#i'm rambling! i don't know what i'm talking about!!

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I am not EVERY autistic person so this probably won't be a total coverage approach, but here's what I have learned:

People like to feel that you pay attention to and remember little but important things about them. And when someone is "small-talking" with you, it is often because they either want to offer you some of that info about themselves, or they want to pearn it about you so they can "return the effort". I think of it a bit like call and response with my cats! They don't understand me, and I don't understand them, but when I walk into the kitchen each morning, Lup runs towards me excitedly making her tiny little squeaks and trills. That's kitty small-talk! Many words of all varieties just say "I love you! I missed you! I'm happy to be here with you today!"

So I answer her! Sometimes I mimic her little sounds, and other times I pretend we're gossiping like church ladies (*gasp* NO, you're KIDDING, he said THAT?? What a scandal!") But whichever I do Lup gets excited and continues her little "conversation" with me.

People are harder. I had to really take time and practice different ways of responding before I found appropriate "call and response" for small talk, but I found that there are genuinely more options than you'd think. And the same thing happened! As I learned how to "call and respond" to small talk, I found that people would excitedly approach me to have it, and gradually we got to know each other enough that the "calls" coming from both sides got less general, more tailored to our personal preferences and interests, and I didn't have to small talk as much (but when I did it wasn't as scary either)

This isn't just my personal theory either! A fair amount of research in interpersonal/social in-group dynamics suggests that "bids for attention" like small talk function in this way of call-and-response intimacy/connection building. I have found that a LOT of social etiquette gets less scary to navigate when I at least understand the function of it. It also gave me some understsnding of why people might be hurt when I visibly don't WANT to "respond" to a "call" they've made: I'm the same way about my "calls" I just use different ones! The way I feel when I ask someone "would you want to hang out with me in the kitchen while I make lunch?" (Sad, a little anxious or vulnerable, maybe hurt if they've said no to a LOT of recent calls, etc) is the same way others feel when I decline theirs! That doesn't change if it was MISSED rather than DECLINED, but it can be repaired! Ao another thing I've taken to doing is naming for people the calls I have learned I'm most likely to miss. I know I have a hard time understanding/recognizing small talk as a call to attention, so I let people know that! And generally the people I connect best with are the ones who notice I missed a call and offer me an explicit/direct opportunity to reject it before internalizing what I've done as a rejection. This isn't really an option for everyone! And while I'm always delighted when someone is compatible with me in that way, I don't get upset if they're not, and work to not take it personally as something I'm doing wrong either.

Anyway, this got rambly at the end there, but the point is, most social interactions have a FUNCTION and while being autistic frequently means that we struggle to learn and interact in these systems as they currently exist, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we don't also depend on those functions. I think it can be easy to forget that part of the "disabling" effects of social/communication symptoms in autism is how it cuts us off from systems of support, care, and human interconectedness (things we still NEED) and it can matter to our quality of life to be able to find compatible alternatives to fulfilling those functions even if the original mechanism (small talk in this case) doesn't suit us.

Being bad at small talk doesn't mean you don't need friends, but it will probably make it very hard to MAKE friends. And we each and all deserve to decide for ourselves what to do about that.

I'm trying to figure out a good way to say "you really should actually learn the basics of small talk" with sounding like I'm biased against autistic people.

[nubiawrites]

chapter five

Pairing: Aaron Pierre x Black Original Character

Warnings: Slow burn. 18+. Smut. oral (giving and receiving). alcohol. talks of safe sex.

Summary: Aaron and Iriye have a nightcap, tensions being released as new connections are formed.

Notes: Everyone say thank you to GQ and Aaron's sleeve. I told you all the next chapter would be worth it. Enjoy and let me know what you think

MASTERLIST

Aaron's fingers drummed steadily against the wheel as he drove Iriye and himself back to his place. The Bluetooth in his card played some Sade as Aaron drove them in comfortable silence. 

This was not Iriye's first one-night stand, but it was with someone like Aaron—a collaborator, an artist, an actor. As they inched closer to his place, her anxiety got the best of her.

"I've never done this before," Iriye blurted out. Aaron had parked the car in the parking garage of his apartment, and he paused.

"Like had sex?" Aaron raised both eyebrows, and Iriye swatted his arm. 

"I've had sex. Trust me," Iriye sighed. "I don't sleep with talent. I never have,"

"Okay," He nodded.

"Because I respect you. And I love my job. And I love this project. And I don't make this a habit," Iriye rambled.

Aaron just smirked as she kept talking, seeing the defenses fall. She was always so sharp and on it, and he liked that, but this made her more endearing.

"What are you thinking?" Iriye asked. "Because if it is and I'm crazy, I will happily Uber home, and we can just—" He cut her off by leaning in for a kiss. The movement took her aback, but she ultimately relaxed into the gentle and sweet kiss. 

Iriye pulled back once fully relaxed and hummed, her eyes opening to look at Aaron's face. 

"Well, if you're wondering what I'm thinking, I don't care if you've never done this or have done this a million times," Aaron stated. "As Nelly and many other women I know would say, you're a grown-ass woman,"

"Please say that again. I need to hear it with your accent and all," Iriye teased. Aaron rolled his eyes before leaning in. 

"Grown-ass woman," Aaron repeated, and Iriye giggled. "Let's just see what happens. No pressure,"

Iriye nodded, and Aaron got out of the car. Iriye would do the same when he rushed to her side to open the door, holding his hand out for her. She took it and got out of the car.

"Thank you," Iriye said. Locking up his car, his hand never left hers as he guided her inside the apartment building.

They entered his apartment, and Aaron let her step inside first. She smiled at the place once he switched on the light, which matched Aaron's energy. 

"Your place is nice. Very homey," She moved to sit on the couch.

“Thank you,” He said before stepping into the kitchen. “You want anything?”

“I’ll have whatever you are having,” Iriye said, looking around at the record collections under the TV. She saw a few books stacked neatly on his coffee table, her eyes peeping at a familiar title. She smiled to herself when Aaron came back with two glasses.

“My whiskey sours may not be as great as yours,” he said, placing the glass in her hand. She chuckled. 

“I’ll be the judge,” Iriye sipped the drink and hummed. “Just a little bit more lemon,” She moved to pull the book on the top of his stack. “How are you liking the Last Days of Ptolemy Grey,” 

“Interestingly enough, I like it. I figured I would read it first before watching. Someone has great taste in literature,” Aaron tilted his head towards her.

“I mean, I do know some things about writing,” Iriye shrugged playfully. Turning to him, she moved to make herself more comfortable but realized her boots were still on. She was about to reach down and take them off, not wanting to seem like she didn’t have any home training.

"I got you,"  Aaron said, his British accent with that deep timber of a voice. Her stomach clenched deliciously, trying to be demure. He moved to lift her legs into his lap. “May I?” Iriye was too distracted by how smooth he was, nodding her head along.

Aaron kept his eyes on her before unzipping the first boot, his thumb smoothing over the revealed skin along the way. Iriye let out a soft breath, feeling him pull the boot off. He did the other, and she kept her legs over his lap.

“Was that an excuse to keep me close?” Iriye raised a brow at him, Aaron rubbing her legs.

“Would that be so bad? To want you close, love,” Aaron questioned.

“No,” Iriye felt his hand moved to her cheek. 

“Come here,” Aaron stated, pulling her closer by her chin. She leaned in and kissed him softly for a moment. Getting reacquainted with the soft, full lips on hers, the feel of his trimmed mustache near her face. When she pulled back, he leaned his head against hers. “I’m taking this however you want to,”

“That might be the hottest thing I ever heard,” Iriye admitted, pulling him close again and kissing him. His hand moved to stroke her legs as they were on his lap. She hummed, his fingertips sending shivers up her spine. They fell into a comfortable rhythm, her hands moving to his neck and cheek. His tongue looked for permission to lick into her mouth, and she gave it to him gladly.

They continued kissing that way, tongues clashing as they moved in sync. Aaron pulled away, moving his hands to pull her closer. But Iriye stopped him, lying back on the couch.

“You look so good like this,” Aaron stated.

“I’m still in my clothes,” Iriye stated.

“Imagine what you would look like splayed here without them,” His words made her press her legs together. 

“Then get me out of them,” With those words, Aaron advanced on her, legs falling apart to fit his hips against hers. Her jean dress pushed up some, and she let her hands fall to his neck as she connected their lips again.

Aaron placed one hand by her head, not wanting to settle too much weight on her as they made out. She felt his hand trail to her thigh, and she pressed herself closer to his chest as she arched her back. 

“Aaron,” Iriye moaned against his lips, her clothes feeling too suffocating. He pulled back, and his hand went to the zipper on the front of her dress, pulling it down till the dark brown bra she wore came into view. Iriye sat up to shimmy out of her sleeves, sitting confidently as she felt Aaron’s eyes take her in.

“You’re so beautiful,” Aaron’s eyes trailed over her breast. 

“I know,” Iriye giggled. She had soft curves from pilates, and her body had changed over the years, but under his eyes, she felt even sexier. “Your turn,” She pulled at his black shirt. Aaron smirked before lifting his shirt. Iriye was trying to stop herself from watching her eyes pop out at his muscular body. His broad chest, the tiny speckle of hair leading into the dark corduroy pants he wore. It didn’t help his left arm was covered in tattoos, and Iriye needed to know how it would look around her neck in the worst way.

Aaron moved to lean down and kiss her as he pulled her closer. Her hand went between them, and she found the button to his pants. He pulled back to give her some space, her fingers quick to get the button off and his zipper down, her hand brushing against his length through his boxer briefs.

“Shit,” Aaron breathed, a grin appearing on Iriye’s face. Hearing him curse was all she needed. She brushed her hand against him again, feeling his length twitch a little. 

“You want me to touch you?” Iriye teased. Aaron kissed her again, Iriye moaning softly into his mouth. She teased her hand against him, and he pressed into it.

“Fuck yes,” Aaron stated, his resolve slowly slipping. Iriye tried to wiggle her hands into his pants, but she needed them out of the way. Aaron moved off the couch to remove his pants, the bulge even more apparent in his briefs. Before she could even marvel at it more, his hands were on her dress, pulling it down her body.

Aaron groaned as he saw how her boyshorts had a wet spot, a telltale sign of how turned on Iriye was for him. He was about to take them off when Iriye stopped him. 

“Last time, it was about me. This time, it’s about you,” Iriye stated. “Do you have condoms?”

As much as Aaron was a giver, a woman being straightforward and dominant with him was attractive. It made him want to just bend Iriye over and fuck her into the couch. But patience was key. So was protection.

“Let me go check,” Aaron got up, kissing her deeply and letting his tongue slide into her mouth, needing to after taking her whole body in. She let her nails drag against his neck, and he groaned before moving away and heading towards a door.

Iriye laid back against the couch, trying her best not to let her hand slip down between her legs and keep working herself up. But the way her clit throbbed in anticipation, she rubbed her legs together to try and calm herself down, only making it worse.

After a few minutes, she heard Aaron come back into the living room, sitting up at the frown on his face.

“I don’t have any…” Aaron rubbed his hand over his chin.

“None,” Iriye asked again.

“None,” 

Aaron gauged her face for her reaction, seeing her chuckle. 

“I don’t know if I should be happy you have none or nervous because you used them up,” Iriye shook her head. A grin went to Aaron’s face.

“I’ve been busy with work. Plus, when it comes to matters of the heart, it takes me a bit to open up,” He said as he moved to sit by her. Iriye leaned into his side. “I can go run for some,”

“It’s too late to be driving around for protection,” Iriye scratched at her scalp softly. “Honestly, maybe this is just what we needed. Let us think straight for a minute,” She said.

“Right,” Aaron agreed, even if he was looking at her lips. He leaned in to kiss her, and she let her hands slip to his neck. “There are other things we can do that don’t need condoms if you want to,”

Iriye purred at the temptation. “And what’s that?” She teased. Aaron’s hands moved to cup her ass with one big hand, and the other slipped between her legs. 

“Open up for me,” Aaron stated, and Iriye slipped her legs open as he asked. He let his hand tease the hem of her panties. 

“I was trying to take care of you first,” Iriye moaned as she felt him toying with her panties. 

“There’s this thing called doing it simultaneously,” Aaron said cheekily, and Iriye gasped at him, slapping his chest playfully. “Some even say the same time or mutual,” Iriye grasped him through his boxer briefs, and he groaned. “Shit,”

“What were you saying?” Iriye asked as she got a hold of his length and stroked him. She felt his head go on her shoulder, and then she was pushed back onto the couch. 

Aaron crawled over her till he was right between her legs, and she kept her eyes on him as she felt him finally slip his hand into her panties, his middle finger already slipping past her folds and her back arching into his hand. 

“That’s it,” Aaron moaned, slipping the finger to press against her entrance before he dipped it in, Iriye rolling her hips toward his hand. “Oh god, Aaron,” Iriye whined. She felt him thrust a single digit into her a few more times, going slow as her body worked itself up. She was getting even wetter as he watched her face, moving to kiss him deeply.

"I wanted to get you off," Iriye gasped against his lips, his finger sinking into the fleshy spot inside of her.

“Trust me, watching you get off turns me on,” He moved to kiss down the side of her neck. Those words went straight to her core, gasping as she felt him pressing a second finger inside of her, and she tried her best to recover. She loved how his fingers and hands were so big, remembering how he gripped her ass.

Iriye needed a bit more control, so she slipped her hand into his boxer briefs and was met with the leaking head of his length. She let her hand wrap around him, stroking him slowly, trying to keep up with the rhythm he was setting inside of her. She stroked her hand up upward towards the head, feeling a vein against her palm, and he groaned, his fingers stopping. Iriye giggled, seeing Aaron, who was very calm and collected, lose his cool.

“You good?” Iriye smirked. Aaron’s eyes grew darker, groaning into her mouth as he kissed her deeply. “Please Aaron… I wanna make you come,” She had ground her way to bliss, and god damn it, she needed to see what he looked like when he came. He heard her pleading and pulled his fingers out of her. 

“Afterwards, I’m tasting you,” Aaron stated matter-of-factly. “I’m clean. I can show you,” 

“Aaron…” Iriye giggled as she pushed his chest so she could get up. She moved to her knees, taking the pillow he handed her. She got herself adjusted and caught sight of him licking his fingers that had been inside of her. So, of course, she leaned up to kiss him, moaning as she tasted herself on his lips.

Iriye adjusted herself until she was comfortable, her hands going to his boxer briefs and pulling them down till his length popped up, her seeing the heavy length twitch against his stomach. She leaned forward and licked the tip, hearing the breathy moan that left his mouth as she teased the tip.

Iriye wouldn’t say she was a dick-sucking enthusiast for just anyone. She had to be comfortable with the person before she would show them how much she loved sucking dick. And it should have freaked her out that she hadn’t let Aaron take her on a proper date before she was on her knees, teasing the tip and tasting the pre cum his tip pushed out. 

Iriye played with the tip, realizing Aaron was very sensitive there quickly. She allowed herself to take the tip further into her mouth, sucking softly as she didn’t want the moment to end. There was a sweetness to his taste, and she hummed as she bobbed her head on his length.

“Fuck,” Aaron breathed, feeling her beginning to slide deeper. He knew he was slightly above average, but he didn’t want to hurt Iriye even then. His hands squeezed the couch respectfully, wishing he could grip her head. But he groaned as Iriye pulled from the tip, him looking down at her eyes as one hand focused on the tips as she began to mouth at the sides, tongue licking him like a popsicle that she wanted to melt. He saw that sparkle in her eyes as she licked back up his length. He let his hands move to the goddess locs, carefully grabbing some in his hand and guiding her when she took his length back in her mouth. He felt her trying to tease the tip again, and he tightened on her hair, not wanting to pull too hard.  

Iriye’s eyes met his, preening at how Aaron was looking. 

“Take that cock deeper, Iriye,” Aaron spoke, that South London boy coming out. She bobbed her head again, working him deeper and using her hand to stroke whatever she couldn’t fit in her mouth. She moaned around him, feeling his length twitch at the sensations. “Fuck, love,” He said. “You look so good sucking my cock,” He breathed, his eyes focused on her.

Iriye could feel her panties soaking through as she continued sucking Aaron’s dick. Hearing him groan and moan, his words turned her on as she worked herself up to relax around his length. She let the tip hit the back of her throat some, finding when she gagged on his length, his hips thrust up as he wanted to get deeper. She gagged a few more times, the gaps and moans coming out more, his fingers tightening and flexing in her hair.

Iriye pulled back, a string of saliva attaching to her lip from his length. She stroked him, looking up into Aaron’s eyes.

“Don’t hold back. Take what you want from me,” She playfully winked before moving to suck his length back in, gagging twice around his length before she swallowed him, sucking on him. Aaron let off grunts and whines as he thrusts up into her mouth a few times, gasps coming with every movement until she felt the warm cum spill down her throat. As much as she wanted to choke on his cock, Aaron pulled up, his length twitching and coming a little on her lips as she stroked him. 

“Iriye,” He moaned as she attempted to clean off the tip of his cock, Aaron still sensitive. She let her tongue out, hoping to catch some more spurts of cum on her lips before she swallowed.

Aaron watched on as the woman who was so confident and could command a room swallowed his cum, feeling so satisfied as she did so. It was so fucking nasty and hot.

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Aaron breathed before kissing her, licking into her mouth to catch a taste of her and his cum on her tongue.

Iriye moaned into the kiss, whining as she was so turned on for more. 

“Come up here,” Iriye felt him manhandle her up off her knees and turn her to suit up against the couch. She couldn’t help but giggle as Aaron had to push the coffee table back across the floor so he would have more room on the ground. “Something funny?”

“Not at all,” Iriye said, the man a giant in his home. He grinned up at her before kissing the inside of her right thigh, playfully biting at her. She let out a moan. He kissed down till he made it to her center. He then moved onto the next thigh, kissing up till he pulled back, his hands tucked into her panties.

“Yeah, you’re not gonna need these,” Aaron chuckled, moving to pull them off. Iriye’s most delicate parts of herself were revealed, and she moved to lift her legs so she could take her socks off. 

“I’m not gonna need these either,” She teased. But she quickly shut up as Aaron sniffed her panties.

“You smell so good,” Aaron chuckled, throwing her panties into his pants. Iriye figured she wasn’t getting them back, and honestly, she wasn’t mad at it. Panties were replaceable, but Aaron smelling hers was not.

Iriye let Aaron hook his hands under the back of her knees, propping her open for him like a feast.

“Let me know what feels good,” Aaron said as he looked at her. Iriye nodded. He kept her eyes on her as he swiped his tongue slowly through her lower lips, collecting the sweet juices, a moan rolling out of her.  He repeated the motion a few more times, every swipe causing her back to arch and her moans to float in the air, but it wasn’t enough.

“Aaron,” She whined softly. “I need more,” He heard her words, and she felt the two fingers he used inside of her teasing her slit. She pressed her hips down, wanting to slide onto them, but Aaron held her thighs back.

“I let you have your fun. Now let me have mine, sweetheart,” Aaron spoke. She saw his smile and let him get away with talking to her like that. His fingers slipped into her pussy, and she arched her back, almost shutting her legs around him. “Nah, keep them open for me,” He said. 

Iriye was holding them, but Aaron guided one leg to his shoulder and then the other, caging him in. His fingers began searching for that fleshy spot inside of her; Iriye whined as she felt him hitting spots along the way.

“Oh my god,” Iriye moaned as she realized he wasn’t going to stop, especially as he found her g spot again. She rolled her hips against his fingers, hearing how wet and gushy he was making her pussy for him.

“That feels good to you, Iriye,” Aaron asked, his lips kissing her thighs. Her moans were enough answers for him, the tiny twitches in her thighs. But he knew she needed more. “Tell me, baby,”

“Your mouth,” She cried. “I need your mouth… this is not enough to make me come… please,” She said between breathy moans and gasps.

Aaron obliged her, his lips sealing around her swollen clit and sucking it to find the proper pressure. It took him a few moments to try to see what Iriye wanted. What sent her hips surging to his face or gave him nothing, but he loved discovering a lover’s body.

“Oh shit,” Iriye knew when she cursed during sex, something was being done right. She moved to look down, seeing his lips sucking her clit as his fingers rubbed a path inside of her. She moved to let her hands run over his scalp, her nails dragging up and down his scalp.

“Aaron,” She cried, his name a mantra she would repeat if it meant he never stopped. She felt him stop sucking her clit before she caught a peek of his tongue beginning to flick at her clit; short cries left her body as he moved his tongue with precision, almost pornstar levels even. “Oh fuck!” She whined, more words falling out as he moved his fingers in tandem with his tongue. She would gladly pay the toll if this were payback for the teasing.

Iriye continued to roll her hips toward his hand as he fucked her with his fingers, tongue flicking and sucking at her clit. He pulled back for a moment.

“You’re gonna come for me?” He asked her, almost a plea for her. She looked into the darkening hazel eyes and nodded. 

“I will! I will!” She wanted to scream. She would do anything for him.

“Good,” Aaron moved his to flick and suck at her clit as his fingers moved to usher her orgasm forward. At first, it felt like a tug-o-war, a push and pull for it to come forward. She let herself fall into it, the first crescendo warning her of what was to come, quite literally. She threw her head back before focusing on him, licking her lips and whining out as another thrust of his fingers and the gates flooded. Short cries became gasps and moans as her orgasm rushed in, and she came, her juices flowing down her pussy, and she felt her walls sporadically tightening around Aaron. 

Instead of letting her enjoy the fall, Aaron continued to work her through it, seeing how good she tasted and how she reacted to being overstimulated. It was almost too much as he sucked her clit, rubbing at her g-spot. She wanted to close her legs, but Aaron had her spread and locked in with his shoulders.

Iriye whined as he prolonged her orgasm, her nails scratching at his bare shoulders until she tapped him.

“Aaron,” She whined, feeling him finally let up off of her clit, and she felt him work her down with his fingers, her juices sliding down his fingers and wrist. She sighed as she slumped against the couch, his fingers sliding out of her. Aaron trailed his hand, wet with her juices, up her body until he teased her lips with them. She grinned and opened her mouth, letting him slide them in so she could suck her juices off of him, mimicking how she suckled his dick before. 

Aaron straightened up, their lips connected passionately as Iriye let her hands wrap around his neck, him leaning into her. She giggled as she could feel him and her pussy clenched, 

“How you feel, love?” Aaron asked her, pushing one of her goddess locs behind her ear.

“Good,” Iriye hated that she had no words except that, but he gave her the feeling. She couldn’t wipe the grin from her face. 

“You sure you’re a writer cause good,” Iriye swiped at Aaron’s face. 

“You play too much. To think I wanted to give you morning head,” Iriye leaned back, and he followed her, his head leaving between her clothed breast.

“You want to give me morning head?” Aaron questioned her.

“I did, but that’s only if we head to sleep,” Iriye challenged him. Aaron moved to hoist her in his arms, Iriye giggling as she wrapped her arms and legs around him, letting him carry her towards his room.

After cleaning themselves up in his bathroom, Iriye was currently in one of his shirts; her five foot eight stature and curvy waist had his shirt hitting right at the top of her thighs and giving a little peek at the bottom of her ass. She forgone her underwear as Aaron repeated that he wouldn’t give them back. She threatened to take his underwear but knew if she took them off of him again, the snake between his legs would not be going to bed. Tangled up in each other arms in his bed, both talking about whatever came to mind

“I honestly haven’t had a reason to need condoms,” Aaron mentioned, Iriye looking up at him. 

“Really?” Iriye said. “I would think it was being thrown at you,”

“It is,” Aaron admitted, and Iriye raised a brow. “But that’s not me,” He stated honestly.  Iriye propped herself up on his chest some. 

“Pussy being thrown at you doesn’t suit you,” Iriye teased, hoping a red flag popped up. Because he was so unreal. “You have an arm tattoo, Jamaican, and a Gemini. You could have anyone dropping the draws with just one look,” Iriye joked, and Aaron looked at her.

“I could have anyone, but at the end of the day, I want someone who wants me. Who chooses me. Not just anyone,” Aaron stated. There was a truth and a depth there that she loved seeing. Iriye leaned forward and kissed him softly.

“I’m sure you’ll find that,” Iriye yawned. 

“What are you looking for?” Aaron asked her. She thought about it for a moment. 

“Someone who can love my ugly parts,” Iriye explained. “Someone who can be around me not only during the good times but the bad times,” 

“Well, I hope you get that,” Aaron stated, his hand rubbing her back some. They lay in comfortable silence, Iriye hoping that what he said was true. That she would ge tit. She hoped for a second… she would have it with Aaron. @wildwomanalereyia @teenage-aria @skvrpion @absentmindeddreamer @blackpinup22 @liv10002 @styleismyaddiction @jungwonsgfs @hooliemooliedonutshawp @hippiesandpeacesigns @blowmymbackout @justagirlwho-believes13 @caribbeangyalsworld @melovedorks @moihasarrived @ashanti-notthesinger @xx-mintyxx @iluvchrisbrown @ash-ketchumzzz @deijalee @pyramidlight @xosharieee @kaylaahisthebestest- @chaniceandrea @kimmivlixx @saveadanc @kaylalb @queenbritbrat @kceeee @naughtynolly-blog @myawesome56 @chainingxday @nononoks-blog @kinginwithbreezy-blog @apple123cg @jazziejax @lauren1000000 @withoutmusiclifewouldbflat @venusincleo @loveschrisbrown20 @brwnskingirlll @iamfredtina @cozyashhh @modelmemoirs @kimiasinterlude @rpayn22 @mscarter123 @lolola22267 @thesweetestdrug @valarghoulis @nyifly22 @zimsilandela @teheeboo @blveeeeeee @5starsirl @yassbishimvintage @23jammy @prettiegal @vadeadiugularis @gabbywontlose @pinkkycherrish @slashervalley @aqueenwasmadehere @lee-jennie @wuzzzgoood

[starsturni]

later*- chris

analysis: when your nerdy tutor chris tries to help you study for your upcoming history exam, you have different ideas.

song: whatever song you like!

wc: 1.7k!

warnings: smut, riding, oral (m receiving), cursing, praise kink, sub!chris, dom!reader, over stimulation, edging, unprotected p in v (wrap it UP!!), and reader is bratty.

i let out an annoyed groan, throwing my head back in frustration at the tough problem. my hands shoot up to cover my face, brushing back the loose strands left behind from my messy bun. "chris, this is way too hard. did we ever even learn this shit?" by now, chris and i have been studying for hours on end and have made zero progress. "c'mon y/n. i know you can get this. we learned it last year in mrs. watt's class."

i shoot him a sidelong glance. "and you believe anyone paid attention? her voice was so annoying." he shakes his head. "i liked her." i smirk softly, seeing the perfect opportunity to tease chris. "if you like her so much why don't you marry her." he rolls his eyes at my corny insult, a small pout appearing on his lips. "she was sweet. plus, she taught some awesome stuff. like, i learned that the shortest war recorded in history was 38 minutes! like, how in the hell did it last so shortly?"

i remove my hands from my face, dropping them onto my thighs that were covered by my white pajama pants. i look at chris as he speaks, not really listening to what he's rambling about, just observing his looks. i always thought chris was cute.

no matter how nerdy he was, or those stupid clear glasses he wore that never stayed up fully on his face, he was always attractive. his features were just perfect, they seemed to just draw me into his world of clumsy and dorky behavior.

his sharp jawline, his long fingers, the way his tone always changed whenever he talked about something he enjoyed. it made me feel all tingly. i feel a heat start to grow between my legs, it slowly starting to ache.

i subtly shift, becoming more restless by every second. "hello? y/n, did you hear even a word of what i said?" he says, a frown creasing his face, an expression of concern taking over. i nod, slowly taking my bottom lip in between my teeth, gently gnawing. "yeah, i'm fine..hey chris, how about you go over problem 'a' again? i wanna make sure i really get down the material."

he nods, letting out a soft sigh, tilting his head downwards. as he looks down at my notebook, he lifts up two fingers, gently pushing up his glasses as he searches for the problem again, flipping through the pages and scanning them thoroughly.

i can't help but look at the fingers, the two so long and slim. as he searches through the pages to find the equation, i reach out, placing the palm of my hand on his inner thigh. his head whips towards me, his eyes widened with shock. "y-y/n, what are you doing?"

i smile softly at his naive worry. "shh, chris it's fine. aren't you tired of studying? we've been at it since like-" i let out a soft scoff of amusement. "what, 4 pm?" he looks at the desk, too nervous to share our gaze. "well, yeah, b-but-"

my lips smash onto his, cutting off his nervous rebut. the kiss is what you'd expect from a single, lonely and horny teenager; our teeth mashing against each other, his hands anxiously gripping and fidgeting the plastic of the spinning chair he was sitting in.

as we pull away from the kiss for a breath, he tries to say his reasoning. "i-i got hired to help by your parents y/n, you have to pass this quiz!" he whisper shouts. i roll my eyes, continuing the kiss. i slip my tongue into his mouth, in reaction to that he lets out a surprised gasp against my lips.

my left hand trails up chris's chest, gently feeling chris's body through the thin layer of his button up. he mumbles against my lips, not wanting to pull away. "w-wait, y/n." i hum softly against his soft pink lips. "y/n." he gently pulls away, leaving only a small amount of space between him and i.

"what?" i answer, looking in between his eyes. he clears his throat, glancing behind me to my door which was cracked open. "uhm, we-we should close the door." he mumbles, standing up and speedwalking to the door. he shuts the door, but not without locking it.

click.

he comes back over to my desk, to which i stand, trailing my left hand up from his collarbone to the back of neck, pulling him in for another kiss. as my lips land on his, this time around the kiss is much gentler and more passionate. his hands shakily rest on my waist, his thumbs rubbing sub conscious circles and shapes on my stomach.

i lead us to my bed, parting our lips to gently push him down to sit on the bed. i drop down to my knees, my hands reaching up for his belt when he stops me once again. "i've never done anything like this before.." i smile softly and his innocence. "so i'm your first?" he nods shyly, a light coat of blush shooting through his cheeks.

i slip the belt out from the loops of his jeans, him unbuttoning them and lifting his hips to take them off. once off, i can see his eager erection through his grey boxers.

holy shit.

my eyes widen at the sight, not expecting such a shy kid like chris to be packing such a length. chris swallows hard, on edge from my reaction. "is-is that bad?.." i look up at chris, shaking my head. "no, not at all. i'm just really surprised." he nods, a sense of pride inflating his chest.

i smile at the sight of his leaking tip as i tug down his boxers. he whimpers softly as the cold air from the fan hits his shaft. i gently wrap my hand around him, holding up his girthy length.

he whines softly, his head thrown back against the sheets, eyes shut with anticipation. i gently press soft kisses amongst the prominent veins running along his shaft. he lets out a soft moan, twitching in excitement from any sort of touch. "f-fuck, please don't tease me, wan' it so bad." he rambles.

i can't help but want to grin at how pathetic it is, how he's begging. i wrap my lips around his red needy tip, dipping my tongue out to swirl around his head. he moans out before clamping a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back noises as his hips try to thrust up into my mouth, desperate.

"o-oh, shit." he mutters. he tilts head forward and off of the bed, wanting to get a better look at the sinful scene. his hands gently tangle up into my hair, to which i remove almost immediately, pinning his wrists to his sides.

i lower my head, taking in as much as i can, feeling tears prickle down the corners of my eyes as his tip hits the back of my throat. he lets out small whimpers, his hands fighting the urge to thread throughout my hair. i pull off, his head whipping up at the loss of contact, a moan of neediness eliciting from him.

"wha-why'd you stop?" he says, a small pout covers his wettened lips. i smile condescendingly, standing up and slipping off my sweatpants, watching the way his eyes follow the whole time as the clothing falls down my thighs and to my ankles. "cause i don't want you to cum that quickly baby."

he swallows hard, looking back up at me, finally meeting my gaze. "i-i wan' see you.." i hum softly, teasingly slipping off my panties at a slow pace. "be patient baby, know you can.." he whimpers at my sweet manipulative tone.

god he's so pitiful.

i straddle him, his hands gravitate up to my waist. i quickly take off the sweater that i stole from chris' closet at one of our earlier study sessions. his hands immediately fly to my covered breasts, groping the light-colored fabric of my bra, his mouth open and eyes wide.

i reach down, positioning chris to line up with my dripping cunt. i slowly sink down, a stifled moan barely escaping my lips as the slight burning sensation fills my insides. chris' eyes slam shut, moaning soft pretty moans that is like music to my ears.

i continue sinking down, finally bottoming out. i take a minute, trying to adjust to chris' lengthy shaft.

i gently rock against him, rolling my hips. he grunts, his thumbs drawing sub conscious circles onto the skin of my hips. i begin to bounce, letting out soft whimpers.

he almost immediately moans out, his eyes tight with pleasure. "fuuuck, y/n, shit that feels so good." i let out soft moans, observing the way his facial expressions contort in pleasure with every bounce.

"oh chris, you fucking like that right?" he nods, his eyes rolled back in pleasure as he desperately grips the bed sheets. i lean forward, planting my hands onto chris' chest for balance as i bounce vigorously, the sinful noises of our bodies connecting against each other repeatedly filling the room could make me cry out in pleasure.

"s-so fucking, ugh tight." he whines. i lean forward, kissing chris hungrily. my hand trails up to his jaw, caressing the stubble littered on his face. "so wet, oh fuck, it feels too good y/n, oh my god," he whimpers softly, "i-i'm close."

i nod, whining softly. "oh yeah? fuck baby, cum. let go f'me, cmon i know you can." he groans loudly, his hands move to my ass, gripping me tightly. "g-god, cumming!" i feel his dick twitch inside me as his impending release washes over in a bliss. he moans as his thick white spurts of cum coat my insides, the warm feeling of fullness pushing me over the edge, releasing on his dick. he helps me ride out my waves of pleasure as we catch our breath, my head tucked into his neck as i pant heavily.

after minutes of laying still, i gently lift my head. i see the thin layer of sweat that coats his forehead, his brown strands of hair sticking to his face, his expression tired.

i smile softly, holding back a giggle. "..are you ready to go over the material now?"

sorry if the ending is rushed, i didn’t know how to end it!

-love, starsturni 😌

currently tagging:

@stir-knee-o-low @arotzsturns @suyqa @aria3sposts @user101624 @craftycrafter26 @oakley298 @secretbowty @gwennybenny @drlsmiths @strnxzara2 @lillianlovesmatt @sofsturnz689 @wonyyoung @magicalfloweranchor @kyliebabe @avamerrill @h3arts4harry @songstonone @st7n1olo @ivysturnss @literallyjustrue @kitty-kats-54 @hannahsturns @slytherin-princess-x @emosexyvirgin @leeeeree @christmastreecake @graciebrams @aokay1 @pookiewookie0513 @nateismybf @goingtojohnkramershouseee @stvrnmc @chrissturniolodailysluts @gn-4315 @strangelysamantha @sweetrunawaycreation @etherealval @chris-slut @ariiijestertheklown @mattsturnioloarchive @stvrnzwrld @courta13 @sophand4n4 @chrissweetheart @g3r4rdsw4ywh0re @oldermenwh0re @wh0remikasas

[boygeniusgirlstupid]

belated thoughts on nightly rendezvous

rewatching nightly rendezvous with illusio had me thinking more and more about sylus telling mc "don't look" and covering her eyes

can we talk about how maybe it's the fact that sylus still just can't believe he finally has mc again, and he's terrified to lose this moment? he's covering her eyes and telling her not to look in fear that she may remember that she's in bed with the head of onychinus, the one who kidnapped her and tried to force her to resonate. of course, we know they've come a long way since then. mc has learned to trust him, and they've opened up to each other. however, i could understand if sylus was still worried that this could all fall apart. he's saying "don't look" but what he's really asking is for her to just stay in this moment with him. share in the love that they have for each other, don't think about the past or the logistics of being with him. don't look at him and remember who he is in this lifetime, just close your eyes and enjoy this shared night together. he's holding on to her with all that he has and asking her to stay with him.

anyway! i'm done rambling now

maybe the first fanfiction i ever write will be a sylus POV of nightly rendezvous because i'm just obsessed with him finally getting mc

[walkawaytall]

Okay, this has been ripping through TikTok and I do not think it's what people are saying it is. Now, I have no insider knowledge, but I have been cursed with an ability to often (though not always) be able to follow Trump's trains of thought even when he skips all around and clearly forgets to bridge the gap between subjects. I blame my ADHD-riddled brain, which does similar things if I don't make a concerted effort to rein it in. Anyway.

Some necessary background: Trump was president when the US secured the 2026 World Cup, and I believe also when we secured the 2028 Olympics. That's what he's talking about in this section. His full statement about this topic is below:

And in 2028, the Los Angeles Olympics will be one of the great sporting events and patriotic celebrations in history. I was with Gianni, the head of the Olympics. And because of the wildfires, they’re going to do a special, special job. They’re going to really do something very special for the Olympics. And the opposite, some people said, oh, maybe the Olympics can’t go there. It turned out just the opposite. They came to see me the other day and the committee. And it’s just the opposite. So the Olympics is great. And Johnny, for the others, you know, the World Cup. Johnny is the head of it. We had our top people, Wasserman. They all came in on the Olympics. And then I saw Johnny. And we got the World Cup, too. And you know, it’s only because they rigged the election that I’ll be your president representing you there. So I got both of them. I got the Olympics and I got the World Cup. And I said, you know, it’s too bad. One was in 2026 and the other was in 2028. And I said, I won’t be there. I won’t be your president. But then they rigged the election. And now we won. So I’m going to be your president for the Olympics and for the World Cup. So, Johnny, thank you for the World Cup. And everybody, thank you for the Olympics. We’re going to have a great time.

I understand that this is rambling and confusing, so I have attempted to translate it into a normal, linear statement below.

My translation: When Trump was president, he was involved in securing the United States as the location for the 2026 World Cup and the 2028 Olympics. He either thought or told some people that it was kind of a bummer that he wouldn't be president the years those events took place. The implication there is that he assumed he would win the 2020 election, thus disqualifying him from running for president again. But then the Democrats rigged the election, which meant he didn't do his second term in 2020, and now he's won the 2024 election, so he'll get to be president during the World Cup and the Olympics.

It is important to note that Trump uses a lot of "us" and "them" rhetoric to stir up his constituents, where "we/us" is him and his followers and "they/them" is anyone who opposes him. It's very 1930s Germany, but I can't think about that for too long or I end up in a panic spiral. Anyway, while he obviously uses "them" the normal way -- as a generic pronoun -- I would be very surprised to see him use it to refer to his own people, especially in this context. If he were brazenly bragging about fixing the election, I'd think he'd use we. (I'm not...like, a linguistics expert; this is just an observation. But his talking points depend on heavy repetition. That's why every opposing politician has a demeaning nickname that gets beaten to death, why "fake news" has become everyday language, why he's still talking about the 2020 election as being rigged, etc. This is just another chance to remind everyone in the room that they got cheated out of something in 2020, to really encourage more unrest.)

Also, whenever thinking about a conspiracy theory, it's helpful to consider two questions:

Who does it benefit?

Does the risk outweigh the reward?

In this case, a rigged election obviously would benefit Trump greatly. However, revealing it on a national stage wouldn't. Trump isn't stupid. He chooses to remain ignorant about some things, and refuses to depend on experts when he should, but when it comes to something like this, I don't see him bumbling into a conspiracy reveal. The risk is too great.

Because something you have to understand is that, while his most die-hard fans are in a personality cult of sorts and will bend over backward to excuse his every move, he has moderate voters. He has people who can't stand him as a person, but disliked Harris more and those people would likely be pretty pissed if they found out the election had been rigged.

Also, many of his die-hard fans believe they are in the majority in our country. I know this because I have been told this regularly on TikTok this week when I made some videos related to the inauguration. Trump tells people this all the time -- that his victory was a landslide (he got 49.9% of the votes in 2024, so that is a stretch), that he's a man of the people, etc. Many of these people believe that the 2020 election was rigged, but 2024 was won fair-and-square. And while I'm sure some would be fine if the 2024 election was rigged as long as the results worked in their favor, it's too much of a risk to potentially upset his followers. Especially since...what would the reward be here?

Like, I get it: Trump's very boastful about a lot of things. But this would not endear him to all of his voters, and even for those who were okay with it...it's possible some would think it was a great "beat them at their own game" sort of thing, but it doesn't really gain him much of anything.

So, I personally do not believe that he was admitting to rigging the election at a nationally publicized rally. I do agree that some of his statements earlier in the speech about Elon understanding voting computers was weird, but it also could have just been one of his tangents. Anyway, unless there is more evidence than this particular speech, I personally think it's just speculation (though I've wondered about it myself for months).

I saw a clip on Tiktok but when looking it up on the Google I found no major news organization talking about it. Edit: Someone told me I misconstrued what he ment so I'm just gonna let this sit here and yall can make up yalls own mind 🤷🏾‍♀️

[mimiiiiiiiiisstuff]

Hi! I'm new to your account, but just binged your "I bet on losing dogs" storyline, and I had a question and concept for you? How much is the reader free to interpret? I'm a theater kid, so I like her hobbies. But is there any specific physical traits you're writing for her? I know you mentioned that we were/are chubby, which is cool, but do you imagine any certain features? Because I'm Mexican American with certain features, so I was curious if you had a certain ethnicity set for her besides being half White/Jewish from Bruce being her biological father.

I also had the same question about Tiffany, because I'm currently imagining the Stereotypical All American girl. Kinda got that Disney Channel actress vibe to her. (Physically). I also had this really messed up though of the reader having to spend YEARS trying to keep in touch her mother's culture and such, learning dishes, traditions, going to local festivals by herself, having to learn how to do makeup and hair styles/products that fit her face and hair pattern. No one bothered to help or teach her. But than, suddenly Tiffany starts to steal those "habits", uncaring if they were very personal to the reader. Than everyone in the family suddenly starts to like the Reader's culture and such. (I had this scene in my brain where the Reader walks in on Tiffany is bragging about some music or dish "she" tried out from the Reader's culture, while the family are all happy and curious about it. Even when the Reader tried to introduce it to the family, everyone declined even trying it.)

I see the Reader so "Your Best American Girl" coded by Mitski.

Anyway I just wanted to ramble, bye!

ok so, I'm trying to be as vague as possible bc reader is supposed to be whoever is reading so there's no in depth description or specific height or build (except chubby in the prologue). i feel like i've basically made reader an OC which i hate but personally when I'm reading a fic, I just ignore things if I don't like them or they don't apply to me which is what i suggest yall do!!

the reader's mother is Palestinian/ Venezualan, like my own mom but you can change it if you'd like. it's important to mention that reader does have Bruce's jaw structure and face shape and shares facial features with Damian as well. It's small things like the ears, the roman nose, even the eye shape, point is that every time reader looks in the mirror she can see shadows of Bruce and Damian on her face. it's kinda like the vibe of "like him" by tyler the creator. I'm middle eastern and hispanic so I imagine reader with darker feautures like tan skin, thick brown hair, arched brows and long lashes but it's all up to you!

reader is very confused because while her dad is white, she isn't. she did try to bond with Damian and learn Arabic with him but he shamed her for not knowing and kicked her out his room, literally. she used to be embarrassed of her heritage when she was younger (courtsey of Tiffany calling her a mutt) but as she got older she realized how interesting her culture is.

she wants to learn arabic but has no teachers and it's a pretty hard language to learn if you don't grow up speaking it .she has no sources to help her and most of the time culture and traditions are things you grow up with and are passed down to you from family. her mom used to speak to her in arabic and feed her dates and sandwiches with olive oil and sugar and make her fried plantians so those things are very special to her, they're some of the only details she remembers about her late mother. so yeah reader is very "Your best american girl coded"

You're so on point about Tiffany, she's your classic all American girl. Blonde hair, blue eyes, long tanned legs and a set of pearly whites. she's the kind of white girl to act like she cares about other races but is secretly racist. you know what girls im talking about! and that prompt you sent with the food eats so hard, I have a scene mapped out with that in the upcoming chapters. I rambled too girl!!! you really got me thinking tbh but let me stop and actually write the next chapter.

[tinylilacbun]

n e r d y l i t t l e k o o k ⋆ ˚ ｡ 𖦹 ˚

The second Rafe steps into the country club, your eyes are on him, a faint smile forming on your face as you watch him get settled on a sofa that's in a more secluded corner.

You take a sip of your mimosa, watching him take out a book from his bag and lean back in his seat, pushing his glasses up his nose before he flips the book open.

He has cought your attention a while ago, Rafe Cameron, the eldest and only son of one of the most wealthiest families on the island, graduated as class best and most definitely future CEO of Cameron Industries.

Rafe is uncharacteristically shy for a Cameron, as the family is almost seen on every event and being social is something he just can't avoid.

You know his sister, Sarah, she's sweet but can run her mouth if she wants to, just like their younger sister Wheezie, so it's endearing to you how that boy across the room never lifts his gaze from the book he's utterly engrossed in, completely in his own world.

Rafe flips to the next page when he sees a set of legs stop right in front of him, only lifting his head when the person coughs softly to get his attention, pushing his glasses up.

"Mind if I sit?" You ask with a gentle smile.

He stares for a second, quickly gathering his thoughts again as he gestures to free spot next to him. "Not at all, um- here." He stammers, grabbing his bag and placing it between his legs to make more room for you.

You gladly sit down next to him, telling him your name as you hold out your hand to him, which he takes without hesitation and know instantly that he seems to be nervous given how slightly sweaty his hand is.

"I-I know who you are, your father is a business partner of my dad, well- almost, he still has to sign that contract." He says, fiddling with the bookmark in his hand.

"What are you reading?" You ask, trying to change the subject, not wanting to talk about your father or his work since you have no actual idea of what he does nor do you care.

"Oh, um, it's about..." He starts to ramble instantly, and you can't stop taking in the way he keeps rubbing at his nose or has to adjust his glasses a few times, clearly a little nervous.

How could he not be? You're a sight for sore eyes and Rafe can't even fathom the fact you're talking to him.

"and it's actually interesting because, wait, sorry-" He apologizes, shaking his head and you furrow your brows in confusion. "I shouldn't bore you with all that stuff you probably don't want to know."

You chuckle at that, it's cute how he gets embarrassed for rambling his current interest. "It's okay, I asked didn't I?"

He smiles a little. "Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just not used to, y'know, people actually listening to what I say..." He mutters, his fingers tracing over the spine of his book.

"I see...and who's that little guy?" You ask, pointing at where the head of a brown teddy bear peeks out of his bag, which Rafe quickly shoves in and zips close.

"That- It's nothing just...probably one of sister's trying to pull a joke." He tries to brush it off but you see right through him.

"Of course." You smile at him, pulling out a pen from your purse before reaching out to grab his hand.

His breath hitches at the contact, he doesn't pull away though, his eyes fixating on your face as you scribble something onto his palm.

As you finish you stand up, giving him a wink. "Call me."

Rafe watches you walk away, his smile growing even more as his face heats up, looking down at his hand where you had written your number on.

Just before going through the entrance door you glance one last time towards him, seeing how he reaches down towards his bag, adjusting the bear inside it carefully before zipping it close again.

[maddiebrj]

Guilt Weighs Upon Your Shoulders

COZETTE RAMBLINGS UNDER THE CUT:

I have not been able to get Cozette out of my head for well over a month now. I haven't hyper fixated this much on character in a good while. Cozette is just....so interesting to me for some reason.

I've always liked her as I found her bond with Connie to be really sweet, and she felt like this wise and caring woman. And yes, while I do understand that the twist of her being Zokket is predictable( I speculated to myself that she might have something to do with him), the thing I like about it isn't because of how surprising the reveal was, but rather the layer of depth that it adds to Cozette's character that I wasn't really expecting. And it's depth that I really wish got expended upon in the game. At first, I didn't think too much of it; we now know where Cozette was all this time. But then I saw how she acted after we freed her from Reclusa's control...and then after that, I started to think about her for more than 5 minutes and realized just how sad, confusing, and messed up Cozette's situation actually is.

I..I so wish we got to learn more about Cozette throughout the game because no matter how underutilized she is, I just can't help but feel bad for her. She got corrupted in organizing the destruction of the world she loves and is supposed to protect. Separating friends and families, kidnapping people and forcing them to work in factories, spreading glolm and further separating others. All to aid the rebirth of being that wants to destroy all worlds. And she just has to live with all of that. That definitely did something to her mentally.

I can't help but think of all that. And on top of all THAT, I just feel like this was a misoppurtunity for some good and interesting character interactions. I want to know what all the Concordians think of her besides Connie and Patriarc ( who is another character that I wish got explored more), I want to know how she views the Zok troops and those memos she wrote while in the Zokket persona, I WANT HER TO INTERACT WITH EXTENSION CORPS AT LEAST ONCE.

I want to know... what exactly made Cozette fall to Reclusa's grasp in the first place. Connie asks a good question to the Great Conductor: If Cozette really was controlled by someone else, why is she taking this so personally? And while I bet it has to do with what I listed earlier, the Great Conductor mentions that it has to do with her being taken advantage of a weakness she has and I'm sitting there thinking, "Oh okay, interesting...care to elaborate on that????." From there I tried to find something, ANYTHING on what that weakness might be and just...nothing. Those Grampy turnips that give some lore tidbits on some of the major characters? They say nothing about her. Her one sidequest involves her making a decision that you can't stop her from making and comes to regret. To this day, I am still trying to figure out what that weakness is. I do have some theories.

Overall, I have this feeling that Cozette isn't entirely and that her story in this game isn't complete. It feels like the writers introduced this interesting concept but weren't able to expand fully on it. I can only assume they didn't as they realized how complicated of a situation it is, and it would probably draw too much attention away from the main threat, which is Reclusa. Which, do not get it twisted, Reclusa. Is. AWESOME. But I am left with a bunch of questions.

Tldr: Cozette is very interesting. I wish her character got explored a lot more.

(Oh boy, sorry, this was so long. I wanted to talk about Cozette for a while. Please don't take this as me hating on the game. I just care so much about Cozette :))

[protect-namine]

yingdu episode 5 spoilers

ohhh my god this is everything I want from cheng xiaoshi. yes. perfect. sorry, but I'm a cheng xiaoshi whump liker and link click always brings out the best of them in episode 5 of each season.

there's just something cathartic about how when cheng xiaoshi becomes an emotional mess, it's also when he's most disconnected with the people he knows (physically, as he's diving in a photo and his only link to his home timeframe is a disembodied lu guang in his head) but it's also when he's most connected with strangers (when their own personal trauma lines up with his). to me, it's a showcase of empathy and a strange manifestation of his own agency. something about how the disconnect gives him the space to blow up, and the connection heightens it and grants him permission, almost, to express his anger more freely for his own sake and for another person's behalf.

like. listen, okay, I'm gonna ramble now because cheng xiaoshi is my favorite character in this entire show, but listen. sometimes some fans will conflate adjectives to his character that are usually associated with his character archetype, but they aren't necessarily true about him as a character. and I don't mean it in a, "he's not like that because he grows out of those traits" kind of way. I mean it in a, "he was never like that" kind of way.

one of those adjectives, for me, is when people call him immature. he isn't! to me! imo! he's got big emotions, yes, but I personally don't think the presence of big emotions indicates anything about maturity. because you know what? as long as his primary trauma (feelings of abandonment) isn't touched, he is very good at handling interpersonal conflicts, and that's what's interesting to me.

qiao ling hides relevant information from him? he removes himself from the situation to give himself space and sort out his feelings. he tells her he's fine and that he'll be back.

post-earthquake arc? I'll just copy paste what I already said in a previous ask:

what initially got me was when I was first watching S1, I thought the earthquake arc would have devastating effects on [shiguang's] relationship. listen, I didn’t know what I was getting into with link click, but I thought that was expected. it’s ripe for drama! but how do they handle the fight? they put their side business on hold but they still keep being roommates. they still do their day job. they still talk. they’re still upset but they give each other space but not to the point where they can’t stand existing in each other’s spaces. that’s when I realized that oh, they really trust each other. they have a very solid foundation for their relationship that not even the earthquake arc can break. they’re pretty level-headed about this, actually, all things considered? all the doomed yaoi stuff came later, but that’s just the cherry on top. it’s the way they handled conflict and disappointment in S1 that got me.

okay, protect-namine, why go through that whole tangent? BECAUSE! circling back to yingdu episode 5, we finally, finally get to see cheng xiaoshi let out some of his anger. and it's precisely because his primary trauma point was on the table. he can forgive a friend lying, and he can forgive being told not to change the past. because at the end of the day, qiao ling and lu guang stayed. they never left him.

but he cannot handle abandonment. he cannot understand why people leave. he cannot understand why he's been clinging on to false hope this entire time. and more importantly, he cannot understand how someone can be such a hypocrite about it. "a man who'd rather be kind to strangers than face his own son" like fuck man. cheng weimin you fucked up so bad.

it's the disconnect/connect thing again too. thematically, it makes sense. when does cheng xiaoshi blow up? when he's alone, far away from the people that ground him. alone, the feeling he hates the most. he's not even in his own body. he blows up when he's inhabiting a stranger's. he doesn't even get to be angry as cheng xiaoshi.

how fucked up is that. man. I love him so much.

also I'm going crazyyyy over the family themes going on in link click. much to say about the show itself across all seasons (the twins, qiao ling and cheng xiaoshi, even the liu siblings), but for this episode... god. okay this is slight speculation territory now and I'll try to keep this very short, because this is only tangential to the post. but. imagine xia fei getting the good parent figure in cheng weimin that cheng xiaoshi never had. and he doesn't know!! he's bitter inside about his dad and he's having hotpot with xia fei and he doesn't know he was in that school!! fuck that's so good. that's so juicy.

okay, sorry, I have a lot of feelings about cheng xiaoshi. he's my link click blorbo of all time, and I love when he experiences The Horrors™ because it's also when other sides of him gets to shine.

on a brighter note:

VEIN AND CHENG XIAOSHI MEETING AGAIN!!! their greeting was so cute. also omg does xia fei know? that his boss is maybe possibly a cannibal? actually, wait, I don't think I'd be surprised if he does know.

ah and finally. finally:

I've been having many thoughts on how yingdu approaches "friendships" and their transactional nature (mostly with regards to liu xiao) but I mostly thought they're headcanon stuff. but now. I'm so so happy that episode 5 is bringing out more of the quid pro quo theme. liu xiao with the gift giving. wang qing's "friends" (bullies) demanding her to cheat on the exam for them. and now, vein and cheng xiaoshi having a friendly greeting but also exchanging favors. so good. so good. it goes along with how there's so much handshakes and handholding this season (not just with lu guang and cheng xiaoshi, but with cheng xiaoshi and the the antagonist trio too, who have all met him by "helping" him in some way). something something trust and favors. probably something that deserves its own post though, but I wanted to point this out because I am soooo here for that. it's goes hand in hand (ha!) with the whole fraud/lies vs innocence/honesty theme this season, and deals/contracts being an equalizer to the two. very good. very tasty.

edit: ooh they also point to this in the YE6 trailer too. nice, nice. if you knew someone's true colors, would you still be their friend?

man, I love episode 5. it just hits all the stuff I personally wanted to see. the only flaw is that we still haven't seen the older version of wang qing, but yeah I kinda expected that they'll hide her until episode 6. they're giving her the liu xiao treatment from season 2. sigh. really wish she'd keep showing up in S3, we need more female characters in this show 🙏

[k1ng-ej]

Politely requesting (desperately begging) for Michael Myers and Thomas Hewitt with a (fem preferably) s/o that is super talkative and can have a conversation for hours by themselves with their nonstop rambling 🙏🏼 (my friends now time me, my record for nonstop talking about one topic is thirty two minutes)

Thomas Hewitt & Michael Myers X Reader who is talkative and rambles a lot!

Thank you for the request! Talkative is the complete opposite of what i am so i was a little stumped when i first wrote this lol. i hope you enjoy!!

Thomas Hewitt

He truly appreciates your rambling. Although he's not much of a conversation person, he’ll happily listen to you until he needs to assist Luda Mae with household chores. He finds it adorable when he catches you talking to yourself while you're busy, whether it's helping with dinner or tackling the laundry. You always manage to spark a conversation, no matter what you’re doing.

As you and Thomas lay together in bed, nestled in his embrace with your head gently resting on his chest, he played with your hair while you chatted away. Though he only half-listened to your words, he relished the soothing sound of your voice. Recently, you've taken the time to teach him how to braid hair, and now he was focused on practicing his newfound skill with your locks.

His touch was tender, and though you couldn't see it, his loving gaze was fixed upon you. He had skillfully braided a section of your hair before pausing to run his fingers through the loose strands, intently listening as you spoke. At one moment, you tilted your head up to him, seeking comfort as you nestled into his side.

He smiled warmly, his hand gently cradling your cheek. You were in the midst of recounting your trip to the store with Luda Mae, elaborating on every little detail and getting sidetracked a few times. Thomas gazed at you intently, his thumb softly stroking your cheek, completely captivated by your words.

As you were speaking, he leaned in and gently kissed your forehead, followed by a soft kiss on your lips. Your initial shock faded swiftly, and you resumed your conversation, only to be interrupted once more by his sweet kiss.

"Hey, I'm trying to tell you a story." You whined, cheeks flushing a deep shade of red. While you enjoyed Tommy's kisses, you wanted to finish your story before he smothered you with them.

He shook his head softly, planting gentle kisses on your lips before finally nodding, encouraging you to continue speaking.

Michael Myers

Initially, he found you to be quite bothersome. He couldn't comprehend how one person could have an endless supply of topics to discuss or how you were able to engage in lengthy monologues with yourself. Frequently, he would stand up and walk away in the midst of your chatter.

As time went on, he became accustomed to it and could endure the noise, yet there were moments when he craved silence. Though he would never confess it, there were instances when he genuinely tuned in to your conversation and even found himself intrigued.

Both of you sat on the couch, a random movie flickering on the TV. As you focused on creating a birthday gift for your friend, you shared amusing stories about them with your murderous boyfriend. It didn’t matter whether he was listening or not; you simply enjoyed recounting the tales.

Out of nowhere, a hand pressed firmly over your mouth. Confused, you furrowed your brows and glanced at Michael, who remained fixated on the television before him.

You pried his hand off with a frown. "That was rude, you know you can just turn the tv up if you don't want to hear me, right?"

With excruciating slowness, he turned his head to face you. Although his eyes were concealed by the mask, his gaze held an intensity that was impossible to ignore. You arched an eyebrow and let out a sigh before returning to the task of wrapping the gift, continuing the tale you had been sharing.

Barely a few words in, his hand was back over your mouth. You attempted to push it away, but it was no use. Frustration escaped in a huff through your nose as you shot him a glare, though he remained fixated on the movie.

Michael felt a sudden wetness followed by a sharp, painful pinch on his palm. Instinctively, he pulled his hand back and examined the damage. Deep teeth marks were indented in his skin, leaving it slightly red and swollen. As he turned to face you, he caught sight of your mischievous smirk.

"You gonna let me finish my sentence now?"

You could hear him huffing behind his mask as he leaned back against the couch. Satisfied, you nodded and resumed sharing stories about your friend while you wrapped their gift.

[panomiels-box]

『more project eden's garden ramblings ≫ spoilers! ⚠︎』

my thoughts on the potential meanings of the newly released imitation drawings (jett and ulysses + kai) by nifast greentail

⚠︎ TW for sensitive topics

jett

≫ let's begin with jett's. this is clearly a reference to his drag racing accident that left him with burn scars. the word 'confess' is engraved on the trophy he's holding, and a threatening shadowy face is also reflected on it. there's a small skull with a hat just behind it too, almost blending in with the flames on jett's head. just from these details alone, my take away is that the real jett dawson actually died from that accident, and someone has been pretending to be him since.

i think that "someone" is probably his twin, and i'm just kind of rolling with that because jett is a gemini and i also just like the idea lol. perhaps he had a twin so jealous of his talent, or so stricken with grief from his death that they started pretending to be him, either to a point they actually think they are jett, or are aware that he is dead and pretends to be him to not worry his family, friends, and fans. which means that the real reason why they won't show their face despite being jett's twin and therefore pretty identical in appearance, is because they don't have any major scars or burns, so showing their perfectly unharmed face would give away that they are in fact, not jett.

ulysses

≫ let's move on to ulysses's. in it, we can see him sitting behind a greek (?) statue that's covered in mushrooms with its head broken off. ulysses is writing in his notebook, and we can peek inside that he is writing himself reminders of basic essential needs (to eat, breathe, feel, shower...) as well as others that aren't fully visible but can be guessed: sle[ep], brush [teeth], and reme[mber]. my thoughts on this is that ulysses was neglected growing up. i believe we can also infer that from some of the things he says in chapter 1, so this illustration really reinforces it for me.

ulysses eventually found refuge in studying history, and his whole world proceeded to evolve around it. i believe the neglect he went through causes him to very regularly forget to take care of himself and his basic needs. combine that with his immense interest for history, he becomes even more likely to forget these things due to how engrossed he can get. he's highly likely suffering from memory loss due to the trauma. he might've even changed his name due to this - ulysses isn't a super common name after all, and i also don't see neglectful parents choosing a name like that for their kid.

in fact, i wonder if the word ulysses is writing starting with "reme" is supposed to be just the word "remember", as in to imply "remember this important part of yourself that you've forgotten" or simply another reminder similar to eat, sleep, etc... but considering those don't have the word "remember" written before them, i believe in the former more. or, it's not at all the word remember, but maybe "remedy", or any other word starting in "reme". what that could mean however, i don't know...

kai

≫ now let's talk about the last one, kai's. he is seen in a bathroom, completely hunched over an open toilet with his phone beside him, surrounded by pink butterflies. his expression is hidden by his natural black hair, although his reflection in the mirrors behind him show his pink hair and the black sweatshirt he usually wears.

my immediate take away is that kai used to suffer from an eating disorder. that's just how the illustration speaks to me. i think it's not too much of a shot in the dark considering he's the ultimate influencer, and before receiving the title he was already an online personality. therefore kai, from a super young age, has been constantly scrutinised by strangers, and being online all the time routinely exposed him to the insane standards that's put online. plus knowing how kai is, which is clearly very sensitive on what people think of him, i wouldn't be too surprised if he ended up developing an ed from stress and other factors. we don't really know about his home life either after all, apart that he lives alone (?) from his ftes.

as for the black hair and pink butterflies (and the person (who's also kai) standing in front of him, reflected in the mirror on the left), i think it's supposed to represent this was how kai used to be, and not how he is now. considering butterflies can symbolise things like rebirth, change, self-discovery etc, i think kai was able to find a way to heal. i did put down social medias as the potential cause for his ed, but maybe it's also what helped him make a recovery. the people he met through it, and his fans in general, provided him with support and love he probably really needed. combine that with therapy, and i can see kai blossoming into who he is now.

end note

alright, that's all i have to say i think! what amazing illustrations. i'm somehow even more hyped for what's to come with this game!! so so cool. go support nifast and check out his other imitation drawings! i'll probably do a few more posts analysing the other ones ♡

[lesbiansforboromir]

The first time I saw this I was all excited when I got to the HERE links like 'oh!!! more denethor positive post recommendations?? :DD' and then the links were me, me and my partner 😂 excitement to disappointment to flattery! Big emotional rollercoaster! But thank you so much for reading and enjoying :) Though there are other tumblr users than me fighting the good denethor fight, anghraine and bretwalda-lamnguin to name two off the top of my head!

The idea that Denethor's final look into the Palantir is a hopeful act literally hasn't occurred to me before, for some reason I never thought too hard about his motivation to do it. Extremely beautiful and heartbreaking take and I fully agree.

I presume the reason you mention it is because it's a part of the video you linked? (which I simply will not watch because I'm sick enough already). Ergo I also presume that the idea Denethor saw the black ships coming up the Anduin in the Palantir and that is what made him lose hope is also from that video? Either way, and I hope you don't mind me rambling on your post, that is a Tom Shippey construction that is actively disproven by the text. Denethor didn't need to use the Palantir in that moment to know the black ships were coming, all of Minas Tirith already knew that!

‘But if you would know what I think set the beacons ablaze, it was the news that came that eve out of Lebennin. There is a great fleet drawing near to the mouths of Anduin, manned by the corsairs of Umbar in the South.' - Beregond, Minas Tirith chapter from RotK

One could make the argument that they didn't yet know the fleet would make it up the Anduin, that they thought Pelargir might stall them, but even in that regard it's just not that great of a shock to find ships you knew were coming... are coming! And Pelargir's capture was already complete by the time Aragorn arrived, so really how much of a doomful surprise would this have been to Denethor?

AND! I don't even think it is reasonable to put such certainty into the idea that Denethor, in looking at the Palantir for the ships, wouldn't see Aragorn captaining them. The Palantir, when wielded by someone of rightful skill (a thing Denethor absolutely had) can see such detail as to pick out a ring on a person's finger according to the Palantir essay. And one could claim he simply was too much 'in despair' to look that closely, but still! It all makes the claim quite shadey.

More likely to me, and supported more by textual inference, is that Denethor saw Frodo captured by orcs in Cirith Ungol and that is what broke him. The timeline matches precisely, Frodo being captured on the 13th of March, the very same day Faramir is wounded and Denethor looks into the stone. And Denethor... tells us he saw this!

‘Comfort me not with wizards!’ said Denethor. ‘The fool’s hope has failed. The Enemy has found it, and now his power waxes; he sees our very thoughts, and all we do is ruinous.'

And here too! Before Denethor talks about the ships, he says;

‘Pride and despair!’ he cried. ‘Didst thou think that the eyes of the White Tower were blind? Nay, I have seen more than thou knowest, Grey Fool. For thy hope is but ignorance.

Like the mention of the fleet is more of an afterthought addition that Denethor includes, when what he is talking about is 'the Power that now arises [against which] there is no victory'.

Denethor knows all about the fellowship by now, he already called it a foolish plan to begin with. But within the framing you give of Denethor's look into the Palantir being one of hope, looking for any chance that their fight will have been worth it, the attempt to search for Frodo in Mordor..... is absolutely heartbreaking! And like... THIS is the kind of thing you see in a Palantir that makes you lose all hope. The ringbearer is captured, naked and powerless in the hands of the enemy. And nude as he is, you can see clearly he has no ring. The enemy has found it, how can there be any other explanation? It was all for nought, how could Gandalf have been so foolish? He has doomed them all. It is purely his vanity that makes him believe he could win now. LIKE. THE AGONY!!!!

This kind of Denethor discourse is so frustrating to me that I am literally pacing back and forth like a panther in a zoo enclosure. Ugggggggghhhhh

A lot of people will tell you that the moral of The Lord of the Rings is “never lose hope,” and that Denethor is bad because he loses hope.

Please read THIS and THIS and especially THIS, which is one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking meditations on LotR you’ll ever read. Tolkien’s ideas about hope are so much more radical than “hope good despair bad.”

Denethor—Tolkien’s Denethor, not Peter Jackson’s Denethor—is unsettling because he tries to hope, but his hope isn’t strong enough to save him. Here are his thoughts on hope, just a few days before his death:

The time will not be long. In what is left, let all who fight the Enemy in their fashion be at one, and keep hope while they may, and after hope still the hardihood to die free.

Denethor has a more “realist” worldview than Gandalf or Faramir, but he’s not a nihilist. He’s still hanging onto hope even though he’s grieving Boromir and he’s positive that Frodo is going to be captured by Sauron. He only breaks when Faramir is mortally wounded and he sees the black ships in the palantir. And I don’t mean he gives up, I mean his mind snaps:

And as [Pippin] watched, it seemed to him that Denethor grew old before his eyes, as if something had snapped in his proud will, and his stern mind was overthrown.

Tolkien repeatedly uses language like “madness,” “madman,” “he is not himself” and “his mind was overthrown.” It’s not subtle!

Denethor is having a psychotic episode. His culpability is reduced, either partially or totally; we can’t know for certain. But I don’t think that everything he says and does in his last moments is “the real Denethor.”

We can do our best and try to have hope, but sometimes life crushes us. How are we supposed to live with the knowledge that this can happen?

Tolkien was haunted by the idea of heroes who fail, heroes who are crushed by their burdens:

Frodo indeed 'failed' as a hero, as conceived by simple minds: he did not endure to the end; he gave in, ratted. (Letter 246)

….I think it can be observed in history and experience that some individuals seem to be placed in 'sacrificial' positions: situations or tasks that for perfection of solution demand powers beyond their utmost limits, even beyond all possible limits for an incarnate creature in a physical world – in which a body may be destroyed, or so maimed that it affects the mind and will. Judgement upon any such case should then depend on the motives and disposition with which he started out, and should weigh his actions against the utmost possibility of his powers, all along the road to whatever proved the breaking-point. (Letter 246)

Tolkien himself tended to judge Denethor harshly, but the character fits very well into the same template as Frodo: a “sacrificial” person who is pushed beyond his limits. The palantir aged him and weakened his mental health, but what truly pushed him over the edge was the wounding of Faramir: Tolkien says that Denethor “maintained the integrity of his personality until the final blow of the (apparently) mortal wound of his only surviving son.”

It’s easy to judge Denethor for using the palantir (although Tolkien said that he had the right to use it and Gandalf admitted that the palantir’s knowledge had often proved useful!) but what should Denethor have done differently regarding sending Faramir into battle? We know that the defense of Osgiliath was necessary because Tolkien had the Rohirrim arrive at the exact moment the Witch King is about to ride through the gate of Minas Tirith. If Faramir hadn’t delayed Mordor’s army, the Rohirrim would have showed up to a conquered city.

Denethor believed that it was necessary to send Faramir to Osgiliath… and he was right! But the pain of being responsible for Faramir’s death was too great for him to bear. You can say that his craving for information killed him, but it’s just as accurate to say that his love for Faramir killed him.

Gandalf tells Denethor’s servants that they were “caught in a net of warring duties,” and this is also true of Denethor. His duty as a father conflicts with his duty as the leader of Gondor, and the strain destroys him.

It may be true that Denethor’s need for control is a character flaw, but I wonder about his final use of the palantir. His son appears to be dying: why does he leave his side to go look in the palantir? I actually think this was a hopeful act: Denethor was hoping to see the Rohirrim, or some kind of good news about the war, some indication that Faramir’s death would not be in vain. But the palantir shows him that he sent his son to die for nothing.

It’s the tragedy of Denethor lamenting “I sent my son forth, unthanked, unblessed, out into needless peril” and dying before he can learn that the battle wasn’t needless… you can’t reduce this tragedy to a morality play!

Okay, I can’t deny that the palantir is a very topical analogy for the internet/smartphones/the tyranny of “data” in general.

But Denethor is so much more than a blackpilled internet doomer, and I will defend him forever.

[thisistoomuchworkforausername]

Gushing about Tetro Pink for However Many Words

Spoilers below cut

In the lead up to chapter 4 I started re-watching Tetro from the beginning, to refresh myself on the sheer amount of content after the Great Okazaki Crashout of 25 and look for hints of her inevitable descent sprinkled along the way; and let me just say, Von Babbit's ability to foreshadow is impeccable and hits harder for me than that truck hit Celeste.

Spoilers. I'm not going to be able to do Von's writing justice, if you haven't watched Tetro Pink PLEASE do.

When I say I blood ran cold when KITCHEN TALK popped up, with Sasaki and Isono casually hanging out while Sasaki cooked, I mean it. I'd completely forgotten that this happened, even during the chapter 1 trial on my original watch through. I thought the twist that Sasaki was the killer was good and all, but I didn't really see why Isono would've been in the kitchen to begin with other that than the plot demanded it. This episode is easily forgettable in hindsight, overshadowed by the insanity of the larger uploads like CONFESSION GAME and the investigation itself, and to be clear, that's not a bad thing, because it makes rewatches even richer when you see hints that weren't seen as hints at the time woven into the story so seamlessly. And it's that attention to detail that only grows over the following chapters.

Before this, during Harada's interview, a moment that I found odd originally took on a whole new meaning after Chiba's death. When asked what he'd change about himself if he could, Harada only says that he makes bad choices, and somberly remarks that he wishes he didn't. Up to this point Harada has been one of the kindest, gentlest students, and so this perceived flaw is a little out of character seeming, but intriguing none the less. Still a miss-able moment that only rears its ugly head when TRIAL of the HANGED comes around and we see his poor decision making on full display.

Don't even get me started on Okazaki's interview, when she goes on the rant about one's sense of morality being different than another's. Once again, felt out of place at the time, but it was the first thing I remembered after the curtain closed on Chapter 3 as I tried to wrap my mind around Okazaki's villain complex.

And then there's RESTURANT. The fact that this wholesome, friendship building episode was one giant red flag about Kamimura's leftovers is incredible and hurts terribly.

This is why I caution people against voicing such dramatic hate when the chapter is still ongoing. Constructive critique is natural and vital to the creative process, but remember that each chapter does not begin with a body and end with an execution. We have six in universe days of build up between each murder, give or take, and Von and Co. use each day to build up story beats that WE can only recognize and appreciate in hindsight. This goes for other Fanganronpa's too. Be kind to one another. I don't want to see what happened to Von during chapter 3 happen again.

Okay that got heavy really quick. But back on topic, there's plenty of moments I left out in this rambling or haven't noticed, so please, if ya'll catch anything during rewatches let me know! The smallest details in the early chapters could be the key to solving later chapters, after all : )

[fast-burn]

ooo genuinely asking out of curiosity— what made you think there was a line for f1 rpf? In what way? I can kinda see it, I feel like there’s some very very popular kinks/tropes and then others you don’t see.

Also I’m not really into hockey rpf but I’ve kinda perused and know you guys have the most incredible fic!! I’m curious what are common tropes used in hockey rpf that you don’t see in f1? For example, I guess bc I’ve been in the f1 circle for so long I almost forget how it’s not “normal” to have sooo much omegaverse hahah

oh anon, i have many thoughts. can i interest you in a readmore?

okay so full disclosure is that hockey rpf has had people trying to doxx authors who post kinks they don't like, so it's not like it's free of problematic readers. personally i've had people write posts about how i'm a disgusting freak for some of the tropes/kinks i've written--mostly xeno/weird biology stuff. i've written some satirical stuff about it rather than let it get me down because tbh there are prudes in any audience. at this point i just don't go seeking people who write hand-wringing think-pieces about how my friends and i are the scum of the earth because really it's rooted in internalized misogyny, kinkshaming, and inferiority complexes; i simply don't have the bandwidth. but discourse like this has chased many people out of the fandom or caused them to unceremoniously delete their work. frankly, i've gotten off relatively easily.

but on the flipside--and maybe this is just time spent in the fandom?? god i've been writing hrpf since 2017--i've got a fairly loyal following who will read pretty much anything i've written. like if i wrote something completely balls-to-the-wall unexpected, it'd probably still get at least 50-150 kudos just on spec. i have a fic where the pairing is so rare that it's the ONLY one in the tag, and it still has 59 kudos.

the thing is that there's sort of a distressing trend of young people becoming more and more puritanical because of the diminishing youth space on the internet. i'm not the first to notice this or talk about it, so i won't bother with going into detail. but connected to this is the idea that fandom is rather cyclical as older fans move on (not all, but some) and new, younger fans come in. therefore, with a new cycle of fans nowadays comes a new cycle of...that. so it's pretty much all fandoms experiencing this. we've all seen the ridiculous outrage at ao3's hosting of """problematic""" content. i think this internal policing is why there's a lot more out-there kink content in original fiction on ao3 compared to fanfiction.

um okay onto hockey vs. formula 1! i need you to take this with an ENORMOUS grain of salt but based on a very very very small sample size, the more kinky the fic, the less engagement it gets. on one hand, this is sort of to be expected, since kink by its nature lies outside what is normative or standard, ergo hopefully people only read it if it's something they want to, or at least are curious about.

from what i've seen so far, i don't think f1rpf is that kinky?? to me, omegaverse is...okay, well it's kinky, but i also think it's become a kind of standard. i remember when omegaverse was new, but now i feel like it's a sort of fandom standard, at least for explicit fics. (are there g-rated omegaverse fics??? i simply filter out any search results for non-explicit fics.) my most-kudosed fic on ao3 is omegaverse, and to me that implies an acceptance of the trope to the point where it's become normalized. but i think there's a reason for that.

generally i think kink in fic is a way to explore and critique the source material in a sexy way. like for example, sports rpf in general has a lot of genderplay, either through omegaverse, or rule 63, genderswap, gendercurse, mpreg, male lactation, etc. which makes sense because generally Big Sports tend to be male-oriented, misogynistic, transphobic, and extremely segregated. and conversely, fanfiction and slash-fiction spaces, in their contemporary iteration, are largely the opposite. so hockey rpf, formula 1 rpf, football rpf, etc. will likely have a large amount of kink that engages with that concept.

but i think there's a lot more stuff to critique in formula 1 that, at least from my brief experience, has gone untouched. and maybe i'm just missing it because it was in the early 2000s or the 1990s? bear with me...

car-fucking/car sex: this is maybe my number one concern. why aren't they having sex in/on/around the cars? or WITH the cars? during a race? post-race? as a warm-up/cool-down? as a way to connect to the car/build the car? (see: carva universe) not just their race cars but also their stables of road cars. hello?? and nobody reacted to my suggestion that there should be a cronenberg-crash au. why not.

adrenaline junkie bullshit: like full jackass stunt nonsense. escalation to completely dangerous levels. deep sea diving, mountain climbing, parachuting, throwing a bowling ball at someone's nuts, etc.

bdsm: there is SOME--really really good stuff--but i want MORE. the way half of them like getting strapped into the seat but the other half hate it? but also the way that the adrenaline junkie bullshit feeds into painplay. and like the Whole Entire Concept of Discipline is just sports sports sports all over.

power dynamics and sexual ownership: while most sport rpf deals with teams, f1/motor is more individual-based. a driver is virtually owned by their team and it's extremely hierarchical. it's what creates these intense rivalries and shifting loyalties. also the cost vs. income difference for the lower formulas vs. f1. idk i just think there should be fics where teams bring that into play for sex reasons.

age difference: some ships come with it built-in, of course. there's this legacy of mentorship that i've noticed which is sort of a combination of coach/player and agent/player. then there's engineers and team principals who also have rich opportunities. mechanics are also often older than the drivers. and owners, sponsors, ancient pundits? so like...fuck that old man??

idk there's just a lot of dark, gross stuff happening in formula 1 and i think it needs to be turned into disgusting (affectionate) sex.

i am accepting recs, and i don't care what pairing it is.

that all being said, and at this point i'm second-guessing every single sentence i've written here, there's still a ton of new younger fans coming in. you can look at the charting of most popular pairings across the past 10 years or so and see it happening. and please don't get me wrong: the cycle of fandom is actually necessary and i love to have fresh writers and readers involved! just that, well.

if i've been in a fandom for x-number of years, i'm going to have to theoretically get more and more creative in order to produce something fresh and different. so unless i want to write some long, well-researched, plot-heavy character exploration through the romance genre, i'm here suggesting that we put a gearshift up someone's ass. okay? okay. but new writers don't need to necessarily go that far. so it's gonna be more tame, more vanilla. less kinky. and likewise, less willing to take a chance on a bit of strange.

[lazylittledragon]

i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen

[fourrflowers]

Hi! I'd love to hear any and all advice. I really don't worry about penance, nor about actually talking about sin. It's mostly a fear of the unknown.

Logistically things are difficult, because I'm disabled, but they're definitely not impossible. Because it takes a bit extra effort, if I get anxious about where I'm going I often don't make it out of the door, which is what tends to stop me.

I worry about messing things up a lot. I used to worry that because I stuttered during part of my confirmation it wasn't valid (but I believe it very much was!) I've been given an over-active sense of worry by God for a reason, but it's the biggest barrier to going to confession!

None of my family are Catholic, and I don't have any close friends who are Catholic, it wasn't really covered in RCIA, so most of what I know is from books, which aren't always the best resources. I guess my biggest question is what do I have to know to say/do? Is there a certain thing I have to say at the start of the confession? What's the whole process like?

I'm sorry if these sound like stupid questions, and thank you very much for picking up the little ramble I had in the tags.

This site whines about Catholic guilt as if it was some inalienable force. One trip to the confessional! One trip to the confessional and all your sins, even the ones you can't remember, and their consequences in the next life are washed away. God, by virtue of his place outside time, continuously suffers crucifixion so that you may be forgiven!