#i'm still stressed out about this tho
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I actually have an older brother myself and I feel like Belle and Wise have a similiar vibe to us. I love them so much ;;A;;
#Zenless Zone Zero#ZZZ#Belle#Wise#sketches#my art#I ADORE the fact that even tho you choose one MC the other still hangs around and you even switch sometimes#unlike Genshin I actually do care about the protags#shhh they make me happy#and I'm very stressed out rn
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i've been feeling disassociated from genshin lately. i still love the muses i write and the relationships / dynamics i've formed but my own interest in the game / lore as a whole had been dwindling a lot in the past few months. i'm sure that my interest would pick up once the new patch / story is released but as of now, i don't think i have much of a muse for genshin muses aside from a selected few here and there. with w.uthering w.aves scheduled to be released next month, i know i'm going to invest a lot of my attention and time there bc i have been waiting for the game for years & i'm really excited for it. i might remove some of my genshin muses or move them to request only but i'll sit on it a little bit more before making any changes.
#.ooc#[ genshin burn out had been with me for many months now#and with how stressed i am with work lately i find myself even less motivated#to get on or dive into it again#so i might adjust my muselist later#i'm contemplating a bit of a semi-hiatus too bc i've been ??#feeling weird about being on tumblr as of late#tho i think that's my stress talking#i'll see after the long weekend if i still feel the same before making proper announcement for it ]
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Having fun, more and more! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Unicorn Tails#Dangersoft#Villainsona#Just Desserts#True Villainy AU#Okay fine I'll talk about the really silly fixation I accidentally fell into lol#It's all Jello's ISaT stream's fault they mentioned Wall Day and I got curious!#Actually it was Jello reciting Will's line as the mad cultist in a kids' unicorn game that got me interested lol he just went all out#And it really is a kids' game! Like yeah some of the lore is dark and ominous and weird but it's genuinely just a nice unicorn game#And the character customization is cute and you can buy a spider hat! I want a spider hat#I'm fully onboard at this point lol I intend to buy it for realsies and play as an alicorn and go hunting for the Estranged Rabbit#Dangersoft is great of course <3 Neon green horse love that for her#Some happies <3 I've been quite happy lately :D Big Loves yay <3#If there is an article of clothing I can hide in I will take the opportunity every time lol#Regularly hiding in hoods and collars - it just feels nice!#More Charm more cutes <3 I've had the idea of her cutting her hair for S3 since she was created but I still don't Actually have anything lol#She's just cute and I love her! She's adorable no matter what she looks like#I think I was thinking something along the lines of her long hair being used against her in her True Villain form#Like how it's normally up and ice cream shaped but Kaiein wanted it down and it gave her a different look#But short it can't look like that :) She's always light and fluffy if it's short! I like it <3#Speaking of - her candle wings popping out from her Kaiein wings!#It's weird to see her with her hair down and glasses on in that context haha#I do like the symbolism of dark inky wings being cut through with fire and light :) Still drippy tho lol#And rounding off with a Just Desserts bee <3 I posted that one JD Pet Bee a while ago but I think bees are also wild animals#They're important for sweets production and pollination! Fruit-based sweets need them!#I personally really love bees I think they're the cutest but I also get really stressed about buzzing :'D#Does Not help that my hair is a colour they're attracted to so they come up right next to my head to investigate agh#So Charm is the same! Loves bees! They're wonderful and important and cute! But the buzzing...#She's being very brave tho <3
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Recently bought the chickens a rat-proof feeder because the world's biggest pack of rats has moved in and I've had enough. Training the chickens to use it is going well, if slowly. (It would be a lot faster if I still lived with my chickens, or at least lived closer than 30 minutes away... 😅 I can't be there all the time to work with them.)
Midnight, however, refuses to engage with the thing and instead stands next to it looking cranky while she watches the young'uns eat.
#unfortunately the seller forgot to send me the part that makes the door close softly 🙄 he'll send it soon tho#it would definitely be easier to teach the chickens that this contraption is safe if it didn't slam closed#it would probably also be easier if they'd ever eaten out of a feeder of any sort ever in their lives 😅#midnight has been eating off the ground for 11 years and doesn't seem keen to eat out of some newfangled noisy tin can#but hopefully it'll get easier#if the chickens get hungry enough they'll eat out of anything i figure#anyway the star of these training sessions is definitely tofu. she's very shy so i didn't expect her to try it so quick but#apparently she'll do anything for bread scraps!#midnight#tofu#crow#oh yeah more quick notes#the front panel on the feeder is open in these photos bc i was still in the process of adjusting the spring tension#also I've since rearranged the bricks so it's easier for the chickens to stand in front of it#i reeeeally hope this works bc. you guys. the rats are SO bad#i was at the end of my rope i was seriously almost ready to simply get rid of all the chickens i was so stressed#things haven't been easy for me regarding all my animals i had to leave behind when i moved. i miss them every day#I'm also so not used to living in a house without a single animal. I've always had pets around til now#i want a cat but I'm holding out hope that i can convince my parents to give me MY cat. my dad refused to let me take her#and I'm worried about her. she needs more specialized care and she will never receive it in that house#sigh anyway. i have a lot on my mind
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Man, this doujin isn't fucking around
Meanwhile, Seikuri in the background...
Doujin: Flashbackers by Totobe
#my ramblings#bocchi the rock#no fr tho. please read flashbackers!! it's so good!#it's a ryokita doujin made by one of my fave artist and everything about it is just...so great. I can't express it enough#whether you ship ryokita or not it's still a good read! like really it's well articulated and goes in depth about ryo & kita's relationship#and acknowledges how unhealthy it is but the realization of this makes the both of them understand each other more clearly without-#-seeing through rose colored glasses. I just- ughhh! I'm not good with words and I can't stress it enough so once again please read this!#you can really tell how much this artist is passionate and dedicated about the ship#not only that but how they color the cover page (and their art in general) is JUST SO CATCHING! LITERAL EYE CANDY!#and the pacing and panelling of the story is well thought out plus the equal balance of humor and angst is so entertaining & heart wrenchin#and their art style... fricking adorable and expressive and striking!! Just grrr!! I LOVE THIS ARTIST'S WORK SO MUCH!!!#I'm not that particularly crazy about ryokita but they are very interesting to explore and could have some potential if they worked out-#-their own flaws. I've been meaning to draw them sometime (if only I could start posting decent bnj art-#-tfw hyper fixation so strong it overwhelms you and in turn can't make fanart of it even if you most definitely WANT TO)#ehem. anyways I think it's quite criminal that ryokita was one of the least popular btr ships#in other story. I was woken up by my cat way to early today so I ended up reading this in a half awake state XD#I just found out last night that this doujin was already translated so what better time to read this other than first thing in the morning-#-running on three hours of sleep 😃👍
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something a little silly
(he's not actually angry at the "drugs" thing, just busy trying not to die)
oh i almost forgot
transcript of my bad handwriting:
Page 1 Panel 1: 2013, 1:38 pm (sfx: DING DING DING)
Panel 2: 9th period, 1:40 pm
Peter's internal thought bubble: "Oh shit my meds"
Panel 3:
Student 1: Hi, Mr. Parker!
Peter: mm-hm
Panel 4:
Student 1: Mr. Parker? Hello?
(Student 2: Huh?)
Panel 5:
Peter: Hm?
Student 1: What are those, tic tacs?
Student 2: No, he's doing drugs!!! (In class!)
Text pointing to Peter's hand holding his pills says "PTSD medication"
Peter: HKFGH (choking noise)
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Student 1: Are you okay?!
(Student 2: oh fuck)
Peter: COUGH COUGH
Panel 2:
(sfx: WHEEZE)
Peter: It's not DRUGS!
Panel 3, Peter cont.: Well, I mean, it is drugs, but it's prescription—it's medication. OK?
#came in through the window last night#peter parker#nadiart#fanadiart#rough art#comics#spiderman#always feel weird tagging the au stuff just cause it's so specific but... well i won't pretend i look at the peter parker tag lol#a post arguably still about a somewhat serious topic but with a more lighthearted mood#bright blue capsules = 5mg generic prazosin just fyi#he takes it starting in early 2013 to prevent flashbacks and nightmares (technically it's a blood pressure medication tho)#he takes it in morning. afternoon (at work). and bedtime. otherwise he can barely leave the house.#i was picturing this in fall after he's a little more functional but still kinda fucked#In Retrospect I'm not sure that him getting a job in 2013 makes sense though like it's a miracle he graduated from his master's program#on the other hand he strikes me as the kind of guy who works himself harder when stressed... but a few months is a very quick turnaround#maybe i should have him doing full time classes instead of pt and finish his degree over fall 2012 or smth... idk#i'll figure all that stuff out Later#anyway my approach to peter's shirts is generally anything that looks thrifted where he saw it in all its hideousness and said#''i love it''#also don't get it twisted the only reason peter even carries a water bottle is for his pills#accidentally pavlov'd himself into being hydrated but not into buying a reusable bottle lmao
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brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.
#snap chats#i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️#my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one#'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice#am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen#when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid#and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours#and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner#and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL#he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week#and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's#like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed#and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds#POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees#i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like#anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter..#aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴#imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up.#alright bye
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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My mom told me the other day that it was gonna seem like I was trying to date my friend if I payed for her ticket to a show, so maybe you should try and pay for his food and that’ll indicate your intentions lol 😅
LMAO fuck maybe I could try that 😂
#not snz#i feel like it would work better if i didn't like. pay for literally everything most of the time ahskaksk#but i can try#unfortunately that's my medic and if nothing else i was taught to buy/bring food for my partners especially if they're a medic#which is fucked up if you think about it bc they get paid more but i digress lmao#but maybe it'll work if it's not fast food 👀#god is that gonna be too obvious if i wanna go somewhere decent and not like fucking taco bell#fuck he's seen me eat taco bell tho there's no way he'd ever be into me after that 😭#tho to be fair one of my fire coworkers asked me out immediately after seeing me do much worse than spill half my taco on myself#so maybe I've got a shot ahskamska#this is literally so stressful ahsakms how do people do this lmao#also why do i want him so bad now after knowing him for two years#this is so fucking sad for me lmao#like maybe i was in denial for a while there But Still#like is being nice to me when I'm like a sickly little victorian child really all it takes to make my ovaries explode 😭#i need to raise my standards fr 😭😭
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Hoping to take it easy after the show finished and it's just been 2 weeks of solid main work (all "urgent" suddenly) and brochure after brochure after brochure after logo design after fucking brochure every damned night for two weeks. I have proper solid time off in two weeks, but don't it always seem to go that you end up getting 16 motherfucking hours of work a day every day when it leads up to it ughhh
#YES i avoided work on the weekend but that just meant I did housework instead lol#YES I'm actually living a fuckin sweet life yo#YES i'm still burnt out and yes this is definitely me avoiding picking up the damned computer again jfc#the marketing lady wrote me notes about a docs section overhaul and it's as clear as fucking mud#but I've got to do it tonight beacuse I have a meeting about it in the morning#like the dude was badgering me to see the finished work 4 business hours after we'd had a meeting about it last week#like fam. FAM. fuck OFF#it takes 4 fucking hours for the repo to update#and I've got 2 other “urgent” things to that I haven't done because they've been badgering me so hard on this one#this is all fine really I'm just super tired and out of whack a bit still#so I be stresssssed even tho I consciously know I don't need to be#but I am like a stress sponge. It just soaks right up as soon as there's a mild inconvenience#UGHHHH okay I'll get back to it#text tag
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I'm not anon but I think I understand where they're coming from. There are some people who refuse to put pronouns in their bio/pinned posts to make a statement that they shouldn't have to specify their pronouns because they are obviously male or female and that trans/gender-nonconforming identities are invalid and not real. Unfortunately this is more common with blogs that are openly religious, which might be why anon asked you that.
It sounds like your lack of listed pronouns is more so because you didn't know it is preferred to list them and not because you have any queerphobic intentions.
In your bio, which is the space under your blog title where you can add extra notes, people usually list their preferred name, pronouns, whether they're an adult or a minor, any extra key info they feel it is essential for people to know in order understand their blog (such as English is a second language, person is a system or autistic, blog includes nsfw, religion, continent of residence etc.), main fandoms (like LoZ/LU), and role in fandom (writer, artist, analysis post maker, meme maker etc.). Any and all of these things are optional, but at a minimum, I recommend listing your preferred name and pronouns.
Pinned posts are optional. People use them to add extra info (like do-not-interact lists, switch friend codes, other fandoms, etc.) and to list/link fandom contributions such as fanfics written or popular posts.
What you should not put in your bio or pinned post are your exact age, birthday, real name, real names of relatives, city where you live (even including state/province is not recommended), health info that isn't relevant, is excessive, or is TMI.
Look at your mutuals/friends bios and pinned posts for inspiration/examples and create your own bio/pinned post however you want.
Oooo thank you!
Yayyyy advice :)
You are correct, I don't know these things. I'm glad it was brought to my awareness in a nice way :D
I overreact and talk too much- I hope I didn't scare my anon off just from such a long response /j
I definitely do not want to be saying I don't think pronoun clarification is needed, or invalidating my trans friends. That's so awful??? I did not know, and never intended any such implications
Thank you for the advice it's appreciated <333
#asks#personal#thank you guys for the help :)))#original anon I'm here for you and I promise I'm not scary. thank you for pointing it out so I can change it :)#love to everyone :D#and if I have said anything offensive let me know as usual#again I normally take a long time on responses- my peeps who have already sent asks I'll respond soon#sorry I get stressed about stuff sometimes#I want to be kind and make you feel loved :)#still got anxiety tho :(
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Hotel Portofino be like: Bury your gays and also bury your child.
#Ok I think we all know what happened to Nish and Gian#It was still traumatising tho#Also the way it was shown in between the scenes of Bella getting the good review she so wanted#That was unnerving to be honest#The second part could be about Rose but that's not who I mean#It's just that if you watched season 3 or at least know some spoilers then you know what I'm talking about#Bro they legit killed off Bella and Cecil's son#And it was an accident#Accident in a way that not Lucien was supposed to be shot but Nish's brother Virat#But then Lucien went to save them and unfortunately the bullet got him#In his neck area I think#There was legit no other way for him but out#Also the one who was shooting was that evil bitch Vincenzo Danioni#Who iirc just was really over there terrorizing both Bella and Cecil#And he's apparently alive#Sure he was knocked out by Cecil after shooting at people but idk#There's a possibility that he didn't die?#My poor babies (Bella and Cecil) be really going through it#First it was the 1929 crash then Bella had to find a way to pay back the hotel's worth to her father after the divorce announcement plus#just find a way to keep the hotel#And Cecil had his own bullshit ofc with the loss of his money and Danioni blackmailing him because of that stupid Ruben's painting AND even#that dipshit Jack came back#also his attempt to kill Danioni failed (thanks Jack for double-crosding him)#Like my babies be having so many problems which were already causing them a lot of stress#On top of it all their son gets killed by their enemy and they have to watch it as he dies (nothing could have helped him)#And as I said that monster Danioni might still be alive and want a retaliation or smth#Damn I just hope that their family friends aquaitances and employees will be there for them to help and support them#hotel portofino#bella ainsworth#cecil ainsworth
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pray for me besties... the adderall shortage has finally reached our pharmacy and my sibling couldn't get theirs refilled. i'm next.
#i only take 10 mg but i'm afraid i may not be able to get it#it makes me like 1% more functional but at least thats more functionality than before.#and to make matters worse i've had a rly bad brain fog week#i blame getting back into genshin a little as well as stress and sometimes pms can fuck with focus but still#if 10 mg ain't working for me then there's not really anything i can do about that. pharmacy does not have 15.#energy drinks coming in clutch tho so if i run out of adderall....
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goal: get my tits lopped off in time for my brother's wedding so i can wear a suit comfortably
subgoal: get my tits lopped off before halloween next year so i can dress as columbo
#🐻#did i ever post here about my embarrassing mistake?#i've been on t for about a year and a half#i inject .25mL every week#or at least that's what i thought i was doing#yeah so turns out i managed to forget in the week between my lesson and my first at home injection#because i've been reading my syringes wrong#i haven't been injecting .25#i've been injecting .25 of .1#yeah that's right#i've been injecting myself with 1/10th of the dose i should have been#now we know why my t levels were so low at ny check ins 😭#BUT TO BE FAIR TO MYSELF#i have had the most insanely stressful three years#TO THE POINT THAT I NOW HAVE A PSYCHIATRIC SERVICE DOG LETTER FROM MY THERAPIST#I'M STILL SCREAMING AT MYSELF THO
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every now and again i wonder why izuru assigned me hajime kin so damn hard it came true like how did this motherfucker know everything like that. and then i remember the section of my pinned post asking that people please not use the word "talent" if they want to compliment me bc i have a rough history with the idea of inherent talent. and how that is a genuine fact about me and something that has deeply influenced who i am as a person. and that that has been in my pinned post for longer than i've been a danganronpa fan. and i understand
#marzi speaks#having self-worth issues in middle school is actually just the beginning stages of kinning hajime hinata#it's ok tho i'm at the point where i've accepted this about myself. i lean into it now#like last semester. when we had to make performance art projects about a facet of our identities#and i chose. my own lack of a self-perception. because i straight up do not know who i am#i even used the fucking beach as a metaphor. i went to the goddamn beach at night. the whole vibe was dissociative and stressed#it was a GREAT final piece too i'm still super proud of it. but like goddamn i really. i really did that huh#head in hands. it was authentic#i STILL don't know what my deal is. i dunno what it is ppl remember me for#but shit my friends love me. n that's enough i think. for now#being friends with systems is so fun bc sometimes an alter you barely know knows you better than you know yourself#i still haven't spoken to izuru since then afaik. mfer came to my inbox called me out and fucked off. kind of iconic#but it still keeps me up some nights. how.... how much did you know#I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE MY CRUSH ON KOMAEDA YET. HOW DID YOU KNOW
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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)
because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)
#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows#maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot#i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia#cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and#then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder#like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know#anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut#but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got#i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer#but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome#but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it#doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this#personal
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