the-bitterest-breakups-poll

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Hi everyone! Here's your Daily Reminder to Click for Palestine!

If you have time, open the website in different browsers / on different devices as well!

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Well, despite the skyrocketing popularity of my last post about Muhammad, the actual campaign has been stalling for 6 hours.

I must reiterate; Muhammad will die if he does not continue his treatment. A completely preventable tragedy will occur if we do not put forward our effort to help this child and his family.

His condition has been deteriorating since his treatment stopped, and he has been suffering from this ON TOP of the already horrible conditions in Ghazzah. He is in hellish poverty and danger with his family and he cannot even move.

Please, PLEASE donate if you're able to. And if you can't (And even if you can donate, do this too) share this campaign. Muhammad needs your help. Please help him and his family.

£5,902/£80,000

SHARED BY 90-GHOST

TAG LIST (DM me for removal)

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[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

The first choice for a poll is here!

The topic is

Disproportionate Retribution

This describes a character getting punished unnecessarily harsh for a crime.

Examples:

Be a bit of a jerk? A fate worse than death!

Be an annoying tattletail at age 10? Death!

Etc.

(Sorry for tagging you all again)

@hug-kiss-marry-kill @the-worst-bracket @look-how-they-massacred-them @the-robot-bracket @tournament-announcer @hot-take-tournament

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #1

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Jackieshannua:

Jackieshauna (Jackie Taylor and Shauna Shipman from Yellowjackets) is my favorite homoerotic codependent best girl friend breakup. Their breakup is so bad that Jackie has to go sleep outside of the cabin (the cabin that the girls live in because their plane crashed in the wilderness btw) and she DIES because it snows and she's too stubborn and s//icidal to come back inside and Shauna (who is the butcher in the wilderness) keeps her body in the meat shed for two months and is the first person to suggest eating her. Btw these two have been best friends since they can remember, Shauna is really bitter towards Jackie even before they finally have a friend breakup, she's in love with her, she sleeps with Jackie's boyfriend because she wants to sleep with Jackie and also be Jackie and she hates Jackie. Jackie haunts her for YEARS after the wilderness because Shauna becomes who Jackie would've been (A suburban housewife. But Shauna is just a wolf in sheeps clothing). She marries the Boyfriend. Jackie couldn't even think of anything mean to say in their final argument so she started quoting her favorite movie. Once saw someone say that Shauna would be okay with being gay if she wasn't in love with Jackie and Jackie would be okay with being in love with Shauna if that wasn't gay and that is so accurate for them.

Addek:

Addek (Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd) from Grey's Anatomy have such a historically bitter breakup. They were married for like ten years, Derek left her after she cheated on him with his best friend Mark Sloan because Addison felt ignored by Derek, he fled to Seattle where he started an affair with an intern, Addison appeared at Seattle and got a job AT THE HOSPITAL THAT DEREK WORKED AT, and they got back together. Derek was trying to sleep with Meredith Grey (the previously mentioned intern) the entire time. They finally divorced after Addison found Meredith's panties in his suit pocket after hospital prom and they proceeded to be waspy as hell for years. Love my silly bitter divorced doctors

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #2

[Image ID. And image of Eddie and Shannon from 9-1-1 sitting together. Shannon is on the left and Eddie is on the right. And an image of The Locked Tomb books covered edited together. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Eddie and Shannon:

They only got married because she was pregnant and he booked it to Afghanistan to financially support her without having to actually face his relationship fears (breakup 1, while they're not only dating but married), he comes back for their kid's birth and immediately re-ups, now also because of his fears about fatherhood (breakup 2, married with newborn), and leaves his wife with his controlling parents and mom with cancer who lives states away as her only support system. gets shot, comes home, can't handle his controlling parents on top of his PTSD, which, newsflash, neither can she, so when he says they can't move to take care of her now dying mom, she up and leaves in the middle of the night (breakup 3, girl power). his parents are awful about her and try to take custody of his disabled son, so he books it to the state his wife lives in to preserve both their autonomy and what's left of their family unit but does not contact her until a school with stellar supports for his son needs to interview her because they're not actually divorced and then they start fucking in secret (messy!! Messy, messy, MESSY!!!). He lets her back into their son's life for Christmas, they're technically back together, they have a pregnancy scare but it's fine, he proposes again (while comparing their relationship to being drowned) and she asks for a divorce (breakup 4) and then gets hit by a car in an intersection and dies on the scene (breakup 5, actual end of relationship). Her last words are about how she was leaving their son again. THERE IS NO GREATER MESS THIS SHIT IS BAKED ON CAKED ON NO AMOUNT OF PINK GOO CAN GET IT OFF

They got together in high school then got married because she was pregnant. After they were married he joined the military and went to Afghanistan (ostensibly to provide for their family but by his own admission because he wanted to get away), at one point re-enlisting against her wishes. When he did come back (only after being injured), SHE left to take care of her terminally ill mother and didn't come back for over a year, at which point she and Eddie began to sleep together again, but he initially kept her hidden from their son because he didn't trust her. He refused to even discuss this with her until she publicly confronted him at work. He does let her around their son again, but the only time we see Shannon and Eddie together again, they're fighting. They later have a pregnancy scare, which prompts him to "re-propose" to her. She instead FINALLY asks for a divorce. And then she gets hit by a car and dies for some reason. I realize this is more of a messy marriage than a messy breakup but personally I think their whole relationship was just a messy breakup in slow motion.

Mercymorn the First/Augustine the First/Emperor John Gaius:

-M-- and A-- were John's closest companions before the apocalypse, then they were killed by a bunch of cultists who betrayed him, then he STARTED A NUCLEAR WAR AND KILLED ALL LIFE IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM just because he was mad some trillionares manipulated everyone, then he brought them back to life but with new names and their memories erased to be his disciples because he didn't think they would agree with his actions, then eventually he had them kill the other most important people in their lives to gain immortality and also more attention for him, thousands of years later they have a threesome and steal his sperm to give it to a terrorist leader (who's in a different threesome) to make a baby to kill and use as a bomb, then 20 years later the threesome returns as a distraction so a lobotomized teen can kill their coworker, then eventually he finds out they betrayed him, Mercymorn kills him but he comes back immediately and kills her, then he turns around and offers Augustine complete forgiveness despite also trying to kill him, Augustine refuses and throws the whole space station into a metaphysical river to trap John/"god" in Hell, but his apprentice saves John instead of him so he goes to Hell instead, then John is a wreck, leaves basically an evil child in charge of his empire, and sleeps around with his army for presumably a whole book

Okay SO. buckle up. (Also, HUGE TLT SPOILERS AHEAD.) John Gaius is god. Mercy and Augustine are 2/3 of his remaining saints. They have a terrible, millennia-long polycule (that at one point resulted in Mercy and Augustine stealing God’s jizz to try and kill him—that’s off topic tho.) Mercy and Augustine eventually attempt to kill him again after learning he tricked them into killing their best friends ten thousand years ago. And they all try to kill each other : )

John Gaius is God, and Mercymorn and Augustine are the first and second of his Saints. They're intensely close. Like, they've been together for ten thousand years, they've had at least one threesome, and they were best friends in their previous lives before that. The thing is, Mercy and Augustine sort of suspect that John is lying to them, so they hatch a plan to figure out what he's not telling them. Which turns out to be a LOT. They try to kill him, he kills them instead, and then he spends the whole next book in a dramatic depressive spiral, neglecting his Empire and sleeping with pretty much his entire senior staff. Personally I suspect Augustine and Mercy were 80% of his impulse control, and without them John plans to destroy the solar system and start over from square one.

- (this propaganda is only for John Gaius and Mercymorn the First) Messy quite literally because she atomises him, then he puts himself back together and (again, LITERALLY) rips out her heart.

Also emotionally messy on the basis that this breakup has actually been going on for at LEAST twenty years, and involved two separate threesomes which were actually ploys to a) steal John's sperm and b) distract him from the murder of his best friend.

Important information to note for those who have not read TLT: in killing John, Mercymorn fully believes that the sun will explode and the entire solar system will be destroyed. She ain't afraid of collateral damage in HER breakup.

In terms of relationship categorisation? Who's to say. They're friends they're lovers he's literally her God he wiped her memory and he's been lying to her for ten thousand years it's a whole thing.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #3

[Image ID. An image of Junpei and Akane from Zero Escape 999. Junpei is hugging Akane from be hide as she cries, and an image of Lea and Isa from Kingdom hearts sitting next to each other on a ledge overlooking the sun. their backs are turned toward the camera. Lea is on the right of the image and Isa is on the left. Lea looks at Isa while Isa looks forward. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Junpei and Akane:

akane essentially used him (and others) as a pawn in a death game in order to save her own life as a child in the past (its complicated) but junpei & akane were childhood friends and had big crushes on each other and later junpei doesnt even resent her for getting him killed in multiple other timelines & what she put him thru hes just upset that she ran from him afterwards. they have a big blow-up when they meet again after a year and in one timeline they have a happily ever after but in most others one or both of them die and in Another akane deliberately wipes his memory of having met her again (but she keeps the ring he gave her for decades afterwards and still wears it as an old woman)

Lea & Isa / Axel & Saïx:

-Akusaï’s divorce after they lost their souls may not be as damaging to the rest of the worlds, but it did result in eleven years of glaring at each other across the room, verbal abuse of a child, two murders and one attempted murder, and one of the gayest scenes in the entire series (and that’s saying something). This all alongside Saïx getting his face sliced open and his getting possessed on two separate occasions.

They are the bitterest breakup because: so they were best friends, right? and this asshole (Xehanort) decided it would be fun to engage in unethical child experimentation! they meet this kid called Subject X, and she has no memories of who she was (we think she time-traveled from the super-past) and so Xehanort is experimenting on her. because he ALSO lost his memories and is trying to figure out how to get them back. anyways Lea and Isa become friends with Subject X, and they try to help her escape. however, one day she disappears (oh no!) and so Lea and Isa decide to become Ansem's (Xehanort's mentor) apprentices to figure out what happened. and then Xehanort goes on a killing spree, banishing Ansem to the Realm of Darkness and taking his name, then splitting the rest of the apprentices into their Heartlesses and their Nobodies. (lore stuff i dont feel like explaining; the important part is that Nobodies have no hearts, and therefore have no emotions! or so they're supposed to believe...) Xehanort/"the new Ansem" renames himself Xemnas and starts Organization XIII, which Lea and Isa are part of. Lea becomes Axel and Isa becomes Saix. They then spend a decade with no emotions, trying to help Xemnas achieve his goal of summoning Kingdom Hearts (the moon, not the game), which is difficult (impossible) without a Keyblade wielder, while also still figuring out where the hell Subject X went. And then Roxas and Xion, two teenagers, suddenly join Organization XIII. Axel is their basically-babysitter, but he grows a soft spot for them. And Saix doesnt like that, because he thinks Roxas and Xion are distracting Axel from their mission. Ofc it doesn't help that Saix knows what they are (Sora's Nobody and Sora's Replica, respectively) and sees them as less than the other Nobodies. Throughout the course of a year, Axel, Roxas, and Xion get closer while Axel and Saix become more hostile to each other. (funny how having no emotions can really put strain a relationship huh) And then they all die. Sort of. Xion dies and then everyone forgets her (stuff about how she's made of Sora's memories so none of the memories are really her, yada yada heart mumbo jumbo), Roxas goes back to Sora (who's been in a memory-loss-induced coma this whole time), and Axel works against Organization XIII until he dies helping Sora find his friends. But then Axel wakes up again because OOPSY DAISY turns out that killing a person's Nobody and their Heartless restores their original self! So he's Lea now, and everyone keeps deadnaming him. uhhh somewhere in there Saix also dies and gets recompleted but Xehanort (an old dude this time) kidnaps him and turns him into a Nobody (why does this keep happening). But then we find out that Saix found journal entries where he wrote about Xion (that nobody can remember at this point) and he's been working with Vexen and Demyx (other Org XIII members) to create Replica bodies to bring back Xion and Roxas. And ofc Lea doesn't know this, but he joins up with Sora and the other Guardians of Light to fight against the *REAL* Organization XIII (which Saix is a part of). *fight ensues* Saix is able to jog Xion's memories, which in turn lets Lea remember her, then Roxas (in a new Replica body) zhoops down and helps Lea, Xion, and Sora fight Saix and Xemnas. oh wait kairi's there too. uhhhh anyways Xemnas kidnaps Kairi, Sora goes off to save her (please stop doing this Squeenix) and then Lea, Xion, and Roxas all BEAT! SAIX! UP! and then Saix tells us that he was jealous and thought Lea was abandoning him. Saix and Lea have a very tender and homoromantic scene where Saix dies in Lea's arms and he lovingly says "See you, Isa" because he knows now that Isa will come back when Saix "dies" and then uhhh everyone kills Xehanort who then goes to the Kingdom Hearts Afterlife with his ex-husband and then Isa wakes up and he joins Lea, Roxas, and Xion in eating sea-salt ice cream atop a very tall clocktower. love wins!

Two sets of names because these besties break up after their hearts are stolen and they join a cult of people who have no hearts where the leader gives them new names that are anagrams of their old names with an x thrown in. The break up isn't a specific incident but a sliding scale of living without emotions (tge no hearts thing). There isn't canon material from the time of the break up but we do see the aftermath of it where they behave like the most divorced couple you have ever seen. This escalates when Axel gets kids (the cult gets two teenagers to join) and they, through the power of friendship, begin to grow new hearts. Saïx does not like the teenagers AT ALL. He gravitates closer to the cult leader while Axel drifts further away from the cult and Saïx with the kids. Literally the first interaction we see between them in canon is Axel going uh-oh and leaving immediately after he realises that Saïx is arriving. Things happen, Axel is Lea again after he gets his heart back and feels emotions, and in order to make amends Saïx, who's still tightly in the cult, acts as a double agent to betray the cult and free the teenagers. He then dies (foolproof way yo get your heart back) in Lea's arms after admitting he was such a dick bc he was jealous. Lea and Isa are later seen eating ice cream and playing frisbee together with the kids.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #4

[Image ID. An image of Scooge McDuck and Goldie L'Gill from Ducktails 2017, and an image of Cavendish and Dakota from Milo Murphy's law. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Scrooge and Goldie:

Scrooge McDuck and Goldie O'Gilt from Ducktales 2017, who keep going on and off and who the fuck knows for centuries until Goldie can be less of a selfish backstabber for once. This happens because of shenanigans involving Ponce de Leon, a Franken-baby, nasty pool water, and swordfighting, because this is Ducktales we're talking about.

Cavendish and Dakota:

They have two break ups during the show. The first is during the Christmas episode, where during a work Christmas party they argue over who should have eaten the last egg roll. This leads to them falling out so badly that they don’t speak for 20 years- during that time, Dakota becomes famous and successful but is very regretful, while Cavendish becomes, and I quote: “an old man with unfinished business.” They both end up breaking dozens of time travel laws to go back in time to try and stop their past selves from breaking up. They figure it out eventually. Remember, this was all over an egg roll. I just really need to hammer in that they broke up a decades old friendship/relationship/whatever it is they’ve got going on over an egg roll.

and then, more related to the actual plot of the show, is their multi episode break up in s2. They have an argument, and Cavendish decides to use a device on Dakota to wipe his memory, so he can leave to go investigate aliens. Dakota is very unhappy about this, understandably. He teams up with Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz to try to find Cavendish, and ends up having an argument with him because he isn’t Cavendish. They make a Cavendish-platypus hybrid to help them “get into his head”. Meanwhile Cavendish ends up getting himself trapped in an alien ship. They have a nice reunion when he gets rescued.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #5

[Image ID. an image of Rebbca and Josh from Crazy ex-girlfriend. They are sharing a drink that has two straws in it, and an image of Sophia and Fitz from keeper of lost cities. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Rebecca Bunch and Josh Chan:

They broke up multiple times but off the top of my head the most notable were the fake pregnancy incident and the leaving Rebecca at the altar incident. Their relationship is incredibly messy and wonderfully toxic and Rebecca spends the first half of season 3 trying to get revenge on Josh for leaving her. They get better at the end dw

sophie and fitz:

it's definitely not The Messiest Breakup Ever but it is pretty messy and also i just wanna see what happens if they get in.

i'm not even gonna bother writing propaganda for this one because i don't care enough but uhhhhh just know they suck.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #6

[ Image ID. An image of Cherry and Adam from sk8, and an image of Dazai and Nakahara from Bungo stray dogs. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Cherry and Adam:

(adam keeps dodging cherry’s challenges at skateboarding death matches, and at the end of the one he does accept, he smacks cherry in the head with his skateboard; there’s a lovely montage prior to that where cherry discusses how they were besties as teens about a decade pre-canon and that “every day [with him] was like a festival”)

Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya:

They were work partners for two years, who canonically are the only two who can truly understand the other and we’re called “one soul in two bodies.” Then dazai left Without A Word and they had no contact with each other for four years. Their reuinion and every interaction afterwords usually involves them physically fighting &/or insulting each other. Dazai still calls Chuuya “partner.” Chuuya insits on calling him “Ex-Partner.” They’re also just totally obsessed with each other in the weirdest ways. Chuuya will randomly bring up dazai at times that have nothing to do with him. (Two of dazai’s coworkers went to buy desserts for their agency and chuuya was there and instead of ignoring them he told them to buy a dog shaped cake specifically for dazai (dazai hates dogs)). Dazai regularly breaks into the mafia headquarters to annoy chuuya specifically. Chuuya once activated his self destruct mode that only dazai can stop even tho it was rlly likely dazai was dead. After finding and saving dazai and getting out of self destruct mode he insulted him as if he didn’t just risk it all for a guy he says he hates. One of the short comics has chuuya saying he and dazai “Have Things Together.” Something wrong with them genuinely.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #7

[ Image ID. An image of the first volume cover of The scum villain's self-saving system, and an image of the poster for Major Grom: Plague Doctor. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan:

<tw: child abuse, slavery, torture>

- Child slaves who bonded very closely with each other through shared trauma. Ended up kind of feral about each other.

- Shen Jiu ended up being bought by a rich asshole solely for the purpose of making his life hell, after he saved Yue Qi from being trampled by said rich asshole’s horse.

- Yue Qi tries to save him over and over again, but fails every time, eventually runs away to become a cultivator and promises he will come back.

- Three years later, Shen Jiu snaps and kills the rich asshole and his family and runs off to apprentice under a notorious criminal. He assumes Yue Qi is dead.

- A year after that, he finds out that Yue Qi is not dead, but instead the head disciple of a cultivation sect, now known as Yue Qingyuan. Shen Jiu is very upset finding out that Yue Qi had abandoned him.

- Yue Qingyuan gets Shen Jiu a place in the sect, and eventually he becomes the second in command of the sect, while Yue Qingyuan is the leader.

- They don’t become friends again, even though their positions require them to interact. Instead, any time they have a conversation, they part on bad terms within five lines of dialogue.

- Shen Jiu, now Shen Qingqiu, kind of ends up being a terrible person because he has no idea how to cope with his trauma and is constantly lashing out. Yue Qingyuan tries his best to reconcile and accommodate him to the point where he often turns a blind eye to Shen Jiu’s actions.

- Eventually, Shen Jiu ends up imprisoned and tortured by his former disciple Luo Binghe as retribution for his abuse. Luo Binghe uses Shen Jiu to set a trap for Yue Qingyuan, and Yue Qingyuan dies very badly, which is what ends up completely breaking Shen Jiu.

- Later, you find out that Yue Qingyuan hadn’t abandoned Shen Jiu, but instead he had tried so hard to get strong enough to come back to save him that he ended up very nearly dying, going through horrific trauma of his own. By the time he got out of the cave he had been trapped in, he went to get Shen Jiu but found the estate burned down and assumed that his old friend was dead.

- They could be interpreted romantically or just as friends, but their breakup kind of ended up basically causing the destruction of the world over an awful misunderstanding.

- Anyway I am very feral over them.

Igor Grom and Sergey razumovski:

It's a friendship breakup! Except neither of them had made a friend in a long time so they didn't *realize* they were friends even though it was super obvious and other characters saw it. [SPOILERS FROM HERE] The unsaid made the breakup worse when Igor (the cop trying to catch the Plague Doctor (who makes some good points but goes about it in a bad way, like many movie villains)) finally understood that the Plague Doctor was Sergey. But neither of them knew that it was actually Sergey's alter personality. So Igor thought the Plague Doctor was Sergey's best friend, then learned that the guy had been dead for years, then went to see Sergey fully convinced that it was yet someone else, *anyone else*, that Sergey could help him find. Meanwhile Sergey had offered Igor his help to catch the Plague Doctor, and was happy to see his new friend come see him, just to learn that said new friend now suspects him of being a terrorist (give him a break T_T) The messy part is that Sergey immediately crashes a bottle on Igor's skull, then regrets it because he thought he killed his friend, then, because obviously Igor's not dead, sets him up so that Igor's colleagues think that *Igor* is the Plague Doctor and throw him in jail. When of course Igor breaks out and goes to confront Sergey (without any backup, because he doesn't want to endanger his two allies who are now the closest he's got to friends), they talk with their fists. And the furniture in the room. And also flamethrowers. It's messy. At some point during the fight Igor's plan is to throw both of them, Sergey and himself, together, from the window. Which he does. They're on the top floor of a skyscraper. That is such a reasonable, thought-out, restrained reaction to being disappointed by someone (/ironic). They only survive because other people catch them.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #8

[ Image ID. an image of Jack harness and John Hart from Torchwood and an image of Yuma Tsukumo and Vector/Rei Shingetru from Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal. ENd ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Jack Harness and John Hart:

they were partners in every way at the Time Agency, and then broke up so badly that when they met again decades later, they kissed frantically before getting into a fistfight <3

Yuma Tsukumo and Vector/Rei Shingetru:

Vector, one of the villains, befriended Yuma so he would (A) feel bad going against him, (B) duel worse against him, and (C) already know Yuma’s strategies. The breakup is the reveal of Vector’s evilness. They become friends again 50 episodes later (1/3 of Zexal)

This is a platonic breakup.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #1

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Jackieshannua:

Jackieshauna (Jackie Taylor and Shauna Shipman from Yellowjackets) is my favorite homoerotic codependent best girl friend breakup. Their breakup is so bad that Jackie has to go sleep outside of the cabin (the cabin that the girls live in because their plane crashed in the wilderness btw) and she DIES because it snows and she's too stubborn and s//icidal to come back inside and Shauna (who is the butcher in the wilderness) keeps her body in the meat shed for two months and is the first person to suggest eating her. Btw these two have been best friends since they can remember, Shauna is really bitter towards Jackie even before they finally have a friend breakup, she's in love with her, she sleeps with Jackie's boyfriend because she wants to sleep with Jackie and also be Jackie and she hates Jackie. Jackie haunts her for YEARS after the wilderness because Shauna becomes who Jackie would've been (A suburban housewife. But Shauna is just a wolf in sheeps clothing). She marries the Boyfriend. Jackie couldn't even think of anything mean to say in their final argument so she started quoting her favorite movie. Once saw someone say that Shauna would be okay with being gay if she wasn't in love with Jackie and Jackie would be okay with being in love with Shauna if that wasn't gay and that is so accurate for them.

Addek:

Addek (Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd) from Grey's Anatomy have such a historically bitter breakup. They were married for like ten years, Derek left her after she cheated on him with his best friend Mark Sloan because Addison felt ignored by Derek, he fled to Seattle where he started an affair with an intern, Addison appeared at Seattle and got a job AT THE HOSPITAL THAT DEREK WORKED AT, and they got back together. Derek was trying to sleep with Meredith Grey (the previously mentioned intern) the entire time. They finally divorced after Addison found Meredith's panties in his suit pocket after hospital prom and they proceeded to be waspy as hell for years. Love my silly bitter divorced doctors

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #2

[Image ID. And image of Eddie and Shannon from 9-1-1 sitting together. Shannon is on the left and Eddie is on the right. And an image of The Locked Tomb books covered edited together. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Eddie and Shannon:

They only got married because she was pregnant and he booked it to Afghanistan to financially support her without having to actually face his relationship fears (breakup 1, while they're not only dating but married), he comes back for their kid's birth and immediately re-ups, now also because of his fears about fatherhood (breakup 2, married with newborn), and leaves his wife with his controlling parents and mom with cancer who lives states away as her only support system. gets shot, comes home, can't handle his controlling parents on top of his PTSD, which, newsflash, neither can she, so when he says they can't move to take care of her now dying mom, she up and leaves in the middle of the night (breakup 3, girl power). his parents are awful about her and try to take custody of his disabled son, so he books it to the state his wife lives in to preserve both their autonomy and what's left of their family unit but does not contact her until a school with stellar supports for his son needs to interview her because they're not actually divorced and then they start fucking in secret (messy!! Messy, messy, MESSY!!!). He lets her back into their son's life for Christmas, they're technically back together, they have a pregnancy scare but it's fine, he proposes again (while comparing their relationship to being drowned) and she asks for a divorce (breakup 4) and then gets hit by a car in an intersection and dies on the scene (breakup 5, actual end of relationship). Her last words are about how she was leaving their son again. THERE IS NO GREATER MESS THIS SHIT IS BAKED ON CAKED ON NO AMOUNT OF PINK GOO CAN GET IT OFF

They got together in high school then got married because she was pregnant. After they were married he joined the military and went to Afghanistan (ostensibly to provide for their family but by his own admission because he wanted to get away), at one point re-enlisting against her wishes. When he did come back (only after being injured), SHE left to take care of her terminally ill mother and didn't come back for over a year, at which point she and Eddie began to sleep together again, but he initially kept her hidden from their son because he didn't trust her. He refused to even discuss this with her until she publicly confronted him at work. He does let her around their son again, but the only time we see Shannon and Eddie together again, they're fighting. They later have a pregnancy scare, which prompts him to "re-propose" to her. She instead FINALLY asks for a divorce. And then she gets hit by a car and dies for some reason. I realize this is more of a messy marriage than a messy breakup but personally I think their whole relationship was just a messy breakup in slow motion.

Mercymorn the First/Augustine the First/Emperor John Gaius:

-M-- and A-- were John's closest companions before the apocalypse, then they were killed by a bunch of cultists who betrayed him, then he STARTED A NUCLEAR WAR AND KILLED ALL LIFE IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM just because he was mad some trillionares manipulated everyone, then he brought them back to life but with new names and their memories erased to be his disciples because he didn't think they would agree with his actions, then eventually he had them kill the other most important people in their lives to gain immortality and also more attention for him, thousands of years later they have a threesome and steal his sperm to give it to a terrorist leader (who's in a different threesome) to make a baby to kill and use as a bomb, then 20 years later the threesome returns as a distraction so a lobotomized teen can kill their coworker, then eventually he finds out they betrayed him, Mercymorn kills him but he comes back immediately and kills her, then he turns around and offers Augustine complete forgiveness despite also trying to kill him, Augustine refuses and throws the whole space station into a metaphysical river to trap John/"god" in Hell, but his apprentice saves John instead of him so he goes to Hell instead, then John is a wreck, leaves basically an evil child in charge of his empire, and sleeps around with his army for presumably a whole book

Okay SO. buckle up. (Also, HUGE TLT SPOILERS AHEAD.) John Gaius is god. Mercy and Augustine are 2/3 of his remaining saints. They have a terrible, millennia-long polycule (that at one point resulted in Mercy and Augustine stealing God’s jizz to try and kill him—that’s off topic tho.) Mercy and Augustine eventually attempt to kill him again after learning he tricked them into killing their best friends ten thousand years ago. And they all try to kill each other : )

John Gaius is God, and Mercymorn and Augustine are the first and second of his Saints. They're intensely close. Like, they've been together for ten thousand years, they've had at least one threesome, and they were best friends in their previous lives before that. The thing is, Mercy and Augustine sort of suspect that John is lying to them, so they hatch a plan to figure out what he's not telling them. Which turns out to be a LOT. They try to kill him, he kills them instead, and then he spends the whole next book in a dramatic depressive spiral, neglecting his Empire and sleeping with pretty much his entire senior staff. Personally I suspect Augustine and Mercy were 80% of his impulse control, and without them John plans to destroy the solar system and start over from square one.

- (this propaganda is only for John Gaius and Mercymorn the First) Messy quite literally because she atomises him, then he puts himself back together and (again, LITERALLY) rips out her heart.

Also emotionally messy on the basis that this breakup has actually been going on for at LEAST twenty years, and involved two separate threesomes which were actually ploys to a) steal John's sperm and b) distract him from the murder of his best friend.

Important information to note for those who have not read TLT: in killing John, Mercymorn fully believes that the sun will explode and the entire solar system will be destroyed. She ain't afraid of collateral damage in HER breakup.

In terms of relationship categorisation? Who's to say. They're friends they're lovers he's literally her God he wiped her memory and he's been lying to her for ten thousand years it's a whole thing.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #3

[Image ID. An image of Junpei and Akane from Zero Escape 999. Junpei is hugging Akane from be hide as she cries, and an image of Lea and Isa from Kingdom hearts sitting next to each other on a ledge overlooking the sun. their backs are turned toward the camera. Lea is on the right of the image and Isa is on the left. Lea looks at Isa while Isa looks forward. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut"

Junpei and Akane:

akane essentially used him (and others) as a pawn in a death game in order to save her own life as a child in the past (its complicated) but junpei & akane were childhood friends and had big crushes on each other and later junpei doesnt even resent her for getting him killed in multiple other timelines & what she put him thru hes just upset that she ran from him afterwards. they have a big blow-up when they meet again after a year and in one timeline they have a happily ever after but in most others one or both of them die and in Another akane deliberately wipes his memory of having met her again (but she keeps the ring he gave her for decades afterwards and still wears it as an old woman)

Lea & Isa / Axel & Saïx:

-Akusaï’s divorce after they lost their souls may not be as damaging to the rest of the worlds, but it did result in eleven years of glaring at each other across the room, verbal abuse of a child, two murders and one attempted murder, and one of the gayest scenes in the entire series (and that’s saying something). This all alongside Saïx getting his face sliced open and his getting possessed on two separate occasions.

They are the bitterest breakup because: so they were best friends, right? and this asshole (Xehanort) decided it would be fun to engage in unethical child experimentation! they meet this kid called Subject X, and she has no memories of who she was (we think she time-traveled from the super-past) and so Xehanort is experimenting on her. because he ALSO lost his memories and is trying to figure out how to get them back. anyways Lea and Isa become friends with Subject X, and they try to help her escape. however, one day she disappears (oh no!) and so Lea and Isa decide to become Ansem's (Xehanort's mentor) apprentices to figure out what happened. and then Xehanort goes on a killing spree, banishing Ansem to the Realm of Darkness and taking his name, then splitting the rest of the apprentices into their Heartlesses and their Nobodies. (lore stuff i dont feel like explaining; the important part is that Nobodies have no hearts, and therefore have no emotions! or so they're supposed to believe...) Xehanort/"the new Ansem" renames himself Xemnas and starts Organization XIII, which Lea and Isa are part of. Lea becomes Axel and Isa becomes Saix. They then spend a decade with no emotions, trying to help Xemnas achieve his goal of summoning Kingdom Hearts (the moon, not the game), which is difficult (impossible) without a Keyblade wielder, while also still figuring out where the hell Subject X went. And then Roxas and Xion, two teenagers, suddenly join Organization XIII. Axel is their basically-babysitter, but he grows a soft spot for them. And Saix doesnt like that, because he thinks Roxas and Xion are distracting Axel from their mission. Ofc it doesn't help that Saix knows what they are (Sora's Nobody and Sora's Replica, respectively) and sees them as less than the other Nobodies. Throughout the course of a year, Axel, Roxas, and Xion get closer while Axel and Saix become more hostile to each other. (funny how having no emotions can really put strain a relationship huh) And then they all die. Sort of. Xion dies and then everyone forgets her (stuff about how she's made of Sora's memories so none of the memories are really her, yada yada heart mumbo jumbo), Roxas goes back to Sora (who's been in a memory-loss-induced coma this whole time), and Axel works against Organization XIII until he dies helping Sora find his friends. But then Axel wakes up again because OOPSY DAISY turns out that killing a person's Nobody and their Heartless restores their original self! So he's Lea now, and everyone keeps deadnaming him. uhhh somewhere in there Saix also dies and gets recompleted but Xehanort (an old dude this time) kidnaps him and turns him into a Nobody (why does this keep happening). But then we find out that Saix found journal entries where he wrote about Xion (that nobody can remember at this point) and he's been working with Vexen and Demyx (other Org XIII members) to create Replica bodies to bring back Xion and Roxas. And ofc Lea doesn't know this, but he joins up with Sora and the other Guardians of Light to fight against the *REAL* Organization XIII (which Saix is a part of). *fight ensues* Saix is able to jog Xion's memories, which in turn lets Lea remember her, then Roxas (in a new Replica body) zhoops down and helps Lea, Xion, and Sora fight Saix and Xemnas. oh wait kairi's there too. uhhhh anyways Xemnas kidnaps Kairi, Sora goes off to save her (please stop doing this Squeenix) and then Lea, Xion, and Roxas all BEAT! SAIX! UP! and then Saix tells us that he was jealous and thought Lea was abandoning him. Saix and Lea have a very tender and homoromantic scene where Saix dies in Lea's arms and he lovingly says "See you, Isa" because he knows now that Isa will come back when Saix "dies" and then uhhh everyone kills Xehanort who then goes to the Kingdom Hearts Afterlife with his ex-husband and then Isa wakes up and he joins Lea, Roxas, and Xion in eating sea-salt ice cream atop a very tall clocktower. love wins!

Two sets of names because these besties break up after their hearts are stolen and they join a cult of people who have no hearts where the leader gives them new names that are anagrams of their old names with an x thrown in. The break up isn't a specific incident but a sliding scale of living without emotions (tge no hearts thing). There isn't canon material from the time of the break up but we do see the aftermath of it where they behave like the most divorced couple you have ever seen. This escalates when Axel gets kids (the cult gets two teenagers to join) and they, through the power of friendship, begin to grow new hearts. Saïx does not like the teenagers AT ALL. He gravitates closer to the cult leader while Axel drifts further away from the cult and Saïx with the kids. Literally the first interaction we see between them in canon is Axel going uh-oh and leaving immediately after he realises that Saïx is arriving. Things happen, Axel is Lea again after he gets his heart back and feels emotions, and in order to make amends Saïx, who's still tightly in the cult, acts as a double agent to betray the cult and free the teenagers. He then dies (foolproof way yo get your heart back) in Lea's arms after admitting he was such a dick bc he was jealous. Lea and Isa are later seen eating ice cream and playing frisbee together with the kids.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #4

[Image ID. An image of Scooge McDuck and Goldie L'Gill from Ducktails 2017, and an image of Cavendish and Dakota from Milo Murphy's law. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Scrooge and Goldie:

Scrooge McDuck and Goldie O'Gilt from Ducktales 2017, who keep going on and off and who the fuck knows for centuries until Goldie can be less of a selfish backstabber for once. This happens because of shenanigans involving Ponce de Leon, a Franken-baby, nasty pool water, and swordfighting, because this is Ducktales we're talking about.

Cavendish and Dakota:

They have two break ups during the show. The first is during the Christmas episode, where during a work Christmas party they argue over who should have eaten the last egg roll. This leads to them falling out so badly that they don’t speak for 20 years- during that time, Dakota becomes famous and successful but is very regretful, while Cavendish becomes, and I quote: “an old man with unfinished business.” They both end up breaking dozens of time travel laws to go back in time to try and stop their past selves from breaking up. They figure it out eventually. Remember, this was all over an egg roll. I just really need to hammer in that they broke up a decades old friendship/relationship/whatever it is they’ve got going on over an egg roll.

and then, more related to the actual plot of the show, is their multi episode break up in s2. They have an argument, and Cavendish decides to use a device on Dakota to wipe his memory, so he can leave to go investigate aliens. Dakota is very unhappy about this, understandably. He teams up with Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz to try to find Cavendish, and ends up having an argument with him because he isn’t Cavendish. They make a Cavendish-platypus hybrid to help them “get into his head”. Meanwhile Cavendish ends up getting himself trapped in an alien ship. They have a nice reunion when he gets rescued.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #5

[Image ID. an image of Rebbca and Josh from Crazy ex-girlfriend. They are sharing a drink that has two straws in it, and an image of Sophia and Fitz from keeper of lost cities. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Rebecca Bunch and Josh Chan:

They broke up multiple times but off the top of my head the most notable were the fake pregnancy incident and the leaving Rebecca at the altar incident. Their relationship is incredibly messy and wonderfully toxic and Rebecca spends the first half of season 3 trying to get revenge on Josh for leaving her. They get better at the end dw

sophie and fitz:

it's definitely not The Messiest Breakup Ever but it is pretty messy and also i just wanna see what happens if they get in.

i'm not even gonna bother writing propaganda for this one because i don't care enough but uhhhhh just know they suck.

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Poll: Round 1c #6

[ Image ID. An image of Cherry and Adam from sk8, and an image of Dazai and Nakahara from Bungo stray dogs. End ID]

*Reminder that Break up is being used loosely here and not all relationships may be romantic in nature

Propaganda under cut:

Cherry and Adam:

(adam keeps dodging cherry’s challenges at skateboarding death matches, and at the end of the one he does accept, he smacks cherry in the head with his skateboard; there’s a lovely montage prior to that where cherry discusses how they were besties as teens about a decade pre-canon and that “every day [with him] was like a festival”)

Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya:

They were work partners for two years, who canonically are the only two who can truly understand the other and we’re called “one soul in two bodies.” Then dazai left Without A Word and they had no contact with each other for four years. Their reuinion and every interaction afterwords usually involves them physically fighting &/or insulting each other. Dazai still calls Chuuya “partner.” Chuuya insits on calling him “Ex-Partner.” They’re also just totally obsessed with each other in the weirdest ways. Chuuya will randomly bring up dazai at times that have nothing to do with him. (Two of dazai’s coworkers went to buy desserts for their agency and chuuya was there and instead of ignoring them he told them to buy a dog shaped cake specifically for dazai (dazai hates dogs)). Dazai regularly breaks into the mafia headquarters to annoy chuuya specifically. Chuuya once activated his self destruct mode that only dazai can stop even tho it was rlly likely dazai was dead. After finding and saving dazai and getting out of self destruct mode he insulted him as if he didn’t just risk it all for a guy he says he hates. One of the short comics has chuuya saying he and dazai “Have Things Together.” Something wrong with them genuinely.