#syrupentine

[joytraveler]

Joy Traveler: Screen 5

(Sunday, August 9, 2015)

normalnancy: hi magic -*-MAGIC_*_ hi who are you Llord_Kuruku: Hope Bea shows up soon HNV: Geez, who even are all these people? anthony1998x: an1 here from cali say yo normalnancy: hi lord kurku normalnancy: hi hnv berd_snerglar: She's usually on by now wtf. GlockRoach: u think she got freaked out aroseahorseboy: nah, bea has enviable chill

Bea arrives at last, looking a little worn. "Son of a bee it's been kind of a crazy night but okay. All good now, thanks for waiting! Had a little drama in the hive"

"BEA YOU FORGOT TO FEED THE DOGS!" "...hang on.."

anthony1998x: wtf r your parents here??? HNV: Dude, she's a millennial, we ALL live with our parents. Llord_Kuruku: ohmygodareyoufuckingserious. bea you have to show us the dogs aroseahorseboy: doggiiiiies

"Okay! Ready, my swarm!" She returns. "No, no, get down! You got wet paws! Out! I need an actual studio for this or something instead of just my nerd room, don't I"

"Welcome once again to Press Bea, picking up with Joy Traveler, part 5, and things have been...weird. We had Box Baby 2 and learned more about the Spanunkos and I haven't gone any further.. yet. It's tempting but I want to plumb the mysteries of this machine with my hive by my side! No I'm not scared!"

normalnancy: hi bea DueyDecimal: This gets more awesome every episode you guys, seriously calm down and watch bug_snuggler: bea can you play some of the actual good games you have GlockRoach: Dude you gotta stop changing your name every time, pick one. pick that one. Syrupentine: Everyone calm down, Bea can play what she wants... which is going to be more Planet of Pisces, right??

"Well I was thinking, I'll pick one to start and then you guys can pick the next, seems to work out pretty well most of the time"

DueyDecimal: I like that. aroseahorseboy: buckle up buzzers

Screen 5 shows a pastoral scene with a sunny field, a swimming hole, and a tree with a tire swing! Seated in front are two children, a boy and a girl, holding hands with their backs to the camera. In the sky appear the names of the 12 games for this screen:

49: Berry Batty 50: Teddy Bear Ballet 51: Impact Crate 52: Pralines & Cream 53: Whack-O Golf 54: Planet of Pisces 2: For Super Players 55: Kaveman 56: Crosswalk 57: Whirlwind Football 58: Fuzzed 59: Cat Rate 60: Sunny Spring Mornings

aroseahorseboy: is... is that... Syrupentine: omg omg omg POP2!!! Llord_Kuruku: HOLY SHHIIIIIIIII HNV: It's a trap! Play the last one, that's got to be a fakeout!

"Ok I know what you guys are thinking, and it IS a weird order but I don't think that really means anything. Crosswalk just sounds dull but we've though that before.. Oh you know what's boring? Golf!"

Syrupentine: ...Golf. DueyDecimal: God has forsaken us. snug_buggler: guys we can leave til the boring is over. why u hate us bea?

"Remember what this game did to soccer? And cooking? And other sports? Cooking is a sport you can't tell me otherwise"

HNV: Oh shit, you know what shows up in sports games, right? Llord_Kuruku: ...Spanunko time? HNV: Totally Spanunko time!

"DANGIT, how could I forget. Sure they're evil undead abominations but who can resist the thrill of competition..."

DueyDecimal: And they barf evil tapeworms! aroseahorseboy: my my yes it would be a shame to ever forget that

[joytraveler]

"......." Bea takes a little shot of honey bourbon before this one. "LLLGRrkk... wow, that's horrible. Okay, we're doing this. A lot of you weren't here for BB but it was.. yeah, y'know, weird and kind of threatening. At first! But the next time we met, I think we made friends!"

Baconnaise: Hellbaby thinks Bea is mum TaichouSenseiKun: We'll make it a new mom, with ParentBuilder 2 DueyDecimal: Is that a game on this too? TaichouSenseiKun: Not yet but we rule nothing out anymore


#72: BOX BABY 3

This game has a graphical change from the first two. The wrapped gift is now on the left side on the screen with the 'astronaut' on the right. The 'astronaut' is also wearing a blue suit rather than the original yellow. Also, the dialogue is in capital and lowercase letters, rather than all caps.

[Hello there.] [I know you can hear me.] [I know you can understand me.] [...] [I also know you don't like me.]

"Who told you that?" She frowns. "I mean, we got off to a rough start. Are you feeling okay there? ...Bea Talks At Games, The Show.."

HNV: Hey, at least you're not as bipolar as the box.

[...] [I'm right, aren't I?] [It's okay to say so. (Y/N)]

"No no no, don't be that way, we's cool! Right? Give Beas a chance?" [N], hoping it means no i don't dislike you and not no i don't like you..

>aroseahorseboy has entered the chat. aroseahorseboy: we're cool i'm sorry i made drama there guys. Klickitat_Street: Uh, she meant the game? But we're glad you're OK now.

"Heya seahawse, we're talking to BB again! Let's all BEE on our best behavior!"

HNV: I told Aro we were playing BB3 and he perked right up

[Come on, let's be honest with each other.] [I know I'm not the one you want to talk to.] [...I haven't seen her lately.] [That was going to be your next question, right? (Y/N)]

"Her? Who her, Redhead Mom? No.." [N] "Haven't seen her in a while, actually, but you must know each other, right?"

TaichouSenseiKun: Are we sure this is box baby we're talking to pigbarrel: Of course, it's the same beeping noise as it types out its text as last time. that's like the voice of a game character that doesn't talk aroseahorseboy: no no guys i figured it out WE ARE THE BOX Glockroach: you're a idiot, get out pigbarrel: we are each a dot on the box.. a speck in this great universe...... Baconnaise: This planet of Meat

[She hasn't come back yet.] [...] [It's you and me now, you know.] [Whether you like it or not.] HNV: Whoever's talking, they don't have as many questions this time

"I think someone switched boxes on us between games here. Get a box that isn't full of Jerk, please"

"Maybe it's the Monsters Inc. HazMat guy on the side there, what's your deal? I like the blue actually, you look less like a Neptunian"

[I like you. ] [No, really!] [Well, I like you better than the others do]. [They're afraid of you, aren't they? (Y/N)]

Bea makes the scariest face she can into the camera. "WELL?? ARE YOU???" she hisses

aroseahorseboy: aaaagh cringe HNV: I fear and respect the B-box Bee52: the Bea box! Glockroach: Bea-elzebib *bub TaichouSenseiKun: that's the bib she wears as she eats your soul

"Yeah gonna go with No on that one"

[You're not fooling anyone. You know they are.] [Because they know what you can do.] [Especially the big one.] [He's the one who wants to change you.] [Me?] [I'm the one who wants to be your friend.]

Llord_Kuruku: yeah, that's me, I'm The Big One

"Maybe the box has six personalities, one for each side, depending how it got flipped over that day.. I wanna be friends too but you gotta be good, okay?"

DueyDecimal: Cool, the box is like the Dodecahedron from The Phantom Tollbooth (a book you should all read)!

[...] [Her?] [Well, what about her?] [Don't you think that if she wanted to see you...] [She'd have come by now? ]

HNV: Wow, the game is as curious where Joyce went as we are

"Start talkin', Boxy. Tell me what you know and I won't let the dog have you"

[...] [You see what I mean.] [I'm the one who can protect you from him.] [I'm the one who's taken her place for you.] [...] [I'm the one who decides whether or not to let you out.]

TaichouSenseiKun: Again, who's talking here aroseahorseboy: kinda wish I was wrong but I called it

"Yeah and who's "him"? Did you do something with my horrible scary square child??"

[...] [No, I'm not kidding.] [Don't try to tell me you'd given up on that.] (Y/N)

"No, not giving up but.. I dunno, am I the bad guy here? What's happening? If that's true why am I a weird jerk.." she frowns.

[I thought not.] [Do you want me to let you out?] (Y)

There's no "no" option for that one.

"That would be nice, please.. " she says quietly as the horror washes over her. "Watch, I'm gonna Game Over myself in a second here"

HNV: Maybe there'll be a new death animation at least?

[Good.] [But it's not just that simple.] [I know what you can do for me in return.] [Do you remember what you told her you'd do for her?] (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: is there going to be a quiz? DueyDecimal: I remember! A computer the size of a sesame seed!

"Ulp... yyyeah? I am a Bea of my word, even if it gets me in trouble.. I'm not gonna betray Joyce though, I can't do that!" [Y]

[Don't sound so surprised-- we were recording everything.] [That's what I want, you see; the things you promised her.] [All of them.] [Can you make me rich beyond my wildest dreams?] (Y/N)

"Sure, you can be my treasury secretary. No, I don't think I can do that but what the heck do I say??"

Glockroach: Bilk 'em for everything they got DueyDecimal: That was something the box offered Joyce before, do you think it was lying?

Bea is still weirded out and confused, but her fingers eventually find their way to [Y]

Syrupentine: (COVERS EYES)

"I don't know if I can afford to say no..." She grits her teeth and awaits the worst! Looks like that was the correct answer, though, there's no Game Over message.

[That computer the size of a poppyseed-- can you make that for me?]

"If I can't I'm sure we can figure it out! Any tech geniuses in here? Anyone? Duey?"

DueyDecimal: Iiii'm afraid I'm more of the sociological kind of genius... but saying yes seems to be your best bet?

[Real friends, you can get me those? The ones who won't abandon either of us.] (Y/ N)

"Sure can, on today's episode of Bea Lies Her Ass Off! Well, maybe I can get them to join my fandom!" [Y]

Box_Baby_420: You know i love you Bea

[Can you change ME, though? Make me handsome? Tall, even?] (Y/N)

HNV: UH-oh, someone has short man's disease and needs a Box Baby Aspirin

"I think we have a rack somewhere, we can stretch you out Gonzo style. Handsome, can't help you there. Have you tried not being a giant creep yet?"

[You said you could make her famous, too. I don't want that, though.] [Can you make me unfindable?] (Y/N)

Syrupentine: Yes, blue creep, disappear

"Sure, like I said, join the beehive! Then nobody will want to talk to you!" [Y]

DueyDecimal: ...Ouch, Bea. :S

"I"m sorry you know I love you guys more than anything, honest"

[And I mean untraceable.] [Invisible.] [Well, not literally invisible. You know what I mean.] [Of course you do. You understand idioms.] [You know she's not really your mother, for example.]

"Oh I forgot for a while, I thought I had been birthed from a video game! Er, no offense."

pigbarrel: bea you can't have two moms, don't be a mom-hog

"Like hell I can't, this is America!!"

[...No, you're not a real baby.] [We never feed you. You never sleep or laugh or cry.] [...] [Oh? ] [And what do you look like when you cry?] [Do you want to see what you really look like?] (Y/N)

Klickitat_Street: .......I am curious.

"I'm not, can we stop? We got more pages we can play!" She finally hits Y after the room starts getting impatient. "We are going to be a beautiful child, and don't try to convince me otherwise!"

aroseahorseboy: box needs a mom. everyone needs a mom. glem needed his mom too. Glockroach: Dammit seahorse, my old wounds Baconnaise: He's right, though aroseahorseboy: i'm aromantic but that doesn't cover moms

[Do you want to see her again?] (Y) [There isn't a 'No' option for this question.] [Are you going to give me the things I asked for?] (Y/N)

"I think you're going go be disappointed, but, you've got it, dinglenuts. If you did anything to Joyce or.. Royn or Crom or any of the others, I will hack you so fast"

HNV: do we have the chance to jump out of the box and grab this guy's mask off?

"I know how to hack. You dopple down into the mainframe, then defeat the enemy core"

Baconnaise: There's usually a dungeon involved

[Don't forget who did this for you.] [It wasn't her. It was me.]

The lid of the box opens, and the screen fades to black.

Syrupentine: Can I look now? aroseahorseboy: ...ominous

"SO! How we holdin' up, I'm great, no prpbleems wif meee nop." Bea has melted down into her chair a bit.

aroseahorseboy: maybe i don't feel better yet but you don't look good either Syrupentine: You're amazing, Bea, I couldn't handle something like that game HNV: Seriously, I can't believe we're almost half done! It felt like this took a year!

"Yeah HNV, and these are getting intense, right?? I feel like I had an actual baby."

Baconnaise: Bea, no, you have no idea aroseahorseboy: and you don't even get a baby as a reward actually maybe your reward is that you don't have to have a baby

"We better at least get to meet Boxy in person after all this! I'm really kind of worried about them now, anyone else?"

Glockroach: Kid owes you a good whuppin' for setting him up with that freako

"We don't even know for sure what that was! Coulda been another box, another baby, another, eviler mom"

DueyDecimal: So! Does anyone want to hear my theory on Box Baby's true identity? Because here it comes! TaichouSenseiKun: It was me, sorry I'd been meaning to tell you aroseahorseboy: what did you see in the box??? TaichouSenseiKun: Dark HNV: How dramatic DueyDecimal: I think what's in the box is the Joy Traveler itself! It's telling us its own story! DueyDecimal: Yes, I have absolutely NO evidence for this and am completely pulling it out of my ass, but I stand by it!

"It did come in a box. It COULD make someone's dreams come true, provided they're game related. We've seen the tools ourselves!"

aroseahorseboy: oh shit yeaaah! Klickitat_Street: Bea, were you going to do a stream where you play with the game maker more?

"I"m going to dedicate a whole stream to that somewhere down the line, maybe sooner than later. We could use the unwind, and yet we all want to keep going, don't we"

Syrupentine: Do we get a preview of screen 7? Or are you keeping us in suspense all week...

"Hey how do you keep a bunch of nerds in suspense?" She gets up and goes off for a glass of water!

"Okay, sorry, sorry, here we go"

HNV: BEA YOU MONSTER aroseahorseboy: just for that i'm naming my baby after duey instead

Screen 7 shows an image of a car driving down a long driveway to a house; the car has a big JUST MARRIED message written on it, and cans tied to the bumper like in the cartoons!

"What?? JOY in Joy Traveler, what's happening here??"

pigbarrel: soon they'll change it to "just buried"

The menu shown in the sky shows 12 more games:

73. Felinja

74. Super Water Polo

75. Kwaseed

76. Foot War

77. Party On, Planet of Pisces

78. Insecticide

79. Death Master II: The Lord Of Death

80. Freak Show Starring The Hero

81. Run The Gauntlet

82. Imagination: The Game

83. Box Baby World

84. Make Your Promise

DueyDecimal: Finally, they made a game about your imagination! Llord_Kuruku: wait, is that like the prequel to Keep Your Promise?

[joytraveler]

#71: Paradise Mall

This looks like a stripped-down version of those familiar "Tycoon" games, wherein you're given a map of a barebones mall and you have a certain amount of money to open various stores; some of them have more profit opportunity, while others profit less but bring more customers in.

Strangely, you're told what strategic value the stores have, but not what any of them sell or do! pigbarrel: these are rather nondescript object parlors. I don't want to eat a food court in a place like this!!

Syrupentine: None of these look like bookstores. Your mall is bad, Bea. :C TaichouSenseiKun: The bookstore is the secret hidden shop you find when on an unrelated side quest Baconnaise: This is true

"Buy some crap from us, you know that you want to- Ohh, I can do a sale but then I'll sell out too quickly if I'm not careful!"

Glockroach: Sell out of what? HNV: Widgets? Possibly blingwads?

"I don't know!! We're meant to use our imagination! Here's the arcade and the snack shop, and down on the right is the Suncoast Video?? Oh, this IS a haunted game..."

Once all the stores are placed for the first day, the tiny stickmen representing customers begin to file in! Some stores get a lot of traffic and make their rent back quickly, while others are soundly ignored. The customers are divided into pink and blue types, each of whom goes to a different kind of store, although some attract both!

Baconnaise: Is this a metaphor for something

"It's a metaphor for mad values and Bea's Bargain Nightmare Emporium!"

DueyDecimal: Seems like less a metaphor and more of a love letter to capitalism at its most ungodly blatant! The dollars you pay with say THIS IS YOUR GOD!

At the close of the day, you can decide which stores to assign more workers to and which ones to cut the open hours of. Strangely, some of the busiest stores are already short employees.

The first time Bea can't give one all the employees it needs, though... the store sticks out a chameleon-like tongue and grabs a customer!

Glockroach: Oh. pigbarrel: !!! TaichouSenseiKun: THEY HUNGER Baconnaise: Oh this IS the food court DueyDecimal: GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO BE RIGHT

"Sorry the dog was bothering me, what happened?" Bea stops to read up and down the alarmed comments! "What. Wait, WHAT?" Well, the does have the right amount of employees suddenly..

The gameplay has changed a bit-- it becomes necessary to move certain stores to different locations, because now that they've tasted customers, they get greedy for them! So the Bupco has to be between the Nerpco and the Glookenburg's, because Bupco wants to eat female customers and those two only attract male customers...

Now customers are starting to SEE the stores engulfing other customers, though, so it becomes necessary to steer a frightened customer into the path of a hungry store-- or else your attendance goes down the next day.

HNV: Bad word of mouth. Or, more likely, word of bad mouths.

"Now I have to play signs and advertise for... whatever these are. I mean you get what you pay for I guess"

pigbarrel: good morning i'd like one cup of being eaten alive please

[joytraveler]

61. Special Treat For Super Players

The screen goes black, and one by one, sixty stars light up on the screen, which must be the game counting up how many games you've finished. When all sixty stars disappear, Joyce's face reappears with that same big smile.

["You are a wonderful player! You make me feel very appreciated. Thanks from Joy Traveler!"

["Did you know that many of the games in this collection were made by children?"]

Joyce hides her mouth but you can tell she's giggling. ["Sometimes it shows! But the children made them all by themselves! And now..."]

She slides off the screen and is replaced with a new logo: JOY GAME MAKER. ["...so can you!"]

"AaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa!!!" Bea, who looked like she was on the brink of dozing off, is suddenly full of energy and spinning around in her chair! Good thing she put down the controller first! "HOW DO I DO IT! Tell me moooore..."

Baconnaise: Bea. You're drooling. Chill. aroseahorseboy I'M drooling HNV: I don't think you'll be able to do much, you don't have a keyboard!

Upon pressing start, the player is brought to a screen with what looks like a big schoolroom, with Joyce herself sitting at the desk at the front. Every element in the room seems to have a function. There's an art easel, which is presumably for drawing sprites; a piano, for music; a tape recorder; a map on the wall; and an open door leading to the playground outside. Hard to tell what some of these things mean at this point! Looks like you can select Joyce too.

Bea has quickly doodled several of her followers as bees (their "beesonas") before she even clicks on Joyce, presumably for tips on how to actually MAKE a game. "I should probably have realized sooner that you guys won't actually be able to PLAY this but, too late now"

Syrupentine: YOU DREW HONEY SYRUP! *dies happy*

When you pick Joyce, she stands up and pulls down a screen, prompting:

[What kind of game would you like to make?]

There are at least 30 different game models to make, starting with side-scroller, shmup, 2D fighter, all the way to JRPG and Board Game!

She selects 2D fighter! "FIGHT FOR MY AFFECTION, HAHAAH!!"

The screen closes and returns to the classroom, but now "2D Fighter" is written on the chalkboard-- and two people are practicing fighting outside the window! Looks like that's where the game design happens.

When Bea chooses the playground, she takes control of Glem! By standing on different spots and pressing the shoulder buttons, she can change how he handles, making him faster or slower, jumping higher or lower, even changing his friction against the ground.

aroseahorseboy: is it odd to anyone that we're making a game in a genre that we haven't even seen yet in this collection?

"Well there's got to be at least one, or it wouldn't have the option!" she tries to adjust the controls to make a good balance of strength and speed. "Too floaty, too slow.. there we go, just right"

berd_snurglar: make mine a bumblebee cuz i bumble shit up all the time lol

"FINALLY! Ok, I think, maybe, we can take this for a test run now, at the very least. Thanks for your patience, guys! ....Guys?"

"...Well that's it for Press Bea today, see you tomorrow with more Joy Traveler!"

aroseahorseboy: no no i'm awake, kinda

When Bea chooses the computer disk to save her game, a truck also appears labeled "Export".

She selects it right away, not really thinking. "And off into the wild you go, little friend."

Options appear: [ PC / Mac / Android / iOS ]

".... PC, I guess? This thing's got wireless??"

[Compiling...]

A 'document' opens up with 36 pages to view. Each page has what Bea at first takes to be meaningless garbage, until she scrolls down and sees the boxes in the corners-- they're actually highly complex QR codes.

Baconnaise: Ok anyone speak robot talk GlockRoach: Bea my character has a special move. he has a gun. his special move is he just fucking shoots people with his gun Please put this in berd_snurglar: guys this is a program file that looks like it checks out except bea didn't do shit Klickitat_Street: This is fucking Objective-C... and you wrote it by mooshing a little man around on screen. I write code for a living, Bea. They're paying me to come in, eat donuts, and write things that are less elegant than this.

"NO IDEA WHAT I DID.. That's how kids made these games, it really was just that easy. I thought this was supposed to be a bunch of games for kids, but it's game for kids to make games with!"

GlockRoach: Well that explains a lot Syrupentine: I hope "Renk" finishes his game someday! GlockRoach: He's probably like ten or twenty years older by now at least. Or dead.

"This is ahead of its time NOW, I can't imagine it's all that old!" She looks for a way to test the game itself

Klickitat_Street: It can't be THAT much older if this lets you export to ios and android?

There's a poster of a movie clapboard that says 'action' on the wall; when she chooses it, Bea's game launches!

BUZZKILL! (that's the title she wrote in the fat cartoony font she chose)

Two angry little bees duel with their stingers on the title screen! Pressing start takes you to SELECT YOUR BEE!

"I can't play this because I can't believe it. Sorry, I can't...BEElieve it!"

Syrupentine: I wonder if there's something to let you make a random game... ...that's what the bingo cage on the desk is for, isn't it!!

"Let's find out!" she says. Syrup's bee just defeated Glock's anyway! Sadly she, too, perishes shortly after, having lost her stinger. "Uh.. maybe I can edit that out later"

Syrupentine: I can't believe you put that in... T_T ...I mean literally, that the game even gave you the option to make that happen! GlockRoach: GOTCHA BITCH

"Hey hey be civil now, if I can find out how to send this to you you can just kill each other that way!"

Zooming in on the bingo cage, it spins a few times and spits out a bunch of balls. They're decorated with symbols that aren't immediately meaningful, but there are some familiar icons, including some sprites from other games. Two more balls form a button: OK ?

berd_snurglar: i see some old friends of ours

"Let's see what you come up with on your own, game!"

[Compiling...]

A blue stone title screen pops up with the name written in block letters: PIZZA HERO.

After a moment, though, Joyce's face leans in, looking sheepish. "Is this title okay? If there's anything you don't like in a randomized game, you can pause and change it any time!"

"Looks good to me, Joyce! I come up with worse titles all the time! Besides, those are two things I like, can't go too wrong!”

When the game starts, the player is lost in a deep, dark forest, with only one person in sight to talk to. The player, however, is the green fuzzball from Fuzzed, and the NPC is an Angul! It's not attacking, though.

When Bea approaches the Angul, a dialogue box opens up:

[O BRAVE HERO, WE PRESENT TO THEE A QUEST!] [YOU MUST RETURN THE PIZZA OF COURAGE!]

[joytraveler]

Planet of Pisces 2

(Second attempt)

When the game starts again, the graphics are back to normal, to Bea's relief and the rest of the viewers. But, as soon as she loses a life, the Glem sprite starts to glitch out-- his hair is replaced by the letter G!

"DAMMIT G, get out of here and go eat something else! Am I gonna have to get through this without dying at all?? I am, aren't I.."

berg_snurglar: git gud, bea. git real gud real fast

The game may be far harder than the first, but she makes it past old ED the Angul this time. The next segment requires a highly precise set of wall-jumps over lava, on moving walls. Before she knows it, Glem's stomach is an E-- and the walls have grown double D's!

GlockRoach: double D joke goes here cause someone has to

"I have to dodge the spiny guys here but then the lava droplets shoot up and it's HARD to concentrate when everything's turning into the alphabet around me!"

One more fall and Glem's face has been replaced by an L-- his whole sprite is mostly the word "GLE", now.

"Wheel of Bea's Misfortune. Do I get an extra life or something if I spell his name?" Now it's a section where she has to duck into little side caverns, to dodge the huge torrents of lava that come flowing down the tunnel periodically.

The M she needs to spell his name is in the lava, every three or four little caverns it goes by but it seems like you don't want to dive in and grab it!

Finally, after several tense minutes of stress-inducing platforming, Bea brings Glem to the boss door, which has a big D on it.

HNV: Oh no, Ed's waiting back there, isn't he

"I can spell GLED, is that close enough?" she takes a moment to prepare mentally. Whatever the boss is it's bound to be tough, and she'll have to contend with whatever glitches are thrown at her. But she's feeling uneasy in a way she hasn't since Box Baby.

When Bea enters, though, it's a new boss-- in fact, it's that one she saw in the end cast roll, Wuggykins! It's a grossly fat, barely mobile reptilian thing, like Kraid combined with Jabba the Hutt, wearing an absurd blond flip wig!

Syrupentine: snrrk

"I was expecting.. Never mind, let's take him down! I feel a little silly, I was getting worried but this guy doesn't seem that bad. Famous last words, I know."

Wuggykins is not a pushover, but seems significantly sillier than the rest of the game. It (she?) gives hysterical shrieks when struck with the Discus, but also throws its (her?) own Discuses-- well, actually, they're plates, some of which still have food on them that will restore Glem's health!

HNV: What is this, Greg's spoiled daughter? Does he have his own Koopalings??

With the food plates restoring Glem's life meter, the fight is going on and on-- and every time Wuggykins lands a hit on Glem, another sprite tile glitches out becomes a letter. By the third hit, it's becoming clear what the letters are spelling.

Klickitat_Street: Why does it keep saying that?? DueyDecimal: You're playing Glem right now, aren't you? He's not dead! aroseahorseboy: maybe we're all dead and in hell and this is our paranoid delusion

"Yeah, well if 'GLEM DIED' could he still be doing THIS??" she says, scoring another blow on the monster. "What, is this supposed to be spooking me out? This game still doesn't know who it's messing with here! I don't spook. And I that's why I don't play most horror games, I'm just so fear proof that why bother!"

The fat monster is getting more and more wild, spilling out plates in a fan pattern now, letters filling the screen like alphabet soup.

Then, accidentally, in process of dodging, Bea maneuvers Glem just right to complete the full eight-letter phrase on the screen-- and it autocompletes itself:

[GLEM DIED and it was my fault]

Glockroach: wait wut

Some of the letters that were cluttering Glem's sprite come away with the words, but soon it happens again:

[GLEM DIED but that wasn't what i wanted]

berd_snurglar: who's supposed to be talking, is it the monster? what do you know that we don't, chubs

The letters are starting to fill the screen now.

[GLEM DIED but i couldn't stop it] [GLEM DIED and i was trying to help] [GLEM DIED because i wasn't ready] [GLEM DIED and i can't bring him back] [GLEM DIED and i never meant to hurt her] [GLEM DIED because i was jealous]

"Uugh, this is getting annoying. And kind of upsetting. This is probably some dialogue that's gonna come up later, like a bad ending? We've seen before this thing is screwy sometimes.. Man.. if I'm right this is gonna be quite the downer but at least it warned us.."

Syrupentine: I'm glad we're on a stream, I'd be scared as hell if I were playing this alone! DueyDecimal: Woody was right, WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS??

[GLEM DIED and it still feels like yesterday] [GLEM DIED but i didn't get what i wanted] [GLEM DIED laughing at my foolishness ] [GLEM DIED while his mother made pancakes] [GLEM DIED and nobody saw it but me] [GLEM DIED and i cannot replace him]

The boss fight doesn't end. Eventually neither the Glem graphic nor the boss can be seen. More phrases, lamentory and bitter, pile up on the screen.

"Come on guys, it's not over yet! We don't really even know what it means yet... uh.." her face falls as she continues reading, barely able to concentrate on the game.

...game? What game?

"I can't tell where I am! I can't see anything else, and I can't see the attacks, this is impossible!"

berd_snurglar: bea hit reset it's just glitchig up. try again next time aroseahorseboy: the irony here is, the boss still hasn't killed you so glem still hasn't died GlockRoach: Something that stinks around here and it ain't me for once

She tries listening. Even though everything is just clusters of letters, she keeps mashing buttons and listening for the boss's cries. "Now the sound's getting all f'd up, I dunno if you guys can hear but it sounds like bad sound bites of the text"

HNV: Yeah, this game is starting to feel sort of disingenuous. Do you think this was tampered with, Bea? Like, hacked?

"That, or it's not 'finished', like some of the others. The whole machine is a mysterious mess anyhow. This SUCKS, I was so looking forward to this game. Sorry guys but I guess this is where it ends, at least for now"

"G U R E E M U D A A I D U"

DueyDecimal: HOLY aroseahorseboy: now i need a mop Klickitat_Street: that sounded like a narwhal being eaten by a xerox mahine...

"WELLLL it's getting late isn't it! Time to wrap this one up for now, ahaha!" Bea's quick to reach for the reset button!

The last line written remains on the screen even after she resets:

[GLEM DIED and i can never apologize]

"You think that was bad try having it in your ears, FUCK"

Finally the 'Summer Vacation' screen returns.

Klickitat_Street: It's been a grueling twelve games DueyDecimal: You deserve another reward for being good, Bea. :(

"I'm fine, just tired. Spaced out for a minute there. Just feeling weird. Creeped. Worried. Sad. But otherwise, I'm great!"

DueyDecimal: I know, Bea. Look at the next screen, see if it's worth continuing next week-- maybe you'll have something to look forward to!

"Sure Duey, I do it for you. I admit I'm sort of ready for a vacation after that but here's a little preview!"


61: Special Treat For Super Players

62: Metal Warrior

63: Marsha Mallow

64: Spacial Delivery

65: The Wizard Of Ice

66: Planet of Pisces II

67: Bobotown

68: Hungry Hungry Every Day

69: Super Nova!

70: Brass Knuckles Boxing

71: Paradise Mall

72: Box Baby 3

"Hmmm, you know folks, you're right, I DO deserve a treat. Stream extended!" She's quick to choose 61! "I did my best, after all, under the circumstances!"

aroseahorseboy: i don't think there's any video games left for her to give you Syrupentine: ANOTHER POP2??? :DDD

"Yeah, POP2.5: Don't Freak Us The Hell Out!"

"I kind of just want to see a friendly face at the moment! I should be giving her something.. What do you get a collection of data as a present?"

DueyDecimal: Fan art challenge! Draw Bea giving Joyce a present!

[joytraveler]

51. Impact Crate

A block pushing puzzle game in the vein of Sokoban or Lolo. As a hulking warehouse worker, your shrimpy boss give you orders to bring in bigger and bigger boxes.

Bea's doing her best Bluto impression. "Hmmm, gonna put this box over here, that'll show 'em! Thinks he can put one over on ME, eh? Why, I'll show the little runt how a REAL man stacks boxes!"

DueyDecimal: ..for a cute girl you do way too good of a Bluto impression.

That's all you seem to do. Stack boxes. And stack and stack and stack... they keep coming in, but they never clear out! "Er.. this is what I'm supposed to be doing right?" Another game with no score, no timer.. and the boxes keep getting more oddly shaped and hard to stack. Some of them aren't boxes at all.

"Wh...what is this?" she says as a tall, cloth-wrapped object arrives. "Is that a person?? It.. has legs? I think?"

Llord_Kuruku: Bea, your big dude is getting bigger, is this okay y/n

"Oh you musta missed it, I upgraded to a bigger guy... yeah you can do that if you talk to the little manager guy after you stack enough boxes." The sprite is the same, just larger. She keeps stacking the boxes and..bodies? Mummies? Whatever they are. Looks like she's out of room, until she discovers you can go outside the warehouse!

HNV: CMC?

He's referring to a sign outside the warehouse, which has those letters and a snowy mountain logo.

Klickitat_Street: corpse massing corporation, HNV GlockRoach: I need a 4x4 crate and a 3 week old carcass, where can I get both? Oh how convenient

You can walk back and forth in front of the warehouse. There are other buildings, houses.. but they all look abandoned. The warehouse is the only place that doesn't look dilapidated.

"I have several dozen questions...." says Bea. But suddenly an alert appears, and a timer!

[GET BACK TO WORK! 10...9...8...]

"Oh no, coming boss! crapcrapcrapcrap" She throws down the crate she's carrying and books it back to the warehouse. "I just have to keep throwing them outside, I don't have time to do anything else, aaaagh!"

Back in the warehouse, things are even more chaotic, and the boss is furious-- thankfully, not at the player character, he's yelling on the phone. The boxes are all out of order-- one is lumbering around.

Baconnaise: Your gonk droid is loose

"I've had enough of sassy boxes for a while, I'll tell you that much" she says, trying to get everything rearranged, she has to have her character jump and stand on the box until it calms down! Then stacking, then more boxes, then, then, then...

"I, I'm stuck!" she says. She's ended up boxing herself into a corner! "Uh hey boss can we maybe get a bigger building next time?"

When she can't make any more moves, the boss-- a short, dark-skinned man in glasses-- stands up and shouts. A big dialogue box appears:

[WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS???]

"Good question, little guy" Bea says. The big guy just looks.. dejected. He shuffles towards the door and leaves, pushing some boxes over on his way.

"Wait, so I'm fired?? Come on there's no way I could-" she stops. The tall, cloth- covered things are starting to move. Slowly they inch towards the little boss man.. "Uh...UH..."

She suddenly finds herself back at the game list. "....huh. Game over...?"

berd_snurglar: the fuck was that bea i'm starting to think this game is weird DueyDecimal: Anyone else think the big guy looked familiar? GlockRoach: Glem's dad used to work on the box, union's been on strike, he's down on his luck, it's tough, so tough (guitar riff) Syrupentine: When you've got so many games on one cartridge, you reuse sprites where you can... To make room for unreleased Nintendo games from the future, y'know

"I'm still not sure that's even real. How could it be? ...But I played a few other games since then, PS1 stuff, GameCube, Xbox One.. everything works, even if I can't really play em with this controller. Someone with the right qualifications really oughta open this thing up and find out how it works... When I'm done with it!"

[joytraveler]

53. Whack-O Golf

The title screen pops up: wacky carnival music starts playing. The letters in "Whack- O Golf" bounce around like basketballs before landing in place, some of them still giggling and squirming.

"Wait, is this going to be mini golf? The only form of golf that really matters?" 

Klickitat_Street: Apparently the people who brought you Fatty Bear's Birthday Surprise made a golf game?

Stage 1 begins, and yes, this is a miniature golf game-- except it's the size of a real golf game. There's a giant green shaped like the state of California, and it's filled with obstacles-- you have to make your way from San Diego to the hole, which is in the Transamerica Building!

snug_buggler: super golf world Baconnaise: Well this is a stately game

"All right I think that if I can clear the Golden Gate I can do this in only a few shots, have some birdies to spare, then I can pick up the spare at the bottom of the ninth! SPORTS WORDS!"

There is no player character, just a disembodied golf club. Like all NES-era golf games (and most since), it's mostly a matter of stopping a meter when the pointer is in the green zone.

"...Huh. Anyone seen a you-know-what yet?" she scans the background. "Maybe it's just the club this time."

GlockRoach: You're just the floating, possessed club of arnold palmer..wait he's not dead my bad Baconnaise: He didn't die, he has Ascended to being a drink

With her first thwack, she does in fact clear the Golden Gate... until a chimpanzee grabs the ball out of midair, screams, "NOOO!" and hurls it to the ground in a dead stop.

DueyDecimal: Well! That was... a thing. slug_juggler: i'm glad they got the san diego zoo in the game somehow

Bea just looks into the camera. When she's finally done laughing... "I don't know, I mean, what can I even say about that"

aroseahorseboy: someone really liked rise of the planet of the apes? or else they were really hard up for something iconic that happened at the GG bridge

"I'm sure there's some deep meaning behind it but.." Next time she doesn't shoot near the bridge, and at a higher angle.

This time the ball sails past the bridge and enters a grove of giant sequoias, which light up and rattle and buzz like pinball bumpers before spitting her ball out to the south, into Sacramento-- which is patrolled by a big robotic Arnold Schwarzenegger, stomping and breathing fire.

"I can't make the Arnold noise.. AUGH! OOOGH! Forget it. Anyway WHATS HE DOING HERE? And why am I even shocked anymore?"

The game is from a first person view when you putt and move, and follows your ball across the pixelated landscape. A mini map keeps track of where you are and where you want to get to, but right now Bea's afraid to approach the ball, waiting until the Governator has passed before she tries another swing.

HNV: You know, I thought this game was older than this? aroseahorseboy: it probably is, but who would recognize Jerry Brown? HNV: Maybe if they paired him with a giant robot Linda Ronstadt. Syrupentine: who? HNV: Apparently I'm old. Never mind.

When the Governator stomps past and Bea lets her ball fly, it rolls up and down the wires of the Golden Gate (this seems to be a pre-animated cinema sequence) and is deposited on the green near the TransAmerica building!

aroseahorseboy: one two three FOUR FIVE six seven eight NINE TEN eleven twelve, doo doododoodododo

"I'm so good at sporks! Y'know I don't think whoever made this has ever been to California.. which is odd because this is exactly what it's like"

DueyDecimal: For those of you who don't know, Bea is from California! anthony1998x: yeah everyone, a/s/l

"Representin! Hell yeah! We have no water!" She does a fist pump. "Ok but.. Mr. Spanunko? Hello? Here boy! Not that I'm eager for one to show up"

One putt later, the buildings all dance... or maybe it's an earthquake. Course complete, and only one over par!

The next course has no 'green' at all, but it seems to be represented by frost crystals-- it takes place inside a refrigerator. Condiments and leftovers form the obstacles, and the hole is the eye in a ribeye steak!

GlockRoach: Steak your claim.

"I hate you most" Bea responds as she struggles in a ketchup trap! "Is this miniature golf because we're shrinking?"

HNV: Somehow I doubt you're going to find a Spanunko in here... aroseahorseboy: you went from bigger than California to smaller than a hamburger hope you're happy, all you jerks who tell her to lose weight

Boop. Boop. She takes small swings because there are a lot of stuff to avoid, some of which looks past its prime. "Weird-ass mini golf, and friendly reminder that refrigeration only delays, not prevents, food death.. So go eat everything in yours right now"

A complicated maze of crumpled cling-wrap gives way to a large piece of Swiss cheese sitting on a plate uncovered.

HNV: Clearly they were referring to Tom & Jerry cartoons rather than their own refrigerators when they made this. Klickitat_Street: Well, there'd be no challenge in a golf course made up of old six-pack rings and a box of baking soda.

When Bea putts the ball into the cheese, it rolls all around, in and out of the holes... and suddenly out comes a swarm of the tapeworms!

"It's probably good baking soda... all right let me sink this and then we canAAAAAAGH" she starts reflexively swinging the club at the worms! "I do not like them in my cheese, I do not like them on my knees!"

Llord_Kuruku: there's your spanunko, this is one of their fridges!

"That's not a place I want to be!" She keeps swinging just trying to get the ball out of there!

Luck is on Bea's side. Her next swing sends the ball into a hole in the cheese, and out another hole, straight into the steak. Birdie!

"Swing wildly like your life depends on it because it might. That's how you play golf!"

Course 3 is egregiously unfair-- it's a bathtub, in which the ball must be hit from bath toy to bath toy in order to be sunk into the overflow drain.

Klickitat_Street: Pants off, everyone!

This goes on.. and on.. and ON until the audience can hear Bea's teeth grinding. "Go in the hole. No. Wrong. In the hole. No, not in the water, in.." Oh dear, she's starting to turn red as the ketchup from last stage!

HNV: Hey, um, Bea. Maybe... we could pick a new game now. IF YOU'RE OK WITH THAT.

"NO I AIN'T OKAY WITH THAT! I'm super okay with it"

[joytraveler]

Syrupentine: Bea I know you've had enough feels for the day but... DO YOU SEE WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM

"Nope. Nope. Not doing it. Nope. Nope." She looks.

Baconnaise: she's gonna- yep Bee52: DON'T DO IT HNV: <palpatine voice> DEWWIT TaichouSenseiKun: play more plant of pickel ButterflyDefect: Bea did you hear about undertale Lolrandom1: does anyone have nudes of bea

"Yeah but you ain't gonna like em, it's all kinds of gross down there you don't even wanna know"

"Sorry but he asked for it" She goes back to the game... What doth it say?

48. Box Baby 2

Like Box Baby 1, the game has no title screen. The astronaut and the box are still in their same places. The gameplay is again limited to answering yes or no questions.

[YOU'RE BACK.] [THAT'S GOOD.] [...]

"Hello, horrible cube thing." She groans. She really doesn't like these ones but might as well get it over with. "Seen these astronauts before too, I think that's what they are. Or chibi Moltars from Space Ghost."

[I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO LET ME OUT.] [I UNDERSTAND WHY NOW...] [AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.] [...]

"Last time? The million game overs?" She searches for the Y/N command, prepared to deny the box!

[I WANT TO COME OUT SO MUCH.] [BUT YOU PROBABLY HAVE A GOOD REASON TO KEEP ME HERE.]

[...] [I HAVE AN IDEA.] [CAN WE PLAY A GAME?] (Y/N)

"Aw, hell. Really? I don't trust you ONE INCH. But I have to play something or it isn't much of a show." She hovers back and forth between options... Before choosing Y. "Y, as in WHY are you so weird and ominous"

[I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO LET ME OUT AGAIN.] [YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO IT, THOUGH.] [I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY 'YES'.] [ARE YOU READY?] (Y/N)

ButterflyDefect: <picture of Admiral Ackbar> DueyDecimal: IT'S A-- damn you beat me pigbarrel: no, all you're saying is whether you're ready or not, so it should be okay...

"This is gonna go sidewaaays.." She narrows her eyes at the box, but agrees.

The ellipsis takes a long time to type... The box seems to be deciding whether it trusts her either.

[...] [WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW?] (Y/N)

HNV: oh shit do or die time

"Well let me think it over NO!"

GAME OVER. The image this time is different, though-- the box itself has turned black and collapsed, like a rotting jack o' lantern.

"OHTHATSSOMEBULLSHIT!!!!!"

Baconnaise: Jeez that almost blew out the speakers aroseahorseboy: you can't go changing the rules like that! ButterflyDefect: it DID say it was just pretend though Baconnaise: (not the speakers, you know what I mean) Glockroach: you hurt the box's feelings, you monster

"Oh no, it's dead?! ...Good." Bea's got an evil grin. "Wait, so is it game over for me, or the box? Let's do this again, see if it's really switched up."

She tries to go back to start the game over, if she can? It starts right over-- looks like there's no quitting out of this one, just like last time.

[...] [WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW?] (Y/N)

When Bea answers yes (since there's no other option), there's another long pause, so long that she begins to wonder if the game has frozen. But finally...

[...] [FOR REAL?] (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: let it out bea it is a fremb HNV: are you saying for REAL-real or pretend-real? Syrupentine: It's gonna be Thing 1 and Thing 2 MaxPower: I'm-a livin' in a box, I'm-a livin' in a cardboard box

"The TENSION! Can even a box like this change its ways?" >YES "Hell maybe it's learned it's lesson, but I doubt it. Anyway the rules are reversed

now!" YOU'RE NOT KIDDING? (Y/N)

YOU'LL REALLY DO IT? (Y/N) aroseahorseboy: omg box is SO EXCITED Glockroach: Just like the other one, this isn't much of a game, is it? I could make a better game than this

"Yeah fine, fine. This still feels like a trick but I'm placing the blame firmly on you guys, you ALL wanted me to play the box game... No you want me to play Super Tuna Adventure 2, blame reverting to me"

[...] [I'M SO HAPPY.] [I'M GOING TO GET TO SEE THE OUTSIDE NOW.] [JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY, I THINK.] [IF I CRY, IS THAT OKAY?] (Y/N)

"HELL NAW, you gotta be a hardass mean sumbitch like me and punch kittens. Yes dude you can cry, just don't melt your box again huh?"

"Jeez, this poor thing.." She says quietly, briefly slipping out of 'entertainment' mode.

[...] [WILL I GET TO SEE YOU ON THE OUTSIDE?] (Y/N)

ButterflyDefect: I want to see it, what's IN this box???

"Me too! It feels like we're old friends no, in a weird way. Frenemies!"

Baconnaise: Didn't it say it would murder you last time berd_snurglar: but you're playing a game this time! In a game... HNV: this is not a game. This is the work of the devil!

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY ELSE, YOU SEE. CAN WE BE FRIENDS? (Y/N)

SugahGlyda: no, be frembs

"Box Baby, it's been a rough road but I'm glad you're opening up to me like this" >Y

Glockroach: HES GONNA PULL SOME SHIT I KNOW IT

WILL WE STILL BE FRIENDS IF I MAKE A MISTAKE? (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: oh god here we go, what kind of mistake? aroseahorseboy: maggots in the eyes kind of mistake? bonsleydale: Maggie is my fav, prfct baby

"We all make mistakes, I can teach you my box child. Or I would if you were real" 

WHAT ABOUT IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG ON PURPOSE? (Y/N)

berd_snurglar: okay back in weird and ominous town

"No, that is uncool li'l bab." She hovers over N, before selecting Y. "I get the feeling I'm not going to have much say in the matter.."

...THAT'S NOT OKAY, IS IT.

ButterflyDefect: hey, you're learning! SugahGlyda: good box!

WHAT IF I DID GOOD THINGS FOR YOU? TO SHOW THAT I WAS GRATEFUL? NOT JUST FOR LETTING ME OUT, BUT GRATEFUL TO HAVE A FRIEND? IS THAT WHAT OUTSIDE PEOPLE DO? (Y/N)

"That's right, he CAN be taught! I still hope it's something actually nice and not just something it thinks is nice?"

Glockroach: There's going to be a nice bomb in it

... PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE AREN'T ALONE LIKE THIS, THOUGH. THEY HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SUPPORT THEM. FAMILIES. WILL I HAVE A FAMILY OUT THERE? (Y/N)

Baconnaise: Yeah a whole warehouse full I'll bet ButterflyDefect: Box, you aren't going to have more boxes, are you?

"I'll be out with a box full of little boxes in a week, given them away to good homes." >Y "Knows quite a bit for being stuck in a box all their life!"

ARE YOU IN MY FAMILY? (Y/N) 

ButterflyDefect: UH-oh, Bea

"Bea no likey but Bea agree.. I can't finish this unless I agree, remember. And there's no going back." >Y

berd_snurglar: what if you just walked away and left it like that

... I THINK I KNOW WHO YOU ARE NOW. DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME? (Y/N)

"Yyyyyyeeeah? Bees, help me?" >Y

berd_snurglar: yeah, you say things just to keep it from rotting!

"Right but what am I getting myself into here? Is this going to be like a scary digital pet?"

MaxPower: Bea we're gonna throw you a shower. A box shower Baconnaise: I'd never have guessed, you're hardly showing

"That's not funny. But if I was it'd be all square..."

aroseahorseboy: fan art time!

DO YOU CARE ABOUT MY WELFARE? (Y/N)

Bread_smuggler: welfare, why ya got get political

"Hey, no! Not you, BB, you're cool. Yes I care about your- dangit SpanishRye I was gonna say that, bad bee" >Y

DO YOU EVER MAKE HARD DECISIONS FOR MY SAKE? (Y/N) 

aroseahorseboy: well theres a big f-ing yes

"I'm playing your game, ain't I? I swear this had better be worth it.. I want this game machine to dispense some onion rings, if you want to get me something nice, boxy!"

... ARE YOU MY MOTHER? (Y/N)

Bee52: Shit gettin fruedian now aroseahorseboy: box we were literally just talking about this five minutes ago Bread_smuggler: you're looking pretty square in the middle there, Bea

"I'm gonna square you in a minute. Then I'm gonna divide you" Here goes... >Y "

...

I KNEW IT.

Bee52: ???

... [IF I GET INTO TROUBLE, WILL YOU SCOLD ME?] (Y/N)

"Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, YES, box, yes, we can be creepy weird family together, right?"

HNV: Bea, you'd be a great mom! berd_snurglar: especially for an immobile box

[IF I DO THE RIGHT THING, WILL YOU PRAISE ME] (Y/N)

"I couldn't keep a tamagotchi alive, how am I gonna deal with a box devil spawn?!" >Y

[IF I AM SAD... ... WILL YOU HUG ME?] (Y/N)

"Possibly very hard, yes. Crushingly hard"

aroseahorseboy: I'll hug you box!!!12 ButterflyDefect: never mind shirts I want PLUSH box now

[... I WISH THAT WERE TRUE. ... ... THANK YOU FOR PLAYING MY GAME WITH ME. MAYBE I CAN'T COME OUT OF THIS BOX. MAYBE YOU COULDN'T HUG ME EVEN IF I DID.]

SugahGlyda: box is depressed, hug it now!

"Box Baby? You feeling alright? This really is a whole different side of you. I may eat my words but I think it's being.. sincere."

YOU MEANT SOME OF IT, THOUGH. DIDN'T YOU? (Y/N)

"Yeah, I guess I did. A little here and there. You're a good kid, Charlie box"

There's a very long pause in the action, which seems to confuse Bea.

"or a good box charlie kid, as the.. Case may be. hello? game?"

[. . .] [I LOVE YOU.]

Bea just makes a pathetic whimpering noise. "Yeah, that was more feels all right but not what I expected. all right, I'm just going to do a couple of these goofier ones now. That was intense! Even though it was clear what to do it's the kind of game that makes you think a little. Having said that.. I didn't have any choice this time either, just like the first."

aroseahorseboy: but it's got a contagious disease or something and you can't hug it TaichouSenseiKun: pretty big vocabulary for a baby ButterflyDefect: Nothing to do in there but study!

[joytraveler]

#41: CATCH!!!

A rather simple arcade game, where a little stick-figure character with wildly spinning legs is running along at the bottom of the screen: the screen is filled with skyscrapers and people are tossing their valuables out the window!

SugahGlyda: oh gosh, I like this one already. go stickrunman!

"Yes, toss me your goods into my trustworthy stick arms! How can I catch anything?" He never stops either, you have to keep switching directions as needed! "Jeez too much stick coffee and he really gets going, don't he"

HNV: But why's everyone throwing stuff down at him? Is it like a one- man Mardi Gras parade and everyone's throwing him beads?

"I think everyone just hates him. But hey, I guess if you get hit with a TV and it doesn't kill you you get to keep it!"

You definitely have to judge the weights and danger level of the items you're tossed, a cat will turn into a blinding ball of claws on the way down and a refrigerator will squash you flat!

"Or get this cool hat! Look out world, this is my new look and I'm sassy!" she says as a boot gets stuck on her character's head

Syrupentine: now you can kick the soccer balls away! Maybe.

"The flower pots don't sting as much, I'm sure! Dunno about the fridge- NOPE, can't block that!!"

Someone on the roof is pushing something big off-- a safe! Now things are getting interesting, a whole bunch of other stickmen are crowding around to catch it!

"Get, get outta here ya moochers! This is my safe, I can catch it myself!"

Glockroach: Hey let them help. if you all die it'll be funnier Baconnaise: Bea don't do it!!

As it turns out, having so many hands helps you catch the safe! The hard part is collecting all the goodies that fall out once you toss the safe safely to the ground-- everyone scrambles around to grab them!

"So yeah, what IS going on?? Are they trying to placate us peasants with valuables here, a metaphor for the elites just throwing us scraps.. oh hey, cool necklace!"

The answer comes suddenly as the stick figures gather again under a corner of the building... but this time the person herself jumps!

"Heh, wouldn't it be funny if- NO, not funny!! I retract that statement!!"

SugahGlyda: D: CATCH THEM

Big letters appear on the screen: CATCH!!! You got them! But they don't walk away safely... the woman in a pink dress that you caught suddenly becomes one of the stick figures, her pink pixels bursting away.

".........so uh......"

Baconnaise: Yeah what the fuk

"Welcome to our.. zombie horde, then?"

HNV: Nnnnnnext game.

"Maybe she's just naked for some reason? Well, that would mean they're all- yeah, next game."

Bea pauses, looking at the camera ominously. "Aren't we all stick figures underneath?"

SugahGlyda: *looks down at her twiggy hands* my god... Baconnaise: Speak for yourself DueyDecimal: I am if you're only looking at my nervous system!

[joytraveler]

Death Master 2 (concluded)

The trek into the glowing valley begins, a valley seemingly overgrown with organic polyhedral shapes, like crystals but throbbing with juicy flesh. This area seems to teem strangely with life-- John Brown called it "devoid of death", which seems accurate. Even the rocks crack and bleed like snail shells.

"Ewww, most of these are really terrible but there's a few I would want to pluck off and eat. Like this one, ooh yeah gonna cut it down and save it for later!" No enemies have shown up yet, until she destroys one of the "crystals". What are they..?

TaichouSenseiKun: It looks like they didn't finish designing those ButterflyDefect: Let's assume they just look like that, its even creepier :O

When Alonzo breaks one of the crystals, something comes out, that seems to be gasping for breath, but neither Bea nor her guests can fathom what it's supposed to be.

HNV: Rock wombs???

The stoney, un-living thing is difficult to kill, and Bea tries to avoid breaking any more 'rock sacks' for the rest of the stage.. "Did anyone have that colorful sand crystal stuff as a kid that you would grow in water? Know what I mean? It's like they made one of those a stage and said 'Hey how can we make this disturbing cuz that's what we do here at JT industries!!"

john_brown: no lie, my first published work was an article about those for Buzzfeed this is like coming home

There are surprisingly few enemies to fight in the evil valley, and the ones that are there, shambling zombies, only seem to attack if Alonzo attacks first. In fact, they don't do damage on contact, you can walk right by them! But the valley goes deeper and deeper, forming what looks like a natural amphitheater for what can only be the final encounter...

TaichouSenseiKun: Bea power up your thing SugaGlyda: Yeah Bea, don't mess this up! THE WORLD IS WATCHING. no pressure! The_World: We're just observing, Bea. ButterflyDefect: Eee this setting is great, it reminds me of Robert Scarfe a little, his more fleshy stuff DueyDecimal: I was gonna say Andrea Hasler, Butterfly. But him too!

A flash of black, and the purple-cloaked, jester-like figure who kicked you off the mountain is standing before you! Except he's not standing; he seems to be dead. LONG dead, at that-- his bones scatter when Alonzo curiously pokes at the body with his axe.

Alonzo stands and broods, and his thoughts appear in text over him: [WHO KILLED THE LORD OF DEATH?]

Bea grimaces and slowly raises her hand. "Mmmeeee....? maybe? Maybe he died of boredom waiting for me to get here, to which I say a victory is a victory!"

pigbarrel: final battle: press B rapidly to poke corpse

Just when it looks like this is a strange way to end the game-- SLASH! The old bones go flying, and there's the new Lord of Death who threw you from your mountain, spinning your scythe cockily-- except now you can see the interloper better, and it's quite clearly a Lady of Death!

"OH MY GOD, ITS... who is this, did we meet?? Hi The Mistress of Death, can we not fight? It's been a rough level, maybe we can just get to know each other and you can tell me who you're supposed to be??

SugaGlyda: She's clearly your Rule 63 evil rival HNV: Are we supposed to be blown away by a female character? Is this like those old brainteasers like "Mr. Johnson is brother to a famous scientist, but Mr. Johnson has no brother"?

The battle begins, and it's like fighting your shadow! Everything Alonzo can do, she can counter, and you've got a counter for all of her moves too-- you just have to catch it in time. Your weapon isn't as long as her scythe (that she stole from you!), but hers is too long for her, which can trip her up to your advantage!

"Good. Good. Good. BAD! Good.." Bea stays heavily focused as she carefully learns when to strike. She's most vulnerable just after a powerful overhead scythe-smash that momentarily splits the floor! "I feel like Daffy Duck as Robin Hood, thrutht! Parry! Thpin!!"

john_brown: when I watch people play these games I'm always reminded of how literally bad at video games I am you sailed through this game in just a couple hours and I've never won anything harder than Wheel of Fortune

"I don't even feel like I'm that good, I usually just get by on persistence and motivation from sheer annoyance. Sometimes you want to beat a game cause it's fun, sometimes out of spite!"

"Spite for myself, this is still really hard." She dies after making some progress, this could take a few times. "Like, now I've come too far, I have to see Al through this mess in spite of wanting to kick and scream"

pigbarrel: bea is a paragon of maturity

Inch by inch, death after death, Bea is getting better and wearing down the boss, until finally Alonzo lands a blow that knocks the spinning scythe out of the boss's hands and she falls to her knees, defenseless, waiting for the killing strike. It's up to Bea: disarm, or finish it?

SugaGlydah: Can we just give her a noogie and call it even

"Jeez, I don't know guys. What do you think?"

pigbarrel: on the one hand she opposed everything we stood for, on the other she's pretty cool HNV: This is such a loaded question, of course you WANT to spare her, no one’s getting off on executing a disarmed and surrendering opponent Bee52: FINISH HER! Syrupentine: Oh crap, Bea, don’t hesitate, kill her! Remember how the last game ended??

"I don't know if I trust her really, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I... Ohhh, frick it." She chooses to set down her blade. "Maybe she did it cause she had someone she cared about, too.. I'm sorry guys I don't have it in me"

Glockroach: then she just punches al in the dick and runs

Alonzo walks toward the helpless figure, extending a hand of friendship... and just when he's about to take her hand, that's when the scythe she tossed away comes down... on her.

john_brown: oh christ, brutal!

"What even for??" Bea gasps out. Alonzo jumps back but again rushes to her side, though it's too late now.. "Who even were you? My wife? My mother? My father? Christopher Lloyd in a human suit??"

The harlequin mask comes off-- it really was his wife! Even as her body turns black and begins to crumble, she reaches to take his hand. A message box appears.

[IT WAS WORTH IT TO SEE YOU AGAIN... ALONZO]

"H-hey, so I was going to play more games but I'll need a trip down to the crying pit first, methinks"

Baconnaise: Wait I remember we couldn't bring back his family in the first one, right? So..how. Syrupentine: I knew it... you should have killed her, now you can't bring her back... aroseahorseboy: um bea did this game have a name entry screen???

"I didn't see one, I.. oh. Well that's weird as fuck.. I've been calling him that so long I hardly noticed!"

HNV: Super sad Bad End... slightly mitigated by incredible coincidence

"Well I guess I have to get the other ending too, I can't leave it off like that. Maybe we'll come back at the end of the page. Crap.. I feel dirty, anybody else"

john_brown: that was awful and I hate it but I’m still glad I came because these are just so different pigbarrel: they make little sense but in very fun ways aroseahorseboy: IKR? they’re so good except when they’re so awful it’s funny Glockroach: And if that's not to your liking there's always bedbugs DueyDecimal: it really does feel like there’s a message here! Somewhere...

"Maybe just that there are some mistakes you can't undo." Bea lets out a long sigh. "Aaaaaanyway.."

[joytraveler]

Death Master 2 (continued)

The third stage is a gruesome swamp, which seems to be being used for a butcher's larder-- what with all the dead animals hanging from the trees!

"Ohhh that, that Sneaky Pete!!" Bea growls at her mysterious foe. The morbid stage ahead rather distracts her, however. "Maybe we... maybe we just shouldn't do this, we've had enough of this game haven't we??"

Glockroach: Leatherface is gonna be the boss of this HNV: It's this or Box Baby, Bea... make your choice

"Mmmm I sure do love Slaughter Swamp! Yep, just gonna mosey right along ahead there!!"

Of course the decapitated animals fall out of the trees and attack you. Why would they not, right? And bony arms grab at you from out of the swamp... And finally a towering pile of SOMETHING rises up out of the muck, surrounded by swirling will o' wisps!

Llord_Kuruku: ok wut john_brown: wait I thought this was a fantasy hack and slasher why are you fighting the poop emoji???

"THE GREAT MIGHTY POO!" Bea sings at the top of her voice! "Hehgegehehehehgggfff I don't wanna touch it, no!! Long range, gimme the torch, NO!" She has to chase after an annoying little ghost to get the torch to set her weapon ablaze!

Once the stack of brown stuff's gaseous little friends are destroyed, it weakens and collapses, leaving behind some sort of shrine, half sunk in the murk; Alonzo stares at it for a second, and there's another flashback.

"Here we go, nnng.. comfort food.. What's the happiest thing I have.." she reaches to the snack table.. "Yesss, gummy sharks.. Ok I'm ready"

The sunken shrine fades to a newer shrine in a brighter forest, where Alonzo is being led along by a shrine keeper, and shown two mosaics. One shows the Death Master, whom we already know, raising the dead from their graves. The other mosaic shows a different figure – the one who's been following you all along – who seems to be putting live people into graves!

john_brown: i really like the little world mythology this game is building Syrupentine: oh, it's like the Wizard of Oz! This guy's brother is hunting you for killing him and taking his place! His scythe, whatever

"Right, so I must be the Good Death of the North, meaning I have to be enemies with Elphaba now"

aroseahorseboy: now don't get me wrong this game is totally cool and gory and everything but! I feel like they are beating around the bush and not telling us about glem and his mom and dad!

Stage 4 starts with a horrible monster's maw, seeming to form the gateway to this next world. As Bea treks through, though, it becomes clear that it's no metaphor-- the whole next stage takes place inside the body of a vast dead creature!

pigbarrel: hey, its my house!! pull up a maggot and make yourself at home!

Sunlight shines through the many gaping holes in the monster's body, illuminating all the lovely scenes of Alonzo hacking his way through gigantic decomposers and detritovores, and running from collapsing vertebrae and certain things that are partially digested but still alive. The music even seems composed of various squelches and gurgles, to boot. A long, spiraling spinal staircase is the worst part, with a sea of roiling worms rising up after her!

"Hey, my followers! No autographs, please.”

Apparently this monster was a female, because the boss of this stage is a zombie egg, able to 'hatch' seemingly any number of appendages from under its calcified shell! At one point it becomes a pinwheel of wings and legs, and at least four shrieking beaks!

pigbarrel: and there's me, sorry for all the attacking HNV: I wondered if your Facebook picture was accurate, sorry for doubting you SugarGlyda: !!!!! oh its a perfect limb baby!!!

When the egg is finally stilled, Alonzo makes his way out onto a ridge overlooking a valley, that glows menacingly with purple evil. But, once again, we get a flashback; Alonzo and his would-be bride, embracing as they sit on the ridge together, watching as a magnificent, phoenix-like bird soars over the sunset-- in fact it's clearly the very bird whose ruined body you just journeyed through.

"I'm not crying internally, nope not me.. Made o' granite, be I."

TaichouSenseiKun: It's okay Bea let it out john_brown: why is this game so sad though?? HNV: We end up asking that about almost all of them honestly

To be concluded.

[joytraveler]

79. Death Master II: The Lord Of Death

This one has an appropriately awesome title sequence, showing the Death Master himself ("Alonzo" to our friends here) wielding his giant scythe atop a volcano with a storm spiraling above him! 

john_brown: this looks like the kind of video game that you have painted on your van

"Can you hear the soundtrack too because its really good, it's like Dragonstorm or one of those fantasy-metal bands.. Oh maybe we'll find out what happened to his parents? Remember they were dead and he couldn't bring them back? Spoilers." 

ButterflyDefect: Right, you could only reverse deaths YOU caused, it turned out

The game begins with a scrolling text: 

YOUR REIGN AS DEATH MASTER WAS A REIGN OF PEACE. 

HAVING SEEN SO MUCH DESPAIR ON YOUR WAY TO THIS THRONE, YOU BROUGHT KINDNESS AND WARMTH THAT NO FALLEN SOUL HAD EVER ENCOUNTERED BEFORE. 

YET CRUELTY STILL LIVES, MAKING DIRE PLANS OF ITS OWN... 

DueyDecimal: Still "You", huh? We never learn Alonzo's real name?ButterflyDefect: It's kind of nice the DEATH MASTER is actually a good guy for a change aroseahorseboy flings Butterfly into a giant blender hey i'm nice but we gotta have refreshments, y'know

DueyDecimal: BTW, isn't "Death Master 2: The Lord Of Death" sort of like "Sonic The Hedgehog 2: A Hedgehog Named Sonic"?

"Maybe the Master and the Lord are two different Death guys? It's got to be a pretty big jobs, maybe we're just like the regional manager now" 

The text crawl fades away, to the same image from the title screen... and then suddenly Alonzo is kicked off his high perch, and someone in black and maroon robes grabs the scythe from his hand as he tumbles. "Now I am The Death Master!" it shouts, in a speech bubble. 

"Oh fuckbuckets, that was was quick! HEY, that's, you gotta boss fight me for that, you dweeb!" 

pigbarrel: oh. so it's more of a death usurper HNV: I never thought of the semantics, but 'master' does seem to be a higher rank than 'lord', to me

The game proper begins with Alonzo hitting the ground running! You're unarmed to start with, but this game gives you the power to take weapons from armed enemies and power them up by defeating enemies in combos. A tiny spear that Bea appropriates from a squat little goblin soon grows into a massive lance that can puncture things from across the screen! 

"HWAAA!! Gimme that mace, I wanna see what that turns into next!" It's a good fit for the first boss she encounters too, a giant skeletal turtle! Eventually she manages to flip it on its back and smash its underside! "I AM BEATRIX, THE DEATH MISTRESS! THE "X" IS FOR THE LITTLE Xs YOU'RE GONNA HAVE ON YOUR EYES FROM.. from being dead." 

john_brown: the way your weapons grow reminds me of the sword of omens from thundercats DueyDecimal: ...Am I the only one who sees the Freudian imagery there? ButterflyDefect: War is a long list of big stabbing, thrusting things Syrupentine: hehehehehehehehe.... peenz0rs pigbarrel: this is crime

The second stage is a ruined village, with frightened townspeople being tormented by the animal-headed monsters that seem to work for your enemy now. Surprisingly, halfway through the stage you come to something like a church, and there's a strange moment: the action all freezes, and suddenly there's a wedding happening, and you're the groom! 

HNV: ...okay waht

"Oh is this.. Are we.. are we doing a flashback?? Is that what this is?? Uggh this is going to be sad isn't it!" 

DueyDecimal: Of COURSE the sequel is actually a prequel!!

As the bride and groom come close to kiss, suddenly the lights go out-- and when they come back on, the groom is standing bloodied in a pile of victims, including both pairs of parents! And there's the old Death Master from the original game, exiting out the back door. 

Syrupentine: So he doesn't remember who killed his parents OR girlfriend... OR his girlfriend's parents? Llord_Kuruku: now that's just overkill

"Oh no.. no no NO!! Who woulda done this?! Why?? Why turn this blessed event into Super Grooms n' Ghosts??" 

Then it's back to the game, and chopping and hacking through the village and the monsters; the monsters seem more focused now, and will turn away from the villagers to attack Alonzo! 

HNV: I think everyone had a flashback, now all the monsters recognize you!

"So my family was murdered by the original DM, everyone blames Al because nobody trust the guy with a mustache, whatever you do, but then who.." 

pigbarrel: maybe death masters have families too?? so its like bowser jr. come to avenge his father john_brown: i wonder if it's a translation error that they don't just say 'grim reaper' or if this is supposed to be something different?

Finally comes the stage boss-- and of all places for this boss to attack you, it's right in front of your old house, the very place you came to at the end of the last game! At least it's a cool boss-- a roaring "hangman's tree" that chomps with its gnashing knothole mouth and swings dead bodies on nooses like nunchaku! 

"Stupid- Hgarrrgh, none of my weapons are working! This is why I don't go outside, trees are always doing this!!" 

Once she knocks down one of the bodies from the tree and claims its axe, however, the tide of battle turns in her favor! 

HNV: Axes and trees are natural enemies! ButterflyDefect: I, too, shall die clutching my axe in my hand. After smiting my final foes with my crushing solo

With a few heavy blows, the tree teeters, falls, and becomes a stump! Then there's another flashback... the stump becomes a young sapling, and the Death Master becomes a young Alonzo, shovel in hand, standing over the graves that were revealed at the end of the previous game. 

Syrupentine: why do you do this to us again, game :___;

"It's powered by our emotional suffering" Bea tries to press start but of course it's an unskippable cutscene! "And so from that day on.. he decided.. he really hated skeletons. OH and also probably vengeance." 

Alonzo slowly skulks away, shovel in hand, head hung... And then a shadowy figure appears from behind the tombstones – the same figure that threw him off the mountain at the beginning! 

Syrupentine: ooooh, intrigue

to be continued

[joytraveler]

74: Super Water Polo

It's a good thing that apparently Klickitat Street played water polo in high school, because neither Bea nor anyone else seems to know a thing about it. It was a little difficult getting her to even choose the game, but #84, Make Your Promise, has a 'lock' symbol, indicating it can't be played until this one is started.

HNV: I've never been so hopeful to see tapeworms. I KNOW tapeworms.

"Tapeworms? What about the tapew- OHhhhhhh yeah there's gonna be those, huh. John, you'll like this part, I think"

john_brown: you have my undivided attention.

"Ok Klickit let me know what's up here, this is the kind of sport I wasn't sure really existed, like badminton"

aroseahorseboy: this is GOODminton Klickitat_Street: Here's the short version: arrange all your guys in a figure eight in the water. It's like soccer or hockey but it's harder to move, basically.

When the game begins, seven kids on each side take their places in the pool-- and they definitely appear to be kids, and are credited with names like Pee-Wee and Junior. To Bea's surprise, though, the game seems to play without any input from her.

"I'm, I'm sure winning here! Guess I'm just naturally really good at this, yup.. what the hell, seriously. Hey, HEY!! Let me rearrange my team or drop a depth charge!" The only input she can give is the start button, which lets her stop the game, choose one of the players, and exchange them with someone else on the bench.

Baconnaise: Is that Sportacus TaichouSenseiKun: Is that one a Spanunko? Klickitat_Street: ...They went to all the trouble of making an H20 Polo game... and you're the referee??? Glockroach: Is that a tapeworm in your lower intestines or are you just happy to see me HNV: My god, that's the point of the game, isn't it? No Spanunkos allowed in the pool!

"I guess they don't do water polo.." Bea shrugs. "You'll know one when you see them, don't give up hope yet guys!"

john_brown: i am afraid to ask what a Spanunko is or wait. shit. is that that Nimmo monster? are those in this??? normalnancy asked me what one was and i spent like an hour looking it up. she never told me what it was for!

"Yeah! We've seen them a bunch of times now and there's worms that show up in several games.."

pigbarrel: could you date one in the dating sim game or am I only dreaming Syrupentine: He wasn't one in the game but yeah! Woody was one in that street-crossing game! john_brown: syrup I will hold you to your promise to make those recap videos

The object of the game is now a bit clearer: keep the spanunkos out of the water for as long as you can. If a healthy kid sits between two of them on the bench, he becomes one himself, so it's actually more of a puzzle game where you try to keep the infection contained.

DueyDecimal: ...Now that we've figured out what's happening this is suddenly a lot more boring.

"Just as well, there's probably a lotta worms in the pool already so let's just move on" She makes sure to show John some Spanunkos before she moves on!

ButterflyDefect: Ugh, dammit bea john_brown: they are not as alarming as Nancy made them sound HNV: It's okay, what you really came for is coming up What do you know about... BOX BABY

"NO, I wanna play anything else! Wait there's not another one already, is there??" She checks the list again. There are six games left she hasn't played, including Death Master 2, Party On Planet Of Pisces, and the still-locked Make Your Promise.

Syrupentine: I'm hesitant, we've been burned by Planet of Pisces before...

"Never thought I'd miss the guy named Death Master but you know what, I think we need to pay our old pal a visit for comfort in these trying times! I miss his mustache, don't you!"

pigbarrel: oh i wasn't here for that one. I can't wait til we can master some high level death TaichouSenseiKun: Low level death includes stuff like plants, next level up is pets, then you get people

[joytraveler]

81: Run The Gauntlet

This is the first, and possibly only, first-person shooter on the whole console! It's nothing like any FPS Bea has played, though. The playing field is limited to what you can see through a cutout, like the gobos used to depict "binocular view" in a movie. You also shoot arrows and axes rather than bullets, and the enemies are fantasy monsters, but the play field seems to be a futuristic city!

"GO!! GO WE HAVE TO RUN, LETS GO! WHY DO YOU WASTE MY TIME WITH MENUS?! Wait what do I name my character.."

aroseahorseboy: there's ten characters... HONEYBUNCH HNV: Ten playable characters?? aroseahorseboy: ten blank spaces HNV: I admit they're not very well fleshed out, no

"Done. Nope, sorry, aro gets this one!” Entered! "I'm going to look at this warehouse for supplies.. Does this town look familiar to you guys? I mean, totally different game obviously, but.. Maybe rubble just tends to look similar"

Syrupentine: The last ruined city we saw didn't have any monsters though... DueyDecimal: Maybe the monsters all got turned into save points! TaichouSenseiKun: I Have No Mouth And I Must Save

It's very strange to play an FPS that uses NES-quality graphics! You can't quite tell what the monsters are until they get close to you, so it's almost like Dragon Warrior or other RPGs of the day, you fight in very close quarters.

"I can't really see what i'm fighting until its right there and that makes this SO SCARY!!"

TaichouSenseiKun: What if they threw a Doom and Bea came DueyDecimal: An FPS that Bea actually likes?? What kind of miracle is this? aroseahorseboy: okay i thought that was going to be a bear but it is indeed a mean gingerbread man LESSON LEARNED Glockroach: Bea youre beating the hell out of that heavily pixelated gingerbread man

"I was hungry.. Oh I got one of its candy claw hands? Can I equi- ohhh yeah I can!"

john_brown: this actually is a little bit like gauntlet except there's no "elf needs food badly" aroseahorseboy: "elf serves food poorly"

When Bea finally reaches the boss of the maze, once again, it's very difficult to see what it is from a distance. When Bea gets close, though, she gets a very detailed look at a moist, gooey eye glaring right back at her from the TV! Bea sputters out profanities and tries to flee but can't get it out of her field of "vision!"

"HELP ME AAAAA I CANT DO ANYTHING OHGODHELP" She tries attacking it, to no avail.

john_brown: oh cool does this have motion controls? HNV: ...It's been a long time since anyone said that. john_brown: it's watching bea herself-- when she goes left, it looks left Baconnaise: Maybe it wants a staring contest. or a contact lens Maybe it must be fed aroseahorseboy: O!!! bea bea bea listen lean to the left while you play THEN SHOOT FROM THE RIGHT

"Why does this thing keep messing with me?? It makes games, it does.. whatever this is here, it emotionally devastates people, it slices, it dices, it die-ses!"

Syrupentine: Thinks it's so great, where the hell is the game where it tells you the sports scores and lottery numbers from the future

Aro's suggestion actually works: since the boss aims at the person playing the game, rather than the player character, it starts to miss her as soon as she leans over, out of view of her webcam.

"If I don't look at it, it can't see me! I'll have to fight it in the mirror.. wait, Aro's thing is better, let’s keep doing that!"

"This is really cool but I hope the next one doesn't stare quite so deeply into the pits of my soul.."

john_brown: can someone explain what's happening in this series or should I just watch the other videos? they're like four hours each...

"Well I know a lot of you know each other already. John, we'd been trying to get you here for a while, but I do these live and then just post em, maybe I should chop them up more. There's a lot going on in this game but we're pretty sure we're trying to solve a mystery!"

Syrupentine: Would it be okay with you if I made some "best of" videos, Bea? HNV: John: Bea's been playing this crazy plug and play game system with supposedly 167 games on it, and there's a bunch of weird recurring themes DueyDecimal: My favorite is the family with the funny names! They keep appearing and the mom and son are like the mascots for the whole series, I think

"There's a family and- yeah. And the mom is the one we know the best, and she seems AWESOME and let us unlock this in-game software that lets you actually make stuff! It's like Mario Maker, sort of, but you can do multiple genres and also, I keep thinking about her like she's a real person, is that weird? Well, welcome to the Bea Show!"

Klickitat_Street: And then there's the zombies. And tapeworms. And Planet of Pisces, and tons of weird games made by actual children... john_brown: is this all for real? aroseahorseboy: either that or bea is a fucking brilliant performance artist DueyDecimal: Also this totally weird imported game system has all these advanced features! It has gyro controls, analog stick, QR support, and Bea keeps finding new ones!

"Both things can be true. I think they're trying to tie together the console's history in some way, Redhead might even be one of the devs"

aroseahorseboy: yeah the games are like the story of the console itself or at least that's our best guess

[joytraveler]

73: Felinja

Another sequel: this time to Cat Rate, surprisingly. Bea didn't play the ninja cat in the last game, but he seems to be the star of this one!

Instead of a sports game, it's an action game, where your ninja cat can climb walls with his claws and hide in the shadows to avoid invincible dog thugs. Most of this one is just Bea making happy, high pitched noises, occasionally pointing at the screen when a new cute thing shows up!

aroseahorseboy: who made this cuteness for us and when is it going to get horrible HNV: Don't look a gift kitty in the meowth!

"I wonder if there's a whole Catverse? I sure hope so, this rules- Hey good I'm dead! I keep dying cause everything is so delightful that it just kiiiiills me! Oh, I have- I have six lives, down from- OH I STARTED WITH NINE, OF COURSE, THAT'S ADORABLE!"

DueyDecimal: One hit and you're dead, but ninjas aren't exactly known for their resilience, I guess! Bee52: especially against cars SORRY SORRY DueyDecimal: ...Oh, you meant cats. How charming.

"Many ninja kept unfoldable bamboo cars with them to escape after their mission, of course now and then you crash into other ninja, it does happen." She picks up a dog biscuit power-up that can lure the guards away, or bonk them into each other if they try to go for the same one at once!

Once she's lured the guards away, a big mean dog with a spiked collar shows up and starts patrolling; the object of this boss fight turns out to be luring the dog into attacking you so he gets barrels and crates stuck on his spikes!

"And now I can stand on him! The ultimate goal of any cat, to be on top of something taller than yourself.."

pigbarrel: a dream we all share HNV: I hope there isn't a basset hound bad guy, Bea will be mad Baconnaise: And then they jump and destroy the christmas tree Glockroach: Our cat mauled the hell out of Santa one year, it was a mess. jelly everywhere

The dog goes crashing through the wall in panic, and a sack on a chain is lowered from the ceiling-. There's a tiny calico kitten in it! Apparently Felinja is a daddy looking for his family-- the silhouettes of six more kittens appears on the Level Complete screen.

aroseahorseboy: oh thank god it wasn't creepy or some kind of awful metaphor

"No these are the seven kittens you slew in betrayal to your clan, you're just collecting their vengeful spirits so they can- BIRD NINJA! BIRD NINJA CUTE LITTLE BIRDY NINJA!"

TaichouSenseiKun: Bea, we need you, come back to us HNV: I think this game is TOO wholesome! pigbarrel: that's the twist Syrupentine: This game is far too kiddie to be on the Sega Genesis, which is far too graphic for tender young minds. aroseahorseboy: okay bea, seriously, do something else with blood and nightmares i can handle all those as long as they're not happening to cute kitties

[joytraveler]

#77: Foot War

This game starts with a short cinematic in which monsters that resemble giant hands storm a castle, taking the king, queen, and all the soldiers... but leave behind the teenage princess, and her enormous closet full of shoes.

"I don't know why this wasn't released, it's incredible.. Maybe it was just too expensive for the time and this is like a prototype? It's not much to look at but neither is the Wii U, so- oh hang on, I need to defend my shoes!" Bea is very serious about defending her shoes!

The game begins, and the princess has to fight her way through expansive, Sonic- like landscapes, using the shoeboxes all around her to arm herself for battle! The sneakers let her run faster, the platform wedgies let her stomp enemies like Mario, the spiked cleats let her run up walls, and that's just the start!

"I got PUMPS! PUMPS! I- Oh I can't run in these, of course. Great. Oh but I have better range, I have stab-heel kick death spear power"

pigbarrel: That's a pretty good power HNV: I must be a 90s kid, I thought you meant "The Pump"

The further Bea goes, the more shoes she unlocks, including unusual ones like swimming flippers, moon shoes (for extra high jumps), and what the game calls "cement overshoes"-- a tub of concrete that the princess can only hop in, and will take her to an underwater world if she jumps into water wearing them!

Glockroach: This is what you've been missing, and nobody's having to get shot either aroseahorseboy: WHY TaichouSenseiKun: Wait til we get the gun boots before you say that john_brown: this is so super cute though! the hand monsters, eee pigbarrel: this is basically a very moody game system, it has decided to be good to us for now Syrupentine: Bea nice to it, Be Baconnaise: And then there's the Nightmare Cube speakin of moody HNV: OH MAN YOU HAVE TO SEE THE BOX

"There'll probably be another one, don't worry! I mean, do worry, do lots of worrying!"

aroseahorseboy: yeah, it's like box baby world or something Syrupentine: Box Baby & Knuckles Klickitat_Street: ...Dr. Box Baby

The final boss is a well dressed hand- well, a glove- that takes off its glove to fight.. there's another glove underneath, and the discarded glove comes to life as a second foe!

"Oh, RIPOFF!"

Glockroach: Bea this woulda been way before Smash, brub john_brown: the bad guys are kind of at a disadvantage, there aren't really as many kinds of gloves as of shoes! Syrupentine: You say that but wait till they pull out the Freddy Krueger glove ButterflyDefect: What about spats, where do those fit in? and socks? fine net leggings? There are too many questions! Klickitat_Street: Maybe eventually you have to fight an entire tuxedo

Finally the hand explodes, into five panicking fingers that run around on tiny legs like caterpillars!

ButterflyDefect: OH!!! all becomes.... clear? pigbarrel: haha, talk a walk, ya lousy fingers!

Then there's another brief cinema sequence, as the princess finds a pair of broken pumps on the ground where the hand was, and her eyes fill with fear.

[Oh...!] [Th-these... belong to...] [...MY FATHER!]

Klickitat_Street: ...Mistranslation or plot twist?