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ohmigoshiloveu · 24 days

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Okay so like. I still haven't managed to get myself to finish episode 9, so I don't fully know how Theo's glow up finishes, but regardless I fucking love relistening to Emizel's section of episode 1 and like. Fuck man Theo does a lot of growing. Like he's a little bit pathetic at the beginning of the series. He's so, so brave during the alleyway fight, but he sounds shaky and scared and like a sopping wet pathetic baby the entire time. Charlie specifically describes him as not very alert, not a great fighter, and gives him this little moment where it takes him a second to manage to crush a soda can. He botches the check to beat Emizel in Smash Bros so there's a chance he sucks at the related skills (dexterity and computers I think?), but also after he loses Charlie specifically has him sound super frustrated and conclude that he should've 'stayed in his lane'. When Emizel says 'We'll do what we do best,' and Theo immediately responds with 'drink soda?' so fast that the other players notice it. Charlie might've had that as a predetermined character thing. Theo drinks soda. There's not much else to him.

Which creates this interesting dynamic between him and Emizel, because Emizel is so much better at him at all of these skills that the people around them (a FUCKING GANG) value. Emizel's perceptive, and agile, and strong, and a great fucking fighter irl and in videogames AND he always sounds badass. He's the top dog, the apex predator in their social circle. And I think that colors their relationship a lot? Like Theo has to look up to Emizel. I bet that Theo's looked up to Emizel since they first met, maybe Emizel came crashing into his life doing something epic and Theo thought it was the greatest shit ever.

On the flip side, I was getting a few hints of resentment? Hear me out! It's that 'should have just stayed in my lane' line. He's painfully aware how great Emizel is, compared to how much he's (from his perspective!) just a one trick pony. He's here to drink soda and say funny things, that's all most people want from him and he fucks up whenever he tries to do anything else!

And later in the segment Theo snarkily brings up a medicine check that Emizel had just fucked up in like this super backhanded, super passive aggressive way. That could be him wanting to rub Emizel's one singular fuck up in his face (especially because Theo was having a Moment about how he feels like people only see him as the soda guy, so any feelings of inadequacy would've been dialed up to eleven, so if there was any time for him to resent Emizel it'd be then), but it could also be that he was frustrated with Emizel being an ass (Emizel had just guessed that Theo's dream was to be a nurse, which was flat out wrong, and that's literally what set up the backhanded comment. Theo was saying something like 'thank fuck you don't wanna be a nurse cuz you sure fucked up with nursing that guy earlier.' It could also be that Emizel literally almost forgot Theo's name. Theo literally gave him the 'th' sound, it might've just been a bit Charlie was doing or it could've been Theo being AWARE that Emizel almost forgot his name. Or! It could be that in this moment, where Theo was confiding in Emizel about feeling like being the soda guy was all anyone ever saw in him, Emizel said something to the affect of 'well yeah Soda's the fun one.' Emizel doesn't think before he speaks and literally has a 1 in empathy. Just because he loves Theo doesn't mean he's not gonna blunder into being a complete and utter asshole to him. I'd hazard to say Emizel accidentally being an ass to people he cares about is a running theme).

But also all of that might come down to Charlie still getting the character down. Or, because I've theorized before that Theo might not've been supposed to survive the first Gabriel fight, the little hints of bitterness might've been intentional (even if they were completely improvved and Charlie didn't mean to add that to Theo's character) because Charlie was trying to shove as much character into this character before he was gone, but once it became clear that Theo was going to stick around longer he dropped it. As far as I remember, that bitterness is completely gone in all later interactions we see with Theo. OR! It could be that the bitterness drops because they've both got bigger fish to fry from that point onward, what with Theo's Shilo Incident TM, Emizel's vampirism, the Weylin twins. He doesn't have time to be bitter, he's too busy worrying about losing a cornerstone of his identity or helping his best friend adjust to being a fucking vampire now. And then after he learns to live without soda that basically negates his feelings of inadequacy- like, getting over the idea that he's nothing if he's not the soda guy would be required for him to give up on being the soda guy. And then Emizel would drift back into JUST being a guy to aspire to instead of also being a reminder of Theo's short comings, and then drift even further down into being 'guy who is actually going through it and has to overcome his own demons just like I had to overcome mine'. Like, I think we got to watch Theo slowly start to take Emizel off this pedestal in real time (he still definitely thinks Emizel's hot shit tho. Emizel's his boy, after all.)

Regardless, even if Theo did resent Emizel a little in the beginning, it's so fucking clearly overshadowed by how much he fucking loved him. And like, how could he not? Imagine you're Theo, critically low self esteem, and the literal coolest guy you know fucking LOVES you. Like, Emizel keeps consistently going out of his way to pull Theo up to his level and to treat him as an equal (mostly. Sometimes protectiveness bleeds through, like in his hypothetical fang scenario in ep 1 where he predicts there being five Fangs to fight and he says he can take three and Theo can take two (which in itself is still incredibly kind to Theo. Like, boy, you thought Theo was gonna be able to take out two whole guys? Hell no.) But that could also be chalked up to Emizel just being a cocky ass who wants to show off). Like dude, c'mon. Emizel might be a reminder of everything that Theo's not, but he's also probably Theo's biggest cheerleader. He wholeheartedly thought he was being supportive when he said he thought Theo'd make a great nurse! In all seriousness, though, even if it ultimately discourages him, Theo playing that Smash game against Emizel was at least a little bit of proof of him decidedly not 'staying in his lane,' and Emizel seems to inspire that! Later in that segment he challenges Theo to see which of them can break one of the Fangs kneecaps first! I bet Emizel challenged him to stupid competitions a lot, and that got Theo fired up and competitive in return!

And even when Emizel's not building Theo up, he's still giving Theo special attention, or readily receiving any attention Theo gives him. If nothing else, even at his lowest points that might've made Theo feel cool by association.

On Emizel's part, I think he's like, possibly completely oblivious to any turmoil Theo's going through? Like he thinks Theo's the shit and genuinely sees him as an equal. I'm 99% sure that Theo being his right hand man happened because Theo would've put himself into the role (in episode one before he gets all of his character development he's pretty much always looking to Emizel for what to do, and still more or less does whatever he says up to where I'm at in the series, with refusing to leave the alleyway being the only exception I remember). I think if Theo'd had higher self esteem or been less eager to defer to Emizel, Emizel would've happily gone about his business slotting Theo into more of a partner role. He tells Theo to run from that alleyway because Theo'd taken a fucking devastating hit and Emizel was sure he could handle himself, not because he knows Theo sucks at fighting. He tries to turn Theo into a cool vampire. He convinces Shilo that Theo'll be a valuable asset to raiding the Weylin warehouse and they take Theo with them instead of having him stay behind with the car like Grefgore, despite Theo being the one who actually knows how to drive. He tells Theo about being a vampire even though he keeps it a secret from everyone else, confides in Theo that 'yeah he might absolutely be susceptible to going into a frenzy like Shilo did.'

When you get down to it, Emizel pretty much tells Theo everything he would think is relevant, with two notable exceptions. Maybe three if you count him not telling Theo he has nine lives like a cat but tbh I think he might've just forgot. Or maybe he gets to it later, or maybe he did tell him and I forgot! idk man! But! Those other two things. First off, he like. Pointedly does not tell Theo that he's a prince. Like when they were doing the recap on the way to the Weylin warehouse, there's like. Charlie gives Condi an opening to say it, a little 'is there anything else?' and Emizel just. Doesn't. And the second one is that (at least where I'm at) Emizel never comes clean about bloodbonding Theo. Maybe it just hasn't come up yet, but still. It fits a pattern of Emizel not wanting to admit something that makes him, like, ABOVE Theo somehow. He sees Theo as an equal, and a precious one at that, he doesn't want things to get weird between them because he's literal royalty, and he doesn't want Theo's life to literally revolve around him like it would under a level three blood bond- and doesn't want to admit that he even considered it, even if he did it without really understanding what it was.

And Emizel backing off from ghoulifying Theo after Arthur explains what it actually entails kinda leads into a far more headcanon-y relationship analysis thing so um. Feel free to skip the next paragraph.

So! Like. Why the fuck was Emizel so attached to Theo being Soda. Like he gets over it decently quick, cuz that's his buddy and it's what Theo wants, so like. Whatever. But like, if I'm right about Theo always looking up to Emizel from the moment they met, there might've been some wiggle room between when they first became friends and when Theo became Soda. And like, before Theo became Soda, being Emizel's buddy would probably be the only thing he'd feel he had going for him? Which would've made it even harder for Emizel to get them both on equal footing, and I think that's just... really unappealing to him. Like! Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Emizel loves having people kiss up to him and respect him and blah blah blah, I just think Theo being his boy and Emizel treating him like a partner go hand in hand. Either they weren't best friends yet or Emizel was just. Kind of uncomfortable and eager to push Theo into growing into something more than a hypeman. And then the soda incident occurs, and it gives Theo SOMETHING to define himself by, something people like him and know him for that's got nothing to do with Emizel, and maybe the initial soda incident was bad, but having that sense of identity and falling into what kind've feels like a class clown kinda role might've helped get Theo over his self esteem issues long enough for Emizel to go 'oh you're actually super cool. sweet.' and then blah blah blah they get super close like they are in canon. And then whenever Theo seems like he's backsliding into what he was before the soda incident, Emizel tries to course correct not because he doesn't think Theo's any fun without soda, but because he's made the mental connection that Soda without soda turns into less of a best friend and more of a follower, which as stated before he probably really doesn't want from Theo specifically. but idk. pure conjecture here.

Anyways, above all else, Theo's important to Emizel. I really, really like the idea that Theo was supposed to be like a brother to him (which. Again pointing at my 'Theo was supposed to die in episode 1' theory, can you IMAGINE the angst Emizel could've had about that? Lose one brother and then someone else claiming to be your brother shows up? It would've felt like some hellish, not-worth-it trade. Like a betrayal, like accepting Shilo might mean replacing Theo, and how could he ever?)

And Emizel's important to Theo! But unlike Emizel (who I'm 99% sure is gonna have some kinda moment with Theo but I genuinely cannot see him loving Theo in any other way than the way he does now), Theo has the bonus of having his view of Emizel have a clear trajectory to evolve over the course of the campaign. Like I said, he seems to be getting more confidence in himself and like, not gonna get into the stuff I've had spoiled beyond episode 9 but it seems like Theo's gonna get a lot more comfortable being a proper leader and not just a number two. He's gonna have an easier time seeing Emizel as an equal, and I think that's fucking awesome!

I could be completely off base, but if I never watch another episode then I'll never be proven wrong. So. Ya know.

#jrwi the suckening #emizel tucker #jrwi emizel tucker #jrwi soda #jrwi theo collins #theo collins #suckening thoughts #fizzfangs #jrwi the suckening spoilers #I also personally headcanon that Theo might've been like the first person to think Emizel was cool. Like. okay hang on.#I think Emizel didnt get a lot of attention growing up and learned to act out to get peoples eyes on him. Which fixed the first issue but #created a new one where all attention he got was negative attention #and then younger Theo who still feels painfully mediocre (in a way that TOTALLY wouldnt tie into him being neurodivergent adhd in canon)#and Theos getting negative attention without even trying. maybe its because his grades suck. Maybe he gets distracted or fidgety and gets #detention from being disruptive or for being accidentally disrespectful and Emizels also in detention because he blew up all the school #toilets and flooded the building. and more importantly Emizel is EMBRACING the negative attention that Theo cant seem to avoid #And it makes Emizel seem really fucking cool and Theo thinks hes really fucking epic and starts following him around and hyping him up #and then its genuinely the most positive attention Emizels ever gotten and he fucking eats it up. it pushes him to show off and go bigger #and it also gets Theo a very very special place in Emizel's heart. its just that Theo being kinda mediocre makes it really hard to hype #him up back the same way. Except- ya know- Theo fucking loves soda so Emizel can insta-win at positive social interaction if he keeps soda #on him #its like one of those kids who give out candy because they dont know how to make friends #Emizel give Theo soda because he genuinely doesn't have a frame of reference for a wholey positive relationship yet #and then whatever the soda incident is kinda just solidifies it. He's his boy Soda! Soda's his thing! Emizel loves him so much!#idk man this is all headcanon territory im just going insane am i even making sense rn #goddammit this might age like milk i have GOT to finish the suckening so i can brainrot properly

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skunkes · 1 year

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what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever

#dude. guess who just found out the reason he's incapable of imagining himself in a good relationship #is bc he's never witnessed any growing up.#my parents dont have a relationship i would want #only one of my siblings is married and her husband sucks. other has never dated while ive been alive (im much younger)#+ my other sibling had. a strange relationship i wont mention details of but this was also like 5 yrs ago and he hasnt dated since #i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either #or even with some its like. i wldnt want your relationship lol...#the only Good relationships i see are online from ppl i follow. and then i cant trust em bc we only see the Good Parts #so like. do they even exist... i dont think so....#if i wasnt starved for physical touch id consider throwing in the towel permanently #but idk maybe ill buy one of those pillows with the arms that wrap around you #and a few more **** and try and cope with it in kenland or al's farm forever #talkys #im still 100% serious about ppl who have good relationships being lucky bc i feel like #the chances of finding someone you mesh with and are attracted to and can communicate with. are so slim.#i can barely ever find someone meeting one of many requirements. i can barely make friends. etc

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caimitos · 4 months

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saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries #it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc #ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop #like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions #cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt #you know how it goes #vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own #students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country #until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem #this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL #our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny #vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa #i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med #expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc #anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history #i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc #theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly #being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her #lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao #years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth #cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess #but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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an uncle nina check in <3

hi team! thanks for sticking around! i know my blog isn't always the most exciting and enriching place in the world in terms of content, but i am very /content/ to have you all here. <3333

i promise, oddly enough, i have A TON of inspiration and ideas for all my weird styles ( if you're curious about anything please lmk! i've been trying to flesh out my aus out lately ), i've just been in a major bummer depression era lately, so it's hard for me to get my asks done and i'm having a hard time committing to finishing my writing. :<

i think it's because of stress and my bipolar, but i am trying to get back on the horse! ( are we all laughing at the idea of me trying to get on a horse? i'd start crying help city girl fail moment for me ) yeehaw!

and while, unfortunately due to the instability ( fabulous legendary iconery ) of my pretty girl popstar personality, i do not know whether i will be answering almost no questions or one million, regardless of that, i just wanted to let you know, i'm still here, still kicking my feet, twirling my hair, cooking...i'm just really trying not to force myself to put out anything i don't like...and only do what makes me truly happy.

however, nothing, my dear sweet e-darlings...

makes me happier than coming home to all of you. <333

so thank you for flooding even the darkest corners of my life with bright light, supporting my phantom fics and being wonderful,

uncle nina xx

#nina speaks #hi my loves #idk what the point of this was #i just know my blog is really inconsistent and i know i dont really post anything or anything that useful #but i wanted you to know that i love you very much and i still care a lot about all of you and all my content actually #which i have been fleshing out in notebooks and google docs i've been doing lots of world building and character study #so feel free to ask me something challenging about any part of my nina sp auniverse that interests u itll make my brain work #i've also been taking very silly but dilligent notes abt what ravesey style looks like for ter so if u want to laff at those u can #i just love taking notes on detail and understanding exactly what characters look like or what settings appear like idk #might be some experimental writing on here i like doing different mediums like i was being silly #and started writing a netflix trailer for rm haha i also have been doing weird personality tests and questionnaires #i've been trying to think very deeply about tkak and my tfbw styles if u have any questions there and am deep plotting rm #trying to be impactful while also keeping things fun and learning to enjoy myself again i suppose #so again thakn u for being here sorry its weird on here but thank u for supporting me as i learn and grow my sunshines #also ik i have a ton of asks and uve already asked me so many things so never feel inclined to message me #but i love hearing what ur curious about hopefully i can answer some stuff eventually but again im on a break #i'm here but i'm not this is a safe place we try and fail we have fun and promote style world domination thru my weird styles #ilysm i'm shutting up now i promise i'm still here i'm just trying to be healthy and happy esp rn when i am not emotionally well #gotta protect my peace and my vibe palace but im still here!#MWAH MWAH MWAAAAAH #really trying to heal my inner child or like the girl in me that liked to write silly stories and create crazy things #weird hcs big dramatic plots silly stuff...i want to honor that girl because she was happy and free and had fun #and i want to do that again so lets have fun guys #no judgement no seriousness just good vibes and good reads #welcome to the uncle nina learns to laugh again arc #i hope you enjoy it

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just-a-small-town-queer · 4 months

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Y'know. I'm beginning to realize I project a lot. Specifically my own fears and worldview. Kind of an issue.

#Idk just. It's exhausting thinking so negatively all the time. I don't think of myself as pessimistic but when I think about.#Well. What I think. I realize most of my beliefs are. Kinda sad. And they make me sadder to believe in them.#I'm always jumping to conclusions about intent and it's almost always negative. i have very little faith that people are good overall and.#i dont feel that it's productive or good for me to be like this. i think I've internalised some fucked up messages.#idk just. thinking about my family and how i just. disregard them as lesser for their views and actions. do they suck? yeah. but.#they're people too. they make mistakes. they can learn and grow and heal and they at least deserve that chance. doesn't anyone?#why do I have to feel so much fucking anger and hatred. why do i think such things.#i feel like this attitude and this feeling bleeds into so much of me. how I talk to my friends and how i think of myself.#anyway. coming from someone who's held a lot of poison close to her heart. let it go. it doesn't suit you.#i know it feels that the world can only be this way because it's broken and filled with bad or stupid people but that's not true.#but it's that feeling that lets it continue. that apathy and that disdain. it's not going to make anything better to just complain.#this has been. a ramble. a yap if you would. that being said if anyone has anything to contribute. please do.

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nerdie-faerie · 9 months

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Currently thinking about the last time I met up with my college friends, and we went around the table reintroducing ourselves with names and pronouns, cus it gets like that. And every time it would come around to me, I would deflect and distract instead of answering because I hadn't actually figured it out yet. It's coming up on a year since then, I still have no idea what the answer would be

#Queer gang #it was literally this time last year cus it was the last time i went home for winter break that i saw them all #i panicked and got distracted the first time i was supposed to introduce myself despite the fact theyre the last people who would judge #but were a bunch of very easily distracted fckers so it wasnt even that noticeable that i hadnt answered at first #but then one of them realised id never actually introduced myself and i cant even remember how i changed the topic #but someone would always realise in the middle of someones story so id just redirect the attention to what we were already discussing #to buy myself time to think but i never actually came up with an answer and im stuck on a coach rn so my brain has all this time to think #and im just. its been a year since that incident its been several years since i started to think maybe my gender didnt entirely fit #but every time i try to figure it out like a puzzle like i did with my sexuality the first time i realise i dont really have an answer #its not that i feel that something else would fit better and i cant figure out why it doesnt feel right in the first place #is it because i was raised hyperfeminine despite growing up predominantly around brothers?#is it because tradition gender roles dont fit anyway when yoyre queer because so much of gender is tangled up in sexuality?#is it because im taking too much of a theoretical/whatever approach to it when i know gender is predominantly a social construct?#is it because its just not that deep and i dont care? or do i care and i just havent figured it out yet? idk

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mushed-kid · 8 months

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i don’t think i can ever be really close to anyone

#im so #ugh i cant stand myself #i think im way too attached to my family and i cant imagine ever getting that close to someone else #i just feel weird around people and i wish i didnt #and im not very aocial and i know that my friends hate it #and maybe its partly because im a twin and im not used to being without her #and now we’re growing up and i’m not with her as much because she’s like idk being normal and doing stuff and im not #i just feel like i cant be alone because i cant do anything #but i want to be alone so i can do stuff without having other people around becuse i liek beign alone and i get tired of people no matter #i cant even write what i feel cuz i dont know #and maybe its just late and i haould be asleep cuz im tired all the time but im alone so i can do stuff but also im alone:/#other people are different than me in a way i don’t understand and idk why but i cant bond with people frfr #and im a very difficult person i know that but i just wish i could get close to people in the way they seem to be with each other #but i just. dont like people #but also i love people and i hate being alone im just kinda private #i just dont get why im not like others😭#why am i different than everyone else

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arundolyn · 19 hours

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on one hand it sucks cause it sucks to see her like this and for her to have to go through it in general and also its literally so much cancer and like at least???? at LEAST 2 different types???? so they don't know what to do about it and any further treatment would literally just be Seeing What Happens. and it sucks for this to be like. it. and to have to remember This after

but on the other it's also. like. all of this happening has kinda crystallized more in my mind that i don't have a hell of a lot of nice things to say about my mom in the end. which feels awful. but also at the same time i can't really like.. tolerate. giving credit to someone who Loves me who like.. saw it as an obligation? and would and probably will right now if given the opportunity hold it over my head? the fact that she raised me and all. i brought you into this world ill take you out etc. i don't know how you can say that shit to a kid ever and think you're right. i just can't. for all that she's always said she loves me she sure. doesn't act like it much. i don't think keeping all my baby blankets and my kindergarten schoolwork counts for much when your actual emotional support of me has never been great and is half of why im Like This. like it doesn't really feel like she's ever made much of an effort to understand me. lord knows I'll never understand her at this point aside from just. kinda always been too self centered for parenting i think. my mother has never been particularly selfless.

all of this feels horrendous to say out loud in any regard

#crow.txt #like idk it could be my specific grief but its. just kinda amplified in my brain the bad things far more than the good #which isnt to say theres No good. idk id argue theres probably logically More good. but the bad is pretty bad #it could be worse. but it was also still bad. neither of my parents shouldve ever had children. full stop #i should not be here. i should not have had to grow up like this. neither of you were prepared or emotionally stable enough for kids #i really should be trying to sleep. idk if i can work tomorrow #like idk pardon my autism but i dont feel many strong familial bonds. i dont think i ever really have. its always been a big thing for mom #not me so much. wonder why that might be Anwyay #just because we're family absolutely does not mean i should just let you treat me however #and i wont in fact #all of this feels like a very long very draining awful dream. its so surreal. it happened so fast #ive honestly not cried over it as much as i feel like i should have bc it kinda just felt inevitable #this has been an anxiety rumination point for years #she was taking it a lot better than i expected for a while but the nastiness and loudness and just like. cruelty. kinda knew that was comin #just surprised its taken this long

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somethingsomethingcomic · 9 months

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red / blue

#nirvana #fall out boy #punk #grunge #hi hello sorry i haven't been active uh. live has been. bad!#i have another piece to upload that will probably explain it but i gotta see if i wamna tweak it first.#ANYWAY ive been getting way into nirvana and other 90s grunge music #i think all apologies is hands down my favorite song by them but i also like most of nevermind #pearl jam is also ok but i dont like eddie vedder's voice as much. but jeremy is a very good song #and also daughter which. looks at that other piece again. heh.#but yeah may still be a bit before i put out a new comic #partially because! when i designed this eli character it was meant to be uhhh. me #but my hair doesnt look like that anymore! ive been growing it out and havent dyed it in ages #so idk what to do about that. idk why im hung up on it but i am!#its not like junes character looks a ton like them. like they dont have pink hair at all. and BOTH of us wear glasses.#idk! i was also still battling art block most of last year #hoping things turn around soon. gripping the wheel gritting my teeth desperately. things will turn around soon.#anyway how are yall doin #smth art

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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Boruto things that made me lose my mind (ep 62-93):

Sasuke: I'm taking boruto onto the battlefield with me ✌️

Naruto @ boruto: sorry for treating u like a child and not a child soldier

Shikadai: *worried abt his friend boruto* shikamaru: yea I was the same abt naruto (no. Ur son is worried abt his friend. U were worried abt ur pride. Don't pretend u and naruto were friends)

Shout out to Boruto's 2 daddies for allowing their son to kill a God at age 12

What the fuck am I supposed to feel abt gender fluid orochimaru???

Last week boruto killed a God, this week a sleazy actor creeps on chocho... and he really looks like an adult...

Boruto writers: chocho is beautiful just the way she is... but we will continue to use her weight as a joke

I hate every member of team 5 in both personality and character design

Mitsuki @ orochimaru: it doesn't matter if you're my mother or father. As long as I kno ur essence, that's what matters (...ok but I cannot fathom the implication that orochimaru's essence is anything but evil)

The only personal items in Mitsuki's house are pill bottles and a framed photo of boruto beside his bed. That's pretty unnerving.

I think it says a lot about that those 2 horrible old advisors r still around and their opinions still hold weight. If I were naruto, I would not let them back in the office. Ever. Like bro they were instrumental in ur mistreatment

Suigetsu: that's LORD orochimaru! (Dude y r u putting respect on his name? Didn't he keep u locked naked in a tube at one point?)

The white snake sage has the fucking goofiest accent in the English dub

...boruto made as summoning contract with a giant snake... but instead of summoning him from a snake realm... I think the snake burrowed into his soul? Bc the snake is showing up in the same internal place as kurama does for naruto. Weird.

Mitsuki is the most gay

Boruto @ villian with pulsating mass attached to his chest: how did u get that heart?! (Boruto what the fuck do u think a heart looks like????)

#its so frustrating bc boruto is a show for lil babies. there is no subtly at all #they have to bash u over the head with what they want u to kno #and there r some interesting ideas theyre playing with. bc u have the modernisation of the world #and turning away from being shinobi so u get this weird reverence for what shinobi were and anger that the kids didnt grow up in war #it feels like a very modern anger. which is really interesting but im not sure how much theyre going to play with that #but idk naruto is still infuriatingly like sad to me. my boy is so tired #also i think boruto should grow up to b a therapist bc hes emotionally intelligent and likes to help ppl when he can get over himself #idk im a boruto apologist lol for the boy and the show. i guess. i like the boy. the show is a cursed timeline but i dont hate it yet lol #Anytime ppl r like: oh lord 7th!!! i get so mad tho. like fuck off #also is shikamaru still friends with choji??? did u just drop that friendship dude? bc it feels like theyre pretending shikamaru and naruto #were like friends. which. hah no #anyway. i wanna kno whats up with borutos eye. i want the alien bullshit #i like that he killed a god. that is fucking desturbing and i love #naruto #boruto #naruto ramblings

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br1ghtestlight · 1 year

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it would be easy for the finale of bobs burgers to end with a compilation of the kids grown up and out living their lives and we get to see who they grew up to be But also they could consider maybe not doing that?? just a thought

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starlooove · 1 year

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What they don’t tell you about doing shit ur bad at for fun is that ur still worried about ppl seeing it 💀💀💀

#my Duke week shit sitting in my sketchbook 💔#sorry babe let him stay there!#I think for rebellion I’m gonna do Duke joins red hood au #remember when Jason asked Tim to be his Robin?#well idk Batman did smth Duke wasn’t fw and he decided to dip and Jason picked him up #not to rant like I like Jason and all but idk how I feel about y’all saying #‘he just kills drug dealers and thugs’#like IK in our minds Hes about community action and shit but canonically #he really just kills ppl and leaves it for the community to deal with #OVERSIMPLIFICATION IK DONT GET MAD ITS JUST NOT ABOUT HIM #anyways the point is I think Duke would give him a more nuanced look on ppl who commit these crimes in the first place #like Jason is very victim focus but Duke is very much about personal responsibility but part of that IS giving ppl the opportunity to grow #part of that IS the reformation of drug dealers and run of the mill thugs and sometimes a warning is all it takes #I think they could be a great contrast to Bruce and tim #in my mind they both obviously care a lot but they also lack so much knowledge on the average citizen #And tim specifically even tho he’s highly compassionate I like the idea of him having low empathy #and in my mind Duke is extremely empathetic but he’s a hardass and when it comes to his expectations #so like let’s look at Harley reformation right? tim wouldn’t FEEL for her like that but he’d be able to provid a lot of room for her to grow #like hed tolerate regression more if that makes sense #Duke would understand her plight and feel for her but he also says that it’s because he understands it that he can’t let shit slide #lowk like bruce….#so when it comes to the red hood thing Duke is like ‘don’t shoot first 🙄’ but also all bets are off when u step outta line bc the fact that #u had the chance to grow and chose not to? he doesn’t like it and it twists later on where Jason’s the one telling Duke that its ok for ppl #to regress and that self improvement isn’t linear for anybody (including him bc the crux of the issue is that Duke is holding ppl to the #standards he holds himself to) I feel like I’m overexplaining badly but like. I will clarify if asked #anyways it doesn’t matter this is staying in the drafts

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ilovetodrinkwater · 3 months

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🤨

#my experience last night honestly already fading away like fine grains of sand but it makes me think about my relationship to pain #i am very glad i dont cut myself anymore thats great i dont want to do that. But. on the way back i wanted to in a way very different from #when im feeling upset and want to. Like idk dare i say stim toy idk #i really like having marks from pain in many contrxts outside sexuality and maybe its not that deep #1 nothing wrong witj me 2 nothing wrong with me #also realized like idfw aftercare at least not from strangers and that made me think about my very strong desire to isolate to experience #emotions. but i also didnt feel emotional. i was just like ok this has run its course.#Idk i have much to learn and much to grow i think i pretty severely have walls up and this didnt break them #i was hoping it would but UNFORTUNATELY u cant externalize that work..#ive been thinking about how im always somewhere else sometimes multiple somewhere elses #Anyway need a friend with a flogger

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theygender · 2 years

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Yeah sure growing up abused may have left me with permanent scars on my psychological state that I'm still working to unpack, but on the bright side it gave me the ability to give a thoughtful in depth analysis of Roald Dahl's Matilda and all of its adaptations

#rambling #i love matilda so much. its such an important story to me. its literally just an abused childs power fantasy #where she gets to get back at the people who hurt her and protect other kids and then get a new loving family and everything is alright #my gf and i just watched the movie adaptation of the musical and we have Opinions on it. some good and some bad #so weve been discussing it and analyzing different parts of it #and its kinda nice to get to use my history for something good #to be able to give thoughtful analysis on how the changes they made in this adaptation have changed the allegory for abuse in the story #from the perspective of someone who grew up with that #and to just. have that be normal. my gf knows my history and its not gonna stop the conversation if i say #'this change works well for trunchbull's character bc it makes her seem more like a real life abuser'#'this detail is very subtle but it really captures some tiny part of the experience of growing up with an abuser'#'i dont like this bc it detracts from the narrative of the main character feeling alone and makes it less relatable to abused kids'#'i dont like this because while it IS something that happens under abuse it detracts from the fantasy where the kids all win together'#idk. of course everything that happened to me as a kid was awful and should not have happened but like #for a long time i had this problem where i didnt know how i was ever supposed to be okay about that #like no matter how much therapy i go through it will never UN-happen. it will always still have happened and it will always have been awful #and i couldnt figure out how i was supposed to recover from that besides 'bury it and try your hardest to never ever think about it'#and. i think maybe this is it. yes the abuse i went through was awful. thats kind of the whole thing about abuse #but. its also just a fact of my life. im better NOW. but that will not change what happened then #the abuse was awful. but the fact that i am an abuse survivor is a neutral fact. the same as any other fact from my childhood #its just a fact. a part of my past. and maybe being able to talk about it that way is... good for me #i dont have to break down when i think about it bc im okay now. my partner doesnt need to stop me and express sorrow for me bc im okay now #i can talk about my past in a neutral way and use my life experience to analyze movies #the same way that i used my experience of growing up in arkansas to analyze hollywood hillbillies when we watched it together #theyre both just two facts of my life. and analyzing movies is fun #that woman has no power over me anymore and hasnt for many many years. im okay now #abuse mention #child abuse mention #request to tag

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festivalofthe12 · 4 months

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mmmmmmmmmmmmmm when it comes to Kyou I sometimes worry if I'm being too hard on him through like a certain kind of projection, right

but. I can't be... the only one to think there's at least..a little bit of a...victim complex in him, right...?

WHICH: to clarify straight up, he was treated awfully and never deserved any of that, and is all-around 100% a victim who's right to think of himself as such. All of that is correct!!!!!!

but. The whole STORY. is that the cat is the one animal who gets exiled. The one 'bad' one. The one who's ostracised.

And with that comes a certain... I mean, it's a bit easier to think of yourself as the victim, when that's the way everyone frames it, right? That you're the one who's been hard done by? That everyone else has it out for you? That to make things right, everything should be inverted, so everyone apologises and bows down to him for once???

Especially with Yuki. And, again to be fair, Yuki is not at ALL immune to minimising the shit that Kyou's been dealt with because it's often the inverse of what happened to Yuki and that envy is toxic and because Yuki was raised to think that way and also just because Kyou is annoying to him personally hahah.

But. Yuki knows about Kyou's True Form. Kyou... doesn't actually know what happened between Yuki and Akito. And psychologically, there's a hell of lot to benefit him if he reaaaaaally doesn't think about it.

So. Am I being biased to think that, all things considered, Kyou is more dismissive of Yuki's struggles? And that even up through the end of the manga, he still sorta... doesn't really entirely get it?? (At least from what I remember... which is little........)

But here's where I feel like I'm projecting because. My experiences are WAY more like Yuki: pushing things down, trying to do the right thing, feeling like you're just supposed to be grateful for what you have because you've been so privileged. And people who match the sorta description I have of Kyou above have kinda. screwed me up mentally in a lot of ways hahahahahahhhh.

so. I know it's such a cliche thing to have people learn about what Yuki's been through and be so Shocked and Comforting and ooo weepy uke Yuki or what ever (ever notice how nobody ever gets mad at the smug asshole seme stereotype?? HMM.) and I know I might just be biased against Kyou, because of all that IRL stuff and also because early in fandom people kind of did IIRC act like Kyou was right about everything and Yuki not that far off from how Kyou saw him. but.

IDK there's always a part of me that just. keeps thinking up scenarios where Kyou like. still doesn't entirely gets it. and gets called out a bit, or proven wrong.

and maybe that's really dumb or childish of me hahahah;;;;;

#that's it that's the post. there's no point to it im just like. what if I did these things is that bad maybe.#and. to clarify AGAIN. i do think Kyou legit cares abt Yuki by the end #has grown a bit more than yuki in that respect #cause yuki always pitied Kyou. and I mean that in a morally neutral way. he always knew things sucked for him.#he just. was too caught up in his own shit to not react back when Kyou pushed his way into his life and was actively hostile #and I mean react back as an ongoing thing. obviously sometimes yuki initiated individual spats or whatever lol #ANYWAY by the end I think Kyou does. get to some extent that things are shit for yuki too. and wants them not to be???#to which yuki is very. 'no fucking shit. i wouldnt wish that bullshit for you either if you weren't fucking attacking me all the time' kind #but. there's still some ways for them both to grow there #tbh in yukis case. I guess due to his issues with trust/opening up.#it's harder for him to think of Kyou as someone to really care about?? consciously???#whereas like Ive said above. Kyou still thinks of himself as Worse Off than Yuki.#but he can like. Extend a Hand maybe. Graciously. for Tohru's sake as much as anyhting #I dont even fucking know Im just writing fanfic at this point #what even is this post (or any of the furuba posts on this blog)#idk maybe I should just read some Kyo/Yuki again. :///#fruits basket #look maybe I just want the zodiac crew post-canon to start gallows humour 'bragging' abt the awful shit that traumatised them as teenagers #and when it gets to yuki it's like. jesus christ even for this group thats fucked up. or maybe its just because Nobody not even Haru knew #which. great yuki even when the topic is 'haha our childhood was fucked up wasn't it' you still made things weird. <- yuki's thoughts only

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