#i'd like to get 2 more months done but i messed up saving it and messed up my templateee

[mothbaaalls]

i started feeling guilty about using stickers for something like this halfway through so i gave up but I DID A TEST PRINT OF MY CALENDAR AND I THINK IT'S REALLY CUTE ...

[ladywuvly]

barry sloane +au. +characters rec list!

masterlist. socials. recs.

head canons |

dbf!price boys your age by @captainfern dbf!price shotgunning his cigar by @inkbybambi dbf!price sugardaddy; part.2 by @faith369 bf!price headcanons by @empresskylo landlord!price moving out by @gatorlovebot

fics & imagines |

Honesty by @gatorlovebot - John doesn't like liars. Fixing your bad self-image by @sweetiecutie - You’ve been feeling a bit self-conscious lately, so John decides to fuck some sense into your head. Truth or dare? by @soapyghost Don't disobey by @jawabear - A risky move on the field leaves the captain less than happy with you. Steady girl by @jawabear - John loves when you help him trim his facial hair. And he loves what comes after as well. Genesis by @moondirti - It’s the first time you truly see him – this much of him, anyway, and he’s startlingly younger than you would’ve thought. The progression of a spite-fuelled relationship. Eye contact by @kungfubarbie101 Two is hardly a crowd by @grippingbeskar  How to disappear by @fawnpires - After a failed attempt at a date, you unexpectedly find yourself in the hands of comfort of your dorm-mate, also known as your captain. Bartender by @sky-is-the-limit Rings by @glossysoap What’ve you done this time by @captainfern inspo; @bleuu-moon Just the tip, love by @floralpascal Home is the feeling of you by @maryangelex - You’re Price’s fiancé back home and it’s been months since you’ve seen him. He’s been on deployment and days have been getting lonelier the more days pass. Until you get home one night from work to a more than pleasant surprise. Taking his time by @empresskylo Neighborly advice by @sky-is-the-limit - Your neighbor price takes matters into his own hands to finish what your incompetent ex could never. all in the name of good neighborly solidarity, of course. Cigar smoke and good sex by @lxvvie Helping hands by @deathsimage Break the rules by @bonitanightmxres - Months after breaking up, you and price agree to a “no strings attached” relationship to fill the void in your lives—but it proves to be harder than anticipated when you both start to catch feelings again. How you deserve by @manmuncher777 Inspo; @sky-is-the-limit

series/multi part |

Never let me go 5/5 by @maryangelex - You worked at a coffeehouse, your life is filled with mundanity and you wouldn't change it for anything else. That is, until one crisp autumn morning, you meet the handsome Captain John Price and there’s an immediate, undoubted connection between the two of you. Neighborly 5/5 by @391780 inspo; @hereforthepedrofanfic - You and your neighbor, john price, slowly getting to know each other over the holidays. The rear window 5/5 by @391780 - spinoff! neighborly!pricepov stalker!price. Soft 9/9 by @391780 - Soap says dumb shit in a bar, Captain Price falls in love with a fat girl. Songs That Sound Like Sea-Foam 2/2 by @halcyone-of-the-sea - fisherman!price x mermaid!reader. Take me home, country road 17/20 by @ceilidho - 1800s!price. reader flees to his town where Price is the sheriff after a murder in her previous town. only to be mistaken for the mail order bride that Price just sent for ….and he’s not interested in hearing any of her excuses when she tells him that he’s got the wrong girl Callsign: zero 12/12 by @cass-the-mess - 2 years ago you saved John Price from an untimely death, only to disapear without a trace before he could thank you properly for getting him back home safe. You show up again 2 years later to help the task force defeat a new enemy. Marigold 7/7 by @captainfern - Price is your dbf and he is suddenly asking you to meet him upstairs during a party. pretty much anything from their masterlist!

disclamer! none of these are my works all credit to the authors. I just loved them so much figured I'd give them a shoutout!

[britneysice]

I actually need to rant about everything bad Brian May has done because everyone acts like he's SO innocent and it pmo so bad. I literally JUST say someone on Pinterest say "ugh.. he's only so pure..." because there was this goofy ass whisper about 'freaky' Brian whispers (the OP literally called me out???) I know this lowk has nothing to do with what I'm talking about but I needed to say that 😪.

They forget this is the same man who cheated on his first wife when she was pregnant TWICE. First time was when she was pregnant with Jimmy (I don't know if they knew they were pregnant yet though but the timeline matches up to when she was pregnant so it doesn't matter) on their New's Of the World american tour. I think what had happened was there was an after-party somewhere in New Orleans and he went after Peaches and yk. I'm pretty sure Chrissy would've been at least 2 months at this time, adding up Jimmy's birthday and the tour's start. I think there was a other time she just disappeared. I don't know. I'm not an expert correct me if I'm wrong. I think the time she might've fled was when they played in New Orleans in '75.

Second time, the most known time. Anita and Brian's PUBLIC affair. Positively insane. They were always so lovey-dovey on TV and then acted shocked when they got caught. Well, what did you think was going to happen. All the blame is actually 50/50 for them both. I mean, Brian was the one who talked to her first but Anita was the one who KNEW he had a wife and still decided to pursue a romantic relationship with him. Quite literally in interviews she has said they met at a movie premiere and she stepped over Chrissy like wowww. But it's also Brian's fault because he was the one who went back to Anita time and time again. I also heard they met because they hooked up some time around live aid? I don't know if this is true. I'd believe it if it was though. He also made her cry on TV because he "broke up" with her. knowing well he wouldn't go back to Chrissy if it was the last thing he did. #justiceforchrissy

This 'man' is a man child to the farthest extent. On Queen's first Japan tour Brian had a fit in a bar. After a show, Brian went to the bar and was trying to get a drink but the dude behind the counter was like, "uh hey bro we're about to close. no more drinks for the night." and Brian had a whole tantrum and started shouting "Do you know who I am!". This one is pure facts. Also when he would start fights in the studio for NO REASON. Punched Roger in the face for no reason in the studio. He is a stubborn control freak and it shows. He can't take any criticism to save his life.

This man can't stop cheating. I know I listed cheating a paragraph before the last but that was JUST when his wife was pregnant 😹. He has a lot of known cheating stories but there's still some that aren't addressed that he has accidentally mentioned before. Speaking of, he was on the "Fret Not' podcast a little over a year ago (video here). At about 19:30 he starts mentioning "Love affairs" and this random woman who left his house? It couldn't have been Chrissy because that doesn't make sense. I'm assuming it was the 70's if he was broke because in the 80's he had multiple houses. It would've not been hard to pay a little 3 dollar per minute fee just to phone in for at least 15 minutes (45 dollars for 15 minutes, it is).

Another cheating story is his secretary, Julie Glover. There's literal pictures of them together. Anita found out and called Julie's husband and it was a MESS. Julie was around since 1985 so you never know If she could've been been with Brian. I think someone said it (the affair) might've started in 1995 because there's pictures of them together then but I'm not sure. Julie quit her job shortly after the public got a hold of their affair in 1999 and then Anita and Brian got married. Messy.....

pictures of them together, late 90s. Couldn't find the '95 picture.

The whole Peaches saga that I briefly explained in the 2nd paragraph. But I will explain further. In 1974, Queen had a celebration for Queen II in April. The month is important because I read somewhere Chrissy and Brian got engaged in late March of 1974 so that's just great. There was this young stripper named Peaches at 'The Dungeon' in New Orleans (this obviously inspired Now I'm Here). They had sex (most likely. she was a stripper.) and Brian fell in love with her. He kept trying to find her and was hoping to see her for the tour but then he fell ill and didn't see her for a year or two. Then in 1977 they had another encounter and he wrote, "It's late" about her. Writing two songs about a woman who didn't really care for you is insane.

He also preaches about don't hurt animals but he killed 12 deer on his property in the '10's.

He always tries to stay relevant like every other aging rockstar tends to do. He is always on Instagram trying to find a new project like okay Brian we get it gosh. Maybe you were great then you don't have to be great now. Just let the fans come to you. It's like when he keeps trying to feature on songs and stuff.

He always tries to play victim. Like when he was cheating a lot. "God why is my love life so bad" I don't know maybe don't cheat and be a good husband??? Just a thought though.

i heard a story on Instagram not too long ago about someone saying that they were at a concert and Brian was manipulating them into coming to his hotel room. Saying lines like, "I'm so lonely". The YOUNG woman politely declined and he got mad.

I think this is all I have to say. Most of this is cheating stories so what does that say about Brian.

Brian May isn't innocent. Some of y'all need to wake up.

[theleastprofessionalchef]

Ah jeez, I started making this post end of May and saved it as a draft so I could come back with the recipe, and fully forgot to do that for uh. Yeah. A long time. I've since made a few more batches of successful mead, and have a couple more fermenting right now! I'll reblog with pics of them later.

Well! better late than never. Leaving what I'd written initially unchanged, so-

-

Two months apart - start and end - my first successful batch of mead! I've tried a handful of times over the years, but had an unfortunate habit of doing... SOMETHING wrong each time that resulted in lightly sweetened cleaning alcohol 😅

But finally, a success! Real mead! Sweet, but not too sweet, and boozy enough without being straight up moonshine

Recipe:

Roughly three pounds of honey

3? 4? Of those little mandarin oranges, quartered

1 packet ale yeast, I used this

Various whole mulling spices, I used a stick of cinnamon and a few cloves this time, but I've also tossed in cardamom pods and anise occasionally, maybe a couple peppercorns. Go wild

So much filtered/distilled water. So much. Like two gallons?

I'll be real folks, I used a cheap shitty online guide that I don't remember the link for, that said it was a good basic way to learn how to make garbage mead and that any brewer worth their salt would cringe at. It is also coincidentally the same guide I used years ago in the aforementioned cleaning alcohol incident; I haven't changed what I used or did, so I honestly don't know why that came out bad and this good. Shrugs! Yeast can't read.

Dissolve the honey in warm/hot water. Not boiling- you don't want to kill the yeast when you add it in. Think a nice, warm shower. Stir it well, add the oranges and spices, and mix in the yeast until also dissolved.

Load it all up into a large glass container like the one pictured. I ordered a carboy online for this, which is the 'proper' thing to use, but you can honestly get away with an old milk jug you've thoroughly cleaned and sanitized, if you again, don't care about it being the highest quality. Carboys come with the fermentation/filtration Thing on it to let gases out and nothing in (the little doohicky plugged into the top of the lid) but you can also get away with stretching the mouth of a balloon over where the lid would go and poke a teensy hole in it with a needle. The goal is to let the gases that build up during fermentation escape the container, but not to let outside air in.

Fill the container the rest of the way up with water, but leave a couple inches of space on top. This thang's gonna bubble like crazy once the yeast start feeding, and you don't want it to overflow and make a mess of your cupboard.

Put it in a dark, cool space, and wait a few days!

It'll bubble a lot those first days; DON'T mess with it. Leave her be. Let her have her hot girl summer. After a few days, maybe a week, it'll calm down a bit; now you can top off the water supply.

Fast forward uhhhh two months or so, and it's done! There's a more legit way to know for sure when it's done that involves watching the tiny bubbles that form near the top as part of the fermentation process, and figuring out when they'll stop, but I'm impatient and don't know jack and am here for a good time not a long time.

Enjoy mead! And maybe do some better research than I did if you want something fancy.

OH AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT STIR IT WHEN YOU GO TO DRINK THE FINISHED STUFF

You'll want to scoop the fruits and spices off the top and then siphon it off into another container, or do what we did and simply ladle it off the top (because on a ship of 10-13 sailors, 1 1/2-2 gallons of mead won't last longer than an off day), and NOT drink the detritus off the bottom. You can kinda see it in the picture above. It is not like unfiltered apple cider. That stuff tastes gnarly.

Do not shake the mead before drinking.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

7th September 2024, Saturday

the weekendddd (more like my end)

day 13/50 productivity challenge

🕒 10:00 a.m. - so i planned on waking up at 4 BUT my alarm clock literally stopped working so when i actually woke up and saw the time i was fully ready to break down into a sobbing mess (but i didn't, somehow). i'd been feeling sorta shitty since yesterday and that was sort of the last straw. i don't actually have any pressing deadlines and such but i told myself i would stick to my plans so i will stick to them. i want to complete everything i planned to this weekend so that i don't have to interfere with the meticulous plans i made that start from monday.

morning skincare

extended duolingo streak

practiced playing keyboard

texted my bestiee

studied psychology ch: human development

applied hairoil (haven't done it in few months but i want to get into the habit of applying it at least once a week)

rewatered my desk plant

read newspaper

cleaned my room

took headbath (my parents had gone grocery shopping and they had to wait like 20 mins outside the door because they hadn't taken the keys as i would be home lmao)

did an exercise video

trimmed my bangs (they're the only thing saving my appearance atp)

[a sneak peek into what my "schedules" look like, they're my organized mess] [an excerpt from my psychology textbook, literally that entire page explained the difference between sex & gender so clearly & gender roles, stereotypes, etc but ppl still walk around spewing all kinds of bigotry in the name of "science". ofc the focus on 2 binary genders is not appreciated AT ALL]

🕒 9:00 p.m. - went downstairs for the ganesh chaturthi pooja & celebration in my apartment, it's a pretty big deal in our society actually. saw an old friend who i hadn't seen in AGES (whenever me & my other friend call her she's always busy studying) *girlie has been in jee allen coaching since 9th grade*

🕒 10:30 p.m. - came back up home !!

played 1 game of chess online

posted a youtube short and downed a cup of coffee

outlined note structure psychology ch: sensory, attentional and perceptual processes (wow that's a mouthful)

outlined note structure psychology ch: learning

outlined note structure psychology ch: human memory

🕒 1:00 a.m. - confession: i planned an all nighter but i fell asleep for longer than i anticipated. also i NEED to fix my alarm clock. i'm questioning if coffee even makes a difference because i was able to sleep like a log (for that specific time) even after drinking.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Tw vent

My job doesn't give two shits about me as long as I turn up for my shifts, my professor knows about how demanding my job is but won't cut me any slack and my work knows how uni is and still keeps pushing for more... It's at the point that I have to schedule my showers just to make sure I have the time for it. I skip meals most of the time for the sake of saving 20-30 minutes, I'm sleeping well (7-8 hours a night) but already falling into my bad previous habits of cutting down my hours then just to get more studying done since my job takes so much of my time and energy that I have to get up at 2-3am to study before work, because once I'm home I'm too tired to do anything beyond showering and dinner before crawling into bed to rot, my room is a mess because I don't have the time to clean it, and I can't fucking remember comfort characters' voices because it's been months since I heard them and I'm just. Tired. Of always giving my best and all my energy and effort to my job but then when I get home, I'm too tired to even read fucking fanfics. I'm sick of this but it's not gonna change because I'm not able to change my job right now - quite frankly, I have enough to worry about and at least, as shitty as my job is, I know what I'm doing there.

And I'm trying to figure out how to accommodate work experience around everything else going on because it's looking like I'll have to balance my job with my degree and work experience. I've been so busy I've been grocery shopping online during my work breaks or I won't have time for it💀💀💀

I am just tired. But this is the life I signed up for, so I'm just trying to get myself through this bout of burnout while also not dropping any responsibilities, friendships or creative hobbies; because if I lose myself, then I am gonna be well and truly fucked.

I wish Arthur was here, so he and I could have a conversation. I miss him terribly. He's always guided me through the worst of it and I need him now, too. I can feel myself giving up on the future I've been working so hard for, and that fucking terrifies me.

I'd like a hug please and thank you. I was gonna write some comfort tonight but I'm too sad and heavy to, so I'm gonna sleep. Gotta be up at 3 to study before work... It's easier to do it before work, though I'm sick of dragging myself out of bed in the middle of every night, but in the circumstances it works well for me.

I'm not gonna quit anything, to be clear, but during nights like this, it's all I think about. I'll feel better in the morning.❤️

[automeris-io-moth]

I'd love to see more of Request #5 if you're up to it, where Hero loses their memory

The kindness of a stranger pt.2

Part one

A hand grabbed them by their shoulder, a strong grip twisted Teammate around, not needlessly harsh but firm enough not to allow them much fight, less even when taken by surprise. 

The night was quiet in the mountains, that was certain, some night birds and some cicadas were the only sounds, and it felt like a mockery then, how quickly the calm was brought back to that side of the hills, when in the other, right across the kilometres long crater, their team kept searching, kept looking for the place Teammate stood then, such a quiet, picturesque cottage, not a high security base, not a complex meant to keep someone as powerful as Hero in. 

Teammate laughed at themselves as they turned to face the other, flowers on the windows, bread still warm over the table, candle and fireplace light illuminating the room. 

Of course they could not get to the location, they were looking for something completely different.

A blade was held to their throat. 

“What do you want here?” 

 Hero. 

In their eyes fear was prevalent, their pupils dilated, perhaps because of the darkness still in the room, perhaps because of the adrenaline of having a stranger break in their home, but Teammate was no stranger, and they needed to make them remember such. 

The blade pushed closer. 

“I mean no harm, I promise Hero,” they rushed to say. 

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Okay, all right,” Teammate answered, thinking for a moment “[Civilian Name]...?” 

Skin broke under the edge, warm liquid trickling to stain their jacket. 

“And how the hell do you know that?” 

The door didn’t make a sound as it opened. 

“Because I know you, you were friends,” they gulped “we are friends. You disappeared and we had no idea where you were. Leader hasn’t stopped looking for you.” 

“That is exactly what Villain said you would say.” 

“Villain was the one who took you!” 

“Why would I ever?” 

“Villain!” 

“I leave for a moment and look what happens, I knew your little crew only meant problems,” they sighed, extending a hand forward as the other looked for something in their back pocket “Come here sweetheart, we don’t know what they could do.” 

When the blade left their throat, a thin like left behind as a proof it was there, Teammate swallowed back the bile rising in their throat, get a hold of their shaking legs. 

Hero had demonstrated being a powerful enemy that evening, capable of more than they had ever shown in their team, but of course, fear was a capable booster, and when surviving was a compelling reason to let control slip, protecting, for Hero, Teammate reasoned, was an even stronger one. 

When they reached Villain’s side, the blade slipped from their hand. 

“I don’t know what they’ve done to you, Villain’s been targeting you for months, and we didn't give it the importance we should have, and I’m sorry.” Teammate said, looking for something, anything, they could use as a weapon as the threat of the criminal grew with their impatience. “But please try to make sense of all of this, how on Earth did you end up here? Who even are them? We need you, you’re valuable to our team, but we’re looking to save you right now, please believe me, please…” 

Teammate fell with a thud. They never saw the dart flying from the corner of the room. 

“Oh my what a mess,” Villain complained, brushing their hair off their face “Are you all right, sweetheart?” 

Hero nodded.

Villain reached for their face, their index finger holding their chin up as the thumb stoked their lips. 

“It’s okay, you handled them well until I arrived,” they sighed “but now we need to move somewhere safe, we don’t know what they’re capable of.” 

“But you said we had to stay here in case my family…” 

“I know what I said, love,” Villain cut off “but these people are dangerous, I don’t know what they’d do to get you know that they know about your power.” 

Hero gazed down, nodding, feeling as the other mobed their hands to cup their face, lifting it back up, meeting their eyes. 

“I hope you know how deeply I care about you, I just want to keep you safe,” they declared, their breath hitting close to Hero’s face “I know you’re confused, but trust me when I tell you only I have your best interest in mind.” 

Soft, careful hands brushed a tear from Hero’s face, they didn't even know they were crying. 

“Do you trust me?” 

Hero nodded.

“Say it to me.” 

“I trust you, Villain.” they swallowed. 

But then why did a holiday cottage have darts in its security system? 

_

Masterlist

I found a cat under a truck in the rain, last week was full of vet trips for vaccines and all that stuff because my mom can't say no to rescued cats.

(Btw I also think it's a good time to remind you that English it's not my first language, please tell me if I make any mistakes).

Hope you like it!

[rjthirsty]

Mouthwashing, an Allegory for Armed Forces (pt 2)

Yeah, so, I wrapped the other one up because I didn't want 3k words all in one place, but I do have more to say. You can check out how I came to the conclusion of this game being an allegory in this post. Basically, I drew the similarities there, and there are more, I just didn't list them all.

Now, I want to talk about the story if we were going with this being a story about mental breaks due to being part of the military rather than *hand waves* what happened in the game.

Once again, I'll be talking about it under the cut due to the nature of the topics in the game. I probably should have posted some cw on my other post. I'll have to fix that.

Now that I've stated several reasons why I think this is an allegory, it's time to tackle the story itself.

If we go in chronological order rather than the back and forth, we would come to the point that Jimmy raped Anya as the first thing, I suppose. This was constantly swept away due to Jimmy being our narrator and him not wanting to accept his responsibility for his action. Eventually, at the end of the game he admits that he made a mistake and that that had caused all of this. But his admission is hollow and unfulfilling. What does it matter if he sees it now? Everyone is dead. Then he proceeds to take his own life with a firearm. He doesn't even acknowledge that he attempted to crash the ship. He doesn't apologize for causing the deaths of everyone in the crew. He just says "I made a mistake" and tries to make it right by giving up his life for a man that helped enable him.

And that's a huge kicker, here. Curly enabled Jimmy. Curly attempted to keep the peace and handle Jimmy, while Anya had to live every day afraid that Jimmy would assault her or worse, kill her. She hid the gun. She was only ever with someone else at all times or in one of the two rooms that had locks after the crash. You never find her alone where Jimmy can be alone with her (save for the medical bay, but is she really alone there?).

There is no doubt that Jimmy raped Anya. That is never questioned. No one doubts Anya. But no one does anything about it, either. Maybe they're just trying to make it through, and maybe there's nothing that can be done now that her violator is in charge - a very real, and very helpless position to be in, especially in the military. HR also says all will be punished for complaints, so if they can just keep it quiet, they'll get off better until they're not all part of it anymore. 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted in the armed forces. Most by someone they know. Most by someone higher ranking. Only 1 in 10 get reported.

The note we find when Jimmy goes looking for some mouthwash to clean Daisuke's wounds after Anya over doses on drugs at five months pregnant-- that's a fucking sentence. The note talks about the beast being aimless and blind. This beast is clearly not real, but could be a parallel to the casualties of war from mortar fire on innocent civilians. I'd like to point out how the ground rumbles any time the beast comes near (like tanks shaking the ground, like the sound of airplanes overhead ready to drop bombs). I'd like to point out that being quiet was how people kept hidden from being attacked by military members (any noise can be seen as a threat to someone afraid you're an enemy). I'd like to point out that this happens after Daisuke - an innocent - becomes a casualty, and Jimmy has to try to "fix" this problem, taking him too long and coming back with too little to help.

Swansea performed a mercy killing, Daisuke wasn't going to survive his wounds. Swansea wanted the young kid, the kid that had no reason to be there, to go home and live a long and healthy life. That was his plan all along. He had given up on his own. He knew Jimmy didn't deserve to survive. But Daisuke was thrown into this mess, and not just because he was a rich kid. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed recruits find the horrors of military life to be too much, and many of them don't survive, or turn into Swansea.

Swansea gives a long speech about his life, his plans to save Daisuke, and how much contempt he has for Jimmy while tied to a chair and executed. We do get the unfortunate experience of being hunted by Swansea as Jimmy, fearing for our life from someone attempting retribution. Surrounded by crypts and graves, like, say, the graves of civilians who once lived their life peacefully before the military came through. Before Daisuke died.

The fact that Jimmy sees his unborn creation (the fetus Anya carried from him forcing himself on her) as some sort of monstrous horror only adds to my thoughts that this is the results of war. It bursts from a grotesque womb, then forces a chase scene, where eventually you are cornered by the violence you have created, and then Jimmy begins to understand his wrong-doings.

He walked through a cave of eyes, everyone (Curly) watching him, feeling like he had sinned under the man he looked up to. His violence caught up to him. We get that wonderful scene of him trying to keep Curly alive by cannibalizing him. "Look at what I've become! Aren't you so proud how I'm keeping you alive? You will appreciate my humanity!" But even he knows he doesn't deserve it.

This is why the ending was so unfulfilling. It wasn't meant to be a happy ending. The perpetrator was never meant to get his. Justice was never meant to be served. Jimmy takes his own life, on his own terms, believing he did a good thing by putting Curly into that pod.

He made a mistake. Understatement of the year, but he's not talking about the murders or the rape or anything that he feels guilt about. He's still feeling sorry for himself, for listening to Curly and joining in the first place. That's where it all started. That's where it all will end.

Curly didn't protect the people he was meant to protect. Curly got to sit by and watch Jimmy break further and further. Curly never broke. He was broken inside, but no one knew. And because he did nothing, everything fell apart.

God fucking damn. This is such a good game about how the armed forces handle literally everything. About the devastation they wrought. About the lives they fuck.

I honestly was miffed at the ending, with Jimmy still being "woe is me" and nothing was his fault. I thought at first I was supposed to think that a white cis man was being an incel and passing off blame, but now I can see why we weren't given any sort of closure. Nothing will ever be fixed because it can't be. Armies destroy. That is all they do.

[benzgarfield]

Housekeeping Post

I mentioned a while back that I would be splitting the social media updates tag in two, one for staff/official account updates and one for cast updates. I've completed going through the 300-and-some posts that were in the tag at the time and back-updated everything.

I also mentioned that I would was separating the fanmeet tag by each tour stop. This is done, I just need to go through and add each fanmeet to the timeline. (The general fanmeet tag is still there)

Speaking of the timeline, I reached the limit in number of bullet points allowed per post segment (which I was not aware existed until now), so I had to split it up by year, which is probably more legible anyways. It's likely only a matter of time before it grows long enough to need to be behind a cut, but I'm loathe to do so bc I use it as reference on a regular basis when tagging or dating old events, and I'd rather not have to add an extra click. But it is getting to be a long post.

Y'all may have noticed that I've started tagging posts by month and year. This is to provide a more cohesive idea of the timeline that includes social media posts that aren't tied to a particular event, and to allow people to look at everything from a particular month rather than clicking through individual event tags. Of course, this means I have the work of back-updating the tags, which is easy to do in bulk for event tags, but more time consuming for the social media posts bc I have to do those manually.

As far as archiving goes, I am making more targeted progress on archiving old 2023 posts and have made it through at least half of the year on twitter.

I've come across a lot of IG stories from the Pit Babe workshop last year that I will wait to post, since we're at a point rn where it will jumpscare anyone that does not see this post into thinking that Pit Babe 2 workshops have started. But I've gone ahead and drafted all of it so that it's at least saved. I'm trying to outpace the rate at which things are disappearing off twitter, but we'll see how far I get.

A note on future posts:

As previously mentioned, I will be tagging any Pit Babe 2 Workshop or Filming posts as "#pit babe 2 workshop" and "#pit babe 2 filming"

Any Pit Babe 2 posts will be tagged pit babe 2.

It usually takes me a day or two to get into a new tagging habit, so whenever s2 does start filming, please bear with me if I miss a few posts. I will try my best to keep from spoiling people who don't want it, but I do mess up sometimes.

[brandstifter-sys]

These Dreams

Chapter 2: Seven Minutes                (Ao3) (must be signed in)

For @dukexietyweek 2023 Day 2 - Games

Word Count: 1032

Rating: T

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Remy (mentioned)

Warnings: ftm Remus, genderfluid Virgil, sexual themes, dreams

Virgil is stuck dreaming he’s suffering through one of his brother’s high school parties, and he gets cornered by a familiar face.

---

Virgil had no idea why he ever agreed to come back to his parents' house for the summer, except for the fact that he couldn't afford an apartment. He just had to get a master's degree! If that weren't enough of a headache, his younger brother just had to throw a giant party while his parents were away. 

He was sitting at his desk, working on some freelance programming with his headphones in. The music from downstairs was loud and the bass line made his furniture shake. And Remy wouldn't turn it down unless he let the thot have booze. Absolutely not. 

He saved his work and sighed, realizing that he was not going to get anything done. But to hell if he went down and joined the group. Life would be so much easier if he could handle people. 

He stripped out of his jeans and fumbled for his pajama pants. If he couldn't leave, he could at least get comfy. 

BAM

"Oh damn!" an impish voice gasped, "You're supposed to wait for me to do that!" 

"What the fuck!?" Virgil yelped and pulled his pants up. He locked his door—only someone with a key could get in! 

But no, a wily little imp with a mustache was happily bouncing into his room—holding Remy's key. Virgil was going to murder that little shit. 

"You sound surprised to see me! I'm surprised I landed a total babe! Didn't think I'd pull your key, did you?" he asked and shut the door. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Seven Minutes in Heaven! Duh! That's why Remy had you pick a number to get a room!" 

"This is my bedroom. I'm trying to survive this stupid party and get some work done," Virgil huffed and crossed his arms. 

"Oh, you're his older brother," the intruder said brightly, "Well lucky you, I'm turning 20 this month so I am completely legal!"

Virgil stared at him for a minute. What was this adorable idiot not getting? 

"Come on! You're stressed and you have a cute little trans thot ready to do whatever you want to him!" 

"I want to be left alone. Remy fucking knew that. Why would he throw my key in there?" Virgil huffed. 

The imp pouted and hummed in thought. He was tapping his lower lip and making it hard for Virgil to stay annoyed. 

"He probably didn't want me here, but he had to invite me because he wants my little brother's butt. So he probably thought you would get pissed off, beat me up, and kick me out, which would save him from looking like a prick." 

"Yeah, that sounds like Remy," Virgil said flatly. He was actually starting to feel bad for this guy. And he was ready to punch Remy in the face. Or get even another way. 

"So, I don't want to do anything sexual, but you can hang out here if you want." 

"Can I lock the door and moan obnoxiously so everyone thinks I'm getting laid? I can make a mess of myself when I have to leave too," he said brightly and clapped his hands. 

"Why?" Virgil asked and sat on his bed. 

"To make Remy regret his choices of course! The last thing he'd expect is us getting along and getting it on! We don't even have to kiss!" he giggled, "It's brilliant!"��

Virgil smirked. He could work with that. He liked this imp, and he was more willing to make this scheme a success. 

"Lock the door and come have a seat. There's a few things to figure out first," Virgil said and patted the bed. The little imp locked up and bounced over. He sat down and wiggled to get comfy. It was unfairly cute. 

"Okay so I need to know what name to scream, and I need to know if you have a dick or not," the imp said and studied him. 

"How about a little game? I'll think of a number between 1 and 10. If you guess higher, I'll tell you my name, if you guess lower, I'll tell you a nickname." 

"What if I guess the number exactly?" 

"I'll tell you my name and play tonsil hockey with you," Virgil jeered. There was no way this guy would guess his number. He already had one picked out and it was just a little to the left of cheating.  

"Deal!" 

"Whenever you're ready." 

"Hm, 1.532015251831!" he cheered and wiggled excitedly. Virgil's jaw dropped. 

"How the hell—?" 

"It's Halloween! O is 15, C is 3, T is—" 

Virgil pressed a finger to his lips, still gawking. 

"You guessed the exact number. What the actual fuck?" 

"So I get to smooch a total hottie and scream his name after he tells me?" the imp gasped and crawled into Virgil's lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He was grinning and giggling, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Virgil, it's Virgil," Virgil breathed, distracted by those wild green eyes. This man could probably rob him blind with that hypnotic gaze. 

"Hot!" he giggled and leaned in slowly. Virgil trembled with anticipation as his eyes fluttered shut, bracing for impact. He could feel that warm breath on his lips and he wanted nothing more than to make contact with them.

So close…

Beep! Beep!

Virgil woke up with a groan to the sound of his alarm blaring next to him. He sat up, and shut the damn thing off. He glanced around and realized he was in his apartment. It was messy as usual, but it was familiar. It certainly wasn’t his parent’s house. Or the place he dreamt up. And he wasn’t even related to Remy, why did he claim that thot was his brother? It was a weird dream, and none of that was real.

But the tingling feeling on his lips was still there, and he swore that little imp was just as real. The cute little imp with the mustache and brilliant grin couldn't be his imagination. 

The confusion would fade after a cup of coffee. He just had to get back to writing his next novel and he wouldn’t have to dwell on those wild eyes boring into him. 

…Right?

[ourceliumnetwork]

So. My tire exploded this morning on the highway. Scared the bejesus out of me. I'm fine, I had a fullsize in the trunk and my meta came and saved me and followed me home before we went to go pick up our partner from the airport.

this happened at like. 5 in the morning. it's currently winging in on 2am. (don't worry, i had about 6 hours of sleep in the interim)

I have done my level best to not apologize for "breaking my car".

It occurs to me that there are some traumas that are going to be harder to shake the after affects of because of the (thankful) rarity of the trigger point coming up.

I was in a car accident when I was 18-19 (I think i'd just turned 19, it was spring semester finals so it was like May probably). Just me, just my car. And some trees. I've talked about it in more detail a few times. It was scary, the minivan was totaled, the airbags went off and my jaw got jammed about 2 months before my wisdom teeth surgery was scheduled. it was a lot.

I wore the shadows of those bruises for half a year. I wear the terror of the incident as it was happening every time i drive on rough roads (fuck you google maps - yes it's faster but also *what the fuck*).

I wear the devastation of my parents being more upset that I totaled the minivan than relieved that I was alive every fucking day. And moreso when I have messed something up.

I'd gotten in trouble for breaking things before - i'm unlearning the label of "destructive" and the designation of "unobservant" and "careless" very slowly. This was the first time it was made absolutely clear to me that my life was worth less to my parents than a 1998 dodge grand caravan with no working a/c in 2011 (which, by the way, was less than the tow fee to get it off the road and to a junkyard, let alone the cost of fixing what had been damaged in the wreck).

I was then accused of lying about how the accident happened for 10 years. Apparently 1 decade is the length of time i need to keep my story straight in order to be believed about things.

I still sometimes get shit about it from my family, by the way. Not as often anymore, not since they decided to believe that I really did just glance down to make sure the bug that had flown in through the window and landed in my lap wasn't going to sting me. One of the absolute most terrifying days of my life is a joke. Because I am worth less to them than a 12 year old minivan. The only reason a bug came through the window, by the way, is because of the lack of a/c. If my parents had forked over the cash to get that fixed properly, they wouldn't have been down a minivan.

(a minivan my *sister* is upset with me for totaling because she claims it was meant to be *hers*, according to her and backed up by my parents. why i was the only one who ever drove it at that point, i don't know. Make it make sense. You can't.)

it's been....it's been 12 years damn. it's been 12 years and they still get mad at me for the fact that the van is gone. None of them ever, in the times this is brought up, ever mentions that they're glad I wasn't more injured, that I didn't die.

because i'm not worth more than whatever a 1998 dodge grand caravan with no a/c was in 2011 to them.

And now I apologize for the fact that things completely outside of my control happen and items break from overuse because clearly it's my fault and i'm terrified i'll learn i was worth even less than that.

God I hate my family....

[sceaven]

Hello, and happy holidays! I've managed to close out the year with two development milestones--finishing the game's first chapter and composing the first few songs of the soundtrack.

A full blog post is below the cut!

(Cross-posted from my website!)

Chapter 1 Complete!

Firstly, chapter 1 of SBH is now (mostly) complete! All cutscenes have been fully scripted, animated and coded, and all gameplay segments and relevant maps are playable. The only chapter-specific work left to be is drawing a few overworld maps that are currently exclusive to the very start of the game, which I'm putting off doing on the off-chance they end up being used again later and need to be redesigned.

Next up is Chapter 2, obviously, which is where the 'real' game starts, and the overworld and mechanics become fully available. It's going to involve a lot more work than the mostly linear first chapter, which is intimidating, but I'm very excited to finally get into making the real meat of the game.

It also means I might be able to start messing around with coding minigames and side content relatively soon, which I've been looking forward to. I've obviously prioritized making the actual game so far (despite a shadowy temptation to begin making the fishing mechanics early), and I'll likely continue to do that until relatively late in development--but I think coding the occasional minigame as I go along might be a nice way to break up the flow of development.

Soundtrack Progress

My biggest time sink over the past two weeks, though, has been making a start on composing the game's soundtrack! After months of spritework and cutscene code, I thought it might be a nice change of pace.

I've done tiny amounts of composing for the game in the past, but my original plan was to save most of the soundtrack until very late in development, as I'm not experienced at all with music and thought all the time and work required was not really worth the investment until everything else was finished. Thinking on it more, though, I realized that I was setting myself up to be miserable if I was going to be composing the *entire* soundtrack in one big lump, and that giving myself time to practice and learn alongside the rest of development would probably lead to better music overall.

...And so over the past fortnight I've refreshed myself on basic music theory and gotten back to it! Starting with a few early game cutscene tracks, the default battle theme, and a default boss battle theme.

They're not super impressive, but as someone who's never really had any musical training, I'm pretty happy with them. I've been kind of surprised how easy it can be to make things that sound okay once you know the very basics of chords, keys, scales and rhythm.

While I would love to have a great soundtrack, something that 'does the job' is the best I want to hope for at this stage in my musical career. Thankfully a nice thing about making music compared to my usual asset creation is that it's really easy to go back and make small changes, as well as recycle ideas that don't pan out for whatever reason. Making a battle theme that had the right 'mood' took so much trial and error that I accidentally created three spare melodies I can use for future songs!

Something I am especially excited (and anxious) to begin working on, are unique battle themes for each major boss fight, which I've had ideas in my head for for ages. I've always found the idea of trying capturing a character's personality in their theme music to be an incredibly fun and interesting one--the OSTs of the Guilty Gear and No More Heroes games in particular have been pretty inspirational for me in that regard. Hopefully I can do my imagination justice, haha.

How I'd source the soundtrack has been my biggest question with the project for a while now, so it feels great to finally be sorting it out. I'll post more music demos as I make them, and, once Livio's boss theme is done, I might go back and update the 6-24 Combat Demo to replace all the placeholder tracks. They've been haunting me for a while...

Conclusion and Personal Note

Chances are that this is going to be the last blog post of the year, so thank you for reading!

2024 has probably been the most productive year I've had for SBH, with the launch of the website, release of the demo, and a lot of other smaller things like making the maps and dialogue portraits. If I continue at the pace I'm going, I might actually be able to have Act 1 + Act 2 finished and released by this time next year--though don't hold me to that.

My 2025 is shaping up to be a potentially very big year, in which I'll be moving out of my current house and potentially changing jobs... but I'm sure I'll still make time to work on the game even during that, haha.

My current job has me working in a mall, which has unfortunately sucked a lot of the joy out of the holiday season because it makes my work busier and harder. Though, I have managed to scrape a little bit of it back this year by buying a Retroid Pocket as a gift to myself, which is a small handheld console designed for game emulation; sort of like a budget Steamdeck. I haven't used a portable console extensively since owning a 3DS as a tween, and the ability to play PS2 games on one has been sort of blowing my mind, even if a few don't run great. My favorite game I've tried on it so far has been 'Eternal Ring'. : )

Hopefully you all can find ways to enjoy the holidays and the new year as well. Until then, thanks for reading, and see you in 2025!

- HSTopaz

[ragana62]

Well, I've finally done it. I'm still mildly afraid of it, but it's time. We're getting Chapter 2 of More Than He Bargained For on Friday...

For those who don't know the story, this one is the follow up to my first ever fanfiction, All She Never Wanted. It was absolutely massive (like nearly 400k words), it is still my most popular (which feels a bit unhinged to say because it is decidedly a rare pair with some incredibly overly complicated politics and novel magic and all sorts of bs, but who am I to judge if people decided they also liked what I was on about), and I've been slightly (read: very) in my head about posting new chapters for it because of that. But I'm doing it, and I'm posting a teaser now so I can't back out...

If you're ready for a taste of what's to come (which if you have been waiting on this one, it's been nearly six months since the first chapter dropped, so I'm sorry, I don't blame you for being a little unhappy with me about the delay), there's a few excerpts below...

..."It's me, Susan."

"I'm sorry, have we met? It's been a bit of a day already as you could probably tell..."

"This is several layers of charmswork, it's Hermione. Harry was trying to help me sneak through after getting me out of that mess. Sorry about that by the way, I think it is technically my fault walking in here without backup. Learned my lesson though, strictly flooing direct from now on if I can."

"Now that makes a lot more sense. This his work then? He's been putting in the work there, I barely recognized you even now that you've told me to look for it!"

"Team effort, but I figure he can have extra credit for the old martyr play standby there with the crowds."

"So just to the auror office then?"

"I was trying to get to the Minister's office, actually. Though Harry said I could use the floo in the auror office to at least get to the lobby there."

"Don't worry about it, I can take the detour. Besides, the longer I take getting you where you need to go the longer I have before I'm going to have to either wade back into all that or deal with the paperwork after. If Harry's determined to martyr himself for another cause, I'm inclined to let him. Better him that me, right?"

"Fair enough. Hopefully it's not been a few weeks of nothing but since..."

"Even if it had, it's not your fault. Honestly, I've half a mind to just try and get a handful of the old D.A. scene together see if we can't buy out a few of the publications at least between all of us with dead parents and stocked trust funds. Probably won't even get accused of trying to control the narrative if we space out who's name goes on what well enough, and it might get some of this to settle a bit."

"You joke, but I'd be willing to help sponsor a buyout of the Prophet at least, they've been driving me up a wall for years. At least with Vati working her way up, and maybe more importantly convincing her editor that she's got exclusive access to anything to do with me, Witch Weekly is mostly over the worst of it now."

"Great! Saves me the sales pitch there. It's only about 60% a joke at this point and dropping by the minute the longer they keep harassing anyone in auror robes who walks by them, but if everyone I mention it to is just as eager we'll have the lot of them by the end of the year."

She'd been back in the country all of a week and a half and hadn't made nearly enough progress on her existing projects, and yet like usual here Hermione was with another new means of improving the magical world to add to her list. At least this one wasn't beholden to her organizational abilities if Susan was the one floating the idea around...

[nsk96]

Rant post. Ignore this, just purging the negative thoughts that are overwhelming me at the moment.

Having another breakdown, I really wished I lived alone right now. I start APPE rotations in a few months so that means I need to get all my onboarding paperwork and vaccination stuff done by February. There's so much to do right I can't seem to focus on just one thing, much less start on anything at all right now.

And then my mom telling me about the nasty crap my dad has been doing. I mean nasty unhygienic crap that is affecting our heaths. It was so triggering at the moment that all I could think about was "I'm probably also going to have to clean the shower before I shower again." Context: my dad doesn't wash well, and from the smell and condition of the bathtub when he'd done showering, I'm certain, he's not wiping after using the toilet either. Having to clean the bathtub every time before I shower is tiring it makes me hate showering. Not to mention the smell of the cleaner also bothers my airways. It's bad enough that I have to worry about my dad tampering with my soap, face cleanser and shampoo, that I have to carry every thing with me between the bathroom and my bedroom every time I shower as well. It all makes showering a time-consuming chore. Maybe that's a contributing reason for skipping showers these days. I have a handy dandy squirt bottle I use to clean up on skip days at least. Also, whoever invented wet wipes is the best.

Just thinking about how much I could have gotten done over the winter break had I lived alone though. The days I could have had to myself instead of driving my mom around to shop for groceries. I would have been able to clean up my room (my dad was home from work for much of the holiday so that delayed a lot because there was stuff I have to hide from him of course).

Then there was Christmas eve where my mom mopped this small stretch of tile and told us to be careful around it. No more than five minutes later, I forgot about it and came around with my plate of dinner in my hand and slipped and fell, hurting my back and leg, and straining my abdominal muscles. My food fell everywhere of course. Had I lived alone, it wouldn't have happened. But also, had I had the time to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, I probably would have been diagnosed by now, and wouldn't have forgotten such an important detail in the first place. There'd likely be no attention issues then...but to have the time to get an appointment, living alone would have been ideal as well. Study time is just better when you don't have to worry about other people. Out of sight, out of mind.

Living by myself, I would be able to have a clean room for once. I wouldn't have to sleep on a bed that I'm also storing a box of cookies on just because my dad "just might poison it". Or the whole 4-tier shelf of snacks I have in my room for the same reason, along with skincare and hair care products that should be stored in the bathroom but you know...he tampers with stuff to the point we start itching or our hair starts falling out. Don't get me started on the symptoms we get when he messes with the food.

My mom's defense for me not moving out is that it's not safe and that I should save money. 1) I'd be using loan money from school. I did the math and the added amount really doesn't make much of a difference when you look at the total I'll owe from between undergrad and pharmacy school. 2) Safe? She's worried about someone hurting me over there? Someone breaking in and hurting me? What about here at home? I have to constantly worry about if the food in the fridge is safe for me to eat. I don't feel safe in my own bedroom because she's always like "he goes into your room when you're in the shower", and now I gotta wonder if he finally managed plant a hidden camera in there. I already knows he likes to record random women on the street and send it to his nephew and make disgusting comments about them. I know he always wanted to record my mom in sexual ways. And he for sure knew what my brother was doing to me when I was 5 years old. At 18, my dad even tried to record me sucking suggestively on a lollipop (I didn't realize I was eating it weird. It was family movie night and I was distracted). I will never forget the night how furious he got when he found out I lock my bedroom door when I go to sleep. It haunts me. And now, my mom has to constantly remind me not to fall asleep on the chair in the living room when she's not out there because I have to worry about my dad r*ping me like he has her when she was asleep.

Over winter break, there was one instance I couldn't help it. We finished family movie night (in living room) and my mom was going into the shower. She made sure I was awake before walking away but I was so tired my eyes closed without me realizing. I was still conscious at least but only of my body and some sounds around me. I couldn't move or open my eyes. I felt myself drifting off but I was able to gain the strength to pull myself out of it. I hear my dad using the hand-held muscle massager to massage (but I didn't know what) and then I heard his footsteps getting closer. Maybe it was nothing but I opened my eyes a little and saw he had the massager by his crotch and he was walking towards me. At the same time, my mom came out to check up on me once more before going into the shower and when she showed up, my dad stopped walking and kinda jumped up like he was up to no good, I don't know if I was seeing correctly, but it was like he then quickly shifted the massager to the top of his thigh and told her that he had a leg cramp when she decided to ask him what's wrong. It was just so weird, I wasn't sure if I saw this whole situation correctly. He spent quite some time to work out the "cramp" on the exercise equipment so I don't know...maybe I was being paranoid. But that moment just keeps replaying in my mind and still feels so unsettling as much as it did that night.

Now I'm really worried about starting rotations. I'm not sure my mom plans on divorcing him any time soon. I told her she needs to start planning and that we can't be moving while I do residency. It's now or never. But honestly, it's probably too late for that because I'm way too busy for all that now. I got 4 quizzes due this week and 2 assignments, plus lectures to catch up on. And now onboarding to worry about. Last semester was the best time to initiate my plan, which was to get the apartment so we'd have a place to run to (because her plan was to leave him after I graduate pharmacy school) but she squandered it, quite possibly dooming the both of us.

The astrologer she recommended I get a reading from two years ago said that the people who think they know what's best for me will only bring me down to their level. He also said that I can't live with family because they will always be a source of grief for me. It's all true, and I probably didn't need an astrologer to tell me that, but it's kind of funny when someone outside of your family and life, who knows nothing about you, says it.

I feel it all just building up again, but I bet in a couple months when I have another emotional breakdown, my mom will once again think it came out of no where like she did the other times. And by emotional breakdown, I mean coming home crying and freaking out, avoiding her, avoiding all triggering conversation by either not talking or just walking away, and then she'll take it all personally again and make it about her feelings like she did last time.

[havroth-traveler]

Pokemon: year 2-10

Phew my time here is finally over. When I started here 10 years ago I didn't think I wind up spending a huge chunk of time in jail. What? You didn't expect that, did you? Okay let me walk you through it.

The second year in Pokemon started with me on a boat back towards Jubilife City. Turns out you need to restart the gyms every year, and register with the pokemon league in jubilife city. The travel over there, and registration cost took a huge cut out of my savings.

There was a mandatory 1 week review of league rules and basics for every returning training, and a 2 month school for anyone under 14. I have no idea how my drop in worked last time but I wasn't about to question it.

The second go around I was much more focused. It took some effort but I stayed on task, and didn't go mess around at the beach for weeks at a time. I made it to the elite 4 this time. My team, Floatzel, Dustox, Bronzong, Toxicroak, Abomasnow, and Rhypherior made a good showing, but we just weren't ready for back to back to back challenges like that.

And challenging the elite 4 is expensive. There's a reason all those rich ace trainers are on victory road. They need all the money they can get.

Money was also what git me into trouble. While Eugene wasn't in Eterna City, we met up in Veilstone City. He mentioned that he new some guys who needed some muscle fir a few months, and that since I made it all the way to the elite 4 the year before, I'd be a great candidate for some cushy position after I made an impression as part of the hired muscle. I didn't want to go around again. It got more and more expensive each consecutive year you tried for the champion spot. Most of those Ace trainers I mentioned before we either still 17, or had jobs they did every other year.

Being a grunt of team rocket wasn't bad. Pay was great, and benefits were better. I worked a few months at a base that was up by Snowpoint City. When they were done they told me to reach out if I ever needed more work. I spent that winter practicing my cold weather camping. I know I could have easy rented a spot in town, but I love camping, especially with my pokemon. They were all great friends. When the thaw came round I gave Ponce, the Recruiting Guy for Team Rocket a call. I got lucky, they had heard rumors of rare colored grimers down under jubilife city, and Eugene was an excellent reference for my ability to explore and find pokemon.

I was good at catching those Shiney grimes. The rebreather I got made dealing with the stink of rot of sewers bearable, add to that a bronzong who didn't even need to breath and I had stumbled into a cash cow. The problem turned out to be that catching rare grimers and not reporting it was a crime. Office Jenny gave chase. I managed to stash my stuff in hidden corner of one of the ventilation system before getting arrested.

The trail was quick since I had the pokemon on my belt. No one from team rocket contacted me. No lawyers were given. I just got sentenced for 8 years. My pokemon released.

8 years for poaching, pokemon trafficking, evading arrest, possession of un reported rare pokemon, and battling with out a permit.

Well, I might have lost my stuff and my pokemon, but at least pokemon prisoners got food, and sun light, excersize.

At midnight, I felt reality twist, as the jump had ended. Time to see what > has next for me.

[severus-snaps]

I was messing around in the tags but I'm on my phone so they kept messing up so here I am instead with a ramble

I'd not thought about it before like this and I obvs love snape but you're so right

From Snape's perspective, perhaps he could've felt like:

Lily bushed off his near death experience (the Prank) and sided with the people who conspired to kill him and told him to be grateful to James (when they were supposedly not even friends and she didn't like the Marauders; suspicious)

Abandoned him during SWM, leaving James to (most likely) expose him in front of a crowd

Putting myself in the shoes of Snape for a moment I wonder whether he'd have been like "ffs Lily, would it kill you to agree to the date so he leaves me alone and we can spike his butterbeer when you get there with poison a laxative"

He waited at night outside the Gryffindor common room to apologise, risking running into a teacher and getting detention or even a round 2 with the Marauders themselves

His apology is not accepted * so he feels rejected and hurt and alone, and betrayed in a way. Only a few months ago she'd said they were best friends and she didn't like the Marauders, and couldn't she see he was suffering in that moment?

Lily hears about the full extent of SWM after she left, and months/a year later starts dating James anyway - and presumably is good friends with Sirius and the others as well, since Sirius is later Harry's godfather and Peter is Secret Keeper. (Added just for evidence of their closeness; I don't believe Snape didn't know either of these things? At least not until he'd already defected. Anyway)

Lily is now "best friends" with the same Sirius who attempted to murder Snape because he was annoying

The same James who wanted to strip Snape in front of a crowd because he existed

And with Remus, who didn't stop them and Snape thought wanted to kill or turn him into a werewolf too. With Peter, who cheered them on.

And all of them probably said and did much more over the years than was written; mocking Snape was like their favourite pastime when they were bored

James continues to hex Snape. Snape presumably must think that Lily is also in on this information, and laughing behind the scenes.

Maybe he thinks they were friends before and she never admitted it; that's why she was so blasé about the werewolf murder attempt

THE BETRAYAL

*I'm curious other people's thoughts on whether he actually said Mudblood a lot and Lily just ignored it until it affected her (unlikely to me, she seemed a bit of a firecracker and had no qualms calling out James or Snape for their bad behaviour, or teasing Slughorn, etc) or whether he was newly hanging around the likes of Mulciber and THEY said it a lot so she lumped him in, like she was being hyperbolic and it was the first time Snape had ever said it and it was because he was hanging around Mulciber etc she just assumed. Not strictly related, but I imagine he'd have been annoyed if it was the latter and he thought she'd made him out to be a worse person than he was

And then, once Snape is a fresh new recruit for Voldemort, gathering intel and the like, he has even more reasons (as you say) to not stick his neck out for Lily:

She's Muggleborn, which is like... Voldemort's whole deal

She's the mother of the boy destined to destroy Voldemort, and she's on his #1 hit list

She'd made it clear (in Snape's eyes) that she didn't care for Snape's life and that their friendship didn't mean that much to her (certainly nowhere near as much as it meant to him)

He didn't spread any anti-Lily thoughts among the other DEs, otherwise it might have gotten back to Peter (who presumably had no qualms about giving up the Potters once they latently implemented the Fidelius, and could've done something else nasty in that timeframe), or harm Lily himself before all of the Prophecy stuff.

He still went to Dumbledore, who he thought might kill him - to save someone who had hurt and rejected him.

I expect if Lily hadn't been targeted it would've taken longer for him to defect. But Bellatrix said he always slithered out of action, and she'd only been out of Azkaban for a bit when she said it, so "always" also means when he was FIRST a Death Eater.

Through all the books Snape is cruel but he very rarely resorts to violence, and then only out of retaliation or defence when he's attacked (or once when even REMUS was attacked), the only exception being when he lost his mind at the end of the chapter of SWM because Harry invaded his privacy and broke their thin sense of trust.

So, in short, I think he would've defected anyway eventually, once being asked to do something he couldn't stomach and couldn't slither out of.

"If the Longbottoms were targeted, Snape would still be a DE!"

Ah, yes, one of the favourite arguments of the average Snater (because of course it's reasonable to call him evil over something that never happened).

But let's, for argument's sake, say that the Longbottoms were targeted, and the Potters were never targeted (because no matter how or why, if Lily was in danger the events would play out as they do in canon. Only with perhaps a dead Neville instead).

Okay, so he wouldn't stick his neck out for the Longbottoms. Why would he? He wouldn't know who they are, why would he risk his life to save theirs?

But does that mean he'd have been the most loyal DE ever?

I don't think so.

In fact, I personally believe he would have always betrayed Voldemort. Why?

The very fact that he betrayed him for someone who'd already turned her back on him once, then married his abuser, and who was a muggleborn. By all accounts, he had every right to actually want revenge and request them to be tortured. He and Lily weren't friends. She's the one who ended his friendship, therefore the one who hurt him. And she's a muggleborn. Someone who was truly a DE would have wanted her extra tortured.

They wouldn't go all the way to Dumbledore to ask for her life. And certainly wouldn't promise anything in exchange for it.

So to me, the fact that he had it in him to betray Voldemort for her sake despite how much he had to lose to do so says that he was never truly Voldemort's and it was just as much about saving himself from Voldemort.

So to me, that says that even if Lily wasn't a target, Snape would have still betrayed Voldemort at some point if given the chance to do so, if something happened that would finally spur him to have the courage to betray him.