#i've been so bored ALL DAY
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being an eng teacher is rough in the sense that since everyone Has to take eng, all class disruption things happen in eng classes. school photos? eng. spending the entire class period talking about scheduling for next semester? eng. aka, we're doing that next week and it's going to throw things off soooooo muchhhhhh
the tenth graders are doing it thursday and i have four tenth grade classes, but then the freshmen are doing it friday and i have two freshmen classes. and the thing is that we do the same stuff in ninth and tenth grade but like we do it on a rotation, so like i'll have to figure out how to change things up for each grade to make it fit and then we had a snow day today which we're making up in feb so there wasn't elearning and we also had tis past monday off, so now everything is thrown off </3
anyways it'll be fine bc i'll have some periods off to just chill like i'll be down there with them for the meetings but i could prolly bring a book i'm just complaining lol
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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i don't think I've ever enjoyed a birthday party with friends as much as today i am genuinely getting a bit teary eyed
#initially i wasn't planning to do anything but then i thought what the hell what if we go out to drink something#except it was all very up in the air so a good deal of folks couldn't come (which is fine that one's on me)#but the two who COULD make it are genuinely some of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever met and one of them brought his gf along#and we hit it off IMMEDIATELY and THEN we ran into another pal I hadn't seen in a while and hadn't had the chance to invite in person#who also joined in after he finished hanging out with other people and they got me a present????? 😭#i haven't had a birthday with friends in fucking . 3 years between covid and everyone i knew moving away#I'm so happy i think my heart is going to explode#which ik. hey isn't that a very boring and simple hangout YES but also not to me baby i have been in a depression isolation all my teens#i started to genuinely enjoy my day to day life like. 4 months ago ever since starting uni#it feels like turning a new leaf yknow? like. i made it. i made it out. god i could cry#sorry I'm a little drunk
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(so... uh... how far into dai do you have to get before it starts being good?)
#i thought da2 was worse than dao in almost every way#repetitive undetailed environments boring combat less player influence over the story less customization of the player character etc.#but it had one shining redeeming quality#and that was the characters#who i actually cared about more than the characters in dao#and lucky for da2 characters are the most important aspect of a game (for me at least)#and good characters can carry an otherwise mediocre game pretty damn far#but i have yet to find the redeeming quality of dai#i mean... it's pretty i guess? though i still needed mods to make a character that looks decent bc the character creator was lacking#but the environment is pretty and detailed i will give it that#but i've been at this eight hours and almost every quest is just go get an item and then go bring it to someone?#there's really minimal story to these quests#and the characters seem interesting but i've barely had opportunities to talk to them#even the ambient party dialogue seems significantly rarer than it was in either dao or da2#why should i care about people i'm not getting to know?#also do they really just go with 'templars and mages are both equally evil & crazy and we're gonna need to just kill all of them you see'#surely that can't be the whole conclusion to the templar-mage war?? there has to be more right??#i'll keep playing bc hopefully it gets better#to be fair i didn't actually like da2 until act 2#i liked dao right away but it still took a bit to get really good#so i think there's still potential here#we will see i suppose#dragon age#dai#dragon age critical
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Can i just say the drabbles have been so goddamn wonderful.
I honestly was not expecting Ravi's to be my favorite because Ravi works my nerves like i have stated before but oooomg i don't want Ravi Theo. Why are you trying to influence me. 😭😑
It was beautiful and angsty and i loves reading it. I'm literally looking forward to them so much. And Perri's omg that was beautiful too. I connected so much to Perri and it made me a lil emosh honestly to read.
So. Yeah. Stop making me feel things. It's highly rude and inconvenient 😒❤️
Sidenote, i hope you're doing well. 😇 i know you've said you've had some writers block, and it happens to the best of them, so take your time with writing and remember to be kind to yourself because honestly, you're kinda cool. 💗
Ahhh tysm Zee, you're always so nice😭
Unfortunately, 'tis the duality of Ravi. He can be sooooo infuriating...and yet ;) I'm glad you enjoyed his drabble though, I've had such fun giving y'all a peek into his head.
And yay, I'm so glad you liked Perri's, too!! That was another fun one. They're very sweet and go through a lot throughout the story, but their relationship with MC will end up being so sweet (imo).
Apologies for the emotions, hehe.
Also, thank you! I'm doing alright overall. Work's keeping me busy, and sometimes my brain just refuses to write, but I'm really happy to be back to it!
#asks#also i'm not cool i promise lol#i'm like...the least cool person i know#not in a self-deprecating way btw#i'm just boring haha#but for real thank you so much <3#i've been looking at this ask all day
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bluh bluh bluh bluh
#borderlands#claptrap#- velveteen pen-scribblings ]#i have insane brainrot rn so here lol#in all honesty i've just been listening to this for the past few days because i got bored with dead meat again. oops#update: as it turned out i posted this on international rabbit day.#- wedposting ]
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Hey there, are you ok?
hey! thank you for checking up on me, this was really sweet!
i SWEAR i did not die. i just got a bit busy doing SladeRobin Week (which i will finish so help me god-) as well as things in my real life. i'm still trying to find the balance of like. fandom creation and working. i am very lucky to have the living situation that i do rn, but it is the sort of schedule where i do have to be ready to watch a baby at really any given point so. it's a tricky balance right now, but i'm going to be active here again! maybe not as many asks answered a day as before, but i want to try to answer like, a few a day and whatnot.
i also think i got briefly overwhelmed, in that i got more asks faster than i answered them. which is the opposite of a problem and something i'm very lucky for! but it did make it difficult for me to keep up and know what to answer next. (this is *not* a discouragement to sending asks! i love them all and pls send as many as you want! i just am a little slow sometimes so i appreciate the patience! <3)
so! i'm back and i'm good, ty for asking! we are back to the regularly scheduled programming <3
#necrotic answerings#this was really sweet anon#like not asking for content. just checking in#made me so soft#also when I initially was going to come back there was you know.#the fucking us election.#and I think it's very fucking clear by the everything about me how I feel about that#I needed a few days to just. handle feelings on all that#also also I started a new show. my partner finally convinced me to watch 911.#so i've been thinking about those lil firefighters.#which. I did make a blog for 911.#haven't posted anything yet! but I made it.#bc godDAMNIT the dead dove scene over there is scarce. fandom full of antis Jesus.#I like a challenge tho. I'm bringing the dead dove to the firefighters not even god can stop me on that one.#I have almost 100 asks to work through.#AND I WILL FINISH THE WHUMP ONES I SWEAR ON MY LIFE PLEASE.#I just had a few weeks of adjustment to both my sister and my brother in law working full time again#I love my darling nephew. but I cannot type and play with him at the same time.#taking care of babies is like. easy until it isn't idk how better to explain it#he will sleep for 4 damn hours and I will be peacefully bored#then he wakes up and wants to fight Jesus.#I don't like kidfic but I could write a good one with this experience by now tbh.
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finally on shift with my friend who got me the job........... we're about to be insufferable
#i'm KIDDING like of course we'll be professional#but it's a very boring job so the staff chats a lot#and i've been there like 2 days so i don't really have much to chat about with the other staff members yet#but my friend and i WILL be yapping all day for sure#🧃
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had to stop taking the new adhd medication but the good news is i can drink coffee and iced tea again
#it's the bright side to every time a medication has failed lol#gotta set up an appointment for alt treatments#pretty sure my insurance doesn't cover counseling and i can't afford it... which is why i've been going for meds#it's one of those things where if i have enough going on in my life i can manage my adhd relatively ok but i'm severely under-stimulated rn#i have too much time on my hands so there's nothing for me to force me to do the things that aren't as interesting as say. fucking around#so the variety of stuff i do keeps narrowing and it just gets worse#so all i really need is a kickstart#which!!!!! if stimulants weren't so hard on my body! would be great!!!#i need structure in my life but setting up structure myself is boring#like yoga is something i LOVE doing but it's still hard to get on the mat even though i used to be able to do it every day#i think that more yoga would definitely help but i don't know how to get myself there#rum.txt
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#svsss#scum villains self saving system#shang qinghua#how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg#I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg#how nice it would be to not exist#everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate#time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times#I haven't felt real in most of those years either#Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times#tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias#I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it#but at the same time I really want to do more too#I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person#and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig#I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg#priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore#idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things#like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything#I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me#I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha#ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so#chug chug going along#I also have to make wushi before I die. haha#god my life is so empty#what am I even doing#I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much#I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more
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my fever's finally going down 😭
with luck I'll have the energy to write or draw sometime today
#i also have the stuff i drew last month that i can post#i know im sick when i can do basically nothing all day and not really feel bored#(i mean. plus the symptoms lol)#I've been doing so much sleeping#anyways now i can take this experience (neg) and find a blorbo to inflict it on :)
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I don't know how you've all experienced the year 2024, but I barely witnessed it, and I've been fighting for my life
#I've been in a constant state of flight and stress#there's been disaster after disaster#I didn't do a lot of fun things#and the things I did#I didn't enjoy very much or I don't remember them#I remember them as a fact (a mark on my calendar) but barely a memory let alone a feeling#I lost motivation for work and I fucked up a lot#my highs and lows have changed six times a day#like biblical proportions mood swings#lots of anger and sadness but they've barely registered either#way too much awareness in the present which was overwhelming but I haven't remembered them afterwards#or it just felt insignificant and boring#lots of doubts about myself lots of questions#it's been one crazy fucking year#usually I have some big grand plan or idea of how I want to do better next year#but now I'm just like ehh#which just raises more questions about wtf is wrong with me :)#haven't had a single day where I didn't wake up with a tension headache or pain in my neck or shoulders#or a single day amongst people where I didn't get agitated angry hurt feeling rejected#which hasn't happened all that much the past ten years so that's crazy#lots of old feelings. that I can handle now. no breakdowns or extreme sadness#it's just weird i dont understand myself at the moment#too lazy to grab my journal#(have been too lazy/bored/tired all year to spend any time on hobbies)#so the big rant goes here#I hope in 2025.... I get to calm the fuck down#i dont have a big plan or idea. I just want peace... and enjoyment...#looking back at my resolutions for 2024 is sad#im like that was me only a year ago what Happened?#personal
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all are started, not sure when each will be complete but i'm updating my works in this order
• bee 11
• necessities 5
• glass heart 2 tied in with an anon request
• another request lol
see hash tags for unhinged explanations cus i've literally been so inactive i miss yall
#i know i've been MIA but i have a lot going on lol#totaled my car & this is not the first time so my insurance is like 800 a month now plus my 500 car payment plus rent but my brothers#is picking up like all the other bills lately and still paying his half of the rent#bless his heart fr#i'm such a mess and i'm managing money horribly im a shopaholic weedaholic alcoholic#lmfaoo so ive been working more with less time to write#bare with me i love you all don't get bored and leave me HAHAHA#chipping away day by day
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can i just be emotional on main for a sec & thank y'all again for sticking with me & supporting my weird little brand here these last few months while i've been like. worse than ever about getting any writing done? just like. hhh. all of u putting up with my shitposts & liking the hcs and whatever else i shove out onto the dash while i'm struggling with energy for replies, and everyone who still wants to plot & develop our dynamics despite me being the WORST at keeping up with dms (& being somehow even worse at being the one to actually initiate dms), and!!!! those of you who continue to indulge me by sending me asks despite the fact that you've been waiting 5 years for me to reply to our thread!!! i appreciate u guys sm, like i don't think u actually understand just how much. i mean this so sincerely: thank you
#writing & chatting with u guys and just shoving our characters together is one of the few things in my life rn that still brings me joy#so it's been really infuriating to be having such a hard time doing it#and that fear of people losing interest or getting bored or annoyed w me because of that struggle doesn't exactly help#it's something i'm working to overcome bc i KNOW those of u who matter are the ones who'll continue to stick around but ajshkfds#idk i've been wading through the existential dread these last few days trying to avoid succumbing to it again & dumb little rp things are#part of what help keep me going. so just like. yeah. thank u sm ;A;#a special shoutout to my newer mutuals too for joining me at a weird time & still sticking around to engage w me despite my slowness#i'm v excited about all of the new dynamics we're building or will eventually build ;u; ♡#anyway. i'll shut up now. sorry for all the blabbering i'm just emotional today and wanted to express my gratitude to all of u ♡♡♡#wanna try to write at some point today but idk if it'll happen or not. we'll see ;~;#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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Hello praying people, I'm not doing well and would really appreciate your prayers right now <3
#long very boring and unnecessarily detailed tag monologue incoming‚ feel free to skip:#this is going to sound like a silly thing to be hitting rock bottom over#but i’m fairly certain i have a semi-rare skin condition known as sensitive skin syndrome#which is basically where skin gets progressively more sensitive#until it won’t tolerate the topical application of anything at all without getting irritated#usually it happens to people on the skin of their face and i have it there but i also specifically have it on my lips#(which apparently is extremely not normal; i found a dermatologist’s case study from like 2019 of one woman who had it on her lips#and according to this case study there were no other cases of people having it on their lips#in all the dermatological literature he had read)#i can’t follow the protocol which all the journal articles i’ve been able to find say is helpful for the rest of the face which is basicall#leave the area the heck alone for at least a year#because if i don’t apply anything to my lips for more than two or three days they will get so dry they crack and bleed#so it’s looking like one way or another i may be having to deal with dry burning irritated lips for the rest of my life#and i’m not dealing with the thought of that very well#i’ve already suffered so much anguish from extreme sensitivity on the rest of my face#and not being able to take proper care of the skin there#and this is just too much for me#i know God is allowing this for a reason but it’s filling me with so much frustration and panic and despair that i don’t know how to go on#but i must and i will#this isn’t a serious or a life-threatening condition but it’s looking like a pretty hopeless one and it’s hurting me badly#and i would appreciate prayers that it would just be healed or that i would know what to do#i think i will try going to my dermatologist but somehow i doubt she's even heard of sensitive skin syndrome#on a COMPLETELY unrelated note i'm just about to get my period and also for two days i've ''eaten'' nothing but vegetable smoothies#and those in pretty small amounts because they're disgusting#(do a detox my hormonal health doctor said)#(it'll be fun she said)#ok if you read this far you're so brave braver than any u.s. marine etc.#thanks for reading ily <3
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had to cancel something I was really looking forward to tomorrow so I thought maybe I'll go to the cinema instead to make myself feel better but there's not even anything good on shall I just off myself
#I'm just really sad.#and I'm so tired. i haven't slept well in weeks and it's really taking it's toll.#and i get triggered every fucking time I'm really getting bored of this#now i can't stop crying and i just feel stupid and it's all stupid and silly.#can i feel normal for even just a day I've had enough of this.#fuck I'm sad. damn it#not that i would even have been up for the cinema for part of the reasons i can't go tomorrow but whatever#whatever I'll just go see maxxxine when it comes out idc if it's not good
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