#id still say im doing pretty good lol
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actual-corpse · 7 months ago
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Fucked up my arm by throwing out trash.
Kinda messed up.
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buwheal · 3 months ago
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Hello, Spamton!
How's life? Also, do you have any opinions on the Addisons? (Pink, blue, orange, and yellow)
If so, what do you think of them?
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nomairuins · 4 months ago
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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girl-bateman · 5 months ago
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year ago
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hi i love your grahpics :) they are very nice! what software do you use to make them? is doing graphics something you've done since young? i quite enjoy graphics as well. -- @apologems
omg!! thank you sm for the ask :) rn I'm a cheapskate so all I use is a godforsaken combo of autodesk sketchbook, photopea, and canva. been looking to pirate photoshop for a bit but there are too many steps and my time is getting a lot more limited w the start of school... also don't want to risk wrecking my computer at the moment lmaoooo
I started graphics only after """joining"" genshin fandom actually—the graphics community here is a lot more vibrant than my other fandom (they're just very different in general) and I wanted to make nice images like the stuff I saw lol (shoutout to koriyue, planetbefall, katistry, sumerun and 2734—all of their stuff made me go "i want to do that!" also shoutout to the source blogs for genshin, it's cool seeing so many different graphics styles collected in one place, and also a neat place to get inspiration from) I can't draw and haven't written a finished fic for this fandom, so graphics are how I contribute a bit of my thinking and love to the characters <3 sometimes it's just heehee hoohoo what looks pleasing to me and sometimes I put a bit more thought into what I actually want the edit/gfx to say about a character's themes/motifs and go from there. kinda hard not having drawing skills though lol
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necromancer-nonbinary · 6 months ago
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the doctor had better order a refill on my buproprion the Second my appointment ends this week because this is getting STUPID
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fortunatefool · 6 months ago
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Not to date myself but sometimes in the middle of a crisis u get to hear Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare) by Kid Cudi featuring MGMT and Ratatat, Steve Aoki Remix and feel joy for the first time in a week and a half
#my stuff#its the little things ig#idc if the lyrics are depressing it makes me wild out and i love it#my ex robbed me and i kicked him back to his apt 1.5 weeks ago#and apparently he didnt know we broke up (i didnt block him i had his cat and still have his stuff)#so i think im giving him a lot of fucking grace for stealing a paycheck 2 weeks worth of work for his drug habits when im going hungry rn#i sent him this long heartfelt text using my therapy communication skills to clearly outline that we are not dating anymore#and he just doesnt accept??? he keeps saying we have to work thru this and the drugs did it not him blah blah blah#like dude ive seen my own mother suck dick on the living room couch so she could buy another 8 ball and not give me lunch 😑#tf makes u think im gonna put up with that shit now????? dumbass#i keep waking up sad and weepy still but i just tell everyone i know abt what he did and they tell me im better than that and i feel better#i told 1 patient at work shes my fave. little old korean lady. she brings us a bag of fruits every week and is so fun to talk to#when she ices afterwards she asks for extra time and we chat a lot about our lives. she was so sad for me and kept telling me#that im so pretty and so nice and men will take advantage babygirl im so sorry that happened to you!!! 😭 i told her im fine now#and told her how im seeing my family more again and doing whatever i feel like whenever i want and looking towards my future and she relaxed#but that ones going to stick in my head the most. if i took him back id be letting her down. i almost cracked today like a spineless coward#but hearing her seem so hurt for me and say that i didnt deserve it felt so genuine. ill miss her#i took my last dab today guys no more until i ged paid 2 more times but as you can see by the tags getting away from me#it was a good fucking dab lol
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cherry-shipping · 2 years ago
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i think about my horrortale self insert so much i dont know what it is that made them my favorite insert but im having fun with them as if they were someone elses character HONESTLY
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astarionancuntnin · 4 months ago
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Hyello! I don’t know if you do requests but I thought I’d ask so the request is that x reader is honestly pretty badass and Astarion does something that pisses her off and so she barges into his tent after a long day to tell him off and fight him but decides that amidst the anger there is also hunger and decides theres a a way he can make it up to her and smutty content insues, preferably very like animalistic?? think closer by nine inch nails lol i do like the idea that they're both fighting for dominance in the interaction, you choose which one wins lol hope I’m not bothering you
did i listen to closer on repeat to bring you this? perhaps
and i never really put it out there, but hell yeah im taking requests! thank you for being my first <3
(also thank you for your patience i was heavily focused on my last chapters for die for you before approaching this ask and then it really went overboard LMAO you said "animalistic" and i took it literally, i hope you enjoy!)
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Run, Little Fox
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pairing: astarion x reader!ranger!tav
rating: E
word count: 5.1k
cw: 18+. smut, biblicaly accurate Astarion primal!astarion, predator/prey, knife play (if you squint), rivals/hate sex, mildly dubious consent, fighting for dominance, p in v, blood/vampire bites, creampie, very slight somnophilia (but id rather mention it, never too safe)
read on ao3
my masterlist
or keep reading down below~
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That’s it. 
That was once too many.
This brat of a rogue had gotten on your nerves more times than you could recall, and today you decided you had enough. Your group trusted and respected your position as their leader, a brave and cunning ranger whose decisions everyone agreed with — as they were for the greater good — so why couldn’t he do the same? It wasn’t enough that he questioned your every move in front of everyone else, no, he grew bored of you ignoring his remarks. He just had to act on his impulses and get you in trouble this time. 
You had intended on getting information out of a group of adventurers, when he had tried to pickpocket them in the middle of your discussion, and when he got caught, things obviously went south. You tried to talk things down, but they wouldn’t hear it. One thing led to another and next thing you know, they laid in a pool of their own blood and you stood with no more information than you started with. All of it, because of him, and he had the gall to say it was your own fault for not defusing the situation better. Really?!
The stress of this adventure — the impending doom that those tadpoles in your brains were — was already enough weight on your shoulders, you didn’t want to deal with Astarion’s trickery on top of it anymore. No — you couldn’t. You had enough of his unnerving attitude; enough of his shameless flirting when it was clear you weren’t interested; enough of his impetuous disdain and insolence that matched your own. Tonight, you would set the record right.
Once back at camp after this horrendous, unending day by his side, the first thing you do after dropping your loot and equipment at your tent, is bolt straight for Astarion’s. 
Still covered in a mix of your sweat, today’s unfortunate souls’ blood — and your own — you burst through the entrance of Astarion’s tent without so much as a warning to find him peacefully laying, with one arm behind his head and the other already flipping through the pages of a book he had found, and most certainly stolen, during today’s stroll.
He barely lifts his head to notice your intrusion, his eyes darting your way, half-lidded. “Looking for a cuddle?” 
The sheer audacity of the smirk he gives you. 
“You—” You fully step into his tent, staring him down with an anger that couldn’t be contained, as you close the flaps behind you, “Have been a pain in my ass for long enough.”
He scoffs, “Darling, we haven’t been close like that yet — unless this is your way of asking?” He closes his book and puts it aside to focus on you, as he rests on his elbows, his taunting smile never leaving his lips. What you wouldn't give to wipe it away from his smug face.
“The last thing I want is you anywhere near me.”
“You see,” he checks his nails, bored. “I have a hard time believing that, dear.”
“Get over yourself.” You cross your arms over your chest, annoyed at how well he could annoy you. “What makes you think I want anything to do with you after the commotion you caused today?”
“For one, you came to me, in my tent. If that's not a dead giveaway, I don't know what is,” his eyes dart back to you. “And to further prove that point, you still haven’t left — even though you claim I am the reason for your frustration. Really, it's as if you relished my company after all.”
You open your mouth to contradict him, but your words are left hanging when he gets up, his shirt slightly unbuttoned revealing the lines of his muscles concealed underneath and you can’t help but let your eyes wander longer than you intended, gulping as you do so. He chuckles lightly before he speaks up again.
“Secondly, I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me.”
Your eyes shoot up to his face again, and you ask defensively, “Would you rather have me not look at you?”
He gives you a mischievous look as he eyes you up and down, and he meets your gaze with just as much intensity.
“Third, and lastly, I can smell you, darling.”
“I haven't washed yet.”
“You know that isn't what I'm referring to.”
Your heartbeat quickens, as the air seems to draw out of the tent, “Well, whatever you think this is, isn't your doing,” you lie plainly in the hopes he buys it, but his smirk leads you to believe he sees right through it.
“You’re not fooling anyone but yourself, dearest.” He tilts his head, a long silence settling in between the two of you, with your breathing as the only sound audible in the space of his tent. “Maybe… There's another reason you might be frustrated. That all this, pent up anger building inside, is because of something else that you can’t control.” He closes the distance between the two of you, stopping but a whisper away from your face, and his voice gets lower, deeper. “Something that you would rather not have to deal with, but for some reason just can’t get rid of. Something that just rubs you the wrong way, and is the same reason why you can’t help but want to stay in my presence.” 
You scoff, challenging his gaze, “If that something you’re referring to is you, Astarion, then you’re right — you are the sole reason of my frustration as of late, but I could do without your irritating presence.”
“Oh, but I could make it much more pleasurable.” 
You lean back, and turn your head aside, trying to make some distance between the two of you, ”You give yourself too much credit.”
He slides a finger down your throat, leaving an unexpected shiver in its wake as he exposes your neck, when he pushes your vagabond strands of hair away, before he continues.
“Why don’t you give me a chance to show you exactly what I mean? We would both benefit from this, really; I could fix your predicament, and in exchange, I could receive… a little something from you in return.”
You contemplated the opportunity laid before you for just a second before opting for the reasonable choice. You grab his hand, pulling it away from you and when you speak up again, the anger in your voice is gone, leaving place for your much smoother, yet very assertive tone. “If you want my blood, you’ll have to earn it.”
You release his hand and he keeps it in the air where you left it, cocking his head to the side as he looks at where your hand had held him, “Earn it, you say?”
You nod, “We wouldn’t want you to become soft now, would we?” A smile of your own takes place on your lips. “If I am to be your meal, it’s only fair that you work for it.”
His eyes dart back to yours as a smirk appears on his lips, “I’m all pointy ears.”
“I’ll be hiding in the woods. If you can find and catch me, you get to drink from me. But if I catch you instead, you’re never getting a drop from me.”
He sighs, “That’s hardly a fair proposition, darling.” As you’re about to contradict him, he continues, “Here’s mine instead: if you catch me, fine — I’ll keep chasing boars and whatnot in the woods — but if I catch you…” He leans over the crook of your neck, whispering. “I get to drink from you every. night.”
You grab him by the chin, bringing him face to face with you, “If I catch you, you don’t get to put the party at risk anymore. You will be kicked out of the camp if you do.” If you had to put your vitality on the line, he had to bet something just as valuable.
His fangs glow in the faint lighting of his tent as he smiles. “Deal.”
You drop his chin as he steps back and you notice how something about him seems to be shifting; the pupils of his eyes widen, darkening; his own breathing stops; the hands at his side turning into claws, with his long and sharp nails peaking out, ready to hunt. There was nothing left of the rogue in distress that you picked up a few weeks ago, who could’ve pretended to be nothing more than an innocent, but rather pale, elf. 
When he opens his mouth to speak again, you spy his elongated fangs; much longer than you remember them to be, and his voice—
“Run.”
You don’t lose a second more; the vision of nightmares before you triggered your fight or flight reaction and without your weapons, the choice was clear. You turn around and slide through the flaps of his tent, bolting straight for your tent, where you quickly manage to pick up your trusty dagger and your set of bow and arrows.
Thankfully, everyone else at camp had gone off to bed, so no one notices you as you pick a frantic run towards the deep woods, making distance from the hungry vampire on your tracks. 
The woods are dark, with only the faint light of the moon guiding your tracks. Once far enough, or so you think, you hide behind a tree to control your breathing; you had no intention to lose to this, you needed all the advantages you could get. With your experience as a ranger, you were almost assured to catch him off guard.
Almost.
What you had seen in his tent before sprinting off was like nothing you had ever seen before. Of course, you knew Astarion was a vampire, but this was… different.
Terrifying. 
A beast, straight out of those scary bedtime stories you recall from your childhood; a monster guided by his thirst for flesh and blood, who would show no mercy, no remorse. It was merely enough to make you question this challenge with him, Gods, how embarrassing would it be to lose your life to a stupid game you had initiated purely out of spite?
The rustling of leaves nearby brings you back into focus, the adrenaline in your veins keeping you on edge for any sound. You ready your bow before you peek out of your hiding spot to aim where you heard the sound and wait patiently for another moment, your eyes never leaving the bush right until you hear another crack — right when you release the arrow, your aim striking true as you hear a loud thud. You wait a few more seconds, and when no sound can be heard from the bushes you leave your cover, advancing towards your prey. When you push the branches away, you’re face to face with none other than—
A boar.
Shit. Well — guess you caught your next meal.
Another rustling of leaves has you drawing out your bow again, ready to strike, but you’re unable to tell where it comes from.
“How does it feel, little fox?” You hear him through the woods, his deep and raspy, but unnatural voice almost echoing through you. “To be the one being hunted?”
“I’m hunting you, too, in case you forgot,” you mumble mostly to yourself, not wanting to draw out more attention and telling on your location. 
Although you were confident in your capacities, you couldn’t deny the fear building up in your chest. The unnerving feeling of knowing he was around, knowing he was onto you, but unable to find him through the dense woods, the reminder of what he looked like before you ran for your life, a creature of darkness—
“Keep running, you delicious little thing,” his voice already seems to be coming from somewhere else, where exactly you couldn't tell, as if he was constantly moving and it came from everywhere all at once. “You’re making this too easy for me.”
Damn him. He could be anywhere, it was useless to stay there, out in the open, when he was clearly onto you. Then again, he could also intentionally be pushing you to run, only to lead you into a trap of his, right where he wanted you to be. 
No, you’re smarter than this. You won't let your emotions get in the way of this: you were a hunter, born and raised for this kind of situation.
He is just another prey; you can outsmart him. You are better than him.
You put away your bow and arrows; you know your long range weapons would be of no use to you if you couldn’t see your target. If he’s trying to make you run, he has to be further ahead, so the smart choice would be to go back on your tracks.
You turn on your heels in a heartbeat and start sprinting in the opposite way, not even bothering to look behind you for any sign of him, as you hear the clear rustling of branches around you. At this moment, you know he’s right on your tail, the sounds of the forest barely covering the sound of his own movements between the trees — if that was even him. You assume it is, but who’s not to say it isn’t just another boar? Either way, all you can do now is keep running, hoping he will tire before you.
But you were against a creature of the night, someone — or rather something, now — much more in its element, in the darkness of the woods, than you were. 
You don’t run for long before you stop abruptly in your tracks to change directions, leaving the clear road for the crowded forest, where you think you could lose him.
You're temporarily reassured when you don't hear him anymore, and allow yourself to breathe again. Your heart is pounding in your chest, faster than ever, as the fear of being chased — of your life being on the line — created a warmth within you that pooled right down to your core. The risk of being caught, as for once you’re the prey, and you can’t explain it, but it excites you. Although Astarion had gotten on your every nerve, you had to give it to him — he was right that his unnerving attitude had gotten a rise out of you in the most carnal way — but you’d never admit it to his face.
A good minute passes by with no sign of him, and you feel safe enough to peek out of your hiding spot, investigating the beaten path for any sign of life. When you’re met with a dead silence, you move away from the tree you had been leaning against, only to come face to face with Astarion, who drops from the branches just above you. His eyes are somehow a much deeper shade of red, his pupils fully blown out, and he even seems taller as he smiles down on you, and that’s when you perceive the additional fangs that appeared next to the smaller ones you knew. 
You’re fixated on his sudden presence, assessing your opponent the way you would a wild animal, and you remain unmoving, focused on your own breathing.
“Nowhere left to run, I’m afraid,” the voice that comes out of his mouth is otherworldly, almost a growl and nothing like his sultry voice he used to try and charm you before. It’s as if anything that once made him pass as a mortal was gone the second you ran off from him.
You want to turn around and sprint in the opposite direction, but he's faster than your thoughts. Before you can even move a finger, he grabs you by your neck, his sharp nails digging into your skin enough to draw blood as he pushes you against the nearest tree, slightly lifting you from the ground. Instinctively, you reach for your dagger, but he is fast to catch onto your intentions and takes it away from you, throwing it on the ground far from reach. With no other options left, you reach for his hand around your neck, trying to hold on as your vision blurs from the chokehold he had on you. 
“Caught you, little fox,” he leans into your neck where you bled from to breathe you in, and licks your skin from the bottom of your neck up to your jaw, tasting your sweat mixed with the dry blood left on you. Your camp clothing leaves you dangerously exposed as opposed to your armour, and he had every intention to take advantage of it. “You will make a fine meal indeed.”
He presses his entire body against you, and you can feel not only his oddly cold breath down your neck, but also his hard bulge rubbing against your navel, right above the heat between your legs. 
A particularly bad idea crosses your mind, and you know you’ll blame it on the lack of oxygen later, but for now, it’s the only option you have.
Your hand slides down to his crotch, where you squeeze his length through his trousers, making him shudder against you and loosening his grip on your throat. You take this chance to free yourself as you quickly push him away and against the earthy ground of the forest, pinning him down using your entire body weight. You land right next to your knife and grab it just in time before he comes to his senses, now holding it against his throat.
“I win,” you say, breathless, over him.
You remain unmoving, with the threat of your knife keeping him in place, but unsure what to do next — until he laughs. You’re taken aback, but you keep your position, pressing your blade deeper into his throat.
“Well done.” His voice softens, still deeper than what you’re used to, but less guttural than it was a minute ago. “You have me completely and utterly helpless. What will you do next, I wonder?”
You don’t get to answer before you feel him moving under you, his hardness rubbing against that sweet spot between your legs. Your breathing quickens once again, caught off guard by the delicious movement of his hips against you.
“What do you think you’re doing?” You ask, the words almost getting stuck in your throat.
“Fulfilling my part of the bargain, of course.”
“That’s not—” he lifts his hips higher, the tip of his crotch rubbing against your clit, and your body tenses at the contact. He’s rock hard and between your thin camp clothes, it's almost as if you were rubbing skin to skin against each other. A pleasurable shiver running across your spine, and you allow yourself to close your eyes for just a moment, fighting between giving in to your desires or stopping yourself from letting this go any further; it was clear which side of you was winning over, as your hunger for that something more was becoming impossible to ignore. You soften your grip on his wrist and your dagger against his throat, and that’s all he needs to gain back dominance over you, flipping you back under him and seizing your wrists to pin you down the same way you had him only seconds ago.
“Now,” he says, “this is much better, don’t you think?”
“Oh you prick,” you groan, fighting to free yourself from his grip on you, but he only tightens his grasp around your wrists. His immortal strength beats yours and your hand twists under his crushing grip, making you finally release your knife.
You curse under your breath for letting yourself be bested by the most annoying member of your party; the one who you had dreamed to put back in his place was now dominating you instead. A mix of anger and shame swirls in your stomach, along with something else that you want to deny, but can’t for the life of you understand.
Your eyes meet his, dark and hungry and so incredibly close to you. His lack of breath is strange in comparison to yours, so heavy that your chest rises with each breath you take, brushing against him. It wasn't a position you were used to, either, and you find yourself liking it more than you thought you would; with his entire body pining against yours, his legs surrounding yours and keeping them closed together, your wrists held strongly above your head; a prey caught by her predator.
You remain unmoving in this position for what feels like an eternity, until he licks his lips, his eyes falling to the space in your neck that was exposed just for him.
He leans into you, his deep voice shooting a warmth straight to your core. “This little game of yours made me quite hungry.”
You gasp when you feel his bulge rubbing against you once more and touching that sweet spot that made you rub your thighs together. 
“Perhaps,” he whispers, “you've grown an appetite of your own, little fox?”
You take a few breaths, "If you wanna feed, be my guest. You…” you sigh, defeated. “You earned it. Just— be quick about it.”
You turn your head aside, looking away and giving him space to feed, only for him to lean back, “Quick? Oh darling, you’re mistaken if you don’t think I won’t draw this out as long as I possibly can.”
He pushes your wrist up above your head where he can hold them both with one hand, while his other hand slides down to your chest, his sharp nails grazing against the curve of your breast. You close your eyes as his hand continues its journey down your navel, and into your pants, rubbing against the moist spot that kept growing in your panties.
“But don’t worry — I’ll make sure we both get our fill tonight,” he growls.
Your hips move of their own accord, wanting more of him and his touch, almost against your own will.
“Greedy, greedy, little fox.” He flashes a toothy smile, “Can't get enough? I'm not surprised.”
Your eyes open back up and you stare at him, frustrated, “Gods, do you ever shut up?”
“You have such a way with words.” He sighs, pulling his hand out of your pants. “You know, it's a wonder we haven't gotten killed because of your social prowess.”
“If you think you’re so much better than me, why don’t you—”
His lips collide with yours into an hungry kiss, one bold enough to shut you right up. A part of you is disgusted, furious, even, that he would push himself onto you, but your body’s reaction betrays you, as you kiss him back with the same intensity. It’s sloppy, his elongated tongue invading your mouth and rubbing against yours, until he bites into it and sucks, letting your crimson hit his lips. 
You moan as you pull back, rolling your tongue around to feel the puncture he made, and he smiles down on you, his teeth tainted by your blood.
“Ah… delicious.”
Something comes over you, a supernatural strength — almost animalistic — and you flip him back around on his back to take control once again. Your dishevelled hair frames your face over him, and he gets to see you panting, teeth bared, with angry eyes towering over him. There's a flash of surprise in his eyes before they take back their lusty look, and his hands fly to your shirt, ripping it open as his nails tear through the fabric as if it were air. Your shirt is quickly discarded, exposing your skin to the cool night air that raises the hairs on your back.
In the frenzy, you give the same treatment to his shirt, using that strength to destroy his clothing and revealing the very muscles you spied earlier in his tent. He raises himself up to meet you where you sat over his hips, his mouth finding yours  and kissing you feverishly as he did before, while his hands work to remove your pants. 
With a grunt from him, you're pushed back on the harsh forest ground where he rips away your trousers, leaving you only with your panties to cover you. You gasp into his mouth, breathing in his cold breath, when the night air that matches his breath hits the thin fabric of your undergarments. The shock of temperature affects you more than you had anticipated, as you are completely soaked from your arousal that had pooled down there since the beginning of the night. Astarion instantly notices it, and laughs ominously.
“Are you still going to deny it now?” He pushes your underwear aside and slides his dexterous fingers between your folds, discovering just how dire your situation is. “Hells, look at how wet you are, just for me.”
His fingers feel good, and fucking Hells you didn’t want to admit it — he was an absolute asshole — but that ship had sailed a while ago, and now you just wanted to know how good he would feel inside you.
“If you still want to feed, you better do it now before I change my mind,” you groan.
“Change your mind?” He scoffs. “I'm afraid that isn't an option. I won fair and square, little fox; now I get to devour you every night.” He flips you around, the sudden roughness of the earthy floor rubbing against your sensitive nipples making you gasp in surprise. You feel him move behind you, and you're not sure how or when it happened, but he must've removed his own trousers as you feel the ghost of his cock hovering just over your entrance. Your heart threatens to burst out of your chest with anticipation, and this feeling goes into your throat when he grabs you by the nape of your hair and pulls you into him, making you arch your back and clearly exposing your neck to him in the process. “Starting tonight.”
Within the same beat, he thrust into you, his hips slamming hard against your skin, and his fangs dive into the crook of your neck, finally taking what is rightfully his.
You cry out at the stabbing pain in your neck, this one much more different than the first time he bit you, as his elongated fangs dive deeper into your neck to draw out more of your life source, and the additional fangs leave more marks into your skin. It hurts and yet, you find your core growing warmer and wetter; between his bite and his reckless thrusting into you, with the added sensation of his initially cool skin getting warm from your blood. His thrusts gain in speed and force, and in that position, there is nothing else you can do but take it.
Even as you try to reach behind you with that last remaining will to have control, to grab his hair and pull him forward, Astarion takes a hold of your arm and pushes back against you, using his entire body weight to hold you firmly against the rough ground, and his hips to slam into your needy, little cunt. With your hair still pulled back, but your wrist now stuck in his grasp, he continues to take his fill of you with no restriction.
“Look at you, finally put in your place,” he growls as he licks up the drops of blood leaking from the fresh wounds in your neck. “Is this what you’ve been desiring all these times your eyes got lost at the sight of my body? What you’ve been dreaming of? To be properly used, like a bitch in heat? Ravaged by a beast?”
You manage to get a few words out between rushed breaths, sneering.
“F— Fuck. Y— You.”
He snickers wickedly, “I guess that answers my question. Don’t worry, pet. Your secret’s safe with me.”
“Oh you—”
“Shh now,” Before you can even finish your sentence, his hand quickly moves from your wrist to your mouth, muffling any sounds coming from you. “We wouldn’t want to risk waking our dear friends, now, would we? Unless that’s what you want?” You groan in the palm of his hand and he chuckles. “You depraved little thing. I’ll give you just what you desire.”
His hand previously holding your hair goes down your body to hold your hips in place as he fucks you, and his teeth sink into your shoulder on the other side of your neck. The gesture meant only to keep you steady as he fucks you senseless. With his fangs deep into your skin, his nails cutting the soft skin of your hips and his dick pounding your abused cunt, you scream into his hand as you reach your climax. It’s nerve wracking, mind shattering, and leaves you completely drained. 
With a final push inside you, Astarion’s hips still and he growls into your neck, taking his last sip of you, as he pulses around your inner walls, filling you up with his warm seed. Your muscles fail you, as your body goes limp against the earthy ground, and you barely feel anything else — leaving you almost unconscious. Behind you, Astarion pulls out of you, and a weak moan escapes you as you feel his load leaking out of you.
While you’re recuperating from this treatment, Astarion loses his monstrous features: his nails retract, his pupils go back to those annoyingly charming red ruby eyes, his fangs retract just enough to fit back into his mouth, and he mimics breathing again; now passing as a mortal again.
With the minimal strength you manage to gain back, you push yourself up, and gather the few pieces of clothes that were shredded during your nightly session; tomorrow you would definitely need to find new camp clothes, these were the only ones you had and they were utterly ruined. Thank the Gods everyone else was fast asleep and you’ll be able to walk back to your tent without any remarks.
As you’re about to take your leave, completely disregarding the rogue who looked just as messy as you were, you hear him clear his throat.
“It’s always a pleasure to be doing business with you, my dear. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
You roll your eyes before shooting him a glare. “Don’t push your luck.” Your cheeks still flushed, your hair all over the place, and your form barely clothed, making you not as convincing as you had hoped for. 
You only catch a glimpse of his smirk in response to you as you walk away, and when you catch yourself actually looking forward to it, you tell yourself it's only for the opportunity to put him back in his place. 
Perhaps another white lie to coat your true feelings, but no one needed to know about that.
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pulchrasilva · 4 months ago
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My thoughts were so extensive they exceeded the tumblr tag limit oops imma screenshot and finish my argument in a reblog I guess??
I don't think any would make it as is the Myth, but yk. You pick who's Orpheus and who's Eurydice.
#tough question#because my personal understanding of hadestown is very much that orpheus /could/ have turned around becaude he doubted eurydice's loyalty#or doubted his own importance to her but we see him fight off those doibts#orpheus turns around because he doesnt trust /hades/ not to trick him. he used to be completely naive and HOPEFUL#but the world stripped him of the faith he used to have in people#so he fails not because he couldnt resist turning to see eurydice not because he doubted eurydice but because he doubted someone#who had already proved himself untrustworthy. he (understandably) didnt trust that hades was redeeming himself somewhat#so in that interpretation the ones who hold out the longest are the ones who trust even when theres no reason to do so#thats not gonma be any of the PDs i think their story is more similar to orpheus' original story. their naivety is shattered#the people they looked up to failed them#why would they ever trust hades?#rand rolan and kian are more like. they start out believing the world is kinda shit but for mundane reasons#it only proves itself to be even worse than they thought and everyone suffers and dies horribly the end#(that being said if i was gonna focus on trusting /each other/ i think they would win. they trust rolan even we he turns out to be an alien#clone of their friend. they trust bug kian when he says theres still a way to save human kian.#they trust each other against all odds even whrn theres no reason to.)#I dont know anything about br'aad and taxi so im ignoring them sorry#peter and rumi are pretty strong contenders#peter is very much about believing in the goodness of humanity and rumi seemed to believe godhood doesnt have to be evil so. maybe#but the one time they decided to trust someone who had hurt them (exandroth) he only tried to hurt them even Worse#(or at least try)#so i doubt theyd be quick to trust again really#and all their other enemies where just kinda shitty through and through#not much evidence that people can change#though thanatos is a subtle evidence for it id say#ahsjaks and hes a death god like hades lol#tbh i think if peter was walking ahead he would hold out the longest but rumi wouldn't?#ultimately my choice is chip and gillion i think#chip has experience the Fucking Horrors and seen the worst of people and yet hes always trying to do good#he SUSPECTED THAT JAY WAS A NAVY SPY and invited her kn his ship anyway. befrienfed her
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highvern · 1 year ago
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Teach Me
or the first time we hooked up it was so disappointing I thought about faking my own death so you’d leave me alone
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Pairing: Lee Dokyeom (Seokmin) x fem!reader
Genre: smut, humor, college au
Warnings: kind of virgin shaming, first time, OC knows she’s wrong but no one’s perfect, descriptions of bad sex, mentions of death (in a joking way), frat!svt, chemistry
Length: ~2.3k
Note: there used to be a time i had to memorize the entire greek alphabet bc i was a sorority girl so im drawing on my roots for inspo lol
Also virginity is a construct! don’t let people make you feel bad about it!
read more here
Friday Night Approx. 11:37PM, undisclosed bed room, SBT fraternity
Dokyeom is great. He’s funny, always does his share of your lab assignments, and when you go to parties at his frat he gives you the good shit out of the fridge instead of whatever concoction his brothers whipped up in the communal cooler for everyone else to drink. The fact that he’s easy on the eyes doesn’t hurt either.
That’s why the last ten minutes have surmounted into what has to be the most disappointing hookup of your life.
His fumbling hands and clumsy movements would be endearing if he wasn’t drooling on your neck in a way that is less than attractive. When his hand slides down the front of your jeans he’s at least receptive to the gentle corrections and cooed suggestions you provide. Is it mindblowing? No. Will he get you off? Probably not. But he’s enthusiastic so you’ll let it go for now.
“Can I, like,” he starts, leaning back to sit up right above you, face bright red, “take your pants off?”
“Ugh, yeah. Sure.” 
It’s a weird escalation given you still have your shirt on but to each their own.
The heat of his muscular chest against the back of your thighs is pleasant enough but doesn’t make up for the way he dives straight in, immediately sucking and licking vigorously. Jolting nerves force you to curl in onto yourself at the discomfort, thankfully unlatching his lips from your abused clit. Twisting a fist in his hair, you pull him up and away from your crotch, distracting him with hot kisses and nips across his throat. He doesn’t seem to mind the change, teeth clenching as your opposite hand tickles down his front to his waistband. Stuffing your hand into his boxer, Dokyeom releases a noise somewhere between a whine and groan. Hot and heavy in your palm, his tip leaks obscenely when you give him a tug.
“Shiiiiit,” he whimpers against your mouth. 
Well, at least one of you is having a good time.
In a flurry of motion, his pants are down just enough to get his cock out, allowing him to roll a condom on before pushing inside you slowly. The stretch isn’t painful but it’s less than comfortable as he starts to rock his hips. With an awkward rhythm he’s providing you little friction and thus no pleasure. You try tilting your hips to change the angle. It helps some, letting his pelvis grind gently against your clit but still no dice. Your fatal mistake is wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him deeper.
When you clench around him as he hits deeper, Dokyeom’s hips buck a little too enthusiastically, head falling back and belting long low groan. All you can do is gape as he finishes, leaving you in the dust.
-
Sunday Afternoon Approx 2:40 PM, coffee shop near campus
“He did what?”
“Don’t make me repeat it.” You grimace.
“Like, no warm up at all? Just straight P in V?”
“I mean he kissed me but other than that, not really, no.”
The look on Seungkwan’s face is that of a child realizing Santa isn’t real.
“And you’re sure it was Dokyeom? Like the Lee Dokyeom, your lab partner, my fraternity brother Lee Dokyeom?”
“I didn’t ask for his ID but yeah I’m pretty sure it was him.”
“What did he say after?”
The look you give tells him exactly what Dokyeom asked you after he finished.
“No!” Seungkwan gasps.
“Yes.” 
You’ve abandoned your diluted iced coffee, pushing it to the middle of the table. There’s a gentle thud as your forehead meets the cool vinyl surface.
“What are you gonna do about your lab Tuesday?”
“Pray I get hit by a bus.” You grumble, not moving an inch.
“I’m being serious.”
“So am I! It’s that or drop the class.”
“It’s too late for you to drop.”
“Death it is.”
You can feel the eye roll Seungkwan responds with.
“Have you two talked at all since then?”
“He has, I haven’t.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s texted but I haven’t responded.”
“Let me see!”
Prying your head away from the table, your phone is unlocked and snatched away by your best friend. He reads the messages with mild horror.
[SATURDAY 1:07 AM]
Lee Sock-mint: hope you got home okay :)
[SATURDAY 1:08 AM]
Lee Sock-mint: I had a lot of fun btw
[SATURDAY 2:07 PM]
Lee Sock-mint: you left your jacket at the party but i snagged it, i can give it back tuesday
[TODAY 9:14 AM] 
Lee Sock-mint: wanna meet at the library tonight to go over this weeks lab?
“Oh sweetie…”
“I know!”
“Well, you fucked in this bed so now you have to lie in it.”
“You always know just what to say.”
“It’s a gift.” He shrugs.
“And it was Jihoon’s bed actually.”
“I take it back. You probably will die before Tuesday.”
You end up texting Dokyeom but only to tell him you’re already busy and you’ll see him on Tuesday. You feel bad for blowing him off but the disappointment from your tumble in the sheets still echoes in your head.
-
Tuesday Afternoon Approx 3:00 PM, Chem 326 Laboratory 
When Tuesday comes, Dokyeom is suspiciously absent from class and you have to work on the lab with Soonyoung instead.
“Heard you’re ghosting my bro.” 
It’s a statement, not a question and the look on Soonyoung’s usually cheerful face scares you a bit.
“Where’d you hear that?”
“You know, just hearing things.”
“I heard you cried Friday night about how much you love Eunha but she won’t give you the time of day.” You shrug your shoulders. “So maybe we’re both just hearing things.” 
“Well I heard you popped his cherry and ditched him right after!”
��I did what?”  You whisper yell, grabbing Soonyoung’s arm as your eyes go impossibly wide.
A few of the groups close to your table have turned around in curiosity but Soonyoung’s prone to random bouts of shouting so they’re interest fades quickly.
He has the decency to look ashamed of his outburst. You two are actually friends when it boils down to it but guy code has him siding with his best friend on this one.
“He said you basically ran out the door.”
“You know that’s not the part I’m questioning.”
“Wait, you didn’t know?” Soonyoung is shocked.
“No!” You shoot. “Do you think I’d deflower him at a gross frat party if I did?”
“Idiot.” He curses. “Sorry, not you. Well also you, but him mostly.”
“Why the fuck wouldn’t he tell me that?”
“Probably because he’s a junior and has barely even seen a girl naked?” He looks at you like you have two heads. “It’s a pride thing.”
“Yeah well his pride made him cum in two seconds.”
“Probably the two best seconds of his life.”
“You’re disgusting.”
“Can you just, I don’t know, like, talk to him? He thinks you hate him.”
“I don’t hate him.”
“Tell him that, not me.”
-
After class is dismissed, you trudge across campus to your dorm replaying the conversation over and over. You’re both mortified and pissed. How could you not tell you?
You open your messages to send him a long overdue text.
[TODAY 4:27 PM] 
You: sorry I’ve been MIA :( wanna get dinner?
It’s cowardly but you’ve done worse.
[TODAY 4:48 PM] 
Lee Sock-mint: sorry, busy
Like hell he is. Dokyeom brags every Tuesday that your lab is the only thing on his schedule, unlike your four morning lectures in addition to your shared class that packs your day.
[TODAY 4:49 PM] 
You: we really need to talk
When your message goes unopened and unanswered for hours, you call in reinforcements.
“Are you home?”
“Well hello to you too.” Soonyoung greets sarcastically.
“Hi.” You deadpan rubbing your eyes, patience wearing thin. “Are you home?”
“Yes, what do you want?”
“Is he home?”
Silence.
“Come on Hosh, is he home?”
“Yeah but he hasn’t been out of his room all day.”
“I’m coming over.”
“What?”
“I need to talk to him!”
More silence.
“Fine but whatever the hell is going on, leave me out of it.”
“You’re the best.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
-
Tuesday Night Approx. 9:34PM, Soonyoung and Seokmin’s shared apartment
To say Dokyeom is shocked to find you gently knocking at his bedroom door on a Tuesday night, expression bashful and eyes filled to the brim with apologies, is an understatement. He knew Friday night didn’t give you the best impression but what could he do when the pretty girl from his chem lab he’s had a fat crush on all year let’s him fuck her after another one of his frat’s parties? 
The entire night you flirted with him, pressing your ass into his crotch as the shitty trap music Chan insisted on playing buzzed on; wrapping your arms around his neck, letting your fingers comb through the short strands of hair at the back of his head. Then all of a sudden your kissing and next thing he knows you’re pulling him up the stairs and into the first empty bedroom you can find. It was a whirlwind.
“Hi,” you whisper, a little afraid he’s gonna slam the door in your face.
“Hi,” he whispers back, still in disbelief that you’re in front of him.
“Can we talk? Please?”
He doesn’t answer but steps aside to open his door wide enough for you to walk past him. Taking a seat on the corner of his bed like you usually do when you study at his apartment, your eyes look everywhere except him.
“I, ugh,” clearing your throat, you start again. “I’m sorry about Friday.”
Dokyeom doesn’t know what to say so he remains silent, firmly planted by his door.
“Soonyoung told me about how you hadn’t, and I just,” You’re rambling from the guilt coursing through your veins. “I’m really really sorry.”
When your words register, Dokyeom finds himself simmering somewhere between anger and annoyance.
“You feel bad because I was a virgin?” He scoffs. “I don’t need you to pity me.””
“I don’t!” You insist. “I just, if i knew it was your first time I wouldn’t hav–”
“Wouldn’t have what?” He ventures.
“Done it in some gross frat house.” You mutter. 
“So you regret it?”
You think hard about your next words. Dokyeom is both your friend and your lab partner for the next two months. The latter is far less important to you now than it was this morning before Soonyoung spilled the beans.
“No.” Your voice is firm, “Okay, well maybe the fact that Jihoon is gonna kill us for doing it in his bed but no, I don’t regret it.”
“But you didn’t like it?”
“I liked…some of it.” You stutter.
“Oh.” 
“I’m sorry.”
“Which parts?”
“Huh?”
“Which parts did you like?” Dokyeom rolls his eyes.
“Um, well, you’re a good kisser!” You assure.
“Is that all?”
“When you went down on me it was okay.” You wince.
“So basically everything besides kissing was bad.” 
“No!” You lie but he’s pinned you in place with a glare. “You, uh, you have a lot of potential!”
It’s Dokyeom’s turn to wince. He shuffles across the room to sit next to you on the bed, leaving a sizable distance between your bodies.
“When Soonyoung told you I was a virgin, did he tell you I had never done any of that before?”
Now that’s shocking. Shocking because you’ve seen girls flirting with him before. At parties, in class, at the library coffee shop; hell even a few dudes approached him. Dokyeom is liked by pretty much everyone on campus, including your own friends who have tried to get you to introduce them.
“No, he didn’t really go into specifics.”
“Oh.”
The atmosphere is already awkward so what’s one more question?
“So how much have you done?” 
“Well, after Friday…” Dokyeom trails off.
“Before Friday.” You clarify. 
“Well I’ve made out obviously. And, I mean, a girl went down on me freshman year.”
“That’s it?”
“Did you come here to make fun of me?” Defensiveness rolls off him in waves.
“No, it’s just…surprising is all.”
When you look over at him you can see the question on the tip of his tongue. 
“I’m just shocked you don’t have girls lining up because you’re like hot and nice and yeah.” You trail off, blush burning the tips of your ears.
“You think I’m hot?”
“Well I didn’t let you in my pants because I thought you were ugly!”
You both let out snorts of laughter.
“I’m sorry.” he apologizes.
“Why are you sorry?”
“I was just really excited to finally have a shot with you and I ended up looking like a complete loser.”
“Hey! That’s not fair,” you smirk. “I thought you were a loser before we hooked up.” 
Dokyeom grabs for the pillow behind him, gently tossing it at you as a bark of laughter leaves his mouth.
“How ‘bout we just agree to move on?” 
He does his best to suppress a crestfallen frown from bloom on his lips. Dokyeom tries to look at the positives of ignoring the fact that he’s seen you half naked, felt your mouth on his, how you feel spread on his fingers, spread on his cock; even if just for a short moment. As much as it would suck to never experience those things again, at least you’ll still be his friend. It also means you’ll forget that he’s a two pump chump. Bright side.
“Yeah.” He agrees, resolving himself. “Sounds good.”
After a beat of silence, you open your mouth again.
“You know, you’re the first virgin I’ve ever been with.”
“I thought we just agreed to forget about it?”
“No, we agreed to move on from being weird about it.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Well, since I took your virginity, I feel I have a… responsibility.”
“Responsibility?” 
The sly smile twisting the corner of your mouth has Dokyeom choking on his own tongue. As you turn to face him fully, his breath catches in his throat.
“Yeah, what kind of friend would I be if I just let you be bad at sex and did nothing about it?”
Dokyeom can feel his pants tighten at your implication.
“Ugh, not a good one?”
“Exactly! I would be a bad friend if I didn't help you and I don’t want to be a bad friend.”
As you speak, you shift until you’re kneeling between his spread legs, maintain eye contact the entire time.
“Yeah that would be… bad.” His brain is working at half capacity due to your hands pushing up his thighs towards his zipper.
“So,” you blink slowly, smile shy with a subtle tilt of your head, “you’ll let me help you?”
Dokyeom feels himself nodding in agreement.
“Then let’s get started.”
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harrysgal · 6 months ago
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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (2)
harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU
I know I’m just starting and don’t actually have much experience with this, but I’m actually having a lot of fun doing it and already can’t wait to post more.
About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.
Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PART 1 — MEET YN / MASTERLIST
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 2) — LAS VEGAS
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liked by bestfriend, yourmom, mollyjane_x and 22,108 others 
yourinstagram HELLOOOOOOO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS NEVADA 
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user1 soooo… a new full time job that took you to las vegas? 👀 yourbrother Please behave  bestfriend don’t get (too) drunk without me pls harryfan STOP FIRST LOT SHOW IT’S IN VEGAS 
↳ harryfan2 She’s going to the show right???? I mean it can’t be just a coincidence anymore IT JUST CAN’T ↳ harryfan NO I KNOW THIS IS IT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES
Aug 26, 2021 •
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy, mollyjane_x and 22,451 others 
yourinstagram you’d think a lady in vegas would be out there getting wild but this one actually has been locked in her hotel room for the last 27 hours overthinking her ideas and freaking out about this new job lol if any of you could send me a pizza or something id appreciate it. thanks. 
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user1 nooooo you’re so talented whatever it is i know you can do it!! bestfriend yn ✋🏻  cuteguy Should I give you a call? 😊 harryfan17 I would too be freaking out if I had to work for THE harry styles lol
↳ harryfan16 we still don’t know if she is tho  ↳ harryfan17 C’mon she’s in vegas and molly and jeff are following her ↳ harryfan16 still 🤷🏻‍♀️ tour doesn’t start for another few days so this could be just about something else  ↳ harryfan16 also maybe she’s there because she wants to be and not bc she’s “working” for him. she’s done videos about several artists and she isn’t working for any of them is she?  ↳ harryfan17 Well yes but she literally just said she was starting a new job so 🤷‍♀️ ↳ harryfan16 so everyone just assumed HARRY, out of all people, hired her? c’mon guys lol she could be working for just anyone and STILL go to a show. one doesn’t have to be related to the other.
Aug 28, 2021 •
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liked by anthonypham, bestfriend, lookitsnyoh and 25,103 others 
yourinstagram fun fact: if you post something on the internet people around you might see it 🫠
guess im lucky this lovely group who still don’t know me at all cared enough to drag me out of my room and show me around the city. sometimes i get so caught up inside my mind that i forget how important human connection is — which is funny if you think most of my videos are exactly about that lol. so plssssss make sure to surround yourself with (nice) people. also get some sleep, drink water and feed yourself. it’ll do wonderful things for you!!!
anyway my mom was worried about my “not leaving the room post” so this is just me saying everythings good!! (i also already called her of course <3)
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bestfriend LOVE YOU harryfan the new followers the new likes 😭 it’s happening i knew it  user1 so true bestie!! this reminded me of your 2nd video i think
↳ yourinstagram omg yesssss!!  ↳ user1 ahh i missed your interactions <3  ↳ yourinstagram i knowww! promise i’ll try my best to keep interacting even if it’s not as much as before 💗
lookitsnyoh my belly still hurts from all the laughing 
↳ yourinstagram and my mind is still rushing from all the talking ↳ anthonypham go to sleep you two 
harryfan9 I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT OMFG I’M SO HERE FOR IT
Aug 29, 2021 •
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liked by anthonypham, mollyjane_x, bestfriend and 27,257 others 
yourinstagram sightseeing left me speechless. but here’s a picture from tonight. 
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user1 omg you’re feeding us this week! i’m so happy you’re being active again <3 harryfan78 POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF I WANT TO MEET YOU AT THE SHOW BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE 
↳ user4 calm down pls? we like to behave as respectful human beings on this profile
bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ bestfriend i’m losing my mind but i’m also so excited and proud! user7 I miss your videos :( lookitsnyoh when was this? where was I? bummed that I missed it!
↳ yourinstagram sorryyy just a last minute decision after dinner :( ↳ lookitsnyoh ohhhh makes sense now! Glad it left you speechless ↳ yourinstagram i mean the city is beautiful  ↳ lookitsnyoh sure thing it is 👽
Sep 1, 2021 •
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liked by harryfan, harryfan2 and 15,157 others 
fanwhometharry GUYS I JUST MET HARRY I’M SHAKKNG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW 
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harryfan64 omg where did you meet him??
↳ fanwhometharry AT THE BELLAGIO  ↳ harryfan64 is he staying there???  ↳ fanwhometharry NO!! I MEAN IDK?? I DONT RHINK SO I JUST MET HIM OUTSIDE AT THE FOUNTAINS  ↳ harryfan74 hmm not tryin to be rude or something but that sounds like a weird place for him to be tbh ↳ fanwhometharry I FUCKKNG KNOW THAT?? I MEAN MY PARENTS WANTED TO SEE THE WATER SHOW SO I TAGGED ALONG BUT NEVER EVER THOUGHT ID BUMP INTO HIM THERE
harryfan62 you’re so lucky!! was he alone???
↳ imetharry I DONT KNOW?? I DONT REMEMBER I WAS SO NERVOUS  ↳ imetharry I KNOW THERE WAS A GIRL NEARBY BC SHE HANDED HIM A PEN WHEN I COULDNT FIND MINE BUT I DONT KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HJIM OR NOT ↳ harryfan62 who was this girl? Anyone from the LOT crew? ↳ imetharry IDK I JUST SAID I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HIM OR NOT 😭
harryfan15 Hi hun! Don’t listen to people, they're just jealous. It was really sweet of him to sign that for you! Hope you have a great time at the show 💕
↳ imetharry THANK YOU 😭😭 HE WAS THERE JUST WATCHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE A PIC IF PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE ME THEN I DON’T CARE I KNOW IT’S REAL 😭😭
Sep 1, 2021 •
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liked by gemmastyles, anthonypham, jefezoff and 35,109 others 
yourinstagram having to keep this secret from the world was the most cruelest thing that anyone has ever done to me. but whatever… it’s fine… i’m okay… i’m just gonna pretend this wasn’t a big deal and i didn’t just watch one of my favorite artists perform my favorite songs… and then i’ll just casually say: pls stay tuned for next wednesday when my new video will be up 😇
(i’ll be back and share more details once my serotonin levels have normalized again)
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bestfriend i love you so much thank you for representing us so well  harryfan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMFG I CANT WAIT I KNEW IT harryfan2 YN KASDHUHHD PLS OMFG YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THIS AND LEAVE user1 😲 i can’t wait for this one! harrystyles soz 
↳ harryfan OMFG HARRY ↳ harryfan5 ?????????????????????????? ↳ harryfan3 AUIDHIAUSHDBAJH WTF ↳ harryfan9 ARE YOU F KIDDING ME WHATS HE DOING HERE
cuteguy Nice! Glad you’re having a good time darling. 
Sep 4, 2021 •
— — — — — 
PART 3: DENVER
— — — — — 
If you happen to read and enjoy this, pls let me know? 🙏 thanks!! it would be nice to know if this is working, or what else would people would like to see.
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skenpiel · 2 years ago
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this post was meant as a joke but this is genuinely like the sweetest thing ever thank u
one of the saddest things in the world is that im like, obscenely pretty irl and most of you will never even get to know. im so pretty my little sister talks about it whenever she sees me and irl i get more compliments on my looks than like anything else i think and you guys will never know. and its really sad what youre missing out on
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choccy-milky · 4 months ago
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Their kids are so cute omg i'm gonna dir of adorableness
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lewis: then die LMFAOO NO BUT FRR THANK UU IM GLAD U THINK SO🥹🥹💖💖💖all the love for them (esp lewis) gave me the idea to draw him deflecting all the attention so ty for giving me the excuse to post it....we luv our aloof distant boi🥰
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its funny bc i was JUST talking about this recently, but i dont like pet names at all BAHAH, hence why seb and clora dont call each other anything, not even nicknames.... seb calls her the light/princess/a bird sometimes as playful and teasing jokes, but doesnt actually address her like that. and clora always calls sebastian by his full name as well, bc i was basing her dialogue/my writing off the game dialogue...bc for as close as anne and ominis are to seb, both of THEM call him sebastian in full, so maybe it was a victorian thing that nicknames werent really common? plus clora's so proper that it just feels like its in her personality to always call seb "sebastian"... i feel like if she ever DID call him "seb" he'd do a double take and be like ...HUH? who are you???......are you polyjuiced? LMAO. i do imagine seb calling clora "love" when they get older tho (not in hogwarts) bc i like how simple it is, and imagining him saying stuff like 'careful, love' makes me🫠🫠🫠🫠
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aw TYY💖💖 honestly i didnt give the victorian setting TOO much thought, other than making clora more modest/not used to wearing trousers etc. like the actual victorian courting process was that youd ALWAYS be chaperoned by at least 1 other person and you wouldnt be able to kiss or anything, so the fact that our mcs are in a co-ed school with free reign already ruins that, so i wouldnt worry too much about it. a lot of it you can just wave off with the excuse that wizard society is more advanced than muggle society, which is true anyway LOL. i just kept the parts that i thought were fun/made it feel victorian ENOUGH but got rid of the stuff that was too annoying (one big example being the amount of clothing they wear....i said it in the notes for one of my chapters, but i wasnt about to make seb go through like 5 different layers just to touch cloras titty LMFAO) and no i didnt have 1 specific website i used, id just google "blank in victorian times" and look through all the articles and resources i could on that subject, and take little bits of it. SO YEA i wouldnt worry about it too much, just take what you want if you think it could enrich your story, and leave stuff out if its annoying to deal with BHAHA. and GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!💖💖
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BAHAHA yeah sebs bark was defs bigger than his bite when it came to actually having kids/getting clora pregnant LOL. he defs loves the pregnancy part, but i feel like seeing her go through the actual labour was super hard on him/made him feel guilty bc he hates to see her in pain, let alone bc of HIM. not to mention that i imagine he would still work even once they have kids, so to leave clora with like 6 kids by herself isnt something he would have wanted to do LOL. once both lewis and celeste are in hogwarts tho i actually imagine seb and clora still doing curse breaking as well (albeit less dangerous jobs/not as far away) BUT YES having a third kid that looks like seb and is sassy like anne would be SO CUTEEE...a happy accident is a good idea too, tho i kinda like the idea of it being cloras idea.....like, she gets baby fever again now that the kids are kinda growing up and sebs like no i dont wanna put u through that again... but obvs seb wouldnt be able to resist if clora was begging seb to put a baby in her LMFAOOO its already as good as done at that point😇😇 AND THANK YOU, and im glad you liked it!!!🥹💖💖💖
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@the-kcm-muggleborn AWWW ur right thats so pretty.....ty for showing me!!🥹and im glad it make you think of clora...SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THESE STUDIES👌⭐🌙
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1800-page-not-found · 1 year ago
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Being drunk and complaining how you think your bf/gf is prettier than you (genshin men+women x fem reader) PART 3
ITS THE HARBINGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Not doing scaramouche cuz i already did in part 2
Dottore, Columbina, Sandrone x reader (seperate)
TW: implied unhealthy relationship (for dottore bc that man does not treat anyone like a human being, i have mixed feelings about that guy), and id like to state that i do NOT support toxic relationships.
Making another part for the other harbingers bc im really sleepy rn and I just wanna give you guys something because I havent posted in a long time.
The next part contains Pantalone, Tartaglia, Arlecchino x reader (seperate)
Maybe i'll do Signora, Pierro, and Capatino? but Capatino wears a mask??? wtv lol
Please note that you may not like "[name]"s personality, as it may differ from yours.
You had met Zandik when he was a scholar at the Akademiya, before he was expelled for his crimes and immoral acts. Fortunately, unlike the last girl who had fancied him, Sohreh, he did not mutilate your body, because somehow in that rather small and close to non existing heart of his, was you.
But unfortunately, you could not escape his unhinged mindset. You relied too much on the Akasha System. When he did get expelled, you followed with him. After all, thats what the Akasha showed which was best for you. Hundreds of years went by, and he became a powerful harbinger. He still gave you freedom, to some extent. So how did you wind up at his office, crying and drunk?
"Zandik" You cried.
You were ultimately weak in the mind due to your heavy dependency that Dottore had created for you. He smiled as you cried into his shoulder, dampening his clothes.
"Yes dear? What happened for you to come crying to me?" He was your white knight.
You quickly learned that somehow, dottore would always save you, relieving you of your agony. Like he did with the ruin machines when they found Sohreh's body.
"O-one of your clones said you didn't love me and you had another woman…" you hiccup in between your words.
"My dear, do not fret, there are no other women in my life besides you. Why would I require someone else? Those clones can be quite troublesome, and not all of them are friendly. I apologize for their behavior." He soothed you, patting your back. 'Yes, yes...let it all out,' he thought. His clones were doing well, their original sole purpose was to create insecurities and confusion in your mind.
"But-But, I'm not even that pretty, even you're prettier than me! Theres plenty of women who are better than me-what if you dont love me one day?" You mumble, your head still lying on his shoulder.
"Darling, I have to say, I am surprised by your irrational behavior. My affection for you is undeniable, and the fact that you would suggest otherwise is quite hurtful..." Your eyes widened.
Oh, how could you hurt him like that?! After everything he's done for you?...
"No-no! I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I-"
"Do you trust me [name]?" He cuts you off.
"Huh? Of course I do!"
"Good, now please can we move on? If we continue to talk about this, my heart will ache even more." He starts to make an expression that he knows will make you feel guilty. You've really fallen deeper into the rabbit hole now.
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Columbina had saved you at your lowest, and you had devoted your every fiber of yourself to her. You decided to get stronger, your sole motivation being paying back your benefactor. Well, that was until the angel-like harbinger said you could pay her back by forming a relationship with her.
You did start off as friends, but that slowly spiraled into a more intimate relationship. You promised to be there for her whenever and wherever, but really, does the harbinger who's ranked third really need protecting?... I mean, you're so much weaker than her, how can you protect her when she's in danger?
That thought slowly grew in your mind-you can't help but just let it all out when drunk on the fine vodka Columbina had brought back for you and her to enjoy...until well, you drank the whole bottle.
You stared at the empty bottle in your hand that once held the highest quality of vodka.
"[name], my dear, what's on your mind?" Columbina spoke softly, her voice sounding like a lovely melody in your ears.
"Mmmm...I don't wanna bother youuu..." You dragged out your words, slurring your speech.
Columbina stood up from the couch and took the bottle out from your hands and gently placed it on the glass coffee table, making a small 'kling' sound. She sat back down and held your hands, which were rather cold so she decided to warm them up.
It was strange how she always kept her eyes closed, but no matter what always aware of her surroundings. This only increased your insecurity, after all, only one with great strength could do such things...and you couldn't.
"[name]." She let go of your hands and placed hers on your cheek, and kissed you softly. "Your thoughts will never be a bother all right? I'll always be there to protect you and be by your side." She smiled at you warmly.
You started to cry, the alcohol heightening your emotions. "That's-that's the thing!" You let out a sob, wiping your tears. "I-I don't want to just rely on you, I want you to rely on me too! But, I'm so much weaker than you and, and you excel in everything! You're smart, strong, independent, and so, so much prettier than me and everyone, you deserve so much better than me I-" Your rant was cut short when Columbina kissed you again softly.
"Oh, [name], I never knew you felt this way, I want you to know that I rely on you every single day, there is not a single moment where I don't rely on you. I know you probably don't believe it, but you make me feel so happy. I don't care if you think that I outshine you, because in my eyes you're the most beautiful and amazing person in the entirety of Teyvat. You're perfect in my eyes just the way you are, and no one else can take that spot." Her voice really soothed you, and as she spoke, you stopped crying.
"R-really? You mean it?..." You sniffled, wiping your tears off your face.
"Yes, now please, there's no need to cry anymore alright?" she kissed your forehead and held you in a warm embrace on the couch.
"Mhm…alright, thank you, I love you…" You rubbed your eyes, tired from crying and fell asleep in Columbina's arms.
Once you were sound asleep, Columbina picked you up, carrying you in her arms bridal style and set you gently on the bed, making sure you're comfortable before crawling into the bed and cuddling with you.
The next day, you woke up, eyes puffy and not a single memory of last night. When you asked your lover, she just giggled and walked away, leaving you confused.
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Sandrone was an interesting character. When you first met, you had actually died. Well more like on the verge of death. Somehow, for some reason, she had saved you, as she had basically turned you into part automaton.
You were supposedly her 'puppet', but, puppets don't act this human. You were crazy for confessing your love to her, the harbinger who was known for only caring about her own works, and having a god awful personality to come with it.
Well, fortunately for you, you did count as one of her works, so perhaps that was the reason why she accepted your confession and you two started being in a relationship?...you still couldn't wrap your mind about this, you were really happy to say the least.
Today, you had practically begged her to come with you to have a picnic and stargaze. She was being quite stubborn. But of course, she couldn't outmatch your own stubbornness and you, thus she gave in.
You were so excited, yet here you were, sitting on the blanket, extremely drunk. You smiled at her, all giggly and bubbly as you wrapped yourself around her arm, hugging her.
Sandrone sighed and frowned, she stopped her work just for this? I mean, it was you... (She'd never admit to loving spending time with you, she's gotta keep her reputation up... but everyone knows, even you, that she has an extremely soft spot for you (and only you.))
"[name]...quit staring at me like that!" sandrone flicked your forehead, earning an 'owwww' from you.
After recovering from the ferocious attack, you laughed and smiled. "But you're just sooooo pretty! I can't keep my eyes off you, the prettiest girl in Teyvat!"
You lowered your voice to a whisper "I think you're prettier than me, all the other harbingers, and the Tsaritsa- Ow!"
She slapped the back of your head. "I will not allow you to speak of her majesty the Tsaritsa like that, [name]!"
She crossed her arms and turned her head away from you, looking angry.
Although, her words seemed to contradict her statement just now. She spoke quietly under her breath, "plus, youre the most prettiest girl in Teyvat, [name]..."
You perked up, perhaps having heightened senses was a good thing. "I heard that!" You shouted and smiled. "You really think that-"
"W-what?! No! You must be imagining things!" She yelled back at you. "Damn it, I shouldn't have heightened your sense of hearing too! Ugh!"
All you did was laugh teasingly at her frustration and embarrassment getting caught being nice, specifically to you. Until you blacked out from the alcohol. That reallllllllyyyy freaked her out, as she frantically carried you back home. (Well, the only reason she showed her 'nicer' side was really due to the only witness being her modified automaton.)
You had slept for a whole day before waking up at noon, with a god awful hangover, causing you to throw up.
(Sandrone ordered one of her machines to take care of you in secret and report to her every hour about your status.)
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