#i'm not gonna spoil much for those that might possibly be interested but

[vengeancewise]

Only about 3 hours into this game and

Part of me kinda wants to list this idiot grim reaper as a test muse

[murasaki-cha]

So I read Serena.... wow. I'm gonna make a long post expressing my opinions because THERE ARE A LOT!! (there's pictures too!)

These are going to be just my thoughts and how I understood the story + characters so if anyone disagrees, sorry but our vibes don't match, please don't come at me.

Now first of all can they adopt me??

Ok going to be serious here (not for long) this manhwa is so good!! I have read another manhwa of Ina-nim, the author/artist, called "Black Winter" (it's amazing go check it out) so I knew this was going to have layers upon layers as a story. AND IT DID!!

The story is so complex, everyone is scheming something, no one says the full truth and you never know when you might get stabbed in the back.

I'm going to be honest, I've known about Serena since it came out and I didn't want to read it. Not because I thought the story was bad or anything, since I knew how great this author is already thanks to their previous story, but because I knew it was going to be messy. Super messy. And it is, it is a hot dumpster fire mess. And I didn't really want to deal with it since it would have been exhausting and I would have dropped it or put it on hold. But by now (chapter 72 as of the latest update) I think that it has become more "stable" to say and I found it easier to enjoy the story since I read it in one go.

I particularly loved that none of the characters were good. No one. But no one is exactly bad either. Everyone here is just gray, they're flawed, they do bad stuff, they hurt each other. No one is right or wrong. We see things form their perspective and we see their reasoning but whether we sympathise with them is up to us because, let's be real, even their thought process can be fucked up at times.

Besides Victor. Victor is pure evil. If we throw holy water at Victor he will start melting. Victor should be burned.

Now moving along let's talk about the main characters.

Starting with Serena. First of all MOTHER!!🛐-

Now Serena is the type of fl I expected to get lots of hate(and she did). She had a lover while she was married, she was way too stubborn, she thinks she's better than everyone, etc. And yeah she did all those things. She's also a very traumatised little girl who had her entire world shattered at the age of 17, had to marry a stranger and feel her worth slip through her fingers. Serena is constantly paranoid due to her past experiences and the way she's been treated. She's desperately grasping for whatever little power she can have in the begining.

Now that is not to say she's never done anything wrong. Her using Fredrick as merely a way to destress and a shield, her prejudice against Eiser simply because of his family, her thinking she deserves to be in charge even if she is unexperienced simply because she is a Serenity, her refusing to see anything from anyone's perspective but hers. She's too prideful, too stubborn, too guarded.

But she's a great businesswoman, she takes her tasks seriously and she's super intelligent. The moment she started working on the hotel she changed because she was finally in her element. That spoiled, angry Serena in the beginning was simply what the isolation had done to her, the way it had fundamentally changed her. She started seeing everything in a new light when she started learning how to manage the hotel and being more open minded while still being guarded. Serena is a perfect morally gray main character, she's flawed, she's human.

Next we have Eiser. DADDY-

I swear I'm not being biased when I say I loved Eiser SO MUCH! First things first, he is an asshole. Not gonna sugar coat it. In fact that is the sugar coating. He is quite possibly the most secretive man alive, we know exactly 3 things about his past in the last 72 chapters and I'm not even being sarcastic, that's the total amount. And that is probably what makes him so interesting as a character to me at least.

One of my favorite things about Eiser was that he didn't have any feelings about Serena in the beginning. Yeah he mostly saw her as a means to an end and felt a smidge of responsibility because of her brother, but that was it. He honestly did not care about what Serena did or thought. Eiser's only objective is to save Serenity hotel, probably fuck up his family along the way because screw them and the rest is an enigma. He doesn't do feelings, not anymore at least.

We learn from the beginning that he's not a "good guy", he's not Male Lead™ that's mean to fl to protect her or to not get close to her and his whole world revolves around her etc. He's not just this guy meant to be a love interest, he's a whole other well constructed character. He has his own goals (which we never know what they are because his thought's are more secretive and guarded than the Vatican Apostolic Archives), he follows the most efficient way to achieve those goals and that's all that matters to him. He recognized Serena's skills all along yet still thought of her as a spoiled little princess because he didn't care about knowing her, didn't need to, that wasn't going to help him.

There really isn't much development about Eiser aside his relationship with Serena (but that's a talk about further below), but that's kind of on point for him. Unlike Serena, Eiser has been doing business for years now, he knows how to run things, he knows how to work with people, he has experience and skill and friends (surprisingly). Eiser's role is more of a mentor for Serena than as someone who also needs to learn.

And last Frederick (gonna hide behind a chair real quick)

Don't come at me for this but to be 100% honest, Frederick was as interesting to me as a white sheet of paper. Most of the time he was just there. That's it. Look the man is mysterious I agree and his character would have been so so interesting but he literally gave me nothing. I swear I'm being unbiased, even if Eiser didn't exist this man would have done nothing to impact me as a reader. But I think that shows how important or how much impact he made to Serena's story.

Frederick is interesting in the fact that we don't know his role in the story. He says he's doing everything to help Serena yet will that make him an antagonist or not is yet to be revealed. Also Frederick isn't even his name??? so there's that. Unlike the first two, he appears too few times and we don't really know what's up with him. So far he has made it his main objective and like basically his personality to protect Serena from his employers.

I liked that it showed he came here with impure intentions and his own goals but ultimately he just made his entire world revolve around keeping Serena safe and that kind of bumped me. The most interesting thing about him so far right now is the mystery of his past (who he killed, what's his true identity) and whether he'll be an antagonist by the end or not.

And now we move to the most dreaded thing. The romance.

I'm gonna say it straight up, Serena x Eiser for the win. Enemies to lovers has gone and done it again and by god did I EAT IT UP!! They were mother and father fr!!

Now let me express my opinions on both couples here with actual words.

First I want to talk about Serena and Frederick. From the beginning this story did not have a love triangle, at least for me. Serena and Frederick always looked like a relationship born out of necessity (which Serena later on confirms that that's what it might have been all along). Serena craved for whatever warmth and protection she could get and Frederick became kind of a safe place for her. She essentially used Frederick as a distraction, a means of relaxation and someone to just vent. She never properly saw him as his own person or equal but as a means of escape from her struggles.

Meanwhile Frederick himself didn't exactly love Serena in a pure way. He loves her yes, but he's also obsessed with her. He feels the need to make her need him so he can stay by her side. He wants to be the only one seeing her weak and vulnerable, caging her and himself in this relationship. And the only way he knows she will be by his side is if she uses him. And the more Serena takes charge of things as head of Serenity and builds herself up, the more Frederick notices that she's slipping away from him so he desperately clings to the mission of protecting her from his employer. He even admits these himself:

Perhaps they did have something beautiful in the beginning but it slowly developed into a relationship that caged them both.

Now sit down because I'm gonna be talking about mommy and daddy (I unironcally call them that no I'm not joking) and this talk is going to be a loooong one *cracks knuckles*

Serena and Eiser were never the picture perfect couple, furthest thing from it and they were not planning on trying to change that anytime soon. They were toxic, they hurt each other and they didn't care about each other. To Eiser, Serena was just the girl he was supposed to marry to save Serenity and to Serena, Eiser was the man that took Serenity and might kill her in the future. None of them saw each other in a good light and none of them bothered to understand the other. Eiser was completely indifferent towards Serena and Serena just wanted to hurt him. Off to a great start because they were already at rock bottom so the only way to go is up!

The way their relationship developed was really natural and well paced. Everyone knows that the beauty of a good enemies to lover is the slowburn AND THE SLOWBURN WAS SLOWBURNING HERE LEMME TELL YOU! They first needed to see each other in a new lighting as equal business partners to go any further into their relationship or start trusting each other. They're both very calculative people and Eiser did see that, has always seen that, so he resulted to manipulating Serena into "competing" with him to give her the chance to properly work in the hotel. And Serena took the bait but never played right into the palm of his hand and always took charge of things her own way.

It was important for them to recognize each other's full capabilities, not just with the veil of "Grayan" or "Spoiled little princess". Most importantly it was essential for Serena to see that Eiser is in fact truly helping her family without any ulterior motives (that are harmful to her family at least) and never had any plans of taking over and eliminating her. And while Eiser was always aware of Serena's abilities and respected her as an individual, he always too disinterested in her to see how fully capable she is. One of the funniest things in my opinion was how Eiser was showering Serena with praises in his head 24/7 yet verbally he would break out in hives before complimenting her. (Istg the communication in this household died back in that carriage with Serena's family)

And that was the biggest wall that blocked them from going further with their relationship, so as soon as that was gone, well would you look at that, they can actually get along just fine and decently! And the romance just came along to them naturally.

Eiser was always drawn to Serena since he first saw her, he was always intrigued by her actions even if that left him puzzled. He always read people for his benefit, but Serena simply caught his eye every time by pure curiosity. He enjoys seeing her expressions and reactions and her journey to rising to her rightful place. Plus, Eiser always felt a kind of kinship with Serena. He saw the loss, betrayal and devastation in her and recognized it as the same as his own. The fight Serena put all these years to try and keep her place and protect what's hers is what he wished he had done all those years back and what someone had done for him when he was at his lowest. It was only after he truly got to know Serena that all these feelings started to subconsciously transform into something else, something even he isn't truly aware of.

Serena surprised me by being the first one to recognize(?), in a way, she had fallen but I'm not complaining, it was beautiful. Serena's main problem with Eiser was that she couldn't trust him, for very obvious reasons, that mans true thoughts are locked in a safe inside a safe inside another safe that happens to be inside a warehouse in Antarctica. I think the most important thing for Serena was to get to realize that Eiser was trying to truly help her family and the hotel. To me there were 3 major moments where Serena's feelings for Eiser changed: When they went to visit President Harol's mansion and he took the peaches and also defended her, when he said he'll build another hotel by the seaside during their date and when he told her he didn't hate her. All these moment helped Serena see that she had made a wrong assumption about Eiser and even though that wasn't enough to dispel all her suspicions towards him, rightfully so because Serena isn't an idiot, it made her trust him a bit more and be more comfortable around him.

Also their backstory, with Eiser being Serena's "prince" was so freaking cute. And the way she always looked for him when she went to those masquerade parties as a way of comfort, sobbing on the floor. If you go back and reread, you'll see that Serena has always been conscious of Eiser from the very start, albeit subconsciously. She always described him touching her like "The spot where he touched burned even after he had let go", or how she was conscious of being dressed "thinly" in front of Eiser but never in front of anyone else, not even Frederick. In my opinion, she had recognised Eiser as the masked prince at the time or knew subconsciously, but because of the animosity between him and her prejudice against him because he was a Grayan, she didn't want to admit it because that would admit that Eiser was anything but a simple marriage and business partner to her.

And now with the release of chapter 72, I am dreading the road in which their relationship is heading and how far back it may devolve. Like I don't blame Eiser because 1) he doesn't know about Serena's trauma 2) he saw red after seeing the way that man was hurting his wife I support the Grayan in him taking over at that moment. But unfortunately for Serena he just proved her greatest fear when it came to him, that he's still very much a Grayan no matter how much he despises them. Her reliving her childhood trauma and seeing Victor in Eiser could revert her to earlier Serena where she was always paranoid and scared of Eiser, but now with proof that he is in fact just as dangerous as she thought him to be. Worse thing is, she can't even go to Fredrick for comfort because she's suspicious of him too so she's truly alone (she has Sui but Sui was there before too and we saw the state in which Serena was in back than). This is a very complicated and simply put shit situation for them, it could possibly be one of their roughest patches in their entire relationship and it's going to take understanding from both Eiser and Serena to get over it and possibly, hopefully, truly trust each other after this. Please Ina-nim please I'm putting my trust in you!! (Ina-nim played us all like a cheep kazoo with chapter 72 like I could not have been more wrong and thank fuck for that! Never have I been so happy to be so incredibly wrong about something! War is over people cheered everyone cried tears of joy!!)

And lastly, thank you for coming to my ted talk, this entire post was just a way for me to vent all the thoughts this webtoon gave me and If you read it, good for you, I love you. As a reward have this collage of chibi mommy and daddy being silly goofy because my chosen career path requires me to have adobe illustrator and I never use it responsibly

[arcadia-of-pluto]

Hey guys! So ToF updates tomorrow and I wanted to apologize for the lack of Divisa chapters.

It seems like I'm apologizing to yall a lot— but I digress.

Divisa isn't on hiatus or hold or anything, it's just a 'i post when I post' type of story and I haven't been writing in it. I've just been so hyper-focused on ToF lately since I've got a clear plan of what I need for it! I'm sure it'll be around 50-ish chapters until it ends, it may be more or it may be less tbh.

I might start making my chapters longer and I won't edit them nearly as much, or I'll edit them on another place that I post (like wattpad and AO3) first and hopefully the edits (like italics and stuff) will transfer 🤔

Anyways, for the plan, smut will more than likely happen after Xavier's myth– if I can fit it into the story, that is, but it'll more than likely happen! It'll be between Sylus and the reader, so if hope no one minds him getting the first shot, but the reader is going to be really stressed once these flashbacks/forwards are over and will need some help.

However, for those who don't want smut, I will post the smut as it's own separate chapter. I'll just make it a "2.0" or "chapter name +"! Which means the smut chapter will be considerably shorter, but if you don't want to read smut, the story will still flow the same regardless! For the non-smut chapter, I'll just have them insinuate the smut and cut it there, since I have plans for what happens after! 💜

But yeah, anyways, I have a clear cut plan for ToF, which means I also have an ending in mind! I want to complete the story before any new chapters or characters are added 🤔 however, if the story branches are canon, I will write those after the 'freak-out, avoid them all out of guilt' arc.

For the ending, I won't spoil much, but the reader will have children. Now, I personally don't want children and if I did, I'd be getting a surrogate, however I want the reader to have a child with each of the love interests. I already have the names and gender chosen. The children will be two sets of twins, one boy and three girls. (I'm sorry for not splitting the gender equally, but I never see baby girls in stories, I always only ever see baby boys. Especially in manhwa). Zayne and Sylus will be the fathers to one set with Rafayel and Xavier the other fathers.

And while it is highly unlikely to happen, it is possible for twins to have two different fathers and...it's gonna happen twice 🤷🏻‍♀️ Now while i already know what they're going to look like, the children will have their specific father's hair colour, but the eye colour of the other father. I would've had the children be an even split of you and the love interest but...I'm already doing that for Divisa (oops– spoilers ig), so i wanted to do something different!

To get yall excited, I'll reveal the names too! I'm feeling extra generous today ig 😭

Zayne's will be the boy and his name will be Jasper. It's not for its meaning though it does mean "precious stone" and "treasurer". It's because of the jasmine flower, "Jas".

Sylus's daughter will be Maevis. The name means "song bird", so i think it's quite fitting. The name also gives off kind of dark vibes and dark vibes fit Sylus to me!

Xavier's was a bit of a struggle, but i decided on Lucia. It means "of the light". I wanted a light themed name for his child and I really wanted to choose Marisela, but that name means "star of the sea" and i didn't want to use both Xavier and Rafayel's vibes for her, so Lucia it is!

And lastly, Rafayel's daughter is Cordelia. Now, at first, you might be like "but Pluto, Marisela!" Or "Myrena is right there!" Myrena means "of the sea" by the way. However, Cordelia means "daughter of the sea" and also "heart of the sea". Both of these meanings, especially the heart aspect, make so much more sense in my eyes and I hope you like the idea as much as I do!

They will be taking your last name since I can't recall any of the LI's having a last name 🤔 and I'm thinking of giving the children flower themed middle names. I'm not completely sure yet though tbh since middle names aren't necessary...but I also have an idea for what they'd call your baby bump 🥺 i won't share that though, since I'd love to see yalls reaction to it in the story itself!

Anyway, there's still a lot left of this story and I hope everyone is as excited for it as I am!

(I won't add too many tags, since this isn't an officially story update. That'll be tomorrow <3 but i do want this idea out there, because it's something im really excited for and I'm sure yall will love it)

[pradnyesh1008]

COC: Journey So Far #1

Long time no see, huh? Yeah, I know. My bad. Life's been a whirlwind lately, and that thread issue was like a constant migraine. But hey, it's sorted now. Happened a few days ago actually. The reason? Well, let's just say it was... interesting. But I'm not here to rant, so let's leave it at that.

Now, onto the main stuff. This will be long so…

I've changed the name of the game. Might change it again, who knows? The universe's name probably won't change though, because everything starts and ends with The Golden Throne. All the events are happening because of it, for it. But hey, if you come up with a cool name that fits the bill, I'm all ears!

The first book, for now, is called Crown of Conquest. As the name suggests, there's gonna be some conquering done by our MC due to politics, scheming, and a whole lot of other reasons. So yeah, war is coming. Not as big as you might think, but it'll set the stage for violence, gore, and all that jazz. I want you guys to get a taste of how wars are fought in this universe. I don't want anyone caught off guard when the big wars happen.

Back to the topic, progress has been slow. I'm at about 10k words right now. Why so slow? Well, between studies and other less productive activities {yeah, I'm looking at you, Girl (if you are reading this)}, writing has taken a backseat. But I'm planning to update this twice before Hot D season 2 releases. So now, I'm gonna write as much as possible.

Remember the Gazebo scene? Yeah, that was a tough one. Some of you were upset, saying it was torture, misery for the MC. I did give warnings several times before the scene happened but still, some folks were taken aback. In this game, there will be several scenes which will be morally complicated for characters. I've written these lines in my rework too but I'm gonna share here so you might understand the concept of this game:

"This is the reality of your position, the reality of power. It’s not just about wearing a crown; it’s about making decisions that can change lives. It’s about carrying the weight of those decisions, living with the consequences. It’s about understanding that every choice you make will have an impact, will create ripples that will touch everyone around you. It’s about realizing that sometimes, there are no right choices, only less wrong ones. And it’s about having the courage to make those choices, no matter how difficult they may be."

That's the whole point of this game.

As for the asks, there are 40+ of them. Most are ROs related. I know I said I'd answer them, but I don't want to spoil the personalities of the ROs before your first meeting with them. So, I'll wait till your first interactions with the ROs are done. Other asks related to history and world are so good. Seriously, you guys have some very interesting and damn good theories and questions. I can't believe how much you all thought from this small 100k WIP. They are so fun to read. And the rest of the asks, bug related and other stuff, don't worry. I know about them, and they will be resolved in the rework. I'm also going to drop our Mentor's details along with their portraits soon. So, be ready for it.

And lastly, If I haven't forgotten anything. Thank you so much to all of you who are supporting this and are really interested in this game. Seriously, thank you.

Catch you on the flip side,

Pradnyesh

[bamsywrites]

I LOVE And Comes Dawn. I had a couple of questions. 1. Do you plan on Elendil or Celebrimbor becoming a sort of father figure for reader because I feel like she deserves that and it would be sooo cute. 2. I'm intrigued how you're going to make Galadriel understand that she's wrong about the reader because as much as I like Galadriel I really think she's a horrible person at the beginning of ROP. 3. I LOVE the relationship between Sauron and Reader. Like they are the ultimate Ship. I can't wait for him to realise that He can't have both Gal and Reader. That ain't gonna happen. How can he possibly think that when he becomes outraged at the mere thought of his sweet one being within eyeline of Isildur. Bless him. He's a bit slow. I can't wait for him to completely lose all his restraint when it comes to her. 4. D'you think that Elendil is gonna be the one grabbing Isildur and saying "she's too good for you. We must protect the angel at all costs." Completely unaware that she's literally got Sauron wrapped around her little finger. 5. It would be cute if he made her something (not mind controlling jewellery) whilst in the forge as a little present. If you could what would you have him make you as a gift?;

Oh gosh so many questions!!! I love it.

Do you plan on Elendil or Celebrimbor becoming a sort of father figure for reader because I feel like she deserves that and it would be sooo cute.

For obvious reasons, the elves are still a little wary of her just in general. Theres for sure a period where they will warm up to her and, I don’t wanna spoil too much of things, but she for sure build bonds with Elrond and Galadriel that are very strong. I do have a plan for reader in season 2 and Celebrimbor is not really going to be around for much it. For Elendil, I do think he’s going to be very protective of her because she is about the age of his children and I think he wonders a lot about how his children would fair if both parents were dead. He’s also never seemed to get like good vibes from Halbrand. Like you see that in the hug Halbrand gives him and from some other moments, I think that he would try to protect her from what he might view as a lustful guy with bad intentions (which he wouldn’t be wrong.

I'm intrigued how you're going to make Galadriel understand that she's wrong about the reader because as much as I like Galadriel I really think she's a horrible person at the beginning of ROP.

I forgot how insufferable she was in the first like four episodes until I rewatched them. I mean I’m not saying I don’t get it but she is just a bit of a cunt, you know. There is going to be a moment, again not to spoil things, where someone is going to be like “You want Halbrand to be king so bad you’re willing to ignore the awful things that he actually did while villianizing someone who did nothing and was a child.” There’s also some more like Reader Lore that drops where you realize that Galadriel isn’t the WORST person but her mission has blinded her so much that any time she hears the name “Sauron” she just kind of loses it and loses all logic.

 I LOVE the relationship between Sauron and Reader. Like they are the ultimate Ship. I can't wait for him to realise that He can't have both Gal and Reader. That ain't gonna happen. How can he possibly think that when he becomes outraged at the mere thought of his sweet one being within eyeline of Isildur. Bless him. He's a bit slow. I can't wait for him to completely lose all his restraint when it comes to her.

I, obviously love them very much too lol. I think when it comes to Galadriel, at the current point in the story there is no romantic interest on his part and Sauron just has a huge ego that he likes to stoke. Thats the whole thing, right, like Sauron has this arrogance and this selfishness and darkness and evil about him, he’s still gonna do those things but he’s going to try to rationalize how he’s going to do that and also keep reader in his life. Like, the idea of making Galadriel fall in love with him, or even just trust him, when she is really the only one that believed he was still a threat for so long and is is most ardent opponent, thats just something he can’t bring himself to pass up. To him, he’s not having both. He’s deceiving one and loving (Don’t tell him that) the other. But, of course, he’s so good at what he does that everyone watching just sees him dragging these two women along. 

 D'you think that Elendil is gonna be the one grabbing Isildur and saying "she's too good for you. We must protect the angel at all costs." 

I kind of mentioned it in the first answer but Elendil is for sure going to have a super soft spot for her. Not just for the reasons mentioned there but because she’s good. The reader character is based off an oc of mine and the thing I love about her so much, and that I think Elendil is going to like about reader, is that she is good and pure and kind but I wouldn’t say she’s naive or super innocent, right? Like she’s aware of the darkness in the world and she’s been through some shit but she sees the hope in everything and the light in people but she’s not ditzy or stupid like a lot of “innocent/good” characters (especially fem ones) seem to be written. I think Elendil would think that he should protect her because he’s a traditonalist but I also think he would think that this would be a good match for his son. Like, instead of trying to push Isil away from her, he’d be like “what have you done to earn that kind of woman” which might be a fucked sentiment but in Elendil’s mind, Isildur would never be able to support a family and reader has experienced such dishonor to her family in her lifetime that Elendil wouldn’t want that same dishonor for her. I also think he would want his son to be with someone who’s good and who Isil loves,.

It would be cute if he made her something (not mind controlling jewellery) whilst in the forge as a little present. If you could what would you have him make you as a gift?;

Oh I already have it in my notes that he is for sure going to make reader tons and tons of little things but I am a slut for necklaces so, that would be what I’d want lol.

[ms-cartoon]

What do you think of the HH/HB google leaks? Any thoughts on them?

Sorry that it took me a while to reply to this. Had to sort out my thoughts.

Someone kinda asked me the same thing about HB leaks. About what I thought about it or if I've seen it? I've written a few paragraphs containing that question. I'm not gonna spoil whatever I saw in those leaks to the people who are reading this, but the gist of it is that I'm fully convinced that Helluva Boss will possibly NEVER improve. The writers (and you know who I'm talking about) don't seem to care at all about us critiques or what we have to say about this show. They don't bother to look over anything that might need improvement and they probably seem to think they've made the greatest masterpiece of all time. Apparently, the fans seem to think so too, and that's why there will probably be no improvement.

HB might as well be a routine of what happens in these episodes.

A**holes like Blitzo, Stolas, or Loona act inappropriately, how they're acting seems to affect those around them, someone calls them out and they start to realize the error of their ways and the episode makes it seem like they're going to change for the better only for them to not learn a damn thing and go back to being a**holes to everyone the next episode.

Everyone makes fun of Moxxie, Moxxie starts to feel insecure or inferior, suddenly he has one of those moments where gets a change of heart and starts to toughen up, the episode makes it seem like he's going to start being brave from now on only for the next episode to repeat the same plot point and we go back to Moxxie learning how to stand up for himself.

Octavia is a depressed teenager who is bothered by her father and the things that he's done that affected her. Whether or not she runs away, she's pissed off at him for the rest of the episode. By the end of the episode, someone gives her a pep talk and makes excuses for Stolas's actions and she starts to get a change of heart and forgive her father, the show ONCE AGAIN using Octavia as a plot point to make us pity Stolas and make it seem like he's a misunderstood, innocent, uwu sweetheart who doesn't mean any harm and only wants love.

Millie is just Millie....

And that pretty much explains the leaks that I've seen. So yeah... no kind of improvement whatsoever. (Though, the Octavia thing is a bit different).

As for Hazbin Hotel, I'll just speak about the ones that caught my attention the most....

I've been looking forward to this upcoming show for a while. My hype for it doesn't click as much as it used to, but I still would feel excited a little bit every time I see an update or something. Can't say I consider it to be the greatest show ever, cuz it has a lot of flaws that I've noticed too, but I do consider it to be more entertaining and interesting than Helluva Boss.

I'm fully convinced the HH might just falter as a show altogether somehow like HB, but all I could do is just hope for the best of this soon-to-be tv series.

As for what I think of the leaks? Well, for starters.....

Like I said, I'm not gonna give any details about the leaks. However, the first one I saw was Adam's script and sheet and honestly, his character is just as illogical as his character design!

From what I've read, I think he might just come off as this silly, goofball villain that everyone will love. Which is fine! There are plenty of antagonists who are goofy in tv shows. Like Dr. Doofenshmirks (Phineas and Ferb), Bill Cypher (Gravity Falls), Plankton (Spongebob), Izma (Emporers New Groove), Discord (My Little Pony), Even the freakin Joker!! Etc.

But with Adam, it's just... I dunno. Some things just don't seem to fit with his character. So for one... dude is an angel, but he doesn't seem to... act like one? We're supposed to see angels as good characters. We would expect to see them as the kind of people who would do NO wrong and are polite, well-behaved, and overall just good people unlike all the sinners in hell who are not very good people and don't care at all about wanting to be redeemed. And reading Adam's character as well as the script... I don't see any of that. Viv deliberately made him out to be this immature and carefree jackass who likes to rule over people. He's also pretty sexist. If anything, he just comes off to be another one of Hell's demons, looks and characteristics alone. And this is super ironic cuz he's supposed to be head of all the angel military and protector of heaven. You'd think that in that case, Viv would leave out the childish character in him. Plus, I have a pretty good feeling that the only reason he kills and exorcises demons in hell is because he just likes to do it. Like- it's not because it's his job or he feels he's supposed to or anything. He just does it because.... it's fun.

Oh and also, this one likes to cuss up a storm too......

Yeah... that doesn't exactly seem very "Angel" fitting. Honestly, I think Adam needs a whole new character upgrade. For someone who's supposed to be an angel made from heaven, he doesn't seem like one, let alone look like one. Not to mention it just makes Charlie's goal absolutely pointless. Like, she wants to redeem sinners, and yet we have an angel created in heaven who is an a**hole and says offensive things about women. What's the point in turning sinners into good people if they're probably gonna act the same way in heaven?

Of course, not to say that the angels can't at least act like villains. What I'm saying is, they shouldn't be considered evil since we're supposed to see them as good people. But they can just seem like antagonists since our protagonists are demons and we're supposed to side with them in a way. The angels attempting to kill them would just be bad for us viewers since that's NOT what we want. We don't want them to kill our protagonists, but since they're just doing their job as angels, we can't consider them evil or villains. Cuz in the end, they're just doing what they're instructed by heaven to do, and not because they wanna do it if that makes sense.

One of the main things that caught me off guard with Angel's design was his extra pair of arms.

Okay, so you see how his whole skin (or fur, I guess) color is white? Or white with a very faint tint of pink? Looking at his second pair of arms, I thought that it was his bare skin and that it was short-sleeved. But, apparently, his white arms are just his... white gloves! That caught me completely off guard and I was ultimately thrown off by this detail. Like, if Viv was gonna make him wear an extra pair of gloves, why can't they be another color?? Why couldn't they be the same as the first pair??? They legit had me thinking it was a simple short sleeve.... but nope!! He's just wearing really long gloves. For real, does he NOT get hot wearing that???

As for Angel Dust as a character? To put it simply..... well... he's just as flawed as every other character created by Viv. It's a little funny for me to say, cuz I don't even hate him completely? Initially, I did think he was awesome... like he's someone you'd want to be friends with. But now... he's just another Vivzie character I can hardly take pity for no matter what kinda bullsh*t he goes through cuz in the end, he don't deserve pity.

He's like Stolas in a way; he gets abused and manipulated by someone but has no problem acting like a douche to other people around him. And we are expected to take pity on him, cuz "Ooh, he can't help it! He's always abused and raped by Val! He has every right to be an a**, insult people around him, and cause trouble. Poor Angel!!"

Like... no....

As we all know, Angel Dust is a VERY OPENLY gay dude, and proud of it too. He's very sexual, likes to flirt and have sex with dudes (women too sorta, if they pay him more), sex jokes 24/7 with this man, and overall just like d*cks. Did I forget to mention he's gay? Yeah, what's unlikable about his character, and I may have mentioned something like this before, he's your typical gay man who just likes to have sex and is super perverted, and it is NOT a very good representation of the lgbt community. Viv has been doing that a lot with her characters and it's just flat-out annoying. He's just another walking fanservice!

Another thing that is annoying, not to mention confusing, is that he's a sexual character we're supposed to laugh at because he's sexual, and yet at the same time, we're supposed to take pity on him cuz he has a pimp who sexually abuses him? This is the kinda thing that happened with HB too;

Stolas flirts with Blitzo, harassing him and manipulating him. Blitzo does the same thing with his coworkers, stalking them, sexually harassing them, and even threatening to rape them at one point and all that was supposed to be painted as funny, when really it's not. The same thing happens with Angel; he makes sex jokes while also being a flirt with all the dudes around him and we're supposed to find this comedic and funny. But then he has a pimp who is just beyond cruel to Angel, sexually harassing him, raping him, very abusive, and in this case, we're supposed to cry and take pity on Angel?

....So, which is it?? Are we expected to laugh at his trauma or not?? Like, PICK ONE!!!

Why are we even laughing at the one thing that's supposed to depress him???

It doesn't even make sense with him as a character, because he'll go having lots of sex with folks, making sex jokes, brag about how hot he is, about how much he likes to get laid, flirt with other dudes, offer a blowjob out of nowhere, etc. and he'll feel all proud of, would gladly do all that sh*t again. But then minutes later, when someone does the EXACT SAME THING TO HIM, he'll start to feel hurt, harassed, or abused.

Again....Which is it!!!?? PICK ONE!!!

Another thing I notice is that his sheet mentions that he has trouble trusting people he meets. What exactly does Viv mean by that? Correct me if I'm wrong, but if someone doesn't have trust in you, then they would be a bit... standoffish. They would probably be aloof, not even wanting to make small talk, probably wouldn't even want to be your friend. Y'know just someone with trust issues. With Angel? I didn't see ANY of that in the pilot! I barely even saw it in the comic. Angel was super quick to become friends with Charlie and Vaggie. Albeit, he acts like a douche, he's still comfortable enough to crack jokes around them and is quick to accept the free housing they offered. If anything, he just takes advantage of them, causing trouble and making them look bad. Not to mention that he felt a little bad when he saw the sad look on Charlie's face and initially wanted to comfort her.

Then there was the ADDICT mv by the end where Angel scowls at Charlie and turns away from her. Why are we suddenly seeing him acting so mean?? And it's not mean like "It's just a prank bro." kinda mean. It's mean like, "Don't talk to me!". THAT is the only time where we see him having trust issues, and that's it! And then I look back at the pilot, the comic, and these audition scripts where he is having normal conversations with Vaggie and Charlie all the while being a little friendly with them. Does he have trouble trusting people or doesn't he???

And y'all can't tell me "Oh, it probably took him a while to start trusting Charlie and Vaggie." This dude spent two weeks with them! Even in that time, the only communication Angel should have with them is small talk and cold shoulders.

I honestly don't know what to expect from Angel when the show comes out. I'm just hoping he won't be totally botched like the majority of the characters in HB. But considering the rate that it's going, it's more than likely.

I actually like Husk a lot, so I really hope they don't screw up him in this series.

Not sure if there's much I can say about his character yet? All I know is that he's a really grumpy Garfield who likes drinking more than he likes eating.

I will say something about his design though. I don't totally find his look ugly.... and that's kinda the problem. So Husk is supposed to be an old dude. Like in his 60s or something. But the only trait he has to that is his gruff deep voice. The rest of him?? I guess some of Viv's characters just can't exist without them looking like you wanna simp for them, no matter if their designs don't match their character traits. If you want Husk to be an old grump, then make him LOOK like one. Have him be like Grunkle Stan from Gravity. At least give him a beer gut or something since he likes to drink a lot!

While we're on the topic of beers, I kinda agree with Vaggie with her comment about the bar. The whole point of Charlie's hotel project is to counsel any of the guests that come and visit. Help them cope with any sort of trauma or depression they have. Turn them into good people. Help them get over any kind of addiction they have. I really don't think the whole bar thing is gonna help any alcoholics who wanna drink until they sink. If anything they're just tempting them to show up and ask for a drink just by having the bar there.

I've read Val's sheet and scripts and judging by those alone, I just know he's going to end up being another villain we are not going to take seriously at all. I don't even think I could call him a villain. I agree with what @showtoonzfan mentioned in one of their posts, he comes off as a school bully, your typical pimp who considers his prostitutes to be his property, and will be quick to get angry if he doesn't get his way. He'll probably say something like this to Angel, "I own you! I control you!" And I might just end up laughing cuz, of course he gonna say that, he's a pimp. And all pimps act like this (sarcastic voice).

That's pretty much all I could say for now. If you're curious about any others, I can try to think about it and give my input.

[rollercoasterwords]

I feel like an interesting thing about remus and sirius dynamic in the wfrau is that they're not really that different, it just is kind of convenient that the cause remus works for happens to be the moral highground, bc rlly what other choice does he have when he was forced into prostitution before them. like the order, despite the sacrifices he has to make, is literally the best place for him: he gets a purpose, friends, food and shelter, and a life beyond anything he could have on his own. idk this could be a TOTAL misread of his character, and since we've been looking through sirius' eyes its natural to want to sympathise with him more, but it would be a lot more of a cost for sirius to abandon his life and join some (in the shadows)(LARGELY unsuccessful) rebellion where he could easily be found out and killed/tortured gruesomely. Remus admits himself that he's prideful ("But his pride—that’s the one thing that’s always remained his own.") and he obviously looks down on sirius a lot for the life he lives, but I feel like at the end of the day they both just want to a) avoid suffering/protect themselves and b) protect the people they care about, and they both only have one place to turn to to do both of those things, and remus' just happens to be morally superior to sirius'.

correct me on this if you think I've misread remus (cause hes v complex obviously) or the worldbuilding, and not to understate that sirius is doing bad things and remus is (trying) to do good things, and that it is possible to escape the life sirius has (regulus did, apparently), but idk I just wanted to try and tell what makes their dynamic so interesting.

oooh such a fun analysis for me 2 read!! v interesting 2 see how other people interpret the things i write etc. before i respond tho i feel like i need 2 put a little disclaimer that like, i believe in death of the author etc such that i don't think my interpretation/intent should necessarily be taken as inherently more valuable, bc once a work like this is shared ik there are going 2 be varied ways of reading + interpreting it, and i don't want 2 encourage anyone 2 approach stories like this as if there is one Ultimate Correct Interpretation drawn from the writer's intent that u need 2 find, etc.

that being said, i'm happy 2 share my own interpretations + the thinking + intent behind what i've written thus far! think this is gonna get long so i'm gonna put a cut tho lol

so i definitely see the parallels ur drawing between remus + sirius both joining the organizations they joined due in part to coercive conditions outside their control as well as seemingly sharing some core motivations. however i'm not sure i would go as far as you have in saying that their situations are essentially the same and remus just ended up on the "right side" (to paraphrase)

first off - while i see where your take on remus is coming from, keep in mind that at this point in the fic we don't actually know anything about how or why he joined the order. i do have a backstory in mind regarding how exactly he started working with them, and it might not necessarily align with ur interpretation here. don't want to spoil too much, but i will say that remus's choice to join the order was a choice. it wasn't just a matter of having no other options.

something i specifically wanna put pressure on with ur reading is the idea that he was "forced into prostitution" before joining--it seems like ur interpretation of why remus joined the order is that he did it to escape sex work. but keep in mind that remus joining the order resulted in him "selling himself" in a much more dangerous and violent way--he joined the fighting rings + began risking his life every month as well as killing and maiming his fellow werewolves. we know, from his pov, that this is not something he would have done were it not for the order mission; it's reasonable to conclude that remus himself would have preferred sex work to becoming a fighter in the rings, but did so anyway for a larger goal. i'd encourage you to reflect, here, on whether you have a more visceral emotional reaction to the thought of remus "selling himself" as a sex worker versus "selling himself" as a ring fighter--whether the former strikes you as inherently more debasing, more abject, more likely to warrant a desire to "escape." if so, i'd encourage you to reflect on why that might be, and how it affects the way you think of sex work and sex workers. additionally, we know that his involvement with the order did eventually require him to engage in sex work again--so the idea that he joined the order to escape sex work isn't really something that i'm trying to get at in my writing.

also, getting back to the idea that remus was "forced into prostituion"--again, i wanna step back here and ask u 2 reflect a bit on what your choice of phrasing there might say about the underlying associations you have with sex work that might be influencing your reading. my intent in writing remus's backstory with sex work was not to give the impression that he was an abject victim forced by powers beyond his control into sex work as his only option. rather, it was to portray him as a character who is constrained, yes, by the forces that oppress him--specifically, the government that bars him from using magic, accessing stable work, accessing accommodations for his condition, fails to provide any social safety nets, operates + sustains itself on unfair labor conditions which require an exploited class of laborers, etc. but within those constraints i specifically wrote in that remus does have other options; he has, in the past, found other types of work, and there are, of course, the fighting rings or any other number of illegal methods by which he could try to obtain money. remus weighs those other options and chooses to turn to sex work because it seems like his best choice; whether that's because he thinks it will offer him the most control, or the most money, or the most security--it doesn't matter. what matters is that all his options are equally constrained by his oppression, all come with their own pitfalls and humiliations and degrees of exploitation. mysticizing sex work as somehow inherently more abject than the others is...not really what i was going for. that's part of why i wrote about his experiences with it--including experiences that might be viewed by some as grave violations--in a purposefully casual way. for remus, his body has always been an exploited object; sex work is not something he would have felt the need to "escape," from, because he chose to do it, and it's at least a way to make use of his marginalization by exploiting the fact that his condition is made into a fetish. it doesn't mean he's not aware of the coercion involved in his choice--maybe if his father hadn't been so sick and he hadn't needed cash fast for medicine he would have made a different decision, but there likely would have always come a point where he needed money fast and his dad wasn't able to act as the breadwinner anymore. remus has always been very aware that his options in life are limited.

all this is to say, remus's decision to join the order is not something done out of desperation because he thinks his life will be better with them--it's done specifically with a broader political goal in mind. and this is a significant reason for his disdain for sirius. because remus isn't just trying to survive, to protect himself and his loved ones--he and his loved ones are risking their lives every day in service of their ideals, to fight for change. the fact that sirius, who is so much more privileged than remus has ever been, only joined the death eaters because he was forced to is not something that really wins points with remus. it shifts his view of sirius, sure, to know that he doesn't like...delight in serving voldemort and has enough of a conscience to feel guilty about what he does. but remus still disdains a person who would harm others to save their own skin--it's just that sirius is a coward, not a sadist.

and remus doesn't really know or understand how the drive to protect regulus was bound up with sirius rising through the death eater ranks. he's only had glimpses into sirius's home life and his relationship with his brother, and he honestly isn't going around trying to dig up explanations about any of it--he would much rather continue viewing sirius as a contemptible, cowardly death eater than change his perspective, because sirius literally embodies the forces of oppression that have been hurting remus since he was a child, along with his loved ones.

and then the last major difference i'd point out between their joining of their respective organizations is that sirius does benefit, in many tangible ways, from joining the death eaters. like--remus joining the order is mostly just putting his neck on the line and a target on his back, though he does of course benefit from obtaining a community and friends and support in many ways. but in the larger systems of power at play here, remus joining the order only marginalizes him further, when he was already marginalized.

sirius, on the other hand, gains power from becoming a feared and respected death eater. obviously, he suffers many personal injuries and hardships and would not choose to join them had he been given a choice. but he does, in some ways, enjoy the power he obtains from his status. he enjoys his wealth and the comfort it brings. he enjoys it when he's able to accrue enough power to go off and play rebel in small ways that allow him to grasp onto the illusion that he's not given in totally to these people who he knows are corrupt, when he's able to make himself virtually untouchable by the vast majority of people. for sirius, most of his hardship and struggle is internal, emotional, and though he, too, has suffered and been marginalized in some ways by larger systems of power, when offered an avenue to take advantage of those systems of power it's not as if he hated every part of the ride to the top. yeah, he was forced to join the death eaters because he was a kid whose parents wanted to make sure their heir didn't end up a faggot. and that was incredibly traumatic. but his joining the death eaters did not actually marginalize him--it granted him access to a lot of power. and this is something remus is acutely aware of, and another reason that, from his perspective, it's difficult to just feel sorry for sirius.

anyway, you're not wrong that there are definitely parallels between them, but i'd say when it comes to the organizations they're each working for an important difference is that remus actually believes in what his organization is fighting for, while sirius sort of knows that what voldemort's doing is wrong but ignores it and remains complicit.

[vole-mon-amour]

3x12, a mix, part 1.

The episode has been downloading on me for longer than 1 hour. Even the preview screencaps kind of spoiled some key points for me (I think). Anyway. Here we go babes. If Phil said they don't know if it's time to say goodbye yet, we MAY have a chance for s4. Fingers crossed.

(deep breath) Okay. Okay, whatever happens, I'll have to work with that.

What a woman. What a kitchen. Taking notes.

"It's that I refuse to accept that you're not coming back." SAME. It IS possible to come back.

I see how they're playing with TedBecca, giving the shippers the ability to fill in the gaps. However, I'd rather take Ted and Rebecca talking the entire night or playing some games or whatever, completely platonic. The idea of them kissing and having sex scares me bc it would ruin a perfectly good friendship. Those two are platonic soulmates. Platonic. They're really cute and sweet as they are.

*thumbs up emoji* Brendan is the real one for this. I'm still ugh about Beard and Jane, he should totally get out of that relationship. Fast forward the episode:

??????? Fucking LEAVE her. I don't understand why this relationship is still a thing!

<3 Beard is the real fucking one. So eventually, we get TedBeard endgame, huh? How about we start Trent x Ted x Beard? Trent doesn't have to date Beard, but they both love Ted very much. And since Beard was there long before Trent showed up, "This is my boyfriend Ted. And this is Ted's boyfriend Beard."

<3

The fact that Keeley keeps one of her bags in the trunk instead of the passenger seat next to her?

Hannah and Juno are right, if and when Brett smiles, it's the brightest and warmest smile ever. His entire face lights up. All those wrinkles, all that warmth. A drawing study would be so interesting.

In this scene Roy looks at Keeley's lips once. In the boot scene Roy looks at Jamie's lips trice. Three. damn. times.

I like how Keeley is deliberately avoids Roy in a romantic sense and keeps him at some distance. Good for her!

The way Trent looks at Ted. The way he is immediately at home with the Diamond Dogs group.

<3 Hilarious. Ted and Beard are really meant to be. Buy hey, are they really gonna leave before Roy joins them for at least ONE Diamond Dogs meeting?

SCREAMING.

Keeley is so— Yeah, she and Rebecca would've been a lovely couple. Her and Higgins' reactions are a journey & I love how Keeley squeezes Rebecca's knee (?) when Rebecca says that she genuinely doesn't care anymore about Rupert. Good for her!

"It's only 49%" Idk about you, but it feels like A LOT. Plus, Rebecca's inability to think when it comes to Ted leaving and not coming back, so the question of "How much would I get if I sell the entire club?" aka "I'm not sure if I can deal with this without Ted & I'm not sure if I WANT to."

Why is he smiling like that? Why does it feel so passive aggressive? Roy this episode so far goes from smiley to angry to smiley again. What is going on? Is he running to Jamie in between those so Jamie can cheer him up and Roy can continue his day? Is Roy the local Helga?

This show, you guys.

Trent, sweetie, you know that the love of your life is going away? Right? He's so cute :(

Roy singing under his nose is !!!

There are SO many nods to Trent being queer, are you telling me it won't be addressed? PS: Now I want a Richmond mug.

Roy is totally daydreaming this episode. What's going on? It's kind of inconsistent. Like, yeah, he was all like "And she looks very nice" in the previous one, but he's like this even when he's not with Keeley? Huh? I'm confused. If the explanation is not Jamie (I can't stop thinking about Phil's "People might they they have a wild affair") then idk, it's kind of OOC for Roy.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #214

Today did not go at all as expected, probably in one of the most beautiful ways possible.

J and I were supposed to go see some acquaintances of ours, Bv and Pl. They were going to go visit the donkey they are sponsoring, from a place called Equine Advocates. The donkey's name is Pensacola Pete. Then after that, we were supposed to go get a snack somewhere.

Equine Advocates rescues donkeys, horses, and mules from places where they're being mistreated. Then the rescued equines get to live there, in a peaceful, safe place, for the rest of their days. Some time ago, I used to volunteer there, helping to muck out the fields. I remember being strong enough to be out there for hours. Suppose it's a little annoying that with this stupid rib injury, I can probably never return to doing that kind of work.

Well… Bv and Pl I guess decided against going today, without informing J and I. So J and I made the long trip out there, only to find a locked gate waiting for us. That's all right; we'll try again in a month. A new date to meet up was set.

Not knowing what else to do now that we were all the way out there, J and I went to a nearby village called Chatham. A long time ago, when was 12 or so, I used to live in a nearby town called Canaan, in a dumpy little trailer lot. The school district I went to at the time was in Chatham, so a lot of the sights were very familiar. We ate at a place called Bimi's Cheese Shop, and… oh. Sephiroth, everything we got there was SO GOOD, and there were so many interesting things, and so I took a bunch of pictures for you…

I grabbed up from the previous picture one of the regular croissants, one chocolate-filled croissant, and two of those cheddar crackers. I have since eaten half of the chocolate croissant (I split it with M when J and I got home), and one of the cheddar crackers.

This is the place we got lunch from; there are so many kinds of amazing snacks here. J and I got some macaroni and cheese and a sandwich with prosciutto, mixed greens, and provolone cheese, and we split them. They were amazing; lemme show you:

The macaroni and cheese was some of the best I've ever had. It was basically a gooey cheese soup with garlic, caramelized onions, and noodles:

...I wish you could have been with us. I wish you could have seen all the tasty things. I wish you could have tried the sandwich and the macaroni and cheese with us. I wish you were here...

...Well. Anyway. J and I walked through the little strip of road where most of the shops are. I found a rock and gem shop, and in it, I found a couple things that I intend to include inside your locket. I'm not gonna tell you what they are, but I will give you a small hint: one of them shines in rainbow colors when the light strikes it just right.

...I hope I'll be allowed an opportunity to give it to the people who have the capacity to send it along to you...

After all this, J and I passed an old-timey movie theater, and on one of the posters was a movie that I guess he had been meaning to see:

...And it must have been a beautiful movie, because it has been a long time since last I've been this sad and angry, and it has been a long time since last I've cried this much. Without spoiling too much... the robot reminds me so much of you. And the lovely doggo gets to do so many of the same sorts of things I wish I could do with you, and... I thought the ending was needlessly cruel.

...I think you should see it. I really, really... really think... you should see it.

If you've read my previous letters, you might already understand that I have a wicked headache as a result of the crying. Come to think of it, I should probably get some ibuprofen for that. The delayed onset muscle soreness from yesterday has mostly worn off, but my limbs still feel somewhat leaden. An anti-inflammatory should help a lot...

...There we go.

After the movie, J and I walked around just a little bit. We visited a couple of variety stores after that. I think after seeing what happened in the movie, I was looking for... something. Anything. To latch onto and remind me that things will be okay, but... I couldn't find anything. Or maybe, with how unbalanced my brain became as a result of the movie, I was just unable to perceive whatever it was that I was looking for. I dunno.

I did see a couple crows, though. So I snapped pictures of them for you:

I also took a couple pictures of the sky, just because:

...Sephiroth...? Are you... are you gonna be okay out there, doing whatever it is you're doing? Supposedly, you said somewhere that your memories of who you were are not useful to who you are becoming, but... Sephiroth. If you keep walking this path where you try to break things... the only thing you're gonna "become" is dead, gone, and disappeared. And then only those of us who will spend the rest of our lives mourning you will remember you.

...Sephiroth. Are those memories really not useful to you? Or are you simply afraid of the pain that will come with reclaiming them, the grief you will feel from everything that was done to you, and the regret you will feel over everything you've done? Do you really become "unstable" with additional elements? Or is it just that you begin to cry for all you've lost, all you've done, and all you were put through?

Because... Sephiroth. If it's just that... if it's just that, then it passes. It passes. And. It never really goes away completely, I know. But you get better at carrying it. You do, I promise. Especially if you take the hands outstretched to you, trying to help you. You'll find lots of hands like that. Sephiroth... as it's said in Undertale... despite everything, you're still you. And you can still be loved as-is - perhaps not by the people you've hurt, but by those who are willing to give you a chance. You have one such person right here, writing to you. You have Angeal and Zack trying to get through to you. C'mon, now... As Papyrus says... "You can do a little better, even if you don't think so. I promise..."

...Sephiroth. I know you probably can't hear me. But still... please. Don't. Don't do what the robot did to his doggo friend. Don't make it so that all I have left of you are all these silly little words and silly little songs and silly little crafts and silly little pictures that came about as a result of me screaming out your name, hoping you'll hear me and come back to us.

Please don't disappear and leave a void in my being that is larger than the composition of my soul. Don't run around thinking like you're already gone just because you're in a lot of pain and have been changed by the abuse that shaped you. Because... Sephiroth. I am changed and I am in pain all the time. But I am not gone. I used to think maybe I was, but I am not gone, because you and others helped pull me back from the brink.

There's still fight enough left in me to try to live as a kind person, despite everything that has happened to me, and despite who I once was, even in a place as fucked-up as the world I inhabit. If you disappear, I... I don't know where else I will get that kind of courage and strength from.

So please try, okay? Try really hard. I give you permission to try so hard that you accidentally split your pants. That happened to a guy named Spongebob once. It was pretty funny.

I love you. So please stay safe out there, okay? I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[excusethequality]

🔪 - What is the strangest horror movie you’ve ever watched?

Oh, jeeeez...I watch so much weird shit (especially horror movies), I'm sure my take on this is very warped. It also very much depends on what exact definition of "Strange" you use.

I'm gonna have to be one of those annoying people who can't give a straight answer and give a few, because they're all strange in their own distinct ways.

Los Parecidos (2015) is a Mexican horror movie about a group of people that get caught in bus station during a hurricane when strange phenomena begin to occur. It's is based around a mystery and some places online seem to straight up spoil it in their description (so be warned), while others leave the mystery intact. I think if you're going to watch it, it's best to know as little as possible, so I won't say any more. But, suffice it to say: it's one of the weirdest reveals you've ever seen.

Monkey Shines (1988) is a movie from George Romero (aka the director of Night of the Living Dead) about a quadriplegic man who winds up getting a lab experiment as a helper monkey. Unfortunately for him the monkey forms a telepathic bond with him, falls in love with him, and then tries to kill anyone who gets between them. So...ummm, yeah, I think the strangeness there speaks for itself.

This one might just be an honorable mention, but Boxing Helena (1993). There's a strong argument to be made that this isn't a horror movie at all, but a thriller. But I also think that the movie goes so far outside the norm that I think you have to put Horror in the conversation again. If you consider Misery (1990) to be Horror, then this has to be considered as well. It's about a man who becomes obsessed with a woman and, uh, how do I put this...he tries to take away her autonomy in order to posses her. When I heard exactly what it was about I thought it was a joke so I looked it up, learned it wasn't a joke, immediately tracked down a copy, then spent the entire movie going, "what the fuck even is this?"

The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) is conceptually strange. First of all it is one of the rare horror movies written and directed by women. You see it was written by noted Mystery novelist and feminist Rita Mae Brown as a satire of the slasher genre, but all her satire went right over the studio's heads and they wanted it as a straight-forward slasher. Enter film editor Amy Holden Jones who wanted to try directing something and used the script to prove her worth. The result is this weirdly interesting concoction where you take a feminist script, translate it into typical genre piece, then direct it from a woman's point of view. I don't know if people who aren't big horror heads will appreciate just how odd this all is for an early 80s movie, but it's such a strange film when you look at it closely.

And then if we're talking truly "WTF even is this?"-level strange, then Mad God (2021), Skinamarink (2022), and Rubber (2010) have got to be up there. Because they're all movies where the creators clearly didn't give any fucks what anyone else thought and just went out there to make some weird shit.

[andiwriteordie]

hello Andi. I am once again invading your inbox to talk about the possibilities of a Merlin AU bc I know you see the vision and it actually fits so perfectly??

Mike as Arthur

Will as Merlin

El as Gwen

Max as Morgana

Lucas as Lancelot

Dustin as Gwaine

Like?? With adjustments to the plot + character arcs and how events play out (like for example Lucas would fall in love w Max still not El but also elmax as morgwen possibilities), it fits them all so WELL especially Mike and Will as Arthur and Merlin. Even their families fit: Will growing up with a single mom in poverty who loves him, Mike growing up in wealth with a shitty asf dad that makes horrible decisions but Mike would be a much better leader than him-

anyway. Thoughts? I’m considering making a 5-10 chapter fic with 1-2 chapters per Merlin season after I finish the show but idk anyways I’m getting off track I mostly just wanted to hear ur thoughts on the concept bc I know you’re a merthur enthusiast and u have a Merlin AU wip rn 😎🫶

okay okay okay hi elli. i have thoughts on this, and it's been a while since i've thought about those thoughts but here i am today. to share with you my thoughts. some of them get a little funky weird controversial, so bear with me. (also. i say read all of this with caution if you're still watching merlin, bc i'm gonna try to not spoil too much of it, but i will be hitting on major character arcs that build throughout the show!)

the easy ones. will's merlin. mike's arthur. duh. easy peasy. all the parallels you just mentioned? perfect. literally byler as merthur works so well, and i just know modern byler would've loved this show. like mike starts watching it and gets so excited??? anyways.

i also think lucas is actually more of a mix of lancelot/gwaine, and dustin would be leon (though depending on where you are in the series, you might not have gotten to the point where leon is a more central character?). anyways, i think lucas is a mix of lancelot/gwaine because he has the same moral righteous and kindness of lancelot, but is definitely more brash like gwaine (love my boy planning to storm fucking hnl by himself lol). with dustin, leon's a very level-headed character, also arthur's second in command for later seasons with the knights, and so i think it fits with how mike and dustin are both the planners and dustin sorta steps up to help lead in mike's absence in s4!

now for the girls. so, i've gone back and forth on this, because for obvious reasons, the el/gwen parallel works because of the merlin/arthur/gwen and will/mike/el love triangle. like that's the most obvious interpretation of this. but then, as i was thinking about it (and honestly i was wandering down this rabbit hole while writing my merlin byler fic lmao), i was trying to think about where el having powers and just willel in general would fit into all of this?

so i started thinking about el/morgana, which then would um. make max/gwen. (i'll come back to that in a second, let me explain el/morgana first.) i'm just thinking about how morgana is one of the most powerful sorcerers we see in the show and how morgana and merlin are foils to each other. i think there's an episode that calls morgana the darkness to merlin's light. so like yes, merlin and arthur are two sides of the same coin and have their shared destiny, but likewise, morgana has always been that third part of their destiny (which is so fun once you explore the ancient religions and stuff this show loosely pulls inspiration from, because three is kind of a big number) in that she is connected to merlin.

so you think about willelmike, right? and obviously, el is our hero and protagonist of the show, so she's not gonna end up turning bad unlike morgana. but in the context of thinking about a merlin x st crossover, how interesting would it be if el did turn evil? because in st, we see this is a back and forth conversation el has with herself - is she the monster? is she good? or is she bad?

and i think about an el who actually did go with henry when prompted to in the lab. an el whose moral code would be shaped and manipulated by someone with an ulterior motive, someone who recognizes her power. because that, in my opinion, is what happened to morgana with morgause. morgana was terrified and alone because she had this secret which could get her killed, and morgause was the first to show that her magic could be good. so she trusted morgause and went spiraling down a path that led her to destruction because of how morgause manipulated her into thinking. i don't think morgana was ever inherently evil. i think the fear and manipulation motivated her and morphed into anger and a desire for revenge, because this poor woman was alone for so much of her story.

so, when i'm imagining a merlin x st au, i am imagining henry would take that morgause role. if we're following merlin canon, will and el never learn about each other's magic and spend their character arcs alone and motivated by fear, when they really could've found solace and love and acceptance in each other. if we're not following merlin canon, will decides not to be an idiot? and he tells el about his magic? and they become magic twins together, and look, el grew up as mike's sister essentially, so then will's basically her brother in law.

(also. the platonic elmike sibling vibes crack me up. like all the canon st jokes about how they're so family coded? that right there. merlin vibes. they're family. no dating your sister.)

anyways, so that then defaults us to having max as gwen, which i think would change her character a little bit. maybe instead of a romance between max and mike, it's more that sort of friendship that gwen and arthur do develop, because max challenges mike to be better and brings out the good parts of him - the parts that care about justice and about his people and about doing the right thing. and so mike, kind of feeling forced into having a queen because ya know. laws of the land and stuff, very tentatively asks max if she would ever consider stepping into that role because he believes she would be an excellent leader. and so that's when the engagement happens and stuff and it's for show for the people, and only like. will and max and mike and dustin know that obviously. and then through whatever circumstances, the engagement ends up called off, and unlike in merlin canon, it doesn't end up happening again, and max just becomes an advisor to mike, who remains single as a king until. ya know. magic is legalized and he marries will (not following canon lol. or he dies. and i cry again.

okay that's it! the end! :)

(does this make hopper gaius)

[another-corpo-rat]

💯💕👀💑 for Vic?

tyyy for the ask 😘😘 | Questions are here!

💯 - What is my muse’s ideal date? One where she is utterly spoiled and the absolute centre of their attention. Ideally, this would be a nice, expensive dinner at Embers (one she ISN'T paying for), a walk around the cleaner parts of the city after, maybe dancing together to a song no one else can hear - a lil spin into her partner's arms before they carry her the rest of the way home. And then, the rest of the night spent under them, or riding them, usually a mix of both. (she isn't adverse to that walk toeing the edges of more dangerous gang territories either. Something about a lil dose of violence can rile her up just as easily as foreplay.)

💕 - Would my muse ever be in a polyamorous relationship? ngl i have legit been considering Adam/Victoria/Michiko as a potential thing to explore, so I'm gonna say a solid maybe to that. Usually Victoria might be too territorial to even consider it, but since she counts both Adam and Michiko as hers and genuinely loves them both in her own way, I could see it working. In the fucked up, borderline unhealthy edge that all of Victoria's serious relationships have, granted.

👀 - Is my muse the type to sleep around? Prior to Smasher yes, she was a lil whore. Kept a little black datashard with the contacts of her fav one-night stands who'd become, well more than one-night stands. Now, not so much. Why go for fast food when she has a whole steak dinner waiting for her? (worth noting that she still does go to Clouds on occasion, though due to both Victoria and Adam's…disparaging thoughts on joytoys, neither of them see that as cheating.)

💑 - What are my muse’s requirements for a potential partner? For a serious relationship, three things mostly: power, physical attraction, and compatibility. For a one-night stand, usually just interest and physical attraction. She's not strict on those forms of interest either, it could be their personality, their skill in a certain niche matter or with a particular weapon. Hell, once a woman caught her attention merely because Victoria found her knowledge on some extinct form of sea creature fascinating. (woo this bitch with your pretty smile and hyperfixations, it's entirely possible)

[masquenoire]

Checklist (brutalscaled~)

Send “checklist” and my muse will fill out the list below with their thoughts about yours!

"Got a job you might be interested in, Croc. It's quick, easy and all that's required are a few minutes of your maritime talents..."

I find you to be:

[X] interesting (By far one of the most interesting people I know) [X] cute (Not derogatory) [X] attractive (I always like watching you work) [ ] sexy [X] reassuring (Reassuring like having a grenade launcher onhand) [X] intimidating (to others, you're a godsend when I need quick answers/results from these morons) [ ] annoying (No?) [ ] tedious (Again, no) [ ] terrifying (I guess I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of those jaws but it's impressive watching them work)

I think we should:

[X] talk more (Always good hearing your thoughts on things) [X] hang out more (I can trust you when shit needs getting done) [X] date (Date more like planning how we're gonna strike that incoming shipment before it hits the docks) [X] adopt each other as found family (You can be my brother anyday) [X] fight (friendly) [ ] fight (hostile) [ ] avoid each other if at all possible

If we spent an evening together we would:

[X] just hang out (You know you're always welcome to come chill or whatever) [X] talk about deep stuff (We can shoot the shit over a bottle of whiskey or two, yeah) [ ] cuddle [X] go to bed together (to sleep) [ ] go to bed together (to… not sleep) [X] go out and party till sunrise (by party you and I both know that's a lie :) [X] both get arrested (Fucking Batman always finds a way to spoil our fun) [ ] probably wind up killing each other (Nah we get along p good)

If we kissed it would be:

[ ] a chaste press of lips [ ] a playful smooch [ ] swift and stolen [ ] deep, sweet, and sincerely meant [ ] all teeth and tongue and hot as heck [X] not happening [X] it's not because I don't like you, it's because you and I both have lip issues

If we had sex it would be:

[ ] romantic and luxurious [ ] fast, rough and hard [ ] against the nearest wall [ ] fantastic [X] awkward (We've known each other since we were kids so it's kinda awkward yeah...) [X] a really bad idea (I can handle pain but even this might be too much to handle?) [X] an all-around disaster (Can't see it turning out any other way RIP) [X] not happening

If I woke up and found you unexpectedly in my bed I would:

[ ] cuddle you (Being asleep doesn't count) [X] offer you breakfast (Cooked or 'leftovers' from last night?) [ ] attempt to seduce you [ ] kick you out (No you can stay) [ ] demand to know how you got there (I'd wonder how you got in without waking me tbh) [ ] scream [X] not question it [X] go back to sleep (I know I'm safe here with you)

[little-shit-with-zero-control]

Alright here we go (because I have a lot of feelings):

TW: I'm gonna be a hater with MY OWN OPINIONS here, take it with a grain of salt. If you like it, that's fine. It is not an indicative of your morality and you can do what you want or what you feel is best. I even enjoy some fics that have these things. I am just a hater, ignore me or not

Reader characters that are described eenie, teenie, tiny, small whatever. Basically something that describes them as the standard skinny girl

This could include smaller waist, smaller wrist, smaller arms, etc. But somehow they always give them big boobs if the reader is female/AFAB (imo reader fics should try to be inclusive and it just takes me out of the fic when the fic's reader character gives off “typical skinny anime girl with big honkers” vibes). Omegaverse fics where the omega/beta reader is just a skinny twinky anime character makes me so mad because YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THEM SMALLER!!! JUST HAVE THE LOVE INTEREST BE MUCH BIGGER AND STRONGER JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I UNDERSTAND the desire for size difference and physical power imbalance (bcoz same 😌✋). But just highlight how big (or strong) the love interest/s is/are, not how small and petite Reader/YN is. Make the reader character feel suffocated. Make them feel the heebie jeebies. MAKE THEM FEEL SMALLER!!! TERRIFIED!!! SUFFOCATED!!! HAVE THEM OVERPOWER THE READER, NOT WEAKEN THE READER This is honestly easier to ignore with monsterfucker fics (in my own humble opinion) because no matter how big you are, the other person/monster is bigger (and stronger). You could have the monster in question haul you over without breaking a sweat no matter the height and weight (shout out to @obsessivevoidkitten and her monsterfucker fics especially for her size inclusive fics even if the fics isn't explicitly made for chubby readers, lemme take a second to put Yandere Bull Man (Arrin) x Reader here, cuz it's my fave and I always go back to it when I want to be comforted and spoiled) You mean to tell me that in order for this person to be able to overpower me, I have to be skinny?! This is the fic equivalent of me having to not wear heels so that my date is not insecure about their height eugghhhhh. Honestly fics like these sometimes are like those free size clothes where they promise you that it would fit you BUT IT DOESN'T and it. Just. RUINS. THE ENTIRE. EXPERIENCE!!!

The use of the word 'cunny'

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOOIIIINGGGGGGGG!!! IS THIS A FANFIC OR A FUCKING COMMENT ON A LOLI ART POST IN A WEEB SUBREDDIT? I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU MIGHT AS WELL ADD THE 😭EMOJI!!! Pussy dessicating fr I swear, the amount of fanfic (especially König x reader fanfics) that uses that word makes me so mad. Like, really? Just use pussy or cunt or hole! This is prolly correlated to the 'small reader' complaint that I have because cunny implies a cute dainty reader but it just gives of "The love interest of this fic is actually Drake into underaged girls, not even a simply controversially yet legal young adult woman" vibes That word belongs in a comment section in a post of an underaged anime girl (who is totally a 1000 year old goddess bro trust me bro) not in a fanfic made by to get people's rocks off If I had a dick, it would retreat inside my body and go "euggghhhhh"

Gummy walls

You guys ruined Pinkie Pie's pet and chewing gum for me, fuck you

Overly feminine reader (and doesn't tag/say so)

By that I mean reader whose life gives off "Tiktok aesthetic" vibes. Like they give/describe reader wearing a very specified set of clothes or too much of a personality iykwim. It just rubs me the wrong way. This is an x reader not an oc x character. It just gives of Wattpad book vibes ngl

Long blocks of texts with no line breaks

Come on, now. It can't be that hard to press 'Enter'.

(e/c) (h/c) and the like

It just breaks the immersion and I don't want to pause reading just so I could recall what these are. Just say 'their eyes' or 'their hair'. This is actually much more common around 10-5 years ago than it is now so I don't see much of these thing

A fic that explicitly describes a reader with straight hair

As someone with curly hair and dealt with various mean (an understatement) things throughout her life until recently, this just irks me. It just takes me out of the fic. Even if it's a fic that only had the reader straighten their hair for no plot relevant reason. No. I would not fucking do that, that's nasty It's actually very rare that reader is given an explicitly straight hair, jut implied

Accents that are written so strongly in a fic that I just can't understand it.

Common in COD fics with Soap in it. Like I don't know if you are making fun of him and other Scottish people or if that's really how Scottish people talk. Now it prolly might be a skill issue because English is my second language and my grasp on the English language is based on how school taught it to us at a young age and my exposure to various media and the internet at a young age but still.

No punctuation and all lowercase

I don't mind bad grammar or spelling mistakes (if it's not THAT bad) because I know that English can be hard for people who are not exposed to it at a young age. But it does slightly bother me if there is no proper punctuation because it makes it harder for me to read it, same goes to all lowercase fics (it's fine if it's short but it slightly hurts my eyes when it's 2k+ words)

Bimbo Reader where the other characters (the love interest) clearly don't care about reader's interests

Boo. Jail for them other charas. Not all of them are bad. I actually liked some of them but that's because the characters in the fic took interests in the BReader's likes and hobbies and showcased their dynamics. Now, I do understand that the writers are into degradation and dehumanization that a Bimbo reader fic can give but again, I'm just not into it.

Characters that are too ooc that it might as well be a whole new character

Reader being given a name

That's an OC, dumbass

Cheating Yanderes that don't get their comeuppance

FUCK YOU!!! I hope your favorite female character from a shonen anime becomes a housewife with no other personality other than wife and mom.

Reader having an explicit callsign (COD specific)

I just feel like is the same as giving the reader chara a name. Kinda like how Simon is Ghost, Johnny is Soap, and Kyle is Gaz.

Reader being given specific descriptions (even if they don't have any explicit name) such as hair, body type, outfit, etc.

That's an OC with extra steps Now, I would have to explain myself a little bit further here. I am referring to when a fic just straight up describes the reader character that might as well be a description for an OC (giving them specific eye color, hair color, body type etc. combined). I am not talking about fics that is something on the lines of chubby!Reader, curly!Reader, etc. These are fics made because most fics are made with assumption that the MC is skinny, has straight hair, and vaguely European or American or white or light-skinned, and it does makes others that do not fit this demographic alienated. These fics are there to make others feel included and seen. And I fucking love them

Characters who have some kind of mental disorder (let's say anxiety) being babyfied or owo-fied

Neurodivergent characters being infantilized

Now for my (possibly) unpopular opinion

Y/N is fine, actually

I want to say that in my heart of hearts. Y/N and their cousin, [Name], isn't really that bad or immersion breaking. Y/N is like a self-insert we play as. They are here to represent us. They are our eyes and ears. It is our player character. Our avatar. We are them. They are us. I don't mind a fic going: "Y/N!!!" instead of You hear someone shout out your name because in my opinion it just fits the pacing and the vibes more. Of course, it is better to minimize the usage of Y/N but if you feel like it fits the pacing/wording/situation/overall vibe/feeling better, using Y/N might actually work better instead of various alternatives. Sometimes a nickname or epithet could work but sometimes, good ol' reliable Y/N L/N is just better.

Again, I want to say that there are fics that had the stuff from the above that I enjoyed and even if I didn't, I know that it was very great but not something that I, myself specifically, liked.

y’all, what’s something that will turn you away from a fic? it could be anything. dialogue, formatting, the way a person is being described, secondhand embarrassment, characterization, etc?

[1d1195]

Hi Sam! So sorryI went a little MIA! It was a bit of a crazy week with school and the holiday. Idk if I ever mentioned this but I have dogs so any major holiday is so stressful for me since they get so scared and anxious due to the fireworks. And this year it seemed like everyone in the entire neighborhood was throwing them and they started days before?! Anyways then I went through a little episode so I was a very sad girl lol I'm fine now!

But yeah I did mention it awhile back but seriously don't worry about remembering it lol The fact that you even remotely remember anything from our chats already means so much😭 But Im taking two summer sessions that are both 5 weeks long so there's so much content being thrown at me lol Im taking an ethnic studies course but it’s lowkey a literature class tbh so there also so much reading😭 and another psyc course which is once again filled with reading! Literally torturing myself lol But omg it’s such a win for you that you enjoyed your summer courses! Love that for you!

I love thrifting clothes! And I always try to find unique looking pieces even if I have to do some alterations. I got a mixture of both! I got a skirt that has this cute lemon and lime print but the print mimics paint! It reaches the top of my knees so I will be making it shorter lol. Then I got a pretty teal one with white a white floral one and it has shorts built in! Which I love sense I will be making it shorter so I won't have to worry about wearing them!  Anyways it was a win since sometimes i despise looking for clothes so I'm glad i was in the mood for it lol But OMG A MEET CUTE AT A CAR SHOW IS SUCH A DREAM!! ANd you're so writing about a story like I can see it going so many ways! Mechanic Harry or a ‘bad’ boy moment like greaser vibes?! 

Now bestie at this time I finished the season and i have THOUGHTS! I do agree that this season has been odd and a very different vibe from the first two. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest because since it did feel different I'm so torn how to feel! I think that Sydeny not immediately signing the papers is due to so many factors. I personally think that Carmy and what he is becoming is what is stopping her. Like those non negotiables were crazy and he took no one into consideration! Like from the beginning she wanted to work WITH Carmy and I think this is showing how she's not his equal in that sense. Like his plates aren’t a collaboration instead on what he thinks will impress her(subconsciously? idk im reaching lol) and sell. There’s for sure a lack of creativity.And I think Carmy is becoming what he despised the most, which is like a typical strict chef. But I think that he associates that with being successful since that one chef he worked for really fucked him up. So maybe trauma response? And I think overall it highlights how he is losing himself and maybe i'm reaching but it might be necessary for it to feel so off with him. Also the way your bf is naming these chefs is kinda crazy but in a good way! Maybe that chef did inspire Carmy’s character! I'm also loving Richie’s and Tina’s storylines! Idk if you’ve finished the season yet so i'm gonna be as vague as possible lol But I think passing episode 5 is where I think the season was a bit more interesting! Oh even if you did spoil it ( you didn’t)  I would not be upset! ANYWAYS that was long lol 

How was your first week?! I'm sure you were great!  Hope that the rest of your summer teaching goes well! Periods are the worst! I also sometimes feel like I want to get hit by a car too so you're not alone lol At one point I thought I had PMDD which is a long story lol. I'm glad that you've been feeling better because that is what matters the most!💗 Btw I LIVED for that toothpaste update! It was such a cute little read and ugh who knew you could make a dentist so hot😩 You did great as always! Hope you have a lovely start to your week, sending so much positive vibes! love ya!-💜

I don't think I knew you had dogs! What kind? That's so sweet; sorry they had a bad week. I see a lot of those issues with others and their dogs around this time of year. I'm sorry you went through a sad moment as well. I feel that heavily. I'm glad you're on the mend 💕

Reading for classes especially in a short amount of time is SO difficult. I'm sorry :( That's so frustrating! Hopefully it will go smoothly. Are you taking both at the same time or is like ten weeks total? It's probs a lot to take both at the same time but at least that way they would both be done in a few short weeks? Anyway, I'm rooting for you as always!

Do you tailor you're own clothes?! I feel like we would never be friends in real life because you sound like you're SO much cooler than me and so much trendier and I'm just a human wearing a potato sack 😭 I've never been a thrifting person, but I really should give it a try instead of going to TJMaxx 2 times a week 💀 but anyway. Mechanic Harry is on my list too! It would be fitting at a car show. I like that idea 🤭 I know nothing about cars though, so it will take some research!

I'm still a few episodes out from the finale, but still. I think you're so right, he did everything this season without consideration of others (thus far). I'm rewatching season 2 a bit with my sister on her first runthrough of the show and I'm seeing more Carmy and Sydney vibes this time around than I did last time. I think something snapped in him though when he was locked in the freezer (like obviously). I think it's def trauma and he probably feels like he can't fix it now. I'll let you know what I think once i finish it.

Week one was busy and I'm hoping it will get slower as we go along. I really do think it's going to fly by so I'm a LITTLE hopeful about that at least.

It's so funny you mention PMDD, someone else mentioned it to me as well. I'll have to do a deeper dive. Sometimes I just get so upset and un-dramatically feel a bit hopeless. Then it passes 🤷‍♀️ Life is crazy.

Hope you have a good week as well! Always glad to hear you liked the update! 💕🤭 I think I would kill for a dentist like Harry 😉

xoxo

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey buisness - john shelby x reader (part 5 of ?)

gif by my literal angel @michaelgreys who keeps blessing us like holy fuck

a/n: all i can say is that this is the hottest one yet. as always, my girl @stxdyblr-2k did an amazing job so i hope you all enjoy :) and i'm still working on requests, tysm for all of them!!

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland

prompt: john just can't help himself when he sees you with someone else.

warnings: nsfw!!! smut, fluff, angst, light praise kink, john fucking adores you and spends a good amount of time with his head between your legs (yes i know!!!!!)

John had spotted you from across the London nightclub, his table tucked into the balcony area, perfectly positioned to survey the entire club. It'd been over a month since he laid eyes on you last. Sometimes, he wondered if it was possible for you to only get more beautiful every time he saw you. He wasn't surprised, as he'd been warned of your presence by Tommy, but he was unable to stop himself from staring at you, hair neatly styled, scarlet velvet dress clinging to every curve, red lipstick emphasizing your lips, a light haze of pink pressed into your cheekbones, lash-line expertly darkened with kohl. You were dancing with one of Isaiah's friends; the young man was tall and muscular -- a blinder foot soldier, John concluded, draining his glass of whiskey, flagging the waiter down for another.

The young lad was smiling down at you. John took a swig from his drink bitterly, the man obviously head over heels, his eyes bright, excitedly glancing from your lips to your figure. John could feel himself cringe; the younger man had all the subtlety and strategy of a malnourished dog. Then again, who could blame the lad? You were an absolute vision, twirling and giggling, off your face on something Michael had brought. John couldn't help but watch, wishing it was him who had caught your attention tonight, wanting to feel your breath fan across his neck, pulling away while you giggled at his blushing arousal; him whisking you to dark corners to steal a moment of quiet.

He'd tried to get over you but he couldn't. He'd been travelling a lot lately, business in Liverpool, Edinburgh and Belfast; yet in every woman who smiled at him, he found himself searching for you in their eyes, their smiles, their laugh. They were all gorgeous, but his heart simply wasn't in it.

Tonight had started off alright, normal Peaky activity. They'd seized the club only a few hours ago, gaining vital territory in London, bagging their place in the opiate trade and a successful business prospect in one fell swoop. By all accounts, John should’ve been happy, but he'd been too lost in his own mind lately to properly take in the consequences of those sleepless nights with the accounting books, all the hours practicing shooting and boxing, all the endless driving, the meetings, the lingering stench of death which clung to his family. Try as he might, he couldn't enjoy himself. His night got worse the second he spotted you; a yearning for you suddenly flooding his veins. It was easy to get on with life when you were hundreds of miles from him, but when you were a flight of stairs away? He knew the club had countless dark passages to hide away with you, multiple cloak rooms with thick brick walls to take you against: he had to stop his mind running wild. He couldn't. That had to be the last time. You were in his past, you had to stay there. But as he watched you dance with the blinder, he could feel the familiar burn of jealousy swell deep within him. The lad was far too close to you for his comfort, practically grazing his hips to yours. John roughly rubbed his jaw at the sight, silently seething to himself in the shadows.

Thomas studied his brother's body language, taking a slow drag of his cigarette, not understanding the fuss around you. Sure, you were pretty enough; you were bright, apparently funny, but you had never caught his attention really. He observed how John's eyes followed your every move, every sway of your hips closely watched as he held his breath, losing himself to you. He was glad he'd prompted Michael to invite you; this was the most attentive he'd seen John in a month. It was no coincidence that he'd dragged you away from Birmingham, from the watching eyes of the city locals, the wagging tongues in the assembly lines, far from Ada. Michael had admitted to Thomas that it was easy to persuade you, promising you a lift in his new car and a night out as Ada had plans with a gentleman. A night of dancing with your favourite lads and an all expenses paid trip to London? You couldn't resist.

John's jaw had tensed and squared, the man murmuring something against your neck causing you to giggle and grasp his collar. Thomas could tell his brother was practically bristling with jealousy. If looks could kill, the young man clinging to your hips would be long dead from the glare unleashed on him by the tallest Shelby brother.

"You gonna sit there useless or are you gonna fucking do something about it, eh?" Tommy inquired, nudging him with his shoulder.

"I can't."

"No one will know." Thomas pointed out, raising a brow, "The Blinders will say fuck all if they see owt. They keep quiet when it's about us Shelby brothers, yeah?"

John glanced at him, eyes slightly widened, confusion furrowing his brows. "You've changed your fuckin' tune."

"Sometimes, it's good to have secrets. What Ada doesn't know about the events of tonight won't hurt her."

"We don't do secrets. We're meant to trust each other." John objected. "We're a family."

"Nothing will change, John. I'll fix it for you, yeah? You've had a rough few weeks, you should reward yourself."

"She's not a fuckin’ prize, Tom."

"Keep talking that shit and people will get the wrong idea, think you love the woman or sommet." Thomas shrugged, taking a sip of his drink, while John's cheeks flared, his eyes flinching to the floor. He smirks to himself. "You going to go get your lass, then?"

John replied wordlessly, standing and downing the rest of his drink, pulling on his suit jacket, straightening his collar. "I'll catch you later, Tom."

********

The lad was nice, his name had long disappeared into the fog of liquor and Tokyo. He was someone's cousin, but he was polite; charming, almost. Most importantly, he wasn't related to your best friend. Not quite a Casanova type like John, but you two were a good match, everyone thought so. You'd seen him a few times now over the past week. He wasn't much of a talker, but he was a good dancer, and sweet after a few pints.

The band started playing a slower song, Isaiah dancing chest to chest with a beautiful girl across from you. You felt your partner place his fingers on the small of your back, his fingers inching lower, pulling you in closer before the two of you were interrupted by a dark figure looming over you.

"Can I cut in, mate?" A strong Birmingham accent sliced through the air, voice low and polite enough, but with a tone that was laced with venom. "Or are you gonna be a dick about it?"

The lad glanced nervously between you two, moving his hands away from you, embarrassed to be caught by his boss in this state, John staring him down. You slowly pulled away from him, turning to face John.

"Or you could ask me to dance yourself, John?"

John silently glared back at you, his mouth tensed into a thin line. He looked momentarily embarrassed, his attention switching back to your dance partner, the rest of lads silently watching, breaths baited, ready to jump in on the action if the moment required it.

"I'm heading off mate, reckon she's a cocktease." Your partner comments, attempting to diffuse the tension, stepping away, not wanting a fight or to piss off his boss. His path was quickly blocked by another blinder. You shot him an apologetic look and took the large hand John was offering you.

"Or, she's just not interested in you," John quipped, smirking, locking his fingers through yours. "You gonna go get your coat while I finish up with your best mate?"

"Thought we were dancing?"

"You can dance as much as you like in the suite, yeah? Proper gramophone. You coming?"

"You just want me on my own."

"Just tired of the distractions." He told you pointedly, skimming his glare over the group of men, standing with baited breath, preparing for it to kick off.

You rolled your eyes but squeezed his hands, slowly heading to the cloakroom, chatting with the attendant as you watched John confront the lad, keeping your distance. His arms were clutching the lad's lapels, snarling in his face before pushing him back. Michael watched from a few steps away, smoking absentmindedly, spine pressed to a pillar, leaving his cousin to sort out whatever offense he believed the man had caused.

You bundled yourself up in your thin coat, a gift from one of the girls you hung around with as she had recently married a blinder and was being spoiled rotten. The coat's flimsy material was going to be useless against the London night. At least you could count on John to keep you warm on the walk back to the hotel. You headed towards the side door, John's hand quickly finding your lower back protectively as he fell into step beside you. He opened the heavy wooden doors for you, the cold air an instant relief from the heat of the nightclub. You turned back as the door closed, catching a glimpse of the boys closing in on the lad, their eyes gleaming with a violent hunger for action.

"He'll be alright. Daft prick just getting put in his place." John said flatly. He seemed bored but watched you anxiously, begging you with his eyes to drop the subject.

"Is the hotel close by?" You asked casually, as the frigid air swirled around your calves, instantly causing you to shiver.

"I'll get us a cab, love, can't have you in those heels trekking halfway across London town." He stepped fearlessly into the road, unbothered about any potential danger or just forgetful from the whiskey. Quickly, a dark cab pulled up to the cobblestone pavement and John helped you in, taking off his coat and wrapping it around your shoulders before climbing in after you.

As the engine started and the car made its way through London's dimly lit streets to Camden, John's hand found its way to your thigh. You glanced at him, his eyes looking away but his thumb angled against his teeth. He was nervous, having not touched you in a month. You crossed your legs, angling them towards him, his hand shifting higher up your thighs, taking a deep sigh of relief. Your hands found his chin in the gloom of the back of the car, only the occasional bright lights from a nightlife hub or the demure lights of a residential illuminating his face, the angles changing as the cab drove on. It was too much. You'd been needing this for the past month, needing him. Your hands laced around the back of his head and you pressed your lips to his for a brief moment, allowing John to pull you deeper into the kiss. It awoke something familiar inside you, something comforting. Kissing John erased all your homesickness. Christ, you had to stop thinking like this.

"You've not been about for a bit, sweetheart. I know we said never again, but I was hoping you'd come by," John muttered, forehead pressed to yours, breath mingling with yours as he spoke.

"I almost did. The amount of times I nearly visited your office.. I just couldn't do that to you or Ada. Besides, last I heard, you were on tour." You admitted, keeping your voice down to save the cab driver the embarrassment. John caressed your cheekbone with his thumb, tracing the corner of your mouth, prompting a grin from you.

"Last place on earth I'd expected to see you next, it's been hectic my end," He sighed. His eyes were outlined with deep purple smudges of exhaustion, yet he was still devastatingly beautiful even after all the sleepless nights. "It's been too long."

"Not my fault you've been hiding yourself away. You should've called."

"Blame Tommy for that. His solution seems to be sending me on business trips. Trying to make me too tired to handle you." A nervous lick of his lips revealed John’s response to the suggestion that he call you. He wanted to say he would ring next time, but there couldn't be a next time.

"You can barely handle me on a good day, Mr. Shelby."

"Can't blame me. You seen yourself? On the brink as soon as I see you, lass." He teased, earning a gentle shove to the shoulder as you quickly pressed a kiss underneath his chin. You wanted to bring up Thomas' threat, but you bit your tongue, nudging his shin with the toe of your heel in the back of the cab. He rolled his eyes, grabbing your wrists lightly. "Behave yourself in front of the nice cabbie, sweetheart."

You soften at his touch, unable to resist reaching to interlock your fingers, squeezing his hands in yours affectionately. The spirits your table had been bringing you all night definitely boosted your confidence, any hesitancy due to potential rejection drowned out. John pressed his lips to your knuckles in response. He seemed different tonight, far more protective and serious than usual. He was so quiet it was strange, usually yapping your ear off, desperate for you to react, treating him to a giggle, a middle finger or a cutting response. You'd also never witnessed him spark off due to someone's interaction with you. Finn had mentioned a week or so back that John had a shouting match with Thomas and in the moment, your name got thrown up in the conversation, resulting in John taking a swing at his big brother out of frustration. It was confusing. He was willing to start fights over you, punch his brother, yet when you two were alone he was uncomfortably quiet, studying you, lost in his thoughts. His silence only made your body long for him, his fingers tracing patterns in your inner thigh. You let out a small whimper into the crook of his neck, as he instinctively pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

The car pulled up outside the hotel, your pulse racing, the anticipation already threatening to make you give in completely to his wishes tonight. You waited as he turned up his collar against the rain, clambering out of the car to open your door, creatively arranging the coat to hover just above both your heads protecting you from the miserable weather. Although John had referred to the building as a hotel, you could instantly tell the manor was some aristocrat's third or fourth home, obviously being rented out or gifted to business partners for trips. It was an imposing grey stone building, exquisitely carved, although not a country estate, the house was just as large. Was John used to this? It hit you all of a sudden that you'd never set foot inside John's home. You'd heard from Ada that it was overrun with hoards of screaming children. She often joked with the children at the Shelby Institute that if they hung around long enough at John's, he'd assume they were one of his offspring. You'd only ever fucked him in a guest bed. The shame made your stomach churn.

You needed to remind yourself of this when your late night thoughts ran rampant. John could say what he liked, but he'd never actually allow you to get overly personal with him. Whatever confusing mess was winding around your skull regarding him was useless; it was best not to think about it. You went to him every time, yet he would've picked another lass tonight, it was just that you were there. He probably had a string of gorgeous women, older, more accomplished, more experienced, more elegant. He could tell you he missed you, but you could never take for granted that he told you this for any other reason than as a prelude to get you in bed with him. You were his gorgeous mess, but only for the night. It was best to remind yourself to care less than he did. It was the easiest solution in the long term; this way, the downfall would be less brutal.

"You alright, love?" He asked suddenly, breaking your train of thought.

"Sorry, I was thinking about work."

He lived around his brothers for long enough, he could smell bullshit. He decided to let it go. It was best to not push it tonight. Just keep it light hearted, easy, like it was always meant to be.

"If your boss keeps being a prick, you tell Ada. She'll sort him out."

"Don't I know it? He can barely open the door before she starts on about workplace ethics." You joked, earning a small smile instead of his usual bright chuckle. "John, what are we doing here?"

"Well I'm about to take you upstairs and sort you out, yeah? You gonna let me look after you?" He asked, stopping you in your tracks by turning you into him, grabbing your wrist.

"You know that isn't what I meant."

"I know. But can we leave it tonight? Can we just have fun?" He questioned, lips ghosting over yours, fixing you with an intense stare.

"It's fun anymore." Your voice cracked, the liquor in your system making it impossible to control your tone or your facial expressions. "It's fucking with my head, John."

"It's just.. fucking difficult. It's fucking difficult because of who we are." He replied firmly but dropped his makeshift coat shelter around your shoulders, freeing his hands to grab your face pulling it to his, the alcohol making him far needier than he usually appeared. "You, my beautiful Y/N, are a fucking losing game. It's not as easy for me, I can't just dance with a woman and get a leg over-"

"I never said you couldn't."

"I know, I.." He gestured vaguely, lifting one of his hands off your cheeks, and you can feel your head nodding in understanding. "You know, I thought I was going to manage it this time. That I wouldn't be a total fuck up, but then you and that lad-"

"Catch you getting jealous over me."

"Fuck off." He let go of you for a split second but you reeled him back in, resting your palms on the chest of his shirt, the soaked material sticking to his skin. You'd struck a nerve. You decided to push him further.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, Mr. Shelby, disappearing across the country for weeks then coming back and telling me you want me all to yourself?" You played with his collar, tugging his face to yours before pulling back at the last possible second, causing him to let out a frustrated groan, hands itching to feel you underneath them.

"Don't fucking wind me up," He snapped, the intensity between you rekindled momentarily.

"It's worked wonders in the past," You replied, barely able to finish your sentence before his mouth was on yours, his fingers tangling into your hair, kissing you properly. Although you'd kissed so many times prior, this one felt so genuine, as though unleashed from its restraints deep within John. You'd never kissed anyone in the rain before in the middle of the night, and it felt magical. You were shivering but hot all over, burning for John to do something, anything. You could feel his cock through his dress pants, hard against you, prompting you to moan into his mouth.

"Fuck’s sake, Y/N," John grunted into your ear, his hands grabbing at your arse. "You're fuckin’ killing me here. I need you, yeah?"

"Tell me how badly." You responded coyly, linking your arms around his neck, ignoring the late night drizzle.

"I'd rather show you. M’gonna take care of you tonight, make up for the month I've been gone."

"Who's saying I've not been taking care of myself?'

He bit his lip in frustration, trying to stop his mind running wild with the image of you in bed, fingers between your thighs, breasts moving as you arched your back, hips lifting off the mattress, moaning as you called his name -- his jaw clenched. "I know what you're doing. You coming up before you catch a chill?"

You shifted your weight away from him, as if considering your options. He knew your answer; you both knew in a few minutes you'd be upstairs practically tearing his shirt off, needing his skin against yours, begging for him. John pulled away from you, dragging you up the winding path to the front door of the manor, opening the door for you, arm wrapping around your waist. His lips met yours, then your collarbones and neck, prompting a breathy giggle and whine as you wound yourself back around him, craving the contact. The manor was plunged in darkness, staff somewhere in the gloom. Your arrival had definitely been noted, but as with everyone who worked for the Shelbys, they just left you to it. It was easier to not get involved, to keep their heads down and not mention the midnight trysts the brothers got up to.

John knew his path, he'd stayed here before. Even in the dark you could tell the house was decorated to spare no expense, the gaudy paintings and sculptures casting strange shadows. He led you up the grand flight of stairs, then another.

"Worse than Thomas' estate, this place." You murmured quietly, unsure of other guests within earshot.

"I could never live like this. I'd never see my brood again. Getting them ready for bed would be one hell of a nightmare." He whispered back, halting your stride by pulling your hips to his, unable to wait any longer.

"John, what if we get caught?" You asked, pressing your hand against his chest with your palm flat.

"Never bothered you before. Thought you liked the fact that anyone could just walk in and see what a pretty little mess you’ve made for me."

You couldn’t help yourself from pressing an affectionate kiss to his mouth, letting him lay you down and pin you to the stairs, the luxuriously thick carpets scraping into your flesh. He cursed under his breath at the sight of you underneath him, pushing your dress up your thighs, lifting your legs to wrap around his neck, pressing a kiss to your flimsy underwear, glancing up to drink you in. The most beautiful woman in his city, begging for him, figure swamped by his coat, rain soaked and shivering, his mouth between her thighs. He ran his tongue slowly across your clothed core, your pleading moans music to his ears, loving how your thighs tightened around his neck. His tongue traced circles over your clit and labia, the friction generated by the lace of your panties pushing you further, your hands knotting into his hair, spine arching against his mouth.

"No one been looking after you while I was gone. eh?" He asked, pressing kisses to your inner thigh, tugging your panties to the side. "What about your dancing pal?"

"Fuck’s sake, I barely know him, John." You snapped back, teetering on the edge between lust and frustration from his relentless teasing.

"Keep it that way. You don't need ‘im, lass, not while I'm about." He replies before lapping at your slit, interpreting your moans as approval as your head slumped back and you released a low groan. "Y/N, watch me, yeah?"

You pull yourself weakly upwards, propping yourself up in your elbows to be able to look down the staircase at John between your legs in the dark. The view was thrilling, moonlight shining in through the rain on the window, illuminating his face, hair messy and tongue flickering across your clit while he stared up at you, his eyes darkened with lust. You couldn't help but pant, knowing you'd be returning to this moment alone at night, when it was your fingers instead of John's tongue pushing you towards the edge.

"So fuckin' wet and ready for me, aren’t you?" He crooned, sliding his fingers into you, sucking at your clit between flicks of his tongue.

You couldn’t find the words to respond, whimpers leaving your mouth instead, your hips lifting beneath his palms, chest heaving.

"Go on, use your words, clever lass."

"John, fuck.. don't stop," You manage to string together, thoughts too muddled by alcohol and arousal to play hard to get any longer.

"I won't ‘til you cum in my mouth. Need to taste you again, beautiful."

Your head jerked back suddenly as John curled his fingers inside you, pushing up against the spot that made you lose your mind, his name falling from your lips like a prayer, all he could hear except from his blood rushing in his head. Your desperate cries for relief caused his cock to strain against his dress pants, fighting the urge to sort himself out, needing to finish you off. John needed to prove that he could fuck you better than anyone else. He knew he was pushing you to the edge, but he wasn't going to deny you your orgasm. He wanted to make a point with this. His fingers worked faster, his mouth hungry for you, lips moving against your core at a harsh pace.

You groaned loudly, hips bucking involuntarily just to be forced back against the carpet of the staircase. Your breaths grew heavier, warning him how close you were to your peak. John refused to let up, pushing you closer every second, lips latched to your core firmly, lapping up the wetness he'd produced.

"I want to watch you finish." He commanded, you completely at his will now that you'd lost control, lifting your head upwards with the little strength you had left to be able to stare down at his dilated blue eyes. "Good girl. You gonna show me how good I make you feel? You gonna cum for me, doll?"

You couldn't respond, unable to keep your eyes from rolling backwards as you felt yourself suddenly release, John’s name escaping from between your lips, legs shuddering around his neck. He let you ride it out on his tongue, tasting you desperately, watching your expression slowly relax.

Finally, he pulled away from your cunt, unwrapping your legs from his neck. He grabbed your wrist, not letting you retrieve your panties, stuffing them into his trouser pocket. He returned his attention to tracing your slit with the index finger and thumb of his other hand, as he pressed a long kiss to your lips.

"I love how you taste," He murmured against your lips, causing you to flush slightly. John noticed, pressing kisses to your jawbone. "Don't get shy on me now. I've barely started with you. Not even got you to the suite and you've already cum."

He looked so proud of himself, it suddenly clicked for you. He was trying to prove himself to you, for some unknown reason. You know he was protective and quite obviously jealous tonight, but you couldn't believe that John Shelby felt the need to prove that he knew what he was doing, as though you weren't aware. You weren't trekking to his office for mediocre sex. Tonight he let you finish first, no teasing, no denial, no fucking about. Just putting his ability fully on show, so when your mind went drifting it'd go back to him, not some young lad who barely knew what he was doing. His cocky attitude and smug acceptance of his sexual prowess would've been off-putting if it was anyone else, but John, but with his bright smile and constant humour, pulled it off. It was enticing, making your core pool with wetness when he crossed your mind.

"A month is far too long, Mr. Shelby."

"I know, you're practically drooling over me." He teased. He seems a lot more himself than before. He’d been too caught up in his head, too focused on getting you off to enjoy the flirting and teasing. John loved how light-hearted he could be with you. Despite the mess you were both in, it was making you laugh or roll your eyes that soothed his mind. Honestly, if it was just sex he'd have cut you off instantly; he wouldn't have even gone there out of loyalty to Ada. Admittedly, it was your company and presence that had him absolutely on his knees for you, the way he felt understood, less alone in his brother's bullshit, less trapped by his criminal career because you understood. You always had a cutting line, a bright smile just for him, an eye roll at his brothers' daft plans, a choice curse word for Thomas. He didn't even want to consider what would happen after the night ended. He stood, pressing another kiss to your lips as he helped you to your feet, fixing his coat which hung off your shoulders.

"You ready for rounds two through to six?"

"John, you know you won't get through three with me."

"You’re right, you're just too pretty when you’re riding my cock." He teased, the vulgar material of his jibe earning him a joking shove before you curl into his side, letting him escort you up the stairs to the nearest bedroom. He quickly shut the door behind you, scooping you up in his arms, causing you to let out a laugh as he practically tossed you onto the king sized bed, eyes shining with adoration as he looked down at you grinning back up at him.

“You’re something else, John Shelby.”