#i'll try to improve my sleep schedule

[seventh-district]

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[sillysnack]

op's eyeliner. im so jealous. btw good night tumblrinas 💟💟💟💟💟💟

[kittlyns]

Sock progress: I completed my first row of knit + purl stitches and it only looks kinda fucked up. Took forever tho cuz I keep forgetting what kind of stitch im supposed to be doing

[astrxealis]

mobile tumblr's new format what the fuck!

[ms-demeanor]

I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).

[annahanover]

notes post except it's on a sliding scale from silly to serious

30 notes- I'll work on the spyswap au and the Carrie au

50 notes- I'll post a cover of Space Age Bachleor Man (my feelings on rtc are. complicated. but I can sing this song really well apparently)

70 notes- I make the admamandi and taopp TV tropes pages

100 notes- I'll try to consistently eat lunch every day

150 notes- I talk about Dorothea Owen (+ maybe write something about him)

250 notes- I Hate and I Love cover?

400- I finish my Johanna Barker fic

600- I try to improve my sleep schedule (not go to bed at 12 every night)

800- I'll stop making jokes about wanting to die/hurting myself/etc.

1000- I move any objects that could be used to injure myself out of my room

2000- I ask for a binder

3000- I bring up maybe having OCD to my mom

yeah I can't think of anything else. yippee. scared to really tag anyone but

@richie-shitlips if you want to then go wild I guess

[dreambunnynotes]

bunny's 60-day glow up challenge ❤︎

hi my loves! my birthday is right around the corner and i want to end the year strong, so i thought it would be a cute and encouraging idea to host a challenge for all of us glow-up girlies! the steps for the challenge are very simple and customizable, and they give plenty of space for low-energy days. this challenge is all about trying your best to remain consistent in your goals, not to strive for an impossible "perfection" but instead to build trust in yourself that you can show up for your beautiful self and achieve the glow up that you deserve!

steps for the challenge:

pick three habits or things you want to dedicate time to every day

write a sentence or two on why you want to focus on these habits so that you have motivation and inspiration to complete them on hard days; this could include a basic "why" or you could write out specific goals you'd like to achieve through these habits

write out three different energy level variations of the habits so you can achieve your habits even on low-energy days

optional step: write an intro post sharing your habits and goals with everyone! you can use the tag #bunny60days to connect with others doing the challenge and hype each other up with accountability and love - you can also tag me and i can cheer you on hehe! 🥰 otherwise you can simply keep track on your own using a journal or planner or whatever works best for you!

optional step: write daily (or weekly) check-in posts sharing what you accomplished on the different days of the challenge, what you'd like to improve on the next day, or just a general update on how you're feeling. remember that this is a feel-good challenge, not a shame-filled one, so be kind to yourself and use this reflection as a way to show compassion and empathy to yourself 💕 again, you can use the tag #bunny60days to track your progress and see how others are doing!

the only very important rule for this challenge:

if you fall off and don't complete every habit you've written down in a day, do not start the challenge over, just pick up from where you left off! remember, this challenge is about building self-trust and resiliency - this means that you won't let one bad day or break in a streak stop you from continuing your habits. being "strong and hardworking" doesn't mean doing everything perfectly from day one, it means picking yourself up when you fall off course and trying again even though you may feel imperfect.

why only three habits?

when we do challenges, it's so easy to want to accomplish everything all at once, from working out to sleep schedules to everything in between. however, when you eventually burn yourself out or don't complete everything on your super long list of habits, shame is bound to follow, and shame does not make healthy soil for a beautiful plant to grow. starting off with three habits with different energy levels is a good way to ease into habit building while still feeling challenging enough to be interesting.

i don't know where to begin! can you give me an example of some habits or goals?

absolutely! if you'd like an example, you can check out my own personal goals for the challenge here. i'll be participating too, so you know that you have at least one person joining you in your glow up! 🥰 there is also a blank template below for you to use for your own glow up adventure.

blank template for you:

my chosen habits:

-

-

-

my goals and why's:

habit one:

habit two:

habit three:

my habit energy tiers:

habit one:

low energy:

medium energy:

high energy:

habit two:

low energy:

medium energy:

high energy:

habit three:

low energy:

medium energy:

high energy:

let's do this! bunny xoxo

[wellnessgirlblog]

60 Days Challenge ༉‧₊˚

This is like my own version of the 75 Day Hard Challenge. For the next two months, I will follow these daily rules:

Follow a meal plan.

Drink 8-10 glasses of water.

Exercise daily.

Read 10 pages of any book.

Follow a morning and night routine.

Less than 3 hrs of screen time.

Keep track everyday.

1. Meal Plan:

I will add vegetables or fruits at each meal and fast 16:8 three times a week. I will focus on eating in moderation and adding healthy foods rather than restricting some type of food.

2. Hydration:

In addition to water, I will have two cups of tea (one in the morning and one at night). I won't drink anything else.

3. Exercise:

I will do some form of exercise every day, for at least 30 minutes, and I will stretch for at least 10 minutes. The main goal is to move !!! so I will do whatever suits my day the most.

4. Reading:

I love reading ! The minimum is 10 pages, but I'll try to read as much as possible. This will also be a way of not spending too much time on the phone.

5. Daily routines:

I want to start and end the day the right way. I created my routines based on what was best for me and my schedule. For example, my morning routine is short and simple because I don't have a lot of time, and my night routine is focused on relaxing because otherwise I have a hard time sleeping.

6. Less than 3 hrs of screentime:

This doesn't include time in screens for school. My goal here is to limit the time I spend on social media and spend that time on other activities instead. I will probably only use that time for my duolingo lessons, watch a movie or post on tumblr, and I will set a timer everytime I use a screen.

7. Keep a record:

I will keep a record here of how I feel every day during this challenge. The goal with this is to realize what works and what doesn't, in order to improve. I also think it's easier for me to stay on track if I write it down somewhere.

[gguk-n]

Chapter 2- Secret and Surprises

Unravelling Max's Mystery (Max Verstappen x Online Friend!Reader)

Series Masterlist

Summary- Y/N has lost out on a few of her publication dreams while juggling 2 jobs. Her crush on Max has only led to failed relationships. She dreams of one day meeting and being with Max. But Max has a girlfriend and a career she knows nothing about.

{Reader's POV}

I finally moved out from my parents's place a few years back when I decided to pursue Literature. It was a very difficult time for me but I had Max by my side. Trying to convince my parents that I want to understand the art of writing and then doing what I love was very challenging. I moved to a another city with my dream university. Even today, they detest my choices and hope that I would take my life seriously. It has been difficult but seeing them once or twice a year only has made it easy.

Max and I are still very close. I still have a crush on him; it got worse after we started video calling each other after I moved out. I wasn't about to get 'caught' talking to a guy under my parents's roof. The consequences would be disastrous. Max is still the same, slightly older, has a stubble. I still don't know his full name, but he doesn't know mine either and I don't mind keeping it that way.

Having Max as a friend has hindered quite a few relationships either because they weren't him or they were jealous of some guy I would drop everything for. He still has a horrible sleep schedule, I've scolded him a couple time, but he doesn't listen. However, he has the cutest cats, Jimmy and Sassy. They love their dad a lot; I really wanna get cats too but I'm barely keeping myself alive, I'll kill my pets.

My job pays shitty, I'm a primary school teacher and freelance editor. I had hoped that being an editor for bigger and well established authors would help me improve my writing and get my book or poems published; has yet to happen. All my clients are kind people and very understanding of my predicament. Alas, this doesn't leave me much time in the day; teaching, lesson planning, correcting papers, editing other's stories or poems, talking to Max. Max has gotten pretty good about not disappearing like he did a couple years back. I still have no clue what he does, not like he knows what I do specifically. But he said he does something along the lines of cars; I knew he loved cars. I hope his job pays him better since he moved a few years back when I was still at home. His place looks lavish, either he gets paid well or it's from the company. I will never know. He's seen the shit hole I live in, but has yet to comment on my poor living conditions. I have too much of an ego to let my parents know I am struggling; I would rather starve then let them know. All I would hear is that they were right and I should mend my mistakes. What mistakes should I mend when these were my choices and I'm happy with them.

I've compiled 20 of my poems and even wrote a book, I've sent it to so many publishers in hopes that it will get picked up. This is like my fourth or fifth time. I mean, I haven't exhausted my resources and till the day all the publications shut down I'm not giving up. I've been rejected quite a few time, sometimes at the initial stages or after first reading and preview. They make publishing a book look so easy on shows and movies. I wish it was that easy in real life, but it isn't.

Being on spring break makes it so much easier for a while, till I have to return. However, I can focus on my book and the editing gig since it pays better than teaching. There's this guy I'm editing for currently and he's so annoying. I want to stop working with him except he pays the best. The life of being chained to capitalism. I was fixing up his errors when my phone rang, it was Max on video call. We spoke on video call a lot after I moved out. He's attractive, blue eyes; truly all my weaknesses combined. When the screen popped up, he almost fell out of frame when Jimmy jumped on the phone. Max placed Jimmy on the floor. Max- Hey, Schat. Sorry about Jimmy. Y/N- Hi, honestly I would rather talk to Jimmy. (I laughed) Max- Sometimes, I think you are friends with me for my cats. Y/N- Yeah, I would've stopped being your friend had you not adopted them. Max- Wow! I'm hurt. (He placed his hand on his chest) Y/N- Stop being dramatic. I'm just living vicariously through you. Max- You should get cats too, you seem lonely. Y/N- I wish, I'll end up killing them since I'm so busy. Max- hmmm, I hope you find a companion. I did find a companion Max, every time I get a boyfriend, we break up directly or indirectly because of you I thought. Max- What happened to Finn? I thought he was smitten for you. Y/N- Yeah, things didn't work out. We both were too busy with work. In actuality, when we finally got close after months of talking and the first time we had sex I moaned out Max's name. He left immediately. I wasn't about to tell Max this. It would ruin everything, I believe. Max- What were you doing? Y/N- Editing that ass's book. Max- You know maybe, you should leave some blunders, not the most obvious ones but one's that would make him look stupid. Y/N- I wish Max, he pays me a shit ton to do my job. (I laughed bitterly) It's fine, honestly. I'll be done soon and I'll never have to see him again, hopefully, fingers crossed. Max- I hope so too. Y/N- Max, you should date someone. Instead of worrying about me. I've never seen you date anyone in all the years I've known you. Max- ahh, yeah, I'm too busy with work to do that. Y/N- If we lived closer, I would've set you up with someone. That someone being me, but he doesn't need to know that. We haven't even met yet; we never even spoke about meeting each other honestly. Max scratched his neck, shaking his head. Max- I'm good, schat. You should find someone, maybe you'll stop being cranky. Y/N- I'm not cranky, at least not with you. Max let out a deep laugh. Max- Well, I've got to go. My sister's visiting. I'll talk to you later. Y/N- Sure, say hi to Victoria for me. Bye Maxie!! Max- bye Y/N.

Talking to Max always brightened up my mood. But since, Victoria's visiting, he won't be available to talk as often. That means I'm gonna have to spend all my free time scrolling through Instagram. It's all fun and games until I'm on hour 6 of some random video on Youtube. I spent the next couple of days cooped up in my home, just to enjoy waking up late. There were still a few months still summer break and I intended on enjoying them to the fullest.

School started way to soon for my liking. Max would send pictures of Jimmy and Sassy to cheer me up. It did cheer me up. Max travelled a lot for work, I've seen quite a few hotels and I think they are 5 star hotels. So, his work place is rich rich. I wish Max would hire me, I lamented, maybe then we might meet. I've thought about meeting him but he never showed any inkling that he would like to meet me. I wasn't about to seem desperate; I would probably jump him if I did. I mean he is single, so it's fine.

When the school started after spring break, I got handed a new author to help edit her work. I spoke to her and she was very nice to talk to. The book she was writing was based off a sport. On further questioning, she told me it was Formula One. I had heard about it when my city hosted a Formula E race a couple years ago. I don't remember much because I'm not sure if they held it again but what I can tell you is that traffic got so bad, I hated leaving the house for a couple of days. I don't really see the appeal of watching people go around in a circle in fast cars. I think I would panic if I found out how fast they drove. The author asked me to do some research on the topic. I was a good student and I wanted to be of help, so I decided to spend the next couple of hours going through Formula One and their rules.

There's something I have to clear up, I have a type of blindness bias. If I'm not interested in a topic, it would be like I live under a rock. Nothing could phase me and I couldn't care less. That's how I ended up on the wikipedia article of Lewis Hamilton, Micheal Schumacher and then current champion Max Verstappen. Schumacher and Hamilton were very good, reading about them made me awe struck. What really shocked me was a guy named Max Verstappen, who looked awfully like Maxie. I've stared at Maxie more than I would like to admit, so I'm sure they look alike. As I went through the article, my heart seemed to beat harder; not sure why. I felt like this was my Maxie however I believed that Maxie would've told me if he was a Formula One driver. I had to lay my doubts to rest, so I ended up on Youtube with the search bar reading Max Verstappen. My doubts laid to rest in a place I didn't want them to; Maxie was Max Verstappen. I could recognise that voice anywhere. He talked a lot, I could recognise his voice in a crowd of people or in my sleep. All my suspicions were cemented when I saw a picture of 2 cats who looked like Jimmy and Sassy and were called by the same name. My heart was ready to jump out of my chest. Max had lied to me; but was it really lying when I never prodded him for answers. Worst of all, he had a girlfriend and a kid. That's when I felt I was lied too. How could he not tell me? I would've genuinely been happy for him. We would've celebrated his 2 championship wins. My throat felt dry and my eyes wet.

Life wasn't fair when I've been trying to get my book published while my best friend, don't even know if I can call him that, is a 2 time world driver champion. He never even told me, while he has been in Formula One almost all our friendship and karting all his life. I felt the ground slipping from under my feet. Was I that unimportant to not share such a crucial part of his life or huge accomplishment in his life? Was I even his friend? All these questions raced through my mind, while tears streamed down my cheeks. The pillow wet from my tears when my phone rang. It was Max on the other line, and for the first time in 10 years I did not answer his calls even though it rang for a 4-5 times. He finally stopped after sending me a couple of worried messages; asking how I was and where I was?

[Max was freaking out. Y/N never missed his calls, no matter the time or place. Worst of all, she didn't even reply to his messages; not after 5 minutes or 10 minutes or 20 minutes. Max didn't know where she lived, he didn't know who to call, or who to ask about her. His hair was a mess, he was pacing the room so much so, that his girlfriend’s daughter asked him what happened. He couldn't tell them, no one knew of this secret internet friend he had. Who was he supposed to contact to file a missing person's report? He tried to calm himself down and think happy thoughts but all his thoughts were Y/N]

[angel-dustspo]

Daily check in - Day 1

Hi guyss!! So I decided to start this series because I think it could help me with my commitment issues and get the motivation I need to actually change my life. I won't probably do it every single day because my schedule is extremely busy, but I'll try to stick to it and be true with myself and you here.

Workout: rest day, can't even take one though so I:

played handball in p.e (25 minutes)

did 100 jumping jacks, 10 burpees and 5 push ups

Steps: 13 200

Eating:

I really binged all day, had like 13 cookies, 200 grams of peanuts, a lot of chips and a lot of bread too, probs 650 cals over maintenance. This is exactly the reason why I'm starting the series, to get back on track and stop the bingeing.

Water:

2.25 liters

Sleep:

6 hours, bad quality

Studying:

2 hours of tutoring + revising for the final exam

Self care:

Winter depression be hitting HARD, really can't be bothered to take care of myself (should have washed my hair 3 days ago but here I am), takes me AGES to go and brush my teeth and do my skincare (did it tho!!)

Emotion of the day:

Happiness (got the best mark in physics and I really enjoyed class today, also I really loved all the food I had, even if I binge-ate it. Food truly makes me happy and I don't regret a single thing!)

Thoughts for tomorrow:

I wish to improve my relationship with food and not binge tomorrow (I've been binging everyday for the last week)

Be really active and raise my hand in physics and chemistry

Healthy and really high protein meals + strength workouts, hitting arms again probably

[number1jeonginstan]

[1:23 am]

Chan x afab!reader (established relationship)

A/N: Feeling the need to write and I'm like 700 words into the second chapter of Coffee (I write really fast). Also, this is my first time ever writing smut, so I thought I should make it a short story. Please give me constructive criticism so I can improve for you guys! I want to write things that you guys truly enjoy and want to read! Please ask if you want me to write anything in particular.

WC: 1k (I literally meant to make this 300 words...)

CW: Consensual Somnophilia, piv, unprotected (please don't), daddy kink, use of baby girl, cockwarming (kinda)? (idk what else to write here tbh)

"Channie, can you please just come back to bed, you've been working so hard for so long" you whined laying in your shared bed. Purple LED lights surround each corner of the room. "I'll be there in a second babe, I just have to finish this up first"

You loved Chan from the bottom of your heart, but you were so tired of him constantly working himself to the bone. He didn't know what the definition of a break was and it frustrated you. You were too tired to stay awake, so you decided to just go to sleep.

Chan finally finished his work, excited to watch the movie you had been talking about for days. He thought he was only working for an extra 5 minutes, but the clock read 3:12 a.m. He looked at his bed to see you fast asleep, like a kitten, curled up in a ball wearing only his shirt and your panties.

He loved seeing you like this, so at peace he didn't want to do anything to bother it. He curled up in the bed next to you, ready to fall asleep, but what he heard stopped him in his tracks. You were on his bed, moaning his name in a soft whisper. He was going to lose it, he didn't think he neglected you that much. He's just been so busy with work.

He thought about the last time you guys had sex. It was almost a week ago due to both of your busy schedules. He wanted to make you feel good, and he could already feel his erection growing in his shorts.

You guys have thoroughly talked about having sex while one of you was sleeping in case you really needed to get off and the other was there, so he took advantage of this.

He pulled down your panties whilst kissing your neck. He needed to make you feel good, but also stretch you out well since it had been a while.

You were already wet from the dream you were having, and he was grateful for it, slowly rubbing your clit while rubbing your nipples over his t-shirt. You started whimpering into his ear, and he felt like he could come on the spot. Something about the sounds that you make for him always makes him feel some type of way.

"Fuck y/n, your fucking soaked," he said out loud to no one but himself, "you are thinking about daddy fucking you even while you are sleeping aren't you?"

"Yeah, I bet you are thinking about squeezing your sweet fucking pussy all over my cock. God, let me stretch you out before I put my cock inside you babygirl."

He started using his fingers to stretch you out, starting off with one because you were just so fucking tight. Your eyes started to flutter in and out of consciousness when he started to put the second finger in. He could feel your cunt starting to clench around him, he knew you were going to cum soon, he started playing with your clit again trying to get you to cum on his fingers.

"Fuck baby, just like that, ride daddy's fingers like I know you can." Your moans got a bit louder, but you were still in a deep slumber.

Chan couldn't take it anymore, he needed to bury his cock inside of you before he came from just touching you. He slowly started to push his thick cock inside of you, he could feel your walls clenching and he had only put the tip in.

"God baby, this pussy sucks me in so well. What could I do without my baby, always ready for my dick."

When he finally sheathed inside you, he was in a state of euphoria, he couldn't help but groan out loud. No matter how much he loved to make you cum, he needed to chase his own high now. He needed to cum inside you, fill you up with his cum til he saw it leaking out.

He started thrusting rapidly, not caring if the members woke up with the sound of the headboard smashing against the wall.

As his thrusts started getting sharper, you began to stir awake, "Channie" you asked as you groggily woke up to something feeling so good inside of you.

"Shhhh baby" he tried to silence you, "just take my cock like the good girl you are."

That's exactly what you did, as he continued to rut into you, he shifted a little bit, hitting that spongey spot inside of you.

"Oh fuck" you moaned, "Harder daddy, I'm almost there, please come inside I need your cum so bad, please daddy come inside, need it, need it in me."

You were clenching down so hard on his cock, he wanted you to come together, he needed to creampie you on his cock.

He reached over and started playing with your clit once again to help you get over the edge. "Come on baby, come with me, such a good baby, letting me cum inside of you like the good little baby you are, love taking daddy's cock don't you can't get enough. Have to take it even while you are sleeping that's how much you want it?"

"Yes daddy" you replied, "need your cum, need it in me so bad" that's what sent you both over the edge, him cumming inside you and staying there, not daring to move.

"Was that good sweetheart, don't want daddy to take his cock out of you? Want me to plug you full of my cum til we both fall asleep" he asked groggily.

He waited for a reply, only to see you fall back asleep. He chuckled at this but ended up falling asleep still in you.

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Situation Room

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After a mission almost gone wrong, Tony brings back Bucky's former assistant, who is also Bucky's ex. Can they work together without hurting each other? Will the whole truth about their break up finally come out?

Chapter 10

Warnings: Swearing and angst

Notes: WooHoo! An update. I've been writing a sentence or two a day waiting for my muse and she stopped by yesterday to help write this chapter.

It's shorter than I prefer but its an update. Sorry for the cliffhanger and the reality that idk when I'll be able to update again with everything going on.

Life is still kicking my ass and I was sick af all weekend but am slowly improving. We officially move in with mom in law this weekend to take care of her with home hospice. Between that, broken cars and the holidays I'm frazzled and exhausted.

I hope it doesn't suck.

Radar was woken up by Bucky's snoring and her full bladder. As she became more aware she saw the room was just starting to lighten up and realized the team would be waking soon.

She then realized she was tangled up with Bucky and laid thinking for a few minutes, trying to work out how to extricate herself without waking him. When she picked up her head she felt a knot in her neck from the position she had fallen asleep in, which triggered muscle spasms in her back.

A soft, pained moan escaped and Bucky was awake, mumbling "hhmmm, wus up?" He cleared his throat "Y/N? Are you ok?"

Radar tried to nod but the movement made things worse "ugh, sure. Just slept wrong. Need to stretch."

Bucky rubbed her arm "Ok. Let me help. We'll go slow." He moved carefully to untangle them without hurting her too much.

Once he was done she stood and stretched out as he dozed off again. She stared at him for a moment and smiled softly, feeling hopeful for the first time in years, before heading to her room for a shower and to get her day started.

Once she was clean and dressed, Radar was checking her emails and schedule for the day when there was a knock at her door. It was an agent that she didn't recognize.

"Can I help you?"

The agent smiled "I'm Megan, work in the dispensary. Dr Raynor was concerned after your session yesterday and wanted me to give you something to help you relax. She called it in last nite but we were all gone for the day."

Radar looked confused "I thought the dispensary was always manned, in case of emergency."

A quick look of fear flashed in Megan's eyes and she giggled nervously "Uh well yeah usually but the tech that was scheduled was sick and I was gone so they couldn't get anyone. Luckily we didn't have any emergencies."

She quickly changed the subject and held out a prescription bottle "Anyways, this should help the anxiety. Directions are on the bottle."

Radar looked at the bottle warily "No thanks, I don't need to be drugged up when I'm working."

Megan shook the bottle "Well, save it for at night. To help you sleep."

Radar shook her head "Thanks but no. Tell Raynor I'm good."

Megan quickly looked around the hall and sighed before pushing her way into Radar's room and closing the door behind her. "Jesus you're difficult, I see why Walker liked to drug you, I think I'm going to enjoy it myself."

Radar tried to push Megan away but her sore back restricted her movement and she felt a pinch in her neck before everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky was startled awake by someone working in the kitchen. He sat up, looked around, saw Sam starting on breakfast and groaned.

Sam chuckled "You alright over there, Sleeping Beauty?"

Bucky shook his head to clear it and mumbled "Yeah, I'm-"

He stopped mid thought and looked around "Have you seen Radar? We both fell asleep on the couch."

Sam shook his head "I've been up almost an hour, haven't seen anyone but you."

Bucky heard talking down the hall before Nat and Wanda came into the kitchen to offer Sam some help. They all worked on breakfast while Bucky stared before asking "Have you guys seen Radar?"

Nat shook her head "Not today. You kids have another blow up?"

He shook his head "No, actually we talked and fell asleep in here. I remember her getting up but fell back asleep hoping she'd come back. I thought we made some progress." He sighed sadly "Guess I was wrong."

Sam tsk'ed at him "Don't go negative right away. Maybe she had some work to do. Sometimes Fury likes to throw small assignments at the Angels, you know that. She might have had an email or something. Don't jump to any conclusions" he pointed at Bucky "You should know better."

Bucky took a deep breath "Right, don't assume. I'm going to see if I can find her." He stood up and stalked out of the room.

Wanda, Nat and Sam looked at each other and Wanda shrugged "Maybe they actually started on their way back to each other?"

Sam smirked and Nat smiled softly "We can only hope."

Bucky checked the Situation Room and Radar's office with no luck and could feel himself starting to panic so was practically running to get to her room. When he arrived he noticed her door wasn't fully closed which grew the knot in his stomach.

He swore softly as he carefully entered her room. "Radar? Doll are you in here?"

The lack of any response pushed him towards a panic attack before he realized he wasn't using one of the best assets in the compound "Friday? Can you tell me where Radar is?"

"I'd be happy to help, Sargent Barnes, but Lieutenant Radar is not in the compound."

Bucky felt his heart drop "Not here? Did she have work to do offsite? When did she leave?"

"I'm not aware of any assignments she has been given that would require her to leave the premises. She left at 5:48 this morning with one of the dispensary technicians."

Bucky started pacing the room, trying to think. "Why would she do that? Did she leave any kind of note? Maybe something in her logs about it?"

"There isn't anything in her log but she left a message for you. Would you like to see it?"

Bucky grumbled "You could have started with that. Yes, please I'd like to see it."

Friday posted a text message on his phone:

Bucky, I'm so sorry but I can't do this. It's all too much so I'm going back to my work in Madripoor. I wish you all the best but please don't come looking for me. Love, Radar.

Bucky growled "No, she wouldn't just run away like that. Does Fury know? She couldn't just reassign herself. She wouldn't."

Friday sounded sympathetic "I'm sorry, I can't find anything in my system but Fury doesn't always log everything he's doing so you should speak with him."

Bucky turned and left the room "Fine. I'll fucking talk to Fury."

When he arrived at Fury's office, the man himself was just arriving with Maria Hill, discussing something that was probably above his pay grade. "Fury!"

Nick looked up "Yes, Sargent Barnes?"

"Radar left the compound early this morning and I need to know if you sent her somewhere or have any clue where she is."

A rare look of surprise crossed Fury's face before quickly disappearing for his typical scowl. "What do you mean she's offsite? I haven't approved anything. We have something big coming and will need her soon. There's a meeting this afternoon."

Bucky scoffed "Reschedule it. I'm not doing a damn thing until we find her."

Nick glared at him "You don't decide what we are or aren't doing Sargent." Then he sighed "But her assistance will be vital so I'll put it on hold for a minute but regardless, it's coming."

He turned to Maria "Call the team and their support staff to an emergency meeting in one hour. We need to get to the bottom of this."

An hour later the team was all sitting around a conference table. Tony half asleep but chugging coffee like his life depended on it, Steve and Sam fresh and showered after their morning run, Nat Wanda and Clint quietly trying to figure out what was going on. Assistants and other support staff at the furthest end of the table, quietly waiting. Bucky sat still and tense, waiting to get started.

Nick Fury strode in with Maria Hill in his wake "All right, everyone's here, let's get this started"

Tony interrupted "Radar isn't here, someone should find her."

Fury nodded "You hit the nail on the head, Stark. Radar isn't here or anywhere else on the compound. We have something big coming up and will need all hands so have to find her asap."

Maria Hill spoke up "All we have is the time she left and with whom. Plus a note she left for Sargent Barnes saying that she couldn't deal with everything and was returning to Madripoor."

She pulled up the image from her laptop, a fuzzy picture of Radar and Megan talking in the hallway outside of her room, then Megan's ID picture "Radar was seen with Megan Alexander, a dispensary tech who has worked for SHIELD for 5 years. Came to the compound shortly after it was converted."

Maria looked at the floor "A background check was done by someone I thought I could trust but was apparently a double agent. When I did some digging I found that her real name is Emily Megan Pierce. I think Radar is in real trouble."

@unaxv @calwitch @buckitostan @cjand10 . @vicmc624 @sandrab02

[cheerstotheelites-if]

Life Update

I'm not dead, ya'll—

As you've noticed, I've been real quiet here and my last post was back in July. Uh, yikes. 😬

So, where have I been these past few months?

WELL, for starters, I've been busy with college since I managed to get back in (love you, grandma), and I've been busy making up for my bad grades because I had to repeat a year and retake some subjects I failed. So... there's that.

Second reason is that I experienced the worst dose of Depression in my life. It was last summer, and I wasn't happy and disappointed with myself and where my life was going at the time. It came to a point that I couldn't take care of myself proplerly (really bad sleep schedule, insomnia, refusing to eat to the point that I look so wasted, not wanting to take care of myself in general) and it went to a moment where I wanted to commit suicide, because I felt so ashamed of, well, me and my own failures. I had a note ready and everything, already committed to do the deed. Though, in the end, I'm lucky and grateful for the people that never gave up on me and helped me get out of that void. My Depression is still there, but I'm doing better now and hopefully continue to improve on that.

Speaking of, writing has been on hold because of that, writer's block, and dissatisfaction on my work. I like where Chapter 1 is going now, but at the same time I can't help but think that there should be something more and that the plot that follows after doesn't feel right to me. Though thankfully I've come up with a solution during my hiatus.

It's a rewrite. The answer is a rewrite. 💀

Not a full on rewrite, but just a few changes to the plot beats I initially had in mind. I'm not going to change Chapter 1, because for the life of me I won't be able to rewrite 26k+ words and the implemented code in Twine without getting a headache or two. But I will edit it a bit to make it flow better. Hopefully I'll be able to make some huge progress and update the demo soon in the near future.

In other news, I've been working on other things like that Discord server that's way overdue. I feel a bit more confident in being able to manage and handle a server, so I might as well try, right?

Sneak peek for the curious minded:

I'm still planning to add more things, besides needing to digitize the custom emojies of the RO's and Emery. Maybe a few more roles and channels will be added, but Imma see where that takes me.

I've been dabbling back in digital art too, albeit few because of my busy schedule and I am working on Halloween art of the RO's that will be posted soon. Nothing too big, but here ya go.

Aislinn and Lothric, oh how I've missed you both. 🥹

On the final piece of news, I'm working on commissions! Well, commission since it's only one for now, but I am thankful regardless. I am planning to open up headshot commissions and smaller, cheaper 500~1k word drabble commissions somewhere in the future. Though for now, if you wanna pay me $10 to write a 2k~3k drabble of your OC and another character from Cheers, then feel free to head over to my Kofi in the pinned post to commission me!

So, um, that's that. For now anyway, and I'm very excited to be able to work on this again after so long.

For those who has stuck around and has been patiently waiting, thank you so much for being here and for being so kind. I really am grateful and thankful.

– L 🫴🖤

[voidclrx]

— pairing : valeria 'el sin nombre' garza x fem!reader

— cw : wlw, a little bit of angst, arguments, suggestive situation,

— a/n : hi guys, i know its been a while since i post writings here and this one was sleeping in my draft... first of all, this fic is small lmao but im so bad at writing smut. and sorry for any mistakes, i just forgot how to properly write a fic💀 i dont know if i will continue to write due to my heavy schedule as im now enlisted in the army but maybe i'll try sometimes just to improve my english. im completely open to some suggestions/tips !

being a cartel leader’s girlfriend is obviously not an easy task for anyone, and you were no exception. in fact, you spend a lot of your time alone since valeria is on mission. she leave you in her penthouse with some of her men to keep you safe.

“i’ll be back in around 1 month, princesa" is what she tells you before going on a new mission, and it was again a lie. you were waiting for her for 3 weeks now and there is no valeria. and this situation was annoying for you because you needed her with you ; not somewhere, risking her life.

--

right now, you were on the couch of the living room, watching some stupid tv show you found while zapping. you couldn’t stop thinking about valeria, what is she doing ? when the fuck is she going to come back ? this situation made you think that you weren’t that important to her, you knew what it would be like when you started to date her but you didn’t know it could be that hard.

after 1 hour of watching tv, you heard noises coming from the entry of your house. you knew it was her just by hearing the footsteps. but for once, you weren’t going to get up and happily hugging her as if she wasn’t gone for 2 months. this time you decided to talk with her about it.

--

"hello, sweetheart. i'm home" shit. you'd be lying to yourself if hearing her voice didn't affect you because you missed her. but for once, you didn't want to do her the favor of not telling her about her tardiness, which by the way, is one of the many others when she's away on mission.

"mmh hello? is someone here? baby?" you know she was searching for you.

"yeah yeah. i'm in the living room". you said.

you heard her almost running to you. she enters the living room, only to open her arms wanting a hug. but you didn't move, you arms were crossed and you looked at her with a raised eyebrow. valeria look at you, confused. she didn't know why you refused her hug.

"princesa? are you ok?". she asked confuse.

this time you decided to let it out.

"yeah, i have a problem actually. 2 months. 2 fucking months without knowing where you were, if you were okay. i was almost asking myself if you weren't dead." you snapped.

valeria was still looking at you, this time she seems shocked. it was the first time since you both met that you speak to her like this.

she retorted. "really? the first thing you do when you saw me is saying that? like you couldn't just wait tomorrow for telling me this? we didn't saw each other since 2 months and you attack me. i-"

she couldn't end her sentence that you cut her off.

"no i couldn't just wait tomorrow for telling you this". you imitated her. "i'm tired of your lies, you told me before leaving that you were going to be back 1 month later. but what was my surprise when you weren't there the following month. as if i'm not used to you lying about when you'll be back."

valeria took a deep breath, relaxing herself before talking, she wanted to stay calm for once because she knew this time she was in the wrong

"okay listen. i'm sorry but let me exp-". you cut her off again.

"not you're not sorry, you're sorry i'm arguing with you"

"for fuck sake, y/n stop cutting me off. stop being immature and let me talk". valeria reposted.

the tension between you started to rise. someone outside the scene could even notice the sexual tension that was building up too.

"being immature for what? for telling you about the problem? and maybe finding a solution? or because i tell about that problem right now and not tomorrow, huh?".

valeria didn’t even know what to answer. the only thing she has done at that moment was to instinctively kiss you to shut you up. the kiss was kinda rough but still full of caring.

"it’s not going to solve our problem". you said between a break.

"i know babe, we both know that arguing right now is not going to help us. so let me just taste these lips that i missed. i promise you that we're going to talk about it tomorrow" valeria said while trapping you against the wall and going down on your neck. she perfectly know it is your weak spot.

you wanted to say something but you couldn't, and once again the hold she has on you erases anger to give a way to desire

"p-please val". you moaned slightly.

your moans give valeria butterflies, it’s been a long time since she heard them, so she wants to enjoy them for the night.

hearing your moans gives valeria butterflies

her body is tense and kinda screaming for you. for the moment, she just want to feel you, she need it. she knows she’s in wrong for not telling you that the mission was gonna take much longer but she just want to forget this at this moment and just be near you.

you both headed to the shared room and valeria lay you down on the bed and put herself on the top of you. she bend down and just stop near your lips, only a few inches are separating them. at this moment, you could feel your heart rate pretty fast as you feel valeria’s breath against your lips.

"tonight is going to be your night amor, so let me make it up to you" she said, as she finally press her lips against yours.

[studentbyday]

week 2 / small commitments challenge

Sometimes I think too much about the intermediate (a few months from now) and far future (a year or years from now) and get so worried that I won't "make it" in whatever way I determine is "making it" for a certain goal that I can't focus very well on the present. This week, this mostly happened at night when I finally go to or get ready for bed. The ochem midterm is coming up, which is forcing me to stay in the present more during the day. I think if that wasn't happening, I would be even more of a runaway train 😭 And yet when I focus on school, I just feel so sad being cooped up indoors, where I focus best, when the weather is so nice outside. The second half of the semester is always the hardest on my psyche. I want to remember why I'm doing this. But the reason is out there in the world, not at my desk...

In other news, I adjusted my study routine so that I try to do an hour of learning R (typically first thing...at first I tried for 2h but that never happened and I just felt discouraged), followed by ochem work, then driving practice. Much less overwhelming BUT still making decent progress on the highest-priority side projects when I can keep up with them... I'll need to keep at this routine or smth similar for a while tho because I fell off the bandwagon towards the end of the week, trying to focus on ochem. Whenever I end up feeling ready, I want to add in an hour of math bc that will open many doors for understanding cool computational biology stuff...or maybe I'll add in some music theory instead... Who knows, my priorities may change again by that point. 🤷🏻‍♀️ One step at a time! 👣 I also struggled to stick to a consistent sleep schedule this week...again. Briefly, before this challenge, I had been able to do this while I was on habitica...but then the novelty faded and I stopped keeping myself accountable for it as I tried to keep track of everything else on the app lol. So now I'll just use habitica to keep track of my sleep/wake times, using the minus button when I miss out on the habit. I also struggled with the meditating thing...meditation is one of those things where the benefits are subtle and last longer the more regularly I do it, so I think I just have to stick with it until that happens and serves as a stronger motivator...Maybe I'll just make meditating at night the "mandatory" one since that really helps me feel peaceful enough to sleep. Aaand I completely forgot about exercise. I haven't been doing that consistently either this week 🙃 Lots of room for improvement. 🪄

[uhardite]

Hi , what's your ideal routine of the day usually

hi, im glad you asked!

my ideal routine of the day is to wake at 8, grab breakfast and get 2-3 hours of studying in. then get ready, eat lunch at 12.30pm, either go to classes if it's a weekday (i have afternoon theory classes since i live inside the campus), or meet up w friends and go on a walk. after coming back to my dorm, i hit the gym for 30mins, usually arms or the treadmill (since it's convenient), shower and study until 8pm. then eat dinner, call my parents and give night attendance, during which i relax and watch youtube as well. after that, back to the grind until about 11.30, when i start getting sleepy, call a friend and talk to them until 12.30 or 1, then go to sleep.

some additional details -

i try to eat the same portions at the same times every single day because that's better for your body

i also try to get in some form of cardio every single day, which isnt that hard since i go on walks every day without fail. the key is to have friends you have a consistent active routine with, such as a gym buddy or walking buddy

lately ive been trying to limit my screen time and mindless scrolling, as well as study at consistent times of the day, and so far it's working

things i need to improve -

physically i need to focus on hydrating throughout the day, putting on sunscreen regularly and being consistent with my haircare routine

also need to have breakfast more often, which is a direct consequence of me not getting up on time and a bad sleeping schedule in general (i will never promote skipping meals on this blog, so please eat all your meals and stay healthy, dont be like me)

i need to schedule more intentional breaks bcz it's very easy to burn out with a packed schedule like this, cut down on spending (and junk food) and be more regular about doing my chores

let me know if you want any tips, app recommendations or more details on how i workout etc. i'll be posting a studying masterpost soon, so stay tuned for that ₊˚⊹ ᡣ𐭩