to songs#this reminds me i still have to catch up on hte maigoen game. wasnt doing well when it released but i might be able to handle that now#the. kanata chapter i think it is. i played the others. bgm is always so good thank u nilfruits im pretty sure thats who does it#and of course as soon as kamitsubaki city ensemble releases i will be playing that. & u will be hearing about it#bc ill get mad they make rime & friends cry#thisbis so long sorry
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Gonna watch doctor sleep, jerk off and forget im lonely
#i literally have a problem#i just hung out with ppl today#i got to socialize and talk to beautiful girls#iv had a good day#and the moment im alone in my house im miserable again#there something rooted deep in me that i dont know how to fix i think#sorry im being melodramatic#but im sick of working and spending 90% of my free time alone#i can do alone! i can do it im a big boy#and i can handle and do it#but i wish someone was excited for the next time we got to see each other or talk to each other#that wanted to spend their time with me#its the adhd acting up again#i literally have this probably every few months and have a fucking melt down because im not the important person in anyones life#but im about to be 25#and iv never been in love with anyone who was able to love me back#which isnt their problem its my own#i just get infatuated with ppl who im not their type or im just not a fit for the life they want#which is fine thatst just how it is#but iv been getting sad realizing the few times iv been infatuated enough to consider it romantic feelings of love#its always been to ppl im well aware im not built for#i can love them all i want but that wont change the fact that im just not what they want or what they need#and i just keep having to tell myself that its ok and im fine with it because i have to be#everyone tells me to just go for it#but i know already i wont get anything out of it but heartache#i may be a bit thick and not always aware when someone is interested in me until they say it to my face straight up#but i think im p good at telling when someone has NO interest in me ykno#i can look at someone i like and someone i know and see their interest and life and know im not meant to fit into it that way#so i shouldnt bother them with this going after it nonsense ykno#but idk where else to go
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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I was having a good day today for the first time since like…august and then someone said something and I’ve spiralled into anxiety grip ‘imworriedimworriedimworriedimworried’ brain and I’ve spoiled my night fr
#I’m just exhausted of existing this way#I’ve asked for advice and everyone tells me I need therapy or a doctor or something but I can’t make myself book an appointment#I need someone to *care* enough to help me do it but there’s no one who’s bothered and that just fucks me up more#*more#I physically can’t ask for help. I fill out the web form and then delete it before I send it. I start the conversation and then cant explain#how I feel or what help I need or I downplay it or joke my way out of it#and none of it is on purpose I just can’t ask for help#never have been able to#even when I was at school if I didn’t understand something I’d just…sit there and not understand instead of asking for help#idk I just#it’s like barriers come down in my brain that say NO SHARING NO#if I’m mid convo trying to talk about my feelings my tongue physically cannot handle the words#it feels like it swells up or something and I can’t get the words out or make the noise to talk and it sucks#I do agree yes talking therapy might be good for me but again like#where do I go? How do I find the right person to listen who will hear me out? how do I afford it? why would anyone want to listen to me?#thorn screams into the void
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😬
#I just texted a friend that I haven’t talked to in awhile#just wanted to check in#trying to reach out to people that I was close to but for whatever reason we fell out#I desperately need some friends#right now especially#trying to get into crystals and positive energy#cause right now I feel like all I’ve been attracting is negativity#got a ticket for a bullshit weed thing / got covid for the first time / my mom had a health scare / I got in my first car accident#idk man#I need something to change in my life#otherwise I feel like if I keep going down this road it’s going to be a lot more serious next time#and idk if I’ll be able to handle that#ok ok ok#ignore me again#shut up rosie#delete
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i finally sold my old tablet that i didnt use anymore and got 85€ for it so guess who has money to get armored core now. hehe
#yes yes i know what ive said about fromsoft games in the past but listen#i eventually settled into trying out sekiro and it was instant love it just clicked for me and i was honestly having the time of my life#until i got to ashina castle and my pc#that doesnt have working gpu drivers cause windows decided to install the generic ones over my good amd ones (i cant fix it ive tried)#just couldnt handle the new area or something idk#i started getting massive frame drops that made the game almost unplayable#and then the controller i use on my pc got a Lot of drift literally overnight#so yeah trying to do the genichiro fight with an average of 20 fps and stick drift wasnt fun at all#i did do the miniboss thats on the well from the start of the game and a few attemps on the seven spears guy#but at that point the drift was just too bad and i had tried a new fix for the drivers thing#and when i attempted genichiro again the game just crashed#so yeah#i Could play sekiro on the xbox but im not paying for a 4 year old game that got its price hiked#and runs at 900p and 30 fps on a new gen console cause the developers refuse to patch it <3#ill pirate again once i get a new pc sometime next year#Anyways all of this was to say i do sort of get fromsoft games now and ac looks fucking incredible#and it has a pause screen just like sekiro which is a must for me cause i enjoy being able to go pee without having to hide first
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the problem with trying to look for haircut reffos is that every picture is like "oh there's a ton of styling and products that went into that, there's no way to know what it'll look like if you don't do that every day"
#//juri speaks#i am so! sick! of the frizz and the fluff#and i kind of want to chop it shorter to see if that helps (it won't)#but i'm also like. terrified the stylist will give me something that doesn't work right#bc i don't know hair terms and don't know what to ask for#and i know that i like. simply will never be able to style my hair like they do#nor can i handle any of the 500-step wavy hair care routines that are everywhere online#''soak your hair in a bucket then add 30 products then diffuse upside down with low cool air until dry'' like.#do y'all have anything else to do during the day or is it just 8h of hair care#aaaaaaaaaauuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhh#i've made myself despondent once again so i guess i'll go... idk make biscuits for dinner later or smth. maybe baking will cheer me up
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