#i'm so bad about giving guidelines about specific questions

[shalom-iamcominghome]

What kind of questions are good to ask your rabbi during the first meeting? I know it's good to ask questions but I can't really think of any other than what will the process be like etc., and I want to plan ahead

I didn't ask too many questions during the first meeting, but my rabbi and I got to know each other as people. He talked a bit about his history as a rabbi, some things about his practices, and then I talked about what led me to judaism and a bit of how I've integrated judaism into my life at that point.

I do think the most important question you can ask at this time is for them to outline what their expectations would be of you if you both decide to go forward. So asking what coursework there might be (my rabbi mostly gives me optional readings because I'm already in a course), how they teach, what they most often teach, and perhaps even what steps they would encourage you to take while you're converting are all good questions.

I would stray away from political questions or complex questions only when you and your potential rabbi are first meeting. You will likely have many more meetings where you can address certain things! My rabbi and I have met about three or four times, and it's pretty recent that I talked about (am/eretz) yisrael with him and how many complex and deep feelings I have about it (very cathartic and comforting, I will say). Unless it's a make-or-break for you, you can probably delay those topics for the near future.

I honestly think the first meeting is more than just discussing "practical" topics like how you'll be converting and what the process is like and asking questions. It's also to get to know each other as people. Not every rabbi will fit into your conversion in a fruitful way - you're also seeing if the rabbi will be a good fit for your goals in judaism and how you want to exist as a jew in the future.

I don't want to say "have fun and be yourself," but I think you should try to do that in part! There will probably be many places where you'll want to ask questions, and I can't anticipate that. I personally didn't ask questions from my rabbi because I could tell we were a good match, and sometimes, it's like that! But don't be afraid of the rabbi - they're a person, they're not infallible, and so many rabbis absolutely love to talk to students! I am fully confident that you wouldn't be an exception to that

[xclowniex]

Hi, I'm just struggling to understand your pov: from what I've gleaned of your blog, and people on social media who stand with Israel and also want safety for Palestinians (@rootsmetals on ig specifically), you guys don't believe any peace is possible with Hamas in power (which I can get behind, Hamas doesn't seem to be acting out of care for Palestinians). Hamas breaks ceasefire deals and refuses to release hostages, I get that. At the same time, Israel is holding so many Palestinians as hostages and in prisons. Israel has the backing of the US, and there are videos of their drone strikes against Palestinian kids playing football. All the terrible stuff. What do you think should be done with that? The atrocities and terrorism Israelis are going through is terrible and upsetting. At the same time, I feel like Israel has the upper hand here, and I worry a two-state solution (or whatever solution) won't treat Palestinians like equals (like, I'm worried anti-palestinian racism will systematized). I don't know what I'm trying to ask. Would asking, "Do you condemn the IDF," be antisemitic? I guess I'm just frustrated that from what yall are saying, the onus is on Hamas to relinquish power and end it all, and I don't see yall devoting the same energy to holding the Israeli military and the Israeli government accountable (maybe you think it goes without saying). Sorry if it's not coherent, it's late, and my brain is fried from reading.

Hello!

Thank you for taking the time to read and try to understand instead of leaping to conclusions, it is much appreciated.

You are right in your understanding of my views.

This post will be long but I do encourage you to read it all as it covers everything with nuance and math. The last bit of this post is the most important of it all too.

To answer your questions surronding the IDF

1. Your question surronding holding those in the IDF accountable:

The Israeli government has done bad things and does deserve to be held accountable. What I personally think is that individuals in the IDF responsible for war crimes need to be arrested and criminally tried in an international court of law.

2. Your statement about Israel holding Palestinian prisoners:

The majority of Palestinians prisoners are those who have committed crimes in Israel or have conspired to commit a crime.

There are Palestinians held who have not done anything to warrant being imprisoned, and obviously any number higher than 1 is bad, and there are far more than just 1.

Realistically because I am not Israeli so don't have any experience directly with Israeli politics on the ground, I cannot say realistically what should happen, however ideally what I would want to happen is for policies and guidelines to be updated, and for the updates to be enforced, ideally with, I'm not sure the right word specifically, but like an overseeing committee to give periodal reports to make sure everything is held to a high standard.

3. Your question of if asking "do you condemn the IDF" is antisemitic

It depends on the context. If you see a random jew or Israeli online and ask them, then yeah it is. This is because you don't really see people messaging Chinese people and asking if they support the CCP. If you see a blog engaging in discussions surrounding the conflict, then it's more of a gray territory. If the blog has said it before, then from the perspective of the blogger, you either didn't care to look through their blog or did and think they're lying, which can be interpreted as antisemitism if they assume your motivation for either of those is antisemitism, however it could very well be that you didn't look hard enough on their blog and didn't have any antisemitism in your intentions, but the blogger could still very well interpret it that way.

Do I myself condemn the idf? With certain actions yes and other actions no. I will not condemn the IDF for defending Israel after Oct 7th. From a logical standpoint, the Israeli government has a responsibility to keep its citizens safe, and a facet of doing so is the IDF doing things. It would be a deservice to Israeli civilians if nothing was done to prevent them being killed. From an emotional standpoint, I have family in Israel. I want them protected and safe. I cannot put into words how much I would mourn for them if they were killed.

Do I agree with every action the IDF has taken before Oct 7th and afterwards? Fuck no. The war has gone on too long. They are trying to get rid of hamas and whilst i do agree with that goal, too many civilian lives have been lost for me to want what they are doing to continue. I can understand logically why they are continuing. They have an obligation to Israel's safety, which includes wiping out Hamas. And obviously those in charge still think going ahead is worth it which I disagree with.

4. Your question of what do I consider it instead of genocide

I consider it at this stage the sad affects of regular war as well as war crimes. Not every action taken by the IDF is a war crime, hence the regular war, but they have committed a number of war crimes, hence that part inclined in my answer.

Whilst we will truly never know the full death toll until the war has ended and a secondary impartial group, so neither Israel nor hamas, have tallied the death toll, we will never know. Hamas includes combatant deaths in their death toll.

Because we do not have 100% accurate numbers to work with, i do not know which to go off of. To break down the various different numbers

Netanyahu says it is a 1:1 civilian to combatant death ratio, so for every combatant killed, one civilian has died which if true, is genuinely impressive in any war, and therefore doesn't doesn't constitute genocide. Like if this is true, militaries around the world need to be taking notes from Israel, that's how impressive it is.

To go with the top numbers from both sides from biased sources on both sides, al Jazeera says that as of 4:30pm gaza time Oct 25th, 42,847 Palestinians total have died. The most recent release from Israel of hamas fighters dead is 18,000.

Based on that, minuses Israel's numbers of hamas fighters killed from total death toll, that leaves us with 24,847 civilians killed.

If we round up to 25,000 civilians so the math is easier, that is a 25:18 civilians death toll roughly. Scaled down to compare with the 1:1 ratio Netanyahu states, that goes to 12.5:9 ratio then to a 6.25:4.5, then a 3.125:2.25 ratio. Further scaling down goes to (following the rules of rounding as it has too many decimals to work with)

1.56:1.125

To further round for nice measures, still following the rules of rounding

1.5:1.2

So slightly more civilians killed than hamas fighters per hamas fighter killed.

To put the numbers prior to ratios as a percentage,

Netanyahu says 50% of those killed are civilians

The biased numbers from both sides says a 57.99%, but we will round it to 58% of those killed are civilians.

According to a UN press release which i will link at the end, taking data from multiple wars, the average death percentage and ratio is 9:1 or 90%. That is 90% of deaths being civilians or 9 civilians killed for every one combatant.

According to the math, Israel's actions are still well under the average death ratio in a war.

Now, genocide does have more factors than just numbers. Intent has to be factored in.

Whilst there have been some israeli officials who have voiced their own personal opinions which are disgusting and say that they personally wish to kill all Palestinians, this has not been reflected in any official decisions released to the public.

If I say an opinion, it does not mean the company I work for also thinks that. To bring it close to home for me, a politician of the Act party, which make up 1/3 of the coalition government here in NZ, want to bring in a bill to overhaul our founding document which will harm Māori, our indigenous people. The two other parties in government have said they do not support it. Ergo, just because David smellmore and his punchable face want it, does not mean the NZ government shares his intent. To bring it back to Israel, just because some people, most who have no power in regards to the actions taken by the IDF made some disgusting social media posts, does not mean that intent is in the IDFs actions.

With all of that said, that is why I do not currently believe it is a genocide.

If evidence comes out in the future where it shows genocidal intent or the hamas fighter deaths being far far far lesser to the point where the ratio is more than 9:1, then I will 100% change my tune and call it a genocide.

The data currently does not show that it is one.

That being said, it not being a genocide doesn't mean that its not terrible or doesn't deserve attention, as it does, it very much does. I just believe in accurately labeling things. Something can be bad and not be the worst thing ever and also deserve attention and activism.

5: what should happen to the houses?

Realistically speaking, it is too complicated to force Israelis from homes one occupied by Palestinians. Some homes were taken by force, some were sold to Israelis (and jews prior to Israel's existence in the modern day). Records will have been lost and I think it's unfair, but not equally unfair, for an Israeli family to be kicked out of a house rightfully purchased as well as for an Israeli family to remain in a home wrongly occupied.

I think that the Israeli government should commit to helping to rebuild Gaza in general, and also to build new houses to house everyone. If it can be proved that a house was wrongfully taken from a Palestinian, they should get the option of their old house or a new house in a different location, and if they chose the old house, the Israeli family should get moved to a new house. Otherwise an issue of homelessness could occur.

Whilst it might not seem entirely focused on justice, as well it isn't, it is focused on the least harm for everyone. Because harm cauaea resentment and I want peace. Sometimes, things can't be idealistic.

6. Onto your last question about why zionists don't often talk about the Israeli government's wrongdoings

That is because there is not a safe space for us to do so. Literally.

I have tried before and I just got asks from antizionists saying that I actually didn't care and was lying to seem more "reasonable" or like a good person. I also got people assuming I was then an antizionist and got a few people who were quite surprised that I still want israel to exist who sent me nasty hate anons too.

If more people allowed for jews and Israelis to talk about the wrong doings of the Israeli government safely, more of us would do so.

But, we often opt out of doing so in public and instead only do so in more private spaces. I have spoken many times about things I dislike that the IDF and Israeli government have done off of tumblr and in a more private space, and I know so many other jews and Israelis who also have done the same.

It is much easier for me to cope mentally with antisemitism as I just brush 99% of it off as some fuckward online who has no real affect on my offline life than it is to cope with people sending mean comments to me because they don't believe I actually believe what I say I do or have these false preconceptions of my views because of a handful of posts.

I do want to again say that it is so refreshing and nice to have someone genuinely ask instead of sending hate. Because you genuinely asked, I gave you my thoughts on the wrong doings of the Israeli government. If you had instead sent hate, I would have given you a half arsed replied instead.

Source for the UN thing

[sysmedsaresexist]

hey does acknowledging the existence of parts make symptoms worse? like if they have a different name or other stuff about them thats different from you as a part, or using we/us, or generally just talking about them as a different part. i see ppl on reddit complain abt 'fakers' and them talking abt parts as if different from themself being against treatment guidelines but whenever i talk about my parts this way w drs/nurses/etc no one gives a shit. how else am i supposed to talk about it

Posting all three asks together.

To the very first question, does acknowledging parts make symptoms worse, yes and no. I have to talk about both, because it depends.

Typically, when people first find out they're a system or start questioning having a CDD, symptoms DO get worse.

A lot of antis and reddit are going on old research (old research doesn't support them, bear with me). Before the age of the internet, most people had someone ELSE point out that they were a system before they saw it in themselves.

This has to do with how mental health was treated a couple decades ago (having problems was Bad™️, deny and hide symptoms, it's still true but it was much worse), and access to resources about symptoms being much, much harder to come by. Amnesia was harder to notice. These days, every time you log in, you can see what your alters were doing while you were gone. There's no denying or hiding it.

That said, take myself, for example. I'm in my mid 30s, and I've been in therapy since I was 4.

Around age 20, after a very serious event, my therapist and I started to discuss alters. Before this point, I had rarely heard them, as far I knew, they didn't have names or personalities. Many of my alters DIDN'T have names. They were little more than emotionally reactive concepts of bad coping methods-- "the angry one," "self harming one."

It wasn't until I worked with my therapist to gain some kind of communication that my system kind of... activated. Suddenly, all my symptoms seemed 100 times worse, I was noticing things more and more, the increased communication was terrifying, we fought and rejected each other. We became more real, gained traits, names, voices.

Typically, this kind of upset settles after a while, but it's normal for it to get worse.

This type of progression of symptoms is well documented, but it's no longer the norm.

Now, is it specifically acknowledging the alters or parts that cause issues?

Fuck no, and Treatment Guidelines don't say that acknowledging them as separate is a bad thing.

The treatment guidelines are very clear that you use the language and words that the client uses.

What the treatment guidelines advise against is encouraging the rejection or disownment of parts. An example is someone who's religious, and believes that their system is related to possession. The therapist is to refer to the alters in the same way the client does-- by name and "we/us", etc, without encouraging the idea that they're actually possessed by a demon.

This is more about system accountability than anything else. The point is to get the system to realize that they are all in this together, and that the actions of one have consequences for all, including the demon in question. There is no hell to return to, when the body goes to jail, so do you.

This is integration.

Learning to get along, compromise on needs and wants, working together, leaning on each other, learning about each other, until together you're an unstoppable power ranger mecha with useful skills spread throughout the system. Everyone has a part to play in success.

You can't do that if you don't acknowledge them and their differences.

Fuck reddit.

[ooihcnoiwlerh]

So I've been working on a Feyd-Rautha/Reader fanfic, and am working out various headcanons I have for him in terms of his sexual preferences and past, as well as what I've written but might be a little too silly to include in future chapters and kind of want to get it out there to get an opinion on things.

Link here: And I Don't Want Your Heart - Chapter 1 - ooihcnoiwlerh - Dune (2021) [Archive of Our Own]

Some of my NSFW headcanons down below

-Okay, so it's firmly established that he's a sadomasochist. It's also mentioned in the books that he'd been abused by his uncle when he was younger. I don't think the two necessarily have to correlate but I think on some level he finds physical pain cathartic, and the moments in which he's masochistic to him feel like he's reclaiming something for himself. He chooses the pain rather than having it inflicted on him.

-I get the impression that he's generally more dominant but in the right headspace with the right person can enjoy being more submissive. It has to be explicitly on his terms, though. Like with pain, he has to make it clear that this is something he's giving of his own free will and that is not to be taken lightly.

-I don't think he would or could ever tolerate being subjected to humiliation, degradation, or feeling emasculated. Subjecting a partner to that, sure, but I feel like that would actually be a severe trigger for him so someone calling him pathetic or questioning his manhood in the bedroom may very well get killed on the spot for it. He's buried a lot of his trauma from his uncle's abuse but those things awaken it.

-I don't think there's a specific kink community with a vocabulary or guidelines on Geidi Prime. I don't think he knows what a trigger or a safeword is. As established already in my fic, he doesn't fully understand the concept of aftercare and is pretty bad at providing it (so far.)

-Being an arena fighter on Geidi Prime basically makes him a rock star, and as such he does get his equivalent of groupies. He's never been in an actual romantic relationship, but people fascinated with his brutality in the arena have gotten curious about what he's like in the bedroom and while it doesn't happen all the time, he has sufficiently satisfied their curiosity.

-I'm not sure if this will end up making it into the fic, but I picture him as being predominantly but not exclusively attracted to women, and as someone who's had a couple of consensual encounters with men as an adult, partly out of genuine curiosity/interest and partly to reclaim some level of power.

-Spoilers for future chapters--I'm writing it that he doesn't have sex with his Darlings. They're a little too animalistic even for him. He doesn't mind if people assume he does, though, because of the danger and fear associated with it.

-He enjoys period sex. Nothing deeper about it, the man just likes blood. Will also enthusiastically go down on his partner during the heaviest days.

-So...here's where I'm worried it's going to get a little goofy. While he has a lot of kinks that would be considered adjacent to BDSM, as I said I don't picture there being a specific community. I wrote a scene that hasn't been posted yet of Feyd-Rautha using a flogger on the Reader character and her initially being terrified thinking it's a cat-of-nine-tails and calming down somewhat when she realizes it's not that severe. I'm worried it will seem ridiculous, but I could also picture him having something certain tools custom-made for him. It was one of the first scenes I wrote for this fic but am worried it will come across as tacky/not fitting for the environment. Granted, I'm not writing a particularly substantial fanfic. It's completely removed from the main plot and is mostly a combination of character study and smut so I think anyone who's enjoying it probably knows that it's not that deep. *

*Although to be clear, I'd love to hear from people on that they think.

[calithso]

do u have art tips (for like anatomy and face expressions and angles)? I was scrolling though your ACC and when I tell you I’m eating ur art, I’m actually digesting it as we speak, I love it sm 😭😭

TRACE!!!! IDC WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS. TRACE ART AND LEARN FROM IT. USING 3D MODELS IS OKAY ‼️‼️ PROFESSIONALS DO IT AND YOU CAN TOO ‼️‼️‼️

but of course, don't post it online or claim it as yours, that's just wrong 🫶

BTW THIS IS JUST WHAT I DO. IF ANYONE ELSE HAS SOME TIPS, DROP THEM IT'LL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!

art rules are meant to be broken-💥💥💥

i think i'm the worst person to ask for tips cause i don't follow my own guidelines. i've only recently started to use references but i'm usually too lazy to search for them. which is pretty bad since i can't really visualize stuff in my head (your artist has aphantasia)

when i do half body to full body poses, i just use 3d models and start from there. i usually adjust things to my liking after i copy out the pose. i'm still currently learning anatomy so idk what tips to give about it rn BUT i do have some tips

i think angles helps a lot with what mood you want to convey in a drawing. it may also help with expressions. you can use boxes for drawing different angles of the head. i do this when the angle of the head i'm drawing is hard to draw.

an example on how i used it:

another thing you can try is to learn an artist's anatomy style by drawing guidelines on top of a drawing like this:

see how everything is placed and what bodypart is line with what like: the eyes are in the same height as the tip of the ears, the elbow is line with the dip of the waist, etc.

just adjust stuff to your liking. your work doesn't have to be super anatomically accurate, if it is, there's a possibility that the pose might look stiff so change up some things and exaggerate them. just practice some angles, it'll become muscle memory in time.

if it looks nice, then it's good enough 👍

observe and redraw. it's just copying art styles i like and attempting to incorporate it into my own art. my art style inspos are wildwolf_group and donaldakron (i’m also absolutely in love with their lighting and shading) on twitter because the way they draw hair is so nice.

study art styles 👍 i like looking at their sketches and studying how they do specific things like hair and faces in different angles. pinterest is a huge help if you want art inspo. it's okay to copy poses from artworks but be careful to not copy it entirely if the pose looks complicated or unique, you might get accused of theft 😓 (it's brutal out here)

if you want more art tips, i recommend watching bluebiscuits's videos on youtube. speedpaints have also helped me a lot in the past (we need to bring them back <///33) i also recommend watching art streams. i spend a lot of my time on twitch. it helps understand how an artist draws and may also provide inspo.

some art streamers i frequently watch are: uqi32, yyebuan, meanddeadlines, eo58, mikamuse, Teikki_, hazmatEN, jianrouVT, manda, KandaEm, neg_illustration, AmefuRin, owohiropon, shengtaki, thekansta, pixzli, gravitydusty. I KNOW IT'S A LOT BUT I'M ON TWITCH 24/7 😭

there's also user-cm2co1hw2u (twitter: pdman2) and kuzuvine (twitter: ksk535) on youtube

that's all for now. if some of you have more questions (whether personal or art related) just ask away. i don't bite :)

[fickes]

hiiiiii

as a pre top surgery transmasc i adore your art so much. it makes me so happy and gives me hope that someday i too will be able to get top surgery!

okay so i like asking peoples personal experiences, so what were the most interesting things about getting ready for top surgery, the surgery itself or the recovery process in your eyes?

also how long did it take to get off of the binder after the surgery? thats the part i worry about the most bc i cant wear a binder bc my lungs are inept (affectionate) so i worry how thatll go but i mean itll be worth it obviously.

anyway whatever you are comfortable sharing about the surgery process, id love to hear it!!! have a great rest of your day

Thanks so much :) I'm answering this publicly in case other people find this information useful, but let me know if it's a problem and I'll take it down right away. Also feel free to message me with any follow-up questions.

I should let you know a lot of my comics are a bit dramatized for comedic purposes. I don't lie at all but sometimes I phrase things to be funny, not accurate ;)

Let's get into it - first of all, speaking as someone who needed top surgery but felt it was a pipe dream for soso long, I'll say a) it was well worth the wait and b) it wasn't nearly as hard as I expected it to be, both logistically and physically. I had the advantage that I live in a pretty liberal state in transgender law and financial aid, but the disadvantage of having a few medical conditions that I expected to make the surgery pretty hard on me (and that blocked me a little in terms of getting medical permission). If you live in the USA, I may have more specific legal guidelines for you if you want it.

In terms of the binder! I actually have a chest deformity that made wearing a binder extremely painful and probably damaging. I usually had to opt for sports bras etc., and this was a big concern for me, too, in terms of the binder that you have to wear after surgery. The vest the hospital gave me was problematic because it didn't fit me right and was causing a lot of pain. I'm not sure if my deformity had to do with it or not. But the point is: I told them the problem, and they gave me the option of just going out and buying Under Armour compression sportswear. This SAVED me, and it was FAR less painful than any binder or binder substitute I've ever worn. I could wear it 24/7 and barely even notice the pain, and it was only about $20 online. This is definitely worth asking about ahead of time to any potential surgeon. Even if this particular solution doesn't work for your case, they probably have others. There are a lot of us with bad lungs/ribs!

I was required to wear the compression shirt for 6 weeks. After that, I've chosen to continue wearing it on and off because I still have a little swelling. They expect that to be done by 6 months.

The worst parts were the vest (before I replaced it with the sportswear) and the drains. The worst part about the drains is they do hurt, and if the tubes shift at all you can feel it inside your body (BAD feeling). Unlike everything else, they were gradually hurting more the longer I had them. I got them out after a week, and after that recovery was no problemo at all. The drains are the hard part - I think most people agree with me on this one. Some people experience pain getting them removed, too, but for me it just felt a little weird.

The most interesting thing to me was the result itself. The wound, the bruising, the stitches, the glue, and the scars. Watching my own skin heal itself into a new shape was fascinating! I was allowed to change the dressing on day 2 and it was a pretty gruesome sight, but it also felt RIGHT. I was expecting a difficult adjustment. Even with the gender euphoria, a lot of trans people say they felt woozy or strange when they first saw the results. It can take a long time for your brain to adjust to your new shape. But for some reason, for me, it just immediately felt right. It's already hard to imagine my chest having ever been different.

[sammyluvr]

hii mari i love your writing. i wanna get into writing and start writing more, do you have any tips? 🥺 ty in advance

hi darling!! thank you so much for loving my writing!! here's an old post from my prev blog with some tips about emotions in writing that someone asked about before in case that interests you, here's some more general tips for writing/getting into writing!! i blab a lot heh

the biggest one for me is to not force myself to write if it's stressing me out/or no fun at all. there will always be moments that are maybe a little hard/stressful/annoying and not as much fun, and usually they can be something that you can push through to make it to the other side and start or finish a fic or whatever it is that you're writing! but i've learned from experience that i should just stop writing if it's genuinely stressful or unpleasant overall, because that can happen sometimes! for me personally, that's a sign to step back and come back later (maybe way later! i've gone months and months without writing a fic in the past).

and in the same vein, the whole point of writing for me is having fun and engaging in something creative! it does require hard work and thinking, but i think that can be part of the fun and makes satisfying when you come up with a final product.

especially in fanfiction, try your hardest not to be concerned with any sort of perfection!! your job isn't to write something perfect or even "good", it's to write something that you want to!! it doesn't matter if it's bad at first. my first few years of fanfiction were frankly horrendous according to my current standards LOL. the act of writing, no matter the product, is the most important thing you can do! and it's the only way you'll get somewhere that you like or are satisfied. i've been writing for seven years heh, it will take time! and that's okay :)

be kind and patient with yourself!!!!

if there's some sort of story forming in your head or something inspiring you, just go for it!! start writing it, maybe in the middle of a scene, or start with an outline!

outlines help me a lot when i'm stuck because i can at least know that i'm trying to get from point a to point b. and they help me stop overthinking things. sometimes i get stuck in trying to get the vision in my head straight into fic format (prose) that sounds nice and makes sense! so making a very casual bullet point outline is what works best for me if i don't have enough direction to just go for it! some blurbs i often just go for it, but anything longer, i like a little guide so i know the direction i generally wanna take it! and outlines can be changed or discarded! it's just a starting point or a guideline to help you along. outlines may or may not help you, but they definitely help!

other things you can do when you're stuck is build a playlist or pinterest board (could be super tiny) for the vibes you're thinking about! usually these only happen for me for long fics. or you could sort of just word vomit random things into a doc or a physical page. these sort of things can help spark inspiration. the biggest thing is to start somewhere i think!

and you can always ask others for help or advice on anything!! let me know if you have any more sort of specific questions or something you want tips about!! i weirdly really like giving writing tips even though i have no idea how helpful it is to other people LOLLL and that's another thing that comes with time! figuring out what methods and all that works best for you!

[donnietheterrapin]

╔══════╗

Hi! I'm Donnie, Don, or Donathan if you're feeling :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧fancy:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧.

I use he/they!

Keep reading for Tags and Guidelines!

╚══════╝

﹀﹀ Specific Tags ﹀﹀

►#donnie doodles <- Anything I draw! (I think. I had to go back and add the tag, so if I missed any art then my bad XD)

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DO

►〔Interact with me〕 ➥I love interacting with people!

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►〔Give me art requests〕 ➥Art requests relating to my interests motivate me to draw more!

DON'T

►〔Follow if you are an NSFW blog〕 ➥I'm a minor, and just generally uncomfortable with NSFW.

►〔Spam art requests〕 ➥Spamming means I am less likely to do it.

►〔Be stupid〕 ➥Homophobes, Transphobes, Ableists, Racists, Zionists, etc, are not welcome on my blog.

﹀﹀ ♡ Thanks for Reading! ♡ ﹀﹀

[dumbdomb]

just so yknow tht post by kittenteeth have pornblogs in their dni!

so, nsft blogs are not pornblogs. "pornblogs" are accounts that are mostly impersonal, and very heavily show content that is extremely graphic and no other content. typical blogs i see post lots of thin, light skin, nude women or lots of content that clearly belongs to someone else (whether it be an independent swer or studio production). these blogs are violating the tos and community guidelines and risk being reported or terminated by the website itself.

bc i post lots of nsft, it only makes sense that i limit who i interact with (not reblogging from and blocking people under eighteen years of age). if someone has a description or pinned stating something like: nsft or kink blogs dni, then i avoid interacting and usually block that person to prevent accidentally interacting in the future. i never intended to strictly post nsft content, and i don't. this is a personal blog. i just try to maintain safety, respect, and limit my interactions to fellow adults around here.

i agree with kitttenteeth about not wanting older men lurking around and interacting, i also do not want that. i sometimes can't believe how many people i find that are closer to my age, that i have to block bc they are intentionally following and seeking much younger people... it's giving too "maps" for my comfort levels. though there are a few older people that have stuck around, it seems most have left for other platforms and got busy with work, kids, life, etc...

please do not refer to my blog as a pornblog just bc i post nsft and kinky content. if you view all nsft blogs this way, regardless of what they post, please block me. sex-negative, anti-kink, and anti-porn people are not welcome here. my blog welcomes ace/aro/allo kinksters, poc and people with different views on sexuality than what is normalized in western and mainstream society. ...and please do not involve other users if this was an attempt to harass me. it's not necessary, if you have questions about what someone allows or has boundaries with on their blog, it's best to ask the source for clarity rather than create a bigger situation out of nothing.

edited, october 6th, to include:

nsft and pornblogs were never synonymous, except to sfw users who didn't want to be around anything sexual or kinky at all. idk what you mean about "making your space safe for people like you" but i'm also ace and kinky. i'll post the tag below i use specifically for aspec content...

i think if there's ever any confusion about the intention of someone's dni, limits, boundaries then the best way to understand is to contact that person directly- which would've been the other blog in this case, not mine. it wasn't my dni, it was hers. regardless, this has been sorted and i have no ill feelings about it.

i appreciate you taking the time to think about this and write back. this post was for clarity and transparency, not a reprimand. i had no intention to make anyone feel bad and was mostly worried if i'd accidentally crossed some boundaries here (which wasn't the case at all and why i wrote everything out explaining things). i try to be very respectful of people's dni and how i'm interacting with different posts from everyone (since my blog is not entirely nsft, kinky, etc and i do post other things).

[beemers-hell]

Beeemers beemers question what’s the rules for Beeming(Ebying?) our Ocs? What powers /basic rules are there? I wish to do it for some of mine and I have ideas but I’m unsure if they would fit the world

Aight time for the lore dump, featuring some faces yallve never seen before!

So basically in Ebverse, everything's pretty much normal, the world is how it is today and all that, BUT, there are two supernatural systems running in the background of things; The Powered and Hosts/Ghosts!

So, basically, the way it works is this:

Everybody is born with a basic guideline of what their life will play out like, referred to as their "Fate". No one knows exactly what their fate holds for them (or if such a concept is actually real) but everyone has one. This fate can be changed at pivotal moments through out, but most of the time what's set in stone is usually whats gonna end up playing out.

Some people are less fortunate than others and will be born with a "Bad" Fate. This means they will experience exceptional struggle and misery throughout their life. In the event someone is born with a bad fate, one of two things will happen, depending on an extremely precise moment: when they take their first breath.

If a person is born, and another person in the world happens to be in the process of dying, if the baby take their first breath at the same time the person dying takes their last, the person who died will immediately be transformed into a ghost whose soul is now bonded to the soul of the newborn. This is so the baby will have what is essentially a guardian angel that protects them from the hardship they will experience in their lifetime. Also, once the host dies, the ghost dies with them.

If a person is born and they take their first breath, but no one happens to take their last at the same time, they are instead gifted with powers. This is so they can use their powers to protect themselves from the extreme hardship they will face in their lifetime.

Powered People and Hosts/Ghosts are a relatively new phenomenon in the ebverse, so not everything about how they work is known within the universe itself. But I'm god of this shit so I know! Here's some diagrams explaining both:

POWERED

Generally, Powered People follow the usual rules of super power shit, they got powers but they've also got limits to those powers n shit like that. Specifically for Ebverse, powered people tend to look like normal people (aside from powered people who have physical abnormalities related to their powers, such as someone with animal powers having a tail or animal ears, someone with like say angel related powers having angel wimgs, you get my drift) except for the fact that they have weird eyes. The eyes can be pretty much anything, as long as it isn't a real world eye condition then it counts for being powered.

The powers that these people can be born with can be pretty much anything honestly! From insanely useful yo downright stupid, were playing by My Hero Academia/Jojo Stand absurd levels here basically. Multiple people can have the same power but most of those who have more Unique powers typically don't share them with anyone else.

Every powered person can be born with either one or two powers, there's nothing that really determines how many they have (or even what power(s) they have in the first place), however its rarer to see someone with two powers.

The utility of these powers varies. Some people can only do one specific thing with their power, while others can do multiple things. For example, Ben's powers allows him to manifest black misty objects out of thin air and use them for whatever Green Lantern Style, but thats all he can do with them. Now with Blades, he's able to not only basically blood bend, he can also drink blood to heal himself or even give himself a boost in strength or power, as well as detect if a blood sample is tainted with disease or some other foreign element.

Every powered person has some sort of mental or physical abnormality that accompanies their powers, which may or may not balance out the use of their powers. For example, Raina is epileptic, so if she tries to teleport around too fast or too many times in a row, she'll have a seizure. However, sometimes these disorders may be relieved in some way by the powers instead. Tiana has a weak heart, but her electricity powers allow for her body to use them as a booster to make her heart pump blood at a healthy speed.

HOSTS/GHOSTS

Hosts are normal ass people, through and through. They don't have crazy eyes and powers liked powered people, but the thing that makes them distinct from the rest of normal people of society is the fact that their soul is bonded to that of a ghost, one thats been with them since the moment they were born. What makes them special IS their ghost.

I've actually been working on writing up diagrams that explain the ghost stuff, so have the wips! I think this explains all the necessary shit so far pretty well!

Like it says in the last picture, Possession is elaborated on in a different infographic series, which you can find on my toyhouse under the EBONY! folder, or by clicking this link lol

Also, one last thing: The world is mostly full of just normal people, powered folk and hosts/ghosts are the minority of society. There's much more power/ghostless people than there are powered/hosts. Additionally, there's more Powered people than there are Hosts/Ghosts! Seeing a host/ghost duo isn't exactly super rare but it is fairly uncommon compared to seeing someone with powers.

As always, if there's more you wanna know, just ask n ill elaborate further! This is just the essential shit to how the ebverse works!

[queerprayers]

Not quite sure how to be delicate about this but is sexual activity okay during Lent, solo or partnered? I always feel weird not knowing if it’s rude or not respectful to do anything sexual during Lent.

Great question, beloved! I'm (only kind of) sorry this is eight paragraphs and not a yes/no response.

The easy (and perhaps frustrating) answer is, there are no (specific) rules for Lent! Denominations definitely have guidelines--for instance, Catholics have fasting rules. Besides the couple community-specific rules like these, Lent usually has much more general guidelines, such as centering prayer or being generous. It looks like there were traditions, especially in the Middle Ages, that included celibacy during Lent, and the Greek Orthodox Church still requires it. But generally, it's a personal choice that people seek out for themselves.

The other easy answer is no, I don't think being sexually active during Lent is rude or disrespectful. Your sexual ethic and personal habits are your own, and between you and God (and any sexual partners). Lent is a season humans created that some people honor, not a magical time when the rules of the world are different. God is no less or more present during Lent, and Jesus is no more or less crucified. God commands us to pray and give and love every day. We have examples of fasting/seasons of changed habits in the Bible, and we especially remember Jesus's time in the wilderness, but ultimately Lent is of our own creation, to honor those examples.

I included sex in my list of things people might give up during Lent not because I think it's bad, but because for many people, going temporarily without it and/or rethinking their relationship with it is a holy practice. Someone might choose to be celibate during Lent to strengthen self-discipline, or to seek out other ways of connection with others/themselves, or to replace that time/energy with prayer, or to simply see what their life is like without it and reflect on their relationship with it. Sex, like food, is a physical experience and has many benefits, and celibacy, like fasting, can be spiritually fulfilling for many. (Obviously there are also many differences. The analogy only goes so far. You get me though.)

There are also reasons why someone might specifically not give up sexual activity during Lent! Sex is an area of guilt and repression for so many, and someone healing from that mindset might be triggered/set back by depriving themselves of it. And especially if only one person is religious, i imagine a relationship could be strained by abstaining from a form of connection that might be very important to them.

Ultimately, this is a personal decision (with God's help, and perhaps a partner's input). I'm sorry if you wanted me to tell you what to do, but maybe since you're thinking about it, take this opportunity to reflect on what sex means to you and how it relates to your spirituality/morality!

Some questions you (and many of us) could ask, this Lent and always: Do you usually associate sex with rudeness/disrespect? Do you carry guilt or repression with you? Is talking about it/thinking about it uncomfortable? Is sex genuinely fulfilling or meaningful to you? Has it ever been a mindless distraction for you? a form of self-harm? a giving in to pressure? What does it mean to you that God created us and our ability to be sexually active? What would your life look like without sex?

And ultimately: Would it be spiritually fulfilling to have a season in which you weren't sexually active? What time/energy would that give you (or take away)? What relationships (including with yourself) might you have to reframe?

May you have a blessed Lent, however you choose to honor it (or not). You can personally, willingly, and genuinely make sacrifices/practices in this season, but apart from those intentional choices, continue living your life. Don't change it out of guilt or pressure, especially if Lent isn't particularly meaningful to you. I hereby give you permission to not feel guilty if you're (consensually respectfully healthily etc.) sexually active during Lent or any other season.

<3 Johanna

[syscourse-confessions]

I am so tired of law-abiding fools.

They claim that you can't tell someone's being a smartass based on vibes alone, they might actually be trying to make a real argument! They might really be telling the truth, and without concrete proof you can't say otherwise!

Burden of proof is on the guy wearing the smirk, I'm not sorry

Let me explain. Someone in here recently disavowed the concept of bad-faith arguments, specifically the thought that you might be able to tell whether they're making one without knowing them and being inside their head.

Throwback to several years ago, when I ran up against someone telling me they don't think my disorder is real. I'm like. I'm not dealing with this. They want to paint me as crazy so that nobody takes my criticism seriously, everybody will eat it up because the change I want is inconvenient, and the staff will obviously be like :thumbsup: all the while being like. "You just got mad, deal with it B)" (this was about an IEP in school btw, in case you're curious.)

Bad-faith arguments have an unscholarly purpose. To make you just give up because arguing with them is exhausting. And it works because people take them seriously, bro. People take mister "I dont trust the medicine people" seriously. IDK what the anon was specifically talking about, but the concept of bad-faith arguments should be taken seriously. It's a valid observation to make of somebody else's argument, and they can make counter points to your observation if they want. If the guy was like, I dunno anything about it! Once I pointed out the bad-faithness, I could educate him and he could learn. But that isn't what happened. It's just emotional denial with zero curiosity. "No!! Now listen to me instead of ignoring me!!" they say. And then you listen, and that's when they win. (in this instance I just got accomodations for symptoms of general ptsd, which wasn't enough so I dropped out)

When people with shitty ideas pretend to be good-willed, we feel obligated to give them a platform as a free-thinking, curious, trusting society. Daily IRL life (offline) depends on trusting people to be decent. When people with shitty ideas present themselves as Just Asking Questions And Being Curious Except When You Try To Educate Me I Yell At You, the audience (at BEST) reacts with "oh well I guess since this person who Knows about this is arguing with him, I guess he's worth arguing with! I guess this topic is still up for debate!" And you can SEE the issue with that.

Support people who just don't take obvious shit. Support people who call out some Bullshit, pls. Pretending you have to treat everyone as equally unmalicious is dangerous, and that's coming from a trans guy who was accused of mail tampering at age 11. Be less trusting of OBVIOUS bs, and if someone's like "this is an obvious bad-faith argument" don't go "you don't know that! what if they're well-meaning? You can't see in their head!" it's literally All these types of people want. I don't care what it's about. This happens with every single issue. Hotdogs a sandwich. This is pedantics. We're talking about food safety cause your restaurant is breaking the food safety guidelines, we aren't going to discuss whether a hotdog counts as a sandwich. That type of shit. It's everywhere. "I want a lwayer, dog" "Oh but he might've meant he wanted a dog who was a lawyer! I didn't know he was calling Me dog!" you know. Hope this isn't too harsh, I don't hold any bad feelings towards this one anon, I just really hate seeing actual angels in my life fall into the trap of trusting professional bullshitters :/ Replies encouraged, because obviously since this is a reply to someone I'd be an ass to not welcome a response LOL

📬- Syscourse replies encouraged

[nucarnivalremix]

some questions!

if I have less than 15 relationship tags, would I be allowed to choose to leave out some that I feel would be a bad fit for the spirit of the challenge (ex. I wrote one fic for ship X and all other works are for ship Y, making me potentially a bad fit for authors who mostly/exclusively write ship X, especially if I choose not to allow for ship/character changes)?

related: do I include a ship tag if the only instances of it are non-qualifying works (that I do not intend to give extra permission to remix)?

if I am generally okay with ship/character changes but have one or two fics that I would not want that for, am I allowed to include fic specific DNWs? or would it be more appropriate to exclude those fics from remixing entirely?

- Unless the author states otherwise, the work you choose to remix must qualify under the above criteria. Do not remix any works that are incomplete, under 500 words, crossovers, or OC-centric without the author's permission.

my understanding of this is that we are allowed to give permission for non-qualifying works to be remixed. would this be done via additional tags, like giving permission for ship/character switching and treats, or would it be done by stating it in the DNW section?

last but not least: thank you so much for running this event, and for running every other one!! you have a true dedication to fostering a greater sense of community in fandom and I can't tell you how much appreciate it.

Hello, thanks for your questions! I know there's a lot going on in the guidelines so I'm happy to make things clearer where I can, especially before signups open.

If I have less than 15 relationship tags, would I be allowed to choose to leave out some that I feel would be a bad fit for the spirit of the challenge?

Yes! I know there will be a lot of variation in the number of works & variety in ship tags between participants, so I didn't get too specific about that, but you're free to use your own judgement as to which relationship tags best represent your works.

I'm not going to be cross-referencing tags with people's fics, so as long as you include at least one relationship tag you've written, you're good.

do I include a ship tag if the only instances of it are non-qualifying works (that I do not intend to give extra permission to remix)?

Nope! I'll be sure to make a note of that in the guidelines.

If I am generally okay with ship/character changes but have one or two fics that I would not want that for, am I allowed to include fic specific DNWs?

If you have a particular ship you don't want to separate or character you don't want out of focus, you can make a note of it. And fic-specific DNWs like that are generally fine, as long as there's still a reasonable amount of wiggle room for your gifter. I just don't want anyone trying to box their giftee in to something super specific, since that's not in the spirit of the event!

would [giving permission for non-qualifying works to be remixed] be done via additional tags, like giving permission for ship/character switching and treats, or would it be done by stating it in the DNW section?

AO3 exchanges have a "description" field to write any sort of request/DNWs/etc, so any other notes can go in there. You could include something like "my crossover fics are open to remixes" or link to a specific non-qualifying work you want include.

Let me know if you need any further clarification! And thanks so much for the kind words, I love fandom events dearly and I'm happy people are having fun with them 💕

[tlbodine]

How to Socialize

OK, before I dig into this, a few disclaimers:

1 - I'm not like. A psychologist or anything. Just a writer who's been part of a whole lot of online communities and has run a pretty successful one for a few years.

2 - The advice that follows is not intended to make anybody feel bad or be a condemnation or enforce standards of behavior. If you read this and don't vibe with it, cool. Keep on scrolling by.

**also, oops, this is really long because I wanted to be thorough.

OK. So with that all out of the way. I was talking with a coworker today. She's undiagnosed but suspects she's some flavor of neurodivergent, and she works over on the sales side, where she was recently hired. Part of her training involves being coached specifically in how to interface with clients -- active listening, etiquette, how to ask good questions, that sort of thing.

She said to me today, "For like 27 years everybody has always just told me I was weird and intense and off-putting but nobody ever told me what I was actually supposed to DO until literally this week. Mind blown."

And I was like, shit, you know what? You have a point.

And that got me to thinking about communities -- from online spaces to meet-ups to society at large -- and the way we try to teach people behavior.

I feel like, overwhelmingly, folks are assumed to just understand what they're supposed to do. If there are community guidelines in place, they're usually rules about what not to do. But you can follow the rules to the letter, and still come off all wrong, and then nobody will ever tell you what you're doing wrong because it's impolite or whatever, until you irritate them so much that they either blow up at you or else just straight-up start avoiding you, and neither of those are really helpful pieces of feedback.

So. In case nobody has ever actually told you, specifically and explicitly? Here are some tips on being a good community member, the kind of person that folks will generally like to be around and want to be friends with.

Show Interest in Other People

The number one most important thing you can do to be a good community member, is to show interest in your other community members. After all, you want them to respond to you when you say things, right? Well. They want the same thing for themselves.

"But I'm not interested in what they're talking about." No problem. You're interested in getting along with them, right? Cool. So this interaction isn't actually about the subject. It's about making them feel good. And, hey, you know what? If you keep an open mind, you might find that what they're saying is actually pretty interesting.

Some phrases to remember and use when people are talking about an interest of theirs:

"Oh?" (general usage prompt for more information)

"That's really interesting! How does that work?" (acknowledges their interest + prompts them to talk more)

"I heard once about [related thing]." (shows that you are engaged with the topic, and allows you to shift conversation in a direction you're more comfortable)

"I'm really interested in [thing], I feel like that might be similar in [way]." (forges common ground and allows you to shift conversation to a topic you enjoy).

So for example, let's say you're talking to someone who mentions that they're really interested in...idk...volcanos. You don't really care about volcanos. But you like this person. So instead of just saying nothing (because you don't care about the topic), or changing the subject, engage instead: "I saw that movie Dante's Peak. How realistic is that?" "What got you interested in volcanos?" "I don't know much about volcanos. My thing was always horses. What's it like being a volcano girl?"

Whatever. The point is not to learn about volcanos (although learning new things can be fun!) but to give them a chance to talk about their thing.

Give Other People a Chance to Speak

The flipside of the thing above: If you're talking to someone about their interest, don't go so overboard trying to relate to them that you don't actually let them talk. In the horse/volcano example, see how it ends with a question? The question hands the topic back to the other person. It's like playing a game of catch. Conversation is tossing a ball back and forth. If one person hogs the ball, it's no fun for the other person.

When you're talking about your interests, you'll want to pay attention to the person/people you're talking to. In general, engaged conversation partners will mirror your energy. If they're asking questions and relating what you're saying to something they know, then they are trying to carry on conversation with you. Proceed!

If you notice they are:

Responding more slowly (without saying a disclaimer like "sorry, multitasking/at work, keep typing!")

Starting to reply with single-word responses ("cool!" "Okay" "lol") or emotes

Saying the same thing over and over ("That's awesome!" three times in a row)

They are most likely trying to disengage from the conversation. It's almost certainly not that they dislike you or that you've done anything wrong. They've probably just run out of things to say, or they really want to talk about something else, and they're looking for a way to politely exit the conversation. You can provide them with a graceful out by saying something like, "Anyway, that's my thing. What have you been up to?"

(Incidentally, if you notice that people have a tendency to stop talking to you or change the subject when you're trying to converse, check that you're not inadvertently giving off those disengagement signals. Saying things like "ok" or "I know" without any further prompting or question can be perceived as a cue for the other person to stop talking).

Avoid Self-Deprecation

Sometimes, you realize that you've made a misstep, and it seems natural that your next step should be to apologize. This isn't a bad impulse! But the way you apologize makes a difference.

For example, let's say you're talking in a discord channel and realize that you've been going on for a while and nobody else is saying anything. You get self-conscious and realize, oh, maybe you're talking too much.

So perhaps you're tempted to say: "Sorry. I know I talk too much and it's annoying."

Do not do this. Because now the people in chat will feel contractually obligated to reassure you that you are not annoying.

Instead, try a joke: "Phew that was a lot! Anyway. Anybody else want a turn?"

Keeping things light-hearted alleviates the pressure that other people might feel and keeps the mood from being too awkward.

"Isn't all of this dishonest and manipulative?"

Look. Here's the thing. People who are good communicators -- folks you might hear described as charismatic -- are folks who understand these rules, and other social rules, intuitively. Most well-socialized neurotypical folks communicate this way without thinking about it or even knowing what they're doing.

For those people, conversation is usually less about exchanging specific information and more about nurturing a social bond. Remember -- it's not about volcanos. It's about making the other person feel heard and appreciated.

To stretch the example to its breaking point: What would be dishonest or manipulative is if you pretended that you loved volcanos, or lied about your experience with volcanos, or went out of your way to build a relationship with someone on a shared passion for volcanos when actually you don't really like volcanos at all and one day you won't be able to stand it anymore.

Showing polite interest for a few minutes by asking a question? Is not dishonest. That's just you signaling to them, "I don't get your thing, but I care about you as a person and talking about this seems to make you happy, so please continue."

That's all for today. I might be back later with a post about sympathy and venting and advice. But for now, I hope this was at least a little bit helpful for somebody. Good luck out there making conversation!

[andillwriteyouatragedy]

hi lovely! i have a serious question. so when i write sometimes the most i can squeak out is 10k and i’m not sure why. i feel like maybe i’m missing something that could allow my writing to be longer.

ik that you always write the juciest longest fics that i ADORE, and i would love to write a long fic to maybe post here or on ao3 (like around 40-50k words) and i have the idea of what it will be about.

do you have any tips on how to elongate my writing if that makes sense😭 like is there a certain amount of words you write in a day for a story? do i just need to sit down and write for a certain amount of time? will details help?

ANYTHING would be helpful, thank you 💕

hmm this is a good question!! it has taken me a lot of time to get myself to this point honestly which just is a lot of practice and working at it. and part of it is my style, i'm long-winded and like telling long stories (sometimes people call me boring, but i like to think i am just indulgent) so i end up writing a lot!! if it's not your style, that's totally okay - but also, if you want to write longer things, practice will always help!

also one thing i've noticed is that having an outline will help me in some ways, but being too detailed limits me, if that makes sense? i have a loose guideline to keep me moving, but i let myself indulge in moments and emotions and stuff like that, and i feel like that adds a lot more space than people realize! i also have ocd and a very obsessive/addictive relationship with writing most of the time, so i have a habit of wanting everything to be written out and wanting everything to be just right, so i will write a LOT in pursuit of that! whether that is good or bad i don't know - i think it might just be what it is!

oh also - i always write more if i put myself in my ideal like. writing situation. i've trained myself at this point to be able to write pretty much anywhere using anything, but if i have the right conditions, i can crank out thousands in a day. for me, it's listening to specific music, having no social distractions, and putting aside everything except what i'm writing. i really zone in on it and put myself in that place and then there's just SO much i want to get out about what i can see and feel and experience that so many words come with it

i do not know at all if this is helpful!! i feel like i'm awful at giving advice because most of what i do has boiled down to trial and error, but also maybe that's my advice?? don't be afraid to fail and make mistakes and try new things and find out what works for you!! if you are happy and passionate about what you're writing, i think you'll want to write more of it!! and remember - just get it out! it doesn't need to be good, it just needs to exist, and you can always edit later! don't be too worried about what you're writing while you're writing it; just write, and everything else can come later! judgment-free creativity also lets me write lots more because i just trust myself and move through what i want to be writing to refine later!

okay that's so many words i'm so sorry. but i guess that's also in the spirit of your question?? i love you so much!! i hope this helps!! i am always here to talk!! i'm sorry i'm insane!!

[oriharaizaiza]

Should people follow in Izaya’s footsteps or is it a bad thing?

Should you follow in the footsteps of a childish, impulse driven, jealous and vengeful man who has massive trust issues and abandonment fears? And who's neck deep in the criminal underworld on top of all that?

Well no. I definitely wouldn't recommend doing so.

Even what could be called Izaya's best traits, his intelligence, attentiveness and absolute loyalty, often end up hurting him. Even his strong personal sense of morale is generally misunderstood as some kind of evil intent... Obviously this approach to life isn't a good one if that happens so easily.

However! I think there's much we can learn from Izaya, and he certainly sets a good example in various directions, although he tends to take it too far.

The most obvious; to love people. And not just the good things that people bring us, but all of it. Everything somebody is and everything somebody does, to be able to forgive and love and accept it all! I think that's a beautiful thing, and we all should aspire to reach such a level of acceptance. Don't call the entirely of humanity your lovers and friends though... Give people a chance to actually earn those titles - give everyone you ever meet that chance even!

Almost equally obvious... Intelligence and knowledge are highly valuable things. Of course, you can't help with what kind of intelligence you're born, but you can make the choice to always be curious, and to always try to learn in every situation and from everyone you meet. Specifically, knowledge on the people around you is actually highly valuable. Izaya uses this for playing the law and pushing people to their limits, but such knowledge can be used in the opposite way too. If you focus on somebody's best traits instead of their worst, you always have the means to encourage and support them. And if you remember their various preferences, you can provide in those specific things, and thus make this person feel far more cherished than when random stuff is provided.

Next... His sense of morale. Indeed, it's not obvious, but Izaya has a clear internal sense of morale, an idea of what he considers right, and what he considers wrong. Of course this sense is heavily skewed, due to his (lack of) upbringing, but it's there and it guides his decisions when impulse doesn't ruin the attempts. He teaches us that rules are guidelines, and we can only really figure out what's right and wrong by looking inside.

With these last two points comes a lack of judgement. Of course Izaya does suspect things about people, and usually announces these suspicions rather loudly. However I'm doing so, he actually gives these people a chance to think about their own deeper motivations, and if they wish to; to prove him wrong. (Which they rarely do). But the thing is, these statements and suspicions are just him listing what he thinks it's the truth- there's no judgement bound to those observations, he's never saying, or even thinking, that those decisions are right or wrong. Any choice that had been made with good reasoning is seen as a reasonable choice, and that's the greatest respect you can offer to somebody's life decisions, one I believe more of us could offer.

Now we come to a more controversial one that I expect to be argued; Izaya refuses to take responsibility for the things people around him have done based on his meddling. That's a fact, but here's the thing; I don't think he should! He didn't order them to do any of that. In fact in many instances he either subtly or obviously warns against it. In that case, why should the decisions they made in those situations be his responsibility? Maybe he caused the situation, or potentially made it worse (and he'll definitely claim that), but those involved still make their own choices. If you answer somebody's question honestly, and that person decides to ruin somebody else's life based on that answer, would that suddenly be your fault? That's ridiculous! Everyone should take responsibility for their own actions and emotions; unless you're a literal slave, nobody can make you do anything.

Loyalty- both a virtue and a fault. Being too loyal can easily put you in painful situations with toxic friends and lovers such things, it can also cause you to follow regimes and orders that you know are wrong... But frankly speaking, most people are barely loyal at all, and could do with a little more. Everyone has faults, even our greatest friends. With a sense of loyalty, we can bridge the gaps that fall between us, and forgive a few mistakes here and there. Wether we should spend our entire life torturing anybody who hurt a friend of ours is perhaps a different matter though.....

While on the one side we have all this darkness, on the other we have a man who's very playful and childish. Conserving your inner child, caring for them and letting them see the light of day are good things to me. Children are full of wonder, always ready to discover new things, and capable of enjoying the smallest pleasures with all of their little hearts! If we can, we should encourage these things in everyone, after all, what value can life have when we lose lose that sweet joy?! To me, the loss of your playful side is the biggest sign of a truly broken spirit, so don't let anyone take that from you.

I could probably turn this into an even longer essay, plucking every little trait apart but don't let me bore you any further! (≧▽≦)