#i'm convinced cats are plotting to kill us

[bonefall]

i think people are calling for a mass extinction event not because disabled people bad/ugly, but because the amount of incest happening is genuinely horrific. that, as well as to a massive amount of cats that bear no significance. if we were talking about a real situation occurring in real life, no one in their right mind would be suggesting this, but this is just the quick and easy way to do it in the context of the books. besides, any method to try to fix this problem is never going to be implemented by the erins because they don't care

This is a call for a mass extinction event because of the inbreeding and this is what I'm talking about. No, they're not just saying there should be a cutback on unneeded background characters. Asks like yours are a major reason why I am collecting screenshots for a folder.

Do not clown around and try to convince me that I'm not seeing what is clear as day. I'm not talking about people who want a mass extinction event because they want less background nobodies, or because it would be an interesting plot. I'm talking about people who respond to MOONPAW's EXISTENCE with "we need to kill most of ThunderClan"

And by the way, killing off a bunch of cats for a "mass extinction" is the exact OPPOSITE of what would fix this problem. You want to mass slaughter random characters so the pool is even SMALLER than it was when we started?? You want us to go back to the beginning of these problems in TPB, when ThunderClan only introduced four female kits who lived to adulthood who could mother the next generation??? THINK.

(Sorreltail, Ferncloud, Sandstorm, Brightheart)

Why is the vastly more common response "KILL THE ICKY" and not "USE THE BRAND NEW LAW THAT ALLOWS CROSS-CLAN MATE MIGRATION" hmmmmmmmmm????

We need to back up, too. Why do YOU think the amount of incest happening is genuinely horrific? Because what this "deformed icky inbred moonpaw" discourse has taught me is that we seem to have VERY different reasons for reaching our conclusions.

I think it is genuinely horrific because this series with a theme about "legacy" should have better rules about what counts as immediate family, the careless Erins prevent their newcoming cats like Stormcloud and Fernstripe from having time in the spotlight, and clan culture's extreme social control over the lives of the cast is cultlike and needs to be addressed as a harmful thing. OTHERS seem to think it is "genuinely horrific" because ThunderClan might have ugly disabled kids. We are not the same.

[alexaloraetheris]

As people who have had the misfortune to find my blog probably know, I have ADHD. I am also on meds for it, which is fun is many varied and different ways.

I first got put on 18mg Concerta and experienced my brain firing at more than 25% without a hyperfixation for the first time in my life. It was awesome.

Then there was the pandemic. There was a supply shortage, and my psychiatrist basically patted my head and wrote me a reccomendation to get a perscription of off-brand meds, the cost of which is at least partially covered my my insurance. They were supposedly the same thing, but something in the filler is different enough that I can't digest it all, so the effect isn't as good. It was shitty, but it was better than nothing.

It also gave me really fucking weird dreams for a while, but at least my Discord group had fun with that.

I've been upped to 36mg since starting grad school, but my doctor, who actually writes my perscription refused to give me non-insurance-approved meds, so I'm still on the shitty version, just with a bit more punch and a lot less cost. And the weird dreams are back.

Last night I dreamed I lived in my home village again, and every night I had to go into the woods and into this big hole that's basically a really deep cave and talk to the people who died there. That was my job, to keep them company and make sure they don't go out and harrass the living. One day they convinced me to take some of their bones and bury them in the proper graveyard. I took the C1 vertebrae from each of them (the Atlas, it basically lets your turn your head around) and buried them not in the graveyard, but in the little plot of land behind my house that's basically an unused garden.

And sure enough, it let them come out as ghosts during the night, and they weren't happy that they weren't in a graveyard where they could see other people but they were still stuck with me. I told them I knew that cave was the place where every woman in the village knew to dump their abusive husband's body when they've had enough, I knew they just wanted to find their ex-wives graves and get revenge. If they didn't get some goddamn therapy and realize there was a very valid reason they got dumped in the cave, they don't get to go to the graveyard.

They were super mad and turned my home into a haunted house, but they couldn't do much to me because I'm alive. So they mostly threw stuff around, but I have cats, I'm used to it. Finally they agreed to see a threapist. I kidnapped one and locked him in the attic. I'm pretty sure I at least fed him? I remember cooking something.

The therapist tried to explain to me that these were exploited farmer folk, their rage was misplaced but understandable, but I insisted they either learn to respect women or I'm throwing their bones back in the cave. The therapist tried to kill me too. I broke his head with the tenderizer and buried his Atlas in my backyard. Therapy sessions continued. My cats were ecstatic. I was sweeping a lot of broken dishes, but I somehow never ran out of plates.

I buried the cats too (no idea how they died) and now I had ghost cats in the house too. The ghosts loved them. I went out and never returned and these guys all lived together in my house with the cats. No idea if they ever became better people but it was better than the cave.

I think it was going in some weird gay direction but I woke up and forgot the rest.

Moral of the story: get my psychiatrist to write me perscriptions from now on.

[ceilidho]

1800s mail order bride [price/reader] for da wip game

i haven't yet gotten around to writing more of this fic (it's listed as complete on ao3 because i feel like it leaves off at a good place so if i never get back around to it, im fine with that, but the door is still open enough for me to return.

without having given this too much thought, this is what i would probably write if i were to make this into a proper fic (huge spoilers below because i'm basically outlining the entire plot):

after the scene in the sheriff's office, Price whisks you off to the local judge to be wed; this is where you come back to yourself and start protesting and denying that you're the girl he's waiting for

Price then says something about how "if you're not her, then who are you?" and brutally interrogates you about your identity (he thinks you're lying and he's just trying to make the truth come out) but you're still too nervous to say anything about who you are and where you're from because, remember, you just left a city where you killed someone. you have no idea how much information has been disseminated or whether you're a wanted woman. at one point you make up a lie about being "elizabeth smith from Rhode Island" and he challenges that by saying "we'll contact your kin then and have them confirm" (essentially saying you're under house arrest with him / in the town until someone related to "elizabeth smith" telegrams from R.I. or sends a letter)

you never actually give in and just go "fine, i'm the woman you've been corresponding with" but Price sees all these holes in your story as evidence that you are her and he's convinced that "your guilty heart brought you here to me anyway." There's basically nothing you can do to avoid being married off to him.

you're basically shell shocked the entire time at the court house and then on the trip back to the inn to collect your belongings to bring to Price's house.

the first night at his place is rough. you're basically like a feral cat the whole time - still insisting that he's got the wrong woman, indignant and furious when he thinks he has the right to put his hands on you and touch you (Price just lifts his brow at that because like...you are his wife now so really it's a moot point), and locking yourself in his bedroom the second the two of you are home.

Price finds all of this very amusing. he has stuff to do around the property anyway, so he lets you lock yourself in the room for a couple hours.

eventually he does just unlock the door with a key he has on top of the doorframe (you thought you were safe in there but oops nope). there's some conversation about "wifely duties" that has you screaming and spitting at him before he threatens to put you over his knee again, so you clam up and get a bit teary, which makes Price soften. (good excuse for me to write a soft but firm version of Price shushing you and drawing you into his embrace)

anyway, the middle of this story would be all slow, tender sex and you having to get used to being Price's wife while always keeping one eye out for any news of there being a warrant out for your arrest. you get spooked once by a man in town asking about any newcomers (maybe you're in a shop and you overhear him ask the cashier while you're behind a shelf) and try to flee, but Price tracks you down and he's sooooo mad when the two of you get home. like sex is rough that night.

events i'd want to have happen:

someone comes sniffing around town for you (bounty hunter maybe) and you try running away (unsuccessful, but you're mildly reassured when you hear the man has left town by the next day because everyone thinks of you as Price's wife so no one thinks to mention that a woman arrived in town the other week)

there's an incident on a farm on the outskirts of town that Price has to go to - he makes you promise to be good and you spend the next two days wrestling with whether to take the opportunity to leave or not. you end up staying. Price comes back and he's so happy to see his little wife still home after a few rough days of work. probably the first time he makes you sit on his face to reward you.

your luck finally comes to an end when the same bounty hunter finally comes back (your marriage announcement may have been in the local paper and somehow word got to him about a girl matching the description of the woman he's after) and somehow manages to trap you. the climax of this fic is that he manages to get you on a horse speeding away from town and you're heartbroken/terrified/desperate for John but your situation seems hopeless)

John catches up with the two of you and he, uh....deals with the bounty hunter that took his wife from him. before he "deals" with him, the bounty hunter does basically reveal who you actually are, and there's a moment where you see that John believes him. he looks at you in a strange way for just a second and there's this glint in his eye that says "yeah I either suspected this or this is new information to me but now everything makes sense" and your heart just stops because it's the first time where you actually don't want him to know that you aren't the woman that was supposed to be his wife

then he kills the bounty hunter and takes you home :) and he never ever acknowledges what the other man said. because you're his wife and that's all that matters.

suuupppperrrr tender loving sex that night LMAO probably out in wilderness because you're far outside of town and the two of you are exhausted (plus, John just buried this man's body so you had to diverge from the route home for a bit)

at some point in time, a woman does show up at your doorstep claiming to be John's wife. you slam the door on her face.

ok now i wanna write this again FUCKDJGHSJGVSD

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers Trailer: Initial Observations (FirstKhao Edition)

I'd like to thank Jesus, Buddha, Santa, Thor, whatever holy BL spirits reside above, and all hail our lord and saviour P'Jojo. This exceeded my expectations of what was coming and then some. So here are my initial takeaways from the trailer that blew my head clean off.

General premise goes: By night, Fadel and Bison are assassins for hire, but they only kill who they deem are the 'bad guys' (most likely corrupt politicians, sketchy businessmen and the like). By day they run a seemingly ordinary restaurant. A cop asks tattoo artist Kant for his help is getting these two caught. He agrees on the basis that this will clear his criminal record. In order to keep Fadel distracted from his advances on Bison, Kant convinces his mechanic friend Style to woo him. I expect to see cat-and-mouse, games of deception type plot here which should be really good fun.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: BISON

Aside from the fact that Bison kills for a living, he actually seems like a sweetheart. He comes across as the more jovial, friendly and optimistic of the two brothers. He has no hesitation in offering to make special accommodations for Kant's dietary preferences. He seems to fondly prod his brother to open up to people, and to allow 'sunshine' into his life.

Fadel says, "Because I'm selective, not easy like you". "In this line of work, don't trust people too easily", a signposted concern that his little brother may struggle on this front. Seems to make a point of warning him to use his head rather than his heart.

Bison also tells Kant that his trust once lost means the person is question may as well be dead to him. If he does tend to trust easily, any betrayal would be understandably much more hurtful in his eyes.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: KANT

Kant's ulterior motive is what brings him to Bison in the first place. The two supposedly have a one night stand, which leads to Kant falling in love with him. Whilst both parties are hiding who they really are, and what they're really up to, Kant appears increasingly guilty and conflicted by this. "What if I'm not who you think I am. Would you hate me then?" But on the other hand his feelings of guilt go hand in hand with the knowledge that Bison's capture or downfall would be his ticket to get what he wants. A decision that has him trapped. He seems to question whether he should trust Bison and whether that will come back to bite him. "My brother always says, don't trust anyone too easily. Otherwise, you end up being the victim."

It also speaks volumes that a cop would approach Kant with this proposition. It means Kant is clearly very competent at what he does, and has side-hustled as a vigilante before. So Kant must be pretty cunning or smart. For example he appears to knock his knife off the table in the restaurant to test Bison's reflexes.

RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC

There's definitely a connecting theme of secrecy. Their intimacy is kept in secret due to Bison claiming his brother will kill them both if he finds out. Bison is keeping his murderous activities a secret (for obvious reasons). Kant is keeping his investigative activities a secret.

We can obviously expect this to all come to a head when the truth is revealed and identities are fully out in the open. Can Kant accept Bison for what he does and his lifestyle, potentially forgoing the possibility of clearing his record, in order to protect him? Can Bison forgive Kant for hiding his true motives, and trust him again - at the risk of both himself and his brother?

There will be a clear point of convergence between these two, when Bison starts to consider changing his life, if it means staying in Kant's. This echoes how Kant wants to clear his criminal record, perhaps in an attempt to wipe his slate clean so he can finally move on from whatever life he led before. There's a shared vision of moving away from the lifestyles that are bad for us.

OTHER OBSERVATIONS

STYLE / AESTHETICS: One thing P'Jojo knows how to do so well is create a distinct sense of style and atmosphere. This man is a pro at combining the right set design, styling, music and ambience to create a really identifiable flavour that is instantly recognisable. The music in this trailer is a friggin' BOP.

THE EFFING TATTOOS: I will say this till the end of time, but First as Yok was one of my favourite things ever. And seeing First with tattoos again just made me weak in the knees in all the best ways possible.

LEATHER GALORE: Khaotung in leather jackets. That's it. That's my observation. And I was staring. Very appreciatively may I add.

Also, the fact that Khao, who looks noticeably dinky next to the hulking giants of this cast is called Bison. BISON.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 4, Part 3/4 (p. 1669-1864)

Read the previous post here.

The second half of Act 4 starts here. And oh fuck no, it's the introduction of Hussie's self-insert.

Yes, it is a terrible idea. This whole bit should've died right here.

Hussie proceeds to recap the entire first year of Homestuck which really is just a big waste of time to read. If you're really lost about what's going on, you should just read all my reread posts up to this point instead! Which... actually isn't ideal because I'm not really writing a comprehensive plot summary here. This series of posts is mostly aimed toward people who are already familiar with Homestuck and have read it before. If you tried showing these to someone who has never read the comic before, they'll likely be confused. Err, fuck it, let's move on!

John is rightfully reluctant to listen to Terezi again. He typically shows resistance to commands only when they might put him in life-threatening danger. And since he finally decides to believe Dave's warnings, this counts as one of those situations.

I forgot to mention this in the last post, but Davesprite and Terezi's conversation was the first time "jegus" is used. Some people seem to think that this is the name of a troll analogue to Jesus, but really it's an in-joke between Dave and Terezi that gradually disseminates through their respective friend groups.

John's adversity shatters and he decides to start listening to Terezi again. It really didn't take much for her to convince him to do this. This is hardly portraying Terezi as some kind of "master manipulator." It's just another instance of John being a gullible moron.

Also, this will be the last conversation between John and Terezi until Act 6. Her conversations with the humans will be exclusively limited to Dave until that point. I guess she wasn't so serious about being John's "pal" after all.

Bro what do you mean you decide to name him? That's Rose's cat. You can't go into someone's house and rename their pets.

I do like that Davesprite immediately points out how dumb it was that John decided to listen to Terezi again.

John is such a massive fucking cunt. He's really going to disrespect the guy who saved his life like that? Even apart from that, that's his best friend, or at least supposedly.

Davesprite's reaction is entirely justified here. He's supplying John with useful info, only to be met with disinterested responses and being told to fuck off in favor of the other Dave. I really think "ok" is John's catchphrase, even moreso than Aradia's. Pretty much every time someone tries to talk to him about the game is met with him going "oh ok" or "wow ok" like some kind of spongehead.

This conversation is notable because Dave's entire persona is centered on being detached, aloof, and "cool" but here Davesprite sounds genuinely pissed. He doesn't even care about maintaining the facade because his "best friend" just revealed he doesn't even see him as a person worth talking to.

Dave thinks he can speak on Davesprite's behalf, which he's definitely not qualified to do. He spent four months living in a pointless reality offshoot with the full knowledge that everything in it is a mistake that needs to be rectified. Rose, the one person he had for company in that timeline, had to be essentially killed in order to fix the timeline. And even if there's still a Rose that currently exists, that single version of Rose he spent all those months together with was still destroyed by his actions. Her blood is on his hands.

All this is to say he's definitely not the same person as current Dave. They may share the same memories and past experiences, but everything Davesprite experienced past the point of divergence is uniquely his. He's his own individual.

That "yeah" right before signing off cuts deep. He is sick of John's shit. Not that I imagine John would notice at all.

Davesprite might be the most tragic character in this godforsaken story. Having Rose's death weighing on his conscious, being forced to mutate himself into a ghostly half-bird monstrosity, letting another version of himself live out the rest of "his" life. He did it all for the sake of making sure his friends have a future to live in, but said friends don't respect him or even like talking to him. To them, he's an extraneous copy of their existing friend. He isn't "real."

And the sad thing is that it's not just his friends who think that. Hussie didn't give a shit about him either. Wouldn't it have been crazy if this conflict was explored and Davesprite was a bigger presence in the story? If he was actually acknowledged as part of the team and the other kids had to learn to stop treating him as "the other Dave"

Well too bad because for one thing, Hussie cannot write convincing conflict. If two characters don't like each other, they simply ignore each other and don't speak. So instead of Davesprite being a ever-present source of awkward tension within the group, he's downgraded to an impotent background character. Tough shit, Orange Dave.

Oh yeah, the less said about Davesprite's ultimate end, the better. What a fucking travesty.

Dave really wants John to snoop around Rose's belongings. The little freak. At least he stops short of asking John to rummage through her underwear drawer.

Technically one of the journals does contain "important game stuff" but Dave doesn't know that. I bet he just wants to know if she wrote about him in her journal.

Dave is putting more effort into invading Rose's privacy than just about anything else prior to this point. Obsessed much?

My god, that "come hither" expression. Things are about to get steamy on Derse.

"Whipping Bugwinged Fuckall" is an amazing Kanaya quote.

Oh look, Sollux's first appearance. He and Kanaya should've talked more. It almost feels like they're co-workers and he's the guy she bugs for IT support. It's a fun dynamic.

Also, I guess Alternia has sex offender registries, which makes no sense. I feel like you'd get straight up killed by the drones for much less.

No I didn't leave this page open while the entirety of "Derse Dreamers" played. That would be silly. Also when I said things were gonna get "steamy" I obviously meant they'd get all sweaty from dancing. Jeez, what'd you think I meant? 😇

Cal is kicked out of the party for being a cockblock.

What are these "shenanigans" Davesprite engaged in to get the hammer from Hephaestus? Fuck if we'll ever find out.

Even though the two kingdoms are fated to fight each other and yadda yadda, there doesn't seem to be much enmity between them. WV is able to unify everyone with little effort.

[S] WV?: Rise Up is certainly a flash that exists. It serves as a follow-up to [S] Jack: Ascend, which I also wasn't really too enthused about. I didn't spend much time talking about it in the last post because I couldn't think of anything to comment about it. Which is strange, because you'd think the big flash to celebrate the comic's one year anniversary, as well as the one that introduces the story's main antagonist, would be a bigger spectacle.

But there's no action, no cool shots like in previous flashes, and ultimately Jack's "ascension" comes from the stupid bunny shit and not from any action on his part. The only real highlight of that flash is the killer tune that is "Black". Apart from that, it pales in comparison to previous flashes in the comic. Much of the same can be said about this one. At least "Skaian Skirmish" is a cool track.

When does this ever have a use? Just like with John, the only point of this whole alchemizing montage is to create a new outfit, computer, and weapon for Rose. The rest of these creations are useless junk.

I mention a new outfit, but the true irony is that the kids' best outfits (John's Vriska jacket, Rose's black dress, Dave's raglan shirt, and Jade's uhh... God Tier dress?) aren't even a part of these montages. For the first three, they're all acquired off-screen and we don't even know the recipes for them.

Trailing right behind Rose's montage, Dave gets his as well. Again, nothing of true value gets made here. These montages feel like Hussie padding out the page count. Seriously, who actually enjoys these parts of the comic?

The alchemiter can potentially create body parts, albeit at an exorbitant cost. Could you imagine if this was actually implemented? If one of the characters lost a limb or something and they got an alchemized replacement?

They could've done that with Vriska or Tavros so they wouldn't have had to use robotic prosthetics. Man, that would've been cool.

I like how this is essentially a "secret" SBaHJ page because it isn't available alongside the others and only appears in Homestuck.

The "most important thing"? My gosh, he really wants to get in her business.

Yes, Rose's story is overly florid, verbose slop, but it feels so similar to Hussie's usual prose when he's trying to be descriptive that I'm not even sure if this story is written to be intentionally pompous or not.

Has Hussie ever tried submitting something for the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, the contest to write the worst possible opening paragraph for a novel? I'd bet he'd win without trying. (If you've never heard of this before, look it up and go to the website to read the winning entries. They're hilarious.)

It is rather sweet that Dave likes the story enough to want to read more of it later, though.

Dave is able to figure out Mom Lalonde's intentions simply because he knows Rose well enough to tell when she's being dramatic. See, Dave doesn't even need to read Rose's journal to discover her true thoughts. He already sees through her well enough already (and she likewise sees through his act just as clearly).

The fact that Rose remembers "some things" about her previous self's existence sounds like something that should be investigated further, instead of being written off so abruptly.

Or is that "ok cool" a defense mechanism on Davesprite's part? Maybe talking to Rose is too painful for him, because she's not "his" Rose. Even if she retains all the memories from the future, she'll still never be the same Rose he left behind.

I really wish this was explored more. Davesprite and Rose never talk again after this conversation and it drives me insane. What if he actually tried pressing further about what she remembers about the timeline, trying to seek out remnants of "his" Rose? He could be trying in vain to reconnect with her, to apologize about leaving her to die, but all that ever happens is that he gets rebuffed.

And Rose might recall the moments she shared with another Dave in another timeline, but stamps them out as she continues to focus on the present and as she grows closer with Kanaya. Perhaps revisiting those memories of the doomed timeline, reliving the loneliness leading up to her demise, are too painful to recall. And Davesprite is a living reminder of them, so she pushes him away to make herself forget.

If only Hussie could write convincing and earnest tragedy. We were utterly robbed.

Dave makes it seem like Jade is the one who's going to freak out about the body. But somehow I doubt the girl who lives with the corpse of her grandfather, along with other taxidermied creatures, on permanent display is going to be fazed by another dead body. Yeah, I'm thinking Dave is the one who doesn't want to keep looking at his own corpse.

Also, I never noticed DD hanging out on the I-beam before. That's a neat detail.

This part of the Act is admittedly fun. Could it be because a lot of it had a healthy focus on Rose and Dave? It's amazing how much nicer the comic is to read when the focus is put on the stronger characters.

Unfortunately I already know that the next few upcoming pages are going to be one of my least favorite parts of the comic, so I'm not terribly looking forward to wrapping up this Act next week...

Read the next post here.

[the-weeping-dawn]

(questions from the Companion Tav ask game I reblogged from you) for Ilztun again!!

What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?

Are there any unique NPCs associated with your Tav that can show up during the course of the game?

What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

Raise

Being a nosy shit about other people in the party since he can't himself anymore

He wants to know things. If you find yourself in a long dialogue and question chain, you're going to get the odd little approval through it. Like he doesn't want the necronomicon but he'll be disappointed if you don't at least go through the quest...He at least wants to see what it does.

Cats.

*gestures to the teif children* as a companion he's has at least one non-romanced ending where he adopts those little shits.

Lower

Trying to push into his business too quickly. From the wrong direction/without certain story prompts passive checks

He's generally against most evil route options, he can be talked into them, he'll argue it, but even as someone who can easily be pushed worse, he tends towards looking at bigger picture which honestly just comes into conflict with the game's evil route.

...Honestly I feel like he's got some wild player approval morality after a point, possibly takes being romanced but it's the fun thing about him generally being someone very used to doing as he's told by someone in his life, can fall into this pattern so easily when he's not forced out of it by narrative....

Do I just have a pile of exception cases for near every situation it just shows stronger in how he's less likely to disapprove of a player he mostly likes/trusts with it mainly being specific cases where he's going to say something? Quite possibly

That said he by default sides with the Emperor and regardless of above would need a lot to be talked out of that, and likely one of the opinions he can't have moved until end choices. I feel like this is going to end up being reflected most in lost approval so it goes here.

Completely shutting down considering tadpole.

He's going to have questions/concerns about drow and the absolute...he cannot be convinced out of these.

Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?

...Lae'zel I'm so sorry someone's getting into shit with you with the only peace you get being in act 2. He's a lot worse if she's siding with Orpheus, but he's gonna be on edge with her no matter what in act 3. That said, he's only avoiding getting into his own knife fight because he knows he cannot win and is probably on alert for him having been open about being very pro-killing people in their sleep at some point...

Are there any unique NPCs associated with your Tav that can show up during the course of the game?

The obvious is Sylfiel, friend he left menzo with and has been living with pre-game, who within fic I've been slowly working on is basically an additional party member upon she and Ilz reuniting in act 3, though she actually tends to be more main/Gale plot attached there, with Ilz as a companion I'm not even quite sure the role she'd end up playing while he's a companion. ...there's a second I could see showing up at Moonrise but again, he's a good lore source for both necromancy and illithid beyond just reading every single book you can touch. I'm not sure.

[aita-blorbos]

*spoilers

AITA for surviving an assassination attempt?

For context, the other month my rival (18M) blackmailed me (17M) and my friends (15-18, F, M, cat) into pulling a heist so he could exonerate us, otherwise he'd be forced to disband our vigilante group. (He was a detective but that's not really relevant rn). Once we did it, though, he had the entire building swatted, absolutely surrounded by what looked like cops from all over the capital, and I had to let myself be arrested and interrogated to give my teammates time to get out of the premises. Of course we knew this was all just a plot on my rival's part to corner me and assassinate me, so we'd hatched an escape plan in advance to get me out. Fast forward a few weeks later, we ran into my rival during a heist on a ship, and he was absolutely, balls to the walls, furious at me. Granted, it was probably a buildup of so many things and this was just the straw that broke the camel's back, but he seemed genuinely pissed that I ruined his lifelong plot and that I 'have things that he doesn't' and 'don't let the bonds of my past hold me back'. But whatever, that's just Tuesday for us. But THEN (this all happened after we fought each other on the ship, so we were both pretty fucking drained) he decided to sacrifice himself to save me and my friends and asked that we complete our heist on his behalf to avenge him.

Like?? Yes, me and my friends would have done the heist regardless, but... I know he'd always been a sore loser - we've fought before, but it was something coy, the two of us had been holding back a little because we were scheming behind each other's backs - when he lost that fight, he'd said he hated me but we both knew that that wasn't the only thing he felt about me. (I also hated him, but we were in love about it. I thought he knew.) And now that he lost this battle, he just decided to... straight up go ahead and die? I'm sorry, did you think it was easy to contrive the entirety of Tokyo's police force and convince a desperate public prosecutor willing to sell people to the devil for one pack of yakisoba that she's capable of righteousness? I know my rival wouldn't have respected me if I had actually ended up dead in that dingy interrogation room anyway, the way I wouldn't have respected him if his initial deal was actually legit and not a coverup for his mercenary job. I survived for him, so why wouldn't he do the same for me? I know he could beat me in the game if he'd just - lived, and started another scheme to end my life, I don't know! It's so unfair.

Anyway, I just needed to get that off my chest, we have more pressing things to do rn. Like killing God. We're killing God on Christmas Eve BTW so if you ever feel like joining us on that, my number's still the same. Or, our online forum is still up. Whichever you'd like.

[problematicraccoon]

details about my better teenhood dr bc im losing my mind over it

(TW: MENTIONS OF SA AND STALKING and also i get real emo, my apologies)

okay so first of all, im not really reliving my teen years in their entirety- im shifting back to being 17, only a few days after my birthday.

mainly because some crazy shit happened on my 17th birthday in my cr, and it ended with me being betrayed by two of my 'best' friends during a big fight, who sided with my assailant/stalker instead of me. the day i spawn in is the day that happened. and i know that sounds stupid, like why tf would anyone wanna relive a day like that. but im gonna slightly tweak it.

in this reality, i was raised by my badass aunt Isla (fc Daphne Zuniga). she's like a big sister/aunt/best friend/mom all rolled into one, and we're extremely close, and she's very protective of me.

in my cr, no one defended me. i've taken to referring to myself as the 'attack dog friend', because i have always been the one to fight for my friends, to send paragraphs to people that hurt them or get in somebody's face for groping them, ect. but no one ever did the same for me. same goes for when my two best friends blamed me for what happened, and my other friends didnt even mention the situation. everyone kinda stopped talking to me after that.

but in my dr, i have a group of super close friends that defend me from the two that betray me. they send paragraphs to them, block them, and support me. my aunt ends up on the phone with their mom and absolutely loses it on her lmfao T0T

my reasoning for shifting back to quite possibly the worst day of my life is because i wanna fix it. i want to know what it feels like to be loved and supported instead of abandoned. this is my way of healing i suppose.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE here's some cute shit im excited for <3

-me and my best friends are gonna go to this big ball in a couple months, one that i went to with them in my cr, i just really wanna experience it again, it was so fun.

-the ball is where me and my dr crush end up confessing to each other JFAOIWEJRKANEIAJW

-MY CATS AND DUCKS AND COW :D we have three girl black cats, Arson, Murder and Mayhem. we have four ducks, Table Lamp, Carbohydrate (Carby), Heeby Jeeby, and Choi Soobin. and we have a brown cow named Annaliese that my little sister named :)

-my little siblings <3 Phoebe and Eric. they're fraternal twins, 9 years old, and born on May the 4th (the girls who get it, get it)

-Phoebe is like those creepy ass kids on horror movies. she's quiet, usually, and she always looks like she's plotting world domination. she's insanely smart and very sarcastic. she's obsessed with bugs. im a teeny bit scared of her lmfao. her face claim is Mara Wilson

-Eric is the sweetest little guy to have ever existed. he loves to sing and draw, and is very giggly and silly. he annoys the shit out of Phoebe T0T (she still loves him tho) he's very sensitive and very empathetic. he always cries when he sees a stray dog or cat and is always trying to convince us to take in strays. his face claim is Eric Lloyd.

-my aunt/mom Isla is very weird and very eccentric and very funny. she's very spiritual, like i am, and taught me how to astral project, manifest, reality shift, do tarot card readings, cartomancy, spells, stuff like that. she knows i'm a shifter, so i can tell her about my other drs and she tells me about hers. we always script each other into our drs <3 she's a giant feminist and she took me to my first protest when i was like 10. she's soft and kind but she'd 100% kill a man for me and my siblings. she's rollin with the lgbt like me, so i can be queer openly <3

-SLEEPOVERS AND 3AM SNACK RUNS WITH THE DUDES. TRAMPOLINE PARK WITH THE DUDES. ROLLERSKATING WITH THE DUDES. HIKES WITH THE DUDES. ROADTRIPS WITH THE DUDES. im gonna have a freak out i miss my friends so much.

-i scripted a tweaked version of the Leverage: Redemption plot into this dr. Breanna is a part of my friend group, and she and i are hopelessly pining after each other (until the night of the ball IFHAOIHEFH)

-dear god my clothes T0T i cannot wait to play dress up fr

-all the women in my family have psychic/empathic abilities that develop around the age of 10. we also have occasional prophetic dreams/visions.

-i never got to meet my maternal grandmother Joyce in my cr, as she died a long time before i was born, but i scripted she's still alive in my dr and we're very close. im finally gonna get to meet her T0T i cant wait to hug the shit out of her. she was so amazing yall i cant wait to get to know her.

-i have one of those pink american flags with Chaewon from Lesserafim on it lmfao. i love being a patriot <3

[spopsalt]

Bro are you mentally ok? You're over here saying that Rick and Morty's familial relationship is healthier than Catra and Adora's relationship like??? Have you even watched the shows??? I'm convinced that you're braindead or just media illiterate.

Oh wow! Well looky here! Such a lovely anon ask <3 First off, if you don't like my content... maybe just block me instead of asking if I'm mentally okay and calling me braindead??? I'm not saying their dynamic is healthy, far from it, but I'm saying that it's healthier than c//a (Not like that's a high bar) Anywayyyy allow me to explain why it's healthier than your incest cute totally healthy ship. Again, just wanna make it clear because people are gross, whatever I say about Rick and Morty is 100% PLATONIC AND FAMILIAL! Got that out of the way? Good. And awayyyyyyyyy we go!

Rick doesn't use unwanted physical touch on Morty to assert control unlike a certain abusive kitty cat *cough* Catra *cough* Catra literally forces Adora to dance with her in the princess prom dance that for some reason a lot of c//a stans sexualize (Despite them being TEENAGERS at the time) and we can clearly see that Adora is uncomfortable the whole time. Meanwhile with Rick and Morty at most Rick will touch Morty's shoulder, or awkwardly hug him back, but he never does it when it's unwanted, for example when Morty pulled away from their hug, Rick didn't attempt to hug him again, sure he looked concerned but that isn't a bad thing, he was just worried, anyways that ties into my next point!

Rick is actually protective of Morty. Now, Catra is only protective of Adora when the plot demands it! But Rick is consistently protective of Morty, this started all the way back in season 1 episode 4, where he gets rightfully pissed when he found out aliens were monitoring Morty naked to accurately simulate his genitalia, we can even see that he tried to attack them but was held back. And in the episode afterward, we can see him kill someone who attempted to assault Morty.

Rick never attempted to kill Morty. This is the lowest possible bar, BUT Rick has never once attempted to kill Morty, again, unlike a certain kitty cat who tried to kill her sister crush MULTIPLE TIMES! Rick actually does the exact opposite, we see in season 2 episode 1 "A Rickle In Time" that when push comes to shove, Rick is willing to sacrifice his life for Morty. While this doesn't make up for all the bad stuff he does to Morty, it's pretty irrefutable evidence that Rick does care about Morty. I'm not saying you have to sacrifice yourself for someone to show that you care, buttttt it's pretty good evidence to show that Rick does care. His literal only request is for Morty to "be good"

Next up! Morty canonically gets comforted by Rick's physical touch. This shows that Morty feels comfortable enough around Rick to get comforted whenever he so much as hugs him, we see this in "Unmortricken" and "Fear No Mort" (Abilet those were like the only times Rick and Morty hugged soooooo) Meanwhile with Adora, Catra's touch tends to make her panic more (Unless you count her being calmed by Catra's slap when she was having a panic attack but c'mon dude)

Rick never brags about how easy it is to manipulate Morty, while Rick does canonically manipulate Morty in canon, which is immensely fucked up, I am not defending Rick I promise you, he literally does the bare minimum and doesn't brag about how easily manipulated Morty is unlike Catra twice, I don't remember the exact episodes, but the lines are "You and Adora are perfect for each other I'll give you that, earnest, naive, ridiculously easy to manipulate..." "But she's (Adora's) slow, and easily manipulated."

Rick never finds happiness in Morty's pain, again another really, really low bar, buttttt Rick is happy because Morty is miserable, the closest I can think of is season 4 episode 3, but he wasn't happy because Morty was miserable, he was happy because his (fucked up) plan worked, meanwhile Catra is always smiling and make little quips when Adora is in literal agony due to her, she derives some kinda sick sadistic pleasure from it and just loves to feed on her insecurities during battle, which is...interesting.

Those were just some random ones I could think of from the top of my head, but I'm sure that there's more, so maybe you need to watch the shows before leaving anon hate <3

[bonefall]

Who’s Juniperclaw again? Also the quote about ruthlessness? Staring curiously

Canon!Juniperclaw is tigerHeartstar's nephew, son of Dawnpelt and brother to Strikestone and Sleekwhisker.

He was the first deputy of ShadowClan after tigerHeartstar's return, until he tried to pressure SkyClan into leaving the Lake in AVOS by poisoning their food. No one was hurt any worse than "bad tummyache," but he was exiled anyway. He then died rescuing Shadowkit from a flooded river QuickTime event.

We found out that he went to the Dark Forest in TBC. He was allowed to become the guardian of the tunnel between the Place of No Stars and StarClan's Hunting Grounds, in the hopes of finding redemption.

For BB this is all a bit different;

I've been waiting for a while for the perfect opportunity to rise to rework Juniperclaw's story.

I REALLY like the idea of his poisoning, his exile, and his placement in the Dark Forest... but the back half of AVoS is baddd.

Plus, it's just too bloodless. If he's going to get DARK FOREST over this, I expect a body count.

So now, his actions lead to at least 3 deaths. Leafstar is one of them, Sparkpelt was ALMOST another but Hollylark uses xeir powers to die in her place, and Flickerkit dies shortly before his birth.

ANYWAY JUNIPERCLAW

I feel like he wasn't expecting the death toll to be so devastating.

This event is being moved to Squirrelflight's Horror. Juniper's plot was that he was going to do this poisoning to blame it on The Sisters.

He just wanted SkyClan off ShadowClan land, he figured if he convinced Leafstar that the Sisters are a threat that needs to be dealt with that she'd move

He didn't think it would kill three people, just make them sick! Maybe just ONE of Leafstar's lives! And how was he supposed to know ThunderClan's leader's daughter would have a bowl?!

This plan probably works, but the guilt EATS Juniperclaw alive. He got exactly what he wanted-- a battle patrol against expectant queens.

I can't see this secret going on too long, someone rats him out and he crumbles. He can't live with it anymore.

But in Waspstar's eyes, an exile was a light punishment. Exactly what xey expected out of Heartstar, so openly biased for her family, not taking the death of SkyClan's leader as the murder that it was.

Xey dealt with this by sending a message; all "honored" guests could come and pay their respects to Leafstar.

Juniperclaw isn't invited explicitly... but the message reaches him. It is implied. So he comes, hoping to offer his sincere regrets.

I'm trying to figure out the cat equivalent of "Being taken out back and shot" is lmao

Professional mob boss kind of hit. Someone takes out the pistol with a silencer and ends his existence in the back alley as the loud party inside drowns out the sound of the shot. Do you understand me

Whoever the "hitman" was, Waspstar is the one who ordered it and xey take full responsibility.

The kill was clean. Not messy. Juniperclaw didn't suffer-- unlike his victims.

Juniperclaw goes to the Dark Forest like canon, but in BB he isn't the only border guard. He's buddies with Mudclaw and Appledusk.

The line about ruthlessness I mentioned offhandedly is this one from KA Applegate. I'm pretty sure it's from Animorphs.

"People don’t understand the word ruthless. They think that it means ‘mean.’ It’s not about being mean. It’s about seeing the bright, clear line that leads from A to B. The line that goes from motive to means. Beginning to end. It’s about seeing that bright, clear line and not caring about anything but the beautiful fact that you can see the solution."

It's become a popular paragraph as of late, because it slaps.

[snowyfrostshadows]

Wind Spoilers under the cut

Well.

That was certainly a book.

The prologue was kinda funny with Splashtail deciding to reject the nine lives from Starclan and using Curlfeather's choice to receive them as one of his reasons to kill her making him one of the stupidest villains in the series.

They can do as they always have and give a leader their nine lives regardless of that cat's actual morality or actually do something interesting for once and refuse to enable an antagonist.

He gets ahold of all this power but one good hit or sickness and he's dead. Alright. Great planning skills there bud.

But then I realized that Splashtail's decision frees Starclan from having to make that choice.

This way they can stay the wise (yet somewhat powerless) spirit cats the clans can turn to for guidance.

Speaking of Starclan giving out lives, I hate how everyone knows Nightpelt's story despite it never actually being public knowledge. Hell I don't think Fireheart found out and he figured out everyone's secrets.

But no. Since readers know every single trivia bit and history of the clans, the cats get to as well which is so....boring.

It takes out some of the awe and way histories can be changed and retold to fit certain narratives or having characters actually do some digging and discovering things out for themselves.

I know this is primarily a series for children but Erins I am begging you, give your target audience some credit. Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for and actually you know. Enjoy a good mystery here and there.

Another thing that was frustrating to read was having cats ask permission to move the plot along or sit around in a circle discussing stuff and judging each other for it. I. Can kinda see what the Erins are trying to do; make things more of a group decision and have older characters/past povs part of the story but man. In actuality, it just makes things drag on and characters flatter.

I miss the days when cats could sneak out and move the plot on their own and show off their own initiative. With Nightheart and Sunbeam waiting around for permission it just. Makes them feel...... incompetent? Like they literally can't do anything with being told to?? And this makes their chapters a slight pain to go through because nothing really important happens in them or they're just there to observe Frostpaw 's plot and comment on it I guess.

On another tangent, I. have no idea what they're doing with this arc's villains.

The first few books set them up as cunning and clever cats whose strengths are in being subtle but now... they're kinda all over the place.

Curlfeather was the mastermind but apparently just. Did this all on a whim because her mate died and picked a random apprentice to share her plans with but couldn't bother keeping up a pretense of even pretend respect around him and just. Spoke down to him. Okay

Berryheart wasn't happy over the new rule allowing cats to swap clans and was willing to start up a evil book club and set up a sort of rebellion of sorts but then....they just...don't really follow through with that? She gets exiled, curses out the clans, and then....joins a clan she hated to the point of accepting a co-leader ship position from an unstable teenager openly stating his plans to attack her former clan and she's just okay with it because I guess she's just.......an unreasonable woman...

Alright.

And then there's Splashtail.

On one hand, I'm a lil disappointed on how far off the deep end he's gone but absolutely fascinated at the decline in his mental state.

He got his power.

He exiled Frostpaw.

Managed to convince nearly every cat around the lake she's the insane liar and then.

He just. Loses it.

Makes his clan fight each other with claws out, doesn't bother to allow the camp to be cleaned, kills his own deputy and appoints a cat who by all logic, would maybe be the first to kill him given the opportunity as deputy and he's portrayed as the biggest threat to the clans.

Him. One, singular cat that the leaders of the other clans know only has one life.

That any one of them could kill proving to Riverclan that Splashtail wasn't approved by Starclan and was actually lying about Frostpaw.

But no. We get yet another book with everyone sitting around talking about what should be done and why they can't and basically holding Tigerheart back by his tail to keep him from cutting this arc's runtime in half.

The poor man sees the problem, has a solution, wants to end problems before they impact literally everyone in yet another clan wide war but gets called the Real Villain for most the arc by everyone.

Frostpaw and Tigerheart are the real MVPs of this arc in terms of story and literally keeping me invested in this thing.

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

WIP Wednesday Thursday

Thank you for the tag @holy3cake 💜

No Pressure tagging; @aintgonnatakethis @beginning-writer @splinter-cat @oros-ash3s + OPEN TAG FOR ALL

Rules; share a snippet from a WIP, or just a plot bunny or writing idea if you have no WIP!

Here, you guys can have the VERY first "I scribbled this down last night at 3am" draft of a bit of dialogue for Horizons to Battlegrounds!

[As the group prepare to leave, Lancelot has shed his old gambeson and surcoat and is about to put on a new gambeson/aketon]

"Wait, before you dress. Shed your cloak, Ashman. I need to check those wounds before we leave." - Gawain

"I'm fine." - Lancelot

"Uh-huh?" Gawain scoffed, "Need I remind you that the last time you said that you fell off your damned horse and it nearly got us both killed?"

"If you hadn't tried to heal me…" - Lancelot

"--then you'd be dead, --" - Gawain

"Is that such a--"

Gawain continued, speaking over Lancelot as he began to reply;

"-- and yes, Arawn knows that's precisely what you want, Ashman, but I won't let you. You will return to the Fey and answer to your crimes, then spend the rest of your damned life making up for them at our side or Arawn help me I will make you." - Gawain

"There isn't a Fey alive that does not want their pound of flesh. Why deny them?" - Lancelot

"Because whether we like it or not we need you, Lancelot. So suck it up, and let me help before you bleed through another damned shirt…" - Gawain

"You may have led the Fey, Green Knight, but the word of one Knight is not enough to convince them to spare me. Nor should they! For what I've done… Why prolong the inevitable?" - Lancelot

"I have faith they will see what I have seen." - Gawain.

[Fowler and Polly are present for the conversation yet not daring to say a word.]

At Gawain's statement Polly steps forwards and passes Gawain a healing ointment/salve in a jar, then turns away and continues preparing to leave. Fowler gives Lancelot and Gawain a single nod and helps her, whilst the other Tusk has been ignoring the conversation entirely. Lancelot watches the interaction with an unreadable expression on his face, falling silent.

Lancelot then begrudgingly sheds his cloak. He looks away, as Gawain eyes the fresh blood on the linen with a quiet yet exasperated swear. He and Polly tend to the pulled stitches.

"I don't want that." - Squirrel piped up suddenly, looking at Lancelot whilst Gawain and Polly are working on the stitches. Gawain understood what Squirrel meant, but Lancelot seemed confused.

"What?" - Lancelot

"A pound of flesh. Or whatever else. I don't want that. I want you to join us and fight for us." - Squirrel. He kicks at a pebble in the dirt, scuffing his feet like he's embarrassed to be saying it.

[msperfectsheep-posts]

Natsume's Book of Friends Reaction Blog - Episode 1

(Below the cut as to not destroy my followers' feeds)

My pure unfiltered thoughts, in chronological order, for Episode 1:

[DISCLAIMER]

oh great we're starting off by calling women despicable--i see how it is, show /j

"just think of all the babes and bikinis you'll meet" what an odd sentence

ooh i love natsume's eyes

they're like a bronzey copper

"is everything okay with you? since you're, like, covered in dirt" "i'm good. anyway--" natsume my friend you were just running from something that called you a despicable woman

"what's weirder: the weather, or natsume" my man is running for his life don't bully him too

nevermind natsume is yokaiphobic. kill him girls

RIP bozo he didn't even make it to a shrine

well that was a short anime

ARE YOU DEADNAMING HIM?

HIS NAME IS NOT REIKO!!!

oh god we have an evil advisor yokai edition

everyone keeps misgendering my man natsume this is so sad

AND they're misogynistic towards him

unbelievable

my poor man

"lets tear out her tongue so she can't utter a word" MY MAN CAN'T EVEN SAY HIS PRONOUNS?

KICK TO THE EYEBALL RUN RUN RUN

oh god this kid has been seeing The Horrors

Takashi Natsume... we have his first name, folks

this poor fucking guy

he gets misgendered and misnamed several times

he gets slammed against a tree and probably breaks several ribs

he's threatened to have his tongue cut out

he has been seeing yokai since he was a kid and was labelled mentally ill and attention seeking for it

he just tripped over a giant rope and landed on said probably broken ribs

THE TRIP JUST UNLEASHED A DEMON

AND INSTEAD OF DOING ANYTHING HE JUST LOOKS IN FEAR AND SAYS "ah. here we go"

THAT CAT DEMON IS SO FAT??????

the smug fat cat demon: "are you not afraid?"

takashi, clearly dissociating: "i'm just used to it, that's all"

HIS NAME IS NOT REIKO!!!!!!!!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

my god the entire yokai world is trying to either deadname or convince him he's a transwoman named reiko

oh that makes more sense. his grandma is reiko. but now this just says more about reiko if her grandson looks practically identical to her???

"unlike humans, we do not concern ourselves with things as inconsequential as gender" based???????

DAMN THIS CAT DEMON REALLY DID JUST CALL HIM A LONELY BITCH

oop cat's gone

"i'm fit as a fiddle, honest!" (had all the experiences above)(takashi you are either Lying or very out of touch with what it means to be fit)

oh AND he's an orphan too

leave the cat in the wall

GIVING A CAT WATERMELON???

> calls it the book of friends

> is a roster of every yokai his grandmother took down in combat

AND THEIR NAMES BEING WRITTEN DOWN BOUND THE LOSERS TO HER FOR LIFE

BASED GRANNY

EVIL ADVISOR DUDE IS BACK

TAKASHI MY MAN HE JUST TRIED TO EAT YOU

oh wait he actually listened to me

the way takashi takes physical pain/damage is so concerning to me. he is constantly falling/running/getting squeezed to death and he just brushes it off afterwards but it isn't in a plot armor-feeling way. it's in a way where it feels like he's just not processing the pain and that's Worse

"and if i happen to die in the process, then so be it" TAKASHI PLEASE

CHOMP HIM

Super interesting first episode!!

Other thoughts now that the episode is done:

I love the animation--I'm by no means someone who can really tell good animation from bad animation because all animation is really cool in my opinion and it's hard for me to usually distinguish what's stylistic and what isn't, but NBoF's animation is so simple but pretty to me??? Like I love the way Takashi is drawn and how he's so deeply expressive with micro-expressions that are usually hard to make on anime faces without being super exaggerated. It has a cozy slice-of-life look but then it hits you with what i saw above and I'm like????? curious to see if it goes further with "Takashi Natsume experiences the horrors in a nice setting" or if it cools down and becomes much more chill with time. I'll have to see but I literally have NO clue

And because you specifically requested this, @versaphile! Hope you enjoy :)

[parrot-with-a-mohawk]

B the Beginning opinions and season 2 rewrite

The opinions

Recently, I rewatched B the Beginning, since I found out it had a season 2 and was like "heck yeah, I'd like to see more of those characters and that world".

Season 1 was great. 9.5/10. The plot was woven well and it was compact, the characters were adorned with small details and quirks that made them complex people rather than just characters and the animation and direction were full of character. Legendary outro song. The whole show had it's own unique feel. I don't really have any criticisms.

Season 2 was garbage. The plot was all over the place. The characters were reduced to caricatures of their former selves. The snappy dialogue and the neverending and meaningful action (even in the short quiet scenes) were replaced with neverending dialogue and short and meaningless action scenes. The animation and direction were bland and generic. The outro song was also generic. To me, it was a bore even as background noise. I quit during episode 4.

Which is why I made a rewrite of season 2 in my head. I don't claim this rewrite to be a fix, or even good. I'm sure whoever worked on season 1 would be able to write something much better than what I am about to vomit here.

The rewrite

The season starts with Keith and Lily together at a crime scene, eating freshly baked bean buns and sharing clues. They say "yeah, this is definitely a copy-cat" then the shot pans out to reveal the Killer B signature on the wall.

Cue intro, then the scene shifts to Kirisame showing up just like the original, but, instead of his "new world order" thing, his plan would have been to make Koku the king of Cremona. He was shown in season 1 to be the one most loyal to Koku. Koku would refuse, because he just wants to live peacefully with Yuna and his violin repair job, even offering Kirisame his arm back. Kirisame says no and that he'll be back.

Meanwhile, the RIS is super busy, because a big series of murders is happening: the king's heirs are being killed one by one and all of them have the "Killer B" signature on them (the crime scene at the start was also one of those heirs). Also, Keith is nowhere to be found (again). Lily is the one to have to find him (again).

Lily and Keith both know it's not Koku this time, even though the signatures look like his now. All of the crime scenes had golden ampule residue, including inside the bodies and all of the vicious wounds happened after death.

Keith is doing independent investigations and has already figured out Kirisame is involved. Then, late at night, at the heir crime scene from the beginning, Keith finds some golden ampule residue and also meets with Kirisame. The latter is like "Canopus, you have to convince Koku to claim his rightful place" and Keith, in his mind, is like "yeah, this guy is NOT the mastermind" (with a subtle close-up shot of his eyes and no inner thoughts monologue, to let the audience interpret the scene).

Anyways, there is only one heir remaining (it's the bald dude with the ginger beard) and RIS has to protect him, together with all the cops and the royal security. Meanwhile, Lily is revisiting all of the other heir crime scenes and uses her own methods to deduce the mystery. She discovers that all of them were cut with the same sharp weapon that was used to carve the Killer B signs and asks Yuna about it. Koku is also nowhere to be found. Yuna says that it was definitely done with blue steel (because maybe it leaves some kind of residue or something), so Kirisame couldn't have killed them, because he doesn't have any of that, since Koku has it as his arm. So, together they go to the library to do some research on the royal family history, to find some more leads. Lily finds out from Yuna that the royal family branched out some 1000 years ago and that the current king is from that branch, while the original bloodline fell into obscurity. Lily then wonders if Koku might be of the original bloodline, and that is why Kirisame wants him to be king that badly, but Yuna says no, the royal family are heirs of the guy who killed the first Black King (she did lots of research together with Keith).

Suddenly, Lily gets a call from Boris, who called everyone. The last heir disappeared, everyone is dead, including a bunch of armed strangers and Mario is gravely injured and unconscious. On the way to the station, Koku shows up, all beaten and bruised, but he heals while he tells them basically the same thing and that the apparent leader of that attack had a mask on his face, so he couldn't tell who it was. Then, a video transmission is put on tv. Someone is tied to a chair, with a bag on his head, in a castle room, and Kirisame's voice booms out "Let the rightful King take his place! If he doesn't claim his throne in the next 24 hours, then the person on the chair will die and we know you don't want this to happen to this particular person.".

Everyone at RIS is now in full activity. Kaela is tracking down the source of the transmission, Bran is gathering data on all medieval places, Eric is managing everyone and Boris is contacting all of the important and helpful people who are left. Lily realises that she can faintly hear waves while Kirisame is talking, so Kaela and Bran narrow it down and find out that there is a lone tower at sea, that had been around since the first king of Cremona.

Koku gets out his wings and everyone is like "What is this, what is happened, Lily explain". So Lily tells them the truth about Killer B. Everyone is conflicted and Chin-four-eyes says that he should have all three of them arrested, but they'll deal with this after the first heir is saved.

Then, Boris gets a call from the hospital. It's Mario and he tells them that they were attacked by a small army of people (who the audience knows they're all Reggies), and that Koku fought most of them off and that it's thanks to him that he's alive to tell the tale. Lily insists that Koku is a good guy, while Yuna is ready to throw hands with anyone who would touch even just the tip of one of his feathers. Everyone is conflicted, but Eric takes the lead and starts directing everyone to their priorities. Kaela gives them communication devices and sets up a tracking software (for their security, but also just in case they try to flee). Lily, Koku and Yuna get a boat and head to the King's Tower.

It's strangely empty, except for a few other boats. Koku goes bird and flies to the top. Lily and Yuna climb the stairs there (actually, does Yuna also have wings? I remember both skeletons had wings, so Yuna should be able to go bird also). They find the hostage and Lily pulls the bag from his face, but it's not the heir. It's Keith, all bruised up and unconscius. Lily tries to wake him up, but she doesn't get to do much, because Kirisame shows up and holds a monologue about Koku "finally coming to take his place as rightful ruler of this land". Keith wakes up briefly and tells Lily ina muted voice that Kirisame is not the mastermind. Koku jumps to fight Kirisame but, just then, someone comes from behind and stabs Kirisame in the back. Kirisame dies, but not before giving his last words ("Koku,... you are... our true king"). The backstabber comes in to the light and it's... the last heir guy. He manipulated Kirisame to do his bidding, so he could be the last heir and inherit the throne. Now that Kirisame is dead, everything is resolved and they can just take him back to Creona so he can be crowned. It's not like they can do anything to him, since he's crucial to the succesion and it would cause some more war, when Creona had just recovered from the previous one. Koku can't help but notice that the knife in his hand is made of blue steel ("so you were the one impersonating Killer B"). Koku tells Lily to get Keith and get away from here, to somewhere safe, then he proceeds to fight with the last heir guy. Lily gets Keith and moves to the boat, while Yuna protects them from the mini-army of Reggies that was now raiding the place.

During the fight, last heir guy tells Koku about the line of kings and the branching out and that it connects to the Jaula Blanca institute. That one of the big hands there was actually his uncle/grandfather/something, who was also a scion of the first king, therefore making Koku also a rightful heir to the throne (which would make his killing all the more satisfactory).

Finally, on the boat, after Yuna dispatched the last Reggie, Keith fully wakes up and tells them that he know who the real mastermind is. It's not the last heir guy either. Is the king himself. While Keith was imprisoned there, Kirisame told him about the new age of prosperity for the Reggies Koku would bring and that, soon, the Reggies would no longer need golden ampules to live, but that Koku needed to take the throne for that to happen. Kirisame was also dropping hints that he didn't have much left to live/keep his sanity anyway, because he was chugging golden ampules like water. Keith figured the rest out by himself.

Basically, the mastermind was someone who had an interest to have the heirs kill eachother and that the golden ampules had something to do with it. The Reggies would die without those ampules, so they clearly contain something to prolong life. Therefore, the mastermind was someone who was seeking immortality as a human and who was also rich enough to be able to invest in research to make the ampules work on normal humans, not just Reggies. And that someone could only be the king.  Lily was like "you crazy, immature, reckless, good for nothing, dumbass", while holding his face in her hands and crying. Right then, Koku, landed on the boat, carrying the unconscius and beaten up last heir guy (Kirisame's body turned to ash). They went back to the mainland.

Back at mainland, Koku, Yuna and Lily instantly get their hands cuffed, as well as last heir guy (still fainted), and they have to explain the Lohengrim prophecy thing, together with the king's conspiracy, with Keith backing them up. Kaela and Mario understand. Bran doesn't really agree with all this. Boris sees Lily as a daughter, so he looks at this with an open mind and tells Eric to do the same. Eric says that they'll see if they can confirm this when they interogate last heir guy later.

They interrogate him and confirm everything. Last heir guy was like "Father never cared about us anyway! He was always absorbed in his research and politics, that he didn't even notice his sons and nephews were dying". They also found out from him that he was the one who poisoned the other heirs with golden ampules. So now the RIS was making a plan the stage an interview with the king and somehow get him to reveal the location of the research facility. Thankfully, a big meating with the press was happening in a few days, related to the last heir's arrest.

Lily and Bran disguise themselves as reporters and go to the press meeting and ask the king about the "miracle cure he's investing in that they heard rumors about". Every other reporter becomes super interested in this and everyone starts pestering the king. That was the plan, because, while all this was happening, Kaela was hacking into the royal computers, while Mario and Boris were doing spy work, in case it was all on paper. They find some stuff about chemical recepies and also a secret schedule with a "special" meeting at one of the historical sights.

That was all the proof they needed. All of the RIS agens come out and arrest the king for crimes against humanity. The king flees to the royal chambers. The agents run after him. In the royal chamber, the king opens a drawer and drinks the golden ampule inside. The shot then pans to Koku, sitting in the window frame all menacingly. The king says, without turning "I was planning to save this for after I framed my own death. Oh, well." The king's body then starts to shift all weirdly and he becomes young again. His hair is dark red and he sprouts wings, just like Koku's. Epic aerial battle ensues. The king is very strong and nearly kills Koku, who was already tired from fighting constantly. Still, Koku wins epicly and kills the king (strikes him doooowwwnnn).

Epilogue happens. After Lily and Yuna bring genetic evidence, it is proved that Koku is a legitimate heir. Koku is crowned as king. He takes Yuna as his queen and invests in golden ampule research to make ampules that have permanent effects to make Reggies healthy and autonomous even after 20 years of age. The kings death is ruled out as a stroke from overdose. Lily and Keith are on a nice date at the newly opened cafe. Keith is blushing aggresively the entire time. The other RIS guys are shown minding their personal lives in still shots (like, Boris with his grandkids, Bran playing a detective video game, Mario with 2 cats, Kaela with a big dog, Eric with his wife and kids, stuff like that), all with a chill anime song on the background. Or the season 1 outro. Or both.

[hubristicassholefight]

Hubristic Asshole Tourney Round 1 Part 1b

Gale of Waterdeep (Baldur's Gate 3) vs Sinbad (Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic)

Propaganda below cut (Spoiler warning)

Gale

Tried to steal ancient very dangerous magic to give back to his lover, the goddess of magic. Did not work. Now has a bomb in his chest; Didn’t like him at first. Then I found out he’s implied to be a victim of grooming and then I was like. Ah. That’s why you’re like that

Unintentionally) upset Mystra (the Goddess of Magic) by bringing a piece of raw magic to her to prove his love. He didn't realize it was the Karsite Weave, and as a result she dumps him without explaining this to him. The piece of magic embedded itself into him, and began to eat away at his magical ability. He has to consume magic from magical items or else the Netherese Orb would destabilize and would ultimately detonate with enough power to rival a nuke. He later believes he can use the Crown of Karsus to ascend to godhood, most likely as a means to cope with his inferiority complex, and possibly to get back at Mystra. In his bad ending, his ascension causes so much chaos that he’s doomed himself and the rest of the world. In his good ending, he learns to accept his place in the world as a mortal man, returns the crown to Mystra for safekeeping, and she cures him of the Netherese Orb. He also comes to accept that she never truly loved him and that he was just an object to her; ES. So, Gale may come across as arrogant but he’s not downright impolite. He seems to hold a great deal of guilt towards his actions. However, in his bad ending where he becomes the God of Ambition, his mother (who he loved dearly and had a very close relationship with) and his familiar (who had helped him through some of the toughest times of his life, and pulled him out of a depressive rut) both say that he’s become completely unrecognizable. Mystra (I believe she says this? I might be mistaken) also warns that he’s bound to abuse his power as a lesser god and suffer HUGE consequences for it, as gods are forbidden from directly intervening in the lives of mortals. Raphael, a (very powerful) Cambion, also warns that the chaos caused by Gale’s ascension grants him the unforeseen opportunity to try and take over the Material Plane. Also, the BG3 wiki sort of says Gale tries to help people achieve their ambitions with his godly powers, and while that isn’t entirely untrue, he seems to be a very chaotic and arrogant god and it’s clear that he’s just as terrible and flawed as the rest of the gods in the Forgotten Realms—which aren’t unlike the Greek Gods.

This man was dating the literal goddess personification of magic and went, "Hey I found a missing piece of your magic Weave so I'm gonna grab it for you!" Except it wasn't her magic at all. Actually it was the opposite. So she dumped him and he has a potential nuclear weapon in his chest and lives alone with his cat. Despite all this the moment he finds another magical artifact he says "THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT!" and wants to take it so he can become a GOD in his own right. Sir last time you almost died; He's also a dork who likes his cat and books and really needs to stick with that instead of constantly trying to grab divine power.

He hubrised his way into a situation and then decided he could totally hubris his way out. He found and used a tome of dangerous, unstable magic to try to convince his goddess/lover to grant him access to knowledge and power beyond mortal ken. The unstable magic almost killed him, took away his wizard powers, and turned him into a walking bomb. He couldn't leave his house for a year due to trying not to blow up, after the goddess became his ex-lover and cast him out of her circle entirely. Then plot happened to him and he ended up encountering an even more powerful dangerous, unstable magic item, which made him go, "I could use that to ascend to godhood. And if I did, I would be way better at being a god than the current gods, who are all cold and unconcerned with mortal life. I'd totally retain a mortal conscience and use godly powers for the good of all if I had it." If you get the ending for him where he pursues this, he does in fact become a god--but in the very way he sought to circumvent, turning into a mockery of his former self as he becomes the god of ambition and exhibits all the coldness and moral ambivalence he'd objected to in the established gods; He uses the word hubris to describe his own first category five hubris event, and then backslides. Gale himself literally tells everyone the historical story about how the guy who made the magic items that he used to meddle in magic beyond his understanding almost destroyed the world and his empire fell out of the sky. And then he goes and does it again like "RIP to Karsus but I'm different."

Sinbad

Sinbad can see the flow of destiny, because of this he is quite arrogant and believes he is unbelievably special compared to everyone else (to be fair he is exceptional considering he has 7 metal vessels but is more his attitude about it and the way he looks down on other people). His hubris can be seen throughout the series, but I think it is at is greatest during the last arc where he reviles his plan to use the Sacred Palace to rewrite the Rukh into his vision of a perfect world. He believes that because he could see the flow of destiny he has a right to be the one making these big decisions and being the singular ruler of the world. This all comes to a head in a big final battle with the main characters (sans Morgiana for whatever reason) where he dies (?). There’s more to it than that but I really don’t want to reread the series to get the facts exactly right. Long story short, this he tried to become god and kill everyone, which is a pretty big asshole move; I’m really bad at explaining things, but he is a very interesting character that started out as very idealistic and optimistic about the world. He had big plans on how he could help to make the world a better place and make his own country. He’s always been seen as a singularity, he was the first person to conquer a dungeon and then went on to conquer six more (he only stopped because the Djinn decided 7 metal vessels was way more than one person needs). After all he experienced he became less naive and understood that if he wanted to realise his dreams he would have to get his hands dirty, unfortunately he took this lesson the worst way possible and became more underhanded over time. Even during the prequel his arrogance and pride is still very present, it’s just a bit more well meaning. At one point he bets everything on him winning a gladiator battle (something he was explicitly warned agains) and has the shock of his life when he looses. It is a very important part of his arc, and he nearly gives up on his dreams altogether when he thinks he has become a horrible person after doing something a bit underhanded while trying to help people. Ja’far, always the voice of reason despite being like 12 here, tells him is a less than kind way that he is being stupid and that believing he could build a whole country without doing a few dirty things way unbelievably naive, if Sinbad ever truly stays from the right path and does become the type of person that they’ve been working against he will kill him. What a good friend. It gets to a point in the last arc where Ja’far, his closest friend, tells him to his face that he is being dumb and needs to stop worrying about the distant future and whatever wars might break out then, because they aren’t in that future and they never will be, that’s for the people of the future to sort out. Sinbad hears this genuinely good advice looks over to his friend and says ‘oh yeah you’re right I was being so silly’ and they have a happily little moment together. Then when he’s alone Abra pops up and asks Sinbad if he’s going through with the plan and he obviously responds with yes, because who cares if you lie to your oldest friend and then immediately betray them. I don’t want this to just sound like I’m hating on his character, I’m not I thing he very complex and interesting, but I am still a bit mad at his terrible life decisions and the fact that the last conversation Ja’far and Sinbad ever had was a complete lie, but in the last chapter Ja’far is still waiting for Sinbad to come back. He did not deserve that that, he was so loyal to Sinbad, that was his entire world for 20 years and it ended in the worst way possible. That’s a bit off topic, but also slightly relevant since it does show the lengths Sinbad was willing to go to for the sake of his arrogance. Also he always looks so smug and I find that annoying.

[the-cat-chat]

April 20, 2024

Glass (2019)

Security guard David Dunn uses his supernatural abilities to track Kevin Wendell Crumb, a disturbed man who has twenty-four personalities.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: This movie wins an award for one of the worst I've seen since we've started The Cat Chat. I came into this with LOW expectations and somehow I'm still shocked by how bad it is. I honestly considered trying to watch at 2x speed just to get it over with faster.

I'm sad because what did they do to my boy James McAvoy?? They took his amazing performance in the last movie and subjected him to this? His character has such good foundation, such potential, and they squander it with this. Like he still had a good performance but the script is TERRIBLE. Let's not lie. The only reason they add this STUPID light show in the hospital is because they want to show James McAvoy switching through all this personalities on command. Which yeah, is impressive performance-wise, but it makes no sense in the context of the movie. Not only is there no explanation for why shining bright lights in his eyes works to change personalities, there is no REASON why they should be forcing all the personalities out like this anyways.

My big gripe is that the plot for the movie is so stupid. Like it’s a bad idea to tie the movies all together anyways, but if you had to, this isn’t the way I’d do it.

The whole idea is that there is a secret society out there trying to stop superheroes, but they don't want to kill them, so their idea is to get these "superheroes" to believe that they aren't superheroes by just talking to them and saying they aren't over and over. Okkkkayyy. Well you've got these people locked up right? So what's the end goal? If you convince them that they aren't superheroes, then are you gonna let them go? I don't think so. I can't get over how much it doesn't make sense.

Also, why is Glass here? Isn't he just a normal dude with a medical condition? He did some evil stuff, but that doesn't make him superhuman. And he's been here like 20 years, so why does this secret society decide to act now and not earlier? You don't have to convince him of anything cause he was already locked up until the secret society showed up.

The "side" characters don't make an impact, including the son, Anya Taylor-Joy's character, and the mom. It's nostalgic and whatever, but if you're gonna bring characters back, give them a better part of the plot.

The ending. My god. The movie treats this leaked video as something crazy that stops the world and changes it forever. Let's be real. People are gonna see it, think "nice special effects," and move on with their day. Nothing is gonna change, and it's silly for the movie to pretend like this ending did something.

This is a movie that shouldn't have been made. In my head, I'm gonna pretend that Split exists in its own universe.

I'm giving one star to James McAvoy.

Rating: 1/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I really have no words. I’m confused. And angry. And confuseddddd. Like the plot just doesn’t make sense. At all. Like we’re all into the fact that Bruce Willis is tracking people down for 20 years- never been caught, NEVER given a name that stuck by the public IN 20 YEARSssSssSss. And him and his cringe kid have this little Batman and Robin thing going on so youuu’dddd think the only reason he’s in the but house with Glass and “Kevin” is he’s undercover. Riiigggght!?!? That would be great, maybe?? Redundant. But better than this shenanigans. Nooooo. We’ve got one of Sarah Paulson’s lost AHS characters loose and trying to convince them the superhero thing is just in their heads??? From jump street I don’t trust her- but I thought she was just evil and didn’t want anyone in her way for her plan? But nooo she’s in the superhero banishment club??? But also Glass is just an evil mastermind?? And even tho Kevin’s really strong, the dude deserved some real help and some meds. Like for real pls. And I just really don’t understand the legality of all of it bc were there cops??? There had to be?? Or is the psych hospital have armed men now? IDK. And you’d think the son would be more concerned to go to the reallll cops and get him out. I’m just really mad. And the end. What the actual fluff. I just don’t even wanna talk about it anymore. I’m peeeevvveeddd.

Rating: 1/10 Cats 🐈