#i've never been so fed in my life
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oh ALRIGHT!!!
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#jossgawin#joss wayar#fluke gawin#gawin caskey#gmmtv#byofftay#thai actors#2024#I SCREAMED SO LOUD#never ever ever ever in my life did I think jossgawin would pull something like this omg#gawin looks so c*nty I'm dead not him lifting joss' chin PLEASEEEE#I've been patiently waiting for og's annual costume but they came first & I'm already fed#(now I don't even think og are gonna post anything today when I've been waiting all day despite being sick 😭)
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he's so important to me
#i guess i need to watch the anime but super's manga has just been a self-indulgent fever dream for me from start to finish#100000/10 absolutely perfect so validating so extremely catered to my tastes and headcanons and analyses and humor#so fucking funny and emotional and intense and goofy and beautifully drawn#my beautiful son getting to finally fucking see his HARD won character growth fucking shine and choose love and choose to be loved!!!!!!#Goku just being Goku Vegeta being Team Dad Piccolo being Team Grandpa Bulma being a fucking superstar keeping everybody organized and fed#god i love this squad i love this series i love these dumbasses and their struggles and their triumphs and their stupid childish bonding#I love that Toriyama just spent the last several years reminding the class that DB as a whole has always been an ACTION-COMEDY about LOVE#and I'm SO sad that the z anime really never did it justice in that sense because of having to fill time with dramatic tension but god. GOD#THE MANGA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO CLEAR ON THAT THESIS.#Just all about Restorative Justice and Community and CARING even when you wish SO MUCH that you didn't care but yoU DO GODDAMMIT!!!#SUCH a great series I'm so sad it took losing mr t for me to finally read it but my god I needed to read it now and I'm so glad he wrote it#and i'm SO glad he wrote it Exactly Like This#once again rip to a legend i'm caught up and crying it's so perfect it's SO everything I've wanted to see onscreen and embedded in canon#and canon isn't everything but it still feels gREAT to be SO 1:1 on the same page with an author re: how you interpret your blorbo yknow???#been rotating this man in my head for 25 years and Mr Toriyama just mWAH kissed me on the forehead about it#anyway enough tag rambles I'm off again aklsjla#bonus for that kenpachi shit and letting him say 'sorry dude I can't be cold and numb anymore but this is still cathartic as fuck lol' like#mr t i hope you see the HIGHEST tier of heaven for that (and obviously for like everything all of it the whole life you led)#dbtag
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.
#I've been barely eating for over a week now and don't feel it#all the money i have is going towards her. i have enough body fat to survive without eating properly for a while.#but I'm just not hungry because nothing feels real right now#she's been breathing with more difficulty the past couple days too so i know the tumor on her tongue is getting larger#she's been whining so much too. like way more than she ever has.#and the prednisone has increased her appetite by so much that she's eating almost double what she normally would#she's skipped eating in the morning almost her whole life. don't know why. she's just a picky bitch like that.#but now she wants extra food in thd morning and snacks during the day and extra food at night#i was worried her food would go to waste after she died but goddamn#it definitely will be eaten plus some at this rate#she seems so normal. but i know she's getting worse every day and probably just doesn't want to bother me.#that's the worst thing about dogs. they don't want to bother you.#she's so opinionated when it comes to things she wants to eat or play with. but she's never let me know when she was in pain.#the only times she has are emergency vet visit times#like when my ex broke her tail and she kept putting her butt in my face to tell me shit was fucked up#or another time when her gut bacteria somehow got out of whack and she shat bright red blood all over my house#or when she broke a claw so bad it damaged the bone underneath#anything minor and i have to find it on my own#she's extra spoiled right now#i never tell her to stop unless she's doing something potentially dangerous#like yeah. let's sniff that same spot on the same bush you smell 8x a day for ten minutes girl.#you look hungry. have some peanuts or freetos or cotton candy.#you want snacks even though you just had snacks? bitch. have some more.#you want to sleep in my spot on the bed? thats ok. I'll go to the othef sidd where i don't have my cpap. get comfy.#i feel bad denying her anything when i know she only has a set amount of experiences left#there's a finite amount of sniffs she can snorf or food to be fed and i know it's pretty limited.#and then i get days like today where i don't even really start working until the time I'd normally be getting home#and that enrages me like little else can do because it's taking away from time with the only living thing that's real to me#except the longer i have knowing she's dying the less 'here' i feel. which makes her seem less real.#and i hate it. but i deny myself pain by pretending shit isn't real until it isn't. and then there's no more pain.
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (。•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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I'VE FINALLY REACHED MY HOMELAND (Solution 9)
I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW
#not gonna say much else because spoilers#but omg I've never been so enamored with a zone#this is all I've ever wanted to be fed for the sci-fantasy nut in me thank you for my life SE#I'm gonna take so many screens here if my energy ever returns from war
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uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well
#constantly daydreaming about throwing my phone in the river n leaving a nice note for my parents and fucking LEAVING#but like#if i just stop talking to my friends#then what's the point#do i make new friends? will i do the same shit to my new friends?#it feels like kind of a dick move to do that to people i like#and i DO like them#i like hanging out w them and just. i don't know. i feel like this freedom i dream of is something i could have in this life yknow.#i feel if i had balls i could just start living the life i want#it's not even like my parents are dicks or something they trust me and they've very understanding and loving#they wouldn't judge me for how i dress or be mad if i stay out late as long as i warn them#but i dont know. i dont know why i'm a massive fucking weirdo about it okay.#but i've caused them so much trouble already. i feel like i'm betraying them if i grow up.#i feel like i'm causing them too much worry no matter if i stray away from the nest or stay.#and i feel like a fucking monster for not loving them enough but i can't stand being near them anymore#it's too painful#i've never managed to completely hate them even when i was deep in depression and they handled it poorly#i'd get into a screaming match with my dad and an hour later we'd sing songs together in the car#but it's been so dull lately. it feels like im in a video game. picking prewritten dialogue and being fed prewritten answers.#and WHY does this happen. why can't i just have a normal relationship with people#why do i turn into an alien on his first day on earth whenever i start caring abt someone#why are we so fucking abnormal as a family that we never goddamn hang out#why am i such an empty husk of a person that i cannot for the life of me figure out something we could do together#i keep believing in this fantasm of one day changing everything in one fell swoop instead of growing up like a normal guy#because i know i'm a coward. i'm scared of other people seeing me fail.#i dont want to hurt my parents ever again and i dont want to settle for halfway freedom#so i repress hardcore things i want so that nobody not even me can decipher what it is#smth smth the enormity of my desire disgusts me#and of course it fails because im weakshit and cannot restrict anything ever#and i hurt them anyway
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Mum's had a stroke. Left side paralyzed. Expected to recover but time frame unsure. Her friends are looking after her (she's a retired surgeon). Am letting my sister handle it and curling up into a ball.
Kinda wish she'd kick it once and for all tbh. Not only will she not be able to work her private clinic and keep this place afloat, but it will probably be my little nest egg that goes into doing so in the interim. And then she won't be able to work as much afterwards, when she's deep in the red already.
Sane thing to do is (has always been) sell the house, pay off the bank, put the rest in an FD and live off the interest in a small flat closer to the city. Put my brother into an assisted care facility. But she won't do that as long as she's alive and will instead go even more turbo Born Again Jesus stan, keeping my brother imprisoned, abused and neglected under the iron rule of her awful housekeeper.
Otoh, if she does pop her clogs right now, our funerals are several-days long open house affairs that would be hell for my current mental stability.
Imagine being a bitch enough for it to be a toss up whether surviving is beneficial to the health and sanity of your dependents lmao.
My sister seems to have the "functional adult" thing handled for now so she's welcome to inflict her own brand of insanity on the situation. The only thing I give a damn about anymore is the poor cat and dog. I'm burnt into a charcoal smear and just...dont give a shit. Imma let it all crash and burn and then move out of the rubble into a cardboard box.
Second stroke usually comes up within two years of the first one and finishes you off. That was what happened to Dad and my MIL. So I guess it's just a matter of time before she joins her husband in hell anyway.
I just want things to stop happening for five fucking minutes man.
#that Tumblr post about parents been flopping for generations is so right#fuck all of this shit#I've only just stopped actively plotting to kill myself#this is of course the universe's cue to take a golf club to the Jenga tower of my mental stability#I'm so sad because I just got the first instalment of my divorce settlement#it was supposed to help me move out of this hellhole eventually#now it arrived just in time to keep us fed and the lights on till Mum recovers#bye bye my money#also I had to pay for her cat's vet bills out of my therapy fund and now I'm never seeing a cent of that again#siiiiiiiiigh#fml#life stuff#parental abuse#tw child abuse#tw disabled abuse#knee of huss
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I feel like growing up with parents that are rabid conspiracy theorists about anything and everything affects you like. way way way deeper than most people do (or maybe want to?) acknowledge. and I just wish it was talked about more honestly
#misc.txt#ventish#(<-not too bad just tagging for blocking purposes)#like. this is embarassing to say but my parents were and still are severely anti vax. so at some point I need to go get#proper rounds of vaccines#bc obv I was not fucking allowed to#preferrably uh. fucking soon if I can work out how to do it without them knowing#(and if I can't I guess. I'll have to figure out some health insurance stuff bc I could literally be in danger if they did know.)#(which is a whole can of worms on its own.)#and EVEN THOUGH I fully 100% know that everything they fed me was bullshit#I still have so much deep fear around it bc it was drilled into my head so fucking hard growing up#x will kill you. y will make you sick. z will probably damn you to hell forever but maybe not who knows better to be scared and 'safe.' etc#and it's so hard to even explain it to ppl because they go 'oh so you still believe that stuff' and no!! no I do not!!#Ive just been trained since birth to be afraid of anything n everything!! I've been fed lies for my entire life!! thats hard to shake off!!#I WANT to do good things for myself but my stomach drops on instinct just thinking about it#and I am so so so tired of having to be brave about things I never should have had to be brave about. that's all ig. I'm tired.#like either ppl think you have also inherited their insanity OR they just look at it like 'oh haha funny quirky kooky'#no it's kind of torn my psyche to shreds in ways I'm still uncovering. but w/e go ahead and laugh <3
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ooh, this is an interesting one!
love as hunger
[ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"
wake up besties, new quiz just dropped 😌
#yeah... that makes sense#even from just the standpoint of food/cooking/baking being how I most like to care for the people I love#but with the loves I've had throughout my life (of all forms) there has definitely been a distinct hunger. a deep desire for *more*...#filling an insatiable hole and giving the same back#(including loves that I hadn't realized were love - or quite so deep of love - until they were gone in some way)#I want to feed my most dear and in turn also be fed#the hunger will never be filled but the love will be comforting and delicious nonetheless#“if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks i will follow you into the dark” <- ooooo#<- and that's a REALLY good line from your result!! wow!!#dove✧
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I feel so defeated
#god it sucks#my step dad has apparently held multiple grudges towards me for years#and I had no idea until today ?? when my mom told me#he treats me rudely everytime I'm on the same floor of the house as him (it's a small ass house so like all the time hes home)#she told me i was selfish for being petty when I get fed up with how rude he is to me#except I've had no clue he's resented me for actual years#like 5 years#when I asked for help with moving and he agreed to it#like. he literally could have said no#that's that baffles me is that he's holding a grudge from something HE said YES to#there's been other things over the years building up#idk dude#it's hard to see my fault in this when he's only ever said one kinda nice word to me when I was diagnosed with endometriosis from he'll#and when he's never communicated something with me the whole entire 13 years I've known him#he also has little to no sympathy for me when my mom & him met when my life started to fall apart#like he's been in my life since everything bad started happening to me and still#my mom always excuses his behavior saying he's autistic#when I'm actually the one with the autism diagnosis ???#idk anymore I'm exhausted mentally physically somatically spiritually emotionally
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okay okay okay but spencer dating someone who loves books just as much as him if not more and they gone over it and derek is like damn there’s two of them 😭😭😭
Hii lovely, ty for this cute request. Hope it's at least a little good🙈warning: fluff, like one swear word, pet names, (0.5k)
Spencer literally begged you to bring him lunch today. Not because he is feeling particularly hungry, but because he hasn't seen you in a couple of days, and has missed you like crazy.
And you, lovely as always, couldn't say no to him. Not that you would. You have missed him like crazy, too!
It's almost 1 in the afternoon that you finally come. You have the warm package of food in one hand and in the other something that looks much more heavier.
Spencer spots you immediately as you open the glass door to the bullpen. He goes towards you, and before you can say anything more, Spencer has you in his arms.
He gives you a quick but loving embrace and a soft kiss. It's swift, because he doesn't want to violate the pda workplace rules or anything.
"Hi, handsome," you greet him again, smiling big, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too, sweetheart, so ridiculously much," Spencer tells you as he ushers you towards his desk.
He notices the heavier looking bag in your hand, takes both bags instantly from your hands, and raises his brows in question at you. "Did you pack a lunch for a whole army?"
You chuckle, because by the weight of the bag you definitely could have fed a whole armada. Spencer chuckles in return, putting both of the bags on his desks.
You give a still slightly shy nod to all the team members that are currently in the bullpen. Meaning Derek, Emily and JJ.
"I just brought you a lil something," you say sheepishly, pointing at the heavy bag. Spencer eyes the bag with suspicious face while you sit in Spencer's chair, innocent smile on your face.
He opens it, and instantly gasps. "No way. No fucking way, " he beams at you. Eyes sparkling like some kid's in a sweets shop.
Spencer reaches into the bag, and pulls out not one, not two, not even three, but four chunky books. The thickest of them is a book that Spencer's been trying to get for a while now. It sold out everywhere, and by some miracle, you found it in your favourite antique book shop.
"How did you get this? Oh my god," Spencer questions happily, leaning down towards you to peck your lips again.
"It's a secret," you beam back at him. Just happy to see him happy. Spencer drops the book, and goes to hug the life out of you, deciding that the kiss wasn't enough. Squeezing you oh so tightly.
"Spencer, you're gonna break my bones," you chuckle as he finally let's you breath again.
"Sorry, sweetheart. Thank you, I love this so much. I can't wait to get home to read this," Spencer tells you, his eyes softening.
"We can have a reading night then. 'Cause I bought myself one book too........" you start to tell Spencer as you make yourself comfortable at his desk, while he unpacks his lunch.
From a few desks away, Derek murmurs to the girls, JJ and Emily, in amusement, "there's two of them now."
"Maybe we are just seeing double?" Emily jokes. Though she finds you two adorable.
"Remind me to never accept their invitation to a fun night at their place." Derek deadpans, and the girls laugh.
But you two don't seem to notice their amused attention on you. Too interested in the books sitting on Spencer's desk, and too interested in making the book reading plans for your night.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid
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I've said it before and I'll say it again. Gobber must be so fucking fed up with Hiccup and Stoick at all times. Like he grew up with Stoick being a stubborn ass and then Stoick had a child who grew up and is also a stubborn ass.
I cannot imagine having to deal with one Haddock let alone two. Especially httyd1 era where they could barely even be in the same room as each other without there being audible cricket noises oh my fucking god. He would have been a permanent mediator between the two. Constantly listening to them complain about eachother (Which we do actually see in httyd1 funnily enough).
Them two actually beginning to fix their relationship after the red death must have been so great for him. Because yes his best friend and his sort of adoptive son thing are now actually engaging in healthy father son activities with one another but he also no longer has to deal with being sandwiched between two fucking donkeys that can't properly communicate.
But hahaha Gobber your torment doesn't end there. No no no you then have to deal with two of the most dramatic people in the archipelago (why does no one mention how dramatic Stoick is???) constantly wittering in your ear about different plans or inventions or wars and dragons and blah blah blah. You can never escape the incessant rambling of the two idiots you got cast to hell with. You will be forced to listen to a father and son that don't see any reasonable value in agreeing about things like 34% of the time and you will have to either pick a side or attempt to deescalate the awkward glances and frustrated sighs when they are forced to be around each other after a particularly bad episode of being unable to affectively have a conversation about their thoughts and feelings because they're both emotionally repressed and could both use some therapy.
Gobber has seen every single side of the relationship between Hiccup and Stoick and the whiplash from witnessing a heated argument about the meaning of existence itself in the morning and then watching as they joke and laugh about some random crap literally no one understands in the evening will probably end up breaking Gobber's psyche at some point.
That man's life was pain and suffering incarnate and it was purely the fault of the Haddock family.
#i had way too much fun typing that out#ehahahahah#shit post#httyd#how to train your dragon#hiccup#hiccup haddock#httyd hiccup#how to train your dragon stoick#stoick#stoick the vast#hiccup and stoick#gobber httyd#httyd gobber#gobber#gobber the belch#gobber and stoick#gobber and hiccup#stoick haddock#haddock family#<-Hell incarnate im telling you#fuck know how Berk survived two generations with those two as leaders#id outcast myself#httyd rtte#race to the edge#rtte httyd#rtte#how to train your dragon hiccup#hiccup how to train your dragon#stoick httyd
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some of you are really bold to be acting like i'm lacking in media literacy and don't understand the narrative purpose of this character and their dialogue when y'all cannot identify that this is a haha funny joke and not comprehensive literary critique
easily my most controversial post on twitter dot com
#my post#ffxiv#when i first posted it (on twitter) i didn't even think it would be controversial...#it's literally just ''haha this random npc really thinks WE'RE the villain in this situation. wish i could tell them the truth"#if you're Really curious about my serious opinions on it:#i think the game would've been a lot better if they had actually let any of the eorzean characters counter stuff like this#let some arguments happen. where they discuss the material truth of the matter#instead of just We have to be super duper nice and never get upset or actually talk about the politics when they're bigots to us#if we just turn the other cheek eventually they will recognize our humanity <3#i've lived in the US in a conservative area+family fed bullshit propaganda my whole life#how i've been unlearning it is through seeing people talking frankly about reality and how those beliefs are cruel and have caused harm#idk i just found the section disappointing and lacking in depth. not helped by how they had to slap a tidy resolution on things so fast#anywayyyyys
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Thinking about Sevika’s very pregnant very hormonal wife crying and complaining to her about nothing and Sevika realizing het wife just needs to be fed.
And fucked
love love love love love love love
men and minors dni
never in your life have you been this hormonal.
not during your worst periods as an adult.
not during the horrific throes of puberty as a teen.
not even when you were a toddler and a tantrum was just as likely as a giggle fit.
you think you might have truly lost your mind.
you're currently sobbing on the toilet-- you have been for the past twenty minutes-- not because you're sick or anything, but because you can't stop crying for long enough to heave your round body off the toilet seat.
and why are you crying? because you got frustrated by how often you have to pause your video game to get up and pee because you're eight fucking months pregnant, and your bladder's the size of a thimble.
you know it's a ridiculous thing to cry about. you know it's just your hormones overwhelming you. none of this knowledge can stop the sobs from wracking your body, though.
there's a knock on the bathroom door. "baby? have you seen my fuzzy socks?" sevika asks.
you sniffle and try to make your voice sound steady. "ch-check the dryer!" you call.
there's a suspicious silence outside of the bathroom, and then the door flies open, your wife wearing a worried look. "are you crying in here all alone?" she asks the moment she sees your face.
you pout, and fall apart all over again.
"oh, baby." sevika's by your side in an instant, wrapping her arms around you and pulling your head toward her stomach. "what's wrong, love?" she asks. "why didn't you come get me?" she asks.
you sniffle and choke out a few words. "b-because it's stu-u-pid!" you whine. "i can't s-s-stop cryin' and i'm not even that upse-e-et." you complain to your wife. "and now i can't get off the toilet 'cause i'm too weak from crying!"
sevika's face clears with relief when she realizes nothing's really wrong with you, and she bends down to give you a kiss. "our little girl's really runnin' a number on you, huh?" she asks, reaching down to pat your swollen belly.
you nod against sevika's shirt, using it as a face-wipe for all your tears and boogers. "i pee all the time. i f-feel like i should just live on the fuckin' toilet."
"but i'd miss you if you were in here all the time." sevika pouts. you snort. "c'mon love." she grunts as she hikes her arm under your shoulder and knees, hauling you off the toilet.
you giggle a little in your wife's arms, clinging to her as she walks you to your bedroom. "what're you doing with me?" you ask.
"'m takin' care of you." she whispers as she pulls your pants off your legs. you huff, a few tears still escaping your eyes, and sevika kisses your bare thigh.
"i haven't showered in days." you warn as sevika pushes your legs further apart. she groans.
"good. i love you musty."
you giggle a little, then cry some more. "you're gross. 'n way too nice to me." you whimper. sevika chuckles.
"my poor baby. such a fuckin' mess since i knocked you up, huh?" she teases. you nod and pout, letting your emotions control you, knowing sevika wont judge you for it. "i gotcha babe. just lay there 'n let it all out for me." she whispers, before ducking down and sucking one long stripe up your cunt.
sevika groans and you whimper as she sucks your clit into her mouth. for a few minutes, she just suckles and kisses your clit, making you a shaky, whiny mess. most of your cries are being blocked out by your moans, but there are still tears running down your cheeks.
"so fuckin' pretty when you cry, baby." sevika whispers. you gulp.
"shut up."
"it's true. your eyes get all sparkly and your skin gets all shiny-- fuck, you're the most beautiful thing i've ever seen."
you huff another laugh at this-- you're covered in hormonal acne and in third day pajamas-- but sevika blinks up at you like she really means it.
"you-- would you just--" you pull sevika's mouth back to your cunt before she can make you any more flustered with her words. your emotions are swinging wildly from the sudden stubborn sad-attack you've encoutnered, and the wild, childlike excitement and bashfulness you always feel around your wife.
which means that every time she blinks up at you, her pretty silver eyes barely visible over the bump of your belly, your heart stutters and your cunt clenches and a few tears leak out of your eyes.
when she reaches up and intertwines her hands with yours, you cum. it catches you completely off guard-- but the simple, sweet, intimate gesture made you topple over into a mess of cum and tears.
they're not sad-tears anymore, though. they're tears of joy and love-- all for the woman who's crawling up from between your legs with a big smile on her lips-- your cum covering her cheeks and chin. "that was quick." she teases. (she loves how easy you are now that you're pregnant. it turns her on endlessly.)
you grunt and flip her off. "are you gonna keep teasing me or are you gonna come sit on my face?" you ask.
sevika smirks, then leans down to kiss you deeply.
you gasp against her lips, relaxing into the kiss, taking in the taste of you still on her tongue.
when sevika pulls away, your head is fuzzy and your stomach is fluttering with butterflies. you blink up at her as she grins down at you.
"you stay here and take a nap. i'm gonna draw you a bath and make you a sandwich-- then maybe i'll join you." she says with a sweet little wink.
you blink up at your wife, and then burst into a fresh round of tears. above you, sevika cackles.
"is this 'cause you can't eat me out or...?" she asks. you groan and flip her off again.
"it's 'cause you're fuckin' perfect you asshole. what the fuck?" you ask.
sevika just giggles, pulls the blankets over your body, and kisses your forehead as she hands you a few tissues.
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Erased || Logan Howlett x Reader
summary: You are a powerful mutant with powers you hated. They ruined your life and it led you down paths you weren't proud of. Things changed and now you lived happily with Logan. Until your past seems to come back to ruin everything
warnings: angst. traumatic childhood, brief mentions of torture.
wc: 2.7k
Link to part 2
a/n: Hi guys, so this is kind of the you get hurt and he goes feral fic but i've combined it with this other wip i had laying around. I talked a lot about wanting more angst and tw death (my grandmother passed last night) so ive been in this weird state of sadness that i'm repressing. Either way i wrote a fic so there's that lol. I will def have a part 2 btw so don't worry.
Sometimes when you close your eyes you can remember your childhood. What it was like before your, gift, appeared and ruined everything. How your family loved you, how your friends welcomed you, how the world didn’t hate you. Everything was perfect.
Until the day it appeared. All you did was touch her arm. That’s all you did. An argument with your mother, silence, and then you touched her arm to try and apologize and next thing you knew she was asking who you were. Yelling at you to get out of her house. You cried not understanding what was happening.
She looked at you with nothing but confusion. Not even a hint of recognition. Then your father came home and you ran into his arms. Afraid and distraught when he pushed you off him. The same look in his eyes. Who are you? They threw you out, threatened to call the cops. They left you all alone, afraid, and confused.
It didn’t take long for you to understand. A mutant. You had heard of mutants but never thought you could be one. A mutant with a powerful ability. Memory manipulation. You could alter memories, dive into someone's deepest fears, their secrets, and even erase anything from heads. In a single moment their whole lives could be changed. It was a dangerous power and you wanted nothing to do with it.
For years you lived on the road. Keeping yourself moving, stealing when you needed to. Never getting too attached to one place, to anyone. You were alone.
Then one day some people found you. Dressed in stupid costumes. Still they took you in. Gave you a home, fed you, trained you. You grew up there. From teen to adult. Charles was kind and you don't think you could ever repay him for all that he's done. Your powers were strong but he taught you to control your emotions.
Still you tried to stay a safe distance away from people. Not just physically but emotionally. The nightmares of your parents haunt you everyday. They're nice. All of them are. The kids loved you and you enjoyed the mansion.
Still when the team invited you out you declined, when the kids wanted to crowd you during dinner you politely excused yourself to your office. You didn't go to parties, you didn't celebrate the holidays with them. You were just you, a nice, safe distance away from them. Then your world got flipped upside down.
The day Logan rolled into the mansion. He was mean and angry. He had that "I don't like being around people" kind of vibe but he stuck around. Ended up becoming more apart of the team than he wanted. And he liked it.
Logan was the first one to really break down your walls. Just like everyone else you stayed away from him. Smiling and greeting him but never going past that. Maybe that's what drew him to you. You were a mystery who smelled like vanilla. It was your perfume. He would try to flirt but he got nowhere. Eventually he gave up the flirting but his interest stayed. He find ways to talk to you, getting bits and pieces of information from you.
You quickly learned he was just like you in some ways. Guarded, a past life that you don't want to talk about, loners. Somehow in all of it, as he stayed at the mansion and grew to become part of this family, he wormed his way into your heart too. Just too loners who found out that being alone together is better than being lonely.
As time passed, your relationship with Logan evolved into something you never imagined you would experience. Love. You never let yourself feel this way, too afraid that you would do the same thing to them. That you would get close, build this connection, make these memories, only for it all to come crashing down with just a single touch. These memories are precious to you. Every single one of them.
You remember the day your feelings were revealed. Both of you desperate, afraid of what they meant, but neither of you could lose each other. It was the cure. Some company had found a way to suppress the gene. The moment you heard about it you were intrigued. Your mutation wasn't fun. It didn't let you control the weather or turn things to ice. You couldn't touch people. Just like rouge you were at risk for destroying someone's whole life.
Even with the years of lessons you weren't fully in control. You never let yourself try. Logan could see it in your eyes. The confrontation wasn't pretty.
It was anger at first, wondering how you could even consider that. Then it was anger from you, years of pent up feelings releasing all at once. The fighting turned into a deep confession. An intimate moment between the two of you. He cared for you in a way that scared the shit out of him. He couldn't say the words yet but he felt them. You felt the same way but just like Logan. Something was holding you back from saying those three words.
Still you showed your love to each other in other ways. You always let him know how much you cared for him. The words died on your tongue but he knew. You hope he did.
Logan bought you a necklace. Didn't make a big deal of it but you could see the blush on his face. Tossing you the box and mumbling something about him seeing it and thinking of you. It was gorgeous. Just a simple heart necklace with two sparkling stones. One for him and one for you.
Even if you couldn't touch he wanted apart of him to be with you. It was perfect. Everything was perfect. You had Logan. You had the team, the mansion. For once you felt like your life was falling into place.
Apparently the universe didn't like that. Charles had called the team in for an important mission. You weren't on the team due to your own choosing so when Logan came back to bed he started to talk.
"Yeah some rogue mutants. Bunch of assholes who enjoy torturing humans." He grumbled as he threw his jacket on. Fixing his hair in the mirror as you sit on the bed. You're doing everything you can to stay calm, to not set off Logan's super senses.
"Some guy named Mack is their leader. Guess he's got some illusion powers or something." Logan says it all like its nothing. To him it is nothing. Just another mission. To you though, it's the beginning of the end.
"Don't know who in their right mind would do shit like that. Just a bunch of low life idiots." He spits. You wince at his harsh tone. He notices your silence and glances over at you. You're practically frozen in place. An unreadable look in your eyes.
"You alright?" Logan moves to touch your arm but you jerk it away.
"Yeah sorry, just had another nightmare last night." You lie. Logan looks at you strangely before sitting on the bed. His hand intertwining with your gloved one.
"Though I told you to wake me up." You snort and roll your eyes playfully. "And I told you the same thing." You counter. He smirks, you have him there. Part of why you go so well together.
"I'll wake you next time, I promise." There's a loud knock at the door and Logan grumbles.
"Promised some dumb kids I'd take them to the mall. Storm promised me a six pack of beer." After saying goodbye you let your smile fall.
This couldn't be happening. You thought you were finally safe, this was years ago. How could they still be around. Before Charles had found you, you were involved with this group. You weren't proud if it but you were hungry and afraid and they found you. Mutants just like you. They weren't afraid of you. In fact they were in awe of you, something you had never felt before.
You fell into their group, participating in the horrible things they'd do. You never did anything yourself. You were clean up crew. Wiping memories of anyone who saw something they weren't supposed to. Still, you enabled it all. When you finally left, it wasn't easy. You had tried to erase their memories but for some reason they could block you. You got away but they swore one day they'd come back for you. You were one of them forever now. No one would understand, no one would forgive you. You were a monster just like them.
Your mind runs a mile a minute. Thinking of everyone in the mansion. The team. Storm, Jean, Scott, Rouge...everyone.
Logan, oh god Logan.
Would he understand? He would have to. He's just like you. He did things in his past. He was violent, angry, a survivor. He never claimed to be a hero. But that doubt swirls in your mind. Fear overtakes any rational thought. You know what you have to do.
This was your fight, not theirs. You could stop them, you needed to finish what you started. Grabbing your wrinkled old backpack you stuff clothes, money, and any essentials inside of it. You had to move quick before any of the mind readers got a hint of what you were thinking.
Especially Charles. You barely had time to think about this but the fear was creeping into your mind. Poisoning it. It's better this way. It's safer this way. They've done so much for you that you owe it to them to help. You're protecting them. All of them. Logan included.
You held on tightly to the necklace he had given you. Tucking it in your shirt as you leave the room. You smiled as you walked through the halls. Saying hello to those who passed by. By the time you were at the front doors you felt a pull to keep you here.
Deep down you didn't want to leave. Of course you didn't. But you overcome the pull and walk through the doors. Refusing to look back as the mansion grows smaller in the distance. You walked for hours. Your feet aching as you finally reached some rinky dink motel. The room is depressing but for now it's home. Curling up on the bed you bury your face in the pillow.
Your heart longing for Logan. You're scared, so scared. A part of you wants to go back and find him. Tell him everything and ask for help. But then you remember what he said. How would he react knowing that you were one of them? Would he forgive you or would he turn his back on you just like Mack always said?
You barely get a moment to think before there's a loud knock at the door. Hand slamming impatiently against it. You quietly get up and look through the peephole. You cover your mouth to hide your shocked gasp. Logan. How the hell did he find you?
"I know you're in there." Oh he's angry. You open the door and Logan steps through.
"What the fuck were you thinking?!" His voice booms through the room.
"I come home to a ransacked room, I thought you were in danger. Only to be told that you ran away." He growls. He's clenching his fists tightly. How could you do this to him?
"How did you find me?" You demand as you slowly sink back towards your bag.
"Why did you leave? What's going on!" Logan is confused, lashing out on you because he just doesn't understand. Things were going great. You loved him and he loved you so why would you just run away. Away from the mansion, away from him. Did you not trust him anymore? Why?
"You wouldn't understand." You try to move past him but he grabs your shoulders and pressing you against the wall.
His claws coming out to pin you to it. The sharp adamantium knicks the chain around your neck, breaking it in two. The necklace falls to the ground but neither of you notice.
"Try me." The anger is slowly fading as he silently begs you to talk. To let him in.
"I'm sorry Logan, but I can't."
"Why not? What are you running from? I can help. Let me help." He begs. Please don't leave him. Please. He can do something. He can heal like crazy, he can track, he's fast, he's got fucking metal claws. He can help.
"You can't help me with this Logan. This is for your own good." You try to stay strong but looking into those gorgeous eyes of his was about to make you break.
"This is my fight and mine alone." He scoffs and lets go of you and starts to pace.
"Bullshit. This is our fight now. That's the deal. I lo-" He sighs and pulls you close. "Its you and me. Together." You gently trace his jaw with your gloved hands.
Tears glossing over your eyes as it takes everything in power to stay strong. To not fall into his arms. He's protected himself his whole life and you can't be the one to put him in more danger. He's a hero, he's your hero but tonight he's the love of your life and you need to protect him. Even if it feels like ripping out your own heart.
"Logan..." You say softly. He looks at you with those pretty eyes and you cup his face.
Slowly your lips brush against his. It's just a hint at first. Then it's everything at once. He smashes his lips to yours. Kissing you with a passion and need that you've dreamed off. This is your first kiss after all. It's everything you ever wanted. To feel his lips on yours. Skin to skin. You'll treasure this moment forever.
He's so wrapped up in the kiss that he doesn't notice you take your hand away. Taking off your gloves and move your hands to the side of his head. Hovering over his temples. He pulls away, breathing heavily as he leans in and kisses you again.
"I love you Logan, I love you so much." You say with tears falling down your cheeks. He realizes too late, a flash of fear as you press your hands to his face.
"No!" He roars but its too late.
Like he's in a trance he stands there. You cry as you erase every memory he has of you. He won't remember you, he won't know why he's here or how he got here. You know that you won't have long before someone else finds you and you'll erase their memory too. It's for the best. It's for his own good. His eyes flutter close as he falls to the floor. You catch his head, lowering him gently to the ground. A pillow placed under it. You can't stay, he'll wake any moment. But you have a few seconds. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead.
"I love you Logan Howlett." You whisper gently.
You take one last look at him before grabbing your bag and running out the door. Each step apart from him is like a knife in your chest. You tell yourself this what needed to happen. You'd rather lose Logan like this than watching him suffer because of you. This way he can be happy, he can move on.
You did this for him. All of it for him.
-
Logan wakes to a pounding in his head. Confusion washes over him as he takes in his surroundings. Where the fuck is he? He doesn't remember how he got here, why he came here. He stands up and looks around the room.
"What the hell?" He mumbles to himself.
Was this a prank or something? He cracks his neck and looks around. The room is mostly empty but a small glimmer catches his eyes. He walks over and sees six holes in the wall that match his claws.
Leaning down he picks up a necklace. A heart with two stones. He winces as a sharp pain shoots through his head. He stands up and slips the necklace in his pocket, something telling him to keep it close. He feels a pain in his chest. Not physical pain but something else. Maybe he finally got drunk. Drank enough to finally fuck him up.
All he knows is that he needs to get back to the mansion. As he leaves stops for a second. He shakes his head and continues on, hopping back on his motorcycle. For a second there he swears he caught a whiff of vanilla.
Must be his imagination.
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