#idk if i should make a tag for this but i'm going to be working on it slowly finally
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{ 05.11.24 } · { 50 days of routine } · { day 7 }
I was never “popular” at school. Not that I ever cared to be. I don't have the personality for it. And I don't really care to have the personality for it either. I'm not and never will be That Girl™ material, a “high-value woman”, or whatever feminine persona is trendy on TikTok these days (and i'm not even ON TikTok, but ofc the trends spread everywhere like wildfire) because I don't look the part (nor do I want to...i quite like my personal style) or think or speak or act the way she would if it goes against my values and/or it won't actually improve my wellbeing. I say I don't care. And I really truly don't because a lot of it and what it leads to is straight-up problematic for my personal case, running counter to the life I want to live and all my reasons why. But as with anything, being yourself has its pros and cons.
Sometimes I still feel like it's hard to truly belong anywhere...even the places I make for myself like this blog... Sometimes when I feel like this, I feel like the only place I most belong is in my head. It's not good. That's not where I need to be, nor do I need to be much concerned about trends on social media and what drives people to follow them. And I certainly don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I need to be in the real world and focused on my work only because I think it's worth it and because I think I'm worth it as I am.
I'm not sure why I felt like saying this.
~~~Friendly PSA: STOP 🖐🏻 scrolling social media of any kind when feeling low in self-esteem.~~~
got up at 7, continued filling in the CBT workbook then decided to move my answers elsewhere because the annotating feature in the ebook app is getting annoying, started my day at 8 with the usual minimalist morning routine
10/30 mins of the same beginner pilates workout i did a few days ago except i forgot to breathe and ended up so light-headed i couldn't go anymore...
filling in CBT workbook because i can't get the reflection questions out of my head until i answer them... 😣 so far, nothing new has been revealed to me, but in the busy-ness of the day-to-day, i tend to neglect ALL the other dimensions of my life and then forget that that's why i feel so shitty and the problem is the self-prompted reflection i tend to do at this time carries a lot of negativity and pessimism and comparison and judgment and it's not very organized, it's actually not organized at all, it's always just a word vomit. but when i do it now, with the tone of the categorized prompts not being judgy at all, i'm able to look at my problems more objectively and holistically and like "oh okay, i'm not doing as bad in this dimension as i thought and the REAL problem is this other dimension of life and all the specific things you mention are lacking here" and idk, sometimes i think it's weird that my brain works this way, it's like i was looking at the same picture the entire time and all i had to do was turn it a bit to the left for it to make sense. is this how brains normally work? 😅
finished last week's microbio module
researching for global health assignment...will begin writing tmr 😅👍
finished section 1/2 of last week's immunology module and started the loooong second section 🥴👍
🎧 some nights – fun.
@zzzzzestforlife tagged me to do this picrew! it was fun. and it's so coincidental that i've been thinking about ghosts lately! the past versions of us that we follow without question when they tell us what to do, what not to do, and what we should aspire for... ☁️ sometimes those ghosts are right...and sometimes they're just plain toxic.
tagging @whenmemoriesfrost @chemblrish @ecologie-txt @winryrockbellwannabe @obakanosandoitchi if you want to :)
#idk sometimes navigating social media feels like navigating another school playground 🤷🏻♀️#studyblr#studyspo#study aesthetic#mental health#study motivation#study inspiration#late night thoughts#popularity#becoming that girl#pilates girl#pilates princess#wonyoungism#that girl#it girl#clean girl#astudentslifebuoy#high value woman#heydilli#heyfrithams#studyingwithmila#100dop#therapy#mental wellness#mental health matters#cognitive behavioral therapy#100 days of productivity#100 days of studying#100 days of self discipline#50 days of routine
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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TYPECAST: First Kanaphan edition
#first kanaphan#the eclipse#moonlight chicken#blacklist series#wolf series#only friends the series#not me the series#wake up ladies#my gifs#my edits#mine: first kanaphan#mine: typecast#userjamiec#tuserhidden#tuserrowan#tostrangers#idk if any usertags will work bc of how far down they are? but#should i use the edit tags instead of the show names?#i don't wanna use bl source or asian lgbtq~ tags bc they're not all bls#i don't fuckn no how to tag thisssss#i am in DISTRESS#i was about to say presented without further commentary but then i did my alt texts#sorry about that.#i lost my mind making this set btw#nobody's allowed to ask chiara about it#i have khaotung drafted but i have to go download a bunch of episodes to gif some of the characters#u better believe i have typecasts written for a bunch of these boys but lord knows if i'll ever do em#i didn't do kim because 1) i haven't watched the shipper and 2) i just have him described as 'dead' because i think i'm funny#i didn't do f4 or astrophile either bc i haven't watched them and don't intend to
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Headcanon that Leo has the song "Honey, i'm good" in his distraction working playlist and whenever it comes on, he refers to Festus as the "somebody at home" when that line comes on and him and Festus just have a nice little time enjoying a silly little song
#bonus points if whoever you ship w Leo walks in on them and Leo jokingly rejects them for Festus like the song says#festus the dragon#i feel like Festus would make machine noises to go w the song#idk Spotify shuffled that song into my Leo Valdez distraction playlist#and honestly i thought it was funny#after typing it out i can't tell anymore if this is awesome or slightly weird#but i think Leo and Festus would listen to music together and have a fun little time while Leo is working in either the Bunker or the Forge#also personal opinion Festus is totally fine and doing well and came with Leo to the Waystation#i need more Festus content honestly#leo valdez and festus the dragon#make it a tag pls#leo valdez#pjo leo#leo pjo#leo valdez pjo#heroes of olympus#leo valdez headcanons#festus the dragon headcanon#pjo festus#am i spelling him wrong?? where are all the festus tags??#pjo hoo toa#also depending on your ships#jason grace#valgrace#nico di angelo#valdangelo#i'm... i should tag Caleo shouldn't i...#i'll leave that to the Caleo shippers#feel free to use this hc for your ship but yk#riordanverse
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2nd batch of sourdough! Lots better than the first, actually got some crumb structure this time (bc the starter is finally ready for bread)
#it's 70% hydration 20% starter and 16h bulk fermentation & 6h of proofing#I think I like the 70% hydration for now#it's still enough moisture to get that open structure but easy to work with#(hydration is the thing that makes the crumb structure open&tender so kind of the higher hydration dough u have the better the bread but th#problem with high-hydration dough is that it's real hard to work with so gotta build some skills before can move onto those#like some professionals even make 100% hydration doughs)#(the percentage is like how much water you have in comparison to the flour: 100% is like if u have 500g of flour you also have add 500g of#water or like 70%: 500g flour and 350g of water)#this is just a 250g of flour one tho bc I live alone and don't want waste/my freezer full of bread#idk if these interest anyone but idc it's my blog I'm going to be posting abt sourdough#should make up a tag for these#elvis bread#it's that one ^^ for now until (if) I can come up with a better one bc my starter is named Elvis#sourdough#april 2024#2024
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— v. raison d'être
It was never going to last. They knew it from the beginning, all of them. Their time in the First was temporary, fleeting. For some, that would have been enough to give pause, to keep distance. For them, it made these moments all the more precious—even when it was difficult, even when it was unfair. Ryne knows they are both proud of her. That will never change, even when they live in separate worlds. It is a bittersweet thing to say goodbye, to close one chapter and begin the next. But change is necessary, a fundamental aspect of life. There is no sense in clinging to the past when the future—with all its countless possibilities—lies ahead. There is no looking back. Only forwards.
#ffxiv#final fantasy 14#ff14#gpose#gposers#warrior of light#thancred waters#ryne waters#wolcred#wolcred week#aureia malathar#oc tag#myreia screenshots#aurcred 2024#not me putting Aur in scouting gear and then giving her a rdm weapon 😔... which you can barely even see LOL#ryne looks like she's almost the same height as aur because of the angle but she's really not 😭#she's! so! tiny!!!!#anyway i don't think this is an actual scene or anything it's just - an impression of how they are at the end of 5.3.#i tried making this dreamlike and hazy but idk if it worked i regret having too much DOF and blurring out the stars#this is more ryne's POV than either of theirs - aureia's the one who can stay he's the one who has to leave#there's grief in that acceptance and it's bittersweet but it's also happy in a way#anyway aur and thancred's individual relationships with ryne is the glue of their relationship in shb#i don't think they would have gotten past their issues if not for her#what they have at the end of 5.0. + start of eden gives them a couple months of feeling like a normal family#joke's on them they're not normal nothing is normal the more they try to make things normal the more it's going to crash#the moment of reprieve was good but it was a bit of a fantasy and it wasn't going to last#urianger is here in spirit I'M SO SORRY HE SHOULD BE HERE HE'S PART OF THIS TOO 😭#i was too sleepy to pose a 4th character rip#urrrgghhh anyway i have so much to say about how lakeland is Aureia's home now and it's Ryne's home too but he can't be there byeeeeee 🙃#shadowbringers spoilers
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she's live
now you can see what everyones height is in my head because i refuse to download height sliders. look at ass <3
#also works on mobile btw ☝️ !!#me successfully making this is proof you can achieve anything with 500 google searches#you should see my search history#html how to put image. html how to change image size. html how to put images in a row. html how to center a row of images. html how to#their pinterest boards are disabled at the moment because i need to make them look good before i share them#and most tags don't work yet because i'm too lazy to go back through my whole blog and tag almost 2 years worth of posts 😭#going to christen it by reblogging one of those dress up your sim prompt ask games#if i can find it#and then i'm going to get completely stuck into rufus and sawyers gameplay yessss i can't wait#leaving virgils gameplay forever i think because when rufus and sawyer have a kid i'm moving him in as the babysitter#would you believe me if i told you there is 0 cc clothes in this#i've fallen in love with maxis clothing recently idk what happened to me#besides roxys boots and virgils bag its a vanilla lookbook#thank you to everyone who voted on the poll yesterday btw#even though it was 50/50 the majority of the time it was up#it ended up 60/40 after an hour tho so i went with my fav macmahon lifestages instead of young adult stages!#goodnight <3
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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Was doing okay holding back all of the fear re: the potential election outcome until literally this second what the fuck to my brain lmao
#wherein lmao means I'm so scared and i cant stop crying rn#no one should have to fear this. not me nor anyone else nor the ppl who have already had to flee their homes worldwide#a person shouldn't have to worry abt violence being enacted upon them bc of who they are which like#obvi isn't a new concept to myself and most ppl but i feel like the folks who'll vote Trmp don't care for it#won't affect them in theory after all so of course they don't care#Housemate and I are trying to figure out where we could go and how in case of the worst#and it's not even the first time I'll have had to leave a place bc of safety reasons (two nickles on that already in my life)#but it doesn't make it any less daunting#i just want to live my life in our little house with Housemate and the cats working my shit job and trying to enjoy whatever i can#none of this matters and im shouting into a void full of equally terrified ppl dealing with this themselves if not worse#these tags don't make sense entirely and i don't care. i have things I should be doing and I'm sitting in my room#paralysed by fear over all of this#i should distract myself but with what? at what point do i accept the distractions can only do so much?#maybe I'll just take a nap again. idk. feels weird and wrong to play a video game or nap ordo anything that isn't trying to research options#i need to stop rambling here like im hoping time will pause while i type im out again lmao
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me: hmm who to romance who to romance
me: gets to the party scene
me: wait why is everyone all ready for sex now I BARELY KNOW YOU
#bg3#ace problems#i know bg3 is all about catering to the people#infamous bear scene made that obvs#but like#i need a romance first! backstory! history!#it should take more work than this to enter a relationship with companions!#why yes i did romance fenris in da2 why do you ask#also kaidan in mass effect including no romance in me2#look i'm too ace for this shit#anyway can't get over gale talking about his ex all the time#(tho he did compare me to his cat so point in his favor)#so i'm def gonna go karlach and maybe?? halsin?#cos apparently there's poly#larian how am i supposed to decide if i wanna sleep with halsin when i've said .5 words to the man#honestly#maybe i've missed out on a bunch of companion interactions??#idk man#EDIT TAGS: OH APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HALSIN YET#okay that makes more sense now#edit again: ALSO WHY IS 'SHARING SOME WINE' AN INVITATION TO SEX#LARIAN PLEASE I'M WAY TOO ACE FOR THIS#this party is a minefield#EDIT 3 THERE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEX AT THIS POINT IN TIME
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Just saw this comment on a story posted a month ago.
*cries in Eddie Munson Solo Series no one wanted to read, interact with or request for*
No shade to the person that commented this on their own fic if you recognize it. It's not their fault. I'm not mad at them. More crying in the tags.
#and no I didn't tag the solo series like I normally would because it's not about THAT. It's not about trying to get people to read it#It was just really ouchie to see the same concept I wrote 2 years ago get triple the notes in ONE MONTH.#and double the notes of my solo series masterlist in general in one month vs 2 years of my stories sitting there rotting#Then I see people saying they need more solo Eddie and I'm just here like my dudes I begged for requests. BEGGED. But bc I wasn't#/have never been a popular writer people don't want it from ME. It's like omg we want THIS but not like that. Not from you.#Can't help but let it get you down when nothing has changed in 2 years. It's not like I worked my way up and have the interaction now#that every other blog I used to commiserate with back in the day is getting currently. Fandom isn't a competition but it's not fair either#and I really struggle with that a lot of the time#Also yes I will concede I should be happy with the notes on the solo series because they are the highest of all the work on my page but#they're still nothing compared to what some people have just hours after posting a new story.#I saw someone complaining the other day that there are less new stories in the fandom than ever 1. That's simply not true. 2. Even if it wa#can you blame writers for giving up when readers are checking the same popular blogs over again or reading the same 5 tropes the same#2 pairings over and over. The same series? Over and over. Ignoring everything else and then complaining that their faves don't post enough?#That the popular writer with the incredible series (that rightfully deserves interaction) hasn't posted a new dad!eddie or rockstar!eddie#drabble in ages meanwhile there are writes out there pouring their souls into dad!eddie and no one reads it. There is so much rockstar Eddi#smut out there that it could sustain a brand new reader for an entire year before they needed a new fic#Idk man. I'm just feeling so defeated. I write for fun now. But there was a point in time where I desperately tried to build a platform by#offering requests and writing a lot of things I would not otherwise write to try and gain traction on my page and every time I see another#food fucking fic get hundreds of notes I get so sad that I wrote that stupid Melon fic because I had people in my life that told me#they would be excited to read it and for what? One of them still talks to me. The others moved on so fast. Most didn't even reblog it.#Some of them have since written their own food fucking fics that got triple the notes of my OG. Again. No shade to them. I don't own the#concept. It's just disheartening and fucking sad above all else. How hard I tried to get people to LIKE me and my stories. 😂#Just sad hours in general tonight my guys. Going to go and pour the bad feelings into Aftermath and then maybe make a bad life choice and#pour all my savings into an ipad#YES I KNOW first world problems. I know. That's why I try not to talk about it bc it seems so petty considering the state of the world#But you can't help what gets you down#EMMs Journal#EMM's Journal
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cooking up a rabbit 🍳
#wip#diy#ooak doll#my art#idk if i should make a tag for this but i'm going to be working on it slowly finally#i've been gathering supplies for months for it bit by bit#i'm not sure what i'm doing but join me on this adventure#first time doing a doll#if it sucks everyone close your eyes and pretend i didn't do anything#now i need to sand it#paint it#varnish it#it's gonna have a material body and be like mixed media overall
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how does the raft not capsize.
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#i mean komasan's not there in canon 3 so it's slightly better but not by a lot#i feel like someone should at least be falling off how is the raft also big enough to hold them all-#whisper floats so he doesn't add weight or any space really but like#it still needs to both hold the weight of three teenagers and two yo-kai#AND have the room for them all to fit#the rafting challenge in bada-bing tower is probably worse cuz it has to fit two additional yo-kai#i think komasan not being that important in the mainline games is very lame. he's pretty important in the anime so it's kinda weird#he is at least somewhat important in 3 since he's there for the yopple tour and everything in bada-bing tower#whereas in 1 he has the auto-befriend yo-kai curse (only being important in their debut chapter)#and in 2 he literally only shows up during the jibakoma quest in psychic specters#(excluding being an npc during the beginning of the jibanyan's secret quest alongside a bunch of other yo-kai)#idk what's weirder the fact they made him so important in the anime despite that or the fact they never made him important in the games#i personally go with the nyanderful days continuity that he also moves in with katie cuz that makes sense to me#i've literally never written anything where nate's the one who gets the watch in 1 so idk what i'd do there-#(funny how i've never written anything that's in the same timeline as canon-)#i want to at least write something at somepoint where nate and katie both get watches cuz i like that idea#i mean i have a dumb au idea where nate and katie independently get watches at the start of 1 at around the same time#and take an extended period of time to realize#mostly just haven't actualized that cuz 1) i already have the rewrite and 2) i don't have enough ideas#basically just have the basic concept-#these tags got derailed quick. and also make me really wanna work on the rewrite more-#i have so many ideas but i'm just not motivated to write any of them#and also most of them are for 3 and i haven't finished rewriting 2 yet 😔#‚‚‚ anyways-
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google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power
#edit: warning the tags get pretty personal whoops. however tumblr is like a diary to me so. but if discussions of father issues arent for u#it's not anything he's directly said but like. when we talk about it i can tell he's clinging to this like#image of musk as this inventor working for the good of humanity#because he's admired him for a long time and like i get it it's hard to let go of your heroes when it turns out they're trash#but. he's always been trash. is the thing. and i've been saying this.#and it would be nice to feel some solidarity! or support! or empathy idk!#and not like. lectures why tesla is actually progressive or why spacex is the best thing to happen to science since fucking penicillin#and sometimes ppl who push the world towards progress rub people the wrong way#god like. we were in the car the other day talking about it and i mentioned tesla moving to texas bc of the law protecting trans kids#and he mumbled something like well sure yeah he said that but Really... really it's about the taxes......#okay!! who give a shit! that's not the point! the point is that he's got fucking legions of alt right fanboys who hang off his every word#so when he says something that is good for trans people is actually dangerous and bad and hurts kids#and when he openly publicly deadnames and misgenders and LIES about his TRANS DAUGHTER. it's fucking dangerous! and it makes trans people#(IE ME. YOUR CHILD.)#feel unsafe!#it should get you angry! it should make you rethink how you saw him previously! it should make you want to stop supporting him!#idk. i mean my dad has never been like. against me being trans. and he's worked really hard on the pronouns and not deadnaming me#but it's stuff like this where it feels like he doesn't grasp how he's de-prioritizing my perspective as a trans person and.#his Child.#and how his first reaction to me starting t was 'no.. why would you do that :('#it just feels bad. i love him so much but it's shit like this that makes me feel like i don't matter to him or like i'm disappointing him#and then he gets confused when i tell him that i feel that way#wow! sorry for this. i should get serious about finding a therapist i dont think i knew i felt all this until i typed it out#im gonna add a tag at the beginning of this. as a warning. lolololol. lol. anyway#got 2 pick up my t tomorrow and also email my dr for more wellbutrin haha slay! hit the slay button. dispenses ssris.#god i'm so tired sorry i'm delirious actually. also i saw my brother this weekend which was so nice and he's such a weirdo which also#makes me weirder by proxy
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