#i feel weirs saying i love you to my parents ... like

[grimmshood]

thinks abt how when i was 8 i was like Oh ill never get married and im still saying it now for entirely different reasons yet also the same one

[agaypanic]

Benny weir x reader. Can you do one where Benny gets an online gf but have never met irl but she knows everything about the gang and him included the supernatural parts. Anyways Benny is like ALWAYS bragging about her but the gang fully just don't believe she's real. So reader flies out and decides to move to where Benny lives to surprise him. She tries really hard to wait to surprise him when he gets home from school but she just caught a glimpse of him while he was messing around outside the school and just couldn't resist running up and kissing him! Benny is? Shocked. The gang is? Shocked. Reader is? Love sick. Once Benny realized who it was he started to get so excited and not believing she was actually here all while Ethan is just like, who tf is this hot girl that's trying to get in Benny's pants rn?. And Benny has to literally make reader say she's his gf to make them believe him finally-🐇

Summer Love (Benny Weir X Reader)

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Summary: Benny’s friends don’t believe him when he tells them he has a girlfriend.

A/N: I’m having the reader move because of her parents’ work instead of just for Benny bc idk it feels a lil weird for a teenager to move for their s/o and not even telling their s/o that they’re moving

***

School had just ended for the summer, and you were racing home. Your boyfriend had made a habit of facetiming you when you were out of school, but you were hiding something from him that you really wanted to keep a secret.

After greeting your parents, you went to your room. It was filled with boxes, bubble wrap, and suitcases. Your boyfriend couldn’t see this. It would ruin the surprise.

Suddenly, your phone started ringing. You pushed everything off your bed and ensured there was nothing out of the norm around you. Deciding that everything would look fine, you answered the phone. “Hey, Y/n!” His regular grin widened when you popped up on his screen.

“Hey, Benny!” You and Benny met last summer when he was taking a road trip and went through your town. You were waitressing at the diner he and his grandma stopped at. Usually, you’d roll your eyes whenever some rando tried flirting with you, especially when you were working. But there was just something different about Benny.

It might have been the fact that he was a warlock, but he insisted that it was his amazing charisma.

“So, how was your last day of school?” He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary with your surroundings, or if he did, he didn’t say anything.

The two of you talked for about an hour before you got a text from your mom. It said something about her needing your help loading boxes into the moving van that your family had rented. You sighed.

“I gotta go; my mom needs help with something.”

“Okay, Baby. I’ll talk to you tonight?”

“Of course, Bens.” After saying your goodbyes, you hung up and ran downstairs to help your mom.

“How was your talk with Benny?” Your mom asked as you carried a heavy box out of the house.

“He didn’t suspect a thing.” You didn’t like keeping secrets from someone you cared about, especially one this big. But you knew it would be totally worth it.

“What are you gonna do when we’re on the road?”

“I told him that people were fixing the power lines on our block starting tomorrow, so we can only text or call until the power and wifi are back on. But no facetime.”

“Smart. How are you gonna surprise him?”

You hauled the box into the van, dusting your hands off.

“Still figuring that out.”

***

After lengthy drives and your parents constantly switching between driving the car or the moving van, you had finally made it to Whitechapel, Ontario. Your dad was offered a promotion in one of the corporate offices of his company, which just so happened to be in the same town that your long-distance boyfriend lived in. To say you were ecstatic to hear the news was an understatement. You remember grabbing your phone as fast as you could, about to call Benny, when you paused. Something this big shouldn’t be told over the phone.

So you decided to just tell him when you saw him. Now, you were just debating on how to do it.

After unpacking a good amount of your stuff into the new house, you told your parents that you were going to explore Whitechapel. It would give you both time to think about how you’d surprise Benny and time to get used to your new surroundings.

Whitechapel was very beautiful when you didn’t think about the freaky supernatural stuff that your boyfriend and his friends encountered almost daily. Even if you didn’t have Benny, you think that you’d still be delighted about this move.

After walking through the park and getting lunch at some little restaurant, you decided to go by the school you would be attending after the summer. It was a decent walking distance from your new house, thank goodness. As you approached the courtyard in front of the main entrance, you heard lots of laughing and talking. There was a group of kids about your age messing around. As you caught the face of the tallest boy, you started to panic.

You must have forgotten that school was going for another week in Whitechapel. Because instead of hanging out at the park or someone’s house, it looked like Benny and his friends were just now leaving school.

If it was just Benny, you’d be all over him by now. But he was with his friends. And his friends were convinced that you didn’t exist. Sure, this could have easily been disproven by a phone or facetime call. But something always prevented you and Benny’s friends from interacting for some reason. One or the other being busy or faulty internet were the main things. But Benny had also shown them pictures of you, and they didn’t believe him.

You had to do something. You were just standing there like a weirdo while your boyfriend and his friends were messing around across the street. You needed to make a decision, either run to Benny or run away from him and figure out how to tell him later.

“Benny!” You yelled as you crossed the empty street. A look of recognition crossed his face before becoming confused. He heard your voice, but there was no way you could be in Whitechapel. “Benny!” He turned to the sound of your voice.

“Y/n?!” He shouted back with an incredulous tone. He started to run towards you, and the two of you met on the sidewalk. He kissed you the second you were in his arms. Months of being apart amplified the passion; you two didn’t even care that his friends were gawking at you.

“Why is Benny making out with her?” Ethan asked. “Who even is she?”

“Maybe he paid her a million dollars,” Erica replied, looking at the scene in front of her with slight disgust.

“Wait, you can do that?” Rory asked.

“What are you doing here?” Benny asked you, refusing to let go of you. “Why didn’t you tell me you’d be here?”

“Surprise.” You smiled. Seeing him on your phone was nothing compared to seeing him standing before you. He looked so pretty, especially when he was smiling at you with a smile that he only gave you. A lovesick smile, as if you were the person for Benny. “You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to surprise you.”

“Mission accomplished; this is crazy.” He kissed you again. “How long are you gonna be here?”

“Oh, you’ll be seeing a lot of me, Bens. Let’s just say you should change my address on your phone.”

“No way.” He muttered. “Are you serious?”

“Surprise again.” He kissed you to the point where you almost lost your breath, but you didn’t care in the slightest.

���This is probably the best day ever, holy crap.”

“Uh, Benny?” One of his friends called out, making the two of you remember that they were even there. “Wanna tell us what’s going on?” Benny turned around, you still in his hold. He brought you to his friends.

“Guys, this is Y/n. My girlfriend of almost a year that I keep telling you about.” His friends kept looking from you to him. “Y/n, this is-”

“Oh, don’t tell me. I got this.” You pointed to each person before naming them. “Erica, Sarah, and Rory, the vampires. Ethan, seer. And Benny, greatest warlock I know.” Your boyfriend blushed at the compliment and even more when you kissed his cheek.

“Right as always,” Benny said.

“Benny, you told her about us?” Sarah asked, somewhat panicked.

“Of course I did. That’s what you do with someone you’re dating; you tell them stuff.”

“Benny, I know that you’ve been pretty insistent on the fact that you have a girlfriend.” Ethan sighed. “But going as far as to hire someone and tell them very personal stuff about us? That’s crazy.”

“E, I didn’t hire her. She’s my girlfriend.” Benny groaned, frustrated that this debate was still going, even though his girlfriend was standing right in front of his friends. “Y/n, tell them.”

“I’m genuinely Benny’s girlfriend.” You said. “I wasn’t hired to do this; I’ve been dating him for almost a year. We met last year when he and his grandma were on a road trip.”

“I still kinda don’t believe this,” Sarah muttered. You shrugged.

“Well, it’s your guys’ loss if you don’t believe us, I guess.”

It took showing photos, messages, and even questioning Benny’s grandma. But at the end of the day, Benny’s friends finally believed the two of you. They apologized to you for not believing you were real and to Benny for not believing he really had a girlfriend all this time. 

“So, besides thinking you didn’t exist, what did you think of them?” Benny asked you as he walked you home.

“They were pretty cool. I’m kinda scared of Erica, though. She has a very intense energy to her.”

“Don’t worry, she’ll warm up to you. It just takes time.”

“How long did it take for her to warm up to you?” He sighed.

“Still working on it.”

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 1

I've thought about where I would have placed 38 Minutes (S01E04) that seemed to fit ill so early in the season, and I think it would have made the most sense between the mid-season two-parter and The Defiant One (S01E12), discussed here.

The Genii siege visibly changes something between Sheppard and McKay, and we get to resolve that a little too fast in this episode that follows directly after. 38 Minutes has that strange almost-confession to Weir,* which would have made more sense here as Weir and Sheppard seem to grow closer at the end of The Eye (S01E11) although, I argue, it is precisely because Sheppard needed to create distance between himself and McKay that they did. He was using Weir to create distance, in effect hiding behind her, because Kolya figured out after like a minute of talking to Sheppard that McKay was the best way of getting to him. Sheppard was reminded of the fact that being important to him put McKay in mortal danger.

In 38 Minutes, we also have Sheppard's own near death experience and everyone working so very hard to save him, McKay worrying so much about him, the way that they look at each other, that something unspoken lingering between them, McKay's agitation over what ever Sheppard wanted to tell Weir; all of that would have made sense between these two episodes. The Iratus bug could have symbolized Sheppard's internal anguish: the way he's in agony at first and then the pain gets so bad that he gets numb and loses all feeling. It all would have made so much sense.

But regardless, we start the episode with a driving flying lesson (which, incidentally, also would have made the most sense following the events where both Sheppard and the other designated pilot were incapacitated at the same time). McKay received the ATA gene therapy and Sheppard is teaching him how to fly the puddle jumper. Where the previous episode ended with Sheppard very clearly wanting to create distance between them, here they are all cozy with each other again. Or s it seems.

Clearly, this is important. As mentioned previously, they need more pilots since there are few people with the ATA gene (two that we know have the real gene, a few others through gene therapy), and only a fraction of them know how to fly. It's important not only for the mission and taking the pressure off the commander having to do transport flights, it's also important for the team to have another person capable of doing it. And apparently neither Teyla nor Ford are able to do it (toward the end of the episode, they have a random soldier having to fly them over) which makes McKay not only the best choice but also the only one.

So whether he wanted to or not, what ever he was feeling inside, teaching Rodney how to fly the jumper was something that needed to be done. And here we are.

What Sheppard says is very interesting.

Granted, we don't know anything about his background at this point, often the way people talk to others reveals a lot about how they've been talked to in the past. It indicates that when ever he did something wrong as a child, he was corrected by snapping at him. My guy, you're in space. What could possibly happen if he lets go of the controls? You're going to veer off and crash into some more space?

It's also notable that he uses 'parents' instead of 'dad' or 'father' (both being that he is a guy and as dads are much more likely to be the one teaching kids how to drive; also, he himself was clearly taught by a driving instructor but teaching your kids how to drive is actually pretty common, it's a loving thing to do, and parents are supposed to be teaching their kids even in the case that they have an instructor, as kids learn by watching their parents whether they want it or not). So, you know. He has a mysterious past and a sad childhood, looks like.

Granted, McKay also seems to have had a pretty crappy childhood and, what's worse, seems to think it was all completely normal. We hear him reveal all manner of child abuse casually, here and there. It seems that they both were lonely and sad but for different reasons. McKay's immediate gut response "Snapping doesn't help!" is likewise telling, indicates that there was a lot of pressure put on him from a very young age.

Sheppard's use of the word 'parent' also creates distance between him and one or both of his parents. This man has been court-martialed, he has clearly been traumatized by something. He does not think he has anyone waiting for him back on earth. We know at this point that several people he served with have died, and that he blames himself for every one of these deaths. And he's not good at dealing with emotions, especially difficult ones. He says as much in Sateda (S03E04):

Sheppard: Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh... Actually, I'm... I'm terrible at expressing... I don't know what you'd call it, uh... Teyla: Feelings? Sheppard: Yeah, sure,

He is terrible at expressing feelings. He especially has trouble verbalizing them.

When he is feeling difficult emotions, he uses self-soothing techniques (see the lip thing). One of these self-soothing techniques is creating distance between himself and the object of his emotion. So, instead of father he says parent (mom+dad) because he essentially uses the less significant, less painful thing (mom) to conceal the more significant, more painful thing (dad). Using the less significant object to create distance to the more difficult object forms like a barrier between him and an emotion he does not want to or can't face or deal with just then. Just like, in the previous episode, he used "Weir and McKay" instead of McKay. He was using the less significant, less important thing to mask the more significant, more important thing. It lessens the impact of the emotion attached to it. We see him do this a lot especially in connection to Rodney ("Even Rodney"). Again and again and again.

You can see him do the self-soothing lip thing before engaging McKay (like he's not sure he should say anything, like he wants to not have to say anything; he just can't help himself when it comes to this man):

Here, he is creating distance between himself and one or even both of his parents (and let's face it, it's probably the dad) but he's also, at the same time, creating distance between himself and McKay both by using the passive voice and lumping McKay into the category of kids. See previous episode as to why he desperately needs this distance between them.

But what he is actually saying here is that he is emotionally too close to McKay to be able to be an effective instructor to him. That's what he is saying. He's emotionally compromised. Now, whether you think his feelings are fatherly (he does not look at McKay the way a father looks at a son), friendly (he does not look at McKay the way a friend looks at a friend), collegial (he does not look at McKay the way he looks at Ford and Teyla), or whether you believe he thinks of himself as McKay's second uncle third removed, this is what he's saying in the scene. That he's too close to McKay to be able to teach him. He feels that he is too close to McKay.

It's possible that the whole reason as to why he's teaching McKay how to navigate the jumper is that it would allow him not to have to accompany him on these kinds of missions, harmless and scientific. If McKay knows how to fly a jumper, they would be able to spend less time together. Spending less time together would mean less emotion, would mean less pain, less of a chance for him to get McKay hurt or killed. This is foolish to think, of course, since absence has a tendency of making the heart grow fonder, as the saying goes. But we saw him start creating this distance between them at the end of The Eye (S1E10) and this is on par, is a logical continuation of that.

Humour, as it turns out, is another way of creating distance and coping with difficult emotions.

We are again reminded of the fact that McKay does not know not to keep it straight. Sheppard can do it in the air but not on land.

So, the thing is. As much as Sheppard wants to create distance between them, Mckay wants the opposite. He wants to connect with the Major. He's not making it easy for Sheppard. In this, he is defying him.

McKay tells Sheppard that he's touched by his sentiment. Keeps glancing at him. He refers to the puddle jumper, for all intents and purposes Sheppard's puddle jumper, as baby. He wants to see what this baby can do. Baby is a term of affection used most often by men to indicate that they see something or someone as soft and beautiful and needing to be taken care of in a gentle way. There is definitely something flirty in McKay using this term for Sheppard's puddle jumper.

But then Sheppard picks this up from McKay and also calls the jumper baby (yes, he's amused by the way McKay said it and ribbing on him, but picking up vocabulary from the object of your affection is yet another classic sign of attraction). They are taking care of the baby together. Parents, kids, babies. Freud probably would have a lot to say about the things they say and their subconscious desires.

Freud might also have something to say about Sheppard's fear that McKay is going to "snap the damn things off" if he doesn't ease up his grip on the control stick. But he doesn't want McKay to take his hands off them, either. He's instructing McKay on exactly how it likes to be held.

(We are also reminded of subconscious desires by the control display popping up, seeing how the puddle jumpers respond to Sheppard's mind; his desires.)

They are accompanied on the mission by two red shirts, random scientists we have never seen before but who we are to believe have worked with McKay previously and know him pretty well.

So, maybe it's because of the intense, borderline erotic look of concentration on McKay's face or his tone of voice, or what ever, Sheppard seems to start gravitating toward McKay. Even in front of two people he barely knows that work for the other man. Here, he turns back to look at Dr. Gaul, clearly amused by how different this scientist is from his scientist, but what he's doing at the same time is lean closer to Rodney:

He looks... turned on, frankly. And he sure as hell is not turned on by Dr. Gaul, sweating though he may be. The reason that he turned back to look at the nauseous scientist behind him might actually have been just to look away from the sex faces McKay is making while he's concentrating real hard.

Then he leans in even closer, to whisper conspiratorially to McKay. And McKay, well. He leans in, as well.

Sheppard: Why'd you choose this guy for the mission? McKay: Brendan's the one who discovered the Lagrange Point satellite was out here. Elizabeth felt he should see it for himself. Sheppard: Don't let go of the controls!

Sheppard snaps in a sudden jolt of panic. And it may not be McKay letting go of the controls that made him do it. It's that he mentioned Elizabeth, reminding him of why he needed to not be that close to Rodney. Just like McKay used Elizabeth's name (yelping "Elizabeth!" in near panic) when Sheppard was getting too close to him in his lab in The Storm (S01E09). They both seem to be using Weir as a... weir between them.

And again, as he will many, many times in the future, Sheppard needs to be touching something, needs to have his hands pressed against something, when he's near McKay:

Then they arrive at their destination and switch seats. They move seamlessly together, Sheppard needs only to mention his name and McKay does exactly what he wants, and is only too happy to oblige. We've seen this happen in movies between a man and a woman. It has never not been erotic (underlined by McKay's line "This thing is enormous!"):

Here, it's McKay that keeps glancing back and back at Sheppard as they're approaching the humongous ancient weapons platform. A weapons platform that should be a pretty interesting thing to look at, all things considered. But his eyes keep on being drawn back to Sheppard who, it should be noted, is wearing only a t-shirt.

Sheppard is trying not to look at McKay, catches himself several times before he does. He's not allowing himself to do it. That's until they come upon the wraith distress call from the planet below.

They look at each other. They communicate in words but they also communicate with their eyes. Suddenly, they are one mind again.

Continued in Pt. 2 (NB this episode focuses entirely on Sheppard and McKay so this is in 10 parts)

.* Actually Weir's whole "I didn't think so!" schtick would have made sense if it was about her knowing that Sheppard had been using her to create distance between himself and Rodney. Like she was telling him that she knows the half-hearted flirty smiles at the end of The Eye weren't really about her (same with the nurse right then) but were an attempt to build a defensive barrier between himself and the thought of losing someone important to him again. Because she knows.

Also, we would just have had a similar confession from Rodney where he was trying real hard to tell something to Weir and she wouldn't let him finish. Those almost confessions would mirror each other.

McKay: If this doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm just saying, if it doesn't work... Weir: It will. McKay: I'm sure it will, but in the unlikely event that it doesn't, I... Weir: Rodney! Please.

---

Sheppard: Listen, uh, I'd like to say something while I still can. Weir: Don't! You're gonna get through this. Sheppard: If I was ... he wouldn't have let me go. Weir: Who wouldn't have let you go? Sheppard: The Wraith.

Sheppard: What I wanted to say was ... Weir: Save your strength, John, and tell me in person. Sheppard: This is important. Weir: I'm listening.

[tiffsflickpicks]

pictured above: Thirteen (2003)

Drama

Dir. Catherine Hardwicke

“A lot of the time we feel that our lives the worst, but I think that if you looked in anybody else's closet, you wouldn't trade your shit for their shit.”

Mid-90s (2018)

Drama/Comedy

Dir. Jonah Hill

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Comedy/Drama

Dir. Peter Weir

“I don’t know what kind of girl I am.”

Juno (2007)

Comedy/Romance

Dir. Jason Reitman

“We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them.”

The Virgin Suicides (1999)

Romance/Thriller

Dir. Sofia Coppola

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

Stand By Me (1986)

Thriller/Adventure

Dir. Rob Reiner

“When you get older you realize that's kinda all life is. It's just a bunch of scribbles and dicks and, violence all in a void.”

Big Time Adolescence (2019)

Comedy/Drama

Dir. Jason Orley

“Women, they have minds, and they have souls, as well as just hearts. And they've got ambition, and they've got talent, as well as just beauty. I'm so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I'm so sick of it.”

Little Women (2019)

Romance/Drama

Dir. Greta Gerwig

“You have so much love to share with the world and so much life yet to live.”

Waves (2019)

Romance/Drama

Dir. Trey Edward Shults

“Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?”

Ladybird (2017)

Comedy/Drama

Dir. Greta Gerwig

“Can I Have 13 Beers To Go, Please?”

Superbad (2007)

Comedy/Teen

Dir. Greg Mottola

“Are we gonna be like our parents?”

The Breakfast Club (1985)

Comedy/Drama

Dir. John Hughes

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

The Perks of being a Wallflower (2012)

Romance/Drama

Dir. Stephen Chbosky

“As soon as you came out, you said, "Mom, I'm still me." I need you to hear this: You are still you, Simon”

Love, Simon

Comedy/Romance

Dir. Greg Berlanti

“I can’t believe it. They forgot my fucking birthday.”

Sixteen Candles (1984)

Comedy/Romance

Dir. John Hughes

“You know, you don't always get the dream house, but you get awfully close.”

13 going on 30 (2004)

Comedy/Romance

Dir. Gary Winick

[liminalmemories21]

AU game: TK is an Atlantean who guards the sacred island gateway to the city from the outside world. Carlos is the lone survivor of a shipwreck who washes up on shore. The island is, by nature, pretty much programmed to be hostile to humans, but TK feels compelled to keep him alive.

Okay, so first of all you said Atlantean and my mind immediately went to SGA (TK is Shepherd, Carlos is McKay, Paul is Zelanka, Judd is Teyla, Owen is Weir - this is funny to like five other people here, anyway).

Okay, going back to a more traditional lost city of Atlantis

1 - Carlos is the first human TK has ever met, and he's just so beautiful. He's nothing like the people they've been taught to fear and guard against. He can't see how someone so kind and with a smile like that can be dangerous.

2 - Carlos was sure he was going to die when his boat capsized, sure he'd died when he woke up to the most beautiful man he'd ever seen leaning over him, back lit by the sun. It takes a while for TK to convince him that he's not dead, he's just on an island that everyone says is a myth.

3 - A lot of their early conversations are just listing things they've been taught and finding out if they're true or not.

Do you have gills? What? No, of course not.

Humans think raw vegetables are poisonous What? Was the last time you talked to a human in the 16th C? I mean more like 12th, but kind of.

How has nobody noticed the island? Are we underwater? Does the island sink? We're not aliens. It's, I don't know, magic? Above my pay grade. How do you not know this? Do you know how everything in your world works? Solid point. Okay.

4 - But then they start to just talk about things - they had different childhoods, their worlds are different, but they're also the same. They talk about wanting to fall in love, about loving their parents, about feeling like they're never going to be enough. It turns out they have more in common than they have that's different.

5 - They were always going to get found out, it was never going to last. The Council of Atlantis gives Carlos a choice - stay there forever, give up his life before, or leave but with none of the memories he's made while he's here. He wants to stay, but TK makes him go, tells him that he can't give up his family and his life just for TK. Carlos wants to say that surely it's his choice to make, but TK turns his back and doesn't give Carlos the choice.

+ 1 - Six months later there's a beautiful boy who washes up on the shores of the beach where Carlos lives. He doesn't understand why he lives there so far from his family, why he's so drawn to this shore, but he can't bring himself to leave. He follows the boy to the hospital when they take him there, and he sits in his room, even though he's not sure why. And then he wakes up, and then he kisses Carlos, and Carlos remembers.

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where Benny Weir gets set up on a blind date with the reader who is deaf

A/N: In this, Ethan and Sarah are dating and set Benny and the reader up because it'll make the story make more sense and possibly more interesting xx :)) of course if there are any mistakes, please tell me so i can fix them

CW: slight talk of feeling like the reader isn't worth it (quickly does down the drain bcs c'mon benny is such a simp ong), Sarah being an absolute queen, kisses, Sarah and Ethan basically stalking to make sure the date was going well. That's about it, I hope you enjoy the story xxxx

The Blind Date.

I had known Sarah since we were in elementary school and we both liked similar things, she's a sweet girl and all but she likes to take a lot of things on by herself. She never liked asking for help because, well she never needed it. Always had good grades and was a very patient person, which came in handy for me because I am deaf. I was a lot like Sarah, in the way that I hated asking for help but that was because I didn't want people to think I couldn't do anything by myself, I could but sometimes people needed to be patient, and she always did.

She liked to help me in a lot of ways like learning sign language with me so we could communicate easier, making sure I didn't get told off for 'not listening' to substitute teachers when they didn't know I was deaf, etc. This also meant that she helped me by also helping one of her friends too.

Benny had been complaining to Ethan about not having a girlfriend yet and constantly whining about being lonely while Ethan tried (albeit failing) to give his dearest friend some well needed advice. It had gotten to the point where Ethan had no idea how to help him because anything that he told Benny to do, didn't work.

Ethan had told Sarah about what had happened and asked her for more tips for Benny since she had been in more relationships than he had when something had clicked in her mind. She had the same problem he was having, but with me. I had been constantly complaining to her via sign language across rooms or face-to-face. She knew that my type was the nerdy, awkward guy that loved to ramble on about random things, but it didn't matter, no one really wanted to date me because they thought that even though I wore hearing aids all the time and only occasionally used sign language when talking to my friends, that I wasn't worth the effort.

It didn't bother me too much because it was something I couldn't change but it also bothered me a bit because it was something that I couldn't change, it was a part of me, like how someone could have scars, but in my case, it was my inability to hear.

One day, she had had enough of Ethan constantly complaining about Benny saying he needed a girlfriend, it didn't matter who, and me constantly doing the same. As I got into my parents car to be picked up from school, Sarah was planning for me and one of her and Ethan's male friends called Benny Weir to go on a date together. She had surmised an entire plan for all of our problems to go away, hopefully. This included her and Ethan scheming behind mine and Benny's back.

It also didn't help that she knew exactly what my type in men was because it was the lanky, uncool, nerdy, strange, weird boys that rambled on about comics, games, movies, tv shows etc. for hours on end because I always felt they didn't get enough recognition for who they actually were, unlike the 'cool' jocks that failed every class just to be deemed interesting by his peers. It also helped that Benny would fall in love with any girl, no matter what she looked like or what she had that was different, it only made her more pretty. The only reason why we hadn't met before was because our paths had never crossed much, if at all, and he definitely did not have the same amount of courage and confidence as Rory did.

It was about 8 o'clock on a Friday night when Sarah had so graciously told me that I was going on a date to the park with the boy of my dreams and would not give any specific details other than he was basically just my type and that I needed to be at the park for about 2pm tomorrow afternoon. When I saw this, I thought she was bluffing but she told me she was serious and she even pinky promised that she wasn't joking with me and that I was actually going on a date tomorrow with someone. I decided to play along, and go to the date.

Likewise, Benny was told by Ethan that he was going on a date but was more nervous than he thought he would be, wondering who it would be, if I was going to be nice, how was he supposed to dress, oh god how was he supposed to dress, he's never been on a date before. He decided to agree and call Rory in the morning to help him get dressed for the occasion because Rory has more experience in this right? Right??

After messaging goodnight and doing my usual night time routine, I slipped into bed, looking forward to tomorrow, a warm swell of butterflies filled my chest thinking about what he may be like or look like.

After Benny had done his usual night time routine, he clambered into bed, tossing and turning side to side, nervous of what tomorrow would bring him, still slightly unsure if Ethan would prank him like that, a nervous swarm of butterflies clanked around his body as he tried hard to go to sleep, wondering if I'll at least be nice and like him... at least just a bit.

-----The Next Morning-----

Since I set my alarm so I could have an early morning start and put a bit of effort into my looks, I was able to throw the perfect casual but interesting look together, have a nice breakfast, do my hair so it looked decent at least, do a bit of homework so I wasn't behind, and make sure I was there on time. (you can wear what you want bbys x)

Benny on the other hand was a different story, he woke up with a very confused Rory in his room, looking down at Benny with a pile of 'suitable' clothes for a date cradled in his arms, his bed an absolute mess from being unable to sleep all night, and his phone still going off with alarms that had been going for at least an hour. Panicking, he checked the time and saw he only had an hour and a half to get fully ready, fed to some extent, out the door and at the place of the date.

After a long time of picking out the best clothes of the bunch, he settled on a rainbow cat t-shirt (courtesy of Rory), a pair of jeans, a jacket (courtesy of the floor) and his converse and a bracelet or two that was lying around.

Around 10 minutes before I got to the park, I got a message from Sarah with a number attached, just saying 'Benny's number ;)' on the message, I quickly added it and dialled the number, calling it to know how far he was and where we were meeting in the park, at least I hope he was coming.

Benny got a message from Ethan saying 'Readers number' with it attached, and he stopped where he was in the street and stared at his phone in disbelief for a good minute or two, unsure of what to do. Does he call you? Is he supposed to text her? No, that'd be weird and out of the blue. Do I-

His train of thought stopped when he saw the same number on his phone calling him, now panicking because he wasn't sure on what he was supposed to say but before it rang out, he answered.

"Hello? Are you my date?" Strange start, but not an unprompted question to say the least. "Did Sarah set you up to this too?" I asked the boy on the other side of the phone, genuinely curious.

"Uh yeah, sorry, I don't know your name. I was only told last night that I was doing this." He said, so it wasn't just me that was confused.

"I'm (Name), what's your name?" He didn't recognise the name so that was good, at least he wasn't being embarrassed by someone he already knows.

"Benny, Benny Weir." He said with more confidence.

"Oh, the wizard, right?" As soon as I said this, his heart sank to the floor and any confidence he ever had before, drained from him in a second. When the phone was quiet for a moment too long, I decided to speak again.

"Don't worry, Sarah already told me about you being a wizard a while ago, and I know she's a vampire." I explained, hoping that he knew I was being sincere.

"Where abouts in the park do you want to meet up? I think there's this really cool willow tree nearby a coffee shop if you want to go there?"

"Yeah, that sounds good to me, I'll see you there." I said with a big smile across my face as I hung up the phone.

By the time I had gotten to the park, there was a few families there, a couple with their dog and a few older people sat on benches with bread or bouquets of flowers they had picked. Under the willow tree, there was a boy, sat with fluffy brown hair, a slightly crinkled jacket, a rainbow cat shirt, jeans, and converse... was this Benny?

He was pretty cute so I picked up all the courage and confidence I had and walked over to him. "Hey, are you Benny?" I asked when I got close enough to him.

Benny's head turned towards me in a moments notice, almost looking like it hurt with the pure velocity. A shaky but affirmative answer followed as he took me in for a moment. His expression read nervous so I sat down next to him and started to talk to him, slowly making him more comfortable by asking him what he liked and 'nerding' out with him about his interests.

Turns out, we shared a lot of things in common, and I could already feel myself looking at him in a different light, liking him more than I thought I would because of his charming smile that grew more with pretty much any passing moment, cheeks that go red, his eyes that could hold a thousand secrets if you asked him to. Just everything about him was adorable in one way or another.

He felt the same, slowly (but really not) falling more and more in love with everything about me with every new thing he learned. As I was picking myself up from laughing at a joke he made, he finally saw something that usually turned more people away.

"Oh my god, you have hearing aids?" He questioned, with an unusually happy tone, one that felt almost out of place to me.

"Yeah, I was born almost fully deaf in both ears, I can still hear without it in but it is very muffled, my family taught me sign language when I was younger in case I did ever go fully deaf and Sarah learnt it with me," I rambled on, now nervous as to what he would think of me or if he even cared.

"That's so cool!" He almost shouted, already asking me more questions about it.

After answering most of his questions, we got up to go the little café that had a library attached to it, having a quiet conversation while going through the comic section, quietly browsing with Benny while he talked about some of his favourite plot points and characters in the comics, while comparing it to some of the various tv shows and movies he's watched.

We sat down next to each other in a corner of the café and talked about ourselves and had a really good time. I could already tell I had fallen completely head over heels for him and I hoped he felt the same about me.

He did, he could practically feel the heart eyed, love struck, cartoonish face he was probably pulling while he was listening to me ramble on about some of my favourite characters but he didn't care, he thought I was so cool already and hoped I felt the same.

After it had gone 7pm, we decided to get up and leave the café, having already been there for a few hours, and walk each other home. As we walked, I decided to make a bold move and hold his hand, blaming it on the fact it was cold outside, at this he gave me his jacket that was already warm and smelt like him. It was soft, slightly clammy, probably from nerves and from being warm inside the café and coming outside. It fit my hand perfectly, like two jigsaw pieces being placed together.

As we made it to my house, we exchanged farewells and I went to take off his jacket to give back to him, he grabbed both sides of the jacket and pulled it back onto my shoulders, keeping them there and telling me to keep it. I made a split minute decision and pulled his face to my level while standing up a bit higher to reach him and kissed him. We both froze for a moment and I pulled away to apologise but he held my face close to his. Our eyes locked for just a moment before he pulled me back in for another kiss.

Unbeknownst to us, Sarah and Ethan had been sat in a bush near my house, taking pictures of us, almost celebrating the fact that we will both hopefully stop bugging them both about being single.

Just before we parted ways, we both agreed to go on another date soon I kissed his cheek before going inside my house, letting a slightly too loud excited squeal leave my lips. Benny heard me and realised what had just happened and held his cheek the entire way home, only letting go when he made it back to his house and sat down on his bed and started to watch videos on how to do sign language. We had messaged almost the entirety of the night until we both fell asleep, smiling with our phones in our hands, a message waiting to be sent on both of our chat boxes, 'I love you'.

[theluminoussunflower]

hi

I always felt kinda weird about the dps 'novel' and thought it was so strange how many people seemed to love it. (And how often nancy kleinbaum was credited for quotes she had no involvement in..)

Like.. i'm glad if people enjoyed it. But at the same time i was crushed that i couldn't form a connection with it? Because all i yearned for was a long and detailed book of dps, but the book we've got is just a (worse) version of the script, where all the characters feel off.. finally someone put into words what i had trouble articulating.

So... thanks!

(And if i may ask: what do you think of the 'deleted scene' where mr. keating comes to the cave? It obviously doesn't have much to do with the book (just like everything else it was part of the script), but for me personally it was the first time i had encountered it.. do you think it adds to the story or not?)

Anonymous because i have a horrid fear of being misunderstood :) have a nice day

anon you and i are on the exact same page. i think within the fandom it's generally disliked on some level, but i see a lot of people who aren't in the trenches with us who praise it. and it's like, i think they just like the movie, but quoting from a movie isn't aesthetic enough or something? so they quote from the book? idk i have never liked the book, i don't understand the appeal of it at all.

there is another universe where the dps book is what you want: thorough, detailed, maybe even expands on the characters in minor ways (like we finally find out what clubs meeks and pitts are in). unfortunately, we live in the darkest timeline

i have quite mixed feelings about that deleted scene tbh. there is some context to it and i even see the vision that schulman was going for when he wrote it. to my understanding, that scene where todd reads out his poem was supposed to be intercut with the scene of neil going into his father's office. it's a pretty sick juxtaposition: todd, the character who could barely form a sentence at the beginning of the film, is reading out his own poem to his friends! and neil, who started all his friends on the dps path after being inspired by keating, isn't there because he's committing suicide at home, ending his life because there is nothing to live for if he can't seize the day. the thing is, in the original script, todd's character arc was a bit more complete in my opinion. he stands up to mr nolan and his parents and he doesn't sign the contract which terminates mr keating. he see him put keating's advice into practice and the effects/consequences of that (for some reason, todd does not get kicked out of welton in the og script, not sure why). but in the film, he is presented with the reality of not being able to follow mr keating's advice (yet), so he has to sign the contract. thus leading to the epic finale of the film where he thanks mr keating for his lessons and then we just presume they all put those lessons into practice. (dps 2 me thinks). now, for the film, weir wanted that grim/tragedy ending, so he cut a lot of that stuff with todd out. it still works, just not in the traditional way.

in terms of the rest of that, like everyone singing and dancing together... doesn't really do much. again, it was supposed to be intercut with neil's suicide, but neil's scene is harrowing enough without seeing his friends not know what's going on with him.

so there is a world where that deleted scene works, but they deleted it for a reason.

if i could for a moment talk about knox's storyline relating to that scene. i hate that his relationship with chris comes to a screeching halt when neil commits suicide. literally, after the play, we don't see or hear from her again. in that deleted scene, they kiss or whatever. still doesn't really wrap it up. now i'm not saying i'm rooting for them, because i'm not. but i think it would have been interesting like.

okay imagine chris' boyfriend chet finds out that she went to the play with knox (or kissed him). and chet is furious so he marches up to welton, set on punching knox into the ground. only to be confronted with a guy whose friend just killed himself. and what if knox, much like todd in the film, relents. and says "you can have chris, i can't seize the day anymore, my friend is dead" and we see him lose. knox, who has been pining after chris the whole movie, has to give up. i think that may have just reiterated the point, so maybe that's why it's not addressed. idk it was just always odd that knox didn't get a proper ending. not that he deserves it.

i don't know if that actually answers your question or not. i guess in short, i don't really think it should have stayed in the film as it was, but i see how it could have worked.

end post lol

[pinkrobinontheloose]

So

Here's the thing. (This probably is going to be a disaster and some trauma dumping on my behalf, and with some grammatical and spelling errors 'cause English is not my first language, so be aware)(Side note: I'm from Venezuela, which will play a huge part in everything I'm about to say)

It's hard living with your parents when you're the youngest and the only one who got a college degree, out of all your siblings. And is autistic/depressed/chronically ill.

It's rough.

Recently, while I was seeing a Tik Tok about the Batman and I realized why I vibe with Tim so hard, more than any other. 'Cause I'm the same way. They were talking about the roles that children take in abusive/neglectful/dysfuctional households.

They talked about 4 roles:

- The hero (Dick): A child who takes on the role of the parents.

- The rebel (Jason): They like to go against the rules and forms of authority, as well as dynamics wich include some form of power dynamics. Also, they could, in some way or minimal form, be part of the problem.

- The lost child (Tim): The quiet, discreet one. Who's needs often are overlooked and hided.

- The mascot/brains (Damian): It uses the comedy and laughter as a way to distract the attention from the dysfunctionality of the family. As well, the brain ones, are the ones who takes any minimal chance they get to use the mistake of one member against them.

And they talked about in how this roles played a huge part in the development of this child's and their adulthood.

As soon as I ended that video I cried super hard, because I saw myself in Tim.

It feels selfish and narcissistic to say it, but I was the lost child.

My sister was the hero, my brother the goofon and I was the lost child (wich is such a dramatic title).

Our house was a weird combination of the 3. My parents were there in our childhoods, but they never where really there. Our family dinamic could range from being super happy to be supper tense and scary in just one second. My father is the center of it all. You didn't want to piss him off. He rarely is abusive physically, but God, did he have other ways to hurt you. My mother is mostly, distant, she will scream and insult him and pass it as taking care of us, but at the same time, she only did it for herself. She will tell you to just succumb for anything my father says, if that means she can keep her peace of mind.

My sister will always try to protect us and care, she was the one who tried to advocate and fighted our parents. She is this strong, protective, quick witted woman who has so much emotional damage that limits her capacity to love and feel secure with people, especially man. She is our Dick.

My brother on the other hand is an asshole. A jerk who is neglectful with his children in his own way. A big jerk to woman's. I... He did things to me which I never talk about and no one knows about, except me and him. He always tried to pass everything as a joke and made seem that everything was fine. My dad and him always had an explosive relationship, they will have screaming matches, physical figths, neglect, shaming, hatred, everything that they could do the other. But was my mother's favorite. And he became Jason of our family. Everything he does, is forgived and passed as a mistake or misjudgment.

Then there was me. The weirs, sickly child who's siblings hated for being the reason their parents no longer cared for each other and played by the rules this parents established, the one who never quite understood why people treated as if was an stupid with high grades. The one who had to take the downfall of every single one mistake the other two did. The one who had to be the fucking parent for her own parents. I'm Tim.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw that, and only I could think of all the ways I failed my "family" to be "more family like" instead of thinking about all the things they let me down for.

I just....

I remember the only therapist I saw in my life told me once "you can't always expect to make them happy, as well, you can't expect them to make you happy or being happy in your behalf. Cause to them, you are breaking the mold and expectations they set up, even the ones who wish you good, set up expectations. They conditioned you, and you conditioned your surroundings to believe that, if you make a mistake, you're not worthy of love. You are the problem"

So yeah.

I'm Tim.

I'm the problem.

[lost-in-sokovia]

I figured I would share some personal headcannons about the kiddos just for fun!

I always imagined the Weir-Fields kids as twins for some reason. I can imagine the reader telling Calvin after an appointment that there’s two in there and him nearly passing out. They’d be partners in crime for life.

I can see Auggie growing up to be a teacher. He knew how his father grew up and never wants a kid to feel the way he did. August fortunately grew up around pure love from his parents and wants to pass that down to his students.

When Scout grows up and starts dating, Percy is definitely that dad who tries to intimidate the boy and goes undercover to follow them around town.

Olive and Juni would be best friends and would hang out together at every family event. They’ve both got spunk and sometimes their parents have to tell them to quiet down.

Ariel is like how I was as a kid—a diva but not disrespectful. She’s that girl who the teachers tell “this is a school, not a beauty salon”. She’s a mama’s girl until she grows older and comes to appreciate her dad’s nerdiness.

Sorry, that was a lot. I am autistic and I have taken a special interest in your writing. I hope you liked my little thoughts! -🥀

RORO DO NOT APOLOGIZE. DO NOT APOLOGIZE HOLY SHIT I LOVE ALL OF THOSE!!!!🥹😍

why is that an au i am totally willing to explore though?? like that’s such a big-brain thought like hello that’s actually the cutest thing ever? calvin would totally almost pass out oh my god and like the nights when they’re both crying and you and calvin are desperately trying to get them back to sleep and just. i truly love every single aspect of that i’m not even kidding i will truly have to consider playing around with that😉

talking about auggie when he grows up always gets me, just because of what happens in the normal auggieverse. like his relationship with eddie gets strained when he’s older, and like he only allows him so much into his life after that. your vision of auggie being a teacher is so fitting though, and like he would be the sweetest (probably math) teacher out there🥺 (between you and me and the rest of tumblr reading this, i always imagine that when august grows up and gets married, he has a daughter🥺)

the way scout would yell at him oh my GOD. she’ll literally kick dust in his direction and tell him to scram before she comes home and tells you what he did. you have to tell percy to calm down and let your little girl do things on her own, she’s tough, smart, and has a reputation as “the little dolarhyde girl” behind her.

no because literally aunt olive loves her junebug. like olive may be 14 years older than her (she’s 7 in the movie, dwayne is about 14/15, you and dwayne have juni when you’re 22 which is about 7 years later, bada bing bada boom math, olive is 14), but juni makes her feel like a kid again and loves watching her grow☺️

OKAY YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. ariel loves fashion and being fancy like auntie danielle, and she’s such a diva but she has such a sweet heart. and as far as her father’s neediness goes, there’s definitely some of that passed down. when she’s older and going on dates and whatnot, if a boy asks her what she wants to do, she wants to have a star wars movie marathon. her shirt may be pink and cropped, but it says “star wars” on it in gold glitter so what are you gonna do?😔

these truly made me so happy hehehehe thank you for sharing my love💕💕💕

[warblingandwriting]

So this is kind of a weird series, I think, and this is more a of a ramble than a proper review. Out of the gate I’ll say I didn’t like it, but it had some ideas I liked, and I would love to see a remake written and directed by women that makes the queer subtext explicit, and deals more explicitly with women's issues by people who actually cared about the original story. Instead I feel like this series was far more interested in trying to modernize the story, in particular by making the female characters (especially Miranda) ‘strong’ in an entirely modern and literal sense. Anyway, spoilers ahead, although I will say I don’t think spoilers matter much for this series or the book. The series isn’t good enough to recommend, and there aren’t really big twists in the book that I think would be ruined by knowing certain plot points, just a fair warning if you truly like to go in blind, as I do actually really recommend the book.

Making Miranda into a "tomboy" stock character, and Irma into a typical "Rich girl" stereotype is not a replacement for adding depth. I actually don’t mind Marion’s characterization since she barely gets anything to do in the original film or book, but overall I still dislike the dialogue writing in particular. I can understand perhaps feeling like the Peter Weir movie makes the three disappeared girls lack some characterization as they're not on screen for all that long, but to feel the need to add these stereotypical affects as if they weren't fleshed out characters in the book is a bit painful for me to watch. I think, too, in doing this the series tries to comment on the ideas the book explores of the sort of idealization and veneration of these girls after their disappearance, by making their set somewhat rebellious, so that there’s a disconnect between their idealization and the reality? But I think the book does this much better by drawing the reader into that same idealization, and maybe make you not even realize you’re doing it until the end. The book functions as almost an interesting criticism of true crime, but this film doesn’t do the same, which is kind of unfortunate in an age when that genre has become so saturated.

And why does Mrs. Appleyard need a dramatic backstory? This was admittedly my least favourite part of the series. In the book (and by extension the Weir film), she is a traditional character, with somewhat mysterious origins, holding up the institutions of repressive patriarchy for England in a relatively recently colonized land. This series really took the book’s line about no one really knowing if Mrs. Appleyard had the credentials to run a school, she just looked good enough for the parents, and ran with it. Yet I still have no idea what her deal is. I guess she worked as prostitute and thief, but eventually killed the man she worked with and fled to Australia, and her strictness is just a reflection of her not wanting the girls under her care to end up like she did. However, I think this actually takes out a lot of the depth of patriarchal control from the book as opposed to enhancing it (which was, I think, the intent). Instead of this control of young women being institutional, casual, and easily reproduced by everyone, including the women around them, it now becomes a cycle set off by ‘bad men’, something unnatural, something that (as we see from pretty much every woman in the story) women won’t adhere to unless somehow forced. I suppose that’s true, in a way, but when every woman we see upholding gender roles and patriarchal structures in any way has been abused it sort denies the existence of casual internalized misogyny and the way these women were shaped by the culture they grew up in. It has a very sort of “as long you’re aware these things exist at all, you could never participate in them” energy that doesn’t ask anyone to examine their own biases, and why they might feel a certain way about a certain thing. I do appreciate the choice of this series to simply confirm that it was Mrs. Appleyard who killed Sarah Waybourne though (something that is ambiguously implied in the book, but practically outright denied in the Weir film), it is the one representation of that internalized desperation to ally oneself with the patriarchal ideal of female perfection that the series keeps, and it works (although I do think it would work better if Mrs. Appleyard in this version wasn’t already a hardened criminal who had killed before).

That’s not to say every piece of media has to engage with sexism in the exact same way, but I felt like the way this series did it lost a lot of the book’s depth. I don’t have much to say about the queer aspect, because I don’t hate it, and no one seems to ever actually find out about the relationships that happen so they don’t really deal with any ramifications for it. I’ll just say I think it was not done great, especially Irma being jealous/upset that Miranda is not interested in her in that way. I think I would have preferred a relationship between two of the three disappeared girls as opposed to the one they went with. I get what they were trying to do with the tension between someone who just wants to cover everything up and someone who wants to actually engage in a relationship (to the extent that that would be possible), but I think that could have been done just as well with any of the three lead girls, really, together. And it would have allowed Miss McCraw to keep her place in the story as the sort of necessary fate of brilliant women. As smart and accomplished as she is, working at a girl’s school is genuinely the apex of career possibility for her, again providing subtle and biting critique of women’s perceived abilities. Now that she is sort of at the girl’s school in exile she no longer gets to fill that role.

The series didn’t seem to allow itself to be about different types of women, trapped by different situations, in the strange liminal space of repressive English society in conflict with the ‘Wild New World’ (for the white main charterers of the book, anyway) of Australia. While that exists in this series, as I have outlined, the form of repression has been boiled down to be very similar from character to character which to me, flattens the story in spite of everything that was added for the series.

The additions seem to me to make it obvious that this is more of a reaction to the original movie than it is to the book, which is always disappointing in a remake where there is additional source material. It's even more annoying when there are some book-exclusive details that make it obvious the book was read by someone. I admit I like the Weir film, I think it is better than this series, but I can at least understand the impulse to see that, due to the nature of film, we lose a bit when we lose Lindsay’s third-person narration allowing us to understand the characters better, and want to restore that depth. But I think this series went about it in the wrong way. Although they came out in the same year, (and therefore probably weren’t influenced by each other) it seems to go for the The Haunting of Hill House netflix formula, and as someone who also wasn’t a fan of that series, it just doesn’t work for me. It’s not helped by the fact that every time book accurate dialog actually shows up it feels out of place, and often out of character with all the new additions that make up the majority of the story.

I think the book actually captures very well the repression that existed as a woman (or afab person) both in the time it was written, and now. Even after their disappearance the girls are scrutinized and obsessed over, almost like a cruel joke that even in places unknown they aren’t truly free from a world that venerated and caged them. I actually really like Lindsay’s unpublished ending, and it’s one of the things I kind of like the series for sticking with. The girls find a sort of ‘time-warp’ and go into it, to places unknown, and, one might hope, to a sort of freedom.

[gwen-tolios]

Ace Bookclub Recap - Switchback

I love to share ace book recs (it's part of why I run an ace bookclub) and this month we read Switchback by Danika Stone. Book has been added to my Ace Rep Database.

Summary: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters. Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it's going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Spoilers below!

I struggled with this book. I couldn't connect with the characters very well (maybe because I'm not a youth) but I was also irked by how illogical this felt. I know not every character will make good choices, and I love that!, but there were several things that went beyond how far I was willing to suspend my belief for a survivor thriller. (The teachers didn't do an equipment check? The experienced camper didn't think to pack layers? They were already down chaperones, but a teacher decided to reduce the student/teacher ratio further and hike in the night?)

I feel like this also feel into the trap I experienced with Weir's The Martian - so many thing happen to the point that I became numb to the adventure-danger. There's only so many times a character freaks out about a noise that turns out to have been a harmless animal, before the paranoia is annoying.

That said - I do love how explicit the aroace rep is here. Vale's not shy about it - and it paints a shade over her interactions with her parents and Ash. You can tell she's found support in internet communities, and she's aware of and enforces her boundaries in terms of personal space. The biggest relationship in the book is also the friendship between Vale and Ash - which was really nice to see. Vale also identifies early - so you're not left wondering as the book progresses.

I feel like other people will love this book more than me, I ultimately DNF'd it, but this is outside of my typical reading lanes: contemporary YA is something I tend to avoid, and survival thrillers have rarely sparked joy. I do think it's a strong example of aroace rep, even if I found the story melodramatic.

[paastliives]

justice smith + he/him + cis male – have you seen luke tozier around los angeles? the twenty-six year old is usually jamming to fancy by twice. word around the city is that they’re persistent, yet, they can also be pessimistic, but you didn’t hear that from me. they’re currently an nhl player and are typically seen walking the streets of los angeles with his samoyed, lorna. when i think of them, i think of hot chocolate in a cold ice rink, graphic sweaters and unsent postcards forgotten on a cluttered bedside table. let’s hope the city treats them good!

( WANTED CONNECTIONS )

(slight mention of teen pregnancy and tw for homophobia & biphobia, drug use & alcohol use)

full name: luke tozier

nicknames: louie

birthday: january 4th, 1997

zodiac: capricorn

birthplace: ottawa, canada

hometown: ottawa, canada

occupation: goalie for the anaheim ducks

sexual orientation: (closeted) bisexual

gender: cis male

character inspiration: benny weir (my babysitter's a vampire), stiles stilinski (teen wolf), kotaro bokuto (haikyuu), finn hudson (glee)

headlines

TOZIER'S ALL STAR SAVES: SEE FULL GAMEPLAY HERE! - tsn, march 2023 TOZIER TO ANAHEIM! ( the senators to trade hometown boy to california ) - cbc, june 2022 TROUBLE FOR A SENATOR? ( sens' goalie off to rehab, says insider source ) - tmz, may 2021

the story

practically born with a hockey stick in hand, luke tozier was born to teenage parents romee tozier (fourty-three) and theo moran (fourty-four) in the suburbs of canada's capital city, ottawa. romee & theo didn't stay together long, but they'd always considered themselves 'life long friends'. due to that, luke has always said he was brought up by 'love'.

when luke was around 3 or 4, theo and his brother played hockey on a rec level and romee would always bring luke around to watch his dad play. it was at one of these games that luke got his first taste for the ice and decided he loved the rough sport. he begged his parents to enroll him as soon as he was old enough. with the help of theo's mother finding his old hockey stuff & romee's father paying the year's dues - luke got his wish. he officially started playing hockey in the fall of 2002.

he found his place as a goalie not long after. he found the position on the ice natural, and was easily commended by his coaches & peers for every block he made. this was truly cemented for him when he went to his first hockey camp at age 8. he spent most of that camp as a goalie, and revelled in the cheers he got every-time he blocked the puck from the goal.

the first time the idea came up that luke could actually truly make a career out of hockey - he was 13. sure, the idea had come up in dreams and fun talks with his dad & uncle, but he didn't think it could actually happen to him. a scout put the idea in his head during one of his games; placed a card in theo's hand, and told him to call if he wanted his son on the ice for real. three months later, luke found himself at a prestigious hockey 'school' on his summer break - there, he met wanted connection, his closest friend, and it was also where he given his first real taste of big time parties.

luke's life kind of changed after that summer. it was like he was initiated into this new life of semi-pro athletes, and he started high school with this flow about him. another thing that changed for luke was his willpower towards certain substances and alcohol and the parties that came with his new life. even though he knew one wrong move could mess up his whole future, luke found he loved the rush he got whenever he indulged himself. it was almost better than the feeling of the crowd cheering for him.

as he got older, he got better. he continued going to hockey camp; played on the school team and on club teams. when he was 16, he was picked as a goalie for the canadian world juniors team and the team won silver after he blocked the final goal of the game from sweden. the first time he saw his uncle cry was after that game.

he played his first olympic game the following year. he turned 17 in the mist of his first olympics, and got a gold medal with it.

the olympics were another turning point for luke. it was the first time he kissed a boy. he never told any of his teammates or his friends, in fear of what would happen. he gradually came out to certain people in the years following, and still deals with internalised homophobia & biphobia over it.

luke was drafted by the nhl at the age of 19 - right out of high school. he started in colorado, before getting traded to his hometown team of the ottawa senators.

as the years went on, luke's penance for partying grew. he was known to be at clubs late at night, and was known for heavy drinking following bad losses. he thought he hid it well; he really did. he thought no one could possibly know - until everyone did. after a brutal binge (and maybe a couple thousand in damages to a couple of things), luke was sent to rehab.

following his stay at rehab, luke had a horrible season. he felt shitty; he felt bad. he felt like his whole life and everything he thought about himself was going to come crumbling down due to one bad season. despite his two gold and two silver medals, and constantly being named one of the top goalies in the nhl: luke felt he had ruined his career and life.

he was traded to the anaheim ducks the following season, and he had never been so thankful to move from his hometown.

OTHER THINGS

luke has always been described by teachers and coaches as 'quirky' and 'a little odd'. he's always had this odd flow to him - like he's on a different dimension than you. his warmup music consists of kpop girl groups and vitamin string quartet covers; a hobby he picked up as a kid was tumbling rocks, and he has continued it into adulthood; and his favourite ice cream flavour is pralines & cream. after he moved to la, this translated into his clothing style too. it was often to find pap photos of him in fun clothes going viral on twitter.

once a video a teammate took of him dancing to 'love dive' by ive in the locker room went viral on tiktok & twitter, and now he sometimes does it on the ice.

sometimes just comes to the rink to skate his feelings out. he tries to do figure skating moves, but can never land them right.

he plays the guitar and sometimes jokes about starting his own band 'if this hockey thing doesn't work out'

luke hasn't touched drugs since rehab, but still drinks. he's trying to stop completely, but he has cut back a lot.

[jemandtherobots]

books read in 2023, part 1 of 2

thought i might as well do a post like this for the first half of the year bcos a) i've read a lot so this post will be long and b) i already have to go back like "i have no memory of this place book" with half of these.

Andy Weir - The Martian

No memory of why I wanted to start the year with this but I guess it falls in the category of "cosy read" for me so.

Jean Kearns Miller (ed.) - Women From Another Planet? (finnish translation)

Found my way to the mental health shelf of the local library and picked up some autism books instead of whatever it was I was actually looking for; this was an interesting read of essays and conversations between autistic women.

Puhu hereille (finnish)

This is an anthology of poems and short prose written by people on the autism spectrum and I 100% recommend it, I'm a little sorry it's hidden away in non-fiction and not shelved as poetry or whatever, but I'm very happy I found it.

Henry Fry - First Time for Everything

On one hand it's giving girlboss but make it a gay man, on the other hand this is such a good exploration of internalised homophobia and queer community dynamics and all that good stuff so I can forgive the girlboss vibes.

Catherynne M Valente - Space Opera

I nearly gave up on this so many times. Look, I love Eurovision, I love space, I very thoroughly enjoyed reading Douglas Adams as a teenager, so this should have been perfect for me. Unfortunately it was an unreadable mess and I hated every second I spent reading it.

Stephanie Julian - Hard Lines & Goal Lines

It must be hard writing romance because you need some sort of reason the characters can't be together and happy right from the start, like you need a plot, but whatever's getting in their way needs to also be something they can overcome by the end of the book. So sometimes that obstacle ends up being basically nothing, as it is in this book.

Emma Puikkonen - Lupaus (finnish)

Really enjoyed reading this one, but it was also a confusing reading experience for me as someone with eco-anxiety and no parental instinct, because I still found myself relating more to the parenting stuff than the eco-anxiety stuff. Anyway would absolutely recommend.

Sanni Purhonen - Jos vain muuttuisin toiseksi (finnish)

This is a poetry collection about disability which I actually passed on before because the blurb on the back cover does this zero justice. Publishers: get your shit together 2k23. Everyone who speaks finnish: read this.

Erik J Brown - All That's Left in the World

Okay I fuckin love disaster fiction. This ticked all my boxes: disaster survival, gay, included a map.

Marian Keyes - Again, Rachel

I am a Marian Keyes girlie and I also read Rachel's Holiday years and years ago (fun fact: my copy of Rachel's Holiday has a cover with a woman holding a drink on it and quotes about what a fun light read it is which, uh, well), and so I obviously needed to know if my blorbo was okay. The worst part of this book was a few days after I finished it, someone close to me went into a treatment centre for addiction and when I visited them it took so much willpower not to be like "oh I recently read a book about that".

Andy Weir - Project Hail Mary

Thought I might read another Andy Weir to see if the rest of his stuff was as good; it was alright, but I am not the target audience Andy Weir is writing to and that's fine. In my notes, I wrote that this book felt like "Arrival for men" and I stand by it.

Lily Lindon - Double Booked

The first I ever heard about this was someone saying "despite the concept it is not biphobic" like yeah okay fair, but also this book feels like the dictionary definition of gay and somehow homophobic? I think a "woman discovers she's queer, gets sucked into a specific community of toxic queer stereotypes and finally learns to accept herself and her bisexuality" story would be really great if any of the characters were the slightest bit sympathetic. Unfortunately the stereotypes are never really interrogated in any way, there's never a "oh actually there's more to being queer than this one specific club/scene" moment, and everyone's just kind of a dick lol. The main character never really puts in the work, so her ending feels unearned.

Kait Nolan - Our Kind of Love

Gonna be honest, typing this into the list I fully could not remember what this book was but then I remembered, it was the one with a content warning at the start for cursing and pre-marital sex, which is a fair enough warning but not one I recall seeing before. It's a sweet book, I liked it, but some of the characters were pretty one-dimensional.

Becky Chambers - A Psalm for the Wild-Built

This was lovely but also felt really unsatisfying somehow? Anyway I will read anything Becky Chambers writes, so.

Pauliina Haasjoki - Himmeä sininen piste (finnish)

Essays on climate change, the environment, etc. I came away from this book with a lot of thoughts and with a long list of books and movies to get my hands on.

Ali Hazelwood - Love on the Brain

Okay I fucking loved this one actually, this was even better than The Love Hypothesis. Sorry not sorry. Two notes though: 1) apparently the two main characters had a height difference of 40 cm and as someone who once dated a guy maybe 30 cm taller than me, I have to say the logistics of the kissing are not as simple as this book makes it seem, and 2) I don't like Ali Hazelwood's sex scenes at all rip.

Xiran Jay Zhao - Iron Widow

!!!!!!!!!

Alexandria Bellefleur - Written in the Stars

When will I escape the fucking Harry Potter references, if this wasn't a library book I would have set fire to it. That said, the rest of it was really nice, we love a little F/F fake dating opposites attract romance moment, although I can't speak to the quality of the sex scenes bcos I was reading this on the train sitting next to my mum so I kind of skipped those.

Miira Luhtavaara - Pinnallisuus (finnish)

Idk this had some fun visual stuff but mostly this was just like. Words. Apparently this is an award-winning poet but maybe I'm not cultured enough bcos I cannot understand why.

Jennette McCurdy - I'm Glad My Mom Died

The internet's been buzzing about this so much I had to read it despite barely knowing who Jennette McCurdy is; this was really good but also I felt so voyeuristic reading it like "noo I don't need to know this stuff about a complete stranger, why am I reading this" as if she didn't write it herself in a book for people to read.

Christina Sweeney-Baird - The End of Men

Based on the reviews etc that I read, I think that a lot of people (including the author) approached this book from a non-speculative-fiction background. I came to this book having read a) a bunch of disaster, incl. pandemic fiction and b) The Female Man by Joanna Russ and Ammonite by Nicola Griffith. So I understand that this was groundbreaking to some people, but to me it was a bit of a let-down. Obviously not every book has to add something new to its genre, but with feminist sci-fi I think I'd expect some awareness of genre, at least.

Also. If you don't know anything about genetics and infectious diseases, it's okay to not go into detail about them. I don't mind the idea of a vague nebulous disease that only kills men (as a plot device in fiction, I mean, I'm not buzzed about the idea in real life), I can suspend my disbelief. I stop being able to suspend disbelief when an author writes something this incredibly wrong.

Louisa M Alcott - Little Women

I watched the 90's adaptation recently bcos my man (John Neville) is in it so I figured I ought to read the book someday - I mean, I read some of it as a kid but I don't think I ever finished it - and honestly, I think child me was right bcos this book really isn't all that great.

Trish Milburn - A Cowboy's Kiss

I go on bookbub to look at my deals, I see the word "cowboy" and black out and the next thing I know that shit is in my google play library. ANYWAY. A librarian named Anna gets in an accident, and has to be looked after by a sexy doctor who is also a cowboy?? Sign me the fuck up.

Fiona MacArthur - Lacey

This was a pretty dull book and also loses so many points for the love interest being a cop, but you don't look a free ebook in the mouth.

Rachael Bloome - The Truth in Tiramisu

Another pretty meh romance.

Kerttu Kotakorpi - Suomen luonto 2100 (finnish)

A little prediction into what Finland might be like in the year 2100 as far as climate and weather go - an interesting read, for sure, if a bit depressing (:

Sari Elfving - Saattaja

Well. I liked the concept (1939, biology student doesn't get to go along on a research trip to find a butterfly she's interested in, war breaks out and she fakes nurse credentials to go serve in the war so she can see the butterfly), and I thought it was well-written, but I also just mostly did not like this book.

Martha Wells - All Systems Red (finnish translation)

I hate reading translations but sometimes needs must - this was sooo good oh my god. I need to read this entire series right now immediately thank you.

Lempi Nyyssönen - Taskukellon aikaa (finnish)

Was at grandma's, picked up one of the few poetry books she has, turns out this was written by her former neighbour. Not the most interesting poetry I've ever read tbh but also not the worst.

CJ Carmichael - Melt My Heart, Cowboy

A pretty good book about the friendship between Rosie, a writer/chocolate shop worker dealing with a big life change, and Sara Maria, a young autistic woman recovering from a breakdown and trying to find her own place in life without being defined by her family. Oh except it's actually a romance between Rosie and Brant, Sara Maria's brother and the cowboy of the title. It's just that he's the least interesting character in the book, and a bit of a dick, and even Rosie is like "why do I like this guy, he's a dick to his sister and he kind of sucks" sooo.

This book gets bonus points for Rosie finding out Sara Maria is autistic and her reaction being, and I quote, "like the Sheldon character on Big Bang Theory?"

Sangu Mandanna - The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches

This was mostly Really Good except remember that thing I wrote before about having to write obstacles to romance that are exactly the right size? The obstacle in this one should have been too big, actually, holy shit.

Carina Taylor - Tuesdays Like That

This book has really fantastic dialogue. The rest of it isn't that great.

Holly Smale - The Cassandra Complex

I'm putting spoilers here bcos I would have wanted them myself: I was so distracted reading this bcos first a side character made some comment about Cassandra, the main character, being on the spectrum, I was like "oh is she autistic?" (yes) and when I figured she probably was my next question was "does she know she's autistic?" (no.)

I did enjoy the book though, would recommend.

Note: I have left three books off this list bcos some things are between me and God (or, as it happens, between me and Google Play Books which now knows too much about me). Anyway see you in six months for part two! :)

[andswarwrites]

Day 14

We're almost halfway through the month and the last few days have been pretty heavy.  If anyone read all four days' worth of “bipolar” writing, thank you so much and I'm so sorry.  And if anyone has read all fourteen days' worth of writing total , besides S-, who reads everything I write, I don't know what to say.  Anyone who reads my writing and enjoys it moves me to continue my craft, and I am exceedingly grateful.  So today's thousand words is going to be about my love of storytelling.

We've already established that I love reading, and I love writing.  I also love movies and TV shows, Youtube and/or Tiktok videos and online articles: stories can unfold in so many different ways.  From an anecdote over coffee to an epic tale at the cinema, storytelling shapes and enriches my life.  I love a story that makes me laugh or just feel good, that's why my go-to favorite shows are comedies and slice of life anime.  I also love something that stretches my imagination or makes me reflect, and that is why I love science fiction.

When I was little, my parents would rent a few movies over the weekend, and that would be how we would unwind as a family, we'd watch together.  After S- and I got married, we would rent movies too, but he would rent movies he'd seen that I hadn't and I would rent movies that I'd seen and he hadn't, so we could get to know each other's tastes.  He only messed up twice: he had me watch Twelve Monkeys (1995) and Hero (2002).  I would probably be able to watch them at this point in life, but then I was too sensitive, and those movies made me cry uncontrollably. S- was very distressed.

One of my very best friends took a cinematic course in college where she learned about film noir, westerns, and I can't remember the third genre.  Anyway, she would come over and we would watch classic movies from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) to In the Heat of the Night (1967).  I was used to classic movies because my mom loved old musicals, but exploring everything from Hitchcock's works to Casablanca helped me to develop a taste for pacing, dialogue, jump scares and plot twists.

When S- and I were dating, I told him how much I had loved the movie Serenity (2005).  When he figured out that I had seen the movie but was unaware of the show, he went out and bought the DVD box set and I watched it.  Apart from some TV shows I had watched as a kid, like 3rd Rock From The Sun and The Pretender, oh, and of course Star Trek Voyager, I didn't watch that much TV.  Our TV was reserved for movies; we didn’t have Cable.

So S- and I started renting or buying certain boxed sets of TV shows on DVD, from House MD to Babylon Five and Stargate SGI + Atlantis.  I developed such an obsession with the Stargate world that I wrote a fanfic about Elizabeth Weir, called Weir's Gate.  It's the only fanfic I have ever written.  When we finally broke down and got Netflix, we started watching a lot of shows, and some of them were anime.  Thanks to anime, I started reading manga, because I wanted to know how the stories continued.

Anime on Netflix led to anime on Crunchyroll.  That was when my appetite for slice of life formed.  From Laid Back Camp to Chihayafuru, I love to immerse myself in Japanese culture.  We didn't keep Netflix.  I know, what's wrong with us?  Crunchyroll seems to suit us better, as does Disney Plus.  If we start subscribing to all the streaming services out there, we'll go broke.  We have to pick and choose.  I'll be honest, even though I have a healthy (or unhealthy, depending on your point of view) love of science fiction, it wasn't until The Mandalorian that I started to have affection for Star Wars.  Please don't hurt me.

So the point I am trying to make is that as time has gone on, I have found all these different formats of stories to entertain me, from musicals as a kid, because my mom had four VHS tapes that my sister and I would watch together, to science fiction and sitcoms as a young adult, and also anime, in healthy doses, as well as classic black and white movies: my tastes in stories are ever evolving.  And that is only visual media.  In my reading I have discovered authors like Ken Follett and Barbara Kingsolver.  Plus we lived near a comic book store for a few years, so I accumulated TPBs and graphic novels!

My daughter recently introduced me to certain Youtubers who tell stories through their artwork, most notably Neytirix.  One of her videos features her garden, and how she fixed it up with the help of her mom, and at the end of her video she shares the art piece that she was inspired to create from her experiences.  Spoiler alert: it is breathtaking.  Another artist who uses nostalgia in her storytelling quite a bit is Whatsupbeanie, who I first started following on Instagram, but now also follow on Tumblr.

Most of the stories I enjoy are wholesome.  From Fred Astaire to Alina Tysoe, all my life I have gravitated to something visually colorful and uplifting.  And yet.  Sometimes I crave a story that will destroy me.  Run me through, pierce me to my very soul.  Why?  I have no idea.  And yet other times I want to escape to a completely different reality: far off in the future or far off on some distant planet.  All of these tastes are reflected in my writing.  We write the stories we would like to read.  Or at least we should.  Our stories should stir us first.  When I cry while writing a scene, S- cries while reading it, I kid you not. 

So to cap it all off, what I am trying to say is with each passing year I am honing my skill as a storyteller through my love of stories.  I'm not copying or plagiarizing,  I'm absorbing.  I'm assimilating and creating my own spin.  Because nobody can tell a story the way I can, and I can't tell a story the way anyone else can.  I need to embrace my distinct perspective, my distinct style, my choice of words.  A close friend told me recently that I can't write a weak character.  That made me want to try.  She also told me my weak character would turn out to be strong in the end.  That is probably true.  Some of my friends REALLY know me well.

[aylinhadtimeforthis]

I feel like people have it a tadge bit backwards here, so here’s a long overdue post from me

The person who wrote the book, (Nancy H. Kleinbaum) simply decided to adapt the pre-filmed script, (as in the one that was submitted to the actors, the one given to Peter Weir to adapt, before him/filming it made any changes to it but the one AFTER things like Keating dying of cancer had been removed) instead of the final script that would actually follow what unfolded in the movie.

That script was written by Tom Schulman, and honestly if you want to complain about book Knox being “that way”, you have to beg the question of why H. Kleinbaum would keep the pre-filmed script.

But the real reason as to why Knox is so horrid is due to Tom Schulman’s writing alone, the movie version of Knox wasn’t the original that got tainted, he’s the FIXED version. Peter Weir wouldn’t let that version fly, and thank god he did, otherwise we’d be dealing with this crap:

Now I’ve numbered them because I want to give an accurate comparison of JUST HOW BAD book/pre-filmed script Knox is and how he was portrayed differently in the movie. 1. There’s no corny meeting, sure he’s head over heels in love but at least he’s not outward about it like that

2. Just... too forward. like what is this. He sounds like an actual toddler I’m sorry

3. He is literally so pathetic oh my god 😭 In the movie he just has a normal look bruh none of this “intense longing 🥺😩” bs 

4. HE LITERALLY SPEAKS LIKE A MANCHILD THAT LIVES IN HIS PARENT’S BEDROOM AND IS A DISCORD MOD

I HATE THAT SO MUCH

5. bro CALM TF DOWN 😭 in the movie he just looks conflicted and like, idk he’s kinda hyperventilating 💀 bc the sax solo is hitting too deep but like there is just a completely different vibe to to it

6. Just. No words. Absolute vomit fuel. In the movie it’s like a “oh that’s not what a carpe diem is you’re totally misinterpreting it” and here he’s not even carpe dieming. He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing and it’s f#cking sick.

7. AND THE SCRIPT TRIES TO MAKE IT LIKE IT’S OUT OF HIS CONTROL

PLEASE WHO’S IDEA WAS THIS I JUST WANT TO SHOOT YOU TALK 

8. This whole scene, godbless Peter Weir for having enough braincells to not even have an edited filmed version of it to even consider putting in the movie. And here we see pre-filmed script Knox with his gross little manchild brain at work again.

9. PLEASE THE EGO 😭 I GENUINELY CAN’T- This man thinks he’s so much holier than thou oh my god 😭😭😭 Like I get that Chet is a controlling and mean jerk but like the way pre-filmed Knox talks... it definitely makes me like Chet more

10. Okay. The way this was phrased in the movie is actually so important, because it’s in this scene where Knox does his real carpe diem, THIS is his one that matters, the one he gets right, the poem he wrote with thought and love, the flowers and the apology, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: Not caring if he gets rejected. in the movie he says “[She said] nothing, but I did it :)”, highlighting how the important aspect of his gesture was that it only mattered that he did it, he put himself out there and apologized and tried genuinely this time to win her over, it didn’t matter what the outcome was but the fact that he just tried in the first place. In the pre-filmed script, he just says “I don’t know” and that he’ll tell them later. It takes away that entire damn message.

11. Okay so this so dumb too, 😭 in the sense that he’s just got this personal hate against Chet. Like every one of the poets dislike Chet, heck even all of Welton students might because as you see among their interactions with each other, they tease each other quite a bit and are a little mean to Spencer, but in the end they’re friendly with him. For them to call someone a jerk he must’ve ACTUALLY been a jerk, but this whole personal “me against you winner gets the girl” mindset is just so pathetic.

12. Movie Knox would never in a million years say this 😭 it’s just so damn cringe and gross esp when you know what he’s like 😭 

13. In the movie he’s just melancholy, disoriented and drunk. Here he’s  apparently suicidal just because he couldn’t get some bitches. Goddamn.

14. THIS!!! IS SO!!! FRUSTRATING!!! In the movie Bubba and Steve pour him two drinks, none of which he downs till the end. (I think the scene was only even kept in for plot reasons, apparently they just HAD to make Knox make that mistake ig ;-;) And in the pre-filmed script it’s bourbon whiskey that’s being poured, in the movie the drink is clear, probably being tequila or vodka, which have a much higher alcohol content. And when Knox goes to sit down you see the exact same amount of liquid in his cup, and last we saw him he was walking away from the kitchen. So basically, he didn’t go for a second drink, he was already drunk as hell by the time he sat down. Now this shifts the blame to being under influence in the movie, but in the script he just goes for more, basically doing that to himself. Pre-filmed script Knox is just entirely more in control of his mistakes and yet decides to make WORSE mistakes it’s just baffling.

And lastly, what Peter Weir added into the script to completely shift Knox’s morals: (sorry for the red)

Like? He genuinely gets upset when the others sexualize and objectify Chris... thank god for Peter Weir I could not have ever dealt with book Knox being real 😭

i spent today annotating my copy of the dps book so here's a collection of moments of me hating book knox <3

[caitlinsnicket]

˚꒰ meeting your parents {arcane preference}

╭・characters; jinx, vi, caitlyn, ekko, silco, viktor.

┊ warnings; talks of insecurities, reader has a mom and a dad.

╰・ a/n; hello! i had a nice time writing this one. feel free to interact with it as you wish! if you'd like to support me, here's my ko-fi.

| jinx

is reluctant to actually meet them, because she knows she won't be able to act like a "normal person", but after a lot of talking and reassuring, she agrees to meet them

she brings a decorative token as a gift for them, and she needs to know you like it too so she feels better

is very very nervous and tries to contain her true self, but once your parents show how receptive they are, she lets go and talks freely

discusses her inventions and how she wants to be a crafts-woman, washes the dishes with your father and proceeds to show them one of her harmless butterflies

the dinner goes well and after that she ends up visiting them very often, with and without you

she feels safe, accepted and loved by them, and by you too, for allowing her to be a constant part of your life

| vi

acts overconfident but is actually terrified

is very sweet and respectful to them, and shows off by making you all drinks that she learned from vander

she talks to them about how much you mean to her, how much she wants to have a future with you and that she wants them to be a part of that future as well

has this weir idea that she needs to get your father's permission to be with you, but he just brushes it off and says she's a nice girl and that if you're happy, he's happy too

tries to cook something the first time she goes to their house, but ends up almost burning down the kitchen

it's not uncommon for you to catch her in random bars drinking with your parents and watching some shitty tv, just talking about life

she and your dad are besties :)

| caitlyn

sets up a tea party for you and your parents, buys new clothes for the occasion, manages to thorw her parents out of the house for the evening, changes the living room a thousand times until she feels like it's perfect and the proceeds to do the same to her hair

is the picture of perfection, almost doesn't act like an actual human being and her smile is frozen in her face

after she sees how laid back your parents are, she relaxes more and let's go, talking freely and expressing herself in a more "human" way

loves the way you interact with your parents, silently wishes her family could do the same

tea parties are now mandatory

asks a million questions afterwards, if they liked her, if she overstepped at any point, if she offended them in any way, and starts to plan her apology gifts

after you calm her down with kisses, she starts to plan her next move, which is to ask your parents opinion on you two getting married

| ekko

my boy tries to cook something, but ends up messing it up and has to run to a nearby foodtruck so he can feed you and your family

charms them very easily and makes nice conversation, your dad can't stop nudging you and pointing to him

amused smiles on their faces

ekko is the kind of boy to buy your mom flowers out of nowhere, show up at her house and spend the whole afternoon there, helping her around the house and talking about the latest gossip on the lanes

takes your father out on secret places, which are actually workshops, to tell him more about his work and ask for advice

asks you a bunch of questions about them all the time

is not above calling them "mom" or "dad" just to mess with them and to see the look on your face

| silco

doesn't actually want to rush the visit, because of who he is and what he does, and how things could go wrong between the two of you, he doesn't want to make things akward

after a while asking, he finally agrees to dinner with them (in a controlled environment)

lies about his work, saying he's just a humble investor who got lucky in business

his smooth talk gets your parents hooked, and they approve of him, telling you so later

takes care of your parents financially

always asks about them, making sure they have everything they need

makes sure they know you're well taken care of, safe and happy

likes to show off

| viktor

doesn't know what to do with himself, how to talk, where to put his hands, what to wear. he just wants them to like him, to approve of your relationship and be happy woth you

instead from going to your house, he invites you all to his lab to show his inventions, so they can see who he is and what he's all about

doesn't even notice how he's charmed them already with his complicated works and fascinating tinkering

they turn him into their personal helper, so he fixes things for them, invents things for them and makes their life easier

he takes their opinion very seriously

takes him a while to accept that they actually like him beyond obligation

is nervous to talk to them by himself in the begining

shares the latest piltover gossip with them all the time

taglist

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