#i'm too tired to be more coherent

[malepresentingleg]

We've always been confused about the Step by Step timeline but this episode really took the cake for me hsdlskfsfj apologies for the nitpicking but it really is because I saw SO much potential in it and I love the characters and the acting so much🥺

We FINALLY got an official explicit "2 years later", couldn't you add a few more of these? 😭

So in the first episode or so Pat mentions he's 25, then a couple of episodes ago he had his bday which I assumed was his 26th. Then this episode, 2 years later he celebrated his birthday (I assumed 28th) and on what I thought was a few days later he told Jeng's mom he's gonna "turn 26 this October" which is an odd thing to say right after your (28) birthday ksjfsfsd

The morning after the embarrassing singing Pat doesn't remember their chat in the kitchen? but they're being so normal around each other? Then how much time passes in the relationship it's so unclear!! We get both their bdays ig?

Did they have them break up just so we'll get another honeymoon phase? Because really, they could have just let them stay happy instead of doing that without showing us anything changed that would allow this relationship to work this time around,.,

The back and forth in Pat and Jeng 's relationship was jarring af but ahh well they WERE cute at the end and I did like their playfulness..

Jeng's dad's evil refusal to let him quit... yeah let's ignore that and not mention it ever again after that meaningful trash throwing : )

OH and with all the discussions about Jeng being the eldest and expectations.. are we all just ignoring their older sister??? There was a whole episode about how sweet Jeng is with his niece but I guess she stopped existing?

Put being pat's in ex who? let's involve him in all the discussions about his relationship with jeng.

Jen and Jaab???? I don't even have anything to say, except maybe I'm kinda glad we didn't get a whole arc of them this episode bc idc 😬

Ae and Chot- iconic as ever I love them, them eating the nuggets is something that can be so personal.

Pat and Jeng's outfits this episode? also iconic.

[herefortheships]

Why do you think he fell in love with Lydia? see, it's much stronger than it was for Dolores, I'm not going to ask when because it would be complicated Bj and Lydia have such opposite personalities

Love this question! And to be honest, ever since I watched BJBJ I've been wondering about this. Because, to me, at least when I first watched the movie, I got to the conclusion that he must have fallen in love with her over the years; that he never had any true romantic inclinations towards Lydia in the first movie. So I had to wonder, what changed?

This answer got long... So I'll put a little summary, Tl;Dr answer here: I think there's an in-canon reason he fell for her and a meta reason why Tim Burton and co decided to make Betelgeuse be in love with Lydia in canon. The in-canon reason: Opposites attract. She is exactly his type: a dark, mysterious beauty. Plus her calm demeanor suits his unhinged nature. Their energies play nicely off each other, completing and balancing each other in a way no one else could, whether Lydia realizes it now or not. Lydia also never seemed to mind ugly, scary, dark things, and Betelgeuse is kind of all of that. At some point he grew fond of her and started needing this sweet, dark beauty in his (after)life. The meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse are a favorite "Burton Couple", almost right there with Jack and Sally, at least to a LOT of people.

Now to the long answer, because I totally always write a lot (below the read more cut bc this one got pretty long):

I think to properly answer why he fell in love with her, I do need to get into the when. And this is where I might have to put a "trigger warning" just in case, since I will touch upon how he felt towards Lydia in the first movie, when she was a teenager. Anyone uncomfortable with that needs to click away now. We're going to analyze this with the context and nuance of Betelgeuse's backstory. Context and nuance tend to be overlooked a LOT when the purity factions of fandom want to impose moral superiority upon other members of the fandom, so maybe placing the "trigger warning" may not be enough, but, anyway, you've been warned about the topics of this post.

The context and nuance: Betelgeuse, when alive, lived in the time of the bubonic plague, this means he was alive during the 1300s, presumably in Italy. At that time, marrying a 15-16 year old was socially acceptable and normal. Heck, even younger than that (as unacceptable as that seems to us today in our modern times). So it wasn't that strange as it is today. The reason is that people often didn't get to live past 30. The average, oldest age of death around the time was 60 years old. It was also common for men of the time (and where Betelgeuse lived in Italy, and Europe, as I’m reading in these articles) to marry much later than women, as in it was common for men in their 30s and 40s to marry a 14 year old (which I believe is even younger than Lydia was in that movie, not sure). All of that is in that article. That depends entirely on social ranking though; if he was lower class often people married for convenience and I'm not sure but I think age wasn't a factor to consider when people were struggling. In Europe even in the 1800s you'd see age gaps in marriages. //Edit: and America! For some reason my brain when I wrote this at midnight thought Poe was European 💀.// Edgar Allan Poe married a 13 year old when he was 27, for example (which I totally find super weird, personally, but at their time it wasn't a super weird thing as it is today, as far as I've read; it was also normal to marry a cousin around that time in the upper class and upper middle class, or so I've seen). Was Tim Burton aware? Who knows. But at least I'm putting this out there as the context why it isn't weird for Betelgeuse the character to see a teenager as someone of marrying age. We also know he didn't want to marry her in the first movie because he was in love with her; she was a means to an end, more than anything, regardless of any interest he had in her due to her looks etc.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way we can keep talking. Even though I joined the Beetlebabes fandom only after the second movie, and shipping these two characters never once crossed my mind throughout the years of me watching the first movie, after some thought and after rewatching the movie with the knowledge of where the story goes after the events of that movie, I can definitely see that Betelgeuse became interested in Lydia ever since the first movie, and also why he's head over heels for her in the present.

Even though I still think he fell in love over the years after the events of the first movie, I think he became smitten with her since the first movie. Here's why he fell for her: For starters, she is a dark and mysterious beauty, and that seems to be his type (look at Delores, also a dark beauty). We can actually see the moment he first shows interest in her in the first movie, when he saw her while in his snake form. She was the only one he did not hurt. He only stared at her, almost like he was taken aback by her. When Barbara banishes him back to the model, we have that little moment when he mentions he feels the only one he can make a deal with in that house is "Edgar Allan Poe's daughter", meaning Lydia. And we have the little horny joke, so if you wanna throw that one in there as evidence he became interested in her here, then sure you can. As this happens directly after he's seen Lydia face to face... Rember the context above before you want to call him a pdfler or something... please. He is Not.

Then later when she meets him in his real form, she doesn't seem startled or scared that she's in the presence of a demon/ghost. In fact, she just simply asks him "are you a ghost, too?" and that's when he starts making some conversation. He realizes she can see him and communicate with him. You can tell at this point he is intrigued by her. She is the only one he's shown a sort of sensitivity to in the entire movie. He asks her "why?" when she says she wants to go in to the after life (essentially, that she wants to di e). He doesn't try anything naughty with her; instead, next time he sees her when she asks for his help, he proposes the marriage.

Now, at the time I don't think he loved her or even cared much about her; at this time he just wanted out and here was an eligible woman, who was not only beautiful and available, she could also see him and needed his help, which he used as his way to try to get out of the afterlife. I think once they got rid of him, and he realized he could still connect with her over the years, his interest in her grew and he started really growing fond of her until inevitably he fell in love.

Lydia is physically his type, but there's also a calmness to her that plays against his unpredictable, unhinged personality. She's someone who can balance him, and he's someone she could hold on to; there's an energy in him that she can use. Of course Lydia doesn't yet see how she'd be compatible with someone like him, but from an outsider's perspective, they really compliment each other's personalities. She's calm and quiet; he's crazy and loud. She's reserved; he's outgoing. She's a dark cloud; he's high-energy, like sunshine. Etc. Opposites attract. 💚

Now finally, the meta reason: Lydia and Betelgeuse seem to be a favorite "Burton couple" not only to Tim Burton himself (and the cast of the movie themselves!) but also to a great number of people. There's people who grew up watching the Beetlejuice cartoon series and didn't even watch the first movie, who for years had the idea that these two characters actually adore each other. There were people who were going in to watch this movie with that context only. And there were even people who were going to watch the sequel as their introduction to Beetlejuice (like my mom's best friend, for example! She loved the sequel but has NEVER watched the first movie nor the cartoon. She also wanted Betelgeuse and Lydia to end up together after watching this one, by the way). From a meta perspective, Lydia and Betelgeuse are just a fan favorite couple and an inseparable pair. So partly the choice to make it canon that at least he is absolutely in love with her comes from this expectation that many people had for these two characters. It just feels natural; they're just an iconic Burton pair.

[wizardofahz]

Saw a Criminal Minds gifset and suddenly started thinking about canon vs. fanon JJ.

TL; DR: Fanon JJ is the facade canon JJ puts on to hide trauma.

(This discusses JJ's sister, so content warning for suicide)

The obvious starting point for understanding JJ's characterization is her sister's suicide. That's a traumatic event for anyone, and even more so for an eleven year old child. So it's quite understandable that JJ decides she will do whatever she can to avoid experiencing hurt like that again.

In episode 3.17, JJ tells Will about their relationship, "I didn't want to tell anyone because the minute I do it becomes real, and when it becomes real, people get hurt, and I've always run from getting hurt. Always."

But JJ didn't only lose her sister.

In episode 14.12, JJ's mom admits, "I got so caught up in all my troubles that I forgot there was another little girl under my roof who had just lost her sister. You needed me, and I wasn't there."

At eleven years old, JJ was a traumatized child without a support system. So she learned to rely on herself. Other people were just avenues for hurt, and she decided that wasn't worth it.

All of which leads to this confession from JJ in the season 14 finale: "There are only four people I trust in this world."

My three non-negotiables are Will, Hotch, and Emily. The fourth is between Reid and Garcia, but I lean towards the former given Garcia's penchant for invading people's privacy.

Even if anyone disagrees with that list, there's not a lot of room for choice. At any given time, the BAU usually has seven members, and given the amount of turnover they've had, JJ hasn't learned to trust most of them.

Do they know that? They probably know her facade masks trauma, but I doubt they know the extent of it. There's a reason that episode starts with the team playing poker, and JJ showing Reid he doesn't know her as well as he thinks he does.

So let's talk about that facade. In contrast to Reid, who wears his trauma on his sleeve, JJ buries hers as deeply as she can. She takes care of the people around her, and while it's not disingenuous, it's part of a prettily painted reinforced fortress wall that says, "hey, look at me, such a put-together person that doesn't have problems of my own, so I can help with yours."

And it does the job because it has fandom fooled too.

[sharpsuite]

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT - SUIT OBSERVATION

While rewatching the Jack of Hearts game, I've noticed the suit a main character in a SPECIFIC ROUND often falls into one of two categories when we can see it. ( It's fairly applicable to minor characters too, but not all of them. ) Generally in the scene it is the skill actively being utilized by the player. But there is a time it changes. When a player is going to DIE it is often the suit that is OPPOSITE of what traits the player going to die has been displaying in the scene / round. I emphasize main character in a round because this isn't true if the character only has a brief moment in a round. But let's use some examples, shall we?

I'll add it as a read more because there will be lots of screenshots. And I can't study every death or suit in a round simply because some rounds have more context and interactions than others and/or we don't get to see it.

ROUND 1

the game immediately starts off with this trend because BANDA's suit is a club suit ; you wouldn't know this in the first watch through, but Banda was USING team effort as a way to drastically cut down those who might be the Jack. ( Not many people would approach me. And if you tried to kill me, you were either scheming, just a plain idiot, a psychopath, or a sociopath. To figure that out, I decided to play along and be your partner. ) . Meanwhile Urumi, who has hearts, immediately launches her long-term plan of taking people out via groups and emotional manipulation. We don't visibly see Yaba's but his is said to be a diamond and he was using intelligence to warn not to trust random people when some of the side characters started to blindly ask the nearest person without and basis of trust ( before Urumi's group formed. ) Chishiya's is a diamond too and he was displaying his usual intellect approach with Ippei in this round.

ROUND 2

this is our first example of the opposite suit signaling death. Now obviously, none of the suits are actually EXACT opposites. GENKI here is using physical force and VIOLENCE to get an answer, which is what I would put into spades given it is physical. But his suit is a diamond. And diamonds generally (Niragi being an outlier for known players) take the logical approach which is generally seen as an opposite to physical.

ROUND 3

Urami uses logic to persuade people to justify killing Akefumi, the one Banda told to lie to Genki. Akefumi however gets hearts. Now, hearts are generally the games with the most deaths. HE is trusting others, HE is playing like a clubs player in this round and victim to hearts manipulation (in this case, Urami's approach). Clubs is more likely everyone (or more people) will survive whereas hearts is more likely only ONE will survive. Hence, Hearts is the opposite of how he as a clubs attitude in this round is playing.

ROUND 4

we don't see many this round. interestingly enough, Shinobu WASN'T lied to in this round and yet the opposite death flag still raises. ( Sort of, diamonds and hearts tend to be very similar but opposites in some ways. Hearts specializing with emotions while diamonds do not, or only at a theoretical level) She was told HEARTS, which it is. But by this point, Shinobu is taking a diamonds approach of logic - Urami has gotten several people killed so Shinobu CAN'T trust her. Which is logical - and in a way made her a victim to hearts manipulation similar to Akefumi. The emotional impact is shaking her. ADDITIONALLY, the other 2 tell her clubs, as if they are a team. But she's ALONE in this round with no group (and i personally tend to put spades as a more INDIVIDUAL game in general) Hence, in a way, she bought the lie of clubs despite being in a more spades situation.

UNKNOWN ROUND + ROUND 10

Urami has hearts and she's using emotional manipulation in this round again, so once again - showcasing what she's using. But we also almost have her be told Diamonds instead, which the two are generally posed as OPPOSITES for this specific game. However in round 10 she declares it's spade when it ISN'T, because she was killed by a group effort. ( I don't believe we see it in this round - but I like to theorize it was clubs.)

ROUND 12

Poor Ippei is having an emotional breakdown - and yet he has DIAMOND for this round. Like I said above, while fairly similar, diamonds and hearts are generally opposite for the sake of this game. And you could take emotional intelligence (hearts) vs logical-mathematical intelligence (diamonds). Chishiya however has hearts. We all know this man isn't great with emotions - but it is rather embodying of Chishiya's habit to gravitate towards people like Arisu and Ippei and use them. He does ACKNOWLEDGE Ippei's at a breaking point by saying he's had a blessed life to believe people are good and telling him to just hang in there a bit longer. While true because it also helps him, it does go well with Chishiya's comment post-shootout scene of saying he uses good & kind people for his gain. This right here is that. Ippei is a sunshine puppy who immediately clung to Chishiya and Chishiya....well, he's Chishiya.

ROUND 13

At this point the suits don't matter as much since only Shiga dies. She has HEART but is trying to play clubs using both Yaba and Enji ( This time we have a LITERAL example of what happened with Akefumi in round 3 ) We see Enji has spades because he's become more individualistic now that it's down to the finale ; his teaming up is at its end. Yaba has clubs because he's already established a new truce with Banda. Banda has hearts because he's messing with Enji at this point, Enji believes he has Banda trapped when really its HIM being played for the fool thanks to Banda's acting. And Chishiya is a diamond, back to using cold logic throughout the round when he's approaching people, giving hard facts ( Banda being a murderer, Yaba being a con artist, etc. etc. ) as well as being able to narrow down his options for what the suit might be ( he knows it can't be a heart because he was a heart the previous round so he know Enji lied, Shiga hesitated and avoided answering hence no clubs, so down to spades and diamonds and instinct. but i don't doubt there was likely math & there's plenty of explainations for how Chishiya managed this. )

Anyways....I just thought this was a super interesting observation that sometimes applies to the side characters in rounds but seemed FAIRLY consistent in the game. Maybe a stretch or two but it was a fun little observation and I hope you all enjoyed it!

[tokusatsu-birb]

Arc good Arc good Arc good

They continue to go off on the camera work

I'm excited that Arc himself talked, I miss my chatty ultras.

All the suites looked really good, I like how classic and simple Arc's design is

And so far all the characters are really fun

I'm excited to see where this series goes

[star--anon]

Minho and Thomas chatting about future plans for Paradise. Minho sitting on the edge of Thomas' bed as Thomas prepares for the night, drying out his hair, slipping into pajamas (AKA less dirty clothes), etc.

He takes his shirt off at some point, and Minho doesn't bother pretending not to stare.

Minho gets a little more awkward as the conversation continues, which Thomas notices but decides not to mention. He chalks it up to the fact that his only clean trousers are juuuust a little short.

The truth becomes clear when Thomas gets into bed and Minho doesn't leave. Just kind of stares awkwardly. Keeps trying to talk about fortification measures, but in the least casual tone possible.

Thomas finally guesses that Minho wants to spend the night (after fifteen minutes of asking "What are you doing?" and Minho going "I dunno what you're talking about") and lifts up the blankets.

Minho mutters something about "If you insist, I guess I can sleep with you tonight" and Thomas just scoffs.

[disillusionedjudge]

((something something, nature vs nurture with Gylfie acting more like Takrin than Theodric

[syn4k]

i know being a human being takes recharge time but im so out of practice with being gentle to myself!!!!! i want to live and move and laugh so loud and live up to my name and remind people of the sun!!!!!!!!! i want so desperately to be filled with color and light and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but instead when i get home i have to crash in bed and im too tired to do the things i love and im still grumpy and i keep forgetting to be nice to myself and its just so hard. i want to be poetry. i want to reduce my entire life to one of those sunswept june evenings where the wind smells like your soul and stay there forever. but its so much harder to romanticize the tired sighs and the ink stained fingers and the messy room and the head down headphones on isnt it? theres beauty in the mundane somewhere but my vision is stuck in an exhausted blurry greyscale

[offendedteaspoon]

30-Day Narnia Challenge

Day 22: What is your opinion on Aslan's character?

Not sure if this means character as in moral quality, or just Aslan as a character in general. But he's alright either way. I love his tender interactions with all the characters and I especially love the absolute banger quotes that come out of those interactions. The only real issue I have is that... he's often a little on the wimpy side tbh? I don't dislike him by any means, but for someone who's supposed to literally be Jesus, he's often not very compelling to me. (Perhaps the book illustrations are at least slightly to blame? because he just looks more powerful in the films. Lewis was right— Pauline Baynes really couldn't draw lions. 😂) But despite that, Aslan is still a great illustration of some aspects of Jesus and I keep trying to know him better by his name in this world. ☺️

[byanyan]

endearing myself to my own oc tonight thinking about lil baby 13 y/o byan who's finally switched to using only they/them pronouns and finally able to experiment more with feminine clothing and makeup, and they're really excited about it but don't really know what they're doing yet? they're learning most if not all of this stuff on their own with no real guidance, so they're clumsy and they stumble a lot while they're trying to get the hang of it all - there are a lot of poorly blended makeup looks done with an unpracticed, heavy hand, a lot of messy attempts at hairstyles as their hair grows out for the first time ever, and a lot of outfits that are too much or the colours clash or the styles just don't quite mesh... they look pretty messy a lot of the time, but they're having so much fun.

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

So someday I’ll have brainpower and be able to make the masterpost I want of the similarities between my boys but for now I’m exhausted and braindead and I’m here to tell you how similar Hector from Coco and Dustfinger from Inkheart/Spell are

- Traveling performer, left their families and never came back through no fault of their own

- Unwillingly transported to another world (death counts as being transported unwillingly I feel)

- Left their wife and small daughter(s) alone, accidentally abandoning them

- Not a similarity, but it’s really funny that Roxanne got over Dustfinger coming back REALLY quickly but his daughter Brianna was furious at him, and while Imelda was furious for Hector never coming back Coco apparently loved and remembered him anyway.

- Increasingly desperate shenanigans to get home, including, but not limited to, using a 12-year-old to help them

- Really nice and good with kids in general

- Sad trash hobos

- Accidentally get REALLY ATTACHED to the kid they’re trying to use to get home

- Again, not a similarity, but it is ironic that Dustfinger has so many people who would like to kill him and keeps avoiding death (even at the hands of the author of his own book!) and Hector had no enemies trying to kill him but still couldn’t avoid death it just came to him at the hands of his best friend. Also Hector should have lived a long life and died young and Dustfinger was supposed to die young (in his book) but didn’t because he got stolen out of the story.

- Has a good heart really, it’s just buried under trauma

- Really, really good at the one thing they perform- Hector with guitar/singing and Dustfinger with firedancing.

- Unfairly missed their kid’s lives

- End up trying to teach a kid their special skill and whoops turns out the kid’s a natural (Farid at firedancing, Miguel at performing)

- Can’t catch a break

- Doing their best

- Love their wife and daughter(s) SO MUCH

- They just want to go home and see their families! Let! Them! Go! Home!

Also now I really, really want an AU where when Dustfinger gets yanked into our world he meets recently ’abandoned’ Imelda and Coco and befriends them, and Hector finds Rosanna (Dustfinger’s daughter who died while he was gone) in the Land of the Dead somehow and since she’s the same age Coco was when he left he just adopts her. You’d have to either set Inkheart in the past or Coco in the future but I love the idea so much I think it’d be worth the shenanigans.

[you-will-return]

°-°

[kuiinncedes]

700 more words TT

[sl33py-g4m3r]

long rant thing before sleeping.....

pointless question before sleep but it's something I've been currently thinking about and its bugging me a bit.

apparently other vegetarians (outside the US) I think use dairy but don't eat eggs...

I've watched "Blondie In China"'s videos on youtube about being vegetarian and vegan in china, and she says that in the end of her "vegan in china" video that vegetarians outside the US (india i think and other middle eastern and eastern countries but I could be horribly incorrect) don't eat eggs.

This has made me wonder about whether I should keep eating eggs or not.... I don't eat them often, but I do. Especially as they are in a majority of baked goods like cookies and the like.

But is taking eggs and using them justifiable?

or do other vegetarians abstain from dairy as well?

I thought that in some places; as well as in the past when that word was first initially used, vegetarian meant what we'd call vegan today.

throwing further arguments into question....

I've been vegetarian for well over 100 days since the new year (but only 15 or so currently recorded because I changed tracking apps cause the one I was using you need a subscription for and the current one does everything (except export data) the other does for free... eg it shows you animals saved, how long you've been vegetarian or vegan for, gives you co2 and water saving amounts and lets you track what animal foods you eat per gram (not just meat)... it even has recipes and a guide if you need help... all free to download and use without a subscription. but that's a rant I didn't need to go on. oops.

but ye tldr of this "i'm tired and should go to bed" post is; should I continue to eat eggs or is it unjustifiable?

what about use of caffeine? Is this bad too or ok if you only drink 2 cups of coffee a day? Was planning on stopping drinking coffee as well and just drinking decaf/herbal teas instead. but I also have a lot of coffee to burn through before I run out to begin with...

probably an outlier cause I'm the odd one in society so I shouldn't be complaining about this I guess; but I hate how eating meat and meat based food is so prevalent and everywhere... It's like we can't escape it.

and if vegetarians or vegans try to advocate for less meat consumption = less unnecessary death; we're subject to violence, hate and anger even if we're being peaceful about it.

Tho I'm too nice and meek to even speak out about it at all.... and wouldn't know what I'd do if confrontation did happen.... rip any advocacy at all.... ever..... cause I'm afraid of how people react..... yay anxiety.....

I have a feeling there's no point to this dumpster fire of a post...... hope it's coherent at least.... and some of these posts are just me trying to make up my mind about something tbh......

cause I genuinely just

idk

[tvrningon]

" you're so cute when you can't speak " is such a cyrillo thing to say and i'm : ) dude is gonna compliment you and sing your praises while doing the meanest things to you honestly. like oh?? it's so good that you're too overwhelmed to form words?? baby you're so cute, so pretty <3 stop?? no bc i know you can take it <3

[cuddleprofiler]

FAINTING & FEVER - When you confess your deep buried feelings to your boss in your fever.

Summary: Hiding a fever? Check. Passing out? Check. Confessing your feelings to your boss? Wait woah?

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x reader, BAU x platonic!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: fever, fainting, rest is good I guess.

Word Count: 3.8k

A/N: This was supposed to be platonic but I didn't feel like it is romantic :) This is my first time writing any non-platonic work. All the pics I have inserted are more clear when clicked if you want to see (Tumblr did something). Positive Criticism is welcomed.

"So, what are you ladies up to tonight?" Morgan asked while driving, his focus on the road. You'd just finished a case, and as usual, Morgan was eager to make plans before another case thrust you back into the world's horrors.

"Well," JJ began with a sigh, eyebrows raised, "I'm going to spend the whole day resting with my boys." She finished with her radiant smile.

"What about you, Prentiss?" Morgan glanced at Emily in the passenger seat.

"No plans yet, but who knows? I might have something by the time we land."

"L/N?" Derek called out when he realized you hadn't answered, lost in your own world.

You sat beside Spencer, staring out the window, oblivious to your surroundings. The heat you felt was consuming every coherent thought.

"L/N?"

"Huh? What did you say?" you asked, turning your head so quickly that JJ and Spencer wondered how you didn't get whiplash. Your voice remained calm and soft.

"You okay?" Spencer asked, his hazel eyes filled with concern.

"Why wouldn't I be, Spencer?" you replied, mustering a small smile to maintain your façade.

"You just seem...down," he commented, studying you intently. You gave him another small smile, shook your head, and winced. Your head felt as if it had been struck by an invisible hammer. Spencer either didn't notice your wince or chose not to comment.

"You up for some fun tonight?" Morgan asked again, though you were barely aware.

"What fun?" you frowned. The way he said "fun" made you think it might not be the kind you'd enjoy.

"Seriously, sweet girl? You're spending way too much time with Reid. I'm talking about bars, drinks, and if you get lucky, then maybe—" Morgan started with a Cheshire grin, while your eyes widened.

"No," you said in a high-pitched tone, embarrassed at the thought of hooking up with a random guy when you already loved someone.

"What do you mean, 'no'? Come on. We don't get many days off, L/N. You should enjoy them when you can."

"Morgan, I can't," you said, shifting uncomfortably.

"And why is that, sweet girl?"

"Hey! Garcia will take offense if you call someone else 'sweet girl,'" you said with a smile, appreciating his use of a nickname for you.

"Nah. My baby girl will never be offended by this, and you're not just someone else," he replied confidently.

"But answer the question, sweet girl," he prompted, aware you were avoiding it. He assumed your hesitation was due to your reluctance to go out, knowing how you and Reid felt about drinking and socializing.

"I've got some work to do, Morgan. Also, I'm tired," you said, leaning your head back.

Morgan's expression changed instantly.

"Go straight home when we land, Y/N, not to Hotch's office. Whatever files you have to work on can wait. If I didn't know him better, I'd say he's making you do overtime."

"Exactly. Hotch will understand, and there's no need to tire yourself out," Spencer added softly.

Their concern warmed your heart. "Of course, gentlemen," you replied, amusing the others.

The conversation drifted back to their plans while you gazed out the window, watching amoeba-shaped clouds float slowly across the sky. The view was therapeutic, but you didn't tell them how awful you were feeling.

When you woke up that morning, it felt as if hell had descended upon Earth just for you. Your muscles ached, protesting and begging you to return to bed, but you couldn't. Lives were at stake, a case needed solving. Now, the muscle pain had given way to a headache and constant zoning out.

You longed to get home as soon as possible, yearning for your fluffy blankets to engulf you completely, save for your head. You hoped your phone might end up in a ditch for the day, allowing you to remain in your cozy cocoon until you felt well enough to face the world—and potential case calls—again.

Soon, you arrived at the airstrip, where Emily and JJ surrounded you.

"So, where's your mind wandering today?" Emily asked with a mischievous grin. Before you could answer, JJ chimed in.

"In dreams of Hotch, of course. Right, Y/N?" You quickly shushed her, glancing around to ensure no one had overheard.

"JJ, Emily, we're at the airstrip," you whispered urgently. "Someone might hear you. It's supposed to be a secret. Sometimes I think you and Garcia are determined to let Hotch find out." You began trudging toward the plane, feeling drained.

They both laughed and high-fived.

"We do want you two together," Emily said.

"You should tell him yourself," JJ added. "Besides, if he overhears by accident, it'll only speed up your love life."

"By the way, Y/N, will you only go out with us if Hotch is there too?" Emily teased.

"Guys!" you groaned as they laughed.

Your crush on Hotch had started early in your tenure, initially based on his looks. But it deepened into something more profound, to the point where his well-being affected you deeply. You felt terrified when he faced dangerous situations. That's when you knew you were in trouble.

There was no way he'd fall for someone who could barely speak to him. You had your reasons for avoiding him. The days leading up to this decision were hellish. Never had you stumbled over your words as much as you did then. And what did he do?

He always gave you a patient look and nodded softly, encouraging you to speak your mind. It was manageable until you started losing yourself in his eyes or staring at his face constantly. After that, you ensured you were never alone with him except when working on case files. You began doing this so he could go home early and rest, reasoning that a few extra files wouldn't impact your time.

You were startled from your reverie by the memory of Garcia suggesting that Hotch might like you too. You still don't believe her, but a girl could hope.

"If it gets too much, I want you to pull out."

"Sir?" you asked, confused, looking up from your gun at your boss, who was surveying the team preparing to ambush the unsub's house.

"Everyone has off cases, L/N, but with time, most of us have learned to deal with it. Still, we pull ourselves out when needed. You're still new. So, pull out if necessary. Do you understand me?" he said, now looking at you, his gaze sweeping over your shorter form. You looked up at him intently, lost in his eyes until he raised an eyebrow. You could have sworn you saw his eyes soften slightly.

"Yes, sir."

"Call me Hotch, Y/N." With that, he walked towards the rest of the team as you hurried to catch up.

Back at the FBI building, you dashed to Garcia's lair. She was your first friend, and you both had a tendency to ramble about various topics. Sometimes Reid joined in. As soon as you saw her, you hugged her. Hugging Garcia was like therapy—you could feel your worries, guilt, and other negative emotions leaving your body. You felt yourself relax, your body lighter. You called it "Garcia magic”! It was an added bonus that Garcia was fond of physical affection.

When you told her about Hotch's words and your feeling that he was worried and all other incidents where he acted the same—though you thought that was impossible—she flashed her beaming smile, all her white teeth showing. Her eyes, however, held the amusement of knowing something you didn't.

"I didn't know sweet cheeks, he cares for you this much." Garcia mused, clearly pleased by what you'd shared.

This much? And what do you mean?" you asked, your curiosity evident.

"Hmm hmm. He looks at you the same way Will looks at JJ. He's so soft with you and he isn't like this with anybody. Maybe except Jack of course."

“Garcia there’s no way in hell he likes me. Maybe he was trying to be sweet.” you asked her trying not to get your hopes up.

This is a paradox. You are sure. Damn sure! Garcia began laughing while you gave her an incredulous look. She didn’t stop until you threw a teddy at her. “My sweet sweet girl, Hotch is never sweet with anyone. Ask Emily about it if you are unsure but nope nada in my so many years of being at BAU, he’s never sweet with anyone.”

"Maybe you are overthinking this Garcia. Hotch and I don't even know each other.”, you mumbled looking at your hands in your lap.

“That is an argument I will have with you on another day but what I'm saying is that Hotch likes you.", she says with a small almost sad smile.

"If you want you can observe him. You're a profiler baby. Yow will know.", she added gleefully.

Henceforth, you observed Hotch as profiling team members was off-limit. He had a tendency to smile at you softly and he didn’t offer others the same amount of options that he did to you , but you attributed this to being new. You were certain he'd show his more authoritative side once you were no longer considered the newest member. Definitely!

Lost in these thoughts, you suddenly felt your vision blur and your surroundings distort.

"Whoa! You okay?" Emily asked as she grabbed your forearm, while JJ held the other. They exchanged concerned looks when you didn't answer immediately. You shook your head slightly and replied,

"Yeah, yeah. Just slipped."

They didn't seem convinced but didn't press further.

"Be careful," JJ said, patting your shoulder.

"Yeah, of course," you mumbled, trying to regain your composure.

Hotch and Rossi chatted as they walked, their conversation drifting from Jack's football to other topics. Before they knew it, they'd arrived at the airstrip. As Hotch boarded the plane, he froze in surprise. You were seated next to his usual spot—an unexpected sight, given your habit of avoiding him outside of group settings or work situations. Your presence there felt nothing short of miraculous.

Not wanting to give Rossi a chance to tease him, Hotch quickly sat beside you. He was certain you hadn't noticed his arrival, as you were deeply engrossed in the case report—something you rarely worked on during flights.

His attention shifted back to Rossi when the older agent began discussing plans for a pasta dinner. From the corner of his eye, Hotch caught you glancing up, offering both him and Rossi a small smile before burying yourself in the file again. It was odd, considering the report wasn't due for days.

He didn't want to finish it quickly, knowing an empty home awaited him. No one would be there to greet him—just silent walls. Jack was on vacation with Jessica's family for the next few days, leaving Hotch alone in the city. He stole another quick glance at you, resisting the urge to look more often.

Hotch was sure he would never fall in love again after Hayley. He loved her from such a young age and so much that loving someone else felt betraying the love he had bestowed upon Hayley all those years. Even after getting a divorce, he didn't stop loving her completely. Sometimes, he liked to believe they separated not because they fell out of love, but because their love was so intense that their arguments became too painful. However, he knew this wasn't the reality. He sighed and pulled out his file.

His thoughts soon drifted to you. Lately, contemplating love inevitably led him to think of you. Sometimes you don't know what hit you until it does. Falling in love with you was the same. He was falling in and never realised until the day he got a letter. From you.

Hotch had slowly fallen in love with you. That was the truth of his life, he stayed away from for a long time. How could he stay away when your every action seemed to win his heart anew? Each time he learned something new about you, he fell a little deeper.

You were a sweet addition to the team. It didn't mean you were all the time sunshine. Everyone learnt that the hard way. He mentally chuckled at the fight you and Morgan had over dark chocolate to the extent you were ready to beat him black and blue. However, your sweet gestures towards everyone on the team always warmed his heart.

He reminded himself to remain professional. After all, he was on a plane with a group of profilers who could decipher his feelings in minutes if given the chance.

"L/N, can you tell me about the—"

"L/N?" Hotch called out again, surprised you didn't hear him the first time. Still, you didn't reply. Rossi also looked up.

"Y/N? Y/N!" He said, touching your shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah. What happened?" You looked like a deer caught in headlights, making both Hotch and Rossi confused.

"Nothing happened. I was just asking you about the case," he replied, looking at you. You were looking...different. It was as if every laugh and joy had been drained from your life.

"I'll be right back," you said, standing up and moving before Hotch had a chance to stop you.

The moment you stood up, you knew you shouldn't have done that. You were far better sitting down. Now the pounding in your head intensified, along with the feeling of being shaken up to the point where you could see everything oscillating. You tried to keep yourself still, hoping your surroundings would become normal.

The next thing you knew, everything went black.

Hotch saw you swaying and moved instinctively. He caught you, one hand on your waist, the other on your shoulder, trying to keep you up while you were dead weight. However, it wasn't as easy as it seemed in the movies.

"Y/N? Y/N. Hey, wake up!"

"Y/N!" He squeezed your body against him.

However, his yelling got him nowhere. You didn't respond, lying still in his arms as if you were taking a nap. Hotch would have believed it if he hadn't seen you go down in front of his eyes.

"Y/N," he called out again, softly this time, yet the response was the same. He swept your hair back from your face.

Unable to keep you up, he gently lowered both of you onto the aisle. He moved his hands to your shoulders, gently shaking you, but you showed no sign of waking up.

He didn't notice anyone else until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Rossi sitting beside him, looking alarmed by the happenings. Morgan was above your head. The rest of the team was also hovering.

"What happened, man?" Morgan asked while taking the sweater Reid offered and putting it under your head.

Hotch didn't answer. He himself didn't know what was wrong with you. One minute, you were standing and the next plummeting down like the apple which led to the discovery of gravity. His hand went to your cheeks, where he felt the heat radiating. His frown appeared and deepened as he touched your forehead.

"She's burning up!" Hotch said worriedly, still keeping his tone full of calmness while his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. Having a fever is one thing but passing out from it is entirely another. He couldn't help but feel the small burning sensation in his chest at the thought of being ill, even if it was a fever.

You could hear people talking, but why would there be people at your home? You scrunched your face and blinked your eyes multiple times before fully opening them. Everything was blurry at first, but soon it became clear, along with the horrible pounding in your head. You tried to sit up, but a firm pair of arms pushed you back.

"Hey Bella, don't try to get up. Stay still."

"Wha-what happened?"

"You fainted," Hotch said. The rest of them had dispersed, knowing Hotch would take great care of you and that a crowd wouldn't help much.

"I don't feel good," you groaned, your hand massaging your head.

"Yeah, I gathered that much. Tell me what's exactly wrong, L/N?" Hotch had your hand in his, rubbing it softly to ease the pain in any way he could.

"I don't feel good," you mumbled again with half-closed eyes. You were mostly disoriented from what Hotch could figure out.

"You have a fever."

"I do?"

It was taking you time to gather what was happening. He blamed the fainting and fever. It took you time, but you slowly opened your eyes fully when you noticed Hotch still sitting at the edge of the sofa. He still held your hand, and your legs were on his lap. Being in touch with him felt like second nature; you didn't even notice until you opened your eyes. You quickly tried to pull back your legs and hand, but Hotch stopped you with his hold.

"Don't move so much, Y/N. Relax," his voice soft and calming, as always.

You sat in silence for the rest of the journey, which wasn't very long. You were clutching onto his forearm as he helped you sit up to go home. When you came outside the plane,

"Hotch, I can go home by myself," you began, your voice small, hoping to regain some of the dignity you lost after fainting in front of your entire team.

"Y/N, you can't stand straight, and you want to drive home by yourself?" Hotch asked with a raised eyebrow.

"There are other ways to be suicidal than this, sweet girl," Morgan quipped, walking beside you, not that you noticed. You looked up at him and then at Hotch, concern shining in both of their eyes.

"I'm not joking," you huffed.

"Neither are we," Morgan said.

"Y/N, it's final. I'm taking you home," Hotch ordered. That's what it felt like to you.

Hotch had an arm around your waist, supporting you as your body threatened to collapse. He hurried towards your apartment, aware of your rising fever. He couldn't give you medicine without food, but he was grateful for your unfiltered speech—it revealed the extent of your discomfort.

"You know, Hotch?" you began as he fumbled with the door. You leaned against the wall for support.

"Dahlias are my favourite flowers. They symbolize change, dignity, and elegance."

"They're native to Mexico, right?" he replied as you entered the apartment.

"Yeah! You know about them?" you asked, turning your face abruptly.

"Easy, honey. No sudden moves," he cautioned. "And yes, I've picked up a few facts over the years."

"I've always loved them. So colourful, bright, and beautiful," you laughed softly.

Hotch had never heard you speak so freely. He found himself enchanted by your voice, certain you could rival Reid in flower trivia.

After settling you on the sofa, Hotch fetched water, fruit, and medicine. You tossed your shoes aside and reluctantly took the pills, groaning as you slumped back.

"You should change into something more comfortable," Hotch suggested, removing his own shoes.

You looked at him, startled. Realizing his phrasing, he quickly clarified, "I mean, you should put on some comfy clothes."

At his insistence, you changed. When you returned, Hotch had shed his coat and tie, his shirt partially unbuttoned.

"Aren't you going home?" you asked, confused.

"I'll stay tonight, in case you need anything."

"There's no need, Hotch. You must be exhausted from the case. Go home and rest. I'll be fine."

"Y/N, it's better if someone's with you tonight. You fainted on the plane. I wouldn't be able to relax not knowing how you're doing," he admitted, his voice soft.

You smiled at his thoughtfulness and curled up on the sofa with a blanket and pillow. You both decided to watch Star Wars.

Partway through the movie, you turned to Hotch, staring intently.

"You know, Hotch?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. Like, really, really love you," you said with a lopsided smile.

Hotch froze, completely still. He hadn't been this motionless since he first held Jack, afraid of hurting his newborn son. He never imagined you reciprocated his feelings, but he knew if he didn't get the conversation going right now, he not going to know about your feelings when you are not loopy due to medicine.

“Yea?”

"Mm-hmm. You're so wonderful and adorable and just... so cute. Yeah, you're intimidating at work, but the rest of the time? Totally cute."

"Oh, am I?"

Though your tongue was loosened by the medicine, you were more lucid than you let on. Having suppressed these feelings for so long, you couldn't stop now that you'd started. You wanted to tell him everything—him about all those feelings that you shouldn't have about him but you do, how couldn't help but fall for him slowly and every day seeing him made your day.

He was so handsome! His pretty dark brown chocolate-coloured eyes are swoon-worthy. Whenever you look into them, you feel hypnotized, unable to look away from them but not being present in the time; you often find yourself lost in them, forgetting his words as you gaze at him. Right now, he was looking directly at you, and you were drowning in his gaze.

How does he not realize the effect he has when he looks at someone like this?

Hotch's smile grew with each word you spoke.

"You're so handsome, ridiculously handsome. Have you seen yourself under that table lamp? You look like some movie hero poring over case files."

He blushed and glanced away at your flood of compliments. You cupped his face, turning it back to you, your eyes wide and intent. His smile made your frown melt into the biggest grin he'd ever seen on you. You looked beautiful.

"I just really like you, but I know you don't like me," you said, your voice small.

He frowned at your words.

"I love you too, honey, but I'll give you the full answer when you're well enough to remember it. Word for word," he replied softly.

You squealed with delight.

"You aren't just saying this to spare my feelings, right?" you mumbled a few moments later.

He cradled your face in his hands. "I would never say such a thing just to spare someone's feelings, Y/N. I love you. More than you can imagine."

Your questioning continued throughout the movie, but you refused to turn it off.

"You must have had many admirers in college. How many girlfriends did you have?" you asked, your head resting on his shoulder while his hand on your waist pulled you closer. Both of you kept your eyes on the TV.

"I only had one."

"No, you're lying. You're far too handsome to have had only one girlfriend your entire life."

'You can become the second.'

"What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything, sweetheart."

"Did you just call me sweetheart?"

"You're imagining things, L/N. It's a common symptom of high fever. Of course, I didn't call you sweetheart, honey."

"Oh, but I—you just called me—"

"What?"

"Never mind. I must be imagining it."

"Yes, you're definitely imagining things."