#idk if i just did it wrong but it’s horrible
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thinking about how living w regulus would affect harry like
he's such a fucking snob about everything. food, decor, fashion, you name it, he's got opinions on it.
he does ballet despite being the least graceful person on the planet. he's somehow pretty good at it, likely out of spite
speaks french
very much a cat person, has a cat named leo who is his baby
like yk how james and sirius are extremely codependent? that's how harry is w leo. both of them can not handle being apart from each other too long
reads a lot of stories
thinks seeker is the best quidditch position
on that note, lots of slytherin house pride. james hates it. harry refuses to put any gryffindor decorations up in his room
harry loves taking pictures just like reg so the house is filled with photographs
and ofc harry is snobby about what types of cameras he uses thanks to reg. james now just lets them deal with the cameras & photography stuff bc he's scared to get the wrong thing lol
harry is taller than reg but bc dysphoria all of reg's old clothes (like quidditch jerseys + hoodies and stuff) are his size so half his wardrobe is from reg's hogwarts days
definitely the type of guy to change his bedding & curtains & everything in his room based on the season. will anybody actually be in there other than him and his parents? not really, but he MUST redecorate
idk what this even means but snobby about candles. this is another thing james is scared to buy him
harry and reg speak french w each other more than english
since james doesn't speak french w harry (i hc he's only comfortable speaking it w reg) harry is used to having a conversation in two different languages so sometimes he'll be speaking french w his friends without noticing
he'll be in the middle of a rant and realize they don't understand a thing he's saying lol
reg and harry control the decorating for every holiday, every birthday, etc.
the one thing harry knows how to do that reg doesn't/reg didn't teach him is cooking. reg never cooked for himself as a child so james was the one who taught him
doesn't look like it most of the time but all of harry's clothes are very expensive... did i mention he's a snob
harry is such a dry texter/writer... he's such a dick about grammar when it comes to writing even tho he can barely string a sentence together when speaking
deeply sarcastic (look! a canon detail! we never thought we'd see that on this account, did we?)
will take his partners on the most expensive dates & whatnot like it's nothing... cedric the farmboy™️ is not prepared
writes sad boy poetry when he gets annoyed w someone... like harry will storm off all pissed and then he comes back 20 mins later with a beautifully written, very angry poem for whoever made him mad
has so many clothes & different curtains and bedding sets for different seasons that he also uses the closet in the guest room (reg takes up 99% of his and james's closet for the same reason)
has an inherent hatred of fake plants
bedroom is simultaneously tidy and so messy a hurricane might as well have come through
leaves a book behind everywhere he goes
secretly the worst sense of humor lmao
he may not have gotten his love of drawing/painting from regulus, but you def see reg in the way he is, you guessed it, a massive snob about art supplies
soooo indecisive. redoes his room at least twice a year
an asshole when he gets less than 10 hours of sleep... he's mildly tolerable after 3 cups of coffee (black, of course) but you might as well just ignore him until he gets a nap in
on that note is very good at making coffee and is, drum roll please, a massive snob about it. who would've guessed (somebody count how many times i've said snob in this post and comment it please and thank you)
if he doesn't like a gift he's horrible at pretending he's happy w it so people usually go through reg whenever they buy him something... this goes both ways too, people go through harry when buying something for reg
is visually james and lily's but in personality is really just reg's (and also lily's... he definitely inherited his spite from her lol)
is a crazy cat lady by age 20
at least 10 pictures of leo in his room... he has whole photoshoots for her and she poses for them
might as well not hang out w harry at his house bc he'll make out with his cat the whole time
loves going to art museums w regulus
he's a, surprise surprise, snob about art. james just doesn't comment on art altogether atp
his vocabulary is a weird mashup of french, english, and hindi that makes it very hard for anybody who doesn't know him well to understand what he's saying lol
looks angry until he smiles (he got this from lily but a life with reg has perfected it)
needs a golden retriever to his black cat in any given relationship (enter cedric and cho) (yes i'm going to push my rarepair on everyone reading this)
tl;dr being raised by/living w regulus has turned harry into a massive snob about literally everything and regulus is proud of it (blink twice if you need help, james)
#hp fandom#harry potter fandom#hp#marauders era#harry potter#james potter#regulus black#jegulus#jegulus raising harry#regulus raising harry really#leo the cat#let's give her her own tag :)#she is immortal btw. leo never dies#anyway
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psa to all my fellow queer folk and trans people and people who bind in general; if you have sensitive skin, DO NOT USE TAPE. i don’t know if i was just doing it wrong (i followed several tutorials proven correct and safe) but it was unbearably itchy within the literal first day of wearing it. i had no lotion or excess deodorant under the tape, and all my life i’ve experienced something like contact dermatitis from many little things and have no prescription medication for it.
again, little PSA,
IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE SKIN PLEASE BE EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS AND REFRAIN FROM TAPE BINDING !!!!
any tips from older trans folk who have experienced is extremely appreciated; especially aftercare for the blistering and painfully raw skin im experiencing atm.
#trans#lgbtq#binding safety#tape binding#idk if i just did it wrong but it’s horrible#pls be safe#queer talk#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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I added trunks to that last doodle and uuhhhh.. wasted a buncha time
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#my bullshit#idk what theyre talkin about but its probably dumb#ill probably see somethin horribly wrong in like half an hour and hate my life. but#*posts now anyways*#sunova bitch i knew it i fucking didnt even do the gd gemstones!#ok did the gemstone things#cant wait to realize what obv thing i messed up next :D#aaaaand iv added a buncha the same squares i always add instead of a real background :U#god forbid i just. wait to post somethin til im sure i dont wanna tweak it any more#no no its WAY better to just constantly edit#then have several slightly different versions floatin around out there#lol hate. hate that i am like this#theyre friends cause who cares
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Hey fuck you for just taking one of pans account usernames and using it to support a groomer that pan actively said was a horrible person, hope your proud of yourself for that
Am just reblogging anything related to add to context objectively in a single place (and to make fun of harmful internet practices), i haven´t explicitly done any defense of any person.
I really can't say anything more than 'people got hurt in different directions in different severities and several actions taken were always gonna exacerbate the situation'.
And sorry if anyone it's still getting harassement from anons about what anyone else said or did. (you can talk to me about it or send screenshtos so i make a mural ^_~)
answer:
If YOU care so much about what pansear said why are you still running around harassing anyone in her name?
That's such a funny thing, a ton of third parties unwilling to stand along their words YET defending what SOMEBODY ELSE THOUGHT AND NOT EVEN LISTENING TO EVERYTHING ELSE THEY SAID.
Like did you really need "pansear's seal of approval" of what she thought to come and tell me you dislike me when she also said:
-pansear, rw pandemonium server, never channel, 17/6/2024
You don't owe her anything or to anyone for that matter so why are you here. I mean i guess you ARE wearing a 'i don't really mean what am saying shirt'
#like damn be your own person and tell me to kms or something#this random encounter hate is what made all this so horrible#also if the original blog owner reads this can you ¿prove it? idk#am not clear on the idea of how that'd work but am willing to empty the blog#also also since this anons can't think for themeselves here's my nugget of thought#everyone did wrong on what we know is true#pansear#pansear doodles#rain world#rain world drama#just checking a couple of minutes later after posting and i know who you are and what you are talking about#i'll correct but point still stands - stop ripping your hair out for words on a screen that aren't even yours
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#“actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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oh yeah i watched the new ii and it was pretty wack. my only two thoughts are
i love cabby
they had to neutralize clover?????? hello?????????
#melonposting#ii spoilers#clover continues to be one of the only good people here. like hello thank you for saying that cabby didn't do anything wrong#(though at this point ae's probably just kinda backpedalling after the ableism allegations so. yeah. anyway it's really the bare minimum)#also it made me so angry to see nickel again. nooooo we just got rid of him!!!!!!!!!! boo tomato tomato tomato#i did find it funny that they were gonna have the dumb fantube-bot family thing and then blueberry interrupted it. ha ha ha. ha#yeah about the other thing. now i'm worried that any victory cabby gets out of this will only be a result of ae backpedalling#it's already pretty weird that the show's general perception of cabby did a complete 180 out of nowhere#i dunno. everyone ganging up on mephone was kinda strange#like okay springy and walkie talkie have their beef with him. but the cameras? zoetrope??#forgive me if i'm being dumb but i can't remember anything so horrible mephone did to them to warrant (gesturing vaguely) all of this#i dunno it's just kind of silly to have the big-bad be 'all of these random guys mephone kinda annoyed'#like huh. huh?#idk i'll see where they'll go with this. hopefully cabby doesn't get screwed over <3 that's really all i'm hoping for haha
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I'm starting the think Emhyr's plans are just bs. Right I was thinking last night about it all and pretty sure we can all agree both Emhyr and Vilgefortz plans for Ciri are like the worse out of any of the factions that want her (the lodge and elves are both shitty too but I feel like are not as bad compared to these two twits, not by much still bad) But Emhyr says he'll '...beget her a son who will beget a son.' which would not work for his plans of making Nilfgaard a powerful empire since the elder blood can only remain active in the female line, so Vilgefortz must have omitted some details there. However his plans for marrying Ciri will only speed up this process by one generation. Like if he was normal about this and was like 'this is my long lost daughter' (easy to tell cos they look near identical and Ciri has the obvious looks of her mother and grandmother so anyone who met those two women (like Queen Meve of Lyria and Rivia, Calanthes relative) could verify that) then it would either be his foretold grandchild or great-grandchild who would be the actual prophecy child who would inherit his grand empire. However if he got his way then his son and grandson would have half of the gene because they aren't women and wouldn't be able to carry the full elder blood gene, so unless it was a family of controlled incest then the power he wants would just cease to exist. (I doubt getting the Nilfgaardians behind his whole Targaryen family would go down well).
Another thing, if the plan went accordingly and Ciri was on the ship with them then he'd would of sent away Pavetta anyway, which would make it all sooo much worse because Ciri would know he was then (even in the books she notes something familiar about him which would make sense since she was 5 when he 'died' so a part of her could have some recognition). Though admittedly that probably wouldn't happen since I think Vilgefortz would've gotten rid of him and then had both Pavetta and Ciri for his own sick plans. Essentially Emhyr has justified this incest by speeding up the process by a generation because he's impatient. If he hadn't attacked Cintra and instead sent some messengers to Calanthe being like 'hey it's me, your son-in-law I'm actually an emperor and Ciri will be my heir and as such Cintra will join Nilfgaard' then there's Cintra secured. Presumedly he had the whole incest plan the whole time looking for Ciri (I assume so anyway) and only changed his mind after Geralt tore into him, Yennefer didn't want her daughter to cry, said daughter cries so he lets her go. Like he only saw reason after having it pointed out to him? Also the fact it's obvious Ciri is practically identical minus the hair and probably eyes (are his eyes described?) If the incest plot didn't exist then he could just be like 'i've searched for you my long lost daughter you're an empress' then things could've gone a little better, only thing is now Ciri may actually want to go with him (I can see Geralt and Yennefer being able to accompany here or at least allowed to live), but no and I fail to see why at least a version of this couldn't happened.
#witcher#witcher books#cirilla fiona elen riannon#please let me know if im just spouting bs or am actually somewhat right about this#theres no denying he's horrible for considering the incest but like is there literally no other way he could've done his plan???#emhyr var emreis#idk if someone has already gone over this or not#its been a while since ive read the series#i did re-read some pages last night from the final book tho and I'm still lost on his reasons#these are my thoughts from 2 am so bear with me please#even if there was a different version of him getting ciri back#was there no other way to avoid his main plan? again with Vilgeforzt as well I feel like that could've been handled a bit differently#please let me know if im completely wrong and am just going on about nonsense and have completely failed to understand anything about this
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As a certified Springtrap simp, which backstory for William do you prefer: one where he was a good dad driven mad maybe by jealousy or the loss of his youngest child, or one where he was always an abusive narcisist that cared for nobody but himself?
i feel like the, "im evil so i must also abuse my creations and/or children" has been really overdone. like idk im just tired of seeing it personally. and the whole "haha!!! im craaaazy!!" thing we get in the comics also rubs me the wrong way b/c. thats not. how he's portrayed in the games at all. esp hearing him in sister location he feels like he would be a calm sort of madness. he seems like a rational guy. he doesnt talk like that. he doesnt act like that. it seems really contradictory
i feel like him being a good dad (or at the least caring deeply for his children) gives him more urgency and like,,,,makes sense w/what we're given. it aligns the most w/the theories we have asta why he started killing etc. i also just enjoy the tragedy of it. he started out as a good guy w/good intentions and then was twisted inta something unrecognizable b/c he was so focused on tryin ta reach his goal. personally my hc is that he was jelly of henry and then the death of crying child tipped him over the edge and started his whole killing thing. imo its better than, "hee hoo i was evil FOREVER!! im PURE evil and have always been EVIL!!!" like. okay. wheres the subsistence?? give him depth dammit
why would he build a robot for his daughter if he didnt love her. why would he tell crying child he would put him back together if he didnt love him (not really cemented as something he said, but i mean who else would say it?? certainly not michael he was a boy. i think as a fandom we assume its heavily implied). it makes the afton kid's deaths so much more impactful. the prospect of this man losing pieces of his life bit by bit and being driven insane by it is enthralling
i love a good chaotic descent. i love thinking abt him being consumed w/a need ta revive his own son becoming obsessed w/life and death as a result. oh the irony of loving your own kid so much you would take others children away from them, knowing how losing your own felt. and the twisting of emotions as he sees his son michael someone who he would've died for, try ta stop him. b/c hes not understanding, they need ta b together again. thats all hes tryin ta do. get his family back tagether. and all these fucking obstacles are in the way of his only goal. and the manifestation of hatred of his own son b/c of this. b/c hes getting in his way. like, talk abt juicy. i want that man ruined. it just adds a layer of psychological torture that i just adore. william fucking ruined everything. he ruined his own happy family, he ruined his own life, and if he actually mourns that? chefs kiss.
my thought is, why even have him have a family in the first place if they're just there ta demonstrate he's evil? seeing the afton family purely as a plot device, we already know afton killed kids. one can assume a person who kills kids is a bad person (maybe? see this is where the juiciness comes in w/him caring for his children. is it really bad from his perspective if hes trying ta save his kid? or is it noble?) so we dont need ta b demonstrated ta that hes a bad person again. if hes just pure evil from the get go it doesnt make sense ta me ta have the afton kids be prominent in the story (besides michael, but even then he could probably be replaced by one of the victims family members) when you could illustrate the same point by focusing on the kids hes killed and their families. why do the afton kids matter if he treats all children the same. why are we focusing so much on the afton family and what appear ta b major story beats in their story, especially since the children he has killed do not get as fleshed out as the aftons do. i feel like if his family wasnt important ta him we wouldnt hear abt it at all. you could achieve the same message by making him single and childless.
do u kno how many stories there are of "Righteous Child Of A Horrible Guy Who Hates Everything, Even Their Own Family, Goes Out Ta Stop Their Parent And Save The Day" there are? its b/c its too easy!!! its too easy for u ta assume that a character is the worst and has been the worst forever!!! its too easy ta assume that an evil character would abuse their family!!! its too easy ta assume an evil character wouldn't have traits besides jealousy, hatred and narcissism!!!!
#spacie splains#idk i think of things really objectively#i dont like clutter in my stories i like things ta have a point#and i like them ta serve a purpose and be unique. not just demonstrate the same facts over and over again#unless thats like a theme and intentional but yk#like i said i dont like the 'im evil and treat my family like shit' trope#overdone ta hell and back#so its a personal thing#thank you for asking me abt this! i love talking abt him as u can see :)#give me morally grey characters give me characters who descend inta the worst version of themselves for ways they could have prevented#give me characters who know they're spiraling give me characters who know its wrong but cant stop#give me characters who do horrible things for a cause that is sentimental and noble ta them#give me characters who you can understand why they did that even if it was awful#WOW I TALKED A LOT#.....8 years of brainrot‚ even if i wasnt conscious of it#I DONT LIKE THE EASY ROAD!!! I DONT WANT TA BLINDLY HATE HIM I WANT 2 THINK!!!#i like these rants i do so ill tag him#as a treat ta myself#william afton#fnaf#you: ask me a simple 'hey which one do u prefer?' me: here is my whole dissertation on the subject that is william afton
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Don’t you know that Tork is a wifebeater?
tags.
#guys i’m sorry i don’t need this right now#i’m done being ‘funny’ and trying to make it lighthearted#yes. i know. i have very conflicted feelings about peter and ive been really upset abo it it especially this week#i have had a horrible start to the school year. can we not get really heated about the monkees right now PLEASE#i am sorry to be rude this is just like the fiftieth anon ask i’ve got in the last few days and idk what i did wrong#and people seem to be really mad. we all know peter was not the saint right? i’ve said it like fifty times. i made the whole post about it#i deleted the post that seemed to get people angry where i talked abott it my dislike of torksmith#people treat peter like he’s so innocent. i know that he was not. i distance myself from real life peter. are you happy?#i am tired#please stop spamming me with asks whoever you are
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UNCLE NINA WRITES WEIRD JK STAN LETTERS!
hello benevolent angel people!
( because you're wonderful but bc you're doing gods work by supporting my dead fanfic from hell. c:’ )
so this is a lil...experimental? but bc i've been dabbling on that one ask large lore ask that set before kyle knows raven of crimson dawn is his stan, i've gotten very attached to writing the silly jersey letters to dead stan in his journal again. ( again, nina lore is that it's what a friend had me do when my first cat passed away.
i still write to her. <3 )
but this is just something i wrote to get back into the habit of writing again. i put it on docs and i used a font which...okay? tbh, i think looks exactly like i want jk's handwriting to look. like its very swirly, he is my calligraphy king. i didn't proof it bc i just wrote...all of it tonight like a weird crazy person.
also i realize jk sounds...a lot like me
— but he Is me, tbh?
like in some facets i did give him lil pieces of myself so he could grow into an uber tall thicc as hell academic hot jersey talk shit get hit boy.
( i also do think he's a lot goofier with stan in his little letters esp since he doesn't think that anyone is going to read them they are just his lil vent space. let it out king! )
as for the timeline...i think it's pre!rm bonus content? like i dropped a little context about stuff that happened before the fic, but i think it's probably written anywhere in the last 1-2 years of rm before kyle went to that crimson dawn concert. i'm not sure what compelled me to write it i just...really like vulnerable jersey just being a jersey dirtbag but like kneeling by the stan shrine and asking for light.
speaking of...as far as triggers go. mostly the spelling is just bad, help, but jersey does talk a lot about stan dying and is very...distressed about it. he's also...really depressed and is not at the moment coping super well, but is reaching out for help. <3 always reach out for help when you need it. i didn't mention anything specific, but he does just mention thinking he's not a good person, feeling ugly, unworthy, lost, etc...TW FOR HIM BEING SO VULNERABLE AND CUTE ALSO.
he is...my secret loverboy prince.
he is my lo-...
my L-
anyways...ROLL CLIP!
#i cannot tell u what compelled me to make...this#but it did make me feel nice so idk its not the most professional or formulaic thing ive ever written#but i think its nice i am sorry if the found is too gnar i really wanted to do a jk letter in like a letter structure for once#also this is it so funny to me that jk out here trying to rizz himself up to fucking dead GHOST stan like he is insane#also im like oh god does he sound too much like me?? BUT HE IS ME I GAVE HIM LOTS OF ME IDK AAAA SORRY#he is a lovely man when hes not being horrible and i am Also a sweet lovely man when im not being horrible#but idk him giving stan all the cute nicknames and like writing a letter and for the first time in a very long time#wasnt completely honest but was mostly honest about just not being the best and needing to be and needin someone else#OOOOOOOOY MY EYES ARE WATCHING HELP ME#no im so sorry if u were victimized by sexy topdom jersey sometimes he is like on critical boyfailurisms#he wants to impress like one motherfucker and its dead stan marsh like HAUNT ME PROMISE ME#HAUNT ME LIKE AN OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE AN UNDERWATER SHIPWRECK when i tell u i was in pain#also not him just building his ideal boyfriend like he won i love you jersey SPEAKING OF DO U SEE HIM#DO YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO DO IT HES TRYING TO TYPE THE!!!! IM TELLING YALL HE CANT DO IT#HE COULDNT EVEN TELL DEAD STAN ANYWAYS THAT AS MAKING ME CRY sorry ill proof it a lots wrong w it#i am very sleepy nina please stop...not sleeping from stress#but i hope it pleases and sparkles <3
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finally finished the priory of the orange tree after putting it off for like a year, and putting aside the fact that it's insanely boring, way too long, and the romance is lackluster, it certainly was a choice to, in a book at least in part about finding common ground and coming together, basically go "religion a is correct and good and its believers can continue on their merry lives, but religion b is a 100% incorrect wrong bad lie founded by a wrong bad misogynistic lying liar, and everyone who believes in it should convert and in fact we're going to end the book by heavily implying that the recently-converted queen is going to slowly but surely pressure the entire country to convert because their faith is wrong and bad". like that was certainly a decision that samantha shannon made.
#idk i don't love an entire religion being painted as objectively inherently bad and wrong#especially since none of the six virtue's actual teachings are that bad like#and also esp since the only other thing we learn about galian berethnet is that he was fucking r/ped by his own mother#and was so distraught upon learning this that he killed himself#the fact that aside from that its just like 'he was a lying liar who lies and hated women' just didn't sit right with me...#the priory of the orange tree#priory of the orange tree#the roots of chaos#anti booktok#samantha shannon#like the entire time before this was revealed i was like#'ah its so obvious - both faiths are going to end up being a little bit wrong and a little bit right'#'of course it will be revealed that cleolind and galian actually worked together to defeat the nameless one'#'and learning this will really press into the characters that they themselves need to work together to defeat him again'#but instead like????#and like even with the kalyba stuff it would have been so easy you can say like:#cleolind and galian worked together but kalyba (canonically posessive and jealous and willing to do horrible things to keep galian w/ her)#uses her magic to make cleolind believe that galian betrayed her which she then goes and tells her priory#+ in an effort to keep as low a profile as possible for herself while disguised as cleolind she makes galian believe that he did everything#and when her disguise falls he's so distraught that he kills himself and so the only one who knows the truth is kalyba#who certainly has no motivation to reveal the truth
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i feel like half of my posts are just hidden from other people's dashes bc like 80% of what i post is just not seen by anyone
#and i hate feeling like im begging for attention#i hate making posts like this#its just i get. really scared. like im either doing something wrong or i just suck or im not fun#i hate feeling alone and isolated it's. one of my worst fears#and i don't know what to do in these situations#i hate feeling like i have to constantly remind people i exist at all it scares the hell out of me#but also i feel horrible and stupid for just crying about nobody liking my stupid fucking posts#i don't use any other social media this is the only place i interact with people so this is kind of all i get#and i started posting more bc i thought maybe if i just do that I'll get something#but it feels like every note i get is solely for that one popular post i have and nothing else#i dont like. need comments or reblogs just like. idk. seeing the 0 notes makes me feel invisible like i never posted#i feel like exactly 5 people ever interact with me and even then it's only on a few posts#am i doing something wrong? did i break some unspoken rule i didn't know about again? i don't know#am i just annoying#i#i just#we've been so so blurry lately and we keep begging for people to talk to us so we don't forget our system completely#because we don't keep track of this stuff without external motivation so we need to talk about ourselves to someone#we lost our only system irl bc they turned out to be a predator and now we have nobody to talk about system stuff to#i just . want a friend to talk to#i just want to talk to anyone
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oh cool it's getting real bad again
#i just. i don't know anymore#i wish i mattered to anyone#i wish like. idk#i could disappear off the face of the planet and not one person would even fucking realize i was gone#that's how little impact i have on anything and it just. i fucking hate it#people just forget i even exist and it hurts so fucking much and it doesn't even matter! i don't matter!#and they just go on like i never was anything at all#and i'm the horrible one for caring. i'm the horrible one for being nice#i don't understand it and it makes me go insane like#i get it i'm the only person who has zero friends so like obviously i care too much#when you're popular you can afford not to care#and it's fine when i get upset because no one even fucking notices#makes me want to tear my hair out like what the fuck#what did i do wrong#and no one will answer#fucking no one ever answers
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really wish I had more time for individual patients sometimes
#especially cats.#or anxious dogs.#i've had more and more situations lately where i felt a little more time to adjust would make everything a lot less stressful for the pet#and idk. i want to use as little restraining force as possible#and sure there's a balance between that and ensuring your team's and your own safety#but there are so many 'potentially spicy' cats that just want some proper introductions and a little time to decompress while handling them#and idk. had an initially very friendly one today that wasn't too keen on me examining her#so she hissed at me when it was too much#and i just decided based on her earlier friendliness that we would wait it out#she quickly started to deescalate the situation and approach me again#so we did the next part of the examination#until it became too much again#and so on until the end#really helped she had a strong bond with her owner to so she went to him for support and some cuddles constantly#and it was one of those very delicate situations because it can go horribly wrong really quickly#but i felt i owed it to her to at least try?#and it worked out in the end#but also set us back by almost 30 minutes and i always kinda hate inflicting that on my coworkers#but still. i feel the tight schedule and sheer flood of patients leads to an unnecessary use of force sometimes#and quite possibly some oversights.#and i really don't want that
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ENOUGH of that. You guys are looking at Moe now.
Guy who growls and snarls and hisses and spits and gets all flushed and teary-eyed BUT IT'S MAD. IT'S SO FUCKING MAD. DON'T POINT THAT OUT IT'S SO FUCKING MAD RN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 take it SERIOUSLY‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#moe tag#nothing huge just. world's angriest little animal.#part of something. i couldn't resist. but also idk how i'm feeling like the sketch so far has been wonky 🧍#it's not a Super serious project but i did break out the lightbox. paneling was wonky. chara placement. wonky. ect.#BUT for a long time now i feel like i've been trying to capture these exact poses/build ups#and have wanted to put them in a comic SOMEWHERE. initially actually this pratice of anger buildup/snapping#i was making a wedding festival gone horribly HORRIBLY wrong comic LMFAOOO#where moe is just at its absolute fucking Worst. moe can be temperamental. and dare i say. bratty .#but this isn't that this is a dif instance of moe just being intense and combative and biting and killing#moe has perpetual caged cornered animal disease. incurable. with a self-righteous streak. also incurable.#my art#wip
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