nsk96

[nsk96]

I needed this

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My greed sickens me .

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My greed sickens me .

[nsk96]

I was staying at a friend's house and had a dream that Pitbull (the rapper) came out as trans and was BEAUTIFUL and I woke up briefly just as my friend was going to work but I was still too sleepy to get up so I called her while in the same house to say I dreamed that Pitbull was trans and then hung up

[nsk96]

Which one is closest to yours? Mine is like 6ish-7ish.

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[nsk96]

My dad really got me mixed up on the wrong day today. So for context, whenever my mom goes out to buy something (usually groceries or things we need for the house) he has to make a remark about her spending too much.

Like last week she went to fill gas. I asked him where she went and he said to fill gas but then followed up with “but you know how she has to buy things” -blah blah blah. Always trying to say that she’s the one to blame for our financial issues as if he isn’t the one in charge of their bank account and has been receiving her whole paycheck their whole life together. And refuses to let my mom help with the finances.

Today my mom went out for chlorine. As expected he started with his usual shit and I, after being in a shit mood already from what I’ve been dealing with at work, wasn’t having it.

I said, “okay already, I get the point. Every time she goes out you have to say that”

His response: “okay then I won’t say anything anymore. I won’t say anything to you”

I said, “then don’t. I’m fine with that.”

He does this type of tantrum to my mom as well. Whenever she constructively criticizes him on something, his response is always “then I won’t do [task] anymore” or “I won’t speak anymore”. He thought he can do it to me too. Sir, I’m not my mother.

Him: *saying some shit I can no longer hear because my brain is blocking him out*

Me: “you’re saying this like some kind of gotcha. I’m fine with you not talking to me.”

Him: *still talking* then don’t complain if we lose the house (referring to the mortgage payments)

Little does he know I’m fucking ready to live out of my car if I have to. Heaven forbid we lose our house, but he’s got me mixed up if he think imma live with him. Nah, I’d be renting, living in my car, or living with a friend or family member.

[nsk96]

Mini rant:

Here I was thinking that co-residents were supposed to work together but what do you do when they start taking credit for what you did or planned to do. I was the one that came up with the idea to get the students’ emails at the beginning of their rotation so that we can send out an email to them, so that they can have both of our contact info. Today he did it before I could, and CC our RPDs (our bosses) on it, so now it looks like he is the one taking the initiative.

As for other tasks, it’s great that we both think about doing some of the same things, but it sucks that he gets to it before I can. It’s already starting to feel like everyone favors him over me because of it. Even our primary RPD gives him extra tasks to do. Not that I’m eager to do more work (am eager to help however I can though) it just feels like I’m nearly invisible to her or that she doesn’t trust that I can handle it.

And other times it feels like I can’t even be in the same room as him…when we both got questions for a mentor, his questions overshadow mine. One time I couldn’t even get a chance to ask a single question. Our mentor had to pause him and give me the chance to speak.

I don’t think he does it on purpose though. His personality makes me think he’s not used to working with other people on that level. I prefer to work on my own as well, but I’ve learned over the past few years how to cooperate with others and give my teammates a chance to grow and take the spotlight when needed. It feels like I have to compete with him, which is something I never wanted in a co-resident.

[nsk96]

I’m close to officially giving up on studying (눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠)

Rant warning:

I really wish I moved out when I had the chance and didn’t listen to my mom when she said to stay home and “save money.” I’m tired of family drama getting in the way of me studying. I’m tired of having to keep reminding them to keep the noise levels lower just so that I can focus on my work. I’m tired of having to justify and argue every time why I need to stay behind at the hospital to catch up on studying or why I need to drive all the way to the school library despite it being “not safe”. And them freaking out about me staying out past 5pm in general 🫠 Every. Single. Time. I failed two classes in pharm school because of it all. And now I have 2 upcoming licensing exams, one in a few days and I’m nowhere near ready. I don’t think I can put out another $620 it takes to retake the first exam if I fail. Soul crushing when those who are supposedly your biggest cheerleaders are the ones destroying your plans for success. They did it so much the past 4 years, I’m mad at myself for thinking this year was going to be different.

Rant over.

[nsk96]

MAGA before and after they believe that it's safe to actually say what they really mean.

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[nsk96]

i actually never ever want AO3 to be censored bc nothing is more fun than reading the tags on a fic and going “huh. didn’t know there was a market for that.”

[nsk96]

there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

edit: here's her YouTube account, as well as her TikTok and Facebook :)

[nsk96]

This is frustrating.

I love the comparison, but I hate how they are comparing.

They are acting like she is using optics to give herself an advantage. But the device she is wearing is just for comfort and essentially does the same thing as closing one eye and squinting the other.

The little thing over the left eye is basically like an eye patch.

And the thing over her right eye is a mechanical iris, like in a camera lens, but it is NOT a lens.

Different lighting environments are going to be brighter or darker and you may have to squint more or less to let in the same amount of light into your eye. Squinting allows the shooter to get the sharpest possible vision in order to shoot a bullseye the size of a 12-point Times New Roman period.

But if you have to squint for hours for practice and in competition, this can strain your face muscles and become uncomfortable. So this iris basically squints for you.

It's more like wearing comfortable shoes so your feet do not hurt than a lens magnifying the target and giving an advantage.

Both athletes have access to these items. One felt more comfortable without them. The other didn't feel like getting a muscle cramp from squinting all day.

Either would have shot the same if they had or had not used these devices.

Just a funny difference in gear preference.

I should also add, the Turkish dad is the only one using lenses.

[nsk96]

Today we passed by each other and I said Hi and there was no acknowledgment. Like I’m just one of the techs or a stranger or something.

I want to believe that I’m overthinking it but I can’t help but feel like something changed. She was one of my recommendation writers and now it’s like I’m a stranger.

Is my job in jeopardy or am I paranoid? (ó﹏ò｡)

Week 4 as resident: I’m starting to think my RPD doesn’t like me (• ▽ •;)

I know she’s busy but like, I feel so ignored. Didn’t get a “Hi” back. Last week I asked about a meeting and her response kinda made me feel stupid.

I want to think she didn’t mean it like that because she was one of my APPE preceptors when I was a student. And she’s been giving my co-resident more tasks. Idk I feel a little invisible