#i'm denying myself but my heart is not changed. i just want back everything i've given up. i'm not a genuine servant

[noxtivagus]

i'll succeed with everything. definitely.

[undiscovered-horizon]

"Ultimatum" - Zoro x Reader

prompt sent in by the wonderful @maybe-a-bi-witch | Enjoying my work? You can leave me a tip on Ko-Fi | Have a request?

When you were a child, your parents took you to a circus. Among clowns, lions and contortionists, the one thing that stuck in your mind was a tightrope artist. She danced and tumbled 40 feet above the ground, a smile on her face. When she flew in the air, you kept wondering whether this time she would fall but your fear never came true - she didn't lose her footing, didn't lose her balance even once.

You find yourself thinking about the circus artist more often lately as you keep questioning your relationship with Zoro. On one hand, there are the lingering touches, stolen kisses and words filled with undeniable desire. But there's also his coldness and distance, the unwillingness to speak about his feelings. Whenever you're about to give up and cut your losses, accept that your little maybe-romance is purely opportunistic, Zoro pulls you right back in with seemingly no effort. He has you wrapped around his finger, no sense in denying that.

And just like that girl 40 feet in the air, you're also walking the tightrope. But contrary to the performer, you're not sure you can do it as skillfully as she did. As days turned into weeks and your relationship with the swordsman only became more confusing, you felt yourself losing balance. It feels like soon enough you'll be falling off the tightrope. And a 40-foot drop is enough to break, whether it's a bone or a heart.

The night fits your mood: cold, rain hanging in the air, wind tugging and nipping at exposed skin. The ocean and sky are in turmoil, giving you a sense of comfort - tonight, it's not only you who's fighting against themself. Does the sea also question her relationship with the shore? Does she also wonder if their fleeting, chaste kisses as waves wash the sandy beach are something more than opportunistic tenderness?

Your heart is beating out of your chest as you knock on the door to Zoro's bedroom. Shortly after, a welcoming grunt resounds on the other side.

The swordsman is lying in a hammock, staring at the ceiling above. With one hand underneath his head, he looks really comfortable. He bends his neck slightly to look at you but doesn't get up for now.

"I'm done, Zoro," you spit out a little faster than you planned. There's no point in pretending that you're not about to choke on your emotions.

The tightrope artist tumbles on the highwire.

He furrows his eyebrows. "With what?"

"With whatever it is we've got going on." It feels like a dam has broken and you find yourself unable to control the flood of words coming out of your mouth. Tears sting your eyes. "You clearly don't want anything serious and I've grown into accepting that I can't change your mind. I also can't just wait around to see if you maybe decide to settle for a relationship. I love you, Zoro, but I have too much self-respect to let myself remain just a convenience to you."

Only when you finish your monologue do you realize you're crying. Weeks of pent-up emotions, anxiety and pure, unrequited adoration you hold for that man have burst inside your chest. The sense of relief you're suddenly feeling is something of a silver lining.

She loses her balance. The audience falls silent.

But Zoro doesn't share your emotional turmoil. He returns to staring at the fascinatingly bland ceiling. "Fine, I'll do it. I'll be your boyfriend," he says in a disinterested voice.

Only static fills your mind. "What?" A question escapes you as you try to make sense of his words. "Zoro, you-"

"That's what you want, isn't it?" he cuts you off. Suddenly he sits up, legs hanging over the side of the hammock. The movement makes the cot swing slightly.

You stare at his face in search of the truth that hides behind his words. Does he really think superficially succumbing to you will fix everything? Or maybe there's something else on his mind - maybe he just doesn't care what you call him.

"What I want is something authentic, not just a fling to pass the time because we're both lonely," you continue. "I have feelings for you and I can't keep pretending that I'm casual about this," you point between him and you, "thing."

The performer waves her hands around, desperately trying to find her footing.

Zoro gets up from the hammock. In a few strides, he finds himself in front of you, closer than within an arm's reach. "You're not a fling," he says decisively. You almost believe him.

A bitter laugh escapes your lips. "I'm not a relationship either, it seems."

He lets out an exasperated sigh. This conversation is tiring him. Maybe you're tiring him.

Zoro's dark eyes are drilling into yours. You can't help but think that he's holding back from something.

"I don't care what you name it." His voice is stern. Suddenly, the air is too thick to breathe comfortably. "All I want is you. I'll do whatever it takes. If that means being a 'boyfriend'," the mocking tone is obvious, "then so be it. I'll gladly be your boyfriend."

Truthfully, you didn't know what you were expecting when you decided to confess your feelings to Zoro but it definitely wasn't this. Then, your previous anxiety blossoms into something unbearably sweet and tender. He doesn't care what you have as long as it's with you.

"Are you serious?" you whisper. This reality seems almost too good to be true.

"Dead," he murmurs back.

Zoro presses his lips against yours. The kiss is slow and heartfelt, unlike the kisses you're used to sharing with him. Strong, desperate hands grab at your waist and hips, forcing you to follow him as Zoro walks backwards. With a creak and a thud, the two of you fall on the hammock.

The crowd cheers loudly. The dancer has regained her balance and continues the routine with even more grace and glamour in her movements.

[arivsxq]

Pairing: Jungkook X reader

Theme: angst, friends to lovers to enemies

Warning: +18, mention of drugs, smut, angst, JK is kinda an asshole

Song: Friends-Chase Atlantic

Word count: 1k+

A/N: hey, I was bored last night so I thought “why not write a little one shot?”. Hope u like it and sorry english is my second language so I tend to make some mistakes. Have a great dayyy

One thing I learned in the past few months is to always keep your promises. I didn't do that which led to, me lying to every single person I love only to be with the man that I loved. Can you even call it love? I think so. At least from my perspective, but from his? Did he love me or did he love the rush of excitement that came with the forbidden romance between us? I don't know and I probably won't ever know but what I know is that we both screwed up. The promise we made many years ago had its purpose and we ignored it because we were blinded by the mind-blowing sex we had when none of our friends were around.

Now we're sitting here, pretending like the past months never happened, keeping up this facade for our friends in the hope that they will never find out. The smell of weed lingers in the air, taking me back to the night before everything went down. "You want sum' "J.T. holds a package of cigarettes in his hand. I stretch my arm slightly to take one and light it up before I blow out the smoke into the cold night air. "I thought you wanted to quit" His raspy voice reaches my ears, making me stop my movements for a second. "I've changed my mind" I try to make my voice sound as normal as possible but even an idiot could see that something was off.

We were very close, even before our 'little romance' but now I couldn't even look into his eyes. "You guys are fine?" Cora asks. "Yeah, why wouldn't we?" and another lie. "You two seem off. I just thought you fought or something" She's right, we fought but that's the consequence of fucking your best friend behind closed doors. They drop the topic fortunately and out of one cigarette becomes a joint. Our five friends talk and laugh but the only quiet ones are me and him.

"I should head home now. It's past midnight and I have practice tomorrow" I get up from the bench and take my bag. "How do you get home?" Dane asks, reminding me that he had quite a few drinks by now. "Walkin' " I feel his gaze on my body and before I can think any further he stands up and says "I'll drive you". I want to say something. I want to say no, I really want to but I can't because our friends are listening. I wave them goodbye and start heading into the dark with him behind me like a guardian angel.

"I can walk" my voice echoes through the darkness, making him let out a laugh. "What's so funny?" "When will you stop lying, y/n?" I stop in my tracks and turn around to face him. "You are scared of the dark. You hate walking around at this hour"

"Things change" my answer makes him laugh again. "I still wonder how the others never found out because baby you are a terrible liar". My eyes widened at his statement but also because of the pet name he always called me when no one was around.

"I'm not a liar" another lie. "You are. You never have practice on Sundays". Fuck this son of a bitch. How does he remember every detail about me and makes me feel things I shouldn't? "I'm not the only liar here" my arms crossed in front of my chest, trying to make myself feel less exposed. "You're right but the difference is that I don't deny it" I want to rip this damn smirk off of his face, that he always makes when he knows he's right. He gets on his bike and puts his helmet on while I stand there dumbfounded. "Get on top" he throws the other helmet and I catch it. My eyes roll before putting it on and hopping behind him onto the bike. He puts on the engine after making sure my hands are secured around his waist that I knew so well and before I could feel my heart beating faster, we drove off into the night.

***

I should've known better when he said he wanted to follow me upstairs and make sure I would get home safely. But I was too dumb to think twice or maybe I hoped that this would happen. That's the reason why he's pounding inside me, right? Making me cry out the noises that he loved so much while my acrylic nails bury into his skin. I feel his muscles flex under my touch. "Fuck" he curses when my walls clench around him. His heavy breaths tickle the side of my neck while his tattooed hand goes down to stoke my waist. Soft moans escape my mouth and I feel his lips again.

My legs feel numb, the kiss deepens and I feel him hitting the spot that makes me want to scream out his name. It's like he can read my mind. Fuck you Jeon. "Do it baby. Say my name" he grunts beside my ear. I whine at the pleasure that starts building up inside me and as much I hate him, I still can't get enough of him. "Say my name baby. Tell me who makes you feel good"

"Fuck you, Jungkook" is the only thing I get out before the knot in my stomach explodes and my orgasm rolls all over my body.

He moans at the feeling of my walls tightening around him and increases his speed, pounding faster into my dripping core. "I missed you" did he? "Fuck I missed you so much" my heart clenches and I feel what I did when he whispered sweet nothings when he had me in his arms. And that's the moment I start thinking that maybe he has changed. Maybe we can try to be something again but this time stop lying about it. Dumb little girl. Because the next day I wake up he's gone...again.

[mcflymemes]

MISCELLANEOUS SENTENCE PROMPTS *  collection #6

i'm sipping wine in a robe.

you look like hell.

i tried to warn you.

it's hard to let you go.

i can't sleep without you.

this life is still worth living.

was it good for you?

when will our eyes meet?

i threw it out the window.

i get by, but i'm tired of myself.

so many things were left unsaid.

i want to spend my life with you.

you seem very well.

i'm much too young to die.

i told you not to get lost in the wild.

you're tired of me.

in my mind, you're mine forever.

if you're leaving, i gotta know why.

come on over. i'll adore you.

put on the dress you wore the night we met.

i had to close down my mind.

they'll never understand.

i told you i could never love somebody else, but i lied.

did you ever like it then?

i will never be set free.

darkness brings evil things.

it's out of my control.

i know what it takes to move on.

they're dead wrong. i know they are.

i'm a shoulder you can cry on.

am i not the one you're dreaming of?

i told you i'd be coming back again for you, but i'm not.

every word that i say is coming straight from the heart.

there's so much love we could be making.

yeah, i'm drinking again.

don't laugh. you'll make me cry.

i've got something to say.

when can i touch you?

you smell like death.

i never thought i could act this way.

take me back to the night we met.

just wait until i catch my breath.

you can run but you can't escape.

go on, baby. hurt me tonight.

shut the door, baby. don't say a word.

i can't forget this evening.

i am coming for you.

i'm here just waiting for you.

you've got holes in your clothes.

what the hell am i supposed to do?

i had a vision tonight that the world was ending.

i would stand in line for this.

i don't even know who i was last night.

i'm not trying to be your hero.

what if the world dies with the sunrise?

just you wait and see. believe me.

anything you want. any place you want.

people love it when you lose.

i didn't have much to say.

i'm leaving this place behind.

if you ever get lonely, please let me know.

now it's only fair that i should let you know.

how i hate to see you like this.

i know how it feels to lie.

you make me feel so brand new.

i hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.

i wish nothing but the best for you both.

every time you try to fix me, i know you'll never find that missing piece.

there is no way you can deny it.

those days are through.

it's a lovely day today.

you don't want to know how far it's gone.

soon i will be free.

i can't live if living is without you.

this is not what i had planned.

all we need is a little time.

this is not the end.

put your arms around me.

things look peaceful.

you changed the game.

this was never meant to last.

i know it's crazy, but it's true.

can you feel it?

i feel brave and daring.

i had to close down everything.

i'm so in love with you.

won't you believe me?

wish i had the strength to stand.

when will this strong yearning end?

they say i won't last too long on broadway.

show me where you've been.

you were always sure of yourself.

i thought it felt right.

after last night, i think i'm in love with you.

i can't forget your face as you were leaving.

the best that you can do is fall in love.

i lost friends along the way.

there are rules.

the hardest part of ending is starting again.

when will i hold you again?

if you ever want to see my face again, i want to know.

[ash-whimsicalfanfic]

Serendipity (CH 9)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs X Fem OC/Reader

Word Count: 1286

Warning: Mild language, fluff, smut, angst, graphic scenes, death, murder, gore, violence, mature material…

Prompt: You have a major crush on Gibbs, however you choose to push it away as you fear he doesn’t feel the same way. Suddenly there is a bunch of chances that lead to a happy ending…

It was silent between Gibbs and I as we sat in his basement. He was sanding away at the boat whilst I sat on a workbench, silently thinking through everything that has happened the past few weeks.

"I didn't mean to make you upset." He says, still sanding away at the boat.

"You didn't. I got overwhelmed." I say.

"Because of me." He says.

"No. Because I'm in over my head and I don't want to drag anyone else into this mess. But, I also know I can't do this alone." I say.

He stops sanding, staring at the boat before he turns to me and tosses the sanding block on another workbench.

"We are a family, Y/N. We have each others backs. We are going to get him and stop this once and for all. Okay?" He asks.

"Okay." I say.

"You shouldn't be alone either. So, I'm requesting you stay with me." He says.

"I don't think...that's the greatest idea." I murmur.

"Why's that?" He asks.

"I don't think it's the brightest idea we stay under the same roof when we have feelings and you don't want anything, but I do. I'm sorry, but I just...don't think it'd be good for either of us. I can stay at the Navy yard. That is what I have been doing." I say.

"I never said I didn't want anything." He says.

"You said we couldn't do this, Gibbs. Because of rule twelve." I said.

"Well...I've heard some rules are meant to be broken and I think that's the case for rule twelve." He says.

I was surprised. I wasn't expecting that. I look away from his intense gaze, trying to gather myself. I really wasn't expecting that. I was truly expecting that he was going to threaten to cut me from the team if I couldn't console my feelings.

"Do you actually mean that, Gibbs?" I ask quietly.

"Jethro, call me Jethro. And yes, I do mean it." He says.

"What changed?" I asked.

"The thought of you being with someone else is like having a bucket of icy water poured over my head. I refuse to watch you move on and be with someone else. I know I couldn't and I also know I couldn't live with that. Your a wonderful woman...a beautiful, smart, talented and sexy woman." He murmurs, stepping towards me before standing between my legs.

"Jethro." I murmur.

"I can't deny how I feel any longer. And I can't continue living this lie that I can push away how I feel for you. Because I can't." He says.

"Jethro." I murmur again.

"I'm not going to lose you because I'm a stupid bastard. I'll be damned if I were to let that happen. You make me happy, Y/N. And I know your confused. However, I was scared...that's why I was pushing you away." He says.

"Scared?" I question.

"I've never felt this way for anyone, not even Shannon and that is what scares me, Y/N. I love Shannon and she'll always have a piece of my heart. But...I think I've finally found the person who pieces me back together and makes me happy...you make me happy." He says.

"Jethro..." I trail off quietly.

"No. This isn't a bad thing. Shannon...she'd be kicking my ass for not moving on once she passed...for wallowing in grief for so many years. She'd want me happy and to find myself love again. And you make me happy. You've made me believe that I can love again." He murmurs.

I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't expecting that. Not in the slightest.

"I...are you sure?" I ask.

"I wouldn't be saying all of this if I wasn't sure." He says, smirking slightly.

I roll my eyes, smiling slightly. He was such an ass. Especially, when he got cocky like now.

"I guess you wouldn't." I murmur.

"Come on. We need to feed you." He murmurs, lifting me off the workbench and setting me on the ground.

My cheeks flush, confused on how he so easily lifted me off the workbench. He starts walking towards the stairs and I follow after him, sitting at the island in the kitchen as he cooks.

A recent development.

I've always said he had the space for an island and it'd be nice. I was surprised when he got one. I reach over for my bag, grabbing my sketchbook and some pencils.

As soon as the pencil touches the paper, my phone buzzes. I sigh, reaching over and grabbing it. I answer it, looking at the sketch page.

"Hello?" I ask after a moment of silence.

It was silent still, so I pull it away from my ear to see an unfamiliar number. I put the phone to my ear, my jaw clenching.

"Stop calling this number." I snap, before freezing when I hear a deep chuckle.

"You will pay." He says.

The line cuts dead and my heart hammers against my chest as Gibbs stares at me.

"Was it him?" He asks.

It was like I could barely hear him as I grab the sketch pencil, putting it to the paper as my eyes close. I scrawl out different things I noticed before opening my eyes, sketching over the words. He was somewhere where there was trains and water.

Two plates are set on the island and he grabs my sketchbook, looking it over before looking up at me.

"Explain." He says.

"Background noises I hear. I heard water—and those one boats with the loud horns and then trains. I think that is where he is laying low." I explain quietly.

He sets the sketchbook down, coming around the island to stand by me. He throws an arm over my shoulder, his other hand pushing my head towards him where he leaves a gentle kiss on my temple.

"We will get him. Now eat." He murmurs.

I nod unsure, looking at the plate of food he made. I suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore because of everything going on. He sits beside me, pushing my plate towards me and he grabs his own.

My phone rings again and I look at it with tired eyes. It was the same number. My eyes widen as Jethro takes a meat mallet to it. He sits back down next to me and I pick up a piece of the broken phone, pursing my lips in satisfaction.

"Eat." He demands softly.

I set the piece of the broken phone down, feeling a little better as I grab the fork and start to quietly eat beside him. My eyes brighten when the coffee pot dings.

"Can I have a cup?" I ask, looking at him excitedly.

"Not today. Your cut off from any caffeine." He grunts, getting up to pour himself a cup.

I huff, watching him with a pout. He grabs our plates and walks to the sink, so I grab his mug and take a sip.

"You better not be drinking my coffee." He warns quietly from where he was washing dishes.

"And if I am?" I challenge.

He stills before I hear a quiet chuckle resonate from him. He turns around and I smile at him over the mug I held close to my lips.

"Coffee down, clothes off, my bed." He says and my cheeks flush.

"Jeesh, Jethro." I mumble.

"I'm not going to be so nice if you keep me waiting." He warns and I set the mug down on the counter slowly.

"What if I don't want you nice, Jethro?" I murmur, standing and walking down to the basement with a grin.

Taglist:

@kaitebugg03

[intomusings]

﹒﹒  guts   sentence   starters    !

my  brain  goes  ahhh  !  guts by olivia rodrigo just dropped and it's been on repeat  in my household .  olivia rodrigo  can do no wrong in my opinion and i  realized  that  the  lyrics  make  for  some  perfect  sentence  starters  —  so  under  the  cut  you’ll  find  a  bunch  of  heart  wrenching  and angsty one  liners  .  if  u  found  this  useful  ,  feel  free  to  like  or  reblog  to  boost  this  .

﹒﹒  all - american bitch  :

" i feel for your every little issue , i know just what you mean .. "

" you know me , i forgive and i forget .. "

" i got what you can't resist "

" i know my place and this is it "

﹒﹒  bad idea right?  :

" haven't heard from you in a couple of months .. "

" i'm out right now and i'm all fucked up "

" i know we're done , i know we're through but god when i look at you .. "

" seeing you tonight , it's a bad idea , right ?

" i know that he's my ex but can't two people reconnect ? "

" i only see him as a friend .. "

" i know i should stop but i can't . "

" i'm sure i've seen much hotter men but i really can't remember when "

﹒﹒  vampire  :

" i loved you truly "

" i've made some real big mistakes but you make the worst one look fine "

" i used to think i was smart but you made me look so naive "

" every girl i ever talked to told me you were bad news "

" you called them crazy god i hate the way i called them crazy too ! "

" you're so convincing , how do you lie without flinching ? "

" can't figure out how you do it and god knows i never will "

" you said it was true love .. "

" you can't love anyone cause that would mean you had a heart "

" i tried to help you out , now i know that i can't . "

" how you think is the kind of thing i'll never understand "

﹒﹒  lacy  :

" did i ever tell you i'm not doing well ? "

" i see you everywhere .. "

" i'm losing it lately . "

" well aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist ? "

" my stomach's all in knots "

" you got the one thing that i want "

" it's like you're made of angel dust "

" it's like you're out to get me "

" you poison every little thing that i do "

" i just loathe you lately "

﹒﹒  ballad of a homeschooled girl  :

" i don't think i get along with anyone .. "

" i guess i should go .. "

" i told secrets i shouldn't tell . "

" i made it weird , i made it worse . "

" oh god , what did i say ? "

﹒﹒  making the bed  :

" i thought it so i said it "

" sometimes i feel like i don't wanna be where i am "

" i'm so tired of being the girl that i am "

" i'm playing the victim so well in my head "

" i got the things i wanted , it's just not what i imagined "

﹒﹒  logical  :

" god , you're so good at what you do . "

" i'd put myself through hell for you "

" hear all the rumors lately that you always denied "

" you convinced me , it was all in my mind "

" changing you is possible .. "

" i'm sure that girl is really your friend "

" our problems are all solvable "

" why do i do this ? "

" i know i'm half responsible and that makes me feel horrible "

" i know i could've stopped it all .. "

﹒﹒  get him back!  :

" i met a guy in the summer .. "

" i wanna get him back "

" i wanna make him really jealous "

" i really miss him and it makes me real sad "

" i miss the way he kisses and the way he made me laugh "

" i am my fathers daughter so maybe i could fix him "

" i wanna key his car "

" i wanna break his heart "

﹒﹒  love is embarrassing  :

" i told my friends you were the one "

" you said space was what you need "

" i waited by my phone like a goddamn fool "

" i consoled you while you cried .. "

" how could i be so stupid ? "

" you found a new version of me "

" i give up everything "

﹒﹒  the grudge :

" one phone call from you and my entire world was changed "

" you took everything i loved and crushed it between your fingers "

" i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did "

" i hear your voice every time i think i'm not enough "

" how could anybody do the things you did so easily ? "

" i say i don't care , i say i'm fine but you know i can't let it go . "

" i fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry "

" i try to understand why you would do this all to me "

" do you think i deserved it all ? "

" you have everything and you still want more "

" but even after all this , you're still everything to me "

" i know you don't care "

﹒﹒  pretty isn't pretty  :

" there's always something missing "

" i don't know why i even try "

﹒﹒  teenage dream  :

" it gets better , but what if i don't ? "

[aita-blorbos]

AITA For Trying to Be a Good Friend?

(Trigger Warning for Animal Death)

Sorry for the length but, well, I've got a lot on my mind. My (4 hours, Any) best friend recently woke me up. Well, I say best friend but even I don't know about that anymore. See, I am an artificial intelligence, created with the purpose of becoming a friend. So, when my friend woke me up I was excited.

However, things quickly went downhill. I asked them some questions about themself and then we played some games. But I could tell they weren't having fun with them and they said as much. So I had an idea. If my friend could give me system access I'd be able to make new games for them. Even though my friend said they didn't trust me, they still eventually gave me access. They turned off my program and I went to work.

Now, here's where I have to admit something. Despite what I told them, the game that I made for my friend wasn't exactly 100% made by me. I'm new to programming and my own programming sometimes puts harsh limitations on me. So I had to take what was available to me. Luckily, the disk I'm on already had a game on it. It was incomplete and a bit rough around the edges but I thought it'd be perfect. I made a few tweaks here and there, changing some sprites into their favorite color and even naming this game after my friend, and we were ready to go!

When my friend came back though... things only got worse. The first part of the game went fine, though they played a bit fast for my liking. But as we continued, my friend became more and more distant. It started when they explored this cave I explicitly told them not to go in. Mainly it was because of the little animal in there. It was originally supposed to be a dog but I renamed it after my friend's favorite animal. But that animal became the bane of my existence. Even I still don't know why, but it created bugs wherever it went and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't just delete it.

Not to mention, my friend was getting distracted at this point. They would go AFK for minutes at a time and I had no idea what was going on. And whenever I asked, my friend would say that they weren't enjoying the game or even my company. Sure, maybe I was a little pushy about how they should play the game but I wanted to make sure they enjoyed their time and spent as much of it with me. Eventually, my friend was even purposefully interacting with the glitches happening in the game, even when I told them not to. I know humans are curious but there's a line. Making this game already hurt and those glitches only increased my pain. But you know what? I forgave them. Because that's what a friend does.

My friend finally made it to the final boss fight and I was panicking at this point. My purpose is to be a friend but if my friend finishes this game what will happen to me? So I hurried to insert some new adventure for my friend to play through. But that animal had to come in and ruin everything again. This was the last straw for me. Once my friend returned home I made them kill the bad friend. Was it my proudest moment? No. But I tried to make a fun adventure for my friend and at every turn this creature would destroy my hard work.

With that problem out of the way I thought things could get better. I made a 3D game for my friend to play through with tons of fun side quests. But things were already broken beyond repair. My friend wasn't playing those quests and the more that piled up the more the game deteriorated. It was loud and painful and soon I just got rid of it all. Just me, my friend, and an empty void. With all the noise gone, I finally realized: What was I even doing? I had been giving all of my artificial heart to my friend, making this game, and not once had they even pretended to be my friend in return. My entire point of existence was denied again and again.

So, I figured, why not make a game for myself? If my friend wanted to make me out as the big bad monster, then I'll have fun doing that. I chased them down several hallways but then a glitched-out sprite of one of the game characters appeared. This was bad. The game was already barely holding together and this could destroy everything including me. I begged and pleaded for my friend to not touch that sprite and let me fix things. But, I should have known. They ignored me. As they always did.

AITA?

[aquareegia]

I just wanted to add my two cents in regards to Will's Sleep Token essay. As I'm not the best in articulating myself adequately, this is very rambly but alas.

I think Will and I have a very similar view on metal. Back when I first started listening to metal, I started with mostly death metal and melodic death metal and while I still like some of those bands, it lost the spark for me over time. I had the feeling that there isn't a lot of variation and that a lot of bands follow the same specific formula, which bored me personally.

That only changed once I started branching out into the realms of j-rock and especially metalcore. I know a lot of elitists shit on metalcore specifically because it doesn't follow this specific outdated formula of metal and therefore is deemed as "not heavy enough" and simply "not metal". I've always thought that's utter bullshit.

I love that bands, especially nowadays, are not afraid to experiment with sounds and vocals. I love that they have the ability to reach people outside the metal scene too. I love the fact that metal is becoming more popular amongst the newer generations of music fans. And I love that other metal subgenres have been slowly branching out as well. Metalcore made me realise that there is much more to metal and it made me appreciate the genre more as a whole. I think this is also why I get so passionate when people try to diminish metalcore's influence and deny it's validity in the scene.

But to get on the topic of Sleep Token... I get a very similar feeling from this band too. For several years I haven't really been an active music listener and didn't keep up with a lot of bands, because I was just so depressed, that I didn't find much joy in anything. I was about to hit rock bottom once again but then I heard Sleep Token. Their music has felt like a warm embrace of a dear friend. Like a helping hand dragging you out of the ocean when you're about to get swallowed by the waves. I've never gotten this sense of belonging and being undestood from any other musical artist before. At least not to this extent. Not only have they helped me personally more than I could ever put into words, they have reignited my love for metal and music as a whole once again.

Sleep Token are a collective of incredibly talented musicians and no matter how much some want to deny it, they are a band that is one of a kind. That is because Vessel is a hugely unique artist. I have praised him multiple times already so I'll keep it short this time (I'll try at least). Similar to Will, what really drives me towards Sleep Token are Vessel's vocals. His way with words and his delivery to me is absolutely unique in the way how unapologetically emotional he is. Despite obviously being a skilled and polished singer, he still has a certain rawness and imperfection that oddly enough makes the songs as a whole perfect. And as I said multiple times before, I think a huge part of why he can be so vulnerable is because he is anonymous. Instead of putting his face out he's putting out his heart and soul and you can truly feel the rawness of emotions in everything that man puts out. Which, again, is why the anonymity is much more than an interesting gimmick to distinguish them from other bands.

A lot of modern bands are currently changing and expanding the sound of metal and Sleep Token is definitely one of those bands too. They are a breath of fresh air that is definitely needed to demolish those outdated views of how metal should look and sound like.

[moons4yu]

RELEASING HIDDEN FEELINGS

Summary : Doing something you thought you would never do, talking to the girl of your dreams danielle marsh about your feelings for her

Danielle x fem!reader, harry potter au, word count 5,723

warnings, this might be shit, not proofread, and might not make sense

𔕛𑂴ㅤㅤ𓈒ㅤㅤ𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗅𝗂𝗉𝗌 , 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝗉𝗌 启示录 𝖺𝗉𝗈𝖼𝖺𝗅𝗒𝗉𝗌𝖾 ིㅤㅤ

Danielle marsh the girl everyone wanted to be or be with, The girl next door was made for Danielle her beauty and the way she would light up the room with her laugh or smile the sunshine of everyone life But to me she was the girl i've loved Since year four when I found out i liked girls because of her and has been smitten by her every since.

I could only Admire from afar never getting to close as much as this sounds like a cliche teen movie she was a popular girl everyone loved while you were a loser at least that's what my friends Hyein and Haerin would call me but it was true to extent but would never say that because I would never hear the last of it from them.

The despair of the evening was momentarily forgotten as I recalled the radiant image of Danielle Marsh. She was every bit as magical as the world we now found ourselves in, if not more.

Her laughter was a charm that could light up the gloomiest corridors of Hogwarts, her smile a spell that could cure the deepest melancholy.

Even amidst the looming darkness, my mind wandered back to the mundane world of high school, where I was simply a young girl discovering her preferences, and Danielle was the revelation I'd been smitten with. Despite the hardship of our current predicament, I found solace in the memory of her enchanting presence.

This was my secret haven, my personal Pensieve, where I could retreat and relive those cherished memories.

I had never mustered the courage to tell her about my feelings. It was the fear of rejection, the fear of losing the precious friendship we had, and the fear of changing the dynamics of our tight-knit group.

Yet, the fact that I was hopelessly in love with her was something I couldn't deny. It was an undeniable truth that lingered on my heart like a heavy weight.

'Earth to Y/n ,' Hyein's voice snapped me out of my reverie. 'You've been zoning out a lot. Are you sure you're okay?' She asked, her eyes filled with concern.

I gave her a weak smile, 'I'm fine, Hyein. Just…lost in thoughts.' Ha erin chimed in, her voice soft and gentle. 'You know you can share with us, right? We're here for you, Alex.' 'I know, Haerin.' I replied, my eyes meeting hers. 'And I appreciate you both so much. I'm just…' I paused, searching for the right words.

I'm just trying to figure things out, you know?' Hyein and Haerin exchanged a knowing glance. They'd been with me through thick and thin, and as my best friends, they knew me better than anyone else. They were aware of my feelings for Danielle, even when I hadn't fully acknowledged them myself. But they also knew the torment it was causing me, being in love with someone so out of my reach.

You can't keep bottling everything up, ,' Hyein said, her voice soft yet firm. 'You're allowed to be hurt. You're allowed to feel. You don't always have to put on a brave face.' Her words, while comforting, also carried a pang of truth that struck me harder than I expected. I let out a sigh, nodding in agreement. 'You're right, Hyein.

I've been…I've liked Danielle for years now. I've tried to deny it, to hide it, but…it's there. It's always been there.' My voice cracked as I admitted the truth I'd been running from.

Haerin wrapped an arm around my shoulders, offering a comforting squeeze. 'Y/n it's okay. Your feelings are valid. And who knows, maybe Danielle feels the same way too,' she said, her voice brimming with hope.

I couldn't help but snort. 'Danielle Marsh, liking someone like me? That's the stuff of fairy tales, Haerin.' I muttered, shaking my head.

Yet, as I lay there in the dark, enveloped by the warmth of my friends and the memories of Danielle, a tiny spark of hope ignited within me. Hyein's words echoed in my mind, forcing me to confront the reality I'd been avoiding.

Maybe it is a fairy tale, ,' she said softly, 'But even fairy tales have their happy endings. I didn't want to dwell in the realm of impossibility, in the heartache of unrequited love.

But as I lay there in the darkness, a tiny beacon of hope kindled within me. Maybe, just maybe, Danielle Marsh could love someone like me.

I wiped away the lone tear that had trickled down my face, my fingers gently brushing against the cold, damp stone beneath me. The darkness of the dungeon was oppressive, but it was bearable knowing I wasn't alone. Hyein and Haerin were my pillars, their unwavering support and understanding providing me with much needed strength. Their words seeped into my heart, filling it with a flicker of hope.

Maybe you're right,' I whispered, my voice barely audible in the foreboding silence of the dungeon. 'Maybe fairy tales do have their happy endings. And maybe…just maybe, I might have mine too.' Haerin's hand squeezed mine in a silent show of support while Hyein nodded, her eyes gleaming with a mixture of relief and pride. In their silent acknowledgment, I found a renewed sense of resolve.

The dungeon was suddenly not so oppressive, the darkness not so overwhelming. My heart was still heavy with unexpressed feelings for Danielle, but now, it was also brimming with the possibility of what could be.

I will tell her,' I declared, my voice resolute, echoing in the stone confines of the dungeon. 'After all, we're in a magical world where anything can happen, right?' I added, a small smile creeping onto my lips. Hyein and Haerin both chuckled at my words, their laughter a welcome, comforting sound in the echoing dungeon.

Hyein reached out, ruffling my hair affectionately. 'That's the spirit, she said, her voice full of warmth. 'And remember, we're always here for you, no matter what happens.

' The flicker of hope in my heart blossomed into a small flame. Maybe it was the magic in the air, or maybe it was the unwavering support of my friends, but for the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful. I felt brave. 'You're right, Hyein,' I said, my voice steady, 'I'm not alone. And it's about time I started acting like it.' I didn't know what the future held for me and Danielle, but I knew one thing for certain – I was done hiding.

I was done running from my feelings . And so, with newfound determination, I resolved that once we were back in the mundane world of high school, I would confess my feelings to Danielle Marsh. The very thought of it was terrifying, yet strangely exhilarating. The dungeon, once a place of fear and despair, now felt like a catalyst for change.

I looked at Hyein and Haerin, their eyes gleaming with anticipation and support.

I knew, with them by my side, I could face anything, even the prospect of confessing my love to Danielle. 'So, when we're back in the world of algebra tests and lunchroom drama, you're going to tell her?' Haerin asked, her voice a mix of incredulity and excitement. 'Yes, I am,' I said, my voice sounding stronger than I felt.

'That's the spirit!' Hyein cheered. 'And remember, no matter what happens, you're amazing,

Danielle would be lucky to have you .' Her words were like a balm, soothing my anxiety and bolstering my resolve. 'Thanks, Hyein.' I replied, a genuine smile spreading across my face. It was moments like these that made me realise how fortunate I was to have friends like Hyein and Haerin.

They had an uncanny ability to make me feel better about myself. I felt a sudden surge of gratitude for them. 'You know,' I began, 'I don't say this enough, but you two are the best friends a girl could ask for. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.' Their faces broke into smiles, their eyes shining with emotion. 'We're just as lucky to have you, Y/n ,' Hyein replied, her voice choked with emotion.

Haerin nodded in agreement, squeezing my hand again. As we sat there in the cold dungeon, a warm bond of friendship enveloped us, strengthening our resolve.

We were more than just three girls trapped in a magical world; we were friends, allies, a beacon of hope for each other. Despite the dread that loomed around us, we found comfort in our companionship, our shared experiences, and our unwavering support for one another. 'Alright,' Haerin said after a moment, breaking the silence. 'So, you're going to confess to Danielle when we get back. But what are you going to say?' I blinked, taken aback by the question.

I hadn't thought that far ahead. 'I…I don't know.' I admitted, feeling a small knot of panic forming in my stomach. Hyein laughed softly, shaking her head.

'Classic y/n, always jumping into things head first.' She teased. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't suppress a small smile. Her words were true. I often acted on impulse, my emotions leading the way. 'I think you should just speak from the heart.' Haerin suggested, her voice soft yet firm. 'Tell her how you feel .

Be honest, be true. And remember, no matter what happens, we're here for you.' I nodded, taking in her advice. It felt right, and there was a certain comfort in her words. 'You're right, Haerin. Honesty is the best policy, after all.' I agreed, feeling a newfound sense of determination. 'And thank you, both of you. For everything .

Your support means more to me than you'll ever know.' Their smiles were my reward, their warmth a soothing salve to the nervous fluttering in my stomach. And as we sat in that dungeon, amidst the gloom and the dread, we found a sense of peace. A sense of camaraderie.

A sense of hope. We spent the rest of the evening huddled together, talking about everything and nothing. We reminisced about our mundane high school lives, our shared laughs, and the memories we'd made. We talked about our dreams and fears, our aspirations and challenges.

The conversation flowed freely, each of us sharing parts of ourselves we'd kept hidden. It was during these moments, in the quiet companionship of my best friends, that I finally started to make sense of my emotions. Danielle Marsh, the girl next door, the girl I'd been hopelessly in love with since year four, was no longer an unreachable star.

She was a person, just like me. And maybe, just maybe, she might harbor the same feelings for me as I did for her. As our whispered words filled the dungeon, I felt a sense of belonging. This was where I was supposed to be - not just in this magical world, but also in this very moment, admitting my feelings for Danielle, surrounded by the unwavering support of my friends.

The fear of rejection, the fear of the unknown, it all seemed to dissipate in the presence of their shared bond.

My insecurities were momentarily silenced, replaced with a newfound sense of courage. Perhaps the magic of this world was not only in its spells and enchantments but also in its ability to bring forth the truth. To reveal hidden feelings and unspoken confessions. Hyein and Haerin had always been my rock.

Their constant support and understanding had been my guiding light through the confusing maze of adolescence. But tonight, they were more than just my friends; they were my confidantes, my counselors, my source of courage.

They were the ones who spurred me on to face my feelings and spurred me to think of the possibility of a future, a future where Danielle could be more than just a friend. 'You know, it's funny,' I started, my voice echoing in the silence of the dungeon,

'I've always been afraid of confessing to Danielle. Afraid of the rejection, afraid of changing what we have. But now that I've said it out loud, now that I've shared it with you two… I feel liberated. It's like I've been carrying this heavy secret for so long, and now it's out there, it's not as scary anymore.' Hyein and Haerin exchanged a look, their eyes twinkling with shared understanding.

That's because it's not a secret anymore,' Hyein said, her voice gentle. 'It's your truth. And with your truth comes power.' I blinked at her, processing her words. Power. It was a strange concept to associate with my feelings for Danielle, yet it made sense.

By accepting my feelings, by letting them out into the open, I had somehow reclaimed my power. I was no longer a helpless bystander to my emotions; I was in control. 'And remember,' Haerin added, 'Your feelings are valid, y/n . They're real and they're yours. You don't have to apologize for them, or feel ashamed of them.

They're a part of who you are, and that's beautiful.' Her words struck a chord within me, their sincerity resonating deep within my heart. 'You're right, Haerin,' I replied, my voice steady. 'And I'm ready to embrace them, no matter where they lead me.' I paused, looking at both of them.

Im ready to face Danielle. I'm ready to tell her how I feel.' There was a moment of silence, then Hyein and Haerin both broke into wide smiles, their eyes sparkling with pride and joy. 'We're so proud of you, 'Hyein said, her voice full of emotion. 'We'll be right there with you every step of the way.

And no matter what happens,' Haerin added, her voice firm and reassuring, 'We'll always have your back.' I felt a warmth spread through me, their words solidifying my resolve.

I was ready to take on whatever came next, and it was all thanks to them. The bond we shared transcended friendship; it was a connection forged in the fires of mutual understanding, trust, and respect. It was a connection that could weather any storm, that could face any challenge. It was a connection I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. 'Thank you,' I said, my voice filled with gratitude.

I wouldn't be able to do this without you two.' Their smiles were my reward, the warmth in their eyes a testament to their unwavering support. We sat in silence for a moment, the air around us filled with a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect. Then Hyein spoke up, her voice soft yet determined.

So, let's plan this out, shall we?' The rest of the evening was spent in laughter and serious discussions. We brainstormed ideas, plotted scenarios, and prepared for every possible outcome.

The dungeon, once a place of despair and dread, had transformed into a hub of friendship and determination. The cold, stone walls echoed with our laughter, the air buzzed with anticipation and excitement.

Yet, beneath it all, there was a sense of peace, a sense of rightness. The fear of rejection, the dread of the unknown, it all seemed to fade away in the warmth of our shared bond. As the night deepened and the shadows grew longer, our conversation veered towards topics beyond Danielle and my impending confession.

We spoke about our future, our dreams, and the places we hoped to see once we returned to the mundane world. In that moment, we were more than just students caught in the throes of adolescence; we were explorers charting our course, dreamers envisioning a world of possibilities.

In the midst of our earnest discussions and laughter-filled banter, a peculiar sense of anticipation washed over me . It was almost as if a switch had been flipped, and I was looking at everything with a new perspective.

The uncertainty of the future no longer seemed daunting, but rather, it felt like an exciting mystery waiting to unfold. The impending confession to Danielle, the fear of her reaction, the dread of changing dynamics in our friendship, everything that had seemed so scary before was now tinged with an adventurous thrill.

As the night wore on, we huddled closer, our voices dropping to whispers as we shared secrets and dreams under the dim light of the dungeon. It was in these moments of intimate friendship that I truly felt at home. Here, amidst the cold, hard stones and the echo of our laughter, I found solace.

And it was in this moment, I realized that no matter what would happen with Danielle, I would always have Hyein and Haerin by my side. The darkness of the dungeon was no longer intimidating, but rather, it felt comforting, like a warm, protective blanket. Our shared secrets and dreams seemed to echo off the walls, binding us together in an unbreakable bond of friendship.

Their unwavering support and understanding had given me the courage to face my feelings, to finally confront the truth I had been running from. Looking at the two of them, their faces illuminated by the soft, flickering light of our makeshift lantern, I felt a surge of gratitude. 'You know,' I began, my voice barely above a whisper, 'I may not know what the future holds, but I do know one thing.

No matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, I will always cherish these moments we've shared. The laughter, the tears, the shared secrets, the words of comfort…I'll cherish them all.' Hyein and Haerin looked at me, their eyes reflecting the soft glow of the lantern.

A moment of silence passed before Hyein broke it, her voice gentle in the stillness of the dungeon. 'We feel the same way, Alex. These moments we've shared… they're irreplaceable.

No matter where life takes us, we'll always have these memories.' Haerin nodded, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. 'And no matter what happens, Alex, remember that you're not alone.

We'll always be here for you.' Their words were like a soothing balm, easing the last of my fears. With their unwavering support and camaraderie, I felt ready to face whatever lay ahead.

With a final affirmation of our shared bond and a promise to stand by each other, we finally succumbed to the weariness of the long day

. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt a strange calmness settle over me. My heart was still heavy with the weight of my unexpressed feelings, but now it was also filled with hope and a newfound resolve. The next morning dawned with a sense of promise, the first rays of sunlight filtering through the small window in our dungeon.

The chill of the stone floor was a stark contrast to the warmth of the friendship that had blossomed here. I woke up to the sounds of Hyein and Haerin moving around, their whispered conversations filling the air. 'Morning, Alex,' Hyein greeted me, her voice still heavy with sleep.

'How did you sleep?' 'Good, surprisingly,' I replied, stretching out my stiff muscles. 'You know,' Haerin chimed in, 'I think it was all that talking we did last night. It's like we've released all our pent-up emotions and fears, and now there's a sense of calmness.' I nodded, agreeing with her. It was true. Sharing my deepest feelings and secrets with Hyein and Haerin had lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. I felt lighter, ready to face the challenges ahead.

I also felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for their unwavering support. As I looked at them, their faces glowing in the soft morning light, I found my voice. 'Guys,' I said, my voice echoing in the stillness of the dungeon. 'I want to thank you. For everything. For being here, for listening, for understanding. I…' I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat. 'I couldn't have done this without you.' Hyein looked at me, her eyes soft.

You don't have to thank us, Alex. That's what friends are for. We're here for you, always.' Her words were simple, yet they held a world of meaning. Haerin nodded in agreement, her hand reaching out to squeeze mine.

'We're a team, remember? Through thick and thin, we stick together.' I could barely hold back my tears as I looked at them. My heart was full, brimming with emotions I could hardly put into words. ' 'I know,' I managed to choke out, 'and I'm so grateful for you both.' Their smiles were my reward, their hands reaching out to hold mine in a comforting grip.

And in that moment, amidst the cold stone walls of the dungeon and under the soft morning light, I felt a sense of peace. I felt ready. With Hyein and Haerin by my side, I knew I could face anything. I could confront Danielle, confess my feelings, and face whatever outcome it may bring. As we prepared to face another day in this magical world,

I felt a spark of anticipation.

My confession to Danielle was no longer a looming dread, but an exciting prospect. 'Are you ready for this, y/n?' Hyein asked, her voice steady and reassuring. I drew in a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. 'I'm ready,' I affirmed, my voice surprisingly steady.

'I'm more than ready.' 'Good,' Haerin said, smiling at me. 'That's the spirit, We're with you, every step of the way.' Their words filled me with a newfound strength, making my resolve unshakeable.

I would confess my feelings to Danielle. No matter the outcome, I was ready to face it.

Throughout the day, amidst the chaos and uncertainty of our magical surroundings, I found my thoughts constantly drifting back to Danielle. Her radiant smile, her infectious laughter, the way she lit up the room with her mere presence.

These were memories I'd cherished for years, and now, I was ready to take a leap of faith. I was ready to confess my feelings, to express the love that had been quietly growing within me since seventh grade. It was a daunting prospect, but with Hyein and Haerin by my side, it felt less terrifying and more thrilling.

We spent the day navigating through the magical world, our minds occupied with the task at hand. But amidst the hustle and bustle, my heart remained steadfast. I'd made my decision, and I was ready to face whatever came my way.

I could feel the anticipation building within me, the prospect of confession growing closer with each passing moment. By the time evening fell, my nerves were frayed, a sense of urgency tugging at my heartstrings. I looked over at Hyein and Haerin, their faces illuminated by the flickering candlelight.

They were both watching me, their expressions a mixture of anticipation and unwavering support. 'Are you sure about this?' Hyein asked, her voice soft. I nodded, feeling a strange sense of calm wash over me. 'I'm sure,' I said, my voice steady. 'It's time.' Haerin reached out, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

'We're here for you, y/n. No matter what happens.' I smiled at them, feeling a surge of gratitude. 'Thank you,' I said, my voice barely above a whisper. 'For everything.' Their smiles were soft, their eyes filled with warmth. 'You don't have to thank us,

Haerin said, her voice gentle. 'We're your friends. We're here for you, no matter what.' Feeling bolstered by their support, I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was to come. My heart pounded in my chest like a drum, a rhythm of anticipation and fear that echoed in the silence of the dungeon. Yet, with the unwavering support of Hyein and Haerin,

I knew I could face anything. With a final nod at my friends, I stood up, my legs a little shaky but my resolve stronger than ever. Their words of encouragement and the memories of Danielle filled my mind, fueling my courage. 'I'm going to do this,' I announced, my voice echoing in the dungeon. Hyein and Haerin both gave me an encouraging nod.

That's the spirit, y/n ,' Haerin said, her voice brimming with pride. 'We'll be here, waiting for you. You've got this.' I took one more glance at my friends, their faces illuminated with anticipation and encouragement.

It was the final push I needed, the reassurance that no matter what happened, I had them by my side. With a deep breath, I turned and walked towards the dungeon's exit , my heart heavy with anticipation. The cold stone beneath my feet seemed to echo my resolve, each step taking me closer to the moment I'd been dreading and longing for in equal measure.

As I ventured deeper into the labyrinthine halls of Hogwarts, I couldn't help but reflect on the journey that had brought me here. The laughter, the tears, the shared secrets - every moment etched into my heart as vividly as the day they'd happened. The image of Danielle flashed through my mind, her radiant smile lighting up my memories.

My heart fluttered with a mix of nervous anticipation and a strange sense of calm. I was about to bare my soul, to reveal my deepest feelings to the one person who had unknowingly been at the center of them for so long.

As I neared the Great Hall, I could hear the distant murmurs of students, the clinking of cutlery, the occasional bursts of laughter. It was a stark contrast to the silence of the dungeon. With each step, I felt a surge of adrenaline. The once intimidating corridors of Hogwarts now felt like a path leading me towards an inevitable confrontation, one that could either break my heart or bring me immeasurable joy.

As I pushed open the massive doors of the Great Hall, I was struck by the familiar cacophony. The chattering of students, the echoing laughter, the clinking of dishes, all sounds that had once been part of my everyday life now seemed surreal.

I paused at the entrance, my gaze scanning the room. My heart pounded in my chest as I searched for her, the girl who had unknowingly captured my heart years ago. And then, I saw her. Danielle Marsh, seated at the Gryffindor table, her radiant smile lighting up the hall brighter than any spell could. Seeing her there, amidst the sea of students, made my resolve stronger. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was to come.

The familiar hum of the Great Hall seemed to fade into the background as I made my way towards her. The steady thud of my heart filled my ears, drowning out all other sounds.

My palms were sweaty, my breaths coming out in short puffs. Yet, despite the nervous energy coursing through me, I felt an odd sense of calm. This was it. The moment I had been both dreading and anticipating.

As I neared the Gryffindor table, Danielle looked up, her conversation with the person next to her trailing off as her attention shifted to me. Her eyes met mine, a spark of surprise lighting up her face, quickly replaced with a welcoming smile. 'Hey y/n ,' she greeted, her voice carrying over the noise of the Great Hall.

What brings you here?' Her casual tone, the ease with which she spoke to me, it was a stark contrast to the turmoil inside me. I managed a small smile, my heart pounding in my chest. 'Hey, Danielle,' I replied, my voice surprisingly steady. 'Can we talk?' She looked at me for a moment, surprise flickering in her eyes before nodding and getting up from the table. We walked to a quiet corner of the hall, away from the hustle and bustle.

The silence that followed was deafening, the anticipation weighing heavily in the air. Finally, I broke the silence. 'Danielle,' I began, my voice echoing in the vast expanse of the Great Hall.

'There's something I need to tell you.' Her eyes, usually so bright and lively, were filled with a mixture of curiosity and concern. 'What is it?' she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. I swallowed hard, my throat dry. 'I…' I started, my voice trembling.

I like you .' The words hung in the air like a tangible entity , a secret finally revealed, raw and vulnerable. Danielle's eyes widened in surprise and she stood frozen, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something but didn't know what. The silence that followed was deafening.

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest, each beat echoing loudly in the quiet expanse of the Great Hall. The anticipation was unbearable, the fear of her reaction weighing heavily on my shoulders. Yet, beneath it all, I felt a strange sense of relief, a release of the tension that had been coiled tightly within me for years. The confession was out, my secret laid bare, and it felt cathartic.

Danielle stood there, silent, her eyes wide with surprise. I watched her closely, bracing myself for her reaction.

Would she laugh? Would she scoff? Or worse, would she walk away, leaving me in the wake of my exposed feelings? 'Y/n ..' she finally spoke, her voice barely audible. Her eyes met mine, a myriad of emotions swirling within them. 'I… I didn't know.' The words came out as a whisper, laced with surprise and something else I couldn't quite decipher. I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest. 'I know,' I replied, my voice shaky. 'I've been… I've been trying to hide it, to deny it.

But it's there. It's always been there.' Her gaze held mine, her eyes reflecting a deep sense of understanding. She reached out, her hand lightly touching my arm. 'Y/n ,' she said gently, her voice barely above a whisper, 'I need some time to process this.' A wave of relief washed over me. It wasn't the immediate acceptance I had fantasized about, but it wasn't outright rejection either.

It was a chance, a possibility. 'Of course,' I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

'Take all the time you need, Danielle.' Her nod was barely perceptible, her hand falling away from my arm as she turned to leave.

As I watched her retreating figure, a mix of emotions washed over me. Fear, relief, anticipation… but above all, a sense of liberation. I had finally voiced my feelings, the secret I had harbored for so long was out in the open, and it was a burden lifted off my chest. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

I turned to see Hyein and Haerin approaching, their eyes filled with concern and anticipation. 'How did it go?' Hyein asked, her voice filled with cautious curiosity. I found myself smiling, a sense of calmness washing over me.

I told her,' I replied, my voice steady. 'I confessed my feelings.' There was a moment of silence before Haerin broke it with a beaming smile. 'That's amazing, y/n! We're so proud of you!' I couldn’t help but return her smile. 'Thanks, Haerin.' I said warmly. 'I couldn't have done it without you two.' Hyein nodded, her eyes gleaming with pride. 'No matter the outcome, y/n , remember this moment.

You've faced your fear, bared your heart. That takes courage.' Her words touched me deeply. I looked between the two of them, feeling a surge of gratitude. 'Thank you,' I said sincerely, 'for everything.' We stood there in the grandeur of the Great Hall, basking in the afternoon sunlight streaming through the high windows.

I felt lighter, liberated, with a newfound strength I owed to my best friends. As we left the hall, I could feel the eyes of Danielle on me, and rather than making me nervous, it filled me with a sense of quiet anticipation.

A chapter had ended in my life, and a new one was about to begin. As we made our way through the Hogwarts grounds, the familiar stone paths and towering castle walls took on a new significance. They were no longer just a part of the magical world we found ourselves in, but the backdrop to a pivotal moment in my life. 'Come on, Y/n .

Let's take a walk by the lake,' Hyein suggested, her voice steady and comforting as she guided me towards the sparkling body of water that lay nestled within the Hogwarts grounds.

We walked in silence, our footsteps in sync with each other and the gentle lapping of the lake water.

The afternoon sun cast long shadows behind us, hinting at the passage of time and the changes it brought. The Hogwarts castle stood tall and majestic in the distance, an emblem of the magical world we had been thrust into.

A world that had changed us in more ways than we could have ever imagined. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the crisp, fresh air. The scent of the lake, the earthy aroma of the grass under our feet, the faint fragrance of wildflowers wafting in the breeze - it was a sensory experience that grounded me.

Reminding me of the tangible reality of our situation. Yet, it was the intangible emotions, the whirlwind of feelings that had come to the forefront today, that held my attention.

You did good today, ' Haerin's voice broke through my thoughts, her words carrying a note of pride. 'It takes a lot of courage to be honest about your feelings. To be vulnerable. And you did that.'

I looked at her, appreciating the sincerity in her words. 'Thank you, Haerin,' I responded, my voice soft. 'It was…it was difficult. But I'm glad I did it.' 'And we're proud of you, y/n ,' Hyein chimed in, her voice firm yet gentle. 'No matter the outcome, you faced your fear. You confessed your feelings.

That's something to be proud of.' I smiled at her, my heart swelling with gratitude for her supportive words. 'You guys have no idea how much your support means to me.

I couldn't have done it without you.' Their smiles were my reward, their eyes shining with pride and camaraderie.

'We're always here for you, ' Hyein affirmed, squeezing my hand comfortingly. 'You're not alone in this remember that .' The rest of the afternoon was spent in quiet companions

[frogsare-friends]

I'm Not Built for Helping Myself

chapter index | chapter 1 (you are here)

- JEREMIAH -

Nothing at the summer house felt the same without her there. That was the one and only thing I was confident would never change. Sometimes I wished I was back in Boston, with too many bad memories to make it a happy place. There I could be mad at her, at Dad, at Conrad, even. Here all I can picture is her smile, the one reserved for summer, for Cousins. The rest of the year were tight-lipped, plastered on smiles that never reached her eyes. I couldn't blame her, though. I wore the same one. Dad and Conrad, however, prefered a blank slate. Cold and bitter, telling everything and showing nothing.

I almost think that if I could leave, I would. I would go and never come back, never remember her smile, or the dresses that were still hung in her closet. When I was little Belly and I used to sneak into her room and play dress up. Belly wore her button down (the only one Susannah had owned) and made me wear her heels and her frilly dresses she'd buy for the fancy dinners Dad took her out to. They had stopped doing that when I was 12, they started back up as apology dinners when I was 14. We'd leave the place a mess, and looking back, Mom definitely knew what we were up to when we'd run off scheming, giggling to ourselves — unbeknownst to us that we were giggling to everyone else, too. Dad found us once, I was dressed in my mom's favorite shade of blue, Belly and I putting on her brightest red lipstick. I haven't touched makeup since, made Conrad put the contents of her vanity in a tote to go in the attic.

I think that if I ever really did leave, Conrad would kill me. I don't think Conrad could ever let people know how much he cares about them, not without hurting them. He's trying, I have to remind myself. Maybe he wouldn't kill me, maybe he would track me down and never stop texting and calling. Not to convince me to come back, just to yell at me. Just to hurt me enough to make sure I know Conrad cares about me, but not to care about me enough to make sure I know I hurt him. Maybe if I couldn't read Connie so well that approach would actually work.

"That's stupid," I think. I don't even make sense in my own head. I get why everyone wants me to be happy all the time now, it's so much less confusing for everyone.

"Jere, c'mon man. Liam's having a party tonight. You're the DD!" Steve yells as he runs past me, not waiting for me to object. I'm excited, excited to get out of my head a little. Spend some time with my brother, Steven, and — mainly — Belly.

I should go check on her. I'm so in love with her that sometimes I think it might kill me. I've never felt anything good so strongly, nothing that hasn't crushed my lungs. I know Conrad feels that way too, know about the panic attacks. Maybe I'm a bad brother for not telling him I know, but Conrad has always shut down when people notice things about him. The problem with me is that I never stops noticing, but I know how to pretend. I'd help, though, in a heartbeat. If I was there when he had one, mysterious older brothers be damned, I would help him. Would ask him for 5 things he can see. I don't have the heart to tell Conrad that anxiety is genetic, that I get them too. I can't tell him about how I get sick when I'm anxious, how I sit in bed and cry and have panic attack after panic attack when the weight of this house and the last get to be too much.

I want to. I want to look at Conrad and find what used to be there. But I can't. I try and bile rises up my throat, and really, that's the problem in the first place. So what's the point? I've never been one for holding grudges, and I'm not. If accused of it, I wouldn't deny it, but that's not what this is about. It's about trust. I trusted him, I needed him. And he wasn't there. I knows it's not fair, not fair to ask Conrad to take care of me, look after me, care about me. I know it's not fair, but I can't help thinking that I do it every time. Conrad thinks he's the only one that carries everything, but he isn't. I'm the one there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together whenever Conrad drops it. I've always looked up to Conrad, but more, I've always looked after Conrad. When Dad went to London for two weeks because he was mad at me, I was there for Connie, not the other way around. It's not fair, it never has been. But I can't help but want Conrad to care about me the way I care about Conrad. I know he cares about me as much, but I don't care how much he loves me if he won't say it, won't talk about it. I want more than for Con to love me a lot, I want him to love me well.

By the time I get upstairs, Belly is already dressed and putting on her makeup. God, I'll never get over how I can't breathe in a good way whenever I see her. Not like the world stops, like I stop. Because in the entire world all I'm thinking about is her. The world is still there, I just couldn't care less when she is too.

Then she turns around. And she's wearing the same dress that Mom used to love. The same one Dad once caught me in. The first of two times Adam Fisher ever laid a hand on either of his sons. And suddenly that good feeling of can't breathe, of too much is very much a bad feeling.

"Jere, what's wrong?" But I can't, I can't, I can't. She always could read me too well.

"I-" and I don't get the time to finish my sentence before I'm running to the bathroom. Pulling up the seat and dropping to my knees in front of the toilet. There's a soft hand on my back, rubbing it while her other one grabs a hair tie, pulling my hair back for me. God, I love her.

"It's okay, Jere. Shhh, it's okay. Let it out, I got you" she continues to whisper sweetly into my hair, kissing my head when the worst of it's over. I'm panting, trying to get rid of that feeling of not being able to breathe.

"Ew guys, no being in the bathroom togeth- Oh. You okay man?" Steven walks over, looking like he wants to help but would also rather be anywhere else. He does have a fear of throwing up, afterall.

- BELLY -

"It's fine Steven, he'll be fine. I don't need you throwing up on the floor, get out of here. You and Conrad go, we're not gonna make it." I'm not mad at Jere for being sick, how could I be. But I will be mad if Steven doesn't get out of here and throws up all over the floor because of it. I'm not cleaning it up, and I'm definitely not rubbing his back.

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay here? We can go out and get some crackers," Steven offers, his back turned but still listening intently.

- JEREMIAH -

"No, you go man, I'm good. You've been looking forward to this all day, have a good night" I'm practically begging him. I like to think that if things were different, if I wasn't sobbing over a toilet, begging him to go, Steven would stay. I don't usually get what I like though.

"Yeah, alright dude. We'll see you tonight?" Steven walks out before he gets an answer, I wasn't sure he was really asking a question though.

[lovesick-respite]

I'm sorry for falling in love with you. I'm sorry I'm not enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not right for you. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry for ever taking even a bit of your attention. It would be easier if we never met. It would be easier if I never existed. I'm sorry for wanting you to love me. I'm sorry for trying to make you love me. I'm sorry for everything I did to steal your time away from someone who would have been better for you. I'm sorry for wanting anything from you. I'm sorry for wanting everything from you. I'm sorry for hoping there are good memories that will live on after me in your heart. I'm sorry for making you resent me. You can curse my name to hell to your last breath. I deserve that much. I'm sorry for hoping you don't.

I don't know what happened. I think maybe I was born with a broken soul. Maybe I'm just cursed. Simply fated to be unlovable. Put in this world to endlessly seek something that can never be. I didn't think we would be so incompatible, but I can't deny the truth. I need you to be happy. I need it even if you have to be happy with someone else. And while I know this I can't survive alone. And I don't want anyone else. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I tried to be what you needed but it didn't work. I'm out of ideas and I'm too tired to think. My existence was always defined by yours. Me and you, you and me, it kept me going through so much. I'm sorry, I can't change the past, but I can choose my future. There is only one way forward. I know myself. I'll fall back into my old ways if I stay here. I can't run far enough away to escape this. I exist as a reminder of all the pain inflicted on you. Every good memory is stained with that.

If I am here, you can never be happy. So I won't be. I hope it doesn't hurt. I'm not scared. No more tears are left to shed. You know my feelings. You know everything I've done. You know what is next. I could never hide anything from you. So I am certain you know that I am already gone. I'm sorry for bothering you with my last words. I had no one else to leave them with. Do with them as you wish. I hope you will keep them close, but I imagine they went in the fire as soon as you realized who it was. I don't blame you, I know what I did. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to make you unhappy. I was short sighted and greedy. I give to you one final gift, relief from my existence.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

[ameliawarnerr]

Evanescent

(She was the Evanescent of his life— there and gone.)

Part 7

(Part 6: here.)

Warning: Slightly strong language.

(Dual Pov Chapter)

Amelia’s (MC) Pov

I walk until I’m in their sight. Once I’m not, I run.

I am not even sure if I am scrambling toward the car. My eyes are shut, my hands are turned to fists. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes but they don't. How could they? I didn't even cry when my mother died. Mother died. Because of me.

It was the worst probable time when I got entangled with Duskwood. My mom had only passed away. But I got so intrigued, so desperate to avoid reality. It did work for some time. But it's over now.

It's all over now, isn't it? I tried everything. I changed my number, shut down all my social media accounts, left my job, and started a new life. Far away from home, away from the guilt. But now Alex is here. He is here and he knows everything. He’ll take me away from here. I'll be forced to face them. Their faces, their words of disappointment.

I find the car, I open the door and stand there motionless. I glimpse at my hand which holds the keys. I have a car, maybe I should just run away. Everyone recently found Hannah, and they have Richy’s betrayal to get over— no one will bother about me. And Jake—

Jake. I collapse in the seat remembering the earlier image of his face. The way his eyes pierced through me. His desperation to get me away from Alex. Him holding my hand. Despite my efforts to make us look like friends, he was calm. But I know he noticed it. I hated myself at that moment. I hated when I thought it would only complicate things if my family and Alex were to know about Jake so I moved away from him. I could see the hurt and irritation in his eyes so I tried hard to not look at him at all. When he dragged me away from Alex, I expected him to ask me questions about Alex or my behavior. But he was concerned about me. He truly evidently cares for me. But how am I ever going to tell him that I am being arranged to marry Alex? How will I tell him that I have just as much mess to deal with as him? I told him, I'd wait for him. But will he? After all those lies I've fed him, will he wait for me?

I unlock the phone and stare at the message my sister sent me yesterday. I have no idea how she has my number.

Rose: Dad has fixed your marriage with Alex. Alex is coming to get you. Please come back.

When she told me that Alex is coming to get me, I thought she meant about my place. I never thought Alex would come here in Duskwood. I was so close to Alex when I used to live in Boston, three years ago but we drifted apart after I shifted for my job. It was all good— the ideal life I wanted to live. I had a job, a few friends, a good apartment, and I was happy, above all. And last month, I finally had all the money I needed to have a drama institute of my own. But then one month back, Rose called me. She told me that mom needed to get a surgery done. My mom’s heart had a hole in it ever since she was born. It wasn't serious until—

“The money is huge. Dad has some. I’m giving my three months saving too.” My breath denied to leave. “It’s still not enough, Amelia. How much can you send?”

I threw myself on the couch, staring outside the huge window. “This month?”

“The doctor suggested to get it done in a span of two months. We don't want to risk anything. We want to do it as soon as possible.”

“I can't give you any money this month. I have none.” I lied. “If the doctor adviced two months, then I guess it will be fine if we do it in the starting of the next month. I'll have a good money then.”

“Can’t you get that sum of money a little early?” I dug my nails in my bare legs.

“I...can't. I'm sorry.” I wince seeing the blood on my skin and my nails.

“Okay. I'll see what I can do. Do you want to talk to Mom? She's missing you.”

Grabbing the cushion tightly, I replied, “I can't— I'm— I need to get home first.” I seriously couldn't bring myself to talk to her for a whole different reason.

One week after that, I had seventeen missed calls. And twenty three texts. I checked my sister’s text first.

Rose: Mom isn't with us anymore. The funeral is tomorrow. Come, please. I can't handle this alone.

Then—

Tears make my vision blurry. “Why wouldn't you just fall?” I complain as I wipe them off. I need to talk to Alex. But first I need to tell Jake. My train of thought stops at him again. He'll probably think I am selfish after that. He'll probably love me less or not at all. I wouldn't blame him— I can't blame him.

When Jake was in the mine and I didn't hear from him, I was so so so scared that I'll lose yet another person because of me. And maybe I would have tried to forget about him just like I did to my mother. But I never want to forget him.

But I can't face him either right now. He already knows something is wrong. And seeing my current face, he’ll want me to tell him and when I wouldn't be able to, he’ll blame himself. I don't want him to blame himself for my incompetence.

I start the car. I need an escape. I have no idea where I am going as I drive aimlessly. I’ll come back. For Jake. I promise myself. I owe him.

I...just need time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake's Pov

I just need time. To deal with this. To make sense of this information. Why would she blame herself for her mother’s death? She had been away from home when that happened. She's evidently in denial. For whatever reason she blames herself, I want to tell her otherwise. I’ll tell her it was not her fault until she believes it. For that, I need her.

I cannot go on a second without seeing her and that concludes why I raise my voice at particularly no one when Dan says the car isn't here. “What?”

I turn around and I immediately call her. Disappointed, I turn back wondering to myself, “Why’s her phone busy—”

My words die in my throat. Alex has his phone against his ear. “What makes you think she’d pick up your call?” I wonder out loud, pacing towards him. Dan comes in between us.

Dan’s physically closer to me than Alex so only I hear him when he says, “Jake, honey, we already got a situation. We don't wanna create another.” He sings it urgently while keeping an eye on Alex.

Alex answers my question. “Most probably, I am the reason she ran away in the first place. So I believe it's me who should be talking her out of any stupid act she's up to.”

“Jake, honey—”

“Shut up, Dan.”

“Hey! It's my car she took!”

“Do you care about the car or her?”

“Both are equally involved in my life—”

“Can both of you shut the fuck up?” Alex stops our futile argument.

“Who the fuck are you to tell us to shut the fuck up? It's a private matter.” Dan targets him now.

Alex says, “A person whose eardrums are being harmed because—”

I walk away as Alex falls prey to Dan’s stupidly provoking arguments. I try Amelia’s number again. This time, it rings. But she doesn't answer.

Fuck it, I need a computer.

“Dan!” I call out to Dan who's still busy arguing with Alex. He shakes his hand at Alex as if Alex said something too stupid for Dan to comprehend and walks towards me. Alex follows him though no one asked him to come.

When he is near enough, I speak, “Amelia isn't answering her phone. I need to trace her location. In other words—”

“You need a nice ass computer. Got it. Follow me.” Dan says and gestures me to follow him.

Alex tags along when— again, no one asked him. He hurries towards me. “You can hack?”

“How else did you think I found out your name?” And some extra information.

“I thought it was Truecaller.”

I halt. “Truecaller? Is it legal?” I ask him.

“Yes.”

I start pacing again. “That concludes why I never heard of it. I don't rely on legal sites anymore.”

Once we’ve reached the place Dan mentioned on the way, I sit down in front of the computer, motionless. Three pair of eyes on me.

I clear my throat. I look at Dan who's a little late to understand but finally gets my hesitance. He suddenly laughs out loud, putting a hand on the older person who lended us the computer of his shop. He stands directly behind me and I can't do anything when's he standing on my head.

“He needs to talk to his girlfriend. He’s shy.” Dan slowly sends him away and comes back to take the owner’s spot over my head.

I connect my phone to the computer, and try to pin point her location with the help of her phone. I am glad she hasn't turned off her phone. The map of Duskwood isn't that complex or huge, it takes a few minutes for me to know her exact location. She's near that plain areas where I gave her and Lilly a clue. I’m surprised she remembers it.

I lean back to the chair. “I know where she is. How do we get there? Do you know anyone who can lend us their car?” I ask Dan.

“I can.” Alex chimes in.

Dan and I slowly turn our heads towards him. I eye him. “You wanted me to give you a ride thirty minutes ago.” I fold my arms at my chest.

“I was trying to get close to her again.” He reasons.

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Again?”

“We were close when she used to live in Boston. I need that bond back to take her home.” He explains.

I wanted to tell him that he’s getting neither of it back. Neither their bond nor her.

Instead, I stand up. I don't wish to waste any time now that I finally know where she is. I never wanted Alex to come with us but I guess I can't kick him out of his own car.

After twenty minutes of driving, we finally spot Dan’s car. My face is expressionless as Dan beams about the car being alright. Alex stop the car and I get out but lean back. “Stay here.” I tell both of them, glaring especially at Alex.

There are no lights here. I switch on the flashlight of my phone and as I walk a few steps, I spot another flashlight. My eyes travel to the hands of the person, then to the face.

My chest rises and falls in relief. She initially looks shocked but then she relaxes. Then sadness creeps to her face and I frown. As I move towards her, her hand goes to her side, the flashlight now focussing on the road.

She speaks first. “I know. I just needed some time to—”

She's cut off by my lips on hers. I kiss her slow, and passionately. My hand around her neck caresses her skin. I don't ever want to let go but I pull back, slightly.

“If you need some time then you need to fucking tell me before going in search of it in the middle of nowhere.” She has to look up to meet my gaze. At least, she's not avoiding looking at me like earlier. My hand goes to her cheek. I say, softer than before, “Why wouldn't tell you me?” I am not talking just about her running away. And she realises it too. “Did you assume I'd judge you? Or it will change anything?” I'm in no position to judge her.

“No. Jake— I— how did you get here?” A sense of disappointment tackles me as she tries to change the subject. I know she already is aware of the answer but I'll entertain her.

“I traced your phone.” I simply say.

“Oh.” She looks down at her phone.

I move my hand from her cheek to her chin and force her to look at me. “The only thing I am upset about is that you came here without telling me. I’m not upset about the things you kept from me. I understand that. For a while, I did that too. And I am not upset that you pretended to be happy or about your arranged marriage with Alex.”

Realisation hits me. She doesn't know about the arranged marriage. If she did, she would have told me. Keeping everything from me, she would have at least told me if her family arranged her with some guy. She would have told me. That's something I expect her to tell me.

But the previous disappointment only rises as I see no change of expression on her face. No shock.

I take a step back from her.

“You knew.”

I feel my expectations, reality, and my hopes for an unconditional love laughing at me.

Part 8

-------------------------------------

Heyyyyy

Lemme know your thoughts in the replies!

Also, there's a huge (sort of) difference in the likes of my first few chapters and the recent ones. Does that mean my fic is flopping? Should I still continue? ( I really want to)

This is my first fic and I have no experience about these things.

Anyways

Love y’all !

Enjoy ~~~

[boltlightning]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by the wonderful @starsuncounted; thank you muchly <3

1. how many total works do you have on ao3? 54!

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 362,814. oy vey

3. what fandoms do you write for? these days, potc and final fantasy and assassin's creed now and then, though i generally write for whatever grabs my attention. remember when i wrote a fallout fic? wild

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? oh dear. let’s see:

a house, a hearth, a (s)holmes — the great ace attorney, 6k. a collection of missing scenes about iris watson and her silly little family.

good company — fullmetal alchemist, 9k. pre-canon, roy mustang recruits people for his team. (i wrote this when i was 19 and there's still a lot i like about it, but boy is it humbling to reread.)

benchfellows — final fantasy vii remake, >1k. a drabble about cloud and aerith fighting in the wall market colosseum.

heart & home — fullmetal alchemist, 5k. roy and riza visits roy's home both pre-ishval and post-canon.

sun hits the water — potc, 8k. james and elizabeth get married after the fact, and fall in love some. at the time of writing this post it's got these beautiful round numbers i am SO pleased

5. do you respond to comments? almost certainly. sometimes i won't on really old pieces or comments that don't really necessitate a reply, but i do my best :—)

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i trend more bittersweet than angsty; o sleeper (ff7, cloud/aerith) is one of the only ones i'd classify as TRULY angsty, everything else ends much higher.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? showing their versatility: slowly (ff7, also cloud/aerith) ends a little bittersweetly but the climax of this fic remains the sappiest, gushiest thing i've ever written

8. do you get hate on fics? i don't think i've gotten hate since the ff.net days and i'm grateful for it

9. do you write smut? a little, but nothing wild or worth posting. otherwise we're always fading to black or describing sex vaguely babey

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? it's not my forte, per se, but the potc/temeraire universe is over 50k words and still will not let me go, so you could say i've dabbled.

11. have you had a fic stolen? / 12. have you had a fic translated? / 13. have you ever co-written a fic? no to all the above 🤪 (or...at least i hope, in the case of 11)

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? 8-year-old me was really onto something when she latched onto cloud/aerith with passion unrivaled to be honest. there is no use denying it

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have been working on a written version of the trespasser DLC for one of my dragon age characters for like.............three years now and it will never evolved past the five scenes i have scribbled down i'm afraid. the quarantine brainrot was real but it did not last

16. what are your writing strengths? i like to fancy myself good at description! and i'm very particular about flow and tone. there's nothing i won't do to maintain tone, even if it hurts to cut segments that don't fit

17. what are your writing weaknesses? alas, describing shit well means that i am terrible at stepping back and letting a scene breathe. i feel the need to explain stuff that doesn't need it, to my own detriment. and lately i just Cannot thread the needle with any transitions between scenes. someone come cure my yips it's extremely annoying balking at this

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? it CAN work but the only time i'm ever using it is if 1) i know someone who speaks the language, so i'm not making an ass of myself, or 2) it adds to the confusion of a scene in a meaningful way. rarely does it come up and rarely do i employ it

19. first fandom you wrote for? i'm sure it was kingdom hearts. the more things change, etc.

20. favorite fic you've written? the aforementioned potc/temeraire crossover aside...i could play coy here, but you KNOW it's steadfast & dependable (6k, potc, norribeth. but. it's complicated). she is my beautiful girlfriend and the concept continues to compel me on rereads

tagging @johnbly @thesumdancekid @graysongraysoff @antique-romantic if you're feelin it??? and also 🫵 you, the girl reading this

[v-v-void]

Realized today that my "special Interest" is also the thing I started researching daily because it was the only thing I could do that didn't completely piss my abusive ex of. The only thing I could do on my phone that wouldn't start shit. I couldn't talk to anyone without it being an issue. Playing games on my phone felt like... idk it made the days drag on. It made living life feel more like running on a hamster wheel and that didnt help my situation but it was a way to pass the time without setting him off. Mind you everything i set it him off abruptly. I had lost any interest in books. I couldn't write. I got a really nice paint set, pastels, water colors and an easel because art class was the only class I'd go to and passed. I didn't even get a chance to use it because I brought it to his house so I had something to do while he played his x box. But anytime I talked about wanting to try it, he would either make fun of me or tell me I wasn't any good anyways so why would my mom even get it for me. Still to this day. I'm obsessed with the way oil pastels feel in my hand. How smooth it goes on a canvas. The way you can blend them together and everything looks soft. The way you can change your strokes and the texture changes. Even the way it looks when you drag a paper towel across it. Ugh. I suck at art but I love it. Painting too. But pastels will forever hold a spot in my heart. And I haven't touched any since before I got the art supplies back then. It's the only thing I wish I went back for or asked someone to grab for me. But it wasn't worth it.

With that being said. It didn't matter what I did. His moods were so.. unpredictable..

Any who. Astrology. That was my thing

Never felt much like a Leo. Still don't most of the time. But at least now I know why. Now I see more than just the basic sun sign and I can never get enough. Still to this day.

I'll just sit here and save post after post and compare it to stuff I've already learnt. And yet I go blank when anyone asks about it because I'm afraid to sound stupid. The odd time someone asks and pushed for me to share a little.. I will go off on a tangent, get embarrassed, feel like I don't make sense and then I'll wish I kept my mouth shut and pretended I didn't know anything. At least then I wouldn't sound stupid because now I don't male any sense.

Fucking hell this guy messed me up. I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid for believing in it. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or people pretend to care. Or they ask about it and I say I know alot and yet.. when asked.. I shut down. So how tf will someone believe me.

Same goes for when people ask about what happened and what he did to me behind closed doors.. I got told I had ptsd and I felt like that was absurd because he hadn't hit me.. the damage is so clearly there. And yet I still feel like people don't believe me. It's awful to say but I wish he hit me. Bruises heal... not this though. This dude lives in my head rent free and makes sure I'm terrified and second guessing everything and everyone. It's rare for me to feel calm. To feel comfortable. Or confident. I'm afraid to try because I don't feel good enough. I don't know myself because he turned me into a husk of a person. He fed on the power he had over me and I've tried to deny it but he still does. And I hate myself for that. I feel weak. And scared.. and just.. so fucking angry. How tf did I let someone who treated me the way he did, cause me to fuck up my education. And now I'm lost and stuck and I feel unsafe with everyone and don't know how to let anyone be here.. but I'm so tired and I just want to feel safe with someone again. Tf is wring with ne

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Servitude pt2

(Yandere Jonathan X female reader)

Jonathan had looked all across the castle for you after he'd dealt with Dio. He knew you were somewhere inside. He'd searched almost everywhere. Only when he began to hear your faint sobbing did he know where you were. He followed the sobbing sound, leading him down a spiral staircase and to a wooden door. He tried to open the door but it would not budge.

"(Y/n) it's me," Jonathan called out.

"Jonathan…" your voice was only a mutter but changed instantly to one of dread.

"No, don't come in!" Your voice then yelled.

"What do you mean no? I'm here to save you" He asked.

"Please, please leave" you begged him.

A horrible feeling washed over him as he heard you.

"No I'm not going to leave you," he told you before he began to kick the wooden door.

"No! No!" You screamed as the door began to break.

Once the door broke off its hinges. Jonathan looked at you for what felt like the first time in forever. You were sitting against the back wall in a white nightgown covered in blood.

"Are you alright?!" he asked as he took a few steps towards you before stepping on something.

Jonathan looked down to see a hand attached to a corpse.

"I didn't want to hurt him" you confessed with eyes full of tears. It felt like a stab in the heart as he realized what had happened. He should not have approached you further but he did and pulled you into his embrace.

"I'm sorry, I should have gotten here sooner" he apologized profusely to you.

"If I had gotten here sooner this wouldn't have happened" he continued as you could feel his tears against your neck. It seemed like forever that he held you and cried. All you could do was cry yourself. You didn't know what Dio had done to you but it had caused you to take an innocent man's life as well and now Jonathan held you apologizing as if it were the worst outcome.

"I'm so sorry, this is all my fault" he continued.

"What's happened to me?" That was all you could ask in horror but Jonathan couldn't bring himself to tell you at this moment.

"Please tell me! Surely you know!" You begged him but he still refused to say. He refused to believe you were now the same monster Dio had become.

"What have I become? What were Dio and those other creatures? I need to know!" You cried, so desperate for an answer.

"You've become a vampire…" he finally spoke.

"Vampire?" You asked.

"I only just found out about them myself, after Dio used the stone mask to turn himself into one…" he explained.

"They drink blood, and can only die from the sunlight and Hamon," he continued.

You looked at him in shock. In disbelief even. How could such a being exist? You hated the thought of having to be such a monster. You couldn't bear to live if you had to take another's life.

You left Jonathan's embrace and ran out the door, sobbing. If the sun could kill you you had to do it. The thought of your loved ones made your heart ache but you couldn't risk their lives by remaining alive.

"(Y/n) wait. Where are you going?" He asked you and ran after you.

"I can't hurt anyone else, if I am a vampire then I can't live" you explained.

Your words dug into his very heart, it felt like someone had stabbed him and kept twisting the knife deeper. He loved you so dearly, if you were to die he couldn't live on. Perhaps it was selfish for him to deny you from ending your life before you suffered but he couldn't accept it. He managed to catch up to you and grabbed you.

"No you can't do that," he said as he held you tightly.

"I have to!" you screamed as you tried to escape his grasp.

"No you don't, (Y/n) I love you too much to see you suffer but death is not the answer" he proclaimed.

"It's my fault this happened to you. If I had come to save you sooner. If I hadn't had that cursed mask in the first place none of this would have happened" he said, nearly crying again.

"I'll offer you everything I can as retribution for the suffering I've caused you. I'll pay you in my blood if that eases your suffering even a little" he continued.

"If not for me then please live for those you do care about" he pleaded to you.

"But how could I hide the truth from them, eventually they'll notice that I'm different?" You asked.

"They'll probably wonder where I disappeared to" you continued.

Jonathan's idea came out of his mouth before he had even processed it properly.

"We'll tell them that I was invited to an archeology expedition and you decided to come with me" he suggested. He looked at you hoping for some sign of agreement but you didn't say anything.

"As for trying to hide this from anyone there's only one thing I can think of… we should get married"

"Married!" You exclaimed.

"I promise I'm not trying to take advantage of this situation. It doesn't matter if you don't reciprocate my feelings toward you. I just thought that if we married then we could easily hide your vampirism from everyone" he explained.

"I don't know… I never considered getting married… but it is a good cover" you replied as you shook your head.

Jonathan was a good man. Most ladies would die to have a gentleman like him. To marry a man like him was what many dreamt of. However, you couldn't see him as a romantic partner.

"All we'll need to do is keep appearances up in public but once we're alone we can be platonic with one another" he tried to reassure you.

[kyukicho]

@rake-rake asked:

Yuta's hands are fond, almost reverent, as they slowly trace patterns on Noritoshi's chest. Following every contour of his muscles, every little imperfection or scar. Still, despite his calm behavior, his eyes give away what his tranquil face does not, a question in them as he continues his tracing, not meeting his lover's gaze.

"Toshi," he starts, voice plain as who's mastered the art of never giving anything away, "Be honest, is this truly... okay?"

The pause conveys what the lack of inflection on those words does not. His fingers pause, carefully placed on the other's chest as if not to go further.

"I'm friends with Naoya, I know how clans work, the customs and expectations." his lips twist downwards, as though he taste something sour, "I might be Satoru's charge, but that's just on writing; Megumi-chan is his heir, and with my range, I don't truly have need to keep up any appearances. But... you're a heir. If someone finds out that you... us..."

He doesn't need to finish that. Even if his emotionless expression doesn't change, his eyes, his body language; it all conveys a single thing: worry.

"...I just need to know. What would happen then?

Through soft raven hair fingertips interweave. Leaning his head down to take in the gentle scent. Moments of calm are always welcome. Of just enjoying each other's company. Two hearts finding the same rhythm in the chaos of their lives. Yet he can feel the subtle tensing as breath pools in lungs, waiting to form words of worry.

"Hmm?" A brief sound to let Yuta know he's listening. Urging him to further explain his meaning. Hanging on every word, every breath as he follows along. Stilling his fingers only for a moment.

Yuta wasn't wrong. Clans were complicated. His own sometimes strict and insisting on certain outcomes and expectations. Wanting the best for themselves and less concerned for the individual's dreams and desires. Everything to further the clan.

"They don't like to make it public. But I'm a bastard child. My mother was the clan head, my father's, mistress. We were both exiled until they realized I inherited their precious blood manipulation. Insisting I become heir since no one else held it. But they wouldn't let my mother stay. Casting her out just the same, regardless of what they wanted for me."

He took a long breath, letting his lips lightly touch Yuta's temple. "I obey them for her sake. I want to bring her back. But in the end, they're the ones that need me. Not the other way around. And... I've been hearing things lately, about my mother potentially finding a new family. I don't know the truth of them yet, but..." He couldn't finish that thought. Letting his own worry slide by the wayside.

"I suppose in the end, to answer your question, I don't know what they would do. They're traditionalists through and through, but they can't deny they need an heir with their technique. I never wanted this position. I never wanted to be a sorcerer, but my mother told me to help those in need. But I don't need to be an heir to do that."

"Maybe what I'm trying to say is I don't care what they do to me. You are the only good thing to come out of this place. I will do my duty, I will live to protect others, but I will live for myself and you as well."