#idk good fuckin day man
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the fact there's a parallel universe out there where he actually named the channel "sneeb" instead of "chonny jash" terrifies me.
#like “man did you see sneebs upload today?” “aw yea it was good as hell i love sneebs voice”#“man sneebs song really hit me today it got me rlly emotional”#“damn sneeb rlly knows how to make a good melody”#“did you know sneebs album is a metaphor for depression?” like i do not want to live in that world that name is so unserious#like no one would EVER take you seriously#a joke name off of johnny cash is one thing but like....*sneeb*#i don't wanna be the me that talks about some guy named sneeb all day#i dont want on cover duty like your name was fuckin sneeb in my song man#i cant#also i almost typed sneeb snogs instead of sneeb songs#the evil chonny jash is sneeb#sneebs shitty sophisticated syllabus#its like 3am bro idk what im saying#chonny jash
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SKADJKAJFKSFSAA content warning: embarrassing moment during my dinner out... /lh
#so - my dinner party right? while eating - i couldnt help but notice the waiters that attend to our tables were... young and nice looking#SAGFHHJAHJGSDSAGAS LISTEN JUST LISTEN#one of them stood out to me - he just looked.. really good looking#i promise you i dont fall easily irl -- but this guy just caught my attention#he had the whole waiter outfit though it was more casual - i frowned noticing that he didnt have a nametag on like the other workers ASDDJA#everytime i passed by - i would glance at him and just.. idk appreciate him adjsahsjfksfs im so sorry if this sounds weird HELPLASDAWHA#he just kept visiting our table since there were many of us and i would just smile when he pops up#now when everyones done eating - he would pick up their plates and bro. he took one plate in front of me and i was not ready for it SDFGSHF#picked up the dish next to my sister and i was like ASDAHFJSDAGSD (BREATHE)#BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT WORST? (OR BEST?)#IT WAS GETTING LATE. THE RESTARAUNT WAS CLOSING UP AND THE WAITERS KINDA SLOWED DOWN WITH THEIR PACE#they were moving the chairs back in order. the guy i like decides to sit down. and hes there. just breathing#SUDDENLY HE STARTS TO REMOVE HIS BOWTIE AND I WAS LIKE.OH OKAY OKAY. OH#i thought that was it BUT THEN NOOOO HE UNDOES TWO OF HIS BUTTONS AND I SAW HIS COLLAR BROOO I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD#AND THEN WE WOULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WHAT KINDA FUCKIN WATTPAD STORY IS THISSSSSSSS#I WAS SO . EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO LIKE AKSJDAKJFS WHY IS HE SO FINE HHHRRR#i was legit praying to just think back to steven like i dont know how to handle this genuinely ahjdfksafhsfsa#what a day that was......#~ rambling#man i hope this never happens to me again /lh
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pray for me it’s six hours at a hospital.
#ooc. o kaptain.#hospital mention /#[so far so good my aunt’s hooked up and she’s napping because she’s shot full of Benadryl. time to do some replies ❤️ it’s gonna be a#looooong fuckin day but I’m ready and she’s in a good mood and sort of so am I??? idk man I’ve been awake since 430 am.]
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i wish i was a man tbh
#i dont HATE being a woman i just dont. feel like one.#mannnn the stupidest thing fuckin triggered me abt this too#idk if u guys ever heard of everymanhybrid but its this old online horror series/arg from back in the day#i was just studying listening to a video abt it in the background and THE GUY THAT PLAYS EVAN???? im so so so jealous of him#esp later on in the series when he gets kinda jacked and starts wearing baseball caps WHY CANT THAT BE MEE???#like wym i cant be a short skinny early 20s man in new jersey in the early 2010s????#him and that frank iero dude. dont show me dudes from new jersey i cant take it.#idk im probably never gonna do anything abt it bc its not THAT strong 90% of the time#i mean honestly i can try looking more masc i just dont think id look good at all
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#vent#ahhh my best friend has once again told me to move out and look at shelters hahahahahahaha#like fuck man there ISNT A SHELTER HERE.#the only one we have is only open a couple months in winter#and also a shelter is THE WORST OPTION#esp in utah#like if i move out i need 2 have like help i cant just do it on my own yknow#he did have a good idea abt a mental health professional being able 2 help me tho..#but then im 2 scared my mom will find out im going to therapy!!!#but i am going to look into it#bc like. i just cant do this anymore yknow#this place is killing me#like literally#both my mental and physical health are. very poor rn.#idk what 2 do idk. i am fuckin scared abt everything yknow#dissociation has gotten worse#i keep seeing things#heart is acting up#cant eat#keep having nightmares#mom wants me 2 give her $1.5k#my dog is super arthritic n im the only one who will do anything with her#which is making MY joints and body pain way worse#i am always sick n i always have the smell of mold stuck in my nose now#i cant even function man#i just lay on the couch all day sick and out of my mind n then i get screamed at for it#bc im the only one who cleans so if im not cleaning the house is fucked and so the house is fucked#i cant see a way out idk#nothing makes me happy and i feel like im dying again#my entire life is fucked
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idk who needs to hear this but growing native plants is not hard at all, at all
#you could be starting seeds RIGHT NOW assuming your last frost date is some time in april or somethin#put the seeds in the fridge in moist sand or a moist paper towel#if its too late buy them from the fuckin store somewhere. or wait till next fall and toss em on the ground after mild tilling#throw some metal mesh of some sort over it to protect it from the rodents and BOOM. there ya go. the seeds are cheap asf too#its hard to kill a native plant. they naturally grow in that environment for a reason.#you can go a day or two without watering sometimes in summer and still be fine (depending on the plant ofc & if theyre potted)#idk its just. like. so easy. everyone could do it. everyone SHOULD do it.#in an apartment? get a window flower pot and plant some in there.#no excuses to not try and do the bare minimum. every piece of turf grass you see should fill you with violent rage to the point where#your body feels physically compelled to grow native plants in retaliation.#some you can even grow inside. i have some vine cuttings im growing inside rn that i started some time last year at the end of summer#from a wild plant outside. just look up how to grow it. watch the jankiest video you can find first.#i trust the guy with the scuffed set up thats shakily holding his phone scooping home-made dirt into a red solo cup over the#pristinely filmed shots of a garden and a man all dressed up nice#i mean idk hes prolly got some good advice too i just trust the other guy more ykno#give a fuck#literally tho this vine is so tall rn its touching my ceiling sdvvfsdhgdfs idk wtf imma do with it.#but i love it and its one of my favorite native plants and i LITERALLY grew it in a fuckin red solo cup.
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emotional. happy, pissed off, all that.
#hzrn#im cool with being annoying hypothetically but the real kicker is that no form of communication exists that i can really use comfortably#every single form of communication out there. i can't use it. i can't fuckin talk bc the sounds are too hard.#i can't fuckin type bc the buttons are too hard.#i can't fucking body and hands bc motions are too hard.#i can't fucking art because art involves all those things.#damn fucking WORDS are too hard. i put so much work into them and i get nothing. nothing!#who made the world this way?! why is it that all communication and socialization is so. fucking. hard!!!!#i tried! i really really fuckin tried man! all last year i tried so so hard.#i fell FLAT on my face. NO ONE liked me. they called me a retard! they said i was scary‚ awkward‚ hard to be around!#they did coordinated social attacks on me! then when i come back to school this year and i even *think* about trying again‚ they say#'nobody wants him here. and he should stop caring'#well right about then‚ is where she gives up! she has closed her eyes‚ she has given up hope!#i gave up trying to exist socially at school. the two paths are being myself and getting bullied‚ or not being myself and getting nothing#today was a good day for me all in all but idk.#the only reason i dont hold grudges like crazy is because of my object impermanence shit#although this might as well count as a grudge. i think it's somewhat justified though‚ because in my case it's more like#if you hurt me seriously then i'll think about it pervasively until you do something to redeem yourself in my mind.#probably that's part of the reason im so scared of being myself and shit#this is probably the reason why im so scared of being myself. bc everytime i tried i got bullied‚ mocked‚ demeaned. and that shit piles up.#i just spend mosta my time not thinking about it! just like i spend mosta my time not thinking about who i am‚ my future‚ my past and on!#siiiigh. sigh sigh siiiiiiiiigh#it's ok to like this post by the way#in fact it's encouraged. im directly and clearly asking you to.#im not making this post for nothing. im making it in the hopes that someone will read what i said.#although really no one will. why the hell would anyone fucking read this. get fuckin real.#i know for certain i'll wake up tmrw with this at at maximum like. 1 like. 2 if im really the luckiest girl in the world.#and i know how i sound caring about likes and shit. but really all it tells me is someone read this. and i really fuckin need someone to re
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don'tttt care I love intertwined by crossmyhearts amen god bless SUCH a fun idea I'm obsessed
#I finished the whole series in four days#but this one is my favorite#I just love this concept sooo much#rose on the valiant. fucking with this absolute ASS of a man#I wish that bit lasted a little longer but like grrr idk I just had a good fuckin time with this#YOU!! YOU HAVE OPENED MY EYES TO ROSESIMM#ik they're sooooo toxic and bad and normally I wouldn't like a story like this in the slightest... but I LOVE IT#I will admit as the story goes on I like it a bit less as I WAS really hoping it would turn into tenrosesimm (it didn't) but y'know#I STILL HAD FUN#I really need to start adding a fic rec tag lol I do this too often#master x rose#masterrose#rosesimm#those aren't tags but they should be so I'm putting them here anyways#the master#simm master#rose tyler#doctor who
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In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3
#vent#oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday?#hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin#just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol#hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often?#laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol#hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps#is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!!#oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!!#like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow#I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!!#now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :)#uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment#I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone#mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it)#anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu#I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my#guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa.#squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou#oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man#2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried#with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah#it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only#gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned#for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new#girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or#emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid#for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much#NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here
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I BEAT MARGIT FUCKIN--- SHAKING SO BAD RIGHT NOW!!!! LETS GO!!!!
I wound up giving in and grabbing Margit's shackle and I felt,,, SO BAD every time I used it,,, that's my fucking BABYGIRL and I was using something that probably deeply traumatized him to beat his ass into submission!! Then I sicked my dogs on him!!! I am a horrible person!!!
Enemies to lovers arc.... mayhaps? 😳 Only fanfic can bring me the Tarnished x Morgott content I so desperately crave,,, and I'm so very bad at long form fics. But for him??? maybe I could make myself do it.
#ron talks#ron plays elden ring#morgott x tarnished#cause FUCK man he deserves ALL the kidses#new F/O just dropped#the issue is my understanding of Elden Ring lore is still really bad#but from my understanding#that's just sort of the thing about from software games???#idk man-- anyway im gonna ramble briefly about my fic idea first#inspired by shayfer james music because fuckin- im fixated on his stuff too#but the arch would basically go vibe wise from like---#700 Days -> Devils & Rebels -> Learning to Be Lost -> Built to Burn#Confusion to sexy rivalry to shared angst (do not be gentle with me) to 'I would set the world on fire for you'#I-- my computers being super funky so uh#might write actually shakdywj#anyway love you all!!#drink some water please!!#and also olease maybe listen to Shayfer James' new Shipwrecked Album??? Its so good#love albums with a narrative
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Very cute bullet journal vibe for this month if I do say so myself
#sorry the picture isn't ~aesthetic~#i didn't have cute washi tape that i hadnt used in previous months#so i used thos memo pad thing#i fuckin. love that little rabbit man idk#they sell washi of that series too and i was like nah#now i regret it oop#anyway I'm v good at making the momth soread#spread*#not very good about.... everything else lmao#btw 19-26 is hannuka#in case you were curious#also i like to do friday/shabbat and holidays in a color#but friday is only half a day#i ahould have done hannuka in half but. whatver.#i got carried away with my pencils lmao i love them#i love them!!! i love my coloured pencils!! i love how many colors i have and i love the little key i made in the back of the package#anyway#bullet journal
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hello just finished aew double or nothing (im very behind but somehow alive)
#but like#what a show#i watched it over two nights and idk if it was just bc#i was violently high when i watched it both nights#but it was so good !!!!#I can’t think of a match i didn’t like#even wardlow and christian and i could not give a fuck abt wardlow#the fuckin battle royal w the orange man was so good#whatever im going to listen to spongebob best day ever song on repeat
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bitches at your old job sound so childish I haaaaate when grown adults act like literal high school meangirls like grow tf up. good for you for getting out of there tbh
❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much for reaching out and saying that anon ;_; sorry ive been bitching about it nonstop but like...I truly can't reason or reconcile (or whatever tf the word im looking for is lol) with any other excuse this happened like it really is just high school drama behavior. I straight up don't know what i did. I feel like if youre in your mid 50s you should be able to figure out that someone not being talkative isnt something to take so personally. She could've just asked too like...hhh idk. Idk but youre right its a good thing I got out of there, I've been meaning to anyway but I was hoping I'd have another job lined up.
#everybody elses behavior i cant justify at all though. there was no reason for ppl ive never spoken to to have been so fuckin cold and rude#so i can only assume i was a topic of gossipy conversation the other night. which sux pretty badly lawl#idk what it is abt me that when ppl hear rumors they never bother to check with me before deciding im a bad person#like man just fuckin talk to me... why is everybody stuck in grade fuckin 9 i s2g!!!#anonymous#thank you again tho i appreciate you <3 hope ur having a good day
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last night tumblr decided it'd be a good idea to bombard me with literally NOTHING but posts abt the narrator from the stanley parable in my fyp purely bc I looked at a couple fanarts that someone reblogged on their profile. like seriously it was NOTHING BUT THE FUCKIN NARRATOR 😭 it'd be like five posts in a row abt him, maybe two or three posts abt anything else, then SEVEN MORE POSTS ABT HIM also all mostly from one specific creator. if ur in the stanley parable fandom u probably know who I'm talkin abt, their design of him seems popular
#u guys are GOOD fuckin artists tho#but. tumblr. wrong hot old man. try again#also if I get dragged into this shit bc of this I'm gonna go INSANE I just gained a new fixation like. the other day. pls#almost wanna add a tag for tsp bc idk. this post is abt it and I like categorizing. but. I won't. if the fans find me they find me
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oh the next wave comes out next week yippeeee!!!!
#IM SO EXCITED FOR BIRDO MAN WHAAJJDJG#the yoshis island track looks. eh.#also 3 fuckin tour tracks are you kidding me THERES STILL SO MANY GOOD RETRO TRACKS MAN#NONE of the tour tracks are memorable except ninja hideaway STOP PUTTING THEM INNNN#anyway DK SUMMIT DK SUMMIT IM SO HYPED#it looks. a lil lackluster compared to the original#idk if it's the size of the shy guys but the half pipe section looks WAY smaller#but still i remain optimistic#i'm looking forward to the remix of ds mario circuit too :D#i love how it comes out on the same day as the mario movie trailer like 'yeah okay chris pratt name a mario kart track that isn't coconut#mall and i might believe you know anything about mario'
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love finding out more of my... ailments are actually just known symptoms of anxiety disorder
#33 and learning every day#it's been a rough fuckin saturday in a rough fckn week in a rough month in a rough year 🥴✌️#so much of my life up to this point makes more sense now... which is... kinda depressing ngl#like I've probably had SEVERE anxiety most of my life and despite trying to articulate the these symptoms as a kid#it was kinda written off like omg you're too sensitive. you are being dramatic. like idk man my life as a kid was pretty fckn traumatic#but thanks!#anyway what a good day to be in pajamas all day and sit with the cats and have tea 🥴✌️#erin explains it all
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