#i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either

[skunkes]

what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever

[cumikering]

Keegan Russ x reader

3.5k | fluff, second chance, childhood friends

You matched with Keegan on Tinder

@glitterypirateduck’s holiday challenge, inspired by I Don’t Do Drugs by Doja Cat

“No way.” You shook your head. “Not Keegan goddamn Russ.” You chuckled as you stared at his profile.

It’d been over 15 years since you saw him last. His teeth might have been straight, bowl cut replaced by a far more fitting fade cut, but his sharp blue eyes and easy smile remained. They were unmistakable.

This dude hadn’t crossed your mind in years, but you were pleasantly surprised to see he’d grown to be a tall and athletic Marine. You hated to admit that he got hot, even that not having a stupid haircut wasn’t a very high bar to begin with.

You zeroed in on his smile again. He was attractive and he knew it. He couldn’t have been there for anything serious.

You laughed to yourself. “What the hell,” you said and swiped right on him.

At the other end of town, Keegan laid in bed, swiping mindlessly on his phone.  Left… Left… Oh!? … Yeah, another left… Until his hand froze when he saw your card.

“Goddamn,” he muttered as he rolled to his side, clutching his phone. Where the hell were you all this time?

He took his time ogling your photos. The first one was a full body picture, your figure on display in your tight jeans. The second was a selfie, your eyes bright, donning a brilliant smile and glossy lips. The last two were group photos. He loved your style – comfortable yet tasteful. Your genuine laughter and the twinkle in your eye as you sat among your friends mesmerised him.

Okay, so you were the life of the party.

Keegan often worried about not having enough to say and preferred chattier dates who’d lead the conversation. Evidently, he didn’t have to worry about that with you…  Because you probably wouldn’t even look at him twice. With looks like that, you could have anyone.

He lay on his back and gawked at your selfie again, biting his lip.

“What the hell,” he said to himself and swiped right.

He nearly dropped his phone on his face when it chimed right away. It’s a match! He gasped.

He stared at the empty chat window, fingers drumming on his thigh as he contemplated what to say. He wished he had more game.

After a minute, he settled with a simple Hi, hope you’re doing alright :) are you from the area?

You seemed a little quiet the first day of texting, but he’d expected that, a usual occurrence in his endeavour. Keegan didn’t relent, coming up with discussions, although some he had to admit were rather lame. Soon, you asked him specific questions about himself, allowing the conversation to pour throughout the days. He stopped thinking too hard when replying.

As it turned out, you were from the same hometown. You went to different high schools, but had a few mutual friends, although none he knew anymore. He barely kept in contact with anyone back home safe for the handful of his close high school friends.

Now that he reached for his phone far more often on base, grinning at that, it took no time for people to notice the newfound habit.

“We need to tell command someone’s hardly working.” Ajax nudged Kick, nodding at Keegan at the far end of the rec room. “He keeps looking at that one selfie.”

He chuckled. “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. Don’t get catfished, bro.”

“Or ghosted.” Ajax roared in laughter. He had no business sounding so proud of his pun.

Keegan’s eyes narrowed at them before looking back down at his phone. He wasn’t going to let his buddies stop him from sending you the What kind of bread are you? quiz.

At night, it’d also become a routine to text. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but it grew to be the highlight of his day. He could unwind and laugh with you without having to wait long to have you text back. His bed felt less empty, a little less cold.

“I’d really like to meet you. You’re wonderful,” he said longingly at his phone.

He knew he wanted to after the third day, but didn’t initiate a date in fear of moving too fast and appalling you. But after over a week, with his next deployment inching closer, he’d grown impatient and a bit mad at himself for overthinking the matter. He didn’t remember asking anyone on a date being that unnerving.

Unprompted, your name flashed across his screen, sending his heart racing. Keegan sat up and cleared his throat before answering.

“Hey,” he said with as much smoothness as he could muster.

“Hi, Keegan.”

He could hear the smile in your voice, and he prayed he had even a fraction of the effect you had on him, on you.

“I was wondering if you’re into soccer?”

His brows furrowed. Hell no, he wasn’t at all.

“You want to watch the World Cup screening with me Saturday night?”

But for you? Well for you, he was the biggest fan in town.

“Sure,” he answered immediately. He couldn’t believe his ears. Was it Christmas already?

“For dinner, there’s a taco truck I like near the sports bar, if you’d like to try.”

He tried not to smile too much, but he was failing miserably. He was two seconds away from puking out the butterflies in his stomach.

“Sounds great,” he breathed. “I’m looking forward to meeting you.”

“Me too.” Your easy voice calmed him.

Kick’s comment crossed his mind. He stilled for a moment and decided he didn’t care what you looked like. The little of you he got to know the past week was enough to get him hooked.

“Well, I only wanted to ask that. I’m going to bed.”

“So soon?”

You let out a small laugh. Oh, he wanted to stay on the phone all night.

“Talk to you again tomorrow, okay? Send me more quizzes.”

After you hung up, he bit down a silly grin as he pulled up your photos again.

The following night, struck with a sudden burst of confidence, Keegan called when you were both in bed. He’d expected the pauses on his end (which was why he always preferred texting), but you didn’t seem to mind. At least he knew you weren’t opposed to talking to him. You stayed on the line for half an hour, your laughter lulled his reeling mind.

Saturday couldn’t have come sooner. He’d shaved that morning and put on some cologne before taking way too long to pick an outfit. He hoped it didn’t look like he was trying too hard.

You declined his offer to pick you up. He didn’t take it personally - he was a patient man after all. But when he’d arrived a little too early, he started to lose his cool the longer he leaned on the streetlamp.

He had to do a double take when he caught sight of you walking towards him. Oh, look at the way you lit up, your smile the same brilliant one like in your photos. You were in those delightful jeans again, your hair bouncing to your steps. He straightened up and met you halfway.

“Hi,” you said when you got to him.

“Hey.” His smile didn’t waver. “You look great.”

You took the words out of his lips, the words that he already had so few of. This was the opposite of catfish because you were far prettier in real life. He needed you to hold his hand because he wasn’t going to look where he was going.

He couldn’t wait to brag to Kick and Ajax.

You looked up at him, eyes bright. “Thank you. You look nice yourself.”

He followed you to join the short queue. He stole a glance as you ordered.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” he said to the cook, giving your hand a gentle nudge when you tried to pay.

First skin contact. Innocent enough.

But why did it get so warm all of a sudden? He hoped he wasn’t sweating. Fuck, he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Should he shove them in his pockets? How close was the acceptable distance to stand next to you?

Well, he certainly stood close enough for you to catch a faint waft of his cologne.

You meant it when you said he looked good. He wore a light jacket over a black shirt, light washed jeans and sneakers. His jet black hair was styled, a little longer than in his photos. The way he stood with his hands in his pockets accentuated his build, his watch a nice touch.

Sure, curiosity got you at first. It quickly came to light that he didn’t recognise you – granted you used a nickname – but you found it amusing nonetheless. You didn’t even mean it to get that far but after talking to him, you couldn’t help but want more.

Dating was always daunting; putting your heart on the line like that rendered you vulnerable. It wasn’t that he didn’t reciprocate – his company was delightful, but whatever you had between you felt stagnant. You thought your initial assumption was right: he wasn’t looking for anything more. Was this a mistake after all?

You sat on the bench nearby, the drinks between you. You took two bites before you stalled.

Your face twisted. “Why’s this hot?”

“Is it? Mine isn’t at all.”

“It is ridiculously hot.” You blinked the tears away.

“Can’t be. Let me try.”

You handed him the taco, instead he grabbed your wrist and leaned in for a bite.

He gave you an amused smile. “It’s not hot at all. Here, I’ll have yours.”

By now, a few drops of sweat had broken out of your forehead. You didn’t question it when he swapped the paper plates on your thighs and took a huge bite.

It wasn’t supposed to be hot! This was so uncool, at your first meeting at that. Your gaze trained on the ground as you took a small bite of his which actually tasted normal. When you looked up, it was his turn to frown.

“Wait. It is.” He put the taco down. ”It is hot.”

“I told you!”

“Oh God. Oh shit,” he hissed, scrambling for his drink. “Why is it so hot?”

You stifled a giggle. “They must have put the wrong sauce in mine, because yours tastes fine.”

“My tongue had never known such pain. What the hell is in this thing?” He continued gulping down his drink. “Oh no, it’s getting worse.” He sniffled before shoving the last half into his mouth.

“You know you don’t have to eat it, right?” You busted into laughter as he chew with all his might. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

His brows knitted, the agony in his watery eyes as clear as day. You handed him a serviette.

“That’s inhumane, but I’m a man of my word,” he said between hisses, wiping at his forehead. “My mouth is on fire. I need to inhale fire extinguisher.”

You could only offer him your drink which he gladly chugged. Still giggling, you finished your meal before making your way to the bar.

“I’m sorry, that was really embarrassing.” He grimaced through his drying tears, forehead still damp. “But at least you’re laughing. I like it when you laugh.”

You wanted to kiss him right then.

Keegan was the first man to make you willingly lose sleep in a long time, but his inaction didn’t sit right with you. Self-doubt inevitably crept up - maybe you simply weren’t his type, but you were too hooked to not at least shoot your shot despite your mounting fear of rejection. Your heart lodged in your throat when you called him that night.

Oh but his voice was so calm and soothing, and what for? He got you hanging onto every word - some straight up sounded like he was purring. Like now, he had to lean in closer and closer to talk over the noise as the bar continued to fill up. The deep rumble of his laughter so close in your ear got you biting your lip.

You didn’t want to like him so much, but here you were smiling non-stop the past hour. He’d taken his jacket off, his sturdy arms on display as he lay back. Now that was the highlight of his outfit. It didn’t help that he kept looking at you like that either; blue eyes piercing, brows striking with a cool smile.

It was unfair how effortlessly charming he was, like it was simply an unfortunate by product of being Keegan Russ, like he didn’t even mean it.

Well, evidently, Keegan was literally sweating about the humiliating incident. He sincerely hoped you wouldn’t excuse yourself to the bathroom to stand him up, but the smile hadn’t left your pretty face ever since. That was a good sign right?

Halfway into the first half, he extended his arm along the back of your seat, eyes still on the screen pretending to not notice the way your lips curled in amusement. You dragged your chair against his, thighs touching now. His fist clenched when you placed your hand on his knee.

He was secretly glad this was your first date – if he could even call it that. At least there was no pressure to keep making conversation and he could focus on your company, which he thoroughly enjoyed thus far. Was wrapping his arm around your waist an appropriate next move? He itched to be closer.

“How long have you been on Tinder?” You turned to him during halftime.

“A few months now.”

“Any luck?”

He looked away, shaking his head. “I don’t get a lot of matches, and when I do - even after many weeks of talking… Well as it turned out, people just aren’t very interested in dating long distance.”

When his eyes flicked up and met your sympathetic look, he wondered if he shouldn’t have been so honest.

“You? Any luck so far?” he asked quickly.

“I went on a few dates with someone who looked an awful lot like my first crush.” You let out a small laugh. “But that’s all. It didn’t work out.”

A speck of jealousy flickered in his chest. “Tell me about him. Your first crush.”

“Well, I was a late bloomer. It was in high school, he was a sophomore when I was a freshman.”

“Handsome dude?”

“Yes, but I actually never spoke to him.” You tilted your head and smiled. “Well, I did once, kind of. I don’t know what possessed me, but one day I walked up to him and gave him a bar of chocolate. He said thanks, and that was it.”

You looked over him. The crowd had started to move towards the bar

“I’ll get us more drinks before the wait gets too long.” You stood up.

Keegan perked up; he wasn’t going to miss his chance. When you came back, he’d mustered all his courage to tug on your wrist to sit on his lap. There was a glint in your eye as you indulged and he snaked his arm behind you, hand on his knee. You had a playful smile on your lips when you moved it to your waist and wrapped your arm around his neck.

He leaned onto your shoulder, his chest pressing against your side. He watched the way your eyes transfixed on the screen, how your glass would freeze against your lower lip at times. He couldn’t help smiling when you tensed up whenever someone got close to scoring a goal. His other arm wrapped around your waist.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off you when the bar erupted in cheers. You turned to him with a proud grin. Oh, your lips were just right there. He wasn’t going to survive the night.

Your favourite team won and you left the bar beaming. You were glad he offered to walk you home because you still wanted his presence. Your fingers curled around his forearm.

“I didn’t get to ask about your first crush.”

He chuckled to himself. “We were in fifth grade.”

“You ever told her?”

He shook his head. “She hated me. My friends used to tease her about her weight. I didn’t join in but I hung around anyway. I guess when you’re young you do dumb things to fall in.”

You remembered the raucous boys he hung out with.

“Over the summer, I convinced myself to finally say something, but she’d moved away.”

Had he not looked at where you were going, he’d have seen the shock on your face. Your heart skipped a beat. Is he talking about me?

“What was she like?”

“My memory’s fuzzy now, but she had two other girlfriends they teased too but she always stood up for them. Oh, was sassy too.” He smiled. “I used to stand around to overhear her jokes. If I laughed along, she’d stare me down until I left.”

You laughed, too hard for someone who supposedly wasn’t involved in the story. You remembered that too, the way prepubescent Keegan Russ and his dumb bowl cut scrambled away when you gave him bombastic side eye.

You couldn’t believe it. He had a crush on you?

“I think had I spoken up, we’d have been good friends.” He glanced at you with a smile. “You know, when I heard she’d moved away, I came home crying and my mum smacked me upside the head. Told me not to hang around with the shithead boys anymore.”

You stopped in your tracks and took your hand off his arm. “You really don’t recognise me?”

He turned to you, brows furrowed. “What?”

“You used to paste Superman stickers on my Barbie backpack.”

Keegan’s eyes widened. He turned away, a hand over his face, laughing out of pain. No fucking way. He wanted to disappear.

You chuckled. “A new one whenever I managed to peel the previous one off. Said they were boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I don’t recognise you at all.” He lowered his hand. “But you don’t even have the same name?”

“It’s the internet. You’re the weird one for using your real name.”

His brows rose. “You knew it was me all along?”

“Right away.”

“And you didn’t say anything?” He chuckled. “That’s just mean.”

“Was wondering if you remembered, but we were kids. I’m not surprised you didn’t recognise me or forgot.”

The corner of is lips pulled. “Well, I didn’t forget.” And probably won’t. You haven’t left my mind the past week.

And that voice was back, of course. He definitely knew what he was doing, and still you couldn’t get enough.

“Wait, no. Is this it?” He frowned. “Did you talk to me the entire time- meet me just for this?”

“No! No. I wanted to see you.” The edge in his voice stung more than you expected. “I… I didn’t think you’d even want to, because you didn’t make a move.”

His cold eyes searched yours, making your heart ache. If only he knew how much he made you smile, how many times a day you wished he’d replied when you checked your phone. You never wanted to see that pain in his face again.

“Please don’t lead me on,” he finally said, his gaze softening. “Not when you know you don’t want this.”

You wanted to hold him. “I promise I won’t. I know it’s early to say, but I want to try.”

He took a small step towards you. “Are you sure you like me?”

Suddenly he was once again the young Keegan who couldn’t meet your eyes, asking if you wanted to share the last of his favourite chocolate with him.

“Are you?”

“Positive.” His icy blues were back on you. You saw the wary hopefulness in them.

You closed the gap, arms wrapping around his waist. You let out a small sigh as your head rested on his shoulder.

“May I see you again?” He pulled you closer, his voice lighter now. “I want to go on a date. A real one, with my first crush with the death stare.”

You laughed against his neck.

Keegan hated getting ahead of himself, not knowing how many more times his hopes could be shattered before the shards get too small to meet again. But as he held you, he let his mind drift, just a little further, just this time.

With his eyes closed, he thought that maybe in the future - perhaps soon enough, someone would be waiting at the base to welcome him back with a smile and an embrace just like this.

More Keegan: fake dating, werewolf AU

A/N: I think the song represents the uncertainty in the initial stages of falling, when you keep trying to swallow the hopefulness, cautious of each other’s intentions as to not get hurt. It takes bravery handing your heart over to a stranger, unsure if they’ll just stomp on your feelings or be the best thing ever.

@sofasoap @b1rds3ye @macravishedbymactavish @shadofireshinobi @two-gh0sts

[hsfan94]

Opposite

AN: In honour of Short N Sweet coming out, here's one I wrote a year ago from the google docs. It was originally going to have a sad ending but I changed it up to fit how I'm feeling now. I hope you like it!

Y/n felt so stupid. The worst part was that she couldn’t even be mad. She was the one who got it so wrong. She could throw up from how stupid and sad she felt at the present moment. However, she was squished between Gemma and Harry in the first row of a balcony seating section at the National Theatre so she couldn’t escape.

Y/n met Harry in early 2019. She had just started out as a writer and producer. She got a call to come in for a studio session but wasn’t told anything else about the project. When she got there and walked in to see Harry Styles sitting casually on the couch in a white t-shirt and corduroys her heart stopped. It started up again, racing, when he stood up and came to greet her. Instead of shaking her hand like she would have expected, he enveloped her in the coziest hug ever.

“I’m so glad you were available to come today.” He told her, pulling back just enough to make eye contact. “I’m such a huge fan.”

She was shocked that he had heard anything she’d worked on let alone that he liked it. 

“Thank you,” she said. “What’s this project we’re working on today all about?”

The biggest smile grew on his face as he started to tell her all about the record and the last few songs that needed finishing. 

They hit it off so well that they never missed a chance to work together and hung out as often as possible.

That led her to here. Now. Y/n was in love with him. She hadn’t planned to fall, but with Harry it was as easy as breathing. Looking at him just melted her from the inside out, hearing his voice could calm any worry she had. Her favorite color became the exact shade of his eyes. Her favorite songs were the ones he wrote that she could imagine were about her. Realistically she knew none of them were but she’d written about him so it was nice to imagine the other way around. He was everything to her. He was also the only one who didn’t know. 

So, here she was. She had been staying in London for a project with Jack Antonoff at Abbey Road and she had gotten a call last night from her Harry. 

“What are you up to tomorrow night?” He had said, voice soft and unsure. It almost sounded like he was nervous. 

“Nothing, it’s my day off, why?” She said, picking at a piece of her comforter that had a loose thread.

“Would you want to come see this play, “The Effect”, with me?” He sounded hopeful. She could hear it in his inflections. Like he really wanted her there. 

“Harry, you already know I’d do anything you ask me to.” She smiled against her phone at the sound of his laugh coming through the line. 

“Okay then, I’ll text you the details. See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

She should’ve known from the text that her interpretation was wrong. 

It seemed like it was a date when he asked. But as she walked along the river, she couldn’t help but think that if it was a date, he would’ve picked her up and they would have gone together. 

The thought was shattered even more when she saw Gemma and Michael standing outside the theatre where he had asked her to meet him. 

Gemma, who was dressed in a lovely evening gown, noticed her rather quickly. She unhooked her arm from where it was locked with Michael’s and closed the short distance between them. 

“Y/n, I didn’t know you were coming,” she said, engulfing Y/n in a tight hug. 

“I could say the same.” Y/n pulled away first and glanced between her two friends. 

“Harry didn’t tell you we were coming too?” Gemma quirked her eyebrow in that very specific way that only she and her brother can. 

Y/n only shook her head. She noticed both their gazes turn to something akin to pity so she quickly shot her focus to the stones under her feet. They were quite interesting really. Not quite cobble stone but not pavement either. 

“Oh. Well. Maybe he just forgot he invited us then.”

Y/n could hear in Gemma’s voice that she already knew what Y/n had thought. But before more could be said both her and Gemma’s phones chimed with a text saying the plan had changed and he would meet them inside. 

Y/n’s heart fell that much more when the three of them made their way through the doors. Harry was leaning against a wall, talking animatedly to a beautiful woman. She was around five foot five and all around the complete opposite of Y/n. He had that specific twinkle in his eye that only shows up when he’s interested in someone. Just as Y/n was mentally comparing the exact differences in her and the other woman’s body type, Harry looked over and made eye contact with her. She quickly forced a smile and waved at him. He leaned over and whispered something in the other woman’s ear and then strode over to meet the three of them.

“I’m so glad you could come,” he said, pulling Y/n into a hug. 

“Well I didn’t have much else going on.” She tried to keep an airiness in her voice to mask her true feelings.

“Gem, Micheal, it means a lot.” He shook Micheal’s hand and hugged Gemma.

“Yeah, I looked it up online and I’m quite excited. Thank you so much for the invite.” Gemma gave a very subtle nervous glance between Harry, Y/n and the woman he didn’t introduce them to but clearly came with.

“Well,” he reached into his coat pocket, “here are the tickets. You guys go ahead and find the seats, I’ll be up in a bit.” 

As soon as Gemma took them from him, he turned around and made his way back to his previous spot against the wall.

The three of them made it to the seats and sat in an uncomfortable silence. The tension Harry had created in just that short little encounter was weighing down on them. Harry made his way to them just before curtain and right as the play started he placed his hand on Y/n’s knee, squeezed and whispered, “I’m really glad you came.”

The whole play Y/n couldn’t focus on the actual show. She was swimming in circles in her mind trying to figure out why she had got it wrong, trying her best not to cry, and debating how to escape without drawing suspicion. There was no worse feeling than the one she got when, between all of those other attention grabbers, she would look over and see Harry staring down at Taylor (she learned her name from the program) with the most loving gaze. When the play finally ended, Y/n waited through the clapping and cheering, joining in to not arouse suspicion, but then made a great escape.

“Harry,” she said gently just as they got back to the lobby.

“Yes, love?”

“Thank you for the invite, I really have to head home though, I’m not feeling too well.” To be fair, it wasn’t a lie.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He pulled her into a hug. “I hope you feel better, text me if you need anything.”

She just nodded and walked briskly out the door. She didn’t even make it ten feet before tears started streaming, silently, down her face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry was concerned. He had tried to get ahold of Y/n the next day to see if she was feeling any better but his calls kept going to voicemail. He wanted to introduce her to Taylor but never got the chance. Now that it had been over 24 hours (and counting) and she still had not replied to his calls and texts, he was beginning to panic. What if something terrible had happened to her on her walk home. He picked up his phone to call her for the hundredth time and it went to voicemail again.

“Y/n, it’s me again. I need to know if you’re okay. I was also hoping to discuss some things with you while you’re in town and I know you were supposed to be leaving next week… but maybe the plans changed since you have fallen ill. I’m rambling, sorry. Please, please, please just at least text me. Anything just to let me know you’re alive.”

He hung up and decided to call his sister to see if she had heard from her or noticed if something was off.

“Hey, H, what’s up?”

“Have you heard from Y/n.” He rushed the words out almost on top of her’s.

“I’m well, thanks for asking, you?” Gemma’s tone was drenched in sarcasm.

“I’m serious, Gem, I’m really worried. She’s not responding to my messages. Did she seem okay last night?” He ran a hand through his hair as he paced around the room.

Gemma let out a loud, exasperated sigh. “Harry, are you dense?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Of course she wasn’t okay last night,” she said, pausing to see if she would be interrupted again and continued when he stayed silent. “You invited her to a play that you failed to mention you invited me and Micheal to as well and then she goes inside to find out you have a girlfriend.”

Color him confused. “Okay… I’m not following.”

“Right. Dense.” She took another deep breath. “I feel as though I’m betraying her trust by disclosing to you but I also cannot for the life of me believe you could be so blind. She thought it was a date.”

“Why would she think that?�� His heart sped up a little.

“Hmmm… Let’s think shall we? One, you have been joined at the hip for nearly five years. Two, she was under the impression that you were both single. Three, she’s madly in love with you. Four, you’ve been-”

“What was that?” He cut her off.

“Which part? None of this should be new information.” It came out biting and flooded with irritation.

“She’s… in love with me?”

“Yes, you idiot. Do you even have a brain?”

“Oi! No need to be rude or come for my intellect. I had no idea.”

Gemma sighed again, very defeated. “Do you even hear how she talks about you? Do you see the way she looks at you? Have you heard her songs? It’s so clear to everyone who has been around you two.” He was stunned into silence. “So back to your original question, no. She’s very hurt and embarrassed. I called her last night to check in and she had been crying and insisting she was so stupid and foolish for thinking you could ever want to ask her on a date.” His heart cracked. “It was heartbreaking and I kept trying to tell her you were the stupid one but she rushed to your defense as always, your greatest defender. So I imagine she just needs some space. I know you wanted to talk to her about album four but I think the last thing she needs is to potentially hear poems about another woman who’s place she could never hope to take.”

He hadn’t realized he started crying. It was a combination of things he supposed. The influx of all this new, overwhelming information, his best friend being so upset she had holed herself up somewhere to avoid him like the plague, and his sister having such a beautiful way with words and immense concern for his friend.

“I really had no idea. I’m such an ass.”

As if she noticed the choked sound of his crying, Gemma’s voice softened. “Not an ass, just a little oblivious. But you have strung her along a bit. I mean she would argue that it's all one-sided, but I’ve been around you two a lot, including the Christmas you brought her home because “she would have spent it alone otherwise” which is very boyfriend-y.”

“How do I fix it? How can I make it right?”

“Well, I can’t say for sure you can. If you love her the way she loves you, which I suspect you might even if you have a girlfriend, then the answer is simple. If not, then I guess give her time. Hell, I’d give her time either way. But if it’s the second one, you might have to accept that she may never get over you and therefore continuing on like you were would be an asshole thing to do.”

“Thank you, for the advice. Ummm. I guess I have some things to think about.”

“You will do the right thing, baby brother, I know you will. You are a great person and an even better friend. Also, don’t tell her I told you all this.”

He let out a half hearted chuckle. “Of course. I love you.”

“Love you too!”

And with that she hung up. And Harry had never felt so heavy hearted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n had been religiously ignoring his texts and calls. She felt so stupid and embarrassed. Of course it wasn’t going to be a date and she could not believe she’d thought that so easily. Her anger and sadness were only directed at herself but she still couldn’t bear to hear his voice just yet. 

She lived and breathed music. So music was the answer. She wanted to send him a signal. She never wanted to outright tell him as it could go so wrong. But he sounded so worried, she wanted him to have a slice of understanding behind her distance. 

She pulled up her camera, sat down at her piano and started singing.

“Oh so you do have a type and it's not me…”

She poured her heart and soul into the session with Sabrina over a year ago. They had something in common at the time. They were both lovelorn over someone who preferred other people.

“She looks nothing like me, so why do you look so happy?”

She recorded the whole song on her camera app and posted it to instagram with the caption, “reminiscing on writing this beauty with @sabrinacarpenter”.

She put her phone away for at least an hour, not wanting to see immediate reactions.

When she did get the courage to look she saw that Gemma had commented crying emojis and that Harry had in fact liked both the post and her comment. She was unsure if her message was really received but she tried not to think about it as she fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were knives lodged in his heart and shoved down his throat when he popped on to see her post after Gemma sent him a text about it. He loved that song. He had been the first person she showed it to when they wrote it. Yet, he never guessed it was about him and (what he assumes based on the time of writing) Olivia. But now it had more meaning to her as he did it again. Chose to be happy with someone else who in fact looks nothing like her. 

The truth was Harry had no idea if he loved her the way she loved him. From what he was uncovering about her love for him, he didn’t even know if he could love anyone that way. 

He had never shown romantic interest in her, sure, but he couldn’t understand why she was convinced he could never be interested in her that way. She was smart, talented, funny and kind. He thought she was the kind of person anyone would be lucky to end up with. He remembered one thing but that couldn’t have been enough to implant that in her head, could it?

“Is one of these ladies your date?” Jack motioned between Gemma and Y/n. 

“That’s my sister.” Harry pointed at Gemma. He was going to explain who Y/n was but Jack started off on a tangent about families and the award show. Everyone was laughing and then all of the sudden Jack had left the table and Harry noticed Y/n seemed a little off the rest of the night. 

Maybe she had thought that was a date as well and he brushed her off, be it unintentionally, and not even introduced her to Jack. But it didn’t really explain what about him overall could give her such an impression. 

If he was honest, he had never given himself time to truly think about how he feels for her. They met when he was still broken up about Camille and he really needed a friend. In a way getting to know her helped him pick up the pieces. Not too long after that though, they were separated for a long period of time because of the pandemic and then he all but ran into Olivia’s open arms. He had seen Y/n a lot in the eight months he had been single this past year and he always really enjoyed their time together but he never gave himself a moment to stop and explore how he felt about her. 

Now he found himself conflicted. He truly thought he was falling in love with Taylor but thinking about Y/n in this way (with deep thought and the ability to isolate himself and his feelings) he was starting to question his understanding of romantic love. He knew he didn’t love Taylor the way Y/n loved him. But he didn’t think he loved Y/n that way either and wouldn’t it be cruel for her to end up with someone who couldn’t give her that? Who couldn’t give her what she deserved? Gemma had told him to give Y/n time but now he felt as though he needed time too. 

Dejected, he stood up from the couch, where he had been staring out the window for the last hour, and picked up his phone. 

“Hey,” he said, when she answered. “Can we talk?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you for coming,” Harry said, standing up from his usual table to greet her.

“Of course,” Taylor made a move to kiss him but he turned so she only caught his cheek. If it bothered her she didn’t let it show on her face.

They sat down and let silence fall over them.

“I don’t really know how to say what I want to say.” Harry played with the rings on his fingers. He was having a hard time looking at her as he knew he was about to hurt her. 

She reached across the table and grabbed his hand. Running her thumb over his knuckles she said “Take your time, yeah? I’ve got all day.”

She was so sweet and patient and he felt terrible. But he’d been stupid and rushed into something without thinking and this is where it got him.

“I think we should, maybe, take a break.” His eyes were still fixed to his hands and hers that laid on top.

“Is that… I mean… Is that really what you want? You seem unsure.” Her tone was patient and calm as if his answer didn’t matter as much to her as she thought it would to him.

“I mean yes? I know that I’m not coming off very sure. Let me start over. I’ve really enjoyed our time together and I truly think I’m falling for you but…”

“There’s someone else?” 

“What?” His eyes finally met hers.

“That’s what it is isn’t it?” She slowly removed her hands from his. “Harry, I think you’re great and the last few months have been a lot of fun, but I’m not stupid. That girl that came to the play, it’s her right?” She took a sip of her water, ever so patiently, as if she truly wouldn’t care either way because all he could find on her face was absolute understanding and it somehow made him feel worse.

“I didn’t know. You have to understand that. It seems I’m the last to know.” He paused to get a deep breath. “She’s one of my best friends and I invited her to introduce you, but she ran out saying she didn’t feel good. I hadn’t heard from her and I was worried sick because she walked home that night and my sister told me she was upset because she thought I invited her on a date. I’ve been running around my mind in circles trying to figure everything out but I’m just so lost and confused.”

She nodded once and then spoke again. “Let me help. Close your eyes.” He fluttered his lids shut and she continued. “It’s your wedding day, the music just started and the bride is coming towards you, who is it?”

He felt a smile overtake his face at the mental image of his best friend floating down an isle filled with petals, she was wearing a beautiful white dress and… His eyes shot open. “Woah.” The only word he could say.

“It was her, yeah?” For the first time Taylor had a hint of sadness outlining her features.

He nodded his head. “That was crazy, I’ve never thought about my wedding before like that.” After his initial shock faded he looked up at her apologetically. “You’re really great Taylor. You deserve someone amazing. I’m sorry that it can’t be me.”

She stood up from the table, leaned down to kiss his cheek again and spoke one last time. “Thank you Harry, you’re a great guy. I wish you all the best.” 

And just like that she left the pub and he was left alone again only this time he was more sure of what he wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s phone had been ringing non-stop and it was really getting in the way of the session.

“Y/n are you sure you don’t need to get that?” Jack asked her.

When it first started ringing fifteen minutes ago she told him she’d let it go to voicemail not realizing that whoever it was, wouldn’t give up.

“Yeah, I’ll go check it I guess.”

She had filled Jack in on all the details of her weekend so he knew she was avoiding someone but he seemed worried that her phone was going off so much. So she decided to put her friend at ease and she took it outside. It had of course been Harry. He had just finished his calling for the tenth time when a text popped up.

I know you’re upset with me, but I’d really like to talk some things through this evening if you can. Does your favourite place at 8 work?

Half smiling, because he really could have sent a text to begin with, she responded.

Sure. Now stop calling, Jack and I need to finish this track so I can make it to dinner.

He sent back a “Sorry” with the little blushing emoji and she hearted the message.

She went back inside and told Jack there shouldn’t be any more interruptions.

“Was it Harry?” He asked, the nosy git.

“Yeah, he wants to get dinner to make it up to me I guess, but the strange thing is he shouldn’t even know I’m upset with him.”

She continued on through the session with dinner out of her mind and when it rolled around to 7:00 she left the studio and headed to the restaurant.

When she got there, he had already gotten a table, secluded in the back corner. It had two lit candles and a bouquet of roses and she was really confused. Harry stood up to greet her and she noticed how fancy he had dressed and she suddenly felt her ripped jeans and cardigan put her out of place. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were dressing up? I look so out of place,” She said as he came to hug her.

A frown formed on his face and he replied, “You look beautiful.”

Her insides exploded the way they always did when he complimented her.

They sat down and an awkward silence fell over them. He was just staring at her with the strangest look on his face and she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Harry, why are we here?” 

Before he could reply a waiter came to the table with a bottle of her favorite wine and poured them both a glass. She stared at the bottle with wide eyes, because how had he remembered she preferred this one to any other and why had he ordered them a bottle, it was going to cost a fortune.

“Harry What-”

“I’m so sorry, Y/n.” He gently placed a hand over hers.

“For what?” She was going to lose her mind soon.

“I’ve been horrible and blind and I’ve hurt you. I can’t begin to apologize in a way worthy of your forgiveness.”

“Harry, what are you talking about?” She hadn’t been aware that he knew she was upset. 

“I’ve been a selfish fool and I’m so sorry, but if you let me, I’ll make it up to you.” 

It was as if he couldn’t hear her questioning. Like he had planned out some speech and was so anxious to get through it he couldn’t allow himself to get sidetracked but she needed to understand what he was apologizing for.

“Harry,” she said sharply, dragging his attention to her face, “what are you talking about? I’m so confused right now.”

He took a deep breath and started over. “Please don’t be angry with her, she was only trying to help.” She must have made a face that screamed confusion so he continued. “My sister told me how you feel. She told me you thought the play was supposed to be a date and she called me a bunch of names for being clueless. I’m truly sorry. I genuinely had no idea that was how you felt.”

Her stomach had dropped through the floor. If she thought she had been embarrassed before, this was something much worse. “Oh um… yeah… don’t worry about it. She really shouldn’t have said anything.” She started to stand up. “You don’t have to do all this, it’s fine I’ll just…” She had started to take a step towards the door when she felt his hand wrap around her wrist and tug her back.

“Please don’t do that. Don’t leave. I want to talk about this. I want to make it up to you.” When she turned to look at him, there was a look of terror on his face at the thought of her leaving.

“I don’t know how you can. You didn’t really do anything, it’s me. It’s something I need to get over.” She reluctantly sat back down.

“I don’t want it to be something you get over,” he said fast, panic in his voice. The candles being placed just so, she could see every little detail of his face as he leaned in closer.

“What? That doesn’t make sense.” Her head shook back and forth. She had more to say, she was going to go on and on about how sad that situation would be, her in love with him, him in love with other people. But he didn’t give her a chance to continue.

“Just… Let me explain okay?” He searched her eyes for permission and when she nodded he continued. “I’ve been stupid okay? When we met I really needed a friend. A shoulder to lean on and I met you and that’s what you were. Then the pandemic happened and I got lonely and Olivia was there. I don’t know, it was just easy. Then when she and I broke up, you and I got to hangout more, like we used to and instead of letting myself ponder how I truly felt about you I started dating someone else. I met with Taylor earlier and we called it off.” He paused to drink some wine with big, long gulps, something she knew he did when he was nervous or stressed so she reached out and squeezed his hand in reassurance and a huge smile lit up his face. “She did this small thing to help me realize it was always going to be you.” Her heart thudded in her chest. “She told me to close my eyes and picture it was my wedding day, something I’ve never done, and she asked who I saw walking towards me and it was the most beautiful picture I’ve ever seen. You were in a custom Harris Reed wedding dress, walking towards me and it was the happiest I’d ever felt. But honestly I think it had to happen this way, me being with her first because otherwise I may have never realized it. So in a way I’m not sorry for that, I’m just sorry I hurt you and I hope that you will still give me a chance. Since the other night wasn’t able to be our first date like you hoped, maybe this can be?” 

He took a deep breath once he was done talking and stared at her nervously. Her mind was going a mile a minute. He met with Taylor to call it off? He pictured her at the end of the aisle? He wanted this to be a date? She didn’t know what to start with. Instead of voicing every thought on her mind she started laughing hysterically. 

“Yeah right! You want to be on a date with me? Me at the end of the aisle? Harry be so serious right now. This is the worst practical joke I’ve ever been on the receiving end of. If me having feelings for you made you that uncomfortable you could have just said, no need to humiliate me this way.” She couldn’t stop laughing despite the fact that what she was saying was anything but funny. She was sure he’d join in any second to confirm her suspicions but when she was able to open her eyes for long enough he looked so mad that she could swear steam was about to erupt from his head. 

“I am being serious! Do you know what the worst part of the last few days was?” When she shook her head he continued. “It was that Gemma told me you thought, no knew, that I’d never see you that way. That I’d never want to ask you on a date and I’ve been feeling so shitty trying to figure out what I’ve done that could make you think such a thing. That the thought alone had made you so sad you didn’t want to see me or talk to me.” 

He looked like he wasn’t done but she had to interrupt him. To explain herself. She gently grabbed his hands again and spoke softly and more seriously this time. 

“Harry. You didn’t necessarily do anything, I’ve just… I mean… look at you,” she gestured at him then back to herself, “and look at me. There’s just no universe in which I’d get the guy y’a know? And that’s okay, really. I love being a part of your life no matter what. Besides I’ve seen your exes, even ones I haven’t met personally, and they’re all, well you know, smaller and prettier and the kind of girls that do get the guy. I really need to just try harder to find someone in my league even if it means it’s not you.” 

He started to cry and she hated it. She didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. 

“Y/n how could you say those things about yourself? You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met, inside and out. If anything you are out of my league and I’d be lucky to end up with you. And I hate myself for never showing you properly how beautiful and special you are.” 

She stood up and came around to his side of the booth and sat beside him. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” she picked his hands up and held them in hers again, “Don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’ve just gone a very long time feeling like no one could ever love me, so it’s hard to believe you could want me that way. And to be fair, it’s not like I ever told you how special and beautiful I think you are. I never really gave you the chance to return the sentiment.”

He leaned his forehead against hers and brought one of his hands to her face, pulling her closer. “But you have. I just wasn’t listening properly. All your songs, it’s so obvious, I’ve just been in my own world and I’m so sorry.” His thumb swiped away moisture from her cheek she wasn’t aware had formed. “I don’t know if I can love you the way you love me, but I’d like to give it my best shot.” He kissed her cheek and pulled her into a proper hug. 

“Ok. If you’re sure.” He pulled back from her shoulder nodding and she continued. “But I don’t think this should be our first date.” His face fell. “Only because I ruined the mood.” She did her best to smile. “You had such a beautiful evening planned and a perfect apology and I threw it in your face, you deserve better.”

He shook his head, “we deserve better.” The waiter came by again to see if they were ready to order, pulling them out of their own little bubble and Harry told him they needed another moment. Once he had gone again he returned to his thoughts. “I think you’re right. Tonight didn’t go exactly as I planned but we should also have it be more special. I should put more effort in and court you properly like you deserve. I just couldn’t wait to see you and tell you how I feel that I forgot about going about this in the right way. You’ve wanted this for so long, you deserve to know it’s a date before you’re on it.”

“I think that sounds great.” She smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek this time. “Now shall we have dinner? I’m actually really hungry.” 

As if on cue her stomach let out a loud unpleasant noise. His eyes widened and shot down to it then lifted back up to hers. 

“Apparently,” he said and she burst out laughing, making him smile too. 

She got up to return to her side of the booth. Once she was sitting back down she noticed he looked disappointed at the space so she slipped her ankle around his under the table while she picked up her menu. As if she was going to order something other than her usual. She always ordered the same thing even though every time they leave she says she’ll try something new next time. 

When the waiter came back they placed their orders and he took their menus. She finally allowed her gaze to return to Harry and he looked positively giddy. 

“What?” she said. 

“I just love you.”

Her heart did somersaults in her chest. He hadn’t actually said those words yet. She picked up his hand again and brought it to her mouth. She placed the most delicate kisses to each knuckle and then lowered it, intertwining their fingers before resting them on the table. 

“I love you too.”

They just smiled at one another for a moment and then his face lit up in something akin to realization. 

“You’re supposed to be leaving this week.” It came out deflated. 

“Yeah. Jack and I only have the studio for three more days. But I don’t have anything else for a couple weeks so I could always stay longer.”

His smile came back. 

“Good,” he said. “I want to take you on our first date.” He paused, looking deep in thought like he was battling his next thought. “I guess since we talked all this out I can go ahead and ask. Do you want to work on my next album with me?”

Her cheeks were going to break from all this smiling after four days of mostly crying, but he was just too cute. 

“Harry, did you think because I was sad I wouldn’t want to work on a project with you?” He nodded and she spoke again. “You should know I’m always going to say yes to you.” She twisted the ring on his middle finger, one she had given him last Christmas. 

“No it’s just that…” he seemed unsure of how to say what he wanted so she gave his hand another gentle squeeze. “Gemma told me it would be inconsiderate to have you work on songs about someone else but to be honest now they’re more likely to be about you.”

“I’m going to have to have a serious talk with my sister-in-law then.” She’s always referred to Gemma as her sister but she didn’t realize she’d never done so in front of him because the look that took over his face was a sight for sore eyes. “Maybe I’m a masochist but I would have still said yes. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t ask me to be your collaborator. That’s what brought us together. It’s what we do best. I mean not to sound narcissistic but no one will ever strike gold the way we did with Fine Line.”

He laughed brightly at her comment. 

“Well,” He started, a smirk taking over his face, “hopefully it won’t be the thing we’re best at for long.” He dropped his left eye in a wink and she cackled. 

“You’re insane. Talking about wanting to court me properly then not an hour later you’re trying to get me into bed.” She nudged his shin with her foot playfully. 

Another wave of silence fell over them but it was peaceful and easy because things were always easy with them. Their food came and they ate with little conversation but kept up their playful glances and touches. When they were done eating, Harry stood up and took out his wallet. 

“H, he hasn’t even brought the check.” 

“I know but I can’t wait to get you alone.” He fished what she thought to be way too much money out of his wallet, probably close to £1000 for a meal that was maybe £200, and dropped it on the table. He extended his hand to her and she took it. 

“Do you want to come to mine?” He asked once they were out the door. 

“Mr. Styles! Are you suggesting that we should engage in premarital sex? How scandalous of you.” 

She giggled once she got the words out and he laughed loudly. They stopped for a moment on the sidewalk and he turned to face her. 

“Well, not necessarily but I certainly wouldn’t be opposed.” 

He had her favorite of his smiles plastered on his face and she couldn’t take it any longer. She reached up, planted both her hands on his face and pulled his lips to hers. He let out a squawk of surprise at first and then his hands came to her waist, following her lead effortlessly. He broke them apart after only a moment and she let out a whine of disappointment. 

“Baby, we should really wait until we get home,” he said softly.

Butterflies erupted throughout her whole body. She grabbed his hand again, interlacing their fingers, and smiled up at him. 

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”

[zanashair]

— your presences

Ran Haitani x F!Reader

master list

fluff | female!reader | ib that one ts scene (im sad now)

warning : you're an idol? none.

A/N: hello, here's an old oneshot that i had uploaded on Wattpad but forgot to upload it here, I've been a little dead and unmotivated when it comes to writing, not that i hate it, it's more of a i started to become a little to aware of my way of writing stories, I'll work on that since i have a fanfic i wanted to finish lol, anw, bye for now

The loud cheers from the sea of crowds were the only thing filling up the enormous stadium, you and your idol members continues to keep their energy shined out from the very beginning of the concert till to this very second, your body moved and keep on track to the right rhythm playing in your 'in ear monitor' moving position's and changing turns for each other own part of the song

As you continue to sings all out to your hearts content, you couldn't helped but looked around through the vip section of the seat, hoping to see a certain tall lanky figure with a purple haired and black streaks dyed men sitting somewhere in the vip crowd's 

You threw a glance to the vip section every once in a while, not wanting to be seen as if you were searching for someone specific in the crowds which could grew suspicion to the fans since there is always cameras pointing at them each second. dating was not something banned in your entertainment company, but they gave out a heads up on how those delusional fans could get a bit too rowdy and wild when it comes out to their lovely idol getting their selves a significant other, and it wasn't something that is easy to control...

For what have felt like ages you've been looking out for the obvious purple colored haired men that should've been easily spotted since the hair color stands out a lot, you didn't found him, your heart dropped a bit by the fact you weren't able to find him in the vip crowd, even with the very few minutes break to interact with your crowd of lovely fans asking how their days have been going so far and if they have been enjoying their selves with the performance your group idol have been giving out to them, you weren't able to find him, your bright smile fall off for a momentarily before a forced out one rise back up to your lips

You weren't sad nor disappointed that he weren't there, he has always been a busy man himself, having to deal with their clubs and other businesses work stuff in hand, it were expected that he wouldn't be able to appear and show support in your idol group performance all the time, but he had given out the most sweetest words and promise's on how he will 100% show up on the vip crowd and cheering you like he's your number one fan, but it seems that he got himself busy or maybe something unavoidable happened that he couldn't cancel the plans out

"Y/n, are you ok?" your friend whispered out to you as she sent you a worried expression, you quickly snapped your head towards the girl and nodded telling her that you were more than fine, which she did not believed in the slightest "you're horrible at lying you know~" "do i?" she only let out a giggle and put her arms around your shoulder and proceeds to close her mouth with the back of her hands 

"You're looking for him, don't you?" the mic that each of the idol members were given were all hand mic which you were thankful about since this conversation that had just started were only between you and the member only to know, you then closed your mouth with the back of your hand too and put the right hand which were the hand you were holding onto the mic fell to the side of your thigh "was it that obvious?" she only nodded and once again let's out another giggle

"We could go and search for him in the crowds if you wanted to?" she whispered again with her mouth covered with the back of her hands "isn't that too risky?" sending her a nervous smile she shrugged at your words "we'll just multitask between searching for him and interact with the fans and read their hilarious board too~" 

And just with that, you agreed and started walking to the other 3 members of your group, had a minute talk before you all decided to go a bit more closer to the vip crowd from the stage, looking and interacting a bit with the fans

You and the previous girl that have had been talking with you were walking at the left side of the stage waving, laughing at those creative and funny board the fans held up for you all to read, flashing them smiles and having a short talk and selfies using their phones, but even with all of the stuff you were doing your best to interact with the fans, your eyes kept on searching for him, silently

You were starting to lose hope before you saw a group of 12 light stick of your f/c glow sticks that flashing right at the corner of your eyes, you turned around and were met with the sight of 3 grown man, in suits, one with horribly bright pink hair and the other two with a short and long purple hair, waving your glow sticks at your way, each one of them had two f/c glow sticks in each hand

And there you were met with his beautiful purple gaze, you couldn't helped but let the wide smile crept upon your lips at the sight of it as a laughter bubble up in your throat, ready to burst out from your lips by the sight of them

Rindou clearly seemed like he were too tired to even be there, sanzu were just confused but has kinda gotten the spirit to wave the stick in the sky aggressively, and then there was ran, ran haitani, his gaze screamed "head over heels" and the soft smile has been plastered on him for as long as he could remembered, watching you shine brighter than you already are up on the tall stage, he couldn't helped but let his heart melt a bit at the sight of it

The next thing you knew, without any hesitation, you blowout a kiss to the crowd of fans which made the row of seat squeal in happiness, thinking it were given to them when clearly it were sent to the purpled haired man, but they didn't need to know thay only the both of you do (and rin and sanzu, but not the point), ran reach out his hands for the blown kiss, grabbed it and dramatically put his balled fist on his chest as if had took the kiss you had gave and kept it inside of his heart

Now knowing that ran were 100% in the crowds, watching over you, you couldn't helped but give out an even MORE outstanding performance even after all of the hours, even after your legs were giving out on you and you were breathing in for air, you wanted to give out 1000% of your all 

After the last song were performed, you and your group of friends send out the thankyou's for the crowds and waving them a goodbye before you and the other 4 members disappeared from the stage

At the backstage, you were each given a bottle of water by the staff as they told to every members that they all have done an outstanding performance today like any other performance, thanking for their words one of the other staff called out for your name, telling you that a certain dude named ran haitani were looking for your presence, and with that being told, you took off and ran

looking around for ran in the long hallway of the backstage, you finally found his figure, both hands in each side of the pockets, he turned his head around towards the rapid foot steps that were running towards his way, realizing that it was only you, he sent out another soft smile and he removed both arms from the pockets

"i thought you didn't came! i got so sad when i couldn't find you" and with that, you wrapped your arms around his neck tightly "really now?" he said with an obvious teasing voice lacing in his tone, with your face buried on the crook of his neck, you nodded your head while still hugging tightly onto him "i thought you had to cancel it and had to do other stuff" your words slightly muffled out but still managed to make sense to his ears "i always keep my promises, i am a man of my words after all..." hugging you back tightly, he kissed the crown of your head and let the side of his face fell on top of yours

"and what's with rindou and sanzu coming too? i thought it was just gonna be you?" you lifted your head to look at his eyes "i can't hold all 12 of your glow sticks all alone you know?" you sweat dropped a bit at his words "12 glows stick? why did you got that much?" "just so i can stand out the most" you could only laughed at his statement and shook your head a bit at it 

"i think the suit and purple hair already stand out quite a lot if you asked me"

please reblog if you enjoy it <3

[tangytiramisu]

Sale General + Romantic Headcanons

I have been obsessed with this guy recently, he’s so underrated 🩷😔 This is for my fellow Sale fuckers, I know you’re out there! ✊

CW: None

His full name is Antonio Sale. He is 22 years old and was born on June 26, 1979.

His childhood wasn’t the happiest. He grew up with a struggling mother and absent father. Because he didn’t have many choices, he joined Passione in his teens to get a decent living.

As we have seen, Sale likes power and money. Understandably so. His position isn’t the highest in Passione and even then, many gangsters don’t get paid very well.

He’s quite stingy with money and will mostly spend it on necessities. For him, shopping sprees are pretty much nonexistent.

Despite that, he still has a pretty keen eye for fashion. He finds beauty in simplicity.

He is quiet and introverted. He doesn’t have many friends but is fine with that. Zucchero is probably the only person he really considers a buddy.

His favorite colors are pink and green and his favorite music is usually techno and punk.

He doesn’t eat much but he enjoys, you guessed it, salty foods. But of course, most of his diet is rather nutritious.

He’s quite skinny so he makes up for that with intellect during fights.

Uses Kraftwerk to moves things around if he’s feeling lazy.

He is very good at gambling and often leaves opponents stunned. He gloats at the end about how easily he wins.

Bro has resting bitch face. He knows but that’s only because people he knows (cough cough Zucchero) told him they thought he hated them at first because he looked angry at them 😭😭

He speaks directly in a somewhat monotonous tone and isn’t very expressive, but has a very laidback and chill demeanor.

Like many fans, I HC that he is related to Squalo. Most likely a younger maternal cousin. They aren’t very close but they get along fine. Sale is one of the very few people in the family who supports Squalo and Tiziano’s relationship, which is why Squalo is still in touch with him at all.

With an S/O, despite being a slight cheapskate he is a good boyfriend. Hell, if you are also stingy, it’s a match made in heaven.

His primary love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. He’s very lenient so whether you want to go out to a restaurant or stay at home for a date, he’s fine with it because he gets to spend time with you. He will also help you with things around the house if you live together.

You could classify him as a lowkey tsundere. He isn’t very good with words and more obvious expressions of affection, but he will try if you are the sensitive type. He can be very caring with the time calls for it.

Will get a bit gwumpy if you are mushy with him but secretly loves the affection.

If you need to vent, he will listen and give good advice.

Once he achieves his goal of taking over Passione, he would be willing to settle down and get married. Maybe even start a family if he considers it safe enough.

[skzhua]

friends without desire | part 33 - us.

MASTERLIST

pairing: ex-boyfriend!han jisung x dance student!reader, brother!hwang hyunjin x sister!reader

genre: social media!AU, college!AU, exes to friends, exes to lovers.

warnings: none for now.

summary: where minho being a dumbass led to meeting him again.

What was your password again? Seohyun couldn't remember. It might be because she didn't need to log into your accounts in a while (best friend benefits), or it might be (probably) (definitely) because she was at Hyunjin's place, in his room. The exact same spot they used to make out for hours.

"Okay, I registered Jisung for locker E-0319." he said, happily, before looking at Seohyun who was clearly lost.

"I'm surprised you remembered his password. Do you happen to know Y/N's?" Seohyun asked shyly.

"Do you really think she would give me her passwords just like this?" he rolled his eyes.

He moved closer to the girl and looked at the screen carefully. Needless to say, Seohyun's breath was taken away... literally, she was holding her breath. She always saw Hyunjin's beauty, but to see his perfect features up close after a whole month and a half of not seeing him, she forgot how ethereal he was.

"Bruh, how did you not click on "already registered passcodes"? Looks like she saves every single one of them." he laughed at her, taking the laptop from her to log in into his sister's school account.

This extended the gap from the two, which allowed Seohyun to breathe. However, she already missed his scent. She didn't expect her coming over to be this confusing for her. As much as she has liked Chan for such a long time, Hyunjin was almost like a drug; once you test it out, you can't separate yourself from it so easily.

"Are you even listening?" Hyunjin exclaimed, snapping the girl out of her thoughts.

"What?" she blinked her eyes a few times before noticing how he had already assigned the locker to Y/N.

"Wow, you're not here today. Are you okay? Did something happen? Is it Chan?" he asked worriedly.

The hand he put on her shoulder did not go unnoticed by Seohyun. "I'm okay." she managed to say.

"Are you sure?" She nodded and it seemed to have calmed him down a bit. "If Chan does something to you, you tell me, okay?"

She stared at him, curious onto why he was insisting on the subject of Chan. "Sure, but what about him?"

"Aren't you two... you know... dating now?"

"Oh... no, of course not."

"Uh? I would have sworn you both said you liked each other."

"I mean, yeah. But I think we both realized it was more of a crush than actual feelings."

Somehow, this seemed to satisfy Hyunjin as he focused back on the screen. "Okay, so now I just have to register myself to be with Minho... I just hope he won't put one of his stupid lost cat signs on our locker..."

"He still hasn't found Doongie?"

He shook his head. "He says he loves his cats to death, and then he forgets his youngest at a café, does it again with his middle child, then proceeds to actually lose him. He never ceases to surprise me." he scoffed.

Seohyun wasn't even listening at this point. All she could think of was figuring out her feelings for him. Did she like both men? Well, she visibly had a soft spot for Hyunjin, especially after telling him there was nothing going on between her and Chan. Even if the older man was sweet and mature, she couldn't find the softness she grew to be fond of in Hyunjjn. She couldn't find Hyunjin's humor in Chan. And Chan didn't know her as good as Hyunjin. Why did she have to ruin it all at the Christmas party?

"We have to talk." she blurted out, cutting Hyunjin mid-sentence as he was telling something.

"Uh.. okay?" he said while closing the laptop. He readjusted himself to face the girl properly. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Us."

Hyunjin scoffed. Even though he still longed for her, he couldn't make out in his head that she would want him still. Even if she wanted to be with him again, he was still very much hurt by what happened.

"I know it was foolish of me to go and kiss Chan. The alcohol was pretty high in my blood, I was alone with him in the kitchen, I always found hin attractive – of course, you're more handsome.. not the point – but things led to.. this. And, Hyunjin, you have no idea how much I regret it. I never thought I was capable of doing such a bitch move and I never want to repeat this kind of behavior ever again."

"Woah, breathe..." he patted her arm.

She didn't even realize she was rambling without taking the time to breathe properly. "What I'm trying to say is, I don't like Chan, and I don't think I ever did genuinely. I miss you and I'm so sorry for what I've done. I don't expect an answer, I just needed to let this all out."

Hyunjin was still holding onto her arm, as his smile grew and he started to laugh. "It's okay, Seohyun. I know you hate causing trouble, so obviously, it wasn't intentional. It hurts, nonetheless, but you seem sincere with your apology. So everything's fine. We're good."

She exhaled in relief. "Good. Okay... Uh.. So... Friends?" she extended her hand.

"Nah, I still hate you." he laughed out, pushing her hand away. Seohyun pouted in response which made him laugh even more. "I'm joking. Of course we can be friends again. Just don't do that again with your future boyfriend."

You stood in front of the principal's office, playing nervously with the hem of your shirt. You still haven't received your schedule, nor did you get notified if you passed your classes or not.

After what seemed like an eternity for you, the door opened and it revealed, in all his glory, Han Jisung. When your eyes met, you frowned as you couldn't figure why he was at the principal's office. Meanwhile, he immediately took his gaze away from you and walked past you to head to wherever he was going. You eyes never left the back of his head, until you couldn't see him anymore.

"Y/N?" the principal called you out, which brought your focus back on the reason why you were there in the first place.

"Yes?"

"You came come in."

You did as told and the principal opened a folder on his desk. "Visibly, you lacked during the last semester. Thankfully, your teachers were kind enough to provide you with the necessary materials to go on with your program. This is something I would usually never allow, but considering your exceptional results you have given last year, we assumed it was a rough pass for you. We also had a lot of pressure from the dance team." he paused to caugh and roll his eyes at the thought of the dance crew demanding you pursue your studies. "Anyway, I'm happy to tell you that you passed with flying colors and that you can come back for this semester."

You were stunned by the news. Minho and the others stood up for you? Of course they did, Minho was that kind of friend. Not only that, you passed, which meant you didn't get penalized.

"Thank you so much, sir." you bowed happily.

"Here is your schedule, your locker number with the passcode, and your pass for access to the dance studio." the principal continued, pulling out every document to display them in front of you.

"Thank you, again."

You grabbed your things quickly and left to head to your new locker. Thinking back, you couldn't recall the moment you registered for the locker attribution. You assumed either Hyunjin, Seohyun or Minho took the time to take care of it while you were too immersed into studying.

E-0319? This was at the opposite of where most of your classes were, but most importantly, it was known as the hallway where dirty things were going on. This corridor consisted mostly of empty classrooms and storage spaces. Hence, the students would use it for their personal time with their partner. You chilled in the disgust. For real, who chose it for you?

Jisung was as displeased as you were. Why on Earth would Hyunjin pick this location? Maybe he didn't know about the E-wing part of the school? He opened his locker to see it empty. Hyunjin probably didn't stop by to drop his things. He opened his backpack and started to place his personal belongings. Minding his own business, he didn't notice someone else coming up next to him.

"You're J.One, right?"

Jisung jumped at the sudden sound and saw a girl from one of his classes of the last semester. "Ah, hi! Yes, that would be me. You're Jia, right?"

"I didn't think you would even notice me." she laughed, tugging a piece of her hair behind her ear.

Of course, he knew her. She was a big thing in the music department, not because she was talented. In fact, she could barely play the piano. However, she was a beautiful girl, known for throwing the biggest parties on campus and for coming from a rich family. Even with all the pride she had, she always came off as odd to most people.

"You're kind of hard to miss." he said, resuming to organizing his things.

"I'm taking this as a compliment, thank you." she giggled, much to Jisung's discomfort.

"I don't think he meant to compliment you."

His head shot up as soon as he heard your voice. Did you follow him? Whatever the reason on why you were there, he couldn't deny he was glad you were there, saving him from this encounter.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Jia asked, attitude written all over her face.

Next thing you know, Jisung was next to you as he was holding your hand. "She's my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, Jia." he introduced.

"Didn't you two break up?" she wondered, lifting one of her eyebrows up.

"None of your business." you shot.

"My bad." she rolled her eyes and walked away.

Jisung's hand was still in yours. If you're being honest, you liked it, but Jisung didn't seem to enjoy it as much when he let go of your hand.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"My locker is here." you responded, looking out for E-0319 only to notice the locker was wide open in front of you. "It's this one, actually."

"Impossible, that's mine."

You showed the number that was encrypted on the sheet the principal gave you. He frowned in confusion. He thought for a bit, until it hit him.

"Did Hyunjin take care of your locker as well?"

"Yeah... why?"

"That jerk..." he cussed out. "I think he switched places with you."

"Impossible, I'm sharing with Minho- oh.." you stopped when you caught on what was going on.

"I'm not sharing with you." Jisung huffed.

"Ah yeah? I thought you would be kinder to your girlfriend." you pointed out but he answered with a glare.

"I said this only because Jia was there."

"Was it to impress her or something?"

"Why would I want to impress her?"

"I don't know, I'm supposing here."

"Are you this stupid?"

"Not as much as you are."

"Yeah, I'm stupid for coming back to you."

"You're the one who insisted on getting back together."

"Clearly, it was a mistake on my part."

"Jeez, can't you two stop being so immature?" Hyunjin yelled out as he walked up to you.

"Hyunjin, what the actual fuck?" Jisung exclaimed.

"Can't you both be at least respectful to each other?"

"She wasn't respectful towards me to begin with."

"Excuse me?" you scoffed.

"Just admit it, Y/N. You were totally ignoring me."

"I might have a good reason why."

"Hmm, I doubt it, but please enlighten me."

"Okay, you two stop this right now." Hyunjin yelled once more. "You were so in love not even a month ago. What happened?"

"I was caught up with school." you answered, but Jisung rolled his eyes again.

"Stop with the bullshit."

"Fine! I saw you with Ryung not long after Christmas, and I panicked I guess. I didn't want to fight with you about it only to get hurt by learning you would rather be with her."

Hyunjin stared at you, too stunned to speak. That was it? That's why you ignored him? Jisung seemed to find this as idiotic as him when he started to laugh.

"Do you really think I want Ryung? After all the shitshow that happened with her? Trust me, if I wanted to be with her, I could have done that a while ago. But I didn't."

"I don't know, maybe you realized you had feelings later?"

"Oh my god, Y/N." he grunted in frustration. "Are you that stupid to think so low of me?"

He didn't even let you answer as he walked away from the scene. Quite frankly, you were glad he left because you had no idea why you thought like this either.

"Well... that was fun... Lunch time?"

You smiled awkwardly at Hyunjin's attempt to diffuse the tension. Nonetheless, you both headed out of the school.

taglist : @mchslut | @ellenikav | @lenilla15 | @phobia0325 | @nanaspalette

[itshclly]

✦ DANIELLE CAMPBELL, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER ✦ HOLLY SAWYER the TWENTY FIVE year old has been in Hidehill for HER ENTIRE LIFE and was a FORMER STUDENT to Miyeon Kang, the murder victim. Whispers on the streets are that the NURSE who lives in HIDE SQUARE are said to be CARING and STUBBORN but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

hey there !!   it’s alex here with this mess of an intro but i’ll try to put out as much info as i can so that we can hopefully get straight into plotting & starting threads !!   that being said , i am sooo down to plot about anything sooo if you’re wondering if i’d be down for something ??   the answer is 99.9% yes .   if it doesn’t work out i’ll always try to offer something else SO PLS come message me or lmk if you’re interested in plotting by leaving a like and i’ll come to you .   i’m also always available on d.scord !!

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒

NAME : holly sawyer AGE :  twenty-five PRONOUNS :  she/her SEXUALITY : heterosexual PROFESSION : nurse HAIR COLOR : brunette EYE COLOR :  blue TATTOOS  /  SCARS : none BODY :  petite  ,  lean    SIGN :  libra PET : none

𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

holly sawyer was pretty much born and raised in hidehill .   her family had been here from pretty much since the town was established and ever since relied heavily on farming .   living in hagfield on a big farmhouse, carrie and colt sawyer had two other children before holly was born and two more siblings would follow after her .

growing up as the very middle child of a big family among large fields to wander off to , animals to tend to and getting to experience the farm life her whole childhood , holly had decided early on in her life that this was not something she wanted to do in the future .   while her older siblings had been set to run the farm with their parents and take over once they would retire , holly was sure to seek something else . 

as she grew older , she grew to become a social , fun-loving person who liked to stick to her friends and always be down to some harmless adventure .  in high school , she met her ex ( connor ) who she had dated for six months before they got together for the first time and two weeks after that , she was dumped with not much of an explanation which broke her heart .

after that break-up she grew a little closed-off for a good while .   she found it hard to trust people , especially men and didn’t date at all for a few years after that and the few times she did , things didn’t quite work out and she’d been single for a good while now .

after graduation , she trained to become a nurse as she knew she wanted to help people for a living .   it’s tiresome and especially with what happened to her former teacher as well as the recent events ,  it’s safe to say that she’d been on edge about her night shifts as she has left the family farmhouse as soon as she got a job at the hospital and has since been living alone at hide square . 

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒  

positive  traits : loyal , caring , friendly , smart , resourceful

negative  traits :  impatient , indecisive , stubborn , curious

𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒  /  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

best friend : a ride or die , someone she trusts with her life .  could either be that they have known each other for pretty much all their lives ( she was born and raised here ) or  they have met later on but built such a connection that holly wouldn’t think twice before putting herself on the line for the other .  ( 0 / 1-2 )

good friends :  maybe they’re all different kinds of people , maybe they stick together as  a clique of similar people but one thing’s for sure ,  holly loves them all and considers them her people .  they do almost everything together and always have each other’s backs .  ( 0  /  4 )

enemy-ish? : this one’s a little stubborn , a little bit of impulsive sometimes and having lived here all her life she is bound to have some negative connections.  doesn’t even have to be something dramatic , some people simply wouldn’t like each other and that’s okay!   could also be a frenemy situation or something that would later bloom into a friendship even !  after all we all love some enemies to friends story , right ?  ( 0 / 1 )

exes - ish ? : so like i just said in her bio , she had a few people to date before so your character could be one of those .   was it something kind of serious before they broke things off ?   did they just go on a few dates and that was all for some reason ?  anything goes !

other than that honestly she pretty much needs anything ?  lmk if you have any ideas or we can just brainstorm together !!

[denimbex1986]

'A few months ago I had lunch with a friend at a restaurant in One Bonifacio. I asked her, “Do you remember when we had dinner here after work one night pre-pandemic, and we talked for hours until the mall was about to close?”

She looked at me blankly. “Marley, I don’t think that was me. This is my first time coming here with you.”

“It was you,” I insisted. “I walked here from work to see you. We weren’t friends friends yet. Anton was waiting for me, or maybe I took a Grab home. We sat at this exact same table by the window. Remember?”

But she didn’t remember. Later that day I scrolled like a madwoman through our old conversations on Messenger, the only place we’d communicate with each other before we became comfortable enough to send random memes on IG DM or little check-ins on Telegram. I scrolled up, up, up, all the way past the early stages of our friendship until I got to the messages from the time we were merely acquaintances, just two girls who had their writing in common.

I couldn’t find anything about making plans to meet up at that restaurant. She was right. It wasn’t her.

I had other suspects but the list was short; the truth is there aren’t a lot of people I would have dinner with one on one, let alone talk to for hours until the mall closes. I asked a couple of other friends. None of them remembered.

Memory is such a delicate, malleable thing—both porcelain and clay. I often wonder about things I may be remembering differently, either because circumstances and emotions have changed with the cushion of hindsight, or simply because of the passing of time.

“Mum went through the windscreen and she lost an eye… I went looking for that eye. I don’t know why. I didn’t want anyone else to find it. I did find a tiny piece of the windscreen glass then. In my head it had blood on it but maybe that’s not true.” —All of Us Strangers, Andrew Haigh (2023)

An example: I am 22 and devastated, barely able to keep it together at work. I get a text from my parents telling me they’re outside my office and would like to take me out to lunch. They both liked the guy I had been kind of seeing (the word situationship had not been coined yet); we were friends from school and he was funny and sweet. I thought he liked me too until suddenly he didn’t. I sat there with my mom and dad, holding back tears and eating in silence. Compared to other families we weren’t very expressive, something I would only realize when I was much older and would observe my friends’ relationships with their parents. Towards the end of the meal they said something that made me decide I was going to be alright. I wish I remembered what it was. Sometimes I doubt myself if they even said anything at all, or if it was just the meal and the company and the love, mostly unspoken, that reassured me I would get through what I was going through.

These days I wonder not only about the things I may be remembering differently but about the things I’m forgetting: Names and faces. Entire plotlines of books and films that moved me. Things I liked as a kid. An old friend’s phone number. The street where the house she grew up in still stands. What her room looks like. Places I visited. Places that became parts of me. The sound of someone’s voice. All the fights I used to have with my husband when we were still dating, when we didn’t know whether it would all amount to anything. What it feels like to have my heart broken in my 20s. Or settle into love in my 30s. I’m forgetting even the cavernous whale’s insides of the pandemic, those bleak days that seemed like they would either shatter upon impact or stretch on forever (like memory—like porcelain, like clay)...

During my driving lessons this week, my instructor told me that once I’ve gotten the hang of it, I would completely forget how alien it felt at the start. Muscle memory would take over and I’d stop having to think about it so much. I suppose it’s the same for most things that are painful or daunting or overwhelming but ultimately worthwhile. To everything there is a learning curve, and once you’re over the curve it’s almost incomprehensible that you were once on the other side.

I know I’m forgetting some of the good things. But I’m forgetting some of the hard things, too.

And the things I remember differently? Maybe those narratives have shifted for a reason. Maybe at the end of the day, the story is the same, the shape of it familiar and true even if the details have rearranged themselves: I was there and now I’m here. On the other side. And, with any luck, I still have a long, twisted, glorious way to go.

I know it’s impossible to remember all of it correctly. But I hope I remember the meals and the company and the love. I’ll remember the table by the window. Talking for hours until it’s time to head home. It won’t be everything. But it will be enough.'

[lionheartslowstart]

Home

A few days ago, I arrived at JFK airport in the middle of the night, drained and depressed, after spending exactly a month in Los Angeles, California. I was invited to participate in a program relevant to my career, and part of that experience was living and working full time in LA.

I have loved LA since the first moment I stepped foot there. People always ask me why I love it so much, and I never know exactly how to answer the question. What don’t I love about it? It feels like you have to physically be there to understand. The weather is wonderful, certainly. Which of course does wonders for the Season Affective Disorder (SAD). Then of course there’s the environment. Everything in LA is so gorgeous. One of my favorite things is driving down the highway and being able to see the gigantic palm trees, the rolling mountains off in the distance, the colorful buildings that whip by. The whole ��vibe” is so laid back, and everyone is so friendly. Yes, there is an unspoken understanding that a lot of that is a veneer, fake, and most likely an attempt to get something out of you, but that doesn’t bother me. Not everyone is like that, and you’d be surprised how many New Yorkers end up on that end of the coast. I met quite a few while I was out there. The night life is incredible, rivaled only by the queer community over there. I have never felt more welcomed or had more fun in my life than I did in queer spaces, and/or gathering with other queer people.

I could talk about all these things and more, but even so, none of it could accurately encompass the love I have for this absolutely sprawling city. (Really, it’s more a collection of cities and suburbs.) I always used to simplify my feelings by telling people, “New York has my heart, but LA has my soul.”

But now, I don’t know how true that is anymore.

I spent a month living in Los Angeles. I had an apartment, I had a job, and I had a social life (albeit a limited one). I made sure to go places, like the beach and the Universal Studios theme park, but overall I spent my time acting like I really do live in LA full time. And while I certainly had some lows, which I’m bound to have wherever I go, overall, it was absolutely, unequivocally, magical.

The one, really big downside was how much I missed the people in my life. Especially my boyfriend. I thought of him every single day, wishing he was there with me. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t let my missing him distract me from what I came there to do, but man it was really tough being without him for a month. Yes, we were originally long distance, but even then, once we started dating seriously, I don't think we saw each other less than once every two weeks. So yeah, it sucked. (I’m sure I would have missed my parents more than I did, but they came to visit me halfway through which was so much fun.) I missed my friends and extended family a lot too. A lot of my friends live far away already, but many of them are within a day’s driving distance. As for my extended family, most of them live very close to where I’m living now, and it’s very easy to pop over for a visit. I won’t lie, being all alone in LA for a month was really tough on me.

Even so, I had so much fun. I still went out, made some new friends, and lived my life. It all just felt so...natural.

At the end of the month, I was happy to go home and see everyone I’d been missing. But as the end grew closer, I started to get really sad. While the apartment I’d been living in definitely didn’t feel like home, Los Angeles was actually starting to seem to.

But the real shock came when my boyfriend and I were driving home from the airport. I looked out the window at all the tall, beautiful buildings around me, the bridges, the dark cloudy sky, and just...felt nothing. Not even nothing, if felt WRONG. Like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I kept saying how sad I was and how it felt so weird to be home. I begged my boyfriend multiple times to take me back to the airport and get on a plane to LA with me. And honestly? I wasn’t joking.

I’ve been home for about a week now, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic to be with my boyfriend again. But New York doesn’t feel the same anymore. It just doesn’t.

A few years ago, I began asking some of my friends if they’d consider moving to LA with me. I started that up again about halfway through my trip. As of right now, I have 1 definite, 1 very solid probably, and 2 I need to see how things go but I’m not saying no’s. Like I said, I love LA, but I could NOT live there alone.

I brought this up to my boyfriend and he panicked. I could see it in his eyes. Before he could say anything, I made sure to let him know that “We’ve been dating for a year and I’m moving to the city so if you want to stay with me you need to move across the state with me” is a VERY different conversation from “We’ve been dating for three years and I’m moving to fucking Los Angeles so if you want to stay with me you need to move across the COUNTRY okay byeeee”. I love my boyfriend, and our relationship is important to me. I wouldn’t just throw that away. I said all this, then reassured him that, while I do strongly feel LA is the place I need to be, there will be many many conversations and we, as a unit, will make the choices that are best for both of us. Besides, I think I would need to be some kind of bicoastal anyway. A lot of people in my industry are, and, as I’ve said, I can’t live without my people. At least, not for too long. Even if I have some friends with me, it can’t be all of them, and my family would still be back in New York, Connecticut, and Pennsylvania.

But yeah, it’s only been seven days, and I’m already craving LA like a drug. I miss everything about it, and I’d give anything to go back. I’m already talking about taking my boyfriend (who’s never been) to go visit next year.

The truth is, if I could take all of the people I love with me, I’d run back to LA and never look back. I’d come visit, sure. New York is where I grew up. But Los Angeles, Los Angeles is my home. A scary realization, but one I know I can’t ignore.

[penny-lambfan]

Ooo I have a few of these!

1- I really don't like Oscha. Ok, don't get me wrong, the dynamic they have by it self is a cute ship dynamic, yes? But the actual characters as a couple would just be so toxic and not work at all. They can barely stand being around each other during the musical, so i don't see how people can view them as a couple, or even close friends for that matter. Now, Ocean's character development does allow me to see them as maybe being friends/ frenemies after the cyclone if they did hypothetically come back, but no more than that.

2- The same goes for Perfectspace. Im sure we're all aware at this point on how abelist Ocean is towards Ricky throughout the musical, so I don't even understand why this ship needs to exist. Ocean views and treats Ricky like a CHILD the whole time, seen by her mannerisms and "sweet little Ricky Potts" , "Ricky sweetie". She treats him he's a small child, incapable of having mature feelings and thoughts, so I think It'd be really freaking weird if those two were to date.

3- Noel is not shy. Ok so, this one probably isn't very controversial but I just feel the need to share this! As someone who grew up incredibly shy and introverted, Noel does not seem like the kind of person to be wary of that at all. First off, Noel broke into a strange exert (i cant spell im so sorry) in front of like, the whole school and possibly more, my guy is NOT afraid of people judging him that badly 🙏 Now, this doesn't mean he isn't affected by being judged, because everyone is at least a little bit im sure, I just think he's actually quite a bold character, and people crushing him down to be this shy little twink really annoys me, because he's such an interesting fun character and people need to realise that!!! Of course, he obviously has his limits, like going as C3-PO instead of Lola-Lola, but thats a BIG THING to do in a town as small as Uranium, he can be brave while still being smart on how to not get totally targeted. (sorry if this made no sense lol i ramble XD)

TIME FOR SOME SIMPLER ONES WITHOUT MUCH EXPLANATION BECAUSE WHY NOT!!!!

1- Ocean is asexual. "Teen sex kills!" and the whole being freaked out by "profanity" just makes me (an asexual) think she too is grossed out by the grind ‼️

2- Transman Mischa. I don't think i have to explain.

3- GenderNO Ricky. Gender has NOTHING on the Rickster. He's just a swinging space age bachelor man who occasionally might also be a swinging space age bachelorette. And sometimes, a swinging spacejesus, the list goes on and on and on but i think you get the point- Whether Ricky or Savannah, my dudette is NOT CIS.

4- He/She pronouns Noel :3 NOT TRANSFEM NOEL. Just cis male Noel who also likes she pronouns along with he!

5- Pansexual Constance yesyes. yes. i think we all agree.

6- Mischa is like an older brother to most of the choir, like he protects them and shit but would also do the most brotherly shit like walk into their room, maybe knock something over, stare at them, insult them and then leave without closing the door. But with love yk 😎❤️

7- I don't like Jane Doe × anyone. Now, the only exception here is Spacedolls because I feel like, Jane isn't viewed as a person, but is Ricky? Barely. So i think they would be cute together, but even better Penny × Ricky. Now, along with the whole "Jane isn't viewed as human" thing, everyone (minus Rickster) is at least slightly scared of Jane. None of them would want to date her, seeing as they can't even be near her and act normal at the same time. But, of course, I like Penny shipped with them (obv not Noel) because she would be viewed as a person and not a scary doll thing.

OK LMAO I GOT INTO THE ZONE WITH THAT ONE-

please don't get like triggered or upset over any of these guys like remember this is just my opinions on a silly little musical about kids singing for their life after dying on a rollercoaster accident like its not so serious 😓

questionare

what's y'alls controversial rtc head canons/opinions

(this is a no judgement zone!)

[xe-company]

THE WRITER INTERVIEW

M.LIST: [X]

SUMMARY: THE WRITER / OSHITA HIROKI is called into an interview about his whereabouts on the days of ‘THE INCIDENT’.

MAIN CHARACTER(S): THE WRITER [🎨] and a Lead Investigator [🔎].

MENTIONED: THE RUNAWAY / NAKATANI HACHIRO ; THE PRODIGY / YOSHIKAWA MIWA ; THE PHOTOGRAPHER / SIN SEOKWOO ; THE BABY / YONG HEEYOUNG ; THE SLEUTH / PARK HAEWON

DATE: TUESDAY | DECEMBER 4TH, 2018

TIME: 7AM - 10AM

WARNINGS: a slight talk about bullying but it’s very vague, a girl disappearing, murder . [pls let me know if there are any you believe should be listed !!]

[*BEEP*]

[The pressing of a tape recorder is the only sound in the room besides the beep indicating the session was being recorded.]

[🔎]: “This conversation will be recorded, are you alright with that?”

[The younger boy hums in agreeance.] 

[🎨]: That’s fine.

[🔎]: Who are you the closest with out of your group?

[🎨]: DAEWON, HEEYOUNG, HACHIRO, and MIWA. 

[🔎]: So the five of you are normally seen together? 

[🎨]: No, It was usually just me, DAEWON, and HEEYOUNG. I’m just also close to HACHIRO and MIWA. We all grew up together. 

[🔎]: So you would know about a relationship between one of them and HAEWON?

[His face shows visible confusion.]

[🎨]: Relationship? [He shakes his head.] None of us had relationships like that with her. 

[🔎]: No? What about HACHIRO and HAEWON?

[🎨]: He didn’t like her like that.

[🔎]: Did he hate her? Another one of you said they saw the two of them having a ‘colorful’ conversation. 

[🎨]: I mean, a few of us didn’t like her. 

[🔎]: Did you ever hang out with her as just the two of you?

[🎨]: Not really, the only time that happened was when we would have projects together. Even then, we didn’t talk much.

[🔎]: Did her disappearance upset you in any way?

[🎨]: I didn’t know about it until DAEWON said something. He heard about it on the news a few weeks after it apparently happened. An investigation was being opened and that was the only thing they were talking about on the broadcasts.

[🔎}: Do you remember where you were on the 16TH and 17TH?

[🎨]: Um, on the 16TH I was at CHERRY BLOSSOM doing some writing.

[🔎]: What about—

[🎨]: —Nothing special. [He spoke almost too quickly.]

[🔎]: [hums.] And the 17th?

[🎨]: Having a twelve hour movie marathon with DAEWON and HEEYOUNG. 

[🔎]: Could you tell me the time the marathon was happening?

[🎨]: It was around 5PM. 

[🔎]: And all three of you participated the whole time?

[THE WRITER nods his head in agreeance.]

[🔎]: So HEEYOUNG wasn’t working a shift at DEAD AIR then?

[The younger male seemed caught off guard as he stutters a response.]

[🎨]: Oh yeah! She had to leave earlier because she got called in to cover someone’s shift. 

[🔎]: Do you remember what time that was?

[🎨]: Uh...around 5:25...

[He stated the time as more of a question.]

[🔎]: Okay. [pauses.] Would you say your group of friends are close? That you would do anything for each other?

[🎨]: Most of us yeah, not all of us are as close as many people think...

[🔎]: Did that ever cause any problems between some of them?

[THE WRITER glances at his watch secured to his right wrist.]

[🎨]: Are we almost done here? I’m already late for class at THE ACADEMY and I have assignments to finish.

[The last sound after the movement of the chair and the opening and closing of the door is the clicking of the recorder’s buttons.]

[END OF RECORDING.]

[magewritesstories]

[ ᴊᴏᴇʏ ᴛʀɪʙʙɪᴀɴɪ ] ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʜ ɴᴏ

summary: You come knocking at Phoebe's door in the middle of the night because you've had a realisation about your relationship with Joey. TW: none note: a little imagine for my favourite Himbo.

"Phoebe open up, it's an emergency!" You shouted, pounding on your best friend's apartment door. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" She shouted back from behind the door.

After a few seconds, the door opened to reveal a very disgruntled Phoebe. She was wearing some shorts and what looked like Mike's T-shirt. "What's wrong, Y/N?" She asked worriedly, you'd never visited her this late at night before. 

"I really needed to talk to you I'm sorry for waking you up," You said apologetically. Phoebe shook her head, "Oh no, it's fine, I love having you around!" She said, "But what's wrong, it's pretty late?"

You stepped into the apartment and flopped onto her couch. "Well, you might want to sit down for this one..."You said. Seemingly out of nowhere she handed you a cup of hot cocoa, and sat down.

"So, have you ever had a really close friend, and you love them, like in platonic way. But then they do this one small thing and you have this feeling of Oh, Oh no..?" You asked. Phoebe shook her head; "No, but continue."

"Well, I kind of had that feeling today..." You mumbled. Phoebe's eyes grew wide, "Oh. My. God!" She shouted, "Who?!" You mumbled something incoherently, "What?" You mumbled again, but Phoebe still didn't hear you.

"Joey!" You shouted finally. "Wha– tell me everything." Phoebe said, getting more comfortable in her position.

"Wow, that was fun," You said between laughs, putting down your bag on the floor next to the Foosball table. Joey grinned, "I told you, if you were my girlfriend we would be having even more fun right now." You laughed as he shamelessly tried to flirt with you.

This wasn't anything new. Every few months the two of you would go out on a "date". The two of you would act like you hadn't been friends for years and act like you would on a normal date. Until you walked into the apartment. Although you had come up with the no kissing rule, much to Joey's dismay.

You walked into your room and quickly changed out of the black dress into more comfortable clothes ( Joey's old Nicks T-shirt that was too big for you and a pair of shorts.) Out of the corner of you eye you saw the DVD of Scream.

"Hey Joe, wanna stay up and watch some horror movies?" You asked. "But you hate them?" Joey asked, walking out of his room. You shrugged, grabbing some extra blankets, "That's half the fun, right?" And soon the two of you were snuggled up in the barcalounger. 

Halfway through the movie you were practically hiding behind Joey. He laughed at you, "What was that about half the fun?" He asked teasingly. "Shut up," You said, but your sound was muffled by his sweater, since you were half turned away from the TV now. Joey laughed at you before reaching for the remote. "I think that's enough horror films for you," he said turning of the TV.  He quickly planted a kiss on your forehead before walking back into his room, "'Night!" 

You smiled and relaxed into your seat.

So cute.

Wait, no, did you just call Joey cute?!

You shook your head wildly, no, no way... Although, maybe...

Uh oh

Oh no.

[spaceyaceface]

He Fell In Love (Steve Harrington x Reader)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!Reader

Warnings/Cliches: Friends to lovers, idiots in love, (mutual?) pining, def a fix-it fic, everyone is fine what are you talking about, very minor spoilers for vol 1

Request: how about best friend!steve and the moment he realizes that he's in love with the reader? - Anon

A/N: This was going to be different but then it just happened the way it happened, please enjoy. I’ll probably definitely absolutely make a part two if yall want it. EDIT: Part 2 is here!

WC: 1.8k

TAGLIST OPEN

REQUESTS OPEN

Steve always looked forward to Saturday nights nowadays. After all the hell he’d been through, something as mundane as a movie night was like therapy. Not quite as good, but close. 

He figured there would be a good turn out that night. He’d brought home a new release, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Most of the younger kids had seen it in theaters already, but insisted the rest of them had to see it, too. 

He was hosting at his place tonight, as he usually did. For as long as he lived in his parents’ house, he was content on abusing his right to use their property when they were out of town. He was getting the popcorn bowls ready when the pounding on the door started. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he called out, making his way to the door. “Keep your pants on!”

He opened the door and the kids all came tumbling in. “You know, I really don’t need you all banging like that every time you come over. When it finally comes off its hinges, you’re paying for the new one.” 

“Relax, Steve,” Dustin said, taking off his shoes on the ground by the door. 

Steve rolled his eyes, picking up all the coats they had discarded and putting them into a somewhat organized pile. “It’s always ‘Relax, Steve,’ and never ‘Sorry Steve, you’re right, how inconsiderate of me.’” 

“Because you’re never right,” Dustin fired back. He stood up. “Hey, wait up!” He called, racing after all the other kids as they’d made their way to the living room, chattering excitedly. 

Steve’s frown disappeared when he head a chuckle from the doorway. Y/N came in the rest of the way, shutting the door behind her. “That’s what you get when you invite teenagers over.” 

He smiled at her, folding his arms as he leaned against the wall. “Please tell me we weren’t that bad.”

“Probably worse.” 

“Probably,” he replied. “Robin and Eddie coming?” 

“Nah. Robin flaked on us because Vickie asked her to do something tonight, and Eddie is at band practice. They managed to score a gig.”

Most people in their group came and went each week. None of them minded if another made other plans or did something else; they had something much stronger keeping them together. After the experiences over the years--and especially a few months ago--a weekly movie night was a constant that they all relied on from time to time. Of all of them, Steve and Y/N were the most consistant with the tradition. For Steve, it was because he didn’t have many other friends. He could have been asking girls on dates, (which he still did occasionally), but there was something about movie night that kept him content most of the time. 

Y/N and Steve walked into the living room. Max and Lucas were sitting next to each other on the ground. Will was sandwiched between Dustin and Mike, the two of them arguing about something on each side of him--his eyes went between them like a game of pong. Mike had his arm around El, who was braiding Max’s hair at her feet. Robin had just taught her how to braid recently, so she was taking every chance to practice as her own hair grew back out. 

No was sitting on the smaller sofa, so Steve and Y/N claimed it as their own. As soon as they said, Steve threw his arm onto the back of the couch, just behind Y/N’s shoulders. 

“Hey Mike,” he called, interrupting the debate. “Is Nancy coming, or are we good to get started?”

“She’s ditching tonight, her and Johnathan went to dinner or something.”

Steve nodded. A while back, that would have caused a sharp pain in his chest. But at some point, it had changed to a dull ache. And one day, it disappeared all together. 

He wasn’t sure what had changed, but it felt better. 

Dustin got the movie started and Y/N went to the kitchen to fetch the popcorn. She distributed a couple of bowls to the kids, keeping the largest one and plopped back down next to Steve. He chuckled. 

She gave him a glare. “What?”

“Oh, nothing, you’re just greedy as always,” he mumbled as the first scene began. 

“I brought it to share with you since you usually complain there’s not enough, but now that you said that, yes, yes I am greedy.” She moved herself to the furthest part of the couch, taking the bowl with her. 

“Hey! You know you can’t eat it all by yourself!” 

She shot him a playful glare. “Watch me,” she said, shoveling a buttery handful into her mouth. 

He scoot over, pressing himself to her side and tried to snatch a handful, but she held the bowl away from him. He groaned. “Fine, I take it back, you’re not greedy. Can I have some now?”

There was a loud shushing noise, and Steve looked over to find Max glaring at the two of them. Y/N rolled her eyes and set the bowl into his lap. 

He grinned. “Thanks.” 

They stayed side by side, and at some point, his arm found his way from the back of the couch to over her shoulders. This wasn’t unusual. It was something he loved about his friendship with Y/N. It was all just so easy around her. Since taking down Vecna, they’d spent a lot of time together. She had been Eddie’s friend and had joined the hunt to find him, managing to get herself caught up in the whole mess. But like the rest of them, she seemed grateful for the little family she had found on the other side of disaster. 

For a while, Steve had considered Robin his best friend, but it seemed like she’d gotten some competition lately. They hadn’t grown apart by any means, Y/N and Steve had just gotten so incredibly close. 

Because, despite what he had expected, Y/N was... well, she was Y/N. She’d talked him down when things with his dad got heated, and he’d stayed up with her on the nights she couldn’t close her eyes, afraid of what she would see. There was something between them that wasn’t between him and Robin. He couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it meant more to him than the world. 

The movie came to an end, and Steve turned his face toward Y/N’s, who was resting her head on his shoulder. “You awake enough to drive the gremlins home, or do you want me to?”

She sat up. “I’m awake, but I wouldn’t mind the company if you want to come.”

“Sure, I’ll be generous enough to grace you with my presence for an extra half hour,” he said as he stood. 

She rolled her eyes. “On second thought...”

He laughed. Something flickered in her eyes when he did, but it was so fast he figured he was seeing things. “Nope, you’re stuck with me, L/N. Just like you’re stuck with the rest of these twerps.” He held out his hand to help her up. 

As she took it to stand, she smiled. “Honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.” Her eyes looked surveyed the kids, all in various stages of waking up. Her gaze was soft, full of affection. Steve couldn’t help but think he looked at them the same way, too. 

The drive home was uneventful. Once the kids woke up enough to get into the car, Y/N took them each home, waiting in their driveways to make sure they were safely inside before heading to the next house. Soon it was just her and Steve in the car, driving back to his place. Her hands tapped on the steering wheel in time with the music on the radio. 

Steve yawned. “I’m glad you’re driving. I’m about to pass out.” 

“Yeah?” Y/N said, glancing over at him. “You been sleeping ok?”

“Past couple of nights were rough. I’ll be out like a light tonight.” 

She put the car in park once she pulled into his driveway. “You can call me anytime, you know. That offer still stands.” 

He gave her a soft smile. “I know. It’s not as bad as it used to be. What about you, you doing ok?”

She gave a gentle nod. “Most of the time.” 

“I think most of the time is all we can ask for.” 

He was truly grateful for Y/N, how quick she was to check up on him. She spent a lot of time caring for others, and putting herself on the back burner. He’d learned that in the last few months of watching her play babysitter with all the kids, making sure they were feeling all right, that they were sleeping, eating well, coping. She’d done the same thing to him, and as soon as he realized she was letting herself deal with things alone, he jumped to be there for her. 

But that was just the way Y/N was. Kind, caring, loyal. She’d fight tooth and nail when it came down to it, but when the smoke cleared, she was there to put things back together, even if she was broken herself. 

That’s what he loved about her. 

Steve froze. His heart started to hammer in his chest. He did, didn’t he? He loved Y/N. He loved the way she made him laugh, even at the worst of times. He loved the way she looked at the kids, eyes full of warmth he had seen no where else. He loved the way she felt in his arms, the way he felt complete when he held her. 

He loved her, completely, utterly and irrevocably. 

And damn if he wasn’t still falling. 

“Steve?” Her voice brought him out of his trance, and his eyes shot up to meet hers. He almost regretted it--now that he’d made sense of it all, he felt like he could never look away. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah. Sorry, I was, um.” Words tumbled clumsily out of his mouth. But how was he supposed to function when she looked at him like that? “Thinking. I was just thinking.”

“Thinking what?” she asked slowly, confusion written across her face. 

“Nothing.” It came out much too quickly. He cleared his throat and tore his eyes away from her, glancing out the door. “Nothing, I should... should go?” It came out like a question. He hadn’t meant to do that. 

“Yeah,” she said softly, brows furrowed. “Yeah, you should get to bed. Are you sure you’re alright?”

He let out a small sigh, regaining a bit of his composure. “I’m sure. I’ll... I’ll tell you about it later, ok? Just not right now. Promise.”

She hesitated before nodded. “Ok. I’m making you stick to that promise, Harrington.” Her hand rested on his shoulder. “Go get some rest for me.”

Anything for you. The thought came naturally. And he meant it. 

“Thanks, Y/N.”

He got out of the car, trying not to look back before going inside. The feeling of her stare on his back followed in to the front door. Once he walked in, He let out a sigh, trying to empty the butterflies that invaded his stomach. 

He was doomed. 

[mistralxsoul]

Oh, it was definitely Yuri, alright. A small tinge of excitement strikes at Flynn’s heart, much akin to a dog getting excited to see someone. He hasn’t even seen Yuri yet but already he can feel the smile threaten to stretch across his face. What a lovely little coincidence… Perhaps they really were drawn together without realizing it. That thought alone made Flynn rather overjoyed.

Ah, but he had to act professional. Apparently Ludger had been trying to get to know Yuri but had seemed to have gotten nowhere. This wasn’t too surprising for Flynn to hear. Yuri was a closed book more times than none until you really got to know him. And even then, Flynn had to really dig deep to get Yuri’s true feelings out for the both of them to see. He couldn’t stop the fond laugh from escaping as he gave a tiny smile to Ludger.

“If it’s Yuri, I wouldn’t really mark him down as a suspect.” First things first, he had to at least calm any lingering doubts in Ludger’s head, if he had any to begin with. They could at least trust Yuri, going forward. Though Flynn wasn’t exactly intending on asking for Yuri’s help with this case since he had his own job to worry about. But maybe it would do the both of them a lot of good to see each other? “And don’t worry about not knowing much about Yuri. He has a tendency of keeping stuff close to him. For what it’s worth, I’m not even sure what job he’s currently doing at the moment. Our lines of employment cause us to keep that info from one another.”

There is a fond expression on Flynn’s face as he glances down to his own hand. “To answer your question, I’ve known Yuri for most of my life. Since we were seven, to be exact. We grew up together and there’s not a single human being on this entire planet that I trust more than I trust Yuri.” And that was putting it lightly. What they had went well beyond just Trust. Unfortunately, he had a hard time conveying that with words.

There is a tiny moment of hesitation, his eyes darting up to meet Ludger's. Truthfully, he and Yuri were much closer than just friends now, especially due to recent events in their life. But he wondered if that was considered oversharing? But he also didn’t want to seem like he was hiding their relationship. Plus, it wasn’t like sharing this information could be used against them… Flynn liked to be honest about stuff like this.

He debated for a few more seconds before quietly running a hand over his ring finger that was hidden underneath his armored glove. His cheeks flush once more as his eyes avert down to his feet. “He’s also… We’re both… Um… We’re engaged to be wed. No set date yet because things have been so busy but… that’s the extent of it all. So… if Yuri is going to be there tonight, I’d like to stop by and see how he’s doing at the very least but–”

Flynn blinks, suddenly dragging himself back to the matter at hand. “B-But I assure you that I won’t let this distract me from protecting you from the threat, I assure you! Please don’t worry about that, if–If you were starting to worry that is…” Oh jeez, he was likely making a fool out of himself, wasn’t he? He runs a hand down his face with a groan. “...My apologies, sir.”

From the way he can see Flynn's gears turning, Ludger adds a small addendum, "Ah-- I should preface this isn't abnormal for Victor. He's a bit of a recluse who prefers to say what he wants then walk away. Although he wouldn't even do that if his daughter didn't make him be part of the family."

He's sure to get an angry text from Victor for esoterically calling him a NEET. Doesn't mean it's untrue; Victor's been content hiding in his lake house all day since moving to this dimension. What he does in there... who knows? Victor won't answer the door if it's not both Elles, Milla, or Zig knocking.

"I did, yes. He's not a suspect thus far, but feel free to assess if we should change that after meeting him--" Or that wouldn't be necessary; Flynn already knew his name, looks, and attitude. The world can be so big and yet so small sometimes! "Oh, you're friends with him as well I take it? Sounds like we'll both see someone special if he shows up tonight then! Just know it's not a guarantee; his current job keeps him pretty busy."

Ludger could request Yuri's GHS number from the Technology Department and request his presence if Flynn really wanted to see him. Of course that'd mean violating Yuri's privacy and abusing his authority as CEO, two things he doesn't want to make habits of. But every now and then wouldn't kill him if it's relatively harmless.

"If I might pry, have you know Yuri for a long time? Maybe you could a few stories you don't mind sharing?" Flynn's his only chance to learn anything about his mysterious drinking buddy. Yuri almost never brought up his personal life besides his troublesome job. Ludger doesn't blame him--he IS a public figure sporting a rather complicated history. But Julius' nosiness rubbed off on him since he rebuilt himself.

"O-Oh, um, that isn't an order; I'm curious as his friend is all. Usually we talk about my life or whatever else crosses our minds, so I don't know much about Yuri's life. Makes me sound like a terrible friend when I say it out loud..."

[thesewordsareallihavetogive]

ch. 2: A Safe Place to Land - Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x nurse!reader

Summary: 2.1k words. After an unexpected breakup with her long-term boyfriend, y/n had one goal: to keep her head down and finish her travel nursing contract as soon as possible. That was until Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw derailed her plan entirely. Just as y/n finished picking up the pieces of her broken heart, Rooster came along and showed y/n what it’s like to be loved again–if only she’ll let him in.

Warnings: Rooster’s sweaty abs & tooth-rotting fluff

a/n: hi!! first of all–thank you all SO MUCH for the overwhelming support & love for this series! i’m so happy y’all are just as excited ab it as i am! the comments, reblogs, & tags really keep me going ❤️ enjoy & lmk what you think!

series master list | master list

After their date at The Hard Deck, Rooster and y/n started talking pretty often. Despite their busy schedules that hadn’t allowed them to see each other in person, they grew close. Late night phone calls and random texts throughout the day become a common occurrence for the two.

Rooster prided himself on being discreet and keeping his personal life separate from his work life, but he evidently didn’t have as good of a poker face as he thought he did. Between training sessions, during breaks, and even when he was out at The Hard Deck with his fellow aviators, he was often grinning like a fool while looking at his phone.

“You got a girl we don’t know about, Rooster?” Hangman teased from across the pool table and pointed his cue stick towards Rooster’s phone.  Rooster shot Hangman a harmless glare before tucking his phone into his back pocket.

“Not exactly…” Rooster trailed off. His non-denial had Phoenix and Payback raising their eyebrows and sharing a curious glance. Hangman, Coyote, and Fanboy wore matching devious grins while Bob sat in the corner with a small knowing smile on his face.

Rooster’s attention turned back to the game of pool after Hangman’s teasing, but his mind was still on y/n.

A few rough shifts back-to-back had y/n craving a break and some well deserved relaxation. Weeks of spending her days off binge-watching Netflix in between naps soon grew old, so she went out instead. Considering she’d be living along the California coast for the foreseeable future–at least until her contract was over–she decided to take advantage of the beach.

It just so happened that Rooster’s coworkers-turned-friend group were at the same beach that day, unbeknownst to y/n. After Maverick’s team building exercise months ago, trips to the beach and subsequent football games became a regular occurrence for the group of aviators.

y/n found a quieter uncrowded section of the beach to lay her towel down with her small bag and water bottle in tow. It didn’t take long for the warmth of the sun and gentle crashing of the waves to lull y/n into a peaceful nap before she even got a chance to open the book she’d brought along. An hour or so later, she was startled awake by someone shouting “Look out!” from the distance while a pair of thundering footsteps ran towards her. The glare from the sun as y/n opened her eyes from her nap momentarily blinded her and she missed the football flying straight towards her. The ball narrowly missed her, but her water bottle didn’t have the same luck. With a pathetic clunk the bottle toppled over and spilled water onto the sand around y/n.

y/n huffed, ready to chew out whoever came to retrieve the football but the words got caught in her throat when she looked up and saw none other than Bradley Bradshaw.

“Damn, looks like I owe you another drink, darlin’,” Rooster greeted, relieved to see the frustration leave her face once she recognized him.

“It seems so, Lieutenant,” y/n responded, her disappointment about her spilled drink quickly forgotten. y/n’s poker face fell short for the umpteenth time around Rooster as her sunglasses slid down her nose and she admired the very sweaty, very sexy pilot standing above her. The feeling was evidently mutual when y/n caught Rooster letting his eyes drag down her bikini-clad body. y/n cleared her throat to get Rooster’s attention again and he realized he’d been caught. He hoped his increasingly red-tinted ears could be blamed on the sun, but y/n saw right through him. The man was blushing.

Rooster recovered quickly though. Seeing as he’d already been caught checking y/n out, he saw no reason to hide his attraction towards her.

“You’re so beautiful,” Rooster exhaled. The man sounded whipped, and maybe he was, but he’d been dying to see her and let her know how he felt since the moment he watched her leave The Hard Deck. This time it was y/n’s turn to blush, practically swooning at the aviator’s admission. She hummed in appreciation and finally pushed herself up to a seated position before returning the compliment.

“Thanks, Adonis,” a cheeky grin spread across y/n’s face as she flirted with Rooster. She momentarily considered standing to be closer to his eye level, but he had her weak in the knees. Before Rooster could quip back, he was cut off by a distant shout.

“C’mon, Rooster! What’s the hold up?” Payback called out while waiting for Rooster to return with the football.

“I’m coming!” Rooster shouted over his shoulder, briefly and begrudgingly tearing his eyes away from y/n. y/n smiled as she handed Rooster the football, noting the way his fingers brushed across hers. Rooster maintained their eye contact for a moment longer, just taking in y/n’s features.

“Are you free tonight?” y/n nodded with a smile. “Alright, I’ll text you then,” a coy smile spread across Rooster’s face and he pointed the football towards y/n before jogging back towards his friends. y/n opted to read her book instead of taking another nap, but she didn’t get very far. She found herself looking up and staring at Bradley in the distance, appreciating the way he cheered when his team scored a touchdown and how happy he was.

In between football plays, Hangman caught Rooster staring back at the woman he retrieved the football from earlier.

“Is that the reason you’ve been smiling at your phone all the time?” the cocky blonde asked with a grin, gesturing towards y/n in the distance. Phoenix elbowed Hangman in the ribs, though she was curious herself. Rooster threw the ball towards Hangman, aiming for his face. Of course, Hangman anticipated the dirty throw and caught the ball with expert precision, giving him an unnecessary ego boost.

“Shut up,” Rooster quipped while failing to hide his smile.

Not long after y/n got home from spending a few hours at the beach, her phone pinged with a text notification.

4:32 p.m.   Hey, are you still free tonight? I’d love to get dinner together - Rooster 🐓

4:33 p.m.  Are you asking me on a second date already? You might lead me to thinking you like me, Lieutenant - y/n

4:33 p.m.   That’s the goal, darlin’ - Rooster 🐓

A soft smile played at y/n’s lips as she texted Rooster and ironed out the details of their date. She agreed to let him pick her up at six before they went to a beachfront restaurant Rooster thought y/n would love. By the time they wrapped up their conversation, y/n was left with just under an hour and a half to get ready.

Sure enough, Bradley knocked on her front door at exactly six o’clock. y/n expected they’d be leaving immediately, but her heart swelled when he stood at her door with a dozen roses in hand. If she wasn’t swooning before, she certainly was now.

The pair drove to the restaurant in Rooster’s old Ford Bronco. A comfortable summer breeze flowed through the open windows and soft music played over the speakers. The ocean view from the causeway was breathtaking, but that wasn’t the view Bradley was focused on. His eyes were on the road of course, but he couldn’t help the way they flitted towards his and y/n’s joined hands or towards y/n when she started humming along with the radio.

Just as Rooster promised, y/n loved the restaurant he brought her to. It was a little Mom and Pop diner that overlooked the ocean and according to Rooster, their burgers were legendary. It was far enough away from the base and main city that it was mostly frequented by the residents of the sleepy beach town it was located in, rather than tourists or Navy personnel, much to y/n’s relief. One milkshake, a basket of fries, and a burger later, y/n told Rooster that he was absolutely right: the burgers were legendary. The victorious grin that spread across the aviator’s face was infectious and eventually the pair dissolved into senseless laughter.

When their server dropped off the bill, y/n started to protest when Rooster reached for it and pulled his wallet out. The pointed look he delivered let her know there was no room for argument and the words died on her lips. y/n typically wasn’t a fan of other people paying for her things. She was a grown woman and made her own money, but more than anything, she didn’t want something as simple as paying for a beer or meal being held over her head by a guy. It happened too many times in the past–unfortunately in the recent past with her ex-boyfriend–but something told y/n that she didn’t have to worry about Bradley taking advantage of her.

The sunset painted the sky in striking shades of orange and pink above the horizon as Rooster and y/n took a walk on the beach after their dinner, fingers interlaced. The gentle rush of waves against their feet and the quiet breeze brought a unique kind of peace that only the ocean can. After everything that happened with her ex, y/n was dreading the move to California. Now? She wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in the world, she thought as she squeezed Bradley’s hand.

Conversation between the two flowed smoothly, just as it had at The Hard Deck and every moment since. After spending countless hours calling and texting each other over the past couple weeks, y/n would’ve thought they might run out of conversation topics, but they never did. Things were always easy with Rooster. Things felt right for the first time in a long time.

Rooster was too caught up admiring the way y/n looked in her sundress to notice she was gearing up to kick up a bit of water towards his shins in a teasing manner. The sea breeze had other plans though, as the salty droplets were soon redirected directly towards his face by a strong gust of wind. Rooster’s jaw dropped in surprise as the water slid down his face. y/n, also in shock, did a terrible job at hiding the laughter shaking through her body as her hands rested on her knees. Rooster got a devious idea of his own to get even. Before y/n could stop him, he scooped her up in his arms and began tickling her sides.

“ROOSTER! Oh my gosh, put me down!” y/n pleaded in between fits of laughter. Her gleeful shouts could be heard down the beach as the pair stumbled in the water. Bradley found comfort and satisfaction in knowing he could make y/n so happy. Rooster was relentless in his tickle attack, making mental notes of the spots y/n was especially sensitive. y/n’s sides started aching from all the laughter, but she was still smiling wide in between begging to be put down.

Rooster finally gave in and effortlessly spun y/n around before carefully placing her back down. His arms stayed gently wrapped around her waist even after he was sure she was steady on her feet again. In the suddenly quiet moment, y/n and Rooster both found their gazes flitting between each other’s eyes and lips. Bradley was the first to give in when he pressed his lips against y/n’s in a soft kiss. He was so careful with her as he gently caressed her back and supported her chin while his lips moved against hers. The kiss was far too short for y/n’s liking, so when they pulled apart to look into each other’s eyes and catch their breaths, y/n took it upon herself to initiate the next kiss.

y/n’s approach was far from gentle as she grabbed Rooster’s shirt collar to bring his lips level with hers. The kiss was passionate–all tongue and teeth and quiet moans. y/n crossed her arms behind Rooster’s neck to pull herself closer and the aviator followed her lead, tightly wrapping his arms around y/n’s waist to pull her flush against his chest. 

The kiss was good, like y/n curling her toes into the sand good. When the pair finally pulled away they were dizzy and breathless, their chests quickly rising and falling from the recent lack of oxygen. Rooster firmly decided exactly what he’d do with his last breath if given the choice; kissing y/n would be the most dreamy way to go.

a/n: as always, comments & reblogs are appreciated! xx

[watchmegetobsessed]

THE DEAL

a/n: i literally wrote it in less than a day because i was inspired by a movie... of god, i have issues, but ANYWAYS! this one is a classic friends with benefits to lovers story with so much angst and a grandiose love confession at the end so buckle up, you are in for a treat!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE give feedback if you enjoyed it!!

pairing: Harry X Reader

warnings: some, drinking, sexual content, a hell lot of it, angst and messy emotions, it’s a lot!!

word count: 11.8k

masterlist

If your life was some romantic comedy his would be the moment where the camera would zoom on you, your eyes blankly glued to the ceiling, makeup from last night smudged under them as a muscular, inked arm gets thrown across your chest, a snoozing man beside you as you have the internal little monologue.

“You’re wondering how I got into this situation, right? Completely naked with one of my best friends after a night spent with heavy drinking and ending up fucking in his apartment until we both fell asleep.”

Yeah, this is probably what the voiceover would say as the camera would slowly get farther from you, Harry’s sleeping figure coming into the frame while you’re still lying like a damn statue. This was not supposed to happen. Not that it was bad, because oh God! Harry really is as good as his ex-girlfriends gushed to you when you met them on night outs. You could never blame the women for falling for him, he has the charm, the personality, the humor and definitely the looks. If you weren’t you, you’d be one of those girls who would do anything to get his attention just for a split second. But you’re not.

Growing up with a single mother that was repeatedly fucked over by several men, you were taught to be the kind of independent woman who needs no man. Who only uses them for whatever reason and throws them away before they could even realize what’s happening. Feelings could never be involved in the equations, those are just not for you.

For a while you thought you weren’t even capable of feeling anything at all. But the way you cried when your hamster you got for your sixteenth birthday died changed your mind and you realized that you are just saving yourself the time of allowing people to make you develop feelings for them and then give them the chance to break your heart. You’ve seen that happen to your mother enough times to know that you don’t want to go through that. It’s not worth it and why would you risk it all when you could easily get what you need and move on to the next one?

Your friends always joked how you’re gonna be the single aunt to their children later who would take them to clubs and honestly? You’re just fine with that. Because you always thought that while your married friends will be busy with keeping their marriage together with whatever pathetic man they chose to marry, you’ll be living your best life without a worry on the world. That sounds pretty good for you.

There’s no need to make it prettier than what it is, you’ve had a lot of hookups the past years but you always tried to keep yourself in check, have some kind of rules to follow so you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else in the process. One of those were that under no circumstances would you ever sleep with a friend. No matter how badly you want to, no matter if they are begging, it can never happen.

But you broke that rule.

Turning your head to the side you look at Harry’s sleeping face squished into the pillow and you almost wince, because you know that when he wakes up, this gonna hurt like a bitch. He’s gonna freak out, or what’s worse, he’ll want to take it further, take you out on a date… be in a relationship with you! And you’ll have to break his heart because none of those will ever happen.

You and Harry went to high school together and he is one of the very few people you stayed in touch after graduation. Though you grew a little apart when you went to different universities, later on you both somehow ended up in New York and while you’re working as a graphic designer at a magazine, Harry is making good money from writing music for other artists. He’s been one of your closest friends these past years and while you’ve always found him attractive, you should have never let this happen, because it will mess everything up and you didn’t want to lose such a good friend.

Harry stirs in his sleep next to you, his hand squeezing your side before his eyes blink open, green irises finding your wide eyes. He stops for a moment, looking around, taking in his surroundings before his eyes fall closed again.

“Wow, must have been one wild night?” he mumbles into the pillow before a raspy chuckle falls from his lips.

Last night, the two of you and a couple of your mutual friends celebrated that Harry has gotten his biggest deal so far, having to write an entire album for an up-and-coming artist, so you all got pretty wasted, especially you and him. It’s a little blurry how the two of you ended up like this, but you do remember wildly making out hidden somewhere behind the bar before he asked if you wanted to come to his place. You stupid little thing, should have said no…

Groaning, Harry rolls to his back, his arm falling from you as he lies sprawled out next to you.

“The tequila shots. Shouldn’t have had them,” you rasp out, a smirk tugging on his lips at your words. “So, um… we both can agree this was a one time thing, right?”

Harry peeks at you, pushing himself up a bit so his head rests against the headboard. The sheets slide down a bit lower on his body, revealing his toned chest and his several tattoos. Memories of you kissing them eagerly last night flash into your mind and you can only hope you’re not blushing like a school girl.

“What if I don’t agree?” Harry cocks an eyebrow and you almost groan. You knew this was going to happen!

“Harry, I’m not going out with you. You know me, I don’t do that. It’s nice that you think that it could work between us, but I don’t do relationships and I’m not changing my rules, not even for you.”

Harry starts laughing, as if you just said the best joke of the century, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. You give him a puzzled look as you sit up, holding the sheets to your chest.

“Who talked about dating, Y/N?” he then asks. “You said last night was a one time thing. We fucked last night. What if that wasn’t the only time we did that?”

You start to put the pieces together, though you’d definitely be sharper if you already had your first coffee of the day.

“Are you trying to start a… friends with benefits thing with me?”

“I mean, you could call it whatever you want. I personally really enjoyed last night and judging from the way you were screaming my name, you did too.” Now you’re for sure blushing. “Why not do it again?”

“This is not a movie, H. I don’t think it’s manageable without ruining our friendship.”

“Have you ever tried something like this?” You shake your head no. “Then how could you know?”

“Have you tried it?”

“Never,” he chuckles. “But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. We are both cool, smart people. I think we can give it a try and whenever someone is feeling like they had enough, we’re just gonna stop.”

“What if you catch feelings?” you ask, raising eyebrows at him.

“Oh, but what if you fall for me?” he throws the question back with a cocky smirk and you smack his naked chest.

“You know I never do that!”

“I don’t think you can just decide that, but alright,” he chuckles, holding his hands up in defense. “I promise you I won’t catch feelings for you, Y/N. I swear on my…”

“Your mom’s and sister’s life!” you point at him. It’s clear that he thinks it’s silly, but you just keep staring at him until he gives in.

“I swear on my mum’s and my sister’s life that I will not catch feelings for you, Y/N.”

“Alright. And we can end it anytime?”

“Whenever you’ve had enough of me,” he smirks back, so pleased with himself that it’s clear he doesn’t think that could ever happen.

“If you keep that cocky look on your face it’s gonna be a very short deal, Styles,” you warn him, but he just laughs before he quickly pulls you back down to bed, getting on top of you, his hips sinking between your legs and you gasp when you feel that he is already semi-hard.

“Why don’t we get a head start on it then?” he offers, his lips crashing against yours before they travel down your body and soon enough he gives you something that’s a thousand times better than a coffee in the morning.

At first you’re clearly hesitant about it. Not sure if it was a good idea or you just ruined everything between you and Harry, but soon enough you realize that it wasn’t as bad of a decision as you thought it to be.

Harry is the one to call you for the first time, two days after the night you drunkenly hooked up. You’re just leaving the office when he hits you up, asking if you have plans for the night or you’re free to go over to his place. An hour later you find yourself pressed up against the wall of his apartment’s hallway, both of you eager to get each other out of your clothes. Now that it all happens without either of you being drunk, you actually have the chance to think about how good it is with him. He is just the perfect mixture of dominant and soft, knows when to be the boss and when he has to slow down a bit.

He makes you cum three times. Three mind-blowing times, and you also give him two orgasms. You try to make it equal and make it three, but he respectfully says no.

“If you touched my dick again I think I would start crying,” he chuckles jokingly, so you don’t even think about pushing it.

Instead, the two of you order Chinese, have dinner together, talking like you always used to before the deal and then you go home. There’s no awkwardness, no weird situations, not even when you leave. Harry leans closer and for a moment you think he is gonna be corny and kiss you goodbye, but then you feel him smack your ass before pushing you out the door, just like he always did before, joking about how he is gonna charge you rent if you stay any longer.

Nothing has changed, only that you now spend a good chunk of your time together naked, moaning each other’s name before you get back to your usual.

So after that you don’t shy away from reaching out to Harry as well. It becomes a regular thing, the two of you meeting up about two of three times a week. You fuck, hang out a bit and go your separate ways. Slowly, you start to forget about times when you stayed dressed up for more than ten minutes after meeting Harry.

You keep switching between your and his place, but sometimes meet somewhere in the middle. You’ve had sex in a restaurant bathroom, in his car in a parking garage and even in his cousin’s place in Brooklyn. That was a bit odd but still quite pleasing.

Tonight is going to be the first time you’re gonna be out with all your friends and Harry since the deal was made. No one knows about it and you intend to keep it that way.

Once you’re done at work you head home, texting Leticia, another friend from high school to meet you at your place to get ready together. She was Harry’s friend at first, what’s better, she openly hated you at first for some reason.

“You just had a punchable face at fifteen, you can’t blame me,” she used to tell you. It was actually Harry who made the two of you friends and you’ve been close ever since.

You get to your apartment almost at the same time. Leticia starts rambling about her asshole of a boss at the law firm where she works at as you open a bottle of wine to start the evening while you roam through your wardrobe for an outfit.

“Is Leo coming? I owe him a few bucks from last time,” Leticia wonders, digging into your dresser for a pair of tights she can borrow to pair with her leather skirt.

“I think he is, but he is going to be late. He is coming from Staten Island from his dad’s,” you muse, checking yourself out in the red dress you just tried on, not quite pleased with the look, so you quickly work down the zipper and look for something else.

“Um, whose is this?”

Turning around you see that Leticia is holding up a shirt Harry left at yours a few days ago. She is clearly confused about the men’s clothing between your stuff, because you are not one to steal them from the men you sleep with since you don’t really want anything from them to remind you of them.

“Oh, um, that’s… That’s Harry’s. He left it here a few days ago,” you shrug, not making a big deal out of it, but Leticia is nosier than that.

“And why is Harry leaving his clothes around your place?”

“Is that a crime?” you snort, trying to play it cool.

“No, but in what kind of situation did this shirt come off of Harry and end up in your dresser?”

You can’t think of a good answer that would stop her from interrogating you, and the way you’ve just gotten silent is telling her more than words could. She drops the shirt, eyes widening at you and it’s clear that she put two and two together.

“Oh my God! You’re sleeping with Harry!”

“No! I’m… I just—We…”

“You two are totally fucking! What the fuck!” she gasps in complete shock as you pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Let me explain it, alright? W-We hooked up on the night when we went out to celebrate his big album deal.”

“When I couldn’t go, right?”

“Yeah. So we were both very drunk and it just happened. And I really thought it would ruin everything but we somehow ended up making a deal.”

“Jesus, you guys are acting out the Friends With Benefits movie? Who are you, Mila fucking Kunis?”

“It’s not like that!” you defend yourself quickly, but then you realize that it’s just like that so far. “Well, it kind of is, but the ending won’t be like that.”

“Do you really think you can just do it with absolutely no strings?” Leticia sighs, her hands coming to her hips as she stares back at you.

“It’s been going great, so I really think it’s doable. And if any of us decides they had enough, we’ll just call it quits.”

“Yeah, because it’s that easy,” she rolls her eyes. “One of you will catch feelings and someone is gonna end up crying, Y/N.”

“No, that’s not gonna happen,” you shake your head stubbornly. “He promised it won’t happen.”

“Feelings don’t give a shit about promises! I hope you really know what you’re doing, because I don’t want to have to choose between the two of you,” she grumbles before throwing Harry’s shirt back into the drawer, grabbing the tights she’s been looking for.

Leticia doesn’t hold a grudge for the news she just found out, but she surely has gotten you thinking. Is it really gonna end bad? Why can’t there be a scenario where it goes perfectly fine and no one gets hurt? Harry promised it’s gonna be alright and he has been proven right so far, so why are you having second guesses now?

Arriving at the bar the majority of your friend group is already there, including Harry. You sit across him in the small booth, just exchanging a quick smile before the first round arrives and the evening starts. You allow yourself to take a better look at him while he listens to Mitch’s story and you can’t say that you don’t find him hot. He is wearing a vintage, floral printed shirt, the first few buttons left undone, so you have a nice view of his chest and his necklace you’ve felt under your lips so many times before when you were kissing down his body. He keeps twisting and playing with his several rings and it makes you stare at his hands for a tad bit longer than you intended to. God, he looks so damn good, you really just want to fuck him here and now.

You keep changing who goes up to the bar to order and the third round is yours, so sliding out of the booth you go to the bar and wait for your turn. A young, handsome guy is making the drinks and you clearly catch his eyes.

“And what can I get for you, beautiful?” he smirks at you when it’s finally your turn.

“Two vodka sodas, a martini and three vodka cranberries,” you smile back at him with a hint of flirting in your tone.

It’s kind of second nature to you, a few charming smiles and winks have gotten a lot of free things for you in your life and you never miss a chance to use your advances.

“All that for one pretty girl?” he teases you.

“I would be all over the floor if I drank all of it,” you chuckle, pulling your card out of your wallet, tapping it on the terminal as he finishes up the drinks, kindly putting them on a tray so you can easily bring them over to the booth.

“Don’t worry, I would surely pick you up then,” he winks at you, placing the last drink to the tray before you thank him and head back.

As you take your previous seat you notice that Harry is watching you intently.

“What?” you mouth him over the conversation at the table.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head, turning his gaze away, grabbing his drink and focusing back on everyone else.

You go up to the bar two more times, once to ask for some chips and once for some napkins after a drink has gotten spilt onto the table. Every time you exchange a few words with the bartender and you have to admit, he has a great sense of humor paired with his looks.

Sometime later in the evening you decide to switch to water, so you go up to the bar a fourth time, the bartender coming to you right away at this point. As you wait for him to grab you your drink you feel a hand on your lower back. Turning to the side you see Harry standing next to you.

“Hey, want to come to my place after this?” he asks, leaning closer to your ear. His hot breath hits your exposed skin on your neck and a shudder runs down your spine, especially with his hand still on the small of your back.

“You want a rerun of your first time?” you smirk back at him, referring to the drinks you both have had, though it’s definitely not as wild as that night was.

“No, but this dress is making it hard not to want to rip it off,” he bluntly tells you as you glance down at yourself. At last you decided to wear a black bodycon dress that surely shows every dip and curve of your body and apparently Harry has been enjoying the show.

The bartender arrives with your water, his eyes falling on Harry and you see that he is a little taken aback by his presence.

“Hey man, can you get me another one as well? I’ll pay for both,” Harry nods at him and there’s something foreign in his tone that you can’t really put your finger on. The bartender just nods back and goes to grab another water.

“What if I wasn’t in the mood?” you tease him, continuing the discussion where you left it a moment ago.

“Oh, please!” he chuckles smugly. “I saw you eyeing me from across the table, Y/N. I know you are definitely in the mood.”

He is right. So damn right. You’ve been crossing your legs under the table for a while now, feeling your arousal growing every time you saw him run his tongue over his lips or whenever his finger played with the lip of his glass, imagining him doing the same with your body.

Biting into your bottom lip you need to take a deep breath, but when Harry sees your teeth digging into your lip, he loses his patience.

“Or we can just do it now,” he growls lowly, grabbing your hand before he starts pulling you towards the restrooms. You don’t even have the chance to protest, not that you want to.

He is quick to pull you into an empty restroom, locking the door behind the two of you before his lips attack yours, pushing you against the door with vigor and hunger. His hands are already bunching your dress up around your waist and you moan his name when your hips meet and you feel his hard length through his jeans.

“We have to be quick, so no one notices we disappeared,” he pants as he helps you up to the counter, your back hitting the cold mirror behind you.

“Then shut up and just fuck me,” you challenge him and it makes him absolutely feral.

You don’t have time to enjoy it the way you usually do in bed, but the excitement of the situation alone has gotten you so wet that you’re already dripping when he pushes your panties to the side with one hand while his other works on his own pants.

“Fuck, already so wet for me, huh?” he breathes out, his lips brushing against yours before they kiss you fully.

“Just like how you’re rock hard for me,” you grin against his lips, a hand wandering down to his cock as you pull it out of his boxers, stroking it a few times before he pulls a condom out of his back pocket and wraps himself up. “Were you counting on this quickie, Styles?” you ask when you realize that he just had a condom ready on him.

“I knew for sure I’m gonna fuck you tonight, but wasn’t sure how long I’m gonna last,” he grins, capturing your lips again before he pushes himself inside you with no warning, making you both gasp.

“Fuck! Harry!” you moan as he starts moving rapidly, definitely not taking his time like he usually does. He is pounding into you without mercy, panting against your lips as his ring clad fingers are digging into the flesh of your thighs.

“You like that? Like it when I fuck you somewhere public?” he growls, making your legs curl around his hips.

Your hands move up his chest and neck, fingers tangling into his curls and you give them a tug, earning an animalistic grunt from him as he starts going even harder and faster. You’re rapidly getting closer to your orgasm.

“You close?” he pants and you nod. “Come on, cum all over my cock, Y/N.”

A few more thrusts and your walls tighten around his dick, squeezing him as you gasp, riding your high, your head falling backwards, meeting with the mirror behind you. Harry follows you a few pushes later, moaning your name repeatedly before his movements come to a halt and you both take a moment to catch your breath.

When he pulls out you both just quietly clean yourselves up, fixing your clothes and hair so you don’t entirely scream sex with your appearances.

“My offer to come to mine after still stands,” he smirks, running a hand through his hair before you head out.

“Tempting, but I have some work to do in the morning, so no,” you turn him down, stepping out to the dark hallway that leads back to the bar. Harry grabs your hand and pulls you back, his lips smashing against yours, surprising you with his move. He kisses you deeply, sucking on your bottom lip hard before he pulls back.

“What was that for?” you ask out of breath.

“If you’re not coming over, I needed something to have a good night,” he shrugs with a smug smirk before you return to the bar.

You catch the bartender’s look as you finally get your waters and Harry pays for them. You catch the two men eyeing each other for a moment before you and Harry return to the table and you forget about the whole thing.

A Sunday afternoon you’re lounging at Harry’s. You jumped at each other’s bones when you arrived, but now you’re chilling on his couch, watching a series you both wanted to start so you decided to give it a go together. Your leg is lying across Harry’s lap, his hands absentmindedly kneading your thighs. It feels nice, like a massage, especially after how sore he made you earlier, stretching you out more than he usually does with a new pose you tried out.

Your phone chimes next to you and tearing your gaze away from the TV you check to see who just sent you a text. It was one of your coworkers, Anthony, he sent you a raging text about how he still has no idea what to wear to the company party that’s gonna be next Saturday and you realize that you totally forgot about it.

“Shit!” you curse under your breath.

“What?” Harry asks, pausing the show.

“I have this stupid work party next weekend and I totally forgot about it,” you growl, checking your calendar quickly if you can squeeze in a quick shopping spree before Saturday or you’ll have to find something in your closet.

“Aren’t those things nice with a lot of free food and drinks?” Harry wonders.

“Yeah, but I don’t like it, because all my colleagues bring their partners and I’m usually the only single one and they keep trying to set me up with someone,” you roll your eyes even at the thought of having to suffer through another one of those awkward conversations about your love life. Like it’s any of their concern!

“I can go with you if that helps,” he offers and you give him a look over your phone. “What? I’m sure if you brought someone they wouldn’t bug you.”

“But we are not together,” you remind him narrowing your eyes at him.

“They don’t have to know that. It’s a win-win, Y/N. Your colleagues would stop nagging you and I can eat and drink for free,” he smirks, clearly pleased with his little plan.

“I mean… you’re not wrong,” you sigh.

“See? Then it’s settled,” he pats your legs, smirking widely at you, but you’re still not entirely convinced. “Come on, Y/N. It’s gonna be fun!”

“This is so cliché, Harry!” you groan, your head falling back against the arm of the couch. “Pretending to be a couple? Straight out of a damn movie.”

Harry lifts your legs up so he can get out from under them, placing them back to the cushion before he climbs over to you, half of his body pressing onto yours as he squints his eyes at you.

“We can fuck in the bathroom, if you want,” he bluntly offers and you just start laughing at his dirty mind and technique of convincing you. “What? There’s literally no better offer out there. Free food, free drinks and free sex. Really good sex, if I may add,” he points out and you smack his chest lightly.

“Didn’t know you were thinking about charging me for the sex,” you joke.

“Might as well do, baby. Especially if it’s the best you can get,” he smugly huffs and you’d retort something funny, but you get caught up on the name.

“Baby? Since when are you calling me baby?”

“Since we are gonna be a couple next week. Gotta rehearse, baby,” he repeats the nickname and a foreign feeling bubbles in the pit of your stomach. Why is this one little word making you feel things you haven’t before? “And you know what else we can rehearse?” he continues, oblivious to your inner dialogue.

You don’t get to answer upon feeling his hand slide between your legs, fingers gently pressing onto your clothed clit and though you can’t stop a moan from slipping through your lips, you still grab his wrist and pull him away.

“My legs are too sore, I wouldn’t enjoy another round of you pounding into me,” you tell him and you can see the proud glimmer in his eyes that he was the one who got you into this state, though he luckily doesn’t comment on it.

“It doesn’t have to be pounding, then,” he smirks and leaning down he kisses you, taking his time as his hand frees itself from your grip and slides under your shorts and panties, fingers meeting your already throbbing bud.

He repositions himself so one of his thighs are between your legs, his lips never leaving yours as his fingers start drawing circles on your clit, sending pleasure down your body in waves.

“Fuck,” you breathe out against his lips when two of his fingers tease your entrance before pushing all the way inside, curling them between your clenching, wet walls.

“No, we are not fucking right now,” he smirks, never missing a chance to joke around and you want to retort to his comment, but words get caught in your throat when his thumb starts playing with your clit, fingers sliding in and out of you in a steady rhythm.

“So, are we on for Saturday? It’s gonna be fun, hm?”

The little shit is using his fingers to convince you and he has the audacity to ask you questions when you are about to see stars. Sometimes you really do hate how big of a smug fucker Harry is, but it’s hard to feel hatred for him when he is about to make you cum again.

“I-I don’t… Harry!” you gasp when he abruptly pulls his fingers out of you, right when you were so close. “I was about to fucking cum!” you growl, raging eyes meeting his green irises.

“I know,” he chuckles. “Say that you’re in and I’ll make you cum.”

“You motherfu—“

You don’t get to finish, his lips smashing against yours as his fingers return, moving faster than before, quickly pushing you towards the edge again.

“Say it. Say it, Y/N,” he mumbles against your lips as your chest is heaving and you start buckling your hips to meet his movements.

“Fuck… Okay! I’m in, just please make me cum!” you whine, hands gripping his shoulders like your life depends on it.

“Good girl,” he smirks and finishes you off without any more teasing.

You cry out his name, fingers digging into his muscles as you push your thighs together, trapping his hand between them while he keeps fingering you oh so perfectly. He makes sure you ride out the last waves of your orgasm before he pulls his fingers out and without batting an eye, he just licks them and fixes your panties and shorts before returning to his previous position with your legs across his lap, starting the show like nothing really happened.

Saturday morning you’re able to quickly get your nails done and Leticia comes with you, the two of you having brunch together afterwards. You go to a new place near the nail salon and as the waiter arrives with your orders, you notice that he slides a napkin onto the table with a small smile.

Grabbing it you see a phone number scribbled onto it. Normally, you send back a smile and tug the napkin into your purse, but this time you just leave it on the table and decide to ignore it.

“What the hell is up with you?” Leticia asks and glancing up at her you see her gesturing towards the napkin. “You don’t seem too thrilled about the approach which is very unlike you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just… not interested,” you shrug, reaching for your fork.

“Not interested? The dude looks like the lovechild of Chris Hemsworth and Johnny Depp. He is exactly your type, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m just not seeking another hookup right now, that’s it.”

“Oh my God!” Leticia gasps and you give her a puzzled look.

“What?”

“You don’t want other men because of Harry!”

“What? That’s crazy,” you laugh, because she has clearly left her mind at the salon for even thinking that.

“Have you hooked up with anyone else than Harry since you’ve made your little deal?”

“I, uhh… Flirted with the bartender when we were out together.”

“Flirting doesn’t count, not even in relationships.”

“I don’t think many would agree with that, Tish,” you huff.

“Okay, but did you have any interest in fucking someone else?”

“I don’t get it why you are making a big deal out of it. Why would I seek anyone else if I’m perfectly pleased by him?”

“Honey, that’s like… how relationships work.”

“That’s not true,” you shake your head, though what would you know about relationships? Your first and only one was when you were seventeen and it lasted twenty-one pathetic days.

“Are you fucking with anyone else?” She asks, eyebrows raised at you as you shake your head no. “Are you fucking him?”

“Obviously,” you scoff.

“Do you spend time together that doesn’t include sex?”

You are almost quick to say no, but then you realize that would be a big ass lie. Every time he comes over to your place or you’re at his, it’s never just the sex. That’s always primary, but not everything you do. All the dinners, the movies and shows you’ve watched together, when you sit on your tiny balcony with a bottle of wine, talking and laughing like you always did before the deal, something always happens after the sex.

Your silence once again answers Leticia’s question. Reaching over the table she takes your hand in hers, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Girl, you are totally dating Harry.”

Leticia once again manages to put a flea in your ear about this whole Harry thing. You wish she didn’t say a thing, because now you can’t think of anything else than the fact that you really are doing all the things with Harry that people who are dating do.

You get so riled up that you almost cancel on the evening, but you’d hate to have to sit through the evening with your colleagues alone when you said you’d be bringing someone. That would make their usual nagging a hundred times worse. So instead, you suck it up and decide to ignore the issue just for the time being and you get ready.

You were able to find a new dress beforehand, the yellow dress is truly a sight to the sore eyes with the corset-like top and very subtle lace details here and there. It’s a little daring, but everyone goes all out for these parties usually and you definitely don’t want to be underdressed.

Harry texts you that he is in front of the building a little before seven, holding up the taxi he came with so you quickly grab everything you need and head out.

You’re the first one to see him through the glass entrance doors of your building, he is standing next to the car in a simple black suit and a soft yellow shirt underneath. It was actually your idea to match your outfits and he surely understood the assignment, especially seeing his also yellow nails.

Part of you is still hung up on what Leticia told you, but a bigger one is so excited to see him and also very into his look for the evening, that you push your doubts to the back of your mind and step out of the building with a shy smile on your lips as his eyes fall on you and you see his lips part.

“Wow! This dress is… wow!” he breathes out, his eyes raking your frame up and down shamelessly as you walk closer.

“Do you know any other words than wow?” you tease him, biting into your bottom lip.

“Yeah. How about: I would love to bend you over this taxi and take you here and now in this dress?”

Your face heats up immediately, slapping his arm, but then you leave your hand on his bicep and give it a squeeze as your answer: you’d definitely love that if it wasn’t kind of illegal to have sex out on a busy street.

The ignorance in you is so high that you don’t even mind how Harry keeps a hand on your thigh in the car, what’s more, you’re quite liking the warmth of his touch on you. His fingers are gently tapping against the music the driver is playing and he even hums a little along the songs.

“Hey, how is the album writing going?” you ask to break the silence a little.

“Great! They asked for fifteen songs until the end of August, so I have plenty of time, but I’m already done with six,” he beams, and you smile back at him proudly.

“That’s amazing. Can I hear any of them sometime?”

“I mean… if you buy the album?” he chuckles, making you roll your eyes at him. “I’ll see what I can do about that,” he then adds, giving your leg another squeeze before turning towards the window.

The party is just the same as it always is. A luxurious evening to celebrate the company’s success in the past six months, a way to give back to the employees and make them feel appreciated with all the free stuff. It’s nice, but you don’t feel like it’s necessary, people would be happier with a raise after all, than one night of free food and drinks.

Harry holds your hand as you walk in, the majority of the guests already present, music playing and there are several open buffet tables and bars in the gigantic ballroom that was decorated in a forest-like theme just for tonight.

“So you did not lie about bringing a date!” Anthony beams as soon as he sees you, his boyfriend, Pete following him right behind, both of them wearing matching burgundy suits.

“Have I lied to you about anything?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“Plenty of times,” he points out before turning towards Harry. “Hello handsome, I’m Anthony, Y/N’s favorite coworker, and this is my boyfriend, Pete.” They all shake hands, Harry smiling back at them warmly before his hand finds yours again, his fingers lacing together with yours in an instant.

“Nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you, I’m Harry.”

“Oh my! The accent!” Anthony gushes, clearly already a fan of Harry’s. “I was really afraid Y/N just said that she is bringing someone so we would get out of her hair this time.”

“I feel offended,” you give him a look, but he just shrugs it off, even though he is more right than he knows.

“Come on, let’s get you guys a drink, we are all sitting over there!”

Joining all your coworkers at the table, you get a head start on the food and drinks, not shying away from stacking everything you like onto your plate. Talking, mixing and mingling, Harry stays right next to you, charming everyone the two of you meet, earning you some approving looks from your colleagues that usually try to set you up with someone they know. This time, you’re left in peace the moment they see Harry with you, his hand always somewhere on you, holding your hand, the small of your back, your hips or waist or, your personal favorite, the back of your neck under your hair. His presence is uplifting already, but his tiny touches just warm you even more on the inside.

“I have to say, Y/N, you are absolutely glowing!” Dianne, one of the editors compliment you when the two of you are at the bar waiting for your drinks to be refilled. Harry stayed back at the table, deep in conversation with Pete about guitars, from what you could understand from their conversation.

“Oh, thank you!” you chuckle softly.

“This man is for sure treating you well. It’s so great to see you finally finding your person.”

She meant well with her comment, but it’s what brings everything you kept hidden in the back of your head out to the front. Tonight was supposed to be all pretending, making everyone believe something that’s not even there, but then why do you feel like it’s real? Like you fooled yourself with everyone else as well?

Your eyes fall back to Harry at the table, who is intently listening to something Pete is telling him and as if he had a sixth sense, his eyes snap at you, a smile stretching across his pretty face at an instant that makes you stomach dance again, heart beating oddly fast.

What is happening to you? This cannot be real, you can’t be having feelings, especially not for Harry. No, you do not allow that for yourself, emotions are off limits for you, because if you fall for someone that gives them the chance to leave you and break you and you’ve seen what it does to a woman. You got enough of the suffering through your mother and you vowed not to let it happen to you. And not even Harry Styles will change that. This is about sex and nothing else, no feelings are involved and that will not change. You won’t let it.

Excusing yourself from Dianne you quickly go back to the table, the refills long forgotten as you take your seat next to Harry. His hand instantly finds your leg as he looks at you with a sweet smile at first that turns into slight confusion.

“Thought you went for a refill?”

“Forget the drinks,” you shake your head, leaning closer to his ear. “You promised me bathroom sex.”

You feel the shift in him right away, how he bites into his bottom lip, his bright green irises darkening at your words, his hold on your leg tightening. His gaze flickers to your eyes and you want to devour him, you want him to take you here and there to prove you that this is all it’s about: sex.

Clearing his throat he mumbles a lame excuse as he pulls you from your chair, tugging you towards the restrooms, you try to keep up with his pace in your heels, but you also can’t wait for him to slam you against the door and fuck you quick and hard.

As soon as you’re locked away from the party in one of the bathrooms, your lips collide with his as he pushes you up against the door, a leg coming between your thighs and you can’t stop yourself from grinding on him.

“Fuck,” he rasps out, hands cupping your jaw as he angles your head just right while your hands are already traveling down his body to reach his pants, eager to get them undone as fast as possible.

However the sudden rush and desperation catches Harry’s eyes and he grabs your hands, stopping you mid-action.

“Hey, everything alright?” he asks, out of breath, concern filling his eyes.

“I just need you to fuck me,” you bluntly reply, but he doesn’t move.

“Okay, but why do you look so shaken up? Did something happen?”

“Harry, stop babying me! I said I’m fine, I just want you to fuck me!” you snap, losing your patience. Not sure if it’s with him or with yourself though.

“You’re obviously not fine! You are snapping at me for being decent and making sure you’re okay!” Harry steps away from you, the moment completely ruined as all physical contact ends with him, his eyes staring back at you in disbelief and you feel like a ticking bomb that’s about to explode.

“It’s not your concern if I’m okay or not. We have a deal, just go with that and leave the rest to me!”

“But above the deal we are friends too. I’m not gonna just… fuck you senseless when you’re obviously upset about something. You’re not in the right mindset.”

“Oh my God, stop being so fucking nice! Stop making these grand gestures and stop pretending like you give a fuck!” You raise your voice and it surely surprises him, but he is still more concerned than angry at your outburst.

“What do you mean pretending? I do care about you! Is that a fucking crime now?!”

“It is because it is for the wrong reasons!” you retort, feeling your throat closing up at the same time. Oh God, you hope you won’t start crying, that will make it even worse. “I think you are taking this pretending a little too far tonight. We are not a couple, this is not real, Harry,” you remind him.

He stares back at you for what feels like eternity and you wish you could read his mind, because you can’t read anything from his eyes, he just stands there like a statue and you feel panic crawling up your spine, slowly digging its claws into your flesh.

And then he finally breaks his silence.

“And would it be so bad if it was real?”

You can’t help a sob that emits from you, feeling like your guts are in a tight grip by his words. This is exactly what you didn’t want to happen.

“No, take that back!” you whine.

“I’m not taking it back! Y/N, what we’ve been doing these past weeks is exactly what a relationship is like and you didn’t seem to have a problem with it until a label was put on it. It doesn’t have to change anything!”

“But it is! And you know I don’t do this!”

“Don’t do what? Feelings? You don’t get to choose that!” he chuckles bitterly.

“I do! I fucking do! And I chose not to have them so… this is ending here, because you clearly caught feelings,” you pant in desperate need of getting out of the bathroom, but when you are about to open the door Harry’s hand snaps against it, keeping it closed. You rest your forehead against the cool surface of it, feeling Harry stand so close to you behind, his chest is touching your back.

“Don’t just walk away, we are in the middle of a conversation,” he growls, his voice filled with anger and warning.

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” you whisper, shaking your head as you turn around and face him, your back pressing against the door.

“But I do,” he simply replies. “Why do you think you can just run away from feeling anything for the rest of your life? Why would it be so bad if you fell for someone, huh? I know you do have feelings, I know you well, Y/N. You’re not some cold hearted jerk, you are a caring and loving person, so why won’t you let yourself be happy?”

“I am happy the way I am, have you thought about that?”

“No, you’re not. I’ve known you half my life, I know that you want to be cared for, you want to be loved and cherished, yet you push away everyone who wants to give you that.”

“Because it’s not that easy, Harry!” you snap at him. “It’s never just the lovey-dovey shit! Feelings come with hurt and pain and heartbreaks and I don’t need that! I can’t handle that!”

“It’s not always the case! But if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never find the happiness you’re seeking!”

“Well, for me, it doesn’t worth it! I don’t want to fall for someone, plan my future with them and open up to them completely only for them to fall out of love with me one day and decide they don’t want anything to do with me! I don’t want to give anyone the chance to hurt me like that, because I’ve seen what it does to a person! I witnessed it all, Harry! I will not be a victim to that!”

You’re full on shouting, tears rolling down your cheeks at this point. You are letting everything out that’s been bottled up deep inside of you all this time. Nothing can make you believe in the fairytale that will never become your reality and you rather save the time and pain than experiment with it.

What really hurts is that now you are losing your friend. Your best friend. Because the way Harry is looking at you makes it obvious that you’ll never be like before the deal. The hurt, the shock, the panic and the anger, it all mixes in his wide-eyed gaze and it’s like a knife into your chest.

“You promised me, Harry,” you sob, voice now barely more than just a whisper. “You swore you wouldn’t catch feelings but you lied!”

“I didn’t lie,” he simply answers clenching his jaw. “I said I wouldn’t catch feelings for you, but truth is… I already had them. I was already in love with you, have been for a while. And you know what? I think you love me too, but you’re just too afraid to admit it. I know it because I can feel it. The way you touch me, look at me, the way you talk to me, it’s written all over you, but you choose to ignore it.”

“You don’t know shit,” you shake your head vigorously. “You think you know it, but you don’t.”

“Stop denying it, Y/N! You can’t just switch it off! Loving is not as horrendous as you think it is! Yes, it comes with pain too, but the good is always there to make you forget about it. You have to give it… you have to give yourself a chance!”

“I don’t have to do anything, Harry,” you sass back, pushing him away so you have the chance to sneak out of the room before he could stop you. But he doesn’t let it end that easily. Running after you he catches your wrist before you could get out of the hallway, pulling you back.

“Don’t just fucking walk away, Y/N! We need to talk about this!”

“No, we don’t. And I’m done with this. Done with… you.”

It hurts. The words rolling off of your tongue hurt, but you choose to ignore it once again as you shake his hand off of yourself, marching back to your table to grab your bag and leave.

“What do you mean you’re done with me? Don’t do this, Y/N! Let’s just fucking talk!”

Harry keeps trying to stop you, but you’re determined to leave. Your coworkers notice the little scene, but you don’t pay it any attention as you head out of the room, knowing well they’ll talk shit about you behind your back as soon as you’re out of the building.

“Y/N for fuck’s sake just stop already!” Harry snaps, grabbing your arm once again when you’re outside, pulling you back, but you’ve had enough.

“No! I’m not stopping, you need to stop! Stop trying to make yourself believe this is anything more than just the deal we made! It’s not and it will never be, because you don’t get to have the privilege of hurting me, nobody gets to do that!”

“Who said I want to hurt you?! That’s the last thing I would want to do! It’s not as cruel as you imagine it, Y/N. I know that your mum had a terrible love life when you were younger, but that’s not the only side to love! There are so much good about it, so much to fight for and endure with the bad sides, you can’t just throw all of it out the window because you decided love is just not for you!”

“I can and I will. Watch me!” you bite back, tearing your arm out of his hold as you step to the side of the pavement and wave a taxi down.

“Please don’t get into that car, Y/N, let’s talk!”

“We talked enough,” you huff as the car stops in front of you and you hop inside, but just as you are about to close the door Harry once again stops you.

“Y/N, I love you. Please don’t do this!” he begs, so much sorrow and pain radiating from his face and for a moment you fall weak. You almost reach out to him, because part of you hates seeing him like this, especially knowing that it’s because of you. You just want him to be happy, but you know it’s not gonna be with you. You can never give him what he wants and needs. He’ll be better off without you.

“I’m sorry,” you choke out before pulling the door closed and the car drives away. Turning around you see him stand on the pavement, completely broken and shaken, his hands tangling into his hair as he angrily kicks at the dirt before the car melts into the traffic and he falls out of your sight.

You did it for your and Harry’s sake. It had to be done and you are both better off this way. At least that’s what you’ve been trying to convince you to believe.

But why does it hurt so badly then?

Harry tried you calling a million times after you left him at the party, he even came after you and banged on your door for thirty minutes straight, begging you to let him in and just talk, but you didn’t even answer him. Just waited until he left before you curled up in the shower and cried for about an hour.

The calls and texts kept coming in the next few days, but after a while he gave up. He got nothing but silence from your side and one last, long ass text that you didn’t even read because you knew you’d just start crying again, he finally gave up.

You were left alone with all the pain and emptiness and you realized how big part of your life Harry played before. Somehow, everything reminded you of him and you couldn’t do anything without wishing he was with you.

You truly believed that time will heal you, that soon you’ll realize that you made the right decision, but days turned into weeks and nothing changed, you just learned to live with the pain. You stopped going out with your friends and not just because you were afraid of seeing Harry, but because you genuinely couldn’t get yourself to leave the house. Your evenings consisted of binge eating all the ice-cream you could find in your freezer and watching reruns of your favorite shows, but nothing could really take your mind off of Harry.

Day after day you cancelled on Leticia as well until she had enough of your hermit life. She got fed up watching you sink into your pit of sorrow and decided to take things into her own hands and not let you run away from her.

A Friday evening you’re doing what you’ve been doing for weeks now, lying on your couch in sweatpants, scrolling through Netflix when there’s a knock on your door. You wait, hoping whoever it is will think you’re not home and go away, but another obnoxious knock rips through the apartment and you growl.

“I know you’re in there bitch, open the fucking door!” Leticia shouts from outside and you curse the day you became friends with her. Maybe you would have been better off as enemies.

“I’m busy!” you call out, but make your way to the front door anyway, opening it to reveal her.

“Yeah, I can see that. Busy with being a bag of trash,” she comments on your appearance, walking inside without an invitation.

“Jeez, you really did wake up today and chose violence,” you mutter under your breath as you shut the door closed.

Leticia is quick to turn the TV off and open up the windows as you just stand there, not sure what she is doing here.

“When did you clean this place? And when was the last time you took a shower?” she asks, her nose scrunching when she takes a better look at you.

“Okay, did you come here to offend me? Because I don’t need that so please leave.”

“No, I’m here to beat some sense into you.”

“Good luck with that,” you scoff, taking your spot on the couch once again. You reach for the remote with the intention of turning the TV back on, but Leticia stands in front of the screen, blocking the device completely as she stares down at you with a disapproving look, arms folded on her chest.

“You’re acting like a child, Y/N. Avoiding everyone and being mad at the whole world, are you an emo teenager now or what?”

“I’m not mad at the whole world!”

“Okay, then you’re mad at just Harry, still, it’s a mistake.”

“I’m not mad at only Harry either,” you admit truthfully.

“Who else then?”

“Myself?” you mumble, eyes falling closed as you slide lower down on the couch.

“That makes the two of us, but why are you mad at yourself?” she asks, finally moving from her spot in front of the TV as she sits next to you on the couch, crossing her legs as she waits for your answer.

“Because…” you start with a sigh, opening your eyes, but you avoid looking at her, instead, you stare at the wall across you. “Because I can’t fucking stop thinking about him,” you admit and your lips start trembling instantly, just like every time you think about him. “I miss him so fucking badly, Tish! I miss our conversations, I miss his stupid jokes, I miss him raiding my fucking fridge and I miss…”

You bite your tongue, not wanting to admit the next thoughts loudly. Because you miss kissing him, you miss holding him and be held by him. You miss sex too, but you miss the tiny things even more, the way his lips feel against yours, how he smiles against them when you whimper his name and you miss the awkward little things the most. When he accidentally bumps his head against yours or when say random shit right before he pushes into you just to make you laugh, or when he leans in for a kiss but misses it and ends up kissing your nose or just the corner of your mouth. You miss everything about him and you hate him for that, but you hate yourself even more. It feels like your own conscious has betrayed you.

Shutting your eyes closed you let the tears roll down your cheeks as Leticia scoots closer and wraps her arms around you, cooing soothingly at you.

“It’s alright. It’s totally normal, Y/N.”

“It is not! Not for me at least!” you protest pulling back, wiping your cheeks with the back of your hands.

“Stop with the bullshit already!” she growls in annoyance. “You are not some kind of ice queen who is incapable of loving! You love me, right?”

“Yeah, but that’s different,” you roll your eyes.

“Not really. You love your other friends as well, right?” You nod. “And you love your mom,” she adds and you nod again. “Would you do anything for these people?”

“Of course.”

“Do you like spending time with them? Do you care about them in all kinds of ways?”

“Yes,” you sigh, fumbling with the hem of your shirt.

“Do you feel the same way about Harry? Do you care about him, would you do anything for him to make him happy?”

“Yes,” you whisper truthfully.

“Then don’t complicate it. You love him, no big deal! And he surely loves you back, because he told you, right?” You nod. “Then pull your head out of your ass and just let yourself be happy for once.”

“Why are you coming with this too? I was happy on my own too!”

“No, you were getting by,” she points it out. “You were doing good, but you weren’t… a whole. Harry gave you everything you missed, but for some fucked up reason you think it’s the end of the world to depend on someone else partially when it comes to your happiness. Which can be a smart thing, it’s important to be your own person and be independent, but sometimes we need some help from others. From people that love us and we love them back. It’s not a crime, Y/N.”

“No, but it’s gonna end up with me being heartbroken.”

“You already are,” she ruthlessly replies, bringing your attention to what you’ve been trying to ignore all this time. “Hate to break it to you, but this is what that feels like. So why not just go with it, you already felt the pain, now you could go for the good parts as well.”

“I don’t know if I can do it, Tish,” you breathe out, resting your head against the back of the couch. “Even if I did it, I know I would mess it up and hurt him or maybe he’ll do something stupid and hurt me and I don’t think I can handle that.”

“So what? It’s part of the deal. And besides, you’re already hurting each other, so you better get your shit together,” she scoffs, poking your side playfully.

It’s part of the deal. Are you ready to make a new deal? One that you’ve been avoiding your whole life? Are you ready to cut yourself open for someone else and just hope for the best?

Probably not. And probably you’ll never be. But your tactics didn’t succeed so far, you still ended up in pain so why not give it a chance? Even if it’s gonna be the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

“Do you think he hates me now?” you ask quietly, peeking at her scared of her answer.

“He is a bit mad at you for shutting him out, but he could never hate you. That man loves you so much, it’s almost disgusting,” she admits, making you chuckle. “Just… be honest with him and talk to him. You need it. You both need it.”

Harry’s fingers strum against the chords again, trying to get the tune right, but he fails again, a frustrated growl leaving his lips as he lets his head fall forwards. He’s been trying to finish the song for hours, but it still hasn’t come together the way he imagined and his patience is running short.

It’s been hard for him to focus on writing, with you on his mind all the time, everything seems like a hard task. He has written plenty of songs since the night at the party, but he could never use them for his job. One, because they are so fucking sad and depressive and they asked for upbeat hits from him, and two, because they are all so personal, he could never give them to someone else. He can’t let anyone else sing the lines he wrote to you, but you’ll probably never hear them.

Giving up on finishing the song today, he puts the guitar aside and calls it a day. Walking into the kitchen he opens the fridge and realizes that it’s completely empty aside from a bottle of ketchup and a single banana. He’s been such a mess lately, he forgot to go grocery shopping yesterday. Huffing to himself he grabs the banana and reaches for his phone to order something right when his doorbell rings. He is not expecting anyone, but Mitch has been popping in every few days to check in on him since everything that went down with you, so Harry is convinced it’s him again.

“Great timing, do you want Italian or Chinese?” he asks, walking up to the door, but as he swings it open he freezes when he sees you standing on the doormat. “Y/N…” he breathes out as if he was seeing a ghost.

“Hi! I-I hope I’m not bothering you o-or anything…” you ramble nervously.

“No! No, come on in!” He snaps out of his trance and steps aside, letting you walk inside. A feeling of nostalgia hits you right away as you think back at the last time you were here. Just a few days before the party, when everything was different.

“I’m sorry I came without asking, I just… I would say I was nearby, but that’s not true,” you chuckle anxiously as the two of you walk into the living room. You notice that his place is a little messier than usually, but it’s not nearly as bad as yours was before you did a deep cleaning yesterday after Leticia’s comments on it.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. What… What brought you here?”

“I, uhh… I’ve been thinking. A lot. And I have a few things I need to tell you.”

For a moment Harry’s stomach drops, because he thinks you came here to tell him off one more time for breaking your deal, for everything that happened at the party. He is already bracing himself to just let you lash out on him, but it never comes. And when you speak up again, he nearly faints.

“I love you.”

It’s a strong start, definitely a surprising one. Harry’s lips part and his eyes widen, his look almost comical, but you’re not laughing, not now. You have a lot to tell him and you can only hope he won’t throw you out after everything is said.

“I love you and I’m sorry it took me so long to stop ignoring it, but I promise you I’m done with that. And I’m sorry for everything I said to you that night, I was… mad and confused and I didn’t know how to deal with everything at once. I was delusional and ignorant and… a fool for thinking that I could just choose to never have feelings, especially for you,” you add with a tiny, nervous chuckle. “You were right. About everything. That I can’t live without ever putting myself out there and risking it. And I think deep down I knew that, but I was so afraid of getting hurt that I made myself believe I’m good on my own, but I’m not. Not entirely, to be precise. Because sometimes it is worth risking it and… and I realized that you are the person for me who is worth this risk.”

The tears are already blurring your vision, for the millionth time these past weeks, but it feels right now. Opening up to Harry and telling him all of this is hard, but with every spoken word you feel lighter and more relieved.

“I’m sorry if I made you think that I don’t love you, because I do. I really do. You are my best friend and these past weeks have been hell for me without you. I was so keen on avoiding a heart break that I ended up breaking my own heart,” you chuckle bitterly, the first tear running down your cheek.

Harry reaches out and wipes it away with his thumb and you involuntarily melt into his touch. You’ve been starved for it and now it feels like home. When you look up and your eyes meet his, you see that they are red too and it just makes you want to cry even more.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just thought that I was doing the right thing, but I was so far from that. So I’m really sorry and I understand if you don’t want to see me again for the way I acted. I was… a horrible friend and… an even worse girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah. Because you were right, we were more than just the deal and… if you choose not to throw me out after this, I would… I would love to give it a try with you. I want to be the girlfriend you deserve and though I’m sure I’ll mess it up a lot of times, I promise I’ll try my best, becau—“

He makes your rambling stop in the best way possible, lips smashing against yours as he cups your tear-soaked cheeks in his warm palms, pulling you close to him, your arms curling around his waist immediately.

Harry has kissed you several times before, but none of them compares to this. It’s messy and salty from both your tears, but you wouldn’t change a thing about it, the way his lips move against yours, tongues meeting, devouring each other, making up for the lost time and full of promises for the future. You hold onto his shirt at his back for dear life as he just keeps kissing you over and over again until you both run out of breath.

“So, does this mean you’re not throwing me out?” you joke, breaking the silence once you’ve pulled back.

“Fuck no,” he laughs, pecking your lips a few more times before his lips meet your forehead. “You are not leaving this place, ever. You’re trapped,” he adds to the joke and you break out in a relieved laughter.

“Wait, so I’m stuck with you now?” you whine playfully, but all you get is another kiss on the lips, hard and demanding.

“Yeah, forever, baby. You won’t get rid of me now, not after the speech you just gave me,” he smirks down at you, his arms coming to curl around your shoulders as he keeps you pressed against him tightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you reply, your heart soaring as you hear those words again from him, this time, not even trying to dodge them in any way. In fact, you just want to hear him say it every minute over and over again for the rest of your life. “And I’m happy to be stuck with you,” you add with a shy smile as his grin widens at your words.

“Yeah? So we have a new deal then?” he teases, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Absolutely.”

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