#i’m tired of being treated this way
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Please please please let me get what I want, and that is peace.
#personal vent#vent post#vent blog#vent#i’m tired of being treated this way#i'm so fucking tired#Spotify
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Does anyone else find it sort of upsetting how widely popular House M.D. has seemingly become in online queer spaces with how violently acephobic and intersexist it is? Like, I don’t want to pretend that it’s only queerphobic towards aces and intersex people, because the show definitely engages in its fair share of early-2000s-typical casual transphobic and homophobic language, and I do think it’s pretty biphobic that, from what I remember of the show, they made 13 (the one canonically bisexual character) a promiscuous party girl tm.
But the show is extremely vitriolic towards intersex and asexual people, and I wish that the people who treat it like a haha funny toxic yaoi show would at least fucking acknowledge that. The show actively reinforces the ideas about intersex bodies which are used to justify the nonconsensual mutilation of intersex children. And the way the show treats asexuality is abysmal. I saw someone on here once say that it’s “funny” that House is canonically aphobic, as if it’s just a joke that the House episode about asexuality actively supports the idea that asexuals are all either liars or medically unwell and in need of “fixing��. Why is pro-conversion therapy rhetoric suddenly funny when it’s directed towards us?
I’m not saying that no one is allowed to enjoy the show at all. Hell, I used to really enjoy it too, at least before I got to the asexuality episode (shortly after finding out I’m ace and before I had ever seen even a single other representation of asexuality in mainstream media). But like. Can people at least stop outright ignoring the absolutely detrimental effects this show had on the ace community and the intersex community?
#personal#ace#asexual#cw acephobia#it was a popular show! a lot of people who didn’t know asexuality even exists learned about it through this show that told them we need#to have our asexuality “cured” by a medical professional#I’m so so fucking sick of seeing others in the queer community treat acephobia as a lesser form of queerphobia#and we especially need to be doing better for the intersex community too because I am tired of#seeing other lgbtq folks throw intersex ppl under the bus whenever it’s convenient#(only to turn around and use intersex people as a gotcha against exorsexism)#not aroposting#I’m sure there’s also a lot more offensive shit in the show that I’ve forgotten because I haven’t watched it in a very long time#there’s definitely more that can be said about the intersexism in the show but I don’t know how to articulate that as well#someone who is actually a part of the intersex community could probably put it way better than I can#but hell. that incredibly intersexist episode was how I learned that being intersex is even a thing and I’m sure I am not the only one#I know more about the effects on the ace community (for obvious reasons) which is why I’m taking a bit more about that here but#I can’t even imagine how damaging House was (and still is!) to the intersex community
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maybe this is just because it feels like a metaphor for how tlovm uses vex in general (and i could write an essay about it and have and will again) but something that i both understand tlovm choosing to do and deeply hate as a choice they made is vex no longer being the one to break thordak’s crystal even though vax was still the one to kill him. especially since the show was very explicit about thordak being responsible for killing the twins’ mother and also set it up as a sort of avenging of percy, it felt tonally weird to literally just have vex hanging out in the background for both the crystal breaking and him being killed. it’s fine (deeply upset voice) i understand that adjustments to pike’s vestige made this make sense for the plot but. glad to have vex continue to be a witness in tlovm moments that in the campaign her agency in were delicious character moments. it’s fine.
#cr team respectfully i think you need to think more about the consequences of your Cool Action Choices#on your central characters’ agency and growth#particularly when they are women whose names start with k and v#i think pike does better because there is the extra attention of How To Fit Her In The Story#but for every great moment of character reinterpretation of vex and keyleth there are about five where i’m like.#these characters are animation tradition pilled and not in the fun adventurous way i mean in the#medium that got away with treating women as objects in much more extreme ways for longer way. where i think the echoes are harder to extract#from common tropes and shit that aren’t exactly harmful but do take keyleth and vex. both characters who fit well into archetypes#but who are interesting because of how they subvert them pretty consistently#and instead just have them subvert them on occasion and we’re left with just. innocent flower who occasionally has rage#can’t kill vorugal on her own. can’t crack thordaks gem. why is she there (i said tired and sad for other reasons) i’m being hyperbolic#and cold and charismatic woman (now . trope identical mourning widow 👍) who occasionally is given depth (typically in romantic context)#which sure great. yay action sequence yay npc backstories and motivations. could i get a slice of the time and effort percy and scanlan get#to trace their arcs through everything they do#with keyleth and vex. please. Please#to be clear. this isn’t like. i think the characters are being targeted (certainly don’t think the cast doesn’t have a say either)#this is me saying i think the say they have/choices they’ve made aren’t very compelling ones#tlovm spoilers#vex’ahlia#tlovm
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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Been having a rough couple of days. Send me asks?
#Long story short: I’m quitting my job! Yippee!! 🎉#Don’t wanna get TOO into it but I’m so fucking tired of being treated like shit and getting blamed for things completely out of my control#I’m done. I’ve BEEN done for months at this point#And now it’s at the point where my boss doesn’t think I’m doing my job right bc she keeps finding issues that again. Aren’t my fault#I’m sorry I can’t control everything for you! I don’t have that kind of power! I can’t make things magically happen the way you want!!#My other coworkers have been undergoing the same bullshit treatment so I know I’m not alone#But yeah I’m getting the hell out of dodge. My mental health has been sooooooo bad lately#I cannae. I’m going to end up dead in a ditch at this rate#Had the WORST panic attack of my life yesterday and my mom and I were both like. Yeah. It’s time for you to leave#Have fun running the department without me! Bye!! :)))))#Shima speaks#Vent#Anyway I’m a goddamn mess. Sorry. Lol!#I’m dreading going back to work on Monday I would literally rather claw my own eyeballs out#It SUCKS bc I know none of this is my fault but I still feel like shit anyway.#And I WANT to draw bc it’s the one thing that makes me happy but I just#Can’t. Right now. I’m not in a good emotional state#It feels like physical torture to sit down at my desk and put my pen to my tablet#Slams my head into the wall#I’m soooo tired girlies. I’m so over it#Anyway. Send me asks. Keep me company while I try not to have another breakdown. Tee hee <3
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not to say this for the 1000th time this year but I can’t wait to leave work
#txt#my boss is so fucking rude sometimes#and treats me so stupid for not being able to hear and explain things well#when like#SHE IS THE EXACT SAME WAY#we are both adhd and dyslexic like grow the fuck up#I’m so tired of being around adult children 😭😭😭
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you’re eren jeager. you’re eight years old and trapped inside walls your entire life and hate every second of it and then your best (and only) friend shows you there’s a possibility of more, of the outside world, of freedom. you're nine years old and you just killed someone for the first time because what they were doing was wrong and as much you like to pretend it didn't affect you because they were just filthy animals, you still get nightmares about it. you're ten years old and you dream of joining the scouting legion so you can finally see the outside world because they represent freedom for you due to their symbol, but oh the titans just broke down the walls and your mom got eaten right in front of you and suddenly it's much bigger than that, it's not just a dream, it's a goal, so you can get rid of every last one of them. you’re twelve years old and people keep on telling you, you’re not gonna make it, you won’t last in the military and you’ll never achieve your goal, and you prove them wrong, every. single. time. you’re fifteen years old and you finally made it, but you wake up and there are a thousand guns pointed at you and the two people you love most in the world are standing between you and danger (as always, and you hate yourself and you feel so guilty and you feel so useless) and they’re asking you if you’re human or a titan and that makes absolutely no sense, because of course you’re human but that does not matter. you get hated on, you are experimented on, you get tortured and through all of this, you push forward because you believe you’re making a difference and you’re helping humanity survive and if you’re suffering through all of this? it’s okay, because you deserve it, i mean, look at how many people die so you can live, look how many times your friends get put into dangerous situations, look at how mikasa and armin’s lives keep on getting shittier because they continue to care about you and through all of this, people treat you as humanity’s hope or as a weapon, but never as a person, because that’s not what you are for them and they keep on saying that if you want to save anybody and make a difference, you have to learn how to control your powers and how to make sacrifices, to let go of your humanity in order to do it. you’re sixteen years old and you know everything you’re going to do, and you want to tell it to the people you trust but you don’t want to burden them with that knowledge because they already have enough on their plate as it is. you’re eighteen years old and you tried to change the outcome from the things you’ve seen multiple times, but every single time you fail because every decision has already been made for you and you’re helpless to do anything but watch, you try to find a different solution, however everything you think of, brings about the doom for your people. you’re nineteen years old and you abandoned everything you cared about in order to reach your goal, everybody hates you, but not as much as you hate yourself, but it’s okay because at least (most of) the people you love will be safe and you will die by the hands of the woman you love, it’s more than you deserve because now you truly are the devil they’ve always accused you of being. and in the end the boy who longed for freedom, was the most entrapped of them all.
#eren jaeger#eren yeager#why there are two ways to write his last name??#i always wonder#but anyway can you tell i just love my boy?#and that in a kinder world he would be kinder too?#i don’t exactly remember what sprung this on#but i’m sick and tired of people reducing eren to a single trait of his#like yes. he IS capable of atrocious things like the rumbling#he’s also capable of love and compassion#and these two things can co-exist#and while it’s a little bit of nature for him because he’s always longed for freedom#it’s also about nurture because of the environment he was in#and the way people treated#even armin actually (though i love their relationship)#the only person who ever treated like a human being was mikasa (but then she made him feel helpless not on purpose but she did)#and carla before she died#again nobody did on purpose#anyway this got reaaally long#it was sitting in my drafts for a while#eremika#but only because it’s canon#because this post is about eren#even though i love them
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!
#started a new job today 🎉#And I am TIRED from being on Zoom for 6 hours but it’s such a nice vibe there???#Number one thing I learned is that I should not have dragged my feet on getting a new desk chair#but second thing was just that past jobs didn’t have to be the way they were#Because I’m being treated like a person first and employee second and that’s so NICE#anyway woooooooo and I’m gonna be on zoom once more today for therapy
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Do portwell/EJ stans not realize that Gina didn’t get together with Ricky until AN ENTIRE MONTH passed after she broke up with EJ? And pws entire relationship only lasted for around 2 months?? How long was Gina supposed to wait before it was acceptable by your standards to get in a new relationship?
I swear the way some of you fans treat and talk about Gina like she was the problem in that relationship (she in actuality she was the one putting in the most effort to FIX that failing thing more that Elton John ever did) is so gross.
Gina was one of the most supportive girlfriends and constantly forgave and encouraged EJ all throughout season 3. I will gladly name off every instance if you want me to. And she only lost her patience after he lied, hid the truth from her and constantly broke his promises to her. And no, before anyone says anything, EJ WAS NOT WORKING HARD JUST FOR GINAS SAKE! IT WAS FOR HIS OWN TO PROVE TO HIMSELF AND HIS DAD THAT HE WAS CAPABLE OF MAKING A NAME FOR HIMSELF! EJ in the show and Matt Cornett in interviews stated as such! It’s why since the beginning of the season EJ was so stressed - he wasn’t prioritizing his relationship with Gina before he got the letter from his dad so you can’t blame his actions solely on trying to save in relationship and stay in salt lake.
Also just so people in this fandom know because some of you seem to really not: PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO BREAK UP WITH THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER FOR ANY REASON! It doesn’t matter what EJ did in the past, Gina wasn’t happy in the direction their relationship was heading and decided to end it early to spare both of them further pain and she isn’t the bad guy for it.
#hsmtmts#gina porter#ej caswell#I’m so tired of fans babying EJ and acting like Gina and Ricky wronged him in some way and never acknowledging his own faults#you don’t have to like the portwell broke up but dang can you stop rewriting the show to fix your narrative of EJ being the tragic hero?#he’s a flawed teenager just like the rest of the cast#stop saying Gina needs to be the apologetic one and as to beg for his forgiveness when all she did was leave when she wasn’t happy#stop saying Ricky stole EJs gfs and stripping Gina and Nini of their autonomy and treating them like property#I promise you EJs gonna be fine that he and his hs gf of 2 months broke up and she moved on#rant over
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i’ve been having a hard time realizing and grieving my naivety/lack of intuition, especially relating to autism and ocd. there’s smth so helpless in feeling like you can’t trust yourself. but i think i’m starting to reach a point of balance. ik i don’t have the best judgment, but maybe my intuition can be the kindness i judged as naivety
i just couldn’t accept the idea that kindness (as far as i understood it at least) could have led me into harm’s way, especially bc protecting myself feels so “cruel,” so maybe that’s not the narrative i have to accept. sometimes i feel like i’m slipping into old habits when i catch myself giving someone a second chance, or the benefit of the doubt, but it’s not the same now as it was before. kindness never led me into harm’s way, it was my lack of trust in myself. i don’t need to dial in my kindness, i just need to strengthen my trust. i need to practice informed kindness
#this sounds so obvious writing it out and i’m sure it’s smth most ppl innately understand#but i have a huge fear of becoming jaded and i thought self-improvement meant i would lose a part of myself#i only recently found out that other ppl have to choose to care. did everyone else know this. did you guys know that caring is a choice#learning this has explained. SO MUCH. abt the way ppl have treated and interacted w me#so i’ve had to force myself to care less abt things this yr and let me tell you it’s been a hellish learning curve lmao#i think for the best tho. i think being more discerning is helping me strengthen my self-trust#i don’t think anyone in my life can tell that anything’s changed either so that’s good. it means i haven’t lost anything#just gaining#danbles#autisms#ocd#edit: i don’t want to conflate caring w kindness btw that’s not what i meant#idk how to explain it actually writing this out made me tired. kindness comes from caring but caring can be cruel too#which is why i want to care less to be able to keep being kind#or smth like that. idk it’s 3am gn
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I guess that what I wish people understood is that “trans men often spent years being perceived as, treated as, and possibly even identifying as women” and “trans men are not just women who happen to look like men” are both very true statements
#I’m tired#I think it’s wrong to deny that many transmen#experience misogyny at some point in their lives#and that many transmen spend time identifying as women and share experiences with women#but I also think it’s wrong to treat us like we’re just. men who ‘think’ like women#or to assume that we all think and act ‘like women’ just because we identified that way at one point#which isn’t just wrong because. transmen are men#but also because there is no. one way that women act or think or have beliefs#women are varied and diverse in their experiences and behaviors and beliefs#there is no one single way to Be a woman#two separate women can experience being a woman in two vastly different ways#so I think it’s wrong when people say that transmen#have more ‘empathy’ or more ‘emotional intelligence’#just based on. ‘well they used to be women’#not only does it feel transphobic#but it also feels sexist to assume that being a woman means someone inherently is more empathetic or more emotional#and I feel like some cis people treat us like#we’re just women who happen to look like men#and they make assumptions that they shouldn’t even be making about women#and then get mad when we don’t live up to them#and that’s when they go ‘wow you really are a man’
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How do I tell a guy I want someone mature and older enough to take care of me emotionally and that I don’t need financial help whatsoever but just support?
Oh well! I just hope the last of their brain cells can suck that up, I’m so tired of repeating myself over and over again.
They say I’m hard, no women are the hardest to understand but they don’t make effort in an attempt to try and understand us and yet we’re the problem. Too much for their logic to handle probably.
Men.
#personal vent#vent post#men suck#darling’s troubles#vent blog#vent#I’m tired of being treated this way#why can’t they understand?#if you can’t love them then at least don’t harm them#if you know you know#if you try hard enough#if you would try to understand you will#if you even care#if you think about it#if you couldn't tell
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I’m here to say that you may absolutely express negativity about veilguard to me as long as it’s not stupid. hate on it for real reasons, of which there are plenty, most of which I’m ignoring because of the hype but would be glad to discuss in a civilized manner. no forced positivity in this zone this is a safe space. unless your criticism is dumb as fuck then I will point and laugh
#sorry people have been posting about how bad the ~discourse~ is#about everything under the sun#and I’m starting to think that people are really just classifying like#‘oh this guy has a different opinion than me’ as discourse#like. hm. here’s an example from the latest and greatest#some people think a certain ending for Astarion is better than the others#they are entitled to that opinion! you are entitled to dksageee!#nobody is attacking you for your preference#even if someone says on their blog ‘oh if you don’t put blorbo bleebus through the bingly bop ritual you’re not a real fan’ that’s still#not a personal attack! that’s just someone Having Thoughts on their own blog#sorry I’m just. sigh#you can’t post any analysis of the actual climactic event in dragon age 2 anymore without it being labeled discourse#and I think. here’s my contribution to the discourse#you all are so obsessed with Avoiding Discourse that you’re not letting yourself feel the joy of getting stupidly invested in media#anyway. aren’t you tired of being nice. don’t you wanna go apeshit#ugh sigh DISCLAIMER because this is tumblr and you have to over explain lest someone take you in the worst possible faith#I am WELL AWARE of people who do actually like attack people and make online space hell for the differing opinions#tis why I specified people talking about their takes *on their own blog*#I am also WELL AWARE of pervasive issues in fandom. namely racism. I’m talking about racism and looking directly at the way bg3 fandom#treats and talks about wyll. and the way they treat black fans who rightfully call that shit out#racism isn’t discourse. it’s racism#talking about racism isn’t discourse. don’t devalue the conversation like that#disclaimers over. I stand by what I said#this is a safe space to have opinions. even if I disagree. unless what you’re saying is really stupid#don’t fish for reasons to be a hater. haterism should come naturally or not at all#this has been a post
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Exhausted honestly
#it’s been such a bizarre day#I shouldn’t be this stressed and tired about a wedding I’m not even part of#and yet!!!#I feel like this is being treated in a way as my introduction into society#now that the next oldest girl cousin is getting married I am going to be the family’s ✨eligible maiden✨#so I guess there’s that#it’s my coming out kdhdhd#but I just need a long nap right now#elly's posts
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ever have the kind of day where it’s just. The Crushing Weight Of Sexism and the Horrors of Moving Through The World as a Woman are really getting to you
#just. the horrific way men treat women. god#this country hates women so much it’s insane. and I’m tired#had a Mormon Thoughts Are Haunting Me day and then remembered regular society is also TERRIBLE#there’s no escaping it! it’s everywhere! haha#that’s not even touching on being a Lesbian in this economy lmfao#ugh. anyway
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New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment
#well. he’s gone.#it’s definitely relieving in a lot of ways#but….#my apartment is empty#when I moved to this city I had two of my best friends here with me#now I have no one#I will probably never talk to either one of them again#I lived with him for five years. we made our college plans together#and now my apartment is empty and I’m all alone and there’s no one to hear me cry#I feel so pathetic and miserable#and empty but overwhelmed all at once#I almost wish it was all my fault you know#cuz then at least I could pinpoint it I could figure it out#like oh… I’m a shitty person and I treated my friends badly and that’s why I lose them#but I’ve been the one who’s been used and tossed aside and discarded#and I’m alone in a dark empty apartment crying#and I know my old roommate and my old best friend don’t care#they’re both happy and having a good time and have not thought twice about me#and yeah. I feel pathetic#that even after everything I’m wasting grief on this#growing up my family always told me friends never amounted to anything#you had your family and your significant others and that was it you didn’t put everything you had into your friends#and I always thought that was stupid#and I loved my friends so much and I feel like I gave them so much I gave so many of them everything I had#and all I get is being alone and crying in an empty apartment#maybe my family was right I’m so tired of this I’m so so so tired#kaz rambles
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