#happy at the end tho!

[frogsare-friends]

I'm Not Built for Helping Myself

chapter index | chapter 1 (you are here)

- JEREMIAH -

Nothing at the summer house felt the same without her there. That was the one and only thing I was confident would never change. Sometimes I wished I was back in Boston, with too many bad memories to make it a happy place. There I could be mad at her, at Dad, at Conrad, even. Here all I can picture is her smile, the one reserved for summer, for Cousins. The rest of the year were tight-lipped, plastered on smiles that never reached her eyes. I couldn't blame her, though. I wore the same one. Dad and Conrad, however, prefered a blank slate. Cold and bitter, telling everything and showing nothing.

I almost think that if I could leave, I would. I would go and never come back, never remember her smile, or the dresses that were still hung in her closet. When I was little Belly and I used to sneak into her room and play dress up. Belly wore her button down (the only one Susannah had owned) and made me wear her heels and her frilly dresses she'd buy for the fancy dinners Dad took her out to. They had stopped doing that when I was 12, they started back up as apology dinners when I was 14. We'd leave the place a mess, and looking back, Mom definitely knew what we were up to when we'd run off scheming, giggling to ourselves — unbeknownst to us that we were giggling to everyone else, too. Dad found us once, I was dressed in my mom's favorite shade of blue, Belly and I putting on her brightest red lipstick. I haven't touched makeup since, made Conrad put the contents of her vanity in a tote to go in the attic.

I think that if I ever really did leave, Conrad would kill me. I don't think Conrad could ever let people know how much he cares about them, not without hurting them. He's trying, I have to remind myself. Maybe he wouldn't kill me, maybe he would track me down and never stop texting and calling. Not to convince me to come back, just to yell at me. Just to hurt me enough to make sure I know Conrad cares about me, but not to care about me enough to make sure I know I hurt him. Maybe if I couldn't read Connie so well that approach would actually work.

"That's stupid," I think. I don't even make sense in my own head. I get why everyone wants me to be happy all the time now, it's so much less confusing for everyone.

"Jere, c'mon man. Liam's having a party tonight. You're the DD!" Steve yells as he runs past me, not waiting for me to object. I'm excited, excited to get out of my head a little. Spend some time with my brother, Steven, and — mainly — Belly.

I should go check on her. I'm so in love with her that sometimes I think it might kill me. I've never felt anything good so strongly, nothing that hasn't crushed my lungs. I know Conrad feels that way too, know about the panic attacks. Maybe I'm a bad brother for not telling him I know, but Conrad has always shut down when people notice things about him. The problem with me is that I never stops noticing, but I know how to pretend. I'd help, though, in a heartbeat. If I was there when he had one, mysterious older brothers be damned, I would help him. Would ask him for 5 things he can see. I don't have the heart to tell Conrad that anxiety is genetic, that I get them too. I can't tell him about how I get sick when I'm anxious, how I sit in bed and cry and have panic attack after panic attack when the weight of this house and the last get to be too much.

I want to. I want to look at Conrad and find what used to be there. But I can't. I try and bile rises up my throat, and really, that's the problem in the first place. So what's the point? I've never been one for holding grudges, and I'm not. If accused of it, I wouldn't deny it, but that's not what this is about. It's about trust. I trusted him, I needed him. And he wasn't there. I knows it's not fair, not fair to ask Conrad to take care of me, look after me, care about me. I know it's not fair, but I can't help thinking that I do it every time. Conrad thinks he's the only one that carries everything, but he isn't. I'm the one there to pick up the pieces and glue them back together whenever Conrad drops it. I've always looked up to Conrad, but more, I've always looked after Conrad. When Dad went to London for two weeks because he was mad at me, I was there for Connie, not the other way around. It's not fair, it never has been. But I can't help but want Conrad to care about me the way I care about Conrad. I know he cares about me as much, but I don't care how much he loves me if he won't say it, won't talk about it. I want more than for Con to love me a lot, I want him to love me well.

By the time I get upstairs, Belly is already dressed and putting on her makeup. God, I'll never get over how I can't breathe in a good way whenever I see her. Not like the world stops, like I stop. Because in the entire world all I'm thinking about is her. The world is still there, I just couldn't care less when she is too.

Then she turns around. And she's wearing the same dress that Mom used to love. The same one Dad once caught me in. The first of two times Adam Fisher ever laid a hand on either of his sons. And suddenly that good feeling of can't breathe, of too much is very much a bad feeling.

"Jere, what's wrong?" But I can't, I can't, I can't. She always could read me too well.

"I-" and I don't get the time to finish my sentence before I'm running to the bathroom. Pulling up the seat and dropping to my knees in front of the toilet. There's a soft hand on my back, rubbing it while her other one grabs a hair tie, pulling my hair back for me. God, I love her.

"It's okay, Jere. Shhh, it's okay. Let it out, I got you" she continues to whisper sweetly into my hair, kissing my head when the worst of it's over. I'm panting, trying to get rid of that feeling of not being able to breathe.

"Ew guys, no being in the bathroom togeth- Oh. You okay man?" Steven walks over, looking like he wants to help but would also rather be anywhere else. He does have a fear of throwing up, afterall.

- BELLY -

"It's fine Steven, he'll be fine. I don't need you throwing up on the floor, get out of here. You and Conrad go, we're not gonna make it." I'm not mad at Jere for being sick, how could I be. But I will be mad if Steven doesn't get out of here and throws up all over the floor because of it. I'm not cleaning it up, and I'm definitely not rubbing his back.

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay here? We can go out and get some crackers," Steven offers, his back turned but still listening intently.

- JEREMIAH -

"No, you go man, I'm good. You've been looking forward to this all day, have a good night" I'm practically begging him. I like to think that if things were different, if I wasn't sobbing over a toilet, begging him to go, Steven would stay. I don't usually get what I like though.

"Yeah, alright dude. We'll see you tonight?" Steven walks out before he gets an answer, I wasn't sure he was really asking a question though.

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[ryllen]

[ x ]

[thethunderthedragonfruit]

i was REALLY surprised i hadnt seen anyone animate over anything from the prevenge script reading yet, so i took matters into my own hands. i thought this bit was hilarious

audio from here

[technically-human]

St. Hilarion's ghost story

[the-barefoot-hatter]

Party Billiam AU Origins!

there's so many bill-goes-back-before-things-went-bad-but-knows-everything fics, but what IF it was Ford-with-future-knowledge?

But Ford isn't a god, what can he do to stop Bill? Can't kill him, can't trap him, can't risk him running off to someone else for portal building. The only thing he can really do is- seduce the seducer first! Nudge him away from evil plots with sweaty nervous dates! He is definitely emotional-ready for this!

[tsuutarr]

Yandere! Love God x Reader

Soulmates do not always meet in every lifetime. Sometimes, a person may become a bird that soars the skies while their soulmate becomes a fish that swims the depths of the sea. Other times, a person may become a little flower in a field while their soulmate becomes a large cactus in a desert. More often than not, the stars must align for soulmates to meet in a single lifetime.

You, however, are the exception. You will meet your soulmate in every lifetime for as long as your soul exists.

After all, your soulmate is the God of Love, an immortal being that ensures that you will meet in every single lifetime. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re a little plant, an animal, or a human – he’ll always find you and love you. When you’re not there by his side, he patiently waits for the glow of your soul to return to the mortal realm.

It’s become a pattern of his, a habit. When you leave his side due to your life’s candle burning out, his world will be drowned in grayscale and monotony. He goes about his days without much care for anything, his duty taking the forefront of his mind.

But when you reincarnate, your soul colors his world with his love for you, brightening up his days. To him, it doesn’t matter what you are, just that you are – that you exist. Your existence takes the forefront of his mind, his body, his soul. He devotes everything to you for as long as he can, eager to dye you in his colors in every one of your lifetimes.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t remember him – he’ll remember for the both of you, filling pages and pages with his memories of you. It doesn’t matter that he has to start all over again in every single lifetime – he’ll gladly fill you with his love for you over and over again. Because, to him, you go beyond just being his world – you’re his universe.

So, for most people, the stars must align for soulmates to meet in a single lifetime. But for you, your soulmate forces the stars to collide so that he can draw your constellation next to his again and again for the rest of eternity. 

[choccy-milky]

herbology class 🌹🌿 (from chap 2 of my fic!)

[kedreeva]

I can't leave FB because I enjoy watching train wrecks in real time

[gearbroth]

Spychecking?

[chatlote]

If you wish to go, Do I have the right to ask you to stay? Guess not.

[caliartcat]

klavier you're gonna have to be more direct than that

[hinamie]

domain expansion

[heybaetae]

maknae line + gestures of love 🫰🏼💋🫶🏼🌹🤟🏼 happy birthday @jkvjimin! ♡

[ineed-to-sleep]

Blacked out in front of my tablet and woke up with sketches of my Touchstarved mc + Kuras my beloved. woops

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

can you do a bakugo x reader who’s afraid of the dark? i think he’d be cute about it and make small explosions kinda like fireworks to cheer them up

omg whats so funny about this is that this is a scenario that happens in my oc x canon verse actually omg !! this is such a cute ask, tysm anon ! fem reader (tho no gender specified) ages arent specified here but i imagined both katsuki n reader younger (11-12) !!

there's a sudden power outage during math class.

the mix of groans and immediate screams put you on edge, they make your heart beat and you wish you could tell them all to just shut up. but you're mouth isn't working, your throat is clogged up and you can't see anything.

you hate the dark. it's embarrassing to still be scared of it at your age, it's childish and you're not a little kid anymore. you're sure katsuki wasn't scared of the dark anymore. granted, he wasn't scared of anything.

you’d walked out of your classroom, trying to maybe find some type of light source outside of class, you doubted the teacher noticed you leaving with all the chaos brewing.

very bad idea, it was pitch black. probably even darker than in class somehow. you feel your heart beat quicken as your eyes slowly start stinging.

you won’t cry, that’s so lame.

you’re old enough to know that monsters don’t exist, you know nothing is going to come snatch you up to drag you off into the darkness never to be seen again. of course you know that.

but you’re still so scared, and the scenarios you’d just made up where making you even more nervous. your eyes sting and you know it’s lame, but you really feel like crying.

if you were going to cry, you at least wanted to make sure no one could see you doing it once the lights turned back on. you manage to find a broom closet in the darkness and decide to hole up in there. you shiver, tightly hugging your knees. you feel tears prick in your eyes. it’s lame, and you’re too old to be crying, but you figure no one will know anyway.

then the door slams open.

you gasp, but don’t dare look up and squeeze your eyes shut tightly. maybe a monster was here to take you, maybe it was one of your classmates and they were gonna tell everyone how uncool and lame you were for crying.

“what’re you doing in here ?! i was lookin’ all around for you !”

you look up then, and katsuki looks back at you angrily. you bite your lip, you didn’t want him of all people to see you like this, he’d for sure think it was lame. katsuki’s expression morphs from anger to surprise to confusion. he raises a brow.

“what’re you crying for ?” the tone of his voice makes you hide your face again, furiously wiping at your eyes. you can see how he looks at you from the lights coming from outside, it peeks through the opening of the door, and you think that’s worse than a monster coming to get you.

“i-i’m not !” you mumble, your voice crackles as you do. you hear katsuki huff and then the door slams. what you were afraid of came true, you think. he thought you were embarrassing and wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore—

warm, warm hands grip at your wrists and rip them away from your face so you can see—katsuki. he’s still here ?

“liar.” he says, eyebrows furrowed. “y’know i hate liars.” you do know, you don’t want katsuki to hate you, that’s why you’re in here. you blink at him in surprise. katsuki only squints at you, before plopping down next to you. it’s a very tight squeeze, but he nudges your shoulder to make space for himself and he makes it happen.

anything katsuki put his mind to was possible. if he wanted to sit next to you in this cramped broom closet he was going to, no matter what. you always found that cool about him.

“why’d you run off ? i was looking for you..” he asks.

“i thought you wouldn’t notice..” you respond meekly. katsuki looks back at you. your shoulder hurts a bit so you readjust and move back. you can see his incredulous expression even better.

“hah ? why wouldn’t i ?”

why wouldn’t he ? because you were lame ? because crying about the dark at your age was embarrassing ?

“cus..” you fiddle with your hands, you can’t finish your sentence. katsuki finishes it for you.

“what, cus you’re scared ?” the way he says it. scared. makes you want to deny it again. but you hate lying and katsuki hates liars. so you just shrug. it’s quiet again, you hear the tapping of branches against the window outside. rain tapping the window, and then a big crack of thunder. you jump a bit despite yourself.

“teach said the power won’t be back till this let’s up.” he explains. this meaning the storm, you assume. you don’t know what to say anymore, you’re glad katsuki can’t see you.

“s’fine y’know..” he utters after a bit. you look back at him in shock, blinking rapidly. your eyes have gotten used to the darkness and you can see how his eyes dart around. he settles on pulling at his shoe laces for a bit.

“but…” you start, your throat is still clogged up “you said you hated crybabies…an’ scaredy-cats..” katsuki scowls at your words, tugging and twirling at his laces.

“i do.” he confirms, then he glances at you. “but i know you’re not.”

oh. you can’t muster up anything. you know you should say something now, and you feel your cheeks warm at his words. but it’s still so dark.

katsuki sits quietly as he inspects you. then he gets in your space again. you whine in annoyance, he’ll squish your shoulder at this rate but he grumbles back, he’s made up his mind. and there was nothing you could do about it.

and you thought that was kinda cool.

he stretches his hand out in front of you both. “look,” is all he says. you do, and after a moment.

soft little "cracks !" and "pops !" fill your ears, they’re not from outside, but from his hand, small orange lights accompanying them. you can’t stop looking, in awe as he keeps going. you always thought katsuki’s quirk was cool, and how much he control he had over it. he’d be an awesome hero, you're sure. he made sure to tell the whole world he would be.

he insisted that you’d be his number one fan forever. you always jokingly tell him he’ll have to work for it. “watch me, then !” he’d smirk, he’d claim he’d be the strongest in the world and you’d have no choice but to beg for his autograph then. “in your dreams !” you’d quip, but it never discouraged him. you never told him you were already his biggest fan. that he was your best friend in the world, that you thought he was the coolest.

“cool..” you utter quietly.

you can hear him huff proudly next to you, then the sparks slowly stop. you turn to look back at katsuki. his face is slightly illuminated by the sparks he tries to stop, you think you see a bit of pink on his cheeks.

"who cares if you're scared..i'm here, so you don't gotta be anymore." katsuki shoves his shoulder against yours teasingly "so don't go runnin' off anymore, got it ?"

and you hope his eyes have adjusted too, so he can see you smile. you're still a little scared now that it's completely dark again. and you're still not fully convinced a monster won't pop out and try to eat the both of you. but you know katsuki isn't scared of anything, and if one does show up he'll blast it away.

and he'll light up the way for you, no matter how dark it gets.