#i'll be kicking her to 80 soon

[mistrall-art]

It's my birthday today! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

Did I need a 4th necro on my EU account? No, but did I want one? Yes >:3c This is Riley (or Ryleígh in-game), one of my oldest ocs and while I do have a mesmer version of her, I also wanted a necro.

Her nickname is Lucky Riley, because well...I got the new heli glider and chair on her first key :'D and a fancy rifle on the third.

[kamenstranger]

A review(?) of Dandadan

Starting these reviews off is always the hardest part, but it often comes to me after some time filling out the rest of the article. Dandadan has been stubborn in that regard, so much so I've been trying to figure out where to start with this series since it first came out.

I began reading DDD before tankōbon's were being printed, hell before it even made it to NA digitally (There were translations in Europe which got them early iirc.) Then batches starting coming out, and I still have those original single chapters from Sept. 5 '21

I became captivated, but, like its namesake, describing why I enjoy DDD is daunting in how esoteric it all is.

The general plot is straightforward on its own: Momo Ayase, the granddaughter of a spirit medium, though circumstance meets with an occult obsessed otaku, Ken Takakura, and, yes, he's named after exactly who you think, which drives the Takakura obsessed Momo nuts. She calls him Okarun, which I will also be doing for the rest of this.

Okarun's big obsession is UFOs and aliens, which he believes in, but not ghosts. You see where this is going. Hi-jinks ensue, both go to hot spots for each others interest and what do you know, Momo gets abducted by Aliens and Okarun is possessed by a geriatric genital biting speed demon.

Feel free to re-read that last part a few times.

Suffice to say, Dandadan gets fucking nuts almost as soon as the first chapter, but we're not even close to how off the rails this series gets.

I'll save you the details of how they deal with the Turbo Granny, but I will say the mythos and rules surrounding the various spirits, urban legends, cryptids and aliens is handled with a shocking amount of intricate care. If you're like me, you grew up surrounded by a plethora of Unsolved Mysteries, caught UFO Files as it was airing, maybe you even had some of those Forbidden World books laying around from the 80s before getting into stuff like Yokai. Even though I don't really engage with that sorta thing outside Weird NJ nowadays (It stops being fun when people in public office are into conspiracies-- particularly of the nazi variety like lizard men and flat earth)

The narrative and aesthetic appeal of them has stuck with me.

Anyone that's read my Kamen Rider reviews would know how much of a sucker I am for that quintessential cryptid look, which Dandadan has plenty of along with just being absurdly unhinged and hilarious.

The first two volumes do a fantastic job setting up the limitations and powers of spirits in particular, eventually resulting in part of Turbo Granny's soul being trapped in a Meneki Neko and leaving her speed abilities with Okarun. Unfortunately, Okarun only got 1/3 of his bits back.

So now have two super powered protagonists touched by the supernatural and the unearthly on the search for…missing nuts. Or I guess testicles that look like magic golden orbs of power. That's seriously how we're kicking this off.

And yes, there is a basis for that in mythology called Kintama. If you're familiar with Gintama you probably knew that.

But beyond that basic set up… where the fuck do I even go from there? The series is far more than OTT action and good monster lore, but it's also hard to delve into the how and why of its overall qualities. Sure The supernatural and sci-fi bits are fantastic, and the comedy is wonderful, but it's a by product of the real core of Dandadan: the interpersonal relationships of the characters. Surprise.

Which yeah, if it wasn't clear from the get go, DDD has a romantic angle between Okarun and Momo.

Under the monsters, dick jokes, and the completely unhinged nature of everyone and everything is an oddly captivating and flat out adorable love story between our two leads, one that slowly unfolds but is challenged by the various shake ups from monsters, invaders and cast additions that occur to hinder that development; or in some cases push it further by bringing the two closer.

Okarun in particular very well might be one of my favorite interpretations of the Otaku with a heart of gold. He's a legitimately sweet person, cares for people, he trains his ass off to earn mastery over his powers to make things easier on Momo and to keep up with the ever increasing threats they face. In a sea of otaku power fantasy characters, it's nice to be reminded that characters with limitations and weaknesses to be overcome or dealt with are still showing up.

He's also just a total sweetheart to Momo.

And it's pretty clear even early on that the feeling is mutual. Momo is easily flustered whenever a cute girl gets a little too chummy with Okarun, or strings him along. She even retaliates in some cases.

Momo is also about as dorky as Okarun (As seen above) just in different ways, which makes the two complement one another while also contrasting in how much of a hot head Momo can be.

For a series that gets as bonkers as DDD, Momo's grade A shit talking "too stubborn to admit her feelings" gruff Gyaru personality helps ground the series with a rather realistic portrayal of a girl her age-- albeit one with psychic abilities and goes through some extreme struggles much later in the series.

In fact one of the more overlooked aspects whenever I read about Dandadan is how surprisingly dark the chapters start to get in the 80s onward. Because despite the major kick off involving Okarun having his balls stolen, the series is capable of being very sardonic.

For all the absurd fun like giant enemy crabs or the Flatwoods monster as a Sumowrestler, and even a daikaiju way later, you also have things like human sacrifices and tragic ghost stories which are treated with a heavy tone that is never undermined by that off-kilter comedy. You even see tones of that with Turbo Granny of all things, involving the trapped spirits of butchered girls.

Don't misunderstand, however, the series is first and foremost a romcom with horror elements, but sometimes the horror shines through in surprising ways. That nuance is also seen in the rest of the cast, which I've yet to talk about much because one of the biggest challenges of this whole thing is figuring out how.

Talking about Dandadan beyond the very bare basics of the opening chapters is difficult without spoiling something, it's part why I was hesitant to review it back when I first started reading, despite how enamored I was. For one thing, focusing on any one aspect would be a gross oversimplification, doing a disservice to how each angle of the series is handled. Conversely, delving into Dandadan as whole would mean recapping the story arcs and events because Dandadan has some of the most tightly woven threads I have seen in some time. I can barely graze the surface of why character dynamics work or are unique before inevitably getting into a full blown synopsis and spoiling character arcs and entire narrative structures, which is… frustrating, to say the least.

For example, I can't really give you a good look at Aira Shiratori without getting deep into how she's a schoolmate of Momo and Okarun, gets into a rivalry with Momo because Aira thinks she's a demon while viewing herself as "The special one"; a delusion made stronger when she gains her own demonic powers which is basically Sedusa. But over time she forms a bizarre friendship with the two over their trial and tribulations, while also dealing with the massive weight of guilt over cruel rumors she spread about Momo. But that really doesn't even begin to tell you how much of an absolute fucking perfect little bitch she is, and yet what an enjoyable dork she becomes. To do so would be to just tell you everything that happens in her story, which, while not complicated, is tied heavily into the narrative.

It's a similar scenario with Jin "JiJi" Enjoji, Momo's first crush, which you can imagine the upset that causes; one that's pretty goddamn funny because the dude, while handsome, athletically fit and arguably the strongest of the entire cast, has the personality of a goddamn muppet. So Okarun's getting all strung up on a guy even more goofy than him.

In a nice subversion, his relationship with Okarun develops into something surprisingly positive pretty quickly, if not without complications due to a fairly dark story with his character, which pushes Okarun even further in his training after Jin gets his own possession. And it also makes it all the more hilarious that the chipper muppet baby has a secondary Shadow the Hedgehog cracked to 11 persona that's a legit threat.

Then there's Kinta "Kinny" Sakata who is basically if Okarun was even more socially inept and a dipshit Gunpla addict who tried really hard to be a Jojo. His strengths is a vast knowledge of sci-fi tech and a chuuni like ability to imagine entire fantastical constructs; quite handy when mind reading alien nano machines enter the picture. It also helps break up the monotony of everyone else having or developing some sorta supernatural power.

And then we have Vamola, a character I literally cannot say a single thing about without giving away massive plot points. I can't even show a photo because her design itself contains spoilers. Just know that her story is when shit really hits the fan and will be a gut wrenching read while also having the most Battle Manga goodness.

What I can at least tell you is that for as much as Momo and Okarun are the main protagonists, Jin and Aira get damn good focus and are fully formed characters in their own right, they're not just a monkey-wrench thrown into the fray. I mean, they are also that, but they add to those elements while being more than a foil to our main heroes developing relationship, making the story much more varied and expansive than a supernatural will/won't they. Vamola especially in that area.

If there's one takeaway from this it's that Yukinobu Tatsu is capable of creating a great, varied cast full of humor and impeccable chemistry. (not to mention a lot of cheescake that shouldn't work as often as it does.) I'm constantly surprised with how masterful all the different pieces come together to create a compelling dynamic in this deranged Sci-Fi, Supernatural comedy mishmash. Hopefully I can convey a little bit of that Dada-esque appeal despite my spoiler aversion.

What's a lot easier for me to get across without spoilers, however, is the drop-dead gorgeous artwork. Good god is this series beautiful to look at.

Tatsu has a backround in, uh, backgrounds, and it shows on just about every page. Any one side panel has more detail than most double-page fight spreads in other books, and when they do a splash page it is breathtaking.

The fact this is a Weekly series is goddamn insane and… honestly kinda makes me a lowkey worried about their work ethic. But a lot of panels feature just the character on simple stark backgrounds (And some pages feel a little heavy on the reference material, if you get my meaning.) But even so, it's hardly a sacrifice for the impressive amount of work that goes into each chapter and how just about every other page has at least one impressive environment to gawk at.

Not only is the detail impeccable, but the layout, timing and expressions are goddamn phenomenal and a big part of making the series legitimately funny. That same talent translates seamlessly to high energy fights and impactful creepy moments.

This truly is one of the most compelling reasons to read the manga. At the time of this writing we're 5 episodes in the Science Saru anime and I want to make clear I'm enjoying it and do highly suggest watching it. I think their high octane stylistic approach is, in many ways, perfect for the series. There's clearly a lot of love put into translating page to screen best they can. Realistically, I know there's no way you could completely capture Tatsu's style 1:1, especially with what the industry is nowadays. The budget and man power it would take for that wouldn't be worth it.

But that sense of scope, scale, the depth, shading and a ton of small eccentricities is something unique to the manga and a big part of why it works. If you only know the anime then I think you're missing out. Plus you've got 8 volumes to read up on.

But also still watch the anime, I'd love a season 2. Hopefully with a bigger budget. Frankly, they're gonna need it.

That said, while I have praised and gassed up Dandadan, I should mention it has a number of trappings that by all means should not fly with me. As previously stated, there's a lot of cheesecake, and I like cheesecake, but it can bog down stories like this and they're a dime a dozen in the manga and anime world. At first glance DDD can look like that from the outside. There are so many instances of things that are annoying in other works, schlocky things (derogatory) that are sell themselves only on the limp-dicked exploitive elements like Fan service. Make no mistake, Dandadan is schlocky (complimentary) but it's also incredibly endearing not only outside those aspects, but in them. At least for the most part. I have to imagine it's aware of the more stupid indulgent elements but wisely plays them straight while at the same time employing a cleverness many other series fail to have.

For example, the characters are comically stripped very frequently, even (and usually) during otherwise semi-serious moments like battles (although not if the stakes are dire.)

But the cheescake is always balanced out by the other qualities. Hell, the cheesecake is often imbued a certain charm that is funny in itself or oddly sweet, which certainly becomes more true in the later chapters. Think more Cutie Honey and less Highschool of the Dead in terms of how it's handled.

A big hand in that is they're not afraid to get silly with all the characters, especially the girls, so it typically feels more tee-hee fun. They're almost if not equally goofy in their own ways and that does a lot in keeping it from being obnoxious. And ya know, they also have real developed personalities and relationships outside just having their clothes blasted off, which also happens to Okarun if that wasn't clear. Actually it's worse because he usually loses everything, and the same is also true for Jin.

It's so audacious in every aspect that I simply can't fault it. I mean, I also wouldn't fault anyone not gelling with it, but I just sorta expect it and roll with it for a series this absurd. I'm a critic, not a goddamn puritan. I know exactly what it is, and it's doing it far better than most. It is, at worst, background noise.

That's not to say the series handles all of its exploitative elements well. Rather infamously the first chapter has an almost not quite sexual assault for Momo. It's… not as bad as it sounds-- in part because it doesn't happen and also the situation is so absurd. Honestly I think there's been a bit much blown out of proportion with it. Still, the over the top nature of an Alien with a metal syringe dick getting his comeuppance by having it bitten off by a granny speed-demon can only mitigate the general grossness of the implication so much and I still wince at it. It's the only part of Dandadan that dips into a level a cheapness it otherwise sidesteps in most other endeavors. Thankfully, it happens early on, but it also isn't a great first impression, especially if you didn't have more chapters or episodes to view at the time, leaving you to wonder just what the hell kinda story this is.

It's worth noting some of the other early chapters have bumps here and there, but nothing quite on the level of chapter 1, and those parts are ironed out overtime to be a lot more palatable. Compare how chapter 3 handles T&A to chapter 26 and you'll know what I mean.

Aside from that, however, there is at least one semi major stigma I have against Dadadan's otherwise enjoyable self indulgent nature, which is that a lot of the monster designs are painfully derivative. And I mean DERIVATIVE. Just about every alien creature in this series is an Ultra Kaiju.

Oh Shin Godzilla in the case of Nessie.

And, look, I get homaging stuff you like. Dr. Slump has loads of references, Patlabor has references to Ultraseven, depending on which version of Urusei Yatsura you're looking at it's loaded with them, Project A-KO has them, Eva is a love letter to Jissouji Ultra (along with flat out copying a few fights from various 70s mecha anime) and even something like Bocchi The Rock is at least a quarter references. References are not the problem. Well, maybe a little, but I'm not gonna get Orson Wells on you here.

Regardless, its hard not to think that maybe they could've dialed it back a little bit.

The Z'gok in Gundam is based on Alien Zarabe but it's doesn't look like a knock-off version of it. But the Dover Demon in Dandadan looks like "original the character" Kanegon that turns into Baltan. Because it is.

Like come on, man. Even the Space Pirates in Metroid aren't this blatant.

Why this sticks out to much is because the art is so damn impressive but the design aspect is lacking in certain areas. I'm willing to give leeway for some designs if they're based on folklore elements like Ghosts, Yokai, and crypids. You want to make them recognizable, but can still work in cute references or original ideas without being as glaring as "we have Ultra Seijin at home." For what it's worth, I guess Dada knockoffs with Pegassa eyes are better than generic greys. But while it's cute at first, I felt it got irksome by the time I saw Shin Godzilla… and then Hipporit as a subterranean shows up. Then a tail-less xenomorph. And Alien Guts, and a Metal Gear, and Elecking, even an Alien Zarabe.

A lot of those do end up as cannon fodder so I can understand not wanting to put a lot of work into stuff that ends up being one offs. I can't deny the art looks incredible and hype as fuck. But man, it gets distracting sometimes, especially when Gomora shows up at one point with the body of Red King and later on they end up making that a major deity in an alien culture. It's not played as a joke at all. It is one of the most dead serious chapters… But it's still just an Ultra Kaiju. Sometimes I'm reading Dandadan and I'm having a great time and I'm getting all the referential designs, and I don't *hate* this, but in the back of my head all I can think of is that line in Akibaranger.

And on some level I do get how that borderline level of infringement adds to the absurdity, how the near mono focus of a singular love for Tsuburaya is charming. Hell, it's even refreshing in some ways considering how that hasn't really been a thing in Japan since the 80s. But it does still get a bit much from the sheer volume.

I think on some level Tatsu knows this because in the more recent chapters the Serpo Aliens are primarily depicted in their disguised forms and the fake Gomora gets a slight redesign in later appearances that's a lot more generic. I sort of get the impression things that were maybe meant to be one off gags ended up becoming reoccurring elements, but given the tone and humor of the series that's really hard to tell, for better or worse.

Although kudos to Science Saru saying fuck it and making the opening to the anime one big Ultraman reference. They know what they're doing.

All that said... I don't really know where to lead off from here. Dandadan is still ongoing, currently at about 170 chapters in Japan, while the anime is still currently airing the first season. So I can't really give a full review of either. Likewise, for all I know the series could go completely off the rails at some point-- in a bad way, I mean.

As it stands I'm still finding enjoyment out of this series and now seems good a time as any to suggest everyone check it out. There's multiple manga out, it's easily available digitally, there's the anime across multiple platforms in NA, we've got figuarts coming out. It's good to see.

I was long over due for look since first reading those Glitter screen-grabs some years back.

Funny enough, this late August I visited my Girlfriend in Illinois and got to see 8 volumes of Dandadan on the shelf in a comic shop, that was a nice surreal experience for something that wasn't even available digitally in NA when I first started reading it.

What I didn't realize at the time was when I took a photo of them on the shelf, it was September 5, three years to the day I got the first few chapters. So yeah, it was time for this to happen.

Given the on going status of DDD, I'll certainly be revisiting the series for a future look at and proper review. Until then, I encourage you to read the manga and see if you see what I see. It might not be some super deep narrative, but it is most certainly unique and well worth your time.

As always, thanks for reading.

[thedesirenaissance]

The Awaited Return

A piercing scream echoed through the night, slicing through the pin-drop silence of the night. Just then, a girl's limp body is dumped in an alleyway, bruised and broken, by 2 men, no, demons, dressed as humans. They laugh around, while one of them land a kick to the girl's stomach, as she breathes her last. Her last prayer to her murlidhar, Oh Kanha, when will you return? You will avenge me, right? And so, she dies, remembering her murlidhar.

A little girl, barely 5 years old, clutches her Krishna plushie, as the demon, whom she calls baba strangles her maa. She stares at her maa, with her knees curled up to her chest, fingers tightly clutching the Krishna plushie, tears brimming at the corners of her eyes. Then, with a call for her giridhar , her mother breathed her last. The devil's eyes then dart to his daughter, his own flesh and blood, as he strangles his little daughter, to death. Even in death, the little girl, clutched her Krishna, as her body turned blue, just like her gopal.

In a lone classroom, a girl, no, not a girl, a student, barely 15 years old, cries, while clutching her mouth, to muffle her screams, as the devil, dressed as her guru does unspeakable horror to her. She, who only wanted to make her parents proud, herself proud. She, who only wanted to do better, now laid there, feeling dumb, feeling betrayed. What is her fault? She trusted a devil, dressed as a man. She goes home, rubs herself raw in the shower, while she cries to her kanha, How will long will you make us wait, kanha? Please return.

A woman, holds the knife in one hand, shaking tremendously, as tears drip down her eyes. Her phone buzzes continuously, but she doesn't dare open them. Who would want to see themselves being called disgusting and vile names? What was her fault, one might ask. Her fault was, she trusted a man, a friend, rather, a devil. She slices her wrist, does the unthinkable. I apologize Kanha, I apologize. I just couldn't save myself, without you in this world.

Then, the fateful night came. The night was dark, not a single star in the sky. The rain pouring, the winds blowing, it resembled that fateful day. An old, feeble woman, in her 80s thought, woh aarahe hain aaj, with a smile on her face, as she put a garland over her murlidhar's murti. The reign of terror was coming to an end. Elsewhere, a woman was crying out in pain, as the midwives urged her to push harder. The woman could only handle so much more. Still she pushed, she pushed through the pain, for her soon-to-be born child. Then, she heard it. A cry, the cry of her child, her life. She breathed a sigh of relief, as the midwife exclaimed, "Lalla huwa hain! Mithai batwao!"

The woman finally closed her eyes, let darkness overcome her. But, no, not darkness, a figure, with 4 hands, holding a lotus on one, a mace in one, a shankh in another and... the sudarshan chakra in another. Madhav, she thought, madhav paid me his darshan. Tears welled in her eyes. "Maa!" She heard it. The silhouette called her "maa". Her madhav called her "maa." Then, it clicked.

Yada yada hi dharmasya glanirbhavati bharata | Abhythanamadharmasya tadatmanam srijamyaham ||

Paritranaya sadhunang vinashay cha dushkritam | Dharmasangsthapanarthay sambhabami yuge yuge ||

(Inspired by a fic I saw, if I find it again, I'll tag the creator.)

[theygender]

Been going through it for over a month now and let me tell you. I'm not having a good time

Early-mid July a heat wave knocked out our AC and me, my partner, and the cats were stuck in an apartment with temps in the high 80s for about two days

I got some minor heat sickness and my cat started coughing

Heat sickness kicked off my IBS which dehydrated me and eventually led to migraines which all lasted for over a week after the heat wave ended

Took my cat to the vet (while still dealing with sickness + migraines) and found out she probably has asthma which was set off by the heat. They gave her a steroid shot

Went to the doctor for my own sickness and decided to ask about my severely ingrown toenail at the same time. I'm told I need toe surgery

Got toe surgery the very next day and it turns out recovering from toe surgery sucks

Cat has stopped coughing but is instead having intense sneezing fits now and pawing at her nose constantly, clearly much sicker

Took her back to the vet (while still recovering from toe surgery) and learned that cats just inherently have dormant hepatitis, and stressful situations/other illnesses can cause a flare up which leads to an upper respiratory infection

They prescribe nose drops + medicine treats for me to give to her 3-4 times a day. Surprisingly (/s), she hates the nose drops

File claims for both of those appointments + tests + medicine with my pet insurance

Endometriosis sees me dealing with all this and as a disorder that's made worse with stress it decides to join in on the action. It resurrects my period from the grave that my meds dug for it over two years ago

In case that wasn't bad enough, it also gives me a yeast infection. I go to the doctor and get medicine for it

As soon as the yeast infection symptoms start to go away they're replaced with what seems to be UTI symptoms. UTIs generally devolve very quickly into non-stop vomiting for me. I'm living in fear until I can get a test done

(UPDATE: The tests don't work when you're on your period apparently. Guess I gotta go back to the doctor again before I can get any answers)

I haven't even looked at the bills for my own medical tests or the toe surgery yet and frankly I'm scared to. At least I should be getting some money back from my pet insurance claim

Pet insurance tells me that they won't pay out my claim until I provide proof that the pet insurance policy I had with a previous company over FIVE YEARS AGO was canceled. I don't keep records longer than five years. I don't even remember the name of the company

All of my coworkers got laid off last week so I'm sad and lonely at work now and I have to adjust to a new work environment during all of this and I can't really take much time off anymore

I'm still sick and worried I'll get sicker but I don't know how to ask my new boss "hey what should I do if I hypothetically start projectile vomiting tomorrow" without it sounding suspicious

With all this other stuff going on, my college semester also started back up TODAY

I got a notification from my school that I have over $5000 due bc the company that pays for my tuition as part of my employee benefits just. Didn't pay off my spring semester it seems. So now I gotta figure that out

Somewhere in the middle of this I had some sort of mental breakdown and discovered that my normal-level nervous anxiety has evolved into critical-level constant terror anxiety

Reached out to my mom who had anxiety so bad when my brother and I were growing up that it played a large part in ruining our childhoods. She confirmed that it sounds like what she has

It started when she was just a few years older than me and she still has it at the age of 55. Normal anxiety meds don't work for it. I may have to convince my psychiatrist to prescribe me narcotics now if I ever want to go back to normal again

This has all been so much. Like can I PLEASE just get a fucking break here 😭

[delta-orionis]

Tuesday Again No Problem 4/16/24

This one counts for two weeks because I was traveling last week.

Listening

I've been on an 80's synth kick lately. I came across the albums Electronic-Universe, Pt. 1 and Electronic-Universe, Pt. 2 by Software, and they've been helping scratch my synth itch.

I'm definitely going to check out some more of their discography.

Watching

Well... I tried to watch the eclipse last week. I drove into the path of totality and everything, only for thick clouds to roll in the morning of the eclipse. This is the best picture I could get:

I was completely clouded out of totality, though. I'm pretty sad that I didn't get to see totality, but I did see other things: namely the Moon's shadow moving over the horizon, and reactions from the wildlife. It got noticeably colder and quieter, too.

I don't regret driving out to where I did, though. I was also visiting family at the time, and I'm glad I got to see them. If nothing else, it was a nice respite.

Playing

Playing a bit more Rain World. I've reached the point in my current playthrough where I kind of just aimlessly wander around until I get bored. I've basically done all of the story-relevant stuff I needed to do as Hunter, so I guess I need to start wandering my way down to Subterranean to beat the game.

Making

I'm almost done with my Looks to the Moon plushie, which I made as a companion for Five Pebbles. I just need to finish sewing a few things together and cleaning up the loose ends.

Once I'm satisfied with Moon I'll take pictures of her and Pebbles in better lighting so I can make a proper post for them.

Earlier this week I also asked people to send me questions about my iterator OC, Three Stars Above Clouds, so I could draw some responses. I've been mulling around a lot of worldbuilding for them in my head lately and I'll take any opportunity to talk about it.

I've only answered one ask so far, but I have a couple more sitting in my inbox that I'll get around to soon. I just happen to draw very slowly, haha.

--

That's all for this week, thank you for reading!

[dollarbin]

Nickel Bin #2:

The Roches' Hammond Song

Some songs have no peers.

There's nothing comparable to Dylan's Like a Rolling Stone: while his efforts to write another anthem are many, and they vary from the successful (Knocking on Heaven's Door) to the underappreciated (Changing of the Guard) to the overrated (Gotta Serve Somebody) to the annoying unless you are in a very weird mood (Brownsville Girl), he, and everybody else, has never come close to a comparable synergy of warmth, anger and energy.

I think The Roches' Hammond Song is equally unique. Suzzy, Terre and Maggie Roche never climbed a musical mountain like it again in their fitful, joyful and far too short career together, and I don't know any other song or group that presents such bizarre and daring vocals (they range from startlingly androgynous to winningly effete and back again); where else can you hear three such utterly distinct voices sharing a space with such elegance? Add to that mix the unique layers afforded by the song's length and its guitar solos, plus its confusing but vital story, and you've got yourself a masterpiece.

Let's listen.

First of all they're not singing about Heaven. They're singing about Hammond, Louisiana and Maggie and Terre's decision, years earlier, to ditch their budding music career altogether. It seems there was a Kung Fu school (seriously!) in Hammond that a friend was running and that seemed like a better place to be than in New York City, wearing clothes assigned to them by their record company.

The song is a natural cousin to Cat Stevens' Father and Son: In Hammond Song The Roches present a musical debate between the patriarchs in their life and themselves; they sing both sides of the argument and they let you choose the winner.

The song opens with a long, suspenseful opening that gives way to warm strumming and then the refrain's three part harmony. But then it swerves for the first wild time into Maggie Roche alone, and she's telling the band they're "on the wrong track". What other voice is like hers? I'm afraid my sexist biases hear her unique contralto and summon up a woman on a motorcycle with arms the size of my thighs who smokes six packs a day and would happily kick my ass while having yet another. But here she is:

Maggie died 6 or 7 years ago. My famous brother's friend Ryan, who recently bought me a very delicious beer at a Yo La Tengo show, sobbed when he heard the news. The more time I spend listening to Maggie's music, the more I understand where he was coming from. Just take a listen to Quitting Time from the same record:

At the end of each section of Hammond Song The Roches hit and hold a high, odd and transfixing note. You can hear it for the first time on the Ooooo after the first section, soon after Maggie's introduces her voice. That same note, or one close to it anyway, comes back again before the first guitar solo on "you're LYYYYYYing to me", then again on "don't be a FOOOOL."

When CS&N reach for a note like that I wonder just what the hell I'm doing with my life. When Linda Ronstadt, Dolly Parton and Emmylou Harris finally threw off the concerns of their record companies in the mid-80's and came together as a bluegrass version of The Roches they hit some angelic notes, yes, but they never sounded weird. Such weirdness is a big part of Hammond Song's, and the band's, genius.

And capturing that weirdness, and that note, is still a goal for a new bands. Check out Meg Baird search for and then find it - and then keep it for an impossible, audacious length, at 3:15 mark of Heron Oblivion's seismic Your Hollows:

Next time I get an hour with Baird in a bar I'll ask her about Hammond Song as a basis for Your Hollows instead of quizzing her on Mike Heron. Poor Meg. I suppose she's been warned.

And now that you have Heron Oblivion in your ears, let's talk about Hammond Song's guitar solos. That's Robert Fripp, of King Crimson/Eno/Bowie/Talking Heads fame, making himself known. He walks a careful and skillful line in his production of the song and the record around it: you never forget he's there but he never gets in the way. This is the sisters' record and the sisters' song. But wow, what a guitar sound he achieves: it's nearly as weird as the vocals, part theremin, part Hendrix, all magic.

Finally, Hammond Song avoids easy cliche in its storytelling as well. Okay, their male authorities wanted them to put on sexy dresses and stop being weird, but the girls said no and became their awesome selves instead:

Lesser artists would have wrapped the story up with victory. But Maggie and her sisters know it's not that simple. When they released Hammond Song their story was far from over: the record could have tanked; it could have proved the record company right.

And so The Roches bring us into the debate; they let us decide whether their defiance in life and in the song are justified. "Tell me," they appeal to us in the song's conclusion, "I'm okay."

Dear Suzzy, Terre and Maggie,

You are not okay. You are the best.

Sincerely,

The Nickel Bin

[eternalwritess]

Hiii <3

Could I get a matchup for JJK?

Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Bisexual Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius, INTJ Appearance: Short curly dark brown hair. Dark skin, freckles on cheeks. I'm 1.65m tall, slim body, small bust and butt and wide waist. Brown eyes, slightly round nose, thin eyebrows and medium-sized lips.

Personality: Introverted, occasionally moody, but when I get confident I'm playful/a bit childish. Short-lived social battery, I prefer to do things on my own rather than ask for help (I only ask for help if I see that I can't solve a problem). I am impulsive when I get stressed. Some people think I'm usually angry, when in reality I'm just serious and I don't like pretending that I find their jokes funny.

Likes and dislikes: I like desserts; watching movies, mainly horror/thriller/romantic comedy; I enjoy interactive stories and otomes; I like watching videos of people putting on/taking off makeup, trying on clothes and giving reviews, about hair and skin care products… Oh, I also like braiding. I like true crime shows

I don't like insects; noisy places; disloyal people, liars, and people who don't value their friends; alcoholic drinks and similar substances; I don't like spicy food.

Hobbies: Listening to music, watching anime, playing cell phone games, lately I'm learning crochet, so I think I'd add that as a hobby too.

Extra information: I am agnostic; I'm not a big fan of physical contact, in any case, I prefer to be the one who initiates the contact and that it doesn't last so long; I think head caresses are very cute (my mom said I looked like a dog LOL); I like to give gifts to my loved ones; I'm somewhat disorganized for some things and organized for others, I think it depends on my mood and motivation how organized I can be; if someone yells at me I get angry easily; I sometimes lose interest in things quickly if they don't seem stimulating enough; I'm used to being alone, so I sometimes get bored of interacting with people; I don't know if it affects the answer in any way, but I'm from Latin America, although I don't fit the stereotype at all, I'll just say that there is no worse dancer than me LOL. I get tired very quickly, I don't like carrying heavy objects.

Thank you very much in advance, kisses and hugs.

i match you with... 𝓜𝓪𝓴𝓲 𝓩𝓮𝓷'𝓲𝓷 ██ 20% _ ████ 60% _ █████ 80% _ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 100% ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

♛ You'd meet her at Jujutsu Tech, you're most likely a second year like her and the first time that you met she didn't think that much of you at first, she had a long ways to go at the time and still does to actually achieving her goal. The head of the Zen'in clan but she was the first person Gojo introduced you to. Why? Because you're both girls probably

♛ Before you could even train with your technique Maki demanded to fight you first, wanted to see where you and she stood on when it came to physical combat and it was safe to say that she was better than you. Panda cheered you up though the moment he saw it all go down and told Maki that she should've went easier on you

♛ In response she just said that she would teach you how to fight better next time... yeah you still got your ass kicked, but this time she actually helped you out through it entirely

♛ Soon enough as the two of you began to hang out more she realized just how hard she had fallen for you and soon enough wanted to ask you out. Problem was that she didn't know how and didn't know if you even liked her like that. Not to mention that she was worried that a relationship would affect her training in a negative way

♛ Soon after a long conversation with Panda and Inumaki, which went no where she confronted Yuta who said that she should just go for it, and she did. She asked you out one day when the two of you were in your room watching some sort of movie

♛ When you agreed she thought she had heard wrong

₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎

♛ You bring out a more chill side of her, constantly getting you to relax and not overexert herself on something when it's clear that she's not going to get it for a while and just needs to take a break

♛ Movie nights in your room are a common occurrence and that's just a fact, you guys get all the junk food you can find and then turn on a long movie and then another and another. She likes enjoying your quiet company. She doesn't even really care if the movie itself is bad. She just loves you

♛ Your more 'girly' side definitely balances out her more masculine one. She loves watching you try new outfits and try on new makeup, she finds it entertaining and always wants to see what you come up with next

♛ When she first saw you confident and more childish and playful she got excited, immediately indulging in it and messing around with you. She loves seeing you excited and happy, she thinks its really cute

♛ You try to get her to crochet with you every now and then but it doesn't always work sadly but she does hang out with you while you do it, probably trying to train or something like that

[s3rving3xactlywhatyouare]

"We Fucked Up"

Aka: the cram schedule of an AuDHD/dyscalculia HS student who just remembered his online math class shuts down in a day and it's vital to his grade to get it done unless he wants to be held back and do senior year twice.

I messed up! I'm really bad at math, and I got assigned summer school. Which I had promptly brushed off for the most part, because life decided to screw my summer over with the Park Fire, having to get surgery, and a bunch of other bullshit that has resulted in me going, "oh shit, I have a day and a half to complete this" on the 14th of August when I woke up that day.

I had 5 units to complete in the span of about 26 hours, because I had to unlock the final exam manually with the person running it, and she was only available a few hours of the day.

And here's how I somehow managed to do that. Miracles are real.

Day 1, Session 1: 1-3pm

Worked for 45 minutes, break for 15 from 1-2pm

Straight hour of work from 2-3pm

Went from the middle of unit 2 to early-unit 3 in this time frame.

Major break from 3-4pm, refresh, walk, get something to eat, etc.

Session 2: 4-8pm

50 minute sessions, 10 minute breaks(if any)

This was the big cram session of the day. I just worked and only got up if I was in pain, needed a drink, or needed to handle the dogs for whatever reason. I got to mid/late-unit 3 in here, as unit 3 is HUGE

Session 3: 12am-2:15am

Life got in the way when my mother got home. I kept telling her I needed to study, and I also didn't eat until 11:30. So now I knew I needed to pull an all-nighter-ish to get remotely close to finishing.

Got to the beginning of unit 4, took a 45 minute break to stretch. This was going to be a long night.

Session 4: 3am-5am

This was the "chillest" session. I made it to the end of unit 4. I still have time, the class manager gets to her office soon so I'm taking a 1 hour and 30 minute break to let some ibuprofen kick in(my back hurts)! And to hydrate. My mom told me to go to bed. I am, in fact, not going to bed. Not until I'm done. Possibly even later than after I'm done, depending on how early I finish.

Given the shortness of the last 2 units before the exam I have to ask for her to unlock, I can semi-logically assume that I'll be done with the course work around 8:30am at the latest, if not by the time she makes it into her office at 7am.(as I'm writing this during my break, it is 5:09am as I write this segment.)

Session 5: 6:30am-9am

I was correct in my assumptions! I finished the course work at 8:25am, got the exam unlocked at 8:30. I passed the class with a high B and the final with an 80%.

Now I'm gonna go take a nap.

Like a really long one.

Like a I-regret-my-choices-but-fuck-it nap.

[notallangelsaregood]

I just discovered your blog and had a lot of fun reading your Spy x Family reviews and analyses! The question I have is based on your review of Ch. 80. What do you think will happen if Yuri finds out that Yor is mentioned in the coded files?

Thank you! I'm remarkably glad, I'll use your question as an opportunity to say I appreciate everyone who has been supporting me on this blog. The amount of recognition is unbelievable to me, so thank you so very much! You guys are way too gentle.

About your question, that's tricky! I truly believe Yuri's first reaction would be denial (as I believe this would also happen if he one day finds out about Thorn Princess), but as soon as it kicks in, he in going to be so mad. Not at all towards her, but at WISE and Twilight, mostly. That would make him totally impulsive and unreliable. We all know the love he feels for his sister is Yuri's biggest weakness and probably SSS knows that as well.

However, I have to say, I believe it's truly unlikely that Yuri reads whatever is in these coded files. Actually, I don't believe these documents will be read at all by any of Ostania's organizations (the most likely for me would be the Garden, but still, chances are low) and I will talk a bit about why (spoiler alert: it was everything but short, again, sorry).

It shorts words, our story would be over if this comes to happen. Operation Strix would be over, Loid would probably “die” or vanish in order to Twillight to flee the country, Anya would be devastated knowing the truth and so would be Yor not knowing anything, actually thinking he died. Twilight would be immediately confronted by Yuri (if the spy doesn't flee first, which is more likely) and I doubt SSS would allow him to know the exact contents of the documents, specially because his sister is in it, so It's personal. My guess is that SSS would not risk it at all.

Furthermore, I find all of this I commented improbable to happen, mostly because it would provoke an enormous turn on the story progression, which I don't really believe it's Endo's objective right now. I suppose one of his goal with this arc is to bring out conflict between the organizations and reveal more about them, as this panel suggested earlier.

I assume it will bring more angst to an eventual revelation and, mainly, expose further information about Donovan, Melinda, the Garden, SSS, and WISE's objectives. We will probably see how much these organizations are eager to get intel and protect their causes, how far will they go?

80 chapters in, and we barely know anything about the Garden. We barely know anything about Melinda's thoughts and Donovan's. We are mostly aware of SSS and WISE, but, still, Endo is giving us subtle hints each chapter that we are trying to solve the puzzle with, but It's not quite ready yet.

So, yeah, I don't believe it's the timing at all for some major revelations, but, honestly, we will have to watch it unfold, as we can just speculate and suppose things. Thank you for the question, I absolutely loved writing about this! 🌹

[gendervapor14]

gen's work in progress list!

here's a little list of every story i have that's either posted but incomplete, a rough draft, or even just a little concept! it is loosely organized by priority. feel free to poke me about any of these. sometimes i need a kick to the pants to get them going. i'll try and keep it updated too!! 👍

also there are spicy themes in here so minors, DNI. thank you

titles listed in large font, italicized, and underlined, are fics that are posted on ao3! titles that are just italicized are confirmed, working titles for a rough draft. titles that are neither italicized nor underlined are still in the conceptual/early development stage. it's likely the ratings, warnings, genres, etc may change as i continue to work on them. more than happy to talk about any of these tho, regardless of their status! 💕

last updated: 11/26/23

CURRENT PROJECTS

two fights for freedom

rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence category: F/M, gen status: ~10 chapters posted, updates every week, ~35 chapters, ~70k-100k words tags: canon divergent, fix-it, everybody lives, pre-arlong park, angst with a happy ending, angst and feels, fluff and humor, hurt/comfort, suggestive themes, sexual tension, limes (yes i'm bringing limes back), eventual smut, romance, slow burn, arguing, financial issues, broken bones, references to depression, alcoholism, mental health issues, canon backstory, mentioned doflamingo, non-canon backstory (giving bell-mere a backstory), found family, medical inaccuracies, blood and injury, trafalgar d. water law is a little shit, developing friendships, past child abuse, nightmares, more tags to be added later (?) characters: rosinante, bell-mere, law, nami, nojiko, genzo, arlong relationships: rosinante x bell-mere summary: freedom for one means adventure. exploring all the world has to offer, while avoiding the occasional haunting. freedom for another almost costs an arm and two daughters. a home, a village. perhaps freedom is best sought back-to-back. {a cora and bell-mère lives au} wip notes: got like 80% of this mapped out so despite my busy schedule, i'm pulling this out of the woodworks! XD thank opla arlong park for giving me a kick in the pants

speechless

rating: E warnings: none category: M/M status: ~11k words, oneshot, complete, not posted genre/cw: modern au, romance, parties, awkward meetings, hidden scars, angst & feels, hurt/comfort, smut, gender dysphoria, trans croc, lgbt+ themes, first time characters: crocodile, rosinante, donquixote parents, doflamingo relationships: crocodile x rosinante, past rosinante x bell-mere conceptual summary: at a christmas party gone sour, crocodile decides to put an end to his hiding. wip notes: my desire for soft crocorosi led to this story. hopefully i'll have it ready for christmas!!

a lesson on co-parenting

rating: E warnings: none category: F/F status: drafts of 2/3 chapters written genre/cw: modern au, nanny au?, miscommunication, humor, drama, suggestive themes, smut, moral conflict characters: sora (oc), bell-mere, rosinante, law, nami, nojiko relationships: sora x bell-mere, background rosinante x crocodile conceptual summary: sora is hired as a nanny for a busy, catastrophic family. what she assumed to be an easy, generous gig turns into disaster when the matriarch openly flirts and coaxes her into bed. wip notes: i started writing this ages ago on a whim and i do intend to finish it, but i got stuck on the smut XD as soon as i finish that tho, the fic is done!

ON THE BACKBURNER

trans corabelle fic

rating: M warnings: creator chose not to use archive warnings category: F/M, M/M, gen status: 75% of the first chapter drafted, will probably be ~12 chapters genres/cw: modern au, childhood friends, class struggles, angst, gender/sexuality, bullying, suicidal thoughts/actions, toxic relationships, hospitalizations, infidelity, child custody mayhem, ftm rosinante, mtf bell-mere, drama & romance, implied sexual content characters: rosinante, doflamingo, donquixote parents, bell-mere, crocodile, law relationships: rosinante x crocodile, rosinante x bell-mere endgame conceptual summary: sometimes you have to crawl through hell to reach your happy ending. wip notes: this has become the recent brainworm. i chip away at it when i have the energy. it's gonna be fucked up, hopefully.

lost in walmart

rating: gen warnings: none category: gen, F/M status: purely conceptual genres/cw: modern au, humor, fluff, domestic bliss characters: rosinante, law, nami, nojiko, bell-mere relationships: background rosinante x bell-mere conceptual summary: bell-mere drops off rosinante and the kids at a walmart while she runs some errands elsewhere. rosinante ends up losing all the kids and struggles to relocate them before bell-mere gets back. wip notes: this idea came to me from the heavens. i'll work on it once the nanny fic is finished 👍

all that glitters

rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence category: gen, F/M...? status: purely conceptual genres/cw: canon divergent, donquixotes never left mariejois, angst & feels, moral dilemmas, slavery, humor? but more of a dark humor, not sure about romance/smut yet characters: bell-mere, rosinante, doflamingo, donquixote parents relationships: either none, or bell-mere x rosinante conceptual summary: what if instead of accepting death on cocoyashi, arlong sells bell-mere into slavery for a taste of irony? bell-mere would accept - she can easily escape and get back to her kids while still complying with arlong's demands. meanwhile, the donquixotes granted their youngest son his own manor. doflamingo decides the best kind of housewarming gift for his beloved brother is a pretty young slave who can keep the place tidy and prepare some meals for him. if only that gift was a bit more cooperative. wip notes: YEAH so this idea rotted my brain pretty fast once i thought of it. and i pitched the idea to a few friends, expecting to have it get shot down, but they encouraged it so, i will be writing it at some point. it'll likely be multiple chapters, and there are a lot of story holes, so i'll have to iron those out first.

sublime > perish

rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence, major character death category: gen status: rough draft of chapter one finished? chapter two almost finished genres/cw: canon-plausible, backstory, steampunk, angst characters: gladius, oc parents, doflamingo (at the very end) conceptual summary: “Life on this island guarantees a fatality rate of one-hundred percent. You’ve defied those odds so far. Are you willing to keep risking your life for this measly place? Or would you rather have this entire world in the palm of your hands?” This was not a difficult choice to make. If only it was. wip notes: backstory fic for gladius! put this down for a while to tackle the rarepair event in feburary, and i really need to get back to it!! 😅

the heart of art

rating: gen warnings: none category: gen status: a few little paragraphs 😔 genres/cw: modern AU, fluff, humor, slice of life, artist cora AU characters: rosinante, law conceptual summary: maybe he had no gross motor control, but if there was one thing rosinante was a master with, it was art. wip notes: i promised @flashily i would write this story ages ago and i have absolutely no excuse as to why it isn't finished yet. i am so sorry. it is up here on my list!! see!! i will get to it, i swear!! 😭😭

all bark and no bite - part II

rating: E warnings: none category: M/M, gen status: purely conceptual genres/cw: modern AU, humor, suspicions, fluff, romance, smut? characters: rosinante, crocodile, bell-mere, potentially law, nami and nojiko, but idk yet relationships: rosinante x crocodile conceptual summary: crocodile invites rosinante on one of his trips overseas. rosinante sees it as the perfect oppertunity to get his second wind and dive into his dark secrets. wip notes: received overwhelming positive feedback on the first part of this, so i've started planning a second part. but idk when i'll get around to it! i need to do a lot more plotting.

sticky fingers

rating: E warnings: none category: multi, gen status: purely conceptual genres/cw: modern au, humor, smutty but nothing you can bite your teeth into, sex toys, heists, scheming, financial issues characters: bell-mere, rosinante, various background characters relationships: bell-mere x various background characters conceptual summary: bell-mere is hankering for a reliable, human-free source of fun, but the price of sex toys is far too exorbitant for her wallet. her solution? hook up with as many rich people as she can to pocket their best toys on the way out. wip notes: i was researching sex toys for ANOTHER fic and i couldn't help but notice the prices?? i was like "christ, bell-mere could never afford these" and then i got me thinking of her sitting on a thrown of stolen sex toys with a dildo crown. and i thought. i should write that.

donut miss your chance!

rating: T warnings: none! category: M/M, gen status: one chapter posted on ao3, 5300 words genres/cw: modern AU, fluff, humor, slice of life, blind date, awkward date, anxiety, reference to selective mutism characters: rosinante, bell-mère, katakuri relationships: rosinante x katakuri summary: bell-mère sets rosinante up with "a cute baker." a 7'2" punk-goth behemoth is not exactly what rosinante had in mind. wip notes: planning at least one more chapter for this! (but probably more) i'll get around to it after i find the time to watch WCI 👍

nami sewing

rating: gen warnings: none category: gen status: purely conceptual genres/cw: canon compliant, flashbacks, nostalgia, character study, canon-typical violence, blood and injury, angst & feels characters: nami, bell-mere, arlong, strawhats pirates conceptual summary: nami remembers her mother teaching her how to sew. wip notes: sometimes when i look at my hands, i see my grandmother's hands when she would teach me how to sew as a child. i wonder if, even though they weren't related by blood, nami sees her mother's hands in her own when she sews.

rainstorm

rating: E warnings: major character death...? category: F/M, gen status: a few ficlets half-completed genres/cw: angst, romance, canon compliant, smut, humor, tension characters: rosinante, sora (oc), possibly sengoku & tsuru relationships: rosinante x sora conceptual summary: a ficlet collection for sorazon. wip notes: basically a dumping pile of scenes i scrapped or wrote in a sad, sappy stupor.

physical therapy au?

rating: M warnings: none category: F/M status: purely conceptual genres/cw: modern au, physical hurt/comfort, rehabilitation, injury, humor, awkward sexual situations, awkward flirting, mutual pining, dating, romance, secret relationship characters: rosinante, sora (oc) relationships: rosinante x sora conceptual summary: sora gets assigned a "highly-temperamental" case of a very injured marine vet. after expecting an irritable, violent older person, sora is thrown off when her patient turns out to be a kind-hearted young man. wip notes: this story is like a little bug nibbling at the back of my brain. i might bump it up after i grab lunch with a friend who is an occupational therapist. miiiight just annoy her with 100+ questions XD

babysitting

rating: T warnings: none! category: gen status: one chapter posted on ao3, 2,737 words genres/cw: humor, domestic fluff? as domestic as the donquixote family gets at least, canon-compliant, dark humor characters: gladius, dellinger, doflamingo summary: “What’s the matter, Gladius, are you afraid of little Dellinger?” “Horrified, sir.” wip notes: i posted this ages ago and got a few comments kindly requesting the second chapter so. yes. it is coming. i have a loose plan. gladius is going to end up taking dellinger to that grocery store. the grocery store will not remain standing by the end of the story 👍

corazón de oro

rating: gen warnings: none! category: gen status: complete, oneshot, 2,785 words genres/cw: hurt/comfort, grief/mourning, nightmares, canon-compliant characters: rosinante, law summary: “Love, it’s…kind of like a leap of faith. You take your dive, you give them your heart. And you can only hope they’ll catch it when you land.” worth clarifying, not a ship wip notes: adding another chapter soon! i have this idea in mind revolving around this idea of rosi and law discussing religion 👀 (outside of my field of expertise tho, so i may take a bit with this one)

dofladile story

rating: M warnings: none category: M/M status: one and a half chapters of rough draft written, but idk where i'm going with it genres/cw: canon-plausible, humor, angst, maybe light smut? idk characters: doflamingo, crocodile relationships: doflamingo x crocodile conceptual summary: somehow, doflamingo convinced crocodile to take a visit over to dressrosa. his lovely guest is not as lovely as he was anticipating. wip notes: i'll go through phases of working on this and adding like, 1000 or so words at a time, and then i'll take a huge break. they're both very difficult for me to write in a canon-plausible setting. so much thinking.

band au?

rating: ??? warnings: none category: ??? status: purely conceptual genres/cw: modern au, band au, uhhh. sex and drugs i dunno characters: rosinante, bell-mere, smoker, hina, others. probably relationships: ??? conceptual summary: ??? wip notes: SORRY i have nothing for this other than a band (the four listed characters) and a few lyrics in a little notes document on my phone. might turn this into more of an art project than a story. yet to be determined.

01746 sequel

rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence category: gen, M/M, F/M status: fragment of the first chapter written, mostly conceptual genres/cw: canon plausible, angst, mental health issues, alcoholism, pirates are evil, especially doflamingo, dark themes, unhealthy relationships characters: doflamingo, donquixote family, crocodile, sora? (oc) viola conceptual summary: the death of the heart left a gap for many. some filled that hole with shovels and dirt. others used lead. wip notes: uh, yeah, pretty much the label on the can. picks up directly where 01746 left off. doflamingo is making his way towards dressrosa, trying to pick up the pieces. idk if sora's going to be in this. if she is, i think she might join baroque works. we'll see. this one's going to require a boatload of planning, so i'll get around to it next century.

make sure you check out my #gensbthb tag too, for details on upcoming projects for the bad things happens bingo event. i write those very randomly so there's no saying when another will pop up.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2022-11-28

It's almost December what the hell

Listening: I am an Actual Factual Rick Astley Fan, I have two CD's in my desk right this second, and I have had "Take me to your heart" stuck in my head for days. I get rickrolled by other Rick Astley songs, get on my level.

So very 80's. The synths. The backing chorus. The hair.

Watching: Double features, both unexpected, both courtesy of my brother.

Saw Bullet Train, 2022 Brad Pitt action movie based on the Maria Beetle hitman/revenge thriller novel. Good action comedy, what if half a dozen mercenaries were all on a bullet train all vying for the same prize for different reasons.

A few points where it shows off by delivering a detailed backstory for a new character with a rapid flashback through their history with immensely complicated action scenes shown for three seconds each seems more like a peacock-feather-esque self-handicapping flex but damn if it isn't funny.

Also went to see The Menu in theaters, which is a fantastic dark humour/horror thing with Ralph Fiennes and Anya Taylor-Joy where Fiennes is the weirdly intense head chef of an exclusive restaurant and Taylor-Joy is a dinner date brought along at the last minute who throws a spanner in his elaborate menu plan. Worth watching, beautifully shot, hilarious and manages to be unbelievably tense without ever really being scary.

Reading: among other things, flipping through the good parts of Ignition! now that I have a copy again, I gave my one away to my niece because she likes rockets and needs a better introduction to the power of chemical bonds than her teachers can muster.

As much fun as the later chapters are some of the best ones are the early ones where we were really just fucking around and seeing what happens when you put aromatic amines in a bottle with some RFNA and shake it around a bit.

Making: More sewing, trying and failing to fix up the drill press which will be fixed... soon. Something broke the wires inside our pulse oximeter so I threw some solder at that and now it works again.

Playing: Tried to get back in to Ace Combat 7, but the mission I'm stuck on is kicking my ass. I've resolved to set a limit of a dozen tries and if I can't improve by then I'll restart the campaign one level of difficulty lower. Frustrating, because I'm missing the target score by like, 8%, it's so close.

Tools and Equipment: the running backstitch! Someone on here mentioned it so I looked it up, neat thing, much faster than conventional backstitch without giving up much holding performance. For structural seams that don't really need to be *that* strong, they're a good choice. I backstitch habitually for basically everything but it is nice to have an option that's faster.

[little-corritrice]

| The Mafia | ~ Part 22 ~

Genre: Mafia Au, Fanfiction

Pairing: N/A

Rating: Fluff

Warnings: Slight Fight

Synopsis ~ y/n was just living her life, but when she ran into troubles of her past, she found herself being auctioned off to a mafia named Ateez. Within her time, she soon finds another whom she knows...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I laid in bed as I had woken up, trying to fall back asleep. Just as I was about to start snoring off, there was a knock at my door. I whined, kicking the sheets like a kid. "Come in." I said, Jeongin popping his head in. I smiled, looking at him from the pillow, my head resting comfortably. "Am I bothering?" He whispered and I scoffed, patting the bed. "You can never bother, Innie. Come here." I said, sitting up as he came in, already suited up for the mission. "What's the matter, love?" I asked, stroking his hair as I sat on my knees next to him. "Chan needs you downstairs so we can get ready to leave." He whispered and I smiled, nodding. "Alright. I'll be down in 10." I said, and he smiled, nodding his head. I leaned forward, kissing his head as he got up, walking out of my room.

I got up from bed, running to the bathroom as I stated the shower, gathering my clothes as the water warmed up. I jumped in, quickly doing everything I need before I jumped out, drying myself completely. I threw my outfit on, strapping all my weapons in.

I had my 2 guns, my 2 shuriken's (ninja stars), and my dagger. I grabbed my necklace, tucking it under my shirt. I grabbed my phone, putting it in my pocket before I walked out, going inside. Everyone was gathered in the living room, all sitting talking about what they were going to be doing, and their roles. I plopped next to Changbin and Felix, both wearing some nice looking suits. I grabbed Changbin's arm, giving his bicep a little squeeze. I giggled out as he pulled his arm away, smacking my hand away.

I yawned as they finally stopped explaining. "So basically, I have to go up to the roof, unplug and plug some shit in, and then jump into a helicopter that will fly by?" I summed up and Chan groaned again, shaking his head. "y/n, for the last time. You're not going to jump because it'll land." He said, and I threw a pillow at him. "Stop spoiling my imagination, Channie." I whined, standing up. "Well, what are we waiting for? I got a helicopter I need to jump into. From a building. One that's like 80 stories high." I exaggerated, flipping my imaginary hair as we walked to the garage. "God..." Chan mumbled, and I laughed. "Wait, whos car's are we taking?" I asked, and everyone stopped as well. "I'll take the older ones, you take the younger ones." He said, and I nodded. "That includes you, Hannie." I smiled, tugging him back as he was about to walk with them. "But I'm literally a year younger!" He whined, and I patted his shoulder, opening the door to my Subaru before he got in, complaining and whining.

I followed after Chan, all of us blasting music as we sang our hearts out before the mission. "Someone better record me jumping into the helicopter." I laughed at my joke, along with everyone else. "Hey, maybe after this, we can go to that ramen shop again. Those noodles were good." I said, and Seungmin and Jeongin nodded, telling Han all about the food and what they have. I smiled as I looked at them all, diverting my attention back to the road as they continued on. Within 30 minutes, we were parked across the street from the huge building, and I hummed as I put my earpiece in. "Everyone copy?" Changbin asked. A chorus "Yes." "Yep." "Copy." came through the earpiece, and we got out, Seungmin pulling me closer to him as we approached the building. "The stairwell is near the control room. Changbin can get you in, but you're on your own after that." He said, and I nodded. "Don't worry. I got this." I smiled, patting his chest as I jogged around the building, meeting up with Changbin.

~ ~ ~

Dropping the guy from my hold, I let out a breath, stretching my back. "Gosh, I'm getting old." I groaned as I popped my back, a loud crack ringing through the air. Changbin was panting as he looked at me, shaking his head. "You only took out one person." He complained, composing himself as we continued walking. "You said you got it, so I let you have it." I shrugged, and I heard someone laugh over the earpiece. I saw my door on my left, and stopped by it. "Welp, this is me. Guess I'll see ya in a bit." I said, opening the door and walking in, but Changbin pulled me back, and I smiled. "Be careful, sunshine. Don't do anything dumb." He said, and I huffed, pouting slightly. "You know that's what I do best." I whined and he chuckled, pulling me into a hug. "I'm serious." He said, and I sighed. "I'll be fine, Binnie. Promise" I smiled, kissing his cheek.

~ ~ ~

Climbing up the stairs, I huffed as I took a break. "I don't got this." I huffed out, panting slightly. "What's wrong, angel? Too many stairs?" Minho teased, and I groaned out. "Way too many." I said, getting back up. "Why didn't you just take the elevator? There was one if you just kept walking straight." Hyunjin said, and I cried out quietly, slamming my hands against the wall. "And no one told me this?!" I whispered out, hearing everyone laugh. "I hate you guys." I mumbled, continuing up the stairs. I was about to keep talking, but the door to my right opened, and a guy yanked me in, tossing me to the floor. I yelled out, getting back up. "Your not supposed to be in this area." The guy yelled, lunging for me with his electric baton. "y/n?!" The guys yelled out, panic in their voice. "I'm fine. Dandy even." I yelled out, blocking the guys hits.

[joytraveler]

21. Blasting Machine

The title comes up from the bottom of the screen in huge letters, and explodes to bits as soon as Start is pressed.

"Oops I'll clean that up, s'fine"

aroseahorseboy: good going! think you can cause any more damage in ten seconds?!

"I just tapped it! Some shoddy construction on this thing, I'll tell you what"

Bee52: You gon tap dat logo or what

The game is a top-down exploration game, like the original Zelda but with a pickaxe instead of a sword. The first screen is dominated by a huge machine, some sort of giant smelter? It looks like you can put things into it via a conveyor belt, but Bea doesn't have any items yet.

"WITH MY FACTORY. I CAN MAKE ERASERS. THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT NEED TO BE ERASED."

berd_snurglar: bea don't do that voice again ever ok thx DueyDecimal: Little Queen Bea is a horrifying thought No offense to Bea!

Bea searches around, smashing rocks with the pickaxe for hunks of ore, and often just picking up junk on the side. Lots of old appliances, enough that she has no room in her inventory for the busted TV set when she finds it!

"Ohohohoh, I'm coming back for you baby! I think I know where this is going and the kid in me is real excited to blow things up!"

HNV: Pickaxe? Collecting and scavenging? Did someone invent Minecraft back in the 80s and now Notch owes them his fortune? Llord_Kuruku: if yes: good if no: we need a yes because that would be good

Even with the inventory full, Bea can still inspect things, and there's plenty of appliances left. Surprisingly, all of them have their name brands intact: Instant Pot, Sunbeam toaster oven, Whirlpool washer/dryer.

Syrupentine: This game reminds me of the Sears Wish Book for some reason

When she returns to the machine, sure enough, it's time to start blasting! You get a close up of each object as it's sent down to the blasting chamber to be hit with a beam of heat! The ray intensifies and the player is treated to a spectacular exploding (or melting) of pixels!

"WOOOOO, BLASTING MACHIIIINE!" Bea kicks up her legs, then scrambles as she almost knocks down her setup

"Is this all you do? I'd be pretty content about that actually"

DueyDecimal: It's very elaborage for a game where you just blow up old stuff! aroseahorseboy: what about those ore chunks you collected, can you blast those, or trade them for something?

"Looks like there might be some recipes? Not recipes, blueprints. Nothing I can do yet, but- oh." Blasting some objects yields bits of metal she can collect again. "all right, and it looks like I can upgrade the machine too! I dunno what bigger things I need to be blasting?"

TaichouSenseiKun: Blast your neighbor's car into several bicycles. It will be impossible to ride them all!

Bea's on her way back to get the TV set when something slithers across the screen quickly. "Whoo, okay, anyone see that? I am now worrying"

Syrupentine: We got so used to it being a sandbox game we forgot that there might be a plot!!

"Maybe if we don't move the plot won't be able to get us.." She warily walks to some bushes where the thing went and hid..

aroseahorseboy: please be a cute harmless friend please please please

[acquired GARTER SNAKE]

"Our first party member!"

Klickitat_Street: Oh, it’s an item. IT’S AN ITEM??

"Why is it an...........................Oh, you're not serious."

HNV: Deeply Disturbed Child Simulator 2015

Indeed, you can catch frogs down near the river, a bird if you're fast enough when it lands. A cat wanders about on one of the further screens but Bea just goes for the TV set.

"This is really, really kind of not okay with me?" She giggles painfully as she makes her way back to the machine. "Can I just keep them in my inventory and we can ignore the implications.."

aroseahorseboy: this is a long shot but maybe you’re supposed to fuse them with the ore chunks to make cyborgs or something I HOPE

"all right, let's.. let's try this one.." Bea groans. "Snake plus Three iron ingots.. I really hope this isn't gonna be that bad"

aroseahorseboy is just barely peeking through his fins to watch TaichouSenseiKun forces aro's fins apart aroseahorseboy has sunglasses on underneath HAH TaichouSenseiKun pulls them off aroseahorseboy: Ah. I see my plan has hit a snag HNV: I couldn’t even play Pikmin, what is with these games where you’re forced to harm little animals?

There's a tense, disturbing moment as the snake begins to rush around the blast chamber.. but the blast is just a big bright flash.

[Made SNAKE CHAIN lv.1!]

The new weapon is a scaly looking length of chain with a fanged tip. It can be used as both a whip and a grappling hook! "Whoah.. Oh this is kind of neat is it wrong I feel that way? Is this how it feels to be Dr. Robotnik?"

Glockroach: yeah cool but its still dead. I think? Syrupentine: It hisses when you swing it? I’m hoping that means it’s still alive... Baconnaise: Bea you did this you take good care of that snake chain try a bird next, everyone hates birds SugaGlydah: ;n; I like birbs but i get they're not for everybody Glockroach: Thank god, Sugar is here. Now run. SugaGlydah: why what- OH aroseahorseboy: that’s what my older relatives all want to do with my bird “that’s no pet that’s DINNER, guffaw haw haw” having them threaten to turn it into a gun or something would be better!

"Like this?" BLAST!

[Made CROW BAR lv. 1!]

"Oh, it's a tool, I guess. And a bad pun. Well, who could resist?"

DueyDecimal: I bet if you put them together it becomes a NUNCHUCKATRICE! HNV: So are you making weapons just to stockpile, or is there something you can do with them?

Two frogs can make a pair of boots, though, that let you hop over small gaps. And the TV, broken down, can be remade into a set of body armor! "I guess that's a good question, we should go back to see what we can do now!"

All around the machine are barriers that Bea can now overcome with her new tools: the Crow Bar lets her open up a boarded-up door in a decrepit house, and there’s a crevice west of this screen that can be jumped with the frog boots.

When the door is opened, monsters start to stream out— gray zombies with broken TVs for heads!

SugaGlydah also screms because good lord Baconnaise: That was some real terror right there Bea HNV: Watch! Yourself! Don’t fall off of the shelf!

"I'm, I'm-" She runs away as quickly as she can to the point she can hit them with the snake chain.

It’s not a strong weapon at all; one of them goes down after five hits, but there’s still six crowding around her!

DueyDecimal: What kind of animal can she turn into a shotgun?? Glockroach: Just smash two normal guns together, boom, shotgun

"Actually my pickaxe is better agains them than anything, oddly. However I am going to be dead soon I should probably flee"

HNV: Catch a bird, birdshotgun

One of the zombies gets a little running start and dashes at Bea's character, tackling him to the ground!

SugaGlydah: D: Baconnaise: Well crap Maybe they just want a hug Bee52: Dogpile on Bea! That's Dog + Atomic pile + Bee

Three more zombies launch themselves into the pile, and Bea's character is now being carried by the four of them-- not back into the house, but toward the spawning area, where the machine is located.

"HEYYY everyone! No hard feelings, right?? I mean how could I have known I was blastin' one of your heads before, ya know, we all make mistakes and if we fry we can never correct 'em!"

Baconnaise: I think maybe you were supposed to put the TV on your head to disguise yourself? Just a thought aroseahorseboy: wow this is Sierra Game brutal

Back at the Blasting Machine (as one would assume it's called), the zombies hold Bea's character in the air as one of them rummages through the junk heaps and finds yet another TV; then they load the player character and the TV onto the conveyor belt.

DueyDecimal: ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

"Y'ever been really impressed by something and also hated it? HAAAAALP!!!" She's been jamming on buttons all this time, but it seems to just be a cutscene. "We can reset now right? All I did was make some hapless animals into implements of destruction, is that really a crime?"

burd_snerglar: i mean it depends on the state or province aroseahorseboy: if this is trying to make a point against body modification then I don’t appreciate it. if it’s making a point against having a broken TV for a head though... well i guess i have no argument there. Glockroach: Speak for yourself, kiddo. I still get three channels

The Machine activates, and Bea's character pops out as another grey-skinned zombie... and shuffles off with the rest.

There's no 'game over' screen, though; the game simply starts again, with a new character sprite entering the junkyard! This one seems to be a female character, or at least has twin ponytails.

"This has been really. Hm. It's really BEEN, hasn't it? It sure has been here and existed for us to see it. I hope. And I think it deserves a whole nother session to itself because it looks like there's a lot there, but DAMN."

aroseahorseboy: O!~! I get it i thought it would be a shooting game but it's BLASTING as in a BLAST FURNACE HNV: well, you know what they always say he who dealt it, smelts it

>Bea has left the room.

SugaGlydah: Bea wait! Glockroach: she's just going to take a shot I think HNV: I’d apologize but that’s kind of an accomplishment on my part

aroseahorseboy: dude I fcuking PITY whatever comes next, blasting machine rips

[the-firebird69]

We are experiencing several women who think they know about our son but they're not sure. And it is very strange that they don't understand is from the same clan and you've seen them so they're not getting it and he will start growing fairly soon and we have estimated 2 weeks.

--we do see that Trump is serious about his adamant position about putting our son on the street and really it won't happen he's got places to go and he's ridiculous but that's what he's up to it is costing him more money to be here and he doesn't have to be

--there's several reasons why he would stay the only reason would be if they're still treating if you're just letting it sit there it's not a great reason or if it's wet and it's not wet anymore it's very dry and the walls on his side practically they're probably about 80% and normally they're 90% so they're fairly dry and 10% isn't going to do anything

--with that said we are saying something to the little idiot that if you don't renew he goes back to his apartment big deal and people are going to figure it out Tuesday and they're going to figure out it's a dump all around but our son doesn't care he needs a place to stay and Stan will say it's fine and her son has paid the rent until December and he is not really happy with what you people are doing but really if you don't renew or extend he will try and find another hotel and if not he'll go to the apartment and it's not a big deal this time but we think that we will become aggressive today as we already are and that's what we want to mention now. And you've just been tortured from you are not at all worth having him do anything near you are disgustingly awful every second of the day you're saying stupid things and we are probably you and you won't shut your stupid mouth you been like this forever but now we're not going to take it and you're going down pal and there's nothing you can do about it buddy and in a few hours you're going to figure it out you're stuck in Allegiant is going to be up for sale so have a nice day loser

Thor Freya

We've been waiting for this moment and we're going to make it happen and wsre going to take his stuff. We do hear it's bja sekling and we're going to get in front of everyone else. And push you off and buy it and he's selling because he thinks he's pretty sharp and you can catch us and he thinks it will show up if we have stock and it's not enough stock yet he only has 20%, some of the others are selling some at 5% and once we get that we will become aggressive

Hera

This is true we're going to go for it we do know why he's selling and we know what it's about and he is about to do it and we are about to buy it all and we will start to infiltrate more so and the Mac proper want us to do it as well we're also working on Trump's shares and he's stating he might sell some

Thor Freya all at all today there's 35 shares that will be up for sale and Trump might throw some in at 5:00 and tomorrow 15 that would be enough for us to have a majority share and we'll see what they do

We are prepared to buy as much stock as everybody sells and as fast as they sell it and we will outbid anyone. Trump might want us to own it and to put our kid out even if we own it and he is up to that

Olympus

Wow that offer is enticing and I have done it before to people and it is just a rude thing to say because it's really nice but he says is I'll go back to the apartment and kick you out of there and own the hotel and kick you out of the hotel when I say is that's pretty bad and probably what he'll do if I managed to push him out because he's able to go back there

Trump

Duh ok the guys Chuck beef

Zues

No kidding lol

Hera

Look I need the money for stuff

Trump

Lol haha wow you're ridiculous it's true too you're going to sell off the hotel and lose it and if you push them out and go back to his apartment and be sitting there saving money waiting for you and your son to die I mean this is disgusting you're so dumb and the whole group actually I hate your movies for a bunch of pricks and losers just give him his money back and call it a day trump you spaz

Mac daddy I can order you to do it and threatened areas but you don't give a s*** and you don't even say you have the program anymore so what gives here what's your problem pal you don't care if you die or stuff

Actually I've had enough of it I don't really want to die but I can't do what people want I do hear what you're saying I'm sitting here bothering him and abusing you're saying no and I keep doing it and get killed but that's what I'm doing in my prerogative

Trump

it will not be your prerogative much longer cuz you won't exist apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger destroys you as he should and you are messing with his governorship every probably 2 hours the entire time

Zues Hera

I'm going to get you a piece of s***

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I've had enough of this it seems like that's where I die and that's what it's going to happen and he's going to get me and he really should and it looks like it's a ways away but people are saying not really. The pseudo Empire has the terminators too so I'm not really looking forward to this kind of thing but really I should because it's an end to a disastrous life and a waste of time they say it's really gross people are celebrating it and stuff so I have to get even with them

Trump

If you try to put me out on the street you're going to go in the street in movies and your real life and yeah for a weeks in a row until you're dead Trump I'm sick of you doing that to me you're going to do it to you you poor piece of s***

Zues

Haha

Hera

We are going to do that and we're going to get it done and if he starts he's out and he's going to go camping and all sorts of stuff

Thor Freya

Like your American European vacation with national lampoon that kind of s*** okay stupid go look at it get out there take a look at monument valley I mean what a hose bag and you can go back over there with Clint Eastwood stupid prock

Zues Hera

I sort of see that it's going to happen it's not very fun but that's what it is and I'm going to be checking out and actually sucks but I actually do deserve it and messed up so many people took somebody people's stuff and I'm a failure pretty much knew it was going to do this and fail too

Trump

Good you're going to die and you admit it that's nice way to make it happen we make it happen

Mac daddy

Yeah we're going to do that and get rid of you

Mike tew

What a piece of s*** we should have gotten rid of you a long time ago you piece of s*** I see how bad it is and what he's been saying and you're on him and you just won't do anything else and he's going to take over where he's right now that's ridiculous nobody does that anymore and he's going to do it and take it over and you're stupid Trump

Justin

We'll catch you it is when they're doing it and we'll be able to see who it is and I got to tell you they're going to be right there in the stock exchange

Oh bja is doing it is going to keep me out okay I'll have to sell more shares

Trump

Yeah that'll fix it you're f****** weirdo

Go by shares in the homeless coalition you don't even own the place you don't have any power there you're a piece of dumbass and these people f*** you up if you go there and you're probably going to go there first and they're going to make sure that you're silent

Mac daddy

Yes we will

Female vagrant from the herald shelter

We're not really vagrants but we do it a lot cuz of this a****** Trump and we found him screwing with us said look buddy we're already poor what's your f****** problem and we said it to him several times in our language which is English like above and he kept on doing it it was supposed to see you doing it now to grab his hands and we tell him to stop doing it and he try and keep doing it and I'll tell you what we need to use violence on him we got the knives out and you go outside and stuff and we'd like him in broad daylight right in front of the place and his blood is on the sidewalk and he's got a lot of money and we started threatening him for money and it's working

Second vagrant woman

We don't have to be from a different race and we started to knife him too and we're getting money and we really need that money really bad

Third vagrant women

We're going to try and do it to him I'm so sick of being poor I can't stand it anymore

First black vagrant

I can't stand that f***** I know what to do now I saw them doing it and it works

Leroy

Olympus

Badass man in the whole damn town so he loses the fight and they went outside with knives

[realmysticism13]

How does she know me?

In the 80s I worked as a department store manager. At that time it was in a very good position. We lived well. 4-room apartment in the center of the resort town, house outside the city, husband, beautiful daughter. Yes, yes, in that order. The material side of life interested me the most. I measured everything and everything in money. I even mistreated my mother. My mother lived in the village with her drunken husband.

She asked me to take her to her place, but I refused her. I was ashamed in front of my friends for the fact that my mother was rustic, uncultured.

One day my family and I went out of town for a weekend. Our house stood next to the forest, and there was a well in the forest, water was taken from there. I went to get water and met my grandmother there, who was trying to pull a bucket out of the well. I stand and wait for her to pull out the bucket. Grandma turned to me without even turning her head in my direction.

Well, Lena, aren't you also going to help me, an elderly woman? You see, I've become weak, I can't get the bucket out. And you take half a bucket.

And then it comes to me: "How does she know me?"Grandma turned her head, it was my mother at an advanced age, all wrinkled. My mother was not even 50 years old at that time. And this grandmother looked like she was 90 years old. I stood there and couldn't believe my eyes! And my grandmother tells me:

Half a bucket, you say? Now, Lena, you will live half of your life!

Grandma pulled the rope with force and pulled out the bucket, and the water in the bucket was kind of muddy, gray. I stood rooted to the spot. Grandma went into the woods. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was scared, I felt sorry for myself at that moment!

Without going into details, I will say that six months later I bought a car, borrowed money for it at interest from local bandits. Soon I was fired from my job, and on the same day my husband had an accident and crashed his car. There was nothing to pay the bandits, and the interest began to drip. I had to sell my house outside the city. But this money was not enough. My husband left me. I was looking for a decent job.

It was 1991. Anyone who remembers that time will understand how difficult it was to get a job, and, of course, I needed a decent job. In short, a year and a half later, my daughter and I were already living with my mother in the village. The bandits took my apartment away from me. I left the apartment with my daughter in what we were wearing, and that's it!

We didn't live with my mom for long, my stepfather beat me up, and my mother got me drunk and kicked me out of the house. His daughter stayed with them, he didn't touch her, he loved her, he didn't have children of his own, but he always dreamt of a daughter.

I came to my resort town with a truck driver.

For the next 7 years I lived in a landfill. Yes, yes, I lived in a landfill, ate what I found in piles of freshly prepared garbage. I remember with sadness that I once used only French cosmetics, wore silk robes and often dined in a restaurant. And now I eat bread with mold, walk around in someone's discarded underwear and rejoice when I manage to find whole underpants of my size, drink vodka from a mug with a broken handle. I still felt sorry for myself!

One day I went to a city where I was hit by a car. I spent 1.5 months in the hospital. Once a girl was brought to the hospital, she looked like my daughter. The girl needed a kidney transplant. I learned from the nurses that she had no relatives, those who could give her their kidneys. In general, now I have one kidney.

After the operation, I had a dream in which I was kneeling by a well in the forest. Grandma stood with her back to me and tried to pull the bucket out of the well. I offered to help her. She answered me:

Well, I'll manage on my own. That's who you are, look at you. How can you help me? and she laughed.

She pulled out the bucket with ease. She turned to face me, and her face was young. The most ordinary girl.

Veronica (the girl I gave the kidney to) helped me get back on my feet. I didn't go back to the dump anymore. At first I lived with Veronica, worked as a salesman in a store, then rented an apartment. When everything got better, I went to my mother in the village. Strangers lived in my mom's house, they told me that my mom died a year ago, and my stepfather died 5 years ago. My daughter got married, sold her house and went to the city with her husband.

I found my daughter 4 years ago. I came to her, I thought she wouldn't let me in. Let me in. We sat with her and talked. She doesn't hold a grudge against me. I asked her:

Maybe, daughter, what do you need? So tell me, and I'll do anything for you. Well, I'll manage on my own. That's who you are, look at you. How can you help me?

The hair on my head was already moving from her answer.

[tombeane-blog]

You've Been Served - Cease And Desist

"My body's old but it ain't impaired

I don't need your rockin' chair"

George Jones - "I Don't Need Your Rocking Chair"

I've been noticing changes in how those around me are acting lately.  I'm trying to find a way to respond so that I don't sound like some crabby ill-tempered old relic.

Some possible phrasing responses come to mind:

"Thanks, but I would really appreciate it you would not..."

or,

"I understand your concern but..."

or maybe,

"That's OK, I think I remember how to..."

but in the end I've decided I need to be a crystal clear and use a less passive-aggressive phrase.

"Knock It Off."

Everyone around me should watch a few episodes of the old British sit-com Keeping Up Appearances where, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) constantly micromanages her hapless retired husband.

(During a drive in the country) "Watch out for that cow, dear!"

"But the cows are way over there in the middle of the pasture, Hyacinth!"

"Yes, dear, but they are within your field of view."  "Don't be so defensive dear."

Now I know how Arnold Schwarzenegger felt when he realized he had lost 50% of his strength.  Even though he was still 60% stronger than every other person around him - he soon started hearing his relatives say things like, "Here Arnold, let me open that pickle jar for you."

Even our President isn't immune from the old man treatment.  Every 5 or 6 times he trips, stumbles or falls - the Ultra-Maga crowd starts blaming it on his age screaming, "Look at that bumbling old fool."  There is absolutely no need for this ageist stereotyping.  The word old has no place here. (As if 9 month old toddlers don't fall over at least as often as our 80 year old President.  C'mon Man!) 

Then there's the once-or-thrice a week when the our President seems a teeny tiny bit incoherent by speaking backwards or substituting verbs for nouns and adverbs for adnouns.  They should give him the respect he's due and note that he rarely confuses dangling participles with pendulous gender particulars - backward or forward. 

Not everyone is a great articulator. 

If he occasionally mis-remembers the finite details of the time he swam the length of Yangtze River while handcuffed or the last time he was President when he brought us out of the Great Depression while confined to a wheelchair, or that time he simultaneously attended West Point and the Naval Academy on football scholarships and lost to himself in the Army-Navy game - so what?  We all know that this is just standard campaign rhetoric.

I only bring thus up to illustrate that Joe and I are the same age. (I'm not sure why.)

I understand that there will come a time when I will need some help - then later more help - then finally a lot of help.  

I also know precisely when that time will come..... that time will come exactly..... not now.

I get it and I'm coming to grips with my age - like If I'm in the Costco with one of my grandsons, I'm not gonna argue with him over who picks up that 50lb bag of dog food.  

And if I'm shopping all alone, I'll happily let that young store clerk toss it into my cart.  And I'll even give him a wink and a quick, "Thanks young whippersnapper, here's a Werther's Hard Candy for your trouble."

But I'm not ready for everyone around me to start treating me like a toddler.  Ignore the drool.  I'm just as healthy as you.

My wife gets a pass.  She's been lovingly treating my like a low voltage dolt since we got married and it has nothing to do with my age so I'm just gonna grandfather her in.

Maybe I need to move far away from everyone that knows me in order to escape the gradually more oppressive, however well meaning, helpful control.  

My old stomping grounds in Texas might be the place.....

Maybe when total strangers at the Bob's Barbecued Croissants fast food franchise in Bug Tussle, Texas start noticing my cognitive collapse - I guess that'll be the sign that the jig is up. 

"Sir, stop pulling on the door sir."

"Kicking it won't help, sir."   

"Put the gun away, sir - no Commies in here."  

"Sir, those doors open out, not in."  

"Sir?"

When that happens I guess they will just stick me in the back seat, buckle me up and take me somewhere safe and restful.  

Until then...