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When I realised that there was no point in hoping for a miraculous change to happen. When I finally accepted it is...what it is. When I no longer shed my precious tears for what is broken right before my very eyes. When I see the reflection of my tired spirit telling me to stop blaming myself and to get back on my feet. When I see what goes around me, no longer affects me.
When I can pick my shattered pieces and let time heal me as I carry on facing the demons that dare intrude my thoughts from time to time. When I finally found the strength to walk away from those who drain my energy. When I finally chose to stay silent and not respond.
I no longer feel sorry nor do I need to apologise for the decisions I have made for my sake.
That is when I realised that I am okay.
(Musing from: A Cup of Words and Coffee)
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Things end, and life goes on.
“Things end. People leave. And you know what? Life goes on. Besides, if bad things didn’t happen, how would you be able to feel the good ones?”
— Elizabeth Scott, Perfect You
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And so I chose...to erase my very existence, silently.
Quote from Alyaa Abbas
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One day, I know I will be able to say those three words...NO, it is not 'I LOVE YOU' Its.... 'I MADE IT!' ...through the trials and tribulations of my storms.
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IF they are meant to be... IF.
“The people who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far they wander.”
— Robert Tew
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When it is that very behavior that made me choose to be how I am today, don't go pretending and suddenly leave me a message to explain (pathetically) with an (unnecessary) apology after noticing how quiet I have become and how I have made the right decision to remove my existence from their lives.
Thank you, though, for the one-sided friendship. Much appreciate the painful lesson that came along with it of, the betrayal, the manipulation and deception. It took me quite a while to finally see it but I'm glad I chose to permanently detach from all toxic elements.
Never again.
“When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.”
— Unknown
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I no longer do such unhealthy thing onto myself, to find my worth in someone who does not even reciprocate my effort and taking what I give most precious which is my time...for granted.
Now...it is all about me and if I do allow anyone to be part of my life, I will make sure if this someone is worthy of my time and adoration.
“You don’t find your worth in someone. You find your worth within yourself and then find someone who’s worthy of you. Remember that.”
— Unknown
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This quota is no longer renewed too.
Thank you.
Fuckingly yours,
T
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I don't follow or play Ikemen Prince but I do appreciate gorgeous fan art of Mattias and this is stunning!
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What I would do to be in that forest and just have that private moment with my fangy candy man, picking berries and more!!
@ikeromantic - you certainly have such an amazing pen there!
Plucking Berries
Vlad and MC go berry picking for the day. Fluff - approx. 1800 words.
Vlad stands in a small clearing, surrounded by lush greenery and summer blossoms. Light drenches him, turning his pale hair into a halo as if he were an angel, lost in the wild. His gaze finds yours, lips lifting in a knowing smile. He caught you staring. Again.
You blush and wave, pretending you only just now saw him there. You hold up the basket you brought. “Are you ready to hunt for berries?”
Vlad’s smile widens. “I have never gone berry picking. I am looking forward to it.”
An answering smile lifts the corners of your mouth. You wanted to spend the day with him, a romantic forest walk, with the added bonus of making him one of his favorite strawberry desserts after. Seeing him happy means the world to you.
“Aren’t forest strawberries sweeter than the ones in the market, voivode?” Charles clambers through the undergrowth to where you stand. Too close, as usual, but you’ve gotten used to his need for touch and constant reassurance.
“They are,” confirms Faust as he steps up to stand on the other side of you.
You don’t have a chance to respond before the priest plops a bonnet atop your head. “Wha - Faust!”
He tuts and shakes his head, tying the bonnet string under your chin. “You can’t run about in the sun without protection. Don’t struggle.”
Charles laughs at your surprise. “Docteur saw you leave without a hat.”
“Thank you, Faust.” Vlad finally comes to your rescue. The other two step back, respectfully wary. “You look beautiful,” Vlad kisses the tip of your nose.
“It would have been better if you kissed her on the lips. She wants to be kissed there. I can tell.” Charles pipes up, only to be elbowed by Faust.
You clear your throat, trying to ignore the commentary. “So. Anyway. I thought it would be fun to hunt for summer berries. This forest has strawberries and black berries. We might even find blackthorn or lingonberries! If we find enough, I’ll make a tart or some jam from them.”
There are so many recipes you looked at, preparing for today. A whole stack of baking books and notes written on loose paper at the market. You can’t wait to bring your berry haul home to try them out, and see what recipe brings the biggest smile to Vlad’s face.
“Then let us quickly fill our baskets so we can move on to more important tasks.” Faust sighs, eyeing his berry picking basket with distaste.
Vlad ignores the priest’s remark. “I will hope for basketfuls of strawberries.” He takes your arm. “Let’s go.”
You hear Charles’ chatter grow more distant as he and Faust choose a direction opposite the one Vlad leads you in. You wonder if that was intentional, a little kindness from your vampire friends to give you some time alone with your lover.
The forest is alive around you, the air full of bird sounds and the buzzing of small insects. Squirrels and foxes rustle the brush, and above it all, a light breeze stirs the treetops. Vlad is quiet, a comfortable silence. His arm twined with yours says more than words could.
The empty basket dangles from your free hand, reminding you that this walk through the forest has a purpose, besides getting Vlad all to yourself. If you find enough strawberries, you can make something special for your lover. You peer at every clump of brush hopefully, but see nothing to pick besides flowers.
Vlad plucks a wild chicory flower and tucks it behind your ear. “Did you know chicory symbolizes faithful love? Usually unrequited. But not always.” His finger traces the shell of your ear. “My wait for you was not in vain.” His gentle smile makes your heart race.
You lean into his touch. “It’s incredible to me that you looked for me for so many years. You never gave up.”
“I couldn’t.” He pulls you into his arms and holds you for a moment, his chin resting atop your bonnet.
The love you feel is almost too much to bear. Your heart is so full that it aches. Words catch in your throat and all you can do is hug him back. Being here with him still feels so impossible. Finding each other across space and time in the most unlikely of coincidences. It’s enough to make you believe in fate.
“We were meant to find each other,” Vlad says softly, echoing your thoughts.
“I love you.” Those three little words don’t feel like enough to describe what you feel, but they are the words you have.
You feel him smile as he squeezes you tighter. “Te iubesc, inimioara mea.” He releases you a moment later, though his arm stays linked with yours as you continue on.
A few minutes later, you spot something red and small, growing close to the ground. You tug at his arm excitedly. “Is that a strawberry?”
Vlad kneels down to look. “It is. And there are more.” He pushes a low hanging branch aside to reveal a small berry patch.
You clap excitedly. “I can’t believe we actually found some!”
His gentle smile shares in your joy. He picks the ripe, red berries and places them in the basket. “There aren’t many ready to pick. We’ll have to find another patch.” Vlad tells you as he stands and dusts off his hands.
“Maybe Faust and Charles are having more luck.” You peer into the basket. It’s only a quarter full, if that. Not enough to make more than a spoonful or two of jam. Definitely not enough for a tart.
Vlad laughs softly and ruffles your hair. “Don’t worry. We will enjoy whatever we find, even if this is all.”
You nod, trying not to let your disappointment show. There have to be more strawberries out here, and you are determined to find them. At least enough to make something special for your lover, something to make him smile.
Vlad takes the basket and carries it as the two of you continue your walk. “I always wanted to go berry picking when I was a child,” he says, voice pitched for your ears only. “I wasn’t allowed to though.”
“Because it was dangerous?”
He laughs softly and shakes his head. “I don’t think so. But it was beneath me, as a pure blood. Something for the servants to do.” His garnet gaze catches yours, the scarlet depths full of layered emotions.
“I think that’s a shame. They made you miss out on something you might have enjoyed.” You know you can’t really understand what his life has been like - born a noble and more, surviving a violent tragedy, and then living through centuries of volatile change. Even so, you feel sad that anyone would be taught that some people are inferior. Or that some tasks are lesser.
Vlad cocks his head, studying you with narrowed eyes. “You’re right,” he says after a moment. “My parents would not approve of my flowers either. And I enjoy them very much.” He brushes his thumb across your knuckles, a faint caress.
You feel a flush grow in your cheeks. Vlad has a talent for making you blush. “They probably wouldn’t approve of me either,” you murmur.
“Likely not.” He smiles. “Such ideas must change. You are proof of that.”
His warm regard leaves you speechless for a long moment, your heart fluttering beneath the boughs of your ribs. You catch sight of something behind him, glad for the distraction. “Are those blackberries?”
Vlad gives your fingers a gentle squeeze, knowing you well enough to understand the deflection. “So they are. But not ripe just yet.”
“Mmmm. Too bad.”
He laughs again, and leads you deeper into the forest.
The sunlight slants through the canopy of leaves above you, turning gold as the morning light turns to afternoon. The two of you chat comfortably as you walk, sharing the little things that make up the tapestry of your lives. It is only when the western sky spreads a crimson stain across the horizon that you realize the day has passed and you have only a handful of strawberries to show for it.
“We should head back. The walk will be less pleasant in the dark.” Vlad turns to guide you back, but you plant yourself in place as if to stay there. “What is it,” he asks. You are sure he already knows what you are going to say.
“We didn’t find enough strawberries to make anything with. If we look just - just a little longer, there might be more.” You gesture toward the trees ahead, hoping to spot something worthwhile.
Vlad nods. “We might. But it will be hard to see the berries in the dark.”
He’s right, and you know it. Still, you can’t accept failure. “Yes, but . . . if we can just find a few more . . .”
“Draga mea, why are you so determined? It is getting dark. Let’s go home. Charles can make dinner, and we can have a bath. Together.” His crimson gaze sparks with heat and a promise that bath time will be as much about getting dirty as it is about getting clean.
You take a breath, marshaling your thoughts. “I know you’re right - it is getting dark. But it’s not dark yet! We have maybe an hour? Plenty of time to find enough berries to make something. If we go now, there’s barely enough to sprinkle on top of your pancakes.”
Vlad studies your face in silence, long enough that you begin to fidget under his gaze. “Are you afraid to disappoint me?”
That’s it, you realize, as he says it. You had so many ideas for how the day should turn out, and now you feel like you are letting him down. Your shoulders fall and you look down. “I really wanted to make you something special.”
“Every day you are with me is already special.” He takes your chin between his finger and thumb, lifting gently to meet your gaze. “I am not disappointed.”
“But you love strawberries so much. You would be so happy if I baked you a strawberry tart or a napoleon or a frasier cake or, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anyway.” You sigh.
Vlad laughs softly, running his thumb over your pouting lips. “I do love strawberries. But I already have the sweetest ones I could ask for. Better than any cake or pastry.”
Your eyes widen in surprise. “You do?”
He leans forward, pressing a light kiss to your mouth. The kiss deepens as you react, your lips parting. Vlad pulls you close, lifting you off your feet and into his arms. You forget all about picking berries and baking tarts. You forget the approaching evening, and the darkening sky. There is only Vlad, and the warm velvet of his mouth.
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The beautiful historical city of Hangzhou. I remember visiting this place once and I absolutely love seeing the old quarters more than the new. Something whimsical about it that takes you back into its ancient times especially in spring and autumn...cos SUMMER was horrendously hot when I went there but my hyperimaginative brain waves took me back, wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy back to that period.
hangzhou in summer
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I have heard but not seen the ones who have left this world this year. My heart breaks to know that when I do go home, the changes I will see and feel will be one that is full of sorrow. Their absence felt but their memories live on. A grieving state that will not heal easily in days, weeks or even months.
Yet I ask...why do the good ones leave early and the rotten ones still lives on and thrives without remorse of what they do in this world?
Today, from afar, I could not seek forgiveness for any harsh words exchanged or unacceptable behaviors from the past that may have hurt or offended the very man whom I accepted as part of the family. But I hope he will accept my apology through my prayers. For all his wrongdoings and harsh words he had said and done, I forgive him so he could rest peacefully amongst the pious. He is no longer in pain and no longer suffers but now lives on in a world where he doesn't have to feel any hurt from endless checkups and painful dialysis. May you rest in peace and thank you for being a great brother in law and caring uncle to my daughter.
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In my case...let me see...
1. It was like reading how Brutus stabbed Caesar despite the fact that he loved Caesar as a friend. How can you claim you love that person as a friend yet in the same breath you wish to destroy said friend? How pathetically sick are these people?
2. Being deceived despite giving a person the benefit of a doubt, pushing aside the thoughts that these people will, no doubt, do it again and hurt me.
Did they? Oh yes.
So, never again. Giving someone a second chance just wouldn't do for me. If they remain to still be the same, unchanged behavior, apologising but not meaning it...why bother?
Yea, enough is enough. I prioritise ME.
Giving a second chance is like reading a book twice, you know how it ends,
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Go on then, keep taking it for granted.
i think people forget that having someone who genuinely cares for you is a gift that should not be taken for granted
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