#i'm normal about them. just like they're normal about themselves
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I’ve read your recent post like six times but I still can’t wrap my head around it. There are masses for Franco? MASSES?
I know the Catholic Church can be a real mess, but how on Earth is this allowed? Isn’t there a bishop or someone at the Vatican that can stop this?
How do all the various communities let these gatherings and masses happen?
I’m Italian and Irish, so the lose equivalent of this Franco worship would be gatherings and masses for Mussolini and Cromwell, which I could never see happening. There would be a revolts in the streets! I mean sure, there’s always a handful of fascist ass lickers in every community, but usually it’s not blatant and their actions aren’t accepted let alone celebrated?
What is the general education regarding Franco like in Spain? Is there a lot of revisionist theory trying to paint him out to be something other than a psychopathic murderer?
Sorry if these questions are stupid, I’m just shocked this is like a normal and widespread thing. I’ve been to Spain once, and I guess I missed this aspect of the culture?
Kaixo anon!
They're not stupid questions, and I'll try my best to answer in an understandable way.
I'm sorry you're shocked about the masses thing, but it becomes a bit less weird if you take into account that one of the keys to the success of Franco's regime was Catholicism and the Catholic Church. Not for nothing his political ideas were called "national-Catholicism". The Church gave its full support to Franco and the dictatorship, and worked hard indoctrinating people to first accept and then passionately defend it. We can't understand Francoism without the Catholic religion.
You ask why this is allowed. Easy!! I'm not sure how Christian masses work in other parts of the world, but in Spain and EH, you pay and the church delivers: it can be a mention of the name of a deceased person the family wants to honor on the Sunday mass, or a full mass for said person any day you want. That's why there are masses for Franco eeeeeeeevery Nov 20. Because somebody - Franco Foundation, fascist associations or parties, just somebody - pays for them to exist. Of course the Catholic church defends it's just a mass of remembrance for a deceased person and not a glorification of a fascist dictator. Okay, if they say so.
Just this year there have been 18 masses throughout the Spanish state: in Madrid, Valladolid, Zaragoza, Málaga, Toledo, Alicante, Santander, Granada, Uesca, València, Zamora, Ceuta, Teruel, Sevilla, and Santa Cruz de Tenerife.
I'd like to think that Francoism isn't part of the Spanish culture as you mention, but sadly 40 years of a fascist dictatorship do some things to people. 40 years of lefties escaping the country or being executed, 40 years of brainwashing, 40 years of turbo Catholic fascism. You don't leave all that behind just overnight. There are still monuments to the dictator or the coup (Crusade, in fascist language), streets devoted to fascist elite members and criminals, and the f*cking king is the son of the king Franco personally chose for the Spanish state. There are Francoism remnants in every single Spanish institution, from the Congress to the Supreme Court (especially there). Everything is still tainted by Franco, his political ideas, and his corrupt political ways, even now, yes. Franco himself said the infamous words maaaany still remember: everything is tied and tied well. He meant that everything was throughly planned and established to function as he wanted when he passed. And it really was tied well.
So it may be not blatant for anyone visiting, but it's there, and it's definitely apparent. There's this sociological Francoism that was somewhat hidden from the 90s to the 10s, but now with the rise of the far right / neonazi movements has taken the mask off and fascists are calling themselves fascists with pride. There have always been some nostalgic people that were considered fanatic freaks up until now, but now they're more and more since very young men - mainly - are joining them.
#euskal herria#basque country#pays basque#pais vasco#euskadi#spain#history#long post#francoism#fascism#personal#politics#anons
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Consider the hairpin turn.
#rosquez#motogp#web weaving#motogp edit#marc marquez#mm93#valentino rossi#vr46#sepang 2015#you are jeff#by richard siken#mine#art#i'm normal about them. just like they're normal about themselves#aka i can't stop thinking about it#everybody say thank you zoe serve-cunt
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QUICK NO ONE'S LOOKING
(See readmore for thoughts, cope, bonus, etc.)
Anyone else up thinking about Ratio's big, strong, secure arms and how warm and all-consuming they could be in a hug or embrace. :/ Anyway
I just wanted to draw them being cute and seizing a sliver of a moment where they could have some PDA silly time without actually having any eyes on them. They're public figures and working adults with very clear boundaries between public persona and private life (to varying degrees of "in a sad way"), so while it may be in Aventurine's nature to constantly blur lines for various agendas and self-preservation (read: play "the flirt" without an aligned goal), I believe that in an actual relationship they'd be fairly private.
It's kind of fun to break your own rules, though! Ratio would be more upset about the consequences, though. He's a little bit of a hypocrite, which is devastating for someone of such discipline, but nobody's perfect.
I'm of the mentality of, "If you're tired of working on it, then just post it!", so here are some fun peripherals that I didn't feel like adding:
Some staff in the background sweeping up to evoke a blended sense of fragile privacy and liminal time.
A laptop on the aquarium/bar/counter because there's something fascinating about seeing people on their work laptops in public.
The rest of their clothes (casual friday)
#hsr#dr. ratio#aventurine#aventio#ratiorine#my art#hsr fanart#there's nothing profound about this I just like drawing cute fluff. I'm having fun with my Gay Working Adults Romance#epic universe! still have to get on a conference call with ten people kind of thing#i'm always thinking about how both of them control the personality they convey very meticulously#how it's a survival mechanism for aventurine but some... other thing for ratio....#it's practicality and discipline and ideals.#it's also ''midnight on a sunday'' so i am going to schedule this to post at a ''normal hour''#and then ''go to bed''#what wip do i work on next. the answer is probably nothing i've already started#my art: hsr#aventurine doing his evil flirting thing to rile people up 🤝 ratio trying to ''be in character'' on the IPC broadcast and making his and#aventurine's work partnership ''seem blurry and messy''#= manufactured youtuber drama#they're going home and ratio's going to bake some fish dude!!!! aventurine is LLLLLLITERALLLYYYYY turning on the radio#and helping him peel carrots.#and most importantly#they are NOT googling themselves ‼
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"Mortals are truly odd, even my own creations, though that was something I accepted eons ago." Sohna wasn't like Fate and wouldn't obsess over making the 'perfect mortal' as there was no such thing. He was the only one who refused to accept this, in the sense he rejects free will, yet Flora exists so there was always going to be natural free will in any mortal despite Fate's efforts. Not that she was going to mention all the drama to Wave.
"In my experience jealously has only caused me and my creations problems. I have also accepted there is no getting rid of it. I simply step in if I think it's causing a problem. I am rather involved with my creations, and treat them well, though they also know not to annoy me least they don't get any attention from me." Sohna's creations were extremely social beings, so denying them social interaction of any kind was a fitting punishment.
Sohna couldn't hold back rolling her eye hearing Wave explain the systemic problem of Babylon's. "Sorry about the eye roll, though that is one thing not even the others understand, and it's how mortals end up limiting themselves based on gender. I certainly don't allow such a thing here, and it's been rather well. My creations do the jobs they're able and that they enjoy if they wish to work." The cosmic being just never understood how such things naturally developed if not a higher being is there keeping it from happening.
"I think you lucked out in not marrying Jet. You two certainly seem far better off with the family dynamic you have. I didn't mention this to avoid puffing up his ego, though I can tell he is rather protective of those close to him. An admiral trait I can respect." Sohna simply didn't want to add more to Jet's ego seeing as she admitted he was attractive just to keep him from complaining anymore.
"I normally go with just the one condition of misuse, though I do know about that Eggman fellow. I'm sure you'll take every measure to keep it from him, though I'd rather him not have it given the off chance he learns about it." Sohna could add a few spells to make it so no machine or person could sense it. "Then I'd feel bad since something with my power fell into the hands of a madman who causes a lot of damage with it."
Why hadn't many mortals come to this conclusion? Easy most of them were idiots. She didn't like being so harsh, but it was just a fact and there was no escaping it. People twisted and turned the words of gods and there divine books into what ever they desired. In the end they let there own foolish arrogance twist it all up. She wasn't a fan of all that. Sure she respected the Babylon Ancestors for there technology but that was as far as it went.
" The honest truth? It's impossible for them to put themselves in your shoes. The idea that you aren't far removed from them is terrifying... because if you are flawed as they are, you can't be perfect and you have to be perfect... right? I guess that idea scares the hell out of people... "
Her eyes went to the others in the room but didn't linger long as she leaned on her hand with a smile.
" Jealous? of me? Well... i get why they'd feel that way. Can't really blame them but, i think its ok to be Jealous, as long as it doesn't consume your every action or make you do something foolish. "
Excitement? So they were bored with there eternity? That made more sense to her then it should. She imagined herself as an immortal being, and she knew a some point she'd run out of ideas. Things to build, and then what? Immortality was a curse she had always believed that. She still wouldn't turn it away if she got the chance for it but... she wasn't deluded into thinking it fixed everything.
" So you think i'm attractive? Well you did peak my interest as well. I've always wondered what meeting a Cosmic being would be like... this wasn't what i imagined. Nothing like the novels i read as a kid... but that's probably a good thing "
Dedicated? She was though it was alot more complicated then Sohna probably knew. Could she even understand what it was like to be looked down on? To be shunned because of your gender? To be told you were never going to be as good as the boys? That was her childhood and it drove her to be exceptional! To be better then anyone else, she had so much to prove! she went there and beyond! its why she couldn't let Tails one up her EVER!
" Dedicated? I mean i guess? I had to be... Babylon's don't really see girls as equal to men. It's like a Systemic problem of the older generation. Hell my parents tried to make me marry Jet of all people. That's the green one..."
She sighed softly and looked sad thinking back to her past.
" I was always told i couldn't do this, or i'd never be as good as the boys. I had to learn so much on my own as none of the gear smiths would even teach me... and it was only my mother who convinced one to finally take me on as an apprentice. So... yea i'm dedicated because im to stubborn to let some old bastards tell me what i can and cant do...Sorry that was probably to much. "
Her eyes shifted at the mention of a gift, though and she looked excited at the mention of a gift. So a power source? Something divine only she could use? That sure seemed to make her mood shift quickly as she smiled up at Sohna, if she wanted a kiss she was sure heading in the right direction for it! she did love gifts! and this one sounded rather intriguing!
" Ooo! that sounds delightful! i mean a girl neve refuses a mysterious cosmic power core right? you are so sweet! i could kiss you! I totally promise i won't let a soul touch it! especially that dummy jet! or that oaf storm! "
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Broke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's too violent
Woke: Damian is bad at being a Robin because he's afraid to hurt people
#obviously it's always funny to do the whole 'what do u have there Damian?' 'a knife!' 'nO' thing#and like make him a horrendous and silly evil gremlin who can and will pull a sword out in the middle of a parking lot to fight#but listen#he doesn't like the assassin background that much and once he learns about like The Normal World he's honestly in anguish about it#that's canon! that's the truth! (right?) (the whole thing with Goliath?? I'm not making it up right???)#i think he's just the kind of guy who loves his swords because they're what he knows and they're a strong connection to his family#but I think it's nice if he spends his time on field telling others what to do because everyone else learned to fight the OTHER way#(by defending and subduing opponents rather than maiming and killing)#so he prefers to take on a tactician general role despite being perfectly capable as a fighter because he knows what everyone else needs#to do to succeed in fights - especially when things are a bit of a mess - but is afraid to be too rough or scary or violent or Demon Son-is#(the things that make him feel like he doesn't belong in a happy civilian world - WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.)#in this essay I will explain why this allows for him to show awe and love for each of his siblings' fight styles by utilising all of them#and I just think Dami Babs and Tim could really work together as a detective/tactician comms team (with varying distances from the field)#because I think that'd be so fun: Tim is solving (mid-range) Babs is watching/providing supports (far) and Damian is commanding (close)#because the others are like The Bruisers (in their non-lethal way) who trust themselves to only hurt as much as is needed and are good at i#PLUS babs is SO stretched thin and literally the backbone of the bats so I just want a future where some of the kids become HER robins yk#anyway back to the point of the post:#it's kind of alluded to in 2017 supersons; EVERYONE in it comments on how Robin is JUST doing flips and shouting orders#and jon is like The Muscle and the one Doing Stuff - but Jon IS following orders 85% of the time and it works out well for them because#that dynamic of 'I'm not sure I can do it right by myself and I trust you to be my partner so we can do it right together' really#is my favourite like.. they're both filling these ideas of who they're meant to be and they just :( they just seek their own path together#oh no I lost the point again immediately and it became another WHY DO THEY SEPARATE THEM rant#I just think it's really fun to think of Damian as 'the most well trained fighter but ALSO the most likely to step back from a fight'#like yeah when we add in my thoughts on pit rage it adds some angst but that doesn't matter here in THIS post#have I even talked about my hc on pit rage/madness? I don't think I have LMAO (maybe another day)#anyway it's late I'm tired why do I always chat in the tags so much#my posts are literally all in the tags 2% post 98% tags smh#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne
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Finally done with teen wolf rewatch. Phew
#took me like 3 months#thought I was gonna watch a few eisodes I like because I was feeling nostalgic one evening now I finished the whole thing lol#not the movie tho I don't vibe with it#one of a few things I noticed is that scott smiles fondly at stiles' remarks a lot :')#anyway thinking about how each character change along the way#lydia is like a completely different character from the first seasons#since I'm biased I love the dynamic change with scott and stiles#like they kinda swapped roles a bit but still remain themselves??#scott develops from an awkward teen only caring about living normal life when he has more people to protect and learning to become a leader#he's almost unrecognizable from the first ep too#for stiles. he has character development of course but I think he himself hasn't changed much#even if he said they're not kids running in the woods anymore#he's still the mischievous sarcastic lil guy we know showing up at scott's house. running around looking for trouble & helping people#he always has that dark & anxious side#it's us that know more and more about different sides of him as the story goes on#from the start it's just the two of them against the world. now they're holding hands with their friends facing the world#anyway this show did get a little weird and inconsistent which is not surprising consider how long it went#the scripts also revolve around actor/actress availability also#so many characters with interesting dynamic what wasn't given time to explore#free real estate for us fans
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Not exactly a dadstarion truther either (mostly bc it took me a while to actually warm up to the idea and also hes NEVER having kids with my durge, only my tav (can you imagine this man parenting a Bhaalspawn? A dhampir Bhaalspawn?? Nonono.)) But I do find something a little compelling about the thought of this man who a) has had absolutely nothing of his own for as long as he can remember and b) sees himself as worthless and irreparably fucked up creating this tiny new person? Like, they're part of him, he made this precious little creature (with the person he already loves most)? This soft and innocent thing? (Which he would waffle awfully between wanting to keep innocent for as long as possible but also making sure they know about life's horrors so they can avoid them) Like sure the baby version is annoyingly loud and can't do anything and also gross and smells but he can teach the toddler to bite people. He is the absolute worst enabler, spoils the kid rotten. Teaches them to steal and pick locks and just lets them get away with murder. Parent #2 has to do all the actual parenting part cuz damn he's not doing the discipline thing at all.
Also the vain part of him likes looking at his kid and sort of seeing some of his face in them, since he can't use an actual mirror.
Well he'd be cured by the time he has the kid or soon after in my canon, so that last part wouldn't apply for me.
And yeah, when I say that I'm not a dadstarion truther I don't mean that I don't see it happening ever, but more that to me, that first step in itself is the one that I see as least likely.
Because I can accept that he would learn to love the kid, that he would care about it and spoil it. I can also accept (and would gladly explore) him having a complicated relationship with the kid, either early on in a postpartum depression sort of way, or further down the line in a "I can't find common ground with my teen/young adult" sort of way (or both lbr).
The problem, to me, is that I don't see Astarion going "let's have a kid!" I don't see him genuinely wanting one, and I don't see him finding any reason to lie about wanting one, and I don't see Hira believing any of those lies even if he does try. It's really the initial hurdle. The rest I'm happy to make as dysfunctional and weird as it would realistically be when a guy who shouldn't be a dad becomes a dad. One of the reasons I came up with Critter is because I find it compelling how much Astarion is not a dad guy, and how that would fuck up a person like Critter. That's juicy stuff. And also a way for me to work out my own daddy issues I guess lmao.
But getting that started? Actually inventing a reason for how Astarion would even agree to it? That's where I struggle. And that's why I'm torn. Cuz I do want to stay true to my own interpretation of a character, while also wanting to create a new character and put them both (and also Hira) in situations.
Like I'm happy for all the dadstarion peeps who have cool dhampir girlies running around on adventures and I'd love to join them, but I also think that if I were true to Astarion's characterization, that kid would have issues. Like maybe a lot of them.
#bg3#i'm not in it for the squee of omg cute baby!!#i do not care about babies or kids in general it's not why i'm here#i have no parental instincts and do not personally plan to ever reproduce#nor am i in it for the nuclear faerûnian family fantasy#i'm in it for the 'my traumatized parents love me but couldn't help but traumatize me in small ways just by being themselves'#'cuz parents are also people and maybe they regret having me and maybe i made their lives worse'#'but they also can't imagine it without me because i'm part of them and they're part of me'#ya feel me???#like yeah i imagine most of the kid's life is excellent and both parents love them v much#but having astarion as a parent would defo do things to your brain that maybe shouldn't be done#hira would be passable if paired with a normal person but they wouldn't tolerate anything but complete devotion to their child#(which astarion fundamentally can't provide imo)#which is also bad cuz bby ur shutting down all communication and compromise and making asty feel like shit#like it would be very dysfunctional for a long while until the kid was like older toddler-age maybe#until the point where astarion would realize there's a person in there and not just a weird crying shitting bag of meat that his partner#inexplicably values over him#once that realization hits him i think he'd do way better#but until then he's fucked
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one thing i do love about Brennan's storytelling is how often he creates characters who carry Anger with them. like, it's not an anger that subsumes or permeates who they are, nor does it tend to Remain throughout the entirety of their arcs, but it's there, in Zelda, and Hob, and Evan, and Ayda, and Nikhil, and so on. Characters who snap and snarl and growl and shout, and - and this is Key - are never like, reprimanded, or corrected, or resented for it. i cannot express how much this means to me
#N posts stuff#Hob & Nikhil. their anger kind of shapes how they Perceive the world instead of being obvious in their mannerisms but still. there's like#Zelda who snarls and snorts and goes into rages and the Seven ACCEPT that as communication and don't tell her to moderate it more#or Ayda who Shouts at the Bad Kids and Adaine doesn't flinch or shift tone/cadence at all; they accept it and Listen to it#or Evan who growls and yells at people and his friends don't ever try to admonish him for it OR act afraid of him#they're also all like. they have a Fear/Insecurity around their own anger that also resonates so strongly to me#and so i love how the other players/characters so often will Defend them and Accept them AND their anger you know?#like to see characters who are Angry and who Show It Really Obviously and no one flinches from them and there's no grand arc#about how their anger is something Bad they need to Fix about themselves it's still just One Normal Emotion in a spectrum of those#it's really important to me IDK lol i'm like <3 I am Looking with big eyes#dimension 20
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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the absolute vicious shit people think they have to say whenever the topic of 'picky eaters' comes up ESPECIALLY when it's about children is just sickening
#post : my child doesn't like carrots so I#rando : WELL I WOULD JUST *describes a thousand different ways to abuse a child* AND IM THE NORMAL ONE HERE#adult : i can't eat fish because#rando : LMAO GROW UP WHAT ARE YOU 5 FUCKING IDIOT LOL JUST STARVE FISH HAS GOOD VITAMINS JUST KYS#have y'all tried not being dicks about other people's diets ffs#especially when it's like. a video showing how a parent is successfully introducing new foods to their picky kid#like Oh they only like cheese crackers so i'm gradually nudging them towards grilled cheese sandwiches with these steps#and then hopefully use the grilled cheese as a base to introduce other types of sandwiches etc#and it's just. it works. it's respectful of the kid's boundaries. it's healthy.#and Still a thousand people just jump to say INSTEAD OF DOING THIS THING THAT WORKS TRY BEATING HIS ASS (WHICH WONT WORK)#so many people are fucking eager to tell you they Love violence against kids who have no way to defend themselves#that they're fucking sludgebrains who haven't come up with actual parenting techniques#so all they know is ''hit child'' or ''yell'' like a fucking level 1 pokémon#that they view the small young people they have agreed to take care of as dolls that must obey or get thrown against the wall in a tantrum#if your entire plans for parenting are ''i'm just gonna use violence until my human toything complies'' don't become a fucking parent#Anyway this was about picky eating and how people don't know how to mind their business about it#why are you so pressed about what someone else Doesn't put in their mouth. why are you so weird#humans come with a variety of tastes in anything from fashion to colors to home decor to favorite animal#and you can't fucking fathom that they'll also Not all want or like to eat the same things ? fucking cringe
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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okay the jokes about bi women with jakey ass boyfriends were funny but I'm gonna need everybody to stop before people start getting too comfortable and start getting really biphobic with it
#like the first couple times were funny but like. I do not like the direction this is going. my bestie has straight up got hate comments#for being a bi girl with a bf like people are saying she has it so easy is basically straight etc like😭#not that biphobia (against bi women specifically) didn't exist before this joke blew up recently but some people think it's a lil Too#funny to call bi women with boyfriends basically straight#as if they're like. what? lying about being bi? faking it for attention like what do you think. they're not actually bi bc they're dating#a man. idk just don't like direction this is going#as a person with the opposite problem (people I'm insisting I'm a lesbian) I kinda get it like it obvs doesn't feel great to have people#doubt your sexuality. especially in the context of them making fun of you#ALL THIS BEING SAID this isn't abt my mutuals and friends who I know are normal and not biphobic AND this is not about not making fun#of jakey boyfriends. obviously i think they should all kill themselves.#carmen.txt
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Events of last night:
Me: *crying*
My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(
Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful
My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.
#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious#thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt#and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd#it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense#but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like#where as me and her obsess much more over morality#like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information#we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people#or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate#like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers#theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out#but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either#like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are#and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare#sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done#sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real#i guess what it kinda comes to do is#would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions#all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm#you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of#OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world#your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen#theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed#your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for#instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed
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<<DNI if you shame people for having "cringe" interests>> *proceeds to shame or disrespect someone for having interest in fictional stuff they don't like instead of using the block button even though that person has done anything to anyone*
#vent??? I guess??? idk#some people is mind-blowing to me. not in the good sense#idc much about fandom discourse or whatever but the level of blindness or hypocrisy some reach is??#like you see them telling everyone they are supportive and reality ≠ fiction but then make gymnastic levels of stretching to explain why--#--what they like is good 👍 and everything they dislike or they're neutral of shouldn't exist and who enjoy it should kill themselves#and it doesn't even need to be something gross like this time I have seen it is because others like Kuromi more than My Melody dude wtf? 😭#guys is it homophobic to be cishet? Because apparently according to some who support everyone of the collective being cishet is enough to--#get blocked. If it was reversed they would get called out for their weird behaviour but ig I'm the weird one#like. One thing is blocking or putting boundaries because that's what social media is for. Curating your space is normal and it should--#always be#but another thing is opinating [insert sexuality/gender] is 'on thin ice' for just...being on the internet???#Idk what I was expecting from Twitter tbh. Although I see people like that in every social media#so sad and tiring#just say you don't want others to have different takes in whatever fandom you are and go. You don't need to give explanations or aact-#--like you are always objective and therefore correct#Anyway in this house we stan Kuromi and cishet people as long as they don't discriminate anyone for their gender identity or sexuality 👍#If you have read this far I'm sorry. Seems long. Have a nice day 🫶#and if you are wondering no that person didn't do anything to me they were talking about Kuromi/straights in general#but I felt the need to share#tw vent#edit: Seems like they did reach somebody over their interest in fandom stuff. Not surprises there#God forbid people to make their internet experience about their hobbies and interests#instead of curating THEIR OWN BLOG and thinking of what others want them to like instead#just a warning for those who like my shit. Unfortunately for you I like fictional characters being evil or morally grey as much as#fictional characters being good people#sorry guys block me if you want Imma keep using critical thinking 🤷♂️#OH AND WHAT UPSETS ME THE MOST: When somebody breaks their own dni to go to somebody to tell them they suck or whatever#like????? Why would you do that if you despise x trope or thing sm???? So you want everyone to respect your boundaries except yourself????#you just waste your own time and those you interact with by trying to create a raging conversation for all parts#fandom discourse
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sweet nothing is so painfully adrienette's song and i am so extremely normal about this fghjmnjhDKHSGJKDH
#i wrote a poem/'you say 'what a mind'/this happens all the time' is literally one of my favourite lyrics on midnights#it's just SO simplistically romantic and soft and loving it's exactly how i picture adrienette's dynamic when they're hopelessly in love#'everyone's up to something' because literally everyone around them IS scheming and forcing them to either be together or apart#like gabriel is obviously scheming but also the miraculous class in kwami's choice protection etc... everyone has an agenda#yet the best adrienette moments occur naturally when they're alone together and can truly be themselves#also 'you're in the kitchen humming' UMM PROTECTION HELLO???#'the voices that implore 'you should be doing more'/to you i can admit that i'm just too soft for all of it' ASDRTFYHJK literally risk#everyone around adrien is controlling his life and no one is listening to him except MARINETTE#and she's the only one who really tries to understand him and she's also the only person he feels comfortable enough with to let her#HmNBVGHJKHDBSG#i am so normal about these two#mirculous ladybug#adrienette#taylor swift
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#god i haven't said anything about this but i'm full on stewing on behalf of ry & matt but especially ryan#like jesus christ you can't be that dense and vengeful as a person to constantly drag someone's name through the mud who attempted#all in the guise of your own SA. like be a human with a brain fucking hell#that'd be like if one of ** ******'s* friends had SA'ed me and then if they had a friend who had attempted s*icide#and then i thought it was fine and normal to drag that person into it. which it's fucking not#anyways as someone who's gone through SA but also someone close to s*icide attempts if they're not fully related don't bring them up.#out of context you just look like an asshole who despite having gone through something themselves (not trying to diminish that)#who doesn't understand people also go through things too that are equally traumatic#anyways fuck off <3#this just has to do with l*x btw. this isn't even relation to the whole shitstorm that was/is le*ghton and eth*n and r*v.#anyways im also aware i posted something about causing drama so i might not leave this up but i needed to get this out of my head lmao
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