#idk i just so sad rn

[andanshi]

i should just move on i cant be like this forever

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

[deoidesign]

My comic is so pretty...

The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!

[some-messed-up-writing-for-you]

No greater horror than going to reread one of your favourite fics only to realize it was fucking deleted.

BUT THEN YOU REMEMBER THAT YOU SAVED IT ALL A WHILE BACK AND FIND THE SAVED COPY

So now Im just staring at the fucking PDF file of the fic, absolutely flabbergasted and shocked. This is it. This is the only way I'll ever be able to read it now. Holy shit 😭

The author deleted their entire accout too, so I guess they just wanted to get rid of everything. Which, I mean, is fine, it is their work after all. They can do whatever they want with it.

BUT MAN, Im gonna be saving stuff all the time from now on.

[theswedishpajas]

I don’t think I ever posted this but he’s here now about a week late 🦇✨✨✨

[soosoosoup]

Haaayy can you tell us more about your au where branch finds cooper's egg?

Hiiii!! Thanks for asking! And of course :)

lol turns out I had a lot more thought out. Fair warning, none of this is concrete, this was thought up a while ago and uhhhhh… writing is not my strong suit lol

In this au I had debated whether to make copper a little bit younger, I already hc him as the youngest of the snack pack so idk if its needed lol.

While in the beginning of making his bunker, branch (who’s maybe 7??) would travel farther out into the forest and gather supplies to build when he stumbles on what looks like an egg? Just in time too, ‘cause Coops pops out like in twt, does his little groove, & then proceeds to flop over to nap (being baby is tiring work).

Branch is just ??? cause like what?? Baby? Way out here in the woods?? Why does the baby have 4 legs??? Why is said baby all alone? And that last part makes b pause for a sec bc where’s his family? Did he lose them? Or is it even worse…was he left behind? (He might be projecting a lil).

Cooper and Branch proceed to live where other kids w/o families go. Caretakers try to care for cooper & he is not having it. After all, branch is the first person he’d ever seen, was the first person who’d carried him. He’s imprinted on branch and whole heartedly believes and he is his family. So if C needs to be taken care of B has to be there. It goes on long enough that the caretaker decides it'll just easier if branch helped take care of him; and who knows maybe he'll regain his color being around such a happy little goober.

At first, branch doesn’t realize how much he means to C and assumes his attachment will fade. After all why wouldn’t it when he’s being doted on by warm and cheerful trolls. But nope! Whenever the caretakers aren't taking cooper around the village, Cooper is always following Branch. Around the pod, and through the woods. Branch looks out for him, talks to him, teaches him what he can, and even plays games! I think the fact that branch has been a part of Coopers whole life gives him a sense of obligation perhaps like a big brother?. It's easy to be open to him.

All attempts to foster Cooper are unsuccessful. It's not that Cooper doesn't match the family, it's that he just doesn't want to live with them. Imagine a foster family having the time of their lives singing & playing around & when the time comes Cooper's like 'I had a lot of fun today! Time to go! what?? Stay here? be a part of your family? ...Nope :D

When the time comes that the bunker can feasibly house him, (preteen?) Branch packs up what little he owns, and prepares to leave that night. It's not like the anyone at the orphanage would chase after him. Well, except for one trolling.

It's been years, long enough that their bond is strong, they're brothers in all but name. At least unnamed on branch's side, he kind of refuses to acknowledge it.

Anyway- Branch waits until everyone falls asleep and sneaks out. He doesn't even make it out of the room lol. One foot out the door and a sleepy voice is asking him where he's going. Branch just says he's going to the bunker, that he'll see him soon, it won't be forever you see what im trying to parallel? and it's true. It's not like he's leaving to who knows where. Cooper just nods & yawns out a "bye, see you later". Love me a parallel

Branch lasts an hour or two in the bunker. He's on edge the whole time, racked w/ guilt. Has a little mental spiral until there is just one loud thought of 'what am i doing? there's someone waiting for me' and runs back.

In the joined room, Cooper fell asleep on branch's bed waiting for him. So making sure not to wake him, Branch rests coopers head on his lap. Leaning against the headboard Branch just stares at his vest left at the end of the bed & has a moment of clarity. Like oh, that's why i felt terrible, i left my little brother behind. (Keep in mind that no, he didn’t really do that, but he’s a kid and that whole ‘see you later’ really shook him so he’s making some jumps in logic)(there some projecting happening as well)

So yeah, gained a brother!! yay!!! Cooper beat you to that revelation yeeaarrrss ago lol.

One thing I like about branch being a big bro is this idea that the more he learns about what it means to be one, the less he can understand his brothers. And are they his brothers?? Over the years it’s not looking like it.

[marv3l-drag0ns]

god DAMN college loneliness actually hits hard :-(

[jalo-parker]

This is actually a cropped version of the drawing but uh more sad and tired hels cause like.. me too

I referenced someone else's drawing for the pose and it ended up looking too similar so I didn't want to post the whole thing :') I (mostly) just cropped my sona out though so dw you aren't missing any helsknight content

[rigatonifangemeinde]

He’s my best friend, he’s my pal, he’s my homeboy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy

[brassknucklespeirs]

ɢʀɪᴇꜰ ɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄᴋʟᴇ [ʀɪᴄʜᴀʀᴅ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀꜱ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

The feeling was so strong, and honestly not in the good way. It took over her body, clenching and squeezing at her muscles and causing a tension that took over her very being. And yet through it all, her mind gave her constant conflicting messages; you're fine, you're not sad, you're not in pain, you're not grieving, you're completely and utterly fine. She was exhausted from trying to keep up with herself, and it showed. Her closest friends, Bill and Joe, would have seen the change in her. It wasn't a big change, but the usually happy and witty friend of theirs turned maniac, and everything she did became erratic. She didn't seem quite right, though those who didn't know her well would not think much of it, for she was okay just enough to hold it together.

But Joe and Bill weren't there anymore, having been hit in Bastogne and both sent back to the States with injuries that would see they would not be returning. She had reminisced on a similar feeling she had after they had jumped into Carentan. At the time, Y/N wasn't sure how she was feeling, and there was a constant back and forth in her emotions that she was trying to juggle like a bad circus act. She had thought back on how she had sat staring wide eyed at a replacement who had been shot right before her eyes, a young teenager who would have had his whole life ahead of him, now reduced to nothing but a lifeless body at her feet.

"I'm fine, I promise." She had muttered breathlessly to Toye who sat with her on the truck, looking worried as his friend held a bewildered gaze, staring into space without a single thought in her eyes that swum with tears.

"I don't know if that's quite true, but regardless, I'm here, and I always will be." Joe had spoke softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her head, before pulling back and running a reassuring thumb over her cheek, a smile on his lips. Bill had sat on her other side, wrapping an arm over her shoulder, gently tugging her towards him with a grin on his own lips. She remembered those smiles, as if they were engrained in her mind, a memory brought out at any moment she needed it.

But now, she was left without Joe or Bill, both of whom had been her support, her constants. Though it was a sweet gesture meant to calm her jittery bones, the expressions on her best friends' faces would seemingly follow her like a ghost, constantly haunting her steps at every corner she took. When Joe and Bill were hit, Y/N knew how she felt. She was lost, truly and utterly. The two pillars that helped her stand constantly were knocked down themselves and she felt she had nothing to hold her up. Everything turned dark, like the night sky was perpetual, however not the beautiful star filled sky, but a blanketed cloudy night with a catastrophic storm brewing. The winds of change blew her left and right and she struggled to hold on to herself. She watched as Buck lost himself to it, and she pondered whether she would too; she honestly thought she was a goner at that point.

Y/N remembered Joe's words. I'm here, and I always would be. Liar. She thought hopelessly as she clung to herself, arms wrapped around her torso as she rocked herself back and forth. She had ensured no one else was around; it was simply splintered trees and that grieving girl.

In a way, she did lose herself. Everyone watched as she became a shell of herself, merely a solider forced to fight. She was on autopilot, just awake enough to be able to reassure people she was fine, before going back to her stoic, tight jawed expression. She was haunted, she was tired, and she was so utterly over seeing those she cared for being diminished to nothing but a memory. It was driving her mad with grief. She had lost her ability to handle it, and instead had resorted to simply not dealing with it. She had flicked that switch in her mind that dealt with grief, with loss, and had become nothing but a solider, ready to take on the world with nothing to lose.

Dick had found her there, in amongst the snow, shivering and on her way to tears as she seemed to whisper words to herself, speaking her thoughts aloud. He paused his steps, wondering if he should announce himself, but the man couldn’t stop himself as his heart ached for the woman.

"Sergeant L/N." He called gently. She stood immediately, her movements fast and aggressive as she all but snapped her heels together, as if she was the perfect, well oiled machine of a solider.

"Captain Winters, sir." She replied, voice devoid of emotion as she forced herself to hold it together, like a default setting she was ready to flick on when she needed. He stared at her, head tilting the slightest amount while he studied her carefully.

"Y/N," He began, and she felt the default setting turn off as soon as her name left his lips, like the false portrayal of this fighter had melted away to show nothing but the diminished woman she felt herself to be.

"Dick," She whispered back, her shoulders dropping to show her true feelings. He stepped forward, grabbing her hand gently as he tugged her forward towards him. Her jaw tightened and slacked with every other second, as she was trying to stop herself from feeling certain emotions, not wanting to show how hurt and lost she truly felt.

"Talk to me sweetheart." He said quietly, drawing her closer to him so they stood almost chest to chest, his eyes intently staring at her. She wanted to hold back, wanted to pretend she was fine, but something about the man made it hard to do so. She looked up at him, the man who had been a constant thought in the back of her mind, the kind of dream she would hope she'd see every night but never be able to have while she was awake. And yet he stood here before her, staring at her with such a soft gaze, one that she thought she would only see while she slept, as if she was the only thing that mattered to him in that moment. They had always had something lingering in the space between them since they had first met during basic training, but it seemed neither had the time to explore further as they were thrown full force into the war. But even then, the lingering eyes and protective manner in which Dick moved around her showed her that he was fully aware of it.

"I just…there so many things going through my head. Like when I'm dead and gone…will they remember me? Will I be anything to anyone? Will I be worth the talk?" The woman muttered, the words dripping from her lips like syrup, slow and thick, emotion encompassing every syllable.

"To me, you will." Winters said softly, so softly that if the wind was blowing any harder it might have wasted away, never to be heard. But she heard it, and it made her snap her head in his direction, eyes watering as she gazed at him. Her visions blurred with tears and she felt her knees grow weak before she dropped to them, but he wrapped his arms around her frail body to stop her from meeting the ground harshly as the sobs that so desperately needed to come fell from her lips. His hand running along her spine reassuringly as he held her close, letting her feel what she must to

Dick felt his throat constrict, his own emotion coming forth as he heard her heart wrenching cries, and flash backs of his own grief came back to him. He saw the young SS soldier, saw his dropping smile and his bright eyes. He saw his body jolt in his mind as his bullet hit the boy in the chest, before he saw his body hit the ground. Dick's arms tightened around the woman, his hand finding its way to the back of her head as he cradled it to sit in the space between his jaw and shoulder.

"I know. I know." He whispered to her, his mind recounting the faces of the soldier who were under his command that had lost their lives to this war. His eyebrows pulled together as tears gathered in his eyes, but he gulped down the feeling as he held her. "It's..it's not easy, and it feels never ending, I know. But, you're….you're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I know you don't feel like you can but…I know you can keep going, for Joe and Bill, for yourself." He muttered.

"I…I just feel so heavy Dick." She choked out as she pulled her face from his neck and gazed up at him with red rimmed, wet eyes. He nodded his head as he returned her gaze, showing his own teary eyes.

"Then let me carry some of it," He replied, "Let me take some of the weight sweetheart." He continued, squeezing her hand he had moved to grab.

"How?" She whispered so softly that he almost didn't hear her.

"Talk, let it out, cry, let me hold you tighter, do what you have to. I'm here for it all." He said, trying to prompt her to feel.

"People have said that in the past and now they're gone." Y/N said honestly, her heart clenching in her chest painfully as she thought of Joe and Bill.

"Well I can't promise anything, and you know that. But for this very moment, let me take some of the weight." Dick said gently, running his fingers through the hair that wasn't covered by her helmet. His words echoed on her head, and she felt her body loosen. She knew she didn't know what would happen, but for now? For now she could try her best at handling everything if he held her hand through it.

"O…okay." She whispered as she let her head rest on his shoulder. It was as if the physical contact between them had let her weight transfer to him slightly, as if every moment she spent in his embrace she was able to breathe more. She didn’t feel as though she needed to cry anymore, she felt as though she simply needed to stay enveloped in his arms. Y/N pulled away from him eventually, her eyes drier and her heart less heavy as she gazed up at him.

"Thank you Dick." She whispered to him causing him to smile.

"Of course, anything for you." He replied quietly and her heart jumped at his words. They stared at each other for a few moments, and with every second, they seemed to grow closer to one another. Dick pressed his lips softly against hers after a moment, and Y/N welcomed the feeling, returning the kiss with the same gentle passion. They pulled away not long after, not wanting to get caught up in each other, but ensuring that there was enough there to express one another's feelings. They stared at each other once more as they pulled away, eyes full with a fondness that had always been there but never truly expressed.

As time went on, she felt lighter, not like the entire weight of her feelings had disappeared, but like every time her knees were ready to buckle under the weight he was there to hold some of it for her. Dick seemed to be a new constant, not a replacement of Bill and Joe, but something new. She wasn't sure if she was thinking too much into it but she felt as though this felt different. His eyes lingered on her just a little longer, his gaze always questioning her wellbeing in a way that a leader, or even a close friend, wouldn't do. His gaze held more of an affectionate gentleness, something she had only dreamed of.

That night at the Eagle's nest, many of the men had gathered to drink and celebrate the victory in Europe, elated by the surrender of the German army and their allies. But Y/N was tired, and felt herself in serious need of rest. She hadn't been able to see Dick in a couple of days passed the odd wide eyed gaze across the room, and she felt herself grow heavy. She had stayed in her room until Luz had come to visit, asking if she was joining them. She smiled sweetly at him, but the emotion struggled to reach her drooping eyes as she did.

"I just…need some time alone please." Y/N said to George, a small reassuring smile on her lips as she stood by her bedroom door.

"Of course, let us know if you need something." Luz replied with a large grin, one that she was very used to. She smiled fondly at him before nodding gratefully.

"Thanks George." The man smiled once more before wandering off to see the other men, leaving Y/N by herself. She sighed as she closed the door, letting her shoulders slump while she leant against the door. She went to walk over to her bed to sit for a moment, but another knock sounded on the door and she turned back to it again with a quiet groan. She swung the door open, expecting one of the enlisted men to be there, asking her to come drink with them but was surprised to see Winters standing there. He looked at her with a small smile, his hands playing with the fabric of his hat that was grasped between his fingers.

"I can go if you need some time alone." Dick spoke suddenly, and she broke out of her moment of admiring him

"No!" Y/N blurted out, her voice louder than she intended. Her eyes widened at herself, before clearing her throat awkwardly. "No. Please…stay." She uttered, her voice much quieter now as if she was questioning her own words. Dick let a small smile cover his lips as he nodded, stepping further into the room as he closed the door gently.

"How are you feeling?" He asked fondly as he looked at her, the both of them standing in the middle of her room.

"Um…better, in a way. But not so much in others." Y/N replied with a small smile, her eyes flickering between his face and her hands that she was clenching and unclenching in front of her. "I don't know how I'm ever going to get over what this war had made me feel. How will i…how will I ever explain this to people who don't understand?" She said as she looked at him fully. His face took on an empathetic softness, and he stepped closer to her, his hands finding their way to her shoulders.

"I don't know if you ever will be able to. I'm quite sure I won't be able to." Dick spoke with a gentleness that she had been hoping to hear. His hand moved to her face, his thumb running over the skin below her eye and along her cheekbone. "But…you don’t have to be able to explain it to me." He finished with a smile that made her feel safe, her chest feeling less constricted until a thought crossed her mind and it came back once again.

"But you won't always be there, will you?" Y/N whispered, a sadness taking over her expression. Dick took a deep breath, his adam's apple bobbing as thought over his next words.

"Who ever said that?" He spoke, and he seemed so sure of himself. She looked up at him again, eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed.

"What…what do you mean?" She questioned, fiddling with her fingers unconsciously. He let a smile grace his lips as he reached for her hands, untangling them before interlinking them with his.

"I mean…I…" He began, though he seemed to trip up on his words. "I would like you to come back with me, after…this." He continued, his cheeks growing slightly red. "Only if you want to." He finished quickly. Y/N's breath caught in her throat for a moment as she stared at their hands.

"What…me? You want me to come back with you after the war?" She said with wide eyes, her mind swimming with thoughts, overthinking to the point where she questioned whether she had made up the words he spoke in her mind.

"Well…yes." He said with a slight tension to his sentence.

"I….okay." She whispered, looking up at him again, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she did. His face broke out into a large smile, his eyes lighting up happily.

"Well…that's good." Dick said, his face showing relief. Y/N felt her own face break into a smile as she stared up at him.

"That is good." She replied, and they both shared a smile before Y/N leaned forward and pecked his lips gently. His face showed a shy bewilderment that caused her to giggle quietly. His lips twitched at her laugh before he leaned forward and pressed another kiss to her lips, pulling her closer.

"It means you won't ever have to carry everything by yourself. Not now and not ever." He whispered as he pulled away, a genuine loving care in his eyes. She smiled at his words, eyes swimming with tears. He returned her smile, pressing his lips to her forehead gently before looking down at her once more. "I won't ever let you feel that way again."

[disposal-blueeee]

stuff i never finished and why

hello and good night . i'm just gonna ramble about stuff so yeah

swings

oh man i really loved this drawing . but it was a PAIN IN THE ASS .

i had a bunch of problems with this one . i spent an embarrassing amount of time doing the line . then after i started painting it on Ibis paint i realized that i should've done the line with a textured brush .

then the background . i really couldn't make it look nice even if i tried . i spent so long just trying stuff and searching for references but i just couldn't get it right . the colors and the lightning kept looking weird .

and just when it was looking decent , oh no the file is corrupted !!! and if i wanted it back i would have to go through a speedpaint of a drawing that took me 28 hours ( i actually tried it 😭😭 but it was taking so long and after some time the app crashed )

so , i decided to just give up . i was already fed up with it . maybe some day i'll try to redraw it or something

edit : oh wait a second . this drawing makes no sense without the background . edgar looks like that because there's supposed to be a puddle under scriabin's swing and he's trying to get edgar wet with it

otgw x chapter 20 / 21

i just said i loved the other one but THIS ONE . this one is SO PRETTY and i was so excited to try some new brushes and overall just finish this . excited enough to start painting edgar without even finishing scriabin's line .

i was using a small tablet my friend let me borrow . it was actually so helpful because i could draw on my phone with it !! i used to work on this when i was at school .

then i started having problems with the background . again

then my friend told me that his mom didn't agree with him giving me the tablet and that he should give it to his sister instead so i had to give it back . great . at that point i didn't feel like finishing it so

random reference i found in pinterest

this is like a month old maybe ???? i just thought " oh this would be such a fire pfp " and after finishing the sketch i was like " alright i'll finish this tomorrow " ( i never finished it )

mostly didn't finish it because i didn't have any idea to make it look lifeless and tragic . oh well . maybe i'll try it someday i still think it's cool

papa's cheeseria

this one isn't really unfinished . i just wanted to make a doodle sheet but never drew anything else so now he's just there . alone in a blank space . poor guy .

so yeah . everytime i play papa louie's games i always make the workers look like edgar and scriabin . i thought this default outfit looked pretty cool so so i had to draw it

[7roaches]

thought of this while peeing

[isa-ah]

We both were chosen by this destiny…

Why did it have to be us?

[hatsunevitu]

i bet kyle “accidentally” sends cartman “happy father’s day” picture every goddamn year

[abyssalhuntersnerd]

It's that time of the year again where I put the fish and Amiya in the washing machine...

[balls-in-yo-jaws69]

I leave tumblr for TWO DAYS and all I see is an absolute mess when I’m back

I get being put off by the patreon but THREATS??? That’s way too fucking far.