#i need a romance first! backstory! history!

[wantonlywindswept]

me: hmm who to romance who to romance

me: gets to the party scene

me: wait why is everyone all ready for sex now I BARELY KNOW YOU

[writers-potion]

when writing enemies to lovers, how to I avoid the trope of “hes mean to me but it’s okay because he likes me” and make the mmc redeemable after being mean, because so far all I have is have her be just as bad 😭 (I don’t know if I worded that right)

Redeeming The Bad Boy Character

Drop Subtle Hints of Redeemability

Okay. Rule Number 1 for romance heroes: They need to be LOVABLE. Full stop. 

Before you start coming up with possible justifications, place the actions of your bad boy on the emotional balancing scale of your girl. Do his real feelings shine through the meanness on the surface?

What readers usually DON’T want to see redeemed is:

Outright lying/manipulating the girl 

Being obsessive and controlling 

Physical/emotional bullying (i.e. stuff that real bullies would do)

“Crossing the line”: This will depend on character - like insulting a disabled sister the girl character feels super protective towards (like NO PLEASE NO)

Even if the “enemy” phase of your romance is meant to be intense, your bad boy needs to display “goodness of heart”. This is easy if you’re switching POVs or 3rd person omniscient where you can show him secretly beating himself in regret, trying to make up with her behind her back although she doesn’t know, etc. 

Even if you’re doing the girl’s 1st person POV, drop subtle hints that the guy character isn’t as mean as the girl is made to believe:

Him having the reputation with friends/teachers/neighbors for being kind 

Him being awarded in school for good deeds

The girl’s friend telling her stories about how the guy actually seems nice. If this is a YA setting, you can even get away with explicit comments like, “maybe you’re judging him too hard”, etc. 

A good example is Bryce  in <Flipped>:

Bryce is an innately shy middle schooler who finds himself inadvertently influenced by his toxic dad, who looks down on the girl (Juli) and her family. 

By flipping over to Bryce’s POV, his reluctance for the “mean” things he’s done is revealed (he’s kinda scared of his dad + he’s never been taught better)

Eventually, Bryce grows up and learns to treat Juli better. 

If you’re going to use family history/backstory as justification, remember:

The backstory doesn’t justify anything by just existing. That’s called an excuse. 

The bad boy needs to have a point of realization and grow up, moving away from his dark past into the light, towards the love interest. 

Misunderstanding

Another way to redeem a bad boy character is to shift some blame on the female character too. In fact, every story has two sides - the girl has her own goals and biases. 

For example:

Academic or workplace rivals: since the girl has to compete with him, she will tend to take offhand comments offensively, etc. 

A third person badmouthing the buy deliberately to the girl

The girl overhearing the guy saying something bad about her (which wasn’t in fact the case) and being determined to not like anything he does after

Make Him Suffer 

If you want to give your girl some backbone, just make her fight back! “Fighting back” can be in different forms:

Ignoring the guy outright

Just giving her another potential love interest who treats her better 

She literally correcting him with awesome logic and maturity that make him shut up

She crying (either out of madness or sadness), then proceeding to avoid him actively

Write about how your bad boy will eventually realize his mistakes and come around after he takes a real blow. Think about why your bad boy is being mean in the first place: it’s to get her attention. Tit-for-tat can work for female characters who have some teeth, but doing the same things he does would mean that she IS giving him attention, which ironically fulfills his initial motives. 

Personally, I think the best way to “fight back” is to no longer give him the attention, hinting that the girl wishes to move on from this unhelpful relationship status. This will set off warning signs in the MMC’s head that if he doesn’t change his ways, she would be gone for good. 

The point is, if your girl cannot tolerate something, you can’t make her sit around. If your boy is mean and immature, she needs to be the one to take the mature step - and walk away.

Apologizing in the Other Character’s Style

What the MMC will need to do to gain the girl’s attention back will depend on what she thinks, but this will often involve:

Explaining his true motivations/resolving the misunderstanding

A genuine apology 

Spending some time apart during which he can reflect and make up to her 

Undoing the damage, if this is possible

If she’s been just as bad as him on occasions, make her reciprocate the apology! Re-establish healthy boundaries that didn’t exist before, and show how they stick to it. 

[penny-anna]

i have other things to do but here we gooooo owl house fic recs:

Autism to Autism Communication by Polyhexian

"I understand sarcasm," Hunter said, sounding offended. He crossed his arms. "You didn't do the voice thing." Darius stared at him. "The what?" Hunter put his arms in the air and gave his hands a sarcastic little wave. "I GuEsS I'LL hAvE tO sToP cOmInG oVeR, tHeN," he said in the most over the top and comical parody of sarcasm that Darius had ever heard in his life.

everything by this author is great & this one is a joy and a delight!!

Extant Species by Polyhexian

She'd been called a monster more times than she could count, but she knew what a real monster looked like.

i'd happily rec a bunch of polyhexian's stuff but this lil vee & hunter fic was a highlight. especially enjoy the part where hunter's advising her on how best to go about murdering him. love that for them both!!

Owlet by Polyhexian

"Eda!" Hunter yelled as he shouldered open the door and Hooty cooed and rambled at him, "I need help with my potions homewooooooaaaat the HELL is that?!" Luz looked up from where she was sitting on the couch and reading what appeared to be a romance novel about werewolves. "What is what?" "That!" he yelled, pointing at the hulking behemoth curled up in the middle of the room in a massive pile of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. "Is that the owl beast?!"

& 1 more!! short n sweet n cute

With Clay and Star Scraps by SiryyGray

Hunter decided to do some research into Grimwalkers. First discovery: Grimwalkers were outlawed in every city under every rule as far back as the history books go. Second discovery: Grimwalkers have no natural means of death. Third discovery: there’s a caveat to that second one.

some absolutely brutal grimwalker content. SPOILERS: hunter can't outlive belos.

Intrusion by rayrock

'He drops something in. It moves and writhes, but it is clearly exhausted. “Eat,” is all he says, voice barely above a whisper. But it is a demand nonetheless, intimidating enough to send shivers down her spine. She hisses in protest once more. He tucks the notepad and pen into his cloak and pulls out a staff. It unfolds and glows a bright red. He does not say anything more. He is nearly always silent when she sees him.' Or: Vee and the Golden Guard’s relationship is complicated, but it is there

some more vee & hunter content for you

just a little bit left by prodigalDaughter

The first time Darius had seen the new Guard unmasked, the fury and betrayal had risen in him like floodwater, bubbling and steaming out of creeks and sewers. Creed had never told him he had a son. —— Hunter has discovered what he is, but he’s not the only one who has to grapple with assumptions made about his origins.

hey remember the other day when i was talking about 'what if darius thought hunter was the previous golden guard's son'! well here u go someone wrote that fic

Wild and Wandering Cries by PorcelanaRota

So his uncle goes flying into the wall directly above him and he is unable to dodge. And his uncle, who is now more palisman curse slime than he is flesh and blood, splatters on the wall, on the ground, on him. Hunter’s been in hundreds of life-or-death situations. He’s felt real and true and visceral fear that sank into his bones and marinated into terror more times than not. Still, nothing has ever left him so shocked and horrified and just flat-out scared that time has actually stopped.

belos splash zone? belos splash zone.

mistakes (the thrilling saga, in high definition) by quynnyah

"This," Amity says, "is not normal human behavior." (Or: Amity and Hunter volunteer to help Camila on a grocery trip. It goes about as well as expected.)

some banging amity & hunter in the human realm stuff for u

Notched by angelcloves

Belos removes the ear tag from his newest Grimwalker.

tiny wee fic giving a backstory for Hunter's notched ear. i rotate this concept in my brain all the time. absolutely twisted.

There is no open window, but the floors still creep by theprincessofdenial

On Tuesday, they eat Chinese. On Wednesday, Camila once again doesn’t have the time to cook, so pizza it is. On Thursday, she wants to make a proper dinner but there’s a hold up at the clinic, Luz knocks over a shelf, Willow has a wardrobe emergency, and then Amity’s cat goes missing. And Hunter beats Gus up so badly the boy ends up bleeding, so there’s also that.

hgnnnh i would rec this entire series if i could (it's 14 fics totally 200k total). its all so chewy i want to get my teeth into it and rrrrrrrrrr. ANYWAY this is my no 1 fav i've been back and re-read it about 7 times. love the Camila Noceda POV; the way it captures the chaos of all 6 kids in the house and makes it feel so real & vivid; the absolutely brutal Hunter characterisation. if ur a Hunter fan go read this right away.

Distance by theprincessofdenial

For the first minute, they all just stand there in silence and watch the airship slowly disappear beyond the horizon. Even though they’re supposed to react quickly, the cold still comes as a shock. It takes some time for the reality to settle in and for them to realize how useless everything they have brought is going to be when their marrow freezes. Hunter hears some of the Scouts inhaling sharply after they approach the ledge and look down. They turn around, unsure where to start, and they shuffle their feet in the snow (terrible decision, really, this way their boots are going to get wet even quicker). Hunter’s the first one to break the silence, and oh, he does it with style. He has been rehearsing that line for a week. “See you at the bottom, suckers!” he exclaims as he pulls out the staff and disappears in a flash of red light. (or: The Obligatory "Leave Everyone at the Top of the Mountain and See Who Makes It Back to the Bottom Alive" Fic. With a splash of Steve)

2nd rec from this series. exactly what it says on tin. *banging pots together* you like whump come get your whump i ADORE what this author does w Hunter. also Steve is there (whump for Steve!!)

A Potter's Field by theprincessofdenial

The view from the staircase is, well, not stunning, that’s definitely not the word. It’s just that “view” is supposed to be accompanied by “stunning,” and Luz can feel her brain coming to a screeching halt and refusing to process what they’re seeing. It's skeletons. Come on, they both knew it was going to be skeletons. The entire Isles know at this point. (Or: despite what the stories would have you believe, in the aftermath, there are things to deal with. Those things include ruined infrastructure, electing new leaders, and prosecuting those responsible for the old regime. And apparently, also Grimwalker mass graves.)

& third and final. unbelievably chewy post-canon fic. lets get into the reconstruction of the isles in full detail. goes hard as hell. will sit in my brain for a long time i think. cannot rec this enough.

and rats all for now!! i got a bunch more stuff in my 'marked for later' so watch this space

[respectthepetty]

How does it feel to stay winning Petty? Also who would've guessed that baby Barcode would be the one of the BOC boys to collect kisses from all the homies!?

Anon, I appreciate you sending this because, right now, I feel like an elite status female rapper. Like CL from 2NE1 rapped in their 2011 hit, "I am the best", Be On Cloud owns me, and y'all can't tell me shit about this show.

I know I have some Wild Ass Theories and I'm always clownin' in these BL streets, but I love when my theories actually hit their target like . . .

When I knew Teacher Chadok was in a relationship with Teacher Dika since the first episode of The Eclipse.

When I knew Kanghan's house was going to be robbed and his dad would be shot since the third episode of Dangerous Romance, even though I thought Saifah would do it.

When I knew Pat was working with Joke to win over Zo since the first episode of Hidden Agenda.

I love making Wild Ass Theories no matter how crazy they are, like my belief that the twins' dad is involved in this whole murder and sex work plot in Playboyy. No matter what happened in this past episode, I still believe it and am eagerly awaiting the upcoming chaos to see how hard I clowned.

Which is why I LOVE Dead Friend Forever.

I want the record to state that no matter what happens after episode seven, that at this exact moment in time, I love this show. It makes me happy to be alive at the same time this is airing, and I'm not joking. I want to remember that at one point, this show was everything to me, and even if it goes down hill, it had all my attention in the first seven episodes. I want to appreciate it right now because regardless of what happens, it did everything right in the first half.

With the way some shows keep losing their footing in the end, sometimes we forget how good they were in the beginning, and the emo in me doesn't want to forget this feeling. Some of my favorite movies are Scream, Heathers, and Jawbreaker so this show has been giving me the explicitly queer version of kill your frenemies since the very first episode, and I love it.

My internal alarm went off the second Tee got upset that Phi was speaking to White in episode one, then the dark hand touched him making him enemy #1. I didn't like the way he told White he needed to obey him, and I feel like the dark hand wasn't too pleased with it either. It was a vibe.

And now Non has a hurt hand in the past from falling off the bike . . .

Then, Jin was the main character of the previous film, so he was either the killer or the biggest baddie.

But Phi was just so sus, that I clocked him as a killer.

Which meant Phi and Jin were the killers, but Tan has no backstory and people with no history are intentionally hiding it, so they can kill everyone and peace out.

So in my mind, Tan and Phi were regulated to the killers, Tee was the second to last to die, which I'm hoping it's by his boyfriend White who he thinks disobeys him, and the rest of the squad would die as needed. Which left Jin to be the baddie.

All of my theories could blow up at any second because we don't know if Jin actually sent that video or if his computer fizzled out before it finished uploading, so he could still be a killer avenging Non instead of a baddie who wronged Non (but he took the video and that is messed up regardless of what he planned to do with it).

But either way, I'm hoping it comes down to Phi and Jin in that forest because the show started with them.

And I don't think Jin realizes who Phi is to Non since Jin never got a good look at Phi's face in the past.

The Twitter folks spotted that Phi's dad was the police chief from the letters the boys got calling them in for interrogation in episode six.

And now the knife from episode two is showing up in the past in Non's backpack.

Up until this point, I feel the show has laid out a solid story with a good cast, and I think Be On Cloud relied on their KinnPorsche casting to throw people off in this show because who expected Us to be doomed in the first episode? That was like Drew Barrymore dying at the beginning of Scream.

People have felt off about JJ's character, but the show wouldn't really have JJ do anything bad to sweet Barcode, right?

And Barcode and Ta being paired together was a pipe dream for the Macau x Porchay shippers, so it could never happen here!

Especially because Ta and Copper won The Hidden Character, which meant they were going to be the main pair of this show, right?

WRONG!

Barcode is gonna be involved in some fucked up shit, and according to those MDL comments, people are realizing they messed up making any assumptions before this show started based on what the actors previously did.

I truly feel like BOC looked at its lineup and said "Baby Barcode was babygirled so hard for the past two years that the audience won't even think his character is capable of such things"

and I love that for us.

BOC gave these youngsters (19-23 in age) a script from Dr. Sammon and the Pit Babe writers and said "go HAM, bitches"

And the audience stays winning.

This isn't about my Wild Ass Theories coming true. This is an appreciation post for what this show has given to me up until this point - a good mystery.

Every week I have more questions and none of them feel like they will go unanswered. Is Non dead? Did Jin actually upload the video? Is Tan a killer? Why did Phi hook up with Jin? Will White finally snap, crackle, and pop like a bag of Rice Krispies treats for the mere fact that he simply wanted a nice weekend getaway with his boyfriend and now has to deal with all this bullshit?

But most importantly, when did Phi realize he was going to kill all of them after making them run around scared for their lives?

Because by time the show makes it back to the present day, I'm sure we're all going to want to watch these kids suffer in the worst ways possible.

Manipulate, Murder, Mayhem

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: No Ordinary Duchess by Elizabeth Hoyt

4.75/5. Releases 12/10/24.

The Vibes: stern hero/perky heroine, femdom with an alpha submissive, caretaking, and soothing long-held wounds

Heat Index: 8/10

The Basics:

Elspeth and Julian come from families with a deep history of betrayal and dislike. He's cold, brooding, and strictly regimented; she's free-spirited, quirky, and... oh yeah, aligned with a centuries-old secret society of Wise Women. Julian is on the hunt that his wicked uncle murdered his mother, which brings him directly into Elspeth's path as she seeks out an ancient text of vital importance. As they continue on their separate missions, they keep running into each other—and sharing secrets... and perhaps discovering that their feelings run far beyond on the forbidden....

The Review:

THE QUEEN HAS RETURNED.

I will read anything Elizabeth Hoyt writes. She's written several all-time favorites of mine (Thief of Shadows, Duke of Midnight, The Raven Prince, Sweetest Scoundrel... to name a few) and her Maiden Lane series is, as far as I'm concerned, one of the greatest things committed to the romance genre. She takes big swings, she writes some of the best sex scenes on the block, and she pays equal attention to the characterization of her tortured heroes and her varied heroines who, frankly, rarely have time for said heroes' collective shit.

I have missed her, and I was honestly getting a little worried that she'd decided to take a step back. But I kept the faith! And it paid off, because this return release is everything I could have asked for. It reminds me of what historical romance can be, how it can stretch, and how it can, at the same time, harken back to the bonkers romps I love most.

There is, by the way, a bonkers overarching plot that honestly isn't as wild as Hoyt can get, but. You know. There's a mystical ancient society of goddess-abiding women and also the whole thing where Elspeth's brother killed Julian's sister (Many Thoughts On This) and the hunt for two separate crucial books... It's still wacky. And it should be!

That being said, this plot falls to the wayside in favor of Julian and Elspeth's relationship and character development. I feel like the first Greycourt book, Not the Duke's Darling, which I actually did like, might not have hit as hard for some readers because the Other Plot kind of overtook the Romance Plot. That is not the case here at all. Elspeth and Julian are so front and center that I feel like the Other Plot is borderline tangential, aside from the battle against the Evil Uncle (who you will have seen in When A Rogue Meets His Match, which I really enjoyed a lot but need to reread). You get a satisfying follow-through on all that, but you're absolutely reading for a truly swoony, hot, FEELINGS-Y romance.

I am a longtime lover of books that are basically "stoic man who's constantly wrapped up in his tragic backstory is flabbergasted by That Broad's Audacity". That... could just be how you sum up this book. At every turn, Julian, who it must be said is stupid hot, tries to stay devoted to his brooding. And at every turn, Elspeth pokes him, blinks, and goes "Why is that?"

When she's not reading Georgian porn. Which she does a lot, for someone who's on the hunt for an ancient, super important book. While also dodging assassination attempts. And that's so valid of her.

Julian just can't deal with Elspeth. She baffles him. He's supposed to hate her! She's the sister of the guy who killed his sister! Mortal enemies and all that! Also, she's seriously getting in the way of his own hunt, what with her constantly getting almost murdered and, you know, That Ass. And she's just so disarming, so honest (... in some ways), so blunt about her interests, her desires, what she believes in and what she doesn't. She immediately begins worming her way into his heart, while also making him Hard As A Rock.

But he can't allow for worming into hearts! Not when he has so many secrets, from Plotty Secrets I can't tell you about, to Sexy Secrets I can tell you about. In many ways, this book is basically a classic melting of the hero book. But instead of Elspeth melting Julian with her good, innocent heart... She's melting him with her dogged inability to be anything other than who she is. And her disinterest in being anything other than who she is, for that matter. Which is such a great contrast to Julian, a man struggling to deny who he is, to be what society wants him to be.

It's Uptight Meets Wild in a lot of ways, but Elspeth's a unique form of a rebellious heroine. She's not super concerned about society, but she's also open about her lack of experience in some ways. She's not mean in any way, shape or form. She doesn't have a chip on her shoulder. She's not really like... fighting society? There's one tirade she has about the hypocrisy of it all, but it's less "Fight the power" than "this is so fucking stupid". Which is a refreshing take on it all. Elspeth doesn't get it because it's all so dumb that like... no one as real as her should be able to get it.

And before anyone goes in on how unrealistic this is, A) it isn't B) this is a romance novel C) it actually makes sense, because Elspeth's backstory literally involves being raised in an anti-society, weird family with their own ingrained beliefs and customs. Literally away from high society.

For all that I think the sex scenes in this book will be a major talking point (more on that later)... dude. This shit is so soft at points. You have multiple scenes where Julian just catches himself wanting to stare at this woman. Even before she understands the extent of his pain, she wants to care for him. This is not an enemies to lovers book, despite the enmity between their families. There's a melancholy to their forbidden, especially on Julian's part. He's baffled by Elspeth, but he doesn't dislike her. He's not even in denial about his feelings for her, after a point. He just truly doesn't think they can be.

On some more technical points—this JUMPS right into the story. They meet on like... the second page. The plot kicks off immediately. I've seen so many slooooow, overlong new releases lately. This is a brisk, story that reads so quickly and isn't in any way overlong. You have an extended chunk that takes place in one setting, and yet... plot happens. Character development happens. Relationship building happens. Julian and Elspeth are together for so much of the pagetime, despite their opposite goals.

None of this should be like... notable. But it is. You feel the expertise in the writing here. She's just one of the best to ever do it, in my opinion.

Also! I respect Elizabeth's process and whatever may affect her writing schedule. But my God, I hope we get more Greycourt books, and I hope we get them fairly soon. I counted at least three possibilities for future love stories. And I have Thoughts.

The Sex:

NOW. On to the elephant in the room. The good elephant. The elephant that is as big as Julian's Appendage.

As I said earlier, Elizabeth Hoyt writes some of the best sex scenes in romance. They're unique, they're earthy, they feel tailored to the character. She uses language that is sometimes anatomical and sometimes campy and sometimes like... feels kinda filthy, even though I've read filthier?

Julian's struggles lie in the fact that, for all that he is cold and domineering and stoic, he's submissive in the bedroom. While Hoyt has definitely dabbled in some light kink in earlier books, I would say that a lot of it tends towards like... The kind of kinkiness you often seem in historicals. Where there are definitely dog whistles, but it may not be intentional (historical romance has long lended itself to an unconscious dip into D/s dynamics, in my opinion) historical romance kink often isn't explictly stated.

Here, it's called out for what it is, the societal judgments about it (some of which remain to this day, mind) are discussed, and Julian has processes. Elspeth is more than down. It's like he's unintentionally found his perfect woman (sexually, at least).

But for all that this is explicitly a femdom romance, I think it skirts around so many stereotypes, and it is not, in my opinion, a BDSM romance. They don't get into anything super OTT or formalized. It's really something Julian just... needs. And it's really not a sadomasochism situation at all. It's truly about this soft domme/sub dynamic. He wants to serve, and he wants to be cared for. His submission and what it gives him is described so beautifully. There's a lot of caretaking in this book.

Which doesn't in any way take away from how hot the book is, mind. There's a really unique de-emphasis on something historicals and honestly romance in general often obsesses over, which was so refreshing. There's a true sensitivity to why Julian is into this, and where it stops for him. I feel like Hoyt was doing a sendup of the tortured alpha here, while also exploring what that can mean in more unique scenarios. It was so good.

And so... sooooo hot. There's a lot of body worship in general and pussy worship specifically. Elspeth is curvy, and has her moments of insecurity, and Julian LOVES her body.

Those of us who missed some fun Hoyt-isms about sex are well-rewarded. "Lazily mouthed her cunny" is like.... everything....................

Basically: I loved this. I am so glad she's back. I hope she's back for good (but no pressure). I want a million more Hoyt books. I will, again, read whatever she writes. When I tell y'all she's showing us how it's done... I mean it.

Thanks to Forever and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[fourthwingfanclub]

Spin-offs I want after the Empyrean Series is finished.

I know this is getting ahead of myself, but these are books I would like Rebecca to write after we finish the Empyrean Series.

All 5 books in Xaden's POV.

I also want Xaden's first two years at Basgiath. Starting with the execution of his father and deal he made with Lilith. I would love to see more with his relationship with Cat and how toxic a dynamic that must have been, also the intricacies of that arrangement. Starting from the beginning we could see him navigate Basgiath before threshing, including when he kills the prince. Then we can see him get his powers and how he handled hiding his signet(s). There is just so much. I know we can't get this though until the series is finished because he's full of secrets!

The first rebellion - I want to know all the parents, and how the rebellion started. The feud between Fen and Lilith (because you know there has to be more history there). More about Liam and Sloanes mom and their family history, she had to be extremely powerful (I also have a theory which I will make another post about). Also, I think we will learn about Xaden's mom but if we don't get much I want backstory about her and Fen, same with Violets parents. I also want this in maybe Fen and Lilith's POV. Also, little Xaden, Liam, Bodhi, Garrick, and Imogen likee yess please.

The First Six - There is DRAMMA there, probably steamy romance and the Great War. Need I say more?

I want a whole book on Garrick and Imogen - starting from the beginning - slow burn, friends to lover trope, she falls first, Garricks to dense to notice. They're endgame, you can't change my mind.

Some Novellas I think would be fun/interesting to read

The Book of Brennen

The codex (edited and unedited version)

The rules of the Dragon Empyrean

Rhiannons POV love story with Tara and her one tryst with Sawyer.

Sawyer and Jesinia Dual POV

Ridoc - just everything, his conversations with Aotrom, his relationships with just about everyone.

Liams first year at Basgiath

Mira and Drake (because we all see that enemies to lover story from a mile away)

Lastly, because I personally LOVE Bodhi - just anything involving him.

[monmelia]

Monmelia Analysis Part 1: Challenge, Timing & Soulmates (20x03)

Fourteen years ago, my love for shipping began with Brittany and Santana from Glee. They were my first ship—foundational to my experience as a closeted teenager—and while they might not have been perfect, they were everything I needed at the time.

Now, in my thirties and confident in my sexual identity, I didn’t expect to feel that invested in a ship again. I’ve enjoyed seeing other wlw couples on screen, but none ever stirred the same level of attachment—until Monica and Amelia from Grey’s Anatomy (Monmelia) came along. Their dynamic brings me back to those early days of following every hint of a storyline. Watching them, I find myself excited by the possibility of watching a meaningful, slow-burn romance unfold.

I love writing, and I love analysing, so I figured while Monmelia are still in their early stages, it’s a good time to start up an analysis blog of my own. Back in my Brittana fandom days, I used to love reading stuff like this, soaking up all the content I could get and living off the mere breadcrumbs the writers gave us. This feels no different. I plan on writing a blog per episode (where they feature) and just giving my potentially delusional but hopefully insightful thoughts on all of their interactions/scenes etc. But like I said, I love analysing, so if there’s anything I miss that you want me to analyse, just ask! I’m excited to go on their journey with them, so if you’re reading along too, enjoy, and hopefully the writers are kind to us!

So taking it back to the start of Monmelia, all my feelings and observations are below.

As a long-running character on the show it makes sense to start with Amelia. She seems to be a controversial character amongst the wider Grey’s fandom, but having binged all of her Private Practice backstory and really getting to understand her, she’s undoubtedly one of my favourites. She’s loyal to her loved ones, resilient to the core, super caring and incredibly misunderstood. Her history with love has been pretty tumultuous, and I, like many others, just want to see her settle down and find her person. 

“I have fallen in love so many times in my life, and it feels like a roller coaster. It feels thrilling and consuming and sickening and desperate, and this did not feel like that. This... I think I felt seen? I felt known. And, I didn't fall in love... I kind of slid into it, like two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit.” - Amelia Shepherd (18x20)

Taking Amelia’s own analysis on her love life into consideration, it’s safe to say her relationships have always been somewhat chaotic. Despite best intentions, the relationships haven’t provided the grounding stability she so desperately needs. At the point when Amelia makes this observation she is talking about her relationship experiences prior to Kai Barley. Relationships that were fuelled by passion and urgency, often amplified by her own emotional struggles and history of addiction, which brought both intensity and instability into her romantic life.

Amelia’s reflection on her relationship with Kai highlights a different kind of connection—one based on mutual understanding, acceptance, and emotional safety. She highlights the feeling of being “seen” , indicating a love that acknowledges her as a whole person, flaws included. It suggests a level of emotional intimacy and stability she hadn’t experienced before, where she feels accepted rather than overwhelmed. The metaphor of “sliding into” love, like “two puzzle pieces that just kind of fit,” captures a sense of natural compatibility, a relationship that feels right without force or drama. A kind of love that is comforting, subtle, and enduring, contrasting with her prior experiences that were more about immediate intensity.

We of course know that this relationship with Kai didn’t work out for Amelia in the long term, but I think it’s important to discuss, as it shows Amelia’s growth in her concept of love. Instead of chasing exhilarating but destabilising relationships, she finds herself pursuing a love that feels effortless and affirming—a connection that brings peace, mutual respect, and a sense of belonging, rather than an overwhelming rush of passion. However unfortunate it is that it didn’t work out, it still feels like a turning point in Amelia’s personal journey with love. 

Admittedly I’m not a huge fan of Amelia’s relationship with Kai, and I feel Kai led Amelia on and that Amelia looks at the relationship through rose tinted glasses when making that statement, but my own personal feelings aside I want to look at the relationship focusing solely on Amelia’s part in it. Because although Amelia describes it as a love that doesn’t make her feel desperate, we see her exhibiting needy behaviour towards the end of the relationship when Kai is moving to London. As soon as the move is announced, Amelia’s sole focus is on finding a solution to help Kai stay, without taking Kai’s desires into consideration.

“From the minute I told you about London, which is the biggest career opportunity of my life, you have made it about you. There were no words of encouragement or congratulations. No acknowledgement of how hard I worked for this.” - Kai Bartley (19x15)

And listen, I get it. It’s not that Amelia is being intentionally selfish, it’s that she’s so crippled by her deep fear of abandonment, an issue that has shaped her relationships and reactions throughout her life. For Amelia, the prospect of losing someone important triggers a defensive, almost desperate response to hold on tightly—a reaction that often leads her to prioritise her own emotional needs over her partner’s happiness and success. And again, it’s not that she doesn’t care about Kai’s success, but the abandonment is at the forefront of her brain, and so all she can think about is providing solutions to prevent that from happening.

Another layer to this dynamic is Amelia’s tendency to seek validation and stability through her relationships. She craves reassurance that her partner will stay, particularly after facing so much upheaval and loss in her life. This leads her to focus on her need for closeness, security, and continuity in the relationship rather than allowing space for Kai’s achievements and aspirations to be celebrated. Her behaviour in this situation highlights a recurring struggle to balance her own needs with those of her partner—a theme we’ve seen in her past relationships as well.

I guess my overriding point here is that I don’t think Amelia has met a partner that has been a true equal for her yet. It’s been more about how they’ve made Amelia feel, and less about how Amelia has added value to their life. She frequently looks to her partner to provide validation, security and love instead of doing the inner work necessary to cultivate this herself. She becomes attached quickly, often without considering her partner’s needs or how she can contribute positively to the relationship. 

For instance, with Owen, Amelia’s trauma and issues around motherhood led her to rely on him for emotional support, but she struggled to communicate openly, which hindered any real connection. Her fear of vulnerability meant that instead of showing up for Owen in the way he needed, she frequently pulled away, avoiding conversations about her trauma, motherhood, and her real needs.

Similarly, with Link, Amelia found someone steady and reliable, and she leaned on him during a time when she was navigating pregnancy and the uncertainties of motherhood. Yet when the relationship demanded a deeper level of self-awareness and mutual support, Amelia’s insecurities resurfaced, leading her to withdraw. She questioned whether she wanted the stability and family structure Link offered, revealing her ambivalence and a lack of personal clarity. Rather than growing with Link, Amelia leaned on him as a source of comfort and stability without fully committing to the relationship or working through her underlying issues.

And then with Kai, whom Amelia felt “seen” and “known” by, her attachment quickly became about what Kai could do for her emotionally, providing her with a sense of affirmation. When Kai’s career goals and reluctance about parenthood clashed with Amelia’s desires, her initial reaction was to convince them to stay rather than supporting Kai’s achievements or seeing things from their perspective.

And this dynamic illustrates a common theme for Amelia: she seeks out relationships as a means of avoiding loneliness, filling emotional gaps, or validating her self-worth. The result is often an imbalance where her needs take precedence, leaving little room for her partners’ needs or her own personal growth. 

For the record, I love Amelia, and I’m absolutely not saying she’s the problem in all of her relationships. Believe me I could talk at length about the various failings from her previous significant others, but this blog is focusing on Amelia and Monica, and so I think it’s important to reflect on where she’s at when Monica comes into the picture. 

Because what I want for Amelia more than anything, is to see her confront her traumas and insecurities independently and build her self-worth from within rather than relying on a partner to provide this for her. I want her to do the work so she doesn’t need to be dependent on others to feel whole. And then I want her to find a lasting, healthy love who challenges her and embraces her flaws, and loves her for exactly who she is. And I want her to do that for them in return, and to show up for her partner in ways I know she’s so capable of (because duh, she’s so damn loyal and caring and loving), because her own insecurities will no longer be in the way.

And this is exactly what I think Monica is going to be for her. And it’s the reason why I love them so much and why I plan to analyse every little moment, because call me delulu, but I’m so sure the arc is setting them up for this dynamic. I’m sure that Monica is going to be Amelia’s end game, and she’s going to enrich Amelia’s life in ways we can’t even imagine right now (and vice versa).

And I’m sure of this, because we’ve already seen snippets of this, because at the time of writing this they’ve just aired 21x05 which was so pivotal to their story IMO, but this is an ep by ep blog so more on that later.

But in essence, we already saw growth from Amelia in changing her concept of love during her relationship with Kai, but with Monica I feel we’re going to see even more growth in terms of a truly balanced partnership due to the fact Amelia is going to shift the emphasis of finding fulfilment via someone else.

Because when we meet Monica in 20x03, Amelia is already working towards being in that space. She light-heartedly tells Meredith that she’s got a cat because she’s given up on finding a human soulmate. This is important because it shows that since her fairly recent breakup with Kai, Amelia has opted to do something for herself that will meet her emotional needs, outside of a romantic relationship. It would be easy for Amelia to seek happiness from a meaningless rebound or jump into another relationship, but instead she decides to heal and directs her energy on doing something for herself.

The other important factor of that scene is the timing. And timing is something I feel will be discussed a lot in this blog. Just as Amelia is talking about giving up on her human soulmate, we get our first proper introduction to Monica as she beeps her horn at Amelia. In the context of the scene, she beeps because Amelia has taken her parking spot, but I can’t help but think that this is foreshadowing. As viewers we see Monica beep loudly right after Amelia’s statement of giving up on love, as if to say “Don’t give up yet, I’m right here!”. When someone honks their horn at you, it’s often startling and unexpected, much like Amelia’s romance (or crush for now) with Monica is. I don’t think Amelia is planning on finding love. She’s healing, seemingly working on herself and has declared she’s given up.

It’s apt (but also always the way it happens because there’s no better time for a relationship than when you’re hyper focused on yourself) that Monica would come in at this time. Nothing can convince me that the timing of Amelia announcing she’s given up on her soulmate coinciding with Monica’s first scene isn’t significant.

I could further deep this by analysing the fact Monica is distracted on her phone. She’s not paying attention until Amelia takes her spot. She only notices the spot becomes free when Amelia takes it, and then she gets all mad at her. It could possibly foreshadow the wider dynamic of Monica being too distracted by her divorce to pursue anything with Amelia, and perhaps like with the parking spot situation, Amelia will have to do something to get her attention (not necessarily intentional) and prompt Monica to realise her feelings and make her notice. It would be an interesting future parallel if this plays out. Of course this is all just speculation and we have no idea where the writers are going to go with this. And do I think the writers put this much attention to detail into callbacks and parallels? No. But I definitely think there’s a lot of intentional set up between these two. The soulmate line at the very least. And Amelia stealing Monica's parking spot like she's about to steal her heart.

Then we get to the scene in the hospital and both Monia and Amelia are surprised to find they’re working together after the earlier parking incident. Amelia is visibly embarrassed and it shows in her demeanour, and there’s clear tension in the air, but they put it aside to care of their patient. Monica immediately challenges Amelia, she talks over her during the consult and it clearly catches Amelia off guard and causes her some frustration. Monica is new to the hospital, so it could be that she’s trying to establish her authority. It sets a precedent of tension for them in their first few scenes, but more importantly it sets a precedent of Monica challenging and pushing Amelia further than she’s used to being pushed.

We see this dynamic explored further when they’re discussing surgical options for their patient. Amelia immediately dismisses Monica’s idea and Monica retorts by telling her to take a minute to think about it. Though Amelia is initially defensive to the suggestion, and Monica is seemingly unfazed by Amelia’s admission that she’s the Chief of Neurosurgery (plus the fact she doesn’t know Amelia), we can surmise that Monica is instantly confident in Amelia’s surgical abilities. She’s confident enough to challenge her and push her boundaries, and she knows she can get more out of Amelia. When we translate that to a future romantic relationship, it’s a good dynamic to have, and I think Amelia would really benefit from a partner who isn’t afraid to challenge her and push her to go deeper than she’s used to going. 

When Amelia is reluctant, Monica notes that impatience must be her thing. From the minute I heard this I assumed it was going to have deeper meaning to their arc, and knowing what we know now about Monica going through a divorce and not being ready for a serious relationship, I’m sure this is going to be significant for them. My initial thoughts at this point are that it’s going to be a slow burn and Monica isn’t going to be ready for a relationship for some time. They’ll undoubtedly grow closer, and Amelia is going to inevitably feel some impatience waiting for the relationship to progress. Perhaps she’ll even move on herself. I feel like this comment from Monica will for sure be a future parallel in which Amelia just needs to be patient to get her girl.

Amelia later confides in Richard that she is being pushed by the new peds surgeon to consider an alternative option that has more risks. Could that be foreshadowing Monica pushing Amelia to consider alternative options to love with more risks? Because with soulmate love, of course comes more risk of being hurt. He also notably points out that Monica is a boundary pusher, and draws comparison between her and Amelia. This has to be symbolic and perhaps a sign that both of them are going to push boundaries and open up new depths in each other.

Monica’s pushing works and Amelia figures out an alternative option. Yay for cute girlfriend knowing her full potential.

“Finally!” Amelia says as Monica and Blue enter the room.

“You do know we were waiting for you, right?” Monica flirts playfully responds.

The delusional deep thinker in me wants to say that this could be another potential foreshadow into their arc. Because although we know Monica isn’t going to be initially ready for a relationship with Amelia, it could be that the dynamic switches and in true Grey’s style, Monica will realise she’s ready just as Amelia has either started to move on (albeit casually) or maybe she’s just decided to stay single and focus on herself (which tbh would be huge growth for her), Basically, by the time Monica comes around, maybe Amelia just isn’t going to be available anymore (whether that be emotionally or physically). So when they finally get it together, it could be that they both had to do an element of waiting but in different ways. So for Amelia it’s like “Finally!” since she made the first move, but maybe it’s actually Amelia who delays them actually being together, hence Monica’s “You do know we were waiting for you.” But again, this is all just speculation. It could just be that the scenes are what they are at face value and there’s no deeper meaning. But I definitely think all this talk around patience and taking time has to mean something. There’s too many references to it.

The whole episode centres on Monica influencing Amelia to take time and have patience, and the success that follows when she does that, so it’s interesting to think how this could apply to a romantic relationship between them. It’s even more pivotal given their dynamic, and the obstacles between them on both sides (Monica’s divorce and Amelia’s own issues she needs to work on).

Time is clearly going to be of the essence for them, and I kind of hope that if they do go down the route of Amelia holding them up getting together that it’s because she’s decided to work on herself as opposed to her moving on with someone else, because that would be the ultimate growth for her. For her to have Monica finally want to date her but for her to be strong enough to say no until she’s ready and healthy in her own self, just like how Monica waits to date Amelia until she's ready and had dealt with the issues that came with her divorce. That would be symbolic of the message in this episode around patience and timing and how taking the alternative longer route can lead to the more successful ending, so I hope that’s what this episode was foreshadowing.

If Monica and Amelia could translate the way they work together, communicate and find solutions as effectively as they do in surgery to a romantic relationship, I’m telling you, they’d be a dream team!

“I’m thinking you’re much more effective when you take your time.”- Monica Beltram (20x03)

Could that quote from Monica be in relation to the context of the episode with Amelia finding an alternative option to the surgical procedure? Yes. But the deep thinker in me wants to believe it foreshadows Amelia either  a) Taking her time in waiting for Monica to come around by being her supportive friend during her divorce in the meantime, b) Taking the time to work on herself before pursuing a relationship with Monica, just like Monica has done with her by not jumping into anything.

Or it could be both?

Or neither.

Even the lighter scenes in this episode feel meaningful. Whether it be the bashful back and forth of “go ahead” when they reach for the same scrub brush, the persistent challenge from Monica or the lingering glances during surgery, there’s a clear set up of underlying tension right from the start with these two.

After a successful surgery, they’re told they make a great team, and Monica glances at Amelia. Before Amelia can fully acknowledge this, she hears the door slam and Monica has left. Perhaps a metaphorical sign of things to come with Monica not being ready to embrace everything between them?

But I can’t help but agree that Monica and Amelia are a great team, and as you can probably tell by my ramblings, I think that their dynamic at work could absolutely extend to a romantic relationship. 

And I’m optimistic enough to say I think this could be the relationship that Amelia needs. But also, one that Monica needs. And I’m excited to find out more about Monica as a character. But ultimately I think it will be a relationship that is going to equally push them both to grow. A relationship that’s all about challenge and timing and patience, but most importantly, about soulmates.

So Amelia, I hope you haven’t given up on finding your human soulmate. Because Monica is right there!

I hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings, I try and make it as cohesive as possible I swear. I’ve already started writing up my thoughts on 20x04 so I hope you stick around for that, and for whatever else the Monmelia journey brings!

[lesfir]

Astarion past of corrupt Magistrate

A bud that didn't bear fruit, not one that was cut off.

There was no time to realised in the game that Astarion was a very, very bad, corrupt elf in power. The beginning of the story hasn't been rewritten, the key idea remains - for April 2024.

I have a couple words and sources for it. The latter I found recently, and it has a story of its own. Sources from Larian's internal kitchen is extracted by hacker methods.

Let's start with just that In the fall of 2023, the Larian Discord leaks happened. Leaks of Welch chat, Larian's narrative designer (in the past), and co-writer of some scenes with Astarion. As of April 2024, the narrative designer of the romances. You can read about their unprofessional acts here. For me, it also plays a role that it's not even their character, it was worked on long before them, another author and creator. So that kind of statement who understood what about the character is so... ridiculous.

And the question arises why we should trust the word of a very unprofessional person? That's right. Because: 1. These are not their personal words, interpretations and "I feel like". It says what Larian was planned for Astarion's story, but didn't have time to show. 2. Welch came to work at Larian well after Early Access. This backstory of Astarion was already told before Larian hired Welch.

The other few sources that tell of Astarion's backstory. Their sequence and nuances are also important.

1 - Info from the publication VICE The year is 2020, February 28. First presentation of the Baldur's Gate game by the hands of Swen Vincke. Astarion already Astarion as he is, white hair, fangs, a vampire spawn. (no horns and no tail) I watched it all and dont find that Swen is no information about Astarion's past. I don't think the publication is running a fake. So I'm assuming this is a site exclusive-lure about the key points plot of the game.

„A disgraced nobleman who used his position as a local magistrate to serve a vampire clan by feeding them prisoners, he was eventually too corrupt even for them and was effectively sent to serve as the personal slave of a powerful vampire”

I haven't seen it abandoned. After a while, the artbook confirms corrupt-taste for power-past.

So, a person who has been following the story closely notices that some of the information is incomplete. However, " feeding them prisoners" could very well be a plot twist for new playrs, and it should be left out in the exclusive. All the more reason: • Corrupted elite - used his position of magistrate • Taste for power. Desires, eternal life - for luxury, influence, eternal beauty, more power, vampires. • How vampires came to be? Why do vampires need a magistrate? - prisoners, it's easy to take outcasts for food. They also didn't forget to mention decadence. There is no reason for a person to think that a key moment in history has gone away.

2 - Artbook I found the first mention in winter 2022 (edit if I find it earlier) Baldurs Gate 3 Collectors Edition Pre-order for the physical collection, including artbook $269.99 Next February 2023. It mentioned that BG3 Digital Deluxe Edition will be available to Early Access buyers. With this artbook. That is, the information passed from edition to edition. Weird, giving irrelevant information that will confuse you for free! Yet you have to pay for the physical irrelevant information, 270 bucks. Did Larian give any warning about this? 270 for non-canon. Enjoy the game.

Astarion. Decadent and Dangerous Two hundred years ago, Astarion was a corrupt elite of Baldur’s Gate with a taste for power and a hunger for eternal life.

3 - unprofessional employee revealed the internal workings of the kitchen and what Larian, as an entire company - that's Astarion's author, Stephen Rooney, actors, animators - didn't have time for previously mentioned Astarion backstory. Confirmation of what was already known.

escuisi: I've been thinking about how in act 1 there seems to be a setup for more info on the gur incident/cazador conveniently being there to turn him but then theres no reference to it later on? Like, Astarion's all mysterious about it in a way that clearly implies he did something shitty we would find out later ("they had taken issue with a ruling i had made") but its never expanded.

Baudelaire Welch (larian): lol I did want to more fully explore the 'ACAB * definitely * applies to Astarion' angle but there wasn't really time for it.

The concept of "learning not to be racist" I am a building is shot down, probably by other writers. Not copstarion, that predates Welch. Of course. It would have taken two more acts - just an understanding. Overall it would still look... cheap and strained. The only evil male companion in this game. Astarion is about the darker sides of humanity, balance of fun and darkness. He must be asshole about something. The recent "I'm sure" posts are already more of a personal piece. Doesn't invalidate the information gained, which is verified by past sources.

Headcanon is a fan fiction that never hasn't been mentioned in any way in the media. Which there is no basis for, fiction. Like the dark-haired Astarion, mortal eye colour, for example.

The entire 1st act is precisely done and presented in 2020 with Astarion's backstory - all his approvals, reactions, all the lines. 2022 winter - pre-order of the physical edition with this artbook is open. The artbook that is promised as a gift to players by EA in February 2023 half-year before the release in August 2023 also confirms and includes information about the corrupt past. Approvals, most reactions, some of which are remade in PAD format, but not cut remain in the August 2023 release. The game gives hints and later coquettishly silent. Nothing logically erases this backstory of Astarion in the game And then in autumn 2023 there is a leak where it turns out that there was not enough time for Astarion's backstory.

The artbook is the grail. It always has been in my case in any fandom. In an artbook, every word is very precious. These are the key ideas author for the reasoning of the story. Maybe it's not the fans, but the way Larian treats the information he's given for thought. I find their pitching a clumsy. -- wasn't enough time to do -- abandoned the idea and cut it out are different things. If the wording was: we didn't have time, so we cut off, so this story is no longer relevant - then yes. Now it's: we didn't have really time to fully explore (emphasized the other part, this part was left unrevealed). For me, this story of Astarion levitates in the air, not gone, but not realized either.

There's nothing in the game plot that contradicts that Astarion's past was exactly that. Astarion would never say he was a corrupt arsehole when he wants Tav to help him, though with his barbarians, "raising the dead is easier than catching slaves, don't care slaves or building material", luxury, wealth and power that Astarion remembers in the his original, "mercy, please", vagabonds... Vice versa. It's all coming together.

That's the puzzle. Judge for yourself. Because the main thing that's missing: definiteness. For me, zero reasons to rate that this backstory is burned at the time of the release of the Bladur's Gate 3 game and for April 2024. It's would be hidden as a secret inside the story. A bud that didn't bear fruit, not one that was cut off.

Now Larian is doing a new artbook I really hope the situation is at least clarified. Stephen Rooney has left Larian, he said that in the spring of 2024, so it was always going to be an issue now. Unless of course they do CTRL+C CTRL+V.

Here.

[foolishlyzephyrus]

The big difference between Clara and Ruby at least so far is that a lot of people don't seem to get it but Clara was a subversion of a mystery girl because the whole point was the Doctor was wrong to treat her that way and his grief for the Ponds made him see a mystery that wasn't there, they'd have gotten along better sooner if he had treated her like her own person and she was normal, just doing what she did because she was a normal companion defending her friend the Doctor she jumped into his time stream just as Clara Oswald the person who cares for the Doctor it wasn't some big mystery. She was this manic pixie dream girl in the Doctor's eyes (because he needed her to be, to distract from the pain of losing Amy and Rory) but that was never actually who she was. Ruby seems, at least for now, to have this big mystery gimmick but played completely straight. She has a mysterious backstory and snow powers and a song in her DNA. Clara was like a normal person who just happened to be split into different parts of the Doctor's timeline. For all people say Clara was this special mystery girl, she isn't that remarkable in Season 7 when you REALLY think about it.

hello anonymous ask. i appreciate your insight into clara. i will admit i was making a tongue and cheek comparison, drawing on the surface level similarities. i enjoy both characters so it wasn’t meant to be any sort of diss on them, just a passing observation.

while i agree that clara can absolutely be read as a subversion of the manic pixie dream girl trope, i feel like it gets muddled in the weird misogyny of eleven’s era. moffat is a solid writer but series five through seven really suffered with the characterization of certain female characters. characters i adore like amy pond and river song ended up overly sexualized and at times reduced to vessels for the doctor’s growth rather than their own. their stories both relied on something needing to be solved about them from our titular male character, with amy’s crack in her wall and river’s true identity. eleven ends up at the crux of their storylines, actively entrenched in their personal histories and driving their stories rather than being a facet of them. i believe that clara was somewhat affected similarly if not to the same extent. i think the subversion would have played a lot better had there not been the earnestness in the “inherently mysterious sexy characters” reinforced by previous seasons.

eleven was riding the coattails of ten’s “he’s so young and hot and how could women not be interested in him” deal so i won’t place the blame solely on moffat but i also think the fact that romance as a potential aspect of their relationship (one-sided or not) being so strongly implied may have also inhibited the understanding that clara wasn’t playing into the archetype. that particular era of the show was dominated by male writers, so i would not be surprised if that anything to do about the lack of clarity regarding clara’s character.

i think you are absolutely correct, there is nothing special about clara from an objective perspective. however through the narrative framework (i.e. oswin/victorian clara, leaf falling at the right time and place to bring her into existence from the rings of akhaten, etc.) it implies a certain sense of destiny, where one could draw up the mythologizing of her character. since we ultimately are viewing the show part ways through the doctor’s perspective (and subsequently through the lens of his grief as you pointed out), this is kind of where we get the weird overlap. it’s paradoxical in a way where a mystery does in fact exist, yet by the doctor acting on investigating it he is also bringing it to fruition in the first place. like you stated, clara acts reasonably according to her circumstances rather than intentionally generating intrigue.

as mentioned, when clara is treated as a normal person is when she truly thrives with the doctor. my favorite of her moments are when she’s at her most mundane. her run with twelve is super compelling for that exact reason, she is intriguing not because she is some cosmic mystery but because of her similarities to the doctor.

with ruby currently, we don’t know all that much about her. it’s unfortunate how close we are to the end of the season and there still seems to be a gap in the information we know about her whether intentionally or not. because of the lack of exploration of her character, she becomes inherently reduced to the mystery surrounding her. however, in this case, the doctor is less actively involved in solving that mystery, it’s more latent curiosity. as opposed to series 7, i don’t think it’s meant to be the main overarching plot of the season or it is at least is tied into the susan twist plot line rather than just standing alone. she appears on a lot more of an equal footing to the doctor too. ultimately, while the whole mystery surrounding her is more genuine, hers is still unresolved.

my comparison between ruby and clara wasn’t meant to be too serious, just noting on the shared tropes that surround them. because in the end, while they both appear to be seemingly normal people affected by some much deeper mystery, that’s where a lot of the similarities stop. clara’s happenstance as you said vs. ruby’s bordering on supernatural traits. eleven thinks clara is deliberately hiding something while fifteen understands ruby to be just as clueless as he is. more can be said. different stories are being told and equating them was perhaps a little reductive.

i hope this make some sort of sense and isn’t too incoherent. all this to say, i agree with you for the most part and i think regarding clara especially certain outside forces ended up in her characterization rather than just narrative purpose. i hope you don’t think i am attacking you for this or anything, i really enjoyed your thoughts.

[dalishious]

The infamous roof scene... My favourite Sera scene in the game.

#LowElfEsteem is a series on Sera’s romance with an elf, discussing both the well and poorly done aspects of her writing, while also examining her character on a deeper level.

Sera invites the Inquisitor up onto the roof to eat cookies together. She then opens up a bit about her backstory, though in a typical Sera fashion, tells a lot by just focusing on one specific thing.

Sera: I got caught stealing when I was little, yeah? You get alienage or worse for that, but the "Lady Emmald" took me in.

Sera: She was sick and couldn't have children. I had no parents. It worked out.

Sera: Anyway, she gets a year sicker, so I ask her about cookies. Because moms make cookies. I can pass that down or something.

Sera: Turns out, she couldn’t cook. She missed that talk with her mom. The ones she "made" she bought, and pretended.

Sera: Aww, right? Well no, she was a bitch.

Sera: She hid buying them by keeping me away from the baker. She did that by lying that he didn’t like me; didn’t like elves.

Sera: She let me hate so she could protect her pride. I hated him so much, and I hated...

Sera: Well, she died. And I hate pride. Pride Cookies.

Sera: But this is great, you’re great, so I thought, maybe me and you could make some.

Sera: I don’t know, "Us Cookies."

Sera: Because then I could like them again. Aww, it’s stupid…

Inquisitor: I don’t understand, this Lady Emmald was just trying to be good to you.

Sera: She hurt people.

Inquisitor: It was just cookies.

Sera: It was not just cookies!

Sera: Lie to herself, fair play, only hurts her. But she made me think there was something wrong with me!

Sera: And the baker? I made his life shit! Why not? It seemed like he deserved it. I mean, if you don’t give a child a cookie because of appearances, you’re a monster. Stupid, pride-whore noble.

Let's get the obvious out of the way, first: When Sera says, "I hated him so much, and I hated..." trailing off, she means she hated herself. That much is obvious by Sera's further explanation, "she made me think there was something wrong with me!"

Why would Sera pick this moment of all things to talk about? Well, remember that Sera would have been less than 10 years old when this happened; the most formative years of growing up, and this incident clearly stuck with her. It taught her she couldn't trust someone she thought was looking out for her, all because Emmald cared more about maintaining appearances than her adopted child's self-esteem. She taught Sera that she would be hated for being an elf, but neglected to teach her that it wasn't Sera's fault.

Was Emmald racist herself? I'm not sure, but she certainly did use racism as a means of control. And maybe that's almost just as bad.

After this talk, the Inquisitor has the opportunity to ask Sera a bit more about herself, this time, Sera being honest. She talks about her history with the Red Jennies a bit, how she got the chance to learn how to use a bow, etc. But I want to highlight this bit of dialogue in particular:

Inquisitor: I think that, after our rooftop chat, I get why you're not like other elves.

Sera: Well, don't. How about we dig into what you are? Or what you're supposed to be?

Sera: Do you know wall about elfiness? What it takes to keep our ears all perky?

Sera: Because you could be more than just that. To me, anyway.

The romance dialogue response is "Whatever I am to you, Sera, that's all I need." And that's cute, but I want to complain about Sera's response if you answer with, "We should all be examples of our peoples, and understand how others will judge us."

Sera: Right, well, good on you. Have fun.

Sera: Don't forget to whine about the past. All elves do that.

Sera: Heard that once. From an "example".

Fucking yet again, Kristjanson can't resist the urge to have Sera denounce systemic racism as something you "whine" about, without any chance at rebuttal. We get it, buddy. You don't know how to write internalized racism in a way that's not just offensive.

If it were up to me, I'd give the Inquisitor the opportunity to challenge Sera with this, to teach her that everything she's regurgitating from what she's heard the humans say is wrong, and that hating her own people accomplishes nothing except doing half the work of her oppressors for them.

[afreakingdork]

Attempted Execute of Non-Executable Memory - Chapter 8

RotTMNT Michelangelo x Kendra

@shardkn1ght totally crushed my vision for Kendra and April through the ages in this week's chapter art!

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Warnings/Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Revenge, Falling In Love, Love, Romance, Dating, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Love Confessions, Human/Turtle Relationships (TMNT), Step-Parents, Neglect, First Kiss, First Generation Immigrant Kids, Acculturation, Loss/Removal of Cultural Identity, Incarceration, Prison Time, I flesh Out Kendra’s Character, Character Exploration, Character Study, I Give Kendra a Backstory

Synopsis: After hitting the lowest of lows, Kendra has carved out a simple life for herself. She’s content enough to live this way until opportunity walks through her place of employment in the form of an orange turtle mutant. She just needs to get close enough to him to plant a virus in his infuriating brother’s servers, but will she be infected long the way?

Also available on Ao3

First 🧡 Previous

“And left!” Mikey chirped as he immediately leaned that direction.

April scrambled after him. “Hey! Woah!”

He realized then he forgot that they were mirrored.

That sort of thing always mixed him up.

“I mean right!” He corrected, still in motion to lift the bulky air conditioning unit away from where the street was sectioned off.

“Break! Break!” April groaned.

He did need to send a follow up text. “Alright. Just past here?”

“Yeah! Hurry!” She shuffled forward with obvious strain.

Her grip slipped a few times, but they made it behind the barriers before they set the AC down. April collapsed with her torso against it and caught her breath. Mikey pulled out his phone and opened up his messaging window.

Special K: ETA?

Mikey: Just picked it up!

Mikey: En Route!

Special K: That’s not an ETA

Mikey: Expert Turtle Acrobatics is my specialty 🥷

Special K: 👊🏽

Mikey: 😵

Special K: 💪🏽

Mikey: 🏆

Special K: ❌

Mikey: ❓

Special K: 👑

Mikey: 👑👑👑🔥🔥🔥

“There it is again.”

“Hm?” Mikey was still staring fondly at the many tiny pictograms.

“That look.”

“What look?” He absently wondered if Kendra had forgotten about the arrival time thing.

He could calculate it.

He didn’t really want to.

“That look!” April was right in front of him and slapped his phone down.

He knew the maneuver well and, while he lost temporary grip, he immediately switched his hold. When she moved to steal his device, she had nowhere near the leverage and he slipped free. He immediately spun around and locked his phone while she tried her best to climb over his shoulders to get it. A few people huffed at their sidewalk wrestling, but Mikey broke free by dropping his center of gravity and popped up a few feet away. “Oh!”

April was already rolling her eyes.

“The look reserved for my girlfriend?!” Mikey squeezed the last word dry.

April gagged. “Yeah, that one.”

“I can’t help it.” He bobbed and opened his phone again. “I got the cutest one in the world.”

“Uh huh and that’s exactly where we’re going…” April walked back over to the AC unit and inspected it.

There it was again.

The dismissal.

This general attitude towards his partnership had been happening since about his fourth date. It was odd how it coincided with his relationship. While he still wasn’t sure exactly how, there had been a shift at the science museum. Where his families’ doubts grew, he had become more assured of his place with Kendra. Dating her was an upward trend where each outing continued to build. It was stoked flames as he himself felt the transition. Those first flickers of infatuation were igniting into something more.

He rarely questioned his own actions, but he had some awareness. He knew his history. He knew that when someone piqued his interest, his instinct was to glue himself to them. High off the excitement of a new person, he was often enamored to a fault and burnt out just as fast. Either he or they realized there wasn’t much past that initial contact high and any interaction after fizzled out. It wasn’t exclusive to relationships and Mikey had long grown used to that. From people to hobbies to even snack foods, he would sing praises to whoever would listen until inevitably he would fall off and move on to the next object.

He knew this.

Kendra had not fallen into that category.

As far as history taught him, he had long passed that point of fatigue and yet there was an endless list of things he still wanted to know about her.

It wasn’t limited to things so simple as the troubled family life she only alluded to.

He wanted to know more about her tech days.

He wanted to see her coding in action.

He wanted to see that fire that was still smoldering burn once again.

He wanted to see that unhinged laugh of hers.

He wanted to see the way she looked at him, raw and unencumbered.

From there things got more trivial, but the list rolled on for so long that there was no rolling it up. In his mind, it was too big to be a scroll and was now more of a room where a printer had gone rogue. The machine beeped with those old dot matrix sound effects that he sometimes fell asleep to. Page after page exceeded the stack and he had no hope of locating any one scenario. They would come to him in blips, much like a sliding printer head. As soon as they were etched, they were facts that then disappeared into the ever growing pile. 

Much like his estimated time of arrival, the task of looking further was something he didn’t want to bother with. It wasn’t out of laziness, but instead assurance. He inherently knew that everything he wanted to watch her do would come in time. That was the feeling their fourth date had brought; he was along for the ride and couldn’t wait to see where she would go.

She was nothing but alluring in his eyes.

It was everything about her. 

She acted with the dazzle of untamed fire. She was brilliantly savage and her consumption burned in directions he could rarely guess. While, in some ways, she was still painfully predictable, he felt like that was some old script. A part of her had long decided how she needed to be and that was what she tried to recreate. He craved the moments she broke free to be her true self. There would be a moment, he was sure of it, when she realized her lines had long changed. 

He would be there to watch. 

She was his favorite program and the recent development of her hair was a pivotal plot point. 

Her heart, her very being, was opening up. 

Her progress was a triumph.

Mikey guessed this was how stock brokers or whoever felt. Getting in on the ground floor and watching your investment grow must have been the only appeal as he loathed the rest of the money hungry system. Wall Street was otherwise unnatural as there was no shortchanging or manipulation that could rival Kendra’s natural evolution. There was no lowest point for her to be bought at. Instead, she metamorphosed. Just like a butterfly, she needed time to grow. Any inbetween stages were marked by cocoons of stasis necessary to make the change. 

As much as he hated staying still, he related to that. He thought of his own growth as something without a cap. The way his interest usually fluctuated was his body's personal way of making him pause. Whenever his focus in one thing would wane, he would switch to something else. The world was an experience and the only things that captured his mind fully were the raw fields that similarly had no end. 

Cooking. 

Art

Kendra. 

You let dough rest. 

You let paint dry. 

You let people come into their own. 

That was the point of rest.

That was Kendra.

His girlfriend.

The one his family didn’t think was real.

He had gotten lost in mooning over his teal terror and returned to find April looking for better handholds on the used AC unit. The saying ‘get a grip’ was manifesting right in front of his eyes and he watched on. Self-control had never been much of a Hamato tradition. He was just as much a party to that, but it always felt like they considered his lack thereof a step further than their own. 

He was rarely taken seriously.

Instead of starting small, it started when he was small. Though he and his brothers were all mutated at the same time, they still had a cascade of ages. Mikey brought up the generational rear and earned the title of little brother by simply existing. No matter what he did, the decree was made and shaped the rest of their viewpoints.

He might not have helped the matter. 

When it benefited him, he used it. When it was a detriment, he fought against it. He was both allowed to get away with all he wanted while also being some kind of forced liability. He was considered childish and put in his brother’s charge. They saw him as smaller both in stature and mind long past the point where it was necessary. His achievements were undermined because others reached them first and even when he superseded them in something, it was treated as peanuts in comparison. 

He prided himself on his self-awareness. He knew flighty attitude well, but they considered him a flight risk. He saw diminishing interest as a time for transition, but they viewed him as a revolving door. People, activities, and objects entered one way and were spun round back out. Yet another age old vestige, grudges had kicked up from the holidays. Presents had been purchased for things Mikey liked earlier in the year, but by the time they were passed out, he had often moved on. The bitterness continued to crop up until it was ultimately unsustainable. 

From then on, no matter how much he threw himself into anything, he was written off preemptively. It was assumed that nothing would stick when it came to Michelangelo. In a way, he was reduced to small talk. He was always up to something so there would always be a new topic of conversation. His forthcoming attitude meant you could get the latest from the source and the littlest brother was considered a thing of little mystery. 

Just like with his place in the family, the designation came with positives and negatives. On one hand, he was even more free than his baby of the family status had ever afforded him. It was nearly expected so there was no judgement whatsoever when he gave something up. Alternatively, his growing expertise was considered vague at best so even when he clearly knew how to do something, he wasn’t even asked for his help. 

He was written off. 

As was his current partner. 

The worst part was he understood why. He had long let his supposed flippant attitude fester. He let the others believe that of him because it was easy. It served him more than it damaged so he let it go. It meant that when he went on his first date, as he had many others, there was little fanfare. Mikey said he was going on a date, so he was in their eyes. Then after said date when Mikey challenged himself to perform better on the next, his distraction meant he hadn’t filled the others than. The third date came around after that and consumed even more of his attention. Popped questions of what he was up to ranged over those few weeks and thus the family moved on. 

It wasn’t out of the norm to pool his chef friend contacts, get his suit pressed, perfect his pizza Margherita recipe, scout a museum security rotation, and plan a birthday party for someone he had never met back to back. 

That might have been a typical month in Mikey’s date book. 

Kendra was not. 

He also might have forgotten to mention her. 

He blamed his and Kendra’s learning curve instead of any one person. 

While he casually mentioned his first date, he had failed to mention the others. Instead, conversation had been around stealing slices of pizza or what sort of theme he wanted the party to be. He had been so engrossed in the acts that lead him to his date, that the fact that they were dates slipped his mind. When he rushed an explanation after realizing he needed Donnie’s help with the security system, he was met with upbraiding. 

“Tell me if I understand this correctly: you wish to break into this specific museum after hours, which is somehow related to a surprise party, but the guest of honor is not this date that you are suddenly going on while all of this occurs at the same time?” 

The dissidence had left Mikey stunned. 

“Sure, he spoke as a completely trusting brother. You’ve done this all for a totally real date and not so you can go out and break into this Frick collection for whatever it is you are up to this time.”

It stung.

Mikey’s first reaction was to protest.

To rant.

To yell.

He didn’t.

He did none of those things.

He asked if Donnie would still make the bug.

Donnie agreed while asking what exactly it was at the Frick that was catching his attention this time.

Mikey didn’t bother with a response.

Donnie didn’t press it and, in fact, appeared smug.

Why?

The youngest asked.

Was it that unbelievable?

He guessed, in a way, it was.

He sort of still didn’t.

How was this abnormal for him?

Donnie had said as much. 

Why was the unbelievable part the apparently tacked on date? 

He went leagues for other people. 

He did so all the time. 

The surprise party for some nobody wasn’t scoffed at. 

Romance was. 

It made him feel small. 

Juvenile. 

He thought of Kendra and all the times she had threatened to walk away. 

He had almost assumed she would.

He wouldn’t have blamed her. 

She didn’t take him seriously. 

No one else did. 

Except she might have. 

With official dates four and six out of the way and the informal fifth thrown in, she had begun to show interest. 

She texted him first.

It was something small and seemingly innocuous. 

It showed care.

She made sure he got home.

She demanded to know how he was.

His phone lit up with the message saying she hadn’t forgotten.

The ETA.

He looked it up.

That was his meaningful act.

Ripping the band aid off those activities he would rather avoid.

She probably didn’t know they existed.

He sent over the walking distance and a remark that there was construction.

She sent back a thumbs up.

She was waiting.

“We going?” April stretched her neck in preparation to carry that AC unit again.

It was after Donnie had passed off the USB drive with the security system hack on it that Mikey decided not naming Kendra was purposeful. His girlfriend was for him and him alone. He had never thought much of her past association with the family and nothing about that had changed. He may have originally forgotten by accident, but for now he was petty enough to keep her to himself for the sake of it. 

His silence was his stasis. 

His relationship was blooming in the process. 

When the time was right, he would approach them all with hard evidence of his ongoing affection. 

He didn’t account for the fact that dating kept him busy. 

He was out of the lair more. 

Their dates were less elaborate. 

His updates grew vague as he kept the source a secret. 

It was Leo who noticed first.

“Hey, Mike! You know, I think you said you were dating someone, a lady friend, but I don’t think I caught the name of that girlfriend of yours.”

Leo literally chewed on the sentence as he had a bowl of cereal.

The others, even dad, were around as this moment was staged for some grand reveal.

As if they could catch the most stubborn among them off guard. 

“Oh my girlfriend? My wonderful, amazing girlfriend? The one who enjoys my time and opinions?” Mikey fluttered his lashes.

“Yeah.” Leo leveled with him.

The doubt was all too evident.

“That one.”

“Oh, you know…” Mikey stood, left, and never finished his sentence.

He left them all in suspense.

Attention ramped up after that.

His phone was stolen in an attempt to see exactly who he was messaging.

He fought conversational hijinks that rivaled Looney Tunes sketches.

His whereabouts were almost scanned which revealed he had mistakenly rubbed his tracker obsolete at an unknown point.

Dodging blow darts to get a new one embedded had been a fun change.

Regular family stuff.

He never budged. 

They were forced to give up. 

They unanimously relegated his interest to something dropped as a cover for their failure. 

They decided he had nothing to hide. 

The trickster youngest was pulling a prank. 

Either Mikey wasn’t interested in this person enough to name them or they didn’t exist. 

Either way, they weren’t memorable. 

They were wrong.

They were so wrong that Mikey relished it.

He would shove his awesome long term relationship in all their faces. 

A baby that couldn’t handle romance no more; he would flaunt his mature partner prowess.

The unserious little brother would be the most committed.

No.

Mikey soothed his thoughts.

It wasn’t like that.

He liked Kendra.

He really did.

He wouldn’t gamify his feelings for her.

They would take their natural course and proving his family wrong on all accounts was a funny cherry on top.

Except, April was here.

She was the odd outlier.

Like the rest, she had joined the same hive mind mentality that there was no girlfriend. She, however, had not given up when he hadn’t given a name. She hadn’t been there the morning of Leo’s prompting, but she was in the family pipeline. The moment she knew, she had a sense that the omission was a sign. Mikey must have had a track record he had forgotten about because she accused him of being better at coming up with faux personas. That he neglected to make one spoke of something larger.

Her oldest sister powers were terrifying.

She had seen him asking about ACs on the message boards because she had been the one to teach him about them.

She was always finding these incredible deals for her apartment.

It was something they did special. 

They went antiquing in the modern sense.

She knew instantly that he had no need for an air conditioner and threw herself into the mix. There was no asking, April O’Neil was getting him an air conditioner. She brokered the deal, got him a good unit for bottom dollar, and then made sure she was the present liaison for getting the machine. Right when she should have left it to him, she offered to help him carry it, which was comically unnecessary, but there was no telling April “no” at that point.

She was going to see where this AC was going.

Mikey couldn’t tell Kendra.

She would hate him for it, but this felt like the end of some kind of line.

If he did tell Kendra, she would surely flee the premises. If that happened then Mikey would lead April to a seemingly empty unit. He could see everything going a few ways after that, but April’s sleuth skills would suss out the culprit eventually. Either way, Kendra’s identity was going to be revealed.

He knew, if given the options, his girl would want to go down swinging if that was the case.

She would be found on her terms.

He would take the hit.

In time, she’d understand.

Besides, he only really knew that she was aware of Donnie and that the rest of his family didn’t seem to register to her. She had never told him not to mention her to them so it should have been fair game. At the same time, she recently pointed out that he hadn’t talked much about his family. Then, as far back as he could recall, no one in his family had mentioned Kendra in literal years.

She had been in prison for most of that time, but that was far from the point.

The confusing branching pathways of who knew or felt about who was too tedious for Mikey. 

He stuck with facts. 

Kendra hated Donnie.

Kendra had gone to school with April. 

Ergo, April had known Kendra the longest. 

Even if they were just classmates, they might have a reunion.

That was wishful thinking, he thought, as he picked up the AC.

“Hey! Let me get my side!” April chased him.

He leveled with her. “April.”

She looked him in the eye through her glasses.

“We both know I can carry this. Without help. Like carrying a loaf of bread.”

She opened her mouth.

“Hup!” His brow ridge shot high as he wasn’t done.

She waited.

“I get what you’re doing. We’re going. You’re going to meet her soon.”

Her head tilted.

“12 minutes actually. I just looked up the ETA.”

“Uh huh…”

He gave her a look that said he was done with the charade and turned to walk.

She fell in line beside him. “I can’t tell if she’s good to you from what you described.”

“From what you actually listened to.” He corrected.

“It’s crazy, right?!” She threw him a frazzled glance that begged him to understand.

He didn’t and relayed that.

“C’mon!” She threw her hands up. “Okay, maybe you haven’t done something this elaborate before, but your acting skills are totally dependent!”

“It’s the classes.”

“No, it’s whenever you want! Either the guilt consumes you or you can look a man dead in the eye and ruin his entire business just because you weren’t a big fan.”

“How many times-?!” 

“How about all the times you snuck out?” 

“I wonder why!?” Mikey’s eyes rolled to insinuate her current reaction as the norm. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying!”

“April!”

“What?!”

“Because of this! Because of exactly this! Because when I said I wanted to try skydiving, Raph was suddenly my partner, threw off the balance of the plane, and he couldn’t even jump because he was so scared, but that’s because he was terrified that me, me, the guy who can also make his own portals, sans metal by the way, was going to, I don’t know, hit the ground somehow?!”

“One in every a thousand-”

“-Parachutes don’t open and how do you know that?! Who said that a million times beforehand?!”

April looked away.

“That’s Raph! Leo tried to keep me from one of those Battle Nexus competitions because it was rigged! I knew it was! That’s why I joined! The prize was some of Draxum’s old lab equipment! I was getting it back! I was cheating too!”

She was caught on a whine.

“Donnie gets a pass because he was right about the ammonia bleach situation, but don’t think you’re not there too!”

“Mikey-” She tried to bargain.

“’You need a spotter BASE jumping.’ ‘There’s two seats in the go-kart, why don’t I come with you?’ ‘Who else is going to see if you fall out of the canoe?!’”

She grimaced.

“Look, I get it. You all love me and I love you, but I get tired of being dismissed. It feels like you don’t see how much I carry. I shouldn’t have to prove that I’m more than a baby. I am. I grew up just like the rest of you and you’d think at some point you would let me do the thing I’ve already done.”

She was quiet.

He wanted to say more, but he left it there.

They were getting close and he needed to maneuver to that back alley.

He refused to look it up and his eyes darted to recollect where they had gone a week or so ago.

“You know…”

He glanced at his sister.

“Out of everyone, I’m the one who lied about the person they were dating.”

“H-huh!?” He was already looking, but his head whipped further and pieces of the AC clattered in his jostle.

“Yeah. That guy at the station wasn’t… really a reporter.”

“Huh?! Who!?”

“He was an editor. He had asked me out a dozen times and I always said no and then he was there for me after the studio told me to quit my latest story, you know the one about the musician, and I don’t know…”

Mikey wasn’t sure how many more sounds he had to convey before she realized he actually had no idea what she was talking about.

“He was so gross and we went out like five times! He was textbook creepy., but man is it a boost to the ego. I used him and it ended badly, but, yeah… I talked up someone that wasn’t real.”

Mikey gaped before he thinned out the line of his lips.

April finally looked at him and similarly went slack as she placed his look. “No idea what I’m talking about?”

“Nuh uh!”

“It was a few months ago!”

“Before or after I met my girlfriend?”

“Boy!” She released the unit to noogie him.

His legs bowed like a frog to keep from dropping the machine. “Ack!”

“She better be something because otherwise you got no excuse for not paying attention to anything else!”

“Maybe I could sense you were lying so I tuned it out!”

“You-!” She threatened once before disengaging to mess up his hair.

Mikey bemoaned the action, but got upright. “We gotta turn around here.”

“Where?” April recovered just as fast.

“Like…” The streets looked a little too similar, but he knew he was close to the community garden because the smell of manure was in the air. “Here!”

He ducked in the first turn and April was forced behind him.

Mikey ended up winding them around two apartment buildings before he finally found the fire escape that was burned into his mind. “This is it!”

“Uh, Mikey.”

“Mhm.” He looked up and then down before putting the AC on the ground.

“We passed the front door.”

“Yeah.” He jumped to pull down the ladder.

“It was back there.” 

“Yup.” He gestured for her to go first. 

“You know I think she’s real, but this isn’t helping…”

“Gonna be honest. I don’t know what’s up with the apartment thing. You can’t get inside from… inside.”

“What?”

“Yeah.” He gestured for her to climb again.

She took the first rung. “What are you saying? There’s gonna be a door up here?”

He nodded to the ladder again.

She shook her head as she climbed.

He tucked the unit under his arm, made sure he had a good grip, leapt up to a dumpster first for the momentum, and jumped to the landing.

He landed right next to April and saw her staring at the entry to Kendra’s apartment.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” April’s head cocked. “Why though…?”

She caught the knob.

Mikey waffled as his hands were full.

“Wait! Don’t just walk in-!”

“22 minutes!” Kendra threw the door open and April was knocked clean out of the way.

Mikey stood with his jaw dropped far enough down that it was practically sitting on top of the AC.

“Woah…” Kendra stood a little straighter at the sight of the machine. “That doesn’t look half bad…”

Mikey’s lips flapped wordlessly.

“Did you test it?” Kendra walked over and got her hands on the unit to examine it.

April’s fingers appeared like an omen around the door frame.

Mikey squeaked.

“That’s a no.” Kendra sighed. “We’ll test it inside. I have some tools for when my power goes out.”

Kendra rotated slowly and Mikey shifted the weight of the unit in horror.

April flung the door forward and, as if on instinct, Kendra caught it.

The two stared at each other for a long moment.

Mikey felt the AC slipping in his grip.

“KENDRA!!!” April screamed.

“O’Neil!?” Kendra reared. “You’re just as loud as I remember… Ugh.”

“What are you doing here?!” April smashed her palm into the door so it flew out of Kendra’s grip and slammed shut.

“I live here.” Kendra dropped her weight to one unamused side. “Doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“Me?! Me?!” 

“Yes, you.” Kendra yanked her door open a crack. “What are you? Trespassing? Why are you up here?” 

April sent the question toward Mikey who only shook his head. “Miss broke into Nakamura Corp!?”

“Oh! Great catching up with you! Find someone else’s stoop to haunt!” Kendra grabbed one of Mikey’s arms. “Come on.”

“No way! Nuh uh!” April caught his other elbow.

“What are you doing?” Kendra looked ready to strike.

“Not letting my dumb-dumb little brother make a huge mistake!”

“Little…?” Kendra mouthed before looking at Mikey. “One of these days you’re going to draw me a family tree! Your lineage makes no sense!!”

Mikey shook his head.

Kendra was about to speak again when April yanked him with all her strength.

He almost lost the unit, but hoisted it up at the last second.

The weight of it sent him in April’s direction where she clawed to pull his mask so she could hiss into where his ear should be. “Kendra?! Kendra Byerly!? You are not telling me that Kendra, the evil Kendra, the Kendra that went to prison and was never seen from again, is your girlfriend?!”

Only Mikey had a view of said woman.

She didn’t look surprised.

She didn’t look wounded.

She looked numb.

She had that same dull gaze that he had seen at the coffee shop. 

He hadn’t seen that in a while.

Not since she started openly talking to him and her fiery side came out.

Whatever this was.

Whatever she thought now.

He didn’t want to know.

He never wanted her to look like this again.

Mikey shifted his pupils to April.

She hummed loudly as if she was waiting for a response.

He let his own icy exterior fall in place.

Except his was honed by meditation.

A way to access the wily nature of his power to its best extent.

The moment he was calm, he accessed the molten flame in his core. It beat back against him before it agreed to work alongside. His eyes opened and he phased out of April’s grip.Kendra watched with a gawk and stepped aside when he looked toward her door. He entered long enough to set the AC down inside by the window it would soon inhabit before he turned to leave.

He gave Kendra a sharp nod that he had this.

She blinked a few times before she returned a single bob that deferred to him. 

“April.” Mikey addressed once he could see her again.

Said woman was clearly furious he had pulled mystic rank on her.

“Let’s talk.”

“Oh, we’re gonna talk!” She puffed up. 

Kendra went inside and Mikey ushered April a few steps away.

“What were you thinking!? Do you realize-!?”

“I think you should leave.”

April’s mouth snapped shut.

Mikey waited and hoped she would agree.

“Me?” April pointed at herself. “You think I should leave?”

“You’re way out of line.”

Her pupil scorched with a flash of green energy. “I know you’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

Her brows pinched and the mystic flame was snuffed out as she was clearly unsettled.

This wasn’t how he usually put his foot down.

If anything, when he decided against something, he mentally checked out.

He rarely faced it.

He would ditch whatever didn’t serve him, but this was far unlike dealing with mutant prejudice.

This was his girlfriend.

This was his family.

“I’ll be honest. You’re being rude.”

April popped a few unfinished vowels.

“She’s not a villain. She hasn’t done anything bad in years. You said so yourself.”

“Mikey-!”

“Draxum.”

“H-he was on the run! You basically forced him-!”

“Big Mama.”

“She d-didn’t really go good as much as she kinda laid off the overlord-”

“Casey.” He got in her face.

A single bead of sweat rolled down April’s temple.

“Want me to go on?”

“She’s not like them…!”

“No, she’s not.” Mikey backed off.

They were at a stalemate.

Mikey didn’t like timing things.

If anything, clocks were set so he could forget.

If he could avoid counting he would.

He set a mental timer.

If April didn’t give up in two minutes, then he knew this was a lost cause.

She was the one amongst them that had believed in him the most.

How were the others going to react?

Mikey wasn’t ready to think about that and checked his hands.

He hadn’t picked up any grease from the AC and rubbed the side of his face.

How did so little activity make him so tired?

He cleaned around his eye and heard April sigh.

“Is she… good?”

She couldn’t look at him, but the fact that she asked was a good sign. “No.”

April’s gaze shot up.

“She’s not bad. I don’t like labels.”

“Right…” April faltered and continued to obviously think.

Mikey scratched his arm.

“Is she good to you?” She tried again.

Mikey cracked tentative smile. “She’s feisty.”

She waited.

“She’s protective. Good…? Who knows, but I like her.”

“You’re not making a great case.”

“I shouldn’t have to.” He flashed her a sharp look.

April wilted a little.

He was getting close to 100.

April shuffled in place.

Mikey glanced at where Kendra hadn’t closed the door.

She was listening.

He didn’t blame her.

“The Kendra I knew… was uppity.” April spoke softly. “She was a huge jerk who thought she was better than everyone else and treated everyone else like dirt.”

That sounded right, but Mikey stayed silent.

“If she treats you like that…” April’s chest rose with vitriol.

There were instances, but Mikey never saw it as that simple.

He put his foot down when Kendra crossed the line.

She respected the boundaries that he set.

“I don’t know!” April’s arms fell to her sides. “She wasn’t… She wasn’t always like that! We were friends once. When we were young. Then when all the popularity stuff came in… I don’t know. She changed. We didn’t talk much after that. She acted like she never knew me.”

Mikey examined her.

“I don’t want her to do that to you. I don’t want anyone to do that to you. I… Man, we just talked about this whole not letting you figure things out for yourself, didn’t we?”

“Yep!”

“Or… Not like that. Not trusting you to… I don’t know! You never failed at any of those things. You never fell when you rock climbed. You did jump out of that plane. You didn’t use mysticism to get out of it when your canoe got stuck. You… You…!”

Mikey softened.

April’s eyes shined behind her lenses. “You did a really good job growing up.”

“I had good role models…” Mikey smiled.

“Come here, you!” She slung an arm around him.

“April…”

“No, I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m letting my past get in the way. Who knows what’s changed!? I’m different. I was insecure back then. I thought I had no place.”

“Now look at you.”

“Now look at me! Youngest Pulitzer prize winner!” She gleamed.

“Yeah!”

“Okay! Apology tour!” April steered him around and didn’t let go.

He hobbled in his headlock as she went over to the door and kicked it further open.

“Kendra!”

Kendra looked up from where she had opened up the AC unit and was surrounded by parts. “O’Neil. Again.”

“I was a jerk.”

Kendra shrugged.

“No, seriously.”

Kendra sent April a dry look.

“Yeah… I deserve that.” April let Mikey go.

He rubbed his throat.

He caught Kendra checking him over before her gaze flew back to the other woman.

April leveled with her. “Look. We don’t have the best history. Heck, neither of us had it easy. When my pops left and your mom died, I don’t know… I thought maybe you of all people would understand-”

Kendra stood with a clatter of parts.

April and Mikey both blinked.

“Don’t…!” Kendra’s hand quaked around a screwdriver. “Just… don’t.”

“Oh…” The sound leaked out of April.

“This doesn’t have to be a thing.” Kendra wrangled her wrist to point between them. “I’m dating your brother or whatever. We don’t have to be friends. It’s fine.”

April twitched.

Mikey squeezed around her. “Family by clan status, by the way! Not blood.”

Kendra was clearly wary of taking her eye off April. “Which one was that again? The Nick-po?”

“Ninpo!” Mikey clucked.

“You got powers too?” Kendra studied April.

“You know!” April tried to wave it off. “Just like a bat I can summon. Some spell stuff. Increased agility from being possessed. That… whole… thing…”

Kendra absently nodded.

The awkward silence seeped into Mikey’s very bones. “April tested the AC unit!”

“So it does work?” Kendra’s attention finally parted. “But I plugged it in and-”

She clicked her tongue once before moving to kick the wall beside an outlet as hard as she could.

“Damn breaker flipped!”

“Want me to flip it?” Mikey wondered.

“None of us can get to it. I have a bypass…” She reached for a flyer about some long gone blowout sale flyer that was taped to the wall and lifted it to reveal a cleanly carved hole. “Line pliers.”

Mikey knew what those were from assisting Donnie and ducked to get them.

He passed them off and she reached into the hole to pull out a cord. “Cheap ass-!”

The moment the pliers dove into the wire they sparked.

April bumped into the door frame.

“There.” Kendra let her tool fall straight to the ground and stopped just shy of plugging the AC in. “Oh wait…”

She rounded the unit on her knees and put pieces of it back together.

Mikey watched on with rapt attention as she worked and eventually tightened a final screw before she finally connected cord to oulet.

It hummed to life.

“There we go! Sounds like it did at the old lady’s house.” Mikey beamed.

“She kick the bucket?” Kendra asked.

“Oh yeah, left everything behind.”

“Estate sales.” Kendra shook her head.

“Right? Best place for a deal!”

“You’re going to leave it like that?!” April squawked suddenly.

“Uh… no?” Kendra’s head lolled where she was still squatting. “We’ll install it in the wall.”

“The wall that just shot out sparks?!”

Kendra’s brow lifted.

“If the breaker tripped then you got a short! You can’t plug an AC into that!”

“I have a fix.” Kendra gestured to the hole.

“Yeah, live wires are exposed in your-!” April looked out.

Kendra clearly bristled.

Mikey realized then that, of course, she hadn’t been expecting company outside of him.

It wasn’t like her place was dirty, but her bed was unmade.

She had some clothes that had missed their hamper and a few messy products were spilled out around her vanity.

“In your…? Is this a bedroom…?” April looked out of place. “What is this?”

“My home.” Kendra shot upright. “Not up to your standards?!”

“It’s just…”

“What?”

“Nothing!”

“Say it!”

“I don’t know!”

“Come on, April! We both know what you wanna say! Just like we both know why you ended up alone!”

April immediately puffed up with indignity.

“Oh, poor widdle April. Barf!” Kendra gagged and rounded Mikey to get to her. “You know why kids thought you were weird?! It’s not some random act like you like to think!”

“Kendra, you got a lot of nerve-!”

“It’s because you did this! You ran your big mouth and hurt everyone’s feelings! You had no idea how not to speak your mind or when to stop sticking your nose in other people's business! That’s probably why you became a journalist! So you could televise all the crap you thought and dress it up like pretty little think pieces.”

April inhaled in a way that was charged with green smoke. 

“Talon Perisinsky!” Kendra swiveled her torso toward Mikey. “Second grade! He was in gymnastics and moving to the next grade with us! The incoming class was too large and someone told the next teacher on graduation night that Talon could probably go to the Olympics if he stopped getting into so much trouble!”

“That-!” April hissed.

“He went to the other class and eventually dropped out!”

“Was that…? April…?” Mikey mouthed.

“That’s not-!” April pleaded.

“Drew Weatherford!” Kendra spun back around. “Third grade! He was coming to class super early and you walked in one day, with your friends, with only him in the room, and yelled about how bad it smelled!”

“Ken-!”

“Crazy how his dad lost his pier job and their water was off, he was coming to school early to wash up in the sinks, and because of you he earned the nickname Trash Boat!”

“How could I-!?”

“Heather Alvares!” Kendra stomped forward.

April was trapped both in and out of the apartment.

“You wanna talk about parents who left, huh April!? Let’s talk!! When her mom dipped and she was with her grandparents who couldn’t brush that hair of hers, who was it!? Who!? Who told Taylor Martin, certified grade A bitch from birth! She had it hard enough! She transferred in mid-semester and there you were! She told you in confidence! So why, why, was it that Taylor found out?!”

April could only shake her head.

“And you didn’t get the same treatment! No! No one dared call you the fucking tattletale, loud mouth you were because the moment they did, they would be on your immediate shit list! They were terrified of your ‘weird’ sense. That way you always sniffed out people who were trying to lay low! You always brought attention to them when no one wanted that! So yeah, April, go ahead. Tell me my apartment sucks shit because I already know! You think I don’t?! You think I want to live here?! You think I wanna smell burning electrical wires when I charge my phone?! Maybe think for once in your life about where those reporter skills got you!!!”

April was deathly still.

Only her pupil moved to Mikey.

Mikey’s expression wore weakly because he knew what she was thinking.

Everything Kendra said was true. 

He knew exactly why. 

April has met him and his brothers in a similar way. 

The boys had snuck up to a roof to play basketball and she had burst out of nowhere with accusations about how she finally caught the people sneaking on the court. They had tried to run, but she had seen them. A human saw them for what they were. She yelled her head off about how they weren’t people, they were criminal turtles, and they had been forced to tackle her to make her stop.

“And that’s…” Kendra clearly lost steam. “… just what I remember. There were a ton more. So, sorry, if I wanted to get away from you. I was trying to build my own reputation. I was dealing with my own crap-!”

Her voice hitched on tears and she audibly swallowed it down.

“I-I-! I just… couldn’t be humiliated at school too. Not so late in middle school. Not after what happened. Not when it was happening at home-!”

Kendra threw a hand out to stop herself.

She took a single breath.

Mikey chanced getting closer.

She shot him a wounded look before wrapping an arm around herself.

Mikey leaned against her back in case she wanted to move away.

She didn’t.

Her weight slightly shifted into him.

The smallest amount.

Fragile and he held it with care.

“But I did… leave you without explanation, so… sorry… about that…” Kendra cleared her throat.

April creaked against the door frame.

“That… sucks… especially with what happened with your dad… I’m sorry.” Kendra glanced at Mikey again.

He bowed his head ever so slightly.

She sucked in a deeper breath and let it out. “Didn’t mean to scream at your sister. Not a great reintroduction.”

“Nah, not really, but you two got history and that wasn’t even in the top ten worst impressions I’ve had.” He pecked her cheek.

“That’s gotta be some kind of list.”

“Oh sure…”

April took her glasses off.

The two stopped to watch her.

Mikey gave Kendra a squeeze as he prepared to release.

She stood straighter to give him leave.

April spoke before he could move. “Is that… true?”

Even Kendra knew better than to respond.

April’s eyes darted as she looked up for a response.

“We…” Mikey started and was a little too loud so he tempered himself. “We grew to love it. You could always count on April to tell it to you straight!”

Her expression somehow fell further.

Kendra turned to send him a bitter glance.

He broke free from her and shot toward his sister.

“Okay! Maybe I didn’t phrase it right, but that’s the thing! We’re all honest to a fault in different ways. Didn’t you-er-Raph! Yeah, Raph! Always tells me that I don’t have tact! I don’t! Look, everyone in this room has made mistakes. We’ve paid for them in different ways. What matters is if you choose to learn from them and how you move forward with that knowledge.”

“I can’t really deal with your LPC thing right now.” April flinched from him.

Mikey whimpered.

“LPC…” Kendra spoke, haunted by the new knowledge.

Mikey didn’t have time for that and continued on. “It’s true though! It just depends on who sees it! The one who really never pulls punches is dad!”

The corner of April’s lip twitched. 

“If he doesn’t like something…!”

“You’ll be the first to know…” She responded as more fissures formed in her growing smile.

“Being honest can be good. Having a strong sense of justice is good! Jumping into something without worrying is good! They can also all be bad. It will always depend. The outcome, the people…”

“How many people have I hurt…?” April wondered.

Mikey felt secure enough to touch her arm.

She didn’t startle away and looked up at him.

“How many people did you save?”

Her eyes watered and her lip quivered.

Mikey barely lifted his limbs and she shot forward to hug him.

He gave her a tight squeeze.

She sniffled and lost a few tears.

“Kendra…!”

“Uh… Y-yeah…?” Kendra responded warily.

“I didn’t mean to bring up-“ April squeezed her eyes shut and pulled from Mikey. “I didn’t mean to insult your apartment. I’m… mad they let you rent this. They force you to pay for this. You rent it, right?”

“Yeah.”

“We can sue. We just need-”

“No! No, no, no!” Kendra walked over to meet them. “Think! You wanna show growth, then think for a second!”

April stared at her for a second. 

“There was no where else I could go.” Kendra offered. 

April’s gaze sharpened. “Because you have a record.”

“Yeah!”

“That has to be illegal. They can’t deny you for that!”

“No, the shitty language in New York law books say that a landlord can’t turn down all applicants due to criminal records! It has to be on a case-by-case basis.”

“What…?” April reared away from Mikey.

“Yeah!” Kendra repeated.

“That’s bull.”

“Just don’t turn it into a story. Not only can I live here, but it’s all I can afford so…”

“There is no way this is up to code though!”

“It’s not.”

“What is this? This isn’t even a whole apartment!”

“My neighbor, if you can call them that, tore out walls to make their apartment bigger. They had the money to back it up. This was the leftover space. It didn’t have a shower or toilet. Those were patched into the pipes. The whole thing’s a shit show.”

“And the roaches!” Mikey felt safe enough to add.

April glanced around quickly.

“Don’t worry I scared them off for now. They’ll get me back when I sleep.” Kendra’s soul partially left her body.

Mikey leapt to get it back.

“You don’t even have access to the building.” April pinched the bridge of her nose and noticed her glasses still weren’t there.

She put them back on and, with them, her confidence returned.

“You quoted the New York law.”

“Sure. I had to look it up for when I got out. Plus law books were pretty much all we had to read in prison.”

“And I know the building codes.” April pointed at herself.

“O’Neil, what did I just say about butting in?!”

“I didn’t!” April clapped Kendra on the shoulder.

Kendra looked ready to bite her.

Mikey prepared to intercept.

“But maybe that’s a good thing? I mean, who said anything about you doing anything? That would be bad. We don’t want to mess with what you got going on here, but it sounds like your moneybags neighbor would be real interested to hear about what they’re missing through their barely there wall.”

Kendra blinked.

“How their water pressure sucks. The shorts in the walls…” 

Mikey could hear Kendra inhale. 

“Roaches.”

Kendra’s eyes lit up.

“Love the new hair color, by the way.” April grinned wide.

Kendra’s hand clamped over April’s and she used it to pull the other woman sideways. “Talk and work! You’re installing the AC!”

“Fine, but I have zero experience!” April sang as she moved to pick up the AC.

Mikey watched on through the bickering and fast paced conversation.

They almost lost the AC out the window twice before it really threatened to escape and he had to teleport outside to save it.

Eventually, they were all lined up and enjoying the cool air the newly operational air conditioner provided.

“Hey, Mikey.” April prompted.

“Hm?” Mikey hummed because talking was too much effort. 

“I wanna keep this between us for now.”

“Hmm?” He shifted his inflection.

“Don’t talk like I’m not here.” Kendra complained.

“I’m not. I’m trying not to say how he didn’t tell me about you.” April retorted before awareness hit her and she fell backwards. “Okay, I’m seeing it. Big mouth.”

“And people think I’m the mess.” Kendra chuffed.

“Figured you’d be mad.” April tried.

“Figured you would be too.” Kendra responded.

“True that.” April breathed out. The AC continued to purr contentedness.

(Check out behind the scenes for this fic and more on my Patreon. You can follow me there, here, or the tag #AENEMfic for updates)

We continue to hit that new year off right with my betas @tmntxthings and @unrestrainedhotsoup

[pynkhues]

Oh you know I need your dream cast for a Succession prequel, Sophie

(x)

Okay okay okay, SO first thing's first, my dream Succession prequel is set against the 80s clusterfuck expansion into parks because every little bit of canon we got about that era just cooks. You've got Logan meeting Frank (and probably Gerri), Logan's whirlwind romance then toxic marriage to Caroline, Logan starting to have the golden trio and reconnecting with Connor and dealing with the aftermath of what happened to, and with, Connor's mother! Plus Ewan may or may not be still involved in the company? (I choose to think he is!)

As a result, a lot of my casting is partially determined by the age the characters would be then, which means I've had to change some actual dream casting (Romola Garai as 40yo Gerri, my beloved), but it's also a pretty fun era to think about so that's fine.

Anyway, let David Tennant as Young(er) Ewan invite you in:

I really love the Snr. Roy's being from Scotland, and their backstory feels so entwined with Scottish WWII history, so I wanted to honour that a bit in the fancasting, but all the same, I think I probably would've cast David Tennant anyway. I think he can sell that simultaneous moral superiority and absolute hypocrisy in a way that Ewan needs, and honestly, I just love the idea of him reading Jesse Armstrong's dialogue, haha.

Was Karl working for Logan in the 80s? I choose to believe yes, because I love him. Jack Lowden's been one of those actors who's popped up in a few things I've watched lately - Fighting with My Family, Small Axe and Slow Horses in particular, and I've been consistently pretty impressed with him? I think he's got a good handle of comedic timing (important for anyone taking up the Karl mantle) but also is a compelling dramatic actor and I think he could kill it opposite...

David Rysdahl as Young Frank! I've always figured Frank would've been a bit younger than Logan, and I love that little glimpse we got in canon of Frank having been brought in to advise on the parks acquisition and then Logan basically making him an offer to stay. There's something extra crunchy there for me if Frank's a little wide-eyed at the time and Logan oozes that charm that we know that he can turn on when he wants to. I like the psychosexual drama, and I also like the idea of Frank having this weird sort of connection to Caroline and Kendall because he met them while he was still impressionable / in the midst of being swept up.

But yes, haha, David Rysdahl I think is a bit of an up-and-comer, which is kinda funny given he's been in a lot of stuff. I've liked him though in the newest season of Fargo, and lowkey think he looks a bit like a young Peter Friedman.

Honestly, I just loved her in Swallow a lot, and she played the smart, unhappy, unhinged, WASP-y wife there to such perfection that I think she'd be ideal for a young Gerri who's still better known as Baird's wife than as counsel. There's such an attitude and vulnerability to Haley too which I think would match J's quite well, plus they have a bit of a similar look too which works for me? I want to see her claw her way in! And I also want to see her toxic relationship with Caroline which leads to her being Shiv's godmother.

Speaking of...

Honestly, I went through a few people for Caroline and she was surprisingly hard to cast. A lot of actresses who felt like they might fit the bill - Michelle Dockery and Claire Foy were two that sprung to mind - didn't really work as I didn't think they could quite balance the acidity with the blunt charm and playfulness that Harriet Walter just does so well (and honestly is a testament to what an actress she is). But then! Jessie Buckley! I've loved Jessie in everything I've seen her in, from Women Talking to The Lost Daughter, but it was actually thinking about her turn in Misbehaviour which made me think of her for this, exactly because of how she can play, well playfulness.

Plus I think she'd be a lot of fun opposite...

I did say I''d go with a Scotsman! Ewan McGregor's been in a few mmm, less good things lately, which makes a turn in a role like Logan Roy could potentially be pretty great. He's always been a remarkable actor, and one who, I think, can find the heart in any role, which is arguably what any actor playing Logan needs. Plus I always tend to think Ewan has chemistry with everyone he acts opposite, and I think he could really sell Logan's naked charisma in this era in a way that would make sense given he's making some pretty questionable choices across the board in the 80s. Plus, y'know, to the point of the post that inspired this one, I think him playing Logan would do a lot of psychic damage to people who could only ever see Logan as perpetrator of abuse and never as product or victim.

[thedragonagelesbian]

What class, faction and romance are you planning for rook!Cyrus? 👀 I don't know of you already talked about it here, if so, my apologies

hi anon!!! no need to apologize, call me a varric tethras kinnie the way im Always Yapping About Cyrus

Faction: veil jumper

It's the Veil Jumpers who pull Cyrus out of the Fade and Clan Morlyn (the Dalish clan of the people who seem to be the Veil Jumper faction contacts, Strife & Irelin) who help him recover. It takes about six months for him to regain enough of his strength to join expeditions into Arlathan Forest. He's less interested in the history & knowledge/artifact recovery aspect of it than, say, Bellara-- for him, it's more about adventuring again and keeping his companions safe and feeling like he's contributing something to his people.

He's a member of the Veil Jumpers for about a year before the incident mentioned in the Aldwir backstory and joining back up with Varric. In that time, the two of them keep in constant touch using sending crystals, courtesy of Dorian.

Class: sword & shield warrior + reaper spec

Reaper is so mechanically similar to Reaver (one of Cyrus' DA2 specs) but with a necromancy rather than a cannibalism flavor, which *I* personally think is a net loss, but it works well as an evolution for Cyrus, moving from blood sacrifice to a kind of peaceful loss. I also like it as a reflection of all the time he spent in the Fade, a realm of spirit rather than embodiment. He is, in true charisma -> wisdom caster pipeline fashion, more attuned with that part of himself now, coming closer to the veil between life and death without actively self-destructing like he was in his 20s.

Romance: remaining open to where the winds take me but leaning toward lucanis

what's better than one living weapon? one former living weapon showing a current living weapon that there's another, softer way to be.

(that said, when i first ported cyrus into bg3, i really thought i was going to romance astarion with him, and then karlach happened, so there's still plenty of time for any of the other folks to sweep cyrus off his feet!

And whether that romance or any other is canon for cyrus is also a question, given how things may or may not play out with varric..........)

[a-fantasy-lover-surfing-the-net]

Till the end of the moon review

I recently rewatched the drama and felt like reviewing the first Cdrama I ever watched. After watching some cdramas in the past 7 months since I first watched the drama, I now trust myself to write a decent enough review after somewhat familiarizing myself with the genre and overall cdrama space.

Rating: 9.5/10 (1000 bonus points for searing itself in my mind and staying there even after 7 months)

Acting: 10/10

Story: 9/10

Chemistry: 100000000/10

OST: 10/10

Costumes: 10/10

Hair & Makeup: 9.5/10

Production/Set Design: 10/10

Visual Effects/CGI: 10/10

Rewatch Value: 10/10

Li Susu, an immortal time travels 500 years into the past to prevent the ascension of the Devil god, who goes on to destroy the world in the future. It's a story of love and hate, good and evil, redemption and damnation. The characters are very well conceptualized and depicted beautifully by talented actors, stunning costumes, really good hair and makeup, and great cinematography. The amazing production and set design along with impressive visual effects and CGI really immerse the audience in the world of TTEOTM. This was a high budget drama and it shows... each and every frame of the drama, it feels lavish. If you are even a little bit interested go watch the first episode and l promise you'll be hooked and end up finishing the drama.

Now unto my spoiler filled thoughts:

I find it interesting that the typical backstory themes and some character arcs of the male lead and the female lead have been swapped here. The FL usually has a dead parent or abusive household or terrible luck and so on. The ML usually comes to the FL's rescue or stands up for her and so on. We all know that Tantai Jin is Disney Princess coded given his dead mother, abusive and neglectful upbringing and his animal telepathy powers. LSS both as Ye Xiwu and LSS repeatedly saves TTJ and stands for him. While TTJ also saves her many times, he does not get a chance to stand up for her because she usually takes care of herself and she is not suspected or wrongfully accused where she would need someone to support her. Also, TTJ basically became a part of LSS's family as her uncle took him under his wing and he promised to stay in Hengyang Sect with her in ep 35 before all hell breaks loose. And who can forget that LSS marks TTJ with her Phoenix mark, typical ML behavior.

Their romance is my ultimate enemies to lovers pairing. It has just the right amount of fighting, messiness, animosity and angst for me. I feel that other pairings don't have enough of it for me to consider them as an enemies-to-lovers couple. Their visuals, their chemistry, their acting and the story everything was so great. Who else has three epic weddings in one drama? I am still not able to move on from this couple and drama.

While the misunderstandings were obviously supposed to lead to a turning point in the story, I feel like it was in character for them to jump to conclusions and assume the worst without fully thinking things through and which then led to them acting rashly. I mean both TTJ and LSS had bad history between them so in the early stages of their relationship where their trust in each other was shaky, it's understandable that they were prone to misunderstandings. Also, they're both not good at communicating with each other. In the mortal arc, LSS was never fully honest with TTJ and they never addressed their past misdeeds properly (like OG Ye Xiwu was very cruel to TTJ and he never talked to her about it and just brushed it off). In the immortal arc, TTJ deceived LSS when he became the Devil God.

For the most part the story was gripping, progressed at a good pace and conveyed many themes that become apparent on rewatches. Though it was obvious that the last 5 episodes and the ending were rushed because the censorship rules changed as they went into production. This was one of those dramas that needed at least 5-10 more episodes to properly flesh out the story. It was a missed opportunity that we didn't get to see LSS ruling the Demon realm and Ami's antics.

Another victim of the decreased episode count is the arc of the second leads. Tbh, I wish that Pian Ran and Ye Qingyu were the SLs but I think I would have enjoyed seeing the complete character arc of Xiao Lin/Gongye Jiwu and Ye Bingchang/Mo Nv and the resolution between them. That said it was appalling that they didn't bring back Pian Ran and Ye Qingyu in the immortal arc. I really missed their dynamic with each other and with the main leads. It is disappointing that they didn't even get an open/ambiguous ending to give us some closure and satisfaction.

The actress did a phenomenal job in making us hate her as Ye Bingchang and Tian Huan. Those characters as villians really worked as they were in a way the ones who had the markings of the female lead (these characters at the start of their stories could easily be heroines in any other story) but they turn into villians. Tantai Minglang was a good, serviceable villian and the actor did a lot with how little he was given. Di Mian was selfish and manipulative traitor who was almost scarily competent. I mean he did achieve what he wanted by becoming the Devil God and opening the Tongbei formation. The point of Devil God as a villian is not his character and his motivations but rather he represents our inner demons and how each of us has the power to overcome them.

Out of all the dramas I've watched, only TTEOTM's entire OST is on my regular playlist to listen to. Every time I listen to "Let's be like this for 10,000 years", I feel the love and tragedy of Sang Jui and Ming Ye's story all over again. It's impressive that a song can make you relive those feelings and the story every time you listen to it. All the songs fit wonderfully in the scenes they're played over and also make us feel those emotions again when listening to them separately.

On my first watch, the dream arc felt a little out of place and jarring, which, in hindsight, was probably due to the fact that it was my first cdrama. Upon rewatch I've come to appreciate that it gives a look into the age of Gods and it shows that the Devil God was so powerful that to stop him the Gods had to sacrifice themselves and only Ming Ye was able to survive. The action sequences here are just magnificent to watch and they definitely seem movie level. It also serves as a warning to the audience, LSS and TTJ that they could also have a tragic end if they don't learn the lessons from it. Unfortunately, in the mortal arc they did have a tragic end. However, in the immortal arc, TTJ is able to learn from his experience as Ming Ye and succeeds in defeating the OG Devil God and becoming the Devil God himself with control over his own destiny.

One of the most prominent themes of the drama is redemption and that love and compassion are powerful enough to change a person's fate. The themes of Taoism and Buddhism are evoked throughout the drama. There are also many other minor themes like the food is used as a guesture kindness (when LSS first gives TTJ a proper meal), affection/care (when TTJ gave LSS the goose themed meal), love (when LSS gives badly cooked meals to TTJ), betrayal and trickery (the poisoned porridge) and comraderie, friendship, brotherhood and familial love (when TTJ shares meals with his sect brothers and master). Both TTJ and LSS have dead moms, terrible fathers and great adoptive dads (Zhao You and Qu Xuan Zi), these are just some observations I made.

I may not love the ending but I don't hate it either as it was obvious to me that they reunite once again and live happily as a family (the audio ending really makes it clear). Even though I'm irritated we don't get to see it, I'm still satisfied that we get a hopeful ending rather than a tragic one.

Until now I've mostly been lurking in fandom spaces by liking and very rarely commenting and reblogging but never posting my own original post. The fact that my first ever post is on TTEOTM shows how much I love it. I'll probably be posting more TTEOTM analysis stuff so be on the look out for that if you're interested. Also, I welcome your recommendations as I'm still a newbie to cdramas and kdramas.

You can also check out my costumed cdrama rankings here.

[jaimrennnn]

The person who offers the most potential as a character in TWP is

Jaime. Listen. Characters that have little no backstory, have not been explored much or retain an air of mystery but are set to be a significant character often have the most potential.

We don’t know that much about their personality, their secrets, their POV. We still aren’t familiar with the character and that’s what makes them very intriguing.

the way Jaime was introduced had to be one of the best character introduction in TSC series. When we first heard of Jaime. He’s depicted as a power hungry asshole who betrayed Cristina his soon to be parabatai but when we met him he seemed fine. He didn’t come off as a bad person. Very normal in fact. He also displayed strong loyalty to Cristina and his family when he was wounded and sick in prison along with his brother which is a complete contrast to what we first heard of him in Lady midnight.

His first flower card reads ‘changeable moods’ to which many people theorized as him changing sides often and there are some who interestingly interpreted it as bipolar personality disorder. There is a strong possibility that Jaime might be an Anti Hero character. Which could lead to a very compelling arc in the books. Something usually different than the norm in TSC series. Jaime could be one of the best morally grey character in the series if done right. Personality wise he has a charming personality, he does have a very mysterious and a ‘wild’ aura to him. I want to know the backstory to the tattoo he got. And I remember someone mentioning that Cassie said one of Jaime’s tattoos signifies his ability to control his temper which further raises alot of questions about him. The last thing we heard of him is him missing in Faerie when he was sent on an important mission. What was this mission? Was he kidnapped??? We needs answers!!!!!!

Through Jaime we could learn more about the Rosales. Their relationship with the fair folk. Their family heirlooms,the Mexico City institute, Their history and how they became one of the most important and rich Shadowhunter families. In Lady midnight Mark says Cristina comes from a very old shadow hunter family which makes her sort of a princess or royalty.

I’m really excited to learn more about Rosales family since we keep having characters mostly from Herondale, blackthorn, Carstairs and Lightwoods who are mainly white European families (I still love them all🫶🏻). It will be so amazing and iconic to have a Latino, Hispanic and POC family to have so much importance and exposure in a series.

Lots of fans dislike Jaime for very reasonable reasons for what he had done to Cristina and the possibility of him being in a relationship with Dru due to age gap differences. Jaime as a character is always brought up or mentioned in context of his relationship to Dru but very rarely individually as his own. I just hope Cassie doesn’t change her plans in order to side track Jaime to appease fans because that means giving up on a character with so much potential. I hope she keeps Jaime as a significant character in TWP as originally planned.

many fans just minimize TWP to their faves reunion, possible love triangles and relationships angst when TWP has so much to offer than teenage romance. It’s freaking based on Arthurian legend! Cassie has stated many times that the shadowhunter world won’t be the same after the events in TWP which certainly leads to high expectations for this series.

@cassandraclare

I would definitely ask about Jaime next time Cassie opens her Q&A.

P.S. sorry if this came off as incoherent and all over the place. English is not my first language and it’s sometimes hard to express my thoughts in long paragraphs.

[is-that-plural]

Okay this one may be reaching super far HOWEVER

Judith Ford/Natalie Cook from 36 questions! (Its a podcast musical so I will mention music and stuff)

The basic plot is Judith meets this guy named Jase, and- in an effort to get away from her past- changes her name and entire identity to hide who she is! During the 3(?) years they’re married she goes by Natalie Cook, forged documents, makes up a backstory, etc. Jase finds out, things happen, and then Judith finds her way back to Jase and then the plot of 36 questions happens. Basically they go through *the* 36 questions (look it up if you want) they went through the first time they met, and then fun things happen that we don’t fully care about. All you need to know is she goes by Judith (her true identity) throughout this.

Now we can get to the possible system implications.

I don’t want to claim that alters are fake identities, because they aren’t, but I feel like I can justify a case for Natalie possibly being another alter!

It is implied that Judith had childhood trauma/a generally unstable home life, as she mentions in the song “Our Word” where she says she continuously lied to “[keep] the waters calm”. She started doing this around ~8, so it’s implied that things happened beforehand. It is also implied in the same song she has some kind of depression, which is common in trauma survivors. Don’t take this as hard evidence though.

The main part I want to talk about is in the song “We Both.” She literally starts the song with “When I was with you, I was real.” This is probably meant to read as, despite her identity being fake, the love she felt for Jase and her personality were real. However, through a plural lens, you can see this as Natalie signaling to Jase that she was quite literally herself with him, despite having to “fake” her identity. Similar line from the song: “When I was with you I didn’t feel lost, confused, or frightened, or scared to be who I am.” Jase also near the end of the song talks about Judith and Natalie as if they’re separate people “But now I’m reevaluating how similar you are to her.” There’s also the line from the end “When I am with you I am actually too real” which can be read as Natalie almost giving away the fact she was an alter?? Maybe??

Some more evidence comes in “A Better Version” where Judith sings about how she felt like her life with Jase as Natalie was better. Which actually can count as some counter evidence for this theory as she specifically states she “heard the perfect opportunity to be someone else entirely” and says it was to be “free from [her] history”, but I digress. She says “And I loved who I was with you.” Which is, again, treating Natalie and Judith as different people! She also has an entire verse about how she loved doing things she used to hate (which even though it’s supposed to be read in a romance context, can be taken as Natalie having different opinions to Judith!) Judith also says “Natalie, your wife, she was a better person” again referring to the two as different people!

In “Answer 36” she’s talking to yourself using “you” as if she’s talking to someone else! Which, I admit, is extraordinarily common even in singlets, but it’s something! This is also after something that was very stressful for her, and it could be Judith and Natalie talking possibly! Again, this is meant to be a coping mechanism and is common in singlets, but I’m trying to get as much as I can for this theory over here.

Wow, uh— that was a LOOONG rant. Sorry about that! Just wanted to talk about some possible plurality in a very niche fandom :3

!!

[ we are in this fanbase actually !! huge fans of the show <3 ]

Whilst canonically its very much just the biggest lie Judith got herself into (on Purpose, mind you; a huge part of Jace's problems with her Lay in the fact that Judith did all of this as a Choice and i think that's the biggest evidence countering it as sadly shes just a singlet with ptsd and depression and possibly other disorders that dont seem to be plural), She does have some aspects of plurality in her character overall though ! we see where you're coming from !!

so: is that plural

Rating: not really, but there's definitely some 'ingredients' of plurality in her character !