#i'm not like fully allo

[sodiumsorbae]

people who say that life without love isn't worth living haven't experienced setting things on fire

[teaandinanity]

Question for people who are good at AO3:

Is there a way to force a search to ONLY look for your target pairing as the first listed relationship?

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

Just saw a post that had 1000+ notes and I'm sorry I'm heated. Cishet aces/aros are queer & part of the community(if they want to be) because asexulity or aromantism are queer identies on their own.

What is not queer is an allocishet "aplatonic" or "afamilial" wtf is this shit. No, a person who identifies with their birth gender and is exclusively romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite gender is not and never will be part of the queer community because they Don't have friends or like their family.

Validity Culture has poisoned your damn minds actually.

[moe-broey]

Brain still soup but like. I think making one or both (or more!) characters involved in relationships with each other aromantic makes the dynamic soooooo much more compelling. Because if you remove romance as a motivator, you really get down to the nitty-gritty as to WHY that character is seeking out/involved in those relationships in the first place. Whether that relationship involves romantic factors or is more of a queer platonic thing. Much to think about....

[isitovernow-ootw]

beginning to wish i was exposed to queer internet spaces a bit later so i could have just existed for a while, its really hard to think about my gender when I haven't spent a single period of time not analyzing it since i was 13

[perksofbeingace]

idk if this is the right place for a question like this, but have you met anyone who's just ace and not aro? I know I'm asexual but I definitely have romantic desires, and I feel like every time I engage in the community it's always from an aroace perspective. Sometimes I feel like it's just me that's just ace and I want to know if there is anyone else out there

loads.

I myself don't fully consider myself aro even if my romantic feelings are definitely influenced by my aceness and just as much by me being autistic and feelings being difficult for me as a whole. I end up just calling myself a relationship anarchist since I don't particularly care for the rules and lines and differences we "make up" between platonic and romantic feelings and actions. but that's about me. this is about you

There were years of Ace-"discourse" and about how ace people can have romantic relationships actually! and aros feeling very sidelined. maybe it has swung around to be the other way now. maybe it's pockets of this side or that and you found a more aroace pocket of the community.

but I can assure you. you are not the only one. I know people who are engaged to be married who consider themselves ace but not aro. people in poly relationships. single people going on dates (and being frustrated by dating apps just as and in very particular additional ways as allo people) ace people reading romance books and sighing wistfully. ace people trying to be friends with their ex. ace people crushing and sighing and having little hearts around their head when that one person walks into the room. ace people are everywhere. some of them aro. some of them not. some of them somewhere inbetween and not as easily put into one side or the other.

you are not alone.

[that-girl-glader]

As an Aroace person who has experienced all the Aroace stuff minus the people not taking me seriously because well I'm closeted and young. I have felt and can feel romantic attraction and I have practically gone through a few Aroace label on the spectrum. I would love to be asked questions about it though!!! So feel free!! Want an analogy, me to speak about my sexuality, advice, or to wonder what it's like to feel romantic attraction in general or as an aroacespec I'm y'all gal.

I just wanted to say that being on the acespec is my hugest struggle if any. Mainly because I'm stuck between lines. I can't FEEL sexual attraction to ANYONE. I did ONCE ONCE FOR A DAY. And I get HORNY, I CRAVE FOR IT. AND I HATEEE IT. WHY COULDN'T I JUST BE ASEXUAL. OR ALLO. Atleast my aromanticism I understand. I figured I'm probably demiromantic because of how DEEPLY AND MUCH I LOVE AFTER STRONG EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS. AND IT DOESN'T LEAVE IF I CHOOSE TO CONTINUE LOVING THIS PERSON. I LOVE BEING IN LOVE. BUT IT'S JUST AS STRONG AS HOW MUCH I LOVE HAVING FRIENDS.

But the asexuality is kicking my ass. Because I just can't deal with how confusing it is. I wish I could have sex, but it scares me. And I CRY IF I EVEN FEEL AN OUNCE OF ACTUAL SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO A REAL LIFE PERSON AND OT SCARES ME. SEX SCARES ME. AND NOT KNOWING WHERE ON THE ACE SPECTRUM I AM SCARES ME. AND I SWEAR IVE BEEN FULLY ASEXUAL, GREYSEXUAL, AND AEGOSEXUAL, AND MAYBE IM ACEFLUX OR MAYBE IM NOT. AND IT JUST SUCKS.

[her-little-dove]

we know Lady Aphrodite has a LOT of queer worshippers, but everyone's experiences with love differ. my label, as far i know, isn't exactly well known.

so, hey! i'm abrosexual!

abrosexuality is basically when your sexuality fluctuates from aroace to ace to allo to all over the place. it's like genderfluid but instead of what gender you are it's what gender you're attracted to.

Lady Aphrodite is fully aware of all this, and supports me either way!

hail Lady Aphrodite, Lady of Love no matter what type!

[bloggingboutburgers]

Allo anon again, I just wanted to come in here one more time to say that I didn't mean to make you cry, but I am happy that I have brought you and other people joy! I will take any chance I get to gush about my gf because she is a wonderful woman and deserves the world. :3

I don't know much about France, but I do know that in North America there is starting to be more asexual awareness in the medical field and outside of it. Many people still find it weird, but at least within LGBTQ+ spaces, I've seen it become more welcomed. I hope that within my lifetime, it can be far more accepted.

I may not fully understand the asexual experience, but as an autistic person, I know what it's like to know that you are in some way invisibly different from your peers. To have wants and desires that make people look at you sideways. To have people say to your face that they think you are a fundamentally broken person, and that your life is not worth living. I know how frustrating it can feel to be boxed in because of others' assumptions. But just because you do not fit into what is "normal" does not make your path any less worth taking.

The beauty of humanity comes from the diversity of its experiences. There are so many ways to make connections with other people, animals, and nature. No matter what others might tell you, I believe that the universe is not fundamentally cruel, but kind. The world DOES have a place for all of us in it, it just takes more time for some people to find their niche.

I also wanted to reaffirm to everyone out there that regardless of if you want sex, romance, or neither, and regardless of if you want a long term partner or not, you are valid. I'm friends with a couple other aces and aros, and they are amazing creatives, scientists, and friends. No matter what you want out of life, you, the person reading this, deserves people who will care for you and respect you in a way that honours your boundaries. You deserve acceptance and happiness. Even if things get difficult, I sincerely hope that you will find what you are looking for. And in the meantime, I am offering digital hugs, high-fives, and pastries of your choice :)

Have a good day or night, and even if it's only for 5 minutes, do something that makes you happy <3

I'm so sorry I'm replying to this so late, the past couple days have been a bit busy! But please don't worry about the tears, they were definitely happy ones, and this just almost brought up more of them 🫶

Thank you so so much for this, it's so uplifting to read and deserves to be shared widely. I hope you also have a wonderful day or night and I wish you and your gf all the happiness you can have!!

[speakofthedebbie]

Hey, I saw your rant on RadioApple and was wondering if I can chime in as an aroace? You mentioned at the end that you're allo so I thought maybe throwing in my perspective might be a bit helpful. Obviously I don't speak for every ace out there, so you can take this with a grain of salt or just delete it outright if you want.

So in real life, I have less than zero interest in entering into a romantic or sexual relationship. I have a couple of times before tried to 'make' myself have a crush, but I've never genuinely felt that way about a person, and the thought of being physically intimate with someone grosses me out just a bit. But when it comes to fandom and fictional characters, I absolutely love shipping culture. In fact, shipping is one of the main ways I engage in fandom. The thing is, I have to genuinely give a shit about the characters to want to ship them with anyone. And Alastor is my absolute favorite characters in Hazbin Hotel, in no small part because he is ace! I enjoy seeing him in various scenarios and playing with his dynamic with different characters. Including via shipping. And sure, sometimes I just like to read plotless smut fics with him in it. The thing is, I just don't get the same enjoyment of that kind of thing with characters I am less invested in. So when someone says 'why can't you ship literally any other character' that just feels condescending and stupid to me.

Now, I know that there are plenty of other ace people who feel differently and I fully agree with the people who say we need to see more representation of sex-repulsed aces or those who feel happy and fulfilled without a romantic relationship in media. Personally, I don't want RadioApple to become canon! Fandom is more than enough for me! And writing smutty fanfiction of Alastor and Lucifer (or whoever else) does not change anything about Alastor or his sexuality in canon. People writing these fics and drawing this art are not stealing representation, we're just having fun.

Also Debbie, I want to tell you that you hit the nail on the head with this statement: "Asexuality is a spectrum people, by saying this youre implying there is a wrong way to (aro)ace." Thank you. One of the biggest pet peeves of mine when it comes to the anti-Alastor shipping crowd is people telling the shipping-positive aces 'you don't speak for the entire ace community' with zero self-awareness. Frankly, I'm happier with an allo who is willing to listen to the perspectives of ace people than an aro/ace who sees their own perspective as the only correct one.

doing gods work with this one soldier 🙏🏾

ill be honest the "wrong way to (aro)ace" line was inspired by something i saw... somewheree (don member :'c) and ive carried it with me every since

[jayietheriverwarrior]

Well. Here's a piece that I meant to have done during Pride Month, that I finished at the end of July, and then didn't actually post online until August. Oops. XD Ah well. Anyway, here's some of my pride headcanons for Warriors, with each cat holding/wearing something with the colors of their relevant Pride flag.

Up first are the aroace queens, Drizzle of RiverClan and Mousefur! Drizzle's from Riverstar's Home if you don't remember her, she got super cranky/uncomfortable about Riverstar's relationship with Finch Song. A lot of it was probably just her being young and not wanting to see her old leader and his wife kissing in front of her, and her overall annoyance at how Riverstar's love for Finch Song kept them from going home on time, but to me she just gave off so much "ew allo romance is gross, I'm too aroace to deal with this" vibes, I love it. :D We need more ace queens in this world. Mousefur I won't get into as much, as I think viewing her as aroace is pretty standard. As a RiverClan warrior, Drizzle's of course carrying a fish she caught, while Mousefur caught a bird.

Up next we've got gay Tallstar and bi Jake. :D Tallstar gets a pretty gay butterfly (I drew the butterfly in this piece before the butterfly wings in the Hake drawing if you can't tell, this one looks a lot more awkward XD) on his head, and Jake as a kittypet gets a non-wild accessory, a bi bandana - a bidana, if you will. XD I don't think Jake was actually in love with either of his mates after Tallstar, I think that was more just friends who wanted kits together (though Quince was definitely more in love with Jake than she let on), but he's attracted to both toms and she-cats.

Then we've got best gay farm boys, Ravenpaw and Barley. :D For Barley I cheated a bit and let him have a non-wild accessory since he's a farm cat even though we never see him interact that closely with the twolegs, I figured a little kerchief thing worked well enough for a farm cat. I was pretty stumped what to do for Ravenpaw's accesory until I remembered, oh yeah, he's Ravenpaw - give him an adder! XD Reffed their pose from a really cute photo of two cats cuddling.

Up next is pan Sasha! Pan always seemed to fit her really well, there's so many cats of various genders she's shipped with. For once she actually looks happy. :D Just taking a moment to enjoy a bit of Pride in a pan-colored collar.

And now for all the various demisexual headcanons. :D Up first are two she-cats Sasha is shipped with a lot, demibisexual Leopardstar and demilesbian Russetfur. Leopardstar gets a damselfly as her accessory, they hang out near water and have shimmery wings that flash different colors in the light so I figure that works, and Russetfur has berries behind her ear as a nod to her one biggest moment that makes me dislike her character despite loving her portrayal in the Tigerstar and Sasha books - the scene where she watches Berrykit struggle in a fox trap and does nothing to save him. Still not sure how to reconcile that scene with her portrayal in the other books. Anyway, Leopard liked both Frog and I like to think Sasha as well, but only those two and doesn't tend to find anyone attractive until she forms that strong bond, and Russetfur only ever liked Sasha as far as I'm concerned and was too focused on her role as deputy to care much about romance besides that one time.

The last two are our demibi boys, Riverstar and Jayfeather! For Riverstar, he does feel attraction a bit more easily than the rest of our demi cats, he likes looking at a pretty face, but he doesn't really feel a deep attraction until those deeper feelings form, like with Flutter and Finch Song - but there was definitely something there for Gray Wing, even if it never fully developed into love. For Jayfeather, he hardly ever feels attraction, though he could for toms or she-cats equally - the only time anything developed far enough for that was Half Moon. Riverstar is wearing a flower crown 'cause he strikes me as a flower crown kind of guy, and Jayfeather is carrying herbs.

[yoonstudios]

one fun thing about being demiaroace is that i personally feel WAY more connected to my aroace-ness than my demi-ness if that makes sense. so bc even tho i'm demiheterosexual and demiheteroromantic, i feel like a cat being pet backwards if someone calls me straight lmfao

like.... it feels like my demi-ness (sexual/romantic attraction) is like 10% of my entire person while my aroace-ness (literally anything else or any other type of attraction) is the entire 90%. and if you couldn't tell, i tend to store that 10% on this blog lmao

like ig it's like if i lived in a triangle shaped house with triangle shaped things and ate virtually all triangle-shaped foods but i had a cabinet in my room displaying some circle shaped stuff. and then everyone only knew me and associated me with my love for circles and told everyone "yeah she's really obsessed with circles haha". and it's like. well. yeah don't get me wrong my circles mean everything to me i really do love them and if u got me started talking abt my circles i could talk for hours, but i could count on my hand how many circles i like. however, my life is brimming with triangles my guy. i fuckin love my triangles too.

so idk. it feels so so weird when people assume me to be straight or my mom or dad think i find random dudes hot or whatever. most times i don't feel like i'm "queer enough" but at the same time i've never entirely related to a straight person in my life bc even how i experience sexual and romantic attraction when it happens doesn't feel fully "allo", if that makes sense (for example i wonder if i'm just asexual but just with v v strong sensual attraction). idk...... it's a really really odd place to be in.

[our-aroace-experience]

my aroace experience was thinking someone is nice is the same as having a crush. i used to just choose a boy in my class who was even slightly nice to me and decide i had a crush on him. i fully thought that having sex wasn't something people actually wanted to do and only did to like have kids until i was like 14. never understood why relationships were such a big deal and if someone i knew had relationship problems i'd just be like "so break up?" anyways discovering i was aroace explained so much and i'm glad i figured it out even if it took years

i’m glad you figured it out as well! allos are confusing

[redysetdare]

I think the reason I'm willing to give so much leeway to shows describing asexual as "a lack of attraction" without specifically saying sexual attraction is because

1. Most of society doesn't follow the split attraction model so when used in a non-sam way that definition can work

2. That's how I used to identify and how many others used to and still do identify. Hearing asexual described like that made it easier to find resources which lead to me finding I'm aromantic.

Yes, I know a non-sam allo audience and writers aren't looking at the asexual identity from the complex lense of there being non-sam aces and sam aces. I'm not saying that they are or can't be criticized.

What I am saying is that saying "asexual never means no romantic attraction" as an answer to the lack of aro rep is... Not always the case and is ignoring the wider issue of the split attraction model not being a widely used model outside of the aspec community.

I think it's important to realize that for some people, asexual does mean lack of sexual and romantic attraction. Similar to how for some people aro means lack of both as well. It depends on if the person sees their romantic and sexual attraction as the same thing or not. It depends on what label they are most comfortable with.

Yes we need more aro characters in media! Yes we need more ace characters who use definitions of asexual as "lack of sexual attraction" because we need more rep and we need writers who understand the identities they are writing for. But I don't hold it against anyone for describing ace as a lack of both attractions, because for some people that is how it is for them. I don't think we should get rid of that rep fully, but we should work on getting more informed representation in media to really show the spectrum of aro and ace identities.

I still think the representation we have right now is fine, even if you think the definition is "wrong". I think we can still do better and demand better representation without possibly hurting people who do identify with this "wrong" definition.

[transmultiphobia-discussion]

Just came across an anti-lesboy video on my fyp on tiktok (which is a bit weird, because I'm actually largely on the true queer liberation, fully inclusive side of tiktok where I've genuinely come across people saying everything from "hey transmascs face violence too" to "hey support allo aros", stuff that's "controversial" because of bigotry everywhere from twitter to tumblr to facebook).

I'm just so frustrated. That's a label primarily used by multigender people, and secondarily by monogender transmasc and nonbinary people. Very rarely it might also be used by a closeted transfem or transfem egg.

Like no, there's not actually an epidemic of cishet men identifying as lesbian because you've heard a lesbophobic cis guy joke about being a lesbian once. Hell, even if you've heard it many times, THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT LESBOY IS A GENUINELY HELD IDENTITY. If you can't tell the difference between someone being a lesbophobic dick and someone just going about their lives like... it's almost as if you never learned that you can't identify safe people based on their identity but have to judge their ongoing actions and patterns of behavior!

(Not at you tbc, ranting at anti-lesboys.)

Like hmm I wonder why someone who is both a man and a woman attracted to solely women, as an example, might identify as a lesbian. No one tell these fuckers about straight lesbians/straight gays, I stg. Or someone who is abro (I still am waiting for the other shoe to drop and to see someone call my sexuality "just the bi cycle" when by it's very nature it is multiple separate sexualities with fluidity between them, sometimes occurring at the same time, in large part because of my system's plurality making our identifies overlap and intertwine and mix). Or a member of a system (especially a median system).

Or any other number of the extremely marginalized and erased identities that usually use the term.

Like you (again at anti lesboys) could at least try and make an effort to understand why people might use the word and accept it even if you don't understand. I'm so tired of, in general, people automatically assuming bad faith about identities, especially taking all their info about them from people who clearly hate those identities. Like somehow at least the trans community and most of the queer community knows you shouldn't believe genocidal transphobes or even pickme class traitor trans/queer people when they start spouting off about trans identity being about child molestation, but suddenly when people are spouting off about lesboys being cishet men and drinking the nonmen loving nonmen radfem koolaid and being openly and cruelly derisive surely they must be the experts.

At the very least, it's taught me to only ever accept information about any identity from people who are not immediately claiming it's harmful and making mean girl quips about it. I don't actually at this point believe an identity itself can be harmful, only actions (which, tbc, I'm not including "hate group ideology" as identity here), but if I want to learn about an identity I'm certainly not going to take it from the ones calling it anything from queerphobic to ableist (plural discourse shit for example) to sexually predatory to whatever, even if it's coming from a member of a minority group.

There might be cases where I find the identity label is being used to justify harmful actions, at which point I condemn the actions and recognize that it's a bad faith usage of a label which still may be legitimate. If I can't find any good faith usage, I recognize that it's probably a dogwhistle or otherwise harmful, but continue to understand that a good faith usage could arise or I could simply be unaware of it due to erasure.

Anyway tangent aside I'm just very upset, probably a bit triggered from personal queerphobia trauma and general personal trauma but just

Why can't people not be utterly shitty about what are largely microlabels anyway? Why can't people just be kinder? :(

yeahhh tiktok has been on an anti-lesboy tangent lately, I haven't seen much of it myself but I have heard about it from users over here. it's something I've been fighting against for years now, and while things have seemed to have gotten better, other sites like tiktok are cycling through it. still pretty sad to see

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

I'm an oldster in this fandom, relatively speaking. started playing in 2020. I remember when the msc mod became hush-hush. i remember when Hunter was the favorite. i remember when shipping was scarce, a cute little side thing no one minded. there was so much more room to live and breathe the real language of the game. The depth of the lore and the characters was boundless. i remember the day the official discord server hit 15k members.

I love Downpour. I love everything downpour brings to the story of the game (except one thing, fuck Survivor OE ending. it ruins the campaign). I fully believe Downpour is canon, I believe Downpour successfully expands on everything set up in Vanilla. I'm beyond grateful i was able to experience Rain World truly Vanilla, and see the world and characters deepen and expand in such thought provoking and significant ways. Downpour is good. I dont even think the campaigns are that overpowered. With the exception of Gourmand and Rivulet, i think the DP campaigns have really high skill floors, with ceilings even higher. i think it's fine. and i dont care because the stories are worth it.

No, my issue is with the community, the fandom, if you will. I am as gay and allo as it gets. Fuck the shipping scene in this fandom. its fucking oppressive, its boring, surface level junk that actively detracts from the depth of the game. iterator shipping i can tolerate, i still dont mind, its the fucking slugcats. shipping Artificer and Hunter is stupid because they dont live at the same time, arti is probably dead by the time Hunter is made. shipping Artificer and Saint is mega stupid, arti definitely died! i think all these characters, slugs included, have fascinating parallels and reltionships ripe with conflict and intrigue, there's tons to talk about but no who fucking cares, muh fucking artihunter look theyre red and orange they're lesbians. enormous groan. if it was just a silly joke, i wouldnt care, but it's way too much of the fandom now and it blows chunks. unfortunately i love and respect canon too much to be willing to fucking obliterate it as required to actually engage with the slugcat shipping.

i miss when you could just talk about the lore and not have to throw in a big caution sign that you do actually think downpour is canon and good, sorry fellow old guard. i miss when you could just talk about the characters and not have to throw in a big caution sign that you take the game seriously and not as fodder for shipping or warrior cats oc bait.

it begs the question: why are you 1.9 people here? are you here because you love this game for what it is? or are you here just for the fandom? dont ruin this for me like you did to undertale.

- Sliverist

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