#id be an awful mother if i did that

[wintertundra-art]

Friend: "let's make a cake and put over it the characters we're mostly attracted to!"

My closeted aroace ass: *sweating intensifies*

[perilegs]

i want to write about the complexities of my hawke's relationship with his mom but i think i'd get accused of having mommy issues

[aesrot]

...scratch that, take be back to my dad's please

[thursdayg1rl]

i WILL have waist length hair by next year . no matter what

[mrfoox]

My simple view on things sometimes is really a problem and I forget majority of people dont follow my logic....

[pha55ed]

Kodoku | F2 (kimi bday celly!)

type :: angst tw/cw :: gn!reader for most part, only like 3 gendered-terms and "wag", suicide joke (ollie), stalking (pepe), sa (pepe) contains :: kimi!, ollie, pepe request :: kodoku by mei semones, he reassures you after fans attack you with Ollie, Kimi (ofc) and Pepe. You're making me a fan of him (OMGG so many pepe fans! id like to thank httpiastri for introducing me to him LOL, also sorry for no banners, i could not find any good photos for the fucking life of me that actually matched... so just deal with it. ) link to kimi bday celly!

Kimi Antonelli | 04

The newest star in Formula is Kimi. The new prodigy with higher expectations than a fucking mountain. You always wonder how he can handle it all so well. Of course he got hate from time to time, but it's basically nothing compared to all of the praise and love he's gotten.

So when he shared that you were his girlfriend, the expectations were also high for you. Although you weren't a racer and just a random WAG, people wanted the world and more from you. And if you didn't deliver that they expected, not only would it hurt your reputation but also Kimi's. Everything you did was being watched, 24/7.

Wearing a cheap outfit? Why are you so poor, does Kimi's job not pay? Your makeup is smudged? Did you kiss someone else, how could Kimi be so dumb to like a cheater? You yawned once at a race? How dare you not support Kimi's career and his hard work, he needs a better partner.

It was so much pressure on you, it was as if you did one wrong thing then a new article would be released. You wanted to just tell the media to fuck off, but you knew that would ruin Kimi's image and make you be seen as a dickhead. So you were forced to sit and look pretty, tummy constantly sucked in, eyes locked onto the race, and smile locked onto your face.

After every race, you and Kimi would be exhausted. Kimi was drained from the race, while you were exhausted from the brutal camera-crews who were doing their best to catch you off guard. You'd argue that you even do more interviews than him at this point. But you didn't want to tell him, he was able to handle all of his problems so easily yet you were struggling to even do one portion of his job.

But he knew something was wrong, he was great at reading you. Instantly, you weren't able to hide it any longer and you admitted everything to him - the mean comments, the articles, the camera shoved in your face, even the hidden cameras they placed on you.

Instantly, he was upset and hurt. "I had no idea, why didn't you tell me?" He said, but he wasn't blaming you but more ashamed he didn't noticed faster. "I would have done something,,, everything to make you safer"

And he did exactly that. He talked to his team, and they listened to all his concerns. Instantly, at the next race you felt 100 times safer. There were no news reporters sneakily filming you from behind, no new articles were made, and there weren't even any microphones shoved into your face for a small interview. It was so peaceful for once, and you loved it.

Ollie Bearman | 87

Everyone knows Ollie is cute, it's more of a fact than a statement. His brown hair, cute smile, and polite manners made him charming to anyone. He's the dream boy of every teenager and the dream son-in-law for all the creepy mothers. So when he finally posted you on his Instagram, you expected some hate - but not to this degree...

Fans flooded the comments with negative things, calling you awful things. Saying you had poor fashion taste, you were too chubby for him, you were just a gold-digger, your eyes are too close together, your lips look like a bad lip-filler job... There's more mean things, but you didn't even want to continue on.

Your entire mood was ruined, you tried to ignore them but they found out your deepest insecurities. All you could do was cry and mope, feeling more insecure than ever. It has only been one day with the post being up and you already gained 3,000 followers on Instagram. But not in a good way...

Girls flooded your comments with even harsher comments that were supposed to be nice. "You're so confident! I love that!" Which had a sweet intention, but only made you feel worse. "You have such unique features! You're still beautiful!" Also very sweet intentions, but the wording made you want to learn how to tie a noose.

Once Ollie came home, he saw you sitting at the dining table, poking at your cereal. You didn't even want to eat, the comments have scared you from eating. Instantly, Ollie could tell everything going on through your brain.

He ran up to you, dropping all of his gear onto the floor. Rushing to you, he engulfed you in a huge hug. He ran his hand up and down your back while the other was in your hair, combing it to soothe you. Instantly, you broke down into tears yet again, even though you thought you ran out.

"I'm so sorry, love. I don't understand what they're saying at all." He said with an emphasis as he withdrew from the hug slightly to look you in the eyes. He used his thumb to wipe your tears while the other hand stayed on your back. "Don't you dare listen to them,"

You simply looked at him with tears in your eyes. Although he was comforting you, you knew it would take so much longer to heal from all of the hate you got. All you could do was give a weak nod as your leaned forward into him to cry on his shoulder more.

"I'll get my PR team to delete everything, don't worry. They're all so stupid, so so stupid to not see how stunning you are." He said, letting you sob into him.

You couldn't help but ask him, "Do you agree with them...?" You asked weakly. "Maybe you are too good for me," you said in a moment of weakness.

Ollie instantly looks at you with wide eyes, as if you just said a slur. "What!?" He said, unable to hide his shock. "I always think that you're too good for me! I could never ask for someone better than you."

He continued, "Where else will I find someone so understanding of my busy life? Where else will I find someone as beautiful as you? Someone with your pretty smile? With your humor, intelligence, and abundance of love???" He pauses, "I'll answer that, no where."

Pepe Marti | 21

Who doesn't love Pepe? Maybe his car,,, but that doesn't matter - the whole world can't help but smile when Pepe smiles. So when it got leaked that you two were dating, the entire fandom was in shambles.

Fangirls were crying their hearts out, moms were wishing they were younger, and dads were wishing their son's could pull someone as stunning as you. Surprisingly, the fanbase accepted you with open arms. The only issue, is that their arms were way too open.

They quickly became obsessed with you, arguably more than they are with Pepe. Everything you wore sold out in minutes, everywhere you went became a hot-spot, even the small phrases you said became new slang. Although you loved the support, it seemed like too much for just a WAG of a driver.

It got even worse. A bunch of men online made you their new "it girl". You got thousands of followers from random men online, making you have more followers than Pepe. They all shot their shot at you, made TikToks wishing that you gave them a chance, filled your comments with "Can Pepe fight?" and more. It was a bit funny though, seeing Pepe get jealous and seeing all of the love did boost your ego.

But it turned sour so fast. Now you were unable to go outside without a camera in your face, your address got leaked, even your family was being stalked as well. You never could have expected this all, it was so overwhelming for you. Now you were unable to do the most basic things. Getting groceries, hanging out with friends, and even going to watch Pepe race was impossible.

These men were creepy, stalking you all the way to the race locations. Some even snuck past security and tried to take photos with you and hug you. You tried your best to be nice and handle it all, but it became even worse as the men started to get more handsy.

Hugs turned into surprise kisses on the cheek. Hi-fives turned into hand holding, and they refused to let go. Even if you weren't around them, they would take creepy photos of you from behind or side, watching your every move. The FIA did their best to protect you, but since it was Formula 2 and you were just a WAG, they didn't try to do much.

You couldn't take it anymore, after a rough race day you bursted out into tears to Pepe once you were alone in your shared apartment. It was so much pressure on you. So many hands on you, so many eyes on you, you never wanted this life style - you just wanted to be a normal person with their sweet boyfriend.

Instantly, Pepe felt awful. He felt guilty for putting you out there into stardom. He could feel himself fighting his own urge to cry, feeling too empathetic to you. He listened to all your stories, all the touches, and more. You never told him about it since you didn't want to inconvenience him, so him hearing this all was so shocking to him.

After he heard everything, he was furious. He vowed to be by your side from then on, making sure to keep you safe in either his driver's room or in the garage. He even asked his PR manager if he could make a new Instagram post where he states how uncomfortable you've been. You said it wasn't needed, but he didn't care - he wanted you to be safe.

So he did exactly that: made sure his team kept you in the garage or his driver's room, got security guards to escort you around the paddock, and he made that Instagram post. The post went viral, even people who weren't fans of Formula saw it and felt awful for you. The post stated something along the lines of:

"I know my girlfriend is hot, but she's mine. Thank you for all of the love and support you've showered her in, but please keep in mind that we're both still young. There has been lots of actions from fans that have been been extremely inappropriate, which means there's going to be more precaution to ensure her safety. Thank you for understanding and supporting us, much love from (Y/N)'s boyfriend."

[thatneoncrisis]

could you explain your reasoning for butch harrow? im asking this in a way a student asks a master

ok so. up top: do i think harrow is butch in canon? no. god no. absolutely not. secret third category of person. not butch or femme shes just like A Guy who really fucking likes black

however i do think that between those two ends of a nebulous spectrum, being butch would be way more comfortable for her than femme, if we think of it in the most traditional sense for both sides. there are literally exceptions to every rule femmes can have short hair and wear pants, butches can have long hair and wear makeup yadda yadda. but the way she interacts with certain elements of her presentation in canon just felt to ME, PERSONALLY, that being traditionally feminine would freak her the fuck out

ive seen people compare her compulsion to wear the skull paint to a need to wear makeup and i. very much disagree. id see it more as like, an overtly religious thing, like a nuns habit or a hijab, its modesty and how she shows respect for her god, also routine, its as natural as putting on pants for her. and also frankly if it was an analog for traditional makeup that would be uuuuh awful. like I genuinely feel terrible for women who cannot even leave the house without foundation or contouring or whatever i dont know shit about makeup but holy fuck. if shes femme in that analog id be shaking her by the shoulders GIRL. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE A NAKED ANIMAL

another thing is her hair. so many people read her having short hair and immediately went to a bob or a pixie cut. and between tamsyns inconsistent description of the length of her hair in book one (saying its stuck to her face with sweat despite them being there for like, a month) and the htn cover being The best image we have of her, i understand that conclusion. but in the beginning of gtn its said its close cropped, tamsyn said on her blog post describing all the characters its "cut short (as benefits someone in a monestary)" which is a very interesting choice of words tbh. like im sute she didnt mean harrow is completely bald in the middle with a ring of hair but that Is the monk haircut. and then finally harrow says to gideon outright "i wont cut you bald-even though your hair is ridiculous- because I know you wont shave it every day" which i always took to mean being shaved down to the scalp is just how the ninth is traditionally. in harrow the ninth its said "occasionally ticklish rasps at your ears or forehead would frighten you numb before you realized ut was your own hair" indicating that she is not used to that length at all. also theres the fact that ianthe made her hair grow faster particularly to fuck with her. in short harrows haircut is shitty and utilitarian and any fussing with it has only been described in relation to her direct discomfort

finally theres that goddamn dress scene. why did ianthe put her in that stupid fucking thing. humilation tactic (im exaggerating but it basically was explicitly and exclusively for ianthes own amusement). shes such a simple girl, she just wanted something that could cover her up. its not impossible to have a longsleeved formless dress, but beyond my own opinion that i think harrow would have been uncomfortable in anything, i think the fact this like, explicit symbol of femininity is used to further degrade her in some sense in a room full of people who font reapect her feels like. intentional on the authors end. it quite literally just isnt her, its not even a true black its like a deep midnight blue. you get the pretty woman makeover scene but harrow comes out of it more miserable and resigned than ever. augustines approval means nothing. she looks in the mirror and sees her mother, a woman she appears to not have a single fond memory about. its all very sad

tldr when i talk about butch harrow its less about her "being butch" and more about how unfemme i think she is. also i want more butch4butch dykes i think gideon and camilla should teach her how to tie a tie.

[spectrumgarden]

it feels like everywhere often im trying to grab onto something and shake it tobreak the barrier between me and others, shake it loose and watch it crumble, hit the glass wall between me nd the world until it breaks. i try it with words but often the more sincere i am, people think i joke. if they understand im sincere, they still often dont understand me, the saame way i dont understand them.

they dont understand my life and often its like "getting to know me" is people understand my interests and then just engage with me through them & i like when they do because it makes sense in some way but it feels like they still dont know me, but i also dont know me.

little bits and pieces.

walk in the waiting room and theres no two spots next to each other and my mother asks in which of the two seperate ones i wanna sit and i freeze, i dont move, i cant, i sit next to her, i dont have strangers on both sides. i sway on my feet. a woman gets up next to one of the empty seats, goes to the other across the room, says here u go, u can sit next to each other. smiles at my mother. i think i know the smile. the smile says here, i hope i make the day a bit easier, its hard with a disabled child. i end up pacing up and down the waiting room 10 minutes later anyways. i hate waiting rooms. they say 5 and its never five and i know its never five but then its past five and i want to jump and run and hide, they said its five.

"does he tolerate treatment?" i rock in the dentist chair. i want to scream but i cant. i want to leave but i try hard so i rock harder. we get food at the bakery downstairs. i only like one thing. i wish i liked more. maybe i like more, but not here, not now, my head says no, only this, only this, only this. my mother asks why i act worse than other doctors visits recently. "all new" cold screen on my fingertips.

all walls are white and all hallways are long and all rooms are square in some way and all doors are the same. now theres stickers on the floor of the workshop. one color bathroom, one color lunch room, one color quiet room. there is paintings and there is a glass door and there is things but all i know is they are there when i see them. sometimes my feet just take me to the right place, and im happy. i figured out how the two doors lead to the same place.

its loud. i get up and walk. i want a place to hide. sit between the cars. plastic creaks. i dont want to get yelled at for breaking. i get up and walk. "please go back" inside head. walk more. legs hurt. sit under a bridge. now its safe. im far away. alone. im happy there was the bridge. under it is good. i nearly went above, full of cars. im happy my body went below. because my body doesnt listen. the sun is bright and the air is cold and my hands freeze. i walk "back" but i dont know where that is. a carer rides up to me on his bike "did you get lost?" i take a step back. /punished. yelled at. send home, parents yell. / but he smiles and backs away. people are nice now, here. i tell him my body just walks, and he nods.

my sister gifts me a plushie. i hug it all morning. my sister always gifts me toys. i like them. she smiles and says "i know you!" and i wonder is plushies and lego who i am? Who am i?

thick plastic covered things the way of medical therapy space. praise for my hands work. sometimes im a good kid, when im better than the others. when they shake and my lines are clean. when they jump and i sit still.

i bite my hands but i dont bleed and they say nothing. my mother looks at the marks later. "did you bite again?" i dont understand why she asks. she can see it.

three or four carers. maybe 8 other teens and adults. down syndrome and ID and autism and others. i wander off and sit under the stairs and hit my head. "dont you want to look at this museum with us? Yes? come with me. stand up. grab your bag. come with me" i swear it sounds sweet to me when she says it. ("hey, are you gonna keep an eye on him in the exhibition?)

words are thrown away or maybe stored in a place i forget about them.

my friends often giggle when i hold my glass with both hands. "its cute, like a kid". i feel shaky. i try hard not to spill. i wonder do they understand what they say.

[cordyceph]

one big thing about iwtv i like is that Every character has flaws. even characters we're meant to unapologetically sympathize with in other medias

paul, for example, is a very clearly sick man whos sickness weighs on his family. in any other media, hed'd be virtually untouched by any flaw other than being tragically sick. in iwtv, the first time we see him he's harassing louis' prostitutes (and we Know its harrasment because she tells louis he wont leave and paul isnt listening when she tells him she isnt interested.) we also see paul detest levi- who he views as having taken away his sister- and then act borderline hostile to lestat- some weird white man who's come to take his last sibling away, by attacking something he Knows he can win (religion, implying that lestat is either a blasphemer or gay) (either way, living in sin)

i think the only character who is like not an asshole without reason to be is grace? because shes generally kind and understanding until louis endangers her kids, literally disappears for months, years, until their mother dies, until she has to 'kill' him in her mind. sure, she was aggressive and insulting at their mother's funeral, but like... i would be too. if my brother fucked off for who knows how long, comes back Wrong and more of an asshole than before, literally breaks a door down, threatens me? id be way more upset than she was. like shes kind of a saint compared to literally everyone else. armand? armand. need i say more. louis? half the show is 'look at louis be unnecessarily cruel to those around him' (claudia, daniel, armand, lestat) lestat. oh my god lestat. i want to study his brain and be like brother how do you have every disease.

claudia is kind of a special case because for as much as she acts grown shes permanently stuck in that fourteen year old era. i know i, when i was an unsupported mentally ill teenager, said horrible things i deeply regretted later on. claudia goes through that too, just by like... a hundred or so years more. its not until madeline really treats her like another adult woman that she acts more like. well. an adult. louis didn't treat her like an adult ever (as much as lestat did wrong by her specifically, i do think he treated her like an adult, but never a child. but thats for another ramble) anyway, claudia says awful things and does awful things because shes fourteen and being treated like a child, but shes an adult, but no one treats her like one. like babydoll from batman animated

daniel . daniellllllll. olllllld man. i lost my steam thinking about that old man im gonna be real. hes just really funny and pretty and smart and cool okay im gonna jackhammer that guys pelvis

[bababerries]

Jack is a lot of things but tbh I don’t really get why people call him a stalker and I do take issue with insinuating he was abusive to Lacie in their relationship (when she was alive that is. His behavior towards her daughters, her best friend/doll and all the things she loved post her demise was extremely awful)

Jack’s behaviour towards Lacie is never normal or healthy and is definitely creepy. But I don’t see how he’s abusive or a stalker. If anything id say one of the issues in their relationship was Jack was too much of a pushover who had such little respect for himself that he never had the will to truly fight for a bond that they both cherished because he just couldn’t see anything beyond. I can’t help but feel like labeling him as abusive in this stage of their relationship a bit cruel towards him and unsympathetic. And I love Lacie to the moon and back but I’ll be honest I do think she was abusive to Jack in this relationship. (I am in no way trying to demonize her for this that’s my babygirl and she’s been through a lot. But I think Jack’s feelings also matter here)

I don't think we talk a lot about how Lacie sexually assaulted Jack (COCSA) in their first interaction with one another. And then later goes onto encourage him to do sex work. And Jack listens.She purposely choose to talk to him as he was someone in a vulnerable position. (Homeless and abused) so that she could play with him. She gives him her earing and tells him to come and find her Do I think Lacie was serious when she was saying this? No. I don't think Lacie genuinely made plans to see Jack again. She was just simply fouling around. This encounter meant very different things for both of them. And for Jack it flipped his whole world on his head. He was shown love for the first time in his life and was encouraged to chase after it by that person so he did. While the efforts he goes to get her is concerning I feel like calling this stalker behavior gives a much different impression and also feels a bit unempathetic to me? And is also just incorrect. Jack spends 7 years trying to find Lacie under the impression that she to wanted this shown physically with the earring. Not 7 years watching her from afar. I think it's also worth noting Jack processed Lacie's love as maternal to an extent. She did things for him a mother should do for a child (give him food, cut his hair, give him life advice and orders, protect him from bad guys, hugs) I don't wanna go super in depth bc i'd love to make a whole analysis on Jack's feelings for Lacie but Lacie even makes this comparison herself

(And once again I wanna preface with I don't think Lacie owes Jack motherhood. In fact i'm very uncomfortable with viewing motherhood in a positive lens in regards to Lacie's arc as it felt like it was always something forced upon her to further abuse and mystify her. )

And the second time. Lacie once again is the one to ask Jack to see her again. (This time however out of genuine desire.) She makes the first move and suggest this of him

I think it's fair to say Jack would probably want to try to see her again after this as an alternative response to "What are you going to do now Jack?" But I feel like it's a bit up in the air/up to interpretation. Of course I 100% think he wants to see Lacie. But he to is scared of overstepping boundaries to an extent that damages their relationship. He doesn't answer his question to her saying "I want to see you again" "I'm going to see you again" "Can I see you again" It's "I don't know." Which I think you can also take as now that Jack has completed the only life goal he's made for himself he doesn't know what to do with himself. He could be hiding his want and desires to surprise her and see her but he has no reason to do that here. Levi also giving him the paper in this scene suggests Jack lacks the knowledge to come back on his own. Point is Lacie made the first move here and asked him to come back once again she's the one pushing things.

Lacie has power over Jack. She's the on with power over him because he was vulnerable towards her. I don't mean to demonize Lacie with this post and perhaps I focused too much of her flaws in the relationship but the main point I wanna make is I do feel like people are too hard on Jack in regards to how he acted in their relationship when she was alive. Unfairly antagonizing him when he's the bigger victim in this relationship.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #2

[Image ID. And image of Eddie and Shannon from 9-1-1 sitting together. Shannon is on the left and Eddie is on the right. And an image of The Locked Tomb books covered edited together. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Eddie and Shannon:

They only got married because she was pregnant and he booked it to Afghanistan to financially support her without having to actually face his relationship fears (breakup 1, while they're not only dating but married), he comes back for their kid's birth and immediately re-ups, now also because of his fears about fatherhood (breakup 2, married with newborn), and leaves his wife with his controlling parents and mom with cancer who lives states away as her only support system. gets shot, comes home, can't handle his controlling parents on top of his PTSD, which, newsflash, neither can she, so when he says they can't move to take care of her now dying mom, she up and leaves in the middle of the night (breakup 3, girl power). his parents are awful about her and try to take custody of his disabled son, so he books it to the state his wife lives in to preserve both their autonomy and what's left of their family unit but does not contact her until a school with stellar supports for his son needs to interview her because they're not actually divorced and then they start fucking in secret (messy!! Messy, messy, MESSY!!!). He lets her back into their son's life for Christmas, they're technically back together, they have a pregnancy scare but it's fine, he proposes again (while comparing their relationship to being drowned) and she asks for a divorce (breakup 4) and then gets hit by a car in an intersection and dies on the scene (breakup 5, actual end of relationship). Her last words are about how she was leaving their son again. THERE IS NO GREATER MESS THIS SHIT IS BAKED ON CAKED ON NO AMOUNT OF PINK GOO CAN GET IT OFF

They got together in high school then got married because she was pregnant. After they were married he joined the military and went to Afghanistan (ostensibly to provide for their family but by his own admission because he wanted to get away), at one point re-enlisting against her wishes. When he did come back (only after being injured), SHE left to take care of her terminally ill mother and didn't come back for over a year, at which point she and Eddie began to sleep together again, but he initially kept her hidden from their son because he didn't trust her. He refused to even discuss this with her until she publicly confronted him at work. He does let her around their son again, but the only time we see Shannon and Eddie together again, they're fighting. They later have a pregnancy scare, which prompts him to "re-propose" to her. She instead FINALLY asks for a divorce. And then she gets hit by a car and dies for some reason. I realize this is more of a messy marriage than a messy breakup but personally I think their whole relationship was just a messy breakup in slow motion.

Mercymorn the First/Augustine the First/Emperor John Gaius:

-M-- and A-- were John's closest companions before the apocalypse, then they were killed by a bunch of cultists who betrayed him, then he STARTED A NUCLEAR WAR AND KILLED ALL LIFE IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM just because he was mad some trillionares manipulated everyone, then he brought them back to life but with new names and their memories erased to be his disciples because he didn't think they would agree with his actions, then eventually he had them kill the other most important people in their lives to gain immortality and also more attention for him, thousands of years later they have a threesome and steal his sperm to give it to a terrorist leader (who's in a different threesome) to make a baby to kill and use as a bomb, then 20 years later the threesome returns as a distraction so a lobotomized teen can kill their coworker, then eventually he finds out they betrayed him, Mercymorn kills him but he comes back immediately and kills her, then he turns around and offers Augustine complete forgiveness despite also trying to kill him, Augustine refuses and throws the whole space station into a metaphysical river to trap John/"god" in Hell, but his apprentice saves John instead of him so he goes to Hell instead, then John is a wreck, leaves basically an evil child in charge of his empire, and sleeps around with his army for presumably a whole book

Okay SO. buckle up. (Also, HUGE TLT SPOILERS AHEAD.) John Gaius is god. Mercy and Augustine are 2/3 of his remaining saints. They have a terrible, millennia-long polycule (that at one point resulted in Mercy and Augustine stealing God’s jizz to try and kill him—that’s off topic tho.) Mercy and Augustine eventually attempt to kill him again after learning he tricked them into killing their best friends ten thousand years ago. And they all try to kill each other : )

John Gaius is God, and Mercymorn and Augustine are the first and second of his Saints. They're intensely close. Like, they've been together for ten thousand years, they've had at least one threesome, and they were best friends in their previous lives before that. The thing is, Mercy and Augustine sort of suspect that John is lying to them, so they hatch a plan to figure out what he's not telling them. Which turns out to be a LOT. They try to kill him, he kills them instead, and then he spends the whole next book in a dramatic depressive spiral, neglecting his Empire and sleeping with pretty much his entire senior staff. Personally I suspect Augustine and Mercy were 80% of his impulse control, and without them John plans to destroy the solar system and start over from square one.

- (this propaganda is only for John Gaius and Mercymorn the First) Messy quite literally because she atomises him, then he puts himself back together and (again, LITERALLY) rips out her heart.

Also emotionally messy on the basis that this breakup has actually been going on for at LEAST twenty years, and involved two separate threesomes which were actually ploys to a) steal John's sperm and b) distract him from the murder of his best friend.

Important information to note for those who have not read TLT: in killing John, Mercymorn fully believes that the sun will explode and the entire solar system will be destroyed. She ain't afraid of collateral damage in HER breakup.

In terms of relationship categorisation? Who's to say. They're friends they're lovers he's literally her God he wiped her memory and he's been lying to her for ten thousand years it's a whole thing.

[plurapony]

Having DID is a horrific thing, the trauma we experienced at such a young age to cause this and the symptoms we experience as a result. It's awful and I wouldn't wish this on anyone not even my worst enemy.

But at the same time having DID is a wonderful experience. I've never felt what an actual mother's love feels like but I know what an in system mother's love feels like and I feel so cared for. There's always a different perspective to help with any problem, there is parts who are constantly negative and tell us we shouldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks because they are beneath us and there's parts that tell us we should always focus on kindness because being kind to others makes us feel good. Whenever something negative happens I can always discuss it out with my parts and even just talking about our interests with each other is so much fun. I'm so proud of everyone for how much they care about our collective self and how they all do their role to allow us to thrive as much as we possibly can.

I missed out on having people that should have cared for me care for me, but I'm so thankful that my parts care for us the way they do. I truly wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for them.

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]

[crushedsweets]

30y old Toby headcanons?

this is all written under the assumption that nobody is dead or in prison, also written for my AU in which slenderman and the operator are opposing forces, with slenderman taking the operators victims as proxies

at this point tim and brian would have completely gotten away from slenderman/the operator, being well into their 40s. probably moved all the way to the west coast, maybe even out of the country.

which means there'd only be kate and toby left. they'd both be exhausted. the operator and slenderman wouldve been 'fighting' for ~25+ years by now, so they have longer periods of going dormant - but they are still immortal entities, so there is no quitting. kate would've moved full time into the proxy cabin, rather than the mines, so they'd be spending a lot of time together.

clocky is the closest to toby, but by now she'd have a nice little apartment and is working full time. her time under the operators influence is completely over. maybe toby would move in with her, but she'd be hesitant. loves him to death but she's trying to get away from the shit that toby would always come back to. she wants to find peace

he'd still have to be working in places that dont require a background check. or even an ID. or be willing to pay in cash. he still gets angry to the point of tears knowing he'll never be able to move freely through the world since his name, DNA, fingerprints all link him back to his dad. even 13 years later he cant get away from his dad

he misses tim and brian. they were awful to him half the time, but sometimes they were like father figures - tim taught toby how to drive, brian patched toby up countless times, they've all sat and had a few drinks together and watched some movies, they were all toby had for a year after his dads death. but they completely cut toby off, probably completely cut eachother off too - toby couldnt find them even if he tried. which he did, for a while

toby would stop trying to visit his mom, but he'd still visit lyras grave. he used to drop flowers off mothers day, birthday, christmas - he'd find some train that'll take him as far as possible and just leave them out for his mom. usually he found gloves, jackets, blankets laying out on the porch he left them on. he stopped when his mom inevitably moved out of her sisters house, he has no idea where she went.

maybe there would be new proxies to take in. some kid who just killed their best friend and finds themself constantly waking up in random areas with blood on their hands, throwing up black liquid and seeing weird faceless men all around - and toby would have to take on tim and brians role, and try to help this kid, and try to be better, and try not to beat their ass everytime they piss him off. try not to treat them the way he was treated. it would suck ass watching that happen to someone else, but part of him would think maybe that means it's time him and kate can finally escape - but there is something about toby and kate that cant seem to shake slenderman, not the way the others did

i think 30 year old toby would be pretty somber all around. any initial rage that fueled him, or excitement that motivated him, or joy he found in the freaks around him would've worn off by now

[rippleclan]

RippleClan: Moon 67

Oilstripe and Halibutdusk have recovered from birth and greencough, respectively. Meanwhile, Paleseed gets whitecough.

[Image ID: Waspdawn says to Paleseed, ““I know fighting whitecough can be awful, so I wanted to give you this tail weave I  made with Rabbitjoy to cheer you up.” Paleseed now has red feathers in her tail. Under her, it says + CONDITION: WHITECOUGH, + ACCESSORY: RED FEATHERS.]

(Waspdawn: 33, male, codekeeper, strict, learner of lore, clue finder)

(Paleseed: 33, female, mediator, insecure, incredible runner, steady paws)

Rapidleaf talks with Honeybuzz about what it’s like to be a cleric.

[Image ID: Honeybuzz says to Rapidleaf, “It isn’t worth the pain.”]

---

Honeybuzz adjusted the long hunt pelt covering Tempestshade’s back. The black cat was asleep, one of their few peaceful naps as their leg deteriorated more and more. The thick snowfall outside sent cold air stirring between the wooden walls. Mosspounce and Carnationspeckle tirelessly tended to the fire outside the medicine den, making sure their fellow caretaker would not suffer anymore than they already did. Honeybuzz doubted it would do much, though. Whatever damage the silver jaw caused to Tempestshade’s leg, Honeybuzz and Troutpool only delayed its endgame. 

Honeybuzz groomed Tempestshade’s neck as his patient groaned softly. He muttered a soft prayer and turned to his pots and baskets of medicine. As he checked on the Clan’s supply of painkillers, paws trudged through the clumpy snow outside. Rattlepelt made her way inside, snow gathering in balls on her fox pelt. She slipped it off, seemingly unphased by the storm.

“Are you busy, Honeybuzz?” Rattlepelt asked. Honeybuzz glanced at Tempestshade.

“Not really,” Honeybuzz muttered. He peeked under the wraps on Tempestshade’s leg and sighed. “Are you staying warm, Rattlepelt?”

“As warm as I can be,” Rattlepelt sighed. She strolled by the shelves of medicine sitting along the sand and wood. “I’m hoping to find something for my mood. Something calming. Lavender, maybe?”

“Ah yes, lavender in the middle of winter,” Honeybuzz scoffed, mustering a pathetic laugh. His sarcasm soured at Rattlepelt’s sharp expression. Honeybuzz cleared his throat, further tucked Tempestshade under their pelt, and said, “There are a lot of herbs for mood. What exactly are you experiencing?”

“What am I not experiencing lately?” Rattlepelt sighed, undoing a leather lid from a pot and glancing inside. “You’re the cleric, I would think you’d notice.” Honeybuzz refrained from telling her actually I’ve been quite busy trying to save Tempestshade’s life, interpret a prophecy, and deal with the identity of my mother’s killer, but yes Rattlepelt, I’ve absolutely been studying your mood.

“Mood swings?” Honeybuzz guessed. “Anxiety?” Honeybuzz took the leather lid back from Rattlepelt and sealed the pot.

“The first thing, I suppose,” Rattlepelt huffed. “According to my mate and mothers, I’ve been acting… out of character lately. Not quite as lively as I used to be. You must have something that can bring me back to normal.”

“It might not be herbs you need,” Honeybuzz suggested. “Have you talked with Spikecrash or Paleseed?”

“I don’t need a mediator,” Rattlepelt grunted with a thrash of her tail. 

“You talked with Paleseed all the time when your mother was held hostage,” Honeybuzz pointed out. “Why the refusal?”

“It’s different!” Rattlepelt snapped. She shoved past Honeybuzz and studied the herbs on the other side of the den. “I don’t want others talking about my business. I’d rather deal with it on my own time. You really can’t spare a pot of something? I just need to chew on something so I don’t chew on someone’s head.” Rattlepelt stuck her face into a basket.

“I don’t want to waste herbs on an issue a mediator could resolve,” Honeybuzz said. “Can you please stop looting through our supplies? We need them for Tempestshade.”

“Oh, so you’ll give medicine to an omen but not to one of your Clan’s only artisans?” The curl in Rattlepelt’s lip was like an angry warrior scaring a trespasser from the border. She flung a paw toward Tempestshade’s weak form. Honeybuzz stood his ground; he was not his mentor. Only StarClan could order him around. Defiant blue pierced through angry copper. Rattlepelt’s eyes widened. She groaned, recoiling back to the shelves. “This is what I’m talking about! Can you please just give me something?”

“Rattlepelt,” Honeybuzz said, stressing every word, “I am not giving you a lick of medicine until you speak with a mediator.” Rattlepelt deflated, veiny ears falling. Her claws unsheathed for a moment, stabbing the packed sand floor. She quickly covered them with her tail. She marched to her discarded fox pelt.

“I’d better leave before I do something else I’ll regret,” Rattlepelt grumbled, sliding the wet pelt onto her back. “Good luck with Tempestshade, Honeybuzz.” Rattlepelt stared at the thick falling snow outside the den. She slunk into the gray light with nary a shiver, the fire outside bouncing off her red leather pelt. Just when Honeybuzz began to process the new problem lumped onto his back, Rapidleaf scurried inside. Really? Now, of all moments?

“StarClan, that’s cold!” Rapidleaf yelped, shivering violently. Snow tumbled off her back as she shook.

“I thought you were assisting Troutpool with a ritual,” Honeybuzz sighed, turning to his shelves and pretending to check the herbs in an empty pot. 

“We just got back,” Rapidleaf panted. “I… wanted to talk to you before Troutpool joined you again.” Honeybuzz sighed deeply, gathering his strength. He couldn’t put this conversation off forever. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something to the Clan. Why haven’t you?” Ugggghhhhh why did Rapidleaf have to do this to him?

“You said it was an accident, right?” he huffed, finally facing Scrubmask’s killer. “You didn’t even remember what happened until later. So I’m staying quiet. It isn’t worth the pain.”

“But I killed her,” Rapidleaf said, soft and slow.

“And we moved on!” Honeybuzz groaned, throwing his head back. StarClan, this was like talking to a kit. “Mom took a new mate. My brothers and I graduated. Everyone thinks a Witch Hunter did it. Why would I hurt them all over again with this?”

“Because I killed her,” Rapidleaf said again, emphasizing each word, sinking in Honeybuzz’s strong presence.

“If you want to be punished so badly, confess to a codekeeper!” Honeybuzz snapped. “I am a cleric. I help my Clan. This, what you’ve done? Knowing that now will help no one. Don’t pretend to care about the right thing when you’re just a coward.” Rapidleaf bowed her head low. The bright fire outside turned her fur dark red like dried blood.

“If that’s what you think is right,” Rapidleaf muttered.

“Do your job and we won’t have any problems,” Honeybuzz growled, his golden face burning like the sun in the fire glow. He turned back to his empty pots and said, “Get warmed up. I don’t want to have to treat you for shivers.” He kept his ears perked as Rapidleaf’s paws crunched through the snow. He only looked back when he was certain she was gone. 

Honeybuzz groaned loudly, trudging to his nest and flopping into it. If he had to take this secret to StarClan, he was more than happy to do so. It was just easier. Now he only had three problems to deal with.

Well, that wasn’t true, even if he didn’t realize it yet. He had two problems.

Because Tempestshade had stopped breathing.

(Honeybuzz: 15, male, cleric, daring, constantly fiddling with tools)

(Tempestshade: 28, nonbinary (they/them), caretaker, childish, incredible cook)

(Rattlepelt: 50, female, artisan, bloodthirsty, leather artist)

(Rapidleaf: 85, female, warrior, lonesome, prophecy interpreter)

Tempestshade dies from their mangled leg. Mosspounce tells fond stories of his littermate while Trumpetspore mourns and Scaleripple tries to push his feelings aside.

[Image ID: Scaleripple watches Trumpetspore and Mosspounce leave. Under him, it says + CONDITION: SENSORY OVERLOAD.]

---

James quietly loaded Tempestshade’s body onto his back as dawn glimmered through the snowfall. Troutpool gave up an old vole pelt from her nest so Tempestshade’s crusted, wounded leg could be covered during the funeral. The leather wrapped around their leg and concealed their deadly injuries. Dried herbs poked out from under the leather, hiding the decaying smell. 

Scaleripple could still smell it, though. He smelled every decomposing muscle and faded blood-scent that clung to Tempestshade’s pelt. He could smell Trumpetspore and Mosspounce’s sorrow, still strong after a night at vigil. He could smell the concoctions and ointments the clerics used at first to stop Tempestshade’s deterioration, then to soften the end. He could smell death clinging to the snow that drifted over camp.

“Tempestshade would probably say something silly now about how we should just talk to Oilstripe if we miss them,” Mosspounce scoffed, swallowing hard. Trumpetspore laughed softly, leaning hard into Mosspounce. The laugh was like claws tearing at Scaleripple’s ears.

“Do you three have something to mark their grave?” James asked, shifting awkwardly with the added weight.

“I do, I do,” Mosspounce sighed. He stood, groaning and stretching his back. “One of our bowls broke a few days ago. With how much Tempestshade cooked, I want to use that as their marker. What do you think, Scaleripple?”

“Fine,” Scaleripple said. He stared at the spot where Tempestshade’s body had laid all night. The snow formed a hole in their vague shape.

“Scaleripple?” Trumpetspore peeked around her brother. “I know we don’t talk much, but… thank you for being there for Tempestshade. Mosspounce and I can’t say enough how much that… I’m sorry, I can’t.” It took all Trumpetspore’s effort to get even those few words out. Mosspounce groomed his sister, purring through the pain.

“It’ll be a long walk with this snow,” James sighed. “Let’s get on our way.” Trumpetspore and Mosspounce followed James, but when Scaleripple stayed seated, Mosspounce stopped and glanced back.

“You two bury them,” Scaleripple said. “Be alone with them.” No one had any energy to argue; Mosspounce nodded after a moment and rejoined Trumpetspore on their slow procession to the graveyard. Scaleripple stayed trapped in the scent of death. It clung to his fur like salt. Scaleripple closed his eyes.

“Scale?” Weedfoot shuffled across the thick snow, catching fat snowflakes in her fur. The new scar she sported around her ankle made Scaleripple’s paws burn just from its look. Her whole body sagged like a dying weed as she slipped beside her son. “Do you need me today?”

“I’m alright, Mom,” Scaleripple said. Weedfoot’s pelt was a whisker’s length from Scaleripple’s, but it felt like she was laying on top of him. 

Scaleripple needed that.

“I would have thought you’d go with the others to the graveyard,” Weedfoot noted. 

“I didn’t want to,” Scaleripple said. His gaze was drawn back to the hole.

“Well, I won’t be sending you on any patrols for the next day or two,” Weedfoot explained softly (StarClan bless her, finally a soft voice for Scaleripple’s strained mind). “I know your sister has whitecough, but if you need someone to talk to, Paleseed can listen.” 

“I’d rather go on patrol,” Scaleripple said. His expression remained unchanged, neutral and stuck on the hole.

“I don’t think you’re truly alright, Scaleripple,” Weedfoot mumbled. She got between Scaleripple and the place Tempestshade once laid. Scaleripple blinked wildly, trying to focus on his mother’s form as his vision blurred. He knew what was coming as soon as his ears began to ring.

“Do you want the truth?” Scaleripple asked. The tensions in his shoulders made his muscles burn.

“Isn’t that obvious?” Weedfoot hummed softly.

“No, it isn’t,” Scaleripple said. There was no intended malice, yet his tone still struck at Weedfoot like a rat bite. The ringing in Scaleripple’s ears grew louder. “There’s a lot I don’t understand that others do. I understood Tempestshade, though. They understood me. Now no one understands me.” 

Scaleripple’s eyes could not focus, even with Weedfoot standing right in front of him. Color and shadow melted together like beeswax in a pot. His skin burned. Weedfoot said something, but her words were just like the camp; melted, dissolved, burning. No one understands. No one understands. No one understands No one understands No one understands No one understands NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.

Some part of Scaleripple’s mind heard his Clan gather around him, wondering just what he was muttering. He could see worried faces peering into his huge blue eyes, even if he had no way to react to them. Despite all that, all he could do was stare at nothing, pressure building in his chest, sinking deeper and deeper into himself. The caring words of his Clan blurred together, yet each phrase was clear as air, layering over the next in a bloodbath of screeching bird song.

“Scale, come on now, what are you saying?”

“We should get him out of camp.”

“StarClan, does everyone have to stare at him?”

“Scaleripple, it will all be okay.”

“I understand you, Scaleripple!”

“Leave him alone, this doesn’t concern you.”

“How would you feel if we swarmed you after a vigil?”

“We may not understand you, Scaleripple, but we love you.”

If only Scaleripple could thank the soft, careful voices that slipped through the noise. Perhaps later. There was nothing he could say now. Only collapse into the spiral of his own, odd mind.

(James: 143, male, elder, charismatic, den builder, formidable fighter)

(Tempestshade: 28, nonbinary (they/them), caretaker, childish, incredible cook)

(Scaleripple: 20, male, warrior, lonesome, formidable fighter)

(Trumpetspore: 28, female, warrior, nervous, excellent potter

(Mosspounce: 28, male, caretaker, adventurous, talented fire-starter)

(Weedfoot: 116, female, deputy, charismatic, steady paws, formidable fighter)

Weevilkit and Yarrowkit make snow lumps at the entrance to camp.

[Image ID: Weevilkit and Yarrowkit build a snow cat as Wolfkit approaches. Yarrowkit says, “It looks a bit like a cat!” Under her, it says + PERMANENT CONDITION: ONE BAD EYE. Under Wolfkit, it says + CONDITION: BRUISES.]

---

Weevilkit couldn’t feel her nose, but she didn’t care. She rolled snowballs across the camp clearing toward Yarrowkit, who studied the large snow lump she and Weevilkit had cobbled together. The many, many kits of RippleClan had woken up from their sunhigh nap and now ruled the camp, running and screaming through the snow, entertaining one another. Yarrowkit protected the snow lump from her rampaging littermates, leaving light paw prints in its sides. Four snowballs sat along the corners of the lump like fat, lazy paws. 

“Is this big enough?” Weevilkit groaned. She shoved her giant snowball at Yarrowkit with one last mighty push. Yarrowkit trotted around the snowball, gauging just how big it truly was.

“Perfect!” Yarrowkit chirped. “Help me lift it on!” Yarrowkit and Weevilkit stood on either side of the snowball. They tucked their heads under their mound, snow crumbling into their eyes. Necks straining and muzzles aching, they lifted the snowball off the ground and threw it onto the mound. The bottom chunk of the snowball plopped off, making Yarrowkit and Weevilkit shriek.

“Pack it in!” Weevilkit cried. She and Yarrowkit scooped up snow and shoved it under their lump’s new head. Eventually, the lump no longer threatened to fall off. When Weevilkit was certain the structure was stable, she made two smaller snowballs and stuck them on the lump’s head. She bounced off the lump and admired it from the back.

“It looks a bit like a cat!” Yarrowkit chirped.

“Snow cat!” Weevilkit cheered, rearing onto her back legs like a horse.

It was at that moment that something strange occurred, something Weevilkit would not fully understand until she was older. In fact, in the moment, it felt more like a daydream than anything else, something that had come to her in the night and performed for her once more under the light of day. Yet the way she would describe it matched no daydream or typical trick of the mind.

On the other side of camp, Wolfkit eyed a snow pile a few tail-lengths behind Weevilkit. Harvest helped Robinkit and Currentkit build a mountain to scale and dig into like moles. As Weevilkit watched her sister, the gray kit’s form flickered. She stayed where she was, staring hungrily at the mountain, but another Wolfkit charged forward, slipping out of her body like a ghost. There was a fogginess to this second Wolfkit, a transparent and shiny nature that seemed like Oilstripe’s tales of StarClan cats. The real, solid Wolfkit did not react to this secondary form running out of her chest, unseeing.

But Weevilkit saw it all.

This ghostly Wolfkit darted past Yarrowkit. A misty version of Yarrowkit overlapped her living form, fur spiking and lips curling. Two cats existed in the same space, one in the other, making Weevilkit’s head hurt. Weevilkit watched as the other Wolfkit left deep pawprints behind her, even though the snow was no more disturbed than it had been. The other Wolfkit threw herself at the snow mountain. Harvest, Currentkit, and Robinkit gained their own foggy forms, stepping away from the ghost of the mountain. The nonexistent Wolfkit slammed into the mountain, but rather than the mountain collapsing into light and fluffy clumps, her head made a hole in the stiff snow. Wolfkit’s ghost collapsed at the base of the mountain. Weevilkit blinked, and the ghosts were gone.

And then it happened again.

Wolfkit darted past Yarrowkit. The brown and white kit jumped, fur spiking and lips curling. Harvest, Currentkit, and Robinkit hurried back as Wolfkit threw herself full-speed at the snow mountain. She face-planted into the unyielding snow and stumbled back with a loud groan. Weevilkit blinked again, this time shaking out her snow-dusted pelt.

A smart kit would have questioned that strange sight. However (and with no disrespect intended), Weevilkit was not smart.

“Are you okay?” Harvest asked, trying to force back her laughter at the face-shaped imprint in the snow.

“My face hurts,” Wolfkit grumbled, pulling herself out of the snow.

“That’s what happens when you run into a mountain,” Robinkit said matter-of-factly.

“It’s okay,” Currentkit promised. He slipped beside Wolfkit as the gray molly whimpered softly and rubbed her sore face.

“Wolfkit!” Yarrowkit snapped. “Don’t run past me like that! That’s my bad side!”

“Your bad side?” Weevilkit scoffed. “What does that mean?”

“You know!” Yarrowkit whined, smoothing out her fur. “Your bad side! Your dead eye! How would you like it if I scared you like that?” Weevilkit cocked her head so far to the side, her neck hurt.

“I don’t have a dead eye,” Weevilkit said. “How can an eye be dead?” While Robinkit and Currentkit teased Wolfkit, Harvest appeared behind Weevilkit.

“Mom, can you tell her about your dead eye?” Yarrowkit huffed. “Which one is it?”

“Yarrowkit, I don’t know what you’re saying,” Harvest said softly, getting to her daughter’s level. “Is something wrong with your eyes?” Weevilkit peered closer at Yarrowkit’s face. There was a droopiness to her right eye. Her pupil was huge compared to her other eye. A green haze covered the eye, depriving it of its usual sharpness. Harvest leaned in as well, staring intently at the right eye.

“Wait,” Yarrowkit gulped, “is your other eye supposed to do something?” Harvest sat up, swallowing hard. She buried her twitching tail under her flank.

“Yarrowkit,” Harvest said, “can you come with me? I want you to talk to Troutpool and Honeybuzz.”

“But I’m playing,” Yarrowkit huffed, placing a paw on the snow cat.

“You can go back to your game afterward, I promise,” Harvest stammered. “Now come along. You need to tell the clerics just what you’ve told me.” Yarrowkit deflated as Harvest looped around her and nudged her toward the medicine den. She glanced at Weevilkit as she passed, turning her head far to see her with her one good eye. 

Now, truth be told, while she would have to train around it, Yarrowkit would get along just fine with a bad eye. That was not what Weevilkit should have been concerned about.

(Weevilkit: 2, female, kit, bullying, curious about StarClan)

(Yarrowkit: 2, female, kit, noisy, stares at fire)

(Wolfkit: 2, female, kit, polite, curious about StarClan, confident with words)

(Harvest: 55, female, queen, nervous, good fighter)

(Robinkit: 2, male, kit, unruly, avid play-fighter)

(Currentkit: 2, male, kit, polite, constantly climbing)

Anchovykit wakes up with a splitting headache and can’t get out of his nest.

[Image ID: Anchovykit says to Tempestshade, now a ghost, “Do you need help?” Under him, it says + CONDITION: SEVERE HEADACHE.]

---

It wasn’t fair. All the other kits were playing in the snow, screaming and cheering at their winter fun, kept warm by the fire crackling between the elder’s den and the warrior’s den. Anchovykit should have been out there. He had to go out there and play! He was missing out on all the joys of the day!

When Anchovykit stood at the edge of the nursery, looking out over camp, his eyes burned. His head smacked him about like an enemy warrior. The snow intensified the pain. He squeezed his eyes as tight as he could, trying to fight off the headache. Honeybuzz had told him to just rest, but how could he rest when everyone else was having fun?

But then again, with a headache like his, Anchovykit couldn’t play. Especially since it made him see things.

The headache added an odd sheen to the camp. A soft sparkle danced around the medicine den like stars in the day. Weevilkit and Wolfkit, laughing over their snowbound antics, shared in this sparkle. Oilstripe, who told her kits stories by the Shiprock, had a glow to her eyes that made Anchovykit’s pelt itch. Even though the shine clawed at his eyes, Anchovykit found it hard not to look at the odd ways his head toyed with him.

Still, the soft awe of the camp was nothing compared to the sheer horror of looking at Rattlepelt. The furless artisan watched the Clan from the corner of camp, using her fox pelt as warm flooring against the snow. Her single white ear twitched casually as she watched Weedfoot return from patrol with Lavendertwist, Waspdawn, and Puddlewhisper. Her claws poked through the snow as Weedfoot laughed at one of Lavendertwist’s jokes. She groaned softly, forcing herself to look away from the family. 

It wasn’t her gray skin or odd behavior that made Anchovykit nauseous, however. Slime covered Rattlepelt’s smooth skin, slick yet dull like mud. Her legs grew black the farther down they went. Slushy pools of black gunk collected at her paws. She had become a river of dark mud, her body as its source. And then there were her eyes. Gone was the warm and cheeky copper shine everyone found so familiar in Rattlepelt. Instead, bright yellow eyes burned with unhidden, unquenchable hatred, a hatred that threatened to seep into every wrinkle and fold of Rattlepelt’s bony body.

Anchovykit ran back into the quiet shadows of the nursery. Headaches were terrifying! He crawled into his empty nest with a whine. He shoved his muzzle into the moss and leather. The sooner he took a nap, the sooner this headache would go away, and the camp would look normal again. He breathed in the leftover scent of his mother and littermates. He was always safe with them. They would protect him from the horrors of his headache.

“You’re a funny little kit, aren’t you?”

“Clammask, go away,” Anchovykit whined through the moss.

“I sound like Clammask? Huh. Isn’t that funny!” 

Anchovykit wasn’t in his nest anymore. He opened his eyes to blackness below. It was not pure darkness, though; tiny stars glimmered far, far away. The floor matched the ceiling. All around Anchovykit, Silverpelt shone in small white specks. There was no ground for Anchovykit to stand on, but regardless, he stood. He could feel something warm and soft under his paws, but when he lifted them, there was nothing but Silverpelt underneath. His mother had told him that on some nights, Silverpelt glowed with a myriad of colors, but all he saw now was black and white. The sunless land was shockingly warm, warm in the way Anchovykit imagined summer to be, that beautiful season he had yet to see. The clawing, tearing pain in his head was now a small worm, wiggling about behind his eye. Anchovykit stated at his pelt. There was no source of light, but his body was not covered in shadow. There was a dullness to him, something in between light and darkness, the pure essence of his colors untainted by the sun.

“Weird dream,” he muttered.

“I don’t like involving a kitten like this, but they shouldn’t have to suffer for long.” Anchovykit turned around. A blue-gray molly stood behind him. Dark, swirling stripes like water criss-crossed her starry pelt. A moth’s wing hung delicately behind her ear in an impossible fashion, as though the moth had perched itself just on the stranger’s head. 

“You look like Weedfoot,” Anchovykit gasped.

“I should,” the stranger laughed. “I’m her daughter! My name is Ripplefern. I’m a member of StarClan, and I need your help.” Anchovykit’s eyes widened. His mother had grown up with second-paw tales of StarClan’s power, while Anchovykit and his littermates got to hear of their glory straight from the mouth of RippleClan. Now Anchovykit was one of those blessed souls that got visited by the ancestors in his sleep, even if he wasn’t a cleric! He kneaded the invisible ground, purring.

“Am I important?” Anchovykit purred, eagerly running up to Ripplefern.

“More than I can explain now,” Ripplefern sighed. “I have a friend who will spend a long time alone if you don’t help them. Do you think you can help my friend?”

“I’ll try,” Anchovykit promised. Ripplefern purred, her blue eyes growing soft as down.

“Follow me.” Ripplefern turned gracefully and wandered deeper into Silverpelt. Anchovykit stayed at her side, eyes scanning the strange land around him. If this was StarClan, it was really empty!

“Where are all the other StarClan warriors?” Anchovykit asked.

“They wouldn’t be here,” Ripplefern explained. “Sometimes, when a warrior dies, they don’t go straight to StarClan. Sometimes they need to wait a while as we sort through some problems. This is where they go to wait.” Ripplefern looked up into the endless speckled black. “My friend was born with a problem. When they died, the problem sent them here, and they can’t leave until we fix it. But it’s not a problem StarClan can fix alone. My friend could be here for moons if we got help the normal way. But we’re lucky. You’re here.”

“What’s the normal way?”

“Rituals, visions, other calls for assistance from the living clerics. Being alive makes you special.” Anchovykit walked a little taller. He was special.

A figure appeared in the distance. It was hard for Anchovykit to see them with their black fur. Anchovykit’s paws grew heavy when he saw black mud clinging to the figure’s legs. He only managed to recognize them when he saw their dark green eyes.

“Tempestshade!” Anchovykit gasped, leaving Ripplefern behind. “Do you need help?” Tempestshade gawked at the kit. They still looked alive; a little hazy, perhaps, but alive. Anchovykit had only known them with their leg bandaged, but now it was strong and free of scars. They could stand and look down on Anchovykit, just as confused as he was. 

“Do I know you?” Tempestshade asked.

“He was born while you were fighting your death wounds,” Ripplefern explained. Tempestshade only just noticed Ripplefern. They grew as still as they had been when their body laid in camp for vigil. 

“You look better than when I saw you last,” they managed to gulp.

“Anchovykit is here to help you,” Ripplefern said. “Do you see all that black ichor, Anchovykit? I need you to rip it off, like when you tear into a fish.” Anchovykit sneered at the ooze on Tempestshade’s legs. He was supposed to touch that? With his mouth? What could he even hold onto? It was mud!

“Why?” Anchovykit groaned.

“You’re the only one who can,��� Ripplefern said. Hmm. Well, if StarClan asked it of him…

Anchovykit peered at the ooze. Maybe if he just bit the whole paw…. He shut his tiny jaws around Tempestshade’s front leg. Tempestshade hissed and smacked Anchovykit.

“Alright, not like that,” Ripplefern laughed. “Just… pretend you’re removing the lid off a pot. Peel the ichor off like you peel off the leather.” Oh, that made much more sense! 

Anchovykit spat out the gunk that stuck to his teeth. He took a big breath and dug his fangs into the black ichor. He pulled at the ooze with a violent, suctioning sound. It was like a paw trying to rip itself from the mud. There was no ground to gain a foothold on, but Anchovykit dug himself in regardless. The ichor stuck to Tempestshade like some many-legged monster of the deep. Anchovykit dug deeper into the ooze and pulled harder. As it stretched farther and farther from Tempestshade’s leg, it began to take a new form. Feline ears poked out of the black. A slender form took shape, its scruff in Anchovykit’s grasp. 

It was a cat, utterly soaked in the gut-heaving black ichor, no bone or pelt to speak of. It wasn’t much smaller than Anchovykit himself. Anchovykit dropped the mewling creature and gagged.

“What is that?” Anchovykit groaned. The creature squirmed and twitched like a newborn, making the worm in Anchovykit’s skull spasm once more in a headache.

“The power of the Dark Forest made manifest,” Ripplefern said, her tone low and serious in a way Anchovykit had never heard anyone speak in his short life. “This is Tempestshade’s curse in physical form, the evil energy that struck out against those who got too close. Your special sight shows you their influence, and the influence of the stars. You are the one who can pull them from idea and ethereal being to something tangible.”

“Huh?” Anchovykit said.

“Strike it along its neck,” Ripplefern sighed, waving her paw at the creature. “Now that you’ve pulled the curse off Tempestshade, you can fight it.” Ripplefern needed to get better at explaining things. Anchovykit may have been young, but he understood what it meant to fight like a warrior.

Anchovykit jumped onto the creature with a yowl more suited to a play fight than true battle. The pathetic thing was no match for a harsh wind, let alone Anchovykit’s tiny fangs. He shoved the creature onto its back and bit into its neck. The creature stopped squirming at once. As Anchovykit tightened his jaw, the monster’s ichor dripped through the invisible floor. It tumbled through the starry abyss below, everfalling, never landing. Piece by piece the creature melted away until Anchovykit’s teeth smacked together with nothing left to hold.

“I just fought a Dark Forest cat,” he gasped softly. His flank wiggled as he cheered, “I fought the Dark Forest!”

“In a sense,” Ripplefern chuckled.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised I didn’t go to StarClan,” Tempestshade said with an awkward scoff. “Can’t really let in an omen, I suppose.”

“It’s not your fault the Dark Forest latched onto you,” Ripplefern said. She slowly approached the black tabby. Anchovykit stepped back before he even thought to give them room. “You did well with what you had to bear. But now you don’t have to wait here anymore. You can come with me.” 

Ripplefern’s nose touched Tempestshade’s forehead. A spark danced where skin met fur. Stardust shimmered over Tempestshade’s head. A glittering wave coursed over their pelt. Brilliant stars danced along the stripes in their fur. The gunk that clogged their paws was now a shimmery, sparkling mist. Tempestshade gawked at their new form, lifting each paw to study the shine.

“Oh,” Tempestshade muttered.

“StarClan is excited to taste some of your food,” Ripplefern purred, bunting Tempestshade’s shoulder. “There’s a lot I want to talk to you about.”

“I just want to know how Moss and Trumpet and Scale are doing without me,” Tempestshade sighed, touching noses with Ripplefern. They paused for a moment, then stepped back. “Actually, no, that isn’t the only thing I want to know. What’s his story?” Tempestshade looked at Anchovykit.

“I’ll tell you in private,” Ripplefern promised. She set her tail on Tempestshade’s back.

“Aren’t you going to tell me?” Anchovykit asked, marching up to Ripplefern. “I don’t know my story either!”

“I’ve shown you what you can do,” Ripplefern sighed, shaking her head, “but you’ll have to work some things through yourself. I’m afraid StarClan can’t do everything for you. Just remember what I taught you, Anchovykit. Be good to your mother.” Ripplefern touched her nose to Anchovykit’s head. It was as cold as the winter chill blowing off the ocean.

When Anchovykit woke up, he still had a raging headache, but that was nothing compared to the complete and utter confusion that made his vision spin.

(Anchovykit: 2, male, kit, charming, curious about StarClan)

(Rattlepelt: 50, female, artisan, bloodthirsty, leather artist)

(Ripplefern: 18, female, historian, charismatic, talented swimmer, good fighter)

(Tempestshade: 28, nonbinary (they/them), caretaker, childish, incredible cook)

Billowkit can’t stop sneezing.

[Image ID: Billowkit asks Troutpool, “So I’ll be sneezing forever?” Under him, it says + PERMANENT CONDITION: ALLERGIES. In the back, Currentkit calls, “Let’s see what makes you sneeze!” Under him, it says + NEW SKILL: HAS LOTS OF IDEAS.]

(Troutpool: 28, female, cleric, insecure, ghost sense)

(Billowkit: 2, male, kit, bossy, active imagination)

(Currentkit: 2, male, kit, polite, constantly climbing, has lots of ideas)

[mrsmiagreer]

EA SPOILERS

BRACHIUM 🥺🥺🥺🥺

IS HE OKAY?????

Ik he’s so tired :(

“I am a failure” No baby no

“But i know you hear me”

This is literally so sad i’m crumpling

IS HE CRYING

“Please Mother, Please Release Me” BAWLING

IS HE BEING FREED?!

HE WILL NOT FAIL ‼️‼️‼️‼️👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

This is crazy cinematic

SUNSHINE IS SAVED

WHY IS AARONS VOICE SO DEEP😭😭😭

I literally almost didn’t know who he was

Oh Smartass is here too

Awe brother hug moment

YAYYYYYYY SUNSHINE IS SAFE

“I’m so sorry” 🥺

All I can imagine is Elliott and that damn comfort beanie that we all imagine he has on💀

BRACHIUM AND AARON MEET ?!

WHY IS AARONS VOICE SO DEEP OMG😭😭

It’s throwing me off like crazy who tf is that?! ERIN???

BLAKE MENTION BLAKE MENTION

I know what he did is bad but DADDY I LOVE HIM

Is he gonna die ☹️

“you? specifically?” LMAOO WHY DOESNT AARON BELIEVE HIM?!

I’m sorry but his story is so long :\

“Good. Give them back their fucking lives”😭

AARON CALM DOWN

Memory modification 😲

“I just got my brother back”

So he’s gonna change the circumstances of their memories not wipe them completely

Okay aaron and brachium going back and forth like this —

Omg aaron is literally gonna sit here and convince them that their trauma is worth keeping😭

I get it’s the right thing to do morally but like wtf if i wanna forget i will. if i don’t wanna have nightmares and have to go to therapy from being kidnapped and tortured for days then i will

IS THIS A VOTE ?!

Elliott’s voice is so cute and innocent

“PARTNER IS AN OVERSTATEMENT” LMFAO WHAT

YOURE TELLING ME THEYRE NOT EVEN DATING

“You want my body, you want my cooperation, then you let me have this. you let me have them”

I’m obsessed with Blake omg

“We will try this” YES YES YES OMG NEW BLAKE AND BESTIE CONTENT

“Hey!” OMG

IM LITERALLY FREAKING OUT

HE IS SO CUTE AND NERVOUS ABOUT TALKING TO THEM FUCK

He’s like sweating and almost crying omgggg

YOU GUYS DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH IM GOING CRAZY

“We agreed to never talk about because you said if we did that you couldn’t have me in your life if that was something we talked about”

OMG HIM BEING A SEER

THIS LORE IS CRAZY

SO THEY DO KNOW HE’S A SEER

his stuttering 🥹🫶🏽

“I have to say this and i need you to listen to me when i say it…okay?”

“NO‼️” OMG IT SCARED THE FUCK OUTTA ME

He’s yelling at me guys i’m scared he’s yelling

THAT NIGHT OMG

MORE LORE THE LORE DUMP IS CRAZY

His aggression is halfway turning me on and halfway scaring me

Omg i’m about to start crying

i feel his pain so much

“I never stopped loving you” UGHH BLAKE

“You’re gonna die !”

OMG IM SCARED

He sounds on the verge of a psychotic break. Not even the verge. Just the psychotic break

“I know how crazy this sounds, I know how crazy I look”

Babes….its bad. Real bad

“Don’t speak THROUGH me” OMG THIS IS TERRIFYING

OMG WOW THIS IS INSANE THEYRE JUST SHOWING ALL OF HIS PAST TO THEM LIKE A DAMN TV SERIES

this is crazy

“That’s why I did everything”

Blake i’m so in love with you

If they kill Bestie anyway i’m literally gonna cry

The silence in between his sentences are so deafening

OMG THEYRE KISSING YES YES YES YES YES

WHAT DID THEY JUST SAY?!

“you can keep this deluded pet”

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME LMAOOO

OMG YESSSS BLAKE GETS TO KEEP BESTIE

IM LITERALLY SHAKING‼️‼️‼️‼️

The fuck Aaron just grew up like another 10 years?!

“You tell him baby” ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

If i was smartass at this table id literally say “ewwwwww they’re kissing !”

WAIT WAS ALL OF THAT TO SHOW THAT BRACHIUM WENT THROUGH WITH THE MODIFICATIONS?!?!?!

SCORPIUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

OMG THEY DONT REMEMBER ANY OF IT

“I’m coming too” YUHHH DEMONS TEAM UP

You guys. You don’t understand how happy i am right now. All of my begs and pleads have been answered to. I just wanted to know more about Blake and Bestie and I got an amazing amount of Lore. I’m literally gonna start crying

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

LOVE - Chapter 5

After getting back together, Janelle finds out thats she's pregnant. Follow along with Josh and Janelle as they deal with the highs and lows of her pregnancy.

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

Janelle is played by Justine Skye

Hopefully this is only 2 chapters but you know me lol it might be more.

Sequel to All I Need Is You: Read Here

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

TAGLIST: @christinabae @southerngirl41 @reci24 @jeyusos-girl @jeyusosgirl @melaninsugababy @baconeggndcheez @bemybabiibish @jstarr86 @nbanenefrmdao @purplehairgawdess @arination99 @alyyaanna @m3llowww @gomussy @jeysbae @hennyyybarb @babysyhsy @bebesobrielo

Janelle looked up from the T.V when she heard the front door open and close. Her smile dropped from her face when Josh walked into the living room. 

“What happened?” Josh sighed and sat down on the couch next to her. 

“She has rights to Xavi. She’s his mother and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Janelle gasped. 

“But she abandoned him!” 

“I know that. My lawyer said that the courts won’t  care.” He groaned. “No matter what she always comes back and ruins shit. It’s like she knows when I’m happy.” He said as he stood up and started to pace. Janelle just sat there and watched him not knowing what to do or say.  She looked over at her dad when he walked into the living room. He walked over to Josh and placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping his pacing. 

“Josh, you know I’ve been through the same thing with Nelle and her brothers. And my one regret is not fighting hard enough. You said she left him at your mother's house right?” 

Josh nodded. “Yeah, on the porch didn’t even knock, just left him there.” Janelle’s dad nodded. 

“Okay, did y’all take him to the hospital or anything? Call the police?” Josh nodded. “Okay. get all the paperwork. Since she is his mom you have to prove that she is unfit.” 

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.” Josh said as he got his phone out of his pocket. 

“That’s how I got Nelle and her brothers back. It took some time, but no matter what. Do not stop fighting for your boy.”

“I’m bout to head to to get Xavi from school.” Janelle said a couple of hours later as she walked into the nursery for their son. “Probably stop by the market too.” 

“Janelle, you need to relax. You’re 8-” 

“8 months pregnant. Yeah I know.” She said with a chuckle. “But, you need to finish this crib.” She said looking at all the pieces scattered all over the floor. 

“Fine, just be careful.” She blew him a kiss as she left the room. 

Janelle let out a groan as she stepped out of the car and stretched. Her back was killing her. She couldn’t wait until she gave birth. She smiled at the secretary as she entered Xavi’s school. 

“Good Afternoon. Beth.” Beth gave Janelle a quizzical look. 

“Hey Janelle. Um, Xavier’s mom already came and picked him up.”  Janelle actually felt her heart stop beating. 

“Excuse me?” She said, as she started to panic. She pulled her phone out of her purse and called Josh.  How did she find out where Xavi went to school?! Beth gulped and handed Janelle the photo copy of Ximena’s ID. 

“She came here with the birth certificate. She said Josh said it was okay for her to come get him.” Janelle narrowed her eyes and pointed a manicured finger at Beth. 

“We had a list of people who can pick him up and she was not on the list Bethany!” Beth jumped and the volume of Janelle’s voice. 

“Nelle, why are you yelling.?!” Josh asked once he answered the phone. 

“They let Ximena talk Xavi, Josh.”

“Call the cops.” was all Josh said before he hung up the phone and rushed over to the school. Janelle groaned and put her phone back in her bag. 

“Why wouldn’t yall call me or Josh first!” She said as she rubbed her hand on her belly. She was starting to get cramps. 

“I called the cops for you.” Beth whispered, feeling awful. “I’m sorry we didn’t know.” 

Janelle sighed and winced as the cramps got intense.  “I thought the pick-up slips were for a reason.” Beth nodded, but before she could say anything Josh stormed through the door. 

“What they fuck is wrong with yall!” He yelled. “Why would yall let my fuckin’ son go with someone not on his fucking pick up list.” 

“Mr. Fatu, we are - “ 

“Man, fuck all that. Where the cops?” He said, turning to look at Janelle. 

“We called them.” The principal said. Finally coming out of his office. He walked over and tried to shake Josh’s hand. He quickly put his hand down when Josh gritted his teeth at him. 

“Mr. Fatu. Let me be the first to say how sorry we are. But she had his birth certificate.” Janelle zoned out of the conversation because her cramps were getting worse. Josh stopped yelling at the principal when he saw Janelle walk over to a chair and sit down. He rushed over to her when she let out a groan and pinched her eyes shut in pain. 

“Nelle, what's wrong?” He asked, placing his hands over hers. 

“Braxton-Hicks.” She said and waved him off. “I’m fine.” They both looked over towards the door when the cops walked in. “Go talk to them.” Janelle tried to do the breathing exercises her OB told her about but they were not working. Josh noticed the distress on his fiance’s face and excused himself from the police officers. 

“Nell, go home and rest. I got this.” She opened her eyes and shook her head. 

“No, what if-” 

“Janelle. Please.” 

“Fine.” She said and held out her hand so he could help her up. “Call me, when you find out something,” She said and he nodded. 

Janelle sighed as she stopped at a red light. This whole situation was beyond fucked and Ximena’s karma was come back and bite her in the ass. She just hoped that wherever Xavi was he was safe.

Janelle pulled up to their house and stared at the car in her driveway. She had never seen it before and it had a Florida license plate. She shrugged as she made her way into the house. 

Janelle dropped her bag in shock when she saw who was in the living room. “Xavi?!” She ran over to him and wrapped him in a tight hug. “You okay?” She asked as she pulled away from him and started to check him for marks. 

Janelle’s dad walked into the living room when he heard her voice. “I tried to call you and Josh. y’all didn’t pick up.” She went to reply but the look on her dad’s face stopped her. 

“Dad. What’s wrong?” 

“Call Josh and come in the kitchen. Now” He said and walked back into the kitchen. She looked back down at Xavi who was already back to watching cartoons and pulled out her phone to call Josh as she walked into the kitchen. 

“So you must be the fiance.” Janelle looked up and made eye contact with the man from Josh’s mom party, then her eyes slid over to the woman next to him. She looked just like Xavier. The woman got out of her chair and sauntered over to Janelle, looking her up and down. “I’m Ximena. Xavi’s mom.” 

Hopefully you guys like this chapter. ❤️

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤