#idk i'm tired. what a year.
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are these writers just ignoring context r.e. lestat’s violent deeds? it’s not a coincidence his most heinous acts (ex. david’s turning) exist in the same book where he’s hallucinating his dead child/trying to commit suicide/having a nervous breakdown. but, yes, totally: having him of sound mind & beating up the man he loves while cold-heartedly dragging him by his windpipe bleeding on the sidewalk… that’s the difference between anne’s lestat & a sadistic psychopath. but go off i guess!
I'm assuming you're talking about the article du jour:
Now, this is always a heavy and delicate conversation to have--for so many reasons--and I just want to be mindful and acknowledge that all rape is in itself an inherently violent act. That's not and never will be up for discussion.
So in the canon scene that the writer is referencing to when she specifies a "woman", the rape occurs because Lestat is blundering around in a human body for the first time in two hundred years. He has no modern concept of consent for when the woman he's about to get intimate with changes her mind from having wanted to have sex to NOT wanting to have sex, and this is when it becomes rape.
With that in mind, I'm not sure how it's a genuine, good-faith equivalent to what Lestat did to Louis in Episode 5. We know the beating happened; it's not going to get retconned later. They're telling us right here that this is how they see Lestat's characterization.
Context (as we keep saying) matters! And in case there's doubt, because I'm beginning to understand how tumblr dot com works: context does not equal justification; it is an explanation.
Anne Rice did say Lestat was "pretty much a bad guy!" But one thing he for sure never was is a sadistic torturer. So I guess the question becomes: what context can AMC give to explain this scene in a way that leaves the slightest possibility of redemption in the eyes of the audience for Lestat's character? Given what we know about how the show creators perceive him?
As an aside, I did see a few people trying to draw parallels between Episode 5 and the scene with Lestat and Armand outside Palais Royale in TVL. And it's interesting to me because I always saw that as an example of Lestat's early capacity for mercy. It was self-defense (very much outside of a DV context), but even so, in the moment Lestat was able to recognize that he had the advantage (or was given it), and he saw something of himself in Armand and felt a surge of sympathy for him, and so he stopped.
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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casting that these last two months of the year are gentle on everyone
#you all will receive a sudden windfall of good luck btw#this year has truly sucked for so many people idk whats in the air#its been alright for me but last year was terrible and things got better so i hope it gets easier for everyone else now:/#anyway i'm testing my luck here because sometimes it works and im tired of friends suffering!!!!
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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I'm definitely late in terms of being a Hollow Knight fan, and maybe that's why it's so offputting for me, but seeing how many people seem to feel like they're owed Silksong and updates about it is really bizarre to me?
At this point I see people complaining about not getting any updates from Team Cherry and I'm like. Man, I wonder why they stopped updating people about the progress of the game. Slowly turning to look at the state of things.
Like I genuinely do understand being disappointed at the lack of news, but Team Cherry already has to live up to the hype of not only matching but exceeding the success of Hollow Knight. People are already going to be that much more critical of it, and you know there will be a flood of people when it does come out saying "oh it's not worth the hype it wasn't worth the wait this sucks", regardless of it's quality.
Genuinely I don't care if they take 30 years to make the game. I want them to take their time and make as good of a game as they can, a game that they're proud of and that's enjoyable to play. Especially in a time when it feels like a ton of bigger art companies are just pumping out sequels and remakes and stuff to make a profit like, let Team Cherry take their time man. They don't owe us art, they don't owe us a game.
#idk and I'm just imagining the chaos if Team Cherry just said theres not gonna be any silksong actually the game is cancelled#like can you imagine. can you imagine what would happen if fans found out they weren't getting a game at all#the absolute rage and vitriol that people would send their way in response#like i would understand being disappointed and sad but people are already this upset about not getting UPDATES#and idk the no update silksong memes were funny at first but I'm just tired of seeing it on my dash now.#it was funny at first but guys please. its been like five years#silksong#hollow knight#silksong update#silksong updates#hk#ramblings#team cherry#nintendo direct
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GIRL HELOPPPPP THIS WEIRD CAT PUT ME IN THE ENDLESS HURRICANE AGAIN
#I was tired of having no real AM design so I whipped out this freak today#she's so pretty (the she in question:)#((she's gorgeous))#I believe in he/she AM btw. what of it#(definitely not just because I'm sapphic. totally not. I don't know why you'd evenm bring that up its irrelevbant#ihnmaims#am ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#also I hope it's clear idk anything about robotics (despite this being my third consecutive year of taking it)
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Lance is such a let bygones be bygones kind of a guy, we should embrace that energy more often in sports tbh, it's never that serious
#lance stroll#before gets on my back this is about sporting issues#just sporting issues#of course serious issues warrant grudges and distrust#idk man i think i'm just feeling like people are taking this all too seriously#the amount of death wishes made towards drivers in the time i've been watching f1 has ramped up so much#it's not normal to feel that way about a sports person#genuinely seek help#and over the most ridiculous mundane shit that happens every race or worse over people thinking rules have been broken that haven't actuall#anyways this was spured by watching lance's post sprint interview#he was asked about nico pushing him off and he was just like 'that happened? oh yeah i forgot about that nah it was chill'#like that's such a peaceful way to go about it#let what happens in a race stay in that race or in a match#this is easier when your memory sucks lmao#i'm just so tired of the massive fan wars the time and energy it takes isn't worth it#like not online anyways chat shit in dms but again if you're still chatting shit about a race from 4 years ago move on i beg
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my job makes me want to kill myself but maybe spending all my money on theatre tickets is the way
#i am literally so damn tired#and also mad at everything idk#i'm tired of living alone & having basically no friends here#because most of my friends live so far from me we are seeing each other like once a year#my only friend who lives near me doesn't really get me most of the time#the only thing we can do together is to go for a walk once in a while or go see a movie#i literally cannot find a normal job with normal boss who's not a fucking asshole#all my coworkers look at me like i'm crazy when i say i don't go to the clubs because i'm not that kind of person#what the fuck is wrong with people really i am so damn tired maybe i should just come back home and live with my parents#for the rest of my life#and finally admit that i fucking failed#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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the evening bus at my college keeps not showing up so i have to walk through the woods and also past the singlular vending machine that sells coca cola. ive decided every time my bus doesn't show up and i have to walk home im going to reblog this to show how incompetent my school is <3
#The bus schedule was FINE last year idk WHY it just is dogshit rn#the morning bus is CONSISTENTLY late. Every Time#I do not understand. What the fuck are you guys doing#they have a bus tracker app BUT I guess they must be short a bus or something??#because I keep getting alerts saying “oh bus 5 is this random blue bus that isn't on the app please refer to the bus schedule”#Oh you mean the bus schedule that they never follow consistently??#they will switch the blue bus around like. to bus 3 and 6 etc they change it up#anyways. God I'm so fucking annoyed#I don't mind walking but like dude c'mon sometimes I'm tired as hell and starving and I don't wanna walk through the pitch black woods#lilac post#bus post
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#everything is wretched rn#i feel so unbearably lonely atm.#the more i get to know the 17-19 years old i work with the more i deeply dislike them and their values.#i can't even think about the state of the world without falling into crippling despair and existential dread#but at least i have my little story i'm trying to write#and its literally the only thing i'm clinging onto rn bc i feel like im going insane#and idk if my anxiety is just about the world in general rn#or if i actually do hate my new job/the people there....#or if im just tired or what#but everything is bad#everything is so fucking bad. on top of it my sleep has been so awful lately.#and its dark at 4pm#about moi#ignore me im having an existential crisis
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my family all of a sudden seems very concerned about the prospect of my brother moving in with his GF and me living alone.... as if I didn't live here by myself for a year+ when I first moved in and was much younger then and the house needed TONS of work and somehow I still survived.......
#everyone but my dad tho it seems lol#realistically I've been kinda on my own since like middle school... it isn't really anything new for me#I mean this hasn't even been like... set in stone. it's not like he came home last week and was like#I'm leaving!#but everyone seems very oddly invested in the fact that I'll be by myself#like bro I LOVED living alone are you KIDDING me?#and like lmao I am still the one paying ALL the bills (I don't wanna talk abt it)... buying my food... buying all the cat stuff#it's not like I'm losing income if I live alone.... so idk what everyone is so concerned about#creepy old guy who used to stalk me across the street DIED last year lmao so like.........#idk man#I'm tired. I haven't even STARTED thanksgiving prep and shopping and I'm TIRED. it's not even election DAY proper and I'm TIRED#NOvember. NOcember. NOuary. that's it. just NO. don't ask me for shit or voice an opinion. NO.#erin explains it all#delete later#probs lmao I'm just so TIRED jfc
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i see yalls asks but unfortunately i just got assigned a biiiiiig project at work at the start of this week. plus mid-year performance check is next month so obviously i really want to do well, and that means i'm probably going to do extra effort & focus on that... even tho i don't really want to lmao
anyway i'm probably going to be somewhat(?) inactive for the time being, sorry 🥲🙇🏻♀️
#a psa from rin#sigh i know everyone's tired of this and i'm tired of it too i just want to sit and draw or write all day haha#what a dream it is to just quit work and rest for like a year without it being detrimental to your cv the next time you look for work#and it's double the 'fun' for me bc to work overseas you need to have a working visa and it's... not a guarantee you can get it even if the-#-company wants you here#i love my manager and my team but sometimes we get ridiculous projects that shouldn't even come to our team (in my opinion) and it sucks#literally it should be a priority feature so product team should be the one doing this but noooooo it should go to us#bc no bandwith. even though it's a priority feature. we know how to prioritize so well#yep#sigh#ah well#sometimes it do be like that ;) ok rant over back to work i go#i hope everyone have a good rest of the week and had fun with the natlan livestream. idk when i'm gonna even watch that.
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Okay but yin yu needs a raise this yin yu is overworked that. Where is the Ling wen needs a raise content
#Tgcf#Yin yu#ling wen#I do love the idea that yin yu has a great employment plan he's just long suffering and#If he's too busy working than he doesn't need to feel things ever#Obviously hua cheng probably bullied him and definitely made him transcribe his diary bc#“What if his highness wants to read it one day yin yu this is important yin yu”#But he also seems like the person who understands very well that money talks#And that an employee who is comfortable is much less likely to betray you#Meanwhile Ling wen is dealing with some bullshit 24/7#She's not being paid half the other gods never wrote out reports everyone is sexist she hasn't slept in 3 years#Jun wu calls her into his office twice a day to make her scribe his evil plans (tm)#She's tried she's overworked literally xie lian is the only who's ever said thank you to her ever#Yin yu gets invited to the overworked employees club for drinks (idk who else would be there besides Ling wen but let's imagine that there#Everybody complaining/screaming/wishing for death bc they're so tired#Yin yu: Oh I think there's been a mistake I actually have great benefits#Ling wen considers homicide and defecting right there and then#Idk why I'm trying to push the Ling wen yin yu friends agenda but here we are
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I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩
Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble
#asks#anon#i do really love talking. clearly LOL#but ive also been working on listening the past few years#and thays pretty cool too#i had to learn how to think before i speak. like legitimately im not hearing the words I say#im thinking about my next sentence while i say the current one#its exhausting and i never remember what I've said HWJJJSDJEJ#but people tell me im direct and deliberate and clear so idk...#but listening is also really hard...#conversation in general is really hard#i stll love it of course#its just very tiring for me#which is PART of why I like to do this when i cant sleep cause of nightmares or whatever#tires me out haha and also is a great distraction#and is good practice! for me#so idk i just like it. and its nice to know its not annoying#i wouldn't post hardly any words at all without the safety of the tags#they're not rebloggable so thats a relief#you have to opt in to read them#the space is limited. etc etc#so. im glad it is wn option and im glad its a welcome one!#no intention to stop#thank you for the reassurance on it#delete later#maybe. I'm so tired i need to check later to see if i wnt to delete it#anxiety meds working yay i can sleep bye
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