#i'm so nice aren't i

[sharffffff]

A betrayal done out of love. It is the worst kind of betrayal one can ever commit, to hurt someone in such a way, to stab them in the back and twist a knife - and not out of hatred, not out of malice, but out of attempt to save them from themselves. Betrayal can be understood when the traitor hates the person they are betraying - whether they hated them the whole time, or have grown resentful of their ways doesn’t matter, for it has become justified in their own eyes through the fact that they can’t stand behind those actions no longer. But betrayal done out of love? One done out of attempt to not let your loved one hurt themself, thus hurting them more than their actions ever could? Such betrayal cannot be forgiven, it cannot be explained, it cannot be justified. And it never works, either, for the spite driving the one who has been betrayed will only make them hurt themself more, rendering the whole thing pointless. Rendering the traitor both devastated through the loss of their friend, and unsuccessful in their plans. Making the rift that is so large, it would take far too long to even begin to repair, requiring time and effort from both parties - and while the traitor might try to fix things, would the betrayed ever be able to trust them again? Would they ever be able to forgive them?

Deep down, Sty knew that this plan would fail. He knew it was a bad idea, he knew it would never work, he knew 4C would hate him for doing it, but he had to try. He just had to try, he had to take the chance to save his fellow pirate from himself, and if he could’ve saved his life even if it cost them their friendship, he would’ve taken that chance. And he did. And he failed. And he failed oh so miserably.

When Gravel suggested trapping 4C, doing everything to keep him safe, protecting him from himself, Sty was hesitant. He felt weird working with his enemy, and he felt weird about this whole plan - he didn’t want 4C dead, but he didn’t want him trapped in a box either. Yes, a nicely decorated box, but an obsidian box nonetheless. But as more time went by, as 4C’s scheduled death began rapidly approaching, Sty’s mind got set on this idea fully. He hated it, he hated the fact that he had to trap his friend in this place, but he felt like he had to do it. There was no other way to protect him. No other way to make sure he would stay alive. And god, Sty just couldn’t lose him. He didn’t know if he could live if 4C was dead. The world just wouldn’t be the same. And so he went through with the plan, despite all the outs 4C tried giving him, despite the fact he knew that 4C knew that he was lying, despite the devastation in 4C’s voice when they approached the trap. Sty knew that his plan was found out long before the slime ended up locked in the room, but he refused to believe it, refused to think that 4C would let him betray his trust like that, refused to accept that his attempt to save him - his betrayal - would be not just found out, but followed through. 

So when 4C got locked away, when he got trapped, when he realized that Sty wasn’t going to admit to the betrayal - Sty heard his voice change, he could’ve sworn he saw a glint of anger in his eyes even through the wall, and gods, he never heard 4C that angry before. Even when their ship was burned, even when they lost everything, the slime was rather calm. Yes, calm in his anger, but calm nonetheless. Now, however? Now Sty could feel the anger, the rage, the hatred in waves even through the obsidian walls, he could feel the tension and disappointment and distrust seeping through the cracks, and, worst of all, he could hear the acid in his voice and know that it was directed at him, at the one who betrayed his trust. The one who promised he would never betray him, the one who 4C trusted and who abused his trust. And the one who couldn’t even go in and see him, because of Gravel blocking the way, because of Gravel telling it was for the best. Sty couldn’t even tell him why he did this, he couldn’t even explain how much he cared about him, he couldn’t explain what his death would do to him. But leaving 4C to be alone instead was almost more of the betrayal than this whole box. 

And when Sty returned, having gathered all his thoughts, all his explanations in a single book, he could feel that it was already too late. When he broke through despite Gravel’s protests, when he gave the book to 4C, when he tried to get him out - he knew 4C’s plans have already changed. He knew 4C was going to die here, not giving Sty a chance to get him out first, not giving him a chance to apologize, not giving him a chance to react - only watch on, in horror, as it was about to happen. Not knowing how, not knowing when, but knowing that the death would happen soon, and leaving Sty to wonder and to dread. And when 4C didn’t even read the book, when 4C refused to even look Sty in the eyes except to let Sty know just how badly he messed up, when Sty saw 4C’s eyes be even deeper, darker black when they usually are, Sty couldn’t help but feel like the worst person in this world. And maybe at the moment, he was. Because he betrayed his closest friend out of love, out of selfishness, out of wish to protect him but in fact to protect himself from being hurt, and it was all for nothing. Because he knew it was always going to end this way.

And when Apokuna came, the harbinger of death, the slayer of those who wish for it, Sty didn’t even try to get in their way. He knew that it would only make things worse, he knew that he already betrayed 4C once - he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t save him from death if he wanted it so much, and stopping Apo would’ve felt like yet another betrayal. And so he watched. He felt that if he turned away, when 4C wanted him to see it, that if he broke the eye contact the slime was still keeping with him, he would be even more of a traitor. 

It took three strikes. Two slashes and a sword straight through the heart, giving 4C barely any chance to even react. Sty could’ve sworn he saw a shock in 4C’s eyes from how quickly it went - but that couldn’t be it, not with the slime’s confidence in his death. And then Apo left, as quickly as they appeared, leaving Sty all alone in this room before 4C’s body even hit the ground. 

And a second later Sty felt his limbs go into motion, barely able to catch him, while almost falling to the ground himself. The slime was gone. Apo knew what he was doing - death being swift and final, no chance for final words, no chance to say goodbye. Sty felt like he didn’t even deserve to be here, he didn’t even deserve to hold 4C’s body after what he has done, didn’t deserve the chance to cry over his loss. Didn’t deserve a chance to say sorry, even if 4C couldn’t hear him. He betrayed him, and he knew he did, and it hurt, it hurt so much. How could he have done it? What overcame him to do such a thing?

Sty could try to justify his actions for as long as needed, but he knew there was no justification for it. And now, 4C would never even have a chance to hear him say it.

“Our time together on this server has meant everything to me, 4C. I just couldn’t let it end. But it ended anyway, didn’t it? It was always going to end this way, and I messed up. We could’ve spent your final moments doing what you wanted to do, and instead you had to spend them in a box. And for that, I’m sorry, though I don’t expect you to forgive me. Goodbye, my friend.”

Sty’s mouth was so dry he could barely speak, and by the time he finished, his tears had run dry as well. This was all his fault. This day went so horribly wrong, and it was all because of him. And knowing this had felt just oh so horrible. 

Sty carried 4C’s body out by himself - he couldn’t trust anyone else to bury him, but at this point, he didn’t know if he should even trust himself. Dark blue blood had stained his hands and his clothes, but that was the least of his worries, not after the book he found on 4C’s body while preparing to go out of the box. Not after the book that was clearly written days ago, and now stained with blood - but still having readable text. Not after the book that was dedicated to him, not after the book that spoke of how 4C’s biggest fear was Sty’s betrayal. Not after the book that Sty accidentally had proven right. Not after having fulfilled 4C’s biggest fear on this server, not after the betrayal that was so devastating, nobody involved had been left standing. And now Sty had to bury 4C, alone, while not knowing if he even deserved to do it. And god, it hurt.

It hurt so much, knowing that the future was always set in stone. It hurt so much, knowing that it was always going to happen. It hurt so, so fucking much.

[lazylittledragon]

what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Look what we've become.

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[crabsnpersimmons]

"Do your best today! I'll be waiting here when you get home, starlight~💕"

had two busy days of work outside of my cave and the only thing that kept me going was the sight of my housewife/househusband Eclipse waiting for me at home

that is, the sketch of him waiting for me to finish drawing him 😂

starring @starriegalaxy's Eclipse from her Fear Factor AU/House Husband AU

[inamindfarfaraway]

I would find Blondie Lockes very annoying in real life, but I love her in fiction. She's a genuinely good journalist in terms of both skill and ethical integrity, who only occasionally forgets to check the facts because she's fifteen and holds herself accountable when she does. She has incredibly high standards for everything and believes herself to be the ultimate authority on quality. She has magical lockpicking powers because her fairytale is about Goldilocks breaking into a house. She somehow completely ignores the story's moral that Goldilocks was wrong to break into the house, feels entitled to go wherever and help herself to whatever she's able to and cannot comprehend why people dislike this. She's been terrorizing an anthropomorphic bear family with her cheerful disrespect for privacy and is convinced that they love her. She has a non-anthropomorphic pet baby bear. Her motivation is dependence on external approval rooted in deeply internalized classism. She's desperate to be useful and important to those with higher social status and feels the need to lie that her family is technically royalty to fit in with her royal friends, even though they treat commoners like equals all the time. She positions herself as a conduit of true greatness; closer to it than the masses, but never the hero, always reporting on other people and evaluating what they've done. Because what she's done isn't enough to be worthwhile. What she is isn't enough. But this performative lifestyle makes her anxious about being judged as a fraud and an interloper, and ashamed of selfishly transgressing against social norms. Her microphone head looks like an adorable little bear head. That's one hex of a character alright.

[annieisyourfavourite]

so sorry but that post about "the reason boys and men are being radicalized is bc girls are mean to them" is driving me up the fucking wall. maybe i really am just on a different internet than the rest of you but. this sentiment of "women are being bitches who don't care about men and that's why there's Problems now" is like. such an alpha male podcast classic take. like it's literally "not all men". it doesn't magically become better bc u say stuff with liberal terminology. jesus christ

[bumblingbabooshka]

Crack the whip, Seth. Don't let them grieve, Seth. You use too many big words, Seth. Don't treat them like people, Seth. What challenges, Seth? Isn't it your performance review coming up, Seth? Don't speak, Seth. Don't be uppity, Seth. Accept these gifts with grace, Seth. [Patreon | Commissions]

[myimaginationplain]

I've come to the conclusion that being assigned the fandom-mandated "sunshine character" is the worst possible fate a character could face

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 3 - Monstropolis

[royalarchivist]

I say this in the kindest way possible, but I think this style of prose is more appropriate for a personal account rather than an update account. I have no idea who's being talked about half the time. 🥲

[ Tumblr meme via @mikaikaika ]

[lazylittledragon]

what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?

it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".

i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.

the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.

it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.

tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

End of Empathy (time for violence)

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[bandzboy]

i don't know if some of you have seen but scooter braun has officially retired from managing artists to focus on being a ceo at hybe america. he put out a statement where he said this on his instagram:

i could break down how bad this whole statement is bad but i wanna point out he purposely named newjeans, txt, le sserafim, seventeen and illit here and called them "new acts" and did indeed confirm that he will be working with these groups very closely in the future and yet people are still not alarmed about his involvement and don't take the boycott seriously. this statement is quite literally alarming and proving once again that hybe doesn't care about our opinion and what we have been telling them these past few months. it's so obvious they won't let go of him any time soon and this will only get worse if people don't mobilize themselves seriously. a lot of boycotters can tell you the same thing but we are so tired of begging people to boycott it's EXHAUSTING if this doesn't make you scared i don't know what will

[messrsrarchives]

i've spent a lot of the past 24 hours talking to various trans people in the fandom that reposted or dmed me about this video and i'm gonna yap here under the cut about it.

(i'm not a spokesperson for trans people obviously, and i don't mean to lead these discussions. i know i've had a lot of them recently but yeah it's been rough, i just thought this was interesting to share and can hopefully share a lil of how people are feeling.)

i've always assumed that the hate that i've received on my account was because of me? i post videos talking about discourses, i'm open about ships i like that are generally hated, etc etc, i've just assumed it was a me thing.

but then when people are mad about those things, it more often than not comes to slurs. it's come to people debating my identity, questioning how much of a man i am when i wear makeup, posting me on reddit pages, throwing the words tranny and "she-man" around farrr too much, and i thought "isn't it heartbreaking that this is their first thought?"

so it gradually became less about me as an individual, and instead my identity. and just that these people are mean.

and i made that video from the perspective of someone who's already upset. who's had a lot of stuff like this happen and is Sad about it.

but i've spoken to 47 trans people that reached out to me themselves about this, and have so many more requests to get through, and not one has said that they feel safe and comfortable in this space. not a single one.

so i thought i'd share some of the things that were said (with permission and anonymously) because i think it's quite interesting to see what the issues are:

the MOST mentions goes toooo: the discourse about male characters - namely sirius - wearing makeup and the way gender norms become the forefront of this - makes them feel as though people dislike "unconventional trans people" as one person put it.

alongside this, the hate for trans characters - namely regulus - and how people get very mad about it "reinforcing heterosexuality" - do not feel recognised as the gender they are, feel as though people are viewing trans people as "fake men or women" - quote.

discourses surrounding height, hair, 'gender presentations' etc - brought up by a lot of people and they recognised that this is coming from a good place (not reinforcing heterosexuality) but feel as though the amount of focus put on it is disproportionate to the presence of it. copy and pasted quote: "I'm a 5 foot 2 trans man and feel like less of a man because of it"

profitting jkr: (obviously, because that's what the video was about) i want to add that nearly everyone said that they understand the desire to, and were receptive of the fact you don't know what goes on behind the scenes re: donating elsewhere etc, but said that they've felt less safe since the surge of posts about the reboot.

guilt. which makes me glad that i posted about that here a few days ago because i felt alone in this. a lot of the people i spoke to feel guilty for being here, and feel as though they can't claim that this fandom is inclusive anymore.

comment sections: brought up by a handful of people who said that not enough people delete horrible comments on posts - one said "even if they argue against them it just feels worse than deleting it", another said "obvs i can't ask people to delete them on their own account but it does suck that they dont think to" - every person that brought up comment sections said that they tend not to look at them now which makes them feel like an outsider in the fandom.

cosplays: brought up by four people and feels relevant to above points about "gender presentation" - said that unless you're cosplaying sirius, they nearly always have to delete comments saying something along the lines of "xyz wouldn't wear makeup". all of them said that they just feel nice in it and never meant it in a bad way.

scared to be loud: scared to post, especially with face. a few acknowledged that they are scared to do so anyway, but worry about it in this space as well. bolded this one because it makes me so sad, but having been put on reddit pages for saying pete was their friend, i get it.

and the final point, a copy and pasted line: "i dont want to be represented when it suits them and i don't want to be a box they tick when adding diversity to a fic and then cry in comments. i dont want performative support"

ALSO ADDING HERE:

nearly everyone (bar 7 people) that reached out to me acknowledged that this is a minority, and not the majority. they were very clear that it isn't their whole experience, but is an issue regardless. a lot of focus was put on curating your own space and finding people who do support you, but algorithms don't always make that possible, and it's difficult seeing it happen even if they don't interact.

which is,,, yeah. that's the crux of it really. most of the time it's fine and it's lovely and things like this don't happen, but they still do, and how do you feel like you can engage when you don't know what side it will get on?

which,,, sucks. because there's not really anything anyone can do then. it's just screaming into a void and hoping that you don't end up on the wrong sides.

but anyway, i thought it was interesting. especially the comment sections and the headcanon discourse - which truly, i see less of on tumblr anyway but for all of the above reasons, don't fancy discussing this on tiktok right now which is the epicentre of it.

but yeah. food for thought perchance, and some very good discussions !! thank you to anyone that messaged me and allowed me to write this, you're not screaming into a void with me 🫶🏻

[ginkovskij]

being italian online can be frustrating because some people from over usa are weirdly obsessed with our country and will bend the basic working of logic to claim they are italian too "italian is an ethnicity you don't have to be italian to be italian" brother are you listening to yourself

[angelpuns]

Deep deep fear that one day all my friends are gonna decide they just don't wanna talk to me anymore for whatever reason and unfortunately, I won't get the memo and will keep trying and that'll just make them hate me more :(