#i've been so anxious to post this all day!
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Dexter 🧡
A Portrait by The Wandering Astronaut
Medium: Photography, photo editing
This is a portrait I made today of my wonderful cat Dexter! This is my favourite photo of him :)
Decky's story: We met Dexter last June when he was just three months old. He was living in a shelter in Charlestown, a small town in Ireland about an hour from where I live. He was quite an anxious kitten, and hadn't had the easiest start in life. He was neutered far too young, and his whole litter had caught parvovirus. Only him and his brother Titus remained, but that changed a few months later when Titus unfortunately passed away, leaving Decky as the only survivor of the litter. Dexter was also bullied by other cats in the shelter, often robbed of his share of food and attacked without reason. He had become withdrawn, easily startled and wary of people.
My sister absolutely loves cats. My neighbour, a volunteer at the shelter, knew that she craved a kitten in her life, so she offered to take her to the shelter for the day to help out. She had a secret plan. Dexter needed a loving family, and my sister longed for a cat. They needed eachover, and my neighbour took the opportunity to introduce them. I wasn't there when they first met, but my sister tells me he was nervous, but slowly grew more trusting as they spent time together. Over the now 8 months I've known him, it's been so heartwarming to watch him come out of his shell and become the sweet, mischievous and friendly boy I know and love :)
That's all! If you'd like me to create a portrait for your pet, feel free to get in touch! Commisions are always welcome and are a huge support to me :)
Thanks for stopping by ♥️
🐈
P.S.
Want a free pet portrait? I do a giveaway once per week :) I'll pick someone at random!
To enter:
Like and reblog this post
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Comment your pets name :)
Taking part in this is a massive help to me and I really appreciate everyone who does! Thank you ♥️
A winner is chosen every Sunday!
#cute cats#cats of tumblr#cats#pet portrait#photography#photo editing#portrait#animals#custom portrait#custom art#art commisions#cute#cute gifts#art#artists on tumblr#custom pet portrait#orange cat#pets of tumblr#pets#storytelling#story#shelter#cat adoption#wholesome#artwork#gift ideas#pet memorial#cat story#journey#character
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In 1920s San Myshuno, it was difficult to find a man who hadn't been mesmerized by the seductive young socialite known only as Lily - and even more difficult to find one who'd lived to tell the tale. She seemed to flit carelessly from one promising young gentleman to the next, serving as muse to an up-and-coming commercial artist at the beginning of the night and murmuring sweet nothings into the ear of the Spice District's most talented pianist by the end. Curiously enough, few paused in their revelry long enough to wonder why these men so abruptly disappeared after flaunting Lily on their arms. The contraband absinthe that flowed freely in the city's underground establishments is likely to blame.
- "Chapter 5: The Mysterious Cal and Lily" from Tangled Vines: A Complete Investigation of the Vatore Disappearances
Huge thank you to @surely-sims @doctorsimcraft and @lumenniveus for letting me test this stunning and swanky collection (and also insert a bit of my vampire nonsense). Go grab it immediately!
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 story#sims 4 story#story: hzid#the zhaoverse#lilith vatore#blood tw#death tw#i've been so anxious to post this all day!#and of course i left the usb with the screenshots at home#so had to spend a long boring work day just thinking about them 😭#but this set is truly marvelous and my mediocre decorating skills do not do it justice!#like i had no idea how to set up all the bar pieces 🤯#but it was so fun to play with!#and i always appreciate an excuse to bring back '20s lilith (who is now truly immortalized thanks to surely ❤️)#also literally every outfit in this post is by happylifesims bless them!
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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I fucked up
#Is it socially acceptable to write a comment to a fic that is longer than the fic 😭😭😭#Is it socially acceptable to write a comment that is longer than the 10000 ao3 character limit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm so so embarrassed right now. This is why I've been struggling to write comments for a year now.#It's because every time I really like a fic I end up with an essay that takes hours to days to make#I'm so sorry to all the authors I've neglected commenting because of this I swear I'll try to do better in the future.#But right now I'm miserably failing. Man I put myself in a mess#Can someone please reassure me on this I'm feeling really insecure and I don't want to make the author uncomfortable.#Or genuinely tell me it's too much if it's too much#Fun fact the first comment I've ever written I was 16 and never ended up commenting because it breached the character limit too.#And 16 me was too much of an anxious mess to post it. And I probably still am#I'm so sorry ray/emma actors au fic I loved you so much.#Please don't ask what the fic is it's a relatively old one and this is already wholly embarrassing by its own for me#But to give you an idea of the proportions I'm talking about a 3k+ comment for a 2k fic ಥ_ಥ#random rambles#To all the authors my lack of self control has kept me from commenting to their fics: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm
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chat help I may or may not have gotten my friend and by extension my whole class in trouble by accident help
I didn't even go to school today 😭😭😭
#art#digital art#my art#artwork#my persona#I'm genuinely so concerned tho 😭#Like I've been anxious all day holy shit 😭😭😭#And yes my commissions are open look at my pinned post if u are interested they are also free 😔💅✨️#I've gotta promote my work bro ain't no anxiety gonna hold me back 💃💅✨️
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damn. this is genuinely the only space on the internet where I feel completely at peace.
#this sounds like such a FIRST WORLD PROBLEM but i've genuinely been having so many issues being online post-green day#my world kind of exploded and idk how to handle it#like my face is EVERYWHERE it's actually extremely overwhelming but i know this 5 minutes of fame is stupid and vain and won't last forever#plus i feel like i took too long of a break on my fandom blog and now idk what to do with myself there#i was never really good at fandom and it lowkey feels like tumblr fandom has migrated to discord#which is :/ because i don't have the spoons for that it's so fast paced and triggers my anxiety way too much#and i don’t have the brain power or motivation for any of my wips so it’s just. UGHHHHHHH#i’m barely free anymore since work has a chokehold on my life and when i am free i get too anxious to be online so i’ve just been a wreck :(#so IDK i guess this is all to say: thank you to the folks who stuck around on this account for my louis <3#i don't expect to be around much this month what with all the Spooky Season festivities but this acct is the best place to find me for now#*【 ❛I'm not the spirit of any age. ❜ 】 ➤ OOC
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i wanna talk about how... i had my last class today and we presented our final projects and everyone was so nice about my song and my teachers gave me 18 out 20 and i was surprised because even tho they literally mentioned that they think art should not be graded simply because it's subjective and all, i don't think i've ever had a grade this high on really anything ever? so i really felt very proud of myself on that moment but LATER ON... they asked us individually what we thought of this course and funny enough... i was the last one to talk about my experience and i said that i felt very fulfilled because i never did collaborative work with people before and i learned so much from my classmates! ever since the first day i felt so welcome and since i'm an introvert it's very hard for me to feel comfortable with a group of people immediately and so i was very grateful for that and as i got to talk with all of them individually about music i always felt like i was on the right track and this is honestly what i wanna do because in the end, this career with bring me a connection with people that i never really had until now with any of my friendships and so i'm very grateful but other than that... i also said that if they wanted to reach out to me and collab and do music with me i would always be available and honestly i don't even know how i could be that straightforward it was a first for me i was like wow i really did that??? and they agreed and it made me so happy and especially because i wanna keep being friends with these people like i was on the way there and i thought that i didn't want to not want to see them again after today and hopefully we would keep in touch for anything and we keep being in community hopefully so yeah... i never thought i would feel comfortable to even ask people to keep in touch and actually mean it and hopefully that our friendship will grow over time
#this is long but it's mostly for me#because it's been hours since i've been home#and i even told my parents all of this#but there hasn't been a day that i didn't come from class every week#that i wasn't excited about something so excited that i posted abt it here#or told my parents about it#i remember there was a time i talked a bit about all of my classmates to my mom#THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS CLASS AND THIS PEOPLE#i don't think i've ever felt this way#so much so that i'm sharing on tumblr 😭#i feel like getting into my 20s things can get lonely#and i've been friendless since like i was 18#and so this is the first time in forever i feel hopeful about friendships#and the fact that it might happen because of music#is even better#because that always brings me solace is also#bringing me friendship after so long so it's great#i'm also hopeful for the future literally yesterday i was kinda anxious#bc idk what will happen from now i'll be looking for a job#and for gigs here and there#but i don't feel anxious anymore after today i'm excited#there are a lot of possibilities and it's great 🥹#so yeah very exciting eheh#tris.txt
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aughhhh. aughhhhhjhhhh
#everhoneignore this post classic rant post i don't have real problems everyone can move along#truly have had such a bad couple of days here and i am not even close to finishing the assignments i need to finish in welding being in#clsss makes me want to quit and die i don't know why i'm so slow i don't know why everyone else can intuit this stuff and improve and#understand how to do it and im always always falling behind if i could try harder wouldn't i be able to do that ive got no drive to push#myself at all i guess i like the english and i can do the physics i thought i at least liked drafting and metals fabrication but i feel so#stupid everything i do makes me feel so stupid and my teacher talks to me like i'm always doing everything wrong when i do some classroom#ettiquette breaches that everyone else does too and i can't get myself to go to sleep on time can't get myself to go in early i have hours#and hours and hours and i blink and it's gone and i've done nothing i should've welded today and gone in early to draft but i didn't because#im stupid and im slow and i can't do anything right i have always been able to square away a little bit of pride on being precise on doing#things well because people are always telling me that i am but i am below average here i just can't do things right and i feel like everyone#hates me and thinks i'm obnoxious and i don't know how to interface with my class or my teacher or how to improve or how to be less anxious#and i feel even stupider for that because i am so stuck up not being able to deal with even a little bit of failure or issue or hardship#and everyone around me is sick all my classmates and people in my dorm are sick im sure it's covid they haven't said it's covid but none of#them would test and i've been wearing a mask again but im certainly been exposed to it already and no one else is wearing a mask anyway so#what difference does it even make and i can hear them coughing in my dorm and in the classroom and when i go to get food and i miss seeing#my friends from philly and everuthing will be terrible forever and ever#alex talks
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#;ooc#(i will admit i've been somewhat anxious to be on tumblr here bc i feel like.......sort of a failure in a way)#(i feel like im not producing enough art or fics or edits or memes or gifsets and it stresses me out when its silly!)#(ive been in the sharpe fandom for 7 years now when it was mostly just me and sam so its definitely like oh god. what do i have to show for#it)#(i dont have to /prove/ i love this series by making all these things. i think abt teresa and the sharpe series every goddamn day)#(i can do things at my own pace but lord it takes too long)#(i need to go back and fix my old fics bc i want to fix characterizations- i want to post my current art#(i want to post all my gifsets currently in my drafts)#(i love seeing everyone's stuff on the dash but ive avoided a lot of tumblr so im not ignoring anyone!! just being too mean to myself tbh)#(adhd and chronic fatigue and depression make it all the more difficult but i shouldnt let that stop me)#(in the meantime i finished a mockup of one of teresa's dresses- very excited with how lovely it came out)#(i've also made significant process on my drawings of teresa's outfit lineups!! new and old designs)#(and i just started a piece yesterday that i'm really loving so far- my favorite spanish ladies all together)#(i also have some sharpe and antonia doodles that i was working on...)#(anyways. just wanted to get that off of my chest)#(and also FINALLY started working on three different fics that i've had as ideas for literal YEARS)#(they're not that far in but. PROGRESS!)#(anyways......ignore me sdfsdfgsdf)
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Ok
#kinda vent post cause ive been anxious ever since we got coffee this evening#I promise I'm not trying to be weird or anything. I'm just#I just really don't want to screw this up. I know we spent almost the last year avoiding each other#And I know things between us were rocky for a bit before that#and I hope I'm not overwhelming you. I know things won't be better overnight#I know we've distanced so much and theres so much awkward history there. I know things are different now#And I respect that. I respect your relationship and your new life. I'm not trying to impose or make you uncomfortable#I'm just anxious and tbh scared an nervous too. I don't want to fuck this up. If theres a chance for us to be close friends again I want it#Im so so so scared of fucking it up. I feel like I forgot how to be friends & after the way I left things Im scared that I lost my chance#I'm scared that it's not gonna work and that a permanent goodbye is in our future. I'm scared that you won't want me around after all#I would understand if that became the case.. but I really don't want that#I cant text you this without seeming like an overbearing clingy anxious mess of an ex but ive been on the verge of a panic attack all night#just for the fear that I'm fucking up already somehow. Just the fear that this isn't going to work and I shouldn't even try#I think I spent so long avoiding you that now I don't know what to do with myself. But I'm trying to be normal#I promise I dont have any motives other than missing a really great friendship and being tired of missing friends#And maybe I still have a ways to go in the emotional healing department but I think I'm ok enough to try. I've been ok for a while now#If you see this please know that I mean every word. If you never see it thats ok because I just need to get it off my chest before I burst#I don't want to scare you off or lose you again. if thats what it comes to then know I'll always miss and appreciate you for all my days#Thats all. Ive been a ball of nerves all evening & I just needed to air this out cause having this weight sitting on my chest is too much#emma rambles#personal#vent post
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The cognitive function is not functioning, I think
#ramblings of a lunatic#feels like i make a million posts like this in a week but I can't. help it there's sand in my brain#idk if it's. brain fog??? can i claim brainfog. i saw someone say it's a chronic illness + adhd term#that's been misused by the general public so idk if i even have the right impression of it. also i feel like I'm going insane#I'm fully functional but everytime I'm left alone with my thoughts (which is most of the day) i feel like I'm rotting by overthinking#that sentence i said above about not knowing who's able to claim brainfog feels like it should be deranged on some level#but I'm overthinking and that's the kind of thing I'm overthinking.#im also thinking about how my overthinking isn't even the worst overthinking I've witnessed so really it's not overthinking#that's also a deranged sentence i feel#just. I'm tired all of the time. and i have no way 2 fix that. and i think it's all getting to my brain and I'm not. feeling awesome bout it#it's makin me anxious about my ability to Think and Be Smart and Capable and it's freaking me#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i might make a sandwich soon. it won't fix everything and im not long after dinner but like. it might help
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(Jacobsbadwig) with all due respect, when the fuck did you get back! I missed you!
never left, only reincarnated :)
#i missed you too!!!!!! how's the fanfic going???? well i hope :)#it has been a Time#my burnout & mental illness got the better of me. i intended on divorcing myself from fandom & deleting my blog#i wanted to make myself as small as possible so i could spend whatever energy i had on work and drugs#i was afraid my presence was negatively affecting the fandom at best & contributing nothing at worst#it didn't feel like there was any place for me anymore - not because of anything anyone said or did but bc#many posts i made i no longer agreed w/ & bc i was too burnt out to write new theories i figured no one would notice or care i was gone#so i got super drunk and deleted everything#people contacted me about my blog but i was too anxious to reply#bc i didn't want to admit i had made a mistake#i kept the handle in case i ever wanted to post#but for a long time i had nothing to say about twilight outside of what my fanfiction had to say about it#i lurked for a while & at the end of the day i missed the community that came with participating in fandom#really tho - what helped was quitting my crushing job and taking several months to travel around the pacific northwest#(burnout is REAL!!!!!!)#and the admin of the twilight Discord server recognizing my handle & taking the time to talk to me - which was very sweet of them#plus - i am rereading Eclipse for the fanfic rewrite and began to have Thoughts#tbh i've been finding it amazing that anyone ever noticed i left or remembered my handle! im kinda blown away#anyway here's all the information you never asked for LMAO#i am happy to be back in the circle :)#cheers to you#<3
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well, now my dad's sister is in the hospital ... she was technically dead for about 20 minutes ...
they have to wait 72 hours to see how her brain is going to react before they can really do or know anything further.
i feel so weird about all this. i know my parents and their siblings are at that age where things just start to happen but oh my god it's awful
idk how we're going to even tell my dad honestly. he'll mostly understand but that might vary from one minute to the next.
god i hope she'll be alright but i think we all can get that like. 20 minutes is a long time to be dead and get brought back.
#whiny baby post#tw death#this is just like awful awful awful#and my mom and i have felt so off all day today#and i've been super anxious and not known why at all#it's just heartbreaking for both of my parents' siblings to be going through real emergency situations#and it makes me so fucking worried about my mom
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ah okay apparently we've reached the time of night where we start to feel really weird and not great but I guess the best thing to do is just go over our self care checklist and if all else fails, lay down and try to get cosy and rest for a while to see if that helps
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#admittedly I forgot just how much doing lots of activities through the day wears us out even if it's ''low energy'' stuff like reading#I still feel mostly alright. it's just that weird anxious/empty/homesick feeling we tend to get between roughly 11pm and 1am#I think doing a lot of different things also feels very different to our normal routine and that was fine throughout the day#but then I think once it gets to this time of night we're worn out and can't do much#so the shift from doing a lot to doing very little combined with the house suddenly being very quiet from people going to bed#probably does something similar to when you've been out all day and then get home and it's quiet and you suddenly feel empty and weird#it's that feeling of ''wow so much happened and I've had a great time but now it's quiet and I'm alone and suddenly I don't feel good''#oh look I think I figured out what our brain's doing by rambling in the tags again... huh
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YES!!!!THIS!!!!
Remember that if you want to do more of something, you have to do less of something else. It's that time of year where people set goals for the new year and they have plans and hopes and it's always focusing on what they want to do more of. More studying, more exercise, more crafting, more socialising, more making things from scratch. Okay, great. What are you going to do less of in order to have the time and energy to do more of those things you really want to do?
#YES. THANK YOU.#I see all these posts and they make me anxious with how many extra things people suddenly demand from themselves#I saw one in particular that was like 'in 2025 I hope you read more books and meet more people and take more time off...' and on and on#and while there is nothing wrong with the post it just felt like I was being given a list of homework that I could fail at#this post is so good though. and also something I desperately needed someone to shove in my face from ages 6 to 26.#unmedicated ADHD will have you thinking the only reason you haven't solved world hunger is because you haven't dedicated yourself enough#I don't set new goals around this time of year. so I will just continue with the ones I have.#original#I want to do more art. and I'd like to do less of being frozen by indecision and physical pain. so I've been working on developing#sustainable routines for my day that include body work and time set aside for art and adulting#today was a partial success. i was not fully functional until like 3pm but i did get stuff done.#fav#also as someone pointed out in the notes on this post you can't just do less of your human need to rest and recuperate.
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Hm. I am getting the distinct feeling that either revanced broke or some apps are doing smth real shitty
#rat rambles#anyways guess who's youtube completely stopped working#It's fine I can watch on browser but it's still very annoying#And the tumblr thing is even more annoying hense why I've been like completely off of tumblr recently#Maybe the universe is telling me to take an Internet break but like I have just been starting to feel a bit better#My family got a new dog the other day btw not relevant to the rest of this post but her name is karla and she's a very anxious doggy#I'm just waiting for laundry rn so that's why I'm posting at all lol#Might have to switch to posting from my laptop soon if things don't get unfucked#Which wouldnt be the end of the world but sure as hell would be annoying#Idk maybe it'll motivate me to finally make a proper blog theme#Idk what Id do for a blog theme tho tbh#An oni theme would be rly fun but it would also probably age poorly (as in the second I get into smth new)#So maybe an oc theme?#That could be fun#Not sure what characters Id use but maybe mascot and/or midas#Idk but chances of me actually doing it anytime soon are slim#Rly if I'm gonna customize anything more it's gonna be my toyhouse page#Oh also good news I'm going to do a pet sitting job for my aunt and uncle at some point#It'll be like 3 weeks I think and I'll be getting paid 700 buckeroos if I'm remembering correctly#I already have a lot of thoughts of how I'm going to spend it even if I should probably try to save at least some of it#There's just a lot of ppl who could use that money more and better than me and I don't wanna be stingy during times like this#I have also might buy like a new game since I've been interested in playing smth new#There has been one game I've been eyeing for a while and I have a mutual who likes it a lot but idk if I'm ready for new blorbos yet#But oldie or whatever her name was calls to me. She tempts me so#I'm open to other game recommendations tho just know that I'm gonna be picky on more story heavy games#Again I'm not exactly on the hunt for new blorbos rn and getting new story hyperfixations is scary to me lol
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