#i'm just having a bad day
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Falling asleep and waking up still tired is the worst feeling
What did i wasted seven hours on then?
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I'm having a shit day....
Work sucked. I can't find any plushie commissioners I can afford (most plushies cost near $200-300 for just one). And then I come home to discover my cat's leg is fucked up.
I'm really just....done, right now. Fed up. I want to lay on the couch and do nothing, and not even bother going to work tomorrow - but I can't.
Maybe finishing this oneshot will help me cope.
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#rant#rant tw#i know i talk about this a lot#but being in love sucks so bad#I'm currently in love with someone who a) is married#b) i will never see again#and c) never knew and probably will never know how i feel towards him 🙃#i don't know why i have to fall in love so hard#especially with people i can't have#he was smart and funny and handsome#and i will never see him again#and I've been grieving it for months now#i miss him so much#i feel like I'm going insane just knowing that I'll have to keep these feelings inside for the rest of my life#knowing that i might never see him again#knowing that i will never know if he felt the same way#I'm sobbing right now because i don't know what to do#part of me wants to break up the fucking marriage but i know that's awful and wrong and evil#and i will never do that#but i don't think I'll ever fall out of love with him#he made such an impact on my life in the brief amount of time i knew him#i wish i had told him how i feel#one of my biggest regrets 😞#sorry for this absolute essay btw#I'm just having a bad day
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I'm such a disturbed individual right now i'm literally so angry and horrible i wish to get beat up
#took a shower i thought i would calm the fuck down#instead it's now worse#comes in waves!!#it's not even pms yet i dont think so#i'm just having a bad day
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besties I'm gonna be forreal... I don't know how much longer I can keep doing it with a broken heart
#i'm like physically okay#don't worry#I'm just having a bad day#this was supposed to be my vacation...
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posting this with absolutely no context
#am i a cryptid now? i log on like once in a blue moon to post cringe and then leave again#ace attorney#apollo justice#tikki#random stuff#my stuff#ooookay okay okay okay. anyone reading the tags can have a LITTLE context‚ as a treat#so. sitting on my ao3 currently is an unfinished fic with exactly this premise#i want to finish it so bad. it haunts me every day. people leave such nice comments and everything#but i just have no motivation. trust me i've tried#i thought that perhaps drawing it might finally kick my brain back into gear#i'm so sorry readers i'm sorry i WILL finish it i promise it's not abandoned#it was so much fuuuuun#tikki are you seeing this. cringefail author who keeps playing video games instead of writing lmao#anyway goodbye friends i am gone again. logging off once more
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I'm so tired of always having to be the person with an answer. When do I get to be the person with a problem?
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you
#i genuinely genuinely don't understand how everybody who tries to date hasn't killed themselves yet#I'm not saying they should I'm just saying I don't get how they're able to continue on#i see women on social media talking about how they had to cry for a day because they slept with a man they'd been seeing for a while and#then he never called again#no joke not trying to be dramatic I would just kill myself??? i do not understand how people can keep going after something like that#i mean I would never be in that situation because everything about it is bad but like. still#I hate to kind of agree with the 'women over 25 are too bitter for love' twitter man even in a very roundabout way#but i think men AND women participating in modern dating culture have to in some way become so hardened and kill some part of themself#just to survive??? that sounds so melodramatic but like. I can't understand how else people could continue to function as human beings#when they interact with each other in the way modern dating culture dictates
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ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)
#dc comics#batfamily#damian wayne#stephanie brown#dick grayson#talia al ghul#duke thomas#cassandra cain#mine#woo new art tag. please god let me keep this up all year#uhh anyway yeah! still a big backlog of sketches but i got burnt out which means i had time to collect some#i feel like my art looks. extremely different w/o lines compared to with? idk i worry that's it weird/off-putting#but hey at the end of the day I'm hardly worrying about my brand integrity on tumblr dot com#duke and cass being at poetry club is based on them canonically being into poetry and for a good while duke and jason got along well#Steph is there for both jason and cass' emotional support (unfortunately there's a design flaw. she can't do both simultaneously)#(which is fine bc cass is fleeing the scene at the idea of having to casually hang out with jason)#(they're the exact amount of similar and more importantly different that it's like putting two firecrackers together. bad)#i really like the steph mask designs... it'd be fun to do something with them but idk what y'know?#I'm just like. if we're assuming that her mask has to be different from both babs and cass then this is what I've got as alternatives#i mostly wanted to practice character interaction with the talia and damian one... and also i love them#looking at james gunns batman movie proposal. you keep your hands OFF HER MR GUNN#please if shes evil in a movie they're never gonna let her be good in the comics again 😭#dc when you inevitably cave and do your next big reboot let the ppl finally have the son of the demon origin (w/ tweaks of course)#idk it's canon in my heart. heartcanon if you will <3#anyway yeah uhhhhhh enjoy?
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Damian walking past Tim's room to get water in the middle of the night hearing, "yes, I know. I know. You're excited to get to the bottom of this problem. I'm aware. I hear you, really I do. You make a good case. I would really love to work on it, too." and wondering who he's speaking to, only for him to continue, "but you're trying to be GOOD about your silly little human body right now. So get up. Go to bed. You need to sleep. Don't be an idiot. Come on. It's bedtime. For real. Let's go." so Dami peeks in, and it's just Tim talking to himself, growing more frustrated by the moment (though his tone suggests nonchalance). He's still firmly planted in the chair. He tried his best.
#tim drake#idk it's just dumb and based on what I have to do to convince myself to go to sleep most days#on bad functioning days I'm B A D I'll stay up until all my tasks are completed#but on good days I'll even start standing up and go 'good job!'#so#something is definitely wrong with me but it DOES help to pep talk myself#idk I just think he'd benefit from it#damian wayne#also it doesn't have to be dami I just love my son#batfam#I'm not being very good tonight it's true I'm filled with vigor to complete my tasks#pray that I go to sleep fairly soon#i don't want to see another sunrise until after I've slept
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Bleh.
Arglebargle.
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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Actually I haven't been doing so well lately. Maybe these cute beast kitties will cheer someone up in my stead
#semi vent#maybe?#there's supposed to be a sequel to this but mmm dunno if i'll finish it or not#I like to keep the blog light hearted but still I'm just a human who gets sad sometimes#so much comically bad stuff have happened in the past 4-days I dunno whether to cry or laugh#luckily nothing too bad#only some incidents of ruined possessions and one incident of bodily harm#all caused by my own incompetent so I can't even complain lol#art#fanart#stuff i draw
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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen
the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"
#my food crime is that i regularly make a “pasta and tuna” situation that has somehow gotten even more evil and degenerate over time.#it is a ''white wine reduction'' (it's just white wine and garlic powder & seasoning)#and tuna from a can.#and plain pasta.#if i have the spoons i will actually chop garlic for it but this tends to be my comfort food for a REALLY bad day#bc its super easy to make:#boil pasta. drain. put into bowl for later. into same pot u used for pasta.#put tuna (with oil/water from can). let fry a little for like 2-3 min. put in whatever amount of wine. season to taste.#the tuna will get a little crisp on it which is nice. important side note:#this began as a Bolognese sauce.#and one day i had to sub for tuna. i know. not ideal. i cried about it too.#somehow over time it is now its own little evil thing. i would never make someone else eat it. it is beautiful.#but yeah i don't even stir the pasta in afterwards i just slap pasta into serving bowl#slap this ''''''sauce'''''''' on top#molto bene#(i really can cook fairly well btw. this is a food crime. not a suggestion of skill or ability)#(i LOVE baking but when i cook for myself. the autism is obvious. bc i just don't understand the point of most of the steps)#(.... i can just eat the deli meat out of the bag. it is protein. i don't even have to like it. i just have to eat enough calories.)#(also i used to cook MUCH more before this apartment which is so small that i can stretch my arms out and overreach the counter length.)#(.... i'm 5.2. so.)
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There's nothing like moving a pile of rocks in and out and around to remind you that you are simply not as yoked as you used to be
#not having to lift 150lb speakers over my head several times a day has made me go WEAK#I'm SOFT#well technically I've always been soft i only exercise if it's a project or a fight or hiking#anyways this is not actually that much rock so it's not bad but boy i miss being able to just rip stuff up#augh my thirties!!!!!
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