#idk get a job atp
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ok i feel like i complain abt this a lot and idc as much now that i understand the buddie craze and if i think of it in terms of the ronance / robin with . that one girl who is literally her carbon copy (see i cant even rmbr her name) yes i understand the frustrations but see the thing with that scenario is i feel like ronance fans arent mad at the actor or the character themselves theyre annoyed with the duffers which valid the duffers suck! and also the frustrations is more valid with ronance stuff (sry) bc we understand that its not cable tv we have less time and we know s5 is the last so if ur gonna make ronance happen dont waste ur time with some other ship
but with 911 and buddie its like. is bucktommy endgame? prolly not! 911 just got picked up by a new network which btw renewed for another season so the chances of buddie happening are high! so idk maybe just enjoy bucktommy? enjoy boykisserbuck ? enjoy buck having his gay firsts ? like this is why ppl hate buddie shippers bc its so . u hate any pairing of bucks that isnt eddie like maybe calm down a lil. cuz like actively tweeting several times "i hate tommy" and reading bucktommy ff just to point and laugh is crazy to me. like atp ur experience of fandom isnt enjoyment its hating anyone that isnt u
#im high on cold meds rn so i might delete in the morning and regret posting this#i just#its been frustrating me for a while#like calm down jesus#also u hate tommy kinard bc he was ... a victim of his environment? ok lol#like idk if ppl have made robin x that girl ff but im sure they will when s5 drops and i doubt anyone will hate on those fics THAT strongly#like to the point of consuming just to make fun#LIKE THATS CRAZY ... wasting time just to be a hater#idk get a job atp#blegh!#911#discourse#nothing is ever that serious
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aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE
#★ arin rambles#‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you#AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY#OH MY LORD#OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS.#MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I#AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video#‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE#I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY#Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute#HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO.#Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever#any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU#IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY#IM COVERED IN DIRT#IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN#oh goodness me oh my#im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick#Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE!#guys…. he my favorriet…#my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything#hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM*#yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW#IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY?#oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut#ly DOOMED#yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton#TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE#i womder how crazy i look right now#Sighs lovingly at him..
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I know this has already been discussed a bit, but the pacing in Blades is still kind of fucked imo. And before anyone accuses me of purposely looking for things to criticize 🙄 I do think the last two chapters picked up and were a lot of fun. The book overall is definitely improving gradually, with today’s chapter arguably being the best we’ve gotten. But while we had kind of a slow start to the action, I feel like they’re still flying through all of the emotional moments, friend interactions, and developmental opportunities at breakneck speed.
Like Mal taking a blade for us? That’s a huge thing and could’ve been a very poignant moment even though we were in the middle of a battle, and especially for those of us who are romancing him. And having the opportunity to check in with all of our friends after making it through the portal? Imtura apologizes for giving up on us, Mal says he was running/doing things out of guilt instead of living in one breath then brushes it off in the next, Nia and Tyril still barely acknowledge what was really going on with them throughout the year we were gone…. yet we don’t get more than 2 seconds to respond to any of that?
They’re not even giving MC the chance to react to what happened to her internally. Like it’s one thing for us not to be able to outwardly express how we’re feeling to our friends. But it’s another when even the narration doesn’t portray any sort of introspection on MC’s part. For example in the elite skill scene with Tyril, I purposely had my MC focus on being trapped and restrained in Valax’s lair because I expected to get at least a little insight on how that’s affecting her presently. And yes, we did get a couple of sentences saying we were thinking about fear, helplessness, and confusion. But it would’ve been so much better if they described MC actually reliving that moment and those emotions.
Basically, all I’m trying to say is that they really already have everything they need to make certain scenes more impactful. They just need to set them up and let them breathe, so we, the readers, can feel and appreciate them as well instead of having to fill in the blanks for everything
#choices bolas#choices blades#blades of light and shadow#choices stories you play#playchoices#like you can’t tell me that MC already views what happened as a past event and nothing more#she’s no longer trapped in the shadow realm but we literally had to go back in there after JUST escaping#and the woman who held us captive and stole our blood won’t let tf up#yet MC feels… what?#nothing at all?#no shot#girlie can’t even get proper rest because the watcher keeps popping into her mind at night to remind her that she has a job to do#but even if MC did actually feel nothing that could still be acknowledged as well#idk man I just really don’t get the narrative choices they’re making atp#choices#choices app#pixelberry studios#pixelberry
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i need to get back to the city so bad im genuinely losing my mind here
#speak friend and enter#i can't live like this!!!! stupid fuckin one horse town!!!#i know i knowwwww i sound like a broken record atp but. UGHHHHHH#and i don't think i can eke out a vacation to chicago before i leave bc im going on vacation with my family AND i have to go w my mom#to scout out her new job (idk WHY i have to go to that it's not my fuckin job but. whatever)#so the entire month of june is thereby fucked. and ideally im leaving on the 30th#i swear to god if i don't get my visa paperwork approved soon im going to start chewing the furniture
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idk if this is a wild take but I’m only 43% in and I’m pretty sure that Blood Over Bright Haven is what RF Kuang could have achieved with Babel 🤷🏻♀️
edit: now I’m wondering if I’m singing this book’s praises too much. not rlly I’m still withholding judgment bc there’s still so much to cover but so far yeah it has achieved a lot already LOL
#I’m not saying Babel is an ineffective book. I liked it well enough and it does a v good job for what it set out to do#I’m just pointing this out because… well… we all know how she writes#idk. sorry! she used to be one of my favorite writers but the more I learn and the more time I spend thinking abt how she writes#the more annoyed I get sjfjdjdjd I’m trying to be nice here…#but I don’t have many nice things to say abt her anymore actually. sorry. happy for her or whatever. I think I WILL hateread yellowface#bc reading blood over bright haven confirmed her politics for me in a really funny roundabout way#imperial core. elite circles. whatever we all know atp idk why I was beating around the bush
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*said with increasing distress, eyes blodshot and an empty mug in hand* you guys remember writing right????? you guys remember posting fic and publishing things and talking to editors about potential projects right???? you guys remember being creative in your creative jobs and not just rereading old work and having a panic attack over the time wasted over curating hyperspecific character playlists that you get mad about five minutes later right????? i'm not insane right????? creative block is normal even if it lasts for months right???? i haven't written a fic in YEARS but it's ok i'm ok i have to finish TWO original pieces for next week that I haven't even started but it'll probably be fineeeee I'm totally not being a complete and raving lunatic about it it's probably gonna be okay <3 yay <3
#AND I STILL HAVEN'T APPLIED FOR MY NEW SHOW IN THEATRES ?1!!!!???? AJAAGAGAHAHAHFGH#BABYGIRL I CAN BE DRY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FOR PROJECTS THAT ARE ALREADY EVEN PLANNED OUT#the words just won't come out idk#ok so i attended one of the most prestigious universities in the country re: my field of expertise and carefully improved in my craft#just to go into a creative field and be an unemployed fuckhead who won't even write#i mean I am ALSO an academic that is very much true as well. but you don't really earn money from that either now do you#especially not in humanities#anyway. i need to go wash some dishes#it'll be fine probably i just need to lock tf in#it sucks being the one in the relationship that has no job no money no prospects and is already a burden to their parents#like literally they're being very nasty about it and like i know they care about me and stuff but they are very much. not supportive#it doesn't mean they're openly hating on it tbh i think they've given up on trying to disagree with my life choices and atp they just judge#when i'm not there. but evidently i find out anyway because of course i do#tbh won't complain about the lack of open support though like it's cool you disapprove of my relationship and my work and my life overall#ok rant over i'm big now. i'm an adult#ACTUALLY should i write a paper on disco elysium maybe that'd cheer me up. DON'T ask me how de is cheerful it isn't#my brain just works in mysterious ways#also gonna write an essay on my relationship with god. and get it published. probably gonna quote dostoievski a couple times as well. maybe#who give a fuck anymore man people these days can write ANYTHING. i love being alive in a world where printing is a thing. also computers#personal
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why am I actually kinda sorta really thinking about getting a law degree
#atp idk what I wanna study after high school#I’ve been very set on English literature but what if something art (like an illustrator)#and now I’m thinking about law…#I don’t wanna become a lawyer but maybe something with sorting files and cases#sorry for dreaming on an office job I am a very simple man who wants as much free time to pursue my creative passions as possible#idk. I have this and next year to think about it#also idek if I have the grades to get into law school in the city I wanna study in lol#txt#school
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im gonna lose it over how 95% of marketing jobs i find want to employ people with 1-5 years experience, a drivers license, graphics design and video editing knowledge, probably with some programming knowledge, also you should have been born into an agency sucks to be you✌🏻
#and the 2 no experience jobs i found? didn't get chosen after a test exercise+interview and got rejected right away for the other one#idk if its just me being an absolute fuckup or the job market is actually this fuckin impossible. it might just be me.#im actually going to lose it. i gotta start applying for whatever jobs atp#there's nothing wrong with working as a cashier but goddammit i didnt scrape my degree together to use it as a coaster or as a tray#i actually want to do a graphics design course but getting into university for it is Impossible and idk about other courses#but whatever watch me get another profession and be double unemployed with them 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️m so tired#gtg get my drivers license and drive off a cliff (i have no car and i live in a big flat area)#anyway. stay tuned for more bluehyeon gifs on my gg blog she's keeping me sane rn. such an icon.#sorry for being annoying#shut up vivien no one cares
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ig another reason why i dont rly post that much abt aini and oso
#some ppl sometimes just get mad bc u 'mischaracterized' the canon character.#when in reality he's not really getting mischaracterized. idk im just tired of that thought#like who cares if he's doing smth a lil different from canon. im not fucking his whole character up. get a grip#same ppl who complain do the same thing prob idk it's just hypocritical atp and it makes me not wanna post abt them#like oh my god he has a job in my au so what.. plz look in the mirror. this is anime. it's okay.#idk it's fun putting a moron in sophisticated world settings. but maybe he isn't a moron 100% of the time! like he can do shit yknow#like yeah im gonna draw him doing stuff. that's not like what he does in the show..but so what.. . . hesowars tabi dame literally#all the games r aus why should it matter. idk whatever. this is kinda dumb but im tired of that corny ass shit that gets thrown around#whenever someone has fun with characters. it's an au . alternate universe. idk ehhhh#LAME ! *i throw up and sob*
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🐇🩹🚪
#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest#i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure#our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin#but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried#my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one#so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here#she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!!#however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move....#cant** stay here#she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places...#my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that#but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!!#im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free#im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her#i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad#and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit#ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless????#idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!?#atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me#but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless#i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more#if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free
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Did I miss demar's post for kyles birthday?
KYLE/DEMAR BESTIES!!! I AM PUTTING UP THE BAT SIGMAL!!!!!! WE MUST KNOW ‼️‼️
#the bbl alert !!!#maybe deebo decided 37 is too old for an online bday wish#he just opts for personal instead ?#maybe he waited until lowry played to send him a mocking text about him being 0 for 6 in terms of always losing on his birthday#hermit deebo?#hes in his 'post five words max and thats if hes feeling rlly strong that day' girlboss streak again#i get it 😭 sometimes to get the job done u just need to reply with a '!!!!'#it's okay!! theyre old!!!! theyre settling into a perma home of soft closed doors domesticity#where talking abt how hard it was to poop makes for scintillating conversation with the hubby !#and groaning abt losing your password to do taxes is a shared aggravation#their grandma/grandpa kyle/demar era 😭#i think it's beautiful!!!#.... but they need to also remember theyre in a poly relationship with us their parasocial besties bcs uhh#why r they forgetting so much 😑#kinda annoying!!!@#feeling a little neglected on this side of the relationship here !!#they need to make up for this and show their s*xtape or something#...or a never before seen video of them bowling together or smthin idk im not picky atp 😁#whatever answer we find kyle/demar truthers... let it be known#demar recorded a disstrack on kyle being old#saying he rides horses and refused to stand his fat ass up on the bus to back his girlbestfriend rosa up#like YES ok... they r TAX FILERS#well maybe demar is kyle smells fishy#but they are also STUPID#and they will always be <3#anyways we must know!!!#ill reblog with any news missed! cus im at a loss rn :(#crying at how lowrys last post on twitter is from 2022 hes really just living his life being an unbothered thicc king#i love that for him
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i feel extremely isolated and stuck and i dont think my emotional wellbeing matters to anyone and im like. at a deadend to what do i do exactly
#i cant get a therapy apt ive been trying for weeks#and i just feel like im choking on my own heart like physically#i wouldnt act so dramatic if it wasn’t happening every minute of every day atp#i hate my job i hate how i cant afford to not go to this job i hate how weak i am i hate how its unrelated to my interests i hate how-#-i have no interest left#my job is draining me completely i cant even walk normally#i dont think any of my coworkers have these problems i think im doing sumn wrong im overworking or doing it wrong idk im so tired.#im so fucking tired
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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#now i am absolutely playing and spinning the wheel of . am i going to get sad abt That .#i was a lil bummed abt it yesterday . byt at some point i think i did realise theres probsbly a reason#bc . there was absolutwly divine play happening yesterday . oh my fucking god .#but . anyway having to like rlly pull myself away formcthat glass is having . a negative . distortion#in my brain of some form idk. i cant talk abt it vut im trying to just .#bc while im typing this out and . stringing words tgth that makr No Sense to nayone#egen me sometimes#my brains doing some kind ofnsorting anf its . good? bc itd actually working through what the issue is or wtv. even if whats cominf#outbof my mouth or in text form makes no fucking sense#bc i know whats going on up there. i know that what im saying is helping some kind of dot and pattern so i can get over#whatever thr fuck is upsetting me . bc atp im not . ipset aby anything fucking NEW anymorem#im still putting away my past toys and knives!!!!! why !!!!! why am i still closing doors on old cycles ajd wounds !!!!#50/50 i have been ignoring it and not doing it properly . 50/50 theres stuff i havent been allowed to actually#heal from or access yet regardless. n i do see why ! bc i think abt how ive felt w some of these revelations#and know if id come to this or saw thus or WHATEVER 1 2 or even 4 months ago . provably wouldve done smth drastic . bc i keep slmost#fucking doijg dhit n i just . im not supposed to this time. i know that.#my job is to sit down and shut up. im supposed to docthis (mostly) on my own and without doing whay#my stupid ego wants to do >:( die
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ahdfgjh
#i have an interview on friday i think#which is conveniently right after getting back from a trip lmfao 😀#bruh when i gave them my interview availability i said like available after 6/20 or smth#and they originally scheduled me for the 13th 💀 which like whatever human error and i emaied and they fixed it#and thenscheduled for the day after i said i would be on a trip lmfao#i have a bunch of shit to do to prepare for it too / complete for them beforehand#and i just realized i also have to prepare a 10 min presentation#without powerpoint or anything like i just have to tak abt smth for 10 mins ?????#which is not that bad ig considering like they could've made me actually give a presentation on myself lmfao#but i think i can actually talk about anything which is cool#bitch is gonna talk abt flow arts / glowsticking lmfao#but like i want more time to prepare TT and idk if i have that much time / motivation / energy on this trip lmao#ugh whatever#idek if i can get this job bc it requires relocation and i can't rly relocate until after this academic year lol#even tho i am no longer in da academic c:#ugh anyway lmao also have an interview next monday idk why they're so close rip#i also have to prepare for that one TT that'll be an after this first interview problem lmao#i also have a coupoel saved job apps deadlines coming up#........ i have not finished the cover letter even tho i was working on it before this trip like i need to finish before this trip#bc i'm not gonna work on it lol but guess what i did not do before this trip :DDD#i could very much do da cover letter rn bc my brother is suddenly having a random ass call for his student org lol#(bro i already miss being on my student org leadership :'''''''''') anyway)#so ig we're just chilling in our hotel#but what if i dont 😀 i've been reading HELLA j/atp fanfic lmfao idk why that specifically but ig i miss them :')#so i'd much rather keep doing that over doign cover letter 😀😀😀😀😀#anyway we'll see lemme shut up now lmao#jeanne talks
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the job posting closed so guess who will probably get a rejection come monday🤪🤪
#love how the manager said she’d love to have me on her team#and then i got ghosted#i am still slightly hopeful i might get the job but atp#idk man
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